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holylottie · 10 months

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I can't touch you [I wouldn't if I could]

PAIRING — Rhaenyra Targaryen/female oc

SINOPSIS — It was an usual sight in the keep: the three young ladies walking side by side. Princess Rhaenyra, the realm's delight, Lady Alicent, a lovely noble girl, and Lady Allora, who no one knew how to describe if not as Princess Rhaenyra's biggest admirer.

NOTE — english is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes you might find. This is the first part of three chapters, thank you for reading :)

Part II — the anchor. (tba)

Part III — the tide. (tba)

ao3 youtube spotify

THE SEAFOAM.

Allora Wynch was the daughter of a nobleman. What her father exactly did wasn't a concern to the girl, she never was fond of the dance of politics that happened in the red keep, her mind and eyes were too busy watching Princess Rhaenyra do the most trivial things in life to actually care about what was going outside of her devotional sight.

At the moment, she was doing what she did best: look at the daughter of King Viserys. The Targaryen princess was studying with her septa in the library, turning around to the door every now and then, making funny faces to Allora, who could only giggle from her spot in the hall.

— What are you looking at? — someone whispered behind her shoulders, making the brunette girl jump at the sudden approach.

Allora turned around, seeing Alicent Hightower, princess Rhaenyra's lady-in-waiting, a close friend too. As close as someone you are jealous of can be.

— You scared me! We need to be quiet, Rhaenyra is studying… — The Wynch girl whispered back to the other lady, the tone of her voice sounded the same. Alicent sometimes wondered if she was even able to scream. Maybe it was every lady's destiny: to be born already knowing how to bite her tongue.

— Why don't we go and study with her? — Hightower asked, putting her head on the other girl's shoulder, both watching the white haired princess pretend to listen to her septa.

— Her septa said I'm a distraction. — Allora sighed, a pout in her face. The worst part is that she knew it wasn't a lie.

— Truths hard to swallow… — Alicent said, giggling quietly to herself.

— just not harder than your pie.

— not funny, allora. — the girl complained, having to press her lips together to hide her smile.

— What's not funny?

The two girls gasped together, their hearts beating fast with the sudden approach of the princess.

Their eyes went to the library to the girl and back to the library, not being able to understand how she moved so fast in their direction. It shouldn't be so surprising though, Rhaenyra was always quick to get what she wanted. She didn't like to beat around the bush.

— Are we gonna spend our whole afternoon in the hall or will we do something fun?

The white haired lady tilted her head, it sounded like a question but she didn't wait for an answer, already starting to walk in the direction of the gardens. She knew the girls would follow.

The three walked side by side, an usual sight to everyone in the keep. The trio was almost inseparable, even with being completely different from each other. Alicent followed her father's wishes, she acted like a true lady, kept herself together with grace, it seemed almost natural for her to be surrounded by nobles. Rhaenyra was authentic, she didn't deny the duties and rules imposed on her, but she also didn't let go of her own wishes to follow others demands. She always arrived at the expected destination, she just liked to make her own path to get there.

And Allora… well, Allora was always there. It was hard for anyone who saw the trio to easily describe the lady, she was too quiet, too absorbed in her own world. If you asked a servant who Lady Wynch was, they would answer instantly: "That's easy, she's Princess Rhaenyra's friend.", and sometimes, Allora would think if she would ever be something else than that.

— What about you, my lady? What do you think?

The voice of Alicent took Allora out of her thoughts, and she faced her two friends, seeing their eyes staring at her curiously.

— I apologize, I wasn't listening…

Rhaenyra chuckled, and the three went back walking to the gardens. The princess always stood in the middle, her arms entwined in those of her friends, her elbow being lovingly, and carefully, caressed by Allora. She liked the feeling of the girl's gloved fingers in her skin.

— Why do you always wear gloves, Allora? — Alicent was the one who asked, her eyes moving along the brunette's arms.

— I'm made of water, if I take them out, I will turn into a puddle of worries and seafoam.

— and unfunny jokes as well…

With the comment of Lady Hightower, Allora showed her tongue, laughing with the playful banter.

The three found a tree with a nice shadow, sitting there to enjoy the breeze and rest. Rhaenyra was playing with the grass, leaning against the trunk. She always enjoyed the smell of wood, especially after a night of rain.

— The king was talking about faith and death today, a morbid subject to speak of, but it got me thinking white a lot…

Wynch frowned, how could Alicent even know what the king spoke about? However, Rhaenyra didn't seem to mind, so she didn't pay any more attention to it, deciding to keep the conversation going.

— I have many questions to ask the seven gods. Like why do hugs of different people feel different if it is the same act? How did the person that created the first cake felt? Or who described the first feeling?

The two other girls giggled, it was always like that: Allora was quiet until something got her attention, and then she couldn't stop talking about it.

— Those are certainly interesting questions, I'm sure the seven won't ever have a greater believer than you, my lady…

The brunette smiled widely at the princess's compliment, she liked how Rhaenyra enjoyed and played along with her weird thoughts.

— I think I would ask the seven about fate and choices.

— Fate and choices? — Alicent frowned upon the king's daughter's words. — Do you think those things will matter once we die?

— If it matters now, it probably will matter there.

— I don't think I wish to die just to have the answers… — Hightower nodded to her own words, coming to the conclusion that she, in fact, liked to live.

— I would hug death with open arms if it meant I would have my doubts gone.

— That's a strange wish to have, Allora…

— Stranger indeed — the girl giggled at her own joke, hoping that the play of words wouldn't upset the god.

The princess stared at the lady sitting next to her, curious about the confession, fearful about its veracity.

— You can't have your doubts gone while alive?

— There's things in my head that I wouldn't allow myself to speak out loud even if I were the last person standing on earth, my princess — Wynch answered, looking at the sky — Who knows what the wind could think and do to me?

Lady Alicent shakes her head, unsure of how healthy it was for Allora to fill her mind with almosts.

— I heard there will be another celebration… — Rhaenyra's lady-in-waiting decided to change the subject — the servants were talking about many noblemen coming.

— Is it a good thing? — Allora tilted her head, both girls staring at Alicent.

None of the three would speak of how the celebration might come as an excuse for the king to find another wife. None of the two ladies talked about how Rhaenyra had changed when Queen Aemma passed. The white haired girl would never hold the same smile as before.

— That depends.

— Of what, my lady?

— If Lady Allora will be happy to see the Lannister gentleman or not… — Alicent giggled, wiggling her eyebrows to her two friends.

Allora sighed, looking away. Why did they have to come back to the same conversation over and over again? It was funny the first time, but she couldn't understand what could be so special about men to talk about them all the time. There was nothing slightly interesting about them in Allora's opinion, they didn't seem to hold any hobbies or true desires but power and dominance.

— You don't hate the Lannister boy then, my girl? — Rhaenyra looked at the lady, the smile Allora so ever loved and knew decorating her lips.

— I don't know, I guess I just tend to forgive very easily... I think my heart can't make the conversion from love to hate.

— So you love him, lady lion? — Alicent's eyes shined, she didn't like to read romances, they felt so out of reach, but she loved to hear about people's stories, she knew they were true.

— So I don't hate him. — The Wynch girl was certain in her tone, at least in her perception. People usually didn't hear her like she wanted to. — Love is a feeling too tender to be felt with a man. They don't know how to hold it with their rough hands.

Alicent and Rhaenyra shared looks, both thinking very different things. Hightower was sure that Allora would change her way of thinking once she found a good man to be her husband. The Targaryen girl prayed she wouldn't.

Allora's mother had baby blues after giving birth, so her childhood was full of grandma's kisses and vacations, but also full of a very emotional mom and an absent-emotional dad, which led her to try to fix everyone's emotions, not knowing how to establish her own boundaries and forgive without receiving any apologies.

She tried not to hold her mother accountable for it; hostile mens, hostile actions and bad parenting. Being an observer like she was, once the little girl matured, she realized how women were perceived in society, it wasn't hard for her to understand that there was a type of pain already given to women once they are born. Yet, Allora couldn't find in herself something that wished to be like her mother.

Allora always felt like no one really saw her, and she had tried everything to change that; to eat the whole dinner table and then nothing at all. She wore the darkest colors in the brightest days and the most colorfuls in the darkest days.

She can't exactly remember when, Allora just knows that at some point in her childhood, she also tried to scream the loudest that she could, then stayed in full silence to see if anyone would notice and, until now, remained that way.

— I believe I'll never understand your affection for books, it's certainly unique how much you prefer to have words laying in your hands than your tongue.

Rhaenyra's voice took Allora out of her own little world, the place she would go every time she read a book. The girl smiled widely at the sight of the princess, getting up from her seated place in the window frame to bow.

— My princess, it is always a pleasure to be in your presence.

— Oh please, don't act like that. There's no one around us, it's our secret spot after all… — The Targaryen chuckled, sitting on the other side of the frame, in front of Allora, who took the seat once again.

— It's not so secret, it's in plain sight.

— Exactly, no one expects someone to do something in a place not hidden. — the princess's answer made Wynch nod and giggle, it was a great excuse.

Both of them looked at the view, watching the ocean's waves move, the ships become even smaller and the people around the port walk like ants.

— Do you think the oceans of today could be the mountains of the past, my princess?

Allora took her eyes out of the ocean to look at Rhaenyra. The Targaryen smiled widely at her anxious eyes, for Wynch to look at her over the sea was already an honor.

— I'm not sure the water changes that much of the world, my lady.

— What do you mean? Water changes everything. — Allora shakes her head, not believing Rhaenyra could actually think such a thing — The waves always remember, they even whisper if you pay enough attention…

— What do they say? — The heir got closer to the girl, like she would say a big secret.

— Probably gossiping about forbidden affairs and how the sun complains about her own shine.

Rhaenyra furrowed her eyebrows, tilting her head as if trying to see Allora's perspective. Seeing her princess's confusion, she began to explain herself.

— Well, I think the sun certainly doesn't enjoy all the attention and duties she faces, having to always wake up early and make everyone happy and warm… — she squeezed her shoulders, it sounded almost obvious in her mind.

— How do you know the sun is a lady?

— Only a lady could be so deadly beautiful yet so far out of reach, my princess… — Wynch smiled, her eyes going back to the ocean — only a lady could face so many unwanted responsibilities and keep her brightness.

— So the sun is the queen of the skies? — Rhaenyra concluded, smiling too, but her eyes were still on her friend.

— Only until you reach majority, my princess, then even the clouds will bend to your will.

The princess giggled, a feeling of happiness and pride filling her chest. It was nice to have someone believing so blindly in her. Sometimes a wave of an unknown feeling came and only Allora's words could change the direction of the tide.

— I fear failure. — Rhaenyra sighed, confessing as she looked at the sky, it was clearer than ever. — To never aspire to anything in my life or, even worse, aspire to something and never be able to reach it. Do you fear something, my lady?

— I fear mirrors.

— Mirrors? — The princess couldn't help but chuckle. She didn't mean to mock her best friend's fears, but it was an unusual fear if she was being honest, and she was always honest with Allora.

— I can’t handle them. I always have to cover them up to sleep because otherwise I have horrible nightmares. Whenever I need to look at my clothes or hair, I do it very quickly and without looking at my eyes…

— I think mirrors are pretty nice, it's almost magic to be able to see yourself… — the princess said, playing with the fabric of her dress — When did your fear start?

— I read in a book once that when someone dies with hatred, a curse is formed, and, in the old days, people covered mirrors during mourning, so the dead person's soul wouldn't be trapped inside. — The Wynch girl's voice had changed the tone, almost like she was sitting close to the fire, telling horror tales — Maybe I'm afraid of looking at it and seeing my grandpa's face…

Rhaenyra giggled at her words, she couldn't help but frown, how could Allora not like to stare at her own reflection? For the princess, the true curse would be to never see Allora's face again.

— I think your grandpa has more to do in the afterlife than haunt your mirrors, my lady…

— Perhaps, but I won't be the one to try to prove it.

The white haired girl moved in her seat, putting her knees close to her chest.

— Do you miss your mother, my lady?

Allora frowned with the low tone of her voice, the princess wasn't very fond of conversations about Queen Aemma. Wynch didn't mind it though, if forgetting, even for a small moment, was what brought Rhaenyra peace, she would happily oblige.

— Sometimes… I guess I miss the mom I made in my head more than her.

The heir of the throne frowned, she couldn't relate to the missing of a created mother, but she could understand the pain of the absence.

— Do you cry for the memories you have of her?

— Memories that make me cry aren’t exactly memories, I never cried remembering something, but I certainly cried for not remembering… or for not having anything to remember.

Every night with a full moon, Allora and Rhaenyra went to the princess's chambers to dance. The princess wasn't sure of what the moon had to do with their steps, but she was grateful to be able to see the big grin Wynch carried everytime she made her spin.

— you can be anything around me, my princess… you can be the heir or a commoner, a Targaryen or a witch, I won't judge, I will stay anyway.

Rhaenyra's heart gets filled with an indescribable feeling as her cheek also gets wet from her tears. She's never felt so safe with someone.

— Anything... what a strong word… — she pauses, before smiling and looking at her friend — Even silly?

Allora giggled, looking at the girl with shining eyes. Her feet doing a pirouette, her hands moving freely like dragon wings.

— Yes, even silly. I promise.

Rhaenyra got closer to the lady, taking Wynch's pinky and extending her own to complete the promise, in a gesture full of joy and affection, just like the promise itself.

— There you go, my lady. Now we have a beautiful and unbreakable promise between us.

— Just one of many, my princess…

The two kept dancing, the only song being a melody that Allora was singing. It didn't have lyrics, only laughter.

The princess extended her hand to the girl, who accepted almost instantly. The two started to swing, their fingers intertwined, the steps in a rhythm that seemed to be known by heart.

— Let's make a pillow fort! — Rhaenyra laughed excitedly, stopping the dance as she looked around the room — You know, it's like a little shelter but with pillows and comfy stuff all around. That sounds fun, right?

— Oh, that sounds awesome! Your pillows are very comfortable, I touched one of them before! — Allora nodded, smiling widely at her, excited at the idea. — It can be our own kingdom of pillows!

— With us two as the queen's? — Rhaenyra said, it wasn't a question, just a need for reassurance, of confirmation, that Allora would stay by her side, even in a throne made out of blankets and sheets.

— Of course! We can even make a new house! — Allora nodded, copying what Rhaenyra did with the blankets and pillows.

The princess chuckled at her idea, getting on her knees to go inside the fort. She laid down on the blanket, tapping her side to let Allora come.

— our own house? You have a very unique mind, my lady… — Targaryen answered, looking at the sheet ceiling — and what would be our motto?

— hm, perhaps something like "Dive deep, live long and die free.”

— dive deep? Like the ocean? I think the Velaryon won't enjoy it that much…

Allora squeezed her shoulders, not bothered.

— The Velaryon holds the shore and surface of water, I'm made for deep waters, my princess… There's no beauty in the ocean if you are the one in control.

Rhaenyra smiled, turning her body around to look at Allora's eyes, trying to find any hint of doubt, but she didn't find it. Allora's expression had only certainty, like she could walk to the beach and drown in the ocean with her arms wide open, embracing the waves.

— What does your name mean, lady lion?

Allora smiled at her question and way of calling, she didn't mind the jokes when Rhaenyra did, she was sure that the princess knew that the only animal Allora wished to belong to was a dragon.

— It means dream. — she turned her head to look at the Targaryen princess — I don't like it that much, I wish I had already come to the world being seen as real.

Rhaenyra smiled tenderly at Allora, taking her hand in hers, kissing her knuckles.

Allora stopped talking once she saw Rhaenyra in silence. The princess was staring at her face, but Wynch knew her mind was miles away.

— I have an incredible idea.

Without explaining any further, the Targaryen held Allora's hand tightly, while she got up and guided them through dark halls and secret passages. The brunette couldn't stop giggling, having her hand squeezed as a silent ask to keep quiet. Rhaenyra didn't want them to be found.

— With all the respect, my princess, this is the stupidest idea you ever had.

Allora's eyes were wide open, her heart was beating so fast she was afraid Rhaenyra might hear it. She pressed her hands together, trying to relieve some tension as she stared at the huge beast a few feet away.

— C'mon, Syrax is so gentle… — The girl laughed, caressing her dragon's nostrils as she looked at Allora — It will be fun!

— It will be deadly!

— You don't trust me, my girl?

Allora pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath, she hated how Rhaenyra had her wrapped around her finger. She hated how she didn't mind it at all.

— if I die, I'll come back to haunt you and your throne. — she muttered, walking slowly to the creature, standing behind the princess, like Rhaenyra could shield her from the flames. — Are you sure Syrax isn't hungry? I don't feel like being dinner. — she chuckled nervously, bowing at the dragon — pleasure to meet you.

Rhaenyra laughed loudly, only Allora could treat a dragon like she treated a noble. Syrax didn't move, but kept watching Allora with curious eyes.

— Just put the saddle on and we are ready to go!

— Can you even see in this darkness?

Allora complained, but she did what the girl asked anyway. After Rhaenyra got up on the dragon's back, she extended her hand, helping Wynch to get up too.

The brunette girl shut her eyes tightly, holding Rhaenyra's waist with all the strength she had.

— My lady, we are still on the floor.

— It's too real! I can feel the scales!

The princess giggled and when she felt the lady's heart calm a bit against her back, she moved her hands, giving Syrax permission to fly.

Soon, Allora's fear and screams became a nervous giggle. She couldn't help but laugh and look at how far from the ground they were. It was majestic to see the ocean from this far away, her eyes shining, her heart filled with a new found sensation, a joy she would never find in anywhere but Rhaenyra's and the ocean's presence.

— it's fun isn't it? — the princess's smile was wide, she couldn't contain her happiness with the wind in her face and Allora's giggles in her ears. Perhaps this was her destiny: to feel Allora's hands holding her waist, trusting her blindly to be safe.

— Feels forever!

— Forever it's not a feeling, Lady lion — Rhaenyra chuckled, her fingers holding the ties tightly. Maybe the wind was messing with Allora's perception.

— But can't you feel it now?

Allora hated celebrations and noble gatherings. She hated the atmosphere, having so many people around her. She wished she could not be perceived. In controversy, Allora was always constantly looking for someone to see her. Really see her. Ask her about what makes her who she is, or her thoughts in some random subject.

She liked studying, but mostly things that she enjoyed probably wouldn't help her in being a proper lady and finding a nice husband. She liked knowing about ancient names and their meanings, the clothes and hygiene of past centuries, the life of dragons and marine animals —even if she hated learning about their anatomy. She liked hearing people talk about places she would never go to and books she would never read. She liked to have information and thoughts about things that she would never share with anyone but herself.

Her mind was full of random facts about lots of subjects, but she could never know a lot about a single thing.

However, besides it all, the thing she hated the most was change.

She could feel her heart in her throat, a strong urge to puke. Maybe her breakfast, maybe swallowed words.

Lady Alicent was now "your grace", she had given birth to the King's first son, and everything between them had changed.

Princess Rhaenyra wasn't an only child now, wasn't close to the Hightower girl, and Allora feared even more what could happen with their bond.

The Wynch girl had only come to the celebration because the Queen had asked her to. She didn't know why, but she accepted it anyway. To lie to her father and brother about a flu was one thing, the seven gods certainly would forgive her, but to lie to a woman in need was something that Allora wouldn't forgive herself for.

The cry of a lady was worse to hear than the rage of the gods.

— Lady Wynch, I'm delighted you were able to come. — The voice of Queen Alicent welcomed her, the breeze outside doing wonders to her nerves.

— Your grace, I'm happy to be able to give you such a good feeling. — Allora bowed, smiling at Alicent. She would never allow herself to comprehend how hurtful it was to not be called lady lion in a playful tone. — Are you enjoying the celebration?

— It's for sure worthy of a royal boy… — Alicent says, caressing her belly. The act doesn't go unnoticed by Allora.

— Does it hurt too much?

— A lot. The kicks are fun, until it's on the last day and you have to endure it coming out of you.

— I think I would be sad if I had a boy. I'm not sure what I would have to teach.

The Queen chuckled with Allora's words, for a moment, she felt like they were girls talking about the seven gods and boys again.

— I'm sure this one is a lady, your grace. — Wynch nodded her head while passing her fingers carefully over Alicent's belly.

— What makes you say that, my lady?

— You look prettier in this pregnancy than you did in the other. Only a lady can bring the best of another, right?

Hightower nodded, happy to have someone familiar enjoying the possibility of a girl.

— May I ask something, your grace? — Allora's tone changed, her eyebrows frowning. With the approval of the other woman, she asked — Is the king kind?

The question surprised Alicent, she wasn't sure of what to answer or think.

— As kind as a man can be, I believe, my lady.

— That doesn't sound like much… — Allora pouted, letting her thoughts run freely. — If you ever need any help, know that I'm here for you, your grace.

The queen nodded, a grateful grin in her lips, an expression of relief in her face.

— Thank you, my lady, I'm happy to have a friend such as yourself. — Alicent looked around, many nobles and servants moving — The Lannister man is here, you know? I saw him talking with your father, if you wish to know.

— My father? — her face turned into a grimace.

— Yes, maybe talking about marriage, hm? The king is also speaking to some noblemen, a Baratheon last time I saw… perhaps you and Rhaenyra marry in the same season, how lovely would that be?

— Yes, indeed would turn out as a lovely coincidence.

Allora stared at the entrance of the tent, seeing the Baratheon men come out with a smile in his face and a sword in his hand. How could she hate him? They were very alike: both wanted to be loved by the princess.

No, he probably was looking for power, to change his place in the hierarchy. Allora was only looking for Rhaenyra's violet orbs.

The Queen gave her goodbyes once a servant got close to announce that the king wished for her presence. Allora smiled and bowed once again, resisting the urge to hug the lady.

Alone again, Wynch started lullabying a song, she couldn't wait to come back to her quarters and train music a bit more. She always had a melody in her mind, and some words wishing to come out of her mouth

— Will you ever tell me about your muse?

The brunette let out a gasp, she should be used by now: having Rhaenyra show up in the most unusual times, in the most unexpected places.

— If you were to read my words, you might be able to know. — Allora giggled, bowing to the princess and opening a shining smile. Around the Targaryen, she wore it like a king wear a crown. Proud and in need of everybody to see.

— The book you are writing? Will you finally let me see it? — the princess's words were in an excited tone — it was already time!

Wynch chuckled, her hands going to the pockets she sewed in her dress. Rhaenyra looked intently at her palms, but it wasn't a book that Allora got.

— I found many trinkets on the sand in my routine shore walks… I thought you may like this one. — Allora was always looking for something that reminded her of Rhaenyra. It wasn't hard to find, anything beautiful reminded her of the princess, and Wynch lived by the motto that there was beauty everywhere if you looked close enough.

The princess opened her hand, she took her palm closer to her eyes, seeing a red button, a broken weirdly shaped shell and two stems with flowers missing some petals.

It wasn't much, in fact, it was nothing at all if compared to the things Rhaenyra had in her life of royalty. But it was a reminder from Allora: I don't have much, but all I have is yours.

— What flowers are those? — the princess asked, not able to take her eyes out of the gifts, her fingers touching the gathers with care.

— A hemlock and white poppies.

— What does it mean?

Rhaenyra tilted her head, looking at the girl. She knew how Allora was obsessed with flowers, just as she knew each one of them had a specific meaning to be gifted.

— Isn't it more fun when you don't know and can fill the blank on your own?

The Targaryen denied, but she knew it was a lost battle. Allora wouldn't tell her, not until she deemed it was the right moment.

— What happens if you don't tell me and then die?! No one would ever know what it means! — Rhaenyra argued, she knew it was a dramatic sentence to make, but that didn't make it a lie.

— and isn't that the point of keeping secrets? That they will be buried with you?

— Some things are too great to be kept hidden.

— No, my princess, some things are too great that need to be kept hidden.

Every opportunity that the girl had to leave the red keep, she took with a wide smile and her walks always ended up in the same way: her barefoot in the sand, her eyes staring at the ocean as if trying to unveil all its secrets.

Her brother was standing on her side, his eyes on the water too, trying to understand what his younger sister found so interesting about it. The ocean never changed, never brought something new, it was hard for his mind to comprehend the beauty and mystery that Allora so devotedly saw. He didn't ask her though, he knew her answer would be the same as ever.

"Men don't understand the beauty that an unruly force holds, they only see worth in things they can destroy and tame."

— I wish I could scream like the sea. Make people drown in guilt just with my tone.

Allora heard her brother chuckle, his arm going to rest on her shoulder, bringing her closer to his body, afraid she would surrender to her wishes and run to the salt water.

— You never let yourself speak, that's why you feel the need to shout.

The brunette girl pouted, not sure if she was angry for the truth in his words or with how his arms felt like an anchor.

— Do you think the sea knows how much the moon influences her choices? Do you think the sea would love the shine of the night even with all the painful changes she needs to carry because of it?

— Why do you think the change of the tide hurts?

— All changes are painful, brother. Even the ones that bring good.

The man didn't have an answer to that, he found himself unable to argue with such a claim.

— I think the sea would love the moon in the same way it loves its sailors and fishermen.

— The sea can't love those types of men, they take without giving.

— Isn't that what love is about?

— No. You don't drown someone you love, you choose to sink together.

— That's tragic, Allora. — Her brother shook his head — Why would you even choose to sink?

— To experience the feeling of breathing again.

The man stopped staring at the waves, instead, his gaze went into his sister. He hoped she would never lose her way with words, even if he, or anyone in the world, couldn't understand the true meaning behind them, he hoped she would keep talking.

— Do you think about love like that because of mother?

— Yes, but not because I want the same as her, but because I will make myself something different. — she smiled, her eyes still on the water, her toes playing with the sand beneath them — Is that why you won't marry Lady Giya? Are you afraid she will take without giving?

His eyebrows furrowed, his tongue making a disgusted pop. He didn't enjoy talking about feelings, let alone when, deep down, he knew he was wrong.

—Oh, wow… You are afraid. You think she will leave you like mother did.

The girl's tone was a surprised one, she couldn't believe she didn't come to that conclusion earlier. Her brother didn't make any mention to deny or confirm, so she just kept talking.

— That's the thing about life, brother. If you're not living it, you are already dead. — Allora tried to maintain her voice comprehensively, however it was odd for her to see someone who didn't think love was worth all the battle's, of facing death — She will die, eventually, like everyone will. However, before that, she will live a happy life, with someone else that is not you, because you were too afraid to even step in and stop your existence of suffering. Lady Giya will live, and not with you, brother.

Her brother gasped, his mouth open with the words that his sister proffered.

— Have you been betting how many morbid themes you can put into an advice?

— Your fear isn't death, brother. Your fear is life. — she chuckled, getting on her knees to touch the sand with her fingertips — we will all end up in the same destination in the end, the journey you make for yourself is what matters.

The man watched his sister play on the floor.

— What about you, Allora? What challenges have you been facing lately? Any men that can bring you the pain Lady Giya brings me?

Allora frowned upon his question, drawing hearts in the sand, smiling at the thought that, with wave or wind, tomorrow they would be gone.

— I wish I could hold scissors and cut my skin apart. To take everything out and try to fix it. — she confessed, her voice a whisper — I probably wouldn't be able to put it back in the same way, I have never been really good with puzzles, so I wouldn't work correctly, but I suppose it would be more right than the way I work now.

It was a weird situation to face, her brother though. Not entirely sure of what exactly was troubling his sister.

— More right? How have you been acting wrong? You're such a gentle lady, my sister… Any man will be lucky to have you by his side, even a king would.

Allora had to hold a sigh. She didn't want to be a wife, a mother or a queen. She just wanted to be Rhaenyra's.

— I read your book.

Allora's eyes darted to the door of her chambers, a timid smile in her lips when she saw the princess holding the papers she wrote.

— And I disagree terribly with your way of thinking.

The brunette girl's mouth opened in shock, not sure of what to answer. She watched the princess sit in one of the chairs in the room, curiously to her next words about her book.

Rhaenyra turned around in her seat, tilting her head to stare at the girl, who didn't make any mention to move.

— Come closer to me, Allora. You put my whole mind in grief being so close yet so far away from my reach.

The lady complaid, getting up from her place in the bed and going to sit on the princess side. Rhaenyra's arm went around the Wynch's shoulder, and Allora rested her head close to the heir's neck.

— What do you disagree with, my princess?

— Nymeria's perception of love. I can't understand why she would give herself so freely and willingly to someone she never even touched. The "shadow" that she loves, doesn't love her in the same amount.

Rhaenyra was in disbelief, why would Allora write a story without a happy ending to the main lady?

— I understand your point, my princess, but I disagree with it. Yes, she loves the shadow to the point of erasing herself in the darkness, to forget about the brightness of the light and drinking the oceans with a spoon. She goes and does it. The shadow ain't like that, it loves her simply, because it simply loves her. And that's what she needs, ever since she was young, that's what she has always wanted, to be loved and to be seen for simply existing.

The princess got quiet for a few moments, watching Allora's fingers play with her ones. The warmth the lady's head brought to her neck sent shivers down her spine.

— Have you ever loved something like that, Lady lion?

— I just don't think love was made for me to live. I am an observer, I sit and watch it, I write and sing about it but it's not mine to have. — Wynch said, a relieved breath coming out of her lips, peace was in Rhaenyra's embrace, her hug could end wars. — My heart belongs five thousand meters beneath the land and it seems unfair to give something so drowned to someone. I like to watch ships come and go, but just because I pretend there's no people inside them giving goodbyes to loved ones.

The Targaryen girl smiled at her lady's words, looking at the table in front of them.

Allora had many papers in her quarters, she loved to write, even if most of them ended up in the firepit.

She couldn't write without feeling her heart beat fast inside her chest, as if the pages could know of her sins; her eyes burned with tears every time that she got a word misplaced or wrong. She collected flowers as a hobby, and covered the mistakes with them.

Rhaenyra wondered if in any of the crumbled papers, she would find the answer to the flower's meanings. Rhaenyra wondered if she wanted to know it.

— You need to keep fighting, Nyra…

The white haired lady frowned, taking a deep breath. She knew Allora was talking about the whole heir debate, but she didn't want to talk about it with her. She never wanted to discuss anything related to the kingdom with her lady.

Allora sometimes hurted her own heart thinking that the princess didn't trust her enough to do it.

Rhaenyra sometimes hurted her own heart thinking of how she would never be able to be her true self around anyone else but Allora.

— You need to fight to be seen as real, it's the toughest of the battles to be a royal lady and a real person at the same time. You could sob in the court and people would still see your tears as a political movement… — The girl's voice had reached a tone Rhaenyra never heard coming from her — Don't see your pain as a way of winning things, just look into your own eyes in the mirror and watch them screaming "I'm real, I'm real, I'm real". You need to feel it, Nyra. You need to feel.

Allora moved in her seat, leaving Rhaenyra's embrace to put her hands in the princess cheeks, cupping her face, staring intently at her eyes.

— Promise me you will feel.

The Targaryen only nodded, too entranced in Allora's orbes to say anything.

No one, no matter the book or look, could say that the princess didn’t have a heart.

And that's when the lady realized: the same part of her own body was no longer hers. Allora's heart was beating for the princess, in a sequence of painful thuds.

Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra.

— Doesn't it sound so silly? It's just pages, just words wrote in a piece of paper and yet… Some days I think I will never be able to feel something so deeply like I do when I read about these people made of ink.

— You're right, it does sound silly. — The Queen Alicent said, giggling with the face Allora gave her.

— Tell me, what do you feel now, Lady Wynch?

— I don't know. — She squeezed her shoulders, most of the time, Allora wasn't able to give a name to her feelings.

— Name three.

— I feel too much to only say three.

Wynch looked around the garden, her eyes looking for something. Someone.

— Princess Rhaenyra won't come if that's what you're wondering.

Allora frowned, tilting her head as she looked at the queen.

— It's not that late, your grace…

— I don't mean because of the time, she is giving the king a silent treatment, I believe.

— May you explain it further?

— She is to marry, and hasn't left her room ever since the king's ultimatum… but I was right in the end, you will both marry in the same season!

Allora's body freezed. She didn't know what to answer, she didn't know if she was even able to say anything.

However, somehow, she managed to leave the queen's presence without being disrespectful. Her feet took her to the princess chambers without second thoughts, she entered without knocking.

The two girls stared at each other, waiting to know who would be the one to dare have the first word.

Rhaenyra did the first thing she deemed good: get out of the bed and run away.

The princess wasn't faster than Allora's though, who got up in the bed, holding the Targaryens wrists. Her eyes not leaving the violet orbs of Rhaenyra for even a second.

— You will marry.

It wasn't a question, it was a painful conclusion. It was the way Allora had to ask her not to.

— You believe in fate, Allora? What about choices and demands?

It was the only thing Rhaenyra could say, her tone angry. Allora needed to understand, the princess didn't know what to do if the lady didn't forgive her.

— Destiny and free will coexist, my princess. I do believe we come to this world with things planned. The nervous system takes care of the reflexes. The body itself has instincts. I believe the soul has to.

— My soul is bound by duty, you know that.

— There was a time your only duty was to my heart.

— There was a time when the consequences of my actions wouldn't hurt millions. I'll be the Queen, I can't be bound to a heart.

— There's no place in your loyalty for me?

The question took the Targaryen words.

— Run away with me, Rhaenyra. Let's be together, far away from everyone.

— I can't change what has been decided, Lady Wynch.

Allora's eyes shut tightly, where was the term of endearment? When Rhaenyra had stopped to look at her eyes? When did her tone turn cold?

When their oceanly friendship was reduced to a river?

— As long as we are in the present, we can always change the future, my princess…

The princess shook her head, staring at the lady on top of her. She wanted Allora to be her anchor, but she could barely manage to hold the helm.

— Just say it, Nyra, since when do you hold your tongue? — Allora chuckled sadly, her head was filled with insecurity.

Rhaenyra sighs deeply, and her voice sounds broken and full of pain and confusion. She loves Allora, she wants to fly away from everyone with her, and yet... something is still telling her that it is not the right path to choose. Rhaenyra's heart is broken once again, she feels the agony of making this choice, and yet she knows it must be done. Her voice, filled with sorrow and regret, finally says:

— Allora, I am deeply sorry, but I cannot choose you now. Perhaps in another life, or perhaps in another time, we may be together, but... I cannot do that now.

Maybe it was too late.

Rhaenyra didn't know what to do. She didn't want to bring Allora pain, but she would do it by staying or leaving. She sighed, maybe that was what fate is after all: impotence.

After her marriage, Rhaenyra and her Velaryon husband went to Dragonstone, the king wasn't very fond of the idea but she couldn't help her need to leave. It was ironic, she sent the lady away to stay, only to decide to leave too when Wynch wasn't there. Perhaps the feeling of home had sneaked inside the lady's bags, and was now buried in Casterly Rock, waiting for someone to find.

— Which room do you want? — Her husband asked, turning around to see how big the quarters were.

The Targaryen princess was looking at the wide paint in the wall. It was a silent pact between Alicent, Rhaenyra and the guard to not mention that night. It seemed like treason to even think about the lady, and, as time went by, the princess found herself used to the missing pieces in her memories.

Grieving the life she could have with Allora didn't make her cry, but in specific moments, she felt waves of pain. And it kept coming, in every little thing that reminded her of the lion lady, from the silk fabric of the bed to the pearl necklace she kept hidden, pretending to lose it every now and then, just to feel something when she found it again.

— The one with the view to the sea.

#this story is to my past self: the little girl who tried so hard to enjoy being in a men presence #and also to my future self /when i finally realize it's okay to want to have a queen and not be one myself #queen rhaenyra #canon divergence #the black's win but does rhaenyra?#rhaenyra x oc #house of the dragon #hotd oc #Allora Wynch #men have no names #ocean is a lady in love with the sun #just a story about a lion in love with a dragon (king of the forest / not of the skies)#title from a boygenius song #bite the hand #I can't touch you [I wouldn't if I could]#icty [iwiic] - the seafoam #rhaenyra targeryan

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