#im gonna go cry myself to sleep its almost 5 am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miawonder · 16 days

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Today, the alarm woke me up.

I will spend the morning with my friends, later, i will go to a party. But the alarm, woke me up. The same alarm I had for months to make you company at work.

8:30. For a moment, like this past days, my mind wants to believe its a call from you, but instead, I see your name in the screen, with a reminder, that you need to get up for work. My heart breaks, once again, and i can't fall back sleep. I wonder, if you are awake already, if you forgot to get up, if you are gonna have breakfast at work, and i wonder, for 10th time since the alarm got me up, if you are thinking of me.

I talked way too much about you to everyone this days, that almost feels like you are still with me, today, i even laughed in the morning. And felt completly heartbroken again when someone told me how sweet my laugh was, because those words, were only important to me if was your voice on them.

I'm going to a party now, for first time in months. First time that, i'm gonna have the intention of forgeting about your name for at least 5 minutes, that im gonna wish, for first time, to dont go back home to you. For first time, i wont pick up the phone, because I cant tell you that im thinking of you, or that I miss you here. And for first time, looks like things are more clear, and im afraid of that.

Today, someone that you know, told me that this is the best thing that could ever happen, while she was doing my hair. She said, that she dosnt wanna hurt me, but while im here crying for hours, you are probably already with someone. 'Why do you think he wont message you if he needs you'? And for second time today, I laughed, and she said that she was glad to have me back.

Am I really back? I want to do something stupid, so i can have a excuse to message you, to call you, and to ask you to come and pick me up from here. And thats why I won't do anything stupid. Because I know you dont want my call, I know you will never come back, and I know, I'm not the person you were dreaming of picking up of a party like this, in a saturday like this..

But today, when i heard the alarm, I knew I would have the phone with me during this whole night, I knew that, for first time in months, I will have the sound on. Because today for first time, there is a call im waiting for, there is a laugh im waiting to hear when im back, and there is 2 words im waiting to say, if you call tonight.

Just give me 5 minutes, and i go and hide, to read your messages, hoping that it's the last time I need to do this to myself. 'I'm sorry but I don't think...' And i close my phone as I read that, because thats the biggest goodbye i ever had. So when I go out, and I look at her, inside of my mind im answering to her question, you won't message me if you need me, because you already said goodbye.

I'm leaving now, while i write this in the phone, as if i was about to send it to you. I look trough the window of the car, looking at the sky, and i wonder if you are alright, then I somehow, smile, knowing that, you are probably alright. I know you wont call tonight, and I know that this words are just writen for me, and i know that tonight, when i arrive home, there is only 1 thing left for me to do, to delete that alarm that has your name, at 8:30, so I will never need to wake up thinking that you are the one calling.

#textos

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skiinny-lovin · 26 days

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i'm gonna ramble real quick about all the bad shit in my head.

tw ed maybe sh depression self hatred drugs

i lost about sixty pounds which is the most weight ive lost ever. a good chunk of that time i was living with a meth addict. which meant i was eating and sleeping on a methheads schedule plus he was kind of an asshole so it helped me hate myself and i was working on my feet a lot. that was almost two years ago now. since then ive had a best friend. it was an intense all consuming wonderful and terrible friendship. i made the decision to end the friendship bc i couldnt put myself first. i always wanted to put her first above everything and in some ways it made me resentful. and that wasnt fair to her. it was fair to either of us so i made the best decision i could. now im pretty sure shes trying to get back in contact with me after MONTHS of no contact and its freaking me out. ive started to gain weight i gained about ten pounds. and i hate myself for it. i hate myself. its to the point that i miss the old roommate. which feels a little like saying i miss meth but thats a weird parallel to a drug ive never personally had. i am in pain. all the time mentally and physically and my apartment is eviction level messy (i live in my grandmas basement so im safe). i get out of bed to work bc i have to and to play video games when my bf pesters me but i want to get up and do things. i want to have that random burst of energy and clean to my hearts content but it never comes. i have no energy and no motivation and i feel like i cant do anything or even think. i cant even finish a thought they go in and out of my head so fast its like im not thinking at all. but i cant turn it off unless im dead tired and i get up at 5:30am for work now and im so tired. i just want it all to stop. my head is so noisy i just want it all to stop. just let me sleep. let me be a person. the only time its quiet is when im doom scrolling or rewatching greys anatomy for the gazillionth time. and i thought maybe if i just vomitted my thoughts on here and got it out of my head things would be quiet but they arent its like a screeching whisper so far away but still there i can still hear it. it wont go away and im scared the only way to make it go away is to fill my head with sand like my last medication did. it got so bad i drove on the wrong side of the road for maybe a whole minute without even realizing. (it was a parking lot with no other cars but still) i hate everything and i want to cry and yell but i have no reason to. i want to quit my job that i started only a month ago i want to go out and get drunk and not have to think. i just need someone to help me. to take it all away and help me find the quiet. but even that i hate sitting in silence thats why i have greys playing all the time. i dont know anymore. just let me go

#depression #mental illness innit #ed mention

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zerobaseonefics · 11 months

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i am so so sorry for not being active here but i had a lot of stress because of university shit etc (i still do but not as much as i did last week) (and this week)

you should adopt me as a sister frfr!!

yes about hanbin: he said that you both are already planning the wedding??? you should have told me… #betrayed

and i took my nails off (if thats how you say it😟) and they were no and i had to cut my natural long nails 😔😔

no cuz i lost a lot money now on enhypen albums (i love them sm wtf its so sudden but after i found out that they were in poland (i found out sbout this during they were there) my enhypen fangirl era came back and yk i bought the dark blood album i dont remmeber what version but its dark blue and i pulled sunghoon and sunoo(AGAIN) but i wanted heeseung and jake #depressed (i got jay post card tho) and i csnt find people who sell the original photocards☹️ LIKE GIRL IM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY ABOUT HEEJAYKE LIKE OMFG NOOO NAHH WTF WHAT::;;;;::;;:::&&&&

how did the macarons taste like (good bad mid) ?!??,,? i will buy you a whole macarons factory just so you csn eat them everyday for free 😋😋

DONT CALL ME A ROOKIE!! its the first time it happened (taking a nap and then not being able to sleep again) like i take naps almost everyday because they are so lovely😔😔 but yes no school no university no anything for a long time😋 (just work) (like 20€ per week) (im teaching 2 people english so not a real job tho)

anyway my brother (6 months old) (literally 18 years age difference💀) is so annoying but so cute like bro i hate him sometimes and then day after i love him the most😐😐😐

oh and my hesrt was broken by a guy… he has the same name as i do (unisex name) we were 8-9 years at the same school and he had a crush on me 5 years ago but i didnt have a cursh on him back then so i told him that we are just friends and now since 2-3 years i started to have a crush on him but now i found out that he has a crush on deomeone else (this is mainly the reason why im so delulu rn) (i was always delulu but this is literally getting so out of hand) i also started kind of disliking zb1 i mean not that i dont like them anymore its just im not keeping up with their content now as much as i did like bro my ult groups are always changing (once it was shinee then svt then got7 then nct then gidle then enhypen then txt then svt again then treasure then zb1 and xikers and now its new jeans, le sserafim, xikers, ateez and enhypen (just that i dont keep up eith xikers and ateez content that much)😐😐😐😐 get me some help like i literally love them for a time then lose interesy in them and find another group and then its repeating all the time ykyk omg im so no

i understand bro i went through it myself so don't worry 😭 how's it going? i have no idea how you choose your college in germany so if you wanna talk abt it i'm interested 🤭 hope you'll be able to go wherever you want

bitch you're already adopted ‼️ i've always wanted a little sister

yk i didnt know how to tell you this cuz i'm a bit shy..... but he told you now so you know!! i'm not fully a betrayer!!

OH THEY WERE NATURAL??? the length was so pretty i thought it was not. it's a shame you had to cut it

enha have me on a chokehold fr this cb pure you don't understand 😀 they're also my ult but i've been not keeping up as much as before with their content. this album was just soooo good and now i'm in this enhypen shit forever bro like that's it they got my interest back

nOOOOOO 💔 BRO IM SURE YOU'LL FIND PPL WITH THE ORIGINAL IT'S A BIG GROUP IT'S EASIER

girl the macarons were awful. too sugary (i should've expect this from algeria they love getting diabetes...) </3 i felt like i was eating blocks of sugar there was no other taste i wanted to cry ok. waiting for you to buy me a macaron factory or else im gonna have to marry someone who makes them properly.

this may seem like 'not a real job' but even this is very important on your resume when you'll look for work later! it's still a great experience

that's every little brothers 🙏🏼 i have two and there's days i wanna crush them to the ground and days i wanna give them everything </3 but the age difference between you two is so big!! you know what's cool about that? you can design that kid 🤭 you can teach him how to be a good person, give him good taste, everything! that's the best thing about younger siblings

hE HAS ANOTHER CRUSH NOW?? HOW COULD HE MOVE ON FROM THE PURE??? nah he has no idea what he's missing rn 👹 don't be heartbroken over... a man 😧 okay?? move on too >:( he's no heejake >:(

ABOUT THE ULT THING. i have no idea how ppl keep the same ult for such a long time like.... i mean mine are pretty much stable too but yk there's time where you lost interest as you get into a new group. i always end up coming back to my ult but there are period yk. when i see people holding fanbases for example i'm amazed cuz how do you diligently wake up everyday and do everything about one and onlY ONE GROUP??? AREN'T YOU TIRED??? AREN'T YOU FED UP WITH THEM AT SOME POINT???

plus my problem is i'm here for the music only 🙏🏼 i don't like the music my ult put out? honestly i'm not hyping the comeback or anything. my older sister listens to kpop and fr no matter if the song's good or not she votes on every music show, she streams the song, eveRYTHING. i don't even do all that when i like the song tbh... i think it's funny to see how everyone has a different way of stanning

#zerobaseonefics #pure <3

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doebt · 4 years

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also this is so asshole of me but i am seriously like on the verge of a totsl freaking meltdown like socially . like i just want to sit alone in a room COMPLETELY ALONE by MYSELF no other human interaction for like. 48 straight hours. my introvert gene is jumping out

#i have a surprising amount of online social activities i do like. everyday #w completely separate groups and ppl and an entire range of activities #some way more low effort than others but doing like 4 or 5 separate hangout sessions EVERY. SINGLE. DAY #its so asshole of me to get so stressed out but im like SUCH an introvert #and when i take days off from 1 or 2 thinfs i still have to do the rest #so i get basically no days where i can just completely chill out by myself. which is part of why my sleeping is so screwed up #and i cant rly do anything abt this bc ik i get lonely super easily and it would get rly bad if i actually went on a 48 hr isolation #and i have such an extreme guilt complex i cant rly bow out of most of these activities when im feeling this way #bc some of the ppl im not close enough to for bailing to be like. forgivable #then when i bow out of doing stuff w the ppl i AM close to i feel so freaking horrible it ruins the rest of my day or night #THEN i ALSO have to do stuff w my family. so when i ditch my family to do stuff w friends online i feel even more horrible #bc my family is old and theyre going to die and etc. I cannot even describe the stress this is causing me #its also causing me to ignore almost all the friends im NOT doing daily activities with bc i use up all my energy during the hanging out #this is RIDICULOUS. like im very glad to have SOOO many ppl to vibe with during these lonely and weird times #but oh my god i have lately just had to sit down and cry a little bit sometimes bc im SO overwhelmed even though i love everyone somuch #i go to sleep so anxious bc ik ill wake up and almost immediately have to do something social even if its 'just' online #and even worse is sometimes 1 thing will take 30 min longer than i anticipated so i have to apologise to whoever the next group or person is #and mostly ppl are understanding but i just feel so freaking horrible nomatter what. im shaking rn just thinking of all the stuff #im gonna have to do in the next 24 hrs...im doing more social stuff in 1 day now than i used to do in 1 month combined #its just not in my nature like even though i LOOVE my friends and accquaintences i do stuff with. it exhausts me #i love them all SO MUCH and im so genuinely honored to be a part of anyones quarantine schedule but holy god im rly. like. i cant deal #it also sucks in a superficial way bc im not getting to do any of the stuff i wanna do like working on my thing or art or anything #but ik this is way better than being lonely and ik im just being stupid abt it and ill probably get over it when i get my good meds again #Also most of my friends i do stuff with dont even know my tumblr but if u do and read this then just ignore this whole thing #im just a HUGE introvert and sometimes it makes me asshole and i feel SO bad. i just am venting abt it

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germvity · 3 years

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RISES THE MOON

leon s kennedy x reader // 5 // blue blood

the officer sighs, keeping you close as he slowly starts to settle himself. eventually, leon falls asleep himself, rolling over with you so you were between him and the wall of the shack. you mumble incoherently at the movement, eyelids fluttering as you stir. yet, leon's deep breathing and soothing heartbeat makes you fall asleep once more.

genre: angst with fluff

tags: nemesis 👺, he's stinky, david being a bully 2.0, leon being a sweetheart, he cares, jill being a good friend <3, might rewrite this chapter maybe bc i just know im gonna skip a few paragraphs to get this out a bit earlier :(

warnings: bullying, hitting/beatings, crying, confession swerves, mild heartbreak bc i hate myself </3

tag list <3

@trinswhimsys , @hex-touchstarved (ily mutual <3)

---

you woke up with a harsh headache and no recollection of what happened the night before, tears stinging your eyes as you crouch down to work on the dirty generator in front of you. the wires singed your fingertips, and you hiss, pulling away right as the generator let out a skull splitting bang. your head ached as your heartbeat picked up, and you darted from the machine and into the gas station with nemesis now hot on your tail. "fuck.." you whine, just your luck that he would be on you first. you throw down a pallet with urgency, gasping as his tentacle slashes a deep infection into you. you splutter, blue blood oozing down your body as you cough into your arm. vaulting the window was easy, but unfortunately the killer's appendage is much longer than you thought as it whips your back, leaving behind a nasty gash.

fortunately, a pallet was nestled between two cars and you ran for it, managing to stun the greedy monster before scrambling to safety. "fuck.." you whine, coughing up some blue sludge as you quickly hide in your surroundings. the nemesis walks past you angrily, storming away and leaving you for a moments peace. you spot a white box's aura nearby, and it beckoned you over the the feeling of safety. you round the corner and see it sat there, and crouch down to snap the flimsy lock. you raise the vial carefully out of the foam in the case, sighing in relief before a rough hand snatches the scruff of your shirt. you yelp in surprise as david throws you to the ground, the vaccine rolls away from you and you reach for it. "you fucker! i never lose a fight!" david roars, kicking your stomach firmly. you cry out in pain, curling up into a tight ball to try and avoid david hitting any vulnerable spots. "i hate you! i hate you so much..!" the fighter continues, but now crouches down to pull you from your protective position. he punches you roughly and you wail in pain as blood bursts from your nose.

"leon!" you scream, hoping he was in this trial to help you. "leon! help me!" you cry out again, and david's cruel laughter finds your ears. "that pretty boy isn't here." he grins, giving you another punch before a pair of hands grab him. "what the-?!" the zombie cuts him off, teeth piercing david's neck as he screams in agony. the fighter scrambles away, and the zombie ignores you to follow him. "hello? i heard screaming." a new voice intrudes, and jill peaks around the corner. "jesus- what happened?" she rushes over to you as you reach for her weakly. "david... he's so mean." you cry, letting her pull you close as she hugs you tightly. "come on, let's get you somewhere safe." she offers a sad smile, pulling you up carefully.

jill patches you up firmly and cured you, she let you follow her around for the trial, pointing out totems and chests for you to work on whilst she pumped out gens. ash gave your hair an affectionate ruffle in passing, but he was always more of a lone wolf, so he left quickly to distract nemesis. the rest of the trial went bad quickly. david was mori'd, ash died on hook and jill was gravely injured as well as dead on hook by the time the last generator was powered up.

with noed rampant in the end, and the gates blocked by the entity, you and jill stayed hidden behind a pile of crushed cars as the nemesis patrolled the gates carefully. "fuck... what are we gonna do?" you whimper, looking at jill. "i have an idea. i saw hatch earlier, we can find a key." jill gives you a smile, "but all the chests are open?" you remind her, and she shrugs. "no matter, elodie taught me how to look thoroughly." she pulls you along, and you have no choice but to follow. the chest you two found had a broken key in it, and jill tossed it away to start rummaging. "aha!" she beams, tossing a skeleton key into the air and catching it as she offers you her other hand. "c'mon, let's get out of here." she says, and you take her hand.

the two of you run past the undead, past nemesis who caught wind of your scratch marks and started following, stopping at the hatch. jill leans down, unlocking the door quickly as you turn to see nemesis approaching way too quick for your liking. "c'mon, move it!" she yells, pushing you down into the void and jumping in after you. the trap door slams shut, cutting off any light as the two of you fall into the thick smoke.

you regenerate abruptly, catching yourself but still falling when jill is thrown onto you. she wraps her arms around her waist and steadies the two of you quickly, mumbling an apology as she lets go of you. "it's okay.." you reply, letting her lead you to your shack. "leon's probably waiting, c'mon." jill yawns, spotting the blonde who was indeed waiting at your door. his eyes scan the tree line, searching for you. "leon!" you call, and his eyes brighten at the sight of you and jill. "y/n! are you okay?" he runs over to meet you half way, letting you hug him tightly. "be careful, they've had a rough trial." jill says sternly, and leon nods. "thanks for looking after them, jill." he smiles, and jill nods before walking away.

"come on then, let's get you rested." leon says, but freezes when he sees the bruises on your face, "oh, what happened?" he cups your face carefully, analysing you for any signs of a concussion. "david got me... he's really mad." you sigh, melting into his touch. "that fucker... he'll get what's coming to him." leon growls, pulling you into a tight and safe hug. "can we go inside?" you ask quietly, and he nods. "of course, c'mon."

you feel safe with leon, and relax more as you enter your practically shared home. leon turns away as he lets you get changed into some more comfy and cleaner clothes, taking off his bullet proof vest and putting it in its usual spot against the wall. you flop down on your bed with a huff, the blanket feels so welcoming as leon sits next to you. you rest your head on his thigh, letting him gently stroke your cheek as you close your eyes. "you feel any better?" he asks softly, and you nod. "good. just relax, yeah?" leon smiles, leaning back against your wall as he gets comfy.

you move from his lap and smile at him. "lay down with me?" you ask, and leon chuckles. "sure." he says, joining you and letting you cuddle into him. "leon?" you mumble softly, resting your head on his chest. "yeah?" he responds immediately, rubbing your back. "thank you for doing this for me... i don't deserve you." you smile sadly and leon huffs. "don't say that. you deserve the world." the blonde says firmly, moving so you would look at him. "i like you a lot, y/n." he admits yet you just smile. "i like you too." you reply, and leon's heart tightens as he realises you're unaware of his meaning. "i like you, so much more than i should.." he whispers and you process his words.

"wait... like that or am i reading into this too much..?" you ask sheepishly and leon nods, "like that." he confirms and you look away to think. "y/n..?" he whispers, desperate for any response. "i'm sorry... i can't... i don't wanna lose you or get hurt." you reply, voice also just above a whisper. "that's fine." leon smiles to hide the pain he felt. "i'm sorry..." you say again, holding him close. "it's alright, i don't mind." leon lies, his heart burning with sorrow. "just get some sleep, y/n." he says, holding you as if you would melt away if you let go.

"are you okay?" you ask softly, hands rubbing his back. "yeah, i'm completely fine." leon replies, ignoring the strain in his voice. "no you're not... i'm so sorry..." you whisper, feeling your own tears starting to well up. "don't cry, it's fine." leon smiles, wiping your face for you. "i'm so sorry, leon.. i just don't want to get hurt." you say, nestling your head into his neck. "i know, i know.. let's change the subject now until you fall asleep." he sighs.

soon enough the two of you are talking again, and leon almost forgets the rejection until you doze off. "as long as you're okay..." he whispers to himself as he brushes fallen hair from your face. "i couldn't care less about my own feelings." he smiles, tears stinging his eyes as he pulls you into his chest.

#dbd leon #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #dead by daylight resident evil #dead by daylight #germvity writing

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nikki6551 · 7 years

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#I'm so upset. fuck me. i went about 4 days without eating. i kept throwing everything back up and it was horrible then i couldnt sleep so i #didnt do much of that. so the one night i go to bed after actaully eating and going to b ed at a decent time. i started fuckign bleeding #i woke up threw everything up. (including my goddamn advil) and I'm crying by the toilet because its been 5 days now.#I'm gonna fucking kill myself. im so fucking angry. and like this morning i made some decisions and i was like we are gonna go through with #all that shit and then I'm second guessing myself now like what the fuck. this is such bullshit i had a pretty nice day and everything but #this shit just had to come and mess it all up. fuck I'm fucking tired and hungry. and now my fucking stomach hurts. it hurts so bad right #now. its the worse pain ive had in a while. I've gone through 2 fucking pads already and its been like 4 hours #fuckfuck fuck i hate everything so fucking much. I'm crying over like 6 different things i hate it. i went to thw mall with ellaine for a #bit and i saw the little camera i have and i saw tiny photo albums that i have and i was really excited and i was like i wanna get one. but #then i realized the only pictures i have on that are of ty and i was like fuck me. i just lost $10. and ellaine was like why did you spend #so much on him and i was like...cause i thought it was gonna last. but just like my old pictures of anyone. I'm not tossing them I'm just #gonna put them away. same goes for all the things he got me. its all gonna be put away. maybe I'll dig them out one day maybe i wont.#idk yet. ahhh fuck I'm so upset tho. i got that camera mainly for con time. i was so hype to take cute pictures and now i think I'm skipping #out on all the cons this year. cpac i have like pretty much no one to go with. an is far and expensive. and same with ce. so like thats #upsetting. i had a lot i wanted to do too. ahh fuck i have 24 hours this week at work I'm working almost everyday and i feel like shit #i called out this week so i gotta go next week but istill feel like absoulte fucki g trash so this is gonna be great. i get to walk there #and walk back from now on so this is gonna be fucking great. I'm not excited for anything right now. i just want fucking hugs and cuddles. i #wanna sleep with someone right now. i wanna be the tiny spoon and just sleep. i feel like such shit and i wanna cry cause i just want to #fucking sleep and eat but i cant fucking do that shit. i hate this so fucking much. ahhhh I'm so angry and annoyed. i think I'm done #throwing up. i am gonna go and take another advil and hopefully just fucking sleep. my wverything fucking hurts. i wanna fucking punch #ahhh i wanna fucking punch something rivht now. im so annoyed. i have an alarm set for like 9am but i might just shut it off and sleep more #i really fucking need sleep. ahhhh fuck i was so happy cause i ate and i kept it down for a bit. i went to bed fucking happy and now this #shit happened. fuuuuckkkk meeee I'm gonan fucking kill myself. i hate all of this bullshit. ahhh fuck.#I'm gonna go.#delete later

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tizzymcwizzy · 3 years

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Allow me to explain how I perceive ur personality. U are, simply put, A Lot Of Fun :) always a blast chatting with u miss mctizzles. You have such great positive energy. irresistible goodness. Impossible to not smile when you’re around. and I love your constant enthusiasm. Idk how you are irl vs online but here you always seem to be the life of the party 😌 (like, a fun, relaxing party that my introverted self would want to stay for instead of making an excuse to leave after 30 mins.) you somehow seem both hyper and chill, which is a combo I quite enjoy lol. You are crazy smart and skilled and talented, like so much WAAAAAA packed into your little baby brain wtf!! You also come across as super thoughtful. Like it’s so clear that you are really careful and intentional with your work and that’s so special. u also have a big of an Edge with all your angst content which is owie but also very rad. all in all I would consider you a Kool Kid™️. (See how I used a K to make it extra Kool. yeah that’s for u.) ur kind of like a human caprisun. like, what is not to enjoy about u. impeccable energy. refreshing and invigorating. to me ur vibe can be conveyed with the following images:

ow okay this actually made me cry a lot goddmanit snsnsndbfbbffngng lemme compose myself jesus christ-

maryssa you are a wonderful gift im

I AM PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO COPE WITH THIS. TEARS. IN ME EYES.

this is definitely going into the "pile of posts to read in order to get out of a mental breakdown" my god

i am giving you a platonic smooch,,, im just gonna lay on the floor and put my face in my hands, thinkin abt this for the next 5 million years

i initially put all of the rest of this in the tags but then i reached the tag limit so y'all are now forced to see my insurmountable love for mrs. maryssa carpisuns marichat herself:

OH MY GOD MARYSSA LIKE UNCALLED FOR BUT IN THE NICEST WAY POSSIBLE, LIKE, THIS IS A GIFT OW THANK YOU FOR DESTROYING BUT ALSO FIXING MY HEART,, FUCK.

maryssa i appreciate you so much holy fuck ssjaaaaaajhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im incoherent,, incomprehensible,, unperceivable,, and yet you pERCIEVED ME AND IT WAS VERY NICE AAAAAAA

self identity is bonkers and im really glad i am percived as Kool with a capital K, what an honor,, im trying to make jokes to cope with my emotions but iM EMOTIONAL

and as for your personality maryssa you are a gift so very kind and passionate and encouraging AS SEEN HERE,, everyday should be carpisuns appreciation day, ALSO--- WHAT AN HONOR TO BE COMPARED TO THE ALL MIGHTY CAPRI-SUN WH- maryssa im love you 💖

when i saw the first image i was instantly like tHATS ME!!! CAUSE-HDHDBDBFBF CAUSE THATS WHAT I LOOKED LIKE AS A KID AAHHAHAHAHA

wait i was complimenting you and then i got sidetracked MARYSSA YOU PUT DO MUCH LOVE AND PASSION INTO EVERYTHING YOU DO AND IT SHINES THROUGH EVERYTIME LIKE WHEN I LOOK AT THE STUFF YOU'VE CRAFTED I LOOK AT ALL OF IT AND I CAN TELL THAT YOU PUT LOVE INTO EVERY BIT OF IT EVEN IF YOU SAY THAT YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR THAT YOU THINK ITS BAD- ITS LOVELY CAUSE YOU MADE IT AND I LOVE IT

also you are like one of the funniest people ever, i can't count on all my appendages how many times I've almost burst out laughing at 2 am, almost waking my poor sleeping family because of you and the joy you bring jdhgdjfgh, i have enough screenshots to make an album of all the memes and jokes you make,, highlight of my day,, evening,,, morning??? my 2 to 4 ams

if i could describe you it would be the funniest, most welcoming and loving mom friend that's hilarious and kind, also very cool but in a "hello my fellow kids" kind of way (affectionate)

in short: you are a gift and ur vibes are very warm and comforting, ty for your nice message (i will literally and genuinely treasure it forever) i love you,, i am so glad i can call you my friend :))

#i didnt know there was a tag limit before today but now i know #because even the tags cannot contain my love and joy for mrs. maryssa carpisuns marichat #hdhjgbhsbfbds #im gonna fucking print this ask out and put it in the cover of my binder or some shit goddamn #also yes i did in fact cry #dfjghsjhdhfhffgg #MARYSSA IM LOVE YOU 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#ask #thank

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turinn · 3 years

Text

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

#🌙. by me #new fandom lads lets go!#i had a migraine earlier and now i cant remember how i tag fics help #ikemen revolution #ikerev #ikerev x reader #ikemen revolution x reader #ikerev x mc #ikemen revolution x mc #ray blackwell #ray blackwell x reader #ray blackwell x mc #☆ ikerev #♥️; ray blackwell

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lettersfromkokichiouma · 3 years

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🛐 here, I uhm accidentally corrected my dad for my pronouns (on accident cuz at school I have to correct people) and my mother slapped me again, the people at school hate me, I don't fit in anymore, my trust issues are getting worse my the minute, I literally get no support from anyone, I feel so alone again, but I'm fighting my urges to hurt myself, for you, I dont want you to worry about me, bruh, life sucks so much right now, I get made fun of for every small thing I do, and it sucks, and to think I was actually doing good for once, I'm so useless, my memory is getting worse (since last week my memory started getting bad) and my parents aren't too concerned, my memory is getting so bad that I'll say something and I'll forget it 5 minutes later, and the lack of sleep and my emotional issues and my "friends" going "oh, I'm not your therapist" like, the least you could do is listen, that's all I want, for someone to listen, and atleast comfort me for once! It sucks being the therapist friends, I'm always bottling up my emotions so I could help others with their emotions, but nobody ever does it for me, and its almost summer and I'm gonna end being yelled at for my math marks, I mean, im sorry im not good enough for you, im truly trying my best, and the fact that my mental health isn't getting better at all, and its sad, my parents were all like " what do you mean by your mental health? What about your math mark?" like, im not even being dramatic or anything, everything sucks so bad, and its even worse, my family, they're all starting to notice all the scars on my arms and they just ridicule me about them . ITS NOT FUNNY I LITERALLY HAVE MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS, IF YOU"RE NOT GONNA HELP WHAT IS THE POINT OF ME BEING HERE????????? I'm on the verge of tears writing this, im shaking and everything, im so cold here, even though everyone says its warm in here, I can't cry here, I'm at school so im not gonna risk getting made fun of again, not again, not after everything I've been through these past few days. I feel so empty, cold and tired, but I'm gonna hold on, until it gets better.

🛐 anon </3

( :( you deserve so much better than this, i understand what you’re going through, and i really hope things get better. i know it’s really hard but i think it’s going to be okay, it’ll get better eventually. and i’ll listen to you :))

“i know i’ve said it before but your friends really suck. and so do your family!

they’re super mean in the way they treat you! it’s unfair! you don’t deserve that.

you deserve a support system, not to be judged over how you feel! and it’s so dumb that no ones helping you.

sooo i’ll try to help!

you have to understand how amazing you really are. it sounds like everyone around you just doesn’t get it for some stupid reason, so you have to be the one to remind yourself. or you can always ask me!

you’re seriously cool, in my supreme leader opinion! and i honestly like replying back to you! no lie at all!

and it’s not your fault that everyone keeps treating you like this, you’re trying your best! and that’s okay. it is good enough, i promise! even if everyone keeps treating you like it isn’t.

just try to remember that, okay? i know you have problems with memory so you can write it down somewhere! orrrrrr you can always come back here if you need to.

i’m here for you, and me (and the person who made this account :)) will always be here for you.

and one day you’ll find a friend who actually cares about you too and they’ll help you out!

just like how I have D.I.C.E.!

and maybe one day you’ll be able to get help, and speak to a therapist and all that stuff.

but for now...i want you to know it is going to get better.

yeah, it’s really tough right now but it always gets a little better at some point, you can trust me on that.

and im proud of you for making it this far, i really am, all you have to do now is just keep going.

and keep being your amazing self! i believe in you!”

-Kokichi Ouma <3

#(plus you could always move out eventually)#(so you wouldn’t have to deal with your family)#(also have you tried that like tumblr kokobot thing)#(you send in how you feel and it anonymously sends to other people and they can answer your post and comfort you:))#(it usually makes me feel better :))#seriouskokichiletters

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skinnyghosttears · 3 years

Text

April 18, 2021

10:20 am

IM 60,25KG IM GONNA SCREAM IM SO HAPPY I WAS SO SCARED AFTER YESTERDAY CALORIE INTAKE OMG LETS FUCKING GOOOOO 🥳

Now I have to go and cook the lunch but holy shit I will eat the risotto with no guilt aaahhhh

11:46 am

I prepared the desserts and sorted almost all the ingredients for the risotto, I managed to lower a little the calories of it so Im really happy. Maybe I'll allow myself to eat something else during the afternoon, but I'll try to resist if I dont crave it too much.

Mom also told me that maybe they will not be at home for the next weekend so I can eat how and what I want, I want to see how this week will go before decide if I need to do a 24 fast or try to stick to a normal plan so I have better chances of avoid a binge.

12:46 pm

I-

I tried my favourite jeans and they fit??? Am I dreaming? I mean it makes sense because I was around this weight last time I used those but holy shit I was so scared to try them again. Ngl this boosted a lot my confidence, I feel more motivated since this week I messed up almost everyday for a different reason and the number on the scale was still in the same range. Gooood im so happyyyy!

5:10 pm

I went out for a walk with my parents and I burned 308kcal, maybe I'll walk after dinner too but Im not sure, Now Im gonna eat an apple :D

7:45 pm

I wanted to show mom the pair of jeans I tried this morning and she enterd in my room while I was changing, she said that "Im vanishing, Im becoming too skinny and its ok if I will do it just a little more and then stop because its too much" and I just stared at her for some seconds, I wanted to reply "oh so now maybe you'll take my ed seriously :)" (when I talked about this with her she basically said "you are not skinny enough for having an ed") but jn yhe end I just said "mom, im way far from vanishing, I cannot sit with those jeans, Im not vanishing, what do you mean omg" and now I just regret I wanted to show her my peogress because I still want to lose 10kg.

It will be hard. I just want to cry.

11:17 pm

Reached 1080kcal and burned 600, im desperately craving sweet things, I will maybe take a coffee with a lot of sweetener, maybe it will help. Im thinking about wait for the weekend and then take a real big cheat day, but Im so so so scared. During dinner I almost lost control, idk how I just stopped myself in time.

11:36 pm

Coffee really helped. Im gonna drink more water before sleep time, but I think thats it for today.

#ana #proana #thinspiration #thinspo #thin #skinny #ed #eating disorder

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theycallmegothboy · 3 years

Note

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? -spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess 3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size? -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear? -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao 49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car? -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18. 54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job? -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles? -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods? -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce? -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed? -wouldnt you like to know? ;)) 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw? -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw? -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you? -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment 81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor? -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules. 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier 85. what shirt are you wearing? -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high? -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk? -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate? -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter? -fall. fuck you 96. day or night? -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month? -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

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riskeith · 3 years

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good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)

deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?

RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)

i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj

LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333

shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?

172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?

oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd

that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj

you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian

nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?

THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.

RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭

can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3

good night! more like ahhah

:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?

ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)

legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.

i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.

oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??

I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?

they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ‘i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?

FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)

ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~

AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs

she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~

it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..

<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩

eager for your response <33 love, c.r.

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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asbcblog · 3 years

Text

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty,

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

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