Valentine
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Last night I had a nightmare where I woke up in the morning and looked into the mirror and all the hair at the very top of my head (and only at the top of my head) was completely white and I was like wtf and then I brushed my hair and the white hair came off and I became bald .
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HELL YEAH!! I got into the school I applied for!!
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In my dream is been walking around this house party filled with coworkers, and at first we were closing like work, but when we closed everyone showed up for a party. I went to the restroom but the hallway became a closed school hallway and the bathroom was dark, so I didn't use the restroom. Went to mingle but it was time to leave so I make sure everyone's leaving and get my shoes on. I go outside to a parking lot akin to the gravel ones with railroad ties as parking spot identifiers, gravel up to a long yard with a wood fence. Everyone's in the yard at picnic tables or just milling about. I start walking around and when I get to the ties I notice there are little trinkets with name stickers underneath. I go to touch one and someone says "don't touch that" so I pull back. Feeling like I should go I start walking to my car. But this taller very friendly black man is looking right at me. I immediately notice he's not my coworker and I say hi. He asks me my name and the same someone from before says "don't talk to him " so I stop talking and take off to the back of the yard because my car is in the ally. I run around and open it from my backseat and jump in the front. Notice several people from the party are now filing into the ally but look zombified so I start my car and wake up.
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Butch Axe-Wielding Minotaur
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I don’t know if im really looking into it too much but something I keep going back to is Marcille telling her party about her idea to use dark magic to revive Falin
Its easy to see she is devoted to Falin and really is willing to do anything to bring her back, we can see it as Chilchuck and Senshi scold her she is resolved and uncaring towards their opinions on ancient magic. Its even more clear in the manga how quickly she brushes them off
But even though she seems to have already made up her mind about doing this regardless of what others think of her she still turns to Laios and essentially ask for his consent to revive his sister.
And of course without a second of hesitation Laios says yes
But its the fact that she still asked him that gets me
Despite her feelings and what she wants and is more than willing to do she still doesn’t make a move to begin until she hears Laios’s answer.
She looks worried for a moment that he’ll say no but they both love Falin endlessly and despite their differences they respect and care about each other as well there was a reason only Laios knew Marcille’s real speciality because Marcille knew Laios wouldn’t judge
There was no reality in which Laios says no but she still waits
It feels sweet despite the dark topic they really are friends
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I was drawing multiple pieces of artwork that were explicit and very much gay in nature on my tablet. Somehow, my dad saw it all on HIS PHONE. It was mortifying, but I hoped he would forget.
I then went onto a rollercoaster with my family.
He did not forget.
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Eddie literally woke up from his coma and kicked his girlfriend out of the room so he could make convalescent moon eyes at Buck. Eddie literally looked like he'd rather hide himself in Buck's rib cage than face the world. Eddie literally first named him while effortlessly validating his entire existence and implying nobody would know Buck like he did while they both had whole entire girlfriends waiting for them at Eddie's surprise party. Eddie literally said "Nobody will EVER fight for my son as hard as you" and he was about to go home to his actual girlfriend whom would eventually give him panic attacks. I for one think we've grown too lax on bullying him for his insane behabior tbh.
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
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Sweats nervously
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Watch it man you got a kid on board
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what if i went clinically insane for like 5 seconds
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*wheezes* Okay so Hear Me Out-
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Rip Billy and Stu, you’d have loved the Five Nights at Freddy’s movie…
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