#i was so scared and it was kind of dumb | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

righteousdelusions · 1 year

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thanks again @dorkshadows for being the best t'hy'la ever and helping me in a crisis

#i wanted to publicly say thank you dear #i was so scared and it was kind of dumb #but im glad you were there to hold my back ❤️#forever besties ❤️#(for everyone else... i got hurt and it wasn't serious it was actually kinda whatever but i have a... condition so i got a bit scared)#izzy.txt #dorkshadows

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smithsparker · 1 year

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family dinner

Sokka had been so excited for today, and he was convinced everything would be fine. But it was not fine. Actually, it was horrible. And the worst part was that it wasn’t even that bad. No, Sokka realised, his father and his boyfriend were just extremely stupid.

or, zuko thinks hakoda hates him. hakoda thinks zuko hates him. sokka is so tired.

[read on ao3]

written for @zukkaweek day one: modern au | family drama

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sugarcandydoll · 2 months

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i feel so awful :(

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seilon · 1 month

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wild that I just saw a poll about the watcher situation asking what people expect their response to be and the option sweeping was “they won’t respond to it”. like. that would be absolutely insane. maybe a lot of people have become jaded by big corporate entities ignoring issues as if theyre just not happening (understandable) but watcher Very Literally cant afford to not acknowledge the situation. like yeah this was a very corporate-adjacent, out of touch choice they just made but they're still, in the scheme of things, Quite small. completely ignoring the backlash could/would very likely ruin their careers and burn everything they've worked for and I just don’t think that’s realistic

#kibumblabs #i just can not see why anyone would think they wony respond at all to the situation #mind you i dont mean adequately try and Fix it particularly. i mean give a public response of any kind. in general #but i mean even so- i also dont think theyll respond like. sorry we're not changing anything. sucks to suck.#because like i said. they Really can not afford to do that #granted i guess they wete financially stupid/reckless enough to make such a dumb unsurveyed choice to begin with. but.#i mean when your whole career is on the line. i imagine you'd have to get scared into backtracking a bit right?#ah. anyway it is odd none of them have said anything yet but hopefully that means theyre actually thinking through what to do/say before #accidentally implying something they dont mean or making personal emotion-fueled tweets or anything like that #they couldve said by now 'we see your concern and are discussing how to move forward'. or whatever but. yeah #watcher

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r7inyz · 1 month

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and every-day's new surprise, when you're learning with us guys!!!! (and we live in an actual NIGHTMARE) 🎵

#um guys i can't count but i think there's 3 of them!!! maybe four #this is so messy and the anatomy probably is completely off but i love them <3 <3 #honestly just felt like drawing one of my favourite shows #I LOVE YOU DHMIS!!!!!#don't hug me im scared #infinite painter #dhmis fanart #dhmis yellow guy #dhmis duck #dhmis red guy #r7inyz scribbles #my art #i absolutely love the songs in this show 😭😭#art #digital art #yellow guy is my fav he's my dumb son #Spotify #i remember watching the YouTube series and it gave me nightmares 💞💞💞#yes i like fnaf and dhmis im that kind of crazy

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elvenbeard · 1 year

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A Taste of Dark Matter

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macroglossus · 4 months

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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 7 months

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Me, aged 5. Spoken to my extremely Catholic grandmother, matriarch of the family, who had crosses and pictures of saints hanging in every room of the house: [little, uncannily-enunciated voice] “Grandma, when your church gets destroyed in Armageddon, you can come to our kingdom hall!”

#exjw #ex cult #I’m overly-conscious of how I speak now; but as a child I was about as blunt as a sledgehammer #Yeah my dad got SLAMMED for that one #There was no mistaking what I said because I spoke like a little adult #I was… something. Cute but weird and kind of manipulative.#At that age I enjoyed creeping out adult men in public by intensely staring at them #only adult men; not women #I also pushed boys down the slide and called them “scaredy-cat” until they agreed with me that they were cowards #I planned out in my head one time that my dad was going to walk into the living room with coffee in his hand #so if I scared him at just the right moment; he’d jolt and coffee would spill all over the floor #So I tested my hypothesis and it worked.#My goal was to get him to spill the coffee #I was around four or five but with the calculation of a serial killer (which isn’t saying much because serial killers are dumb)#I watched ET and wanted to see if I could hide in plain sight in my basket of stuffed animals #So I just waited in there very patiently until my dad went looking for me. Held my eyes open without blinking and remained very still #He walked in… looked right at me but didn’t see me; walked out. Walked back in #This time he saw me and got the crap scared out of him when he realized I was right there in front of him the whole time #But I never went into anything to prank anyone… I wasn’t in it for humor; I wanted to be smarter and more powerful than people #if only for a second #I wanted to see if I could come up with a plan involving other people and have those people do what I wanted them to do #But you see I was so sweet 90% of the time that no one thought anything of it — or even noticed what I was doing in some cases #Fortunately I grew out of doing that kind of thing without sufficient cause #But I still do enjoy messing with people from time to time if they REALLY deserve it #or benignly… I like it when people cry or get squeamish in reaction to my artistic work or acting or singing #The feeling of someone eating out of the palm of my hand creatively is great #Love it

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bmpmp3 · 10 months

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another old oc, she's a tooth fairy!!

#art #traditional art #watercolour #oc art #ocs #oc group: unsorted #oc: unnamed #i know ive definitely posted her a bunch before but that was a hot minute ago #gonna say something that sounds absolutely insane but hear me out: so ive been on a women drawing kick recently #hjlkfdjkfds LISTEN this is SO dumb but my oc situation has been kind of a sausage party in general recently because like #i wanted to make more women and this is gonna sound more insane but i think. i subconciously scared myself off from it because #i guess i felt like since im pretty alienated from a lot of common experiences of 'womanhood' that it would be like. disrespectful?#of me if i tried to write what i didnt know. which is an absolutely absurd thing to worry about because FIRST OF ALL #these are funy little ocs its not that serious AND SECOND OF ALL if i can write about robots and fairies and shit then i can definitely #make a cartoon character who struggles with the expectations and barriers placed upon women in our society and THIRD OF ALL #people who are further away from these experiences than even me will write whatever why cant i. plus at least i care to learn secondhand #anyway i noticed that weird ass subconcious restriction i put on myself for now reason and tossed it away LOL #get ready for all my strange women ocs...... get ready

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astriiformes · 1 year

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Sending out emails to most of my professors admitting that my mental health is non-existent right now because the alternative is just not saying anything about the fact that I forgot to take a midterm/haven't been in class for a week/am so far behind on homework assignments that I am now failing the class and I am just barely self-aware enough to know that is worse

And I just

Truly am reaching new depths of hating myself and wondering why anyone bothers to put up with me much less love me

#like obviously in my personal relationships that's independent of grades but #it's all bundled up in a big zero self-esteem package anyways!#especially since people have to put up with me breaking down all the time!#sure i've managed to sort of make something of myself outside of school but #scribe and i are so incredibly screwed if she can't work again and i can't get a degree and a job that pays more than minimum wage!#and also getting this close to finally finding my academic niche and before going full icarus again would probably break me forever!#i hate that i attempt things! i hate that i'm even good at them when i'm not being a dumb sad idiot! i hate that i care so much!#i hate that my friends are getting really scared for me and starting to have to talk me down again!#and i kind of hate that there are people who would be upset if i did something stupid because i sure can't see why!

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vilelittlecritter · 1 year

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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

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bulletsfrank · 1 month

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being online makes me feel so isolated because i cant reach out to a single soul without feeling terrified of the rejection. im too tired to be any kind of meaningful friend or even mutual, but i have absolutely no one in real life. i come online for my crumbs of socialization and human interaction that i desperately crave, but once i have it i just feel more lonely. like people talk to me out of pity, out of feeling sorry, or just that they will always have people they like more. i feel like a baby. i feel like someone who will always be watching everyone else live the life i desperately want through the lens of social media while i rot alone in the house that killed me before i was born

#honey's words #this is dumb. i will probably delete. but who else could i even tell #writing in my virtual diary today...#and i am soooo fucking stressed. being with my mom in the same house is literally killing me #i screamed at the top of my lungs and shattered my phone throwing it at the ground yesterday and i juzt feel so much shame #i keep crying i keep having episodes its all going to kill me if i dont leave #my car needs fixing but my mom only wants me to make money for her as always #i just. oh my god can i just actually kill myself #and she legit juzt texted me asking for a carton of cigarettes. haha . just another $50 i need to scrounge up #by driving doordash with my car that desperately needs fixing but i can't!! BECAUSE I HAVE TO GIVE HER ALL MY FUCKING MONEY!!!#please... no more. literally no more. i have to go back to sleep bc thats the only time im not wanting to die #im scared for myself genuinely. i dont think i can make it through this time. i dont think i will survive .. i wasnt made to. god i am #two steps away from begging the lord to help me and im an atheist ahiwjsjs. there has to be some kind of relief.

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sophieswundergarten · 1 year

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Guess what it's my blog and we're going to talk about the Waiting Room now.

In the show, it seems rather boring at first glance. However, this is a LIE because they want to throw you off. There's only one chair, and it has a short leg. There's a weird spirograph-type piece of art on the wall. There's a fish tank, for some reason. There's a bunch of very strange shelves. And there's a giant clock on the wall. THIS IS NOT ALL. The normal entry door is invisible due to the paneling, and the back wall MOVES. It is also possible the clock moves to create loss of time and the floor slants, although these might be stress-induced hallucination. It is a perfectly designed horror liminal space, and, depending on who you put in there and why, I'm fairly certain it can be defined as psychological torture. It evokes the same kind of discomfort and lack of control that a convict being placed in solitary confinement experiences.

HOWEVER

In the books, it is entirely different, and arguably worse. Again, depending on the person. In the books, it is a completely dark room full of slimy black mud that isn't thick enough to stand on. It is also a very deep pit of mud, so anyone who enters for a period of time slowly starts sinking. It also has bugs in it.

Now. If you are not the type of person who is terrified of who you are waiting for, or if you are a person who typically enjoys defying the conventional, the show version shouldn't be much of an issue. The chair doesn't work? Find a way to fix it, or sit on the floor. The room is obviously set up so you have to face whoever is going to enter? Face the other direction. Look at the fish. Sit on the really weird and randomly empty shelves. There are many things that can be done physically about what the room is doing to you mentally. It is also easier for the people who are putting you through this ordeal to rationalize. "It's just an oddly decorated waiting room. There's nothing that bad about waiting"

But the book version is another story. One that I have many questions about. One, we learn later on that the mud is created and maintained by the room being connected to an underground stream. (It takes a long time to swim/dig through the mud and other obstacles to reach the stream, so it is not a viable escape option for anyone but Milligan) It also, as previously mentioned, houses a lot of bugs. We do not know what kind of bugs these are. And yet, since they are alive, they must be living off of something in there. Most bugs cannot just live off of mud. So, either the Executives are having to refresh the bug population from time to time (And where would they get the bugs? Do they collect them? Does Curtain purchase them and have them shipped to the island? Does no one question this?) Or the Waiting Room is its own mainly self-contained ecosystem. My prevailing tentative theory is that it was designed for research/as a science experiment and then either abandoned until Curtain needed somewhere to keep people or he deliberately made the decision that it was part of his interrogation methods for the agents he captured (before he brainswept them) and then he simply extended the use to interrogating students.

BUT ALSO

How did Curtain in the book convince teenagers/young adults to leave children in there? It is an entirely different ballgame to tell someone (especially a younger person who hasn't quite got the morals beaten out of them yet) that it is completely safe and not at all detrimental to leave ELEVEN YEAR OLDS in a pitch-black room of slimy mud and unknown creatures for any period of time! That must have left some damage to the Executives, or maybe they had already experienced it and were afraid to be threatened with it again. Either way, that's such a terrifying thing to anyone, especially a child, and especially since they seemed to choose to leave kids in there overnight (Maybe so it wouldn't interfere with too many classes?) and they wouldn't get any sleep. AND THEN the meaner Executives and Curtain would GASLIGHT THEM. "It's not such a bad place" "Nobody likes to wait, but it didn't hurt you" "Waiting can be unpleasant, but sometimes there's no help for it" and whatever else they said. We don't even hear about the Waiting Room from Sticky or one of the other kids who've been sentenced; they just get extremely upset and start crying.

What I'm saying is, while it was a very clever narrative tool and an unconventional way to raise stakes without causing physical harm to children, I can see why it was toned down for the show. However, I think it is a fascinating bit of plot that can be examined in a lot of different ways.

#also i'm not that scared of bugs #so i'd mostly be upset by the texture of the mud (it sounded so gross) and the anxiety it caused me #i'd still prefer the show version though #i'd just sit next to the fish tank #however those specific type of lights make my insides want to shrivel up and die #so i'd be very unhappy either way #and also i just hate the shelves #they're dumb #i was trying to go back through book one and see if s. q. ever mentions going to the waiting room #but i couldn't find anything #it would be an interesting situation #but i also think curtain probably wouldn't send him because most of his mistakes were from being excessively brainswept #but poor sticky was terrified from the mere mention of the waiting room and also the sole member who would have the hardest time #i think some of it is because he felt like he needed to be “normal” aside from his intelligence #so he never let himself explore out of the box solutions #or do things like sit on the floor to avoid the chair #but i was proud of him for the button idea!#mbs #the mysterious benedict society #no this wasn't brought on by @nobody33333333's latest chapter of “S.O.S” and what kind of science would explain it in-story #shush

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chloe-brennan · 3 months

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#it is actually scary how for the most part i don’t have anything to live for rn and it sucks bc i’m in a v dark place and it is not fun #and i need something cool or exciting to cling to ya know so i don’t do something incredibly dumb #and usually here would be my escape from everything but every day it seems like there’s some new kind of drama or toxicity on here #which is so draining?#like idek what to do at this point honestly #part of me is actually scared I’ll like… end it or at least try to

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bl00dw1tch · 8 months

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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am

#horse.txt #vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk #anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember #from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like #made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them #but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it #doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge #that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues #so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig #EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore #i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back #bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos #still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn #sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this #the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall #i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious #thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now #alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post #daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket

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collectors-tablet · 4 months

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To clarify bc my last post confused some people! (I got an ask about it but I'm not posting it publicly)

I basically only ship canon things for ToH, + very-far-distant-future-adult King/Collector. Normally I ship them platonically, there's not even, like, Disney-safe shipping with the kid versions I just only ship them as friends haha. I don't even recognize your shipnames

#quo rambles #I'M NOT IN THIS FANDOM #I just post to it #I'm not actually sure what the popular non canon ships ARE?#My knowledge of this fandom comes from moringmark #so there's like. the two background characters and gus/matt to my knowledge #I've seen a lot of ship hate for luz/hunter but no actual shipping art for them lol I think that ones old #I don't look up fanart either I just happen upon it from mutuals or like the top 15 posts of the fandom #this isn't me trying to be antisocial on purpose #I mean it kind of is. I'm scared of fandoms at this point unfortunately.#I really really love the owl house its themes are so important to me #and I KNOW if I see a dumb discourse comment my view of the show will be permanently marred just because that's how my brain works #so I am avoiding dumb discourse like the plague

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