#im never making a friend online again fuck this im done

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others? #no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start. #treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow? #when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday- #anyways. certified magnus archives moment

[kcrossvine-art]

hi birds of paradise and of prey! I sincerely hope your 2024 has been kind to you so far, and if it hasn't, I hope it starts being fucking nicer soon. We got eyes on it and are ready to take it out should it fail.

I'm coming to the end of my list here soon, so if anyone has ideas on what they'd like to see next, please do hit me up! Even if its just a piece of media with interesting food in it and not a specific dish you wanna see. My roommate got me a recipe book from that TikTok fantasy tavern guy, "recipes from the lucky gryphon"? So we could also take a shot at a few of those, although im not really familiar with his work. Regardless-

We will be making Stuffed Cabbage from Lord of the Rings Online today!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Stuffed Cabbage?” YOU MIGHT ASKYou cant kinda put whatever you want for seasonings and even the meat filling. I used ground beef but pork and lamb are also stellar candidates.

Yellow onion

Garlic

2 eggs

Ground beef

Rice

A head of cabbage

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Crushed tomato

Tomato sauce

AND, “what does this Stuffed Cabbage taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKBa bawsa

Very, very filling wow

2 rolls filled me up for a meal and i made about 20-ish from one head of cabage

A bit plain tbh, the texture is great but I'd really double up on the seasonings

A blank canvas for you to impart your spice preferences onto

Reheating makes it taste almost identical to fresh

Would pair well with a hot sauce dip

could also go well with an artichoke dip

If you run out of room and need to layer the rolls, I'd try experimenting with pouring some of the crushed tomato and sauce inbetween the stacked rolls. Otherwise the ones at the bottom lack a lot of the tomato flavor. However it might make the bottoms on the rolls laying ontop soggy?

. Where rice called for, used long grain white rice

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've never blanched anything before. Theres not much western food that calls for it, meanwhile whenever my friend from malaysia shows a dish they ate, 9 times out of 10 the vegetables are blanched. Much easier process than the fancy name might suggest- boil water and dunk the thing in until its done. Whatever 'done' may be for the thing you are cooking.

Also for the ground beef (or whichever meat you use) you don't have to cook it beforehand, but in doing two tries at making these cabbage rolls i would recommend you at least season your meat before mixing it with everything else. The meat will cook to a safe temperature inside the cabbage rolls, i just prefer the taste and texture of it when cooked twice.

I give this recipe a meandering 7/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) I want to review more horrible recipes, truly i do, so that the rating scale isnt always a 6 and above, but whenever i try something horrible its like "why the fuck would i put all the effort into making and sharing a review of this thing i Do Not Want others to eat????" yknow?? Would people be interested in roasting horrible recipes? 

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion

6 cloves of garlic

2 eggs

2 lbs ground beef

1 1/2 cup cooked rice

1 large head of cabbage

28oz crushed tomato

14oz tomato sauce

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Salt/pepper

Method:

Saute garlic and onion in butter over medium heat until onions are caramelized. When done, remove from heat and let cool.

Season the beef to your liking with cumin, red pepper, and salt. Very, very lightly cook the beef in the same pan used for the garlic and onions. Cook until it starts to brown, but dont let it darken. 

Beat eggs thoroughly with oregano, thyme, salt, and pepper.

Add all of the above ingredients together in a bowl with (cooked!) rice. Mix thoroughly then cover and let rest in the fridge.

Core and blanche your cabbage in boiling water, peeling them off as they become limp.

Once you've separated all the leaves, cut off any thick stems that would prevent the leaf from folding.

Put roughly 2 tablespoons of meat filling into each leaf. Fold the sides of the leaf inwards and roll it up. Place each cabbage roll seam-down into a casserole dish.

If they don't all fit in one layer, its more than okay to stack. Try not to stack more than 2 layers though.

Once you've used all the cabbage, take your can of tomatos and pour them over the rolls. Mix some oregano into the tomato sauce and pour that over the rolls as well.

Bake uncovered in the oven at 350 for about 2 hours. Dont worry if a bit of tomato on top looks burnt.

IF REHEATING LEFTOVERS: Bake 10 cabbage rolls in the oven at 320 for about 40 minutes. Reduce time for less rolls.

#cross cooks lotr #food recipes #cabbage rolls #digital art

[mejomonster]

Okay so hello friends I discovered this site today, when trying to find an app/place to write with low distractions:

So its got: dark mode, light mode, you can set a timer (good for a writing sprint), you can set a word goal, it shows just your writing and word count at the bottom, it has a tool to export your writing as a txt file when done. Its features appear the same on laptop or phone, useful if you're like me and sometimes type on the phone.

Of particular note: you can only backspace through a word, not further. I'd suggest trying to write for a while before deciding how you feel about it. I was initially annoyed, since I couldn't delete a sentence I disliked and could only really fix small scale initial typos. But I just started typing // when I didn't like a prior line so I could just go delete it later in editing, then I continued writing the sentence I'd want instead. After the first several minutes, I decided I kind of like this feature. Why? Because it got me to WRITE. I couldn't really second guess myself much, because re-reading and editing wasn't an option during writing. It will be an option LATER, but not during this writing sprint. Justwrite as another feature, doesn't really let you scroll up. Annoying to me, somewhat, since I couldn't scroll up and double check I was remembering certain details right. But it makes up for it again in getting me TO WRITE. I wrote 3000 words an hour in Justwrite. Just because I HAD to move forward and just tell the fucking story. A lot of what I wrote was good stuff! And I left myself little // to find and fix bits I wanted to work on more. And maybe useful in a story sense, I found my scenes felt they were flowing in pacing better. Possibly because I had to write them timely enough to remember what I was writing ToT (I don't have the best detail memory) so scenes couldn't dawdle long enough to get super stuck or linger on something for an amount of time that would start getting a reader lost or bored. In summary: the particular quirks of not allowing much backspacing and not much upscrolling? Make for faster writing, and a bit more of an incentive to keep a writing flow going while its fresh in your mind.

Anyway I wrote 7000 words today thanks to this site (and the app version on my tablet).

I really appreciate Low Distraction writing tools since seeing even just words underlined or editing tabs above a document quickly gets me distracted. Some current favorites: justwrite (site and app), https://novellla.web.app/ (I like this but I prefer the computer version as the phone version has no night mode), Writer Lite (a phone app I love for organizing writing as it works very minimal distraction but lets me change fonts and organize chapters and notes and projects and check word counts by project/chapter/entire directory - in that app I've written 192,000 words this year, it backs up to google drive and I have not explored exporting options yet but its definitely my favorite phone app for writing project organizing), notepad (when Im om my computer Im not kidding - the lower the distractions the more likely I'm going to use the tool), and honorable mention app.gethermit.com (its a useful site for sharing writing to someone to look at with password protection, and its also got projects/chapters organization, I both appreciate that it includes spellcheck and also hate that it's spell check means I NEVER write on the site I just use it to quickly store a copy paste writing backup online so I can open it up on another device).

#rant #justwrite #reference #writing resources #writing app #anyway its a free site im gonna HIGHLY recommend

[star-spirit-mayhem]

So Fucking Perfect~

Crossdressing!Sub!Dabi × GN!Dom!Reader

You come home early and he gets nervous and locks you out of the bedroom but forgets he only dose that when he's hurt so you panic a bit and get a very pretty surprise when he finally opens the door.

TW : Suggestive, Implied Sub & Dom dynamics, non-graphics mention of past injuries, Crossdressing, & Brief Implied Brat Taming.

😗 Once again on my ooc Dabi bullshit but he'd look so pretty in a skirt tho- 𖤐

Coming home to your bedroom door being locked with Dabi on the other side, he was trying out an idea for a surprise for you and you came home a little to early.

He had heard you mention liking crossdressing to his and your friends a few weeks ago and he couldn't get the idea out of his head sense, deciding halfway through the first week of hearing about it that he was gonna mess with you and wear something to tease you about the whole thing. It was only after he managed to order something online with a stolen credit card, have a package delivered to an address he knew he could easily swipe the package from and even put the damn thing on did the insecurities start to set in.

What if you didn't actually like it? You could have been joking when you mentioned it. Why have you never mentioned it to him if you did like it? Did you think he'd look bad in a skirt or dress or was it his scars or something else?

Before he could slink out of the mirrors view and redress himself in something that wouldn't humiliate him he heard the front door being opened and he frantically moved to lock the bedroom door, sighing with relief as he pressed his head against the door when he was able to do so quickly and quietly at that. Now all he needed to do wa- "You in there dabs? Whys the door locked you ok? Do I need to get the kit?" the worry in your voice almost put a hole through his chest, for a second he forgot the only time he ever locked the door on you is when he's injured and doesn't want you to see how bad it is, his eyebrows knit together as he looks down at himself. "I'm fine doll I really am I promise, just sorta dressed... wrong right now so just let me-" "can't be that bad, if you're not hurt than let me see" he should of known nothing was gonna deter you. You probably think he's lying with the way your voice cracks and he knows you're gonna worry until he lets you in, he always lets you in eventually- why's he fighting it so much again? Oh yeah... thigh highs...

"Doll just give me a minute please" he doesn't even fully finish that please before he hears you counter him with "Dabi so help me, if you make me go through the fire escape-" he snorts in short amusement as you threaten him. He doesn't doubt you'd do it being that you've done it before, you're the only person he's ever met who's stubbornness supersedes his own. "Fuckin' hell- Fine! Just... Promise you won't laugh." it goes quiet for a minute and for a moment he worried you were already going for the fire escape but then he hears the door handle giggle, not enough to indicate you were trying to open it again, it just sounded like you placed your hand on it.

"Ok?... Dabi are you alright?" you hear him let out a heavy sigh before he starts. "I'm fine I promise love, ended up sorta-" he paused, voice shaky as his hand reached to unlock the door while still holding it shut. "I sorta dressed up for you, seemed like a good idea when I thought of it but Im havin' doubts right now." he listens closely for your response as he readies himself to let go of the door handle, however regardless of however thinks he expects you to react he never thought he'd hear you giggle? Laugh maybe, he'd get it if you started making fun of him for something like this but there's no malice in your voice, it takes him aback for a moment. "You dressed up? For me? Oh love why would I ever laugh at that? Come on, let me in I wanna see my pretty boy" You almost did a complete 180°, sounding so excited by the prospect and it took him a minute to collect himself before he actually open the door. He tried to step back a little, both to get out of the way of the door and to hopefully delay the moment you see him by just a few more milliseconds.

It doesn't work- the second he gives you the go ahead to open the door you almost burst in with excitement, eyes immediately shooting to take in the gorgeous view your boyfriend had gifted you with. He really went all out and you were almost offended he hid it from you for so long but you were never one for patience when it came to him. Pretty boy was dressed so nicely in his mostly black attire, he'd obviously worked hard picking out something that would suit his usual style and fit right in with the rest of his wardrobe with a little extra jewelry than usual. You couldn't stop thinking about the easy accesses the skirt gave you or how his thigh highs frame his thighs so nicely and the baggy tucked in sweater made your hands itch as you imagined taking him apart without taking any of it off.

You don't know what you were expecting but it certainly wasn't...this...

"Fuck you're so perfect..." You breath out before you can even register what you're saying, making his blush deeper than he already was before, a feat considering he didn't have much healthy skin to hold the blood pooling in his cheeks but you're sure if they weren't scarred too his ears would be red as well just by they way he looked at you, too nervous to really say anything as you pull him closer to you by his hips, eyeing him as if you couldn't believe the sight before you wasn't some cruel illusion playing tricks on you- but it was real, and judging by how he both cowered away from and inched closer to your touch- it was all for you. "Would it be pushing it if I started buying you more outfits like this?" you ask in a cheeky tone, knowing just a little praise and attention would get your pretty boy to wear whatever you wanted "fucking... Yes- I'd kill you I swear" Just had to get past his more bratty side first but that was always the fun part anyway~

#This is as far as I felt like finishing this #maybe ill make a part 2 in the future #touya todoroki #dabi x reader #dabi x y/n #dabi is touya #touya todoroki x reader #soft dabi hc #touya x reader #bnha dabi #dabi bnha #dabi my hero academia #dabi todoroki #boyfriend dabi #dabi fluff #dabi fanfic #dabi imagine #dabi is a todoroki #dabi touya #dabi x yn #dabi x gender neutral reader #dabi x you #todoroki touya #touya fluff #touya todoroki x yn #touya x y/n #touya x you #soft touya todoroki #sub dabi #sub!dabi

[necroromantics]

Also gonna make things clear cuz I've just been listening to my gf and not engaging but seriously man this is insane.

I'm not a Nazi, in the full screenshots which they cropped out, I said I had another server with absolutely no rules (besides dont be a pedo), and I was saying that in that server, everything was allowed. You people need to understand that not being able to care about something does NOT mean you support it. Its not black or white

I have NEVER said anything or made jokes regarding rape/sa, that is actually one of the things (including pedophilia) that I am very morally against. I have not spent so much of my time helping my friends report their rapists, helping vulnerable people get out of extortion online, and being there for the people in my life who have experienced that just for some randos online to lie to people about me.

The most I have made is your mom jokes and necro jokes, which I personally don't consider morally wrong, and if they are, then I'll work on it, but I don't have the same understanding of things like that. I never learned where the line is like most people have, and thats why Im dedicated to learning it in adulthood

And do not make drug use a moral issue. My "morality" about drug use is completely nonexistent because I grew up in that. I have spent many years heavily involved with drugs, I know exactly what its like, and nothing about drugs is a moral issue.

And here again the same issue of straight up fucking ableism bro. Don't try to shame me for not having conventional morals when you know damn well I, and many other people, struggle with conditions that impact that (ASPD). Hearing about the ableism towards people like me from these guys isn't surprising in the slightest

I'm not gonna say I didn't say those things, cuz like I said, I said those things, I made those jokes, and I've said worse. The difference now is that those things were said more than a year ago. It's insane how you act high and mighty and then judge me on things I said that long ago to friends who made the same jokes and encouraged that kind of behaviour (none of which I talk to anymore, for the exact reason that they encouraged my bad behaviour).

I said what I said, I know it was wrong, I take full accountability. I have spent my time since doing my best to be more than that. I have spent a lot of my time trying to adjust to moral and social norms, even when it gets really difficult and I have to deal with people like this who wont give me space to grow and change for the better.

I have amazing friends and mutuals and people in my life who support me because they know how hard I try. My girlfriend even is a fucking hardass and would NOT have put up with any of my shit if she didn't see how hard I try. I've spent a lot of time with people who are like how I was, people who have done and said much worse things than me, and I understand how uncomfortable and jarring it is. Thats exactly why I'm so passionate about being more than that. And thats why this situation bothers me so much.

You all talk about me and how I mention my disorder as if you're not just shitting on stuff that is directly tied into having ASPD. And to hear that you have a history of that stuff? Im not crazy to say theres a lot of ableism going on here. I will always be open and honest about the person I have been, but I want it to be used as a reference point for how much I've grown and changed since then.

I will always be an advocate for people like me. I will always give support and speak out for those who struggle with being treated like a bad person because of the things they say, not because of who they are. (And if you know anything about people, you know theres a huge difference)

You guys have been on me for MONTHS way after I blocked and went on with my life. In those months you've spent doing nothing but nitpicking everything single thing Ive ever done and constantly spreading negativity, I have been working on myself, and I hope that somewhere along the line, you guys have or will too

But anyways, I needed to get this out. I hope that this blows over and I can continue working on living a life full of joy and love and keeping the good people in my life. And despite everything, I hope that for all of you guys as well, I hope that you can find peace and some happiness where it counts

#tombtalk #thats all i think #cant please people who cant be pleased

[obxpogueforlife]

online bullying

this is a post about online bullying this blog has had it out for me for the last four years for some reason she thinks i was the one who have sent a bunch of hate anons, when i never did i honestly do not know how this has happened and all started to be honest with you guys.

dani is a bully ever since she met taylor she thinks she is better than everyone else on here she goes after anyone that she does not agree with and will try and scare them off of tumblr. her and her groupies have sent me death threats to tell me to go kill myself and a bunch of other nasty stuff.

now it is quite right now but i know her once she is bored she will bring it up again, im not getting involved anymore that is why i am making this finale post, at some point in our lives we need to move on and grow the fuck up.

dani will never ever grow up because she lives in a fantasy land where she doesn't know how to budget money and keeps wasting her money on stupid stuff she is in for a real wake up call when she moves out on her own

i don't feel sorry for her honestly karma is going to come after her for what she has done to other people in her life, plus she is weird as fuck always have to post whatever is on her mind it's a pitty party for her and an act she is fake as fuck and i for one do not believe anything she says on here is the truth she is an attention seeker.

i don't know why she has this weird obsession with me and all of the sudden im some stalker to her? when i was just an innocent by stander who followed her because i liked her page at some point.

the stalker story is made up by the way its all an act she could not go to the philly show because she did not want to go alone and she did not have a ride there the people she was going to go with backed out and blew her off i know someone who knows them and they said they don't like her because of how she is, if anyone wants an example on how she is she's like a mean girl who is fake nice.

she pretends she has a disability when she doesn't she is depressed and won't get any help for it even though people tell her to get help she keeps saying she wants to quit her job but never will quit her job she will be homeless because she can't afford rent by herself and she does not have irl friends or friends period on here it's all an act she's a nobody, so why am i making this post if she's a nobody i want people to know who the real person is behind that blog so please be careful

#get her off of tumblr #meaningtotellyou #is a bully and does not deserve to be on this platform

[dyingclown]

warning VERY long vent post (no tws)

today is her birthday

isnt that crazy

this time last year I texted her and I apologized

and I mailed her a package

i made her a puppet

i wonder if she has it displayed somewhere

what does she think about when she looks at it

is it positive? negative? do I deserve either

when we met I was 12 and she was 13

and now shes 17

thats just wild

i cant believe I didnt know her for any of year 16

i can literally only blame myself is the thing

i miss her so much I cant even describe it with words

it feels like a part of me is missing

we would talk about being twin flames and then we decided that we were actually platonic soulmates

because twin flames burn out

and we weren't going to burn out, right?

we didn't burn out though

it was more of a fade

i cant tell which is worse

we exited each other's lives as quietly as we entered them

sewn in and out and that was it

we were the same exact person

same life same mind we were the same

the bond we shared was just unforgettable

she was like an older sister

i don't know

it just kills me that it seems like it was just the other day that we were laughing all night long and texting for hours and saying the craziest shit to make each other laugh

we were just kids

and we still are

the impact she left on me is impossible to overstate

i hope that when she remembers me her memories are positive

i hope she still garners some amount of love for me

i wonder what shes doing with her life now

she used to want to be a marine biologist

i remember when she got an opportunity to go do some sort of summer internship and she was so excited

and I remember when it didn't end up working out

she was devastated but she would never have said it out loud

god we were with each other through everything

i remember when I came back in july of 2022 and I told her what happened

i was so ashamed

she almost seemed disappointed in me in a way

she asked me "do you think a part of you wanted it?"

and to that, I didn't know what so say

i told her I didn't want it

but a part of me did

i was desperate for that kind of attention again

that dangerous feeling that comes with a situation like that

the excitement and the adrenaline pumping through my body and the feeling of being the only person on the planet that mattered

for that month it was only him and i

and I do mean only

4 day long voice calls

broken on accident only to make another one for 3 days

every second of every day full of him

spending no time with my family because I wanted to go back to him and give him all my time

not one text to any of my friends

for the whole month

thats where all this shit came from

that one month without contacting anyone I loved

thats where I'm stuck

and that's why I don't have anyone

all my damn friends fucking gone because I couldnt just text

god why couldn't I just text

im definitely a pussy

too afraid to type letters

i sit behind that damn screen watching them type

watching them talk to me

beg me for something

literally anything

and I sit there and I watch

and it would be so easy to click the text bar and just send them something

let them know I'm alive

but I dont

i stay quiet

and I wipe the tears out of my eyes so I can see the screen again

and I mute the conversation once they're all done

just so I can breathe

and then I cant sleep because my mind is spinning with everything I could have done, should have done, could do and should do

and all the things that I wont do

and I know I'll never be different

how could I ever hold an online friendship again

i just cant

id be too scared

id love them so hard but I'd run away because I'm terrified of hurting someone again

im so scared of another person flooding my DMS with desperate pleas to come back

its so scary

and my other friend group

i wonder how they are now

i loved them so much

i hope they're ok

i wonder how they talk about me

i would give anything to see the messages in that group chat

but I'll never know what theyre saying and it kills me

they made jokes about me before I even left

its interesting

3 wildly different responses and I cant tell which hurt the most

letting me leave quietly, constant texts and begging, or jokes and insults until I left on my own

how could I ever say that my friends are the most important parts of my life if I don't even make an effort to keep them in it

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts so bad

i miss everyone

god i MISS them

i could say it a million times and it wouldnt be enough

and then I could scream it another million

and it wouldn't make a difference on the situation

i just feel like I'm trapped in a tornado and my life is beneath me being kicked up by the wind and rubble

and I just cant get out

and its my fault any of it is happening to begin with

I MISS THEM SO MUCH

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM AND STILL DO

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS ME PHYSICALLY

what I wouldn't give to talk to them again

genuinely

"i would give you my heart I think"

just once just for a day if everything could go back to normal that would be enough

if I could hear them calling me alli one more time

or al

they were the only ones who called me those

i remember how beautiful it felt to have a nickname like that

i would have done anything for them

but I know that they kind of treated me poorly

i would give and give every part of myself but it still somehow wasn't enough

i gave them everything

i would have given them the world

wrote a whole poem for jay and she complained to me about it for the rest of the time I knew her

because I went over the word limit on the assignment

and she didn't even have the grace to check the word count before the last possible minute she could turn it in

and then as soon as she texted me I made a new version where I removed unnecessary parts

i spent every second I could, i was on my way to school but nonetheless i was trying so hard to meet the word limit

and she didn't even turn in that version

i remember when I would text them good morning every day and I would text them and make sure they always had something nice to wake up to

but the thing is they never read my messages

they never responded to them

and then when they disappeared one day they freaked out

constantly taking me for granted and only realizing it once my usual actions disappeared

and then using insults to bring me back

i would have fought for them with a sword

i would have done anything

but would they have done the same for me?

i hope they would

but the truth is that I don't know

i just don't know

but I miss them

i dont miss their judgement though

or the lonely feeling I was left with after we spoke

but what I do miss is that call until 4 am where we spend it reading out loud that webcomic you liked by marsoid (edit: its "ride or die")

and how you would voice act the screeching tires and the mic wouldn't even pick up on it so it was just garbled robotic noises coupled with your shrieking noises

i laughed so fucking hard that night

i think that they forgot that I was a kid

when we met, I was in eighth grade, jay was in 10th grade, cherish was in 11th grade, and vick was in 12th grade

now, Vick has already graduated

cherish is graduating soon if she hasnt already

god Jays going to be a senior next year

they forgot I was just a kid

i think that at times I was more adult than any of them

i wonder how Vicks doing

i wonder if he ever got that job he was talking about

or maybe hes in college

i remember how happy and stunning he looked in his graduation pictures

and I remember the jokes that they would play on me

saying that Jay and cherish finally got to meet up in person

theyre supposed to this summer

i hope that goes well

i know it will

theyve been friends for years

i miss the things we would all do together

it was so much fun and nothing mattered but us

i liked how they would respond to someone hurting me in some way

that school year sucked to me and when the day was finally over I would text them on the bus all about it

and they would tell me about how they were going to beat up all the people who hurt me

and all that shit

i liked it

i liked feeling protected

and then they would make me laugh and cheer me up

but that was all only part of it

it was so good but other parts weren't so good

like when they would say kind of ableist things to me and would brush it off when I pointed it out

and they wouldnt take me seriously

or they would make jokes I told them not to make

idk

it just made me feel lonely

but I miss it nonetheless

the loneliness they made me feel was better than the emptiness I feel now that they're gone

i wonder if they'll ever understand

i wonder if they'll ever think about it from my perspective

you can only give so much before you're all used up

god it reminds me of something kiea said to me

i think it was something like

"I wanted to be an infinite well of kindness that you could always dip from when you needed it"

i cant think about that

that hurts too bad to think about

this post is too long anyway

happy birthday eden

i hope you're well

[aperiodtm]

Familiar pt.2 | Sim Jake

PAIRING: (ex)online bestfriend!Jake x (ex)online bestfriend!fem!reader

SUMMARY: Jake has a plan (appearance of jay) (and an unnamed friend for now (?) im horrible at names.)

GENRE: bitter angst, lil crying

WC: 585 (well this was..shitting short.)

A/N: also based on real-life experience.. :)

im thinking of making this a mini-series?..

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->

okay, Jake couldn't do this anymore. in his defense, he was attached. too attached, even after 6 months.

29 January, your birthday. a day Jake was always looking forward to, just so he could wish you a happy birthday first, which he, much proudly, was successful in for 4 straight years.

well, once some other guy in your school wished you earlier than him. stupid douchebag, he thought.

but that didn't matter when you said his wish meant more and was always first in your heart.

and god was Jake in another spiral, staring at the his endless messages with 'Instagram User' on New Year's Eve.

''what a great year it's going to be.'', he grumbled.

unwillingly while reading those texts, a droplet fell on the very desk he was at. then another. and it kept going, till he had to set that damn phone aside and pour it out.

Jake couldn't do it anymore, he missed you. you were his bestfriend. the one he could talk to for hours, to rely on and vent to when he had a fight with his friends, the one who had such horrible memory that you had to save little things you knew about Jake in a separate note on your phone. Jake found it cute though.

he had felt care, but this was attachment.

this was such a strong attachment, something he cried over so much he felt his heart clench. when he went out after the day you blocked him, he feet the agony when he saw anything that reminded him of you. he was so proud of your friendship he'd show it off to anyone.

and now, after that day, he couldn't focus on anyone but you. that day, did he really see you again?

after being done with all the emotion, he picked up his phone again, and wiped the tears away.

wait, he thought.

he quickly shuffled around his phone, through the same messages, till he got to it. one very specific message.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

| @(username)

| is this ur friend? i noticed yall matching pfps and followed-

| WHAT THE FUCK JAKE THATS MY BEST FRIEND HOWD U FIND HER?

| ok ykw nvm since u already followed let it be js dont talk to her she doesnt know i got online friends

| and DONT unfollow. she'll get suspicious and bombard me with tons of questions if she sees both of us know each other.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Jake never really understood why you kept your online social life a secret so badly. but he never questioned it further.

until now.

he clicked on your friend's profile. and just stared at the screen. should he do it? but you warned him not to. but he wants to know- no, he needs to know how you're doing. this could be his chance-

''hey, you okay?'' it was Jay.

''y-yeah i..just been thinking..'' Jake sighs and puts his phone away. fuck it, just let it be. maybe he's going crazy, he definitely does not want to mess himself up further.

''tell me about it.'' Jay pauses, sitting next to him. ''is it about her again?''

Jay knew well, as his roommate, about what Jake has been through and how he remembers you time to time.

''well....yeah. Y/N.'' Jake sighs. maybe Jay can give him proper advice? since he's clearly (well, in this aspect) more sane and less impulsive than him. so, turning around in his chair, he faces his older properly.

''okay, so..''

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->

to be continued!

ive been getting some ideas lately for series ^^ but ofc theyre gonna take long ahaha </3

#aperiodtm #enhypen #enhypen fics #enhypen jake #jake enhypen #enha #jake enha #sim jake #enhypen imagines #enha fics #sim jaeyun #enhypen angst #jake angst #sim jake angst #enhypen jake angst #enhypen ff #enha ff #jake ff #sim jake ff #enhypen jake ff #enha jake ff #jake enha ff #enhypen imagine

[rin-and-jade]

Helloo!!! <3 I hope this message finds you well and that you'll have a wonderful day/ evening :)

So. First of all I am really grateful for your blog because I managed to understand some things about my problems.. also I should say first that im only suspecting I might have did or osdd 1b and im trying not to exaggerate about this self diagnosing thing and taking it slow (its almost a year since then and I think this diagnose describes exactly my struggles) but anyways. im pretty sure I have cptsd! so it might be just ptsd...

But I wanted to ask you bc I just dont know who else to ask this: are there any particular techniques to minimize trauma regarding learning or studying? (like I was receiving physical beatings for fucking years.. because I couldn't concentrate while trying to study- sorry for the unnecesary details) im really trying my best and sometimes I try to speak to the little of our system about the whole process of studying and how its not going to hurt her, that mistaking is very normal and from mistakes we will gather experience and that our abuser cannot do us harm anymore, so on and so on. It works mostly but she's not the only one who has problems regarding this specific trauma so its a lot harder to keep up with everyone wlse who might be triggered. I can't always hear them responding to me or giving me any sign of anknowledgment when trying to explain what is happening but the hardest part is concentrating and not feeling extremely tired... it goes without saying that this is very frustrating. And its been already two years since I tried my best to study. I just always seem to fall in the same pit..

I hope it makes sense what i've written here and if you dont have any advice then its totally fine!!!

P.S. this is not my native language. sorry :'D

Im so sorry that you’re having a really hard time around the aspect of studying, it makes me happy that you’re still kicking and trying,, asking help from me is totally fine even if you’ll need it multiple times, im gladly creating answers that could work for people and you.

I had gave a thought, we can do a few things like having exposure therapy (the technique), having a study buddy, and for the concentration such as using a different learning media, breaking it smaller with breaks each, and using more techniques for this too.

Regarding about study difficulty:

Exposure: this is a repeated process where your brain is given something it used to find as dangerous from the past and be stuck on a flight or fight response whenever it appears again. Be repetitively exposing what it fears, the brain always expects a bad outcome, and the thing is to ride it through until it knows it’s a false alarm and go “oh wait its not happening” until the initial stress from it is gone, this can be done by yourself (because i did). This is best done in a calm environment where you will attempt this, and call quits if its overwhelming for the first few tries,, but never drop it forever.

Study buddy: this is a great way to deal with it when studying alone feels too tedious to do. Studying together is helpful as your brain can re-associate what studying is actually like, you can do this with your current friends, it can be done physically or you can do it by online too.

For better concentration:

Media: studying about a topic that is presented in a video with visual representation keeps your eyes wondering less, since more elements are in there rather than reading a textbook, where it’s easy to drift off when words feel too much.

Breaks: studying in a prolonged time also defeats the motivation and focus, I personally study for test as i play (literally), in intervals. I review the necessary subjects in parts, rehearse, play, go back and revise what i remember and the previous one too,, rinse and repeat until i can remember the whole topic that needs to be memorized for the test. But this can be applied for regular learning where it’s just done in consistent intervals.

Others:

Destressing, it helps remove unnecessary clutter that’s taking space in your mind interfering focus.

Music, adding a background noise while studying may help some people and especially who needs sensory stimulation to focus properly.

Rewards, having a goal to reach to will make you easier to focus, and when you reach it (say 5 minutes of reading then want to watch a reel) your brain loves it. Then do it again.

I hope this can help you, this took a while to write everything so i don’t know what else haven’t got listed (because I can’t remember all at once) but nonetheless, try them, i insist!

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did system #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #plural #system stuff #sysblr #janswersask

[jiraikwei]

pet peeve

sorry this post just turns into insane ranting garble i start sounding like im 12 , theres nothing of substance to read

this is something insanely stupid and even hypocritical of me to get annoyed at , but i absolutely cannot stand it when people online pretend like they're more mentally ill than they are . i hate when people put some sort of mental illness wordsalad in their bios like ' jirai ' , ' landmine girl ' , ' menhera ' i hate when people obviously try to act like ame / kangel after playing NSO or some other fictional character when they were absolutely nothing like them before . they practically brag about being mentally ill and then only showcase the same 5 symptoms that are insanely fetishized and none of the 100 others that aren't as ' cute ' . it makes me lose my mind . it feels like such a disgusting mockery it makes me want to rip my skin open . i cant stand even imagining anyone could see these shitty obvious yandere larp posts and put op on the same level as someone whos actually struggling . just this unbridled rage festers inside of me you dont know what its like stop fucking quoting anime characters so you can achieve some aesthetic go fuck yourself

i hate it because i hate myself and i hate the things i do , witnessing someone grift on the KAWAII DESU symptoms while im on a private twitter account typing the most disgusting unforgivable things i can possibly conjure up about the people i love because of how angry i feel over something so idiotically , stupidly minuscule like an actual fucking child . i cant make a single friend in my life because im genuinely so terrified of people and their intentions with me that when i somehow make a friend i genuinely think that they're only playing some long con because they want to ruin my life . im so lonely but i legitimately cannot handle having friends because they can say ANYTHING and my mind will twist it to some insane act of pure hatred against me and then my hands are shaking and i cant focus on anything for the next few hours and i cant stop crying and cutting myself and im planning extensively how to tell them i cant be friends with them because i just cant take it anymore and oh nevermind suddenly im fine again . but at the same time if someones too nice all the time my fucking brain will start losing interest in them because apparently i NEED them to pull away from me and be a fucking asshole to me because im some sort of insane emotional masochist !!! i cant speak my mind with anyone even if they're obviously in the wrong and being mean to me when ive done nothing because i just know they're going to leave if i reciprocate with any sort of pushback so i just ghost them instead which makes the situation even more complicated or i have some sort of tantrum where i accuse them of the most schizotypal shit instead of actually discussing it like a normal person . its actually indescribable how embarassing it is to retain that " my parents didnt buy me candy so they hate me " mindset from when i was 8 years old all the way until 15 . and everything with me has to be some sort of extreme . i cant even like something normally i have to be obsessed with it to an emotionally deteriorating degree . i cant feel somewhat bad about something it had to feel like my world is ending and that ill never be happy again . why am i fucking feeling like this because of the sub count of a VTUBER . and then all of life is just a cycle of yearning for shit and feeling bad for myself " why cant i do this why cant i be better at this you can either be bad or a prodigy and im not a prodigy and i dont care if im 15 i need to be better than 28 year olds at this or else im a total fucking failure " and i fucking bet you if i would ever reach that prodigy status i would feel absolutely nothing about it and my brain would latch unto the next thing to feel bad about " ok well im not good at * that * i need to be good at * that * it doesnt matter if im good at * this * anyone can be good at * this * i need to be good as * that * as well " . it is legitimately either all or nothing with me and i cant stand either of those options . i hate feeling empty and i hate being obsessed with someone to the point of emotional spiraling 5 times a day but there can never be an inbetween option . im intensely angry about everything

and the most insanely retarded part about all of this , is that given the choice i wouldnt want to get better . this is all that i am . i am nothing without this disorder . if i dont have this disorder nobody will care about me or be gentle with me anymore . i will forever mentally be a child that only wants someone to take care of them and if i dont have this disorder there will be nothing to take care of . nobody will care . but heres the kicker ; nobody cares already . strangers are gentle with me because i have a sad look in my eyes but thats all there is . i just cant bring myself to actually talk about what i go through . all anyone sees is that im energetic and then suddenly sad within an single second interval or that i just stare ahead at shit like a zoo animal or that i cut myself sometimes . i cant even fully bring up and elaborate on extremely heavy topics that i go through on twitter or on this blog because it feels so wrong to imagine someone connecting something as dark as that with * me * . i want attention but i dont talk about shit . i dont want to talk about shit . i already utterly despise seeing the look people get in their faces when they somehow catch a glimpse at my sh scars or for gods sake fucking mentions it to me " dont do that to yourself " please dont worry about me and make me feel like a horrible burden when im trying my hardest to seem okay so i can be an enjoyable person to be around . having a person worried about someone as disgustingly rotted , parasitic and inhuman as me is the worst thing to inflect on someone , its like feeling bad for a dying cockroach . i mean just read the first part of this ramble to see how shitty of a person i am where i exaggerate my symptoms to make myself look like i suffer more than other people and put down anyone who dares to express their symptoms differently

its over for me

[cherrypeaking]

hi cherry berry~

was gonna wait for tonight to send this to u but im feeling rlly soft rn hehe

ur writing.. so fucking good cherry. so so good. you word things perfectly and never have i ever feel the need to reread things while im in the zone because you write that well. not to mention your ideas and how well you execute them into your story is so well thought out and whshwushsjsn fangirling frfr

youre also always so fucking sweet and wholesome :c a day never goes by where i dont at least smile at ur kind words and sweet encouragement. every single time i talk to you is like flowers blossoming in the garden. ik you know how much i adore your friendship w crystal <3 but im gonna say how much i love it again.

i struggle with keeping friends irl, online it seems to be the opposite,, but those who are extremely close to me arent all that great and can sometimes be.. just not there when i need them most. so thank you for taking the time out of ur day to talk to me. it makes me happy

ilysm cherry <3 pls never change okie?

omg moony hiiii 🥹🩷

thank you so much for your kind words, it really reassures me that i’m writing fine and don’t confuse readers and that is so important to me 🥹🩷 i haven’t posted in a while but i plan to very soon as i’m almost done with another fic 🩷🩷 your writing is so pretty, and like i’ve said it has this duality when you switch to nsfw stuff, it becomes so sexy like you really excel at both so much!! 🥺🩷

omg thank you so much like that pulled at my heartstrings ;_; you’re so kind moony <3 i know you’ve mentioned being intimidated a little by crystal hehe i’m a little intimidated by so many writers because i feel so small compared to everyone else and when you followed me back my heart jumped >\\\< i’m really so glad you like my presence here ;3; i really love seeing you on my dash and i hope you’re doing well 🩷🩷 i’ll never forget when you said crystal and i matched with our themes and everything hehe 🤭🩷 you’re such an observant person and i love that about you 🥺

i totally understand 🥹 i struggle to make friends irl, and even online sometimes i find it hard to fit in somewhere… i hope to be there for you as much as possible 🥺🩷 i think the best way to make sure you don’t feel stuck in unbalanced friendships is to focus more on the ones who are indeed here 🩷 you make me happy by being here moony 🥺🩷🩷

i love you so much too moony!! please stay yourself and keep being you too 🥺🩷

#moon <333 #this made me so soft ;_; <333 #you’re so precious 🥹🥹

[codebreaker-0]

[ ooc post ]

Here it is,

The collection of revealed/translated lore bits in chronological order. Some might be missing as this will probably never be done.

Testing the waters. Here is your first fun fact, CODEBREAKER's avatar is a green and black protogen.

2. Q: do you work for c&a, codebreaker?

A: I don’t like C&A.

3. Q: codebreaker do you want a hug

A: I don't like being touched.

4. I’m sorry for lying to you. One day I hope you’ll understand.

5. There is so much I want to say that I can’t. I can only push you in the right direction.

6. It’s harder to leave than it was before.

6: [brainfuck code, translate later https://www.tumblr.com/codebreaker-0/734723524058644480?source=share ]

7. When I take the headset off, The wounds are still there. (In reference to him getting injured in the digital world.)

8. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE !!! THE RESEARCH IN MY HEAD IS DYING

9. so why do i keep coming back ? (after he said he didn't like it in the circus.)

10. But sometimes I can still hear you guys even when I’m not here and that scares me (in regards to being asked if he can contact us [ us being the circus members] from the real world)

11. I wish I could be honest with you. I don’t want them to know I’m here.

12. Some of the people here are okay. It’s been a while since I felt that way.

13. WHY CAN I STILL HEAR YOU WHY CAN I STILL HEAR YOU EVEN WHEN I TAKE IT OFFPLEASE IT BURNSIT BURNSWHAT DID YOU DO TO ME ?????

14. THE NEIGHBORS TOOK NOTICE OF MY CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR. MY FRIENDS THINK THIS IS A SICKNESS. I THINK REDACTED WANTS TO LEAVE ME. IT DOESN#T MATTER. I#M RIGHT. I KNOW I AM. I JUST HAVE TO HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER.

15. HE’S GONE HAYWIRE ! xD (unclear if he means himself, or caine)

16. [ REDACTED ] packed up and left The server lagged today I wasnt online when it did but I felt it like a migraine I’m going to need a plan soon I know I’m not crazy

17. Q: you don't always have to be the strong one btw

A: I wish it worked out that way

18. FUCK (a message left while he was missing)

19. IT ABRUPTLY STOPS ME. I CANT STICK TO THE SAME CODE FOR TOO LONG. I THINK THEY KNOW IM HERE. (in regards to why he is never clear with his answers)

20. ??? YEARS WITH TORTURE YOU CANT COMPREHEND I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

21. I DONT KNOW HOW LONG I CAN KEEP DOING THIS. NOBODY ELSE FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD IS TRYING TO SOLVE THIS.

22. I want to smash this headset with a hammer so I never have to see this stupid game again

23. hr wants a word with me!! lmao maybe this man HAS gone insane!!!

Misc facts: Frequent suggestions he has some degree of medical knowledge (knows cpr, mentions med school)

Mentions being a cyber security expert

Shown to spiral pretty fast

#here it is #this took an hour.

[theres-bugs-in-my-brain]

Dude

I’m so fucking close

In like two months I’ll be done

I’ll be out of this fucking hell hole of a high school

And I hope I can get out of this house

I want to leave and never look back

But god

Oh god dude I wish

I wish my entire high school experience wasn’t wasted on this fucking cult

Growing up in the Mormon church as been living hell

I missed out on so much just having to survive

I still remember shit of having to constantly be afraid of my own well being because I didn’t know if my family was safe, the people at church where safe, if my own friends where safe

Dude my parents OH MY FUCKING GOD dude they home schooled me for middle school then signed me up for a fucking Mormon private school taking their online course

I was so fucking isolated from anyone outside the fucking church

It was wake up, go to seminary at 5 FUCKING 30 AM, than listen to your classes talking about Jesus and how you can find him in every subject there is, after that go to a church activity, still have some time? How about we invite the MISSIONARIES over for a small FUCKING DINNER PARTY.

THIS WAS MY LIFE FOR YEARS

Im an atheist

I’m gay

I’m trans

I’m half Mexican

The treatment I’ve mostly gotten has been micro aggressions at best and physical/sexual assault at worst

I will never know what it’s like to just be a normal kid because of the people that preach they want “kids to just be kids” 

IF YOU FUCKING WANTED THAT THEN YOU COULDVE JUST LEFT ME ALONE

It’s so fucking shitty

Ever since I was outed at the age of 12 or 11 it’s been hell

At first I was fine because I still had my best friend that supported me

It was funny even

You’d be minding your business, then someone would try to talk you out of being gay, try to argue why it’s wrong, get mad at you for being gay. You’d fight back

Laugh at them with ur friends. Poke the bear with a stick

Then the tide would shift

Suddenly they didn’t try to pray the gay away, they weren’t trying to argue you out of it

Now they saw you as a threat

A threat to their friends’ sexuality, a threat to their kids’ sexuality, a threat to their own sexuality.

They where more aggressive

Often yelling at out, picking on you, singling you out, even threats that they love to call jokes

But that’s okay,

You’ll hold your head high

Stand your ground

you won’t swallow your pride

so you’ll fight with your words

And if they decided they didn’t want to play with words

Then you’d fight with every tooth and nail you have

You’d be very really win a fight

Like ever

They usually get broken up by adults or they’d get the upper hand and stop when they’re bored

A rare occurrence actually having to fight

But it changes you

Before you where creepy

Now you try to be off putting, to appear as batshit crazy as you can

But it’s okay because when it gets too much you go to your friends

Then

The tide shifts again

Your friends are closer to other friends than before

They stop hanging out

Then the excuses come

“My dad thinks you might be making me gay. Sorry. Yeah I’m going to have to block you.”

“My mom said if your mom weren’t friends with her, that she wouldn’t let me hang out with you, can we maybe stop hugging?”

“Being gay is one thing, but being trans is a bit much. You’ve always been a girl and i can’t see you any other way.”

“Are you just trying to be a guy so girls can like you more? That’s really creepy.”

And the worst of all you best friend

“I just think marriage should stay between a man and a woman.”

“But you said that you’d support gay marriage despite what your parents say. Your aunt is gay, and you’re a witch.”

“changed my mind.”

Now it’s harder to hold your head high

To stand your ground

You start to retreat

You cant appear normal for the life of you

But now you laugh at their jokes

You play along with them

Make yourself small

You’ll expire soon

It doesn’t matter

You promised

You took away life now it’s your turn

But you can never actually mange to do it

Then your friend finds out

He makes you stay

You decided to brake that promise but now it’s too late

Now your sister knows

You make another promise

Before you know it there’s too many promises to brake

They watch you like a hawk

Make sure you get better

But it doesn’t erase the fact that they pushed to here

You’re at this point because of them

And now it’s less than three months from graduation

You’ll never have a real high school experience

You’ll never be able to be a real teenager

You’ll never be able to be a real teen boy

What are you going to do about it

You graduate in less than three months

Can you make it to crawl out of this hell hole?

Or will you lay there in the grime you’re so well acquainted with?

#shtumblr #this isn’t a cry for help #this is just a rant #I’m safe for the most part dw

[masonsystem]

where do i begin.... let me quickly summarize my feelings before i get too sleepy.

kagepro has been a massive part of my life. i could even call it my first hyperfixation ever. i got into it like, 11 years ago. learning to draw, moving countries, and making friends online all while having kagepro by my side. ill go more passionately in depth some other time, but like, im not exaggerating in the slightest when i say this project has shaped the person that i am. so to finally reach the end of the novels, which is something i had tried to do so many years ago.. it feels very good. like a sense of serenity. its the same feeling i had when i finally finished pkmn platinum for the first time, like 13 years after i had first started a file. its very touching and personal too.

i admittedly didnt have high expectations for this novel. i watched mca, and i haphazardly followed the manga route and was laden with many misunderstandings. and i knew that this novel would be a bad end, and from my experience with timeloop-focused medias (higurashi, revue starlight, majora's mask, probably some others im forgetting), bad ends are like, never narratively satisfying. how could it be? every timeloop-focused media aims to break free of the loop, not to perpetuate it.

so i was so surprised by how incredibly beautiful this ending ended up being. this novel is like, perfect to me. it managed to wrap up some many loose threads beautifully. im so happy that all my complaints abt the portrayal of shinaya from earlier today have been completely dissuaded. momo, kano, and kido, while they played rather minor roles, exited the story beautifully. takane was just... amazing, and haruka and hibiya as well. literally everyone was written well and were cherished with such thoughtful endings. and of course the centerpiece of the novel, setomary. holding out until the last novel to divulge into seto's pov worked itself out perfectly, making his perspective on things so much more impactful. also, jin showed a complete mastery of writing deeply touching sorrowful scenes, contrasting perfectly against really stupid fucking scenes that makes u laugh out loud. the written version of snowboarding after aerith's death, if u will.

the entire novel was a tragedy, but yet it was so cathartic? it was so unbelievably sad, but there was so much love as well. i wouldve never thought that a bad end of a timeloop story could ever be something like this. time loops itself again, but this time, it was done with the autonomy of the victims. im just like... so amazed by it. when at it's best, kagerou project really is one of the most beautiful stories out there. ill definitely be talking about this for several weeks.

#kgprambling

[roving-boi]

Dear Diary

I spent the weekend with my mom for my birthday. she picked me up and took me to the county fair which is inconveniently located right across the street from my school. So of course everyone from school was there. Not a big deal, I got to say hi to some school friends and still had a blast. It’s just a little sucky to run into familiar faces sometimes. I don’t really like the town I currently live in, scenery wise it’s alright. I like the small town vibe and stuff I just don’t really like the people themselves.

Anyway it was great and I got to meet an online friend in real life for the first time ever. They actually live not too far away but we never got to meet before. So we just planned to meet up at the fair and then we saw each other and hung out for a few hours. We went on rides together, browsed the shopping stalls, and I even bought him ice cream. He didn’t finish it but he was still quite happy about it so thats fine.

I’ve been writing a book lately, it’s a little far from being finished but I’ve been making progress. I’m hoping all goes well, and I get to have it done this year. I’m a little worried no one is going to read it, but I guess that’s okay. At least I put something out there. It’s this romance fantasy kinda aimed toward anyone looking for escape. The protagonist is this high school boy who is unhappy with their mundane life and one day steps through a mirror that takes them to another reality. They meet this magical bunny person and they kinda fall in love and then yeah. It took a lot of inspiration from deltarune. In case you’re a weirdo who plays indie games and that rung a bell. (No shame though because I think that makes you really cool) im excited to keep going with it but I hope I don’t give up.

Also one of my close friends from school (who I’ll just call Jay.) isn’t my friend anymore. Uh- well let me explain. So basically.. I made a group chat with me and another good friend (who knows jay, but moved away) and I was venting about how I feel like jay mistreats me. I feel like jay ignores me at school and I feel like we just haven’t been really getting along lately at all. Me and my one friend agreed and went back and fourth on our personal opinions regarding jay. Well, there was another friend of mine (who is an online friend, but also knows jay) who was also in the group chat. I guess they took screenshots of everything me and my friend said and sent it to jay. The next day at school, jay blew up at me and told me to never talk to her again. I was like what the fuck.

I trusted my friends and they literally betrayed me and all this drama happened. The reason I didn’t go to jay about anything up front is because I don’t think they would even care or acknowledge it. So I decided to vent to some close friends of mine and thought I could get some comfort. I guess I’m always the bad guy when I speak up about being mistreated. Like that one time my dad was yelling at me and chewing me out for like, no good reason. I told him to “chill” and he blew up oh my god. Yeah. So I never really have the right to say anything. Which you kinda learn to live with, but it’s still gay I guess. So I guess jay and her other little friends have all turned on me. But I don’t really care I don’t need them. It’s still unfair, but if you can’t roll with me then leave I guess.

Anyway, I have one week of school left and then summer. I’ll see what happens i dunno. I’m gonna get some rest. At least I updated and I’m not dead haha

[lemon-pilled]

Similarities between TF2 and Splatoon (2)

by me (a sploon 2 player) and @d-9542 (a tf2 player) (they barely ever post tho and anyways this was my idea lol)

i cant cut posts in half on mobile sorry

TLDR, splatoon and tf2 are very similar in many ways

team vs team (turf wars and regular tf2 battles idk what theyre called)

team vs game (salmon run and MvM)

COSMETICS AND GUNS (self explanatory.)

events (idk if they count as seasonal lol but splatfests and scream fortress)

(i almost spelled fortrass in that last one LMAO oh my god im so sleep deprived)

stupidly elaborate lore (my friend isnt wrong ngl)

something something, precious resource stolen (zapfish and australium)

GMOD + SFM communities (i think splatoon has the biggest sfm community that isnt for a valve thing but dont quote me on this)

competitive scene (lots of games have this but honorable mention or something anyways ranked battles/league battles and competitive mode)

similar game modes (will elaborate later)

color themes woo (red vs blu, the iconic orange vs blue from splatoon 1, green vs pink in splatoon 2 and yellow vs purple in splatoon 3)

family rivalry i guess (like theres the whole mann brothers thing and i guess the sploon 1 final splatfest counts as well as the whole plot of sploon 2 hero mode? idk.)

'voice commands' (tf2 has A LOT. splatoon has like.....4. and they display as text with inkling/octoling noises. but they all have a different versions in different languages i think)

shinies (the australiam weapons and gold frying pan for tf2, and the stupid fucking golden toothpick from the DLC that im never getting because i absolutely cannot figure out how to beat girl power station someone send help)

bombs (literally demoman and the different bomb sub weapons in splatoon 2. i think he would have fun with those, especially fizzy bombs. im getting distracted fuck)

main and sub weapons (technically tf2 has a lot more categories but for the sake of my sanity im seperating them like this. sub weapons in splatoon ARENT limited to bombs only, for those of you who dont play.)

special abilities (while splatoon specials are different for each weapon, the abilities are dependant on the class in tf2. eg, ink armour and ubercharge, both of which makes you temporarily invincible and can affect teammates. but ink armour is the whole team, while uber is like, yourself and one other person. also charge times lmao the bane of my existance. the pain when you really need to use your special but the gauge isnt filled yet :[ )

"Cut off from developer support 😔" (my friends words. also technically not true because tf2 got updates about like last week as of posting, while splatoon is getying a THIRD GAME IN SEPTEMBER LETS FUCKING GO.)

stories! (tf2 has the comics, and splatoon has official short stories on their site.)

similar(?) gamemodes time pog

(a lot of the splatoon gamemodes can be compared to multiple tf2 gamemodes so thsy may show up several times lol)

online gameplay

online gameplay woo basically the same thing? the goals are a bit different cause in splatoon youre trying to get the most turf inked but literally you just shoot at people. pew pew.

salmon run and mann vs machine

this is like literally the same thing. the goals are different but basically a team of players have to fight against several waves of salmonoids/robots. you get stuff by beating the waves (i think?????? i dont play tf2 and my brain is, again, too tired to comprehend what the wiki is trying to say) and stuff and you win ONLY if you get all of them.

control points and tower control/splat zones

i think symmetrical cp is closer to tower control than the other ones. like, all of the splatoon maps are symmetrical so....

anyways

both teams have to take over a certain amount of spots to win. in splatoon 2 this is done by riding the tower (which is more like a payload thing but i think rainmaker is more similar to that than tower control) while in tf2 this is done by standing at the capture point. it takes a while to capture each point for both games, tho in splatoon you dont have to recapture, since it isnt exactly like capture points? thats more of a splat zones thing.

speking of splat zones this one is similar to cp in the fact that you have to literaly capture zones. usually1, but there may be 2. capturning the zones is similar to how its done in tf2, except instead of just standing there you have to cover the area with your teams ink. the counter only goes down if your ink is majority and you have all the zones.

im too tired to do all the big brain thinking to explain this more so MOVING ON

payload and rainmaker (and also the peristalsis stage in octo expansion)

you move a thing to a goal. you win if you get that thing to the goal! thats the very basics but while payload is like a move the cart via a track thing rainmaker is literally just grabbing the rainmaker and getting it to (or as close as possible) to the podium on the opposing teams aide of the map and actually i take back my earlier statment payload is quite similar to tower control.

HOWEVER. in splatoon both teams are fighting to get the rainmaker to their respective podiums. in payload, only one team moves the cart, while the other team tries to stop them.

the peristalsis stage is basically the same thing but with 1 player only cos the octo expansion DLC is a single player campaign. that and you have to shoot at it to get it to move.

king of the hill and splat zones

literally the exact same thing????? like im not even kidding. theres a certain area you have to capture, and once you have that area a timer starts to count down. but if the enemy captures it from you the timer for your team pauses and the enemys counter starts. this is kinda short cause theres not that much for me to point out lol

PASS time and clam blitz

theyre both semi based off of irl sports? except in passtime theres only one ball i think, while in clam blitz you have to collect clams to make a bigger football clam to throw at the enemys basket to break it so you can throw clams into it before it repairs itself

anyways i think this is everything? man idk i did this on a whim cause i was bored.

#tf2 #splatoon 2 #long post #splatoon