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soulwillower · 3 years

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semi-charming • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader smut)

requested: Do you have any bill denbrough x reader’s that you have finished that can be posted? I really love your work I re read it like everyday lol :) + AKANSHAKAKMA U SHOULD POST THE BILL DENBROUGH HATE SMUT AHHHH + don’t be shy post the b.d hate smut 😀🔫🥰🌝

i haven’t posted a fic in well over several months but i hope u guys like it :) im here and around still so send me something if u wanna chat <3 i also have re opened my requests lkajsdlkaj

also - i gained a lot of new followers while i was gone and im sure some ppl want to be removed from my taglist SO: i am gonna start a new taglist!!! pls send me a message and let me know if you want to be on it bc after this post im starting fresh !!!!!!!!!

warnings: drinking, mentions of weed, dorm living, almost-strangers hooking up, smut, choking (light), light spitting, a tiny bit of dirty talk, switch!bill, its kinda fluffy smut tbh, enemies-to-lovers but its so lowkey, kinda cute guys, neighbor-ish au,

(losers + reader are 19+.)

4.1k words

♡

the first time it happened, you wrote it off as unintentional.

it's happened to everyone: you're joking around with your roommate, or reaching over to grab your laptop, and you fall off your bed to the floor. you knock over your lamp or someone knocks over the handle that was sitting half-empty on the mini-fridge. the tile on the ground of the dorm rooms are hard and cold and don't do much to quiet the noise of anything, so you get that.

but whatever the hell was going on in the room above you was not that. it was three in the morning, and your head was spinning in that sickening way that only happens when you take too many drinks in a short time and find your way to bed for a few hours before being startled awake.

a loud thump made you jump in your bed, heart racing as you woke in surprise.

it was around twenty more loud thuds from your ceiling (in a span of barely two minutes) that you gathered the energy to slide out of your bed, sliding on your dorm slides and throwing on a shirt to cover your near naked body before storming into the hallway to climb the most challenging single story of stairs in your life, right to your upstairs neighbors' door.

your hand was banging on the door for a mere five seconds before the door swung open and a terribly confusing sight fell onto your eyes.

three boys who you've only ever seen in passing before in your dorm, all shirtless and heaving breaths. the one who answered the door, possibly bill or mike (judging by the stupid name tags on their door), has bright eyes and dark auburn hair that reflects in the dim light of the hall, backlit by the neon purple from inside the room. his sweaty bare abdomen made your eyes twitch as you glared at him, suddenly more irritated because he's kind of really hot and stupid and annoying, and you needed to sleep.

"hi.” he said casually, and you could tell he wasn’t entirely sober, either.

“so what is your fucking problem?" you said in lieu of a greeting, half-asleep and pissed beyond belief (also still drunk). the boy who answered the door raised his brows, head turning with a brow raised, as if to ask his buddies 'are they for real?' before turning back with a large, cocky smile, "pardon you? we already turned down the music."

you blinked, knowing you must have seemed so rude and looked insane but it was a weeknight and you had class in the morning, "wh- what, no- i'm not here about music. it's like three, you're slamming on the floor and i can hear it like i'm in a fucking tornado in my room below you so you need to knock it off."

then the other boy, further back with foggy glasses, started laughing. the other one laughed too, rubbing his neck sheepishly, still breathing heavy. "what the hell are you guys even doing in there?" you added, running a hand through your hair in exasperation.

"they were trying to bench press me. but then bill decided to start doing squat jumps onto his bed." the boy with glasses explained as he rubbed his chest, still concealed by the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the stupid LED neon lights that every single person in the dorms had lining their rooms. that explained the thudding.

"why." you'd deadpanned. you were too tired for this, but you'd wanted them to understand that it was keeping people up. "richie got us kicked out of Pike for stealing their doorknobs and pledge class photos." the third boy says, elbowing the boy, richie. "we felt like working out, but then richie said we couldnt press him, so..." he trails off at the look you give.

"you want my workout routine or something?" richie asks you. you sharply inhale and bill smiles, "well, if that's all, we'll be going. i've got one more rep to get in."

your eyes widened, jaw dropping at his words. he'd laughed, then, and your eyes couldn't stop as you stared at his sculpted abs flex in the light. god damn it.

"chill out, neighbor. sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep." he said as he noticed your look, and you wanted to fucking hit him.

you rolled your eyes, picking up on his facetious tone. "whatever. just knock it off. thanks," you'd griped, sarcastically smiling at them before trudging away towards the stairwell. and you'd caught it when bill muttered, "is now a bad time to assemble my ikea desk with my drill?"

you'd run into bill once again a few days after when you'd gone to use the bathroom on the floor above you where your friend lived, washing out the bowl you'd used for lunch. a 'shh!' had made your brows furrow as you'd walked in, not paying attention as you'd heard a shower stop and a girl laugh from the other side of the bathrooms.

but a deep voice grunting 'ow, fuck' made you freeze and then feel hot, wondering what kind of luck you have to be in the bathroom when some people were hooking up in the shower. but you're reminded that you had the worst luck when you go to leave the bathroom and two figures round the corner, hair soaking wet and hoods pulled over their heads. making eye contact with him, he must've seen how flustered and irritated you were, because he cracked a grin, "good to see you again, neighbor. you sleeping well these days?"

that was only a few days ago. you'd seen him in passing at a party at one of the frats, but had avoided any interaction with him after you saw him and his friend with the glasses snickering to themselves after sneaking looks to you. god, you didn't want to face them again - they were so mocking, so cocky.... so rude, and they made you feel like you were being insane just for wanting to have peaceful sleep. bill was not your favorite person.

but as bad as the first two experiences were, the third time you had the misfortune of interacting with bill, it was the worst.

your roommate was out for the weekend, and you'd found yourself stuck with your leg and ankle pinned between your heavy file cabinet under your bed and your bedframe, unable to scoot it over on your own to free your leg.

you were planning on relaxing tonight, after being stood up from a booty call hook up. you’re mad, frustrated, horny, and close to tears now that you’ve gotten yourself stuck pinned to your bed.

it’s nearly one in the morning, and nobody’s in the hall.

but then, bill walked past your open door as you struggled, and desperately you called, "hey!"

his double-take into your room, his head poking in, would have been charming if the face was anybody but him.

"what?" he asks, suddenly noticing it’s you. his voice is not charming and calm as you've seen him be with other peers, but in your stubborn mind, you convince yourself it’s fine; you don’t like him, either.

"i'm stuck, can you help?" you say despite your thoughts.

he sighs, dropping his backpack next to your bed and then tugging to try and move the cabinet.

"how did you do this?" he mutters as he pulls as hard as he can to pull it, but your shoe is too wedged diagonally against the floor, cabinet and frame. you sigh, "thought i could nudge it to the side with my toes, i dropped my dab through the crack."

he chuckles, trying to instead shove it backwards instead; to no avail. "smart girl." he says sarcastically, and you roll your eyes, trying to help him shove it. "what was the point of you keeping me up all fucking night if you aren't strong enough to move this shit?" you say, exasperated because it's starting to dig into your calf.

he stops, rolling his eyes at you. "has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit rude?" he asks, moving closer to you to try and push it away. you look down at him from where you stand, elbows on your mattress. "no. you're just a dick. fight fire with fire, or whatever." you mutter, face feeling hot.

you can't stop staring at his shoulders, his arms - they're so hot, the veins popping out of his hands and forearms, the smell of his aftershave wafting into your nose from where he kneels next to you.

he just hums. "i'm going to try to push your leg forward and then push the cabinet away." he states, and you nod, just wanted this nightmare to be over. you're still terribly embarrassed and the proximity to such a hot and confusingly irritating boy is making you lose your grip.

it takes a lot in you to not jolt when his warm hand wraps around your bare leg and starts to pull you, his strong hold on you making you tingle. "what's your name?" he asks, and you almost laugh as his grip on your thigh tightens, the feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin making you hot. this is insane. "y/n." you struggle out, throat feeling dry - there's no reason his hand needs to be so high up on your leg, but some part of you really wants it. "it says that on my door." you say breathlessly.

whatever he was going to reply with is cut off as he tries to readjust his grip on you and the cabinet, but his hand slides up and grazes the skin near the apex of your thigh, coaxing a sharp gasp to fall from your mouth.

he turns red, looking up at you, "god, sorry." he mutters, and you bite your lip, unable to look away.

you kind of forget to say anything, stuck staring at him, heart thumping as wetness pools between your legs just from this boy's touch. god, you've got to get laid.

his arm is wrapped around the onside of your leg, thumb reaching higher on your thigh than his other fingers, and for a moment you hesitate before deciding to go for it: you drop your hand hand to his hair, pulling lightly as you 'steady yourself,' smirking as you feel his shaky breath against your thigh.

you don't even care about getting unstuck now, all you can think about is being fucked into the mattress by this asshole boy from the fourth floor. you’re not sure where this feeling came from.

when he finally pushes the cabinet away, causing you to stumble to catch your ground. he helps you get the cart and then push the cabinet back, awkward small talk making you want to die. "why were you down here anyways?" you ask, rubbing your leg. "mike kicked me out to be with a girl and all my friends are out for tonight." he sighs, rubbing his neck. "i have to do homework tonight, just going to find somewhere quiet to get it done."

"that's surprisingly responsible." you say, looking at him wearily. he gives you an annoyed look, "what's that supposed to mean?" you roll your eyes, "you don't seem particularly academically motivated." you state, unsure if you're coming across as flirtatious or just a dick. he gives you a look as he moves to grab his things from next to your bed. "you seem more pleasure motivated."

you catch your mistake immediately - and he does, too, smirking. you stutter to fix it, "don't be gross." you defend weakly.

he's biting his lip and something rumbles in your chest, flames in your abdomen. it's hard to gauge if you don't like him or if you do. maybe you're just horny.

"i thought you were cute, you know, until you showed up at three in the morning to chew me out." he mutters, eyebrows raised, "i get that that was annoying, but it was a saturday. everyone was drunk, i don't get why you are still being a bitch." his face drops when he says that, as if he didn't mean to say it at all, but he doesn't take it back. you shrug, not too offended. he kind of has a point, "i don't get why you have to make everything so much harder than it has to be. doesn't matter how hot you are, i don't have to like you, you know." you say, crossing your arms with a smirk.

"believe me, i'd rather you not like me." he says, smile on his face troubling. you look at him, trying to gauge why you're feeling so flustered, why you want to jump his bones right now no matter how annoying he is. "then why haven't you left yet?" you challenge. you figure if you're reading his actions wrong, this gives him an out.

"because i kind of want to fuck you now." he says boldly. you just smirk, walking towards where he sits on your desk chair, lowering yourself to straddle him. he looks up at you, eyes large and mischievous as he pulls you down on him all the way, your hips grinding lightly. "i think you want to fuck me always." you whisper, lips hovering above his, teasing. you're eating up all his attention, soaking it up and savoring the way he watches you.

you boldly snake your hand down between the two of you, lips still refusing to touch his, your hand starting to tease his clothed cock as it hardens under your palm. you stroke him as you lean, almost kissing him before pulling away. he glares at you.

then you move your hips, the tension in your room killing you. he lets out a half-moan, causing you to buck your hips again, relishing in the pleasure it gives you. he leans forward, trying to catch your lips, but your hand catches his chest, your lips just centimeters from his own. "fuck you, y/n." he says, fed up with your teasing as his hands squeeze your ass, moving to the bottom of your thighs and then rising with surprising ease, holding you against him and making your heart thump in shock. he takes four long strides towards your bed, tossing you on it. you grin, expecting for him to climb onto you, but instead he's walking towards your door, making your heart quicken. is he leaving?

he slams your door shut, though, and it makes you smirk as he clicks the lock. you're on your back, the sight of him upside down making you bite your lip, eyes nearly even with the bulge in his sweatpants.

he walks up to you, and you eye him as he bends forward, hand catching your chin, holding your head forward with a strength you didn't expect. "look at me." he says suddenly. you blink, feeling hot as you stare into his eyes.

"don't tease me." he says, and you swallow, heart racing in excitement. "okay." you croak, and it seems to satisfy him because he tilts your neck from here he holds your neck and chin, kissing you soundly on your lips. you feel on fire at his touch, squirming as you slip your hands into his hair - it's making you so needy that he's holding you, almost trapped on the mattress, kissing him upside down.

he pulls away and you flip around, allowing for him to climb onto the bed, barely enough time before you pull him in for another kiss, this one heated and desperate.

he bites marks on your neck as your hands palm him, pushing your own thighs together in need. slowly, you push him down against your mattress and sling a leg over his hip, moving to straddle him. his hands find your hips easily, looking at you like you're the only thing ever worth looking at; your breath leaves your lungs and you steady yourself, the reality of how fucking beautiful bill is hitting you at once.

you pull his shirt off, yours coming off, leaving you in just your shorts and underwear. he palms your tits, pinching your nipple as you grind down against his cock, whimpering at the feeling of his pants against your clothed clit. "if only you'd come up to my room like this." he says, and you snap your eyes to his, seeing the teasing grin but glaring at him. "maybe you would've been nicer to me if you knew how good i'd make you feel." he whispers as you resume your hip's movement, "shut up, bill." you hiss. he laughs, his thumb making contact with your clit takes you by surprise and you jump a bit, moaning quietly as your eyes close in pleasure.

"take these off." he mutters into your mouth as you bite his bottom lip. you take off your shorts, quickly resuming your spot straddling him, his lips trailing from your breasts to your throat and then your mouth again, grinding against him in need. he toys with your slit over your panties before he pulls them slowly to the side, spreading your juices on his long fingers, humming as he brings his fingers to his lips, watching you as he licks his fingers. you nearly moan, impatient enough that you kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips faintly; "do you want me?" you whisper against his lips.

"i wish i didn't," he says, "but yes. do you want to do this?"

you're breathless, beside yourself with need, "yes." you say quickly, tugging his sweats off and tossing them to the floor. "fuck you, by the way." you spit, flipping him off. he grins and it's fucking beautiful, his smirk, his red cheeks, heaving chest. budding hickeys bloom over his neck and chest as he catches your hand, tugging you forward over him, whispering, "you're about to."

you roll your eyes, ignoring the butterflies in your chest, hand falling over his as he pumps himself. your thumb swipes over his tip, spreading his precum before opening the condom he'd pulled out of his pocket (you don't even want to know why he brought one with him to study) and roll it onto his cock.

and then you’re pushing aside your panties and stabilizing yourself on bill’s chest. you line yourself up on him and look to him for one last confirmation. he nods, “quick fucking around, babe.” he says, but his voice sounds desperate and his cheeks are flushed and you let out a strangled moan as you sink onto him, the nickname making your stomach flutter. you have to stay and give yourself time to adjust to his size, his moans swallowed by your own mouth as your tongue swipes his. his hands roam your body, squeezing your hips, your ass, your breasts and then rising to cup your neck and back.

“shit, bill.” you whimper as you slowly start to move up and down. his eyes fall shut in pleasure and his head tilts back, exposing the entire expanse of his throat for you to claim, his hands falling to your hips. your eyes watch his thin necklace shine in the faint light from your lamp and he's filling you up perfectly.

he looks like fucking heaven.

you kiss his neck lightly as you pick up the pace, bouncing on him steadily as his fingers grip the sides of your thighs.

“fuck, y/n.” he whispers, staring at you with his lips caught between his teeth. the feeling of him stretching inside you and hitting the perfect spot has your legs shaking already, breathing heavily. he’s soon surging up, kissing you deeply as groans fall from his lips, his arms rising to your waist to hold you as you move.

"you're much better when you're not talking." you mutter as you fuck yourself on him, moving your hips as you bounce. he rolls his eyes, "i'd fuck you every day if it meant you wouldn't come ruin my fun every night." he quips back, eyes challenging. and your hand rises to squeeze around his throat, at first as a joke, but then he smiles brightly, a smirk that stirs something in you and you squeeze ever so slightly, the feeling of his pulse making you moan.

his smirk sends butterflies through your stomach, pleasure swirling in your core. but then his own hand rises to your own throat, squeezing lightly.

you moan, unable to keep it together. "you think two can't play this game, y/n? it's like you don't know me." he tuts, seemingly pleased as you're flushing, gasping as your legs stutter, his hips moving up to meet yours, strokes hitting you deep. “i don’t,” you whisper, and he hums.

your legs stutter after one particularly satisfying thrust and he grabs your hips, lifting slightly and biting his lip as he starts to thrust up into you. “oh, my god,” you moan as he hits your g spot and he curses under his breath.

your hand comes up to rest on the wall behind him as you meet each other half way, hitting a spot deep inside you that has you moaning his name loud enough for anyone to hear. you hope to god your next door neighbors are out.

he presses his lips to yours and you know its to get you to stop being so loud - it makes your toes curl in pleasure. then his thumb snakes its way to your lips, his grin widening when your lips immediately part and suck on the finger, humming around it as your hand rests on his neck, the other over his abs as you bounce.

"so pretty like this, y/n." he leans up, then, sitting up more and changing the angle, making you gasp with a moan as his hand snakes around your waist, pulling you closer to his face with the hand on your face. he pulls his thumb from your mouth with a light pop, your legs barely riding him at your proximity, instead steady on his hips, his cock warm and stretching you. "do you think you'd look pretty under me?" he asks. you swallow, moving your hips again and sliding on his cock, movements making you stare at him, pleasure building.

"i think you would." he whispers, hand still on your neck. you whimper a bit, sliding off of him, allowing him to climb over you, kissing you soundly before pulling you to the edge of your bed, legs hanging off as he stands in front of you. lifting one leg, he kisses your knee and holds it up as he teases your slit with his cock before sliding into you again, causing you to let out a loud moan, his own melding with yours.

your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh. “wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down.

"you think you're gonna make me cum?" you bite, knowing no man you've been with has been able to.

you watch as his eyes admire the half-lids of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already.

he says nothing in response to you, but pulls your leg further open, spitting down onto your cunt, making you moan lightly, the action being terribly sexy. his thumb finds your clit and starts to rub perfectly in counteraction to his thrusts, his lips finding your nipple.

you gasp in pleasure, panting as you start to wonder if he really is going to make you cum. then his thumb rubs circles on your clit and as he presses lightly, you can’t hold off any longer. “fuck,” you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. you can’t help it, gasping and bucking your hips as you clench against his cock in bliss, your orgasm causing you to tug his hair in ecstasy. “so pretty.” he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back. "so good, cumming for me." he says cockily. you're panting as you whisper, "shut up," his hips still pounding into yours.

“god, you're such a sweet talker.” he mutters sarcastically as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips, you can tell he's close.

"and you're such a gentleman." you jest back, pulling him closer by his shoulders, eyes shutting in bliss. he hums, strokes getting sloppier, "i let you cum first, didn't i?" he counters.

you huff a laugh, something in your heart twinging in affection. you kiss him so you don't say something stupid, moving your hips with his. a few strokes and he's pulling you closer to him by your back, whimpering into your mouth, “y/n, fuck.” beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he cums, and you just stare at him in awe, surprised by how hot it is as he says your name. he rides his high and then falls off of you, onto the mattress between you and the wall.

"hey," he says after a few moments of you both catching your breaths, your hands overlapping on your stomach but not nearly holding hands. it makes you feel warm in a weird way. excited, nervous.

"what?" you ask, turning to stare into his eyes. he smirks, "you think we woke up the downstairs neighbors?" he whispers, eyes alight with tease.

you shove him, smothering him with a pillow while he laughs, pulling you onto him.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @sft-core @clownsloveyou @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters @unfortu-nate-ly @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie @decafcoffeew

#bill denbrough #bill denbrough smut #losers club x reader #losers club smut

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moonlightsolo · 4 years

Text

bête noire

summary: After training with Kylo, he informs you that he has to embark on another mission but this time, it is without you.

pairing: kylo ren x female reader

warnings: slight nsfw themes in the beginning, arguing, cursing...

wc: 2.5k

note: hi guys how ya doin sorry for being afk but I've started an adult job and im doing adult things

CHAPTER FIFTY

With a swift swing, the orange blade barely misses your opponents hair. Maybe singeing it slightly.

He quickly retaliates by swinging his saber towards you causing you to do a backbend kick over to dodge the attack.

“Now that was hot.” Kylo chuckles as he walks toward you with the intention to kiss you. You have a feeling it will escalate to something more.

You refuse to give into his charming ways and growl at him softly. His eyebrows furrow and he stops in his tracks, his saber does a figure eight in his hands.

“Alright, I see how you want to play.” He chuckles and spins it one more as he gets into a stance.

Rey taught you one thing, it’s a move you’ve only done a couple times. A cocky smirk rises on your lips as you jump into the air, using the force to push yourself up higher. You do your infamous twirl in the air and come down to stab him in the chest with your saber.

Of course, you turn it off before you actually do it. His large hands catch you as you fall into him with ease, resting against your bum as your legs wrap around his waist. The hilt presses against his chest, your eyes look down to it then back up into his eyes. “I would’ve gotten you.”

Kylo chuckles deeply, shaking his head as he looks down to the hilt against his chest. His eyes slowly climb up your body, looking at you with his familiar dark look. His lips smash against yours as kisses you vigorously, his teeth gently bite your bottom lip as he pushes your back against the wall.

His fingers slip under your shirt to unclasp your bra and slide it off of your shoulders. His large hand gently cups your breast as he kisses down your neck.

He teasingly let’s his fingers roam down your abdomen, across your navel to slip into your flimsy shorts.

Your head rolls back against the wall as you let out a loud breath of relief. His chuckle against your skin makes you shiver.

Your hand gently plays with the little bit of hair at the nape of his neck as he keeps you snug against his side. His soft breaths make you smile and you gently kiss his jawline. He hums in response, his grip tightens on the dip of your waist.

“I need to tell you something.” His groggy voice rumbles in his chest which makes you perk up.

“Yeah? What is it?” You ask softly, a bit nervous to know what he wants to tell you.

“There’s another mission I have to go on. I’ll be gone for a few days at most. You’re coming with me because it’s going to be dangerous... Please don’t get upset with me.” He sighs, his brown eyes are staring at the ceiling.

You frown at his words and just lay down on his chest to snuggle into him more, “I’m not upset... I wish I could go but I’ll follow your orders and stay here.” You sigh defeatedly.

“Thank you.” He kisses your forehead gently, letting his lips rest there for a moment.

“Mhm.” You hum out. There’s no way he’s going to go by himself, you’re gonna get on that ship one way or another.

“Are you sure I can’t come?” You blurt our after a few moments of silence.

A soft groan falls from his lips, “Yes.” He grumbles.

You sit up slightly in the bed to look at him sternly, “I can hold my own weight. I’m strong enough. You know it.” You shake your head as you look at him with a frustrated face.

He pushes you off of him gently to get out of the bed, his hands grab a pair of his boxers off of the floor so he could pull them on. “I’m not talking about this with you. My answer is final.”

You quickly scurry out of the bed after him, swiping your clothes up off of the floor and walking after him as you pull the shirt over your head.

“Kylo. I get it. You don’t want me to get hurt again. If I do, it’s fine. I’ve gone through much worse than last time. Plus it’s been weeks since I left the ship. I’m like ninety-nine percent healed.” You follow him into the living area.

“Can you just stop talking? Fuck!” He lets go of his built up frustration which takes you by surprise. It ultimately makes you more angrier, “You’re so stubborn. I don’t understand why you have to be this way. Just sit down and stay the fuck here. Why can’t you just listen?” He turns towards you, his facial features are screwed up in anger.

You can feel the angry heat rising up your body to settle on your cheeks, knowing your ears and cheeks are pink.

“Because I’m not that kind of person. I’m not just going to fucking sit down like a trained animal and obey your orders!” You spat out just as angrily.

He looks you up and down, his jaw tightens as he presses his teeth together. “You realize you have children right?” He slowly starts to walk towards you and your feet instinctively shuffle backwards, “You don’t seem to care much if you’re going to put your life on the line. If both of us would die, they’d be left without parents, Y/N. I want them to at least have you if something would happen to me.” His finger points at himself then at you.

You evidently gulp as your back presses against the wall, “Stay. Here. I am your Supreme Leader, you have to follow my orders.” His breath puffs against your face.

Your vision turns blurry as tears flood your eyes, you try your hardest not to blink until he walks away. He pulls back from your body, “I’m leaving tomorrow.” He walks back into the bedroom most likely to get ready for the day.

Your hand instantly presses the button on the wall to open the door to the twins’ room to walk inside.

As soon as the door shuts behind you, your emotions pummel through your body. You shudder as tears flow down your cheeks, your bottom lip quivers as you choke back sobs. You cry silently into the palm of your hand as you slide down to the floor.

One of the babies babble as they wake up which causes a chain reaction and wakes up the other one. They babble to each other as you cry, your body shakes in your own embrace. Your legs are cradled to your chest. You don’t want them around this, you try to make sure they don’t know you’re upset.

After a few moments, you muster up the strength to stand up and greet your children. You thank the stars for granting you these little angels because without them, you’re not sure where you’d be right now.

You gently scoop up Ani, then you walk over to El’s crib to hold her in your other arm. Since they’re getting bigger, it’s much more challenging to hold them both at the same time.

You begin to hum a soft tune, a lullaby you always sing to them. One your mother sang to you and her mother sang to her. You rock your body on your heels to soothe their fussiness.

While being focused on the song, you completely disregard the heavy footsteps outside of the door. They stop in front of it, most likely just listening to what’s going on behind the door.

As much as Kylo wants to walk in and join you, he’s still upset with what just happened.

Your humming turns into a soft tune, singing the words quietly as the twins stare at you in pure awe as they suck on their pacifiers. You sway over to the rocking chair to sit in it with them. The wood creaks against the metal floor as it rocks with the movement of you pushing it back and forth.

You notice the shadow under the door, he’s standing in front of it listening. He knows you noticed him so he walks away then the door to your home opens and shuts as he walks out.

You sigh in defeat then look down at the twins and smile, “I love you babies. You’re my whole universe.” You smile sweetly at them.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes, letting peace wash over you. Images flash in your mind as you focus on the light, you broadcast your energy to the children to let them feel the positivity in the air.

As you do so, you block out your thoughts so Kylo can no longer hear them. Almost like a impenetrable wall.

“Your daddy is going to be sooo upset with me.” You talk to them in a baby voice and they giggle at you.

Upset isn’t the right adjective. He will be livid. You don’t know how he is going to react to this insane plan you’re concocting in your head. Most likely terribly. Maybe he’ll scream at you again or pull his saber out. Although you know he wouldn’t hurt you.

“I’ll bring you to see nature again, my loves.” You stand up and lay them in a bed for a moment so you could grab a large blanket. You spread it out on the floor then grab the babies to lay them on it.

They’re laying vertically next to each other, you’re sat by their feet. Each hand goes on their belly as their legs kick and they coo.

You take a breath through your nose and out of your mouth, your eyes fall shut as you mentally bring yourself onto the grass fields of D’qar. It’s beautiful. Just how you remember it.

The soft breeze blows against your skin, making your hair flow freely. You can hear the children giggle, seeing that they’re wrapped against your body in a fabric carrier. You smile as you watch the X-wings fly above. It’s peaceful.

As you walk through the tall grass, it tickles the exposed skin on your legs. The smell of dirt and nature surrounds you.

As you near the hangar, you spot a certain pilot. He takes your breath away. You gasp since you haven’t seen him in so long. The babies almost coo in happiness when they see their old friend.

It’s just a vision. You keep telling yourself that. It’s only a vision.

As you slowly ease back into reality, you realize the babies have relaxed completely. You smile at their little eyes blinking up at you.

Ellie gives you a two-toothed grin and Ani just stares in awe. You love them so much and you wish you could bring them to D’Qar, the place where it all started.

As much as you love them, there’s no way Kylo is going by himself. Whether you’re stubborn or you just want to protect him. You’re going on that mission one way or another.

As you meddle along through your day, you clean your quarters since they’ve gotten a bit cluttered. You found the baby wrap carrier Leia had given to you which allows you hold both babies at once with your hands free.

Ellie sits against your chest while Ani’s head peeks over your shoulder. You talk to them throughout picking up the living area, they coo back at you almost like you’re having a conversation.

You feed them once you’re done and put them down for a nap so you could meditate, shower and prepare your plan to sneak on board with Kylo.

Since you’ve closed off your mind, he won’t be able to feel you unless you allow it. Which you’re doing now because you don’t want him to be suspicious. It’s almost like a switch, you can turn it on and off once you access those points in the Force.

You have complete control over your mind after you meditate, the Force buzzes through your body. You feel powerful. It almost scares you.

You get an outfit ready for the fight tomorrow, wanting to stay as concealed as possible so you opt for all black clothing and a hooded cowl. You slide the outfit under the bed for later, hoping he wouldn’t find it. You make sure to lay your saber on top of the clothes so you wouldn’t forget it.

It’s going to be challenging to follow Kylo onboard. You let out a stressed sigh and run your fingers through your hair.

You can’t doubt yourself. You can do it.

tags: @officiallpeterparker @funnysadshit @ymariejp @attorneyl @fangirl570 @trinityrud20 @kylos-sassy-cousin @delicatelyherdreams @fizzywoohoo @savvy7392 @angelias134 @that-girl-named-alex @cas-backwards-tie @glimmering-darling-dolly @glitterypinkkitty @blxkstar @his-snow-white-queen @elsasshole @smiithys @nanocoool @deathbyarabbit @alex-skr @theholycakehole @averillian @crazynocturnalkiki @arcanebabe @tinydancer40 @superduckypower @thomasscresswell @butterfly-writes @thatintrovertedbisexual @fangirlanotherjust @somekindofroger @nicci442 @little-girl-who-dream-too-much @wildest-dream- @silverlambcaptain @cliffordmess @xkylorxn @lowkeyofsassguard @nickangel13 @carol-twinklefists-danvers @oopsiedoopsie23 @fandomshit6000 @baba-eina @cosmichellfire @ravngers @lipstickstateofmind @dorisfantasyworld @starrfruit

#kylo ren #kylo ren fic #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren series #kylo ren tik tok #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren x oc #kylo ren x female reader

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justmesadgirl · 5 years

Text

mistakes - part four

Paring: Ben as Roger Taylor x Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff?

Words: 2.3k

a/n: sorry that it took so long once again I will try to get back to posting couple times a month!

and if anyone could help me by check my writing let me know!

requests are open!

“y/n.” The way he said your name made your heart skip a beat. He still looked as good as a couple months ago but a worn out version of the Roger you use to know. Not sure what to do so you just stay there, not moving, just looking at your ex boyfriend who cheated on you. For a second,you just wanted to wrap your arms around his body and just cry. Cry until you had no tears left to cry but you couldn’t. It was over now and there wasn’t Roger and y/n anymore it was just y/n and just Roger. Not a happy ever after. Just two broken hearts and a baby on the way. At that thought, you quickly look down at what you are wearing. Oneof Brian's shirts that came down to your knees. Hoping to god that Roger wouldn’t see the baby bump that's growing fast. “W-what are you doing here?” Roger speaks up again. He had no clue probably why you were here. You were almost sure someone would have told him by now that you lived with Brian but to your surprise, no one had told him. “I-I’m j-just staying here for... umm... a couple of days.” You sounded so unsure with your words not sure how you should react to him. You just wanted to slam the door and go back to bed but it was too late now. “S-so you are with Brian now?” That’s when you realize he had been drinking. He wasn’t drunk but he wasn’t sober either. “Umm.. no?” Your answer was more like a question than a reply. You weren’t with Brian and you could never be with him. He was like a big brother to you, nothing more. “So you just randomly stay at his house -“ he glances down- “Only wearing his shirt?” Now he sounded more mad than before. Like he had the right to be here judging your life choices. As if he wasn’t the one that ruined your life in the first place. If he hadn’t been so horny all the damn time, maybe you would be at home. Cuddling up on the couch watching something stupid on the television. Instead you were here in this goddamn awful situation. “Yes.” Is all you say to him. The cold night wind blowing inside making yourself wrap your hands around you body. When you look up at him standing there on the other side of the door his eyes are on your stomach that shows now that your hands are pulling the shirt up a little and you quickly unwrap your hands. “Brians not here so...” you mumble to him trying to get away from the moment but at that moment you see Brian's car pull up. “Well here he is.” Roger drunkenly mumbles out to you. Not sure what you should do so you just stand there until you see Brian get out of the car and his eyes fall on you two. If you were Brian you would just sit back in the car and drive off but luckily Brian wasn’t so selfish. “Hey there friend!” Roger calls out to him and as Brian gets closer you can see that Rogers body tenses. Like he was about to explode because he was so mad. “Roger?” Brian questions as he finally makes it up to you two. Giving you a worried look as you just give him a tight lipped smile. “Well well the man who fucks my girlfriend arrives,” You are as shocked as Brian with the words Rogers spits out of his mouth. “E-excuse me?” Brian chokes out at his friend, clearly trying to make sure if he heard right. “You really think I’m that stupid! I always knew you had a thing for her and now you just... just take her away from me like this!” Roger was full on yelling at this point. So mad that tears were running down his cheeks. You reached to wipe them away but stopped yourself before you could reach his face. You just wanted to tell him everything would be alright and that you still loved him but you would never do that to yourself. “What the hell are you talking about.” You speak out as you see Brian struggling with his own words, Brian who always knew what to say. “He fucking loves you a-and now he has you!” He didn’t make any sense. He was talking with his hands and looked so sad and mad at the same time. “No he doesn’t.” You tell Roger with a small sarcastic laugh as you look at the silent Brian. “A-and now you are pregnant with h-his baby-” he choked- “when I was supposed to be the one you spend the rest of your life with and had kids with!” He yells out as he suddenly just hits Brian straight into his face. You let out a loud yelp as Brian stumbles on to the ground and places his hand on his bleeding nose. You get down on your knees trying to help him. “I-I... I’m sorry Brian.” Roger chokes out when he realized what he had done to his best friend. “You need to leave, mate” Brian tells him as he spits out blood. “Let's get you inside.” You whisper to Brian as you help him up and inside. “Roger you really need to leave. Now.” you tell him as you turn back to the sad looking man. You close the door to his face as you follow Brian to the bathroom. “Sit down. I will get the first aid kit.” You tell him as you take out the kit. You turn to face your best friend as he was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, holding his bleeding nose. “I’m sorry.” You hear him whisper out to you. “Brian you don’t have anything to be sorry about. I’m the one who should apologize to you.” You tell him as you set yourself between his legs and wrap your fingers under his chin to make him look up at you as you start to clean his cut. “I’m sorry for that. Sorry for leaving you alone to face him. I should have been home.” He whispers to you, Brian tries to look down again but you place your hands on his cheeks and make him look at you. “Please don't be sorry about that. I should not have opened the door to him. It’s my own fault.” You tell him. “It was just so... um... so different to see him after all these months..” you tell him as you let go of him. “Y/n” brian whispers out your name as you are about to leave. He takes your hand in his and pulls you back to where you were standing before. He softly places his palm on your cheek and leans in. Kissing you lips so softly and sweetly. You missed touching someone like this but you couldn’t kiss him back. He was your best friend and you were still in love with your cheating ex boyfriend. “B-brian I can't do this... I’m sorry.” You tell him as you pull away from his gentle touch. You give him a sad smile before your rush out of the bathroom. You could hear Brian call your name after you but you couldn’t stop and talk about what had just happened. Maybe Roger was right and Brian was in love with you. But you could never love him more than a brother or could you? He always had been your best friend and you had always thought about him as your brother never had you had the thought in your mind that you two could be more than what you are now. The kiss made you realize that you are still utterly in love with Roger. After everything he had done you still loved him. You still had hope that maybe one beautiful day you could be happy together again and have your family but you were insane to think like that. You and Roger were over. You walk to your room aka to Brian's guest room that you stayed at. Locking the door after yourself you make your way to your bathroom. Washing your face with cold water before looking at yourself in the mirror. Letting your hands find your growing stomach. “Everything will work out in the end right?” You mumble to yourself. Everything was so confusing right now. Brian kissed you. Roger found out you are pregnant but he thinks it Brian’s when it’s actually his. Taking a deep breath in before you walk back to bed and lay down. It takes a while before you finally fall back to sleep. When you wake up the sun is shining. Letting out a groan as you turn to face the clock. It was almost 12 am, luckily you didn’t have work today. Slowly getting up from the bed heading to the shower. After a long hot shower you start getting ready for the day. You didn’t have plans but you couldn’t stay inside after everything that had happened last night. You check yourself in the mirror before walking out of the room. Quietly walking to the front door. You really didn’t want to have that awkward conversation with Brian right now. You needed time to think about everything and maybe day in town would help. So you make it out of the door before you start fast walking away from the house, scared that Brian heard you shut the front door after you. It was relaxing to spend the day alone. You walked around stores had a nice dinner at your favorite pub by your and Rogers old place. You and Roger would come here almost every Sunday for a Sunday Roast. You missed it, you would spend some time alone in your special place that no one close to you knew about but just you and Roger and you missed you two having dinner while talking about the upcoming week and your plans. Looking at the almost empty plate in front of you as you hear someone sit down next to you. When you look up you are glad to see that it was Larry, the owner of the pub. “y/n! I haven’t seen you in so long! How are you my darling?” You give him a tight lipped smile. He was always so nice to you, making you feel so welcomed. “I'm good thank you. How are you?” You ask him. It was nice to see him after so long. You use to see him almost every weekend and now it had been months. “Im great darling. Where is Roger? I already thought that something happened between you because Roger is always here alone nowadays” He tells you. His words make your heart ache a little. “Oh we aren’t together anymore.” You tell him trying to give your best sweet smile. “Oh...” is all Larry answers you. “I need to get back to work. Hope you enjoy your meal and I hope I will see you soon.” He gives you one last smile before he gets up and gets back to whatever he was doing before sitting down. Slowly finishing your dinner and staying there for a while after. Not ready to go back home yet but at the same time you couldn’t stay there any longer, it probably looked weird that you were having dinner alone in a local pub and didn’t even have a drink. Taking a deep breath before gathering your stuff. Saying goodbye to Larry before walking out of the door to the cold late autumn air. You loved winter but hated it in London.

You loved snow and cold but just the cold wasn’t your thing. Not wanting to go home yet you just start walking around your old neighborhood. Not even thinking when you finally stop in front of a really familiar house that you use to call home. The lights were on and you knew that meant Roger was home.

Not sure what came to you but you walk up the driveway and knock on the front door. You hear someone walking on the other side when you realize what you were doing. So you were about to start walking away when someone opened the door. “y/n?” Rogers voice was soft and questioning. Like he wasn’t sure if it was really you.

Slowly turning around to face him giving him a tight lipped smile and bursting some of your hair behind your ear. “Sorry I don’t know what I was thinking.” You tell him as you start to walk away but you feel his strong hand in yours. “Please stay.” He almost whispers to you like he was afraid you would disappear. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” You tell him as you turn to face him again. For the first time you take a good look at him. His hair was longer, he looked sleepless and he had on old jeans and a white shirt. “I don’t know either but just come inside... I’m begging you y/n.” It felt so weird to feel his hand in yours and hear him saying your name. Giving his hand a small squeeze before letting go of it and nodding your head. “Okay.” You say before making your way into the house you use to call home.

Guys tell me if y/n should end up with Roger or Brian!

tag lists are open!

#roger taylor #ben hardy #roger taylor imagine #ben hardy imagine #roger taylor imagines #ben hardy imagines #roger taylor fanfic #ben hardy fanfic #Roger Taylor x you #ben hardy x you #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy x reader #imagine #imagines #fanfic #Brian May #brian may imagine #queen #queen imagine

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youngjaelook · 6 years

Text

Querencia — Park Jinyoung

author's note — another requested imagine! i actually really like this one, it's lowkey kinda fluffy yet angsty at the same time. hope u guys like itttt! also send me some more requests! to anon, i know u requested a jinyoung au and im so sorryyy asfkdfjfdkl i hope u still like it tho T.T #UNEDITED!

request from anon — Hi! Would like to request for park jinyoung au, where he forgot about 1st anniversary and his s/o had prepared a surprise for that day. but jinyoung didn’t appear and then, when he realized, he tried to put the situation to rights?

summary — Lately, it seems like Jinyoung doesn't know that he's the reason you're falling apart.

warnings — slight smut, angsty-ish & flufffff

word count — 2K

Jinyoung was rarely ever running late, so when the clock struck ten and he was still nowhere to be found, you wondered if you supposed to feel worried.

It was mid-November in Seoul, so it wasn't exactly warm outside. The air was biting and you could practically make out the white snow starting to fall down from the sky like beads of rain on a July afternoon.

"It's Jinyoung! I'm probably busy at the moment, so please leave a me —" Usually, you loved the sound of Jinyoung's voice, but tonight it was anything but soothing.

You looked up at the sky, cursing the gods for your luck today, and sighed.

You were aware that dating an idol wasn't going to be a walk in the park. You had to compete for his attention on most days.

Sometimes you felt almost like a burden to him.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you jerk in surprise.

It's Jinyoung.

You don't hesitate to answer him, heart beating widly in your chest as you prayed he was okay and safe, and not in some freak car crash or something. "Yah, Park Jinyoung! Why haven't you answered my calls? Are you alright? Oh God, please tell me you're alright."

You hear shuffling on the other side, followed by a heavy sigh.

"I'm fine, jagiya. I just — I'm still at this party and I don't know if I can make it tonight." It's like your heart is free falling into the dark void in your stomach.

You don't know if you should be relieved that he's safe and not in the hospital, or if you should cry because this is the third time he's flaked out on you. You figured any other day would be fine for him to ditch you for his job, but today marked your first year together — did he even care?

Jinyoung takes note of your silence. He's pulling at his dress tie, mouth dry and lip twitching as his guilt starts eating him away.

"Princess —"

"Why do we even bother anymore, Jinyoung?"

And it's as if all of Jinyoung's demons start mocking him, torturing his senses, driving him insane as the words roll off your tongue.

He swallows thickly. "Jagiya, let's not talk about this now," he looks around, hoping nobody can see the tears in his eyes, or the tremble in his hands. "please."

It takes almost everything in you not to scream at your phone before hurling your phone into the busy street. You take in deep breaths in order to calm your state of mind, but it doesn't work — you don't know if anything will work anymore.

"Goodnight Jinyoung." Your voice is soft, on the brink of breaking, and you hung up the phone before you could hear him protest.

The walk back to your apartment was quiet, only the sound of your sniffles and the buzzing of the cars on the roads, are the only sounds you hear along with the shattering of your heart with each step you take.

When you get home, you fling yourself on your bed — the velvet sheets keeping you warm, and providing you comfort.

After what felt like hours of crying which were only just about twenty minutes in reality you make yourself a cup of tea to calm down your raging head-ache.

You don't know where you stand with Jinyoung at the moment, neither did Jinyoung.

He was whizzing past crowds trying to get to the exit. The remorse in his heart prompted him to run back to your apartment, to see you.

Wonpil was the one who noticed his fellow label-mate sprinting for the door. He frowned as he made his way to Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung-ah!" Jinyoung looked like a mad man as he turned around to face Wonpil. "woah, are you alright? Did you drink too much — it's very unlike you to get drunk this early into the party."

Early? Jinyoung wanted to scream. It was half past midnight, and the girl he loved oh so dearly was probably back in her apartment after hours of waiting for him, crying herself to sleep because he didn't show up!

It was too late.

Wonpil noticed the conflict in Jinyoung's face and laid his hand on Jinyoung's shoulder as he gazed deeply into his eyes. "You haven't been taking," he looked around and lowered his voice. "drugs, right?"

Jinyoung's eyes visibly widened. "What? No, of course not! It's just," he ran his hand down his face, flustered and frustrated. "I flaked out on my girlfriend."

Wonpil pursed his lips. "Again?"

Jinyoung nearly choked on his spit. "Again? What the hell do you mean again —" Wonpil shook his head. "I can take you to her apartment if you want, I know where it is."

Jinyoung always thought Wonpil was a gift sent from heaven.

"You would do that?" Jinyoung asked.

Wonpil always liked you not in that way, though, he thought you were a nice girl, an extremely warm soul with a good heart — he knew you deserved better, but he always knew that you loved Jinyoung with every fiber in your being.

"Yeah, of course."

Jinyoung didn't hesitate at all as he followed Wonpil to his car parked in the basement.

And as the car started to take off and the party's music fizzled from earshot, Jinyoung couldn't help but think, "Wait, you know where my girlfriend lives?"

Wonpil switched gears and chuckled. "Y/N's a really nice person, and a great friend."

Emphasis on friend.

Wonpil managed to get them there in under fifteen minutes. But in those less than fifteen minutes, he nearly ran over a stray cat, nearly missed another car's side mirror by an inch and ran a red light.

Jinyoung looked pale as he reached to unbuckle his seatbelt. "Hyung," he gasped. "How did you even manage to get your license, or a car for that matter?"

Wonpil merely shrugged. "I have my connections." He said. "Now go," Jinyoung nodded and wobbled got out of the car.

"Yah, I'll be down here if anything backfires!" Wonpil gave him a thumbs-up and attempted to parallel park the car.

Jinyoung races to the elevator and tries to calm his breathing, though it's no use because he's starting to panic and the cramped space of the lift isn't really helping.

There's this dread sinking into his bones that he's going to lose you. It's been only a year, but he's convinced that he only wants you.

Jinyoung feels at home with you.

Every time the sunlight pours into his room and you're sprawled out beside him, his heart warms and it's like he's going crazy as he stares at you. He wants to have this everyday, to bask in your warmth and that pretty smile of yours.

Jinyoung raps on your door four times.

You're by the kitchen, stirring your tea when he knocks. You nearly jolt out of your skin. You check the time and see that it's nearly one in the morning.

You open the door and stare in shock when you see it's Jinyoung, looking like a mess — a handsome mess.

"You look like you're about to puke, are you drunk?" Jinyoung shakes his head. "No, Wonpil drove me here." You immediately understand.

One time Wonpil had suggested he take you home after you both got some coffee together — never again, is what you tell yourself.

"Okay, I think you need to sit down," You don't hesitate to take Jinyoung inside. He always made you so soft.

You guide him to the couch, laying him down softly against satin pillows. He suddenly feels intoxicated by your touch, compelled to run his hands against your sides.

"Jagiya," You don't respond, finding interest in your fuzzy socks.

Jinyoung feels desperate. "Princess, look at me." You still don't look.

"Y/N," your head snaps up and you stare into Jinyoung's eyes with your glassy ones.

Looking at you right now, Jinyoung felt beyond guilty. How could he put you last, how could he leave you out in the cold? How did he deserve someone like you?

"Come here," And it's like his voice is a spell, bewitching you to follow everything he said.

You hesitantly sit on his lap, the material of your cotton shorts hiking up to your thighs. Jinyoung buries his head into your chest, sniffling and muttering out incoherent sorry's.

Your heart breaks even more if that's possible.

You run your digits along the softness of his dark locks, twisting and caressing his silky hair. "Jinyoung," you murmur.

Jinyoung sobs and clutches on to the fabric of your shirt. "Please don't leave me, Y/N. I know I don't deserve you — but please, I promise I will do what ever I can to give you everything you want, everything you need."

You're sobbing along with him, not caring if his tears are ruining your shirt. "Jinyoung, don't say that." You cry.

"I just really don't want to lose you," he peers up at you, and you feel like falling in love with him all over again as you stare at him.

His eyelashes are wet with his tears, and his eyes are iridescent and lustrous under the warm lighting of your living room. His lips are parted and rosy, so tempting to kiss and nip at.

"You won't, Jinyoung-ah." You reach out to stroke the supple skin of his flushed cheeks, admiring how smooth he felt underneath the pads of your fingertips.

Jinyoung brings his lips up to touch your own. His kisses are urgent, yet soft and gentle. His hands travel down to touch the small of your back, guiding you flush against him.

The material of his pants kneaded the heat between your legs, leaving you panting and whimpering, and he doesn't stop, only picking up his pace as he admires you falling apart above him.

"Jagiya," his voice has turned hoarse and slightly deeper, sparking a blue flame in you. "strip for me, please." It doesn't take much from you to do what you're told.

In a matter of seconds, you're nearly bare in front of him; the only thing acting as a barrier between you two are your panties and his slacks.

"So pretty for me," he muses.

You sigh when his lips leaves a trail of kisses on the valley between your breasts. "Only for you."

And as Jinyoung hooks his fingers on the hem of your underwear, his phone blares in his pockets. Who could be calling him at this ungodly hour?

Jinyoung gives you a look as he continues to undress you. Your hand reaches into his pocket, fishing out his phone.

"It's Wonpil?"

Jinyoung stops what he's doing and curses silently. "Shit, he's still downstairs."

You watch in amusement as Jinyoung answers the phone, a look of anticipation in his face. "Yah! Park Jinyoung, I've been waiting here for the past hour —" Jinyoung frowns at you and shifts the phone to his other ear. "I swear to God if you two are fucking up there I will —" You take the phone from Jinyoung's hand and giggle.

"Wonpil-oppa,"

The line is silent for awhile before Wonpil speaks up, his voice much softer compared to earlier.

"Y/N-ah," Jinyoung stares at you in shock. There's a twinge of bitterness that strikes his chest, pouting and crossing his arms like a child being told off.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting, oppa. But Jinyoung and I are okay now, so you can go home." You tell him, sweetly.

Wonpil nods, though you can't see him. "Yeah, alright alright."

"Thank you, Wonpil-oppa. Drive home safely, and text Jinyoung when you've arrived home." Jinyoung glares at the wall behind you, still pouting. You hand him the phone, and Jinyoung presses it against his ear. "So, you've got a soft spot for my girlfriend, huh hyung?"

You shook your head and began to unbutton Jinyoung's button-down.

"Of course, I do — I mean, what kind of person doesn't?" Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Wonpil snickers. "You should see Jinyoung PD-nim with her." You shrug innocently at Jinyoung and offer him a small smile.

"Anyways, I'm going. Take care, and I'll see you soon." The phone call ends and Jinyoung takes your hands away from his shirt.

"Jinyoung PD-nim?"

Your shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "I have that effect on people."

Jinyoung chuckles and smiles knowingly. "I can attest to that."

#park jinyoung #jinyoung imagine #jinyoung smut #jinyoung fluff #jinyoung angst #got7 #wonpil #day6 #got7 imagine #got7 angst #got7 fluff #im jaebum #kim yugyeom #choi youngjae #bambam #jackson wang #mark tuan #kpop

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sherlockxreader · 6 years

Text

A Time Of Change - Chapter Three - The Fourth

Title: A Time Of Change Chapter Three: The Fourth Summary: Ava Bradford. Behavioral Analyst of the Miami Police Department. Or former Analyst after the events of the past force her to journey to England and take up a job away from the family she had created. Here, she struggles to keep to herself and her life quickly takes over as she readies for her future on Baker Street. Author: Alexa @alex-awesome1023 Words: 4023 (sorry, not sorry) Characters/Relationships: OC x Sherlock Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Past Physical Abuse, Nightmares Author’s Notes: Yes I know this Chapter is late but i haven't been around a computer to be able to write or post anything so that's on me. But im really excited for everyone to read this. Ive been reading and seeing positive feedback and i am overjoyed with the results especially with the tags!!! Can't wait to see more of your comments and feedback! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Original Character Ava Bradford is inspired by Zoey Deutch. Enjoy!❤

Finally arriving to Scotland Yard, you were surprised at how big the building was. The precinct in Miami was barely four stories whereas this building practically engulfed that plus more. Taking a moment to look around at the surroundings as you looked at the sizable sign, the text shining as it read “New Scotland Yard”, you shivered from the cold. It’s going to take some time to get used to this London weather. Not being able to stay out in the chill for too long, you quickly walked into the huge building and headed straight for the receptionist desk.

“Hi um, I’m here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade, please.” You said to the receptionist while rummaging through your bag trying to find your ID and badge.

“Name.”

“Ava Bradford” Still typing away at her computer not really paying any attention to you, you handed her your identification when a commotion from the entrance caught your attention. You see two people enter, or rather storm through the doors discussing something in harsh tones. The woman, a young black woman with dark curly hair in her late twenties, was fuming, her face pinched into a scowl and lips pursed. The man was around her age, his hair parted neatly down the middle and his face equally mad. I don’t like the vibe they’re giving off. I can practically smell the stupidity and arrogance. As they walk closer you happen to hear their heated conversation.

“I’m going to kill him! That freak has got some nerve to do that shit in the middle of a press conference. Unbelievable!” She yelped loud enough for both you and the receptionist to look up.

“Oh Sergeant Donovan, are you going up to see Lestrade?” The receptionist asked with a hopeful tone. You had a feeling that she didn’t want to get up off her own ass to go show you where to go.

“I have police reports to give him, why?” She questioned unmannerly, looking to you for a moment with an interest and then complete ignorance like you were a child. Sergeant Donovan made her way over to you both as the receptionist gave you back your ID and badge.

“Would you take Miss Bradford up to see him please?” She asked and you heard the plead in her voice; you metaphorically rolled your eyes. I don’t need anyone’s help. Donovan’s heels echoed through the lobby, the noise echoing ominously, the nameless man still following behind just a step.

They stood with you at the desk, blatantly judging all five feet and two inches of your casual appearance. The man was practically drooling as his eyes trailed up your body and down again; you forced yourself not to gag.

You noticed that Sergeant Donovan was taking a long look at your scuffed pair of classic converse, laced up with polka dot laces. Her expression morphed from a dismissing glance to a repugnant smirk. You knew just then what she thought of you; she thought you were a kid, a teen and someone easy for her to bully. You knew that this was because of your short height plus the laces. Donovan herself was about 5’5 and him about 5’11 so it wasn't that big of a deal really, you were used to being to smallest in the room at 5’2.

“Sure follow me.” Donovan jeered with exasperation in her voice. The man behind her didn't say anything, he just started with a smug grin plastered on his face. They both walked a little in front of you guiding the way. As you three came to the elevator you stopped causing the two to look back at you in confusion. As you looked up at the silver death box, you felt you heart skip and your hand start to sweat. You cursed to yourself.

“Can we, um, take the stairs? I’m trying to work on my cardio.” You blurted out with a small chuckle trying to sound as calm as possible. They both looked at you with confusion and disbelief.

“I would just take the lift, it’s on the twelfth floor.” She insisted as the doors opened and both her and the man stepped in. You looked up at it once more with internal grievance. It’s not worth it Ava, just suck it up. You got it the elevator and were immediately filled with regret. As the two of them discussed what you assume was dinner plans, you decide to take your mind off the death box by figuring out more about the two officers.

Sally Donovan; works for the Metropolitan Police Service as a Detective Sergeant judging by her badge and attitude, she has a huge ego, very rude and hates to be told wrong. That will be fun. She has un-showered hair and worn clothes not more than a day old and is wearing men's deodorant. She’s had a night out. Dull… Seeing the name clip tag on the man’s pocket, you read him.

Phillip Anderson; works for Metropolitan Police Service as a police officer and forensic scientist. Snarky, stuck up, rude, loves to prove people wrong and a perv. He's got the whole package. he’s married going by the ring but I can't tell if it’s happy. A blue buttoned down shirt but un-showered. Taking a sniff, you are taken back by the strong powerful mixture of men's cologne and deodorant but you find that the deodorant, it’s the same as Sergeant Donovan. A colleague scandal.… How fascinating.

You giggled at your discovery and the drama that could come with it, causing both Donovan and the man, Philip, to look at you like you were insane.

“What's so funny that’s got you twisted in knots?” Phillip asked bitterly, his comment making you pause as you tried to figure out the meaning. I keep forgetting that I’m in London with people with British accents, weird being the only American sometimes.

“Oh nothing really. Ignore me.” You managed to say with a steady voice. You could feel your lungs tighten and burn from trying to keep your breathing steady, your heart quickening with nerves with every beep of the elevator letting you know that you've climbed a floor level. Reaching for your necklace, you took a deep breath to calm yourself and expel the anxiety within your core.

Finally feeling the box stop, you ushered towards the door rather quickly but not to the point of abnormality. You instantly felt better after getting out and you let the fresh air into your lungs with a deep breath. That wasn't so bad.

Donovan and Phillip pass by you without a second glance and you follow the two down the corridor to an office. You read the name on the door and desk laminate. Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade. As you walk in, you see a man in his late 30’s or early 40's with graying hair sitting at the desk drinking coffee, going by the smell. He looked up from his paperwork and flashed a weak smile.

“Hello, you must be Detective Bradford.” He said as he stood from his chair and reached to shake your hand. As you went to shake his hand, Donovan choked on the air.

“This ‘kid’ is the new Behavioral Analysis Detective!?” She barked, loud enough for the whole floor to hear.

“As a matter of fact, I am, Sergeant Sally Donovan and you should be quick to hold that tongue of yours considering the circumstances. I suggest you get back to trying to solve these suicides instead of spending the whole night out on the town. And Mr Anderson, please try spending sometime with your wife and not with the other woman.” You raised your brow and shifted your eyes between the two then turning around to shake Greg’s outstretched hand. “Oh and by the way, not that it matters but I am twenty-five, soon to be twenty-six and I do not get any bigger than this, so watch who you call ‘kid’.” You added not even bothering to look at them as you sat in the leather chair across from Greg whose jaw was hanging loose.

You can almost feel the daggers going through the back of your head from both parties. Without saying another word, Donovan stormed off with Anderson in toe. “Your file said you were good but not like that.” You looked up to Greg, who sat there with wide eyes.

“Oh please they were open books as far I can see. It was obvious.“ You said in an uncaring tone with a quick smile, crossing your leg over the other.

“It wasn't obvious to me.” He sat down in his chair, still looking at you with bewilderment.

“That's because you weren't looking hard enough. Shall we continue?” You smiled politely at him as he leaned back into the plush of his chair, his coffee mug raised to his lips as he drank. Little did you know he was thinking of his old Consulting Detective friend and how he is going to love watching you make him squirm.

You and Greg, as he insisted you call him, his casual demeanor a surprise to you, had talked for a while about the case and of how things worked around the Yard. Greg was finishing up the paperwork to get you in the system as you sat on your chair, your phone in your hand as you looked at the weather around the area to pass the time. You wanted to know when it was going to snow, but as you looked at the weather radar, your phone buzzed, alerting you of a text. It was your sister Lyra.

You were about to read the text when a knock at the door pulled you from your phone. You looked behind you towards the source of the sound where there was a woman standing behind the door frame, poking her head into the room. “Mr. Lestrade?”

“Yes Natalie?” He turned his head towards the woman as she stood out from behind the wall, her hands fidgeting in front of her. Why is she so antsy?

“There’s an urgent call for you on the phone.” She said, still fidgeting with her fingers. You couldn’t help the deductions that began to pop in and out of your head. Young woman in her early-mid twenties. Telling by her body language she is uncertain and flustered. Why? Her clothes are flirtatious and womanly to show and hug her curves. Her makeup looks to be refreshed and she’s just re-applied perfume, a sickly sweet floral concoction, probably from a local pharmacy. She’s trying to show off, but to who? Her eyes are dilated and targeted at Greg, who is looking at the paperwork, slightly ignoring her presence. Final deduction; she has a crush on the Detective Inspector, a crush that is clearly not mutual. You beamed to yourself as you sit back in the chair.

“Ok, thank you Natalie, I’ll be right there.” He replied looking to her for a moment. You caught a glimpse of her face as she exited and retreated back to her desk. She was beet red. You turn your head back to Greg, who was standing from his desk. You stand along with him.

“So I think you’re pretty much set up and ready to go. You don’t have a lot of paperwork for now since it’s your first day and as for now you're on call until you get more settled.” He started walking towards the door.

“Ok, that sounds great. I can’t wait to get started.” You bubbled with a cheeky grin. You were so happy to be here and help people by doing what you did. “Thank you again so much for this opportunity Detective Inspector.” You added with genuine smile walking out the door with him.

“Please, call me Greg and no problem. Welcome to our division Detective.” He muttered over his shoulder walking toward the horde of desks. You turn around and made your way opposite Greg to the death box as you decided to be brave and take the elevator again. You feel Sally and Anderson’s eyes piercing your back as you headed towards the elevator. What is their problem?

Down in the lobby once more, you made your way out the door, thinking about what you could do to pass some time. You had thought of going back home and unpacking but then your aunt popped up and you realised that you still hadn’t seen her yet. She was going to kill you for not seeing her right away. As you waved down a taxi you noticed that a police car had pulled up in front with haste. You furrowed your brow with confusion until you heard someone call your name out with urgency behind you, the pieces falling into place as you turned to see Greg coming out of the building.

“Ava!”He had his coat on and was approaching you fast, his face creased and plastered with worry and seriousness. Something is up. Another murder.

“Where?”

“Brixton, Lauriston Gardens and this one left a note. Will you come?” He continued, not bothered by the fact that you knew it was another suicide.

“Are you kidding me? Three, now four impossible suicides and all the same cause and now a note. Is it my birthday already?!” You blurted out not waiting for him to respond. As you both get in the police car , you hear a chuckle coming from him. “What?”

“Nothing, you’re just going to really like who is coming to help with the case.” He added from his side of the car. You were too immersed in your own thoughts to really bother asking him who the mystery person was but your answer soon came when you realised where you were headed; Baker Street.

“Let me guess, it’s the great Sherlock Holmes? That's your help?” You said mockingly in a British accent. Greg seemed to be amused and mocked hurt at your awful impression.

“He’s a consultant and a genius. He can be a real pain to be around but he’s a great man. Maybe one day he might be a good one.” He implied not breaking eye contact with the road. You didn't exactly know what that meant, but the look on his face told you that he wasn't lying. This Sherlock keeps getting more interesting as the day goes on. At leased you get to pop into see Aunt Martha.

As the car stopped you turned your full body over to Lestrade and asked with a pleading look. “Can I go in with you?”

“Uh, sure?” His eyes narrowed with confusion as to why you wanted to go in or why is was necessary to ask but he didn't argue. Both of you get out of the police car and you basically hopped out with joy. He couldn’t believe that you were so much like Sherlock that it scared him a bit. You looked up at the building opposite yours and you notice the man at the window on the second floor, looking at you. Your head tilted in curiosity as to who it was, or more like as to why he was looking. Pulling your sight away from the window, you followed Lestrade inside.

He didn’t bother to knock, which struck you as odd, and he bounded up the stairs taking two at a time. You stayed downstairs to see if your aunt was in but before you could, you heard footsteps coming from the stairwell. It was an old woman in her seventies she was wearing a purple dress that tied in the middle and a newspaper, a similar style to that of Mrs. Turner. You loved that color and knew from the family pictures that Lyra had shown over the years who the woman was.

“Aunt Martha?” She looked up from her skirts, which she was holding lest she tripped on them, and caught your figure at the bottom of the stairs. She paused in her stride before recognition made itself apparent on her face, her eyes brightening and a smile appearing upon her lips.

“Ava! Hello love!” She asked as she came closer to you pulling you into a loving hug. “How are you dear? How was the flight? Would you like something? Tea maybe?” Aunt Martha pulled back from you, her face now washed with concern over you. “I’m alright thanks. The flight was good long, but good but the train ride was tiring. But I’m working right now so I dont have much time to talk but I just wanted to see you and tell you I was here. I only got here a couple of hours ago.” You said with a cheeky smile, holding her hands in your own. The last time you saw her was three years ago at a Christmas dinner. It was the first time the whole family was together and knowing that the Bradford family had English heritage, you couldn't help but think how lucky you were to have a family like this one, knowing how bad some kids could get it. You of all people should know. You always loved the English language, everything was always so beautifully said even if it was an insult.

“We’ll just have to catch up next time then won’t we? I hope Mrs.Turner is treating you well. Has she told you about Sherlock yet?” She asked, with her hand over her mouth trying to hide the giggle.

“She mentioned him to me not even five minutes into the flat. The old women seems to get a kick watching your flatmate.” You laughed out, your aunt tries to hide her laughter with a playfully stern grin, lightly hitting your arm with the newspaper she had with her. “Be nice.” When her giggles couldn’t be contained you both laugh like school girls. Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, you both quieted but still smiling like mad men. Seeing that it was Lestrade, he gave you a look to let you know that it was time to go. You nodded at him letting him know you got the message. “Ok, Aunt Martha I have to go but I will be back. We can have tea later.”

“Alright love. Be safe.” She waved at you as she headed back up the stairs. You were heading out the door you heard a yell from up stairs, the deep baritone of the voice rumbling through the walls with its volume.

“Brilliant!” It was a voice filled with excitement and you smiled as you closed the door on your way to the crime scene.

----------------------------------------

You arrived at the crime scene with the knowledge of the victim given to you from a text in Greg’s phone. Jennifer Wilson according to the credit card found at the scene. Some kids found her not too long ago when they were ...Why kids be here of all places?

You headed up stairs without waiting for anyone, passing Sally at the entrance, ignoring the sneer she sent your way. A couple people from forensics tried to get you to put on a blue contaminant prevention suit, however you refused and stepped past them anyway, much to their annoyance. Like I’m going to mess up the scene. Idiots. Half way up, you realized that you didn't have any gloves and knowing what you do about Anderson, he would surely have a fit upon seeing your gloveless hands. You would prefer not to have to talk to him for more than necessary. Getting to the bottom of the stairs, you hear Sally’s voice come in over the radio that was left on the table. “Freak’s here. Bringing him in.”

“Freak?” You asked yourself, feeling an old pinch in your chest. Hearing Sally call someone that just made your blood boil. Nobody should be called a freak in any circumstance.

You heard Anderson come out of the room upstairs and, looking up the stairwell, you catch the look of pure disgust on his face as he furiously walked down the stairs, passing you without so much as a glance. You followed him out but kept to the shadows of the doorway. You watched as a very tall man with ebony curls and a belstaff coat approached the building. You couldn’t help but stare. He was... beautiful. You knew who he was by his cheekbones, it was the consultant. Mrs.Turner was right. Those cheekbones could kill. Turning your attention towards the table of forensic gear you could still hear Mr. Holmes talking to Anderson.

“I'm not implying anything I’m sure Sally came by for a nice little chat and just happen to stay over.” The deep mellow voice said making you freeze and your eyes go wide with realization. You covered your mouth to try to stop the bubble of laughter in your throat but it was no help. “And I assume she scrubbed your floors going by the state her knees.” He finished making you burst. It was loud and you knew that everyone could have heard it but you didn't care. You had tears in your eyes from holding the full laugh back. Oh my god, I can't believe he said that out loud!

Grabbing a pair of gloves you bounded up the stairs, wanting to get a look for yourself before this consulting detective came in. You entered the room seeing the body laying face down. The first thought that came to your mind was less a thought and more of an obvious statement. Pink.

[Sherlock point of view]

After Sherlock deduced Anderson's affair with Sally, he heard a burst of laughter from the building, smiling at the fact that someone else knew. With John close behind, the pair entered the building, meeting Lestrade at the door.

“I can get you two minutes.”

“I may need more.” Sherlock replied going toward the kitchen area.

Looking towards the staircase he caught a glimpse of a beige coat and strange pair of polka dotted laced converse. Narrowing his eyes at the sight, he put it off, assuming that it was nothing of import. Lestrade was by the table and he held out a suit of the most ghastly blue to Sherlock, waving it a little for him to take.

“You'll need to put this on.” He handed one to John as well and seemed taken aback by the new presence. He looked at Sherlock with raised brows, then to once more to John then back again. “Who is this?“ He asked bemused and pissed off.

“He’s with me.” Imbecile.

“Yeah but who is he?” He pestered putting on a blue cover up.

“I said he’s with me.” Sherlock turned his head like a whip and glared at Lestrade.

“Fine. At least put one of these on.” He asked which Sherlock, in return, ignored. I heard the frustration in his sigh, huffing my breath in humour.

“So where are we?” Sherlock asked as they made our way up the staircase.

“Upstairs. Jennifer Wilson according to her credit cards, we're running them for contact details. Hasn't been here long, some kids found her.” Lestrade informed the two in front of him as they reached the room, stopping when they saw someone hunched down near the lady in pink. She was… an anomaly, as Sherlock had immediately thought. There was no other way to describe her he found.

Her small stature, childish laces and mundane appearance were all boring to him. Insignificant. Nevertheless, there was… something. But what? She’s obviously in this line of profession, expertly prodding at the body, turning the victim’s collar inside out and over again. Now there’s an interesting thought. The collar could indicate rain and wind, even snow if she came from the north, which would mean - oh, the girl’s traveled. She had moved from one side of the body to the other, now getting a view if her face, he could seem to pull his eyes away. She was different and interesting enough for him to be absolutely... captivated.

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amethystdarkwolf · 6 years

Text

The Reality Behind The Fiction [Part two]

[Part One]

[Next Part]

TW: Panic attack

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I was unsure if you would recognize who I was if I went by that name, but yes." Logan stated, moving away from Thomas and flipping on the light switch, so that Thomas could see him clearly. No surprise, he looked exactly what Thomas portrayed him as in his videos, the only thing different was his deep blue, almost hypnotic eyes.

Thomas slowly shook his head. "Im actually going crazy..." He said as his voice quivered. "That is how you are attempting to put this into reason, but that is a false statement. You are not becoming insane in any form, we truly do exist." Logan spoke calmly as he walked back over to Thomas offering his hand to help him stand.

"W-We?" Thomas asked, not taking Logan's hand and in fact moving more away from him in pure fear. Logan looked confused as he drew his hand away. "Well yes, your creativity, morality, and anxiety." He stated as if it was obvious, he waited a second before realizing his mistake. "Oh. And your deceit." he added.

"N-No... No, I'm going crazy, I've overworked myself with Sanders Sides videos and this is the repercussion, just... N-no.. No.." Thomas tried to convince himself of before he scrambled to his feet and bolted up the stairs back to his bedroom. He heard a sigh, a mumble and a snap before again, he was just stuck with dead silence, no hint of anything being off besides his own racing heart and spinning mind.

It's needless to say he didn't sleep that night, his mind still trying to comprehend if that was a dream or not. The next day, Joan called him to ask if anything happened, before Thomas was even able to say anything, he became hysterical, babbling incoherently through sobs and lack of breath. He was shaking and everything felt so overwhelming.

He tried to explain what happened and what he saw but Joan just told him that they'd be over soon to help him calm down and then they can talk there. Thomas managed to choke out an "okay" and they hung up.

Thomas tried to calm himself down, unfortunately to no avail, he was an absolute mess, uncontrollably shaking and sobbing. This scared him so much, everything that had been happening, the whispers, the lights, the temperature, Logan? It all looked so real, felt so real! but it couldn't be. The sides aren't real, they're just characters but it was just so real.

"I-I'm going insane... I-I... I'm crazy..." He cried into his hand, he just wants this to be a dream, some sick twisted nightmare that his mind made up and that was so elaborate that it was difficult for him to wake up. He wants to wake up and have all of this just go away. What are his friends going to think? And the fanders??? All the letters and messages he's gotten from fans saying that he's helped them, all the work he did on the musical, all of that will be invalidated now because he's insane... None of that will matter, he's going to lose everything...

When Joan got there it was hard for them to distinguish if Thomas had cried so much that he physically couldn't anymore, or if he was now calm....

It was the former...

Joan hugged and comforted him. "It's okay, Thomas, just breathe and you can explain it once you're calmed down." They spoke softly. It took quite awhile but eventually Thomas was able to steady his voice and bring his shaking down to a minimum. "I-I'm actually crazy, Joan.... I did the test a-and-and it worked! And I saw... Logan-" Joan stopped him. "Wait, Logan? Logic?" they asked.

Thomas nodded and looked down at the floor. "He was talking to me as if he was trying to convince me he was real, b-but I-I just ran back upstairs and I haven't slept or been out of my room really sense... I'm scared...." He began shaking a bit more. "I'm really scared, Joan..." He said.

Joan stayed silent, allowing Thomas to continue, but not for the reason Thomas thought.

"I-I don't know what to do... I'm freaking crazy, Joan..." Thomas said, expecting some type of sympathy or something, but there was just silence. "Joan?" He asked glancing over at them. Joan's eyes were wide, and they weren't looking at him, they were looking at something behind him.

"When did you get a twin? And why is he dressed like Logan?" Joan asked. Thomas' eyes widened and he quickly turned around. There next to the beside table stood Logan. "I apologize Thomas.... Though it's not ideal, I thought appearing in front of Joan would help to calm you... Verify that you are in fact still sane..." he said.

"Y-You can... See him too?" Thomas asked, Joan slowly nodded "Yeah.... Holy shit... They're actually real?" They asked, earning a nod from Logan. "W-Well then, where are the others?" They asked, Logan immediately responded, barely letting Joan finish their question. "They are tending to Virgil... Making sure he's okay.."

Thomas and Joan both looked at one another slightly confused. "What's wrong with Virgil?" Thomas asked hesitantly, still finding this so off-putting that he's literally talking to a character he has written and preformed as.

Logan sighed, "Thomas, Virgil represents your Anxiety... This entire day, including last night you have been in an extreme state of panic, having multiple rough anxiety attacks.... He's also been experiencing these, but worse since that is a significant part of who he is... He's in pretty bad shape... But now that you at least seem relatively calm he should be recovering from that now..." He stated.

"Oh my goodness... Is he gonna be okay?" Thomas asked, Logan nodded. "Yes, most likely, we will just need to bandage his hands, he bit them harshly trying to keep himself from crying, and he'll be jumpy and jittery for awhile, so he probably won't appear soon...." he explained.

"This is so fucking weird..." Joan muttered. "That is an understatement, Joan. We are just as confused as you two are... We weren't meaning to reveal ourselves any time soon, but it was getting bad for you mentally for us to be around without showing what we are... On another note... We aren't going to appear for a few days-"

Thomas cut him off. "You can't just leave! I have so much stuff to ask you and try to figure this out with you guys." Logan gave a deadpan look. "If you would let me finish.... We will be back once Virgil is fully recovered or at least recovered enough to talk to you... And since you now know that we are real, and you're not going insane, we can focus on him while still looking out for your mental state... And Joan?" he asked.

"Yeah?" They asked. "I have to request that this remains in confidence at least for now, while we're still figuring things out?" Joan nodded "Y-Yeah... That makes sense..." Logan gave a small nod "Now if you two will excuse me, I have to go verify that Virgil is okay." and with that, he snapped his fingers and disappeared.

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patrick-donovan · 4 years

Text

PUT UNDER ORDERS | DIANTRICK

WHEN: May 27th, 2020

WHERE: Patrick’s house

WHO: Diana Hummel & Patrick Donovan

EVENT: Patrick cooks dinner for a sad Diana.

DIANA: There was an evident sadness about Diana. For a multitude of reasons. First and foremost, because Skye was in the hospital, it made her sick to her stomach. But an underlying sadness was that Thea ruined something else for Diana. It wasn't Patrick's fault, and she wasn't going to hold it against im. Didn't make it any less uncomfortable to be around him now. Nervously she held er collar, eyes cast downward as she found it hard to even look at him. Purposely she sat on the sofa, a distance from him. "So…" She finally manages to choke out, "What's for dinner?"

PATRICK: Patrick was exhausted. He'd been put under orders by Matthias Venzo and it had token a toll on him; he was absolutely drained for energy. It didn't help that right before he was supposed to get out of those orders, both Thea and Diana had messaged him about their sister in the hospital. He had planned to just go home and sleep, because so much had happened in such a short space of time; he'd found out that Thea was there, there'd been the whole Switch attack on her sister and he'd been confronted about his libertine lifestyle. It was all a lot to deal with, on top of being new to the island and not knowing what the hell was going on or how he could get back. But compared to what Thea and Diana were going through, it was nothing.

He couldn't imagine having someone you care so much for get attacked the way that Skylar had. Which was why he hadn't hesitated to put Diana under orders when she'd asked him to. She clearly needed a space where she could feel comfortable, even if Patrick had gone and fucked that up, by telling her that he knew Thea and had been trying to get into her pants for a while. Thea had sort of demanded that she know, and while he thought it wasn't the best time to tell Diana, he did know that she deserved to know the truth. So now, there was this awkward silence between them, as Patrick finished cooking the dinner for them.

"Pasta," He said, turning his head to look at the girl and give her a smile. "I'm not a great cook, but if college has taught me anything, it's to make pasta," He plated the food and wiped his hands on a nearby towel, before taking it to Diana and sitting down next to her. His hand instinctively moved to rub her back. "How're you feeling?"

DIANA: Diana was trying, but it hung thick in the air. If anything, she was thankful she brought red wine and a charcuterie plate. Cause right now; she was a complete bundle of nerves. Something that was slowly calming down after her 3rd glass of wine.The air was thick with tension—she hated it, especially from a person; who just a few days ago made her feel so warm. She didn't want it to be this way between them. Not when she knew how easily they got along. This whole ordeal made her sick to her stomach with confusion.

When he sat down next to her, she instinctively topped off both their glasses Only to bring hers to her lips, eyes cast to the side. But she managed to bring a smile to her face, even if it was a bit forced. One that only began a little bit more excited and genuine when he mentioned pasta, "Really? I don't think I've had pasta in seven years… I'm sure it's marvelous! Don't think so poorly about yourself. I can't wait to try it."

When he began to stroke her back, Diana almost melted instantly. It was difficult for the girl to stay mad or sour. Especially when someone gave her the positive affirmations she so desperately craved. A soft moan escaped her as she finally gave in and laid her head on his shoulder. "I'm fine. I'm not the one in the hospital. I shouldn't be e selfish. You had a difficult day. How are you doing?" The delicate digits went to hold his hand.

PATRICK: Patrick instantly saw the forced smile that Diana presented. He felt bad, because he hadn't meant to make her feel uncomfortable or anything like that - especially not since she was spending the next 12 hours with him. But, he also couldn't go 12 hours without telling her that the girl that he'd been friends with for a couple of years, and whom he'd tried to bed unsuccessfully was also on the island, and oh yeah, happened to be her sister - because 12 hours with that information stuck in his head without anywhere to go would make him go absolutely insane.

"You haven't had- what?!" He was shocked to hear that. How could someone go without pasta for that long? That was absolutely unbelievable. She'd told him about her previous partner and how they controlled her eating habits, which was insane to Patrick. How could anyone abuse someone like that? It made him furious. "Well, we've got a lot of catching up to do then, because seven years without pasta should be a crime. I say we make it a weekly thing. Hell, maybe even twice a week, if you're up for it."

He took a sip of his wine, the tart taste hitting his tongue. He was appreciative of her coming over with wine and cheese, especially after the day that he'd had. She hadn't needed to, but it was nice. "Hey, no, you're allowed to not be okay," Patrick said, feeling her head on his shoulder. "It's terrible, what happened to Skye. And you're allowed to feel sad or angry about it," Patrick reminded her, before placing his arm around her shoulder to rub her arm. "I'm...alright, no need to worry about me. I just wish there were some news about your sister, y'know? Like, who did it? Who could do such a thing?"

DIANA: Diana was too soft. Of course, she couldn't help but understand. Thea was phenomenal; at the end of the day, Diana wasn't. She just wished it didn't have to be shoved into her face all the time. For once, she wanted to be the one that shined. But she knew her lot in life. When it came to her family, she would always be second fiddle. No matter how hard she tried. Just other reminders of why she left. It made her fear as if she were here; she'd never shine again.

"No, I wasn't allowed. I don't know what I'm going to do if you continue to spoil me like this. I'm not used to it." Even if she wasn't unique, he still treated her wonderfully. And perhaps for a moment, she could pretend and think she was. "Really? You wouldn't mind seeing me twice a week????" Diana tucked a stray strand of auburn hair behind her ear as she looked the other way. "I’d like that…I’d like that a lot.” This was one of those moments she could pretend. Because of that, the smile on her face could not be more genuine. “Thank you, Patty.”

“I’m scared for Skye…But I don’t want to burden anyone with my emotions. And sometimes people treat me like I’m in the way, or dumb, or less than and exclude. And it gets to me…I just want to help. I know I’m naïve and too trusting…But it doesn’t mean I can’t help, or that my opinion isn’t worth even hearing.” She let out a soft sigh as she snuggled into him. She did find his presence calming. “Of course, I am going to worry about you. We’re friends…Friends care about each other. It isn’t a one-way street. I know I’m nothing special….I know I’m not as useful as Thea. But I want to help you.”

PATRICK: Diana was so sweet, she didn't deserve any of this. Skylar being in the hospital, the abuse that she'd experienced, the low self-esteem; she deserved to know how wonderful she was, how comfortable she'd made Patrick feel when he first arrived. He was determined to show her how appreciative he was of her.

"Don't go combusting on me, because that's the last thing that I want. Hell, it's not even on the list of things I want, Di. I mean, I know that pasta's great, and if it's cooked right, then it's definitely worth dying over, but I don't want you to do that. I kinda want to keep you in my life," Patrick rambled as he grinned. Furrowing his eyebrows, he was confused at her question. "Of course not? If I did, I wouldn't have suggested it," He told her, a soft smirk lingering on his lips.

Patrick nodded, listening as the Submissive girl let out how she felt. There was no way in hell that this wasn't going to have some sort of effect on her; Thea had already let in how sensitive she was, and he'd somewhat already gathered that from the interactions they had at the birthday party. "Your feelings are completely valid though. If anyone thinks your feelings are a burden, then that's their problem, not yours. Don't ever repress your feelings, just because of someone else, okay?" Patrick said, sighing softly. She didn't need to worry about how other people felt, about her feelings - they were completely irrelevant. "Hey, stop comparing yourself to Thea, please? You're two very different people. And I mean that in the best way possible."

DIANA: Slowly the submissive’s negative thoughts began to melt away. That the fears Diana built up in her head weren’t as bad as the actual reality; yes, she could be entirely happy with their relationship being just like this. For the first time in a long time, Diana felt at peace. The slender digits of her fingers interlocked with his, as she held his hand softly. It was evident as time passed by, she grew more and more comfortable once again.

“Okay! I promise no combustion. But I am going to have to rent some extra time in the local dance studio to start working off the weight. Until my studio gets built anyway.” A happy giggle escaped her and smiled up at him with adoration. “What kind of pasta? Oh, no-no, don’t tell me! I want it to be a surprise.”

When he confirmed his desire to see her multiple times a week, she did feel as if she could combust. Someone that wasn’t Kurt or Riley wanted to spend time with her regularly. “I’ve never met anyone like you before…Thank you for everything, Patty. I’m sorry about being weird….It was just a lot of information to process…But I think all friendships have their bumps in the road….And they become stronger because of it. So, that means all that happened today was we grew stronger.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Like today, I got edged out of a family conversation….About Gavin Sawyer. The Dominant that was supposed to be looking after Skye. Kurt is a bit smitten with him. It’s causing turmoil in our family. However, it seems as if I’m n+ot invited to the conversation about how we should deal with it.” She sighed softly, thinking about what Thea said in the family chat. ‘No, we’ll deal with it ourselves.’ Making Diana feel worthless to her own family. “It just pardons my language, sucks.” A small pout formed on her face at the thought.

A pout which did not last for long, when Patrick said she couldn’t compare herself to Thea. How the two of them were different in the best possible ways. Eyes sparkled up at him, and she couldn’t help a wide grin. “No one’s ever put it that way before. And if Patty says so, it must be true so…” Nervously she bit her bottom lip. “I trust you….” Because that’s who Diana was, trusting. If Thea approved of him, he had to be a decent person. She indeed had nothing to fear. It was time to push those silly thoughts that haunted her since their parents got married out of her head. “I Diana Hummel am good enough.”

PATRICK: "Maybe I can come and watch you, some time?" Patrick said, raising his eyebrows at the suggestion. It was obvious how much Diana enjoyed dancing, and if she felt comfortable with it, Patrick would love to see her talent. He chuckled at her excitement, feeling kind of proud of himself for making her look forward to something as simple as pasta.

Shaking his head, Patrick instantly opened his mouth to speak. "No, no, don't thank me and don't apologize, please? I wasn't sure if I should've told you, because of everything that's happened, but you also deserved to know. Especially since I've put you under orders here with me, for the next 12 hours. I'd just rather be honest with you about things, y'know? I'm not here to play you around." He smiled, squeezing her hand back. He didn't want her to feel bad about anything, she'd had a right to not feel completely comfortable, after he'd told her everything.

His eyebrows furrowed. He wasn't really understanding the whole family feud thing. To him, the biggest problem that him and his family had was usually the discussion about who had to clean up after dinner, and now that Patrick was an adult, he was seen more as a guest in the house than the teenage son who'd make up some terrible excuse to get out of doing his chores. "That does sound sucky. Have you tried sitting them down about it, and just...tell them how you feel?" He was so bad at trying to come up with solutions, especially when he had no experience in the department, but he wanted to try anyway.

Smiling proudly at her, Patrick snapped his fingers and pointed at her. "That's right!" He exclaimed and set his glass of wine down before proceeding to jump up to stand on the couch. "You, Diana Hummel, are good enough!" He shouted and looked down at her with a smile. "You are more than good enough!"

DIANA: “I would love for you to come to watch me dance. Perhaps Monday or Tuesday? If you have a style preference, I’d be happy to adapt. Though I must admit, contemporary freestyle is not my strong suit. I do better with structure.” For a moment, she paused, “I hope I can see your art soon. My offer to model for you still stands. You know painting ballerinas is a classic…” she said with a small smile, “Primarily because we’re tiny and can bend in all sorts of ways.” “Thank you for being honest with me…” Diana wanted to reach out to Thea about this complicated mess. Now that her internal demons were at bay. Now didn’t seem like the right time to bring up boy drama. Not while Skye laid beaten and bloodied in the hospital. “I know you aren’t going to play around with me. As I said before, I trust you, Patrick.” Eyes cast downward at her collar, slightly nervous. “Even after everything, I feel safe with you.” Diana’s loyalty was generally pure and rarely wavered. Once she let someone in, she believed they only had the best intentions for her.

“Everyone in my family has powerful personalities….Except for me. Various beliefs and ideals that sometimes clash. But at the end of the day, we all love one another very much. Even if sometimes I have the habit of forgetting, I belong….” A soft sigh escaped her, “Every time I speak up I fear I'm a nuance. I’ve been trying to be more vocal with my feelings. Not keep them bottled up all the time. But I’m scared of disappointing them….”

Chestnut hues expand at the sudden display of theatrics. She can’t help but giggle and clap her hands together. “Oh, my goodness! Patty! You are wild! Widely! Wilder! Wild!” she squealed with excitement. She wished she had the energy and the prowess to jump on furniture without care. “I’m more than enough!” she reiterated with a big smile.

PATRICK: Nodding, Patrick smiled at the suggestion. He liked the idea of seeing her dance and do the thing that she loved; he wondered if she'd look different, especially since she felt more confident dancing, than doing anything else. "Monday or Tuesday are both fine for me, whatever works for you, Di," He gave her hand a squeeze. He pretended to think for a bit, before answering. "Hmm...I think you should surprise me. Do your favorite dance, yeah?" That meant there was no pressure on her, that she got to do exactly what she wanted to. "I'm not sure where I'd go to get art supplies," He told her. "If I had any, I'd sketch you anytime."

"Now you promise me you're not going to play me around," Patrick said, mostly teasing her. It was a two-way street for Patrick, but he also figured she wouldn't do something like that. It didn't really seem to be her style. "I'm happy to hear you say that, you know? It's not just me who makes you feel that way though, right? You mentioned, um...Mr Crawford, earlier. He makes you feel safe as well."

"That's family for you though. My dad and I always argue over who's better, Madison Bumgarner or Zack Greinke. He says Madison Bumgarner, but he needs to realize that the Dodgers are going to be more successful if they give the younger players a chance, but we always agree that the Dodgers is the best team," Patrick rambled on, missing thee point about family and instead being caught up in baseball. He cleared his throat as he figured he needed to get back on track. "Well, I can safely say that you're not a nuisance. And I'm proud of you for being able to talk about your feelings."

Patrick couldn't help but chuckle as he saw her reaction to him. Was this how Oprah felt when she gave out all of those cars? "Oh, Di...this isn't even wild," He grinned and sat back down, placing his hand on her knee and squeezing it softly. "You're perfect, my darling."

DIANA: “I could use some time to dance.” After how useless she felt with the whole Skye situation. Thea seemed to have everything handled. Skye didn’t seem to feel comfortable with Diana seeing her in such a state. Again she felt like she was getting in the way. Dancing is what always made her feel so free, feel her most self. “Okay, I will do my favorite dance.” For a moment, she paused then smiled, “I think I know where I have some pocket money. I’ll picket them up for you, and when we meet up again, you can have some. Maybe just some paper and some sketching pencils and erasers…Nothing fancy, but we both need to do what we’re passionate about. I think it will help us both. Me with my confidence. You with your adjusting.”

When Patrick inquired if she would play with him, she looked up at hi with big doe eyes at him. Apparent confusion played upon her face. “I don’t even think I know how to play someone. I am quite genuine in how I feel.” Head cocked to the side, growing even more confused as the conversation continued. “Yes, I do feel safe with Mr. Crawford. I feel safe with several people. You just make me feel as if maybe I’m not useless as well.”

When Patrick talked about his family, Diana smiled. He seemed so soft; genuine. It made her heart feel all warm and fuzzy. “My insecurities generally make me want to run. Honestly, I did run away from my family six years ago. They all seemed so happy; I felt like I got in the way of that happiness. So, I joined a traveling dance company and never looked back. Coming here and being, not being able to run away…Is forcing me to face my demons. “ She smiled slightly, as he said she wasn’t a nuisance.

“Thanks. Just hearing it makes me feel more comfortable. I know it’s silly, but it helps.” Diana felt butterflies in her stomach as Patrick placed his hand on her knee. Said that magic words that the Prima Ballerina always died to her. “…..Patrick….” Arms launched around his neck as she hugged him tightly. Face nuzzled into the side of his head.

PATRICK: “Are you going to keep it a secret from me, what your favorite dance is? Or do I get to know before I come and see you?” Patrick asked her, genuinely quite interested in what she did. At her next comment, his eyes widened, and he instantly shook his head. “No, no, don’t you do that, please? That’s your money, to be spent on you. You ain’t gotta worry ‘bout me, okay? I’ll figure out something, I’m fairly creative in that sense. I once used a comb and a cookie cutter, because I couldn’t find any brushes to paint with,” He leaned over and nudged her shoulder with his before continuing. “I’ll be fine, okay?”

Patrick felt good, knowing that there were definitely people around Diana who weren’t out to hurt her, or take advantage of her. Whatever relationship she had been in before had clearly been toxic and it was obvious that it had left its marks on the girl. As her friend, he felt very protective over her; he usually did over all of his friends. But knowing that Diana was more naive and shy than his other friends, the protectiveness was turned up a notch. He instantly shook his head. “If anyone makes you feel useless, you just do this,” Patrick gently took her arms and stretched them out. He wrapped his hands around her fingers to move them in so her hands were balled up into fists. He then pushed one arm gently back, and the other towards him as he made her mimic throwing a punch.

“What makes you say that they seemed happy that you ran away?” There was lot to uncover here, but Patrick didn’t mind - it meant that he got to know the girl. As long as she was comfortable with answering, of course. “I guess this place might actually be good for something then,” He muttered, looking around slightly. He hated to admit it, but maybe there were a few perks to it.

It wasn’t the first time that Diana had launched herself at him, to hug him. It hadn’t taken her long to do so at the birthday party, after he’d introduced himself to her, and it hadn’t taken long now. He arms moved instinctively behind her back, rubbing it soothingly as he chuckled. “What? It’s the truth. You are who you are, and that’s pretty perfect,” He said, pulling away from thee hug. “No one can take that away from you.”

#f2f006 #diana #f2f

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flowercrown-jackson · 7 years

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100

1.- Probably a very passive/aggressive one. That one person that you would’ve never even had as a suspect.2.- Absolutely nothing. (Just got home)3.- Daisy (idk lol)4.- Anyone tbh, i’d be ore surprised by the fact that someone’s calling me.5.- Two bottles of beer max, every 5 months or so 6.- Not at all, ack7.- Their eyes and smile8.- I’ve learned not to 9.- Absolutely, only thing i really like about myself10.- I have the trick to disappoint 11.- Tall, slim, fluffy hair and gentle eyes (idc about color), nice smile12.- I already answered this 13.- If he can skate then that’d be a bonus lol, anything is cool w/me tbh14.- Caressing and kisses no the temple15.- I just really want someone to push me against the wall and just kiss me silly. Kinda like it rough lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯16.- I think I have to understand the concept first to answer this. I’ve had plenty of crushes tho17.- Yeah but he’s dating someone and I’m kinda in the process of getting over him 18.- I’m straight~19.- Black, idk, it goes with everything and its cool i guess lol 20.- I have plenty omg21.- Pffftt. Yes. All the time 22.- The same as now only more sociable and without anxiety or depression23.- One near the beach. Two stories.24.- The fact that someone thought i was actually going to not do this whole thing lmao. Nice try~25.- The beach26.- Favorite: insanity/insane Least favorite: gosh27.- Lip bitting, rolled up sleeves, a nice laugh, arm veins, jawline, etc etc28.- A terrible personality and having no manners29.- Yup (I have a pool. Sue me.)30.- I’m not too fond of heights, I’ll have to think about it (for my entire lifetime)31.- Two, older brother and younger sister. Sucks to be in the middle.32.- Love it, I enrolled in an academy at age 3, stopped when i got into hs tho, bc no time. I miss it.33.- Being unfaithful in any circumstance34.- I stole a book about Jesus when I was 4. It was accidental, I just wanted to sit on smith and I forgot it was there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯35.- A huge fuck load of things, wow36.- Arachnophobia. Cannot stand them at fucking all37.- Nope38.- Yeah, I choke a lot and I was close to drowning had it not been for my brother39.- Atheist, tho i come from a catholic fam40.- Plenty of times41.- Not really42.- Everyone tells me that im nothing like either but physically? I’m my dad only as a girl and younger43.- Summer44.- No, but i want one45.- Only the ones for earrings 46.- I have had none47.- PFT IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION? yes, i have too much to handle 48.- Read and write, also doodle and dance49.- The beach 50.- I guess ??51.- SUSHI52.- Yeah53.- Haven’t had it54.- None, geez 55.- Theme park would be gr856.- A bit of both but more introvert57.- Ofc58.- Surfing59.- Being kicked out of the best HS60.- Probably???61.- Not sure, tbh62.- Nope63.- Yes lmao, i can’t remember one tho bc iddc lol64.- No65.- I’m pretty fucking stupid. I can play 4 instruments and I’ve tried to commit suicide66.- yes 67.- Yup68.- Haven’t been in one69.- There is no glass (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)70.- PUSH ME AGAINST THE GODDAMN WALL71.- Ninochka and Karla are amazing72.- -73.- Body: nothing / Personality: everything except that im super fucking shy irl74.- I don’t think so75.- Both76.- Nothing, but a couple of friends stayed over a few days before, does that count?77.- I like too many://78.- Probably cry ‘till 2030 and make the best funeral ever 79.- Failing the subject I did in 4th semester80.- I’d like to do a shit ton of things but since im broke prob nothing 81.- It’s so long but basically my douche ex-best friends and I hooked up and i destroyed smith of his and then his dad gave me a job to pay for it lmao82.- Never been in a relationship so single i guess83.- a mermaid84.- When we all went bicycling that one time 85.- Eveyr single crush i’ve had. All the time.86.- Nope87.- I fell when i broke a glass bowl88.- Writer/Business 89.- Three is my limit but yes90.- liberal i guess91.- Both are great in their own way92.- It’s cool if it’s under control 93.- The political world 94.- Canada, Australia or Greece95.- Greece or the Bahamas, back to Hawai’i 96.- idk, annoying?97.- The loudest person alive but also the shyest, there in no in between, i also like to think of myself as fun but idk lol 98.- GRADUATING HOPEFULLY99.- Getting this far in HS100.- I already answered this

Send a number to my ask!

#anon asks #nice try anon #ask me stuff

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chigbungo · 6 years

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all the asks

(thank u friend)

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.Ten Fingers by WatskyTiptoe by Imagine DragonsGood Run by Andrew HuangRabbit Hole by Blink-182Still Alive(Feat. Sara Quinn) by Jonathan CoultonWork Away by Classified

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?whoever tf my soulmate is im tryna feel loved

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Focusing on a point 1/3 in puts everybody in focus” thanks bare bones camera course

4) What do you think about most?this is a good one im not actually entirely sure, probably how much i should be but do not want to be doing homework

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?i feel like there was one a while back but there’s one other i never got to hear the final product of

6) Do you have any strange phobias?idk i have really bad paranoia about shit being behind me

7) What's your religion?none of the above(nonreligious, not atheist)

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?walking to class lmao i need to get out more often

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?well if we’re talking strictly bands and not artists then probably either twenty one pilots or AJR

10) What was the last lie you told?idk probably something along the lines of “yeah I’m doing fine”

11) Do you believe in karma?sometimes? i dont really know tbh

12) What does your URL mean?im p much always sick, im dead inside, and at heart im a kid

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?greatest weakness: i fall for people way too easily, greatest strength: my sense of humor

14) Who is your celebrity crush?Ansel Elgort motherfucker

15) How do you vent your anger?i dont i just bottle it all up until i die

16) Do you have a collection of anything?yeah i have a small rock/crystal collection at home and i also collect some Funko Pop Vinyls. also i guess you could say i have a knife collection but i just like knives

17) Are you happy with the person you've become?absolutely fucking not im a lazy asshole

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?i guess it doesnt really count as a sound but i cannot stand silence, i get super paranoid and shit, i love the sound of laughter

19) What's your biggest "what if"?wow this is gonna be emo as hell but it’s “what if i never find someone to love me”

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts, yes, aliens, double yes

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm: bluetooth speaker, left arm: lamp

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?nothing really maybe some mac n cheese

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?i could be super deep w this but ill just say high school

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?ansel elgort, beyonce

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?To find someone i can be happy and spend the rest of my life with(if you haven’t noticed a lot of who i am revolves around being in a relationship)

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yeah i drive but i drive good so i dun did never crash

27) What was the last movie you saw?like the first 30 minutes of the player, but the last full movie i saw was probably something on netflix i dont remember

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?idk i get really bad stomachaches sometimes

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?star wars the old republic is the only thing keeping me going right now

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?yeah in high school there was a rumor that my friend group was one big polyamorous relationship and we all had orgies on the weekends

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?fuck yeah i do im a bitter motherfucker, but the only person i really have a grudge against rn is my little brother garrett. fuck that kid.

32) What is your astrological sign?aries, is it any surprise

33) What's the last thing you purchased?uhhhh not counting the two sodas i bought with hawk dollars last night? a 30 day subscription to swtor

34) Love or lust?LOVE

35) In a relationship?no i wish :(

36) How many relationships have you had?oh boy either 16 or17 im honestly not sure

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?jokes for days and cheesy flirting

38) Where is your best friend?like 30 minutes away i wanna see him

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?playing swtor

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?fuck yeah im my favorite kind of person(that sounds really conceited but hey who cares i like people like me)

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?save that mf dog my boss can choke if they’re gonna fire me for that

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?I would tell like. 4 people honestly. I’d drop out of school and overdraw my bank account to hell doing everything i’ve ever wanted to like paintball and traveling. and yeah id be fucking terrified and probably just sob constantly the last few days.

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Things Are Looking Up by Classified

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?being with someone that makes you incredibly happy and you can talk to for hours on end without getting tired of them. someone that likes you for who you are, and that loves hearing about your interests and you love hearing about theirs

45) How can I win your heart?compliment me and listen to me ramble about stupid shit like SCP or star wars for hours

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?i dont fuckin know sometimes?

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?i havent made a whole lot of good decisions in my life, so probably coming out as nonbinary and finally being comfortable with who i am

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?“one of the few joys in life is the joy of others” -Griffin Delouise Hutchersworthington XLII(forty-secondteenth)

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."broken lmao

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?black n red im an emo bitch

51) What is your current desktop picture?a nice rainforest waterfall, my whole computer has a green foresty theme

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?can i say myself

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?emo answer: “are you happy?” funny answer: “did you wake up before 2pm today?”

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?FLIGHT MOTHERFUCKER I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ABLE TO FLY I ALWAYS HAD FLYING DREAMS AS A KID

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?the time i first got glasses. I could finally see the world clearly and I cried like a bitch

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?dating my abuser

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?i was about to say ansel elgort again but i feel like id wanna be best friends with him, so probably Nate Ruess(the singer for Fun.)

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?ooooooooh, probably either Canada or Los Angeles

59) Ever been on a plane?yeah i dont really have an opinion of flying though like i dont love but i dont hate it either

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.(in no particular order)Ansel ElgortRyan ReynoldsLupita Nyong’oRyan HaywoodRicky Montgomery

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spilling-thoughts-blog1 · 7 years

Text

a collection of my honest (yet irrelevant) thoughts. | wednesday 8/30/2017 |

current adventure: college.

I feel stupid sitting on a bench on campus writing a post to (possibly) nobody; but after 3 classes (with another one today) spanning these first three days of college, I feel like I need to write it out. crying can only relieve so much in all honesty. so emo, my apologies.

classes started Monday, 8/28/30 and from the moment I woke up on Sunday, I've felt so empty and drained despite only taking two hour-and-twenty-minute long classes. Monday was okay. Class let out 30 minutes early, and since it was my only class of the day I walked a few blocks down to Girlfriend’s campus. Her school is insanely nice, just my style. Very industrial, modern, and taken care of. A drastic difference to my school.

Its dirty and old (not a cute-worn though, it just looks like it hasnt been taken care of) and the kids are crusty bums. Granted, Girlfriend’s school has weirdos, lots of them, but theres a sense of safety because you know they won't try to shank you if you bump them! I don't have that luxury here. Her school is a private art school, mine is just the local community college. gotta save those dollars.

Anyways. On Monday I sat on a bench (at Girlfriend’s school,) similar to this one, but I had the grass next to me instead of the dirt and sticks here and a young guy was cutting the lawn and it was quiet (aside from the lawnmower) and pretty and I felt like I was at home. The guy was nice, he felt bad asking me to move for a second so he could cut the grass next to me. If I was at my school I bet they would have just mowed right over my folders. Girlfriend got out of class after about an hour of me sitting on her campus and I got to see her for a few minutes, really the only other time I’ve seen her aside from the 20 minute car ride to school (which is two days a week keep in mind.)

We used to hang out everyday. Senior year was the best because I got to see her during practically every period (1st, 2nd, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th actually... that is a lot lol) and then we would hang out after school. Perk of your girlfriend not driving- you have an excuse to see her more often; she has to run errands, she needs a ride home, she needs a ride to, etc etc.

The smell of funnel cake keeps distracting me. I don't think theres any funnel cake, it just smells fried and sweet because the cafeteria is behind me and I'm getting hungry for the first time this week.

Not seeing her is one of the shittiest parts of college so far. I really miss her. Her classes are super long, each one at least 2 hours long I believe, and even though our schools are less than a 10 minute walk from each other, I can't see her because when she gets out of class, I'm just going into class. I also hate not seeing any familiar faces. Yeah, you have to make friends blah blah blah, but its a shock going from my nice high school with students I’d gone to school with since middle school; some even elementary school to this. sounds privileged, in know... I don't know why it keeps surprising me as well seeing full on adults walking into classes. Good for them though.

My next class starts in 40 minutes (at 11:00 and its 10:17) but I’ll probably head up in a few. It’s a 2 hour and 50 minute class and I didn't bring any of the 6 books we have to read because I already had my two English books and I didn't want to lug 8 novels around in my backpack, especially since we haven't needed any of our books on the first day. But then again, its a 3 hour class and I doubt we’ll get out that early.

Ew it smells like kerosene... not my favorite smell by far. They're setting up lame tables and tents and “Week of Welcome” activities. Will I participate? no. Am I the cause of my misery and tears thus far? Mostly.

I read up on all of my professors I could find on “rate my professor” and this next one seems super fun. He has like, 4.4/5 review and apparently he's hot. everyone said his class is easy too which is a bonus. The reviews weren't too wrong about my Comp 2 professor, they didn't speak too highly of her. Right now I'm not a fan. She comes to class 5 minutes before it begins and seems very disorganized. I really don't like that. My Psych teacher is an absolute loon, but I feel like thats to be expected from a community college psychology professor. No offense if thats what you want to be, or if your favorite professor (or family member) is one. Just my honest thoughts.

The sun came out, thats nice. Eases my anxiety a little bit when its nice out.

Jesus Christ (pardon my language if it offends you) Chris brown just started blaring out of the welcome week speakers. they're trying to make this shitty cheap ass campus a party. no thank you. “now everybody put your hands in the air. yeah yeah yeah.” its lit. sense the sarcasm.

Hopefully this class will be better and when I get home (1:50 can't come soon enough) the feeling of empty darkness inside of me that has lingered for the past 3 days will subside a little bit. I won't get my hopes up. I should start a tear jar, a warning to seniors.

WHEN I SAY I WANT TO SEE FAMILIAR FACES I DONT MEAN THE CRUSTY MEAN FUCKBOYS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH. I WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS; OH WAIT, THEYRE ALL OVER ACHIEVERS AND NICE KIDS AND ARE AWAY AT SCHOOLS LIVING FUN LIVES AND BEING HAPPY, OR AT PRIVATE SCHOOLS RIGHT DOWN THE STREET BUSY DOING AMAZING ART. now its glamorous. good thing Fergie spells G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S because I don't think half of these kids can.

its been a while, its almost 5:30 now. my 3 hour class was boring as hell. he is not hot, nor young and he was 5 minutes late to class. you can hear him suck back his snot every few minutes and choke on it a little. but his class will be easy so thats great. I'm just questioning whether I need it or not.

I haven't cried yet today, we’ll see how I feel later though. I miss Girlfriend. She’ll be home soon but I’ll bet you she’ll have to eat dinner as soon as she gets home, and then she’ll start her homework. nobody disrupts her art, not even me so I'll get to talk to her before bed for a few before I pass out at 10:00. It sucks because I was supposed to see Her Friday after my morning class ends, because she doesn't have class but then my new manager asked if I could come in. so instead of finally spending a day with her I'll be getting trained. my old manager is starting at the new store which is why I'm coming with him, but he has to get trained first, so really, its like starting a new job completely. I don't know why I decided it would be a good idea to switch jobs the first week of school. granted, there was no way in hell I would have stayed at my old job. I just should have waited until this first God awful week was over. but thats just my luck.

Im always so tired now. I say always like its been a few weeks of school when really its been 4 days. mom asked if I wanted to go on a walk with the family, and of course I said no. “it’ll be good for your mental health” ahh I see, she can see me slowly slipping downhill again and wants to prevent it. well, I don't think a walk is going to make me feel much better about the fact that my school is dirty and the hallway I was in for my last class smelled horrible, which obviously worsened my mood, and the added fact that I'm starting a new job this week and don't know what I should wear. oh, and the other fact that I don't get to see my girlfriend anymore already and its only been 4 days.

I had a bad feeling when She had her orientation and made her schedule. I new going to different schools would be horrible, but I didn't realize it would be like this. she's actually having fun and enjoying herself and making a few friends, and then theres me and I'm miserable and still have yet to speak to anyone really and she can't text in class when I'm out of class and I can't text in class when she's out. so thats great. I'm just waiting for the day she says someones flirting with her and she doesn't hate it. perks of dating a poly. I can't say no and deny her, especially when I'm not doing anything for her, or even seeing her, when someone else sees her almost every day. here come the watery eyes. plus, those kids are so much like her, they share her biggest passion. She always says she could never date someone who does what she does because it would be too much competition, but I feel like she's going to meet a photographer or videographer and it’ll be different enough to not impede on her talent, but it'll be similar enough that it’s great conversation and bonding. I'm just a jealous girlfriend, and college for us is looking to be the way I thought it would.

so, a summery for my future self who doesn't want to listen to this pity party:

Wednesday august 30, 2017. college sucks, I cry everyday, I hate my cheap dirty school and lame ass professors, I hardly see Girlfriend already, her experience is going great and I’m stressed af about starting a new job. countdown to the end of the semester- 74 days, 15 weeks, roughly 3.75 months, aka, too long to keep doing this shit.

#college #thoughts on college #school #sad #thoughts #journal #august #back to school #first year #freshman #college freshman #lonely #I hate school #I hate college #college Is the worst #irrelevant thoughts

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