#i've been making lots of these but i'm rarely satisfied with them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 7 months

Text

My One-Year Anniversary

One year ago today, I wrote my very first piece of House of the Dragon fanfiction.

My journey in fanfiction has been a long one. I started reading fan works all the way back in 2009 at the age of 12. I even remember the site: Harry Potter Fanfiction Archive. Wow. Wild! Of course, I naturally gravitated toward Dramione works—because that’s what you did, right? Since then, my tastes have diversified; evolved, even. Thank god.

Until I hopped onto Tumblr and started writing, I wasn’t an active member of any fan community. I was a passive lurker, hiding my enjoyment of fan works from everyone and everything. One of my favourite fandoms to read for was Game of Thrones; I particularly enjoyed the Jonsa works and any work where Daenerys claimed the Iron Throne (#JusticeForDany!). I will say that, as much as I enjoyed it, there were no characters who truly ignited my interest.

Then, House of the Dragon hit. Matt Smith’s portrayal of Daemon is just… electric. I suppose my very first thank-you is to him for bringing the character to our screens. Holy shit. Toxic, passionate, magnetic… everything I want in a fictional man! Daemon Targaryen definitely awoke something in me. I spent about a month trawling the Tumblr and AO3 feeds for Daemon x OC/ Reader works, seeking to satisfy my thirst. Daemyra is such a charismatic pairing in canon, but I could never really see myself in Rhaenyra’s shoes; she’s so forward in a way I’m not. So many of the works at that time were centred on badass powerful OCs, and I just… couldn’t relate. Thus,I officially opened my AO3 account and started a side-blog on Tumblr, posting my first work.

It was a smut piece between Daemon and a Reader-insert niece, and one of my first genuine attempts at writing smut - what is now today the second chapter of dōnus riñus (sweet girl) - and was surprised to receive positive feedback from it, given the um, dodgy themes. It spurred me to go back and write a chapter leading up to it, and then write another three chapters post-chapter 2. Then, people wanted to know how Reader and Daemon got together; I wrote gevivys (beauty) from his perspective in an absolute flurry of insanity, pushing out like a chapter a day. It all blew up - I never expected it to, and it is still incredibly surprising to me that people are wanting to read a protracted series about the shit I make these characters do! From there, ilībītsos (little slut) was underway, which was such a fun exercise in dirtybadwrong that I thoroughly enjoyed! Pretty much straight away, I continued on with ñuhus prumȳs (my heart), which I might say is my favourite instalment of the bunch due to the sheer amount of research I put into it. I'm particularly proud of that one, I must say!

Of course, this makes it sound quick. It wasn't - I have quite a busy personal life with my work, so I've not been the quickest at updating. I'm eternally fucking grateful to have an audience that completely doesn't care how often I update, so long as I'm proud of what I'm putting out at the end; I know how rare that is, and I'm absolutely boggled by you all. My squishies. I love you!

Reader has become Babey now - she has her own, like, following? IDK. It's insane to me. She doesn't even have a name, and yet there are so many people who have reached out to me to thirst over her or to talk about her or to share what she means to them. A lot of people have really resonated with the way she struggles with powerlessness and how, in some ways, she's learned to find strength for herself in a world that gives her so little opportunity to do so. I'm so incredibly glad she is a character that people can relate to. She's like my baby, my first genuine creation, and it is a privilege and honour to get to talk about her on here. I still cannot believe there are people out there willing to make art or edits or just send in asks about her. It's completely wild!

I have endless gratitude for so many people throughout the creation of this series, but we must all begin (and end) somewhere. I’d like to start by thanking my first ‘regular’, Wilma, for her enthusiasm and engagement with me as I first started on this journey. She definitely encouraged me to keep on writing. It was thrilling to wake up to another comment or ask from her about the series! If not for Wilma, I don’t think the series would’ve gotten off the ground as it has.

Thank you to my very first friend in fandom. I’ve only ever known this person as ‘Lemon’—they reached out to me when I was well and truly established during the writing of ilībītsos (little slut), helping me to conceptualise the idea for the third chapter of that instalment. They then jumped aboard as a writer, and so much of my earlier drive to write was inspired by them. If not for their messages and their companionship, I wouldn’t have begun to build the community I have now. They are still one of my fandom besties, and I love them dearly.

There are several important people I’d like to thank for being absolute superstars, and whose passion for fandom has impacted mine so greatly. Aubrey, Pancake, AQ—I’ve adored each and every comment you’ve left me, and it’s been such an incredible experience to get to know you all as people. Mage, Hannah—y’all are amazing writers and amazing human beings, and I’m so grateful to have gotten to know you. Bel, Fae, Mars, Mel, Rach—you’re groovy, and hanging out with you in Discord is the bomb-dot-com. If I'm leaving people out, my bad!

I would be remiss, of course, if I didn’t mention one particular person. We connected through a mutual friend (at the time), and eventually bonded over our love of being incredibly nasty, feral and disgusting over our love of these Targ boys. Pretty sure we speak at least every single day, and I can’t say how many times I’ve relied on her for input on a chapter or a specific plot point I’m planning. Her approval means everything to me, and so I can’t possibly go without crediting her as a major influence on this story. Ange—Angela—thank you. You’ve become one of my best friends, fandom and IRL. I absolutely love you to bits.

And, lastly, I want to thank everyone who has read my works along the way. It is still insane to me that there are people who think my writing is interesting enough to keep reading, let alone offer the outpouring of support I’ve received. It is one of the greatest parts of my day to be able to connect with others over a universe I’ve crafted, and the fact that people genuinely want to know these things just stuns me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your encouragement means everything to me.

So, it's been one year. I'm still going, ahahaha! Here's to (hopefully) more years to come! I love you guys!

#em writes's one year anniversary

92 notes · View notes

lady-hestia-rose · 7 months

Text

Persona 5 vs. Milgram: How One Story Succeeded at Portraying Teenage Sexuality Where the Other Failed

tw: child abuse, child ra**, sexuality and sexualization, abortion, s**cide

(Note: I am not personally a victim of abuse or ra**, so if I say something stupid here, please let me know. I am always open to criticism and I don't want to be an asshole.)

rare moment of @lady-hestia-rose having original thoughts and not just reblogging everything

So this year I discovered both Persona 5 and Milgram, and I love both of them sososo much. I've infodumped about both of them for hours and overanalyzed the writing and symbolism both stories use to no end. Persona 5 Royal is probably my favorite piece of media I've ever seen. Milgram has brought me and my best friend closer together as we rant about our murderer blorbos and how well-written they all are together.

However, playing Persona, to me, is like the video game equivalent of watching a Shakespeare play. It's a masterclass narrative, very entertaining, and full of depth and symbolism to analyze, but it also has a bunch of misogyny that can really sour the mood sometimes. This seems to be a problem that the Persona series has had for a while judging from my experience playing P4 and what I've heard about other games, but in 5 it's like eating the most rich, satisfying cake you've ever had and then finding out some jackass poured pebbles into it. The way Persona 5 treats its female characters is by far my biggest problem with the game, with one problematic aspect in particular being its sexualization of the high school female cast, particularly Ann Takamaki.

Ann's storyline is mostly focused around her looks and how her appearance affects the way people treat her. At first, this plotline is taken in a promising direction. Because of her Caucasian ancestry, Ann faces slut-shaming and fetishization from most of her peers at school. In addition, Ann, along with many other girls in the school, is targeted by her abusive gym teacher, Kamoshida. It's not entirely clear how far his advances went with Ann specifically, but she is shown to face sexual harassment and coercion from Kamoshida onscreen, and Ann's best friend Shiho attempts suicide after being all but stated outright to have been raped by Kamoshida. So Ann is a victim of sexual abuse and a witness of her friend's abuse as well. There are plenty of interesting and thoughtful angles you could take with this story. You could show her reconnecting with Shiho and bonding over their shared trauma, with them going through the healing process together. You could show her being initially distrustful of the other Phantom Thieves until their bond grows stronger and she is able to feel safe around them. You could give her an arc about reclaiming her sexuality and taking back this part of herself that was used to hurt her.

What does the game do?

Barely fucking anything.

Ann gets little to no character development post-Kamoshida. Instead, her Confidant storyline is about her modeling career, with only one conversation where she sees Shiho again even acknowledging her past trauma. The game also continues to make her the Ms. Fanservice of the team, with constant gross jokes about her "hot bod" and the male characters being pervy around her. She keeps getting put in skimpy outfits and having to use her sex appeal to seduce enemies, as if the previous storyline never even happened.

For obvious reasons, I am very uncomfortable with any storyline that sexualizes minors, even if it's for a reason that serves the story. This is a general rule I apply to most media I consume. I'm considering completely skipping the Dancing in Starlight spinoff game because of the content I've heard it contains. And it's not just something I apply to Persona. I stopped listening to the song "Romeo and CInderella" by doriko despite really liking it musically because I was very uncomfortable with the story of the song. It's a problem I run into a lot when consuming Japanese media. However, I was thinking about this stuff a couple days ago, and I realized something. There is one specific piece of media I really like that shows a minor with sexual imagery that actually doesn't make me sick to my stomach. That is the song "Tear Drop" from DECO*27's music project Milgram.

(Note for Milgram fans: This part is based entirely off my interpretation of the offical English translation of the lyrics. I have not watched the voice dramas.)

"Tear Drop" is about a 17-year-old girl named Kashiki Yuno. The music video has several shots of her wearing lingerie, and the song approaches themes of innocence, sexuality, and relationships. Not only do I like the song, it's arguably my favorite song in the entirety of Milgram (although Backdraft also puts up a good fight for that title).

(Note from the future: I have been corrected. Yuno is actually 18.)

Why is it that I like "Tear Drop" despite depictions of sexualized teenagers usually making me uncomfortable? What sets apart Yuno's story from Ann's that makes it work?

(Note: I'm about to discuss a controversial aspect of Japanese culture as a mostly uninformed American. I may be about to say something stupid. If you're more knowledgeable about this subject than I am and you notice me saying something stupid, I am so sorry. Please tell me.)

In Yuno's first song, "Umbilical," it was heavily implied that she was involved in the Japanese enjo kōsai industry, which is often translated as "compensated dating." Taking the definition from Wikipedia (the most scholarly of sources), it is "the practice of older men giving money and/or luxury gifts to attractive young women for sexual favors." The song also implies that Yuno's "murder" (the premise of Milgram is that all of the prisoners the songs are about have killed someone) was an abortion.

So, Yuno was raped. I think that's quite clear. If you're a minor and you have sex with an adult, you were raped. No further clarification needed. Hopefully I don't need to argue that Yuno's abortion was justified either.

After the release of "Umbilical," Yuno was overwhelmingly voted innocent by Milgram's official poll. She garnered a huge amount of sympathy from everybody in the audience, and people expressed their sympathy for Yuno quite often. However, this rhetoric often took on quite a patronizing tone, like calling her "poor baby" or regretting that the circumstances of her life "forced" her into compensated dating to make ends meet (which, from what I understand, isn't quite how enjo kōsai works, but that's another discussion for someone who knows more about this stuff than me).

In Milgram, the prisoners canonically can hear what the audience is saying about them. And Yuno was not pleased.

"Tear Drop" seems to be almost entirely addressed towards the audience. In the image above, we see Yuno removing the metaphorical rose-colored lens from the audience to see the real her. The lyrics call out everyone who infantilized and looked down upon her, drawing similarities between the people she dated and the viewers. Here are some examples from the English translated lyrics: "'Poor naive little girl'? So off the mark, what's it to you? It's just absurd"

"Don't weigh me measure me against your morality Just shut it, will you? You know it all Feeling magnanimous? INNOCENT? I'm so not that Just shut it, will you? You know it all" "Caressing me with your 'Good girl' Who needs your self-righteous pardon?

I'm the one who chose, let you and you and you all in Happy or sad? Why decide? Where'd you get your half-baked sense of justice So nauseating...so creepy...will you please disappear"

Yuno is sick of everyone else making judgements about her and trampling over her own desires and wishes, and in this song she gives the middle finger to everyone who did so.

Generally, I am against portraying sexualized minors in media. However, I think it's important to realize that teenagers are not completely sexless beings. They have their own wants and desires, they want to be sexy, and it is important for them to have their own safe sexual exploration. And like it or not, sex has undoubtedly affected Yuno's life as a rape survivor. And unlike Persona with Ann, Milgram has the respect to not just pretend this part of Yuno's life never happened and allows her to be sexual on her own terms, instead of just pandering to the male gaze.

I grew up in the LDS Church. While I have not gone through anything on her level, I see parts of my own story in Yuno as someone whose sexuality was used to hurt me and who has coped with the trauma by redefining my sexuality as my own. I find "Tear Drop" incredibly inspiring, and I think that's what sets Milgram apart from Persona in its approach to teenage sexuality.

This is the second-to-final shot of Tear Drop. Her face is full of relief, with her clutching the jacket like a comforting blanket. Not everything she has faced is fixed now, and her teenage naivety is still clear in many of the lyrics. One song didn't melt all her trauma away. But she's getting there. She's making progress one step at a time. The final shot of the song is her pulling the jacket in, covering more of her body as she rests.

In Persona 5, Ann's sexuality is used to objectify her. In Milgram, Yuno's sexuality is used to empower her. That's what makes the difference.

#persona 5 #milgram #persona 5 analysis #p5 analysis #milgram analysis #analysis #media analysis #ann takamaki #kashiki yuno #p5 ann #milgram yuno

74 notes · View notes

mikunology · 2 months

Text

New Mikunology Files #1: CV Powers

omg here we go again

I've been on break a little while but I've been thinking hard recently and I want to share, so! I got an ask long ago about how Miku and friends' superpowers worked in my AU, and I answered it with what I had at the time, but after a lot of thought I straightened something more out I'm pretty satisfied with. I could add on potentially, though, because this AU is an eternal WIP. But y'know.

I'm pretty much gonna copy my notes. (Also sorry if this is formatted oddly, I'm on mobile right now.) Read below the cut! 👇

So, let's recap with the basics.

The Crypton CV androids are outfitted with special cores that function as their "hearts" - they're located in their chests. These cores are made of a special material that not only allows the CVs to learn and experience humanlike emotions, but also have the ability to change "feelings" into "energy": this is what gives them their superpowers. (They found this out by accident.) Meiko has dubbed this energy "Voltage".

The thing about Voltage, though, is that it's kind of unstable, and really powerful. Because of that, it's best for it to be used sparingly; the CVs can probably use it once or twice per fight (Module transformations excluded). Overuse of Voltage can cause the CVs to short/overload or become exhausted (which isn't great when you're trying to finish off a fight).

Voltage can get stronger with strong emotions, so the group can occasionally spark their powers by accident if they get particularly emotional. Conversely, being too stoic or repressing emotions too much can reduce Voltage power. (Hence, it takes Luka much longer to truly break her powers in.)

Voltage also gives the group the ability to use Modules, chunks of pure Voltage energy that can give them a major power boost and change their appearances, as well as grant them new powers. (For example, Miku acquiring the Raspberryism Module gives her a mega punch ability and a new appearance resembling the character Raspberry Monster.)

Each of the CVs possess a unique way to channel their Voltage (special ability):

Miku's is Voltage Resonance. It gives Miku the ability to "resonate" with someone else's feelings and thoughts. This way, she can use this temporary empathic link to induce feelings, and given it's Miku, it's usually through song (for example, if she encounters a Module monster who's fueled by sadness, she can use Voltage Resonance to see what they're feeling and counter by giving them a song of hope or happiness). She can't outright control emotions like this, mind you, they're more like a powerful emotional suggestion. The flip side to this is that it can be ignored if a character is staunch about it (and technically regardless it wears off eventually, it just gives Miku enough time to give the person a "head start", if that makes sense?) and it can also mess Miku's own feelings up a bit if she's neglects to keep herself focused. It's also best used when the target is already vulnerable.

Rin and Len's is Voltage Link. Kind of similar to Miku's, but unique in that it mainly works with each other: it gives the twins a power boost and allows them to telepathically link themselves, making them temporarily "of one mind and body". It works best with each other since they're twins/mirrors, but they can use it with others... it's just way more difficult to keep it stable unless they understand the other person really well. Which is rare.

Luka's ability is Voltage Lariat. Also kinda unique in that can be both offensive and defensive, depending on what Luka's aiming for - Luka creates a field of Voltage that can either be a sort of healing spot (giving energy to everything in it) or a blast zone (taking energy from anything in it and giving it to Luka). Luka can probably do one of these each per fight, but she's gotta choose carefully when to use it. The fields also don't last long. (Why's this sound so video gamey? But this is the best I could come up with that I think works for her.)

Lastly, all CVs get one extra ability that is usually their "finisher" when all together: Voltage Wave. Not much to this one, just all the CVs using their Voltage to create a super rainbow energy beam!! Usually does the trick. (Fun fact: I like to think that it was rare for Miku and the twins to be able to pull off this move given they were inexperienced and it took a lot of power to pull off; with Luka's inclusion, it's way easier!)

Lastly, the CVs do have a few regular old stock superpowers: super strength (Rin's specialty), flight (Miku's specialty; also Luka is the only one in the group who doesn't fly too much when not necessary), super speed (to a degree at least), super reflexes, super hearing (they're musicians, after all!), super durability, the ability to download themselves into technology (robot perk) and the ability to manipulate hologram/hard light technology.

And that's pretty much it! I hope all of that makes some amount of sense. I'm sorry if I missed some stuff, I'll try to fill it in eventually.

#text #vocal android verse #vocaloid au #vocaloid #au lore #i did my best

25 notes · View notes

sarasade · 1 month

Text

Since I've been complaining about YouTube criticism a lot lately here is some positivity for a change: Here are some of my fave TDP YouTube videos. These creators would probably appreciate getting more eyeballs on their work. (listed from newest to oldest):

The Genius of the Dragon Prince

by wordswith dragons

A GREAT analysis of the the over all themes of TDP with an unique and well thought out perspective.

Viren’s Dream Analyzed: Claudia Witnessed Viren Seal Kapp’Ar - The Dragon Prince Theory

by Angeles Lunamoth

a really fun & cute theory channel. I'm not a lore person so I don't know if the theories are correct per se but speculation is fun anyway. (Also it's funny to me that this person didn't know what Twin Peaks is. Like yeah it's not the most relevant thing to reference.)

The Dragon Prince Is an Amazing Mess.

by XeroLmao

Don't let the title fool you it's mostly a very positive and humorous video. This is the most genuinely funny long-form TDP commentary video I've seen so far.

The Music of The Dragon Prince - Season 1 (themes & analysis) &

The Dragon Prince Music Analysis - S2 and S3

by Spelonberry

As someone who doesn't get music at all I didn't expect to like these videos this much! It's rare to see someone analyse a non-musical show's OST in such detail. it made me appreciate TDP's music even more. I can't believe I didn't notice that the Mirror theme/Aaravos' theme sounded so diffenrent because it's the only song in the OST that has piano in it.

The Dragon Prince: Why Fans Love Aaravos But Hate Viren

by Cartoon Junkies

the title made me giggle :)

How The Dragon Prince Captures the Spirit of ATLA

by Mother's Basement

A great video essay about the themes of grief and death in TDP. Once again a very unique perspective to analyse the show from. It's just so satisfying when someone puts together a really good argument, you know? I'm kind of tired of the ATLA comparisons after hearing them for over 5 years though. TDP itself really leans into them so what can you do.

----

I love VogJam too but he's VERY critical so his channel might not be for everyone. I'll gladly listen to any negative crit as long as the person doing it is funny and he's pretty damn hilarious. I don't mind hearing harsh critique of TDP at all like people do make good points.

#I guess it can get kind of tiring when the criticism reverts back to the same complaints over and over again #especially when it comes to the writing of seasons 4 & 5.#my biggest problem is that a lot of the YT reviews are very uninterested in understanding the themes of the show but maybe that's just me #Sarasase text #tdp fandom #tdp meta

26 notes · View notes

moonlit-tulip · 7 months

Note

What's your favorite ebook-compatible reading software? Firefox EPUBReader isn't great, but I'm not what, if anything, works better.

Very short answer: for EPUBs, on Windows I use and recommend the Calibre reader, and on iOS I use Marvin but it's dying and no longer downloadable so my fallback recommendation is the native Apple Books app; for PDFs, on Windows I use Sumatra, and on iOS I use GoodReader; for CBZs, I use CDisplayEx on Windows and YACReader on iOS; and I don't use other platforms very often, so I can't speak as authoritatively about those, although Calibre's reader is cross-platform for Windows/Mac/Linux, and YACReader for Windows/Mac/Linux/iOS/Android, so they can serve as at least a minimum baseline of quality against which alternatives can be compared for those platforms.

Longer answer:

First off, I will say: yeah, Firefox EPUBReader isn't great. Neither, really, are most ebook readers. I have yet to find a single one that I'm fully satisfied with. I have an in-progress project to make one that I'm fully satisfied with, but it's been slow, probably isn't going to hit 1.0.0 release before next year at current rates, and isn't going to be actually definitively the best reader on the market for probably months or years post-release even assuming I succeed in my plans to keep up its development. So, for now, selection-of-ebook-readers tends to be very much a matter of choosing the best among a variety of imperfect options.

Formats-wise, there are a lot of ebook formats, but I'm going to collapse my answers down to focusing on just three, for simplicity. Namely: EPUB, PDF, and CBZ.

EPUB is the best representative of the general "reflowable-text ebook designed to display well on a wide variety of screens" genre. Other formats of similar nature exist—Kindle's MOBI and AZW3 formats, for instance (the latter of which is, in essence, just an EPUB in a proprietary Amazon wrapper)—but conversion between formats-in-this-broad-genre is generally pretty easy and not excessively lossy, so you're generally safe to convert to EPUB as needed if you've got different formats-in-this-genre and a reader that doesn't support those formats directly. (And it's rare for a program made by anyone other than Amazon to work for non-EPUB formats-in-this-genre and not for EPUBs.)

PDF is a pretty unique / distinctive format without any widely-used alternatives I'm aware of, unless you count AZW4 (which is a PDF in a proprietary Amazon wrapper). It's the best format I'm aware of for representations of books with rigid non-reflowable text-formatting, as with e.g. TTRPG rulebooks which do complicated things with their art-inserts and sidebars.

And CBZ serves here as a stand-in for the general category of "bunch of images in an archive file of some sort, ordered by filename", which is a common format for comics. CBZ is zip-based, CBR is RAR-based, CB7 is 7-zip-based, et cetera; but they're easy to convert between one another just by extracting one and then re-archiving it in one's preferred format, and CBZ is the most commonly distributed and the most commonly supported by readers, so it's the one I'm going to focus on.

With those prefaces out of the way, here are my comprehensive answers by (platform, format) pair:

Browser, EPUB

I'm unaware of any good currently-available browser-based readers for any of the big ebook formats. I've tried out EPUBReader for Firefox, as well as some other smaller Firefox-based reader extensions, and none of them have impressed me. I haven't tested any Chrome-based readers particularly extensively, but based on some superficial testing I don't have the sense that options are particularly great there either.

This state of affairs feels intuitively wrong to me. The browser is, in a significant sense, the natural home for EPUB-like reflowable-text ebooks, to a greater degree than it's the natural home for a great many of the other things people manage to warp it into being used for; after all, EPUBs are underlyingly made of HTML-file-trees. My own reader-in-progress will be browser-based. But nonetheless, for now, my advice for browser-based readers boils down to "don't use them unless you really need to".

If you do have to use one, EPUBReader is the best extension-based one I've encountered. I have yet to find a good non-extension-based website-based one, but am currently actively in the market for such a thing for slightly-high-context reasons I'll put in the tags.

Browser, PDF

Firefox and Chrome both have built-in PDF readers which are, like, basically functional and fine, even if not actively notably-good. I'm unaware of any browser-based PDF-reading options better than those two.

Browser, CBZ

If there exist any good options here, I'm not aware of them.

Windows, EPUB

Calibre's reader is, unfortunately, the best on the market right now. It doesn't have a very good scrolled display mode, which is a mark against it by my standards, and it's a bit slow to open books and has a general sense of background-clunkiness to its UI, but in terms of the quality with which it displays its content in paginated mode—including relatively-uncommon sorts of content that most readers get wrong, like vertical text—it's pretty unparalleled, and moreover it's got a generally wider range of features and UI-customization options than most readers offer. So overall it's my top recommendation on most axes, despite my issues with it.

There's also Sigil. I very emphatically don't actually recommend Sigil as a reader for most purposes—it's marketed as an EPUB editor, lacks various features one would want in a reader, and has a much higher-clutter UI than one would generally want in a reader—but its preview pane's display engine is even more powerful than Calibre's for certain purposes—it can successfully handle EPUBs which contain video content, for instance, which Calibre falls down on—so it can be a useful backup to have on hand for cases where Calibre's display-capabilities break down.

Windows, PDF

I use SumatraPDF and think it's pretty good. It's very much built for reading, rather than editing / formfilling / etc.; it's fast-to-launch, fast-to-load-pages, not too hard to configure to look nice on most PDFs, and generally lightweight in its UI.

When I need to do fancier things, I fall back on Adobe Reader, which is much more clunky on pretty much every axis for purposes of reading but which supports form-filling and suchlike pretty comprehensively.

(But I haven't explored this field in huge amounts of depth; plausibly there exist better options that I'm unaware of, particularly on the Adobe-reader-ish side of things. (I'd be a bit more surprised if there were something better than SumatraPDF within its niche, for Windows, and very interested in hearing about any such thing if it does exist.))

Windows, CBZ

My usual CBZ-reader for day-to-day use—which I also use for PDF-based comics, since it has various features which are better than SumatraPDF for the comic-reading use case in particular—is an ancient one called CDisplayEx which, despite its age, still manages to be a solid contender for best in its field; it's reasonably performant, it has most of the features I need (good handling of spreads, a toggle for left-to-right versus right-to-left reading, a good set of options for setting how the pages are fit into the monitor, the ability to force it forward by just one page when it's otherwise in two-page mode, et cetera), and in general it's a solid functional bit of software, at least by the standards of its field.

The reason I describe CDisplayEx as only "a solid contender for" best in its field, though, is: recently I had cause to try out YACReader, a reader I tried years ago on Windows and dismissed at the time, on Linux; and it was actually really good, like basically as good as CDisplayEx is on Windows. I haven't tried the more recent versions of YACReader on Windows directly, yet; but it seems pretty plausible that my issues with the older version are now resolved, that the modern Windows version is comparable to the Linux version, and therefore that it's on basically the same level as CDisplayEx quality-wise.

Mac, EPUB/PDF/CBZ

I don't use Mac often enough to have opinions here beyond "start with whatever cross-platform thing is good elsewhere, as a baseline, and go on from there". Don't settle for any EPUB reader on Mac worse than the Calibre one, since Calibre works on Mac. (I've heard vague good things about Apple's native one; maybe it's actually a viable option?) Don't settle for any CBZ reader on Mac worse than YACReader, since YACReader works on Mac. Et cetera. (For PDFs I don't have any advice on what to use even as baseline, unfortunately; for whatever reason, PDF readers, or at least the better ones, seem to tend not to be natively cross-platform.)

Linux, EPUB

For the most part, my advice is the same as Windows: just go with the Calibre reader (and maybe use Sigil as a backup for edge cases). However, if you, like me, prefer scrolled EPUB-reading over paginated EPUB-reading, I'd also suggest checking out Foliate; while it's less powerful than the Calibre reader overall, with fewer features and more propensity towards breaking in edge cases, it's basically functional for normal books lacking unusual/tricky formatting, and, unlike Calibre, it has an actually-good scrolled display mode.

Linux, PDF

I have yet to find any options I'm fully satisfied with here, for the "fast launch and fast rendering and functional lightweight UI" niche that I use SumatraPDF for on Windows. Among the less-good-but-still-functional options I've tried out: SumatraPDF launched via Wine takes a while to start up, but once launched it has the usual nice SumatraPDF featureset. Zathura with the MuPDF backend is very pleasantly-fast, but has a somewhat-unintuitive keyboard-centric control scheme and is hard to configure. And qpdfview offers a nice general-purpose PDF-reading UI, including being quick to launch, but its rendering backend is slower than either Sumatra's or Zathura's so it's less good for paging quickly through large/heavy PDFs.

Linux, CBZ

YACReader, as mentioned previously in the Windows section, is pretty definitively the best option I've found here, and its Linux version is a solid ~equal to CDisplayEx's Windows version. Like CDisplayEx, it's also better than more traditional PDF readers for reading PDF-based comics.

iOS/iPadOS, EPUB

My current main reading app is Marvin. However, it hasn't been updated in years, and is no longer available on the app store, so I'm currently in the process of getting ready to migrate elsewhere in anticipation of Marvin's likely permanent breakage some time in the next few years. Thus I will omit detailed discussion of Marvin and instead discuss the various other at-least-vaguely-comparably-good options on the market.

For general-purpose reading, including scrolled reading if that's your thing, Apple's first-party Books app turns out to be surprisingly good. It's not the best in terms of customization of display-style, but it's basically solidly functional, moreso than the vast majority of the apps on the market.

For reading of books with vertical text in particular, meanwhile, I use Yomu, which is literally the only reader I've encountered to date on any platform which has what I'd consider to be a sensible and high-quality way of handling scrolled reading of vertical-text-containing books. While I don't recommend it for more general purposes, due to awkward handling of EPUBs' tables of contents (namely, kind of ignoring them and doing its own alternate table-of-contents thing it thinks is better), it is extremely good for that particular niche, as well as being more generally solid-aside-from-the-TOC-thing.

iOS/iPadOS, PDF

I use GoodReader. I don't know if it's the best in the market, but it's very solidly good enough for everything I've tried to do with it thus far. It's fast; its UI is good at getting out of my way, while still packing in all the features I want as options when I go looking for them (most frequently switching between two-page-with-front-cover and two-page-without-front-cover display for a given book); also in theory it has a bunch of fancy PDF-editing features for good measure, although in practice I never use those and can't comment on their quality. But, as a reader, it's very solidly good enough for me, and I wish I could get a reader like it for desktop.

iOS/iPadOS, CBZ

YACReader has an iOS version; following the death of my former favorite comic reader for iOS (ComicRack), it's very solidly the best option I'm aware of on the market. (And honestly would be pretty competitive even if ComicRack were still around.) I recommend it here as I do on Linux.

Android, EPUB/PDF/CBZ

It's been years since I've had an Android device, and accordingly have very little substantial advice here. (I'm expecting to move back to Android for my next phone-and-maybe-also-tablet, out of general preferring-open-hardware-and-software-when-practical feelings, but it'll plausibly be a while, because Apple is much better at long-lasting hardware and software than any Android manufacturers I'm aware of.) For EPUB, I recall Moon+ reader was the best option I could find back circa 2015ish, but that's long enough ago that plausibly things have changed substantially at this point. For CBZ, both YACReader and CDisplayEx have Android versions, although I haven't tried either and so can't comment on their quality. For PDF, you're on your own; I have no memories or insights there.

Conclusion

...and that's it. If there are other major platforms on which ebook-reader software can be chosen, I'm failing to think of them currently, and this is what I've got for all platforms I have managed to think of.

In the future... well, I hope my own reader-in-development (slated for 1.0.0 release as a Firefox extension with only EPUB support, with ambitions of eventually expanding to cover other platforms and other formats) will one day join this recommendation-pile, but it's currently not yet in anything resembling a recommendable form. And I hope that there are lots of good reader-development projects in progress that I currently don't know about; but, if there are, I currently don't know about them.

So, overall, this is all I've got! I hope it's helpful.

#Archive #Social #Ask #Ebooks #Infodump #the short summary of why i want to find a web-based epub reader is:#currently i'm learning to read japanese.#one of the natural next steps for me to take in the japanese-learning process is to start reading actual books.#i have some very useful browser extensions—yomichan and jpdbreader—which make reading japanese in-browser more convenient than elsewhere.#(jpdbreader in particular is probably the best training-wheels-ish japanese-reading tool i've found to date.)#however i can't use firefox extensions in non-firefox reader apps such as calibre #and browser security limits are such that i can't use them on other extensions' associated webpages either #thus i need to find a non-extension-based website i can get to display my japanese books so i can then read them with those extensions.

44 notes · View notes

earthssprout · 4 months

Text

happy new year to you & yours, friends ! 🥳🌷🍃 I hope you all had a wonderful & safe time while celebrating, if you enjoyed any such kind of merriment at all 🥺

as I mentioned in the tags on a previous post, I've been meaning to share how I intend to handle Ari's blog as I struggle to balance real life responsibilities & writing. after much discussion with close friends & exploring important parts of myself on my own, I've decided to put Ari's blog on an EXTREMELY LOW ACTIVITY status, of which will remain so until the end of my studies. seeing as I'm pursuing an English degree, there will never be a semester when I'm not writing a bajillion things a week to satisfy course requirements & perform well academically. this, of course, takes precedence 🥺 it is my future, after all !

with all that being said, I don't want to separate myself from this space entirely, so I won't be putting Ari's blog on an indefinite hiatus. however, during the rare opportunities given to me throughout the semester which allow me to be somewhat present on here, I'd like to keep my "obligations" to roleplay as low as possible. therefore--for at least the foreseeable future--I will no longer be accepting new threads or engaging in starter calls/posting my own. if we had any threads going before, consider them dropped. I plan to make this blog what you might call ... " ask - centric " ... meaning that the only method of interaction I will be accepting for a while are asks. I will be answering prompts that are sent in to me, as well as sending the same to others. any asks that I send, however, will not be continued ( except for perhaps on the very rare occasion ). my partners are welcome to continue the ask if they would like to, but just know that it's highly unlikely I'll respond to anything that is turned into a thread. I may, however, toss the response into the treasure box tag ! 🌷🍃

I understand that this, in turn, somewhat prioritizes the relationships that Ari has already built with other muses and, in a way, limits opportunity for her to create new ones. while this restriction isn’t something I’m intentionally enforcing — rather, it is a passive effect of the current state of affairs — given the busyness of real life & all else that is equally important to me, I simply don't have the energy to juggle many things at once on here--in fact, I've been unable to do so for a long while, & I'm only now facing & accepting that fact 😔 the most meaningful & important relationships that Ari has made with other muses were primarily built by lots & lots of ooc discussion, so while I am not opposed to starting new things & building similar relationships, the chances of such happening are much higher with those that are willing to engage in thoughtful discussion about our muses despite my circumstances — plotting over interaction, to put it simply 🌱

regardless, I will still be very slow on here, and I expect I will keep a similar pace when responding to im’s as well. even though asks will be the only interactions/things I respond to on here for a while, please don’t expect me to reply to such with any haste either. I may have the time and creative energy to respond to five asks in a single day, or I may lack both for a month straight. this is, unfortunately, something unpredictable, and therefore I cannot make any promises about how often I'll be here 😔 overall, the greatest shift this blog will be experiencing is how much creative energy I can spend on it and where I decide to invest that. I don’t want to abandon this space entirely, as it is a comforting place to be, and Ari is still very much alive and well in my heart ! I want to comment on posts to support my fellow writers, participate in the occasional dash shenanigan, post random thoughts and ideas I have about Ari throughout the day, and maybe even still actually write ! however, some balancing is in order; I want to improve upon my writing through practice, but most importantly, I enjoy this hobby again 🌷🌼😭

to anyone that isn’t interested in writing with a blog that has such sporadic activity and limited methods of interaction, I completely understand. I always want to be a person that encourages others to do what’s best for them, so if parting ways because of this change is what you need to, then please do so. you will be missed, of course !🌷 but know that this decision to limit my interactions so severely is because I have the same desire in mind — I have to do what’s best for me, in a way that cares for my mental health and nurtures my creative spirit 🌻that being said, this may change. I may limit my interactions even more in the future ... I may open everything back up again ... who knows 🥺

since everything in my ask box is covered in about seven thick layers of dust, I'll also be deleting everything in there too--starting completely anew !

to those who remain, thank you for your ongoing understanding, patience, and support 🌿 at some point, I’m sure, Ari and I will see you outside again ! 🐸🌱🪻🌷🌳🐝

#( ❀ | ooc )#( ❀ | psa )#long post cw #( tumblr keeping my tags despite my long absence is truly the 8th wonder of the world 👀#ANYWAY 🌷 here's the promised post!#it got lengthy in spite of my best efforts but. cmon guys. you've been here long enough to know that I'm incapable of condensing anything #much less a post like this one ... 😭 )

26 notes · View notes

gffa · 1 year

Note

I'm very curious, and sorry if you've answered this before but, how do you think an AU where Ani does not fall could happen?

The solutions I've seen in fic are mostly three: Palps dies (disappointingly rarely via Zillo beast); Obikin get together and clear up their disagreements/Ani comes clean about the Tattoine massacre and together they figure out Palps is the sith lord and prepare the order to face him/prevent order 66; or something happens that makes Ani realize his mistakes and ask for help (something that's somehow more of a wake-up call than Padmè begging him to stop and Obi Wan trying to talk sense into him). Shmi not dying is often part of all 3 options but I've never seen it alone changing Ani's fate and I don't think it would either.

I love the prequels, but Ani falling makes me sad because he starts as such a kind boy (though he struggles with attachment and later fear) but as a young adult he already has these massive flaws that seem insurmountable and he seems doomed to fall no matter what happens. So I think a lot about how could Ani not have fallen, in a close-to-canon AU? Palps dying, of course, but that doesn't feel like an emotionally satisfying story to me. Obikin getting together isn't (though I love them!) the story Lucas wanted to tell (disregarding that Ani not falling wasn't the story he wanted to tell either). And the third option I just don't buy.

What do you think? Is Ani doomed by the narrative, and no small change could have saved him, and a big deus ex-machina event is needed so Palps dies/Obikin get together/Ani comes to his senses?

Sorry if this is a bit rambly!

Hi! I've given this thought before and I generally come down to--once we set aside that Anakin had to fall, because that's the story being told--that I'm with George Lucas on this, that Anakin's fall is down to his unwillingness to accept that life is transitory, that life changes, that you have to let go, instead of trying to possess things. That is the issue that has to be solved, so any fix-it AU has to stem from that, in my mind. One instance is, as Lucas said, if Anakin had been found by the Jedi earlier, he would have been trained to love people without becoming attached to them, but that's changing more than what I think you want to change. For me, my answer is usually pretty boring--as much as I love reading pairing fic with fix-its and I roll with the way an author sets things up, I generally don't believe that a romantic relationship would have fixed Anakin, not even a healthily balanced one. Anakin's problem is that he was so afraid of losing people, of living with that loss, that he clung to the ones he loved, putting him in a relationship just hurtles him down the same path as in canon. The best way for him imo is to get rid of Palpatine, which doesn't take away Anakin's issues, but it gives him breathing room to grow in a healthier way, to not have that constant temptation and seductive whisper dripping poison in his ear. It gives him the space to slowly come to trust the Jedi ways, because I very much do think that Anakin believed in the Jedi ways, he just couldn't get over himself when it was his own fears on the line. The way he teaches Ahsoka, he works to help her to let go of her attachments, he tells her exactly that when she's on Onderon. He teaches that to Rex when they're looking for Echo on Skako Minor. He believes in the Jedi ways, he has a good heart, he wants to do the healthy, balanced thing. He just can't get past that last, most terrifying hurdle. In a galaxy where he has more breathing room, where he doesn't have Palpatine driving a wedge between him and the Jedi, preying on his insecurities, he has the time to slowly do the self-examination necessary to grow into the person that he had the potential to be. And it's actually my favorite one, because I think it sticks closest to the heart of Lucas' Star Wars and the Force and the Jedi. That it's about learning to let go, to have a lifetime of discipline and work on yourself, to look inside and acknowledge your feelings and let them pass beyond you, that you have to do the hard work yourself and there's no shortcut to a better self. You have to work at it. I genuinely believe that Anakin could have gotten there without Palpatine. That doesn't mean his choices aren't his own, I've planted my flag hard on that hill, but that doesn't mean that Palpatine didn't fuck him up hardcore and, without his influence, in the events in Anakin's life where Palpatine's not a direct influence, he actually generally fares pretty well. When Palpatine isn't around, Anakin rises to the potential in him, he reaches out and does good, he accepts the help he's offered, like Anakin Skywalker had so much good in him, and if he hadn't been so tempted by Palpatine's siren song of "your feelings make you special", then I believe he would have gotten to a really good place with himself. But it's one I see as an internal journey of self-discovery, rather than being magically fixed by an external change. Getting rid of Palpatine is pulling the knife out of his side, but Anakin still has to heal the damage himself. Whether that happens during ROTS (harder, but still doable) or when he was younger, I think you have to truly get rid of Palpatine's existence, not just put distance there, but that Palpatine has to not be an option at all. Then Anakin will do the work himself.

#anakin skywalker #sheev palpatine #meta

100 notes · View notes

quinloki · 11 months

Note

Not sure if you've done these yet but let's go with Pegging and Breeding with Kid, Killer, and Law please?

Pegging and Breeding with Kid, Killer and Law - why yes I think I will enjoy this ask \o/

The perfect way to warm up for the day if I do say so myself.

We'll go in your thoughtfully provided alphabetical order <3

I've done breeding for all of them before now, but hadn't done pegging for any of them. Given how pegging works, I did add a little to each breeding entry ^_^

Eustass Kid:

Pegging - Yes - Kid's an equal opportunity kind of lover. Anything he's doing to you - as much as it can be - it's been done to him. Whether he really vibes it or not, he's going to experience it at least once. I've referred to Doflamingo as a hedonistic peacock, Eustass is more of a hedonistic dragon. He hoards kinks and pleasures and makes them his own, and it's not so much that he shares as it is that he pulls you into his pile of debaucheries.

So, he'll not only let you peg him, he'll make the strap on, walk you through prepping him, go over all the safeties, etc. You might peg him, hells, sometimes you might top him, but you'll probably never dom him.

Breeding - FUCK Yes - Man's got a specific piece of furniture for this. It's designed to be adjustable (It goes from 4'00" - 12'00" just because he could), and can be used with or without straps. It's got a few other addons, and it's multiple body type friendly.

Hey, Eustass makes things with his hands - not just metal stuff, the man's leather working and wood working skills are on point and I'm not even speaking in double entendre xD It's designed to keep from having the sub/bottom that gets on it from being too exhausted to be, well, bred. (Designed with their pleasure in mind cause some of these addons vibrate).

Thing of it like a comfy saddle with a sybian built into it (google that at your own risk). (I even wrote a drabble for bottom!Eustass week where he's "testing" it out, so he 100% takes what he gives.)

Killer:

Pegging - Yes - almost a FUCK Yes. Killer's more flexible on the top/bottom vibes than his captain (Kid will bend, just not as often), but he's very similar in the dom/sub category. You can peg him, he'll be all for it, going over all the specifics and talking you through the prep. If you're in a dominate mind set you might be able to find a few subby cracks in Killer's mask, but chances are he's power bottoming, vs letting you have any real control.

He'll enjoy it, and so will you, so there shouldn't be any complaints. He lets himself sink in pleasure just as much as any other horny member of the crew, and few sights are sweeter than having Killer twitch and gasp in pleasure under you.

Breeding - FUCK Yes - I mean, have you see that breeding bench that Kid built?! Of course he enjoys using it, and this is a style of marking/possessiveness he can get behind. (ah, heh accidental pun there. get behind... xD) It's not just filling you up over and over that he enjoys, sometimes letting others fill you up too, but it's having you shudder and cum on his cock over and over too. He's into it just as much for your continued pleasure as his own.

The number of times your body tries to curl on that bench is going to be at least twice as often as Killer satisfies himself, and he'll certainly take his turn on it. It's comfy, for one, and sometimes it's nice to just sink into the bench and let other people do the work while he enjoys himself.

Trafalgar Law:

Pegging - Sure - If you want enthusiasm there's a lot of other kinks for Law that'll work. He's not against receiving, he's just never really lively about it. He's also really about control, and he doesn't like giving it up (Which is why on the rare cases when he'll sub he's a massive brat about it). He'll still walk you through everything - he's not about to let you accidentally hurt him.

Once things get going, he will enjoy himself. He might huff and grumble during the setup a little, but it's not like you're forcing him to do something he dislikes. He's just neutral about it.

Breeding - FUCK Yes - He loves to breed you. Whether it's putting you on a specific breeding bench, or having you hold your legs open for him as he fills you up, or pressing into you, filling you up again and again. With his devil fruit (or in other AUs non-condom forms of birth control) there's no concern of becoming pregnant unexpectedly, and that makes it hotter for both of you. There's just an extra layer of control and trust in there because of it.

As for being bred... hm... I almost feel like he'd have to lose a bet or something. There's just so much control he's handing over and I don't think he'd be up for it as a general rule.

#kinky one piece head canon #eustass kid #killer one piece #trafalgar law #x reader #eustass x reader #killer x reader #law x reader

143 notes · View notes

ask-meowscarada · 6 months

Text

Seeking Star Sending Surprises!

The moment Charade catches word of a community gift-giving event, she gathers her team members and sits them down to eagerly explain the terms. Although Riddle initially refuses to participate, the other three plead and gradually wear him down. The very instant Riddle utters the word, "fine", Charade takes off at full speed, returning moments later with pencils and paper for the four of them.

It takes several days for everybody to be satisfied with their lists, but once they are, Charade collects them all to deliver to this mysterious Star Sender.

———

Charade

Charade’s wishes are written playfully (misspellings and all), with little doodles in the margins depicting each item on her list.

∙ mint things! ♡ mint candy, mint tea, mint ice cream, etc etc. ∙ a bouque of lavender! ∙ a gracidea flower - real ones are hard to find but i’d be just as greatful to have a fake one ∙ board games to play with my friends! ♡ ∙ PLUSHIES!!!!! ∙ also after you’re done opening presents please deliver all empty boxes to me please I LOVE BOXES!!!!!!!!!

———

Blackjack

Even with his flower pod hands, Jack keeps his writing neat, if a little unsteady.

Dear stranger, Thank you for taking the time to read my letter! The things I've written here are part of a bigger project of mine. I understand some of these are very rare, so it's okay if you're not able to give any of these as gifts. I'll be extremely grateful for anything! - Any Evolution stone - A type-enhancing item such as a Miracle Seed, Poison Barb, Dragon Fang, etc. - An artifact from the Ruins of Alph - Books or other information about the RKS System project - Any kind or number of Tera Shards

———

Party Trick

Almost all of Tricky’s letter is written in all caps, the graphite burnished deeply into the paper.

I HAVE NO NEED FOR YOUR PALTRY GIFTS THE CAT TELLS ME THIS STATEMENT IS “TOO MEAN”. SHE THINKS I’M NOT “GETTING INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT”. FINE. HERE IS MY “HOLIDAY SPIRIT” LIST.

What follows is an incredibly long and absurd list of impossible-to-obtain items that includes famous works of art, government documents, and siege weaponry. However, at the very end is a footnote written in very small print, made deliberately easy to miss:

this list isn’t meant to be taken seriously. if you want to do something for me, please, get something for jack instead. you’d really make him smile. that’s all i want.

———

Riddle

Riddle’s printing has different consistencies throughout, with rather messy formatting; it’s as if he spent the longest on his list, adding and changing things on different days using different pencils. Still, the end result is legible, despite the corrections and scribbles.

Don’t feel obligated to get me anything from this list. I don’t know the limits on what’s acceptable to ask from a stranger. If you're so incensed, however, I want you to share something sentimental with me. ⁃ Something handmade. ⁃ Photos from a place you've traveled. ⁃ Your favourite recipe. ⁃ A copy of a poem, song, or other piece of writing you enjoy. ⁃ Something that represents your home. ⁃ Anything you can think of similar to the above. Thank you for your time and consideration.

The last few lines of Riddle's letter have been written over something else that he erased. Looking closely, it reads:

If you want, maybe after this we can exchange addresses and be pen pals.

———

(( Whether you're reading this out of curiosity or because I'm your Star Sending recipient, hi there!! With four characters, I figured I'd leave a lot for you to choose from so you can do what's most comfortable for you. It's your choice if you want to take a more serious or silly approach!

Charade's list is the most straightforward, and depending on what you pick, can end up being lighthearted or sentimental! She'll be equally appreciative of any of her wishlist items, including the boxes :D

Blackjack and Tricky's lists are intertwined, and Jack's wishes are largely plot-relevant. If you're up for that, you're absolutely free to fulfill any of his wishlist items, but it's not a big deal if you don't (I have a contingency plan)! The one exception I have is if you decide to do the Tera Shard request, please keep the number low (pretty much no showing up with 30 or more Tera shards)!

Riddle's list leans more towards serious, but if you want to engage him in a silly way, please do! As a character, he takes himself more seriously than I tend to depict him, so it's up to you if you wanna play around with that or not!

I'm really excited for this event! I hope you have fun, too! ))

#pokestarsending2023 #charade meowscarada #blackjack roserade #tricky hatterene #riddle delphox #art post #long post

48 notes · View notes

boliv-jenta · 1 year

Text

Joel Miller x f!reader

Set during Kin with future spoilers for the game.

Warnings: Violence and language in the beginning. Near the end, talk of pregnancy loss, stillbirth. Mentions of smut.

WC: 5k

Joel receives a little help from a Jackson resident in more ways than one.

Hope

"This is fucking amazing!" Ellie continued inhaling her food.

"Sorry. Ellie let's mind our manners." Joel chide her.

Ellie didn't even register it as she carried on eating. Her attention was then taken by a young girl looking at her from behind a wooden post.

"What?!" Ellie barked. The girl quickly scurried away.

"What's wrong with you?" Joel asked.

"What about her manners?!" Ellie called in the direction the strickened girl ran off to.

A laugh rang out, it was hearty and full of life. Joel had noticed that around Jackson, it was like new life had been breathed into the world. Joy was freely shown, love was given readily. All the things that were kept behind closed doors in the QZ. It was rare to find anything joyful outside of your home in the QZ, not with the scent of burning bodies in the air and the ash coating the streets.

Tommy turned to the source of the laughter, a young woman, well young to Joel. Tommy raised his eyebrows at her, she simply struggled in response. "What? I like her."

"Ellie, this is you in twenty years if we hadn't brought you in." Tommy joked as he pulled out a chair next to him for the woman. Reluctantly, she dropped herself down into it, placing the last of her drink in front of her.

Tommy introduced them all. "Joel. Ellie. This is Holliday."

Ellie actually slowed the relentless shoving of food into her mouth to ask incredulously "Holliday? Really?!"

"It's an old nickname. I'm good with a gun." Holliday's answer seems to satisfy her or the lure of food was too much. She started shovelling her meal into her mouth again.

"Why don't you make yourself useful, as our newest member and tell Joel and Ellie we can be trusted." Tommy leaned back in his chair, waiting for her response with a slight smile on his face. He turned to Maria, who looked thoroughly unimpressed. With Maria's big plans for Jackson and Holliday's mistrust of authority, the two women just clashed. Maybe in another life time, when things were simpler, they would have gotten along just fine.

"I don't trust you." Holliday began causing Maria to sigh. "I don't trust anyone. They can't betray you if you don't trust them."

Ellie gave a huff around her mouthful of food like some great wisdom had been bestowed on her. Joel just narrowed his gaze in thought. "But I have seen good and bad people doing a lot of good and bad shi-stuff." Her eyes flickered to Ellie. "While I've been here. I've only seen good people trying to do good stuff. They could have killed me when they found me but they didn't. Although, Tommy was definitely going to shoot me."

Tommy barked out a laugh. "Oh, I definitely was. Some half dead, feral woman knocked out two of my guys. Dominique was the one that stopped me." Tommy cringed a little at his slip up.

"And I thanked her appropriately." Holliday grinned, making Tommy cringe even further.

"Her husband didn't find it appropriate." Maria muttered.

"Well, I'm sorry Maria. I didn't know how you all conducted your business back then. Next time I find someone attractive, before I even speak to them, I will take it to the council and put it to a vote." Holliday put her hand over her heart solemnly as she spoke.

"Or just check if they are married before you…" Maria caught herself, suddenly remembering they had guests. Joel and Ellie had just been silently witnessing the drama unfolding.

"I'm sorry. We shouldn't talk about this in front of…" Maria looked at Ellie.

"What? Dominique saved her life so she thanked her with sex." Ellie shrugged before shoving the last of her food into her mouth.

Joel shifted uncomfortably, Maria quietly seethed and Tommy tried to keep himself together. Maria shot him a glare as he didn't quite manage it. Knowing it would be best for him to change the subject Tommy piped up. "So Doc, you given any more thought to training the kids?"

Holliday gave a tight smile and stood to slip on her coat. "Yes. In fact, I was going to do it after my shift but something came up."

"Really. What?" Tommy looked at her cautiously, preparing to dodge any barb sent his way.

Making him wait, Holliday drained her glass before setting it on the table. "I have to drop by and see the council. I have to ask them to vote on if I'm allowed to talk to your very handsome brother." With that she turned on her heels and left.

"Very handsome!" Ellie laughed, nudging Joel as she scraped her plate for anything she had missed.

Joel blushed slightly, it didn't go unnoticed by Tommy but he decided to give his brother a break.

"I apologise for Holliday. She's had it rough but she's proving to be a valuable member of Jackson. She's a doctor. We were lucky enough to have a doctor and a couple of nurses already but Holliday specialised in trauma." Maria informed them.

"When we found her, she insisted on sewing herself up." Tommy told Ellie.

"Cool. A badass doctor. Quite a catch. You should ask her out, Joel." Ellie eyed his food as he spoke. Rather than answer he pushed his plate in front of her as a distraction. Thankfully, it worked.

Holliday smiled to herself at the pissed look on Maria's face. She respected Maria a whole lot but she was tired of having her mistake held over her. How was she to know Dominique was married? The thought of annoying Maria in front of her brother-in-law gave her a sense of glee. Between that and some less than appropriate thoughts about Tommy's brother, Holliday made her way to the clinic on autopilot.

Movie night had fast become a favourite in Jackson. Everyone came together, no matter what the movie, people turned up even if they hated it, just to be a part of the night. There was definitely a feeling of safety in numbers. Jackson was safe enough but alone in your home, it was easy for your mind to play tricks. The low hum of the fridge or a creaking floor board could become the sound of approaching infected. Here, with everybody, it was easy to leave that behind. To pretend that the world was normal again. That everything was how it should be.

Although some parts just highlighted how far things were from how they should be. Ellie was sat a few rows in front of Holliday. She couldn't help watch the child as she settled in for the movie. Ellie had definitely made an impression, it didn't help that she's around the same age her daughter should be. Holliday daydreamed about if her daughter would run her mouth like Ellie, if she'd be as sharp, as full of humour in this bleak world. Her thoughts were broken by Ellie slipping out of the hall.

The kid could probably take care of herself, Holliday told herself even as she followed Ellie down Main Street. She continued to tell herself that as she waited for Ellie to come back into sight as the kid ducked into the doorway of one of the stores. It took real effort to hold herself back as Ellie appeared looking visibly upset. Instead she continued to follow her to the house her and Joel were staying in. Even when the light came on in the bedroom, illuminating the pink curtains with a soft glow, Holliday stood guard. It was only when Joel returned that she stepped back into the shadows and made her way to her own home.

The midday afternoon sun warmed Holliday through the chill of the season as brushed her horse.

"You given him a name yet?" Tommy's voice startled her slightly as she was so caught up in the soothing repetition of brushing down the bay stallion.

"Nope. I'm not naming it. I'm not getting that attached." Holliday answered.

Tommy leaned on the side of the stall. "I kind of get where you are coming from. Having relationships, connections, makes life worth living but it complicated things. Leaves you open to hurt."

"Is there a reason for these musings on the human condition or…?" Holliday continued to brush her horse, seemingly uninterested.

"My brother wanted me to get the kid to her family. It's a tough trip. He's worried her ain't as sharp as he used to be. I couldn't leave Maria and the baby but now…" he trailed off conflict darkened his features.

"You're worried about him. Where are they headed?"

"University of Eastern Colorado."

"It's a pretty straightforward route. If you sent someone after them they could catch up."

"They could, but Maria wouldn't allow it."

"You could send someone she wouldn't miss."

"I couldn't ask anyone…"

"Well then, pack some supplies and hope you can find someone you don't have to ask. Maybe someone you could have pulled the trigger on and you didn't. Someone who wants to settle that score."

Tommy smiled gratefully. "I'll leave the supplies here. They could sneak out with the patrol change in about an hour but that score wouldn't be even, I'd owe them."

"Well, maybe they could collect your debt from your very handsome brother."

Tommy finally let go of the breath he was holding, it rattled out in a shaky laugh.

"I better run that past the council." Then his laughter subsided. His tone was serious when he added "Thank you."

Holliday never did well with thanks. Turning her back on him, she began preparing her horse for the journey.

The ride to the University was uneventful. A few tracks hinted that Joel and Ellie may have come the same way. The tracks became clearer when Holliday finally urged her horse onto the campus lawn. Cautiously scanning the buildings, Holliday's blood froze when something caught her eye. On the ground, near one of the buildings, lay a body, from the size of it, it was a man. Scenarios flashed incoherently through her head. It can't be Joel, there's no Ellie. What if someone took her? Where? God, if the harm her.

With her rifle ready, Holliday dismounted her horse. Checking every vantage point, she edged forward. Whether it was Joel's body or not. It could still be a trap. When she was close enough to know it wasn't Joel, she wasted no time in getting back to her horse before taking off. The tracks she followed were lost to the snow again. Eventually, she stumbled upon the edge of a small town. It was quiet. Seemingly, completely abandoned. The houses were in good shape. It was a well off neighbourhood. Searching a few of them might find her a decent meal and some shelter from the weather. Even if it didn't give her an indication of where Joel and Ellie were, it's better than what she had now, fingers fighting frostbite and a stomach eating itself. The first two were empty, she couldn't be sure but they looked recently looted. The dust looked freshly disturbed. In the third house, she knew they'd been there. The scent of the horse wafted for the garage. They stabled theirs there, just like she had at one of the other houses. Footprints led to basement stairs. With her pistol drawn she made her way down the old, worn stairs. They creaked underfoot but held. The sight of Joel laying on his back on the floor scared the life out of her. Those same panicked questions came back. Where was Ellie? What if someone took her. "Joel! Joel!"

Joel began to stir. The relief of him moving chased by more fear as he groaned, bring his hand to his stomach. "Ellie?"

"Fuck, Joel. You're bleeding. Wha..?"

"Where's Ellie?" He was almost to his feet, he swayed slightly but recovered before Holliday got to him.

"I don't know."

"Where are we? Where could she have gone?"

"The houses nearby have been looted. She probably went out a bit further to get food."

Joel stood with his back to Holliday. His knuckles turned white while he gripped the edge of the long broken down dryer. Pins and needle stabbed at his hands and feet. His chest felt like the house around them had fallen down onto it.

"Joel?"

"I'm alright. I just…"

Holliday spun him to face her. Stood in front of him, her eyes looked deep into his. She modified her breathing so it was slow and calm. "Joel, she'll be okay. We'll find her."

Joel finched away from her gaze. Her hands cupped his cheeks bringing it back to her. He let her lead him, ever so slightly leaning into her touch. "Joel. Will. We. Find. Her."

The tightness in Joel's chest eased. He took a breath before nodding. "We will."

When Joel's rough hands covered her soft ones, Holliday told herself it was the drag of his weathered skin that caused the tingle under her skin. The slight squeeze of reassurance, with his fingers curled around her palms as he moved her hands away, was the closest she had come to holding hands with someone in a long time. Her breath was no longer slow and calm as Joel released her to retrieve his bag. Her thumbs skimmed the ghost of his touch as picked up her own things.

"Do you have any idea where she went?" Joel asked, slipping on his backpack before checking his rifle.

Holliday mirrored him, checking her shotgun. "The tracks are only clear for a couple of dozen feet. I say we head out and see if we can pick them up in the more sheltered areas."

Joel nodded, eyeing the way she checked her weapons with practised ease. "You look pretty comfortable with guns. Aren't doctors supposed to do no harm?"

"Maybe before the apocalypse. I think Hippocrates would cut me some slack now." Holliday offered Joel a smirk, which he returned. It was a nice moment before they headed out to a fucking nightmare.

The men they encountered, kept advancing on them as they made their way through the town. It was clear they were her for them and they already had Ellie. Joel hoped to keep one alive to tell him where she was. That hope got dimmer every time he had to take one out just to survive. They were well armed and kept him pinned. It was only a couple of risky manoeuvres from Holliday that took the last two down.

Joel wondered if it was the oath she swore that made her put herself at risk to save him and Ellie. Maybe she cared for them. Maybe she'd made a silent promise to do some good like he had. In any case, he was grateful. Even more so when they bastard grabbed him and one came at him with a knife. Holliday slammed the butt of her shotgun into the skull of the man holding him. He went near limp as he slid off Joel. Joel didn't give him a second glance as he hit the floor, he was too focused on the prick with the knife. A knife that came straight for him. After deflecting it with ease, Joel threw the man to the ground before landing a kick square to his head knocking him out cold.

Holliday stood before the guy in the chair, her gun resting casually across her arm. It was an effort to keep her body language just as casual but she wanted the guy in the chair to know that she didn't give a shit if Joel killed him or not. Her expression was neutral as the guy pulled against the ropes binding him.

Terror was clear in his voice as he shouted, turning to see Joel steadily beating the life out of his friend. "What the fuck?!"

Joel left the guy on the floor, bloodied and beaten. From the state of him, Holliday surmised that his nose and jaw were broken. His breathing indicated a punctured lung. There was bound to be some internal bleeding from the kicking Joel gave him. Out here, pulling a bullet in him would be the kindest medical treatment she could offer.

The steel in Joel's gaze made her shiver as he set his sight on the guy in the chair. Grabbing a chair for himself Joel sat in front of the guy. When his question wasn't answered, he sunk his knife into the guy's leg. The whole scene was brutal. The air was tinged with the smell of copper. The protests of both men fell on deaf ears. The sickening snap of a neck and Joel stood triumphant, blood, his and theirs, covering him, the map tightly in his grasp. Part of Holliday wished that it disturbed her more. She wished that Joel's fury was something she couldn't begin to understand. Watching it dance behind his dark eyes, she remembered the steps. Last time, she danced them herself solo, this time she had a partner.

"Do you believe him?" Holliday asked Joel as the man on the floor swore at them, spitting out protests.

"Yes." Joel's voice was eerily calm.

With a nod, Holliday picked up a pipe and promptly caved in the head of the man on the floor. With the adrenaline dissipating, Joel always began to look at his own actions but it was the mirror of Holliday actions held up to him that hit him. A woman he barely knew just took a life for him in cold blood. She didn't flinch. Didn't dwell on it. The guy was in no shape to cause them a problem yet she'd dealt with him just as he has his friend. Ellie had shot that kid to save him. Is that what he did now, corrupt the people around him? All the rage he kept hidden inside now seeping out to muddy the morales of others?

As the pushed out into the storm it picked up. The wind blew so violently, it almost knocked them off their feet. They kept moving, they had to. They couldn't even see five feet in front of them as they stumbled upon the town. A couple of guards were easily taken care of. A snapped neck and knife to the throat ensured that no one heard them coming. By some miracle they crept through the town, undetected for a while even with people running around, whipped into a frenzy by the ringing of a bell.

Two men rushed at them as they turned a corner. Holliday grabbed the axe the first one swung at her. Her two hands gripped it firmly as her attacker tried to push it into her shoulder. Joel was busy grappling with another asshole with a knife so he did follow her movements too closely. All he saw was a spin from her and the guy with an axe buried in his gut. Joel shoved his own knife into the throat of the guy in his grasp. With a crackling choke with drew his last breath and Joel withdrew the knife. Trying to quickly distance themselves from the bodies, they rushed down an alley and in through an open door.

"Shit. I can't see a thing." Holliday cursed, her embedded fear of the dark setting her on edge.

"Here. Stay close." Joel switched on his flashlight.

"What's this? Why is Ellie's stuff here?" Joel grabbed Ellie's backpack from a shelf filled with them.

"Joel, let's go." Holliday tried to distract him from the note she noticed on the shelf. If those weights jotted down, meant what she suspected, they needed to move.

"Yeah, come on." Joel passed through a heavy plastic curtain. The smell hit them as his flashlight lit up the dead bodies hung from the ceiling, like prime cuts of meat. "Oh Christ. I gotta find her. I gotta find her." He pushed forward through the bodies. Holliday stuck close, so close she nearly walked into him when he stopped at the counter, bracing himself against it. "Her backpack…"

"She wasn't there Joel. She's still out there. Let's go."

Holliday opened the front door wide. Smoke blew towards them, the source was a building engulfed in flames at the end of the street. "Holy shit!"

"Ellie!" Joel broke into a run towards the building. He slowed for a second to survey the area.

Holliday caught up to him. "You go. I'll keep watch."

Heat and fear licked at Holliday's spine as she stood watch. After what felt like far too long Joel emerged with his arm around Ellie's shoulders. The girl was visibly shaken, blood splattered her face and clothing.

Dropping to her knees Holliday checked the kid over. Smearing the blood as she checked for the source. "Is this yours?" Blood covered Ellie's hands and forearms. Before she could stop her the woman had rolled her sleeve up.

Realising what was happening Joel grabbed Holliday from behind. His grip was tight on her but she didn't even feel it. Her mind was too busy processing what she had seen. "Those are infected bites. They're old. They're healed. I don't…I don't…"

"I'm immune. Joel is taking me to the Fireflies to help find a cure." Ellie rushed out, trying to explain before things went south.

"Ellie!" Joel warned.

Holliday was speechless, all her time working in the medical field, she hadn't come across anything like this. A few odd symptoms in the infected, a slight deviation of the progression of the infection but that was it. Voices hollered behind them.

"Go. Get her out of here. Cover your tracks. I'll lead them away." Holliday pushed out of Joel's grip, his heart clenched at the memory of Tess. Ellie pulling at him got him moving. Even though she didn't want to leave Holliday, she sure as shit wanted to get out of there. "Go. I'll see you back in Jackson."

It was only when Holliday stood, Joel noticed the blood in the snow when her knees had been. Her non-dominant arm clutched to her side. "Take care of her." She called over the roar of the wind before jogging down the hill in the opposite direction. Joel was too thankful to have Ellie in his arms to push his luck any further as he led the girl in the opposite direction.

It's been weeks since Joel and Ellie returned to Jackson. Ellie had fast become Holliday's partner in crime. Both of them enjoyed rebelling against the rules of their new home, just a little. Even Maria warmed to their antics. It wasn't unusual for Holliday to find Ellie waiting at the end of her shift one day.

"Hey, kid." Holliday slung her bag onto her shoulder before leading the way out.

"Hey, Doc." Ellie scuttled behind.

"I don't have any more candy if that's what you're looking for."

"No. Well, always but I want you to talk to Joel."

"I talk to Joel plenty." Holliday teased hoping the kid hadn't picked up on the slight tension between her and Joel. Their conversations were limited to the necessary ones in the company of others. Things had been a little awkward between them since Joel's third night back in Jackson. The night they'd shared a bottle of whiskey and fucked like feral dogs on Joel's couch. Since Joel had wiped his cum from her lower back with his shirt and they dressed, chalking their transgression up to the alcohol.

"Tommy gave me this to take to Joel. It's his favourite. Maybe you could take it? Talk to him for me?" Sometimes Holliday forgot that Ellie was still just a child. Those wide, pleading eyes reminded her as she took the bag from her. "Alright. I'll go up there now."

"Yes!" Ellie practically skipped away to hang out with the other kids.

Holliday found Joel sitting on his porch, guitar in hand as he tuned it.

"Tommy told me that you were practically giddy at the prospect of coffee. I had to come by and see for myself." She waved the bag of coffee grounds at him.

"Really? Tommy did? Not Ellie?" Joel set his guitar down before walking over to the open door. With a nod he led her inside.

"I told her you weren't as dumb as you looked and you'd see right through this ruse. She's worried about you." She sat at his kitchen table as he busied himself making coffee.

"Dumb? I thought I looked 'very handsome'?" Joel tried to joke but since he was aware of just how attractive she found him it just created a weird energy. He pressed on. "I know she's worried. I told her that everything is fine."

"Well, that's your first mistake. She knows something is up. You telling her everything is fine is just going to pique her curiosity."

"I thought you were a medical doctor not a psychiatrist."

"Is there something wrong?" Joel's shoulders tensed at her straught question. "I'm not asking for Ellie. I'm asking as a friend."

Joel sighed. Silently, he put the kettle on to boil. It was nearly done by the time he finally spoke. "To find the cure, they would have had to cut open her brain. They would have had to kill her just for a possible chance at a cure. I couldn't…I took her and ran back here as fast as I could." His shoulders relaxed as he let it out.

"And Ellie doesn't know." Holliday stated.

"No." Avoiding her gaze, he made two cups of coffee. Setting one in front of her, he sat down next to her with his own. "I can't tell her. She wanted so badly for it to work. How could I tell her I didn't even give it a chance because I couldn't lose her? I damned us all because I was afraid? I would do it all over again if it meant keeping her safe."

Holliday let his words hang there, while Joel looked anywhere but at her to hide the tears welling in his eyes.

"Back in the QZ." Holliday began "..one of my bosses had a thing for me. He was a new transfer, he asked me out a few times. I politely declined. One night, I agreed to have a drink with him in his room. It was stupid but he could make my life so much worse so I thought 'It's just one little drink, what harm can it do?'. He slipped me something. I couldn't move, but I could feel everything. I could feel his sweaty hands pulling off my jeans and underwear. I could feel him violating me. All I could do was lay there." Joel's breathing deepen, his grip on his cup tightened. The same steely gaze that he had whilst torturing those men to find Ellie returned. Holliday's hand on his knee urged him to relax as she continued."A few months later I realised I was pregnant. I pulled in every favour I had to get myself as far from him as possible. I put it behind me, I focused on making some sort of life for me and my daughter. I was thirty-seven weeks pregnant, full term, when he found out where I was and that I was pregnant. He sent a couple of men after me, they beat me. I remember trying to curl around my…to protect her, as they kicked me on the ground. My water's broke and I went into labour on the same ground. She was born not long after. I waited for a cry…some sounds of life. The nurses let me hold her before they took her away. She was perfect. I whispered her name in her ear. I held her little hand in mine before they…" The touch of Joel's hand on hers brought her out of the memory. She hastily wiped the tears from face on her sleeve. "When I found those bastards, I didn't just kill them. I tortured them. I killed them slowly. I kept them conscious long enough to drag out their fear. I wanted to inflict as much pain as possible. There was no way I could inflict the same level of pain on them but god, I wanted to try. They had families, loved ones. I didn't care. If killing them all or burning the whole fucking planet brought my sweet baby back, I would have done it in a heartbeat. We'll never know if the cure could have worked but I do know that I couldn't kill a living, breathing child to chase a fairytale. I think you did the right thing, Joel."

Joel didn't need to say anything. He sat back in his chair. One hand lifted his mug to sip his coffee as the other stayed over Holliday's resting on his knee, his fingers slotting between her's. An understanding fell between them. An understanding that unbeknown to them would grow to be so much more than either of them ever hoped for.

Tags @kirsteng42 @babydarkstar @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @graciexmarvel @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass

#pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller #ellie williams #joel miller x f!reader #the last of us spoilers

102 notes · View notes