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#i'm proud of myself but when we talked i was cast back to my insecure awkward 15yo self who still wants to prove im better than them
feytouched · 1 year
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ran into three old highschool classmates while grocery shopping. there it is again that funny feeling
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rogue-durin-16 · 3 years
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FIREWORKS AND STREAMERS
Request: I have been insecure about my curly hair lately and was wondering if you can you write something with one of the weasley twins where the reader is insecure about her curly hair and one of the twins makes her feel better.
Pairing: Fred Weasley x Hufflepuff!Reader
Genre: fluff
Tags:
Requested by: @wildcat1434
Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn
Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog
Warnings: none
A/N: So like, incoming fluff bc this idea was cute and sometimes I do be needing fluff, that's about it, enjoy <3
Rogue-durin-16 masterlist
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The relationship between me and my hair had always been... Bumpy, you could say.
There were periods in which I would find it quite lovely; during those times I would let my curls free, showing them off with a proud demeanor, knowing my hair was unique. Those times began to turn less and less usual since the middle of third year, though they were still there.
However, after the summer prior to my sixth year, those moments had banished; I only wished to hide my hair, and my friends ended up noticing. They told me surely there would be a spell or potion able to change my hair.
As if they had summoned it, the next day in Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall introduced us to what seemed like my salvation; Crinus Muto, an advanced spell that modified the caster's hair with no restrictions.
My best friend advised me against using it, claiming it wouldn't help my insecurity— if only, it would worsen it.
I really wanted to do as she had told me and completely dismiss the spell's existence, but two nights after I had a big mental breakdown about it, caused by the most stupid thing ever.
"Is Weasley staring at you or am I blind?" One of my friends whispered, her eyes trained on the Gryffindor table.
I didn't even bother to look up, not wanting to know whether it was true or not, before responding with a quiet "You're blind."
"I mean, it's hard to tell with two rows of students between us but," She nudged me, urging me to avert my gaze from my dinner and redirect it to Fred. "it kinda looks like he's... staring."
Curiosity killed the cat, I guess. My eyes finally left my plate and were, in fact, met with Fred's brown ones. As soon as they met, though, he looked away, pretending to be focused on his food, just like I had been doing seconds ago.
"Of course he's staring." Hannah Abbot, who sat right in front of my friend, commented with her mouth full. "Have you seen your hair?" She swallowed her food, looking me up and down before adding, "No offense, but it's an absolute mess." My eyes opened widely in shock at her bluntness. "You should take care of it, really."
"Has someone ever told you you're an ill-mannered bitch, Hannah?" I heard my friend talking back at the younger girl while I got up and started to make my way out of the Great Hall.
Of course, I didn't see Fred shooting up and attempting to go after me; ultimately he decided to stay in his place, since he saw my friend walking out too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was very aware of all the pair of eyes that had been laid on me the very moment I entered the greenhouse where we would be doing the Herbology tasks.
When I had met my friends at the Hufflepuff common room that morning, I had received divided opinions about my straight hair. At first I had been very convinced that it looked way better than my curly hair, but seeing my friends' reaction, I wasn't that confident about it anymore.
I didn't have time to undo the spell before class, so I decided to go along with it and see how the day unfolded.
I took a deep breath, my eyes trained on the ground as I made my way to an empty seat; maybe there weren't that many people staring, maybe it was just my anxiety.
I finally gathered the courage and looked up, nervously scanning the glasshouse so I could shake off my fears.
There was only a couple of my peers staring, which would have put me at ease, if one of them wasn't Fred Weasley.
On top of it, of course, he wasn't even trying to be subtle, it was almost as if he wanted me to notice his judging eyes; I could feel his gaze on me for the entire class.
The instant Professor Sprout dismissed us, I shoved everything in my bag and left the greenhouse, thanking a couple of Gryffindors who complimented my hair on my way out.
Again, I didn't notice Fred leaving the class as soon as he could to run after me.
I threw my bag against a tree near the lake shore and, as I fell against it, I heard someone jogging in my direction.
"In a hurry to sit by the lake, Y/l/n?" I followed the tall ginger with my eyes while he circled me and sat down by me. "You alright?"
"I just needed a break from... People." I vaguely explained, focusing on the water instead of on the boy besides me.
"Understandable." He hesitated for a second before adding, "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, it's fine." I surprised myself at how calmed and collected I sounded, as if I wasn't chatting with my crush.
"What happened to your hair?" His genuinely curious inquiry took me aback, and I struggled to find something to answer.
"Why?" My heartbeat picked up, anxiety inundating me once more. "You don't like it?"
"It looks weird." Fred looked at me up and down with a grimace. "You don't... Look like yourself." I was about to enter fight or flight mode, but he seemed to notice, and panic made its way to his face. "But it doesn't matter what I think," he was quick to add, his eyes wide open as if he knew he had said something he should have not. "I mean— I think it shouldn't matter, if you like it, that's great— I mean, you don't need my opinion about that either!"
"Calm down, I understand." I tried to reassure him, before his rambling drove the both of us crazy. "Can I tell you a secret?" He nodded with pursed lips, surely afraid he would fuck up if he spoke again. "I've been very insecure about my hair lately— like, very." I sighed. "My best friend told me not to straighten it, but last night I got a not so nice comment and—"
"So that's why you left?" I nodded, tugging my sleeves. Fred went silent for a moment, and then cleared his throat and scooted closer to me. "I know this won't do much, but I really love your hair. Kinda reminds me of fireworks and streamers." He gestured around his own head, mimicking the fireworks' movement. "Dunno I think is fun and pretty awesome." I raised my brows at him in surprise. "Like you."
"Aw, that's very sweet." He offered me a sheepish smile as I felt my cheeks blushing. "It does a lot, actually." I confessed, fidgeting with my rings. "I guess I kinda needed to hear something positive about my hair."
"Well, whenever you need to hear something positive about your hair," he pointed at himself. "I'm your man." He winked at me and I let out a chuckle. "I can also tell you positive things about you in general, but that has a price."
"And what is it?"
"You'll have to let me buy you a drink at The Three Broomsticks this Saturday." I tried not to let panic slip through my recently eased demeanor; was he asking me on a date? "And give me a kiss after." He wiggled his brows at me and my face turned red. "the kiss is negotiable."
I casted my gaze down, fixing it on my shoes, not sure of what I was supposed to say at that. His foot tapping mine snapped me out of my thoughts.
"So?" My eyes traveled to him once more, only to find his studying me already. "What do you say, Y/l/n?"
"Well," I shrugged, trying in vain to play nonchalant. "Seems like an affordable price, so it's fine by me."
"I'll pick you up after lunch, yeah?" Before I could agree, he gasped, his eyes going wide. "I'm a genius."
"Come again?" I frowned, confused as his sudden frantic behavior.
"Don't mind me, love." He jumped up and jogged towards the castle, leaving me puzzled in there. I was about to grab a book from my bag when Fred rushed back, crouched down and pecked my cheek. "Your hair's amazing." He assured me. "See you!" My fingertips graced my now flushed cheek as he headed off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was finishing my lunch when two towering redheads entered the Hall running; while George, slowed down, Fred made a beeline to the Hufflepuff table, his casual clothes already on.
"Ready?" He asked breathless.
"Yeah— you didn't have lunch, did you?" I pointed out, getting up to stand in front of him.
"No, but I'll eat something later—" his eyes roamed over my carefully picked outfit before stating, "You look... very pretty."
"Why, thank you." I offered him a smile and looked over my shoulder at the Gryffindor table, where his friends were very attentive to all we did. "You sure you don't wanna eat something?"
"Hundred percent." He tilted his head towards the gates. "shall we?" He prompted to walk before him, and it was then that I realized he had his hands behind his back. Once we were out in the yard, he tugged my hand and made me turn to him. "I made something for you."
"You didn't have to." Was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard his words. Then the wording dawned on me; he didn't get me something, he made me something. "What is it?"
"So, you know that I told you your hair reminded me of fireworks and streamers?" I nodded, not quite knowing where he was going with that. "Well—" he then showed me what his back was hiding; a delicate, tiny firecracker with my name written on the side. "George helped me so I could finish it on time."
"I'm—" at my loss of words, I could only let out a happy laugh. "This is so cute— am I supposed to ignite it?"
"Duh!" I gently pushed his shoulder in response to his teasing. "Do you know how to do it?"
"I've seen you do it plenty of times." I admitted, grabbing the firecracker with one hand and my wand with the other; it looked so pretty, it was a pity I'd have to ruin it.
With a brief firemaking spell, the firecracker set off. Fred pulled me back slightly before it happened, though.
I was in awe at the beautiful fireworks before us, which looked like a color-changing, expanding version of my hair.
When the colors died out, I turned to Fred, whose attention was already on me, awaiting for a reaction. Surely, he was not expecting the kiss he got, but he didn't complain either; while my hands rested on his chest, his traveled to cup my cheeks before I could pull away.
"So you liked it?" He questioned quietly against my lips.
"I loved it." I whispered back with a wide smile. "You're a sweetheart." I pecked his lips before retreating. Holding his hand in mines, I made my way back into the castle. "We're not leaving until you have lunch."
"You are a sweetheart." He responded, following my lead without offering resistance. "By the way, your hair looks gorgeous." The corners of my lips twisted into a bigger smile at the sweet words he spoke only for me to hear as we went back into the Great Hall.
Maybe my hair wasn't that bad after all.
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nanakah · 3 years
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about Ishigami, his growth and Miko's role
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most people, myself included, thought at some point that Tsubame's rejection (or acceptance) could wrap up Ishigami's arc and even his past's flashbacks neatly, but Osaragi's arc suddenly revealing there was more to his relationship with Miko made me reflect more and think nah...if anything we're halfway there. It also showed glimpses of him already struggling to find his place in the world by quitting his clubs, even though he was successful at them and there was no Ootomo incident yet to undermine his self-image.
It seemed odd that despite everything he went through he still has his "hair=shield/averting eyes" theme going strong, but it makes sense if you consider even though Tsubame helped him see the way to be more accepting of people and cleared his name, his self-esteem still is super low. I spoke of this in my "sutera" meta, but to Ishigami, his life still has been a sucession of failures and almosts. At his core, he still hasn't fully opened up to people or learned to use his vulnerabilities to his advantage.
If I have grabbed your interest thus far, keep reading for more considerations!
Tsubame is kind to anyone and attempted to do good for him, but ultimately he was never fully himself around her, nor she tried/he alllowed her reaching out to the deepest parts of his insecurities. She doesn't show her own flaws to him either and to this day we get the feeling we don't know her well, just the best parts that Ishigami wanted to see. Kaguya, Miyuki and Chika contribute a lot in a sibling-like way, but there's a limit to how much Kaguya in particular can inspire him. Miko however, has scratched a little beneath the surface and has expressed an interest in helping him with that, even if he himself is still avoiding the topic. She's also more relatable to him in the sense that the rest of the stuco has a history of successes in their lives, while he was able to watch Miko's hardships and failures closely. Their panic attacks even look similar and they're always watching the other to provide backup (in a very roundabout way, at least before) when they happen.
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While their personalities are fundamentally different, his arc and struggles remind me a lot of Miyamura from Horimiya and today, as I was musing on what is so different about them as of now, I believe it's how Miyamura didn't have a single *traumatic* mistake to get over, so he goes down his development road much faster. Putting it another way, it's ultimately that Ishigami hasn't yet learned to be kind to himself like Miyamura has through Hori. Like Shirogane and Kaguya are through themselves. In Miyamura's case, sympathizing with how Hori despite her strong exterior can be very fragile inside but still support him (fight for him, defend him, accept his true self, not judge him, hear him, make him feel good enough) made him feel compelled to grow stronger to protect her back.
Miko as she was at the beggining of the story couldn't provide Ishigami this sort of stability (and that's where Osaragi's "prettier story"/"you weren't there for him" reasoning fails) even if deep down she wanted to, but now after making many mistakes, learning from them and becoming more flexible, she absolutely can. Both Ishigami and Miko have deeply rooted issues that took them more than just each other to flesh out and develop, but they're very much the missing puzzle piece the other needs.
Miko still very much has room for growth as well, mainly concerning finding a middle ground between her "bad girl" and "good girl" personas that Ishigami can easily see through, as demonstrated by the consolation chapter. She tried being "bad", she attempted lying but was still saying half-truths, because her love of justice isn't just out of parental abandonment issues or loneliness - she does believe them sincerely. The moment Ishigami headpated her and shared genuine, spot-on words of concern and admiration (thus a hint of fondness), it was all over for her trying to keep up the love-warfare upper hand.
That's not actually new - Ishigami has always demonstrated he was able to see glimpses of her true self, be it teasing how she's an otaku or a closet pervert and such, he never fully bought the strait-laced image she aspired to make real. But it did take him being around her more to see she could be sweet to him and as he puts it, that smiling more is not a bad look on her. Miko says to Osaragi your true self only comes through interacting with others, so given how lonely she has always been (and how the one person close to her - Osaragi - was actually keeping things between them superficial because of her own problems), it's no surprise she's only finding out now who she is. Ishigami can help Miko find a better compromise of good/bad after both not following any rules at all for so long and recently learning that hard work can pay off. Miko immersing herself in his hobby will clash with her rigid study schedule sooner or later, and he'll know how to help her with that better than anyone else.
On the other hand, Ishigami's moral compass, romanticism (love for flowers, planing dates etc) and idealism aren't things he is proud of...yet. He protects himself with layers of cynism, especially in his first appearances, but he is always being contradictory and letting it slip how idealistic/pure he is at heart. He also is only now learning to like his outward image with things like fitness/studying and finding out it's not like he never cared about it - it's just that he was scared shitless of failure, thus never even tried hard in the first place to avoid being hurt. And as I have advocated for in the Sutera post, I expect Miko in some level to help him come to terms with seeing good in himself. Heck, even being able to game with her now and showing off how good he is and having her appreciate it is gonna do wonders to make him feel more "adequate". Tsubame's arc had a lot of him changing himself to become "better", but Miko on the other hand is trying to put herself in HIS shoes to maybe go "hey, I like you as you are. I'm trying to understand you more and put effort in for you".
Ishigami and Miko start out watching out for each other behind their backs - which instead of helping their relationship, drives them further apart because they think the other side is showing no appreciation. As the story progresses, they're slowly learning to make each other more aware of their support, and it is making them open up more in general.
They have a strong belief the other wants to be rescued and there is truth in that. Both want help and to be recognized for their efforts, but won't cry out for it. In the unplugged earbuds chapter Ishigami takes it upon himself to protect Miko's reputation in spite of himself, the election arc has him actually putting effort into the campaign just for the sake of protecting her and at first posing as a rival of hers to Shirogane only to reveal he's trying to "make Miko smile", he is constantly fending off men from interacting with her as protection (while also sounding jealous), he was way more protective of her when she was wearing that cast than needed and is now being able to openly headpat her and sounds almost like her "soothing sounds" from the days of yore lol Sure Tsubame seems like his start to becoming "a better man", but all the way back on the election, it was for Miko's sake that we first SEE him putting effort into *anything* without being coerced by anyone to take action.
And while it's more discreet compared to Ishigami's "white knight" attitude, Miko also tries hard to protect him - cheering him on during the sports festival race and wanting to console him before the stuco intervened, telling him he should study (but he thinks it's just nagging), christmas (which I'll elaborate bellow), making sure he was able to graduate middle school by actually confronting school staff and, of course, their very first meeting as recently revealed.
Many people hated the entirety of Osaragi's arc, but 232 gave very juicy info indeed. Ishigami's reason for supporting Miko from the shadows comes from admiration AND part gratitude for her attempting to talk to him and listen to what troubles him, and seeing they actually had a "falling out" argument was game changing.
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He looks sad and troubled to have shut her down there, not simply angry, and so does she (there's tears in her eyes when her face is shown in the next page) - despite her black and white sense of justice at this point of the story, she still wanted to listen to him. And even after that outburst she still believed the rumors weren't real, unlike Osaragi sees it - otherwise she wouldn't have made the effort for him to be able to move on to high school. Why would she care, if she truly hated him and thought he was in the wrong?
If any further proof was needed at all that this info is important, I'm happy to say we have more. I noticed the Christmas stairs scene mirrors this exact falling out moment: "Go away"/"Suit yourself"
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But this time Miko had already decided to change, had already seen the mess their relationship became the last time she did not reach out to him and thus already had their previous falling out in mind - meaning she decides to chase after him.
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I don't like how the scanlations handled this scene because reading the japanese raws, my interpretation was that Miko was sounding "annoying" because she was still kinda drunk/unfiltered and freaking out when talking to Ishigami, not outright berating him like the Jaimini's box translation made it look like. She also sounds too angry after the fall, so I generally thought Viz's version (the panel shown above) was closer to the original.
"I always have to take care of you! You keep putting youself in danger. You can't make it on your own." is a better translation than Jaimini's, and also parallels better what Ishigami is often telling Miko as well (That she keeps putting herself in danger and that he has to be around to keep her in check). But with 232 in mind, I think it misses a nuance of the original line: "ほんとあんたは 私が居ないと危なっかしく駄目ね" - "Honto anta wa watashi ga inaito abunakkashiku dame ne" - while I'm a novice at japanese studies, gathering from what I can read and trying to get a feel of the whole sentence, it's closer to "So it really is dangerous to you if I'm not there/ It's no good if I'm not around you". You can take that as her being full of herself, which is the route Jaimini's goes ("You'd be screwed without me") but that's too hostile - Viz's got the spirit of wanting to protect him better, but the original has an implication that she has "tested not being there"/failed being there before (due to not fully siding with him in middle school) that's absent elsewhere.
IMO the reason Ishigami's "closed his eyes" arc is not over yet is because he hasn't accepted or gotten over or fully learned from his past yet, he simply shut it down. That's why briefly during the sports festival his eyes are in plain view, then go back to their usual for the balloon gag. I'm not sure if Ootomo herself will make a comeback, may or may not - regrets are regrets and sometimes the only solution to them is letting them stay in the past. But the topic of how he saw Miko in middle school and the letter certainly are being set up to still show up in the story.
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If I compare him to Miyamura again, he'd still be at the point before Miyamura's haircut - not wanting to face the parts of himself he doesn't like, not quite ready to change. Not quite ready to patch up his own wounds yet and instead silencing everything from his past.
In this sense, Miko does wonders to make him feel more confident even if he hasn't realized it yet, and she's always dropping little hints she'd like him to worry about his future not in a naggy way, but because she genuinely prays for his success. He unconsciously wants Miko to think well of him and it fills him with confidence and a more prideful image of himself he doesn't really display to anyone else, not even Tsubame - like his usages of "ore" (a more manly/confident way of addressing himself) around her (AND HER ALONE):
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( I don't like the available translations to the staircase scene either, lol. Zaibatsu has conveyed the tone of the second scene up there perfectly. For the staircase line, I've seen "I'll be there to catch you" and "I'll save you" which are contextually correct, but to me the original "俺が絶対守る" - "I (ore) will absolutely protect you" carries a much more romantic nuance or ambiguity, regardless of him realizing it at that point. It's like, the title to one of the most romantic moments/songs in the CCS Clear card anime ost, for instance. OF COURSE MIKO LOVES HIM. The narrator doesn't overexplain or take apart Ishimiko's interactions like for Prezguya, but all the evidence needed is there. And I gotta add the very next chapter to the staircase one is the "eternal love" x "real love" I'm super fond of that says fate is irrelevant and to find real love you must use your head to realize/understand things, so makes the romantic subtext even greater.)
This whole affair is also making me open my eyes that I should try to study japanese more...of course I'm happy to have translations and scanlators working hard, but there is something inherently lost in adaptations because it robs you of connecting with the author's intentions unless it was the author who wrote the translation in the first place
Thinking back on Ishigami's early "i wanna die/i'm going home/don't look at me" role, it seems unbelievable we're at the point he's now able to directly confront a "stranger" (lololol) or make serious promises with so much confidence.
PLEASE DON'T END SO SOON MANGA, I NEED MORE.
( off-topic kind of, but i'm lazy to make a separate post just for it: Since I mentioned things lost in translation, I saw something on Discord about Ishigami having an unreliable narrator moment in the "compliments" chapter/Iino Miko cannot love part 4 and holy molly, it is true. He first says something akin to "You're just too beautiful" out of context, Miko HEARS IT - and that's why she looks so shocked before asking for clarification - and he DID SAY IT in the speech bubble, but after she's nice to him and he thinks back to what he said he adds a "Your handwriting is just too beautiful" to his flashback. I'm ONTO HIM. ONTO HIM I SAY. It is what he meant, but it's like his mouth betrayed him. Whether it's unconscious or denial...it totally is something. The scanlation completely skips this and had the same line both times it's mentioned.)
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ldyinblckmsk · 4 years
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Pairing: Todoroki Shouto X GN! Reader
Genre: Angst
Words: 1k
A/N: Hey guys! welp this is my first time finishing a story. Yep, I'm a sucker for angst. I have so many plots in mind and all of them were just sleeping in my drafts ugh. This may not be a good one but I'm quite proud of myself for writing this one. I hope this gets attention ohmygod. Enjoy!
I wanted to make ya'll cry, so listen with this song.
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Everything is a blur. You were just outside of your house, sitting at the floor in your front porch with another can of beer on your hand. Crumbs of chips are everwhere on the floor together with five cans of beer that was making a mess. The cold breeze of the night makes you shiver and the alcohol isn't enough to warm you. It's not like you don't want to go inside your house. You just can't.
Because today seems like the devil is casting you a curse with ridiculous bad lucks you encountered, enjoying your torments as you make fool of yourself. Burning your liver with the bitter concoction as your mind wandering to the sole reason why you were out of yourself lately.
You didn't even know how you end up with a cellphone in your hand, dialing a familiar number as you squint your eyes trying to clear your vision. You found yourself laughing as you tried to copy the ringing of your phone while waiting for him to pick up.
Todoroki is surprised when he saw your number on the screen. He thought that you already deleted his contact when the two of you called it off last month. Confused as to why you're calling him at 3 AM, he picked up his phone, eyes still adjusting in the dark.
"Hello?"
On the third ring, you nearly jumped when you heard his calm and deep voice, excitement course through every veins in your body. His groggy voice gave away that you woke him up. Heart beating than the usual rhythm against your rib cage, you exhaled the air you didn't know you were holding before you speak.
"Hey!" You cringed when you heard your voice rising its pitch. Oh shit, that sounds like a mouse that had been caught in a trap!
"I'm glad you picked up, Shou." You giggled at the cute nickname, slurring some words that gives him a hint that you're drinking. You're drunk to the point that you're doing things that you'll regret when you wake up. "I thought you're not going to answer me hmp." You pout, your cringey childish self showing up.
"Y/n?" He's confused, checking his phone if it's really your number who called him and not some teenager's prank.
"It's already late. Why are you still up?" His concerned voice makes your heart clench.
"I want your hugs right now, Shou."
"Hey, did something happened? Are you okay?" You shushed him, shaking your head. "I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you and I'm sorry."
"I missed our lazy date nights. I missed your cuddles. I missed the smell of your cologne. I missed how you ruffles my hair while you placed a kiss on my forehead. I missed wearing your hoodies..."
You let your drunken self take over you allowing yourself to verbalize all your true feelings you've been hiding.
"I missed you, love." You bitterly smiled at the endearment you used. It brings back thousands of memories you didn't want to forget but you didn't want to also remember either. It's just there locked in a box somewhere in your heart but you're conversation with him released all of it. And every single of them pricked your heart like needles.
The bi-colored hair man didn't know what to say. Hell, he can't even think properly. You're drunk and you're telling him your sober thoughts. He thought you're completely over with him, seeing you smiling while you're hanging out with your friends like nothing happened broke him apart. And yet here you are confessing to him.
"C-can I go see you?"
"No." You were taken aback with his immediate reply. Nodding to yourself as you let out a chuckle. You're proud to yourself that you're still not crying, always so good at hiding your emotions.
"It's late, go to sleep." His voice is cold and distant. But you didn't let it affect you as you shoot your shot again.
"I-I'll bring lots of your favorite soba. Cold ones are always perfect, right? Just wait, I'll get a ta—" He cuts you off. You heard a painful sigh from the other line.
"Y/n, We...already broke up." Hearing those words makes the alcohol in your body immediately disappear. With those sentence, you instantly sober up. "We broke up. Month ago."
He repeated like he's trying to make you remember it. It was just a misunderstanding. He's aloof and oblivious personality didn't understand your outbursts. You did trust him but his constant hanging out with Momo riled up your insecurities. And funny how they are a couple now.
"Yeah and I'm wasted." You chuckled as you began to cry, quietly, biting the inside of your cheeks while trying to control your emotions.
"Don't come here. You need to sleep. Drink lots of water when you wake up. We'll talk tomorrow–"
You cut him off before he hangs up, hands fiddling the hem of your shirt. "You know... it's been a rough day. Everyone's being mean to me."
Silence answers you but you still continue ranting to him. "I nearly got fired for standing up for myself when a customer throws her coffee on me because I accidentally messed up her order. T-then, I-I lost my fucking keys and it's cold."
"I lost the keys of my house."
You're having a hard time controlling your emotions now as you complained to him like a whiny child. Tears slowly cascading down your cheeks while you let out sobs.
"It's cold, Shou. I'm cold. And everything hurts. I wish you were here right now but, yeah, we already broke up." You didn't let him talk. "Just so you know I'm happy for you even if it's her."
"I'm right. Momo's better for you."
You were just sitting there, at the corner of your front porch. Deeps uncontrollable sobs squeezed your lungs. Your phone long forgotten as it slips from your hand and met the cold floor while you completely breaks down. You hugged your knees tightly burrying your head, serving as your emotional support now.
Pretending that you're already moved on from your heart ache. Smiling and fooling yourself that you didn't want him anymore. Saying you're fine when you found out that he's recently dating Momo.
All the pent up emotions you've been keeping from showing explodes like a burning magma finding its way out of the volcano. The cold air hits you again and this makes you grieve louder while shivering at the sudden drop of temperature.
Bullshit.
Out of your shrieks of anguish, clock hitting another hour you spent outside, phone still light up with your ongoing call with him, wind hitting your pitiful state, slowly and smoothly, tiny crystals glowing when lights hit it just right–snow descends from the sky.
"Fucking keys," you cursed. Eyes already heavy as Hypnos cradles you to sleep.
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queenofgoats · 3 years
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Thank You For Being A Friend | Imagine a night out with Dean
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Summary: On her first hunt, OC fails all along the line and falls into an emotional down. Now Dean tries to cheer her up and takes her out.
Characters: POV fem!OC x Dean
Word Count: 2.746
Warning: insecurities, alcohol, flirtations and words = just spn
A/N: Hello dears!
I wrote this little FF for the challenge from supernatural-love14. My prompt was: "we probably shouldn't be doing this"
The hardest part was definitely the bar. I miss the old social life so, so much! 
Still, I hope you have as much fun reading here as I do writing.
Have fun! :)
"We probably shouldn't be doing this..." I said slowly. Emphasizing each word.
My eyes rested on the two brothers in front of me.
“That's exactly what I told you. I mean, I'm terribly sorry for what happened, but you know...”
Actually, I wanted to apologize last night, but it turned a bit differently somehow.
None of this would have happened if the Winchesters had listened to me. And if I wouldn't have let them convince me.
“I know.” Sam sighed into his coffee.
His brother, on the other hand, didn't seem quite as guilty: “But it wasn't our idea that you would get drunk this hard and jump right at the next dude’s lips.”
Dean had a point.
It should only be a small drink. After months of isolation in the bunker, I was allowed to join a case for the first time. Do some research in the library, get a taste of civilisation and just come out again in general. Easy thing.
Because back in the bunker I had created a whole new definition of cabin fever. Not something to be proud of to be honest.
The case itself seemed pretty clear and totally easy at first.
Nobody would have expected that the wraith with a faible for “Schoolgirl Report” would work with an incubus. Nobody!
The last-named picked me up later in the bar, where we three had toasted, to get revenge on his dead friend.
It was horribly. Bloody. And I had a new topic for my future therapist.
“I’m really sorry.” I finally mumbled.
I felt terrible. Just because of me, Sam was forced to wear a cast on his arm again.
Now it was me who buried her eyes in the coffee.
"I should have known. That will never happen again. Promise!"
Dean looked up: "How would you have known?"
I winced, caught and hesitantly tried to explain myself.
“Well. Actually it was obvious that I normally wouldn't have a chance with a guy like him...
“Oh come on!” Dean interrupted me despising “Don’t do this the girly way.”
“...but it’s true! Please look at you and then at me. I…”
First I started to give more examples of my low self-confidence, but decided against it.
Nothing honest ever comes around in these talks. You're just trying to make the other feel better.
“Okay, wait. Just forget it. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Let’s say it was my fault and won’t happen again. Ever!”
I stopped the subject and did not tolerate any contradictions.
Sam seemed to want to say something, but luckily I put him off with my eyes.
Our breakfast ended in awkward silence.
Less than an hour later, I found myself in my motel room packing up my things. Even if unconsciously, I gave myself more time here than necessary.
The mood between us was strange. Of course, once in a while in the bunker we were bitching at each other, but this situation will set the course for possible further cases. Or living together in general.
Exhausted, I sat down on the edge of the bed and fell back with my arms outstretched.
Thoughtfully, I pale my cheeks and let the air slowly escape.
I sure didn't have too much pride to apologize. Mostly too often rather than too little.
But this was different.
The Winchesters had seen a side of me, that no one else had seen before. The little, vulnerable girl who just wants to be good enough. I hated her.
Not even I confronted her myself. I knew from experience that other people got ther completely wrong. Attention whore and fishing for compliments were nicer reactions.
Oh dear Chuck, I prayed that Sam and Dean would just forget about this and never bring it up again.
At this moment I heard car doors slamming shut outside in the parking lot. That gave me a little nudge and I finally got up.
I put my travel bag under my arm. On the heel I turned around again briefly to make sure that I had really not forgotten anything and finally closed the door.
Sam and Dean stood at the Impala and seemed to be talking about something quite emotional.
They even played Rock-Paper-Scissors.
“Hey boys, are we ready?” I interrupted them from afar. Not that I got anything in my ears that wasn't meant for me. They startled and turned to me.
I almost felt a little transported back to school. Despite the queasy feeling in my stomach, I just ignored it. Stowed my things in the trunk and went to my place in the back seat.
Unfortunately the ride didn't get any better. It wasn't that anyone was mad, but there was definitely something between us. How am I supposed to fix it?
A few hours later we arrived at the bunker late at night.
I literally jumped out of the car and ran down to my room. Did I ever feel so out of place?
Probably not. I couldn’t stand them at the moment and needed to be alone for a few minutes.
Just as I threw my jacket on the bed, there was a knock on the door.
“Yes please?” I sounded more annoyed than actually wanted.
Unusually careful, Dean entered the room and looked at me quite defensive.
“I overreacted, sorry for this.” I sighed. “This was not necessary.”
“Yeah, normally you’re not a drama queen. So it’s okay.”
Dean stepped across the room and sat on the edge of my bed: “That’s why I… or we think you didn’t exaggerate this morning. You really meant it ”
We?! Did they talk about me?
I cleared my throat.
“Oh boy... Embarrassing.” It rang out of me.
Dean continued: “Uhm, I’m sorry too! I really am! That didn’t go well for all of us.”
He stopped and fixed indefinite points in the room. Apparently he was looking for the right words.
“You know. You are here… with us all along. And hey, you are a girl and have needs...”
I didn't know where this was going, but I did not like it.
“Dean. No. Seriously. We won’t have The Talk. I told you, something like this will never happen again and it’s fine. Can we leave it at that, please?”
We couldn’t. He raised his finger and looked deep into my eyes: “No.”
I huffed.
“You deserve to have fun and go out from time to time.”
“Yeah and you remember how it ended?”
“That’s why you are going out with me. I’m not a monster and in case of emergency I’ll protect you.”
I looked at Dean Winchester for quite a while.
In the middle of the room I stood there, arms crossed. Trying to hold back my anger.
“Wow. Really. How heroic.”
He hadn't expected this reaction: “What?”
“First: You do this out of pity. Second: Your pity is not big enough. So you and your brother fought to see who had to take me out.”
Caught!
“Why would you think that?” He asked, playing outraged.
“You can’t fool me, Dean. And I saw you at the parking spot back at the motel. You and Sam played about it. Since you always lose and are here now...”
There was silence.
“Wow.” Dean huffed. “You must think I'm quite a dick now.”
“Not only quite.” I said and immediately smirked slightly. Of course I can’t stay mad.
Slowly I walked to the bed and sat next to him.
“I mean… I know you had the best intentions, but... It’s just… Can you imagine how I feel? Going out, just because someone feels sorry?”
In fact, it made me feel worse than before.
“I didn’t mean to.” Dean apologized. “But I want you to feel better. Nevertheless.”
Right the next evening I stood in front of my mirror and applied some eyeliner. Or rather corrected it.
I haven’t opened my makeup bag in ages. Let alone putting on a simple cover stick.
Jepp, I was quite nervous. Even if Dean and I agreed to go out, but as friends, it scared me a bit.
Just couldn’t tell why.
I was so insecure! Every view of myself made it worse. Was the lipstick too much? Maybe I should change the dress. It was way too short! Phew, and my thighs have seen better days.
These months in the bunker didn't exactly flatter my figure.
Maybe I should cancel this evening.
“Hey, swing down sweet Chariot!” Dean poked his head through the door and tapped his watch. “Hurry up!”
Oh dear Chuck, what have I done? It’s not that I think anything would change in the relationship between Dean and me, but still...
“One minute!” I replied and walked quickly to the door.
His eyes went wide and he formed his lips for a whistle.
“Don’t do it!” I interrupted him. “Let’s go. I need a drink. Urgent.”
Dean just laughed and followed me to the Impala. Noticing he also dressed up.
Not a flannel shirt in sight, just a simple but fine black one.
Apparently Dean tried to take my nervousness away and covered everything with slightly gentleman behavior. First held the car door open for me and then, while I reached for the not existing seatbelt,
he held a small bottle of sparkling wine under my nose.
“It’s going to be a four hour drive. Save it.”
Now he had me. I laughed: “Thank you. You’re the sweetest.”
After we left the streets of Lebanon and I took a few relieving sipps, I asked him where we were actually going.
“Vegas, Baby!” was the answer.
I raised an eyebrow: “Okay I’m in, but Elvis takes me to the altar.”
Dean chuckles. “Alrighty then.”
Of course it was not Vegas, but we ended up in Kansas City. And that meant big city. Like really big. Skyscraper. Waste Gas. Too many people. I missed it so much! All of it.
“Oh Dean, you're making me the happiest girl in the world.”
He laughed: “Oh dear, I hear this pretty often.”
What was the last time I saw a billboard with LED lights?
It took us a while to find a parking space and finally to stand in front of a bar. At first it didn't look like anything. I even tried to remember when I had my last tetanus vaccination.
But when we got inside we stood in a very cozy place. Dark red curtains hung on the walls, while the light provided a pleasant atmosphere.
Dean and I chose one of the dark leather sofas that I'm sure has seen quite a few butts in it’s life.
It was so soft!
Excited, I grabbed the drinks menu from the small table in front of us. I spent so many weeks in the bunker, this trip was just liberating.
“Dean, this is so awesome!” I thanked him again. “Do you already know, what do you want to drink?”
He laughed quietly. “Dunno. Couldn’t look in the menu yet.”
It didn't take long for the two of us to place our orders. Just as the waitress left, I turned to Dean.
“Hey erm…” I cleared my throat. “I know, I've been saying it the whole time, but now again, calmly and seriously: Thank you very much Dean.”
I let my gaze wander around the bar and put the next words in my head. A mildly sigh escaped my lips.
“And I know you are doing this, just because you feel sorry for me.”
I paused and raised my hands defensively: “Which is fine! Really! Oh dear... What I actually want to say is… You are a good friend, Dean.”
Something in Deans face changed and he began to look at me like only his brother normally does.
“Do you really think so? For the last time: I’m here with you, because I want to. No lost bet or anything else.”
He rubbed his face, puffing.
“You just think too much.” He stopped while the waitress brought us our drinks.
He grabbed his glas and raised it: “Promise me one thing. Don’t worry about anything tonight and just… have fun.”
A warm smile laid on his lips.
“Promise.” I agreed and toasted my glass.
Some drinks later I was much more relaxed. I completely forgot that I could laugh heartily.
Not a thought has been wasted on the end of the world. There was only this moment. Like a little safespace.
In front of me was no longer Dean Winchester the hunter, but a good friend.
Someone you like to be around. I felt good.
“Hey you two, can I do something good for you?” The waitress asked very friendly.
Dean waved with his empty glass and ordered another round for us.
Toughfully I looked at him: “We already had a lot of drinks. Don’t you have to drive? Cause I can’t anymore.”  
He looked at me thoughtfully.
“Yeah… you’re right. But I don’t want to go yet.”
Dean paused.
“I like it here.” He said with a smirking face.
I leaned back quite drunk: “However, a normal cola couldn't hurt. Otherwise you have to hold my hair later.”
We decided to take a motel afterwards near the bar.
“...you had to see Sammy's face! He was so pissed!”
Dean told about his poor brother. Siblings were the best and the worst at the same time.
“That’s mean.” I commented. “Hilarious, but mean.”
A lot more drinks later we just fooled around. At first I didn't notice that we were sitting very close together, only when Dean put his hand on my knee.
I looked down confused, but let him do it.
When was the last time something like this happened to me? Way too long! Then I thought about WHO was actually sitting next to me. And winced.
“Are you okay?” Dean asked unexpectedly softly while not moving his hand.
I huffed. Not that I was uncomfortable, it was just... new.
My cheeks literally glowed. Slightly nervous I smiled at him.
“No. Erm wait. Yes. I’m okay. Yeah.”
Accidentally my eyes stuck on his lips. His so perfectly formed lips.
Have they always looked so soft?
I forced myself off Dean's forbidden beautiful lips, only to sink into his eyes.
Now I knew how a moth felt in the face of the moon.
“I am really glad that you are here with me.” His voice was more like a breath.
We both leaned forward a little at the same time. Barely noticeable.
My heart jumps right into my throat. I knew what was about to happen, but my insecurity cut it off.
Why did I fool myself into this situation? Dean Winchester would never. Especially not with me. That’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous!
Suddenly Dean brushed a lost strand of hair from my face and gently ran his finger down behind the ear until it reached the chin. There he paused.
The skin he touched felt electrified. My goosebumps had goosebumps!
“Don’t think too much. Remember?”, he taught me.
His voice forced me out of my head and back into the bar. Back to his eyes.
I wasn’t able to say anything. So I just nodded.
The hand went back up from the chin. Very slowly. Stroking my cheek and sliding in my hair.
His touches calmed me.
He got to the back of my head, slowly pulled me towards him.
When our lips touched a switch inside me flipped. I was no longer able to think anything up, just let myself go. While his scent settled in my nose and seemed to rise into my head.
The lips were much softer than I could have dreamed of. They tasted a little like whiskey.
My eyes closed all by themselves and my body leaned itself towards. Even my tongue had developed a life of its own and began to ask for entrance very carefully. Just to be met by Deans.
I put my hand on the back of his neck and moved down. Resting at his chest.
All of a sudden I became aware of what I was doing. And with whom.
Against my own will, I broke the kiss and only brought as much distance as necessary between us.
“We probably shouldn't be doing this.” I lied to myself, but not moving my hand from his chest.
Dean sighed heavy: “Would you just stop saying this?”
Barely pronounced the last words, he pulled me into an intense kiss again.
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sp00kymulderr · 6 years
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dO THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL /EVIL LAUGH (??)/ uhm from the "let's talk about" post úwù 💗 I'm sorry I'm making you write so much but i really wanna know!!! ILYSM
ANYTHING FOR YOOOU!
There is a lot here, I’m apparently feeling very chatty tonight so sorry about some of the long ramble-y answers again:
1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
Itwas 2005, and 15 year old me had dragged my dad and brother to thecinema to see a movie that looked really interesting to me – itfeatured several badass women in the main cast at a time when Iwasn’t seeing much with actually strong, well written femalecharacters in. So I had to see this, and it was sci-fi which my wholefamily enjoys, so off we went to watch it. At the beginning, therewas a filmed intro of Joss Whedon talking about the movie and aboutthe TV series it came from, which I knew nothing about and thatworried me. But then the film started and I swear my heart stoppedfor a moment, I fell so deeply in love with the setting, thecharacters, the cast. The film was Serenity, and it started a lot forme
2: Talk about your first kiss.
Myfirst kiss wasn’t special like I wish it had been. I was about 14and it was with my best friend at the time, a guy who I had nofeelings towards whatsoever. I regret the kiss a lot, and the kissesthat followed. I wish I hadn’t felt pressured in to it the way Idid.
3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.
Idon’t really get intense feelings for people that often, especiallynot now I’m older. There was a guy when I was in secondary schoolthough, who I genuinely thought I loved (I didn’t). It was veryunrequited and took over my life for too long, and was a catalyst tothe depression I later suffered with.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
Partof me regrets going to uni, but then I think about all theexperiences I had at uni and I would never have had those, or madethose friends, or enjoyed myself that much anywhere else. I can’tthink of much that I really really regret, I tend to think thingsthrough a lot before I do them.
5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.
Iam the queen of good birthdays, istg! I ALWAYS go on holiday for mybirthday, have ever since I was young, so I have so many good ones.But I think it has to be between going to New York for my 21stor Berlin for my 23rd (my favourite place in the wholeworld), or this past birthday which I spent on my own in New Zealandand got to go to Hobbiton for the first time!
6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.
Ihave genuinely not had a bad birthday yet. This year would’ve beensad if I hadn’t gone to Hobbiton, as I was completely on my own forthe first birthday ever.
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
I’ma total mess of insecurities tbh. I wouldn’t know where to start.
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
In2012, when I left uni and moved to London on my own, I started a blogcalled The Theatre Tourist where I wrote about two of my biggestpassions; theatre and travel. A year after I started it, I got myfirst invite to review a theatre production which I accepted havingnever written a review. Once I wrote it, I knew this was what Iwanted to be doing, I fell completely in love with it. And to thisday I still run that blog, I have a fair few readers and connectionswith theatre PR’S all around the world. Currently I’m writing atleast a review a month for New Zealand theatre but when I was back inLondon I was being invited to at least 4 a week every week. I am soproud of that blog.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
Mytattoos. They make me feel better about myself because I find thembeautiful and they mean a lot to me.
10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.
Thatbest friend I mentioned earlier. He accused me of all sorts andcaused so much stupid drama in my life. We had a massive argument inthe hallway at school once, I ended up in tears in the bathroom andwe stopped talking to each other. He was a massive fucking jerk andI’m glad he’s not in my life any more.
11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.
Ihad a lot of great dreams just before I moved to New Zealand, aboutwhat a great time I was going to have out here, and they havedefinitely come true
12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.
Istress dream quite a lot, the most recent one was losing my family ina natural disaster and it was awful.
13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.
Iwaited quite a while, so I was 18 when I lost it. It wasn’t perfectbut it was nice and with someone I liked at the time. It was, however, in a single bed which was AWFUL god. But other than that, there’s not much to talk about.
14: Talk about a vacation.
Whichone to choose though??? I love travelling and have been so lucky totravel a lot, I studied tourism and it’s always been a huge part ofmy life. That’s why I’m out here on this beautiful island in themiddle of nowhere right now.
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
Idon’t feel content a lot, but my first and subsequent 6 visits toBerlin have been the best I��ve ever felt in my whole life. Berlinis the one place I feel completely at home and know I belong.
16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.
Idon’t go to a lot of parties! And the ones I went to when I wasyounger, I don’t remember a lot of them… I went to a really funfoam party in my first year of uni that I always remember fondly iffuzzily.
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
Whichone is elementary? Primary I think? Jesus, who remembers primaryschool? I don’t think much exciting happened when I was that young!
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
Waitwhat’s middle school if the next question is high school? Do theyhave a school between primary and secondary in America? I’mCONFUSED
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
Ohall sorts of shit.
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
Therewas this guy in college who I became pretty close friends with thenlater told me he really liked me. He was sweet but so not my type soI just said no and then he never spoke to me again lol
22: Talk about your worst fear.
Interms of an actual phobia, I’m really afraid of dogs. Which ispretty inconvenient, they make me panic.
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
Ugh,I got drunk at a work party and asked out a guy from IT I had beeneyeing up and he turned me down which is fair enough I was a messback then. But then I had to see him at work all the time and it wasso embarrassing for me.
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
Justrecently I’ve been having a crisis about what I’m going to dowith my life once I get back to the UK next year, I want to get a jobI actually love as opposed to ending up in a shitty call centre jobhating my life again. But the other day my manager told me that shegenuinely believes I can do absolutely anything and be brilliant atit, and that just boosted my confidence so much.
26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.
Iusually try and just get on with things and don’t admit I’m sickunless it’s really bad. I hate sitting still, I need to be doingsomething all the time even when ill.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
Scary?Death scares me, I can’t lie. I try not to think about it.
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
TheatreRoyal Bath, I associate so many good memories with this building.When I was a kid and first expressed an interest in Shakespeare mymum used to sometimes take me to see plays there. I started a massivething in me and it’s always a place that makes me feel happy.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
Iput on music. Loud. Usually Bowie, because I know he will make mefeel better, he always does.
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.
Ireally hope this doesn’t tempt fate, but as of yet I’ve onlyexperienced self inflicted pain. Never broken a bone or sprainedanything. Uhm so probably my first tattoo but even then that was a good pain for the most part.
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
Beinganxious. Seriously, if I could control my anxiety or make itdissapear things would be so different.
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
Meand my dad share a fairly similar musical taste, and he was the onewho introduced me to all the musicians I love so deeply now.Specifically listening to Delilah by The Sensational Alex Harvey Bandmakes me think of him. With my mum, we both love Alice Cooper so anytime I hear him I think of her.
39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.
Iwish I’d known earlier that there’s no shame in ‘sleeping around’.I felt ashamed for a long time about my sexual habits, and got shamedfor them. I know now that it’s all bullshit and me being in controlof my sexuality is a good thing.
Ialso wish someone had told me that you’re allowed to have stops andstarts in your career, for years after uni I tried so hard to followa career path that wasn’t working for me but I thought I would be afailure if I gave up, or if I ended up doing something that didn’trelate to my degree. Even though I still struggle with the idea of acareer, I at least do know now that I am allowed to do whatever thehell I want whether I studied for it or not.
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.
In 2016 the West Endmusical Sunny Afternoon closed. By the time it closed I had seen it150 times, literally seeing it at the very least once a week for twowhole years. It changed me a lot – I became more confident, I madea group of the best friends I’ve ever had, I started a fan groupfor it and worked with the marketing team for the show on a socialmedia campaign. It was a HUGE part of my life. When the show closedit felt like the end of an era, I really didn’t know what I wasgoing to do without it. It meant so much to me. But now I have allthese great friends who still talk and hang out and I have two castsof actors whose careers I’ll be following for the rest of my life.
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