#if i can make myself focus at all

[whumpshaped]

send me a word for a list of incoherent associations?

#im never this sick and i dont know how to cope #im trying to just. pass the time so i get so sleepy that i can actually sleep thru the night #while just being in pain from my throat and head and chest and neck #running a fever for the second day now which ??? i never get actual fevers #so i cant exactly promise drabbles or even coherent lists lol #i can promise delirious ramblings and incoherent associations at best #if i can make myself focus at all #irlshaped

[angelhummel]

My absolute least favorite flavor of anti is “canon doesn’t actually justify my immense hatred of this character, so I’m going to make up bad things they did, pretend it’s canon, then get mad over that” like bestie chill just say you don’t vibe with them and move onnn 

#i dont understand who has the energy #yes this is about blaine lmao #its not enough to say i dont like him and move on #gotta come up with 193742 false claims and pretend they're real #just to give myself something else to get mad over #like okay honey this is very un normal please seek help #he's not real alskfjslk #this is also about mal from d3scendants aalskfjskldf people have been weird over there lately too #is there anything you do like? can you focus on that? #actually in mal's case it's kind of justified lmao which makes it all the worse that they feel they have to make shit up

[mleemwyvern]

Vote TangoTek for MCYTblr Sexyman!

- the personification of a cartoon villain

- evil dungeon master (twice)

- fandom assigned Creature

- team rancher

- so much fanart that makes people go feral

- orange cat energy

- makes so so many Noises

- probably bites

- makes death games for fun

- pro ravager wrangler

- have yall SEEN the fanart

- ice and fire. hes got range.

- is so good for angst and drama in aus but in canon he is just a silly

- ok yeah he definitely bites

- i have seen so much variety in tango designs and the only constant is that none of them are human

- and we love a creatureguy here on tumblr!

- constantly on the verge of a villain arc and would probably do one if he wasnt so busy constructing and maintaining massive deathtrap minigames

- hes insane

#hermitcraft #tangotek #hermitblr #mcytblr sexyman bracket #mcytblr #vote tango!! #im a zitsweep truther. they all deserve it #but tango has STRONG sexyman energy and now that zeds down i can focus all my energy on the tek #jimmy voters i would like to request a rancher alliance. i will vote jim #please i cant see my blorbo be taken down by some dsmp guy again. VOTE TANGO! #if he wins i will make myself write a fic about him i promise

[vimbry]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

#tmbg #AND. I love it. #please feel free to add to this btw. I feel like there's more flansburgh examples but they're dropping out of my head #I've gone on and on about ''sleeping in the flowers'' already. so I won't repeat myself too much in the tags here #but I can also see how it's intended to come across as playful. like. #it's two people in love having a silly exchange between each other #I also like the little interlude from the nightlight's lullaby-of-sorts to the child to describing how it would make a really bad lighthous #''man it's a good thing I'm not one of those. I'm too small. if I did that then people at sea would crash and drown horribly hahaha #anyway good night'' #and actually re: nanobots. it only just occurred to me #I'd gotten 'newborn citizenship of the micronations'' being a verbose way to describe. babies lol #but is the start of verse about the actual birth of a child and getting so distracted by the preparation and stress #that you almost forget oh yeah. I have this kid now :) #and thinking about how even tho your worries around that are now over you'll focus instead on all the future responsibilities you'll have #how does something written in such a detatched way manage to be so sweet

[lightningidle]

Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...

You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.

And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?

(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)

Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?

You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.

You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.

#Dimension 20 #fig faeth #fhjy #Idle Chatter #my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art #because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make #the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art #which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!! #so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist #anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way #ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH #BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU #it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem #you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life #if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates #SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters

[skunkes]

i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

#oc text #obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous #even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim #not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like #even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly #and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath #AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this? #he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly #bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!! #while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety ! #so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes... #we're also weird eating buddies <3 #and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time #severe death phobia buddies... #i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it #as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this #form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim #though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything #he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though) #but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon. #my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them. #he's growing with me. #oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors #ok goodnite

[palmclan]

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#palmclan #clan generator #clangen #palmclan main story #palmclan wavechaser #palmclan skyheart #palmclan gullpaw #palmclan crabkit #palmclan saltwing #palmclan puddlesplash #palmclan squidkit #ok im going to be honest ive kind of grown to resent this blog. i started the comic a few weeks ago because i was super hyperfixated #on warrior cats and clangen. i could not get myself to stop thinking about starting my own clangen blog. for a little while i did have fun #with it but now i can hardly convince myself to post the finished pages. now #since i do have a few pages drawn in advance #maybe i will pick back up some time and i wont ever loose inspiration. but im an oc guy. im allergic to making fandom art and the only #reason this went on as long as it did was because these are technically ocs. but theyre attatched to a fandom and they mean nothing to me. #this is a shame because clangen has a great deal of appeal to me. the concept of continuing one clan for a very long time is TREMENDOUSLY #exciting to me. it makes me want to keep a clan going for years and years until it's completely unrecognizable. but i dont think i have it #in me to give attention to any characters who arent a part of one of my main projects which i love so dearly. and ill admit when i was so #obsessed with palmclan i kind of put aside everything else. it was a very bad hyperixation. i couldnt stop thinking about it to the point #misery. not just a oh haha wow i cant focus because im so obsessed but a serious god i am in misery because i cannot get my brain to take a #break for even a moment. so of course this wouldnt last. #and im saying all this #but maybe i will return to palmclan. i will post all of the existing pages. but i dont know if ill draw more. which is a shame. i had ideas #but i wont do it if it makes me miserable #if you like my art follow @incbot24. i dont really post because i have had no reason to #but i do have some art there to look at and if you like it and are interested in the characters it might be worth your time #its not warrior cats though so be aware

[xskyll]

It was a critical hit. (Why yes, I do play Kingdom Hearts.)

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#skylldraws #tododeku #my hope for this comic is that when i finally get to the end people can look back at the first page and be impressed #like wow homegirl really learned how to draw #i promised myself when i started that i wouldn’t shade anything #because i wanted to focus on getting better at actually drawing and doing linework. #yet here i am #it is admittedly very lazy shading #although this page was slightly less lazy than usual #anyway I’m trying hard! #I really appreciate all the notes but especially the nice tags and comments I’ve gotten #it makes it easier to keep trying my best #so thank you!! #tddk #tdiz #todoizu #tddk fanart #todoroki x midoriya #todoroki x deku #shouto x izuku #izushou #bnha #tddk au #tododeku au #quirkless deku #bnha comic #tododeku fantasy au #bnha fantasy au

[canarydarity]

having a normal one watching Bdubs lim life tonight and thinking about how when Bdubs betrayed Tango in last life, Skizz told Tango that for the sake of team best he had to go and forgive him.

But when Bdubs boogey kills Skizz in lim life before team ties is even really formed, Skizz is allowed to have it out for Bdubs for almost the entire first half of the season, even when the clockers ally with them and it would've been easier to let sleeping dogs lie.

Tango, the perpetually extraneous and undervalued member of his alliances...the too often shoved aside and betrayed...being told it was his duty to the team to forgive bdubs and move on....

But no one—especially not Tango—tried to tell Skizz to let it go.

#and like. now im thinking about how no one is ever really ride or die for tango. ever #people are allied with him but no one PRIORITIZES him #as a team rancher fan myself id be tempted to argue Jimmy is but you can just as easily point to how that was in a way self serving #and I dont just mean with the soulmate mechanic so worrying about tango was worrying about himself for jimmy #but i mean it in the way of jimmy was so worried about tango because #jimmy was worried about HIMSELF being the thing that hindered him and dragged him down #whihc is not to say that jimmy didnt also worry about tango #but it is to say that the dl rule set played heavily on jimmys insecurities and fears #he was most of the time worried about himself. YES because of how that affected tango. but also because it served his guilt complex #and so his intentions were colored by that as someone whos incredibly willing to make himself the problem whenevr he sees fit #whihc is again nothing on him hes my fave ya know i love the guy #i just mean even in double life where by design it shouldve happened tango wasnt made anyones top priority #not in the way that we come to see it across many other pairs. not in the obsessive worrying about his safety #or just in the general Being Weird About Each Other Way #sure you could argue skizz and tango last life...tango was for a while skizzs priority—until skizz shifted his sights to team best #even when team best wasnt giving their all backt o him that was skizzs focus #and if tango were really his priority over the wellbeing of the team such as it was for bdubs and etho #skizz wouldnt have tried to make tango forgive bdubs after he was betrayed #skizz wouldnt have kept asking tango to give more and more to a team he got little if not nothing out of over and over.....just #GAH! NO ONES EVER DEVOTED TO TANGO!!! NO ONE EVER CHOOSES TANGO TO BE THEIR //PERSON// THEIR. HES NEVER SOMEONES TOP PRIORITY #again im nto saying teh ranchers werent devoted to each other you know i love them more than anything in the whole world #i just mean. not in exactly the way i mean.... #and not completely when jimmy was so (understadnably) preoccupied with trying not to carry on his curse again #especially while attached to someone else #worm says

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

#cats #I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol #I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh #I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day #so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the #writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird #to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in #it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something #''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way #you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj #Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future'' #things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up #with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just #stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house #in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty #that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn #There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not #even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy #birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public #ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take #anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some #things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like #2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were #playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol.. #Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my #evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas

[chialattea]

Nami WIP + some chibi doodles heheeee

#chia draws #one piece #nami one piece #cat burglar nami #Nami #i love women #this piece is kicking my ass tho #like I’m trying to find my style but it’s all #confusing #like what do I want to achieve with my drawings? what do I want to focus on? #in other news I am now cooking as a way to procrastinate #thank you dunmeshi and the bear #I made bread and fresh pasta and carbonara and lemon curd #I love cooking man #idk why but my butter cookies always end up too hard #I’m gonna make some tangerine dishes so I can pretend I’m cooking for Nami #that way I trick myself into self care #anywayyyys #I love Nami so muchhhh #and idk how people have such cute tumblr layouts I don’t really get httml #I’m a STEM girlie but coding? not my forte #lately I’ve been thinking about one piece from a biotech standpoint #like tf do you mean nobody knows what DNA is besides judge and Vegapunk #they know some diseases are congenital but don’t know about DNA #huuuuuhhhh? #anyways I’m writing a fic about an OC funding a science journal in OP #it’s a lot of fun #art wip #unfinished

[lookinghalfacorpse]

.

#im still here btw im just depressed #LOL #its not that im not making dsmp content im just not making any content at all #including for my writing program #which i REALLY need to be making progress on #im so far behind on everything #if i can get myself to focus on anything ill make simething soon #sorry for not participating in dreamza week like i promised

[mafuyuakgae]

potential charms uhhh. not sure if anyone would want 1000 nightcord variations but theyre fun to think of and get for myself

#shittified the quality just in case sryy #my art #i would like to just do things i like for myself #but actually making them is a financial cost too so i want to gauge interest a bit #i think these can be cute as holo/mirror stickers too #once my grad school apps are done i can focus on making stuff and then hopefully get a store running finallllylyy #been thinking all throughout undergrad of doing merch and im forcing myself to do it now

[binah-beloved]

Not binah: You said that Queequeg would give nice and warm hugs and i remember reading somewhere that Queequeg (In the book) hugs Ishmael so decided to look it up in the book (Page 37, Chapter 4) "Upon waking next morning about daylight, I found Queequeg's arm thrown over me in the most loving and affectionate manner. You had almost thought I had been his wife"

After reading the passage I can confidently say that Queequeg (Limbus) should be able to give excellent hugs

thank you for this gift.

this also means she would be a good cuddler. i am going to personally make the Queequeg snuggling scene from the book canon except not with Ishmael

also this is permission to talk about Queequeg with me. this blog is about Binah but the harpooner can have some love too

#not binah #limbus company #not a lot of queequeg content #so i'll do it myself #binah still primary focus #but i can have two loves for my two hands #i miss her and yes i know she's not coming back #but i can dream #like with binah i can dream #we can all fall asleep and dream together #wouldn't that be nice #also pallidification makes for great angst take notes students

[nametakensff]

Writing more s/teddie tonight, finally 😭

#i actively miss them #i'm gonna start actually treating some of my fics like work so i get them done #seems to be the only way i can make myself focus on anything these days without getting majorly distracted 😵‍💫 #also sorry for not getting back to dms once again! thank you for your patience 💕 #snzblr is v fun for me btw so dw when i make posts like this sounding like i'm suffering some great burden haha #life in general is bs but I jerked off til 3 in the morning last night and that was super fun so. it's not all bad 🥲 #nttalks

[messiahzzz]

usually i’m more of a lurker when it comes to fandom spaces, but for some reason i find myself having strong opinions about a certain wizard.

at this point i am very hesitant to follow any g@le themed blogs (or write posts about anything else other than his romance) cause imo a lot of people miss the mark when it comes to their interpretation of him. either reducing him to his domestic side/being the “perfect husband” or putting the focus on his hubris and thirst for power alone… and sadly a lot of his nuance is lost in the process.

#it speaks #ironically it all boils down to him fulfilling some sort of fantasy #you don’t have to gloss over either of these aspects #he already IS complex #all of these characteristics can co-exist and it doesn’t make him any less kind & good-hearted #every so often i scroll through his tag and think to myself ‘nah that’s not it’ #(​i also wish we’d put more focus on his vulnerability in general but hey)