#im depressed but hey im still here so it cant be that bad right? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

plantboiart · 14 days

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Okay finished relistening to episode 1 (will listen to episode 2 and maybe more tomorrow but its like 10 pm and i have school tomorrow) of bitb and heres just like small collection of things that stuck to my mind!

Rolan does in fact canonically have a car i forgot about that so sorry rolan in my fic you got to live but lost your ability to drive such is life

Kian’s first act being just drinking something…. Like he wakes up and immediately gets alcohol… grizzly honestly just does such an incredibly amazing job making kian seem so like depressing but hiding it so well behind making everything seem like just some funny rockstar stuff its amazing

Also! The super tired ‘hey’ before he remembers and switches to ‘i mean whats up dude’??? Like could that have been a genuine mistake by grizz, sure, but i highly fucking doubt that. Like grizzly is so incredible at voice acting i refuse to believe that wasnt intentional

Rand. Just. How fucking mad he is at rolan. Its just painful. And how clearly done with it rolan is like you know this is an argument theyve had like hundreds of times before

So so so many details about kian that are so fucking fun to think about, specifically when he describes the look officer dudes gave him? Like (cant remember the exact quote but you get it) ‘ive seen some bad people in hollywood, people who just smile at you a certain way and you know you wouldnt want to meet them at night because they want to kill you’???? I am using that against him so hard holy shit

They just. Know nothing about how time works. They keep saying that its been a decade (it hasnt its been 15 years) and barc is supposedly old enough to have met them but no he is absolutely not and also charlie described barc as a golden retriever but then who the fuck is the black dog in rands official art just. Wow theyre so inconsistent about everything.

Theres definitely a few details about kian that i had forgotten about (like him just saying he has plenty more cars at home and whatever) but the pros of that is. I dont even need to decide to just ignore canon because i can just fucking believe that hes lying! Like its kian we cant trust his word on anything and thats great for me because i dont need to worry about messing up the canon!

Trying to just keep track of their stats and such but its. Its so hard. Because most of the time they just say ‘thats a success/hard success/failure/etc’ and not even what they actually rolled and then when they say what they rolled they still usually dont say what the number they had to beat was so just like.

Kian has 30 strength and 75 in guitar and 11 hp and that is all i can actually remember

Rand has 45 strength and 30 sanity (for like the first half hour) and ive already forgotten everything else

And rolan. Im going to be real i remember nothing already. I think he has 8 speed? But that was in the solo ep so i cant be sure. Also either him or rand had 14 hp i have already forgotten which one

Rat’s death is so hard to think about but its also very hard for me because im just thinking of kian going through the same fucking thing. Like hes aware of it and hes in pain and he just hears a buzzing and. Augh. (And kian probably died alone. God knows becky wasnt comforting him through that)

…..kian going fucking four times over the speed limit getting to galloway but then specifically not speeding with the others until theyre trying to leave after seeing rats whole thing? You cannot convince me that thats not like him being passively suicidal and just not caring about his own safety unless other peoples lives depend on it as well

Also, quick pat on the back for myself, i feel like i did very well with especially rand and rolan’s dynamic. Like just the intense care and love they have for each other but its been overshadowed by years spent apart and basically the second theyre left alone they immediately get into an argument and instantly start going right for all the things that hurt the most? Jesus they need therapy

Also kian (yes of course im focusing on him again thats my guy) just cares for them so much?? Like him immediately going after rolan and trying to help him without even knowing whats going on, also as fucking stupid as it is grizzlys plan being literally ‘im going to flirt with donna so john walks in on us and chases me with a shotgun to give a distraction for rand’ its like. So ridiculous. Yet somehow also very caring that this idiot is really willing to risk getting shot at to help rand out a bit

#jrwi show #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi bitb #jrwi blood in the bayou #blood in the bayou #jrwi spoilers #jrwi bitb spoilers #bitb spoilers #blood in the bayou spoilers

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rdiowx · 8 months

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FRANKENSTEIN FRANK— 2

Frankensteins monster!Frank x Mad scientist!Reader

A story in which the way brothers come over and Gerard meets frank

Funny story I completely forgot the Great Depression was happening during this time and i only realized it while watching ‘into the spider-verse’

Teaching Frank how to do or say things was all you did now—not that you were doing much of anything before— but he was becoming more stable as a person. You would say you did a pretty great job well, you would say your are doing a pretty great job. He can walk in a kind of straight line now and he helps around the house, his body isnt completely functional though, he doesnt have to eat or anything but for some reason his hair grows. His hair is still the same, bleached sides and his faux hawk but the sides have grown out a bit. He gets along with Mikey which is great and tonight mikey’s bringing over his older brother Gerard. You both haven’t told him about Frank, the only people that know about Frank is yourselves and well, Frank.

Franks memory is kind of bad but yours would be too if you were put together by two weirdos in one of their basements. You were pulled out of your thoughts by a knock on your door, you went to answer it forgetting about your book in the process. Frank looked toward you in confusion before getting up to follow you. Opening the door you were met with the one and only way brothers, frank smiled at the sight of Mikey only for it to drop when he saw a new person beside him. “Hey guys, you can come in.” You welcomed them in only for frank to stare at you like you had two heads, you would too if someone you’d never met before was welcomed into your house. “Thanks for inviting us over, well Mikey comes over every day but I don’t.” Gerard started, before waving slightly at Frank. “Oh yea. Gerard thats Frank he’s my um roommate? Frank thats Mikeys brother Gerard.” You conversed, heading into the kitchen.

Frank gave Gerard a weird look before following you into the kitchen. “He doesn’t like new people dont take it to heart.” Mikey said, putting his hand on Gerards shoulder and leaving to the kitchen. Gerard nodded in response, taking his shoes off before following his brother. Frank was oddly quiet so you asked him what was wrong, only to get a shrug in response. “Do you not like Gerard?” You questioned, looking up from your cutting board. “I dont know him.” He answered. You nodded in understanding before resuming your activity. You both dropped the subject as the way brothers entered the room, Mikey was the first one to start talking. “Hey Frank hows living here? Lord knows i never could.” You glared at him over your shoulder as a response. “I like it here, they’re nice..company.” Frank hesitated to make sure he got the word right.

“Uh huh im sure they are.” Mikey teased before looking over at you. “What is that supposed to mean? You dont think im good company?” You queried, putting your knife down before turning around to look at him. You and Mikey continued to bicker like you were siblings instead of him and Gerard. Speaking of Gerard, he tried to make small talk with frank. “So um, how did you meet Them and Mikey?” Gerard asked, before moving to take a drink of his water. “They made me in The lab downstairs.” Frank answered seriously. Gerards eyes widened before he spat out his drink in shock causing frank to jump and you and Mikey paused your bickering. “What? What happened?” You asked turning to faced them.

“You made this guy?!” Gerard yelled, clearly stunned. Thats right, you hadn’t talked to frank about what to say if someone asked where he came from or how he met you. “Shit.” Mikey mumbled making his way towards his brother and resting his hands on his shoulders. “Listen man, you cant tell ANYONE about this.” Mikey stated, making Gerard promise he wouldnt tell anyone about this. While this was going on you lead frank out of the kitchen to your shared bedroom. “Frank you cannot tell people you were made in a lab! Who knows what would happen if it go out to someone who wasnt Gerard! I mean i could get in serious trouble!” You rambled, pacing around the room. Frank looked towards his shoes the whole time, not having the chance to mumble out an apology.

You stopped after you saw the look in his eyes as you yelled at him. You move to sit down on the bed next to him, knees touching as you look at him. “Im sorry, I just dont know what would happen if it got out, i dont want you to be hurt.” You held out your hand on his thigh palm up for him to grab, which he did. “Its okay.” Frank squeezes your hand before moving to wipe his face only for one of his staples to get stuck on one of his stitches. You laugh at the predicament before yelling for Mikey to get your scissors and needle and thread out of the lab drawers downstairs.

Doesn’t take long for you to hear two pairs of footsteps coming towards your room while you hold Franks arm in place so he doesn’t rip anything trying to get unstuck. You thank Mikey before snipping the thread and letting frank move his arm while you restitch his face. “Doesn’t that hurt?” Gerard asks nervously. You laugh as you let frank answer his question. “I dont have any pain receptors..” Frank informs before attempting to watch you restitch below his eye. “I think thats pretty useful considering your made of staples and thread.” Gerard inspects him, looking him up and down.

“Alright im done.” You say, pressing a kiss to the new stitches before letting everyone know you were gonna finish dinner. The guys talked amongst themselves, Gerard asking questions the whole time that sometimes Mikey had to answer if frank didnt know how to say a word or two. Soon enough dinner was done and you guys were talking about random stuff that had happen recently. You like to think that Frank and Gerard were warming up to each other considering frank would actually look him in the eyes now.

“Its kind of crazy that all these years you were working on a functioning person, though it doesn’t surprise me they do call you a mad scientist.” Gerard made small talk and you had to stop frank from talking with food in his mouth. “Well you know me, i try my best to live up to my name.” You rolled your eyes before continuing to eat your food. After everyone finished eating gerard asked to see your lab which you agreed to, frank got excited cause it’s easily one of his favorite places in the house.

“So this is where crazy spends all their time?” Gerard asked, throwing you a teasing smile. “Oh yea, this is the place.” Mikey butted in, not letting you get a word in which earned a slap to the back of his head by you. Frank went to mess with stuff on your desk again, it wouldnt matter how many times you told him not to he would still do it. At least he went for a snow globe and not a sharp tool this time. “Im not even crazy that’s just a —Frank don’t drop that—that’s just a scary tale parents tell their kids to get them to go to sleep.” You and mikey were arguing again, you’d think after being friends for so long you’d be able to get along but that’s just another myth.

“Hey Mikey, we gotta go home its getting dark.” Gerard informed after a while reaching for his jacket he set on your chair. They both bid their goodbyes before making their way up the steps, putting their shoes on and leaving out the door. You followed to lock the door behind them frank trailing along, snow globe still in hand. Frank tells them goodbye and they wave. After a while of reading, finally finishing the book while frank listens to you read, you and Frank get ready for bed.

In the bathroom where you’re both brushing your teeth frank strikes up a conversation, toothpaste still in mouth. “That book was so weird by the way, felt unfinished.” Frank spoke, slightly garbled from the toothpaste. “Thats because you heard it from the last 30 pages Frank.”You smiled. He had a look of understanding before mumbling an “Oh.” And telling you that you should read him a different book instead. You told him maybe tomorrow and he nodded, walking you out of the bathroom and turning off the light. Having already gotten into pajamas you both got comfortable under the covers, Frank talking about anything and everything until his brain finally shut down for the night. It didnt take long for you to fall asleep after he did and you slipped into a dreamless slumber.

#mcr x reader #frank iero x reader #frankenstein frank iero x reader #frankenstein frank iero

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witch-apologist · 1 year

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Catra: "I'm not going to force Adora to come back for you."

Shadow Weaver: "If you dont ill torture you more and maybe kill you. Also i just demonstrated that you cant run away because i will literally know where you are no matter what so dont even think about rebelling "

Catra, terrified: "okay" (still gonna secretly cover for her tho)

Catra antis: "She was mean to adora for no reason, everything she did was out of evil evil malice not fear."

Adora: "come with me"

Catra: *considering it*

Light Hope: "Heres a series of memories that im going to make you relive specifically selected to make you mad at each other and i will kill both of you if adora keeps protecting you, so skedaddle because i want to groom this girl to do genocide just like the horde before me"

Catra: "welp im not sticking around otherwise we are both gonna die and im also severely traumatized from having to literally relive my worst memories so im kinda antsy and dont want to be tethered to the person who was forced to be responsible for me i want to prove im capable myself, so im not going to help you up the weird castle lady will probably save you anyway so i dont actually think im leaving you in danger."

Catra antis:" Shes so horrible she tried to murder adora and there was absolutely nothing but murdering adora for no reason on her mind, Light hope really cared about adora here and saved her from the horrible abusive catra. "

Scorpia: "Hey lets get out of the horde together because you could be happy "

Catra: "Hmm maybe youre right, well gotta go take care of this other situation."

Adora: "hey remember our mutual abuser who always made you feel like second best and tortured you and you know can track you anywhere on the planet and who just abandoned you like a week ago and who has literally told you multiple times shed kill you given the first opportunity? Well shes at my place now."

Catra: incredibly triggered and traumatized "Scorpia we are going to carry out revenge on my abuser i am solely focused on this because my rage at being abused has consumed my thoughts

Shadow Weaver: "Hi catra, nice to torture you again, ill likely kill you as well."

Catra: "okay now we're DEFINITELY opening that portal"

Catra antis: "everything bad she did was solely to spite Adora there are no sympathetic or understandable things that could possibly explain this downward spiral except that shes an evil evil abuser."

Catra: has literal amnesia and cannot see what adoras seeing "You are concerning me because it seems like you are suddenly developing psychosis"

Catra antis: shes gaslighting adora!

Catra: has nightmares,emotional breakdowns, and depressive episodes from the guilt of what shes doing.

Catra antis: "she wasnt even sorry she only acts good for adora because shes manipulating her"

Catra: "literally apologizes multiple times"

Catra antis: "she never apologized even once"

Catra: shows actual metered progress and takes in outside input to improve her behaviour and outlook

Catra antis:"she didnt even put in any work to redeen herself"

Catra: "defends herself from assault and restraint and protests to adora commiting suicide"

Catra antis "look at this abusive behavior persisting into their reconciliation"

Catra: Literally tries saying anything she thinks might keep adora alive and actively contradicts adoras negative self image.

Catra antis: "Manipulation! Guilt Tripping! Abuse!"

Catra antis reading comprehension: 0

#catra

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gale-gentlepenguin · 2 years

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Not sure if it has been done but Glaciator 2...

Gale poorly explains: Glaciator 2

(Paris having all of the ads now have LADYNOIR KISS) Ladybug: WE ARENT A COUPLE!

Chat noir: But we do look cute

Ladybug: Oh no I forgot, I need to take out the trash (Yeets Chat noir into trash bin

(Decimates Glaciator then yeets trash can on roof)

Ladybug: (Annoyed) So what were you saying earlier?!

Chat noir: Okay I over stepped with a joke when you werent in the mood. To apologize I will just stop flirting and just move one. I am sorry

Ladybug: (Still angry) Good

(Cue depressed adrien montage)

Alya: You cant make me delete my babies

Marinette: Do it.

Alya: (Removes all the ladynoir photos)

(More depression)

Shadowmoth: Oh damn there is a MEGA DEPRESSED KID. I gotta capitlize on th... its adrien. Wow, what a mood killer. He should be home anyway.

_____________________________________________________________

Marinette: GASP! DEPRESSED ADRIEN! I GOTTA CAPITALIZE ON THIS. I need to find the gift for this occasion.

Adrien: Oh hey marinette.

Marinette (Dream mode): I got this for you

Adrien: A pottery wheel?

Marinette: NO! WRONG GIFT. (Yeets in trash and runs)

Adrien: Marinette's right, I need to throw out my feelings.

(Kagami pulls Marinette into car)

Kagami: Your attempts to seduce adrien are garbage

Marinette: The f***

Kagami: You need a practice boy, There are books about it (hides manga)

Marinette: Thats actually a really smart idea

________________________________________________________

Gabriel: Hey Son... are you okay?

Adrien: Yes father.

Gabriel: Okay good.

(Adrien leaves)

Gabriel: I am gonna treat myself for being such a caring father. (Places father of the year mug on standing desk)

Adrien: Okay I need to obliterate every billboard in Paris, the last thing I want to become is my father.

_________________________________________________________

Marinette: Oh look, its chat noir. Since he is so in love with Ladybug he would be the perfect person to practice on

Tikki: (the only one aware of the f***ed up situation) why is he here though

Marinette: Cats like rooftops. HERE KITTY KITTY

Chat noir: Marinette? Whats up?

Marinette: I need to confess to you

Chat noir: But I am not in love with anyone.

Marinette: (missing his internal crisis) Perfect I can use you as practice.

Chat noir: Okay

(Cue cringe confession)

Chat noir: That is cringe

Marinette: Really? You of all people calling it cringe?

Chat noir: (Proves why its cringe)

Marinette: Damn it, youre right, want to take a break.

Chat noir: Im down

(Cue not date that Andre ice cream man thinks is date)

Marinette: Heartfelt explanation on why its hard to confess

Chat noir: Heartfelt explanation on feelings for ladybug

(Umbrella scene)

Andre: as Ladynoir trash I MUST RECTIFY THIS INJUSTICE!

Glaciator: THIS IS A NOTP!

Chat noir: Marinette go hide.

(Cue car chase)

Chat noir: Ah Ladybug, my associate who I fight crime with

Ladybug: Okay I am going to need you to cut that s*** out right the f*** now.

Chat noir: But you said.

Ladybug: Look, I just want you to not push things when I tell you to stop. If its too much, I will let you know. If I say stop, you stop. Deal?

Chat noir: That is reasonable and probably should have been said 10 minutes ago, you know how the salters are

Ladybug: Just drive

(Glaciator is defeated)

__________________________________________________________

Adrien: So I learned I shouldnt give up on Ladybug, but I should probably ease up on the jokes about being shipped with her

Plagg: Probably

__________________________________________________________

Kagami: Marinette MY PLAN WAS BAD! I JUST FINISHED THE MANGA AND...

Marinette: Manga? Did you seriously use manga as a reference for real life.

Kagami:... Yes

Marinette: You sweet summer child, dont do that again. This is the real world not a manga or tv show

____________________________________________________________

BONUS:

Nathalie: Sir, a Mr. Kubdel is calling about a mug you stole

Gabriel: Tell him to f*** off

#ml #miraculous ladybug #glaciator 2 #gale poorly explains

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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What are your thoughts on whatever tf is going on between Kano and Shintaro post-str?

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEH OK LISTEN TO ME

kano is so in love with shintaro its embarrassing like ive reread the novels recently and girl.... hes down so bad its so embarrassing fgkjfdghjkfdghjhgnkjdhgkjdkj like post str shintaro has all this tomfoolery going on with ayano right. and kano...oh my god like.

kano finally got everything he wanted. everything he worked so hard for and acted kind of an ass for is here and now he's just like...left with all this self hatred and guilt bc hes like damn i shut out my siblings and dealed with all this myself and was a dick to this guy who wasnt even knowingly related to all this shit and i. got away with it? like i got everything i wanted? my sister is back? so he's just VERY depressed and feels so undeserving and guilty

everyone else is like in a relationship or whatever (im not a fan of when every single character has a love interest but damn kagepro does romance so fucking well has anyone ever noticed. anyways) and eventually before he realises it kano is living on his own and he's just generally so lost and without purpose and augh *dies* WAIT THIS WAS ABT KANOSHIN

sry i cant talk abt a ship if i dont talk a lil bit abt the characters themselves. like ok kano has All That going on and ON TOP OF IT.... HE LIKES HIS SISTER'S BOYFRIEND. THE SISTER HE'S BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LET GO OF ALL THIS TIME. THE SISTER HE'S SO INSANELY HAPPY TO HAVE BACK. so of course that makes him spiral down into guilt even more. shintaro and kano are sort of madeup too bc ok i know in the Good End we dont rly see moments like in the novels like kano coming clean abt clearing eyes or disguising himself as ayano but i like to think these moments happen at some point anyway. so going by this kano and shintaro ARE on good terms, shintaro has forgiven kano, he's all cute smiling to him and kanos like AUUUGHHH. and sort of. reverts back to being a little bit of a dick to him.

not super directly but sort of how he was at the beginning, acting how he acts with everyone but there's like a Vibe. shintaro notices and hes like damn i thought we were ok but ig its because im dating ayano and he's overprotective. and that's rly part of the reason too!! shintaros relationship with ayano is sososo messy so kano is so ANGRY because this asshole is out there making his sister cry!!! idiot bitch!!! BUT ALSO HE STILL LIKES HIM

i think when shintaro and ayano have Their Break kano and shintaro have a fucked up little thing that neither would qualify as a relationship bc both are busy hating themselves but like. they definitely kiss you know what i mean. that pic that's like we both have problems that making out won't solve but it can't make it any worse (except it does because this is so fucking messy KANO IS SHINTARO'S (EX AT THE TIME I DONT THINK HE'D CHEAT)GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER. THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HER) also shintaros internal homophobia etc etc etc. lol a fucked up moment of shintaro practicing apologizing to ayano with kano disguising himself as her bc hey i need to practice while looking at her face. and its so messed up for them both. theyre the worst

when shintaro and ayano are back together he would tell her while kano would take it to his grave and augh it brings drama between ayano and kano which is exactly the last thing kano would ever want and hes so mad at shintaro. ayano isnt rly mad she's just surprised and worried for kano, because she doesnt rly see it as omg so fucked up my brother likes my bf she rather sees it like my brother is in pain and currently suffering from unrequited(?) love i need to help him!! and starts kind of helicoptering over kano and eventually kano has a breakdown etcetcetc i dont have an ending for this but these are basically my thoughts lol

ofc there's also shintaro just dates both and/or doesn't get back together with ayano... those are also good options that i like too heh

#ask tag #headcanons #kanoshin #ayashin divorce

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hiro-doodlez · 10 months

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HELP I can't see my therapist for a couple of weeks and am currently having something i like to dub "yet another hiro autism crisis" where i contemplate if my therapist gave me the right diagnoses (she has told me she is not certified to give autism diagnoses, and instead more things like depression) Right now, I am diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety/ Social anxiety (its still up in the air, DPDR, and depression. idk if that matters SO NOW I LIST RANDOM THINGS that could be considered symptoms or not I DUNNO HOW TO DO THISS feel free to ask questions about some of the crap i say here half of it doesn't make sense

First off, I have a general trouble understanding most social situations, and struggle sometimes when talking about practically anything. For example, earlier today my step-mom basically said she wasnt going to finish her food and let my brother have it. my brother said he would leave 2, he didnt (BOZO) and later after he left she found the empty container and said something along the lines "HAH! I thought he said he was gonna leave me 2!" and immdeiately without thinking i went "hey! you said he could have as many as he can! and hes working 10 hours a day and needs his energy!!" half jokingly and she got mad at me for it, we got into a mini argument over that.

When saying something thats serious, i tend to make a joke around it and i have NO CLUE why. I just CANT be openly upset around people. For example, when being told about something that happened to me as a kid that NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED RAGRHAGHAG, instead of having a breakdown and being reasonably upset, i burst out into giggles and laughs while my brother was just so fucking confused on what was wrong. It was kinda like i couldn't stop and it fucking sucked

The TINIEST things can upset me, and other HUGE things can have little to no effect. Its so incredibly annoying

I have INTENSE fluxuations in interests, hobbies, and motivation for certain projects. I will start on this huge project that im INCREDIBLY excited for, and then a week later have little to no interest in continuing it.

I make everything about my personality a joke, i dont know why. EVERYTHING i tend to say or do has to be funny. it's like i dont want people to see beneath that

I fluctuate in personality A TON, especially depending by the people i am around. At school, I'm the quiet kid. I don't talk to anyone except maybe 5 people, but other than that i tend to stay completely silent. It could be a mask? i dunno. but when im at home, ask my brothers, i am BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS. it might also be me just getting some of my energy out? RRAHHH I DUNNOOO

I will simply forget to do very important things to the point of endangering my health. Like forgetting to eat for a day straight. my step-mom thinks i have an ED AND I DONT. i literally just keep realizing suddenly at like 6 pm all i have eaten is a couple of skittles and pringles.

i have no clue how talking to people works and im constantly winging it. I forget how to have friends especially how to even talk or interact with them and its so stupid. I can't ever start a conversation with someone without having at least 5 minutes going "am i weird for this am i being annoying am i being clingy".

If i say even one thing wrong i WILL be thinking about it for DAYS thinking about how they probably hate me now and im a terrible person ect. ect.

I tend to hide many of my traits (especially good ones) because i am incredibly embarrassed and never want anyone to EVER compare themselves to me.

im a people pleaser does that count

i tend to get extremely upset if i get told one bad thing about something that i like or just a project i have. For example, I had this fandom silly man poll because i just wanted to find out who was silly. Then one of my friends just posted something like "i hate fandom polls theyre the worst" and i just lost complete motivation afterwards. I haven't touched that blog in WEEKS at this point becuase i simply have no more interst

I have had a meltdown or 2 before, and they both stemmed from being told about how i was a bad person. i don't know why the hell thats a thing

I can't stay focused on one thing for long periods of time (ADHD cough cough) Like literally earlier i was watching this video about autistic traits and i kept having to back the video up because i would get sidetracked in my mind to the point where im just not listening anymore

if im not paying attention to people sometimes I SWEAR theyre saying "ffajaleifnanamzmaldafjkjeffnma" and as soon as i start noticing it suddenly theres words again. hate that.

i have times where it can kinda seem like i cant speak, and if i do everything comes out wrong and jumbled. Like when my autistic friend would have a sensory related meltdown, i would never know what to do and end up going dead silent because of being so mad at myself for not knowing how to help (any tips actually hahahahaHOW DO I HELP)

i have little idea who the hell i am. had a mini-crisis because i didn't know what my favorite color was because before, it was the color my friend with synesthesia said i was and i just went with that (i think its purple or blue i have no fucking clue JFALJK)

i will have spikes of random motivation on one thing. like learning lanugauges, i will have a week where its so easy to get like 10 lessons on duolingo done a day and then the next week its a struggle to get even one done.

i focus better with distractions ??? I can't focus without music and tend to do better on reading tests if everyone else in the class is talking ???

i remember the most random things about certain things. Like, i could not for the LIFE of me remember what color that one persons hair that i was talking to for 15 minutes straight. but i can remember that they had pink socks on. WHY IS THAT WHAT I REMEMBER??

I hate organization and doing the same thing every day. i NEED chaos. My brother a little bit ago helped me out and got me to make a personal to-do list. i couldnt do it a single day even though the things were extremely simple like "brush hair, make bed, eat breakfast ect."

i zone out a LOT. especially when people bring up topics im uncomfortable with or conflict with my current feelings. i go into a kinda little talking (not nonverbal, i can still talk) or just confused state that freaking sucks.

when im in a high energy mood i tend to not feel.. reall???? I do many things overboard and annoy the heck out of my brothers. i always feel terrible afterwards.

Idk if this is weird to say but i tend to get really off put when people im comfy with get haircuts or major changes in their appearance. I never like the change no matter what the hair cut looks like. i dont have any clue why

i have no clue whether or not any of this is real or if I have managed to make it all up in my head. (bascially when i was younger i wanted attention and ended up faking depression for a year straight and was an absolute ass to my friends and blah blah blah)

#hiro.txt #autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autistic #mental illness help #asd #asd help #nd help #rrahh #like i cant tell if i am masking INCREDIBLY WELL or not #i have no clue #oh its almost 1 am LOL

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unknownperson-is-not-known · 1 year

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Important

This is probably the last post/message I'll leave here. This is a copy and paste bc im too lazy.

Basically I have to leave due to health reasons and the internet there is dog water.

"What is the health reason?"

Let me drop a bit of background about me.

I can't walk. Simple as that. Why? Before that, I was surfing to forgot about everything. Y'know good ol'escapism and suddenly I cant walk. Why? Apparently, hear me out, "Because your blood can't reach your spinal cord" which is an okay theory at first but then to make my life worse, I'm the 24th(?) Person in this whole damn world to just suddenly can't walk for no reason. (In sports from water category surfing, scuba diving etc.) Yeah... Hey but I guess I can "walk" now.

At least I got into a school that many wants to be in right?

No, I dont even know how I got in. Best case? Wow im actually smart enough. 112 iq is actually a lot! (No, it's not. If anything, im average as ever. Even if they say I'm "high average". This isn't supposed to show that im better than anyone. This is supposed to show that anyone can have mental illness. Old or young, smart or not, rich or poor, you still can be depress and hopefully vice versa.) Worst case? They want "diversity." But even I doubt that.

I don't know how long I will be there, but a month is VERY minimal. If I have to guess, it's 2-4 months. And before you go "oh! It's not that bad" I've have this condition for years and when there's hope do you think that someone so desperate like me will let it go even if its a fleeting dream? This can be my only chance to run or walk again. To feel the freedom and as stu.pid as it sounds, I want to just run across the grass field with cold breeze just like how I did long ago. I just want my missing part of my childhood back.

So if you are reading this after it's post 12 hours or less, I'll probably see it and respond. Aftet that? Probably not.

Pray for me if you want to. I dont care anymore.

See you again.

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sukirichi · 2 years

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HEY SUKI! im the 💳 anon fidkgskaia i actually sent ask a few times after i asked you about the gojo fic but i forgot to out the card emoji at the end LMAO BUT i hope you're doing great!

I just read dusk til dawn and i am hurt????? its depressing dijdhakahbaakia. BUT BUT BUT I ABSOLUTELY LOVEEEEEEEE HOW YOU WROTE Y/N???? i love female lead like that bcs i am that kind of woman and our wrath after being hurt constantly is just 🙏😇 pray for yourself lmao or should i say suna and iris should pray harder? Fidkkahaka

NO BECAUSE I WANT TO BEAT THEM SO BAD?????? its so annoying how iris had the audacity to say the crown prince wants her to be pregnant to like miss????? thats my husband??? you're so stupid wtf 😂

but the fact that iris had an inkling about how y/n might know about their forbidden relationship and suna deny it just shows that suna is just equally stupid as her fkifksbaoaokab irisuna = stupid dumb ass couple 😍

you certainly made a great job on writing this story(and your other story too) because the anger and sadness i felt when i read is just... 💀

I LOVE KITA SO MUCH 😭 i hope we get to see y/n interact with kita soon. and the smut scene between suna and iris before the wedding is so hot 💔 it breaks my heart bcs its not y/n but still you make them look hot.

but iris is not a royalty.. right? i mean princess maiko said that she is just someone who grew up in the castle but she isnt a royalty. hmmm

i like y/n and oikawa's interaction in chapter 5!! makes me happy that she is enjoying her hunt with him!! and the last scene 💀💀💀 its too early for iris to be dead lmao y/n is just playing 😍 so true queen

and i cant wait to see what will suna say to her odudmahsiska and i hope y/n just strikes some mean words back at him or something bcs the chat on his phone with iris is disgusting 😭 poor y/n

BUT i remember he said that he would absolutely would fall for y/n if iris wasnt in the picture.... and the fact that he doesnt mind about spending his life with y/n gives me hope... BUT y/n's happiness are much more important!

ok this is getting too ling i shall stop. i cant wait for the next update hehehe love you suki.

- 💳

anon, hello!!

and aww thank you so much, i’m happy to hear you enjoy dtd and love the YN! tbh, when i first pictured how dtd would go, i always imagined her as someone who was loving and kind but eventually had to turn insensitive and maybe even cruel but like there will be moments where you can tell that she’s still a good person yknow?

oh iris didn’t say that suna wanted to get her pregnant 👀 she’s married to kiyoomi, and to make it seem like they had a happy marriage, she was lying about how she and kiyoomi are “trying” and they want to have a kid so bad but also she was provoking YN 😭

also WHOA i made iris and suna look hot??? that’s a compliment thank you! and YEAH i can’t wait for kita and yn interactions too, they’re gonna be my favorite non biological siblings duo here <33 and yeah, princess iris is not royalty nor did she come from a noble family. she’s an itachiyama citizen by birth but became a refugee in inarizaki when she was a little girl, so she grew up more with inarizaki’s culture and customs. her background will remain a mystery for now, but it’s safe to assume iris is the most odd one out of everyone in the royal family.

I LOVE OIKAWA AND YN INTERACTIONS. oikawa finds entertainment in people’s misery and somehow makes any situation enjoyable for him, with the exception of his marriage because he’s always in a sour mood around maiko. and i agree, sending a dick pic to iris was horrible like it even made me feel soooo uncomfortable and disgusted 💀

and yes, yes! suna does like the idea of spending a lifetime with us. he genuinely enjoys our company and like us as a person, and if only he hadn’t met iris first, he would’ve fallen head over heels for us. suna can be saying some mean things but we’re actually his type 😌

i love you too, anon, thank you so much for reading dtd and taking the time to send me your thoughts about it! i appreciate it a lot <33

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series: dusk till dawn #anon:💳#long ask

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insanebirddog · 3 months

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I hate when people are like "others say they depressed as kids but when i was a kid all i cared about was legos"

This isnt directed at anybody, but i am so gen SICK of hearing this bullshit, so heres a rant on what i think. Small little warning it IS cringe.

ALSO TW There is small mentions of things like abuse, neglect, and child harm. If these may be triggering dont read this.

Cool dude, cool. I remember crying on the playground on multiple occasions bc it i was coming to the realization that no one, not even my family actually cared about me. I was thinkin about how i was completely alone, and how i was basically an observer. I came to terms with my 'quiet dude in the corner no one talks to and forgets is there' role in like 2nd or 3rd grade, and i cried in the car because even then i knew everyone i cared about was gonna leave me but yeah bro, rock on, i love legos.

I mean, its almost like kids can have bad lifes? OMG! CHILDREN HAVE PROBLEMS?! type shit annoys me. Just because someone is young, think any age of minor doesnt mean that they dont have something going on in life and it certainly doesn't mean you should belittle literal CHILDREN for being self aware about how bad their situation is. Thats how you get kids like me, i have such little confidence i cant tell you a SINGLE thing without being like 'but dont quote me haha!' like, i could just point at a cat and be absolutely sure it IS a cat and tell you 'oh hey thats a cat, but dont quote me bc idk' instead of being a dick to children who tell you somethings wrong you should idk, use your fucking ears and listen to em? Like, thats what you have ears for right? I could outright tell people that i was neglected as a kid and they'll be like 'your still just a kid, you dont know what neglect is' like yeah yeah cool, wasnt starved, didnt get medically neglected, totally got all the emotional support i needed and wasnt just ignored or literally beaten for having any type of emotion sure. Ppl act like they know EVERYTHING, invalidate you, mock ya, belittle you and then when you tell them the details they go all "sorry i didnt know" yeah, you didnt. So why were you such a fuckin dick abt it? Why did you all high and mighty go "I KNOW BETTER THEN U!" if you knew nothing?

Like, the fuckin legos statement. Does no one realise people can have VERY different childhoods? and that truama actually EFFECTS PEOPLE? like holy shit! that traumatized boy acts traumatized! why would he do that? its not like IM traumatized so why would he act that way?! like im very happy that you werent treated like garbage as a kid, atleast some parents still treat their kids with respect and not everyone in the world suffered like i did but jesus fucking holy hell get your shit together, you dont have to be a dickface just bc youre not traumatized.

SAME FUCKING THING WITH PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY DONT BELIEVE IN MENTAL HEALTH. Like we have FUCKING EMOTIONS. How do you not believe in LITERAL EMOTIONS??? like you even see it in animals, you beat an animal enough for doing something they wont do it anymore bc you traumatized the fuckin animal, you see literal evidence of it everywhere. People show signs of being traumatized and then these fuckwads r all "UR BEING DRAMAITC!!!!!1!1!11!1!!!1!!!11" and then they'll go and mention how their parents slapped them once and they werent traumatized, like sorry that happened to you dude, but that is not at all anything like being beaten everytime you cry. They make huge problems out to be the tiniest of bumps in the road like they turn a moutain into a pebble all bc "they were being dramatic-" ever heard of people not lying? like, theres people out in the world that dont lie about or exaggerate their trauma, i literally in my 17 yrs of life not met a single person who does that. I bet those people exist, and i feel bad that thats the only way they feel they'll be taken seriously or the only way anyone would care. We focus a LOT on those type of people, and i get why but that doesnt mean EVERYONE who talks abt being truamatized is exactly the same.

Theres a large list of types of people i dont like, and these are just two of them. But, i dont want to keep writing abt this bc as i mentioned before i literally have zero confidence in myself and will stop while im still comfty enough to post this.

Also, can someone help me understand tags m lost [new to tumblr dweebis]

#im mentally ill #i hate it here #trauma

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the1975attheirverybest · 6 months

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ignore this if you want to but basically last thursday was a bit of an awful morning that ended up with me missing my first lecture of the day, sat in bed crying and then bailing on going out to the pub and ignoring everyone which ended up being quite nice. i cant actually remember what i did over the weekend other than not work and then monday was okay like i went to the library and somewhat organised myself but got distracted as i ended up meeting up with friends and then buying wine from tescos do do a greek lit reading night which was fun but really overwhelming (i also dont actually like wine that much) but then tuesday as much as i got out of my flat i then did actually nothing all day and it made me feel awful and then yesterday i dont think i properly got out of bed until 5pm and ive just felt a bit horrific because i feel like im failing academically, ive not been eating properly at all and i kinda just hate myself and i kinda just want to go home but i dont really have the time and i feel like it would just make everything worse when i come back. i also git into a slight argument with a couple of home friends because i sent some a selfie of me as a reaction to something that was said and got a how are you still in bed (i think it was gone midday at that point) and i said ive been trying to will myself out of existence (which in retrospect does sound fucking stupid but i was being sincere) and got basically omg same in response which pissed me off. i then later send some matty related meme which got some form of light-hearted response along the lines of being insane and i then went on a bit of a tirade about how you dont know how mentally ill i actually am and the response kinda was yeah were worried but dont know how to show it lol which again kinda annoyed be given that i have been a mediator to a lot of their quite serious relationship issues but then got a bit of a more sincere response after but i didnt read it properly and havent really said anything bar sending a tiktok because i dont want to have to address me being a bit of an immature dick so now i feel kinda isolated because im not close enough to any of my uni friends to be like hey im having a bit of a crisis can you make sure i actually eat real meals and maybe even force me to the shops to buy food - 🐸

Hey,

I need you to listen to me and know that I am being 100% serious. I don’t think any of this was immature or dickish. Cuz, like, I don’t know. I’ve been in situations where I’m having a bad depressive episodes and when I can finally muster the courage or energy to tell someone about it, I’ve gotten “mood” or “same” in response. And it’s kind of hard because no not “same” you’re not just having a bad day or feeling sad about something like a bad grade on a test or something. You’re literally struggling with an illness. That, on top of getting a comment about not getting out of bed on time when you’ve already been beating yourself up about it is hurtful. Your feelings are totally valid.

Of course, they don’t know that / didn’t mean to hurt you. They thought they were just making a simple comment. But that doesn’t mean you should trivialize how you feel about it.

Maybe once you’re feeling a bit better and more clear headed you can talk to them about how best to support you in moments like this?

In the meantime, I’m happy to force you to go to the shops. What, is it like….1 pm UK time right now? You have until I’m done teaching for the day. Like, 4 hours from now. I better come back on here and see that you’ve gone to get something for a home cooked meal. Otherwise I won’t post what I wanted to post tonight hahaha. No but for real. Do check in and tell me that you went. Mental illness is gross. You’re doing the best you can. He gentler with your brain.

#🐸anon

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rrxnjun · 9 months

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this is yet again going to be a long one maybe but i'm not going to say sorry😎 AND I LOVE U FOR TEXTING ME!! and coming off anon just so i can add the screenie lmao so another liebestraum anon reveal

the first one i just screenshoted cuz what in the world about the cookies and cream‼️ and the second one is just so☹️ i just really love it spoke to me on a personal level☹️☹️

TO STAY ON BRAND LMAO no but fruity ice creams slap and not going to lie to u i dont like chocolate ice cream .-.

I LOVE FALL BUT IM SCARED OF SEPTEMBER SO IM CHILLING WITH SUMMER RN EVEN THOUGH ITS MY LEAST FAV SEASON ITS FALL WEATHER RN ANYWAYS HAHA and thank u thank u again ur fics kept me sane so couldn't have done it without u ily💘💖 I WILL NEVER STOP BEING SAPPY!!!

i finished reading it around 3-3:30 am lmao i looked at the clock at like one am and i jjst said okay one more part and i just kept doing that till i finished the fic💀 but it was worth it kept thinking about the whole day!! i went to the park with my neighbors and somehow we talked about learning to drive and the whole time my brain just went oh haechan of the fic oh it was amazing lmao

GOT A WHOLE SPREADSHEET READY FOR COUNTING I TOOK IT AS A SERIOUS MATTER!! and i can't believe i was right crazy i thought i definitely missed some THANK U FOR THE PRIZE I LOVE IT SO MUCH THAT SUNWOO PIC THO SCREAMING CRYING STILL !BEST PRIZE THANK U!

that happening irl some people have pretty interesting lives🫡 UR HAIR WONT GET MESSED UP IT WONT BE U DONT MANIFEST THE BAD VIBES DUDE!! i read hon and i just knew i had to mention it BUT I THOUGHT U USED IT INTENTIONALLY LMAO and can't argue with that it was deserved but can't let my man have false accusations going around even if he is crazy delusional and did what he did i have to protect his name🫡

OMG OMG WE GET A CSENKE REVEAL ON HERE AS WELL !!!! THE GROWTH !!!!!!! i was about to text u like hey girlie u forgot the anon button again but then i saw it was intentional and went :,)

i am with yn on this one cookies and cream needs to die like i HATE that flavor with a burning passion TT and the second one- ☹ see i wrote that for myself. u can see the jump from me being fine to being depressed to being fine again in that fic and HAHA and that part was just me reminding myself and assuring myself hhh i am glad it spoke to you <33

YOU DONT LIKE CJOCOLATE ICE CRWAM ???? BUT ITS A CLASSIC ???????!?!!! Our friendship might be ending right here and now ngl......

AAAH i get you !! especially since youre starting uni so it can get very scary but i promise u its gonna be all okay and exciting !! (Like if i ignore the homesickness and stress i felt last year, starting uni felt very new and exciting and i enjoyed it)). i cant wait for school to start ngl im so bored rn i need the routine 😭😭😭😭😭 also its so weird how this summer was summer for like.... a month....? and then it got cold again ??? like im not complaining since i like the colder weather but i didnt have a chance to go swimming this year so im ☹ and ily ily ily you keep me sane every day so im glad i was able to do the same

3??? AS IN THREEEEE AM ???? girl youre crazy no person should stay up so late to read my fic. but thats such an honor i- ☹☹ thank you <33 AHAHA i am glad u got reminded of my fic SHSJSJ but also same sometimes i drive and i get reminded of my own fic its crazy

A SPREADSHEET IM CRYING i kept a tally for each member. I lowkey forgot i mentioned them this much at the start i got surprised at seeing their names there 😭😭 but i am happy u enjoyed your prize ❤ special just for you

WE MANIFESTED WELL ALTHO NOT QUITE ENOUGH :((( i mean- it slipped out by itself THE PETNAME IS ROTTING MY BRAIN. its like sweetie? baby? babe? no. hon. why? my man uses it 🥰🥰🥰 also i cant believe u can still defend your man after all of that....unbelievable

#💌ask

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mourningwithmagicians · 9 months

Text

j dont read it

here's how i feel right now: broken and sad and in bits and pieces

im going through depression. i am depressed. depressed stage of grief. no more anger. no more denial. so much depression.

i can't write to him anymore i have to write to myself

i cant face myself right now

im glad i have some peace. no distractions. full focus on how shattered i am and how i am barely getting by on thursday nights to look forward to and little shit like that. my social media is all a lie.

i have to believe in karma for HIM not trying to write it as YOU bc that is fucking me up to feel like im talking to HIM.

i want karma to be real for you bc that would mean that you would get all the best and tender and lovely things in life like YOU DESERVE. sorry i guess i cant not write to you another fucking thing i can't do right. it's bc i still love you and you own my soul forever i guess fuck

i am writing this at my absolute lowest. so low. i deserve it. i deserve the low. you are going to make an amazing father and husband and you are already an amazing brother and son and church member and employee you are literally. an. angel. amazing. perfect person. god bless you in every fucking way possible. god please grant you a long, healthy, safe, loving life. you have had so much hardship and please god just make it easy for him. he deserves it. please i hope you hear me. give him everything that is the best and sweetest and kindest and amazing. a beautiful sweet soul to match his exactly. the way mine didn't.

im not regretful, rather i have a lot of remorse for how i handled everything. i am regretful that you are out of my life. im regretful actually nevermind. remorse and regret. i feel regret that im a fucking piece of shit. sorry i ever subjected you to that. sorry i ever entered your life. sorr i ever fell in love with you. sorry that it hurts this bad. it hurts so bad for me. so badly that i cant think about anything other than you. and your warmth and your feel. and your love. sorry i fucked up everything. i did the worst fucking thing possible to us.

im not angry anymore. you risked what you couldve risked. your dad was sick. your mom was unhappy with me. you couldn't have risked much more i guess. you couldn't have done much more. sorry i wasn't accepting of that.

why did you have to be you. perfect. amazing. apparently not meant to be.

hey and i am so heartbroken/ can you give me anything bad ever? I will take all of the bad. please give it to me j. i miss saying your name. i miss telling you i love you? you know why. because i love you. so i miss saying it. i miss making you feel the way i feel about you.

i think what i was trying to say earlier is that i don't regret our break up for my time on this earth but when we go to heaven or compost into dirt and become nothing, it would've been nice to do that next to you. i guess i never think in the long term huh. i wanted to be with you without all of the logistics of being a human that got in our way. im a fucking idiot. i feel like i'll get the loneliness that's coming for me. i hope you get the best.

genuniely, the woman you end up with will be so lucky. solucky. you are the best lover. the best person. i miss my warm decembers with you. if only i was better. not a piece of shit that wrecked everything.

youve been through so much that you dont even deserve. i am sorry i am a monster. please know that this monster loved you with her whole heart. still does.

putting on my devil ears like the demonic horrible daughter person sister i am

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thecloversandtherosethorns · 2 years

Text

Silver's Letters

These are some of the last Letters Silver wrote to her father before she passed. They're taken from different times in her life and dont have any exact dates. But they are in order basicly. There might be more letters in between them too but this is what we have for now:>

Hello again dad. A bit of a long time since i've written to you. Everything around here has been crazy! I've finally moved together with Anthony! U know the one that I talked abt so much before?? We met again after highschool or maybe in it or something? He is doing so much better now!! It almost doesnt show at all that he's been sick. Maybe only his eyes can tell. They look a bit too knowledgeable for anyone's good. I feel like mine can look like that too sometimes. As if my resting face is just hella depressed, but im not!!! My face never rests for long!! U not being able to be beside me won’t stop me dad!! I'll live the best life ever and u'll be able to read it all if you want to<3 Me and Anthony found a place near St. Magdalena or something like that. Its a rather new city, with very good hospital peeps if u can pay for em. Not that we need that anymore since Anthony is okay now^^ Its pretty but, a bit noisy here. It'll probably calm whenever u become king. In the meantime we'll wear soundblockers;3 and be just fine^^

-Goodbye for now. Hope ur okay. Gotta go to Tony now

Dad!!! Dibdsksb oh The First!! I purposed!!! He said yes!!! Me and Anthony are getting MARRIEEEED oh my god!!!!! He was blushing and crying and i was blushing and crying and oh RCD!!! I really hope u can come! I'll send and invitation with the envelope!! But hey, if u cant then no one will hold it against you dad! Ur always with me! Even tho it only goes one wayX3 Mom never stopped stressing how much love you would give if you were here. Like, she literally still gives me the double amount of hug-time than other parents ever would. Just to give a hug from u to me as well. She's awsome. But damn. I think i'll give her an extra hug too. She was so happy for us!! But i could see an undertone of longing. Or remembering. But ye see ya! Gotta plan a wedding!!

-love, ur daughter, soon to be a wife!

DAD UR A GRANDFATHER NOW!!!!! me and Anthony's son Michael was born yesterday!! He has mom's eyes!!! And our freckles!!! He also has Anothony's spotted ears. We dont know abt his hair yet since he's such a tiny lil alien blob. But he's mine so he is beyond loved and accepted! I just hope I can be a good mother.. I really really hope i can. I bet i will!!! Especially with the help of mom!! And Anthony!! Awwwww he's a father now aaaa. U must feel old now grampsX3

-Love, ur daughter, busy being a mom!

Dad.. To be honest i feel off. I've been feeling off for months now. I think my balance ain't too great. In life i mean. Mom passed away too... I think she wrote to you. I dont wanna get this paper soaked. So back to my balance. We have a 3 year old in the house now. He is a true light! Shining and running around. His smile is absolutely adorable. I see so much of Anthony in the little boy. He says he sees alot of me in all his energy. But again. I think i've lost it a bit. Or i am still losing it? Idk. I think i am working too much. But we need income right? So i cant just not either. I need to feed my 2 little guys. Anthony is working too! He needs to set his feet up high after work tho. Nothing too bad he says. So i really dont think its that bad. I just hope it NEVER escalates or something . .

-Love, Silver

Hi dad. I- Anthony is sick. He cant go anywhere anymore. Sometimes he gets in his wheelchair and plays a bit with Michael, but mostly he's in bed. He is in pain. My love is in pain dad! And idk what to do! I am working my ass off! Trying to take care of Michael too! I am so tired dad. So so tired. I can't get the money Anthony needs. The work payment here is bad. I never realized, but the more dependant we got on our income it seemed to get more and more hopeless. We can't get enough to move either. No matter what we sell or gain. How did i end up here? A 6 year old child and a husband thats... Dying. H-how.. What am i suppost to do? I wish you were here dad! I wish that bitch would let you go!! I hope... You're okay.. Or better than this.. Or idk.. I just hope and pray that someday, me and you can take care of Anthony, take a walk to the playground with michael, and light candles at mom's gravestone.. Wouldn't that be nice dad?

-Love, ur daughter, Silver

. . Hi dad. This is the last letter i write. Not because i dont like writing them, but because, after this there will be nothing more for me to write. Anthony hasn't gotten any better. We still dont have the money to help him. I have no energy left. I can't even stop Mike from crying. He misses his dad. I am a ghost of myself dad. I dont have mom's guidance either. Dear RCD i miss her.. I've always been used to her being here, for me, with me. I can't get over it. I know its silly. As if i'm still just a child... I guess i still am.. Dad.. I am so sorry. I am so sorry i never get to meet you. To give you a pure and proper hug.. I think under the exterior you've made urself as the king, there is a man in great pain. The Borders of the ghost gang here. They're so violent.. I hope Anthony and Mike will be okay after this.. You'll take care of them if you see them right? Promise me. Just like i promised to never give up on ur kindness to mom. And even though i've doupted it after you became king, im still writing to u. So.. I never gave that up. Not even now, when i am giving your daughter up. Her lost life will give the rest of her family enough money. Anthony will be able to get a perminant surgery, and Mike and him will be able to get away from this dump! I will watch over them...

Dad. Just know that even tho u never got the chance to be there for me. You.. You were always here.. Truly. I've ventelated so much to you with these letters over the years. I think you know even more than mom ever did. Not just because she died but, yeah. Its not because of ur absence that you're losing me.. I've just lost the battle so many times. I can’t rise. Not like you and mom. I've never seen your strength in action, but mom said she never matched ur strength. and she was so strong.. I'm sorry you ended up with this child as cliche as it sounds. I am sorry... I will never know.. Dad.. I will never know how good your hugs are.. Or what you're favorite tea that Oscar makes actually smells like. Mom said she never got them right like Oscar did. I will never know how you've been.. How it was.. Living in that prison.. I will never know what your favorite TV show is today.. I will never see you in person. Mom said you had long fluffy hair.. Do you still have that? Heh. We share eyes too. I think they're both very tired. I just hope that u can stay alive for Mike or.. Something. Not do what i am doing.. Dad. I truly and utterly love you. From the bottom of my heart i do. I hope and pray that someone will show you that you deserve proper good love. I am sorry that person will never be me. Goodbye dad. I love you.

-Sincerely, your daughter, Silver Rosethorn Clover

#original character #sad boi hours #family tragedy #letters

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

Text

Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."

#dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #bnha fanfictions #bnha fanfic #zuffer writings #dabi #touya todoroki #bnha oc

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a-very-tired-raven · 3 years

Text

EEEEEEE so I've been in a writing mood as of late and I needed some help for a writing prompt. One of my best Tumblr friends(@let-love-run-red go check her out!!! She writes amazing garcello fics and headcanons and is a big inspiration for me!!)helped me out! This'll be a lil angsty sorry not sorry lol

•Nothing to lose•

(Trigger warnings!:Mentions of abuse,death,homelessness, multiple past abusive relationships,and bad cigarette habbits!)

You burst out laughing for what seemed to be the 10th time day as your buddy Garcello told yet another joke. "Seriously tho cello! That one was terrible! " He shot you a wink "heh your smiling though." You tried to wipe the smirk off your face. Unsuccessfully. "Am not" you playfully swatted his arm. He just shrugs "Whatever helps you sleep at night kid."

You roll your eyes, "Hey I'm not the one wearing a long sleeved coat and Jeans in the middle of summer" You sent a playful glare. "Your absolutely nuts!" He returns your glare. "Hey at least I'm not the one who's only clothes are T-shirts,shorts and Hoodies! All you ever wear are T-shirts and shorts. Your the crazy one. I don't see how you don't ever get cold"

You smile softy as you see the way he talks with his hands moving everywhere while he rants. I mean.. you do too its just nice to see someone else not pick on you for that. Its... nice to have someone who doesn't judge you for who you are whatsoever. It's been hard,taking care of three siblings all by yourself. Most would shy aways and call you crazy weird,disgusting,freak you've heard it all. Garcello...

Garcello was different.

"Y/n?"

You snap your head up effectively cutting off your somewhat depressing thoughts. "Hm?" You look over. "Are you alright? Ya kinda zoned out on me. I mean I know I can be boring at times but I didn't know I was a snooze fest" Besides his joking banter he has a face full of worry, Beautiful golden eyes scanning your face as if searching for the answer to a murder mystery.

"Nahh your not that boring. Promise. And..yeah I'm fine. Just kinda spaced out y'know?" He nods his head in agreement. You both slow to a stop. He chuckles a bit and turns to you. "Yeah yeah I know, it's just... I recognize that look, Y/N. Believe me I do.. im sorry to be a buzz kill but.. you know you can talk to me. About anything right?" You give that soft and kind smile that melts his heart every rare occasion he gets to see it. You never smile enough..

Sure there's the joking but... genuine smiles,ones that don't cover a dark and rough interior. He knows first hand what that feels like. So.. he tries. He's tries all he can to get you to smile that genuine smile as often as can be. For both your sakes.

"I know garcy. And thank you. Glad to know it still stands." You give him a quick hug that immediately makes his cheeks warm. He's really thankful for the shade his cap gives his face right about now. "I'll see you later alright? And tell Annie I said hey!" "Alrighty will do! And get some rest tonight okay? Cya." You nod a okay and walk inside your apartment.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You stare holes into the ceiling. Past memories flash through your mind. Your mother, and father. You were disgusted to call them that. Helping and raising your siblings. Her...death.. being homeless..heh something both you and garcello share in common. Picking up your smoking habbit.. heh another thing. Meeting him.. These past few months.

Its been hard...but its been good. You have a roof over your head. Your four siblings are okay. You haven't seen your older brother in a while but he gave you a call. You have food, water,and.. Garcello and Annie. A smile works its was on your face.

I'm glad I met him' a soft smile works its way onto your face until you realize you thought just garcello and not both him and his sister. YES you love them both- like a family-its not like that- ugh why does thoughts have to be complicated!! You roll over,you have to get to sleep. Garcello told you to! And he said he wanted to meet up for something again. You slowly drift off.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Garcello was antsy the whole walk to the park;the place you two agreed to meet. His face was a mad red. He had your favorite flowers and your favorite candy! Reeces pieces and snickers. He's never done anything like this before. Confessing he means. Sure he's asked a few chick's out but... Nobody important or someone he cares about, nobody like you. You changed his entire life in just the few months he's knew you.. He hopes you'll say yes. then again.. his hopes are all the way up.. who'd wanna date guy like him?

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You look up from your phone to see garcello approaching you. He's very...stressed? No... anxious? Yes Anxious for lack of a better work. With his hands behind his back...Hmmm....

"Hey cello, whatcha got there? You got murder on your mind?" You give a teasing smirk. He just immediately freezes. "I-um-uhm. No. I uh got ya somethin' if that's alright?" He very stiffly sits in front of you. He's sweating bullets. Geeze what's got him this worked up.. "Dang cello with how your acting Ida thought you were askin' me out" you give a light chuckle. He freezes completely.

"Heh uh yeah heh...um..here..you go.. I bought these. For you.. Noone else. Heh" He awkwardly places a two boxes of your favorite candy and holds out a large boutique of your favorite flowers. You freeze completely, mouth hanging open in shock."Y/N...I've liked you for a while now.. your so nice and thoughtful...and you understand me. I was maybe hoping you'd go on a date? With me?" His face is cherry red.

What. He can't be serious? Really he can't. Nobody would ever like you that. Yes you love him.. but you can't afford to love him. Caring gets you hurt. And being vulnerable gets you killed mentally as well as physically You've long sense learned this from your past three relationships

"Are you serious?..Garcello... I cant.. I can't accept this.."

Your heart sinks as you watch the hope glittering off his eyes dim

"Of course I am! Y/N I love you..." Your both standing up at this point. Your both shaking.

"And garcello... I know-i know but please-i just cant!"

"At least tell me why? Am I not enough? I thought... maybe you'd understand.." He drops the boutique. He..he knew it..your too good for him...He really does disappoint everyone..

"Garcello I just cant!can't"! You don't notice the tears spilling down your face at this point.

"But why! I love you! I really do! You mean so much to me!" You take a step back.

"Just stop! don't do that to me Garcello! Dont give me hope! Never ever give me something I want, something I want as bad as you!"

"Why" he's pleading with you so hard..please...just tell him..

"BECAUSE THEN I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOSE!" You hadn't ment to scream. Your fists are clenched and eyes shut tight, you feel as if you might collapse at any moment. Garcello's stunned into silence. "And then I'll be open to get hurt... and I just.." You let out a broken sob. "I'm just so tired of being hurt" you don't move as he engulfs you into a hug.

"And as much as I love you too.. I can't risk being vulnerable again... raising 3 siblings and protecting them so at least they can have a good childhood while you haven't even had on yourself..." You don't notice tears of his own dropping on your shirt. "Being backstabbed and left broken with Noone to fix you...I just can't do it again..." He let's out a broken whisper. "I know Y/N.. I know more than you ever will."

Your just left there hugging in silence. You've decided. You can talk it out because as you were too blind by fear. Fear of being hurt again... he's just like you,two broken puzzle pieces that fit together.

Hope yall like it! Promt idea goes to @let-love-run-red ! Go follow and check her out!

I accept any and all constructive criticism!,

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