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roseamongroses · 5 years

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Antithesis: (1) “cracks knuckles its time to get educated fools”

Summary: For their Junior project, Roman is unceremoniously paired with Dmitri.

He's hardly interacted with the guy, a strange occurrence since Virgil has had a weird/unexplained hate-hate relationship with him since middle-school. But it isn't like he's complaining. Dmitri's cute, he compliments Roman, and damn can he paint.So Roman may or may not catch feelings, and he may not be wiling to uncatch them anytime soon.--Dmitri returns the sentiment.

[General Warnings:] Misgendering, Past Misgendering, Past Bullying, Mild Sexual Content, implied emotional abuse, Cursing [Tags/mood:] highschool au, project troupe, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters] Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana)

(1) (2)

R: hey this is Roman[star] [crown] [star]

R: what do you have in mind for the project??

---

As simple as that text was, according to his very reliable memory, it took him exactly an entire decade to work up the nerve to send that. And he was not a coward mind you- reasonably afraid of sudden movements, sure, but no damn coward. He made sure to inherit the fight gene when he was in the womb with Virgil, around the same time he graciously decided not to absorb the little shit.

As if to further emphasis the magnitude of his fetal sacrifice, Virgil gulped down the rest of the milk. Straight from the pint. Just as Roman poured his cereal.

Virgil raised an eyebrow, “What’s got you all riled up prin-cy?” he tossed the pint. Even though Mom wasn’t there to rag on him for being an absolute heathen, she could still do so later if he left behind evidence.

“Nothing, nothing at all.” He ate his cereal dry, carefully avoiding Virgil’s scrutiny.

“Oh--” Virgil choked, “Oh shit, what did you do.”

“Excuse me,”Roman squawked, “I did nothing, you here? I am a good child.”

“Fuckface,”

“We have the same face,”

“Fuckface,” Virgil flicked his dyed purple, and regularly straightened hair for emphasis, “Last time you didn’t actively shout your problems, we found several stray cats in your room--and then there's the time you lit grandpa’s shed on fire with your self care candles and then there was the homecoming incident of fres-”

“--Ok,” Roman interrupted, “--wow Virgil, drag up my entire hero’s journey while you’re at it,” he pouted, “It’s no big deal, really.”

“When the hero’s journey could make a convincing argument in a court of law that you’re unreasonably fire-prone, then yes it's a big deal Ro, spill.”

“I’m just a little,” understatement, “Overwhelmed, by our junior project--” It's definitely not the project, definately definately, definitely not the project.

“That thing?” Virgil frowned, confused, “Me n’ L, going down to the space-station to do interviews, and a couple of presentations, what's going on in the art department?”

“Fuckin’ nerds,” Roman snorted, stabbing his cereal again, “Pat jus’ had to switch last minute to help the new kid out, so Dee and I got paired together and he--”Roman looked up,suddenly very aware of how Virgil’s normally slouched position became deathly straight, face calm, “Uh...Virge…?”

Roman feels like he forgot something important.

Virgil smiled, “What did that snake-fucker Dmitri do?”

Bingo, that’s what he forgot.

It wasn’t like Virgil’s thing with Dee was something that could be traced back to one particular incident, more like a culmination of the two being forced into being in each others general vicinity when they did not in fact want that company.

Roman avoided that drama, mainly because Virgil and him could hardly stand each other at the time either. So most of what he knows is second hand.

Though Virgil has explained it as, “When he opens his mouth, my flight or fight response is activated.” and as far as Roman knows Dmitri just returned the sentiment.

Roman shoved another spoonful of cereal in his mouth, “Chill, it’s Nothing, really, just, he said something that caught me off guard, that’s all.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed, “If he does it again, tell me,” he said, “Logan says I can restart the prank war with probable cause.”

Roman shrugged,“-Kay” he said

He will most certainly not.

---

D:Sanders? from 3rd block?

R: ye who else would i be??? where is this other roman???

D:Who knows? How do I know you’re not Virgil w/ Roman’s phone?

R: //gasp// i am no fake.

D: Proof?

R:[Picture: Roman’s knees are pulled to his chest, him pouting at the camera.

His hair dyed aubrun and thrown into a messy bun, paint and freckles littering his brown skin]

[ThatOneGuyThatVirgilHates <3’s a picture]

D: Oh thank god you are the cute one

---

[out of the way fives]

Hotleg: so.

Sipsipsippin: dammit roman.

Hotleg: i didnt even say anything how dare

Sipsipsippin:hon, i dated you, i know.

Hotleg: we made out like once

Sipsipsippin: i know.

Hotleg: it was like, eigth grade

Sipsipsipin: i k n o w

Hotleg: ok, ok wise and powerful, remington. Guess who it is, bitch.

Sipsipsippin: ill bite

Sipsipsippin: logan?

Hotleg:....

Hotleg: id say ew, but,,,im not entirely agnst that, ,,, i

Hotleg: nope no, it is not infact logan

Sipsipsippin: FUCK i owe pat a five

Hotleg:????betrayl??????in my sanctum????

Sipsipsippin: shh, i did not type that and you saw nothing

Sipsipsippin: gah give me a hint

Hotleg: hes,,,, good with his hands ;)

----

Remy slammed his hands down the table, “Roman you filthy animal tell me who it is.”

A few people nearby looked up, startled, but not entirely surprised. Patton still winced, pointedly looking at his book and pretending like he didn’t know these actual public disturbances but didn’t bother to move. Which is hard to do regardless, when one Roman has made your shoulder his home.

“Sorry can’t speak english,” Roman said, exaggerating his drawl. He picked off of the leftovers on Patton’s plate, avoiding the daggers being driven into him from behind Remy’s tinted frames.

“Patton, do you know?” Remy asked.

Patton frowned, “Know what?” He flipped a page.

“Our wittle Roman’s got a cwush.” Remy slid into a chair, grabbing a fry.

Patton tilted his head, giving Roman a smile, “A crush you say?”

“Shit.” Roman moved to scramble out of his seat, but Patton somehow managed to put down his book, and fit his arm snug around his waist, tugging him lightly back down.

“Pattonnnn,” He whined, “This is an abuse of my need for affection.”

“Poor baby boy,” Patton hummed, “So, about this crush.”

“C’mon Pat, it could just be a squish,”

“Ro, do you find all your squishies that attractive?” Remy said.

“I find all of my friends aesthetically pleasing, I love you all, lots. I would kill for all of you without hesitation.” Patton rested his chin on Roman’s head, “Did he talk about their hands?” he asked pointedly.

“He wrote poetry.”

“Not to romo,” Patton said, “but yeah it’s a Roman Crush™.”

“I just said how much I loved you guys and this is the betrayal I receive? I thought y’all were the Evagiline to my Ray- instead you’re the animation industry to my animators.”

“Bitch, you bugged me all last week about the same shit,” Remy shot back, lovingly, “Karma’s here, so tell me his name or I’m stealing your toenails and feeding them to your first born.” He sipped his drink, face victorious.

Mid gasp, Roman felt Patton’s grip around his waist tighten. He turned around curiously finding Patton’s attention no longer at the table.

Roman followed his line of sight, blinking, “Dmitri?”

“You have a crush on D--fuck,” Remy hissed, rubbing where Roman’s heel dug into his thigh.

“Sorry can’t hear you,” Roman gritted through his teeth, “--call again after the beep bi-Hi Dee!”

Patton leaned back in his chair, picking up his book again but had yet to remove his arm.

Dmitri shifted the tray in his hands, “Uh, hey,” he smiled, “Can I talk to you?” His hair was down today, the short bob barely falling past his shoulders, but his clothes were noticeably covered paint, yet frustratingly enough other than that, nothing seemed ruffled or half assed. All clean lines and angles.

“What about?” Roman’s brow furrowed.

“Yeah,” Remy chimed, waggling his eyebrows, “What abou-oW.”

Dmitri ignored that, “Can I talk to you,” He glanced at Patton, “Privately,” he emphasised, “I found some old art magazines and projects in the library storage room, Mrs. Ider said we can check it out.”

“Uh, okay,” Roman nodded dumbly. He hopped up, snagging a fry before he followed Dmitri.

Walking down the long stretch of hallway, Roman found himself checking his watch several times- something he hardly ever does. Yet, the uncomfortable silence lingered, with only Dmitri’s avoident gazes and the clicks of Roman’s boots to fill the silence.

Lucky for Roman, his tendency for avoidance was relatively short on supply.

“Did I do something wrong?” Roman forced himself not to wince at how needy he sounded.

Dmitri opened the door for him, blinking, “Of course--” his voice dropped to a a whisper as the entered, “Of course not, why do you say so?”

“You seem different?”

“We’ve hardly talked before, aside from text.” Dmitri reasoned, tone awfully similar to when Logan’s trying to justify consuming an entire jar of Crofters in one sitting.

“Dee,” Roman said, raising an eyebrow, “That’s true, but you’re hardly one to get… nervous,” he said, “I’ve heard enough stories from Virgil alone to know.”

Dee froze, neither smiling or frowning, “What… type of stories.” His cheeks were delightfully pinched pink. “Tell me what I did wrong and--” Roman switched on the light to the libraries storage room, hiding a wicked smile as he glanced back, “And I’ll tell you some of my favorites.”

“Just wonderful,” Dmitri muttered, stepping inside as well, “But truthfully you did nothing wrong, I just don’t quite know how to do apologies.”

“Same,” Roman said, “Where are the ‘zines?” he distractedly asked, dragging the step ladder from behind the door.

“Back, left shelf,” Dmitri replied. He steadied the step ladder as Roman climbed up searching the dusty shelves. “What were you trying to not apologize for?” Roman asked, dropping magazines to the floor beside him.

“The...flirting?”

“Oh just the flirting?” he paused, holding a magazine to his chest, “Oh.” he repeated, now breathless. Dmitri looked way, ”Yeah, it didn’t mean anything, sorry,” he said, “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, I swear I’m usually only a little sleazy.”

“So,” Roman dropped the next magazine, ”It was a joke.” He said a bit quieter, the magazine slapped the ground with more force.

“So is everything cool or…?”

“Uh,” Roman breathed in, blinking rapidly, “Uh, yeah it's all-- Wait, did you say boyfriend?”

“Yes...Is he not?”

“Who, who would--Oh. Oh, No, Patton isn’t--” Roman’s shoulders sagged, “We’re just friends.”

Roman stepped down from the ladder and was met with Dmitri’s look of skepticism.

“Oh, then I meant every word.” Dmitri said, all too casually, “Are you always so touchy with your friends?” he questioned, voice softer.

“Only if they want to.” Roman shrugged, “What do you and your friends do?”

“I don’t have… that many,” Dmitri admitted with a shrug of his own, the two of them hefting up their own pile of magazines, “And the ones I do would probably punch me if I tried anything like that.”

“Do you want to be able to do that?” Roman questioned, tugging open the door with ease, holding it open for Dmitri with his back. Dmitri was quiet, the two settling the stacks onto a table.

“Hey you don’t have to answer it’s really no pressu--”

“No it's fine,” Dmitri said, hugging his arms, “I’d… think I would, but I doubt any of my friends would want to…” His nose curled, “They’d tell me to piss off and get a girlfriend,”

“Well,” Roman said, “I’m your friend, and I’m certainly not going to promote the heterosexual agenda, unless that’s your thing, so I guess the awful duty of cuddles befalls on me,” He winked.

Dmitri looked at him again, “...I guess it does.”

Ao3

#Roman Sanders #Deceit Sanders #Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides Fanfiction #Virgil Sanders #Remy Sanders #Patton Sanders #Deceit's name is Dmitri #Sympathetic Deceit #Roceit #Romantic Roceit #Multichaptered #Antithesis #Crossposted

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lily-writing-stories · 5 years

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Hunt : Chapter 2 - Argent

I turned my head toward the door seeing Chris Argent entering the room , and my dad let go of my arm as well.

-Everything ok lily?

-I'm fine , thanks , Come dance with me

I grabbed his arm and we head to the living room , joining everyone on the improved dance floor , where they were all slow dancing.

Chris put his hands on my back , while i put mine around his neck. It could seems weird , our proximity , but chris & i had grow closer and closer since Allison's death.

We started to dance , but he kept staring at me for explanation , he knew my relation with my dad wasn't good ,meanwhile , Scott somehow managed to get closer to him and have a as normal as it could be, relation with him, but me , i just couldn't .Seeing that i didn't say anything , Chris rolled his eyes dramatically before leaning to my ear.

- After this dance , i'll grab two drinks and we will go in your room

- That seems indescant

He smiled , knowing i was silly just to hide my emotions and kept dancing . After that , as said , he grabbed two glasses and we went upstairs without anyone really noticing.

He sat on my bed and i joined him , having a sip of my drink .

- I dropped off college

he was about to drink as well , but surprised , his hand went back to rest on his knee.

- Why is that?

I sighed lightly , playing with my fingers .

- it just ... wasn't the right path for me , and honestly , everythig is ... not good in NY , neither college nor my social life, and i really miss everyone here and this town as weird as it sounds after everything that happend ...

He nod slowly, finally getting a sip of his drink before putting back his attention to me.

- i see , well , we missed you too , happy to have you back then i should say

i smiled a little , nodding my head slowly.

- you're nervous to tell your dad .

i nod again , i knew the discussion with my father would turn pretty ugly .

-i'll tell my mom tonight, while we clean the mess

He smiled , and kissed my forehard , he would always do that to confort me.

When we went back downstairs , my dad saw us , he really didnt liked how close i was to chris , as he told to my mom , feeling like chris was stealing his dad role , even though i told him that i didnt saw chris as a father.

Anyway , i shouldn't think about him tonight.

the party went on for more hours , and everyone started to leave , only left was Scott , Malia , Stiles , my mom and i.

Stiles insisted to help us until everything was perfectly clean. Since everyone was gone , we were able to talk better without being interrupted ,he wanted to know as well what was wrong with me , so instead of telling them one by one about my return , i told them all at once.

Everyone was very enthusiastic about it , happy to have me back , and that stress level dropped . i'll only have to tell my dad now , when i get the courage to go through this talk.

[ ... ]

I was at the hospital to give dinner to my mom , Chris was here as well , he had to get some results for an exam he had last week but the results were good, thanks God .

We were having a nice chat until my dad arrived to give a paper to my mom.I tried to leave but he insist to talk again , to know why i was staying .

Since i didn't wanted to do a scene in the middle of the corridor , i accepted to talk in an empty room .

It wasnt necessary to try to avoid it so i told him all , and oh boy , he didn't looked pleased with my choice.

- you're ruining your life !

-i'm not ! i'll take online classes and i already found a job here

- oh really? where ?

-at Deaton's

-if that's what you want your life to look like

-i dont even consider you as my father , you dont get to tell me how i should live my life after being gone for so long !!

I really was mad and ready to explode even but Chris opened the room , clearly he heard all or almost.

[...]

I was finishing my hair , and looked at myself in the mirroir , quite satisfied with the result. I turned around towards my door when i heard someone whistle me.A wild smile appeared on my face as i see my twin brother , looking as handsome as ever.

- Wow , you look gorgeous!

He giggled and took my hand to make me spin around and have a better look at my dress .

-Damn , you're gonna make everyone drop their jaws.

-Oh well , i wanted that result just on you , but i'll be fine with everyone

We both laugh and i grabbed him into a tight hug. TBH Scott's hugs were the best , it was the ones that make me feel complete.We soon feel a third person hugging us thightly

-my babies , you're so old , already 25 years old !

-Mom!

she laughed at our faces and kiss both of our cheeks .

-everyone gonna be here in a minute , i'll wait you two downstairs

we nod and she left us alone .I hugged scott , this time a little bit more tight .he put his arms around my shoulders , holding me close an put his chin on my head.

- i love you Scott

He step back to look at me , and grabbed my face with both hands , looking into my eyes.

-I dont know what's wrong with you , you've been acting weird since weeks, and i'll wait for you to be ready to tell me , but tonight , i want you to have fun and enjoy our evening , is that clear young lady ?

-Yes

I smiled to him and hug him one more time before we heard the door ringing and had to go downstairs to start greet our guests.

[...]

It was midnight past 30 , when Lydia announced me , that she had planned a little girls night out and that the boys could go finished their evening too in their side . I looked up at Scott , who shrugged his shoulders .

-why not ? go have fun with the girls, i'm sure the guys and i can found something too

Before i could say anything , the girls grabbed my arms to make me go upstairs.Hayden made me sit on the bed while Lydia bringed a bag from my wardrobe , she probably sneak in to hide that somewhere in the evening. She pulled out a red dress from it .

-Tadaaaa!!!

My eyes went wide at the size of it.

-Lydia ...i think you didn't get my size

-Come on ! I did , don't be so shy , you got to show yourself sometimes .

I wanted to say something , but Malia already had me to get up and took off my dress . Lydia already making me put the other one.

-You guys are insane , slow down , you're getting me dizzy .

-the alcohol made you dizzy

i shake my head at Hayden's comment , and tried to push down a little the dress at my thighs before finding i couldn't .

-No , guys , it's way too short

-look in the mirroir before complaing

Lydia pushed me in front of it , i looked at myself , and i got to say , even if it was pretty short , that dress was pretty flattering on me and it even made my tiny legs looks a little more longer , well , no surprise since it barely cover them , the decollete wasn't too provocative , just a little teasing , actually ...it wasn't that bad , and since i was kinda out of my right mind from the alcohol already , i didn't care much anymore.

-okay , i agree to wear it

-Yaaay , heels now !

I sighed at Lydia's enthusiasm, i put on the heels that i wore for Scott's engagement party last month , if i want to stay up in those , i better not drink anymore . We all heads downstairs . The guys all stared at me , each one in a different way . Scott was shocked that i agreed to wear that , while Stiles was staring at my body .He smiled and came at me .

-hey girl , how you doing ?

He winked at me and i laughed at his silliness , giving him a hug .

- You're pretty but be careful girls , please , you sure you don't want us to come ?

-Stiles , it's adorable to care , but we're fine

And it's true , i always felt safe with the girls , they had superpowers afterall.Scott make sure again that we didn't need anything , but we refused.

While all the guest were gone , my mom , Noah and Chris were still here , in the kitchen to finish cleaning up what we started to clean before. We all head to the kitchen to say bye , and once again , i had all the eyes on me , Chris looked up from his phone , letting it fall on the floor as he saw me , i got to say that Lydia got a pretty good idea this time , not knowing that seeing Chris reacting like that would please me .

-Lily , what ...

My mom didn't finished her sentence that everyone pointed fingers at Lydia .

-i see , well ... be careful girls ...

-yes mom

Noah came to me and hug me , and then looked at his son , i didn't see Stiles's face but i could only imagine him nodding at his father , knowing he'll ask him to watch over us secretly.I then went to hug my mom , and i looked at Chris , not sure what to do , everyone will find it odd if i dont hug him .So i stepped closer to him , he didn't wait for me to get to him , he grabbed me into his arms holding me closer than usual , i could feel his strong arms crushing me but not in a painful way more like ... possessive way. I felt his breath against my ear as he lean more .

- You're incredibly beautiful

My heart did some backflips only with this compliment , he then kissed my cheek and let go of me .I quickly grabbed my purse and wave at my mom before going out , needing the fresh air to calm down the heat going to my cheek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gif; teenwolf--imagines

Hey everybody !

Sorry for the long wait , I hope y'all liked this Chapter 2 of my story !

don't hesitate to give comment and tell me what you think .

The chapter 3 will come soon !

xoxo

Lily

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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americanpsychox · 7 years

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Fuck;

I feel like shit right now. And not like, sick or anything. Just a shit person. But i can’t talk to anyone about it because I literally don’t see anyone. Ever. I mean, I have plenty of opportunities to see the people i care about and love. But I always have an excuse. I don’t know if it’s the constant anxiety or the fact that I do not trust anyone anymore, but I have distanced myself from everyone so I don’t get hurt. I chose to be alone, before I’m forced to be alone. If that makes sense? I feel like everyone who I was close to has changed so much. And we have nothing in common anymore. We’re strangers connected by our past. And I feel like we’re all afraid to let go of it. I am a shit person. For all the parties, and nights out that I’m invited to but I don’t show up. I mean, i want to. And I plan on going. But then at the last minute, my emotions get the better of me and I just.... don’t go. I get all these intrusive thoughts. Like what if they don’t think my jokes are funny. What if I say something stupid. What if I have nothing in common with them anymore? The only people who I call my best friends. I can’t even bring myself to trust them about anything anymore. I’m always afraid everything I say will eventually be used against me. So I’m never truly happy. I’m never really myself. No wonder I’m fucking depressed.

Idk. I guess a big part of it has to do with my elementary school days. Not once, but twice, i befriended groups of girls. Got close to them, yanno, as close as you can get when you’re 9 or 10. And then all of a sudden I’d come to school one day and have no friends. I couldn’t sit with them at lunch. They’d run away from me at recess. And I never understood why. And eventually all my secrets would come out. I’d get nasty notes in my desk and backpack. People would steal things out of my lunchbox because I’m “fat and shouldn’t eat it all anyways.” At 10 years old. I mean, eventually i met a group of girls who I liked, and who were pretty cool. But eventually we grew apart because we just didn’t like the same things. But they were nice and I still would consider them friends. Finally in middle school. Something changed. Idk what it was. I think it had something to do with me being able to make fun of myself. I was the funny kid, and I think that showed all the mean kids that they have nothing to make fun of me for if I was already laughing about it myself. I developed a little bit of confidence and gained the friends I have today. My best friends. Adrian, Amanda, and Tyler. We’d walk home together everyday. Hang out outside of school. They were just as weird as I was. I have never felt more comfortable around anyone else in my life. I love these motherfuckers to the moon and back. And I always will. It’s just not the same kind of love anymore. I feel obligated? in a way. Which I know sounds totally bad. But I have nobody else. I had friends in high school. But that just rehashed all the elementary school issues. My first day, I met Shiane. And she was weirdly cool, and nice to me. And I met Dillon, who helped me get to Vannoy’s class before saying he was going to skip it himself. lol But eventually I started to like DIllon as more than a friend, and ruined that friendship. And Shiane was... well, Shiane. It was just too dramatic for me. But being from such a small high school, everyone was friendly. But nobody was my friend. Oh except Eve! Ider how we met. But she was always there for me. It just sucks that we live so far away from each other and both have jobs and school. I definitely will always remember Eve as a true friend. And then there was Jorge and Jaclyn and Mariah. We were all pretty close too. Jorge moved away to go to college. Jaclyn started hanging out with other people. Mariah and I got into this huge fight about, idek what. I thought it was about my car, but I have no idea what it ended up being about. We just cut the friendship up. And that’s when everything started to fall apart for me. I couldn’t vent about anything, anywhere. Like, this is what I do. I blog. I have since middle school matmice days. lol and I couldn’t because everything I said got twisted and turned around, and sent to the people I was no longer friends with and fueled even more arguments and fights. I couldn’t talk to the friends I had left because Jorge and Amanda were away in college. Adrian was involved with a new girlfriend so he was MIA. I had Tyler. Who was telling me everything I was doing was okay but I couldn’t understand why I was getting so much shit for it. The first time I try and defend myself against people, and try to get them to understand my point of view and I failed. So I stopped getting close to people again. I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to get close to them. It’s too much. I had Emmanuel, at this point. And I know he’s a great guy, but I don’t trust him like I used to. Mainly because every single time i’d go out with him, he would want to talk about Mariah. And i was over it at that point. And i knew everything I would say, would get back to her, and she would say I was still talking shit about her. So I told him something I hadn’t told anyone else. Because I had my suspicions that he was the leak, I just needed proof. I talked to him about it, and I didn’t see another single person for like 2 weeks. And sure enough. I was told to keep her name out of my mouth. So that ended that. I now had nobody else to vent to. I bottled everything up. Until eventually I broke.

Now I’m back to how I was in middle school. Crippling anxiety. Feeling like I’m never good enough for anything. I’m tired all the time even though I don’t do shit and sleep most of the time. I don’t move. I don’t eat. I like to pretend everything is okay, and I check in on Snapchat and facebook with all the “good things” happening. I’m going to school at least. But I can only bare to do online classes because being in public alone like that scares the shit out of me. I’m on so many medications, and now I’m about to lose my insurance so Idk how I’m going to afford them. And I’m not saying all this for the pity. Or so people feel bad for me. I just want them to understand. This isn’t about just one incident. This shit has been happening to me my entire life, and it’s the reason I’m so fucked up. And maybe it is all my fault. I’m a bitch. I talk shit. I tell people when they’re fucking stupid. But that’s all I know. Because if I don’t do it first, they’ll do it to me. If i don’t put the attention on them and their mistakes, it comes back to me and what I did. And there you go. More friendships down the drain. Goooooood. Why the fuck am I like this!? I want to just be a normal person. But instead I sit here alone, staring at the assignments I have to do, but not actually doing them. Listening to Taylor Swift and talking to my cats. Because why the fuck not right?

Amanda wants to hang out, and I tell her I can’t because I’m sick, or have school, or I’m working. Even though I haven’t been there in like 3 months.

Adrian and Kayla invite me to everything, all the time. But I don’t go because what if someone I don’t like is there? I don’t want to be in an awkward situation that leads me to panicking and just going down hill from there. Which sucks because I love that family and I miss Melanie so much. And I haven’t even met Oliver yet.

But they’re the only 2 friendships I’ve had since middle school. I don’t want to fuck it up by doing something stupid. I can’t be alone again. Even though by doing this, I am alone.

There are literally 3 people in my life that i trust. With anything and everything. And I don’t deserve them. They are wonderful people. And I love them so much. We have a weird chemistry, of talking only when it’s convenient and I don’t feel pressured to be anyone but myself when I’m with them. I can say and do what I want and there is no judgement. Jennifer Rodriguez, you are an amazing person. You and this next person are probably the only 2 people who are going to read this entire thing. lol But you were the first one of Adrian’s girlfriends who I actually got along with Which, idk why that’s such a big deal. It just was at the time. And even though you aren’t together anymore, you continue to be a great friend to Tyler and I. We have the deepest of conversations and you even lived with us for a while. And it wasn’t weird at all. (Which is amazing). Thank you for being the wonderful and unique person you are. We love you Jennnay! Annnnddd Emily Rivera. We met in high school, but weren’t really close friends. She ended up on Shiane’s side for a while, and I couldn’t understand why. So that led me to be a complete bitch and cut her off for a while. It wasn’t until after high school, that we started to get to be friends again. And I feel like it’s just going to get better from there. This one night, we went out to Applebees, with Tyler as our DD. And we both were DRUNK. That was probably the best night I’ve had in years. It was so much fun, and I wish we could do it again. But I can’t drink anymore ): lol Anyways. We have the same dark and creepy sense of humor, which is a plus. And our friendship basically consists of sending each other snapchats and talking about our lives. Which is nice. Especially since I don’t feel comfortable going out yet. She’s another person who I can tell something to, and get an honest opinion without being judged. What more could you ask for in a friendship? <3 And the third person is Tyler of course. He’s been here for over 9 years. And I can’t believe he still is. He helps me get through panic attacks, and deals with me in my manic episodes. He knows when to shut the fuck up and just hold me, and when it’s okay to bring sensitive things up. These past couple years have been tough on us. Me not working as much, buying a house, and finding out we can’t start a family because I can’t have kids. But he’s still here for me. Even though we’ve been talking about having kids for a couple years now, he’s okay with the fact we’re going to have to wait til we can afford to adopt. Which is... just wow. Like, he could leave me, and go have a family and a house with someone else. But he chose to stay with me, by my side through everything. And I couldn’t ask for a better fiance.

I have no idea where I’m going with this anymore. Like i said before, I use tumblr to vent and shit. Just whatever happened to come to mind at the time came out. So now I get to prepare for all the shit I’m going to get in response to this. Like, i get STRANGERS telling me to kill myself. In what world is that okay? This is MY blog. I get to post what I WANT. And if you really don’t like it, why are you reading it? Mental health is something that a lot of people don’t understand and they think it’s not such a big deal when it is. So, just think about the other person before you go and post that bullshit about how I just want attention or I want to start an argument. Sometimes you just need to let it all out. And this is my way of doing that. This is my way of letting everything go, and starting over, and finally trying to move on. I need to get better. It’s time

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ecstasybread · 7 years

Text

deannatroi

replied to your

post

a few days ago (ider when anymore) i opened t*nder...

for zach and I, I kept the okc app for a lil bit bc idk i wanted to still if ppl would still send me gross messages? like, so I could vent and yell at them. but zach was uncomfortable bc to him it meant that I wasn’t fully committing to the relationship. me having the app still meant different things to us so we had to talk it out to make sure we were on the same page and respecting each others feelings

thank you for responding! genuinely. did you guys meet on OKC/online?

yeah also this is pretty new like we met irl for the first time almost 2 months ago and it took about a month to even schedule a first date via... t*nder... b/c schedules didn’t align/we’re both busy. and yesterday would’ve been like a 6th date (i mentioned this gig the first time we met so we made plans immediately lol)

i don’t know how to broach much of anything yet. maybe i still feel weird about something i asked a month ago at this point (and last time we really spent time together, not just running into each other 1-2 weeks ago)

i also don’t know how to like ask... about... basic... affection outside of... u kno... lol why

#deannatroi

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attina-the-responsible · 7 years

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How to Deal with the Aftermath According to Mermaids ~*~ [Mersisters]

In which the sisters check in...

@andrina-the-amazingsupergenius, @aquata-the-bold, @alana-the-badbitch, @ariel-the-rebellious

[tw -- mentions of murder and horrible stuff like that, ptsd, some gore, etc etc]

Andrina so how long until i can make hell puns

Aquata go for it, just start them now Aquata for real though, is everyone good?

Alana just dandy

Attina mhm mhm

Alana the real question is how is andrina Alana how was married life

Andrina god thank u i was waiting for someone to ask Andrina its not like i was MARRIED TO AL MCWIGGIN OR ANYTHING Andrina imagine being married to a WOW avatar Andrina thats what it was like

Attina don't they normally have nice bodies?

Alana Hey dad bods are in

Andrina im not even talking about the body im talking about how they talk and think and act and hammer at swords Andrina i swear it was like i was transported into an episode of Game of Thrones

Attina sounds harrowing

Ariel Do we have to talk about it?

Alana I want all the nitty gritty mcwiggin sex details

Andrina well we could shove it down for years until we all start manifesting split personalities and other mental disorders

Attina honestly,

Andrina u know like we did with mom lmao

Attina we don't have disorders. or split personalities.

Ariel Please don't talk about Mom.

Aquata sure we don't

Alana we r all dandy Alana that's my word of the week

Andrina i didnt talk about mom i mentioned her off hand as an example Andrina im all set to talk about how great i looked in that toga Andrina or honestly alana did you tap that

Attina andrina.

Andrina WHAT its an honest question Andrina if im gonna talk about mcwiggin i want Hot Daddy Ginger details

Alana duh

Attina alana! how /old/ is that man?

Alana idk it didnt come up Alana your age lol? Alana he was my husband, atty we were in love~~

Andrina mcwiggin's older than me i think

Attina were you in love? like--other you?

Alana other me was sold off because it was a good match Alana and she enjoyed the lavish lifestyle and the hot dude idk man

Andrina you know what i should have asked

Alana real me was like oh man what if im stuck here might as well have fun Alana carpet matches the drapes yes

Andrina how much they paid for me Andrina really?? im insatiably curious

Ariel They didn't really pay for us. I mean, not real them

Alana al was p rich you mustve been a catch

Andrina yeah i wanna know how many goats/bags of wheat/coins i went for Andrina do you think al knows Andrina do u think if i text him it would be weird Andrina "hi how much did u pay for me"

Alana no do it Alana i bet you were at least two goats

Attina it wasn't even our husbands who paid, it was their owners Attina GOD owners.

Andrina wow two whole goats, how many meals can u get outta goats Andrina omg guys my master was quite fit actually he was A Big Deal

Alana ider who mine were--uh Alana lmaoo #awkward

Ariel He didn't own you. It wasn't real. Dash wouldn't want to own anybody, and his family wouldn't either Ariel It was all like a bad dream I just Ariel want to forget it

Attina [unsent] well maybe if you hadn't RAN AWAY you would've been FINE

Alana did howl throw a party too big Alana i heard it was a rager Alana wouldve gone if Ginger Daddy and i didnt have other evening plans

Andrina ariel couldn't you have just had some of that water then? Andrina seriously i have some if you want it

Ariel I don't... I don't know. I want to forget but... I don't want to forget all of it. I have some water too, just in case, but... I really don't know. I don't want to be like you said. I don't want to repress it again.

Alana what are u repressing was this that bad Alana i mean the escort thing was hella annoying

Ariel I don't want to talk about it.

Andrina ariel, i get that, i do but-- you realize that is repressing it too right?

Aquata then why keep bringing it up

Alana ^^

Ariel I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk about it and I want to forget it but I don't want to forget everything because that's not going to help either I just didn't realize thinking about Mom would hurt this much Ariel I'm sorry

Andrina well i think we should all talk about it then. rip it off like a bandaid

Ariel I didn't know I would see her down there Ariel I didn't know I would see

Alana you didnt know you would see our dead mum in the land of the dead

Aquata ....

Ariel I didn't think I would watch her die.

Alana [unsent] lmao same tho but not mum ok woops nope Alana it was one of the Alana idk underworld things

Ariel Over and over again and I couldn't stop it.

Alana they play tricks on you so ive heard in the gossip train

Andrina oh right like it wasnt real it wasnt how she actually died

Ariel But what if it was? Ariel It was so awful Ariel It's all I can see, just replaying and replaying over and over

Aquata then drink the water

Alana yeah jeez Alana no point in being noble if you cant lift your own head up

Ariel But then I'll forget the good things, too.

Andrina how about you tell us all the good things?

Alana such as,,

Ariel The good things that happened and all the good stuff I remembered.

Andrina you write them down for yourself

Alana very detailed

Andrina then you'll still have them. you can remind yourself and we can tell you that its real

Ariel But can you tell me how it felt? All those memories with Jim being so nice to me and helping me and playing with me when we were younger and telling me that he would keep me safe? Ariel Can you tell me about how Jim was there for me every step of the way? Ariel How can you explain how good of a person he was to me if you can't tell me about seeing Mom's death?

Aquata holy shit it was a fake life you know him in real life, right? you know what hes like already

Alana look kiddo, that's the stuff you gotta let go of because that was some fake mumbo jumbo past that we all got stuck with

Andrina That's why you write it all down and you tell yourself. Andrina and honestly yeah-- that isnt the real jim and you should like jim for jim, not for fake jim.

Ariel But it was real Jim that was there with me in hell

Aquata i was engaged but whatever

Ariel I mean - it was Pleiades too, but it was also Jim

Aquata HOLY SHIT NO IT WASNT Aquata IT Aquata WAS Aquata FAKE

Alana yah thank god or andrina and al would be banging

Aquata that crazy bitch created it. it wasnt real. end of story.

Andrina the horror, the horror,

Ariel Jim being with me in hell wasn't FAKE, it was REAL. I was there. I saw it and felt it all, and so did he. The past lives may have been fake but what we went through was REAL

Andrina Seriously-- I think you should write down the stuff that you like then. I do. Jim will understand that the other stuff is just too painful to death with right now. He'd want you to be okay, Ariel, however you need to be okay.

Alana ariel i have no bloody idea what you want us to tell you that andrina has not repeated ten times now

Aquata then do what andy said, write down the good memories, and drink the damn water because you cant complain about the bad and then immediately not want to forget the good

Alana atty where r u we need parental guidance

Andrina ok chill out aquata she can complain if she wants Andrina we dont need atty to be decent fucking sisters

Alana she listens to atty

Ariel It's okay, nevermind. I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it

Alana so i think itll mean more coming from her Alana fineee just trying to help

Andrina Ariel, it's not okay. Look, if you don't want to forget about it, then thats' fine. If you want to like, talk about it and stuff, we should talk about it. I joke but yeah it wasnt exactly fun not knowing where my sisters were and watching daily executions by some whacked out nutjob

Andrina so you can talk to me ok

Ariel I just want to know how you guys have done this for so long

Alana done what

Attina Look, everyone. Nothing about this experience was something anyone has gone through before. Which means we have no idea how to deal with it and YELLING at each other isn't the way to fix it. We need to be patient and understanding towards one another. Ariel, I'm so sorry about what you went through. But, you have to realize that you hurt us by LEAVING. You didn't tell anyone where you were. I thought you were dead. Daddy thought you were dead. I thought I'd lost you and I don't know exactly what went on for you but for a good twelve hours, all /I/ could see was /you/ dying over and over in a thousand different ways. We need to come /together/, and be open and willing to talk to each other during times like this. Otherwise we'll just splinter apart, and I know none of you want that.

Alana oh there u r

Ariel I thought I was doing the right thing. Not telling anyone I was going. I didn't want anyone to worry. I just wanted to go and save everyone, but I couldn't

Attina No. You couldn't. Because we're supposed to make these decisions /together/ as a family. We're weak apart.

Aquata we're not weak

Ariel I don't believe that

Alana whoa okay speak for yourself Alana that was for atty not u ariel

Andrina look im just so glad that you're okay and im proud of you for trying ariel. we shouldn't be talking about any of this over text though

Attina and this is exactly why all of you get into trouble!

Ariel I don't know how else to talk about it Ariel No one ever does

Andrina well that means we can't do it wrong huh? we'll all just kinda fumble it up together but at least we'll be in the same room

Ariel If I get into trouble for trying to save you all, then I'm fine with that!

Alana better get into trouble than be boring

Attina I'd rather be boring and alive than whatever you think you're being and /dead/.

Alana im not sure who youre yelling at here because im not the one who ran off into the land of the dead Alana theres a difference between oh lana broke curfew and oh ariel and kid hero jim hawkins decide to save the world

Andrina can we like not yell at each other at all how about that Andrina whats done is done

Ariel If Attina would stop pretending she knows everything, maybe there wouldn't be any yelling

Aquata holy shit

Alana i think you scared her off ariel

Andrina i hereby move to wipe this text history and start over Andrina who seconds my motion

Ariel I didn't want to scare her off, she just was talking like I didn't know what I was doing

Attina I don't think I know everything, but I know not to run off to HELL to try to save the world on some selfish delusion of grandeur.

Ariel I knew what I was doing

Alana ohp too late andy

Attina oh really, is that why you're so terrified you can barely speak?

Ariel I wasn't being SELFISH, I was trying to SAVE everyone. To save YOU. And Aquata and Alana and Andrina and Arista and Adella and Daddy and myself Ariel EVERYONE

Attina BULLSHIT ariel, we were perfectly fine.

Ariel You were SLAVES Ariel we were SLAVES Ariel people were in a JAIL in PRISON Ariel people were EXECUTED Ariel How could you even say that?

Attina THOSE PEOPLE WEREN'T /US/ THEY DON'T MATTER

Alana this isnt some YA book a 17 year old does not save the day Alana i mean realistically

Ariel Of course they matter!

Alana if you wanna do something you gotta work within your means

Ariel Why are our lives more valuable than anyone else's??

Alana cold, atty

Ariel I can't believe you would even say that!!! Ariel What if Paul had been in prison?? His life doesn't matter???

Attina not as much as yours, or any of you.

Ariel That's not right

Attina and i'm sure he'd say the same thing. his babies are more important than me to him. which is how it should be.

Andrina glad we're casually debating morals and ethics

Alana anyone want a face mask

Ariel I'm not going to apologize for doing what I thought was the right thing, for trying to help everyone

Aquata how about a shot instead

Alana im game

Attina I'll take that shot.

Andrina this reminds me of something my darling mcwiggin said to me

Attina Or two or three. Attina just give me the whole bottle.

Aquata or the whole bottle

Alana jinx now you guys cant talk till i say your name

Aquata too bad

Alana what did mcwiggin say

Andrina nice, digital high five

Alana wow now you get 7 years of bad luck aqua :C

Andrina he said, andrina, you are the most beautiful creature i've ever seen Andrina (we'd just finished making love under the sunset) Andrina and i was like u know what al tiberius mcwiggen

Aquata shit im doomed forever

Alana that's poetic

Andrina you're right.

Attina now i need two bottles

Alana next movie night's gonna be awkward when we pick up the dvd

Aquata you need to go hit him up andy Aquata were sending you to get it

Andrina alas, it cannot be Andrina he has another lover

Ariel Maybe if she gets drunk she'll actually step off her high horse and say something that doesn't involve her knowing what's best and always being right

Aquata for fucks sake

Alana i h8 to break it to you ariel but atty has like nine years more experience of like existing in the world Alana and interacting with it

Ariel That doesn't make her right about everything

Attina Whatever, Ariel. You're the one who needs to come off your high horse. Don't come crying to me when someone knocks you off it.

Alana makes her more right when it comes to dealing with shit

Ariel I won't. You'd just yell at me, anyways. It's all you know how to do.

Alana thats not true she cleans very well

Andrina she also makes killer lemon squares

Attina Well if you weren't a brat, then I wouldn't yell at you.

Andrina probably not as delicious as the delicacies that al tiberius mcwiggin purchased for me from the market but close

Alana you gotta hit him up

Ariel I'm not being a BRAT, don't CALL me that

Andrina he has another LOVER what am i to do

Alana flash your tits Alana age old triton advice

Aquata does he /really/ though

Andrina he doesnt like me for my tits 😟 Andrina he likes me for my personality 😟

Alana gasp Alana the horror

Andrina i know tbh maybe he's gay Andrina no he's not he made wild and passionate love to me

Alana did u guys like Alana do it as yourselves

Attina Well, stop acting like one. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Andrina 69

Alana like not fake selves

Andrina corkscrew Andrina monkey Andrina koala

Alana koala

Andrina all that and more

Alana nice use of the shrug emoji, atty Alana 10/10

Ariel I am NOT acting like one! You can't keep treating me like I don't know anything and like you know everything because you DON'T. Just because you're older that doesn't make you all wise or something. In fact, most of the time you don't know what to do - you can't even flirt with a boy and you're way older than I am! Ariel So STOP being such a rude, bossy know-it-all, I'm sick of it!

Aquata ummm im pretty sure she /can/ flirt with a boy considering shes been on a couple dates with paul?

Alana ouch ariel low blow

Aquata thats neither here nor there though

Andrina oh right we also did the flying ninja Andrina his form was impeccable Andrina for such a robust man, he's graceful in the bedroom

Attina Fine, if you want me to stop babying you. FINE. Consider it done. You're officially NOT MY CONCERN.

Alana i did not need that imagery thanks

Ariel GOOD. I don't NEED to be your concern. I SHOULDN'T be.

Alana is THIS random CAPS thing something WE'RE doing NOW

Andrina hOW exCitING

Aquata can we not

Ariel You moved out. I already have to deal with Daddy. I shouldn't have to deal with you BOSSING me around and saying you know best like this. You're not Mom

Alana low blow ariel

Aquata so about that shot Aquata or bottle

Alana i can swing by ur room in 5, aqua Alana i have malibu

Aquata get here in 2 then Aquata because i need the entire bottle rn

Alana so demanding Alana omw

#bdrpandrina #bdrpadella #bdrparista #bdrpaquata #bdrpalana #coral #attilla #attista #aquafina #atlanta #coral texts #attilla texts #attista texts #aquafina texts #atlanta texts #texts #how to deal with the aftermath according to mermaids #ariel archive

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