#i’m so drained already

[emafallsinlove]

everything is awful rigjt now

#matt dillon #my brother’s new phone fucked up mine #i’m so upset in general right now #i’m dizzy #the world is like spinning around me at 10000mph #i have tennis practice even though the season is fucking done #but fuck no we need more practice #i’m so sick of everything and my mother isn’t being the greatest #and i’m just so done with everything #no motivation for anything #i have so much homework #i’m so drained already #i wish it was summer again #i was thriving #just gotta hold out until memorial day weekend 🫡 #someone tell me i got this please #this is a cry for attention #this is a cry for help

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: this got long sorry 😔 but creepy/perv bakugou, recording, film major bkg x art major reader, masturbation, coercion, dubcon before it just becomes con, voyeurism/exhibitionism

as an art major, you typically did some works for a few students on campus; for their plays, as background pieces while they danced, a cover for their released songs. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for people to ask you to create something for them, and you enjoyed it more often than not. but, you weren’t usually the art itself.

Bakugou is a friend’s friend that you’ve seen a few times, ran into at the library or at coffee shops. he’s a film major, and always looks so unhappy about the whole thing, as if he didn’t choose it himself. you joke to Mina that you think he’ll graduate and become one of those directors that hate everything and yell at the actors constantly and later on get sued for being a dickhead. you never say it to him though—you’ve never spoken more than a couple words to the man.

it’s why it shocks you when he approaches you one day. it’s after one of your painting classes, and he stands outside the door with a frown and his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyebrows scrunched as if pissed at the mere sight of you. he asks you, in that low and gruff tone of his, if you could star in his final project for the semester. says it’s supposed to be a film made with this criteria and that, but, you’ve kind of checked out on the conversation after the first sentence.

“You mean, you want me to create something and that be the star of your film?” you ask him, feeling so intimidated at his stature. he always seems to loom, his hair shadowing the lights above, creates a cast over a portion of his face, makes his eyes look…unsettling. like they’re looking straight through your flesh, can find the marrow in your bones. he scoffs like you’ve offended him, rolling his eyes into his skull, mouth pulled tight.

“No.” his voice is firm, gaze concentrated only on you, like the halls are empty and you’re the focus of his lens. “I want you to star in it.”

his words confuse you—you’ve never presented yourself as an actor before, never alluded to wanting to be in the spotlight if not for what you create with your hands. but he shuffles on his feet, looks desperate even. there’s some hemming and hawing for a minute or so—why not choose Mina?—she’s busy—why choose me?—‘cause you’d be perfect for my short film—what’s it about?—you’ll find out once you get the script.

and even after you hesitantly agree and get the script—you still don’t understand what you’re doing. why you’re here, why you’re the only person, why it has to be a solo film, why there’s damn near zero lines in the entirety of the have-to-be forty five minute film.

the scenes are all so long, and maybe it’s because movies aren’t your forte or chosen major, but you just don’t get it. one scene; you’re staring at yourself in the mirror while Bakugou holds a small, black camera over your shoulder. he’s eerily quiet behind you, whispers out a faint fuckin’ go when you have to wash your face in the sink, makes you do it over because your movements are too jerky and unnatural.

the rest of the scenes go that way; you doing regular at home activities, being put under a lens, quietly barked at to do this and move that way and fix your hair and remember to frown.

“Isn’t there another way to film this?” you ask him on the fifth day of shooting in his spacious loft. there’s a bubble bath scene coming up, one you dont understand the importance of, but Bakugou tells you it’s the most necessary part of the entire thing.

“No,” he grunts out, looking at you from under his lashes as he sits on the lid of the toilet. “But I’ll make it soapy, so the camera won’t see much.” the camera? much? you weren’t worried so much about what the camera captured as you were the man behind it. he looks at you with such intensity, you feel naked already despite the robe you wear that’s suspiciously already your size.

he leaves the bathroom when you sink in the hot water, returns before you can say it’s okay, hears the water splashing and thinks that’s good enough. he kneels on the floor beside you, camera pointed directly in your face, makes your chest hot and your skin feel prickly. the scene passes on regularly enough; you run the water over your arms, tilt your head back as you sigh, whisper the few lines scripted, lean back and close your eyes, sigh again. it’s almost relaxing, makes you forget about the friend of a friend recording you naked right now. almost.

“Touch yourself.” Bakugou suddenly demands, hushed and quiet behind the camera. your eyes immediately shoot open, looking to him in question, how he’s eerily still in his spot hovering over you.

“Huh?” you ask, unsure if you heard him correctly, looking around the rounded lens in your face, trying to ignore the red blinking light. but Bakugou only frowns.

“It’s a masturbation scene. Touch yourself.” he repeats, voice louder, more demanding this time. your stomach twists at the thought of doing something so intimate in front of him. he’s a handsome guy, for sure, even made you consider asking him out after this, figured he was just serious about his work and awkward about certain things. but…something had been off about this entire thing since the start.

“But—but I don’t, I’m not,” you stutter, sitting up a little, the bubbles covering your chest starting to disperse with your movements. but Bakugou only sits a little higher on his knees, finally pulling the camera away from his face for the first time since he’s asked you to do this for him.

“You want me to fail?” he asks, booming voice eerily quiet in the silent bathroom, carmine eyes dull, shaded over with something terrible. “Then do it.” he tells you when you shake your head quickly.

you stare at him until he gets back into position again, camera back pointed at you. when he doesn’t say anything else, you swallow thickly, wondering if the art that will come out of this will be worth it. so you listen, sneak a hand under the water, start touching yourself in a way you never have in front of anyone.

is it bad to say that it’s exhilarating? being watched and recorded by someone who breathes so heavily every time your voice hiccups? being directed to touch your chest next when the suds start to disappear and your nipples start to peek through? is it bad that you want him to send you this portion of his film, only, just so you can watch yourself again and again? make a portrait of yourself with your fingers on your nipples and your knees raising from the water and your head thrown back from the intensity in oil pastels?

“That’s a wrap.” Bakugou announces when you finish, head spinning and still panting. you look over to him, how he closes the camera, the obvious bulge in his pants. “I’ll get you a towel.”

you wonder when’s the next time he’ll need you. or better yet—maybe he could be the star in your final drawing project? you had finished it already but, what was the harm in starting over with him as your muse? as naked as you are? camera not blocking his face so you can paint the similarities of his blushing cheeks and eyes when you direct him to look at you? to touch his chest? to play with himself just like that?

#this got. so long. sowwy #but I thought about this ummmm Sunday night #but I was DRAINED from writing 7k words of scorned past midnight and then having to edit it skdjfkf #so I was like. okay. put this idea in the drafts. NOW ms dory memory #anddddd I love this so very much #would’ve loved to turn this into a full fic #but it’s so exhausting trying to write long fics recently bc of this multichap #I’m just not used to it and I can’t do two things at the same time #and I already have like 9 fics on my list to write!!!! lol #but there is something so alluring about film major bkg 2 me #I think hes awkward and comes off as mean but he really is just that serious about his work #but he’s #also a creep for you LOL #definitely think he agrees to become ur muse for art as like a trade off #and you get that boy into SO many humiliating positions 😵‍💫 #I need. to lie down. anyway. #I wrote this at 1am and was scared to post it then cause I didn’t think anyone would see it #so here it is in the morning :) #bakugou treats! 🍬 #—new treat in the streets! 🍫

[fireis-catching]

I just want some recognition for having good tits and a big heart 🖤

#sorry this line has been stuck in my head all day #me #my face #selfie #pretty girl #this week might actually be the death of me #i’m working 60 hours this week and i already wanna die #my social battery is completely drained and idk how im gonna make it through the rest of this week #so hype your girl up

[0zzysaurus]

I miss my cat you guys

#do u guys miss Tonto too #I miss him #been thinking about him nonstop this week it’s been keeping me up and idk what I’m supposed to do about it #like he was a cat at the end of the day and I feel pathetic still like missing him this intensely #all I wanna do is talk about him n think about him and look at pictures and videos #and it’s getting really draining #but then I have to remind myself that it’s been like what #not even three months #and I’m allowed to feel this way #but I think if I talked about him and how much I love and miss him anymore than I already do people would get annoyed so fast #I just miss my baby #and it’s even more frustrating because last month I was mostly fine #and for most of this month I’ve been fine #it’s all a bit too much for me atm I think

[communistkenobi]

the NDP ousting the one pro-palestinian mpp is the line for me lol. not voting for you cunts ever again

#NDP was already a losing game but they drain support for libs so I did feel compelled to vote on that front #and some local mpps can be good for municipal organising. like sarah jama lmfao. but I guess not! #I’ve sent them multiple long emails about palestine but aside from that I’m just going to scream at them whenever they call me

[froggtogs]

splatoon and zelda are my two biggest fixations i’m brainrotting so much

#this joke has 100% already been made before #but i’m using the excuse that i’ve had barely any internet access this month #anyways i’m finally home from my trip #super fun but very intense #tomorrow i start rehearsals for our new show #excited but i’m gonna be so drained haha #anyways have a great day :) #froggtogs #art #fanart #splatoon #splatoon 3 #team wisdom #legend of zelda #zelda

[slythernnn]

Gpoy

#this week sucked ass lol #like 0/10 #idk what planters were where this week but it was ROUGH #planets* #gods I’m so drained #but I have so much school work to tomorrow 😭 #I can’t wait till Christmas break so I can turn my brain off #and I don’t have to take anymore English classes #and I can already feel my seasonal depression creeping in so that gonna suck real hard #maybe I’ll visit V since she’s in California #the sun would be so helpful #i aestheticlly love the rain and gloom but my sanity begins to dwindle the longer I’ve been away from the beach #anyways #me #self #face #shut up rian

[softerpixels]

y’all… my adhd is going brrrrrr i want to start a new save…

#.txt #i’m already working on a few #so I’ll prob hop into one of those and get some work done #anything to avoid my backlog of edits 🫣 #but also i feel like i’m circling the drain a lil in patience’s save #need a break from it with some dynamic gameplay

[sapphic-sprite]

my university has a clothing co-op where they keep gender affirming clothes, business clothes, athletic clothes, etc… before break I put in a request for a binder my size bc mine is over 5 years old and is very worn. I finally was able to go in and pick it up only to be deadnamed on the sticky note. I’ve been signing off exclusively with my nickname through our emails so it was,,, something.

#I’m not even mad I was just confused #he probs got it through my school email and assumed since my deadname and nickname are so close I still probs go by it #idk it was weird #the binder isn’t even that good #to be fair tho I have a big chest and small ribcage so most binders don’t do much #I just wanted to rant <3 #hope everyone else is having a good day #this all happened after I had 5 hours of physics btw so I was already drained and I’m still drained

[callixton]

oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.

#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear #and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that #but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to #i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people #who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young #and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight #so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down #i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year #and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule #i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here #and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow #bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds #and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc #- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it #i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly #but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good #ted talks #the west wing

[leedongwook]

*

#they way I’m already psychologically drained this year isn’t funny #my head hurts 🤯 #please tell me it’s gonna get better #I’m so tired #sorry I’m having a moment #*cries in my coffee* #to be deleted #personal #negativity

[violetthekiller]

literally prodding my friends with a stick to try and get them to do something for NYE

#i’m literally always the organiser and it’s so draining #sent a message yesterday and only got a reply from my bestie who i already knew was busy

[arolesbianism]

What a cool cat

#keese draws #oc posting #furry #furry art #furry oc #oc #ocs #oc art #first art post on the new blog babeyyyy #I’m still so sleepy tired tho a combined 13 hours of driving will do that to you fjdhfjdh #also idk if it shows but I’ve been trying a new sketching style recently! #oh ya and my family is on vacation rn so expect me to be a bit tired sounding a lot lol #I’m already soooo drained and we’ve bared done anything #but! I got to eat some REALLY good shrimp so hashtag winning #I think we’re going to eat at another place before we go home and I think they have shrimp too so I’m excited #I’m hoping they have breaded shrimp since the last shrimp was rly rly good but I’m in the mood for a good crunch #also tried some clam chowder for the first time and it was ok #I think I would have liked it more if I had smth good to dip in it #we also had lobster and it was so flavorless my dude like wow #but the stake that came with it was rly good and we also got some yummy desert #first time I’ve ever not hated a cheesecake so I’d say it was good #speaking of yummy food tonight we’re having a beef roast and I’m sooo excited it’s one of my favorite meals #I’ve been smelling it for the past several hours I’m going to destroy those potatoes yummy yum #ok enough

[daylighteclipsed]

anyone else feel like the whole world is this 👌 close to completely snapping

#it feels like a rubber band is being pulled farther and farther #and it’s going to snap soon #like people are just rapidly reaching their limit #specifically the working class #France is already rioting #like we’re all just so fucking fed up with all the elites around the globe #america especially feels like we’re one jenga block away from #i can’t say war bc realistically we would be mowed down but um #quitting the game i guess #it’s all a game and we’re this close to flipping the board #I’m sick to my stomach I’m furious I’m exhausted #we’re all so tired and drained and hear all these horrible things every day and have to go to work like nothings happening #why are we going to work why are we playing this game i don’t wanna play anymore !!!!! #I’m just. I’m so hurt and frustrated and feel the grief of millions of people I’m in tears #this is not sustainable life doesn’t have to be this way it shouldn’t be this way #it feels so hopeless i hate it i hate it so much i am living on spite alone #god damn you elites i will go down swinging

[sl1ghtly0dd]

Bruh, I just watched the car in front of my at sonic get my drink, take a sip, return it to the carhop telling her it was the wrong drink, carhop brought me the drink and tried to give it to me, I said please remake this that’s not safe???

And she went inside and brought the same cup, WITH the cup holder marks from the other car on it! Like could you be more obvious?

And they laughed at me when I rejected it and asked for a refund.

🤢

#like not to sound like a Karen but I worked in food service up until two years ago and I’m about to report that cause you CAN NOT do that #my normal sonic I can see the kitchen from the register so I’m gonna just stick with that one so I know I’m getting relatively clean orders #I… already have a hard time going out to eat cause I know most food places are not clean #I miss my old pizza job 😔 that place was literally perfect the health inspector loved us. get sick there? ha no that place was clean af #the manager was a bit aggressive about keeping the place spotless and following all the correct cleanliness instructions #but god damn it was worth it to know we were safe to eat there #(also omg if I ever brought someone the wrong drink I’d usually offer to let them keep it or just pour it down the drain) #(even if the other customer said it was fine like no maam you are not about to drink out of a drink someone else touched ew)

[whentherewerebicycles]

also I KNOW that all my college and high school friends are not actually announcing pregnancies or births at a higher rate than usual I’m just more hypersensitive/attuned to this kind of news than usual but also sometimes I feel an uncontrollable rage in my heart towards these people who are 1) getting pregnant for free and 2) getting pregnant, period. I recognize this as an irrational and unfair emotional reaction! it’s not like these people can help being straight and/or having uncomplicated pregnancies! but also I can burn with suppressed rage and grief about it!!!

#a college friend just announced the birth of her first baby and I am literally in tears of rage and grief about it #even as I am also happy for her! great for them! #like the heart can hold both I guess and this heart sure is busy holding both #I’d be closing in on the end of the first trimester #and instead I am just: nothing #I think the hardest is going to be if my SIL gets pregnant. like I already felt murderous rage when she wasn’t drinking at a dinner #it’s like TOO close you know. I feel crazy with anger about it and I know it’s not fair or kind #and for some reason the money stuff just muddies the waters further #like it feels like I’m just pouring thousands of dollars down the drain every month and all I have to show for it #is one fewer fallopian tube than I started with #and maybe it’ll take them a while to get pregnant but they’ll be doing it for free with two incomes #i just have a childish stomping-my-foot reaction to it sometimes #like the universe owes me anything #I think I am going to start the foster parent online training modules this weekend sigh #I’d like to have everything ready to go or in progress so that if I try for 3-4 more months with no success #I can at least begin the slow painful pivot faster #blah blah pregnancy loss grief #IUI tag