#i was probably way too detailed lmao sorry but I hope it's appreciated

[nebulousfishgills]

Emily with Henry and Emily with Caius please, I want to see where all the differences lie...

5, 7, 10, 11, 20, 26, 32 (idk if Twilight vampires can get drunk but just pretend), 38, 40, 46

Thanks for the numbers, bestie! I would have answered this sooner but I got rly busy all of a sudden lol. Also I knew answering this ask in full would take a while.* Anyways, two ships so we're gonna do two sections... so you bet your ass I'm adding a cut.

I'll do the tiny text as well to save room... and one meme/shitpost each for the lulz (featuring shoddy edits of FC Olivia Cooke as Emily) because I don't know where else to post these lol... I have many more beyond this if you're interested.

*It did, I was working on this for like, two and a half hours, probably longer...

Emily and Henry

5 - Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

Honestly, I can only think of one time off the top of my head where they had a really serious argument, and that was their famous "you're just being paranoid" "you're getting sucked in by these weird vampire people" fight. Other than that, maybe the occasional friendly squabble as kids over who cheated at chess and the like.

7 - How often do they say 'I love you?'

That depends on where in the timeline we are. When they're still trapped in the lab, very infrequently since they don't want Brenner suspecting they could be involved together in any way. When they sneak into each other's rooms, sure, maybe a couple times, but that doesn't happen that often. Post Upside-Down Banishment, I think the habit of not directly saying I Love You kinda carries over, but since they're more free to do and say what they want, it does happen a bit more frequently. They show love in other ways.

10 - Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

Their mutual desire to reshape the world and dislike of the human race lol. But in fairness to the question, they both like to draw, especially when they were the experiments and not the orderlies. They both like drawing what they see and what they hope to eventually see in their so-called perfect world. I have a headcanon that Emily keeps a sketchbook on her, even when she's poking around the high school in the Overworld. It's full of landscapes, portraits of Henry (partially so she remembers his human face), the occasional erratic Mind Flayer doodle, and the drawing of the Creel House she did as a child is taped to the inside back cover.

They also both have an appreciation for nature, both in the Overworld and in the Upside-Down. You cannot convince me otherwise that they don't play games with Demodogs and Emily hasn't given every single one of her bats names.

11 - How do they feel about nicknames/pet names?

This is an interesting question because I've thought extensively about this. When I was originally conceptualizing their dynamic, I just could not for the life of me figure out what pet names they would hypothetically use. Henry just didn't seem like a guy who would use terms of endearment like that (or in general, Henry using pet names just doesn't seem right to me)... and that's when I realized their names are the terms of endearment. They've both had their names stripped away and replaced by numbers, taking away their humanity. That first step of trust between them was sharing their real names and covertly using them when Brenner wasn't around. Their names are very important to them, so calling each other something other than their names feels wrong... so yes and no?

20 - How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

The surefire way to get Emily to calm down/relax/chill the fuck out is to play with her hair. This is one of the few traits of hers I passed on from myself. Maybe it's a reflex from having it shaved at one point, but many a time, Henry has just finger combed her hair or scratched her scalp to get her to calm down after god knows what kind of shit happened. Henry probably learned to braid hair so he can just braid and unbraid her hair when needed... maybe he learned it from Alice?

Henry's not one who usually needs the comforting since he... I don't want to say let's things slide off his back, but it's more like he simmers until the pressure cooker just explodes (ex. The incident of September 8th). But if I had to take a guess, I could see Emily just performing some kind of physical contact, usually a hug, hand squeeze, or small kiss to just ground Henry back to reality. They're both very touch starved and Brenner's rules don't help at all, so they have to get that shit in where they can.

26 - What sacrifices do they make for the other?

Alexa, play 'If You Love Me, Let Me Go' (or whatever the song's title is).

No, but in all seriousness, I feel like they both have had to sacrifice many things for both each other and for the advancement of their goals. Emily in theory has a shot at living a somewhat okay life with the 'friends' she's made (Eddie doesn't need sarcastic quotes, they're real friends despite what Emily herself may think or not) on the Overworld since she can get up there, yet she chooses not to, prefering to spend more time in the Upside Down with Henry since for multiple reasons, he can't leave.

I don't want to say Henry's the more dependent one of the two (he is), but it's hard to pick out any one thing Henry's truly sacrificed for Emily other than the previously alluded to "letting her go" thing compared to what she's given up for him. In reality they both mutually gave up a lot of things for their goals like their humanities (nameless numbers aside).

32 - Do either of them drink? Who's the lightweight/who's the caretaker?

Canonically it's been stated multiple times that Emily doesn't drink or do drugs (she berates Eddie for it constantly) because a scrambled mind means she's disconnected from her abilities, something she especially hates after Brenner's Soteria implants. Henry's probably the same way.

But for shits and giggles, let's do a hypothetical. Henry's a much lighter weight than Emily would be. I could understand how someone could see him as an angry drunk, but I think Henry just blubbers and essentially behaves like a sad, wet cat. Emily can and would drag him home and let him cling to her while he lets it all out. I think Emily would be the more aggressive drunk. I can see Emily getting into a bar fight and Henry (or Eddie since he was probably the one to drag her there) having to pull her away and then be forced to deal with arguably something worse than a drunk Emily: a hungover one.

40 - Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

As far as getting and staying together, no. They'd have lost their minds without having each other to rely on. But I think on occasion Henry regrets not warning Emily about what really went on in the lab when Brenner was persuading her to stay. They wouldn't have bonded or even formally met if so and who knows where else little orphan Emily would have ended up otherwise.

And I think once or twice they moreso regret not being able to have the relationship they really wanted, away from the lab and allowed to grow naturally. They're both steadfast in their hatred of the human system, but I'm positive they've both at least entertained the fantasy of having met as kids at school, falling in love in the real world in the 'proper' way, and then living in the Creel House as a real family unit after they had Eleven/Jane/Elaine the way they should have. It's the "In another life, I would have liked doing taxes and laundry with you" trope, just an incredibly angsty variant of it because even if they had that chance in circumstance (aka no lab to imprison them in), their views on the human system would prevent that almost entirely.

46 - Do they consider the relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

There's no question that they see this very seriously; it's all they have really. There isn't anything casual or normal about the kind of bond they have with each other. As I said, I think Henry's more dependent on Emily than the other way around, but they're both extremely attached to each other. Their relationship is the most important thing to them at the end of the day, even more than their goals because their plans may fail, but they will still have each other...

---

And on that admittedly ironic note let's move on to...

Emily and Caius

(I just made this one a couple hours ago lmao)

5 - Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

Honestly? I don't see them arguing much since more often than not they're virtually on the same page. Maybe it's not so much arguments as it is "one of them is being stubborn and the other has to get them to do what they're supposed to." Emily's usually this hypothetical 'stubborn' one, though, because she's still the same Emily who likes to rebel against the system (even if now she's part of the people creating it) and tries to get out of her, quote, "stupid duties." She's a... we'll call it a free spirit. Nine times out of ten this means Caius has to bribe her in some way to handle her responsibilities, not that he minds that, I don't think.

7 - How often do they say 'I love you?'

The cool thing is they can say it in many different languages to keep it interesting. I would say often, but not to the point that it could be considered annoying to others. They don't do that cheesy "I love you" "I love you more" "I love you most" bullshit (unless they're actively trying to be annoying because someone's being an asshole about boundaries... Aro). But they say it enough and can show it via other means without verbalizing it.

Caius says it out loud more often though because Emily's lacked affection aside from Henry for her entire life. That touch-starved insecurity about being able to receive proper love is just part of who she is. She's frozen in time with that insecurity and Caius makes it a point to pick up that slack to remind her that she can and is loved.

10 - Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

🔥Arson🔥

In all seriousness, though, once again art is a connective tissue. I don't know how this headcanon started or got so widespread, but people say Caius is a painter (and I'm obsessed with this idea) and Emily still draws. They teach each other their prefered mediums, so Caius has helped Emily learn to paint while she introduces him to the benefits of having a simple sketchbook and pencils for capturing moments.

I think there's also that shared love of learning and sharing stories since Emily's been locked out of the world at large for most of her life save for the books she read when hiding in the library when she was homeless. I headcanon Caius as a history buff (especially when it comes to wars and general combat because we all agree the dude's a warrior, full send) and Emily just likes hearing all these accounts and events since there's just so much she doesn't know about the world. "I wanna know about the strangers like me." That, and she likes hearing the myths, legends, and stories that come with that.

I like to think that a popular story that Caius grew up on, then passed on to Emily to become her favorite tale is the story the original God of War games told (since I fuckin love that franchise so let me have my easter eggs). She never gets tired of hearing about Kratos' journey.

11 - How do they feel about nicknames/pet names?

Emily's general philosophy on pet names stays largely consistent. She doesn't really call Caius any cute names very often, maybe in front of other people to put up a more sickly sweet front once in a while. She moreso uses terms of endearment in a mocking/sarcastic way (there's a perfect example that comes much later on in Necrosis, but for spoilers' sake I'll keep that to myself. Emily uses nicknames sometimes, occasionally calling Sulpicia simply "Picia" and she refers to Athenodora as "Thena" since Caius called her that or Dora since her name is a bit of a mouthful.

Speaking of, on the other side of it, Caius' favorite pet name for Emily is Agapé, or one of the Greek words for love. Sometimes he calls her 'love' or 'my love' in English and some other languages. Once in a while he'll call her a queen in various languages (since technically she is). I think it's just another way Caius hammers home his affection for her, a la what I said for bullet point 7. Though, sometimes Caius calls her by her name when he needs her attention for something important or serious (like to snap her out of a frenzy for example). It's like a softer version of the dreaded "Middle Name" when you're in trouble.

20 - How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

Again, the go-to for calming Emily down is her hair. But since her traits are exemplified because of her transformation, full physical contact is also a viable option. Sort of like what I said for Henry, a hug or kiss will work magic. I hesitate to say cuddles because that's too soft a term for these two, but that will also work. I think it's because Emily was a bit touch starved as a human, and that only got magnified.

Caius has a very... notorious temper. The smallest things can set him off on a bad day. Usually Emily just lets it happen because a) it's never directed at her and b) she has a superiority complex over those that temper is being directed at. But sometimes she knows Caius' hissy fits help nobody and all she has to do is just grab and hold his hand. Maybe it's not so much of a "calming" move as it is a "keep it in check" move, but in essence it's the same thing.

Again, for spoilers' sake I'll keep the details to myself but there is a point in Necrosis where Caius get a slightly different kind of upset. In that case, Emily knows giving him space is the best way to start before she gets him the "cuddles but we're not calling them cuddles because we're not cute, we're angsty chaos vampires."

26 - What sacrifices do they make for the other?

I mean... Emily sacrifices her life in more ways than one. She's literally an undead creature now, but further than that, she gave up the life she'd known for like, 25 years, the first person to show her love and the first friend she'd ever had. She willingly goes against her dislike of the institution of marriage for Caius and the life and family he provides.

Emily's my character, I'm allowed to make fun of the decisions she makes at my behest.

In some ways, Caius only made gains when he got with Emily since he got a woman that really understands and enjoys being around him rather than just eternally moping (like some people...) and raging after Thena died. But bringing Emily on board means that there's eventually a lost of stability, something Caius and the rest of the Volturi value. Again, I'm being vague for secrecy's sake, but Emily makes waves and it's gonna hurt when they crash ashore. I don't know if you would count that as a sacrifice rather than the probably more accurate term, a consequence, but it's not in Emily's nature to let things stay smooth all the time and things can and will get ugly.

Not for them and their relationship, mind you.

32 - Do either of them drink? Who's the lightweight/who's the caretaker?

Unfortunately, as you inquired, alcohol doesn't affect vampires. In fact they can't really drink it cause they'd have to cough it up since they can't digest anything that's not blood. Emily still hates the idea of drinking regardless.

But again, for shits and giggles, let's have fun.

Emily's still probably an aggressive drunk, but I feel like since she's more open now, she can also be a bit of a flirty drunk if her mood was right. She's (somewhat) less of an angry person compared to when she's a human in Hawkins. I don't know how super clear I've been on this, but Emily's a horribly repressed bisexual disaster, so despite the fact that she's married to Caius, when drunk I feel like she'd lose her inhibitions and will probably make a pass at Heidi especially or Chelsea (maybe Sulpicia if she's out of it enough). Either way, it's kind of amusing for Caius to watch, but eventually he gets her attention and cuts her off to get her back to their room, even if she's complaining the whole way or getting really handsy with him.

I don't see Emily as a light weight exactly, but compared to Caius she seems like it. The man would be able to hold his alcohol and extremely well at that. He drank Greek wines as a human most definetly, probably on the regular, so he'd have a high tolerance from that alone. To me, Caius reads more like a guy who would do small glasses of whiskey by the fire with Emily curled at his side (as opposed to others in the coven I could name who get absolutely sloshed constantly having downed many bottles of god knows what). But if Caius were to get drunk, similar to Emily I could see him getting more aggressive since he's just Like That in General, mostly just hurling swears and insults unrestricted or throwing something across the room until Emily just gently gets him back to their room till he sobers up.

...honestly I don't think it's wise for any of the Volturi to get drunk because I don't see it ending well in any way.

40 - Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

Caius, no, not in a million years. He's very happy with Emily and considers himself incredibly lucky she came into his life. I feel like he understands how important Henry was to Emily, but only to a point since it seems like she's thriving with him and his wacky family/coven, faring so much better than when she was with Henry. Is it selfish and egotistical of him, absolutely. But he'd never ever go as far to suggest Emily's better with him across the board or that she shouldn't have been with Henry at all because that's just not true.

Emily was frozen in time when she was still in love with Henry. She already left him before she was turned, sure, but that love didn't go away the second she did that, and it wouldn't have for a long time. So for as long as she will live (probably several thousand years), a part of her heart will always be his and his alone. As a result, sometimes she misses him, sometimes a lot. Sometimes she even questions why she left him, wonders if he found his own happiness after the fact, worries if her leaving him led to him dying, oh god, don't let that be the case...

Emily tries to not go down that train of thought because then she's asking questions she doesn't want, have, or need the answers to. So, I would say once in a great while she gets in her head about if she made the right decision/regretting her choice, but she can't help it.

46 - Do they consider the relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

Serious. Very serious. Again, I have to reiterate Emily doesn't like the institution of marriage and yet she agreed to fully commit and marry Caius. That, and I sure hope it's serious since casual relationships don't come with the kind of influence and power Emily gets... although I will say it went from Casual to Serious extremely quickly.

Revenge Sex to Marriage Speedrunning Challenge.

#hooooooly shit that was a lot #i get passionate about my ocs and their stories okay? #i was probably way too detailed lmao sorry but I hope it's appreciated #fishgills speaks #fishgills ocs #oc asks #writing asks #oc ships #oc ship asks #stranger things oc #twilight oc #in what world are they the same oc? mine so suck it up #original characters #my inbox is open

[yourfavouritefighter]

OK obsessed with the swap ​​idea

- Does Jackson still get bullied?

- How is Holt's life in the monster world?

- How does the trigger work?

- What is their personality like in this world?

- How out of touch is Holt?

- Do they know about each other?

I would love a first days fanfic?

yo glad you like the au! I don’t have all the details set in place so sorry if things are a tad bit inconsistent but here we go! (Also sorry for the late reply I didn’t see the ask rip)

Bullying

-I feel that both of the boys would get bullied but in different ways and for different reasons, Jackson would be pushed around since he’s quite nerdy, so I feel manny still wouldn’t like him. However holt would probably just be excluded from things, or have rumours spread about him, but due to him being prone to fighting back it wouldn’t be direct bullying like it is for Jackson.

Holts life in the monster world

-Holt would still Dj however he’d most likely do it whilst in a disguise of some form, (even if it’s just a mask or some make up) as many monsters don’t trust him. He doesn’t like the fact he has to Hyde his identity but the extra money comes in handy.

Triggers

-This may change in the future but my current plan is to have Jackson be triggered by extreme silence. So there has to be near to no sounds for him to appear. As such the headphones double as extra noise if necessary or as music. I also thought about him being triggered by piano specifically alongside the silence trigger.

Personalities

-Holt: He’s a bit of a joker and pretty immature, he likes to just chill and have fun in life. However he is quite hot headed and can have a short temper. This pairs to mean people don’t trust him too well and don’t want to mess with him (well not directly at least, no one minds the anonymous pranks or rumours just as long as it doesn’t tie back to them).

-Jackson: He’s more reserved than his counterpart, preferring to follow rules and structure, unlike holt’s ‘rules were made to be broken’ mentality, he prefers to stay out of the public eye, whether it be due to not wanting people to find out his identity or avoiding the bullying (since I haven’t decided if people know about him and holt yet). His quiet nature means he can be quite the push over at times making him prime for taunts and attacks from his peers.

(Man I really gotta draw some art of Jackson interacting with people)

Out of touch?

-I’m not too sure what you mean by this, whether it be out of touch with monster culture, or out of touch in the sense of being isolated from his classmates. Either way due to his DJ-ing and being a student at MH he’s picked up a lot of monster slang and culture. And as for friends, he’s known Draculaura since before MH and managed to meet Frankie on his first day, so he isn’t alone there. In the au I’ll still have him be friends with a lot of the usual characters (e.g deuce heath frankie etc with some exceptions)

Do they know?

-As of joining MH definitely yes, but as kids their mother tired to keep it secret, as she doesn’t get along with her Hyde, as such it was a shock when during quiet time at school he burst into flames. Holt was quickly pulled from the school, switching between a mix of homeschooling, monster schools and normie schools. Usually not lasting long at any of them, due to his temper and monster side.

A fic?

-Maybe??????? I’m not too great of a writer, but I might work on a one shot or really short fic about it….someday? If I have the chance and people are interested in it I might take a crack at writing lmao

I hope that covers everything! I’m happy to answer any more questions people have on the au and I really appreciate all the support it’s got! (I really wasn’t expecting it lmao)

#normie au #holt monster high #normie holt #holt hyde #jackson jekyll monster high #monster jackson #jackson jekyll #lore #au lore #long post #monster high #monster high au

[heeracha]

## take a chance with me. — l. heeseung

content/warning(s): hee x gn!reader, hee being a denial dumbass, high school au (?), based on niki's take a chance with me bcs that's my fave rn lmAO so kinda higkey self-indulgent lmAO, unproofread, tell me if i miss something <3

wc: 0.8k

note: uhhh,,,, i should be studying but,,,, idk lmAO anyway,, drop by to say hi or smthng, thats all, take care, stay safe. <3 i should get back to my work lol

his giggles, his voice, his eyes, everything. you could list everything that you love about him, so you just came to the conclusion that lee heeseung is your favorite everything. the way his eyes would crinkle when he smiles, it makes your heart swell. when he makes those cute noises, a smile comes up to your face. but the fact that he is clueless as hell makes you frown.

just like that one song, lee heeseung doesn’t even know that you would stop time and space just to make him smile.

you would always ask him how his day went, wanting him to go through every detail just to get to hear his voice. his voice that calms you down, takes every problem away. he could be yelling and you’d still choose to listen to him over music. his voice truly is your favorite song, no matter if he’s talking, yelling, singing, mumbling. 

it keeps you sane, but at the same time, it makes you melt.

jay kept convincing you that you should just make the first move because everyone knows heeseung wouldn’t. everyone literally knows that you were head over heels for heeseung, except for the boy himself. 

it makes you sigh.

your friend also said that heeseung feels the same for you. you know that. but another thing about heeseung is that he won’t make the first move because he won’t make any move at all. lee heeseung is a hopeless romantic. too hopeless to the point he prefers to be in an unrequited love situation even though the person he likes likes him back.

you.

and according to jay, everything is up to you. so, you decide to make a move.

day one.

“heeseung, i like you.”

he laughs. “i know, y/n. i like you, too. that’s why we’re friends.”

stupid, stupid, stupid.

day two.

“heeseung, i like you.”

he smiles, confused. “is this a way for you to appreciate me as your friend?”

fuck.

day three.

“heeseung,” you hold his hand in your hands, shaking it with emphasis as you say the words once again. “i. like. you.”

“i like you, too—”

“heeseung.” you stop him and he looks at you, defeated.

so, he was playing dumb the whole damn time. “look, y/n.” he softly says, pulling his hand away. “i don’t feel the same, i’m sorry.”

“heeseung,” you softly say and he looks at you. “everyone knows that you feel the same. i know you feel the same. what’s the matter?”

he only presses his lips into a thin line. 

“deny it all you want, hee.” you softly say. “I can see it right through you.” you sigh and heeseung only looks at you. “i don’t want to force you, but i hope you do explain it to me.” you smile, softly patting the back of his hand that you’re holding. “i’ll wait for you, hm?”

you take one step forward, tiptoeing to press your lips against his cheek. with no words, you walk past him, going home. heeseung stands there, thinking. he knows he was being obvious about his feelings for you, but he hoped you were oblivious as hell, not knowing it was him who was oblivious all along.

you and heeseung would always send each other song recommendations, listening to each other’s music taste. on the way home, heeseung gets a text from you. you sent him a song. take a chance with me. heeseung grabs his earbuds, untangling the wires and connects it to his phone to his ears.

in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.

day four.

you close your locker, heeseung is there on the side. he holds one stemmed small flower that he probably picked out of the school garden.

you look at him, turning to him. he gives you the flower. 

“i… like you, too.” he confesses and you smile. “i was just scared,” he softly chuckles. “only a few couples survive and get to be happy. i just… don’t want to be in a relationship with you if that would be a way for you to grow to hate me, and me you.” you nod, understanding him. love can rip you both apart. “it’s still a possibility, but… i think, i will regret it if i don’t risk it. there would be too many what ifs. and i should disregard the world because… this is us, anyway. not them.

“so… if you’re still up for it, you want to figure this out together?” heeseung asks and you chuckle, nodding.

“i would love to figure things out with you, hee.” 

he smiles widely, pushing your strand of hair behind your ear before taking the flower he gave and putting it above your ear. you softly giggle and heeseung presses a kiss on your forehead. 

he doesn’t get enough, so he wraps his arms around your waist and presses a kiss on your cheek as you wrap your arms around his shoulder, closing your eyes to sink into the moment, savoring it.

lee heeseung, your favorite everything, finally takes a chance with you.

rbs and feedbacks are vv much appreciated <3

#ugh lee heeseung i love you what the hell #Hiraya-M #enhypen imagines #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #enhypen drabbles #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #heeseung imagines #heeseung soft hours #heeseung scenarios #heeseung fluff #heeseung reactions #heeseung x reader

[subskz]

hello my love! i'm finally here with the requested knowledge, sorry it took so long! ♡ i consulted my book written by the founders of mbti, and here are the results:

entps are original, individual, independent and perceptive. they are tireless at what interests them but find it hard to get other things done. they are full of ideas and operate by impulsive energy. they are very strong in initiative and creative impulse, value inspiration and have the power to inspire others. they are versatile, very clever, enthusiastic and they don't shy away from a discussion/debate! they are also very analytical and would make amazing inventors or scientists. our lovely grindset is very cool indeed 🩷

when it comes to intps: just like entps, they are analytical, independent, full of ideas and very perceptive. however, they tend to be a bit more reserved, outwardly quiet and detached. they are also curious and adaptable, persevering and are thought to be the most intellectually profound of all the types! many intps are university professors or theorists. our beloved catboy anon is a brainiac 🫶

the two types share a deep bond based on their passion for exploring ideas and engaging in discussions together! 😸 they inspire each other and engage each other intellectually. they can grow together and have a very meaningful and long-lasting connection. in a way, the two types mirror each other and can find a space for mutual understanding. 🌸

it sounds very lovely in my opinion. 😸 i hope this has been at least a little bit helpful and accurate! feel free to summon me anytime ♡ -🌻 (the real sunflower anon)

hello hello my angel!! there’s no need to apologize at all the fact that you took the time to look into it and explain it to us is so kind of you, thank you so much ㅠㅠ esp to be so thorough that u read ur official mbti book…as expected of you!! 🥰

the way u describe them is so cool entp and intp almost remind of those misunderstood geniuses you see in movies…and i definitely see a lot of those traits you mentioned in our dearest catboy and grindset! especially grindset w her cleverness LMAO im always amazed by the details she catches on to and how witty her sense of humor is 😭 and she’s always sparking fun discussions here! (remembering the astrology debate of 2022)

our beloved catboy is a braniac‼️ i think the part abt being full of ideas speaks for itself hehe their genius brain never rests and they come up w some of the most deliciously creative concepts i’ve ever seen!! everything has that special catboy anon twist to it~ and they’ll probably try to deny the intellectually profound part but i know firsthand that it’s true >:)

“the two types mirror each other and can find a space for mutual understanding” that really does sound lovely 💗 u explained it so well and concisely esp for me who doesnt know much abt mbti! thank you again my dearest wife i appreciate ur thoughtful analysis so much and im sure catboy n grindset will too <33

#ask #🌻 anon #(real) (not clickbait) (studied by harvard)

[vamossainz55]

Moonlight Ch. 8 | Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader

a/n: okay, a day late, but guys, bare with me. this is a lot (i know i say it but tbh i have not been letting anyone catch a break lmao). warnings are pretty heavy? or this chapter is probably just the heaviest in general. i really hated writing most of it (just because i was getting my scheduled writers block) and was struggling but i really hope you enjoy <3, i really put all my heart (and tears) in this one.

as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated <3

warnings: 18+ // angst, a lot of self deprication lowkey? abandonment issues lowkey? smut tho, like pretty heavy and explicit (oral, p in v, unprotected sex but pls wrap it irl guys 💀. neck grabbing, degradation, name calling, quite kinky ngl so please look away if it isnt your thing and just skip the part. if you are under 18 pleas please stay away!), also cheating, like straight up cheating and mentions of cheating. oops. sorry not sorry .

link to masterlist + summary

link to chapter 7

Chapter 8 (6.4k words)

The two weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions, Carlos was still imprinted into your brain and no matter how many nights you slept next to Bastien, all you could think about was the press of Carlos’ skin against yours. 

You try your best to wash the feeling away, or hope that late nights with Bastien would get the driver out of your mind, but you soon learn this is useless. It’s frustrating, and you feel the need to scream. 

Being away hadn’t helped at all, it had only made your mind wander more. You wondered what would have happened with Carlos, what the driver was feeling, was he also thinking of you as much as you were thinking of him?

All the thoughts came with bitterness too though, because all you could also think about was why the two of you had broken up. It was always mutually agreed but the more you thought about it the more upset you felt, at the end of the day Carlos was the one who broke up with you. 

It wasn’t fair. 

You had finally gotten over Carlos and somehow he had crawled back into your mind and made himself at home. Was he to blame though? You had practically opened the door and welcomed him in. 

To make matters worse, Bastien was not making it any of this easier. He would bring up Carlos at every opportunity, holding it against you for every little thing. You felt hopeless, and although you understood why Bastien felt the way he did it only made you feel even further away from him. The only times you both didn’t argue was when you were in bed, sharing fevered kisses with your hands roaming on each other's bodies. 

The moment you arrive back in the UK you feel even worse than when you left. The excitement of the season starting had worn off and all you felt was dread.

You were dreading being away from Bastien, and even worse you were dreading being around Carlos. Bastien had made it loud and clear before you left that you both needed some distance and you promised him you would maintain some space from the Spaniard. 

That’s why you decline Carlos’ offer to drive you to the office for the briefing two days before your flight to Melbourne. 

You arrive late to the meeting because of this, having pushed yourself to go after swallowing down the anxiety that had built inside you. You see Carlos and Lando sitting in the front and there’s a chair next to Carlos who instantly gives you a smile before patting the empty spot. You give him a quick smile before making a beeline to the back of the room, missing the drop of his smile as soon as you look away. 

The sight of him was already making you feel sick. 

The planning team is nice and you’re impressed with how detailed they are, planning the trip to the T. You’re taking down notes in your notebook to make sure you have everything written down for the trip before you feel a shift next to you. To your surprise you find Carlos sitting down next to you. 

“Hey,” he murmurs in a low voice and you instantly start feeling a bit nervous. 

“Hey,” you say trying to sound as dismissive as possible but Carlos nudges your side with his arm, making you look over at him again. 

“You okay? Why were you late?” He asks and you’re still focused on taking down your notes. 

“Missed the bus,” you murmur, still not looking up at Carlos. You’re about to flip to the next page when Carlos stops you, grabbing the notebook from you and putting it on his lap. 

“Y/n,” he says and you’re taking a deep breath. “What’s up? I thought we were good.” He says and you shrug. 

“We are, I just wanna make sure I have everything noted down.” You’re properly looking at him now and he’s leaning close to you because of how you were both whispering to each other. 

“You’re avoiding me now, I’m not dumb.” Carlos argues, moving the notebook away from you as soon as you try to take it from him. You give him a stern look, one that says stop it but he doesn’t give it back, simply holding it further away from you. 

“Can we talk about this later?” You ask, not wanting to have the conversation infront of dozens of people. 

Carlos looks sceptical as soon as you say this and he lets out a sigh before nodding. You expect him to give the notebook back as you extend your hand out for him to return it but he simply shakes his head. 

“Not until we talk.” He says before he’s getting up with your notebook to sit back next to Lando, not caring about the heads that were turning to look at him. 

Later turns out to be later in the evening much to your dismay. Tom apparently had a few things he had to catch you up to and you had told Carlos that you both could just talk before your flight to Melbourne but you’re quick to realise as you’re leaving the office that Carlos was still there. 

He was sitting by the lobby, arms on his knees as he scrolled through his phone with his head down. For a second you wonder whether you can sneak out without him noticing you but your footsteps prompt him to look up. 

“Ah- thought you were never going to finish. Let’s go? I’ll drive you home.” He says as he’s getting up. You realise his hand is nicely wrapped around your notebook still and you wonder how long he had sat there and waited for you by himself. 

For a moment you consider taking the ride from Carlos but you’re soon hearing a soft nagging voice in your head that sounds too much like Bastien that has you glued to the floor, not walking to the door. Carlos takes a second to notice this before he’s turning to you. He’s halfway to the exit and he can’t help but to furrow his brows. 

“What’s up? You don’t want me to drive you home now?” He asks and you simply shake your head, knowing that you need to already start to set boundaries. It wasn’t fair for both Bastien and Carlos. Sure, you knew Carlos was just offering a ride, but you needed to draw the line already.

“I should go home by myself.” You say and Carlos looks confused, looking at you and waiting for you to explain further. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself to speak. 

“I talked to Bastien about what happened,” You explain, looking around to see whether there was anybody around. “I think it’s better if we keep some distance. I love Bastien and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or jeopardise our relationship.”

It takes a moment for Carlos to process the words, and he’s looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to say the punchline of the joke. When he realises you’re being serious he runs his hand through his hair. “Come on y/n, you’re kidding right?” he chuckles a bit, and there’s a cold edge to his voice that creates a sour taste in your mouth. “We’re friends no?” He asks and you have to look away from his eyes. 

“Carlos,” You sigh out, and you’re crossing your arms over your chest. Frankly, you don’t know how to answer Carlos’ question. Sure you were friends, but you both knew there were other feelings going around. 

“If we’re just friends it shouldn’t be a problem that I hang out with you.” Carlos says and he’s coming a bit closer to you. “Unless you feel differently,” His voice lowers a bit, just to make sure if anyone passed they wouldn’t be able to hear your conversation. “Did that morning mean anything to you?” Carlos practically murmurs and he’s so close there’s a shiver that goes down your spine and you force yourself to step away. 

“I don’t want to talk about that Carlos.” You say, taking another step away, this time towards the door. Carlos decided to stop you though, reaching out to grab your wrist and you feel a jolt of electricity spark up your body as he holds onto you. 

“Let me just drive you home.” Carlos says searching for your eyes. “We need to talk about this, y/n.” He insists and you shake your head. You didn’t want to talk about it, you knew that it was just going to only do your head in and open up questions that could just stay closed.

“There’s nothing to talk about Carlos.” You murmur and you try to step away but Carlos is still holding your wrist. 

“That’s not true.” Carlos says, and you’re startling to feel a bit annoyed at how much Carlos was pressing on this, still holding onto your wrist. Could he not just leave the topic alone? 

“What do you even want to talk about, hm?” You ask and your voice is louder than you expected but you’re too nervous to stop yourself. “You want to get back together?” 

Carlos’ eyes go wide, not expecting you to say that and he gently pulls you closer, “Lower your voice a bit y/n.” He says and you’re scoffing, looking at him. You don’t know what comes over you but you suddenly feel both hurt and angry. 

“Oh, I see. Now you don’t want people to know we were together?” You say and this time Carlos pulls you to one of the hallways, covering your mouth in the process. 

You roll your eyes as you stumble with him into the hallway, and once the door is shut you push his arm away. 

Carlos looks pissed. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks and you almost laugh at his question and he can’t help but frown a bit at your reaction. Why couldn’t he let old topics rest?

“I think you forgot how things ended Carlos. You broke up with me. You said you needed to focus on racing, I was clearly just a distraction.” You say, clearly upset that you even had to bring up the conversation. “I have a boyfriend now, and we are doing just fine. Sure we have had our ups and downs but it’s fine these things happen. Barcelona happened but honestly- it was nothing Carlos. Nothing happened for a reason.” You don’t know where the words are coming from and you’re not sure if you mean every single one but you’re surprised with how sure you sounded. Carlos looks stunned and his lack of response has you even more emotional.

“We broke up because you left me Carlos” You say angrily. “You have no right to be messing with my brain now. So quit it.” For a second you consider just walking off and leaving but Carlos is standing in front of the door, soon speaking up. 

“I’m messing with your brain? You’re the one that walked back into my life, and don’t act like you didn’t know or mean what you were doing in my hotel room. I know you.” Carlos says and this time he is stepping closer to you but you stand your ground, not stepping back. His hair is tousled and his face is red from how frustrated he’s getting too. You can’t believe you forgot how good he looked when he was mad. 

“I am trying to make something out of my life Carlos. It’s not like I had a choice as to which team I wanted to go to.” You say in annoyance. “I shouldn’t have gone into your stupid hotel room. I regret doing that, it shouldn't have gotten that far.”

Carlos is coming closer and despite you both arguing he’s looking at you feverishly and this time you have to take a step back. This doesn’t stop Carlos from following your steps though and stepping closer to you until your back is against the wall. He’s standing right in front of you, barely leaving any space between you both and your mind is taking you back to the hotel.

You suddenly realise how clammy your hands feel and how flushed your cheeks are and the way Carlos is looking at you is making you squirm.

“What did you say hm? That you regret it?” Carlos asks and his voice is so strong and firm that it has your stomach turning. 

You almost don’t find the voice to speak, simply murmuring a small “yeah”.

You don’t sound confident at all in your answer and Carlos’ eyes are dropping to your lips. You didn’t regret what had happened. More than anything, a part of you regretted stopping it.

“Hm? Tell me then, what do you regret? Sitting on my lap? Letting me run my hands on your pretty thighs?” Carlos asks and his voice is so low that you feel his words go straight to your core and your whole body is starting to feel like it was on fire. He knew what he was doing. Because frankly, if anybody knew you it was Carlos.

He takes this opportunity to come even closer, leaning to your ear and his breath is hot against your skin. “Could you feel me under you?” Carlos asks and you can feel his lips brush your lobe as he smirks at the sound of your breath hitching. 

Carlos takes this moment to trail kisses down your neck, your lack of answer giving him enough confidence to go for it. Despite his strong words his kisses are gentle and you can’t help but shut your eyes and let out a soft breath at how warm and wet his mouth felt on your skin. 

“I’m not hearing you say it,” Carlos murmurs as his teeth gently graze your skin. “Do you regret it or not princess? I need an answer.” Carlos asks demandingly and you hate how his words are affecting you. 

“No I don’t regret it,” You murmur and you feel Carlos smirk against your skin, that bastard. 

Before you know it his lips are on yours and no matter how hard you told yourself not to kiss back you couldn’t. Your arms are wrapping around his neck and the kisses are feverish and needy and god you had missed his lips. 

You can feel his hands roaming around, going from your sides to your waist and he’s then leaning a bit down, grabbing the back of your thighs. It’s quick and easy and your legs instantly  wrap around his waist as he presses your back against the wall. 

You’re almost light headed by the time you pull away from kissing him, and you’re both a bit breathless. You swipe your tongue over your bottom lip and you look at Carlos to find him looking almost as gone as you felt.

“Fuck,” Carlos says, shifting his grip on you as you move your arms from his neck, cupping his cheeks. He’s looking up at you with his big hazel eyes that you fell inlove with years ago and you feel stupid. You were definitely going to regret this because you definitely weren’t thinking with your head. 

“If we do this we’re only doing this once Carlos, I’m not leaving Bastien” You warn him and for a second you can see the glimpse of disappointment flash in Carlos’ eyes but it’s gone as soon as it comes. 

“Then we should make it worth it, no?” Carlos says already trailing kisses down your neck again. 

It’s wrong in every way possible but it isn’t stopping any of you as you both sneak into an empty meeting room. Carlos grabs a chair to press against the door, making sure it’s blocking the door handle and the sight of it has you remembering your teenage years with him. 

By the time he turns around you’re seated on the edge of the main desk, legs swinging as you watch him come closer. Carlos holds your knees for a second before pushing them apart to stand between your legs and his hand is soon going to your neck, pushing your head up to look at him. 

“I don’t care if you say I only have this one time. I’m gonna make sure you come back.” He says without a single bit of hesitance and he’s soon tugging at your shirt, getting you to lift your arms up. He throws your shirt to the side, not concerned at all about it before he’s kissing over your collarbones and you’re letting out a shaky breath, fingers threading in his hair. 

“Carlos no marks,” You say but this seems to do the polar opposite as you feel his teeth graze your skin once more. This time he’s taking his time, sucking at your skin and pressing his tongue flat against it before looking over it with a sense of pride. “Fuck, Carlos.” You breathe out, letting out a moan when Carlos moves to the most sensitive part of your neck, making sure to leave the darkest mark there. 

You can tell that he loves the way you’re body is reacting to him. The way he can tell that he still knows you so well, probably still knows you best. “Still the same hm?” Carlos asks and you’re letting out a shaky breath as you tell yourself to tell Carlos to stop marking you up. You don’t though. 

“Piss off,” You murmur as Carlos continues kissing down and this time over your chest. He goes to remove your bra but you stop him. 

Carlos rolls his eyes, moving his hands away as he comes up to give you another kiss. He pulls away and he rubs his thumb over the already forming marks he had left behind. “I couldn’t help myself,” he says, pressing into one of them and you can’t help but wince. “It’s your fault your little boyfriend didn’t leave anything. You were with him for two weeks. If you were mine I’d make sure everyone knows.” Carlos says before he’s slowly helping you undo your pants. 

“Well, if you wanted me to be yours you shouldn’t have broken up with me then,” You say snarkily as you kick off your shoes and Carlos is pushing you to lay onto the desk and you easily follow his movements, soon getting your pants off as you stare at the ceiling. The desk feels cold and hard against your body which only makes every touch Carlos leaves behind burn hotter against your skin. 

“You want to be a smartass now?” Carlos asks and his fingers are toying with the lace of your panties, soon hooking his fingers to give them a snap. “I can stop.” He challenges, and even though you know he won’t you’re not willing to risk it. 

“Don’t stop.” You say and you can hear Carlos’ cocky chuckle. 

“Come on, have you forgotten your manners?” He asks as his fingers hook under the side of your panties again. He doesn’t pull them down though, waiting for you to say something and you can’t help but lift your hips hoping that it would encourage him. 

“Y/n, what do you say when you want something?” Carlos asks and you can hear the smirk he was practically wearing and you grit your teeth. 

“Please don’t stop.” You finally say, the heat in your core being too much for you. 

“Good girl,” Carlos says and you hate how your heart practically leaps at the praise. He’s soon pulling your panties off, grabbing you by your ankles so you’re suddenly at the edge of the table. You groan at the sudden movement and you’re pushing yourself up on your arms, about to tell Carlos off when you feel him suddenly kiss you on the inside of your thighs. 

Your eyes travel to where Carlos now is, kneeling in front of you with his arms on your legs to keep them open and the sight has you blushing. Carlos is so focused, trailing kisses and soon leaving even more marks into your skin that has you letting out small hisses. 

“I’m going to ruin you ,” Carlos whispers against your skin that is soon sending a shiver down your spine. Before you know it he’s getting closer to where you want him most, and it’s embarrassing how you arch your back. 

“You’re so wet darling,” He says as his index finger goes to rub one of your folds. You hate how smug he sounds but you can’t help the way you clench around nothing, already anticipating Carlos to do something. 

“Carlos fucking do something.” You say, hands already itching to touch yourself but Carlos moves your hands away.

“Now, did we forget the magic words again?” Carlos asks as he uses his other finger to continue teasing you. He’s still rubbing at your lips, using his fingers to pull them apart slightly and to give a light blow. “Seems like nobody’s made you beg in a while.”

The way you whimper has him grinning. “Please,” You mumble, fists balled up as you felt yourself only getting wetter. 

“Louder darling. Don’t be shy.” Carlos says and you can’t help but curse. 

“Please Carlos,” You say again. You let out a soft moan as soon as his fingers sink in and for a second you feel a wave of relief but the moment you feel his mouth on you you’re cursing, hand going to his hair to shamelessly pull him closer.

“Fuck,” You breath out and Carlos is relentless, pumping his fingers quickly as his tongue is toying with your clit. Your mind is spinning and you can’t help but to press your body closer to him, letting out a string of moans and whimpers. He only seems to take this as encouragement.

“Carlos,” you moan out, unapologetically loud and Carlos is suddenly getting rougher and you’re sure your grip on his hair is becoming tighter. 

It takes all your will to not scream when your orgasm washes over you, and for a second you feel like you’re seeing stars. Your arm goes to cover your own mouth as you let out a cry, and the way Carlos grips onto your thigh with his free hand just lets you know that he’s definitely going to leave a mark. 

You’re panting, leaning onto your arms as you watch Carlos slowly get up on his feet. The sight of him has your legs twitching because he’s licking his fingers before he’s swiping his tongue over his lips. You’re a bit out of it, and if you were being honest, you do not remember the last time someone had made you feel that way. 

You only snap back into it when Carlos holds your neck again and he gives your throat a squeeze. The dazed look you give him as him smirking.

This time he presses his thumb against the tip of your chin, soon pressing down to get you to open your mouth. You’re pliant under him, body still floating and mind still hazed from your orgasm that you’re not giving him back snarky remarks.

As soon as your lips part Carlos is pressing his thumb into your mouth and you instinctively wrap your lips around it, circling your tongue around the pad. You’re looking him straight in the eyes and Carlos is staring down at you with dark and hungry eyes, refusing to break eye contact. 

“You’re such a fucking whore,” Carlos says as he drags his thumb over your bottom lip. You part your lips again, looking up at Carlos and he’s soon leaning above you. “I let you finish once and you’re suddenly all quiet hm? I bet you’d let me do anything.” Carlos says and he grips the side of your cheeks, making sure your mouth stays open before he’s landing a ball of spit in your mouth. 

“I love it when a bitch knows her place.” The moan you let out is embarrassing but you don’t care because Carlos is already kissing you again, and this time he’s undoing his belt and his pants, simply letting them fall around his ankles with his boxers. 

“Mierda,” Carlos curses because you don’t even think twice before your hand is already wrapped around him, the feeling of your skin dragging against him making him already twitch in your hand. 

“I forgot how big you are,” You say, using your thumb to spread his precum over the tip before you’re using it to pump him. You almost feel bad with how hard he is and you slowly move off the desk. Carlos takes a slow step back, groaning as soon as you go on your knees in front of him. 

Soon his hand is holding the back of your head as you’re taking him in his mouth and he’s letting out small groans and praises. “You’re doing so- fuck- so good darling,” He’s panting out and the way you look up at him has his cock twitching in your mouth. His hips instinctively buckle and he’s soon hitting the back of your throat and you splutter a bit, tears beginning to collect in your eyes. Instead of pulling away though you relax your throat and Carlos takes this as a sign. He’s gripping the back of your head tightly and snapping his hips moaning at the sound of him fucking your mouth. It’s messy, and rough, but despite tears streaming down your cheeks the small moans and gasps you’re letting out are spurring him on further. 

“Fuck,” Carlos groans, you’re sure he’s about to come with the way his thrusts are getting sporadic and you try to tighten your throat around him but he stops you by gripping your hair so tight that you let out a broken cry. It’s loud and the pain is too much and this seems to snap Carlos out of whatever trance he was in. He apologises quickly, soon pulling out of your mouth and crouching down. “Sorry- fuck- I didn’t want to finish off that way.” Carlos is panting and his eyes are searching yours for confirmation that you were okay. You give him a small nod, not trusting your voice with how raw your throat felt. Soon he’s helping you up and sitting on the table and the sudden tension from before is gone, instead his touches feel gentle. 

“You’re good?” He double checks and you nod, his hands are cupping your cheeks again before he’s giving you a kiss. It’s soft and it’s sweet and it has your mind spinning even more. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Carlos says just in case before he’s rubbing your sides. “Is it okay if we continue?” Carlos asks. 

“Yeah,” You murmur, wincing at how hoarse your throat sounded. Carlos nods and his hands go over your thighs before giving them a gentle squeeze. 

“Tell me if you need me to stop.” Carlos says before pulling you closer again. He keeps one hand on your thigh to keep you steady as he lines himself up. Unlike before this is slow and Carlos is taking his time and there’s a weird tug at your heart. 

“Fuck,” You breathe out when Carlos finally presses in. Despite him having stretched you out he still felt so big. Your arms shake a little and you whimper when Carlos uses his arm to pull you closer to him as he pushes deeper as well. 

“You’re so fucking tight y/n.” Carlos breathes out and he’s bottoming out and you feel so full you might pass out. “You need to relax or I’m not going to last.” Carlos says and he’s looking at you so intently, eyes going over every single feature on your face. He’s leaning down to give you a kiss and you can’t help but meet him halfway. 

The kiss is softer than any other kiss you both shared before and you feel like you’re melting into him. “You’re so beautiful y/n.” Carlos whispers against your lips, as if it was a secret for the both of you. 

Once you’re relaxed enough you feel him moving his hips but his lips are still close to yours, stealing kisses every here and there as he slowly begins to pick up his thrusts. Despite this though the thrusts are still slow and dragged out, but he’s rubbing into you just right that you’re letting out soft breathy moans that are mixing in the air along with Carlos’. 

The atmosphere is heavy and there’s a weird weight in your chest as you watch Carlos, head falling back as soon he hits the right spot. “Carlos there please,” You whimper out and that’s enough encouragement for Carlos to finally pick up the pace. 

“Tell me who fucks you best?” Carlos asks, and his hand is wrapping itself again around your neck and you’re letting out a small but broken whine. “Stop fucking you for two years and you’ve gone all soft now hm?”

You can’t think straight, all of Carlos’ words are turning into gibberish in your mind. You only manage to snap back into it when Carlos gives your throat a gentle squeeze.

“I said, who fucks you best?” He asks again and you blink at him, completely dazed.

“Y-You,” You moan out.

Before you know it you’re whimpering and squirming under him, feeling yourself get closer and closer. At this point your arms are around his neck and he takes the opportunity to lift you up slightly, thrusting his hips as he holds you in place.

The room filling with the sounds of both of your moans and the sound of your skin slapping against each other, both of you either forgetting or no longer caring that you were still in the office. 

“Carlos- Carlos- I’m close.” You gasp out and Carlos shifts a bit, letting go of your neck before his fingers go down, toying with your clit and you can’t help but let out a cry, back arching. 

“Don’t come until I tell you to.” He pants out as his thrusts pick up even faster and somehow feel even deeper and you’re letting out a string of moans. His fingers soon move faster and you’re soon begging for him to let you come. 

It’s only when you’re blubbering nonsense that Carlos is saying “Come for me, show me how good I make you feel.” as his touches get rougher and that’s enough to have you unravelling yourself again, screaming out his name as your nails dig into his shoulders. 

You’re still riding out your high when Carlos groans, cock twitching in between thrusts. You can’t help but let out a groan at the feeling of Carlos coming inside of you and Carlos drags his hips a few more times before he’s gently setting you onto the table and pulling out of you. He keeps you close though, wrapping his arms around you as you both recollect yourselves.

You’re both panting, breathless and exhausted and you’re almost putty as Carlos takes off his shirt to wipe at your legs and body. He catches you from falling onto your back and you hold onto him, still slightly dazed.

“I can’t believe we did that.” You murmur out, and you’re embarassed at how little you could think right now. Carlos is shaking his head in disbelief too. 

“Me neither.” Carlos says. He’s holding his shirt awkwardly for a bit, and it’s clear that he’s thinking about something but he just doesn’t want to say it. It takes you a bit to notice.

“Spit it out,” you tell him, knowing him well enough already. 

He lets out a sigh before he’s speaking up. “You’re gonna hate me but I’m gonna need you to go get my extra clothes in the changing rooms.” He says and you can only look at him in disbelief. 

“What? Did you want me to use your shirt?” Carlos says and you know you’re practically useless right now but the little pride you had left didn’t want Carlos to know how out of it you were (although you’re pretty sure he knew). If any confirmation was needed, your legs almost buckle the moment your feet hit the ground and Carlos needs to quickly catch you. He’s grinning from ear to ear.

If Carlos was trying to hide his smugness, he was doing a damn awful job doing so. 

—————— 

Carlos ended up getting the shirt that he needed himself as you just sat in the meeting room to get some time to recover. You both are relieved that the office is almost empty and you both manage to sneak out undetected, the tension is heavy between you both though, to the point that you don’t even realise Tom in the parking lot, up until you both reach Carlos’ car. 

“What are you two doing here?” He’s by his car holding his own bag, clearly ready to go home. You take a deep breath, ready to play it cool before turning to Tom.

“Uhm-“ Carlos starts off but he’s looking at you in panic and you try your best not to kick him then and there. 

“Carlos offered to drop me off so he decided to go to the gym when he was waiting and I ended up having to wait for him.” You explain giving Tom a shrug. You felt bad for lying- but this was definitely not the moment to be saying the truth. 

Tom looks a bit sceptical, mainly eyeing Carlos’ deer in the headlights expression but he soon nods anyway. “Ah okay- I’ll see you both at the airport then?” He asks and you’re both nodding, ready to cut the conversation short. 

Once Tom is in the car you both go into Carlos’. You tiredly watch Carlos put on his seatbelt just as Tom drives off and you think Carlos is going to start the car but decides to speak up instead. 

“For the record, I didn’t want to break up with you.” Carlos says and you’re quick to tense up. 

“Carlos, I thought we were over this.” You murmur and Carlos shakes his head. You rub your temples, a bit frustrated. 

“You still did it though.” You say and your stomach is twisting and turning at the conversation, you didn’t want to hear what Carlos had to say. “You literally came over, slept with me, and broke up with me the next morning.” 

“You said we were fine when I broke it off.” Carlos says and for a second he sounds offended, and you can’t help but scoff. 

“Of course I did Carlos. What else was I supposed to do?” You say and you’re looking away to look outside of the window. You had never told anyone how Carlos and you had broken up, always being the type to hold your head up and suck it up. He was the only person you had been able to open up to and the moment he had broken up with you you felt like you were left alone by yourself. 

“I couldn’t tell you Carlos. I felt like I didn’t know who you were.” You murmur. He’s slowly reaching his hand to your thigh but you move your leg away. “Stop,” 

“I’m sorry,” He says and it sounds so sincere that you can’t even look at him. “I’m really sorry.” 

“I was young and naive, I knew it was wrong, but I wasn’t thinking.” He explains. “We were barely talking at the end, I was so busy with racing, and you were studying, and I- I also didn’t want to burden you. When I came over that night I wanted to break it off right there but I couldn’t,” Carlos sighs shakily and you can hear the regret in his voice. 

“It’s selfish but I just wanted one more night with you.” Carlos mumbles. “I loved you. Even now y/n, I,” He says before taking a deep breath. For a second you want him to say it, you want to hear the words, but you realise you’re not ready for that again. You don’t want to give him another opportunity to break your heart when it already took you so much time to rebuild it. 

“Don’t,” You murmur. “Please don’t say it Carlos. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it.” You say and you’re looking up to the car’s ceiling, feeling your eyes water slightly. 

“What do you want then?” Carlos murmurs and you let out a shaky sigh finally looking over him. He looks remorseful, and you know his words are sincere- but they weren’t enough.

“I told you before, I want to stay with Bastien.” You murmur. “I know it might sound stupid to you but- I will try to figure it out with him.” 

“And us?” Carlos asks and you shake your head. 

“We can’t be friends Carlos. I thought we could, but we can’t. Look at what we just did. I don’t blame Bastien for not being comfortable with you around me, I’m not going to argue with him about that.” You say apologetically. The disappointment in Carlos’ face is clear as daylight but he nods anyway. 

“Why did you do it then?” Why did you sleep with me? You know is what he means to say. 

“I needed closure.” You murmur and that answer seems to be sufficient because Carlos finally nods, starting the car. 

The drive is quiet this time and your head is pressed against the window as you watch the streets pass by. You don’t feel guilty, but you realise you weren’t feeling anything right now. 

You only speak up when Carlos is pulling into the gates of your building and you’re pointing to the empty parking space. “Do you mind coming up?” You ask softly, “I have to give back your shirt.” You say and Carlos doesn’t even look at you as he nods and slowly reverses the car. 

The silence is loud as you both make your way to the building and up the elevator. You don’t have much to say as you both walk to your apartment door. Carlos steps in behind you, quietly closing the door and you excuse yourself before going to your bedroom, looking for the shirt in your half unpacked luggage. 

You’re digging through the luggage when you hear your phone ring and you go quickly to check it, the moment you see the text you laugh. 

It’s not the first time that this has happened. That you get a text from a random girl, along with an apology and explaining that she spent a night (or multiple) with Bastien before finding out he had a girlfriend. 

Bastien never told you- and you never confronted him. Call it naïve but a part of you thought that Bastien would stop, but by the fourth person- you really doubted that was going to happen. You just sat down and stayed quiet though because for the most part, he made you happy. 

If you were being honest, you just didn’t want to be left again. 

You were not even mad now. You just felt stupid that you were letting yourself be in this situation. But looking at yourself now, were you really any better?  

The moment you grab Carlos’ shirt though you feel your heart in your throat and you’re clenching your jaw. You force yourself to calm down before you’re getting up, reminding yourself that Carlos was in the livingroom. You could respond to the girl afterwards. 

When you come back Carlos is by one of your shelves looking over the photos that you have perched up. You realise he’s looking at some of your old highschool photos with your friends, and you know that he’s slipped there in the picture somewhere. You soon see his gaze travel to a photo of you and Bastien though and his face falls a bit. 

“Hey,” You say softly, which prompts him to turn around. His eyes fall from your face to your hand where you’re holding his shirt. 

“Here,” You’re stepping towards him, holding your hand out. Carlos gives you a small tight lipped smile as he takes the shirt from you and he looks over you quietly. 

“Does he make you happy at least?” He asks and you look at him, surprised that he’d ask you that question. “Regardless to us and what we are- just make sure he makes you happy.” Carlos says and you give him a small nod. 

“There’s a few things we need to work on, but he makes me happy. I believe it will work out.” You’re lying through your teeth, but Carlos nods at your words anyways. 

“I’ll see you in the airport?” You’re gently getting him to the door, not knowing how much longer you could keep yourself composed for. 

“Mhm, are you sure you don’t want a ride there?” Carlos tries and you give him a forced smile before politely declining the offer. 

“I’m good, thank you though Carlos.” There’s a a weird hole in your chest but you try not to think about it too much, opening the door for Carlos.

“Alright, alright. Bye Y/N.” He says as he steps out of your apartment. You give him a small nod and a wave. 

“Bye Carlos.” You say and the moment you shut the door you’re letting out a shaky breath, going to the bathroom in hopes to wash everything away.

fin.

Link to chapter 9!

i hope you all enjoyed! put my whole heart in it. would love to know what you guys think and how you feel about it. are you surprised that reader knew all along about bastien??? i also hope it provides a bit more insight about how reader is feeling/thinking. and apologies for all the angst !! feel like this chapter is bittersweet hehe.

ps. this is my first time writing smut and posting (for f1 at least) so I sincerely apologize if it isnt giving 🫠

Moonlight taglist

@loverboysainz-interacts @mossafiato @animesimp2 @gridmetro @iamasimpingh0e @ihearttheoriginals @wildflowertaste @hammyknight @im-an-overthinker @serialkillertbh @pierre-gasssllyy @organasith @sarasturniolo @azenpal @sukunasrealgf @imsoconfused2903 @dr3lover @nsprinx @hayleyy-l @starxqt @xheera @idkiwantchocolatee @sarahayden @turningxstrange @thelightnessofthebeing @zoobabystation @dutifullyyoungdream @glame @im-an-overthinker @c-tangerine @cersti-mo0 @hiphopdancer101universe @simpingforpiper

F1 taglist 

@sgkophie @lostinketterdam @troybolton-14 @panicforspec @storysf1ferrari @earfquak3 

#moonlight #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz junior #cs55 #f1 x reader #f1 x you #anywayss #fluff #enemies to friends to lovers #ok i hope you enjoy #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz #lando norris #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #chaptered #carlos sainz 55 #carlos sainz x y/n #the carlitos

[suyacho]

hi lovelies, i know ive been in and out of here and im really sorry for that🫶🥹 just wanted to make a little post addressing some things going on, not on tumblr bc idk wtf is going on (if theres something going on) ive barely been on dash or didn’t scroll past more than 5 posts before closing it again because im busy. let me put it under readmore bc i’ll probably ramble🥹

anyways hi!! as i stated before i think, i started a new school and i started working, busy life!! now work has me exhausted, both mentally & physically, so i haven’t been on here much not have time nor motivation to write too much which i’m really sorry for, especially considering i promised. i love writing, i really do but i feel like the spark is gone, maybe it’s because i’ve been non stop writing smut (with occasionally fluff here n there) over the past few months? or scrap that maybe even since last kinktober because i didnt finish that on time either🥹 (this is probably why the sparks gone) don’t get me wrong, i love writing smut but when it’s so much it just makes me feel like eh not another smut fic and especially after work i can’t find the energy to write porn, like i’d love me itto all oiled up in bed but writing it?? (LMAO SORYRRHHR) it’s just idk🥹 i guess i feel guilty for posting a kinktober but never even finishing it or giving you guys shitty fics when i owe you guys nothing and this is just supposed to be a fun little thingie, but i wanna give back to you guys with the handful of people who have supported me all the way, from the start or even over a year, i appreciate it sm and want to give back to you guys🫶 i hope you all know i greatly appreciate it so thank you and i’m sorry.

on that note thank god i put a readmore bc i knew id ramble and this post isnt even about writing mainly LAMSOAOSOS

but anyways work yes!! i work 4 days a week which might not seem like much bc i know there are people who work way more but hey, im exhausted and that is valid regardless. i dont like my job which is ok, i picked it myself and know the consequences but the environment also drains me mentally, won’t get into that though!!

and onto school <3 i fucking love my school, my class, everything, i wish it was more than one day a week. but with school and the holidays coming around, it also means something. it means that i slowly gotta make a big choice that will impact my student life after this and will decide if ill be let into the bachelors im going for or not. which means that i really gotta start taking it seriously and work more on my portfolio, which now obviously will be my main focus, leading back to the writing but ill say that in the end!!

mentally i’m not ok, which is ok. we all have our ups and downs but lately it’s been feeling like a lots of downs, a lot of things play a role in that but i won’t be going into detail about that. i’ll be okay one day, i’m still alive and have a roof above my head Alhamdulillah.

all those things together mean one thing, i’ll be uploading less!! (which i’ve barely been doing anyways LMAO) to the two people that expected stuff, sorry </3, to the others i disappointed, i’m sorry </3

i’ll also be less active, or maybe just not at all for a bit but just know that i’ll definitely come back when things have settled down, hopefully with more motivation and more fics <3 life’s moving forward and so am i bit by bit.

i guess this is quite the dramatic way to announce a hiatus but hey it’s 6am and i barely slept and just rambled to my little space <3 but once again, thank you guys for the support and understanding. i just wanted to make a post so you guys know what to expect and all :)

thank you and have a good day/night!

#snow; sighs

[sapphire-weapon]

You are an excellent writer! And I sincerely hope that you finish your fic as that seems like it would be a wonderful accomplishment for you.

Sorry if you've already been asked this before, but do you have any advice on writing, specifically smut? Between The Difference and Leather and Lace, you write excellent smut. I enjoy writing but I am unfortunately lacking in the real world experience part to help with said writing. Any tips would be appreciated!

I hope you have a good day <3

<3 happy thanksgiving anon

honestly the best way to get better at writing anything is to read a lot of it. the bulk of my smut writing actually happened in RP, so i was very regularly reading it and practicing writing it at the same time. and there were definitely moments where i was reading someone else's prose and going OH THAT'S GOOD I'MMA USE THAT and i'd bank it away in my memory to fold it into my writing later.

and like... don't be afraid to use references. artists use references all the time, and writers can, too.

i'm talking about porn LMAO i know there's a weird stigma about porn not being realistic, but like

just don't take scenarios or dialogue from porn. what you take are positions and little details. like, in the first smut chapter of the difference, that detail of ashley's hair cascading over leon's forearms as she leaned forward to kiss him? that came from porn. because it doesn't matter how much rl experience you have or not; you're not going to be able to think of every possible little thing every single time you sit down to write.

i would also recommend writing from the POV of a character that has the same parts as you when you're first starting out, because even if you've never been with anyone else, you know how you feel when you do certain things to yourself. and that's useful for hammering out sensations and feelings.

i know i didn't start writing from a man's POV until i'd already been with a few -- but that's not to say you need to be with someone to write from their POV. just that i personally needed to reach a certain level of comfort/confidence before i made the switch.

and just don't forget that the strongest sexual organ in the body is the brain. my smut is probably an even 50/50 when it comes to "descriptions of the physical acts that are being performed" vs "mental and emotional responses to what's happening currently" -- but other people find comfort elsewhere. one of my favorite smut writers is @friedesgreatscythe and i would say her smut is 70/30 emotional to physical. other people are the opposite. just make sure you're not going 100% pure physical descriptions and nothing else, because then it'll start to just feel like a laundry list of acts having been performed. and that's not sexy.

good luck anon.

[i-killed-a-prostutute]

Im so sorry for the super late response!! Im not even going to question the heat pill and how it came from pitou 💀 at least tell me reader gave consent to being mutated and it wasn't something killua just decided for her….. I totally get being a Virginia and all, it's just that your other killua fics were a lot more detailed and longer. The neko one seemed more like it was done in a hurry. Don't want this to come off as me complaining though, because I know I'D definitely feel a little disheartened if one of my requesters told me they were disappointed with my work. It was fine, really! And anyway, anyone, even the best smut writer, has room for improvement :) I really appreciate that you'll let me know if you can do my request or not, not a lot of writers do that and it's really helpful, instead of just leaving me waiting and wondering. (God knows how many of my requests have actually been made but I don't know because I stopped checking…) With that out of the way, here are my two requests! 🌸

You said you'd be fine writing more killua x neko reader. So I was thinking perhaps just general relationship headcanons, sfw and nsfw. And this time, it takes place in the hxh world where reader was BORN that way and that's not exactly weird lmao. No pituo pill 💀 same personality: shy, sweet, cute, cuddly, you know..

And for my second request, I'm not sure if this counts as a hc, I guess it does, it's basically just me asking for your thoughts on this: I've being wondering about this for a while. I didn't think it, but turns out silva and kikyo do actually love each other. So killua probably grew up seeing those expressions of "love" and thinking that's normal for a relationship. How do you think that would affect his relationship with reader? And if it isn't too much, how do you think his overall experience with his family effects it? Because I highly doubt after everything he's gone through that his relationship with the reader would be perfectly normal.

It's totally fine if you only want to do one of those, or even none. No pressure! And take all the time you need. Thanks in advance :)

PS: you said you had some ideas of your own, so feel free to write them if you feel like it. i check your account sometimes, so I won't miss your killua content. But I understand if your busy and can only write what is requested. But you haven't posted anything for 2 weeks now, so I THINK it's safe to assume you don't have or get a lot of requests. So in the meantime, you could write and post your own fics. Just an idea though! (I hope this isn't coming off as forceful...) this is already super long, sorry about that, so good night/morning/evening and I look forward to hearing from you!

You check my account sometimes 🥺🥺🥺

I really appreciate it and I was just thinking about writing another neko one, but maybe a relationship head Canon set would help me with the writing a bit.

I for sure like your suggestions, and I just like the crazy side of yandere's. A lot of my personal ones have a lot of stalking lmao.

I'll probably put out something for another character today and here in the next few days get some Killua X neko stuff in my drafts and at least one out.

Link to Superman comfort:

#x reader #headcanon #x yn #hunter hunter x reader #killua x reader #adult killua x reader #aged up killua x reader #killua x yn

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

who's your fave BSD character and why?

what's your fave work of fiction?

Oppenheimer or Barbie?

Do you write OG stories too?

In your fanfictions, would you rather write fluff or angst?

do you have a best friend?

when writing, do you focus on plot first or characters first?

also how do you do such good analyses on characters with barely any screentime JFIRGR is that like a psych major thing? hehe anyways..

laast question: do you have a pet? TT and what's one problem (external or internal) that you want to fix in your life?

(lmao those are two last questions but uhm, yeah.)

(sorry for the rambles, im just bored and rlly curious TT)

Oh hello! It’s cool I don’t mind!

Favourite BSD character: This is really tricky because every time I think I have a favourite I remember something really cool about another character… I don’t think there’s a single character who I don’t find interesting. In terms of writing I really like Kyouka, Mushitarou, and Akutagawa. Atsushi I would actually hang out with and I am prepared to defend as an excellent protagonist. I also really like Yosano, Chuuya, Teruko, Ranpo, and Odasaku! Also my extremely overlooked fave is H. G. Wells from 55 Minutes… I love her so much she’s so cool…

Favourite work of fiction: Hmm… you know I’m honestly not sure I could pick a favourite. I’ve read a lot of stuff and watched a lot of things… however for the purposes of this blog I have been overrun by Trigun emotions and Hatoful Boyfriend had a death grip on me for most of high school.

Barbenheimer: Probably I’ll go see Barbie at some point. I actually don’t watch a lot of movies but this one seems pretty cool!

Do you write OG stories: Ohh how do I answer this…? Yes 100%. I have so many original plots in my head, and I have tried to write them several times. I have one ongoing right now on my side blog called The Capture of Light… I’ve been very slow to update but it’s there. My oldest story that I’ve been working on is a series called the Interworld… I’ve been working on it and revising it since I was 13. I worry it’s too needlessly convoluted though. The problem is that I’m never satisfied so I keep scrapping and restarting it… so can I really say I write them? :/

Fluff or angst: Angst all the way. I like to write suffering, but I generally will write in a bittersweet hopeful ending. :) Depends on what’s tonally appropriate though.

Best friend: Yes I do have a best friend! I’ve known her for 9 years now. She’s actually on here; her account is @doodle-storm. She doesn’t update a lot but I’m sure she’d appreciate it if you checked out her art or said hi. :)

Plot or characters first: I make a rough plot outline with key points I have to get to, then I make detailed character notes and designs. The way I see it, the best way to make sure your plot stays cohesive is to make sure you know your character’s motives at all times. That way, even if the plot winds up changing a bit, I still have a good idea of how the characters will react, no matter what situation I put them into. If I can transplant them into any random scene or situation and know how they’ll respond, I feel comfortable that I know them well enough to write.

Analyses: Hahaha, honestly the psych knowledge helps but… I think that might just be me. I’ve kind of always done stuff like this it’s just now I have people who actually read it instead of telling me to shut up ehehe. I think the key is to isolate the main themes of the story. A good story will have its characters all model or echo these themes in some way. From there, it’s a lot easier to read character motivations, even if they don’t have a lot of screen time. Another important thing to remember is “explanation not justification”. You should be able to explain the motive behind a character’s actions. This does not mean they’re justified. This really helps with analyzing villains or morally grey characters. It also helps you to understand people in real life!

Pets: None unfortunately. 😞 If I weren’t allergic to cats I would have a cat though. I love cats. They also tend to headbutt my legs a lot so I think they tend to like me too. I have to resist the urge to pet them every time. …I fail. Every time. I go home and sneeze for two hours with itchy eyes. It was worth it.

Problem I wish I could fix in my life: Well I have some mental health problems so I guess I wish I could. Not have those. Yeah. I’m looking for support about it. I’m trying. Hehe.

This was fun! Thank you! Can I shoot some of these questions back at you? I’d love to hear your answers! :D

#thanks for the ask! #storyrambles #q&a time I suppose! :D #kind of like a very belated get to know me

[seaprofound]

I SEE YOU, I CHERISH YOU ♡

instructions: positivity challenge! list 6 blogs that have interacted with you in some way, shape, or form and show your appreciation. let’s recognize each other’s efforts! repost, do not reblog!

♡ moogle (@theydefy): YOU ARE MY ANGEEEEEEEL (my love) YOU’RE EVERYTHING I NEEEEEED (and more)—okay, cheesy song aside, I legit care for you so much, moogle, like you have NO idea. if I was peanut butter, I’d consider you to be my jelly (in a totally platonic way ofc). thanks to you, I DO, in fact, consider ernesto to be the besto! gosh, where do I even begin with your ernie? he’s so much more fleshed out than his canon version, then I think you could forgive someone for mistaking him for your oc. backstory can be a tricky thing to implement for characters that you don’t learn much about in their respective canon but the one that you have crafted for ernie makes a lot of sense and explains SO much about him. at the same time, though, reason does not equal justification for any misdeeds and you understand that perfectly. gosh, I feel so lucky to have you on my dash tbh—you are just the best, okay. ♡♡

♡ bird (@mielmoto): bird, first of all, I just wanna apologize for not recognizing your awesomeness when I interacted with you on honey for the first time. I was a FOOL and the whole world deserves to know that. second of all, talking with you is such a delight and I adore seeing honey on my dash even when she’s not interacting with po (whom she should frankly stay away from lest she’d be corrupted lbr /j) this may sound kinda weird but I just wanna squish her tbh. she’s just so darn cute !! you are such a total vibe btw and I’ve loved every single one of our conversations. here’s hoping that we can talk more often! ♡♡

♡ ry (@demonstigma): new salt buddy alert! ry, I have never been as informed about a Certain Show That I Will Not Name as when I was discussing it with you. you have really enlightened me on the bullshit that went on in that show and, for that, I am eternally grateful. you are also so easy to talk to and I just really dig your chill vibe. lastly, your oc really intrigues me because it’s not often that I see a demon that has some sort of connection to pagan gods. I love reading about all of the little quirks that he has (along with the Deep Stuff ofc) and look forward to the day that he’ll officially be introduced to my menace of a muse. ♡♡

♡ winter (@bledwaves): another cool oc! winter, is it cheating to say that I love your everything? if it is, then I’d have to say that my favorite aspect about your blog probably has to be your long metas. I’m a SUCKER for lots of detail and, every time you post one of your metas, I feel so FED. taiyang is one of the most interesting ocs I’ve ever seen and the amount of thought that you put into him is enviable! I’ve also enjoyed chatting with you and think that it’s such a crying shame that we don’t chat more often tbh. you know that expression “as cool as cucumber”? you’re that times 9,000—no, times infinity. love you, bish. ♡♡

♡ renee (@nectaric): an oldie but a goodie! lmao, sorry but I just couldn’t resist. how long has it been since we’ve known each other? 6 years ?? damn, how the time flies. although we don’t interact as much as we used to back in the days of yore, I just want you to know that you will always have my heart. I’ve told you this time and time again but your interpretation of zeus completely changed how I viewed him. while I don’t think I could ever be the big zeus super-fan that you are—that crown forever belongs to you lbr—you have influenced me in a number of ways. for example, I think it’s weird now whenever I come across a take of zeus that makes him too jock-like or doesn’t mention him being genderfluid in some way. like. where’s the prettiness? this zeus looks too manly! I want a refund !! jokes aside, I wish you every happiness and hope that you have the best of luck with your book. knowing you, the final product will probably be amazing! ♡♡

♡ simy (@dethqveen): wow, so many cool ocs! what is this—the holiday season? simy, although we haven’t roleplayed (yet), I’ve enjoyed seeing you on my dash (not to mention the conversations that we’ve had on tumblr IMs). eerie is such a wonderfully fleshed out character and it’s honestly amazing to see just how much they have evolved over the years. the fact that their current iteration is so different from their prototype speaks volumes about how open to change you are as a writer. writers need to have that level of flexibility imo because, if characters were set in stone, then they wouldn’t be allowed to grow and surprise us—and that’s no fun at all! I’m so sorry btw that a certain anonymous dickhead is giving you such a hard time (AGAIN at that, ugh). I hope that you can finally put an end to their hatred once and for all. ♡♡

♡ all of my mutuals not mentioned on this list (whether we interact or not): first of all, thank you for becoming a part of my dash. the fact that you looked at my blog and thought “hey, this blog is pretty neat, I think I’ll give it a follow” is just so humbling. I have HORRIBLE perfectionism-related, performance anxiety issues—try saying that 10 times fast—so, I tend to have less than steller opinions about my writing capabilities. (seriously, just ask my fourth grade teacher whose class I nearly failed because I was so over-critical of my writing, that I was too scared to even try to write, lmao) therefore, even something as simple as a follow back just melts my heart tbh. if we have interacted even a little bit, I wish that we could interact some more. if we haven’t interacted yet, then I look forward to the day where one of us makes the first step. until then, keep on being cool and awesome, fam. ♡♡

Tagged by: nobody, I created this one !! Tagging: @nuiruk, @bledwaves, @ofmywcrld, @theydefy, @partloss, @warraigoe, @athinakori, @mielmoto, @storystrange, @sereniora, @singofus, @emcads, @multiicolor, @earthssprout, @badboysupr, @mageiia, @uizado, @okeancs, @nectaric, @apricaite, @brokentoys, @ladysmaid, @demonstigma, @hoopsheartthrob, @heedingcalls, @dethqveen, @cauterisen, @riidcr, @asoulunbound, @never-surrender, @mysticwrit, @lunarburnt & youuuuuuuuuuu !!!!!!! feel free to steal it from me and hop aboard the positivity train!

#「 ♆ ❛ tag! you’re it! ❜ ╱ dash games. 」 #「 ♆ ❛ you look nice today! ❜ ╱ positivity. 」

[searchforthescars]

If this is out of line, please feel free to delete this ask :) I follow your Twitter and I read your Cam/Pal ☕️ post here, but now that Nona's been out for a whopping 48 hours, I was wondering how you're feeling about the fandom and the story about Cam and Pal and Paul [screams]

(First of all, I'm very sorry for this delayed reply - it started off as "Well, I want to make sure my self-imposed spoiler period is over" and then continued into "well I don't want to Step In It, fandom-wise." But I have thoughts and you asked, and I appreciate that :3).

The following content was written in mid-September and has been edited slightly for length and clarity. It's still long. Sorry lmao.

Nona the Ninth was, to (probably) the shock of no one who knows me, a gift to me specifically. I joke that this book was written for me because it has so many things I love: apocalyptic settings, examinations of all the hazards and casualties of love, and some EXPLANATIONS OF WHAT THE HELL JOHN DID.

There was also Cam/Pal. So much Cam/Pal. "I hope you know that I adore you, Scholar." SHUT THE FUCK UP?????? HELLO??????????? "LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND LOVE IS TOO LONG" OKAY GOODBYE

Now, I should also say that I've had a Nona ARC since the summer, so I've been sitting on this for a hot minute. My experience reading the book was equal parts "WOW I AM WINNING" and "wow the fandom is going to go nuclear." And while I haven't seen as much hate as I was expecting, I suspect some of that is because I got over my fear of blocking people and have blocked often and liberally if the situation calls for it.

To be clear, I never have an issue with people shipping things that I don't ship. I never have a problem with people actively disliking my ships. What I do have a problem with is people coming into my DMs, notes, askbox, etc., and calling me names, attacking me, and generally being vile in mine own house when they could just as easily scroll away.

That's what happened around Cam/Pal between HtN and NtN. I'm not going to dredge up the details for the sanity of myself and my friends, but it was real and it was bad. Real people were deeply hurt. I've been in fandom - including some really nuclear ones - for more than half my life, and it has never been this bad.

At this point, my stance is this: Nona the Ninth made a near-ironclad case for Cam/Pal being canonically romantically entwined. Nona the Ninth also established that the two of them have been in love for a long time. The scene where they became Paul is, in my opinion, akin to a marriage proposal - especially when you weave in the fact that the "three strands" verse Dulcie quotes about them in Harrow the Ninth is often quoted in weddings and also talks about two people being better than one, etc etc.

My stance is also: if you read them as platonic but vibe just fine with people who don't read it that way, and you filter your internet experience through tagging, blocking, and scrolling past what you don't vibe with - more power to you. You're doing great, and I have no quarrel with you at all.

If you, however, choose to make sweeping faux-pearl-clutching statements about the creeps who ship cousins, you can get the fuck out of my house. Block me, unfollow me, whatever, but this is not the place for you.

Because also, nine times of ten, it's not about the fact that they're SECOND cousins (which is vastly different from cousins). It's about people disliking that a female character is with a male character. The Venn diagram of people I've seen being loudly angry and faux-pearl-clutching about Cam/Pal as a romantic ship and the people who insist Camilla is something that isn't bi and say that anyone headcannoning her as bi is something-phobic is almost a circle.

Again. You don't have to think Cam is bi or ship Cam/Pal. But there is no reason you need to rain on the parade of those who do.

But, because so many people do, I chose to open my umbrella and shout over the noise with my properly-tagged fic and all my online shenanigans. Because that's what fandom is about, for me. And I - like I ask others to do - mitigate my own online experience.

I'm always going to be a little angry and bitter over what happened with the Cam/Pal discourse. I'm always going to grit my teeth when I recall the person who told me they felt sorry for my sister because I "shipped incest." (Ironically, this person ships the Tridentarii.) I'm always going to be twitchy about being a Cam/Pal gremlin on main (despite that fact that I am apparently now something of a Sixth House Expert on TikTok??? weird).

But overall, Nona's release day was one of the most entertaining, unhinged 24 hours I've ever had in fandom. It reminded me of why I love fandom so deeply and fiercely; it's supposed to be about community and celebration, both of the source material and about all the diversity that accompanies a myriad of reads of that same material. I truly hope (edit: as of the time this was posted, the following statement is true) that this is a sign of what is to come for the corners of the TLT fandom I'm in; I hope that we will continue to celebrate what Tamsyn gifted us while also going unhinged over the possibilities left for us in AtN.

#anonymous #the locked tomb

[marwritesgood]

I was the last anon, sorry for sending another message! But I saw the one ask from a while ago about an alternative ending where she doesn’t end up with Steve, and I think it’s because there have been more parts since the ask, but I can’t imagine the reader and Steve ending up with anyone else. I think especially because of how well you brought them back together, and how it wasn’t rushed and took months of trying to repair even just the foundation of their relationship so they could be friends at some point, and how it eventually led to the moment in his room about realizing she still has feelings for him(even though she did tell him, but I do respect that he was worried he’d be taking advantage of her during a super emotional time, he probably just figured emotions were high and she didn’t mean it) and he was lying about going out on dates; but especially when he mentioned that he didn’t feel like he deserved it yet. Which while I absolutely hate cheating I can’t really see them ending up with anyone else. Sorry for the ramble but seeing that ask and having more context from the parts that came out since sparked this and I’m also hoping they don’t end up with anyone else even in an alternate world I feel like they’d find their way back to each other😭

Hi again :) You have no idea how much I appreciate the interest you’ve taken in my dumb lil series!! Really enjoyed reading through your message(s) and seeing how you’ve responded to it 🫶🏽

one thing about me, i loveee sad songs but i really don't like sad endings lmao

so i always knew i wanted to get them back together, but i also knew it had to happen over time and it couldn't be too quickly after everything that went down at Starcourt, otherwise I personally wouldn’t feel confident writing it and putting it out there 🥲

i’m so elated that those details stood out to you, because they were really important to me when i planned and wrote it out! cardigan!reader was going THRU it after everything at Starcourt so the last thing she needed was to rush back into a relationship, and I wanted Steve to have acknowledged that and to really want to win her back the (imo) right way!

i do have an alternate ending planned where the reader doesn’t get back together with Steve but ends up with someone else, just because I do know there are some readers who personally would not take him back and might like to read a version where that happens. but this will probably be the last part i post for the series, so it’ll be a little while, and it’s completely up to you if you wanna read it or just leave things with the actual ending 🫶🏽

thank you so much again for reading and for taking the time to lmk your thoughts, i appreciate it so so much!! have a great day 😊

[babsvibes]

hi! I love your louigan fics. Thank you for hosting the ship week! I had a question sort of about it. I’m in another similarly small fandom and was wondering how you got engagement for it? Your fics tend to get more comments than others too, and I guess I’m kind of wondering what your secret is?

Ah!! Thank YOU for being so sweet. I’m glad you enjoyed the ship week and my fics! 🥰🥰 I can take your ask a couple of different ways, so let me know if I got it wrong or if you would like my “how to” guide on running a ship week!

Besides the “people like the ship and are too freaking amazing” answer, in my opinion a lot of it comes down to making people feel seen and appreciated. You’re asking people to CREATE and, worse yet, talk to other people, which is like… a whole nerve-wracking thing lol. When someone does take a chance to put something out, you have to show gratitude for it. Especially since everything they’re doing is so amazing!

One of the easiest ways to do that is by leaving comments and responding to comments you get on your own work (see what I did there? See how I tied that in? Lol)

How to respond to comments:

Mirror their energy

If you’re nervous about coming across as “too (blank)” then take it back to psych 101 by mirroring their comment. Enthusiasm, specificity, and amount of detail are key here. Below are a few examples:

I liked this a lot :) please keep writing - Thank you I definitely plan too 🥰

This was amazing! When Character A did Thing with Character B? I lost my mind! - You’re too sweet! Actually, (background information on Scene they expressed interest in). I appreciate you so much for reading!

I hate you so much 😩😩 how dare you leave me on a cliffhanger like thiiisss?! I’m frothing at the mouth and I cannot WAIT to read more! - Whoops 😈 I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. Lmao, I’m glad you’re liking the story! Maybe we’ll get to see more soon. Maybe we won’t. Only time will tell 😘

Make them feel special

I know this one can be difficult when some comments are sorta the same, but try to avoid copying and pasting a response to everyone. Just because you’ve said thank you to ten people doesn’t mean that the person commenting wants to feel like they’re only one of ten people. Try to use a mix of these:

Thank you

I appreciate you

Your comment means a lot to me

I wish you and your family good health through the long winter

Be specific

Earlier I mentioned giving background info on a scene someone liked. If someone points out a line of dialogue, character action, or anything specific in your work, you can show them gratitude by giving a behind-the-scenes look at how that part came to be. Something like:

I was listening to (this song) when I wrote that

That bit almost didn’t make it into the cut, but I kept it because (reason)

This was inspired by (a thing in canon), which I think (how canon connects to your work)

Be personable

Of all of them, this is probably the hardest for me to explain. I know how hard it can be to just… “be” charismatic, you know? But here’s some ways to come off like a real, likable human being lol:

You talk a certain way. Write the way you speak. I rarely say “you guys” so I’m gonna use “y’all” when I respond. If you’re not a formal person, don’t respond formally. “I appreciate your comment and am going to reread it quite often” is different from “I love this and I’m gonna stare at it forever.”

It’s okay to be vulnerable. Don’t harsh on your own work, but it’s okay to say “I was nervous about the pacing, so it means a lot you would comment on it.”

Lean into your strengths. If someone has said you’re funny, tell a joke. If someone has said you’re kind, be sweet. If someone’s told you you’re smart, share something from the technical side of your work. You don’t need to be someone else when you interact with other people.

I hope this was helpful! And I hope none of y'all use this against me when I respond to comments lol

#babsbles #asks #how to babs #thank you for the ask!! #I do really hope this helps you and lemme know if I compleeeetely misunderstood

[cybertomii]

sorry this is sent wayy after i said i would lmao i got really busy and this fic deserves as good of a mini-analysis as i can give 🫶🏽🫶🏽 i’ll try and keep it as short as possible

all of the little details about kiwi’s past hurt so much ahh he really has moved about way too much </3 (side note arkadiusz reca reminds me a little of kiwi’s childhood friend from an interview i watched… he maybe has a type)

i love the way both arkadiusz and tomi are kiwi’s lifeline when it comes to not understanding the language it’s cute mirroring

‘Jakub allows himself to grow attached to the people around him. He allows himself to become comfortable. He allows himself to fall in love.’ being followed by ‘It was foolish to allow himself to get comfortable here. It was foolish to let himself grow attached as if he could ever stay.’ absolutely killed me oh my god

“I packed your bag for you. Why did you have a jam doughnut in your bag?” - LOVE these small references i appreciated every single one so much

‘Jakub is taken off in favour of Tomi.’ i know this literally happened in the game but the wording of ‘in favour for’ with the way kiwi’s told he’s (probably) going while tomi gets to stay </3 

the banter between them was elite you are so good at writing realistic dialogue btw 🫶🏽🫶🏽

‘He’s switched to English now.’ - this is weirdly accurate?? usually i see people switch to english for serious matters it feels more detached in a way.

the whole ‘argument’ scene felt very in character to me - kiwi prefering to talk things out first whereas tomi wanting to reason with himself first before talking makes a lot of sense

“You came back.” “Why wouldn’t I?” - screamed cried ruined me

“Even if you do get transferred,” Tomi says softly. “Why should that stop me from loving you right now?” followed by ‘The sound of distant fireworks rings in the new year.’ feels like a revelation idk it really shows the beginning of kiwi’s new mindset

‘Football is change and Jakub is no longer afraid of it.’ - BEAUTIFUL ending

i could write more but this is already looking to be wayy too long i’m so sorry lol but i genuinely loved it!! your writing has a certain style that i particularly like to read so reading something of yours is always a gift 🫶🏽🫶🏽 hope you have a good day!!

anon please there are tears running down my face omg

im honestly shocked kiwi seems so okay with all the moving about because i would definitely not be ok if i had to move around as much as he does

from the second i saw arkadiusz name mentioned in the long read i was like 'there's so much potential here.' i feel like it's my job to introduce new ships to the kiwi nation now lol

im glad you like the dialogue and stuff because i think that took me longest to write because would they actually say that?? i think i rewrote that banter bit like 3 times because it just sounded off to me

‘He’s switched to English now.’ - this is weirdly accurate?? usually i see people switch to english for serious matters it feels more detached in a way.

i feel like italian for them is more intimate than english. even though they could probably express their thoughts better in italian, tomi still switches to english because italian feels too special

one thing about me is that i love love love symbolism like i was thinking about this fic just before the fulham game then i realised i could set it on new years eve and my brain snapped it up

anon don't ever apologise because this made my day seriously i love you

#on the topic of kiwi ships i have so many feel free to send me an ask about them #unlike before this time i have more than vibes and feelings #anyway thank you for this i love seeing people deconstruct things i write it's so motivating #like you enjoyed this thing i wrote to think about for more than five minutes? im charmed #hopefully there's more where that came from i really want to write more this year #also would you shoot me if i wrote a/b/o? just asking #this is getting long i think i should shut up now #🫶🏽 anon #anon asks #tomi talks fics

[xvxnux]

Hello, I hope you're doing great❤

I am here for the FEEDBACK for the FS reading you did for me while back. It was through DM's.

First of all, I am extremely sorry for such a late feedback. I did remember it but I got so many things to do and was busy with interviews and everything.

What would be my relationship like with FS?

Oh boy, that reading didn't start good and I was like bummer, so many negatives but it did end on pretty good note so that was good. You talked about how much different we could be and I kinda get the feeling from the reading it's not the great kind of different even if we love each other. So...🙂

"i see that you can be the person who thinks differently from your husband,you can be inflexible, hard-headed and there is a certain degree of stubbornness with arrogance depending on the situation." - Lmao, I tend to be like that so it's probably me, could be both too, who knows.

The fights and arguments and all the back and Forth sounds exhausting, doesn't sound a great relationship.

"you argue, talk and finally understand each other and apart from a little different way of thinking your husband will be the person who will understand you the most in the world." - This doesn't sound that bad and it was good to hear after the bittersweet starting. It's kinda lovely and sweet that understanding you most in the world part.

"he will love you, you will love each other. maybe he's a water sign with asc (or important placement) in air. he will offer you feeling, fidelity, loyalty, learning... yes, you will learn a lot from your future husband. i see fellowship, woww."- Wow, that was very nice and loving, not gonna lie. Hopefully it's true and he will love me lmao and will be loyal.

Intimacy between us.

This was a really nice and soft reading ngl. I got a warm feeling reading that. I was extremely surprised with the me being the guiding part, not gonna lie, I don't see that happening, I am not that kind of person. Maybe I'll chance by then but rn I can be dom but not in intimacy parts. It's just not my forte😂

"he will like to receive your guidance and i see that with each touch you would melt, isee a lot of passion between you. it will be divine moments between you with each exchange of energy." - It was nice reading and good to hear. Love the passion and divine moments. Manifesting this.

Really hope I am the love of his life and he mine. Thank you for the lovely reading.

Thank you so much for doing this reading for me. I really appreciate the time and the energy you put into it❤. Looking forward to more of your work ✨

Sending you love and good wishes❤

Cheers 🥂

uhhh, thank you for your sincerity and time. i really liked your feedback, very detailed! ty for trusted me ♡

sending u love and good wishes too 🫂💝

#feedback — vxnus

[mothervvoid]

for the Why Do You Follow Me post, I'd have to say 1. Raspberry because that's why I follow everyone, 2. Seafoam becuse whatever is wrong with you is obviously wrong with me too 🙃🙃🙃 please see attached photo for more details 3. Steel, because I adore your fics and takes, I'm literally saving your obito overdoses one for a sad day and a cup of hot cocoa because i was raised protestant and apparently it makes me live in self-denial and save good things until i'm literally at the very end of my emotional rope, so just know ahead of time that if you get a billion emojis in your comments box one day, that's me at the end of my rope with the hot cocoa on my couch, and finally 4. Lilac everything you post is something that makes my dash and day better.

SORRY for gushing like a crazy person, i'm heavily caffeinated at the moment and just needed to sprint over here and scream at you with appreciation for a second. and also fyi this is @professor-of-naruto btw (can't send asks from a sideblog) 🧡

send me funny colors

i ALSO need your help to kill god so i'm really glad you're already on board

I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD SEND SEAFOAM dude if you figure it out, you need to tell me bc i wanna kno wtf is wrong with me too LMAO

AAAAAHHH <333 thank you so much!! right back @ you i love your fics so much, i rec'd the last time i'll abandon you to a friend of mine who was getting back into naruto and had just made the move from ffn to ao3 (he loves it he binged the whole thing btw). ALSO poisoned at the roots (the obito overdose fic) will probably be receiving an update (eventually, im in summer school rn trying to finish my bachelor's). i look forward to seeing what you think of it though!

honestly, same. i love your professor-of-naruto blog, you've got so much team minato fanart and feels stockpiled there it's like a giant treasure trove.

also DON'T APOLOGIZE!! i don't mind it at all! i gush in your ao3 inbox all the time (and believe me i feel like a crazy person sometimes because there's just SO MUCH i want to say bc you always put so much into the clusters of chapters you release, i could probably write an academic paper w/ mla citations abt it at this point and at the same time i'm also running out of ways to say "this is amazing, this ruined me emotionally, i'm on the floor crying, can't wait for you to do it again"). thank you sm for the ask!!!

#ard answers #also the kkob art you sent w/ this ask?? :chef's kiss: yeeess babyyy! #do i call you marble? professor? i dunno. professor marble?