#idk man i am so tired and so high

[massivewaffle]

Hello do you know what my favorite ever Fitpac & Phil moment is because I have never seen anyone else mention it somehow?! Probably because Pac isn't even in the damn clip but I digress!

It's the stream where Phil and Fit hang out and Fit shows Phil one of the abandoned houses he found. They walk into the house to access the trapdoor leading to the hidden basement, and Fit goes:

"First of all, watch out for the fucking asshole seagull."

Fit fucking hates seagulls. Annoy him to no goddamn end. He's been on the wrong side of a seagull shakedown; Phil too, agrees.

"I'm just gonna murder him, I'm just gonna-"

And Fit fucking shouts OH NO NO NO to get Phil to stop in time.

"Oh no, Pac will be furious if that seagull dies, even if I fucking hate it."

It's just so perfectly representative of Fitpac. It's not even an official thing yet, and Fit knows Pac well enough to be aware that the seagull's death would upset him. Fit cares about him enough not to want to add any pain or sadness to Pac's life. He cares enough that he doesn't mind sacrificing his own annoyance by the seagull's existence; it's worth it if it makes Pac happy. Fit is all about making sure Pac is happy. He says it with such an exasperated but enamored tone it makes me smile every time. It's a very 'decades-married sitcom-couple laugh track-esque', and it's annoyingly endearing.

And then you get the cherry on top:

"...what if I put him in a cage? And put the cage on the floor?"

It's silly, but I love Phil processing Fit's statement, and rather than making a joke or comment, he reframes the question. I always imagine him going, "Yep. I get it mate." And leaving it at that, simply attempting to find a solution that won't have them yearning for seagull blood all day. Love Fit and Phil's dynamic.

And then Fit looks DIRECTLY INTO HIS CAMERA and sighs dramatically like he's the star of an NBC 8pm EST/7pm CST sitcom circa 2011. This man is the lead in a slow-burn sitcom romance, and I hate him. Motherfucker is lucky they've already got me fixated enough to write a 100k word fanfic. FitMC is too powerful and cannot be trusted.

#qsmp #fitpac #fitmc #pactw #philza #idk man i am so tired and so high #it's been a long week #lemon it's wednesday #this is what got me thinking about it #because the fitpac slow burn sitcom romance #would be fucking gold if it was a mike schur show

[pponk]

still really burnt out n all ✌️

#sponk art #monster high #i am so tired of drawing with my fingers like :( #but my fingers r all i can afford anyway so </3 #anywayyy #i still love frankleo hello #franleo... clankie.... idk man theyre all the same #more edgier aesthetic tho ✌️ just to try it out

[unknownarmageddon]

Trying to figure out highschool era designs for the band boys or something idk

And one for comparison to the present sure why not

#Death’s doorstep #I am. Unsure what else to tag this #I worked on this way too long I kinda hate it now LMAO #Not satisfied with Cross’s high school design it doesn’t feel right to me but I redid it like four times so this is how it is for now #Anyway I’m not sure what the point of this post is hopefully you. Care?? #idk man I’m tired #This is mostly just me fucking around and trying to figure stuff out #Happiest with killer’s and horror’s

[spitblaze]

I'm not a psychologist or a politician or anything approaching an expert about literally anything except a few specific video games but I feel like so many people wouldn't be agonizing over the moral implications of one (1) vote if we as the less-than-uppest-of-upper-crust had the ability to meaningfully affect change in ways other than 'spend money/do not spend money, vote for the red or blue tie'

#spitblaze says things #im aware its significantly more complicated. but i think this is whats driving a not insignificant amount of posting #biden has been doing a godawful job with foreign policy. i am under no illusion that trump will do better #you can still just THREATEN to withhold your vote. i get why some might not want to but its an option. #every presidential election since 2008 has been the most important election in american history. im tired. #idk man. i havent been super engrossed in politics since high school but ive never seen this much agonizing over whether or not #pwople should vote like. at all #personally im of the opinion that you should. its a good thing to do. but you should also exercise your power to put pressure on politician #and threatening to not vote for them is a pretty good way to do that #i gotta stop posting abour serious shit. but maybe id do it less if shit sucked less. so here we are #free palestine. if federal level politics is driving you insane then pay more attention to local level stuff. join a mutual aid org #and donate esims and food money to gaza. do things besides agonizing about november

[catboyfurina]

focalette / neuvalors whatever the ship name is orz

#beeep #gi #query #i am a trans guy furina truther and i think a lot of fanon neuvalors is really focused on a sort of. somewhat misogynistic (imo) stereotype #idk a lot of fanon seems to really like Big Strong Protector Man and Hysterical Little Emotional Woman #and thaaats not up my alley BUT I SHALL ELABORATE ON WHAT IS ! #first of all. i think both of them have feelings and emotions and shit. when fanon is like here are fontaines crybabies that fanon is like #yea. you get it this time #i think furina is really invested in pretending to be who he thinks fontaine wants as an archon #and i think part of that is pretending to be a cis woman. and i think that is also why he's so dramatic and over the top in part #fontaine wants a spectacle so he gives them a spectacle but (as seen by the fountain) does hide the less entertaining side #(or the side that he can't bear to let become entertainment) #and i think he doesn't and or can't hide as much of that from neuvillette #i think when theyre both tired and alone furina can drop the exaggeration . and that. that specifically is soooooo #and tying into the trans headcanon i think nvl is the only one who knows #i still dont think furina has said everything but like. neuvillette being the only one past that first incredibly high wall. yeag #and neuvillette is imo one of those people that likes ppl that are annoying (cough cough just like me fr fr rn) #buuuuut ngl i havent thought as hard about neuvis end of it #...i dont think theyd be together currently in canon tho this is one of those slowburn bait things #also. i don't think furinas a kid pensive emoji. i know its popular on like half the fandom but nnnot my headcanon #i dont think hes acting childish in a child way i think hes acting childish in a clown way #.....hopefully this isnt my sinister!baizhu headcanon moment that ages soooo poorly ahdsjfjshsgh

[toytulini]

god my executive dysfunction is so fucking Bad lately

#toy txt post #so many tasks and dont want to Do anything and like on the one hand Theyre Not That Hard it wont take THAT long i have plenty of time #on the other hand #it will take like 5fucking hrs and if it doesnt i will find a way to make take 5fucking hours and all this and i still havent eaten #enough for breakfast but like??? what am i supposed to waste energy on actually cooking something? #man i love eggs but i think maybe id actually struggle if i had chickens not cos id get tired of eating eggs but cos #all the low effort ways to consume eggs gross me out and the ways i like are not THAT high effort but its too high effort to be #an everyday thing for me :( #okay i have gotta stop thinking about the State Of Things. and figure out a nutrient dense thing to eat for breakfast thats quick and easy #and that i actually like to eat. but also i maybe want coffee so i should not have a clif bar. augh #IT IS 3PM. FUCK. I FUCKING WOKE UP AT LIKE 9!!!!! AND TOOK MY MEDS EARLY AND I STILL END UP NOT DOING FUCKING ANYTHING AT ALL TIL 3PM #i hate this i need to like #fully reset. i need to go to bed at idk. 9pm and wake up at like 5am and get dressed and go out fucking early i hate this!!!!! #i hate !!!! not fucking functioning!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! #i need a therapist or smth but like one that will find a way to word shit so that it doesnt piss me off and make me want to pettily not do #things that would maybe help #agh #i have been trying to get better about #doing my physical therapy at least

[torao-chan]

man idk what to tell yall

im just. exhausted atm

#i am working overtime weekly to try and make sure i have the time off i need to a) not have a stress seizure #and b) be able to have the Paid Time Off for the Forced Time Off around the xmas holidays #and i am. so fuckin tired #i dont work a full time schedule cause I Cannot Handle It and its never more apparent then when im forced to work overtime #maybe thats why mikotos videos hitting so hard atm for me idk man #im just #im tired man #did you know #my parent approached me. about 5 years after high school #everyday. after school. she'd ask us 'how are you' and everyday. without fail. the answer would be 'tired' #or if the question was 'how was today' for once. the answer was always 'long.' or 'tiring.' #but ye. about five years after. after we got our asd & adhd diagnosis. and before we got our DID diagnosis #she approached us and apologised. something along the lines of never realising that 'tired' was the best answer we could give #because we were Exhausted #and i always look back at that and go 'what. why. what did you think of us?' 'who did you think we were?' #you never accepted anything less than the answer that made the people around us the most comfortable #of course we were exhausted #Tired was Always the Best Answer we could give Without Lying #what about your child who refused to hang out with friends optionally. who refused out of school commitment options. who refused to do any #thing for their birthday. their celebrations. their anything and everything optional choice was Nothing #what on earth made you think We Weren't Exhausted #fuck man. we had Annual Seizures from Unknown causes (hint; it was Stress and Exhaustion. A N N U A L L Y) #idk #mikotos video has me Tired in a way We Already Were #and working overtime recently hasnt helped #im tired man. #im Tired #personal

[n1ghtm4r3-p01s0n]

Horror High - Jigsaw Family Game Night

After asking @1percentcharge (Anonymously, but none the wiser I asked her) what piece of Horror High fanart she wanted to see more, she said this one. So, here it is! Let me tell you - my wrist is fucking killing me, but I don't mind. This also started, btw, cause of a trap someone submitted to @shittysawtraps (which I have included below for those who don't know what I'm on about).

If you wanna read about easter eggs and references, continue reading below. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoy this piece! ^^

The game they are playing is based on The Game of Life. Cause I found the idea hilarious.

There are four pieces being used by Seesaw, Kramer, Hoffman and Amanda. Seesaw has the Reverse Bear Trap, Kramer has the face of Billy the puppet (had to include him somewhere), Hoffman has a car to represent the Horsepower Trap (one of my favourites - not just because it featured Chester Bennington), and Amanda has John's favourite animal - a pig.

In Saw's lore, Hoffman (and possibly Amanda?) didn't know about Lawrence being another apprentice (which was used to explain why Cary Elwes couldn't film but in a way that makes sense in the plot), but I like to imagine that because Seesaw is there she by default WOULD know about Lawrence, and thus that cover would be blown well out of the water. (Would it change some of the events? Of, most certainly.)

In keeping with the mystery of just WHICH 'Jigsaw' Seesaw is the daughter of, I decided to have Kramer (and by defacto, Jill) be Seesaw's grandparents and Amanda, Hoffman and Lawrence (and possibly Nelson if Seesaw ever found out about him) to be her uncles and aunt. Who does she actually consider herself daughter of? You decide! (Lawrence, cause we ALL know what happened to John, Jill, Amanda and Hoffman.) That is what one of the doodles on the table is of.

The other doodle has a hidden Billy the puppet (covered by the family doodle) and a reverse bear trap with blood surrounding it.

The newspaper page hidden under the game board is based on TWO different newspapers that appear within the Saw franchise. The layout and general style of the page is inspired by;

While (hidden) the story was written by Grover Cherry, in reference to;

Lawrence is holding X-Ray sheets, showing a key in someone's chest. As a reference to both the Venus Flytrap, as well as when William Easton had a key hidden inside of his body.

On Lawrence's jacket is a custom logo I made for his second area of work; Saint Eustace Hospital.

I used SO MANY brushes from both CSP and Photoshop, it's actually unreal. As well as textures SAI 2.0 has.

Not a reference or easter egg, but; I explain the reason that Kramer, Hoffman, Amanda and Lawrence could all be in the same picture at the same time is because this picture is when Seesaw is a child, and takes place before the events of Saw 3.

One last one while I remember; see the newspaper? Specifically the picture of a man holding a baby? That’s a vector trace of a picture of Leigh Whannel holding a baby. I’ll leave you to ponder why.

#horror high #horror movies #saw #tw horror #fanart #idk if anyone would want me to make a post on the full doodles and newspaper page #i put far too much work into them for them to be props and yet :') #let me tell you drawing men was difficult enough #now add a balding elderly man dying from cancer #i love tobin bell but fuck me #he is difficult to stylise in a monster high-ish style #maybe i'll finish the full newspaper article? idk could be fun exploration of how seesaw could fit into the saw lore #and where she even came from in the first place #alas only time will tell #and only if 1percentcharge would be ok with #that #anyway i am tired and need to sleep #i'm struggling just to type so i'm off to bed #it's like 2am for me but i will gladly suffer to get a piece i like done #this one and the last one are two of my favourites of this years #anyway #bed #my art #ok #NOW I’m done

[blueprint-han]

did i make a mistake?

#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags #so yeah fair warning #........................................................................................................................................... #idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man #i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk #about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text #or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want #to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes #fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the #relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard #to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call #a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who #asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it. #i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt #think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was #again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy #who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him #and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first #relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant #really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy #himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly. #theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house #has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place. #its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid #i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over #a relationship that has just been going for 1 week #theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of #which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a #long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i #ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

#so so so stressed at work and so overwhelmed #that i want to get it off my chest but also don't have the energy to put it in a group chat bc i'm so tired but high strung #feel like i'm walking a tightrope bc i'm happy like. as a general state #but i am so stupidly stressed and spread thin at work it feels like i could cry at any moment #been having really intense anxiety dreams #it's the boss and manager putting a lot of pressure on bc the company is fucking failing #everyone is stressed like crazy #idk man. if this lasts i need to find another job #i've been meditating again. this is what i started to do last year after having panic attacks at work lol #it's a cycle #i'm just sad it's getting to me like this bc i promised myself i wouldnt let a job stress me out again #victim of capitalism and the oppressive need to see results #and money. #BOO work talk and i'm trying to chill out on the sofa #sigh. #ab me #also sorry to friends who i'm semi ignoring rn. i can't feel my legs

[milo-is-rambling]

Don’t get high and then watch the only team you care about lose

#was this Bergerons last season? I don’t want him to leave. we were talking about missing tukka too and it was so sad and I love our goalies #so much. I’m excited for next season bc it won’t be so fresh with all the shit with my dad bc I basically ignored the team until playoffs bc #it made me so fucking sad bc he’s the one from Boston who loved hockey and we all watched it together and now he’s not a part of that #and it’s just so sad man. I do get really happy at the idea of me living on my own some day and watching bruins with friends and drinking #and smoking and laughing and cheering together and being sad and angry together it’s truly so incredible #one day I will be on my own and I will carry traditions dad made with me even if I don’t have kids I will have so many friends to watch #hockey with and they’ll have friends to watch hockey with and I will host a watch party bc I like hosting and having friends and so I’ll #host a hockey watch party in my shitty little apartment and I’ll apologize to my neighbors ahead of time bc the game is on and we might get #loud #ahhh daydreaming about a shitty apartment anywhere back up north with hearts in my eyes and love in my soul #I am high. and thinking about hockey. and life. and time passing. things change but they stay the same. huge players leave and new players #join but it’s still the same team and it’s got all this history #but just ughh idk #I’m having big feelings in my small tired heart and man’s can’t express #edibles that make me cry why are you making me cry stop it #literally 5mg goes right to my crying holes it’s ridiculous body stop making me cry

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

My ass needs to go to bed, I’m out here thinking about majoring in theatre instead of physics like I was when I was at uni before-

#vent #tw vent #vent tw #jic #like #i still love physics #but I also wanna study psychology and neuroscience #but I also wanna explore acting #i desperately want to know and feel everything and I am still grappling with the fact that ultimately there will never be enough time #idk man I think I’d be good at acting #I’ve never done it before #i spent all of high school cracking down on my science courses in AP and honors #but I’ve always been creatively inclined #I’m really animated and expressive or so I’ve been told by virtually everyone I’ve met #and I have a ridiculously good memory #i just think it would be fun and cool #idk man I’m fucking tired obviously #i should probably just stick with psychology or physics

[moe-broey]

FINAL BALLOT. BTW.

I usually like to have a mix of dearly beloved popular characters who rank high and personal faves I think deserve alts (Libra my beloved) but this time. I think it's just a collection of the characters I'm most autistic about LMFAO, plus contributing to the Get Lon'qu An Alt cause and If Soren Doesn't Win This Year I'll Fucking Lose It cause.

Actually, thinking about it, I guess my first points still stand... all of them just happened to rank top 20 in the midterms this time though! (Save for Lonq ofc)

#public apology to virion bc i usually vote for him too and was planning to (for my sister's get virion an alt cause) #but both of us want soren to beat out felix. so. fucking get him!!!!!!! KILL!!!!!!!!!! #a forgivable sacrifice. #SO happy and proud of sharena for ranking top 20 btw even if that isn't her final placement like!!!!!!!!! #FINALLY getting the love and respect she deserves!!!!!!!!!! #also in passing i saw someone say 'we have enough corrin alts'. boooo well i think we've had enough three houses brave alts. 😤 #SORRY for being a little hater LMFAO but like. maybe it's just cause i couldn't get into 3houses. #but i really don't get why the regular students are still ranking so high. game has been out for a while now. #we have a lot of the students in the game (though yes some still don't have base forms in the game i get that's annoying) #IDK i don't wanna be snobby about it cause that's silly and i more than anyone should understand the feeling of having the specialest-- #little guy and wanting them to win and wanting good things for them so so sooooooooo bad #but man i am just tired of seeing 3houses units beyond the story important lords ranking so high and winning LMFAOOOOO #oh well. old man yells at clouds. disregard me.

[thehallstara]

.

#i have. been dealing with a migraine since sunday and have begun to lose all sense of time #i've got. too many deadlines this week #school starts tomorrow which means things are picking up again #and i miss my friends i miss being part of a community i'm so sick of being so isolated all the time #but like. g-d my household still so high risk (and so am i!) and just like. #idk man there's still a fucking pandemic yk #and i'm absolutely in a priveleged state to be able to do what i can #but like fuck i'm barely 25 and my body is falling apart and i am just. so tired #and feel. so out of place #and that doesn't feel like it's gonna change any time soon #s.txt #chronic illness stuff

[globodamorte]

"you overthink too much"

"you keep taking things too literally"

"of course I was joking"

took me long enough to realize tf

#literally people asked me if i was autistic in high school #and i was like “uhh not that i know of! 😊” #delete #and like of course theres other things not just these . but i cant quite articulate them rn #dang idk. im so used to my family calling me dramatic and exaggerated and shit that i just cant quite uhh confidently say im autistic #(or ast least that i THINK i am) #idk man!!! i dont know how anything works (<- autism) maybe i AM faking this bc i AM dramatic and hypochondriac or whatever thay say #this feels so weird. like THEYRE the ones always going “augh youre so (autism symptom)” “youre always (autism symptom)” #but i BET that if i ever came up to them and told them i think im actually autistic (or even if i showed up with an official diagnosis) #they would dismiss it immediately #“come of stop being dramatic youre not autistic youre just........??????” #idk #im tired

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #I've started using music to fall asleep to. because if you watch a video and start to feel sleepy but then stop once you close the video? #the answer is to leave the video running while you fall asleep of course #I'm using music not talking so I don't dream funky and sleep restlessly. #it probably says horrible things about my ability to calm down. rest. and not need distraction. but anything that helps right? #idk. the brain's inability to sit with any sort of quiet. any sort of space to think. #I can't stand when nothing is happening because then I have time to think my own thoughts. #I'm just high school again. which... yeah I'm stressed to hell so it makes sense. but it's annoying and a little disappointing #disappointing that enough stress can just revert me back. I know I'll bounce back faster and more healthily because of the work I've done #but it's still annoying to be back in this same place #how can you move on when you're constantly visiting your old self? #is it nostalgia? trauma? a secret other thing? perhaps all of them at once? I don't know. #I can never be estranged from my bio sex because I'm him all the time. #things get bad and I'm just that terrified little kid who's convinced everyone can read his mind and hates him and wants to hurt him. #and then I'm older me. angry and ready to hurt anyone who touches us. because I'm fucking done with getting pushed around #but I want to get back to me. I want to get back to smiling and laughing so hard I have to lie down on the cold kitchen tile to calm down #one of my minecraft kids told me yesterday that his face hurt from smiling so much while talking to me. that's the kind of person I am now #and I want to be that. I want to be her. I want to be me. I'm so tired of bouncing between past and present. #what does it say that my protective mode is a man and my emotionally honest mode is a woman? idk #trans men often live more emotionally honest and authentic when they transition. obviously my experience will be limited data #I don't think it means anything except the inherent fear that is perhaps characterized so often in trans-women experiences #the fear that becoming myself is somehow reductive of gender roles. the fear that I'm confirming some deeply held bias #which is bullshit. I can be who I want. and I certainly can be who I AM. I just. I want to be me. I want to lose the pressure #because sharing my experiences with others in a way that improves other people's lives is what I want from life. #hmmmm. just had a thought about how minecraft allows me to express whichever side of me I want. #the eager insufferable know it all kid who just wanted to create the world in his own image. #the paranoid and nervous maniac who just wanted everything ordered properly and for it to stay predictable for even just two fucking minutes #and me. the one who wants to create things with others. to engineer collaborative experiences and to build others up and make them happier #idk. I vibe with a lot of stuff I read about did but I really don't match so none of this is trying to pretend or co-opt identity. #but idk. I'm so tired of being split between these eras of my life and getting thrown back into one of those people when things get bad