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theholycakehole · 3 years

Text

Impulsive Decisions || Dream x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Pairing: Dream x GN! Reader

Warnings: None! Well its my first Dream fic and it hasn’t really been edited so maybe that should be a warning lol but mostly just fluff :) Also use of irl names, idk how Dream feels about that so please let me know if I should change it! :)

A/N: Heyyyy... Long time so see! Um... so here’s a dream fic! I am done my first year of uni now so if yall wanna start up some requests I can try and do that again? Probably will mostly be along the lines of the Dream SMP or maybe even other streamers since that’s what I’ve been interested in lately. My requests have never really closed, I’ve just been inactive, but I’ll try to start writing again!

It was a long night of shifting between games with friends and discord conversations. I combed my hair back as my eyes grew tired as the screen shifted to a victory for the imposters. I sighed leaning back in my chair seconds before I got the last kill of the game, earning Karl and me the win.

“Wow…” Rae spoke up as everyone began to unmute.

“S/N??” Sykkuno piped up from his side of the call. I let out a little tired laugh as I returned to the main lobby.

“I think that was LG for me guys,” I spoke out hearing a few pleas against it. “Sorry, I’ve been streaming for like…” I trailed off checking the time, 12:30, “6 hours now? I’m ready for bed, honestly.”

“I should probably do the same,” Dream spoke up, him being in the same timezone as me.

“You guys really should leave the east coast, PST is where it’s at.” Corpse mumbled as I opened back up my stream chat.

“I know, I know, but I can’t get myself to leave my hometown.” I laughed out as I skimmed over my chat reading the goodnight wishes and the thanks for streaming messages.

“Well, I live on the east coast and I’m fine to stay up.” Karl joked as I let out a yawn.

“Does anyone have any fills?” Toast asked. “If not we might have to end it here.”

“Toast aren’t you in the same time zone as me right now?” I asked out. “Go to bed.”

“I don’t need sleep, S/N.” He commented back.

“Ok fair.” I chuckled as my little character ran around the lobby before going to the computer and messing around with the skins and hats.

“Sorry guys, I think all my fills are done for the night.” Corpse explained to the lobby.

“Its no worries we can always play another time!” Rae reassured everyone. “Well, goodnight everyone!”

“Goodnight!” Everyone chimed before signing out of the call.

I muted myself and ended my stream, forgetting to leave the call. I thanked the donos and read chat, making tired comments. I answered a few questions I managed to catch in the chat before ending the stream. As I was about to leave discord I saw that Dream’s little icon was still in the call with me.

“Lurking much?” I joked as I unmuted my mic.

“I thought you were going to bed?” He remarked with a small laugh.

“Eventually, I just couldn’t use my brain anymore after that last game.”

“I don’t blame you, you played well, y/n.” Using my real name rather than my stream name clarified that he wasn’t streaming either. “If you’re not too tired, we can stay on the call if you want?”

“I’m down, honestly, I’m just winding down before bed.” I mentioned as I checked my phone, opening a few social media apps to catch up on what I missed since starting my stream.

“So, y/n when do you plan on visiting? Sap and I are still waiting for you to come down.” He questioned, causing me to look up from my phone, closing it before setting the device back down on my desk. His camera obviously was not on but I found my attention on his discord profile picture.

“Soon, Clay.” I laughed leaning back in my chair and tucking my legs up to my chest.

“You said that last time.” He laughed a little more tired this time.

“Flights can be expensive, especially so last minute.” I made an excuse as I looked over to my second monitor and found myself googling flights.

“I literally told you I’ll pay for your flight to Florida, y/n.” He teased as I hummed in response, my attention mostly on the travel website I was looking at.

“I’m a big girl Dreamwastaken, I can pay for my own flight.” I chuckled before closing the website.

“Y/n your classes are done now, you have all the time in the world, leave Canada and come visit, please?” I smiled at his question before letting out a yawn.

“Fuck it.”

“Wait really?” Clay piped up, shocked and excitement evident in his voice.

“You made a really convincing argument. When do you want me to visit?” I asked before re-opening the tab and looking at prices.

“Right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“Thats not happening Clay.” I laughed before finding a date and hovering over the purchase button. “How about the weekend? It gives me time to pack and get some things sorted.”

“Yes! Perfect! This is so exciting y/n!” He smiled, his voice raising a little bit which caused me to laugh. We sorted out the details and eventually booked the tickets and talked about how excited we were for me to come to Florida.

I’ve known Dream for a couple of years now, mostly through streaming with friends. Obviously, I knew of him before because of the Dream SMP and how popular it got. But through the years we have grown close, this even confused fans. Shipping was natural and happened quite frequently, which we ignored in the beginning, but as time passed feelings began to grow. We never talked about it but the flirting and the comments we’d share both on stream and off-stream just felt so right.

We were both faceless content creators, and being this close was quite strange as we have never met or let alone seen each other in person. As I packed my clothes a couple of days later I felt the nerves settle in. I shook off the panic of what if he doesn’t like me or think I’m attractive enough. But it was hard to shake.

I found myself jittery as the plane began to descend. I peered out the window looking at the ground as it grew closer and closer. The nerves grew more and more intense as I knew Dream was the closest he’s been to me since we first met. I felt myself smiling through the panic as I reached to grab my backpack under the seat in front of me.

When we finally were able to disembark the plane I quickly texted Clay that I was here and told him that I was wearing a f/c hoodie so they could find me. I tried to find the baggage claim as I followed the people who were on the same flight as me. My phone buzzed in my pocket telling me that Clay responded.

‘Sap and I just pulled in, see you soon!’

I smiled at his text message and the nerves went crazy, but a huge smile was on my face at the same time. I opened Twitter and quickly started a new tweet to show my audience that I was on, in fact, a last-minute trip. I attached a picture I snuck as I disembarked the plane and made a quick caption before posting and pocketing my phone.

My phone began to buzz from notifications as I plugged in my earbuds and played my music while I tried to locate myself through the airport. As I finally found the baggage claim I stood by one of the conveyor belts and scanned over the luggage trying to find my own. A couple of minutes passed before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quickly turned around, pulling out my earbuds to see the face of one of my streamer friends.

“Y/n?”

“Sapnap!” I smiled before pulling him in for a hug.

“Hey, how was the flight?” He asked as we pulled apart and stood waiting for my luggage.

“Long enough, I’m just excited I’m here now.” I smiled as I pocketed my phone after wrapping the wires from my earbuds around it.

“Trust me, so are we.” He smiled in return. I saw my suitcase and quickly went to grab it, Sapnap helping me as well. “Clay is in the car, we were struggling to find a parking spot so he pulled up and is waiting for us.” He informed me as he took my suitcase and helped me wheel it out. “He’s nervous.” He mentioned as we grew closer to the doors.

“Trust me, so am I. Other than people in my everyday life, you two are the first to see me in person, or even my face.” I said as I fidgetted with the strings of my hoodie.

“You’re in good hands, y/n, try not to worry.” He smiled softly at me.

We exited through the doors to see a vehicle parked up to the curb. I felt the nerves build up in my stomach as a head of ashy blonde hair exit the car door. A smile found its way onto my face as my eyes lit up. As the man walked around the car he stopped in his tracks and replicated the same, bright smile, green eyes lighting up. I stopped everything and bolted forward pulling Clay into a tight hug.

“You’re finally here.” He muttered into my h/c hair, pulling me in tighter.

“I’m finally here.” I smiled into his green sweatshirt, feeling at ease.

#dreamwastaken #dream x reader #dream mcyt #mcyt x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #mcyt #dream smp #dream x y/n #clay x reader

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white-tulips · 3 years

Text

I spent most of this morning continuing playing through the hikikomori route, more of my thoughts below!! (major spoilers ahead!!!!!)

if you haven’t but want to read my first post on my hikikomori playthrough, you can see it [here]!! it’s been a month since I last played any, aha...

I played for quite a few hours earlier but I don’t think I really progressed all that much aha. most of my time went towards grinding and wandering around and seeing little things. oh, and also playing through Orange Oasis. I never actually did that in my first run of the game. it was okay.

I really love how many little details and things to go back to that there are, but I’m still a little bitter at just. how long everything is. I talked about this a lot in my previous post, but it irritates me that the first 15-20 hours (give or take depending on how fast you’re able to blast through this game) is just. exactly the same as what you experience in the main route. especially since now my hikikomori save file is even longer than my main story file, and I think I still have a decent ways to go until I finish. I don’t actually know! I haven’t been spoiled for this route, thankfully, so I don’t really know how much is left. I have a vague idea of a couple areas I need to go to, but that’s about it.

ok, on to my thoughts!! this post is probably just going to be me rambling about tiny details I found interesting since I didn’t progress through much plot stuff, I think.

when I opened up my save file, I. completely forgot what I had been doing a month ago and what I wanted to do next, so I decided to go back to the Last Resort. I don’t know what compelled me to go, but there was a lot of fun stuff there so I’m glad that I did!

I had never tried to use Aubrey to go into the girls’ bathroom before? it was very cute, I liked it. I don’t know why, but as soon as I walked in it really reminded me of Basil. I think it’s all the flowers, photos hanging from the wall, and general soft cutesy vibe. I’m not really sure what to make of that, but it was just my general impression. hmmmm.

I have no words for this other than it just made me amused. go get your vacation, king.

also:

I didn’t know Hero had a confirmed age!! all this time I had been assuming he and Mari were 16 years old, so it’s nice to have something set in stone!

I have no words for these, either. seeing all of the Hero pictures just made me laugh out loud a little I loved it.

when I was standing in Jawsum’s office, I noticed that the elevator behind his desk was shaking. I went to examine it, and was surprised when this was where I ended up.

the black space elevator.

something I completely forgot to mention in my last hikikomori post was black space!! it had completely took me by surprise so I can’t believe I forgot to talk about it.

last time I played and went back to Last Resort, there was a completely black car on the highway and it had really freaked me out. as soon as I clicked on it, instead of giving me some kind of prompt Omori just got in and it drove off. I was so shocked because I wasn’t expecting it fhgjdfhgj. it ended up taking Omori back to one of the black space rooms, and I had no clue what to make of it. I wandered around for a little while, and ended up finding this... friend?

I’m... not sure! who are you......

anyways, so I got in the elevator and we’re back here, now with more spiders.

the spider wasn’t interactable. not sure whether to be upset or relieved.

aaaand then there was this guy in the treehouse. I want to know what these black space NPCs are!!! as soon as I tried to interact with it, the screen glitched out (intentionally) and then it was gone. one day I’ll know what it means.

oh, another thing I spent quite a bit of time doing at the Last Resort-

getting statues made of everyone!! RIP to all of my clams, but these are so cute.

cuuute.

I really liked the comment on Mari’s! it made me happy that it highlighted her playful side.

after I was done reexploring Last Resort, I wanted to go back to Sweetheart’s castle. I was walking through Pyrefly Forest, and I noticed one of the picnic blankets had a cooler open (signaling that you can see a new picnic cutscene) so I went to go sit down and have a picnic.

so, when I was going around earlier and doing some stuff, there were a few picnics that I think I had skipped for some reason so I was doing them and mindlessly skipping through the text for no reason other than it would bother be if I just left them. nothing about the conversations was different even though Basil is here now, so I didn’t think anything would be different for the one in Pyrefly Forest, but I was wrong!! I almost completely skipped through everything aha.

it started off the same, with Hero being scared of the spiders, and then Kel prompted Basil to say something positive to try and make him less scared.

it’s pretty insignificant, but I thought it was interesting that he said pretty much the exact same thing he says in the spider room in black space.

when I got to the castle, I went straight to the library. something about the pattern of going to black space, plus being able to go into the barn in Otherworld, just made me feel like there would be something there. and oh boy was I right. the entire place was crawling with Something.

very good.....

I wasn’t able to get screenshots of them, but there were a couple text popups that really stood out to me. my memory is so bad I can’t remember all of them even though it was only this morning,,, but I’m pretty sure one of them had a popup that was just “Liar.” and I was like HM....

it just really had me thinking....

in my previous post, I mentioned that I had a gut feeling that the Something in the barn was supposed to represent Basil, not Mari. this kind of added fuel to that thought!

the barn in Otherworld was only used in the main route in reference to Basil, with it literally showing Omori a vision of him, and also having Stranger walking into it. now, the library also has a lot of connection to Basil! after picking up one of the keys, it shows us another vision of him, and it’s also littered with egret orchids. I don’t think choosing to have all of these Somethings in both of these places is just a coincidence.

now, about the “Liar.” line. in any fight with Something, if there’s a text popup meant to be Something speaking, it’s always done like this-

with the “???:” to indicate character speech. but the “Liar.” popup was just a standalone line. and it instantly reminded me of this room in black space-

and this just kept making my brain whirl.

in this room, there were all of these popups with “Liar.” and then of course there was-

see here how there also weren’t indications of who was saying ‘liar”, but there was for Something? my idea for this room was always that it was Omori repeating it to himself. because we all know by now that Something is Mari, and her saying “I love you”, especially in this form, is nothing but pure torment. and I think here, we have Omori unwilling to believe it. there’s no way Mari could love him/Sunny. she has to be lying.

soooo then, this brings me back to the library. having the “Liar.” popup there, keeping in consideration that the Somethings there might represent Basil, what could that mean?? it could be in reference to Basil’s words “Everything is going to be okay” because clearly everything is not okay. if all of these Somethings are meant to be Basil, it could fit!!!

... so there’s my long winded theory. idk! I think it makes sense, but I could be wrong!! that’s just my first impressions right now, maybe my thoughts will change when I play more!

moving onto the piano room-

this was when I thought “ohhhh so that’s why the wall always felt hallow. it all makes sense now”

and then I spent the next 30 or so minutes fighting all of the Somethings

I LOVED this. this was the first time a fight was put on a time limit, and since Something was so much more powerful, it felt actually stressful. I was stressed! but I managed to make it with 2-3 turns left, and I didn’t die. I did die about 1 or 2 times to arachnophobia and thalassophobia though F. but it’s okay because I got an achievement and also Omori’s suffocate skill is really good.

anyways I did some more mindless walking around (I had to kill time waiting for all my statues to be built, you know!)

this made me really happy. Big Molio I love you you’re the mvp and you deserve the world.

... looking through my screenshots I wish I could forget this one-

,, do I need to even explain it.

I remember a while ago, I saw someone on twitter post this and iirc the caption was something like “isn’t it a bit morbid to have the jumprope there” and, at the time, I had never gone through Orange Oasis, so seeing that tweet I had the wind knocked out of me. I was just sitting there like “fuuuuuuuuck”. and then I went through Orange Oasis today, saw it again, went “fuuuuuuuuck” and then forgot I screenshot it. it’s just a lot.

okay who knows how I filled the rest of the 6 hours I played because I didn’t take many screenshots of the downtime and running around completing sidequests I never did. the last point of interest today was I had went back to Humphrey.

I didn’t do too much, but I did fight Mutantheart.

I adore her!!!! so cute!!! Mutantheart my beloved.

I lost to her once, because I was a bit confused, but once I caught on to the gimmick of her fight, it was actually pretty easy. rest in peace, queen, I love you...

and then, uh. Her-

I tried 3 times. I didn’t win... all of the characters are maxed leveled at 50, but this is so difficult... well, the first half of the fight I found to be pretty easy, actually. but once she switches into full power mode it’s over. I don’t know how I’m supposed to win. farewell my dream of completing the foe facts book, it was a nice goal while it was realistic.

and then I stopped for the day! I think I needed that month of not playing, because coming back into the game after a lot of my rage and burnout settled was probably best, and I had a lot of fun playing! hopefully it doesn’t take me another month to continue.

if you made it all the way through this post, thank you for reading! I hope you like my thoughts~

I’ll leave on this note-

king shit

#text #omori #omori spoilers

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

Note

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

#frog anon #bee anon #peacock anon #subtlerainy #honeymoon anon #bestie mutual #honeypot anon #turtle anon #butterfly anon #tea anon #ladybug anon #anon anon #poker face anon #puzzle pieces anon #snail anon #good lord i think i got more anons about this than about anything else before lmao #good luck to anybody who actually reads this <3

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common-blackbird · 3 years

Photo

Started!

This is my Inquisitor (so overjoyed you can be a qunari), her name is the default Herah and I decided I’m going to approach this game by staying true to a character and not looking to do everything and be on everyone’s good side u_u

I want to make a good background for her so i’m not telling anything. Yet. I’ll just say she’s a qunari mercenary and prefers using two-handed weapons.

Highlights from today:

Studying history does pay off! This was a reference to the famous book in environmental history - Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. So proud i recognised it x)

Also i don’t have a good shot of solas but he cracks me up so much.. The guy has a posture of the typical retired grandpa (the only thing missing is to have him walk with his hands on his back). And there’s a scene where the party sees the rift and there’s the inquisitor facing it, cassandra bracing herself and solas... just standing like an old man

On a side note, Cassandra is so gorgeous and good and i already love her, i just keep taking shots of her TAT

As for varric, it’s so different than from da2, this is so much more “official” and you can see he’s the same as ever, but you’re not hawke, hawke’s not here, the gang’s not here and there’s nothing casual about the whole situation T-T

And lastly, my inquisitor has a horse now, i didn’t know that was possible in the game ;__;

played some more...

Let me start with.... The advisors! (+ cassandra... or is she also an advisor too?)

What a bunch. I love Cassandra’s and Leliana’s faith having a crisis bc they believe that Inquisitor is the Herald of Andraste and the way they deal with it. It’s really interesting. Leliana is completely opposite than what she was in origins and i’m surprised it doesn’t bother me at all! I love seeing this whole darker side that was only hinted at in origins, though it’s also sad when i think how she used to be. I wonder how she’s gonna overcome her doubting of faith.

Josephine is a delight. I keep using her for almost every war table mission for now. She radiates capability. She reminds me of those bureaucrats that are super nice and helpful and chill and even if you’re doing everything wrong she’ll just smile and say “it’s ok, we can fix it” and then goes and fixes everything herself (and you feel this insane amount of gratitude you send a whole separate email to thank her for her patience and help )

As for Cullen... It’s interesting... I got impression from what i saw in the fandom that he’s supposed to have had his allegiance changed and him rejecting the templars should have been him ultimately siding with the mages (or at least being anti-templar(?)), and that turning point that could have been a great way to show his character development during the game. Which i agree, only... i did not get that impression from the game so far at all. I mean, so far everything that i can remember him saying is totally smth he’d say in da2... He didn’t leave kirkwall bc of his disappointment with the templar order, he doesn’t seem to have any issues with the templars except those who go full war mode instead of trying to balance the situation. And it’s a really chaotic situtation, i love how they did it.

This line was amazing, i wish there was a special cutscene for that.

I’m loving the way they made this huge religious organisation in crisis have a complete collapse with the death of a key figure. I love the concept of inquisition and problems that it poses. I love you can see everyone’s reasoning and doubts reflect their background, but also see why inquisition can be understood as another power-grasping organisation trying to topple the templars, the mages and the chantry. Everything is divided. We got templars leaving the chantry, seekers leaving the chantry(?), rebel mages, loyal mages, rebel mages gone rouge, templars gone rouge, and suddenly there’s another organisation forming that you can totally believe is just another powerhungry force trying to get the piece of the cake by taking advantage of the power vacuum left by the sudden lack of the religious authority. (and only we know we’re The Good Guys). I love that we have characters who need to believe in the greater plan, characters who question the greater plan, and characters who want to utilise the power of belief and characters who don’t care for divine plans. The chaos is real and it feels real. I love that the centre figure of the whole holy business is a heretic of another culture. For the chantry this is the lose-lose situation (unless the inquisitor becomes religious by the end of the game). Which is why this line works so well.

Ok, now shorter updates:

Red Jenny! I know it’s not her actual name but it is in my head. Where’s that box i delivered ages ago >_> Anyways, she makes my brain work on 150% capacity. I can understand what she means only after i go over it for 5 times.

Forgive me but oh my god, i can’t believe that i can recognise one voice actor and now i have another mental image whenever he speaks. Like, he’s really good at bringing out a new character, but when he gets more casual he sounds like kanan jarrus from star wars rebels and i’m just “what are you doing here, space dad” ;__; Hopefully it’ll get old and i’ll be enjoying more iron bull. he seems nice...

Vivienne on the other hand is like a reverse Josephine(?) She seems insanely capable but hates customer service, however somehow she likes you very much and will do everything you need for reasons you can’t fathom. Have a screenshot. So classy. I already feel humbled.

and lastly, BREAKING NEWS: aveline finally hired carver ;__;

Tbh Kirkwall is still a mystery and i have so many questions but i don’t think i’ll get any answers... If a powervacuum of the divine cause this much chaos, how’s kirkwall faring without a new viscount? Like, yeah, aveline can keep in check, but umm it’s in a very vulnerable state which makes it a good target for any invasion... didn’t sebastian promise bloodshed?

That’s all for now, bc otherwise i’ll start writing an essay on cassandra.

We befriended a bear in the hinterlands!

lets start with this cool shot

so, i have been to the mages and to the templars and... i sided with the templars.... First i was all for mages since they offered negotiations while the seeker just walked away, but then it turned out that was a trap, there’s also tevinter mages there (which is a red flag for my inquisitor) and then there’s some time magic involved (which is a big no for me), and i just walked out. Felt bad for the mages but my inquisitor comes from a culture where mages have their tongues cut so...

Also this guy deserves a medal for putting up with corrupted superiors and annoying nobles.

And i met cole ;__; Where are Rhys and Evangeline ;___;

the templar mission was ok i guess... I was surprised that red lyrium was apparently circulating around for some time, not sure if that means since meredith or even before. I love the stories of corruption tho and to imagine what it’s like to be trapped in this organisation that just keeps breaking everything it stands for

As for the important mages, i’ve Dorian twice since i bailed out on him in Redcliffe :I I love the guy, he seems arrogant yet so kind (like, no one would have carried that annoying priest and yet he did, after he ran from his own people to warn us after i ditched him in Redcliffe? man ;A;) Every time i go with “ok the inquisitor fears tevinter and distrusts this rando who just popped in” i am marinating in guilt.

and then we fight some mages and die several times but we succeed and we meet the bad guy...

Is it an unpopular opinion to say that i like him as a villain so far? i saw so many jokes on his incompetency. Idk, i like that part where he said that he reached the fade in someone’s name, it makes me think he’s not just power-hungry person(?) who’s just evil,but was originally serving someone, and he said that the gods were either gone or corrupted and he spent hundreds of years thinking what to do with whatever happened so he seems like he knows what he’s doing and maybe(!just maybe) he is trying to fix things that are wrong but we can’t see that? And of course he hates the inquisitor, he has to redo his stuff all over again, i’d hate the inquisitor too. im probably looking too much into it. My wish is that, if he’s evil, he became so gradually, but originally had good intentions? Or there’s more to things going on that we just don’t know and he does... Maybe this was his tragic attempt to fix things but he would ultimately fail and be branded as a villain etc etc. I’m getting carried away

If it turns out he’s just evil for the sake of being evil then feel free to tell me so now so i don’t embarrass myself further with plotting myself lol.

A side note, is he the Architect? Or the same? In DA2 he says he’s a tevinter magister, right? and he ceased to be a human. Also in DA2 it seemed like he was the boss, and here he said he reached in the name of someone (probably more important than him). But what is the Architect then?

And with that we reach the skyhold.

in skyhold

I didn’t know you meet hawke so soon ;__; i thought that was like, somewere more to the end of the game, since the big decision and all. But the mission is already opened and i am going to procrastinate on it until i finish every side mission :<

Also he is so sad ;__; i understand, but at the same time... all that humour now bitter sarcasm :’(

(also, very shallow remark, but i really really prefer his looks in da2 than here... it’s like they softened him. He’s more...oh god idk bearish(???) than hawkish(????) you know what i mean? the nose isn’t as sharp anymore, the beard is... what is it with the beard... anyways i get the game has its limits so it’s fine. it’s fine! fine.)

then there was the fight that i remember since twitter >:D

It’s what made me want to play dragon age and i finally reached it T-T so good! I love how you can see the both sides and everything they say is true but they’re so angry at themselves they’re taking it out on each other TAT

Cassandra later says Hawke probably wouldn’t have joined the inquisition even if she found him, and i wonder now if that’s true... At first i thought, nah, Hawke has too much of a hero complex, he would feel too responsible to just say no. Besides, he’s with the inquisition now (tho i can’t find him anywhere anymore!). But at the same time, the way da2 ends was such an iconic walking away from everything, and not taking into account the hocus-pocus rift stuff, i can imagine him refusing, especially seeing how bitter he is now. It’s also a question of how much would have cassandra told him i guess. idk, what do you think? Would he lead or nah?

another person i want to find but can’t in skyhold are the templars with ser barris. i can use them on war table missions but otherwise they’re non-existant? i forgot to talk to him back in haven but now i wonder if it was even possible and if he was even available there, since he isn’t here. I spent hours just running around skyhold looking for the guy :(

and then everything becomes unimportant bc aaaaa!! she! is the arcanist! Dagna! im so happy and proud(?) she went and reached her goals x)

anyways that’s all for now, laters

some random updates:

so i did the halamshiral and gave up to my “stick to the character” mode, and nothing went my way, but that’s life. Met morrigan! i almost forgot she appears lol. And, despite also jumping on the wagon of give-morrigan-better-clothes train, i have to admit seeing her in her old clothes was a relief after that dress at the ball. It’s not the way the dressed looked, but the way she moved in it... god im shallow

i also initially didn’t like morrigan being at orlais court of all places, but after the conversation that’s supposed to explain why she’s there i’m kinda ok with it. I mean, i still need some more info. Wouldn’t Tevinter be better? she’d practically become a magister overnight if she got this good in the game so fast. It’s also unconvincing how everyone knows everything in orlais but somehow nobody connected that the random kid that has no bakcground whatsoever with morrigan who keeps checking on him? But at skyhold she’s just “hey i have a kid, he’s no trouble, right?” but hey, it’s morrigan. She can do anything. I’ll just have another story idea in my head.

Then there was news of the new divine that could be either cassandra or leliana and i don’t honestly know whom to choose. I’d prefer leliana over cassandra simply bc cassandra is more of a military mind, while the position of the divine would be more political. But lately every mission with leliana was spy spy, kill kill... Do we really want that for a religious leader? On the other hand, it would nicely round up her story from origins to inquisition... But cassandra is more of a public figure than leliana is...

when cassandra said:

“I want to respect the tradition, but not fear change. I want to right the past wrongs, but not avenge them. And I have no idea if wanting any of them makes them right.”

great moment. She’s usually so convinced and rash, i forget she’s more doubtful and open minded than what she looks like. Everything about cassandra is different from the impression she gives ;__; I love her so so so so much. (when she says she considers the inquisitor her friend i melted, next time varric pulls up the “seeker has no friends” joke, my heart will no longer be breaking).

I did a bunch of personal missions. Some were cool, some were ????. Also there were war table missions with zevran, that was cool. Also i love the codex entries in skyhold. The archery competition with varric banned? Dancing lessons failing bc lace harding is on the move all the time? Perfect.

And i met chargers, i like them, and aaah that staff-bow from the trailer is such a cool idea ;A;

What i don’t get with bull’s chargers is - they’re a mercenary group right? But isn’t swordselling seen as the complete misunderstanding of the qun? I get only bull is qunari, but he’s the leader of them? How is that not frowned upon?

And lastly, i don’t think i’ve said this, but i love that they added codex entries in the loading screens. love it.

update

After months of procrastination, i have faced my fears and have met alistair. it was very anticlimatic beating 11 level monsters when i was level 21...

but.. ALISTAIR TAT He’s changed... but not changed... but changed! Like, his personality is the same, but he’s more serious, doesn’t run from responsibilities, isn’t as bitter as hawke (also, why do i get impression that i am supposed to get the impression that they’re friends? they’ve met like, once, and talked for less than a minute.. whatevs. let’s pretend they’ve met again when on the run), i really love the inquisition alistair ;;__;;

Also, i managed to get that awkward demon baby family reunion :D

know that morrigan says the vaguest generic thing “i told him his father was a good man” bc of various world states, but i also think she’s come a long way not to mock alistair, and then when he notices that she didn’t use the opportunity he mentions that the kid changed her and she’s like “pfft, yea right, you wish”....

... when she was the one who said that in the first place ;;__;;

Awwww :> I love that they bicker but softly. Kids have grown up :’) Anyways, when will alistair start paying alimony

The only weird one is Leliana bc when morrigan was introduced she was like “danger danger” (smth i’d sooner think alistair would do), and when alistair is (supposedly) in skyhold, Leli doesn’t even mention him, only hawke. bruh, what were they to you, you almost died together ;;__;;

oh i also slayed a dragon. I didn’t even want to fight that dragon. It was a hillarious feat of inquisitor, solas, cole and blackwall, all on level 21, having to chug all the health potions right at the beginning while fighting a dragon that was... level 13, after which i just let go of controls and suddenly everyone was hella good at fighting and slayed it (only cole needed revival several times).

And, befitting the wild-dream feel that it had, when i got back to skyhold and visited companions, suddenly i was drinking pelin with iron bull, and he’s reminiscing on that fight with the dragon and i’m like

it was awful and you weren’t even there.

i forgot to update

but last time i was playing i finished the hawke/alistair sacrifice and all the torture i went through with deciding whom to sacrifice vanished bc frankly, at one moment, i wanted to sacrifice both of them, but in the end it was much more easier to sacrifice hawke bc inquisition hawke just didn’t feel like hawke to me, while alistair improved since the origins!

and now i remembered why i didn’t update, in the same day cassandra rejected me so i was sad and didn’t continue playing since then (i think last time i played it was around easter?)

new update

BLACKWALL!! or should i say Thom Rainier? Wow, what an arc! It was also so fun bc i was all strict mode, picking the third option, telling him his life is in inquisitor’s hands and all that, but in the end i set him free. He’s so good, a true knight T-T

Also i romanced sera. we’ll see how that goes.

Also, fave point in the game so far, i wanted, for so long, to sit at that val roeayoux (can’t spell) cafe and finally did it with cole’s personal mission. THANK YOU COLE YOU TRULY CAN READ PEOPLE’S MINDS.

another interesting thing was that after specialising as a reaver, cassandra said that drinking dragon blood makes you grow scales and become mad. Iron Bull said that inquisitor smells better bc dragon blood and that qunari generally smell better than humans. So i’m guessing qunari have fractions of dragon in them? ok...

and now i started that mission with morrigan and the puzzles are killing me lol, i am this 👌 close to just go chase calpernia and give up on a well of sorrows.

#it's a terrible time to start a dragon age game but it's the only time #meet me at val royeaux with my pal cole fixing people's lives every sunday 5 pm

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sidemenyesplease · 4 years

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Hey idk if this makes sense but I just had a brain wave for an idea for a Lux imagine, coz I was watching his videos, and you know how he does his "I Control My _____'s Phone For An Hour" series, can you do one with his girlfriend, and it turns out being really cute and sweet and fluffy ah sorry it's late at night haha

Callux - video

Type - fluff fluff

Warnings - maybe some swearing

Requested - yes x

A/n - wow I finally post after 100 years and yeah sorry it’s short :(

Posted 1.6.20

(Y/N’s pov)

“Babeeeee” I heard from Lux from the bedroom door as I was lying comfortably on our bed making me groan knowing he was going to ask for something which meant I’ll probably need to get up

“I’m running out of video ideas can you please be in my video today” he whined making me huff and sit up

“So you’re using my for views?” I teased as I stretched my arms making him huff as he pouted looking at me waiting on my answer

“Fine what is it?” I asked making his pout turn into a bright smile as he came and set on the bed with me while I was scrolling through Twitter on my phone

“I’ll be needing this” he commented as he took my phone out of my hands making me whine and look at him as I figured out what the video was

“So get ready, love you” he smirked at my face giving me a kiss before standing up as I stayed on the bed

“Can i have my phone while I get ready” I pouted crossing my arms togther look up at him seeing him still smirking as he but my phone in his pocket

“No ‘cause you could delete anything” he answered making me whine as he give me a kiss on the cheek

Huffing I stood up and decied to just change my clothes and put a little makeup on

“Hey” I heard Lux from behind me as he wrapped his arms around my hips making me flinch in surprise as I was fixing my hair looking in the mirror

“You don’t have any pictures on it do you?” He asked as he looked up me whilst he rested his head on my shoulder

“No, I deleted them after I send them to you” I rolled my eyes blushing as I saw him smirk lightly

“Come on” he whined as he grabbed my hand making me groan as he pulled me to his set up

I seat down on the floor with him as he turned on his camera and began doing his intro

“I’ve already done these videos before but today I’m doing it with my girlfriend” he spoke pulling me out of my trance as I smiled at the camera

“I’m here against my will” I joked seeing Lux roll his eyes as he unlocked my phone

“How did you know my birthday password?” I asked with my eyes widen slightly

“You should probably change it” he chuckled at my face making me huff and cross my arms

“Ok so first let’s look through your Instagram dm’s” he spook making me roll my eyes knowing he was trying to find something

I looked at his face as he went through some and giggle softly making him look up towards me

“Well apparently there’s also girls falling for my girlfriend so now I have more competition” he spoke pouting making me giggle again

“Don’t worry I love you only” I rolled my eyes seeing him smile as he went back to my phone

“Damn you’re hot” I heard him comment making me look down to my phone to see him looking at my pictures

“You’re only noticing that now?” I joked rolled my eyes making him chuckle

“Ok I’m going to post this picture” he smirked as he showed me it was one of my embarrassing close up ones making me groan as he laughed slightly

#sidemen #callux #callux imagine #callux fluff

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eatyourfruitkids · 3 years

Text

and i thought, oh shit, what about my hot female body?

my female ego was toxic. it wasn’t her fault, she thought her presence in my brain was necessary. my family never quit gave off the vibes that the one daughter, the one sister, was ever allowed to deviate from such a norm. though i love and loved him dearly, my twin brother’s role in my view of gender was one of contrast. from the youngest age, as in, when we were born, connor got the blue teddy bear, s***** got the pink one. later, when our mom dressed us, connor wore the hats and s***** wore the bows. connor got the bionacles for christmas, s***** got the zuzu pets. that was just the way it worked. i was a girl and he was a boy, after all.

it’s not like i ever really minded. i’ve always loved animals, hoarding their stuffed counterparts felt natural. my brother and i would play together, littlest petshop pets living in lego spaceships. our genders were defined, but we never let that separate us. i never let that grave burden, being a girl, bar me from playing with power rangers, even if i was immediately cast as the pink one.

in middleschool, something changed. i became hyperaware of my gender, though i never once questioned it. while i had always been a girl by default, now i was beginning to feel the social anxieties of a young, adolescent Girl. i stuggled greatly for an identity, finding one for a short while in anime fandoms and watching gaming letsplays (i never played; girls were bad at video games, as according to my three brothers. i just had shitty hand eye coordination, fuck me) and later in an obsession with emo bands and new cartoon network cartoons and being pansexual or a lesbian. my fashion sense was terrible until i saw cute girls on instagram wearing “aesthetic-y” clothes in seventh grade and decided to emulate them. this was just one of many instances of me confusing my attraction towards females as desire to be like them.

with today’s insight, i can say with confidence that i would far rather put my head in a nice pair of tiddies than own that nice pair of tiddies.

i came to realize that my female ego was a problem close to the time where i realized that smoking weed was the best shit ever. here, i’ll take a break to rip bong and reminisce on this night, the night of the smoke off. im kinda high rn lol but its okay i turned adult recently lol. anyways *bong rip*

ok anyways sry

i didnt realize being a girl was a problem for me when i first started smoking weed. in hindsight, i now know that smoking everyday longterm while mistakenly identifying as female highlighted some less-than-savory areas of my psyche.

my dysphoria makes me think that people are simping for me, sometimes when they’re not. although i am a sad, emo, five-foot-seven twitter meme cat boy of a trans “man,” i’m a cute nerdy stoner girl with winged eyeliner n a sexy female body, relatable-if-severe social anxiety and a porn addiction i’m, unfortuately, not always too shy to talk about.

long story short, something i now know to be dysphoria pushed me to start Smoking Weed With The Boys frequently, and something called dysphoria-plus-my-female-ego created this weird, unhealthy narrative that my friends only all liked me bc i was Hot Sessy Girl and they were only friends with me to hold out past my sweet, sunshiney (beta?) bf. this narrative fucked with me (probably because it wasnt true and created by the same part of my anxious brain that would repress my fucking transness, also because i love and care for my bf and felt terrible “letting this continue”) and yet, i continued hanging out with The Boys (besides when sometimes id flake on everyone for periods of time bc i felt Too Bad for bf lol) not even for attention-- although sometimes id get it, word-- even if it was magnified through the lens of my dysphoria, but because i had this deep urge to fit in with them.

besides having a legit problem with the way i use weed and being high literally all the time, i wasn’t a huge “stoner” by my town’s standards.

so, without getting into the elaborate details of my life and my twin’s cool fucking weed basement and my real life picture of marilyn monroe’s tiddies, The Boys had a smoke of at my house. i realized i wasn’t that much of a stoner when i got too high (something that deadass never fucking happens) and violently shook for like thirty minutes until my friends sent me upstairs for ice, i put on a hoodie, looked in the mirror and realized id prefer life as a boy.

it could’ve been because my toxic, ill-built stoner female woker-than-u ego had finally been popped, kinda like a bubble, or it could be because i was wearing a crop top and had gone silent because i was fixated on how i wished boys wore crop tops, and the hoodie had alliviated that.

now i only think one friend simps for me, but hes such a nice dude that i could never say anything, fuck. hes such a homie tho if i were ever single id take his v card as a favor lmao

i figured out what i wanted to be called that night,

stu. idk if its short for stuart, which is gross but fuck it, or if i want to be a stew/art or what the fuck but. stu.

a few friends and no family know. i chopped my hair off and a binder is on route. im lifting weights w one of the boys.

happy adulthood to me

#trans #ftm #lgbtq #weed #420 #420 friendly #trans tips #help a dude out #add me to a group chat idk #what the fuck do i do now

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angiogenic · 4 years

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dude props to u for doing exams,, could not be me 😳😳 we dont function in home enviroments we drop out !! but fr real tho hope the quarantine is aight for u. So enlighten me my fellow kny addict, what are kny characters u would lov to write for in the future ? u said u love tamayo and i stand with u,, demon scientist queen who gets shit done and exacted her revenge ? 💍

LISTEN. listen. i fuckin respect that if i was smart i would have deferred the rest of the semester but its my last one so i figured id [grits my teeth] fuckin graduate already

screams…. screams…….. this fucking series has given me brain rot and i wanna write SO MUCH for it !!!!!!!! i love the characters so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tamayo is probably top of my list cuz like i mentioned i ADORE her. i love unhinged women and i ESPECIALLY love unhinged women that hide the fact that they’re about to burst at the seams… i was workin on a modern au w her n shinobu so heres a lil snippet

Tamayo stands across the platform and smooths the fabric of her skirt. She adjusts her satchel and tucks an errant piece of hair behind her ear. Shinobu watches her. The way her spine is as straight as the strap of her bag, her brow as straight as the edge of her spine. It’s as if her whole body wishes to become linear: a seamless pane of glass with no fissures or cracks. At best, a blank surface. At worst, a means of separation or distance. The creation of solitude.

SHINOBU…. shinobu………. shinobu shinobu shinobu……… actually the butterfly sisters in general….. i was playing w the idea of another shinobu character study but from kanao’s perspective after shinobu [REDACTED]

also a mui character study CUZ HE’S…. JUST A LITTLE BOY !!!!!!!!!!! when i first read his backstory i was fucking DEVASTATED & i found his character 2 be one of the most interesting of the pillars…. like i really really love him and there’s a lot of aspects of his character n backstory i wanted to explore… like his memory loss from trauma (both emotional & physical), his relationship w his brother & taking on parts of his personality after losing his own identity… that fucking scene where he was lying next to his dead brother for days(?) after the demon attacked n his wounds started festering before amane n oyakata found him n raised him back to health… the fact that he’s a child prodigy ? fuck dude idk there’s so many parts of mui’s character that i am simultaneously fascinated w and heartbroken by…. im getting emotional just thinking abt him

recently been interested in obanai… mostly because of this fic so i wouldn’t mind doing something quick abt him (but usually when i say that it turns from 500 words to 3k so??????)…. also saw someone on twitter saying “he/him lesbian obanai” & it was like a galaxy brain moment so.. u know… obamitsu rights…..

rengoku probably… never thought abt him too much but 1. train movie hype 2. drew him recently and it turned out pretty good so now he’s on my mind… maybe a modern au sanren ??? or renkaza…. akaza is so good go @ the kny movie please hurry up i need it…….. anyways uh rengoku’s got low self esteem & a big personality to hide it & i would love 2 dig around n explore that

my favourite awful man sanemi shinazugawa….. actually both shinazugawa brothers but mostly sanemi…….. like sir…. that’s my fucking son……….. i already have a shit ton of sanegiyuu fics in my wip folder but i would love to write some more sanemi-centric stuff.. again, maybe a character study like wasp’s nest ? i like writing in that disjointed angry style & i think it would suit sanemi lol…. n e ways here’s a lil silly sanegiyuu snippet just cuz… i can lol

Sanemi moves to stand, a little wobbly. Giyuu remembers he should offer a hand instead of just watching Sanemi struggle but as soon as he does, Sanemi swats him away. Uses the hilt of his sword as support, knees popping as he pulls himself up.

“Old man.” Giyuu says.

“Eat shit.”

hm ok this is embarrassingly long thank u for asking im so chatty !!! its me procrastinating on studying !!!!!!!!! would love 2 hear more abt ur opinions on kny characters n who ur favs r… feel free 2 dm if you’d rather chat over discord but im groovin either way…… & as per usual, love u angel n be good !!!!!!!

#kny spoilers mayhaps ?#this is so long........ ur honour i love all of gotouge's characters so much............

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thebestplltheories · 5 years

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PLL The Perfectionists - 1x01 Pilot LIVE REACTION

WE ARE BACK!!!!

Ok I’m gonna do what I was doing for PLL where I react as I watch. But before I copy and paste the live reaction, I want to give my quick overview. That was by far a 10/10. That achieved everything a pilot should achieve. It introduced us to the characters, each of their stories, and the relationships each character has with one another. It set the overall tone, that this is a murder mystery with twists and turns to come. It established what the show is about. And it had occasional small shocks (I say small because there’s only so much that can be shocking in a pilot when everything is brand new). This was exponentially darker than the PLL pilot and for that I’m so grateful. We are cutting the high school airy-fairy (is that word used outside of Australia?) drama and going straight to scandals and a murder. I’m scared to see the ratings tomorrow because I want it to do well but hey it was trending worldwide on Twitter so that’s a good sign!? The show looks SO promising. I think I’m already in love with the cast. I just want to know more about everything and everyone and omg we are back!

LIVE THOUGHTS:

Love this intro! It sets the scene very well about the whole theme of perfectionism.

WAIT IS DYLAN PLAYING POKERFACE BY LADY GAGA HAHAHAHAHA

Okay sorry but that song ain’t it (“two can keep a secret if one of them is dead”). Why does it sound like an auto tuned choir? I’m happy for change. I actually don’t want the exact same version as the original series. But this one ain’t it. Is it too late to change it???

Wait, why is Alison walking around her new apartment like she’s walking around Jenna’s school for the blind in 710? If she lived 2 years of happiness and freedom of A, there’s no need to be so sceptical of danger every time you walk into a room. Anyway, doesn’t really matter.

Just the backing music throughout the scene is very PLL-esque! Yes, there is such thing as PLL backing music. And this is it.

Mona making a grand entrance!

I feel like Ali’s reaction to seeing Mona was a bit... underwhelming? If they haven’t seen each other in 2 years I expected a bit more of an “OMG”, and a “how did you get in my apartment”, etc. But they go straight to the point and cut the fluff so I don’t mind overall.

Mona recruited Ali. I knew it. And she works at BHU, we already knew that.

Emison is having trust issues. But she wants to do this for the kids. Ok I expected more detail there to satisfy the Emison shippers but whatever, I won’t cry at night.

Ok so Mary and Alex escaped Mona’s “dungeon”. That’s fine by me. Maybe that’ll be the storyline for a PLL movie later, who knows. It’s quite a vague answer but what did we expect... Mona to ADMIT to Ali that she captured her aunt? No. Mona could never explicitly say to Ali what she did. Hence the subtle pause before “... escaped me”. Only us the audience know the true meaning of that and I love how subtle yet meaningful it is.

Why do I feel like this security system is gonna play a massive toll throughout the entire series?

Loved the little Easter egg of seeing Mona, and Mona in the mirror (2 Mona’s). A subtle symbol/reference to her split personality in PLL.

I LOVED the scene of Ali teaching in the classroom! I got How To Get Away With Murder vibes...

Remember when we all thought Taylor’s death would be the main death of the show because of that memorial with her name on it... lol. Okay I’m calling it now... come back to this in the apparently mind blowing season 1 finale... Taylor isn’t really dead WE HAVENT TECHNICALLY SEEN A BODY

Love the complicated friendships going on between Dylan, Nolan, Ava, Caitlin! There’s a lot going on about faking being friends and faking tasks to uphold the image of being perfect. I love this theme and I feel like it’s super relevant to today’s world. Like especially social media. Everyone’s instagrams are always filled of their highs. And they’re mostly edited. No one ever posts/shares their low moments.

So no one knows of Ali’s past. Hmmm. We’ve had this discussion before, I don’t think it’s realistic that no one knows the name Alison DiLaurentis - surely that was on national news when “dead girl isn’t dead anymore” made headlines. But anyway. If they wanna pretend no one watches the news, it wouldn’t be the most unrealistic thing PLL has done.

Is Dylan the gay male character Marlene said she was going to introduce in PLL season 5B? Lmao about time.

WOW that flashback of Caitlin and Nolan just gave me PLL season 1 Alison flashback vibes! Nolan plays the bad manipulative guy so well just like Ali played the bully so well in flashbacks!

Two moms don’t make a right hahahaha who wrote that

Sofia looks FLAWLESS in the pool scene OH MY GODDD. AND her voice is so soothing what the hell

Love how the first scene of Nolan’s mother shows her standing on top of the staircase and the camera panning up. Great directing there. Showing she’ll be like a supreme leader. And then the camera being over her shoulders looking down on Nolan. Again great camera work which conveys the message that she is the boss of this town. I think she’ll be our new Jessica DiLaurentis lol

“I’d like some time for myself” ... “to do what?” OUCH why is that so iconic

Eli is... doing great. He comes across very confident. A star in the making?

Love the cinematography period. And Portland is beautiful!! Better than the Warner Bros lot.

Omg Nolan’s mother gathering “attractive” people for her photo op. Lol, they really are big on presenting a perfect image.

“You saw somebody else” NO CAITLIN, ALISON SAW YOU wow these kids will adamantly lie to uphold perfectionism. I keep saying that but I just love this theme!!!

“I know a little bit about manipulation” hahahahaha Ali

Omg Ali is so good at learning their lies. Of course she is, she’s had years of practice

The woods, Nolan? Nothing good ever happens in the woods.

Lol when Nolan tells Dylan to “kiss me” and Dylan actually contemplates it (and does it). That’s the type of power Nolan has over people.

I love how Ali is trying to help them! I can see a bond eventually forming here.

This scene where Nolan cheats on Ava isn’t shocking since they unfortunately shared it in the promos but hey a douche is a douche.

WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK IT’S TAYLOR WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOVE

OK I KNOW I GUESSED ALEX DRAKE BUT THIS IS A NEW RECORD FOR FASTEST THEORY TO COME TRUE

Well it wasn’t really a theory I was just joking that she’s not really dead because we didn’t see a body but still do I get a point? Lmao

Nonetheless that shocked me! I love that they’re trying to take down their own family, that’s so dark and it’s only episode 1!

Yes Alison is already getting suspicious. Solve this one please Ali

Sorry I put my phone down during that scene in the woods. I just knew it would be juicy and I wanted to immerse in it properly. I frickin adore this scene. It’s creepy in tone, set in the woods like classic PLL, they’re referring to Ali like a friend and my PLL heart is content, and this is the first time they’re all bonding over one thing: wanting Nolan dead. This is probably my favourite scene in the whole episode.

So I’m guessing the vibes are that they were being recorded in the woods about how they want Nolan to be killed? But didn’t Nolan turn off the security?

Mona gets in her car and chucks a big bag in the back seat. Where was she and what was in the baggggg

Ok that was a bit dramatic Ali (“why am I really here”)

Lol I had to rewatch that for a sec. I thought Ali said “and his dead sister who I just saw pick him up” and I was like wait what Ali knows Taylor’s alive??? No, “dead sister who I just saw a picture of”.

OH MY GOD WHAT A MISSED OPPORTUNITY!!!! THAT SCENE WHERE THE 3 OF THEM ARE WALKING AWAY FROM EACH OTHER... NOLAN’S BODY SHOULD’VE FALLEN TO THE GROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM RIGHT THERE! That would’ve been iconic. Like “oh well we were just kidding about all that, good night xx” then nope bam dead body. But I guess he had to die with poles through his chest as Caitlin said.

Oh Marlene. That’s a LOT of dialogue for a death scene. I hope you can back up and explain what Nolan is talking about before he died. Don’t you dare tell me that was an interpretative dream. Again that’s a lot of dialogue for a death scene. You better know who that killer is Marlene! Don’t make it up the day you write the finale!

I don’t like how we didn’t see Nolan ACTUALLY be killed. They play it safe because they don’t want to show us the killer in action. they basically copied the format of Mona’s “death”. Just change the scene to a flashing ambulance with a lame transition lol.

Another missed opportunity. Mona should’ve said to Ali “they found a body”! That would’ve been iconic in every way possible. First it was Ali’s body now Ali is finding a body and hearing the news and ugh oh well

My god that’s a violent death. And pretty early in the series for a Noel-Khan-level death. Too bad the photos leaked online and we knew that Nolan would not only die, but die like THAT. Those extras/fillers on set really should get charged for having their phones on them and leaking shit. Isn’t there copyright laws or something???? idk

Ummmmmm what? What kind of sci-fi, dollhouse level bullshit is that? That’s kinda over the top. Ehhhh. We’ll see where that goes.

My brain right now instantly got to thinking if Nolan’s murderer will be the “A” of the series or if the killer will just be the main mystery for season 1? Is “who killed Nolan” going to be the overarching story of the entire show or will they answer that sooner rather than later and then start a new mystery? I wonder what the format of this show will be. That’s where my mind is right now as the credits play.

#PLL #pretty little liars #pll the perfectionists #the perfectionists #pll theories #plltp #tp #alison dilaurentis #pretty little liars theories

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prydon · 5 years

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a ( VERY LONG) long island geek rundown

aka me just rambling on about paul for paragraphs upon paragraphs, complete with pictures.

so i went to the con with the lovely @haiileyrutledge aka maggie who drove me all the way there from the philly bus station (god bless), it was our first time meeting in person and i still can’t really believe we did this just a few months after we were just kinda joking about going together on twitter when we hardly knew each other

literally the first second we walked into the con, before we’d even gotten our badges, paul mcgann was sitting RIGHT THERE at his autograph table and i may or may not have started aggressively hitting maggie in the shoulder and freaking out and hissing “he’s there, HE’S THERE” and she had to drag me past him so we could get our badges

then we sat in on the panel before his to make sure we got good seats for his. it was a panel with wendy padbury and frazer hines and they were adorable!! by the end of their panel we were literally buzzing tho bc we knew what was next

when paul came in the first thing he did was squint up at the ceiling and complain about the brightness of the lights, like “oh this is quite harsh isn’t it” so they turned them down for him, much to maggie’s chagrin bc she’s a photographer and it made it very hard to take nice photos (look forward to her uploading her photos btw, she got some GREAT shots regardless of lighting)

then we all sang happy birthday to paul, per the interviewer’s instructions! it was v cute. someone uploaded a video of it on youtube. (i took one too, but it was much worse quality)

first question the interviewer asked was what the secret to paul’s eternal youth was, which paul took a SUSPICIOUSLY long time thinking about before finally just claiming it was his insomnia. how not sleeping is supposed to make you look better i have no idea, but it’s clearly not hurting paul’s appearance, despite him “not having slept since the nineties” (his words)

and so on went the panel. it was quite fun, and though i’d heard almost all the anecdotes paul told before, they weren’t ones he’d told a million times and the interviewer asked interesting questions about his brothers and some of his earlier roles.

he also asked him about holby- the most recent episode, even- which i was not expecting lol. he asked paul if gaskell was really dead, and paul was just like “lol it’s a soap, who knows what could happen” and joked about another soap character whose death had turned out to be a dream.

also of note is that paul never called gaskell by name once and exclusively referred to him as “doctor death” lmaooo. i actually know why this is- he mentioned on a radio show a week or so ago that a holby city fan yelled “doctor death!” at him in the street once- but he didn’t....explain this background to the panel audience, so i’m sure many were baffled by it :”D the interviewer was like “so your most recent role, professor john gaskell-” and paul was literally like “ah, yes. doctor death!” asoifjsaij what a dork

^ this pic is actually from the sunday panel but god, actual dork with a heart of gold paul mcgann being juxtaposed next to menacing shots of “doctor death” was never not hilarious

speaking of holby, I GOT TO ASK HIM A QUESTION DURING THE Q & A, and i asked him what it was like working with guy henry! he said working with old friends is tough bc they know all your acting tricks lol. he went on gently roast guy and say he’s looked like he was 40 since they were at rada and that one of their professors told guy that he was the kind of person who wouldn’t find real success until he WAS like 40 bc he just had one of those faces, and lo and behold, that was case. notably, paul said all of this while holding eye contact with me since it was my question, and i was literally trembling by the end of his response bc i can barely hold eye contact with my family members let along PAUL JOHN MCGANN

he also said “fuck” at one point. at another he pulled the cap off his water bottle with his teeth and maggie and i were both like...*sweating*

after that we got our photo ops! then managed to get some food in us, and then i went to get paul’s autograph and give him his bday gift, which i already detailed here [x] so i won’t get into that. notably he also called maggie photogenic and said their photo op looked like a housewarming photo of a couple just moving in. we were both dying afterwards.

theeeen that evening i attended a dinner party for fans with vip passes that the stars also attended! the food was v yummy. there was ice cream too.

unfortunately i didn’t end up at paul’s table, but i was at the table next to him so i may have eavesdropped. my table had jon davey, who plays cybermen and daleks and ood etc, and who was very funny and decidedly attractive, and who at one point pulled out his phone and showed me this video while nearly dying of laughter over it

paul was actually late to the dinner because he crashed a painting panel!!

^ here’s him painting his tardis picture with his dorky ass reading glasses on. what an old man. i love him

he did show up eventually, and ended up drinking a decent amount of red wine and i’m pretty sure got tipsy and at one point misheard the person next to him as saying “penis hands” and was like “penis hands???? PENIS HANDS???”

all my table ended up leaving early but paul’s all stayed hanging on his every word bc that’s the effect he has on people :’)) so i ended up scooting over there just to listen. at one point his assistant came over and whispered to me that paul HAD gotten the letter i gave him with his gift and he WOULD read it tonight and i was like “omg no it’s ok, i didn’t need him to reply asap or anything, i just wanted him to have it!!”

i left the dinner when paul left- his table were the last ones out- and maggie was outside the dinner waiting for me and may have collapsed into a fit of giggles when she saw paul. then we went to our airbnb and fuckin CRASHED because we were so damn exhausted

on to SUNDAY

i started placing bets on what paul would be wearing that day on sunday morning, since i know he only has like three different con outfits that he wears. lo and behold we get to the con and he’s wearing THE EXACT SAME CLOTHES AS SATURDAY. like, down to the scarf and shoes. they were 100% the same.

idk why he was, but he must have washed them, or he must be an ethereal being incapable of sweating because he was just as nice and fresh as the previous day [shrug]

we wandered around the dealer’s room for a bit, maggie bought a vinyl from a charity sale booth and i bought a couple dwms with bb eight on them bc why not

my lovely internet friends and fellow paul superfans @savageinkspillage and @paulmcgannlesbian both paid me to buy them autographs, and i was happy to oblige because it meant i got to talk to paul again

i went up to his booth and he said “good to see you again!!” and told me he was so touched by the birthday card :”0 and thanked me again for the drawing!

i told him what names to sign to for the autographs and there was an incredible moment where i told him to address one to “brittany” and his brain like. short-circuited and he tried to spell it out to me except he spelled it some ridiculous white mom way like “B-R-I-T-N-I-Y” or something and i just stared at him for a moment not sure if he was fucking with me before being like “.....no?”

once i told him “two t’s” he got it and said “like the place!!” and asked me if i knew where brittany was in a stern teacher voice and i was p sure it was france but not 100% so i was just like “d-don’t quiz me”

he also let me take pictures of him holding the autographs that i could send to my friends, which was very sweet!! here’s him with @savageinkspillage‘s.

he was very determined that we let them dry before taking them because he didn’t want them to be smudged, and blew gently on them himself like a dork.

before we could go, he also fully just was like “give me a hug” and got up and hugged me AGAIN. THREE PAUL MCGANN HUGS IN ONE WEEKEND. T H R E E.

then after he hugged me he noticed the bowie vinyl that maggie had just bought in the dealer’s room and was like “!!!!!! is that a vinyl!!!! can i see!!!”

maggie was like “of course” and handed it over and he was FAWNING over the thing and promptly informed us that it was definitely an original print bc it was made of a special sort of material only used to make records in the 70s, and that it had never been played. maggie said she got it for $10 and he was like “TEN BUCKS??”

he also sniffed it because apparently “that’s what you did with vinyls” and took it out of its sleeve (with maggie’s permission) and freakin’ messed with it to show us how bendy the materal was before giving it back to maggie and emphatically telling her to “treasure that”.

he asked us where we got it and i said it was at a table in the dealer’s room, next to where they were keeping his painting from the night before. upon hearing about the painting he was immediately like “noooo don’t remind me of that!! i’m so ashamed!!” and i was like “WTH PAUL NO IT WAS SO GOOD”

here’s paul’s painting!! it’s lovely!!

also at one point maggie’s hoop earring fell out and full on, like, made a break for paul mcgann and rolled behind his chair. she was embarrassed but he just picked it up and messed with it, feigning putting it on his ear and saying he wished he was a girl so he could wear earrings like that and i was like “you should get your ears pierced!” because he SHOULD. he just laughed.

we literally had a whole, like, probably 10 minute conversation with him and he was just so lovely and funny and warm and thanked me one last time for the drawing before we walked away soasifjsaoifj

THEN it was time for his sunday panel!! it was a great change of pace from usual panels, it was called “doctor’s orders” and run by a podcaster who’d based it on advice columns- basically, he asks paul a bunch of questions looking for advice that he’d gathered from fans and paul had to impart his wisdom.

here are just a few choice tidbits from the panel:

q: what do i do if my boyfriend never puts the toilet seat down? paul: get rid of him

q: there are beehives in my house, what do i do?? paul: don’t kill them!! bees are our friends. move out. let the bees have the house instead

q: boxers or briefs? paul: briefs. *pointed look at audience* some of us need the support.

he was asked the trolley problem and said without hesitation that he would move the trolley to kill the one instead of the five. he also endorsed stealing from businesses to feed the hungry (unsurprising because *cough* he’s a socialist). he revealed that he shoplifted all the time as a kid as a right of passage in working class liverpool and asked the audience to raise their hands if they’d ever shoplifted. when a decent amount did, he called it a sign of a healthy society. he doted on his sons quite a bit which was adorable, and said he was the “soft touch” when they were growing up while mum was bad cop.

at one point he said if liverpool won the premiere league he’d “sit naked here in front of you” and then immediately was like “...i don’t know why i said that.” the audience was roaring with laughter the entire time. it was legitimately the funnest panel i’ve ever been too :’0 and we had front row seats!!

at the end, the host opened the panel up to the audience to ask their advice questions, and maggie asked one about how to survive while studying abroad in london next year. paul gently ribbed her at first being like “well, remember to sleep and eat” but then reassured her “you’ll be fine” and i could physically feel her melting beside me.

after the panel he chatted a bit with the women next to us, who i know to be old guards of paul mcgann fandom. i didn’t hear much but i did hear paul refer to “that brexit shit” lol.

the last time maggie and i saw paul, he seemed to be leaving the con and nearly tripped over a remote control cybermat on the way out, which was cute.

all in all...i really don’t have words for how amazing this was. i couldn’t have asked for a better environment to meet my favorite actor in, and i have gained so many wonderful memories that i can’t even keep track of them all, and i can’t wait to do it again.

#personal #li geek #paul mcgann #i am sorry about the obscene length of this lmao #but did you guys really expect anything less from me #also sorry the font on my blog is so small #ctrl + might help you read

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alitoowell · 6 years

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One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017. It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility. In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible. But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable. People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME. Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd. So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened. Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house? I got to hug her? Dance with her? And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it? That seems unbelievable. And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that. But Taylor does. My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there. The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately. In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017. Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!! Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream. Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet??? She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn��t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me. Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade. I love you forever, babe. Long, long live October 22, 2017.

#mine #my secret session experience #you're welcome isabell #10.22.17 #reputation secret sessions

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333kaylynn · 6 years

Text

Deaf / g.d.

y/t/n: your twitter name

Word Count: 1950

Request: no

here i am tagging more people that i hope will enjoy this. sorry if this is annoying lol

@olivia-m-dolan

@dolayn

@bouttogolinkurbitch

@profanitydolan

@kara-dolan

@nomoregraydays

@chaaandlaah

@dolandreaminn

@dimply-dolan

@doltishdolans

@justanotherdolanblog

@rockstardolan

@notanotherdolantwinsblog

@sushidolans

///

She was calm. A calm young girl who had her whole life ahead of her. Nothing would get in her way.

Her passion for the arts led her down a deep path of internet searching. Searching for more people who had interests like her.

Her love for two boys grew expeditiously after she saw one simple photo on Instagram. The way the photo was taken was enough to make her look through the entire Instagram account, and enough for her to look through each of the boys'.

Her love grew more and more each day, soon leading her to talk so highly of the art she had seen all over twitter.

She hadn't realized these boys were so popular. The amounts of tweets and dm's she had received were unbearable.

She didn't mind them though. People just told her who they were. People were even nice enough to ask to be friends.

Months. Months after the incident had occurred she had gotten one simple dm that changed her life so copiously.

She answered within seconds. She knew who it was, why wouldn't she. It was one of the boys she saw in the photos.

The blue verified mark next to his name proved it wasn't something fake.

The two began talking and it led to so much for each of them. He began asking her about her passion for art and she began asking him anything she really could. Asking about who took the photos, who edited them, how they got to the locations.

Her passion for photography was unreal. She loved it so much. Nobody, not even her mom could completely understand her addiction to the art.

Her mom always supported her though. Her love started after her mom bought her a cheap Kodak camera from Walmart when she was 8 years old. As the years went on, she got better equipment, better cameras, and better things to photograph. She went from photographing her pets, to her family, to her friends, and soon to help with the school yearbook.

She thought of it more as a hobby rather than a career up until she was about 17. Her senior year is when she decided what she’d major in.

@/graysondolan: hey, idk if this is weird, but can we ft?

@/y/t/n: i don’t know, gray. maybe another time

@/graysondolan: yeah, yeah. that’s fine

It’s not that she didn’t want to see him. She just wasn’t sure about how he’d feel.

You see, there’s one thing that hadn’t been mentioned yet. A severe case of Jaundice as a child led her to grow up slowly losing her hearing.

Her mother began teaching her ASL at a young age, she even signed her up with a specialist who would help her get through everything.

By age 12, she had fully lost hearing in her right ear. By the time she turned 16, her hearing was fully gone.

Days had gone by since the first time Grayson had asked her to ft, he continued to ask her if she was up for it. Each time was a different excuse. It’s not that she got joy out of upsetting him, she just didn’t want to upset him more when he saw her answering him with her hands rather than her mouth.

Her speaking wasn’t all bad. She could still say a few words, but she couldn’t always control how loudly or quietly she would be talking. She wasn’t mute, but it was easier for her to talk in ASL than in English.

She knows Grayson is a nice guy. He probably wouldn’t care that much, but it worried her to a great extent. Her anxiousness was rising every time Grayson would ask.

@/graysondolan: can I at least have your number?

@/y/t/n: 878-575-3434

*read @ 3:45 pm*

370-454-3859 : Y/n?

yeah, its me

Grayson: glad I could get your number;)

very funny, trying to slide are ya?

Grayson: nahhhh. no way.

ok ok;)

Grayson: you sure we don’t have time to facetime

i’m positive grayson, i really can’t right now

Grayson: will you ever be able to

maybe. stop asking and perhaps you’ll find out

Grayson: hopefully i will. anyway, what you up to?

trying to help my mom teach my younger brother asl

Grayson: asl?

American sign language

Grayson: oh thats cool, are you fluent?

yeah, since i was about 13.

Grayson: oh cool, all I can speak is english. kinda lame

eh, not too bad.

Grayson: yeah but you can speak english and asl, thats way cooler

i guess

Her brother was about 9 years old when she first lost her hearing. He’s now 10, almost 11. He began learning asl to talk with his sister a little before his 10th birthday.

He always loved watching his sister edit the photos she had taken that day, but it was quite hard to talk to her considering they had to write everything out.

Almost 3 full notebooks had been filled throughout the year. One of them even had writings on the front and back cover.

A few days had passed since her last conversation with Grayson. It wasn’t like them to not talk for that long. They hardly stopped for even as short as an hour.

Grayson: so where do you go to school? or is that weird

its not weird. im homeschooled, have been since 7th grade

Grayson: oh why’s that?

mom had to pull me out. i wasn’t up to speed with the other kids

Which was true. She wasn’t. Her hearing loss caused her to slowly turn her straight a’s to straight f’s. It was hard for her to put mind to the things her teachers were saying.

Her mom already had a teaching degree, and so it wasn’t hard for her mom to begin teaching her daughter as soon as possible. Her brother continued to go to public school, his mom didn’t want him to miss out on certain things and neither did his sister.

She didn’t want to be the reason to hold people back, especially her family. Her brother’s love for hockey wasn’t something she could hold back, so she wasn’t going to be upset if he wanted to join a public school in order to make sure he would be able to join the younger league of hockey in 5th grade.

He’s started his first year already. His love for hockey had grown instantly after he began playing. His sister always came to his practices and games and got tons of pictures.

Some even weren’t of her brother. The coach had asked if she would be willing to take pictures after he had seen the ones of her brother.

The photos had gone up on the website for the hockey association. It was something she was very proud of, and many of the hockey moms had asked if she had gotten any photos of their sons.

Word got around quickly, so more photos were being taken and distributed to the moms of the boys. It hadn’t bothered her at all, she loved taking the pictures and she loved to see the parents reactions to the wonderful photos she had taken.

Grayson: its been a week since ive asked last, so im asking again. can we facetime yet? i just wanna see your face and talk to you.

im at my brothers hockey game. we can when i get home, i promise

After all, if it did end up bothering him, she could easily ignore him. block him, and never speak to him again. It would be a lot harder if they had actually met in real life, but they hadn’t. Virtually talking to people can have its advantages when needed.

She just needed to know how he’d feel. If she was being honest, she’d say she didn’t care. She didn’t care about his reaction anymore, but she wanted to know what it was. She wanted to see and talk to Grayson just as much as he wanted to with her.

Grayson: prove it

what do you want a pic?

Grayson: a video

You laughed silently to yourself and took a video of your face and then of your brother playing hockey. You sent the video with a message

That good enough for you?

Grayson: yes very

good. we’re done soon, in case youre wondering

Grayson: thank god. I cant wait to actually talk to you

you are right now

Grayson: you know what i mean. you know. speak

right right, okayyyyy

In all reality, she was horrified. In the back of her mind she was scared. But she was ready, ready to face her fear. Ready for what was to come.

As the time went by it seemed to get slower and slower. Her mind was fumbled with the thought of if she should actually go through with this.

On one hand, she wouldn't have to worry about Grayson finding out her little secret, but on the other hand, she couldn't see herself lying to him this much.

It wasn't a healthy thing to do. To hold back. She was going through a lot. Her brain was tortured and in pain as she thought about how she would introduce herself. Would she say hi, would she sign to him? No. He wouldn't understand that.

Slowly but surely the clock went tick, tick, tick. The time was now. She was about to face her fear of abandonment. As the facetime call rang and she twiddled with her thumbs, wiping her face due to the beads of sweat drippling down her tomato red face, her brother sat beside her and comforter her, making sure she was okay. She nodded and after a few more rings, Grayson picked up. He said hi, she could see it. It wasn't hard to tell that he was excited. Your brother was signing underneath the phone, so only you could see it. Grayson kept talking, your brother trying to sign as quickly as he could. Her brother looked at the camera and then down at the screen at Grayson, who sat in silence, confused at her sudden lack of quirkyness.

"Y/n, you okay?" Grayson says, her brother signing it to her. She looks back up and nods, smiling as if everything was okay. "Are you sure, you keep looking down." Grayson says, looking at you and tilting his head as a way to express his confusion.

"Grayson, uh she-" Her finger gently pressed to her lips to get her brother to be quiet.

She looked up and waved, and breathed in through her noise before slowly breathing out through her mouth. She let her hands take control, and Grayson laughed before saying "You know I only speak english, babe." She sighed and looked at her brother before signing, "Tell him." Her brother nodded before looking at Grayson and then quickly at her to make sure. She nods and starts slowly breathing harder, her face growing redder.

"Grayson. She can't hear you." Her brother says with the most seriousness in his small face.

"What do you mean? Is her phone broken?" Grayson asks, trying to talk more to see if that'll help.

Her brother tells Grayson to be quiet so he can speak, which silences Grayson. "Grayson, she can't hear you because she's deaf."

"What? You're lying." Grayson shook his head in disbelief and then looked at you for confirmation.

You sighed and started signing, your brother speaking for you.

You explained everything to him, and he sat there listening. He didn't judge you at all, and you stayed friends.

He even took it upon himself to learn asl so when he was finally able to meet you, you guys could talk. You guys could communicate.

#gelrureqgkljtheq thank u #to everyone that helped me finish this #encouraged me to keep writing #and continued to support me even tho i suck at writing

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yamlog · 3 years

Text

before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you.

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too.

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah.

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do.

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right???

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

0 notes

riskeith · 3 years

Note

heya! <3

yes! despite everything bkdk understand each other very well which usually only happens by being around each other for so long and growing up together. not to go back to that ep again but what bakugou is basically saying throughout the episode is that he now sees midoriya as a threat (someone equal). aaah man i really miss that ep now. and that makes sense! todobaku is such a force to be reckoned with shsjsjsj. at the end of the day all those ships are great on their own. and yeah! i’d say kiribaku has been my main from the get go. i just Love their dynamic yk? how bakugou acts around kirishima just ahh.... <3

literally bruh... we have to wait a couple days for that like come on... give us the floating babies man. that sounds so cool?? he’s like towering over us? also why did that give me villain vibes? like corrupted chongyun.. yes please.. DON’T SAY THAT I’LL CRY. PLEASE DON’T SAY THAT I’LL LITERALLY CRY. ilysm just the thought ahh...

your barbara is like: ready for battle! and you’re like sweetie just gimme your bandaids please.. thank you now go back home... <3 i respect that. DILUC IS SO HOT. he’s so confident and cocky like ugrhrh 🥴 if not sexy why red themed? 🥴

no males here! feminist rights! bennett is our little special boy whom we love... <3 now that you put their names next to each other, i feel like xiangling would be such a good sidekick to the boy scouts don’t you agree? like you know how some friend groups have that one person that clicks with their dynamic well? that could be her! sjsjdksj can’t believe we’re making up whole ass headcanons about this game on tumblr asks.

that elements ranking is super legit. i agree with it mostly tbh!! maybe pryo higher though because everything burns and it’s pretty useful. i’d switch it with cryo tbh! otherwise we’d have the same ranking i believe... <3 and the diluc comment!! same!! this is based of the little characters i have and what i’ve seen on youtube tbh shskshdk so that might change when i get more characters.

oh no!! 😭 i’m actually super sad for you aaah you were so excited. hopefully you get him anyway and the gacha gods back you up hehe. honestly these 4 star characters seem so weird though? like noelle and xiangling...? that’s so odd. and no i need to save for venti i only have like 1k primogems rn so even i wanted i couldn’t haha.. i do like xingqiu but nah.

172 is super average here that’s even like... a bit on the smaller size KSKSSJSK (at least the white people ofc it’s different depending on the ethnicity) i’m not that ^ tall but i’m close! 167 cm! and god you’re so tiny holy shit my little pocket sized cluna...... you’re adorable my word 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 btw when’s your bday? just wondering 😏

notes app like the proper gay i am! i just think it’s gay culture to write everything down in the notes app tbh. (i don’t wanna say us bc i don’t know your sexuality but if you relate then change the i am to we’re hskshdskdh)

interesting. how long does your writing sessions last? do you write, write, write or do you have more of a set schedule?

i just listened to control and GOD???...... literally clone shiro tbh? can you find the edit perhaps? i’d love to see it. ok i took a break from writing this response to listen to show & tell and ooooh??? i LOVE this song instantly going to my playlist kshdjdksms. melanie has such dark pastel vibes how eerie. thank you for the recs!

yes ya books!!! i don’t think there is a series i haven’t read of those popular ones. dude i still only read ya books tbh shskdhdkdb. i find it harder to visit a library though so i can’t read as much anymore but i still love them. have you read carry on? simon and kaz has that relationship dynamic we oh so love.

xiao x venti has such a large fan base on twitter it’s so Insane. not complaining tho they look perfect together. idk if you’ve seen but look 🥺 https://twitter.com/bambzart/status/1346115096045441024?s=21 can’t believe we went from not knowing about ships to sharing daily fanart of ships shskjdjdk help

love u xx m.a.

hi hi~~

AHAH honestly talking about it makes me want to rewatch it too idk that i’ve ever done that in full.. yeah I get you! well deserved kiribaku is a good ship 😤 if not canon why so many good moments? lolol

omg wait villain vibes... corrupted chongyun.. YOUR BRAIN??????? FHDSKJFHSDKJ i legit wanna try!!! need to offer something anyway and surely changing the colour from white to black won’t be that difficult... that being said i’m still just playing the game rather than doing literally anything else lollll

LMAOOOOO yeah i really am sorry barbara.... but I really do appreciate being able to heal! since I don’t have a healder on my normal team it’s like wow? I don’t need to eat food or always visit the statues? LMFAO. HFDJFHKS IF NOT SEXY WHY RED THEMED!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so correct and you should say it .

yes!! xiangling would get along so well with them... the boys would probably love guoba too 😩😩 ugh that reminds me I saw someone say xiao’s banner should have had xiao + xingqiu + xiangling + xinyan.... could you imagine 😭😭. FSKFHDSJ look. we’re having fun and that’s all that matters!

everything burns but so do you!! hfkdsjfkhsfd. but nice nice nice you 🤝 me having the same rankings.. I’m just Attached to cryo bc of chongyun and also bc i went around with both him and kaeya in the same team for so long hfskdfjs.

yeahhh not sure LOL but people are saying they rotate the 4 star rate ups and it’s just their turn now.. hm. AHAH yes save for venti!! and then by the time he returns youll have like 200k primogems 🤪🤪

FSHDKSKJF yeah i was gonna say... i feel like people from sweden are probably pretty tall..... bc white people... HFKDSJFHDSFJKSDHFKSD. god that’s a solid 10cm+ compared to me..... wow story of my life........... hfsdkhfkdsjfhsdfks. and my birthday is october 20!! spring babie 🍃 when’s yours!!

(hfkjdshksdh it’s kinda complicated.... LOLOL but i appreciate the effort/offer hfsdkjfhsdkfjsdfhks)

hmm that kinda depends? if i have the time i’ll continue writing until it’s the AM hours and i force myself to go to sleep fhskjfds. but sometimes if i’m not particularly feeling it i’ll just stop and go to something else instead AHAHHA. (actually i do that even when i’m motivated lmfao) but yeah no actual schedule! if i’m writing a fic in response to something (a trailer, a new chapter, a new ep etc) I’ll just drop everything and write until I’m done with it. hbu?

IT IS LITERALLY!! CLONE SHIRO!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i could but i’m pretty sure it got deleted :(((( i had it saved back in the day but could never find it again so :(((((( fdhskfjs she does!! like it’s definitely a different mood for sure.. and no problem! it makes me happy you liked them 🤗

FJSFLJDKS i mean they’re good tho so makes sense 🤪 oooo do you always borrow your books? and no i haven’t!! but i’ve heard so many good things about it....... (have you read the legend series? i don’t think it’s as popular as the other YA novels out there but it’s definitely one of if not the top favourite of mine)

AHAHAH that’s what we call growth and character development! hfdskfs. and yeah i’ve seen that one!!! i remember twt going crazy that day over xiao and his flute.... also look at this https://twitter.com/yilong0416/status/1348383649050324992 <33333 (if you ever want ship arts of a ship - mostly xiaoven lol lmk i have some bookmarked!!)

loveee u 2 <33 c.r.

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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amaloaf · 7 years

Note

All of them

3 Fears3 things I love2 turns on2 turns offMy best friendSexual orientationHow tall am IWhat do I miss right nowFavourite colorDo I have a crush ^ already answered these

Favourite place

my room of the senior lounge in my school

What am I listening to right now

a davenchurch playlist (current song: Something I Need- One Republic)

Shoe size

9-10 womens

Eye color

brown and gold

Hair color

ALSO brownish-gold

Meaning behind my URL

haha Fenton called me a walking paradox as a joke and it stuck!

Favourite song

literally dont have one but im currently loving “Waving Through a Window” from the dear evan hanson soundtrack

Favourite band

either panic! at the disco or fall out boy

How I feel right now

absolutely awful but you sending this completely boosted my mood!!

Someone I love

oh sweet jesus, Fenton and Ellie and Pear and Cade and Vinny and Dylan and Sydney and Daffy and Simon and Nico and Jayme and Kiwi and Arily and this is going overboard but i cannot hold all my love in

My current relationship status

painfully single and desperately needing to get laid

My relationship with my parents

Favourite season

fall

Tattoos and piercing i have

none, unfortunately

Tattoos and piercing i want

a septum piercing, 1mm gauges, a second piercing, an outer ear ring, sleeve tats of intertwining roses and dandelions, magnus’ railsplitter somewhere (im still deciding on where..)

The reasons I joined Tumblr

all my middle school friends had it

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not anymore

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i kissed my dad before

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

cosmetically? five minutes max

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

unfortunately i did yesterday

Where am I right now?

at my desk, sitting on pile of laundry im neglecting

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

i like it quiet

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

both, but unhappily

Am I excited for anything?

death, also graduation i guess

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my friends Cade and Dylan are good buddies

How often do I wear a fake smile?

….. next question

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

the mcelroys, specifically travis

What do I think about most?

not to be dark but death

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

neither, but behind if i have to be

What was the last lie I told?

“no mom i totally bought this”

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont do either v much but i really like vids when i can get them

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes (i saw three ghosts in my life)

Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah

Do I believe in luck?

mostly

What’s the weather like right now?

clear night skies with a slight fall nip in the air

What was the last book I’ve read?

animal farm by george orwell

Do I have any nicknames?

M.K., M, Loaf

Do I spend money or save it?

both?

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope!

Favourite animal?

hgnnnnn cant choose, maybe sharks?

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Hips Dont Lie!

What is my favorite word?

bludgeoning because im a nerd

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

CUT THE CRAP AND LEARN TO LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE GOD DAMN IT

Do I have any relatives in jail?

i deadass dont talk to my family but im p sure one of my cousins was arrested last week

What is my current desktop picture?

that picture of the sloth photoshopped on a dolphin with the P!NK lyrics

Had sex?

Bought condoms?

Gotten pregnant?

oh god no

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no but my first kiss with a boy i got sprayed on at a waterpark

Had job?

im a partime paralegal

Smoked weed?

yep

Smoked cigarettes?

for a long ass time in middle school (if im bein real honest im going to pic it back up again probably)

Drank alcohol?

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

definetly not

Been overweight?

currently am

Been underweight?

when i was born

Gotten my heart broken?

plenty of times

Been to prom?

yes

Been in airplane?

oh yeah, i love flying

Learned another language?

took spanish for 10+ years and dont know a damned word of it

Wore make up?

Dyed my hair?

no but i really want to

Had a surgery?

yes! some work on my ear after i fucked it up as a baby

Met someone famous?

a band called After Romeo

Stalked someone on a social network?

i tend to go through social media when i find new accounts i like but its never stalkerish

Been fishing?

got the license and everything

Been rejected by a crush?

yea, ive only ever had one crush where it panned out

What do I want for birthday?

a binder

Do I like my handwriting?

Where do I want to live when older?

idk, im praying i dont end up back in vegas

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

got caught reading awful porn once does that count

What I’m really bad at

ohh im really holding back on saying “everything” but if i had to choose wind instruments

What my greatest achievments are

my art, my relationships, my baby handling skills

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

ill give you the second worse: “ well at least being a fattass made you bouncy”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy a house, get a super crazy nice computer, give some money to the friends listed up earlier on the list and draw for all eternity

What do I like about myself

my eyes and my good heart and my ability to fake good things

My closest Tumblr friend

oh definitely Fenton or @whyldkratts

Any question you’d like?

feel free to send in your own question!

Are you outgoing or shy?

yes

What kind of people are you attracted to?

soft bellies, thick legs and hips, nice pecs, soft long hair, nice lips

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

idk maybe? i hope so, yall can feel free to make the first move ;3

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no, i actually like it!

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my buddy Cade

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Something I Need, Michel in the Bathroom, For Forever, Waving Through a Window, and Freeze Your Brain

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh yes!! please play with my hair!!! ((and playing with OTHER peoples hair??? oh boy howdy dont even get me started!!!!))

Do you think there is life on other planets?

hell yes!

Do you like bubble baths?

sure, no real pref either way

Do you like your neighbors?

NOPE

Where would you like to travel?

yes!

Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleep

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

*sweats* yes?? (probably my boobs and stomach, also my arms)

What do you do when you wake up?

stare at the ceiling and mentally prepare myself for the day

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, it lost a lot of melinin when i hit puberty for some reason??

Do you ever want to get married?

yes! even if its just a platonic life partner marriage!

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yep

Would you rather live without TV or music?

telivision my man

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yep! one time it went to shit the other time it went fairly ok

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

target and hot topic

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

normally yes but you gotta kno when to get the hell away from certain folks

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

OH yeaaah

Ever wished you were someone else?

every god damned day

Favourite makeup brand?

cheap

Last thing you ate?

mashed potatoes

Ever won a competition? For what?

won a college science fair in middle school once

Ever been in love?

im always in love

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter always (pst mines @emiglody95

Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

Are you watching tv right now?

What colour are your towels?

beige and brown

Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough or coffee

First person you talked to today?

my mother or Ellie i can remember

Last person you talked to today?

Pear or my day, again i cant remember

Name a person you hate?

Prestly, Kevin, Zoe, Mike

Name a person you love?

hmm ive already listed a lot of people already so lets go with: Wilson

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

remember Kevin from two asks ago?

Do you tan a lot?

im outside a lot but my tan is mostly natural

Have any pets?

my dog, Gus!

Do you type fast?

yes actually!!

Do you regret anything from your past?

im not lookin to type a paragraph so lets go with yes

Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah,,

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

every day

Is cheating ever okay?

no, but if your partner got seriously fucked up and it was a total accident and you trust them then MAYBE you can reconsider not throwing their asses out

Do you believe in true love?

to an extent

What your zodiac sign?

leo!

Do you believe in ghosts?

id better ive seen three of ‘em

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“ Its fine”, she said primly as she turned back to the trays of jewelry.

#answered for me #hell yea love gettin these things

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