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the-zk-directory · 11 months

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Zutara Probably Would Have Been Canon in Season 4 – The Masterpost

| [Intro.] |

If you’ve been around or within the Avatar fandom for any period of time you have probably, one way or another, become aware of one of the most intense shipping wars not just of any children’s show, but possibly just in general, one that is well over a decade old by now, approaching two.

Katara and Aang (Kataang), though canon, are often criticized for being one-sided, bad for each of the characters, and rushed. The creators of Avatar though – Mike & Bryan (collectively known as the entity ‘Bryke’) – have stated in the past that Kataang “was in the DNA of the [show] from the start.” (x)

Statements like the above are one of the reasons Zuko and Katara (Zutara) fans have been labelled ‘conspiracy theorists’ when they claim things that contradict Bryke: namely, that Zutara as a pairing was not only a serious consideration during the show’s run, but the likely outcome if the show had continued on for another season, which it seems it almost did.

(This hypothetical ‘Book 4’ was, for a long time, considered a Zutarian conspiracy theory in itself.)

But let’s back up.

How did these so-called conspiracy theories start?

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| [Intro. To The Rumours + Who Is Aaron Ehasz?] |

For a long time, the only thing that Zutara fans could latch onto were rumours. People who claimed to have worked at Nickelodeon, worked in the artistic community and knew things, met a writer in person, etc. This may not sound promising on its face, but the thing is, most of these rumours were consistent. Most of their content concerned the one-time possibility of season 4, and one man in particular: Avatar’s head writer Aaron Ehasz.

We’ll go into those rumours in depth in a second. For right now, here's a little teaser: (x)

But first, who is Aaron Ehasz (& ex-wife Elizabeth Welch) and what were his contributions to the development of Avatar?

[Who Are the Ehaszs, and Why Does Everyone Bring Them Up?] -- (x)(x)

Bonus: (x) (Note that the poster is Giancarlo Volpe btw, another writer on Avatar.)

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| [The Main Rumour Sources – Tumblr Blogs ‘Kataraandzuko’ & ‘Zephyrita’] |

Now we can get to the rumours themselves. The two main sources are both now-deactivated tumblr blogs. ‘Kataraandzuko’ is the first one we’re going to talk about. This person claimed to be an assistant writer/intern on Avatar Books 2/3 with inside knowledge of what went on behind the scenes in the writer’s room.

Meet ‘Kataraandzuko’: (x)

Zephyrita, similarly, claimed to be someone who interned and studied at Nickelodeon Studios in 2007 as an animation color stylist (according to (x)). It seems significant to mention that Zephyrita also claimed to not actually be a Zutara shipper.

(Besides reblogs, a good amount of her original posts can be found on the Wayback Machine. I took screenshots of a few of them and posted them to my blog individually with the links to the rest underneath.)

Meet ‘Zephyrita’: (x)

By the way, while I don’t know when the blogs were first started or when the first rumours concerning season 4 were posted, they seem to have been around since at least late 2015-2016. It’s hard to tell with the blogs and original posts being deactivated, but that’s the earliest I’ve seen. (If anyone sees anything earlier, let me know.) This will become important later.

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| [Controversy: (A conversation I had with…)] |

Now, I said we were going to talk about Kataraandzuko first and the post that we’re going to talk about specifically is this one: (x)

In it, Kataraandzuko claims to have had a conversation with Aaron Ehasz in Philadelphia. Why they were both in Philadelphia is not stated in the post. According to what Kataraandzuko wrote, Aaron seems to strongly imply that he had wanted to explore a romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara. This supposed conversation was turned into a tumblr post and written down in a style reminiscent of an interviewer and interviewee.

Being the only well-known rumour post to be written this way meant it, kataraandzuko themselves, and all the rumours generally would come under a lot of fire when Everything changed when Aaron Ehasz attacked Aaron Ehasz himself came out and said this: (x) in September, 2018.

With Aaron himself basically shooting down the idea that a season 4 (and, by proxy, Zutara) was ever seriously considered or planned, people who had viewed Zutara fans’ theories as nothing more than wild, imaginative conspiracies by desperate shippers felt like they had been proved right: (x)

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| [Other Rumours] |

And yet, rumours persisted.

[This (x) for the record, is kataraandzuko’s follow-up post to their ‘Conversation I had with Aaron Ehasz in Philadelphia’ post. I’ve reblogged a number of their other posts too. But fine, Aaron said the interview was fake, so let’s disregard everything ‘kataraandzuko’ said for now.]

Here’s someone who claims to have been present at a class that Aaron gave a lecture at at UC Berkeley: (x)(x)

(this class seems to have been real – here’s a link to people talking about it 12 years ago; the link on the page appears to have changed though: (x) )

Here’s another post concerning that class, though I’m not sure if the person they’re talking about who attended is actually the same person as above. (x)

Other posts from Reddit, 4chan, & Deviantart: (x)(x)(x)

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| [Evidence Against Kataang] |

[Series Bible] Of course, rumours aren’t really ‘evidence.’ And, while it’s hard to find evidence for something that never happened, it’s not hard to take a look at Avatar’s original series bible, or series outline by Bryke, and see that, though indeed, the series bibles only outlines three seasons, it also doesn’t outline endgame Kataang or suggest it being anywhere near ‘the DNA of the show.’ In fact, Aang and Katara & Sokka separate at the end of this version, with the latter two returning home and Aang going off to search for airbenders. (x)

[“A 50/50 Chance”] Off the record, Bryke even seemed to admit themselves that there might have been a back and forth regarding who exactly was going to end up with who. See here (x) an account of a Kataang fan who thanked Bryke at a comic con, only to be told: “Well, it was a 50/50 chance.“

[M. Night Interview] This was confirmed by a third party as well. ~Certain~ movies he’s made may not have lived up to their expectations but I see no reason why M. Night Shyamalan would lie when he says that at the time he talked to Mike and Bryan regarding a potential live action movie, there were a lot of things that hadn’t been figured out yet, including “who Katara was going to end up with.” (x)

And so, with or without a direct confirmation of season 4 by Aaron (when the world needed him most, he vanished), it seemed there had still been wiggle-room at some point in time for the potential of ~certain things~ to have, indeed, been under consideration, fourth season or not.

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| [Aaron Confirms on Twitter] |

BUT THEN.

100 Years passed and my brot—

On April 1, 2019, Aaron emerged, as if from an iceberg, to share some thoughts on an Azula redemption arc (x), confirm this was not an April Fool’s joke, and to state the following: “Yes, I always believed there would be a 4th season.” (x)

Zutara fans, realizing they had been right about this, and wondering what other strongly associated theory they might have been right about, rejoiced: (x)

One half of the infamous Bryke, Bryan Konietzko, did not. And, in fact, indirectly called Aaron a liar: (x)

And, It is worth mentioning, in the interest of giving everyone the full picture, that Bryan is not the only one to question Aaron recently. In late 2019, allegations came out of Aaron creating a sexist and toxic work environment. (x)

(Personally, I think your mileage may very on how serious or substantial you may find these claims.)

But with regards to the topic at hand, the Season 4 claims, someone on a Reddit thread here (x) recounts: “Also I wasn't really sure where to put this but Jean Paul Bondy, an artist who worked on ATLA, jumped in AE's twitter thread to say ‘I don’t remember this at all. Obviously I wasn’t party to discussion you three had. But I was always under the impression we were only doing the three.’”

Just recently, in 2023, Jack De Sena (Sokka’s VA) also answered a question about season 4 at a con: ((x) -- 27:30)

“I’ve heard subsequently that there was like, conversations about season 4 and stuff, but, at the time, it definitely felt like we were only doing three. Like, I was being told at the time like, they had conceived of this like, closed arc, three season… thing. So, while they were planting some seeds for like, here’s other story elements that we could explore in other areas when we have the time, it definitely felt like, ‘okay, this is, this is the journey we’re going on together, it has reached a logical conclusion.’ So, it did feel, to us while recording it, quite final and complete.”

“I was always told it was a set three,” confirms Zachary Tyler Eisen (Aang’s VA)

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| [Discussion] |

So, in a sense, we’re back where we started. Though, I would question how much, exactly, artists and voice actors, who I would assume typically only start working on scripts that have already been decided on long beforehand, would really know about any behind the scenes discussions among the writers about potential trajectories and arcs for the show as a whole (and how long those would take to play out).

And Jack did mention that he’s heard now that there were “conversations about season 4” – I’m assuming he’s heard that from more trustworthy sources than internet rumours. And, if he did, then that directly contradicts Bryan seemingly saying he never had the slightest interest in making a fourth season and was always firm on that.

After looking at everything, it seems clear to me that, to the direct contradiction of a few rumours on my blog, Avatar was probably NOT pitched as a 4 (or more) season show. I do think it was probably pitched as three. But I also think, after the show was greenlit or as it was going on, Aaron saw the potential for more seasons and pushed for them. Maybe those discussions didn’t make it very far out of the writer’s room. Maybe there was a point in time where Aaron felt he had been successful in convincing Bryke to go for a fourth season. Or maybe he always felt like he’d be able to get them there eventually. Maybe the movie finally put an end to any of Aaron’s hopes. I don’t know.

But, it’s kind of irrelevant. If the ‘conspiracy’ is that Aaron was setting up the show for a Zutara ending in season 4, then it doesn’t matter how close, in reality, we were to a fourth season. What really matters is whether or not Aaron thought there’d be one.

“Yes, I always believed there would be a 4th season”

And it seems he did.

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| [‘Zephyrita’, ’Tizuyan’ & the Smoking Gun] |

Now, you may have noticed that there was someone mentioned before that we never talked about: Zephyrita. I waited because I’ve noticed something that I’ve never seen anybody else talk about, and decided it needed its own section.

Zephyrita was, of course, one of the two main bloggers that claimed to have worked/interned on Avatar back in the day and posted things they supposedly remembered from behind the scenes, things that all supported the Season 4/Zutara theory.

Given that Aaron indirectly called out the other main blog as a fraud, causing us to have to disregard them for now, you may wonder why anyone should view Zephyrita’s credibility as any different. Here’s actually a post of someone arguing with her about this and Zephyrita’s response: (x)

“’You can’t prove you worked at Nick!!’

What type of proof do you need? Why do I have to prove something as insignificant as this anyway? Like, working there isn’t some exclusive club and I didn’t write an entire episode, I just interned and studied there but I did get to talk a lot with the staff. I wanted to intern at CN but I ended up with Nick in the end. This was all back in 2007 and I’ve been working in advertising since then. You want me to just ring up Tim Hendricks and ask him how he is after almost 10 years? […] I would post my studio pass as ‘proof’ but that contains confidential info.”

So let’s get into why I believe Zephyrita.

(x) – This is a post where Zephyrita is asked what some of Aaron’s ideas were that didn’t make it into the show. Most of her response has to deal with Zuko and Katara, but it also includes this little tidbit about Aang at the end:

“Aang would leave on a self-searching journey after feeling the consequences of energybending and getting jealous over how close Zuko and Katara had become.”

In another post (x), she shares “my friend yan no longer has tumblr because people on this site are RIDICULOUS but she told she wanted to put in some extra info about the ideas that ehasz had:”

‘Yan’ I’m thinking is another deactivated user – ‘Tizuyan’ – who also used to post about the unexplored ideas Aaron had. (Admittedly, I’m not sure how they claimed to know any of it.)

But Zephyrita shares the ideas that ‘Yan’ supposedly gave her, including this one: “zuko and katara develop an understanding and bond that the other characters can not comprehend. they grow very close and sokka starts to suspect there is something going on between them. aang starts feeling jealous but tries to hide these feelings (ehasz said he would start feeling “weird” lmao). this would play a part of his growing darkness.”

In yet another post (x), Tizuyan herself writes “They would have fit very well within the possible Book 4 where Aang became “dark” and traveled back to the Air Temples for solace (where he examines himself, and finds a bunch of flying bison + winged lemur)”

So, to summarize, there would have been consequences to energy bending that would have caused a growing darkness in Aang. And as said before, all these posts are from around 2015-2016, if you go back and look at their earliest, still-existing notes.

Why is this significant?

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It is significant because in 2019, after confirming he always thought there’d be a fourth season on twitter, Aaron Ehasz did an interview (x) where he talked a little bit more about what his ideas were for Season 4, beyond an Azula redemption arc. Obviously, there’s nothing in this interview about Zutara. But. But. There is this:

“Ehasz reaffirmed his earlier stated plans for a longer arc for Azula but also divulged additional details. One plotline would have followed up on Aang taking away Fire Lord Ozai’s bending at the end of the third season.

‘My feeling about that was like there’s always a cost, right? There’s always some balance. You can’t just be like I’m the Avatar, taking your powers away. It’s a great power, but part of it is you just took all this evil into you. To take it away from someone else you’re holding onto it to protect the world.’

For Aang that would have been an incredible burden and something Ehasz would have wanted to see him deal with.

‘The story I wanted to tell with Aang was about him struggling with taking some of that inside and probably a considerable amount of anger and guilt and big feelings. By the way, guess who would be the best person to have a mini vacation with? It’s Zuko! Someone who’s processed a lot of anger on his own, right?’”

So… basically… there would have been consequences to energy bending that would have caused a growing darkness in Aang.

It matches up perfectly.

And not only that, but you’ll notice in the interview he also mentions wanting to focus on Iroh and his spiritual transformation, and mentions something relating to the potential for existing airbenders. This also matches up well with other things that were written in the latter two tumblr posts linked above.

So, what are the possible explanations? Liars/delusional shippers on tumblr who were falsely claiming to have insider knowledge on Avatar just so happening to have hit on some of the exact same season 4 plot points as the head writer, 3-4 years before season 4 was even a thing that had been acknowledged publicly? Aaron Ehasz trolling the internet and coming across these theories and then repeating them as if they had been his own ideas for… some purpose?

Or that maybe some of these blogs had been telling the truth?

This is why I called this section ‘the smoking gun’ – I believe that Aang can save t- that DenofGeek interview, along with those old rumour posts give credence to everything else Zephyrita/Tizuyan had to say. (And we’ll get back to ‘kataraandzuko’ later.)

Link to Zephyrita’s posts and comments: (x). The only other post of mine that I know Tizuyan appears on is this one: (x)

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| [Zutara Evidence – External and Textual] |

And there’s more concrete evidence than just rumours. We’ve already gone over the ‘hard’ evidence against the idea that Kataang was planned from the start, but up until now we haven’t gone over the evidence that exists to support Zutara specifically.

First, here’s just a post (x) showing, besides what we’ve already gone over, how Zutara was teased in some of the promotional materials, as well as some comments (including the ‘Avatar Extras’) made by some other writers on the show, further confirming what Bryke once privately acknowledged to a fan – I’m not sure if the chance was exactly 50%, but it seems it was definitively higher than 0.

And, it seems, high enough that little bits of foreshadowing (or…potentially, a major amount of foreshadowing, depending on your view) did make it into the show itself.

Much has been made of the parallels that exist between the ‘Cave of Two Lovers’/’Crossroads of Destiny’ episodes, namely the two lovers with a red and blue color scheme from opposite sides of a war that come together in a cave of glowing crystals… and the two characters with a red and blue color scheme from opposite sides of a war… that come together in a cave of glowing crystals.

Here’s a few posts that break this down in depth: (x) (x) (x)

And here’s just another little piece of external evidence, another comment by a writer – and actually the writer of ‘The Cave of Two Lovers’: (x)

(I noticed he also mentions the series bible saying Zuko and Katara were supposed to end up together??? Yeah, I don’t know what that’s about. Make of it what you will.)

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| [Bryke Being Nasty to Zutarians] |

^^Is it necessary for me to write this section? No.

But, in a way, it’s what led to my interest in this. I’ve said before that if Mike and Bryan had just been normal adults about all this, said that Zutara was a thing that was considered, that could have happened but didn’t, respected their friendship/bond in canon, and just said to all the Zutara fans, “sorry it didn’t go your way this time; hope you can still enjoy the ending anyway!” we wouldn’t have a problem. I would have just thought it was a shame and missed opportunity, and then moved on with my life and not really thought about it ever again.

It's the apparent lying and immaturity and seeming… mean-spirited-ness (?) that gets me. I don’t understand it.

In a rumour from Tizuyan ((x) - this is the second tizuyan post that I linked at the end of the second to last section) she writes: “Bryke despise Zutara.”

This would certainly explain why Zuko and Katara hardly ever seem to have positive interactions in any of the material beyond Avatar’s original series, that is if they even interact at all.

(See Bryan’s out-of-nowhere response to the neutral question, “Can we expect a reunion for the returning characters from The Last Airbender [in Legend of Korra]?” which was:

“As far as a date night between Katara and Zuko, I think you are going to have to stick to the fan art for that." (x) (Not sure if there was any more to this answer or not; I can’t find the original interview, though I know I remember seeing it way back when.)

It would also explain the contents of this rumour (courtesy of Zephyrita) (x) regarding the writing, or re-writing, of ‘The Southern Raiders’ episode.

And it would explain Bryan’s infamous, “Come on kids! ‘Zutara’ never would have lasted! It was just dark and intriguing” comment. (x)

What it wouldn’t explain is the even more infamous video that Bryke debuted at 2008 San Diego Comic Con, and which Bryan (who really seems to be the main instigator in all of this, apparently) has since reposted to his own tumblr account: (x)

You know, the one where Bryke mock Zutara fans with their own fanart and say that “Women who think that Zuko and Katara should be together will forever have doomed relationships.” Yeah.

I have no further comments on it other than what’s already been written in the reblogs linked above.

(And all this is all the more frustrating when Bryan himself seems to have had a slight change of heart when it comes to the ‘DNA of the show’ and writes in late 2014 in a post on The Legend of Korra: “Personally, at that point I didn’t want Korra to have to end up with someone at the end of series. We obviously did it in Avatar, but even that felt a bit forced to me.” (x) (Like, HUH?! Since when?!)

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| [Aaron Ehasz Again + Final Thoughts On The Kataraandzuko “Interview”] |

Meanwhile, Aaron himself painstakingly tends to avoid discussing Zutara, unless it’s brought up to him directly, in which case he usually just gives a wishy-washy answer about how he tries not to actively ship any characters. Though, we will go into an interview that’s slightly more interesting than this in a little bit.

First, I must bring to everyone’s attention a video that it seems no one else has noticed, as the post only had 4 notes on it at the time of writing this. (x)

Here is Aaron Ehasz at a comic con in 2006, which I believe would be sometime before season 2 had finished airing, showing the audience various ships from the show (most of them ridiculous) before at the end getting to Maiko (called Maizu), Kataang, and lastly (which I feel is significant)… Zutara.

This really appears to me to be Aaron showing the audience the ‘serious ships’ under the guise of this being just some funny game, and using the strength of the cheers from the crowd as a way to gauge interest for a potential endgame ship. Either for his own purposes… or for the purpose of possibly convincing someone else. I interpreted this video this way even before I just re-watched it while writing this post and realized that Aaron actually says this directly:

“We really want to hear what you have to say. I want you to know you have a lot of influence and power right now… ‘cause your, your cheers or boos will really… affect it.”

And I think it might make sense to combine this with the rumours here (x) about the supposed lecture at Berkeley where Aaron once flippantly remarked that Zutara couldn’t happen because it “would have made the six year olds cry” and the rumours by jhenne-bean herself, the one who claimed to have been at that lecture, who gives more context here (x):

“GURL IT WAS TOTALLY 50/50 even during the last season.

Actually, Nick execs pushed Kataang.

Because without it (according to one of the head writers that came and spoke to my class last semester) the “six year olds would cry.” Obviously that’s not the sole reasoning behind their decisions, but the intended demographic did sway the final outcome.”

(So, based on all this, I’m thinking that Aaron was probably a little disappointed in that video above when the Zutara cheers didn’t overpower the Kataang ones. [So am I, Aaron. So am I.])

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Now, the only actual filmed interview with Aaron Ehasz about Avatar that I know of is this one: (x) in 2019, where he’s asked questions by fans. Yes, Zutara is brought up, though the surprising part is it’s seemingly at Aaron’s own prompting. For that reason and others I find this interview to be very interesting; I actually did a breakdown of it here (x), which I encourage everyone to consider.

If you’ve read through that breakdown, or just watched the video in question, you will have seen that the “fake” interview from before (x) was once again brought up. I put the word ‘fake’ in quotes because that’s how Aaron appeared to refer to it in the interview – with air quotes. And so now it’s time for my speculation on this “fake” interview:

I think it’s fairly clear that Aaron does not want (or, for some reason feels unable to (?)) speak freely regarding his opinions on how the relationships of Avatar did (or did not) play out. I think it’s safe to say he has avoided saying anything ‘on the books’ that would place him at odds with Bryke (though that post about M Night wanting to focus on season 4 and Bryke wanting to focus on the movie cut it pretty close) or put him on a definitive side of the shipping war, one way or another.

That’s why it makes sense to me that a rumour on the internet that wasn’t just any rumour, but was written in such a way so that it looked like an official *interview*, with Aaron’s name appearing before statements supposedly attributable to him and everything, would be something he’d want to make sure everyone knew was not actually official. If that conversation between kataraandzuko and Aaron actually happened, he would have believed it to be, at the time, a private conversation. He never would have intended for the person he was talking to to post their conversation and make it look like he said these things on the official record.

So, yeah, despite Aaron calling that post out specifically, I think it’s still plausible that that conversation could have actually happened and that kataraandzuko wasn’t lying. Her (?) original tags even say to take it with a grain of salt since it was written from memory.

And notice the line, “I wanted Aang to defeat Ozai and go through some emotional turmoil after taking the Fire Lord's bending.” Sound familiar?

Here’s another variation of one of kataraandzuko’s posts from before (x) where they talk more in depth about being an intern at Nick and what they saw behind the scenes of Avatar, even admitting, “Haha, it’s not hard getting an internship at Nickelodeon. They’re not strict and they accepted me on my first attempt. You just have to be a university student with a lot of motivation.”

(And witness at the end of the post another defensive-Bryke-Bryan example.)

Could all their posts be lies? Sure. But they always seemed credible enough to me. And given everything else we’ve gone over, can you really say anything they posted sounds all that crazy?

So, for your consideration, here’s my tag of all ‘kataraandzuko’s posts: (x)

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| [Summary of All Rumours] |

Also, for your consideration, now that we’ve got all the context behind us, is this post which lists every major piece of gossip about what season 4 would have included had Bryke the universe allowed it to exist: (x)

And a post which I think perfectly encapsulates everything here and my final stance on it: (x)

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...And so. We should be all caught up now.

I hope this post will be useful to anyone who’s confused about the little bits and pieces of things you might have come across or heard regarding season 4 or zutara or Aaron Ehasz or supposed conspiracies. (Or to anyone who just got tired of seeing everyone else, confused, talking about it this way, without the full context.)

If there’s anything major that you feel I missed here, feel free to let me know and I’ll consider adding it in. Otherwise, enjoy the show, enjoy your ship, and I hope you enjoyed reading. Goodbye, everybody! 😊

#Zutara #zukoxkatara #Zuko x Katara #Avatar #Avatar: The Last Airbender #the masterpost #I can't believe I missed posting this in time for Zutara month by two days #I say 'goodbye' at the end of this because now that I've posted it I'm kind of done with this blog #so don't bother following this account I probably won't post anything else beyond today #I've said all I really wanted to say on the topic; though we'll see what happens in a year or so when that adult Gaang movie comes out

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cosmicbucket · 4 months

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this is by no means an educated and informative post but rather a severe understatement of the rage i feel over the interview regarding one Gale Dekarios.

under the cut is a stronger criticism on the narrative's integrity with this ending; everything before that is tearing into the lead writer's statements.

note that I will be referencing other companions as contrast. this is not supposed to be tearing them down nor casting shade on anyone who enjoys these characters; i am trying to make a point through relevant comparison.

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"the guy who starts off annoying everyone" that is such a blatantly subjective thing to say about a character.

for me personally, i Loathed shadowheart at first because of the immediate fantasy racism towards lae'zel. this is very clearly a subjective opinion as she's the most romanced companion, and I'm not mad about that in the slightest! she rocks! you can't judge a character on behalf of everyone ever. that's a foolish thing to do, full stop.

"constantly asking you to give him your most treasured possessions to eat" three times. he asks you for a magical item, three times. after that you are NEVER required to part with a magical item on his behalf again.

the game practically THROWS magic items at you for completing side quests, looting crates and chests. magic items are in ABUNDANCE and a lot of them won't be useful to your party depending on your companions and your chosen class. meanwhile, astarion's peculiar diet lasts the entire span of the game, creating a situation where should you choose to let him feed on you every night, you suffer a penalty to attack rolls, saving throws and ability checks OR waste a spell slot to remove the condition. astarion is most certainly in no shortage of fans and again! he rocks! but by comparison his effect on the player can stretch so far as to affect the final boss battle. gale's condition doesn't even make it past the end of act 1.

"at the end, he gives himself for the world" is it worth it though. is it really seriously worth it.

you can still defeat the elder brain yourself. it's not impossible. hell, with the right spells it's really fucking easy. are you seriously going to rob yourself of the satisfaction of defeating the final boss by sending someone to their death instead and calling it a day.

I can understand the narrative catharsis of a character who is so selfish, constantly, over and over, doing something selfless for the greater good.

But that just is not what Gale's story is.

Gale is ambitious and boastful, certainly. Gale is not selfish.

His attempt to impress Mystra - The Mother of Magic, Goddess of the Weave - came from a want to be equals with his partner. He explains how she refused to allow him to witness the depths of magic, and while that's a reasonable thing to enforce to a regular mortal, she had made him her Chosen, her lover. I would hope I don't need to delve into the blatant grooming (ie Elminster approaching Gale at the age of eight) and the obvious power imbalance between a goddess and a mortal in a relationship, but his desires - ambitious as they were - were not selfish.

When he asks for the player's assistance, he does so knowing that he's asking a lot from them, especially in terms of trust. While it's easy to see his pushiness for magic items as self-serving, it is quite literally a much larger problem than him. The damage he's capable of "could level a city", and that affects not just your party but the surrounding area for miles. His urgency, his impatience, comes from having to rely on someone else who might not respect the gravity of the situation (which, evidently, a lot of players don't.)

When he realises the magic items are doing nothing to prevent his hunger, he lays it out plainly to the player, apologising for having broken their trust, and gives them the choice to send him away to certain death with no hard feelings. He even explains his plan to find an Absolutist base and hopefully destroy that in order to aid you in his death, should you choose to kick him out. This is in Act 1, way before any massive character developments - that is to say, he is unselfish from the start.

Come Act 2, when Elminster tells Gale that Mystra expects him to detonate the orb to kill the Heart of the Absolute, Gale is immediately willing. He will answer to his goddess' whims without so much as a query. You don't have to convince him to do it - rather, it becomes your choice to convince him not to do it.

And you do have to convince him! You have to actively make the choice, over and over again, to say no, we can find another way. You are not dying today.

Even in Act 3, should you take him through Zethino's Love Test, you are able to call him out for his greatest flaw:

"He thinks he, and the world, might be better off if he were dead."

I am not calling him selfless by any means; he is not a paragon of virtue. He is, however, a character whose hubris (spurred by an abusive relationship with a goddess) is amply punished, so much so that he believes this punishment is entirely deserved. He is a victim of grooming who is told to kill himself in order to gain forgiveness for trying to be equals with his partner, who took advantage of him as a child.

What kind of message is Larian trying to make here? What are they trying to tell their audience? What are they saying to people who relate to Gale?

It's fucking horrible. Do better.

#rant post #rant #tw grooming #grooming #gale bg3 #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate gale #baldurs gate 3 spoilers #baldurs gate three #baldur’s gate iii #baldurs gate 3 #i really don't have anything else to say #ask to tag #if i've missed anything feel free to shout in the comments or rbs #i started writing this at 3:30am. it's been two hours. goodnight

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thesmurfchick · 1 month

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Comparing the Adventure Kids with the Survive Kids (Part 1)

(Aka, yet another shmuck making comparisons to Adventure because I’m unoriginal)

Everyone pretty much knows what the parallels are by now, so I’m making this post just to jot down similarities and differences that I find interesting between them. This isn’t to say these characters are all the same or that the Survive cast are supposed to be seen as reflections or copies of the Adventure cast -- this is just for fun :)

I’ve read some beautiful and in-depth analyses of Aoi, Shuuji, Saki, and their Adventure counterparts, as well as how Ryo might factor into the group. I don’t think I can do it any better, so their sections will mostly just consist of regurgitating info that’s already been written by people who already did all the work. Please read those posts by @shihalyfie and @digisurvive (as well as their other posts) if you haven’t already! They’re linked above!!

Before we start, let’s talk about the main contrast overarching all the characters:

Adventure kids were chosen for their heroism to save the world Vs. Survive kids are normal kids chosen to be sacrifices

Before we go into the character pairs themselves, I wanted to talk about this contrast first bc I love it

I LOVEEE seeing all the posts that theorize which Survive kid would have which crest, but I also notice that, with the exception of maybe 1-2 characters, not everyone agrees on who should get each crest

I’m sure the Adventure kids also have moments that embody the crests other than their own (can’t remember any off the top off my head), but I actually like this ambiguity(?) because it shows the difference between why/how the Adventure kids were chosen vs. why/how the Survive kids were chosen

Basically, the Adventure kids were chosen specifically because they had traits that would help them cooperate and fight for good (to save the world even!)

You can see this through their general selflessness and bravery even from Episode 1!

Despite being stranded in a strange world, and then attacked and backed against a cliff by a giant beetle monster, ALL of them are against their new diggle babies risking their lives to protect them and even try to hold them back

Takuma had a similar moment when he first meets Koromon, but none of the other Survive kids do

And that’s because the Survive kids are just normal kids; they're not meant to be heroes, they weren’t “chosen” for a grand purpose -- they were chosen randomly to be sacrificed by a crazy godlike being out of anger and hatred

Because of this, the characters can end up losing their sanity and becoming the worst they can be, or they can somehow fight through all that and come out as incredible people

Love that :)

Check out all the other character pairings here:

Aoi and Sora (Team Mom)

Minoru and Koushiro (The Lancer)

Saki and Mimi (The “Chick”/The Heart)

Shuuji and Jou (Team Dad)

Ryo and No one (Sixth Ranger)

Kaito and Yamato (The Rival)

Miu and Takeru (The Baby of the Bunch)

Takuma and Taichi (The Leader)

One of the first things that stood out to me when trying to find The Trope for each of the pairs is how most of them don’t really embody the trope I chose that much. Some of them might not even embody them at all (such as Kaito not being a “rival” in the traditional sense, if any; or Shuuji not being much of a “team dad,” at least not at first) and some might not really be the first trope people think of when they see that character (Koushiro as “the smart guy” vs. “the lancer”).

But I think Takuma and Taichi both embody “The Leader” pretty well, albeit in very different ways. Shihalyfie talks about it best regarding Taichi here and here. Here are some of the similarities and differences I found interesting:

Both are decisive/make good decisions under stress

As the designated “gogglehead protagonist” this is pretty much a given lol

Taichi has always been good at leading the group forward and making (mostly) good decisions while the rest of the group might be too scared, tired, or shocked about their current circumstances to think about moving on

By contrast, Takuma is good at remaining calm under pressure (biggest example is when the school is targeted by Dokugumon, and everyone’s freaking out except for him)

This is especially notable given how early on in the game it is

But his decision-making mainly lies in hearing out what the group believes (as the Survive kids are noticeably more assertive and decisive about how to handle their situation than the Adventure kids) and choosing to best among those options

Basically, Taichi tends to make decisions on his own accord, whereas Takuma (at least at first) usually waits until he’s called upon/becomes the deciding voice before he chooses

That probably has more to do with the group dynamic (Adventure kids were more passive/cooperative vs. Survive kids were more decisive and emotional)

Both help keep the group together

One of the most important aspects of being a leader is being able to keep the group together

It’s part of why Shuuji kept failing; he often disagreed with the group’s majority decisions, and his hostile behavior would push them away

Taichi keeps the group together in a literal sense -- look how quickly they fall apart when he goes back to the real world

The only exception to this is Yamato in the Pinocchimon arc, but that’s mainly because of Yamato’s own issues that he’s been dealing with from the start

By contrast, Takuma is very aware of everyone’s emotional states and keeps the group cooperative and on the same page, but the group doesn’t automatically separate after he’s gone

It’s mostly because they can’t go anywhere because of the fog, but I still feel like they would’ve stayed together if given the choice

I think another interesting contrast is that Taichi considers everyone’s skills and knows how to delegate tasks, whereas Takuma considers everyone’s thoughts and hears out every opinion before making a decision himself

Both have Agumon as their partner

This is kind of hard to explore deeply (at least for me), because the main reason behind Takuma getting Agumon was because Agumon was the most popular choice

More specifically, Habu says that he was the digimon “a wide range of fans will easily accept”

You could say Takuma was meant to be similar -- he’s the type of person who can get along with a wide range of people, both accepting and being accepted by them

Taichi’s Agumon is similarly hard to talk about because he doesn’t really have much of a personality on his own outside of Taichi (but maybe I’m just not getting the cues)

I’ve found a couple of posts about Taichi and Agumon’s partnership here and here, but they don’t say much about Agumon himself other than the fact that he’s often on the same wavelength as Taichi

The best I can glean from this is that Agumon is just a very straightforward digimon; simple, genuine, and not having to be read too deeply to be understood

I suppose you could say it’s the same for Takuma and Taichi, both of whom are fairly straightforward people who don’t really hide how they’re actually feeling

Both are introspective and will reflect when they’ve done something wrong

Takuma’s introspection is very clear (he considers multiple different options before responding to people or making a choice; he’s slow to action early in the game because he’s thinking so much; if someone disagrees with him, he considers their perspective and wonders if he's in the wrong)

Taichi’s is not as prominent in comparison, but he thinks and considers a lot throughout the series

The most notable (to me) is how after every major argument with Yamato, he’ll stop and question whether he’s the one being wrong or if he really is being insensitive vs. practical

When he’s out of his element, he’ll also acquiesce to anyone who knows more (usually Koushiro)

Taichi’s introspection actually surprised me when I watched Adventure for the first time in Japanese (I watched the dub as a kid, but barely remember anything about it)

Taichi tries to power forward on his own without consulting other options Vs. Takuma will hear everyone out and tries to respect everyone’s feelings before deciding

Taichi’s insistence to keep moving has to do with his abundant energy (aka his physical ability to keep going for a long time) as well as a practical need to do what they need to before the enemies can win

Although he can be impulsive and brash, his main focus when barreling forward is practicality -- if they don’t hurry, the enemies might win and they’ll destroy the world

If people are feeling hurt or sad in the process, that’s unfortunate, but the enemies won’t stop just to let them grieve, so they have to keep going

By contrast, Takuma, as stated multiple times above, always respects and considers other people’s emotions (well… unless you choose the dialogue options that don’t)

Takuma himself is a sensitive and emotional person, so he’s also shared the group’s emotional states when things got especially bad (ex. Ryo’s death), but he’s pushing himself because the group needs him

Even when he advises the kids to put their feelings on the back burner, it’s always with empathy, rather than just sheer practicality

Aoi and Sora will be next!

#digimon survive #takuma momozuka #digimon adventure #taichi yagami #lmk if y'all think of anything else I've missed!#these comparisons will def not be comprehensive or that in-depth really #just the few things that pop out at me immediately

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maythearo · 1 year

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I got a total amount of 2 doodles to share today, Jamil and ocs

#i've been focusing solely on my comic the past few days and those are the only things i could make outside of that project #i miss drawing anything else. really.#twst #my art #twisted wonderland #sketchbook #jamil viper

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unrealwasteland · 4 days

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btw, i posted a lil nedconte oneshot (2.5k words, rated explicit) earlier today 👀 in case any of my tumblr friends are interested

#my first terror fic!#i was so intimidated to write anything for this fandom where everyone else is so insanely talented #but this rarepair hasn't left my mind in the last couple of months haha #nedconte #oh and now i can hopefully go back to reading some fics i've missed lately! there are some fics that i definitely would have read earlier #but i was in the middle of writing this and didn't want to accidentally steal any ideas or anything like that

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nostalgia-tblr · 6 months

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It's time for me to admit something.

I am still a bit confused about how back in the beginning of the Loki series Mobius is introduced to us as "special[ising] in the pursuit of dangerous Variants." But like. That doesn't seem to be a thing that the TVA really... do? They mostly seem to spot nexus events and pop to the new branch and prune it, bringing back the person who caused that nexus event to give them a show-trial and then prune them too.

There's no reason they can't do more than one thing, but what exactly are "dangerous variants"? From the TVA perspective they're all equally troublesome, and they'll be picked up as soon as they do something 'wrong', and the TVA/HWR don't actually care about the moral value or otherwise of that 'wrong' thing. Have I got that right?

They're chasing Sylvie but a) she's targeting the TVA themselves and b) she's got a means to travel from one timeline to another, which she got from the TVA and unless those get stolen a lot..

I'm willing to just roll with it anyway if it doesn't really fit but what am I missing here? EXPLAIN. (pls?)

#loki series #this has been bothering me for a while but nobody else ever asks about it so i assume i've just missed some crucial info here?#and so to me it's been like the Dangerous Variants stuff is a leftover from some earlier draft of the story?#one of what i consider the Fandom Misconceptions is the idea that the TVA/Mobius actually care that TVA!Loki's been a bad boy.#but they don't! he was *supposed* to be a bad boy so actually he wasn't doing anything wrong as they'd see it (until he ran off)#the guilt-tripping clip-show is just to break *this* Loki and tame him enough that they can use him to catch the *other* Loki #but then even with this i am at odds with much of the fandom? who do see mobius as trying to help Loki from the outset #but like... the TVA are not in the business of redemption arcs! what does mobius plan to do if they do catch the Bad Variant together?#what great reward lies in wait for the now-surplus Loki he brought in to catch the one they were actually having problems with?#because i suspect very much that the longer-term plan for TVA!Loki involved a nice euphemistic word like “pruning”#what's going on what am i missing why am i over here watching a series that seems to be far more fucked-up than other peoples?

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radmista · 8 days

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Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things.#i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

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luzho · 3 months

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sokka, the plan guy

"is this a terrible idea? cool. good. okay. yeah. just making sure!", sydney at the end of S01E01..... here's sokka stressing over the renovation schedule for 'the bear', in part 2!! i just had to also draw sokka in this little au after doing that seething zuko as carmy :3 based specifically in this still from S02E02, by @/neverscreens

#my art #sokka #i really liked playing around with the lighting of this scene! and getting to do that effect for the background again:)#buuut at the end i've gotten VERY worried this is just a miss u know? like not even sokka enough.....#like the long but disheveled warriors wolftail? it was fun but i dont think i'll do something as 'realistic' as this again u know #PUTTING THIS OUT THERE BEFORE I WANT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE TO IT. liberating myself if u will #sokka fanart #atla modern au #atla fanart #the bear au

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sysig · 2 years

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Second request!

If you're okay with crossover requests, what about Camillo (Encanto) trying to make Todd (Vargas/JTHM) laugh?

Day 21 - Complimentary

#My art #Requestober #Encanto #Camilo Madrigal #Vargas #Todd #Shmee #Heck yeah I'm okay with crossovers! Anyone who's seen my crossover tag on VLH knows that quite well haha #This isn't even the first time I've drawn Todd shyly meeting someone as a crossover lol #Didn't quite make it to a laugh just yet still warming up - hit 'em with a compliment to get a read on this tiny child #I feel like Camilo coming out the gate too quickly with his power would probably just scare Todd haha #Not that he's not familiar with doppelgängers(?) but that doesn't make suddenly meeting one(??) any less startling!#Here's the real question - would Camilo be able to turn into Shmee? Hmmmmm #We've seen him accidentally turn into things he didn't mean to but that was mostly about the Conflict Of The Movie #Could he ''miss'' and turn into someone he didn't mean to if he was distracted? Or is Shmee too animal-like for that?? Questions #I do think he's a good match for Todd tho ♥ I mean I don't think anyone would be bad to him or anything I just like Camilo a lot haha #He's just old enough to be Cool but not so old that he's like an authority figure or anything y'know? Teen goofiness hehe #I had a lot of fun with the stripes on his ruana too I love those brushes so much ahh ♥#They're a cute duo! I think it wouldn't take too much to at least have Todd trailing around observing very intently haha #Entertained if nothing else - what kid doesn't like magic? :D

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mrdyketator · 1 month

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hooking up feels empty and so does a long term relationship and so do all my friendships rn

#like wtf is wrong with me i've known these people for 8 years and yet im going to miss absolutely no one #genuinely the nicest conversation i've had recently that didn't leave me feeling weird after was w an online friend of mine ive never met #and im so guilty over how i ended things w my ex gf #and *that* ex just swooping back into my life and then leaving again (this time amicably but forever) makes me feel manic #just insane highs and lows from every text and call we have together #and even my friends...not being able to see them irl rn makes every meme and conversation feel hollow #i think i need to log tf off the internet (which atp is genuinely just discord bc i don't use anything else)#im so excited to start afresh again in june. new friends new place new relationships #im so anxious abt med school and i feel stagnant and left behind #p #vent tw

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stellacadente · 25 days

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anyway does anyone want to rec me a tv show to watch. i want to find my tv groove again

#i need to watch the new season of abbott elementary goddd past me would've tuned in from day 1 #i just lost the ability to sit thru tv episodes it seems #so like rec me something you're watching and is gripping you idc what it is #or anything else you like and isn't Too slow #i mean i've been rewatching house md for like 4 months and i'm barely halfway thru season 1 ❤️ even if i like it and it's not boring #i'm kinda feeling like watching older stuff ? so maybe rec smth like that #IDK MAN. i miss getting rly into a show #ohhhh i also Have to watch 23.5 #nico rambles

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kim-ruzek · 1 year

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Review of 10x14

I'm going to begin this with saying, before getting into the specifics, how much I loved this episode. You could tell how much effort was put into making this, and how much Marina busted her ass to provide us with such an amazing portrayal. And that's the kind of effort and energy that got us to 200 episodes and also, like all the episodes this season, the new energy and determination to tell and follow through with an amazing story that Gwen has brought back to the show. And that it truly showed and supported everything I had been saying for why I stood by their decision to make 200 about Kim (and her 200 traumas).

Now to proceed with the specifics and this is going to get long because there was SO MUCH I loved about it:

The opening scene.

This, for me, really set the whole tone for the episode. I love domestic burzek + mack and this served that up for me. I also loved it because of the formula of the show, we haven't got to see much of them settling into the house as a family, but that this showcased that, and the well oiled machine that they've clearly grown to be. It very much painted the picture of two parents and their child. I very much liked Mack watching the TV, and Kim refocusing her, that was very domestic and made everything feel really real and that this dynamic is well lived in, which it should.

Cpd episodes as a whole tend to kick of amazingly, but really for a milestone episode I always believe that it should kick off from the start, because every second you should feel gripped to the screen. And this delivered. I've got to attribute that to Marina's excellent acting, because the way she reacted and delivered that panic attack, especially with Kim being thrown into a flashback was truly phenomenal. And I loved how Adam handled it, while also handling Mack and making sure that she could see that at the very least, Adam has a handle on the situation which will make her feel more secure despite there being something wrong with her mom.

The therapy scenes.

I'm going to talk about both of them here. I loved how Marina held herself in these scenes, it felt so very believable and exactly in line with everything Kim is experiencing. I loved that Kim didn't fight back on Adam being called her partner, especially because I was concerned that we'd be still stuck on them not voicing what's between them. I mean, they still aren't, but Kim isn't actively trying to clarify he's technically not that, officially. And it very much feels like they are embracing this dynamic, and honestly they don't have to name it, at least not where they are currently.

I also loved that you could see that her walls were up, and that she is only here because of freaking out in front of Makayla and that she's not ready to accept help yet, and that they even more went up and she got on the defensive when her therapist was listing symptoms she has been experiencing. Kim's walls are so high up, and she's been going around thinking she's fine and that she's dealing with her trauma, and she doesn't want to admit just how much she's not been fine, especially when she hasn't really admitted it to herself.

I loved, loved, loved the ending therapy scene. I've already talked about how much I love that she said "not for Adam", that he's someone she wants to get help for, but it's worth resaying. That, on it's own, is more she's been admitting over the past few years, and it also gives me faith/hope in the direction the writers are taking them in. I also loved seeing her breakdown, and admit she needs help. It's long overdue and everything I've been wanting for my whole time in fandom. And I'm just really happy with this development and how realistic it was.

The manifestation of Kim's trauma/ptsd.

I've touched upon this already, but there's so much more to say. The portrayal and how they chose to show it, and Marina act it, was truly incredible. Not just the big moments, but all the small, little moments too.

I've talked about the opening scene, and her walls in therapy. Now for the train. This scene... Honestly there was so much to love about this whole episode, and the well scene was amazing, but I've got to say that scene was one of my favourite scenes ever. The way you could see Kim's trauma being triggered, how she portrayed how scared she was, that she was making herself small, and also how she struggled to keep a grip on reality to try and help the poor boy, and how she lost that grip when it was becoming more and more clear that he was heading to death -- and how it coincided with everyone leaving the train, leaving them alone, which didn't help to not play into Kim's trauma of dying alone.

I loved that her hand shook again, and then the scene when she was lying down and reliving her own trauma. It was truly amazing and great shooting work as well. All the blood, and the white shirt. I also loved how close she was to him, not just because she was helping him, but because she was clearly scared in that moment and being nearer someone else, even a dying stranger, was what her instincts did. I also really loved how in the midst of this she was trying to hard to keep her hand on his wound.

Now the well scene. First, hopefully Kim will learn to stop going into places alone without backup. Second, the shooting for this was equally wonderful. Her vision, the way she kept trying to refocus on Lucas, the way her body was pressed against the wall and the fact she was once again trapped somewhere dark. It was also the first panic episode this episode where she didn't have Adam to bring her out of it, and she had to struggle to try and regain focus into reality to help the boy. Her desperately trying to reach the team was lovely as it showed both how hard it was physically and signal wise, and also her will to survive, while also showcasing her vulnerability when she left the missed voicemail.

I also really loved the imagery of once again her determined attempts to survive, and her amazing ability to rescue herself, to put herself in a better place for help. That climbing very much parallels the journey she'll take with therapy, and also I think shows-- especially when she broke free and passed the threshold of the well-- when she got to the point where her mind was made up and that she was going to accept help. Which I think is really beautiful.

I also think it's really beautiful how she had to leave the boy behind to get a better signal, as it very much embodied the expression "put your safety mask on first", and yet again parallels the journey she'll have to take in therapy. She's been pushing herself aside for others, like Mack, but in order to keep doing that, to keep helping people, she has to lok after herself first, and trust in the help that comes from making that journey. And of course, by doing that, she got out, and Adam arrived to help the boy.

But that just because she got up that time doesn't mean she's okay, as shown by her immediately collapsing by the outside of the well.

Now to touch upon the other little ptsd effects throughout the episode. I loved how when catching the team up she got a bit distant, and in the train when the photos was taken. And I loved, like fully adored, how she was confident walking into the room until she saw herself on camera and then you could see herself retreat within herself. She almost looked ashamed, which is not uncommon, and when she answered her phone, her 'burgess' was so quiet and un-kim like and I loved that, it was so so realistic.

Kim, Adam, Burzek.

Adam throughout this was truly Kim's rock and I utterly adored it. I loved how her comforted her, grounded her. The moment in the train specifically as if was so so reminding me of their early days of comfort and how close their faces were in that casual intimacy you can only get with the love of your life in this situation. I also loved that scene after the therapy, Adam coming to pick her up and how he knew how to talk to her and what she was thinking when she looked at him and I just can see how much they've truly become partners.

The things the therapist said and how they fit how Kim's been.

I loved very much what she listed, because it fit Kim so well, and honestly really showed exactly why Kim and Adam hasn't officially gotten back together. It just really highlights that along the way it stopped being about whether he was ready, and all because of her ptsd. And I just loved that.

I also loved it because I had been getting nervous again. Mostly because it feels like Kim's episodes always includes Adam/burzek development, but Adam's this season, except 02, hasn't really. And it's made me feel a bit nervous because we aren't getting to see Kim being an important part of helping him. But by the therapist saying that, it's explaining what's going on in Kim's mind, showing that the writers are aware of that, and it makes me feel better about it. Because it's just that Kim's not in that place right now, not fully, but hopefully in the future that'll be different.

Other things I really loved about this episode:

Kim, Adam and Kevin being in a room together searching. I love my burzekwater.

The rest of the team's reaction to Kim being covered in blood. None of them, including Voight really, bought too much that Kim was "fine". And Kevin's expression when he walked up will always live in my brain rent free. That and Trudy's.

That Kim identified him through a scrap of luggage paper. I know there's other reasons to why she could've recognised it, but to me it'll be because of her past as flight attendant.

I'm sure there was over things I loved and wanted to talk about, but I've talked a lot and this has taken me, no joke, an hour to type up so I'm ending it here. Feel free to come talk to me and send me asks if you think I missed out something, or just want to talk about it/ask me questions.

It was truly an incredible episode and I feel so happy to be a part of this fandom when this is unveiling.

#ree has thoughts #chicago pd #burzek #kim burgess #adam ruzek #chicago pd spoilers #i wrote a meta post for the first time in months!!!!#this got so long so i hope y'all enjoy it #ree.meta #ree.reviews #10x14 #i feel like I've missed out things but i can't think of anything else #I'll just add to it later if i remember

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sentientcave · 3 months

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Contains: Original Characters, (Inaccurate) Depictions of life in Soviet Russia, Teenage Nikolai, Underage Smoking, Unrequited Feelings, The Runaways, No Plot Just Vibes

~3k words

Russia, 1987

Nikolai watched the prop plane touch down on the empty field past the barn from his spot up in the hayloft, holding a Kalashnikov machine rifle that he’d never had to shoot at an actual person before. He was pretty sure that today wouldn’t be the day that he had to, but his uncle had asked him to provide overwatch, so he was laying half on top of the rifle, peering down the iron sights at the plane as it bumped across the field and came to a stop not far off. The sun bounced off the glass windshield, obscuring the pilot.

It wasn’t like his uncle to do business at home, but he’d been called back out to the country because Auntie Natalia was having a baby. It was Natalia who knew this particular contact, and trusted her enough to have her come out here. Uncle Sasha was less sure. He didn’t trust easily— It was a liability to, in this line of business— so here was Nikolai, laying in itchy old straw and wishing that he had asked to stay in Leningrad with his friends. But he was rarely allowed to involve himself in Sasha’s business, beyond as an occasional errand boy, and he wanted to prove himself useful.

Sasha walked out to meet the pilot, his face set in the usual hard-line expression he reserved for business, a cigarette hanging from his mouth, his gun holsters visible when the wind blew his coat open. He relaxed when he realized that the pilot was alone, and really just a woman, the hard expression shifting into a smile.

Nikolai watched the woman take off her sunglasses and hook them onto the collar of her white shirt, her smile a smudge of red and white from so far above. She looked distinctly American, wearing light-washed blue jeans tucked into combat boots, and an oversized leather jacket that obscured her form somewhat, or would have if it wasn’t left open. She glanced up and waved for him to come down, laughing at something Sasha said, spotting Nikolai despite the darkness in the barn behind him, and his dark hair and brown jacket that he had thought half-decent camouflage.

Hoping to get down before she was done laughing, Nikolai scrambled to obey, slinging the rifle across his back and out of the way while he slid down the ladder to the floor of the barn.

No luck. Sasha was leaned in toward her when Nikolai approached, lighting a cigarette for the woman. She was beautiful up close, not that much older than Nikolai, really, maybe in her mid-twenties, but entirely grown out of the leggy awkwardness of girlhood, all compact curves accentuated by the high-waisted jeans and the tight t-shirt. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a sleek low bun, with the few escaped wisps tucked firmly behind her ears.

“You must be Nikolai,” she said, holding a hand out, shooting that stunning white smile at him. It was far more devastating than a bullet could ever be, ripping through flesh and bone and lodging somewhere in his heart. “I’m Helena. Natalia’s told me a lot about you. She said you want to be a pilot too?”

Nikolai nodded dumbly, praying that his palm wouldn’t be too sweaty when he gripped her hand for what he hoped was the correct amount of time. “Um. Yes,” he said, finding his voice, pitching it a little lower, straightening his back. He wasn’t a boy, he was a young man. He needed her to see that. “It’s Kolya to friends. Let me take your bag,” he added, eager to make himself useful.

“Are we friends already?” Helena asked teasingly, handing her duffel bag over without protest. Her Russian was perfect, like she was born speaking it just as he was. “Thought I’d have to work harder than that.”

Nikolai tried to stamp down that stab of disappointment. She definitely saw him as a just a boy. Probably for the best anyway. There was a wedding band on her finger, after all. “Well, if you’re friends with my aunt, you are like family. What more to say?”

“If only it were always so simple,” Sasha said, shaking his head, waving for them to follow him back to the house. “It was easier when we were his age, no?”

Helena laughed. “No. I was already a soldier at his age.”

It was hard to imagine this woman as a soldier. Easier to imagine her as a movie star, or a model. “Did you fly a fighter plane?” Nikolai asked.

She nodded. “Never saw much real combat, but I was stationed in Guatemala for a spell, and I fought in the Falklands. Not that it was much of a fight.” She rolled her eyes, taking a long drag from the cigarette. “Thatcher just couldn’t let that go. Bitch.”

Sasha laughed. “It is for Glorious Empire, no? We are just dogs for war.”

“Too true. And some dogs don’t know how to stop.” One more drag from the cigarette, and she dropped it in the tin can on the porch railing. “Is Natalia home from the hospital yet?”

Sasha shook his head. “Not yet. She comes home this afternoon. I will be driving into the city soon— Would you like to join me? Kolya will stay.”

“I’ll stay. I can make myself useful, have dinner made by the time you return.”

“No, no, you are a guest—”

“Please! I am happy to do it. It’s one less thing to worry about, with a baby coming home.” She waved off his protests with both hands. “Kolya can help me navigate the kitchen.” She flicked her arm forward, the movement pulling her sleeve back from her watch. “You might as well go now, Natalia should not be alone too long. We will have time for business later, Aleksander.”

“Please! Just Sasha. Like Kolya said. You are like family.”

“And a moment ago I was a guest,” Helena said, giving Nikolai a conspiratorial look that made his heart hammer.

“Well, Natalia will want to know we made an effort to make you a guest,” Sasha said. “We are simply outclassed.” He opened the door and grabbed his car keys off the hook. “We’ll be back soon. Make yourself at home, Helena.” He tapped her on the arm as he went back out past them again, shoes crunching on the gravel of the drive as he went out to his car.

“Drive safe,” she said, crouching down to untie her boots, following Nikolai’s cue as he kicked off his own. She frowned, looking at the worn out work-boots. “In a bit, we should go back out to the plane. I brought a crate of things. Gifts for the family. I have boots that should fit you.”

Nikolai felt his ears turn red. “I don’t need anything, really.”

“Didn’t say you did,” she said, kicking her boots against the side of the house, out of the way of the door so no one would trip over them. “It’s just easy for me to get these things, and Natalia said there’s often shortages. If you don’t need them, give them to someone who does, hm?” She passed by him into the house and shrugged off her jacket, hanging it up on one of the hooks by the door unceremoniously. Now Nikolai had no problem imagining her as a soldier. Her t-shirt sleeves were rolled up, revealing defined muscles, and she wore a leather harness across her shoulders that supported a pistol holster under each arm. She had a big tattoo of the RAF logo on her bicep too, bisected by a jagged scar.

“RAF?” he asked. “I thought you were American.”

“I live in Canada,” she said. “But I’m from England. That’s where I met your aunt. We went to the same school in London. She taught me my Russian.”

Nikolai thought back to the stories that his aunt told, trying to pick out which one was the most likely to be Helena. “You’re Lena,” he said, connecting the dots quickly. “The one that got her into trouble.”

“Guilty. She needed it though. Talia was like a mouse before I got my hands on her.” She followed him up the stairs. “It was good for me too. Got me used to taking an undressing from—” She stopped, the word not sounding right on her tongue. “Um. A Dressing down. Scolding, yes? From important people. My captains never scared me.”

Nikolai scrubbed a hand over his face, as if that would do something to alleviate the blush he could feel from his ears down to his chest. He dropped her duffle bag on the narrow bed in the guest room and shuffled back out into the hallway. There was almost no space to manuever in the small room, and he didn’t want to have to touch her. He did get a whiff of her shampoo and the slightest hint of sweat, which nearly made his knees buckle beneath him. A touch certainly would have put him on the floor. “You don’t seem like a woman who is scared of anything,” he said.

She grinned at him as she unzipped the bag, pulling out a cassette deck and a canvas bag that rattled slightly with the movement. “Anyone who isn’t scared of anything is either over-confident, stupid or crazy,” she told him. “It’s not a bad thing to be scared.”

“Which one are you?” he asked.

“Crazy of course. Here. I brought you some music.” She shoved the bag at him and headed back downstairs, the tape deck in hand. It was a small one, portable and battery powered. “I don’t know what the popular music scene’s like around here, but I bring you rock and roll. Things I don't think you can find easily here. We can listen while I make dinner.”

Western music. That was thoughtful, which did nothing to quell his burgeoning crush. He had a few tapes, many of them poor quality recordings of recordings. These were new, some of them still wrapped in plastic film, bought especially for him. "You didn't have to do this," he said, setting the bag down on the kitchen table so he could parse through its contents. Rush, Heart, Motörhead, The Runaways, Sex Pistols. Some music he'd heard of, a lot more he hadn't.

"I wanted to. Seems like you've really been through it, kid. This is nothing, really. Just some tapes. If it makes you feel better, I can tell you that I just hate Russian music and wanted to make sure we didn't have to listen to it."

"That does make me feel better."

"Then that's the honest to god truth." She put a hand over the sunglasses and held the other up, like she was making a pledge.

"Liar," he said. It felt good to tease her back. Like they were old friends already.

"I've been called worse things by worse people. Now! Let's see what we have to work with." She started going through the cupboards, noting where all the pots and pans were and rifled through the pantry to see what ingredients they had on hand.

Nikolai picked a tape at random and set it into the player, turning up the volume, grinning as the sound of drums and electric guitar pealed out from the tinny speakers.

“Ooh, The Runaways,” Helena said approvingly. “Good choice. These girls know how to rock.” She pulled out a big pot and filled it with water, her head bobbing along to the beat. “Now come here and help me peel potatoes.”

“Yes ma’am,” Nikolai said, leaving the pile of tapes on the other side of the table. He found paring knives while she washed dirt off the potatoes, bouncing on the balls of her feet, singing along to the music under her breath.

He started peeling, doing his best to focus on the task rather than on the way Helena’s hips swayed back and forth, the slightest bit off beat. And then there was distinctively feminine moaning coming out of the speakers along with the music, and he nearly stabbed himself in the hand. Helena didn’t seem to notice, or at the very least didn’t react, leaving him to briefly wonder if he was imagining it, or if it was really a part of the song.

His ears were burning hot, so he kept his head down and peeled potatoes like his life depended on it, certain that if he looked at Helena he would simply burst into flames. He was glad that he’d not bothered to get his hair cut in a while, so it was long enough to hide behind.

“You alright, Kolya?” she asked, tapping his arm to warn him that she was reaching across him to grab the other knife.

“I’m fine,” he told her, his voice cracking on the words as his heart clunked into second gear. Another humiliation. “I’m not good at this,” he lied. He tried to help out in the kitchen whenever he could, although he was still not much of a cook. “Trying not to cut off my fingers.”

Even if she didn’t believe him, she left it, blessedly, at that.

Once they set the potatoes to cook, they went back outside, keeping an eye on the stove through the kitchen window. Music from the cassette player followed them, thankfully free of moaning of any kind now that he had nothing to occupy himself with. Sometimes god was good. Nikolai pulled out two cigarettes and set them to his lips, lighting both and offering one to Helena.

"Aren't you a bit young to smoke?" she asked, lips twisting into a wry little smile. Her fingers brushed his when she took one, sending a little electric jolt through him.

"Maybe. But being young has never stopped me from doing anything I wanted to do." He hoped that came out as bold, maybe even flirtatious, rather than childish. He wasn't sure it did. It was easier, with girls his own age. Acting as though he knew what he was doing got him a long way among his peers, since most of them had even less of an idea than he did.

"I guess I smoked when I was your age too," she said, laughing. "And drank, and smoked weed, and got into trouble. It's just funny, you know? You feel all kinds of grown when you're sixteen, but when you look back at yourself, you see a child."

"You're not even so old," Nikolai said. "Twenty four, twenty five? You must be younger than my aunt."

"Nah. Same age. I'll take it as a compliment though."

So twenty nine, if she really was the same age as Talia. It should have curbed his interest, but it didn't. She was still beautiful, and interesting, and she spoke to him like he was a person, not just a kid.

"What's your husband like?" He asked.

"Oh? He's…" she trailed off, thinking about it, blowing a thin stream of smoke out while she considered her answer. "He's a good man. But we probably wouldn't have married if not for our son. Aaron turned seven this year."

It was hard to imagine Helena as someone’s mother, let alone someone who was closer to his age than she was. He really didn’t want to think about that. "Sorry, I was just curious. I did not mean--"

"It's fine, Kolya. Really. I'm not unhappy, by any means. He's a good business partner, and we agree about important things." She shrugged, like it didn't matter one bit, still wearing an easy smile on her red-painted lips. "Romance is not so important anyway. I’ve got more important things to worry about."

Nikolai couldn't help but see that as sad, in a way. He'd known her for all of an hour, maybe two, and he already thought she deserved better than that. The way she talked to him, her offer to cook, the thoughtful gift of hard to find Western rock and roll tapes for a boy she had never met, combined with the stories that Aunt Talia told painted a picture of a woman who deserved to be with someone that loved her well, gave her everything she wanted and more. He wished he was older. Maybe, in another life, he could have been that man.

But it was foolish to dwell on things that couldn't be. Better to be her friend than nothing. He had a feeling she would be a good friend to have.

They spent the afternoon like that, listening to music and making gnocchi, rolling little lumps of dough across the backs of forks to make a small mountain of dumplings, laughing together at Helena’s tone-deaf attempts to sing along. It was somehow more endearing than if she had been a song bird, a flaw that made her more human.

Not that he could think of her as anything else. She was just more vibrant, more alive than anyone he’d ever met. Like she had been struck by lightning and still carried an electric charge beneath her skin. He felt it every time they touched, purposefully or by accident, her hip bumping his as she danced, or their fingers brushing when he offered her another cigarette. That electricity fell from her lips too, when she got talking about something that she cared about, and sometimes she absently changed languages mid-sentences, flowing from Russian to English and sometimes to French and Spanish. He did his best to keep up with her anyway, even though there were times when he was just nodding along, listening to the cadence of her voice, watching the enthusiasm in her eyes.

After Talia and Sasha returned from the hospital, Nikolai had to share her attention for hours, as they ate, and she held the baby, and she sat on the couch, cuddled up next to Natalia, the two of them reminiscing in soft voices while Nikolai washed the dishes, straining to hear. Sasha was the only one that seemed to notice Nikolai’s frequent glances over his shoulder, and came to lean against the counter next to him, a mug of tea in his hand.

“Don’t fall in love, Kolya,” he said in a low voice, his dark eyes laughing at Nikolai’s misfortune.

Good advice. But not advice Nikolai was certain he’d be able to follow.

#Nikolai #original characters #call of duty modern warfare fic #cave writing #Morganverse #I feel like there's not really anything else to tag but if I've missed something just let me know #I had to write this to set up another fic lmao #I don't know #There might be a part two of this? But there will definitely be a sequel under a different name #Posting things makes me feel nuts tbh

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