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peachbokkie · 3 years

Text

longer than tomorrow, farther than eternity

title/lyrics from stray kids ‘끝나지 않을 이야기’ (a story that wont end)

━ some of the special moments through yours and hyunjin’s relationship

pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader

genre: fluff, established relationship, hurt/comfort?

warnings: mentions of feeling unworthy, mentions of headaches

wc: ~2.3k

a/n: i’m sorry this is saur long (for me) i kinda got carried away? anyways this is dedicated to a new but very dear friend of mine, yuri. i worked really hard on it and put a lot of thought into it, so i hope they like it & i hope you all do as well! pls feel free to send in a request or prompt, i’m hoping to get a prompt list soon. enjoy! ((i love u yuri <33333)) (soz for typos)

❝remember the first day we met❞

the way you and hyunjin had met was one that many people could only dream of. it’s funny actually, how calm you were when you saw him in person for the first time. see you were visiting korea with a friend, having always wanted to visit star avenue at lotte world. you know, where you can see idols hand prints? even compare them to your own. now that wasn’t the seoul, reason that you visited, (see what i did there? sorry i’ll stop.) but it was one of the big attractions you’d wanted to see.

at some point on this trip you and your friend had visited a mall. you’d walked into a store that you truly had no business being in, feeling that you couldn’t even afford to step inside. yet, you guys decided to go in anyways just to look around. while looking around at that expensive pieces of clothing, you spotted two guys standing outside the changing room. they were looking down at their phones, so you couldn’t see their faces. soon enough, a third guy walked out and stood in front of the mirror, checking to see what the other boys thought of the pants he tried on.

his back was turned towards you, so you couldn’t see his face either. you had to admit, though, he did look really good in those pants. “what do you guys think?” he questions his two friends. “i think they’re nice,” one replied. “yeah, me too. you should get them,” said the other. “i don’t know..” he stated wearily. and sure, maybe you shouldn’t have been tuning into their conversation, but you couldn’t help it! you had to let him know that you thought he looked good as well. “i personally think you should keep them,” you announced. “i mean, they look really good. dont they?” you turn to your friend and they nod their head in agreement.

the boys turn to face you and you truly thought that this was another one of your dreams. it had to be, right? because there was absolutely, positively, one hundred percent no chance that stray kids hwang hyunjin was standing in front of you— along with jisung and jeongin. the speed at which your heart fell to the pit of your stomach was insane. “you think so?” hyunjin directed towards you. you prayed you didn’t look like a fish out of water. your friend shoved you a bit, allowing you to come to your senses. “uh, y-yeah! of course! they fit you well i think.” how you managed to keep your cool as well as you did, you aren’t even sure.

“well, thank you.” he smiles at you before turning back towards the mirror. you weren’t going to bring it up, you really weren’t! it just.. slipped out? “you’re hyunjin!” you exclaimed, putting a fist to your mouth. “and han, and i.n, and i think i might just pass out.” ‘not me standing in front of stray kids acting a fool,’ you thought to yourself. “i’m so sorry, please, i love you guys so much.” your friend honestly couldn’t do anything to save you at this point, all they could do was stand back and watch.

the boys laugh, but not in a malicious way. hyunjin found you to be quite cute, actually. “thats really cool!” jisung replies. “its nice to meet you guys.” jeongin agrees, both of them smiling at you. “what’s your name?” hyunjin asks, mainly towards you. after telling him your name, the five of you have a small conversation, you talk about your favorite stray kids songs, why you’re in korea, while the boys exchange things about their lives as well.

“do you mind helping me decide on a few other items?”

“of course not!” you and your friend have a seat on the bench outside the changing stall as hyunjin walks back in to try on another clothing item.

and thats where it all began.

❝even if you lose your way for a moment or get lonely❞

you when you first moved to korea, things were hard to say the least. you had never actually thought about moving there. sure, before you guys actually got together you were telling yourself you were gonna be with hyunjin, only moving to korea to be with him. but like, you didn’t actually believe that would manifest into reality. lets just say the transition was not as easy as it was in your daydreams. the move had been long and stressful, it was difficult to find an affordable place that wasn’t too far from the dorm, as you didn’t want to commute an hour just to forget something there. especially after already moving across the world to be closer to him.

it was quite hard to make friends and acquaintances in the beginning. sure you had the boys (they adored you btw), but they often got busy, what with them being kpop idols. you would often question your decision, wondering if the move was worth it. you wondered if it was worth still not being able to see hyunjin as often as you would like, if it was worth the lifestyle changes, the stares, the whispers.

even after making a couple friends, you felt like your friendships were out of pity. you often felt left out and unwanted. this often led you to overthinking. you didn’t have the best korean speaking skills at the start. you wondered if this is why your new friends rarely invited you out, if they thought that maybe the language barrier wasn’t worth their time. you often felt alone, like you had no one to talk to. even your friends back home didn’t talk to you as much.

you didn’t want to bring any of this up to hyunjin, not because you didn’t think he would care, but because you felt that he was under enough stress as an idol. you didn’t want to dump your what you thought were “irrelevant” problems onto him if you didn’t need to. so you kept it all in. sometimes you would sit in your new living, just staring out the window. you’d watch the passerby’s, friends, and couples giggling and having fun all the same. you’d go days without responding to hyunjin, figuring you weren’t worthy of his presence. you’d constantly push him away. it’s not like you didn’t want him to comfort you, ‘cause you really fucking did, you just felt like.. a burden. you were lost in your thoughts, and you couldn’t find your way back to reality.

eventually hyunjin had gotten fed up with your antics. not fed up in a “i’m done with you goodbye,” way but in a “i’m tired of seeing you hurting and pushing me away i love you and i want you to let me in,” type way. he had come over unexpectedly one night, demanding to know why you had been ignoring him. he wasn’t mad at you, but more mad at himself for not noticing how you felt sooner, and how he let you think that he didn’t love you enough to want to be there for you.

“i want to be here for you, y/n.” he looked at you with pleading eyes, grasping your hands in his, “i want to help you when you need help. i want to listen to you when you want to be heard. i want to answer the phone at 3am after you’ve had a nightmare, or at 5pm when you need help ordering from a korean restaurant.” you let out a watery laugh, tears threatening to spill.

“and if people who are supposed to be your friends don’t invite you out or can’t take a couple minutes out of their day to help you with korean, then you don’t need to be around them.” he says sternly.

“you’re right.”

“aren’t i always?” you both laugh and hyunjin brings his hand up to your face, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away your tears. “i love you, y/n. i won’t ever let you forget it.”

❝i promised that i'll hug you even more warmly and protect you❞

after that night, hyunjin made it his duty to make sure that you knew how much he loved you. how he would always be there for you, physically or not. times when you were sad, hyunjin was there to scoop you up in his arms, holding you until you fell asleep on his lap while your head rested on his shoulder.

like, there was one time you had a really bad headache. you could barely open your eyes, all you could do was lay in your bed, palm gripping your forehead and eye hoping that the pressure would ease the pain. the pain killers just weren’t helping, and neither was the bright sun shining on this particular summer day. hyunjin had texted you a few times, wondering if you wanted to meet up for lunch since he finally had a day off. you couldn’t bring yourself to text him back since you could hardly look at your phone. hyunjin had grown worried since you hadn’t responded, normally you’d jump at any chance to spend one of hyunjins free days with him.

jinnie <3

hi baby, we have the day off today.

i was wondering if u wanted to get lunch with me :))

and we can go back to ur place after

babyyyy

y/n :((

if you dont want to come just say that :(((

he ended up deciding to call you because he was worried that maybe he had done something wrong. with a loud groan, you answered the phone without even looking at the caller id. “yes?”

“y/n?” thats when you realized it was hyunjin. “oh, sorry jinnie. i thought you were someone else.” you told him. “i was scared i did something to make you upset. its been like, fifteen minutes since since i last texted you!” he exclaims, and you can just tell from the way he sounds that he’s pouting, always the dramatics with him. you let out a slight giggle, “i have that effect on you in just fifteen minutes?”

you tell him you hadn’t been on your phone because of your headache- well you try telling him but before you finish he cuts you off with “i’m on my way now!” and hangs up. he lets himself in, having a key to your house since you guys have long since built up that amount of trust. he slips his shoes off and makes his way to your room.

you heard a knock at your bedroom door, “y/nnn, it’s hyunjin,” and he sounded so cute that you wanted to get up to hug him. the only problem was you momentarily forgot you had a massive headache, immense pain gathered behind your right eye.

“woah woah woah,” hyunjin speeds over to help you sit down. “take it easy, baby.” he says with a laugh. “i brought you some food and drinks, but you should lay down for a bit.” just as he was about to sit next to you, he remembered he brought you something else.

he reaches into one of the bags he brought, pulling out a pack of curtains. “i brought you black out curtains! that way the sun won’t keep bothering you.” *insert gun pointing at sun meme* just when you thought you couldn’t love him anymore than you already did. “oh, jinnie, you really didn’t have to,” you watched as he opened the pack and started putting up the curtain.

you were beaming at him. it was almost as if he was the sun, but this was one that you didn’t want covered. “i did, though. it’s my job to protect you and since i can’t just turn off the sun or make your headache go away…” he trailed off as he finished hang up the curtain.

he made his way back to your bed, sitting sort of slanted against the headboard. he pulled you on top of him, your head resting on his chest and his arms around your waist. he held you tight, as if you could slip away at any moment. hyunjin pressed a kiss to your head, and coaxed you to sleep.

and yeah, that might just be the best way to deal with a headache.

❝i care about you more than anything in the world❞

hyunjin loves you so much. you really are the light of his light. sure he loves other things. for instance his job, the boys, kkami, or watermelon. but there was nothing he loved more than, well, you.

yes, he’s ‘talked’ to other people before, and he thought he loved them— maybe he did. but never the way he loved you.

to hyunjin, loving you is knowing each other’s love languages. for him it’s hugs and kisses. that time when felix said hyunjin didn’t like skinship.. you dont know what that was about but that is not the case. hyunjin would hold you forever if he could. he kissed you like nobody ever has. it’s never forced, never a battle. it’s taking part in one breath, one ageless and passionate moment in time. from the moment his soft lips meet yours, till the second they part for air, it’s like feeling like you’re drowning in an ocean of love but realizing you can breathe underwater.

loving you is vulnerability. hyunjin is the type of person who loves easily, therefore gets hurt easily. you showed him that he doesn’t have to be afraid of falling, especially when it’s with you. you showed him that you wont leave him when things get hard. you listen to him when he’s miles away in a different country for tour. he used to tell you how he was afraid that you’d leave him while he’s gone, not because he doesn’t trust you to stay faithful, but because he’s afraid you’d realize he wasn’t worth it.

because love is scary, it’s inherently giving someone your full self. access to everything; your flaws, imperfections, beauty, he was afraid the cons would outweigh the pros. that was then though, he’s not afraid anymore. and it’s beautiful, the hardest thing someone can do is be vulnerable. he knows how much you care about him, how you would do anything for him. and you know that the feeling is mutual.

i mean, how could he not love all that you are.

a/n: fyi the last lyric used was hyunjin’s part of the song,, see what i did there? kinda genius if u ask me lmaoo also i tried to leave some things up to your interpretation, i.e how things went after you first met at the mall. hope thats okay! but i hope you all enjoyed, ik this format is different.

masterlist - recent works - temp. prompt list

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goldengoddess · 3 years

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soooo the idea is a fic set during king of scars where the reader is nikolai's childhood best first and we stumble into his room one evening and we actually see him change into the demon and just absjajnsns

i am yours - nikolai lantsov

* KING OF SCARS & RULE OF WOLVES SPOILERS *

pairing: nikolai lantsov x reader

a/n: okay this is absolutely garbage rae i am so sorry pls forgive me,,, i KNOW this is not how nikolai’s demon works and he wouldn’t just like turn back but for the sake of this fic pls pretend <33333

for the lovley @wtfrae !!! i love u pls go read her work everyone <3

warnings: spoilers! some angst n like threat of violence but y’all know me, everything is good and happy by the end

nikolai had always been the one person you could turn to. since the two of you were kids, it had always been an unbreakable bond. something no one else seemed to understand. how to kids, tossed aside by their family, tested in every way possible, were able to find each other and bring out the best in one another. nikolai made you better, made you good.

life in ravka was never easy, it was a constant struggle. especially in the years leading up to nikolai’s reign. the two of you almost hadn’t made it out alive then, and while nikolai had been out fighting with alina in the fold, you had stayed at the spinning wheel helping the injured.

but when things finally settled down, alina and mal safe and away, nikolai had told you so many stories. the two of you had spent months apart. so out of nostalgia, every night you’d sneak into nikolai’s room and listen to your best friend tell you stories about everything. all the battles he’d fought along as sturmhond, what the battle against the darkling had looked like.

and even when nikolai ran out of stories, and you ran out of questions, you kept sneaking into his room to talk to him. he was the king of ravka, during the day he never even stopped to take a breath. but his nights were reserved for you. just so he could hear the sound of your voice before he was bound to his bed by chains.

nikolai loved you dearly, you were the only constant he had ever known. but he couldn’t bring himself to share what had happened to him during the battle with the darkling, what he’d become. instead, he told you the stories he told everyone else, how he was captured and tortured. it hurt him, to lie to you. but he couldn’t have you seeing him the way he saw himself, a monster. so even though lying to you pained him every night, he would do it to hear your excited questions and giggles as you snuck out of his room.

he always made sure you were gone before zoya came in. he wouldn’t be able to explain the drugging potion. or even worse, his horrible transformation into the demon that lived inside of him.

but secrets almost never stay secrets.

“saints nikolai,” you gasped, rushing off his bed to grab grab your coat, “it’s past midnight. i can’t be in here!”

nikolai sat up and looked out his window, you watched the color drain from his face. he cleared his throat and walked over to you, “you’re right you should probably go.”

you nodded and shuffled away from him, but before opening the door you paused. you turned back to the blonde haired boy, “nikolai?”

“yes sweetheart?” he answered, facing you.

“i could,” you hesitated, “i could sleep over. one night, i’m not saying tonight. just some night. i’ll sleep on the floor but, i spend all of my night here anyways. just like when we were kids.”

as nikolai slowly walked closer to you, you waited for his teasing remark and eventual acceptance. the two of you w had a sleepover since before he left ravka. of course it wouldn’t be the same, as he was now king, but he was your nikolai.

instead, he gently tucked a piece of your hair and kissed your forehead. “i don’t think that’s such a good idea sweetheart.”

your heart shattered at his words and his at the fact that he had to say them. there was nothing he wanted more. nothing that would bring him more peace than holding you in his arms until the sunrise. not just for a couple of hours right before bed, not having to pretend that everything he felt for you was strictly platonic.

“oh” you said defeatedly. “that, yeah that’s okay. i’ll see you tomorrow nikolai.” and with that you rushed out of the room.

later, as zoya gave nikolai genya and david’s potion to knock him out, all he could think about was the horrible look on your face.

at some point in the night you’d made the decision to go talk to nikolai. the two of you couldn’t go on like this, attempting to be way you have been before the darkling and alina while tip toeing around these new feelings you had for eachother.

but as you made your way to nikolai’s doors, hand on the doorknob, you heard a soft growl coming from inside. you covered your mouth with your hand to prevent a gasp from escaping your lips. you slowly turned the handle and stepped into the room.

on nikolai’s kingly bed was a dark giant looking demon. it’s wings were the color of the night sky seen in the window of the bed room. it took your breath away.

you pressed your back against the wall, trying to move back towards the door without making any noise. but the demon heard you and snapped it’s head in your direction.

every part of your body was screaming to run, to scream even. but something stopped you. the eyes. they stopped you. they were dark and pitch black but there was something familiar about them. not the color but the way they watched you. like they were trying to remember every single part of you just in case.

nikolai was the only person who you knew looked at you that way.

“nikolai?” you whispered to the monster.

the creature craned its neck to the side, similar to the confused head tilts that nikolai used to give you during lessons. you took a hesitant step forward, holding your hands up to show that you weren’t going to cause harm.

“nikolai” you tried again, with more conviction in your voice.

the creature let out a small growl as a response and you flinched away. at your movement it out a whine and moved away from you.

you shuffled closer, “hey no no i’m okay. nikolai?”

slowly, as you repeated your best friends name over and over, the creature became less beast and more man. slowly morphing into a messy set of blonde curls and body you’d hugged more times than you can recall. your nikolai.

he curled up in a ball and leaned his back against the end of his bed.

“nikolai” you attempted softly, falling to your knees in front of him.

he scrambled away to a corner of the room, “please. please leave. i’m begging.” his voice was raspy from misuse, thought the two of you had spoken only hours before.

“nikolai i’m not leaving, please explain to me. what was that?” you pleaded with him.

“that was nothing, now go. please please” he sobbed into his hands.

you crossed your arms over your chest in a stubborn gesture that he couldn’t even see, “you’re lying to me again! i’m not leaving until you explain what that was. why can’t you tell me the truth for once?”

“that was me!” he yelled as he lifted his head and met your eyes for the first time.

you let out a sigh of relief at the familiar hazel color of his eyes. you crossed your legs together, “that was you?”

“yes that was me. that is what the darkling did to me. now please,” he let out an exhausted sob “please leave sweetheart.”

you felt tears swelling in your own eyes at his voice. how broken he sounded. your nikolai never sounded so defeated. and if he ever felt that way, he had never shown you. you crawled over to him slowly and placed your hands on the sides of his face, rubbing away the tears.

“what are you doing” he whimpered and dropped his head into your hands, “i could hurt you. sweetheart, you have to go.”

“my nikolai” you whispered, pushing his damp hair away from his forehead.

he closed his eyes and you couldn’t tell if it was from anger, exhaustion, sadness, or a mix of all of it. “i cannot be yours. i’ve lied to you, i’m a demon, a monster. you can’t possibly want me to be yours.” he spit each word about himself as if it were venom, like the words ripped away a little bit of his humanity, or his confidence.

you shook your head and softly placed your forehead again his, still holding the sides of his face. “no. you’re my nikolai. you always will be.”

you placed two soft kisses on his cheeks, one on each side. “my” kiss, “nikolai,” another kiss.

“oh sweetheart, i am yours” he sighed and opened up his knees so you could fall into his embrace. “i am so sorry.”

“you should be” you mumbled into his chest. “what if you had died nikolai? and i wouldn’t have known what was happening to you until it was too late. i could have helped.”

he kissed the top of your head, still hesitantly. “im a fool, you can spend the rest of my life reminding me. i didn’t want to ruin this, us. it’s the last precious thing i have in my life.”

“we are still precious” you whispered and clung to his shirt like your life depended on it. “the same way you are still the nikolai i have always known, since childhood. you are still good. we will fix this.”

“and if we can’t?” he asked so softly that you almost couldn’t hear him.

“then i’ll have to get just as familiar with the demon as i am with you” you joked.

and the rumble of nikolai’s laughing chest told you that everything would be perfectly fine. demon and all, he was still your nikolai.

taglist;

@deardiarystuff @bookishcrows @kazsimp @vintagebitc @obiwansjedi @thegirlwiththeimpala @hybrid-in-progress @mrs-brekker15 @mrsbrekkers @simplyluvzuko @ode-to-joy @gallysonegoodlung @sixofshadowandbone @castielcouldbeasecretdentist @meiitanoia @caaarstairs @itisroe

if your name is in bold, it means i couldn’t tag you <3

#nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai x reader #nikolai duology #shadow and bone #six of crows #grishaverse #kaz brekker #six of crows imagine #shadow and bone imagine #leigh bardugo #rae <3

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