#im going to break the cycle

[skeletoninthemelonland]

"The Exocannis Ressurection"

#been experiencing (seasonal) difficulties to feel satisfied with my art. especially if it's digital #i can't make fanart of other things i enjoy besides fnaf or listen to new music without feeling 'unknown' to it #everything is too much. new stuff becomes overwhelming and discouraging. people might not like it. (IT KEEPS HAPPENING RAGHHH)) #so im breaking the cycle by trying something that i came up with months ago (AGAIN) #as some people might know. the character i drew here is Hunter. and he's my OC #he's from a story i created during the pandemic. it was originally called 'The Other Side' #i got obsessed and started making art. it truly felt like i was part of a huge community. when it was just me in my room #i feel like i said this before. but after Behind The Codes. this story is probably going to be the next thing i'll be working with #starbsart #original character

[spacedlexi]

people who think clem surviving makes no sense are so funny. "they were literally foreshadowing her death the entire season" let me introduce you to the concept of a red herring. she tells lilly she isnt lee and shes right. the narrative was forcing her down that path, a path she saw as an inevitable fate waiting to take her too, but its a narrative broken by aj, who is also his own person and not S1 clem

"it happened to lee, and itll happen to you" lilly tells clem she'll die protecting aj from some mistake he makes, when in reality his defiance of her will is what saves her life after she had already accepted her fate. he breaks clem free from the lee cycle and they get their relatively happy ending. good for them

#anyway in the commentary they talk about how they Were going to have a death ending but didnt like the idea of the good/bad ending #and how people would moreso try to avoid the 'bad end' which i understand and appreciate bc thats usually what happens #so instead they gave us both :) idk why some people seem to have such a huge problem with that #they broke the cycle :) the ericson kids broke the cycle by being a loving community :) they all break the cycle by refusing the delta #lilly and minnie were both lost to the cycle. lilly with her dad and minnie with lilly #minnie couldnt let go. clem almost did the same and it would have killed her too. but aj makes a Choice and it saves her #god even tho clem is noticeably happier in s4 shes still so gd depressed and Tired. she accepted it so fast im so glad he saved her #like idk you saw her come back on screen after that massive fake out and you got Mad?? i was crying twice as hard #i know ive made this similar post before but like i still see this criticism in 2024 and i just have to laugh now #it speaks #twdg #i just love the narrative threads of S4 bro.... seasons 1 and 4 are two sides of the same coin and i love that. its satisfying

[stagefoureddiediaz]

The mess on the couch Margaret bought - that can’t be cleaned - the mess created by bringing a child into the world - while death is looming nearby.

How the whole scene is a metaphor for Bucks life - how his entrance into the world was messy and death was looming - how his birth was an attempt to keep death at bay but it came anyway and has held the hand of the Buckleys ever since. How the Buckleys tried to clean up the mess but their secret created an uncomfortable life for Buck - one that couldn’t be kept hidden and once revealed exposed the mess. How the couch is unsalvageable in much the same way Bucks relationship with his parents is - the mess will always be there in the centre of things.

How the couch is orange and how orange is a colour of superficiality arrogance and pride.

How Kameron batted Natalia away initially but ended up holding her hand - holding the hand of death while bringing life into the world - the same way Margaret was when Buck was born.

How Buck holding that baby and needing a few seconds but ultimately being able to hand it over and let go is a representation of him breaking the cycle even if he is still connecting himself to death he has broken one link in the chain - the link to his birth.

#I don’t know where im trying to go with this #just that there is more to that scene and that couch #and that Natalia needed to be there as deaths representative for buck to break free of the death aspect of his birth #and how the couch being destroyed is in some way a representation of the superficiality of the Buckley parents buying him a couch (repeating #their cycle of giving gifts and attention when buck is hurt) #and it’s destruction is buck acknowledging/accepting that about them and choosing to move on from it #how Buck hasn’t faced his more recent connection with death so Natalia being around makes sense and how her helping him pick a couch #is symbolic of bucks next journey - giving him outside perspective on his death (hence her being on the balcony) #so much couch theory it’s making my head spin!!! #kym rambles #911 on fox #911 fox #evan buckley #bucks couch #911 abc

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it #this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself #and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure'' #but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given #which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin #it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo #like he's been through enough! #because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying #by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them #when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person #yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon #but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi #get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma #especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are #like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow #i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice #or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it #i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops #wtnv #wtnv spoilers #joyousposting

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

honestly, looking at izaya's life from a third person pov, it's just... sad? like.

here's this guy who touts himself as something akin to a god and a master manipulator and someone to be feared, and he IS very good at what he does, except... when you take a look at the rest of his life, you see a mid-20s man who has no friends, nobody who really likes him- his clients fear him, his secretary isn't fond of him, and the one friend he DOES have is honestly kind of a garbage friend. and when people draw attention to this, izaya goes on this spiel about how this friendship is so intricrate it can't possibly be understood by an outsider, but what's REALLY happening is that shinra routinely doesn't care for izaya on a personal level via ignoring and ostracizing him, and izaya kind of just. takes it up the ass

he sees everyone around him as an object and the sad thing is everyone, in turn, sees HIM as an object- less an actual living being and more an abstract concept, or at least something that only exists for others to gain something from. it's this vicious cycle of izaya keeping everyone at arm's length and denying his own humanity, which in turn leads to people also denying his humanity, unknowingly feeding into this fucked up cycle of self depracation that most likely started when he was a child- his parents didnt see him as a person, just a mouth to feed and later, a way to have the life they wanted while still appearing respectable- they had kids, just like society said they should, but theyre not obligated to care for them.

and the one person who DOES notice there is something unhealthy going on can't be assed to do anything about it- in volume 9, shinra explicitly says that he doubts izaya expects to live long enough to die of old age- celty actually agrees with him! celty not being assed about it i'd expect, she already hates izaya and doesn't actually know all that much about him, but shinra at least should realize that there's something off about the whole situation. wether thats out of apathy or he just genuinley doesnt believe izaya is being unhealthy, i don't know.

but as it stands, here's a man who insists he can't be manipulated and that he's in control, who's... routinely mistreated by his only friend whom he still talks to and expects some sort of closeness from, and who ultimatley not only loses control, but loses it so spectacularly that he ends up disabled, possibly permanently. i KNOW the spinoff novels said he couldve walked if he went to physical therapy, but "ability to walk" does NOT equal "not disabled anymore."

like... it's just. a sad life! it's a horribly sad existence of a perpetual misery cycle that izaya not only doesn't pull himself out from but actively perpetuates via constantly giving in to his worst impulses and keeping everyone away from him via said impulses, ensuring nobody will notice anything wrong, and that people who DO notice and DO realize its unhealthy, won't give enough of a shit about him to help

#durarara #orihara izaya #izaya orihara #sowwy if this is like. bad. im sick with the ffflllu i think #or at least a real bad cold #waposts #and this isnt me painting izaya as like. a victim whos done nothing wrong btw #its EXPLICITLY his shit behavior that ostracizes anyone that could break the cycle #its a hell of his own making and its really sad #esp if u headcanon hes got aspd because then the reason hes like this is bc of untreated mental illness #which gives him even LESS control over The Situation than he thinks #wa-kun go one post without mentioning aspd challenge (FAILED)(NOT CLICKBAIT)(I ALMOST DIED)

[fleouriarts]

feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole

#hivemind tv #hmfcu #riley savage #graydon weaver #quadeca #jane remover #eden burke #my art #2023 #fanart #doodles #furry #its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online #doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself #and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling #and come back and then the cycle repeats #its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard #so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)' #NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here #and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out #and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave #i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style #idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment #i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one” #or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it” #sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse #whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m #friends for a while i think #woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography

[methcheese]

me when i want to talk abt dndads but my only thoughts are incoherent babble

#im so #is it bad that im still focused mostly on oakworthy #heres how we can still win #going insane though i cried #breaking the cycle w love im #they are so special to me #like cant overstate how much norm and hermie mean to me #but im also excited to be around for all of s3 bc i got in late in the game #but normal you will always be my number one #dndads #dungeons and daddies #normal oak #hermie unworthy

[godsopenwound]

what people don't tell you is that in order to break the cycle you have to break yourself first

#you are born in that cycle you ARE that cycle even......breaking free from that is breaking a part of yourself #in other words im going insane #text

[toxifoxx]

local man realizes he has to actually interact with people if he wants to be interacted with

#would be really cool if i had any kind of energy. or just something interesting to say even. but i Dont. so i would just be an interruption #or an annoyance because no one gives a shit bout what im saying. tho most of the time i have nothing to say anyway. sigh. kms #whatever #can you tell i haven't been doing very well #... but if i do go out seeking interaction ill get ignored or be the only person who actually initiates again. Lol! the cycle never breaks! #toxi.txt #i am perpetually exhausted

[scarletiswailing347]

discliamer since i havent really done that for these kinds of posts and i feel like this one is worded in a more demanding way than i usually do: any post of mine regarding what the ccs "should" do is less me actually wanting them to do what i say and more me speculating on the kinds of actions that they could take, not cause i think im smart or tactical or anything but because this is my idea of what fun is

im watching the tower vod rn and i think the only real way to deal with minute and jumper at this point in the server is to. not

like it probs wont be satisfying to the PlayersTM considering the kind of ppl they are (proactive, confrontational, plays along with the spirit of the server, self-focused morals) but considering the kind of ppl minute and jumper are (reactive, avoidant, prioritizes survival even if it means not great content, normative morals) i think its the only real way to engage with them when it comes to this kind of recursive conflict

like everytime they confront one another it keeps circling back to this moral debate regarding the ethics of killing ppl on fucking Lifesteal of all things and i highly doubt its ever gonna stop (at least for this season) considering none of the new members have really been traumatized the lifesteal way, i dont mean regular smp trauma like war and betrayal and all that jazz cause theyve already got that, i mean Lifesteal trauma: the realization that everything is a cycle, that good and evil doesnt matter, that feeling of hope shattering over and over again, that realization that in the grand scheme of things your ideals dont matter and the only thing you can truly hope for in the server are teammates and allies that wont backstab you, and that even then thats a tall order

so back to Not dealing with jumpertech, i dont mean forgetting what they did, i mean actively avoiding them, acting irrationally scared of them even when theyre being civil, fully putting them in the role of big scary villains, basically still putting what they did at the very forefront but acting like its an insurmountable trauma, planting doubt in their status as heroes, continually being the aggressors just cements in their minds that yes they are the heroes and that yes they are doing the good things

like whether the PlayersTM like it or not this is an unstoppable force vs immovable object kind of situation except the unstoppable force has more to lose by virtue of having a goal that can easily be tided by the immovable object

and i do think they can pull it off, they can lose a fight and lose so much that it breaks their spirit, like jumpertech have both been in kings, they both know how determined at least zam and mapicc are, surely it would be really offputting to see someone youre so used to seeing never giving up to do just that

#mine.txt #i think 4c is maybe the closest to having that Lifesteal TraumaTM i was talking bout but hes not quite there yet #possibly wemmbu as well but truth be told i dont think hes absorbing any of it lol #not even cause hes dense or whatever i just dont think he gives a fuck since hes already inclined to the kind of server ls is #so it would take A Lot to give him Lifesteal TraumaTM #pentar i think rather than being Inclined to the server its more that hes uhhh Adaptive to it for lack of a better word #like hes got the kind of personality where it would also take A Lot to give him Lifesteal TraumaTM #but i think its in the opposite way to wemmbu almost #where rather than it being because hes got the exact kind of personality the server looks for #its instead where his inclinations almost. parry everything that could give him Lifesteal TraumaTM #like he doesnt care that much about loyalty but hes no traitor either; hes good at pvp but doesnt engage in it self-destructively #he goes along with plotlines if he gets involved in them but will set up his own plotlines as well #so om the topic of jumpertech #they seem to firmly put themselves into the role of ''cyclebreakers'' #im curious to see how far they go with it as well as how theyd react to the servers inclination of breaking the hero archetypes #would be interesting to see at least one person not be caught by the cycle even after the Lifsteal TraumatizedTM and actively reject it #i dont even know what thatd look like #closest i can think of is spep but i think he has an acceptance of things and just finding joy in it rather than a rejection #i wrote this all at around midnight so maybe this is all just complete nonsense but its interesting to think of at this moment at least

[redstrewn]

If leander "good" end is him dying (breaking free from his fucked up cycle), then imagining MC having to mourn and live on without him

#I LOVE PAIN!!!!!!!!!! #redstrewn talks #THATS THE PROBLEM WITH FLOWERS THEY DONT LAST LONG AAAUGGGGHHHHHHH #THE TIME WITH YOU MAY HAVE BEEN SHORT BUT IT WAS WELL WORTH IT #TRAGIC HERO CODED. HE MUST DIE. #hey what i love is forever unrequited love. bc i love torture #there are bad ends where you have each other but its like obviously not good. yeah it can be sexy but obviously the toxicity of the #immortal endless bad end “loveWillNeverEnd” still remains as a toxic kind of thing. yes sexy but still fucked up and “incomplete” feeling #you have each other but at what cost? something is missing #for completion to break out of the cycle. finality of death. freedom from the torment of eternity. #UNREQUITED LOVE HE MUST DIE #idk im talking out of my ass i just love pain #in the idea of “loveWillNeverEnd” you are TRAPPPED. TRAAAPPPED INA CYCLE. #neither of you are complete. you are both holding each other BACK. there is all this space for growth SCREAMING at you both that youve #locked yourselves from #I WANT TO CRY AND I WANT HIM CRYING #FOREVER SEPARATED BY A BARRIER OF SOMETHING MISSING OR DEATH. #Hes long overdue for death i think. Running away from it. Death is catching up. Death will find him. He must let go. #AAARGHHRBRH you must embrace loss or that youve lost #idk wtf im talking abt i just want his route to DESTROY me

[boopboops22]

Watching EEAAO when you've been disowned by a parent is a religious experience

#i cry EVERY TIME #going insane bonkers like #I will never get to have what Joy had at the end of the movie #of Evelyn refusing to let go. Of her vowing to be her mom and hugging her #like duddeeeee im gonna explode ‼️ #where Joy's mom ended the cycle of letting go my mom couldn't and watching this movie absolutely breaks my heart #sorry for being emo on main. #go watch EEAAO right now if you havent #eeaao #rambles

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?

#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages #i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible. #i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns. #and i want these people to get their stuff #yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed #i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered #i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt #but got distracted #so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email #delivered an hour ago #i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore #it is like this every single day #like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me. #if i have no future and no hope. #if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library. #if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to. #can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible? #i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living #man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l #can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it? #can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly? #this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years #my grandma is fucking 91 #my great grandma died at like 93 #i can’t even do another year of this man #i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september #i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30 #let alone anything after that #my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long

[ieidolon]

The earthworm is a humble creature, born blind and deaf, yet it serves a purpose much larger than itself. Alone it is only a force of entropy, but it is a vital cog in the natural cycle of life, death and decay, which we know more intimately as that of destruction and rebirth. Tell me Will, would you still love me if I was a w

#Will going “I'd reintroduce you to the natural cycle by using you as bait” #hannibal #shitpost #im sorry #this has 100% been done before but i only started watching the show this november okay give me a break lmao

[cruelsister-moved2]

speaking as an autistic person, the secret to making friends (and meaningful romantic/sexual relationships) is 95% just engaging in a genuine way. if someone doesn't want to be friends with you when you're being yourself, their friendship wouldn't be something you want anyway. the sad irony is that a lot of SELF-consciousness puts ppl off because... they can tell you're thinking about yourself & not them.

people just want to be seen and valued as a human being (and to have fun!). they don't want to feel like you're just using them to fill a need, or their company actually makes you kind of miserable and stressed or you can't be yourself around them. they want to feel like you enjoy their company and are interested in them. if you're autistic use your earnest swag & they love it because it invites them to be genuine and at ease too!!

#I feel like i learned a lot about how to be a friend from having #very bad friends as a teenager #and then as an adult i knew exactly how it feels when an obsessively self deprecating person puts you on a weird pedestal #and knew I never wanted to do that to anyone else. #and I think people can blame you like ofc you're sad and insecure and lonely #so I think it's more constructive to think about like #in what ways are you actually disrespecting people's humanity. are you doing things that are actually using that person #are you jusr. thinking abt urself and not them even if it's negative? #I think it can be a reinforcing thing bc ppl (think they) want someone to worship THEM and put THEM on a pedestal #so they try and do that to others #but when that actually happens it's very dehumanising and uncomfortable and... never actually about you and how great you are #but healing your insecurity can be hard & having friends who value u can help so it's a cycle u have to break off somewhere... #I just genuinely feel like everyone internalised weird shit at school and that is not how ppl actually work teenagers are just basically #on drugs. like study after study shows everyone consistently underrates how happy people actually are to engage with them #okay aaaand time to go read i and thou im just saying that again. NVM.

[owlf45]

A couple comments on Candor going like:

“Doesnt this mean he could have escaped the entire time??”

Or

“So none of it mattered”

Or

“He didn’t have to go through all that”

THATS THE POINTTTTTTTT!!!!!

#candor fic #some of yall bitches would rather die or go through hell and back than love yourselves!! thats the point thats the POINT!!!!!!!!! #the pain and misery you jump headfirst into just because its routine and easier than having to forgive yourself for being you!!!! #the fact that you perpetuate cycles of self harm and abuse!!! because its all you know!!!! and having to learn to break that cycle because— #no one else can do it for you!!!! #self hatred is the epitome of irrationality of COURSE it was the pretty option of COURSE it could have been avoided #but you can tell someone who beats themselves up all the time that theyre fucking stupid but you KNOW they arent listening to SHIT #thats the POINTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! #*screeches at the top of my lungs* #okay. im good now 😤 #im totally down for people to interpret my works however but my god is it a struggle when someone literally explains the main theme without- #understanding it #and rather than not commenting something else they take that misunderstanding and speak of it like its a flaw in the actual work #delete later