#im so sad i cant find my previous thoughts on this

[ihatebnha]

I like to think that Bakugo gets sympathy pains it's my favorite comfort headcanon lmao

god.... shut up.... shut up right now... you don't even know what this does to me and if ur not careful... ur gonna unleash the caitie-needs-to-put-her-head-in-a-pillowcase-forever demon. literally. LITERALLY.

I've definitely spoken about it before, not necessarily sympathy pains, but about how Bakugo like... viscerally reacts to your pain. I can't seem to find the posts for the LIFE of me (which is upsetting), but it's one of my fave headcanons too, how in pain he is when you're in pain.

In some cases, it can be really annoying for a man to try and overshadow your sickness with their own... but for Bakugo, he's truly just so upset that he can't make you better INSTANTLY that he physically starts to ache. Gets so nervous and antsy that he either has to work or exercise off all his steam or just... lay in bed with you to see for himself that you're okay.

So yes, my god, YES!!! Can't get sick without him nearly falling apart. Probably knows it's all in his head but still can't seem to shake the symptoms he gets when he's not by your side to watch and take care of you.

It truly gets to the point where he gives up and is just like, "I have period cramps so I'll be working from home all week except for patrols. Bye." askdlfkaksdljf

#bakugo #sorry to change the subjects i am just bonkers abt this #if ur sick he's sick tho #staying tf home #running around with whatever u have but still refusing to stop caring for u bc he knows it's a lie #and ive talked abt this before but i think it would be really easy to torture him through you #like someone with a voice or shapeshifting quirk recording audio of being hurt #and making him listen #ajkdskfkasdjjlk THE ANGST #ive always wanted to write that and still do but i never sorted out the timeline #i should try again #anyway #sorry again askjdhfaldskljl #ask #anon #caitie things #im so sad i cant find my previous thoughts on this #i coulda sworn it was on my masterlist #periods tw

[hibiscusfairys]

🐞 draco malfoy ; unrequited love, part 5 (hufflepuff fem reader)

♪ a lots gonna change : weyes blood

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

♡ warnings: angst

tagged: @miawastakens @watercolorskyy @pinkynecktie

also to the last person who requested to be tagged, im so sorry but i cant seem to find your blog when i try to tag it :(

by the way a reference to the last chapter, i realised adrian pucey is two years older than harrys year, so for the sake of it not being weird just pretend he was a year older than us

☆

You cried all night.

You didn’t know if whether you had swayed him, or distanced him from you even more. Each passing thought that involved him had only provoked your yearning tears. By the end of the long evening, your pillow was wet with the heartbreak and sadness you wept for him.

You were stupid enough to believe he was for you. The muggleborn girl and the pureblooded boy with a family full of blood supremacists which he was surely influenced from — yeah, right. What a foolish imagination you must have.

Dawn had rolled around, and your quiet sobs had eventually stopped and morphed into your sleep. The bright light of the sun shone through the fogged window, reflecting onto your hair. Your yellow duvet covers were spread everywhere, and the mascara you had worn from the ball before had stained your pillow like watery, black ink.

You rose up from your slumber, increasingly light headed from all the thinking you had been doing all night. It was time to finally get on with your life, and leave this all behind. Your feelings for him would have to disappear, soon enough.

Your ball dress was still on, and was crumpled from the action of tossing and turning restlessly in your bed.

A letter was positioned unknowingly on the windowsill. You noticed that the window door was open, the cold air hitting your face like a vent. You saw that a midnight feathered owl with amber eyes as bright as streetlights perched on the sill, looking at you with its pupils dilating.

Eagerly, you opened the letter, hoping it to be from your parents. They had only just figured out how to use the owl. But the envelope looked too classy, too posh even. Nothing like the basic white envelopes you’d usually see.

It had a certain family emblem on the black seal.

Ripping the top of the envelope, you lifted the mysterious letter from the pocket. You had almost instantly recognised the handwriting, as you had seen it in your potions class not too long ago. It was Malfoy’s.

The words were carefully carved with ink on the parchment, and ink smudges seemed to be far less of a problem for him to prevent than it was for you. Using a quill and proper ink was still something to get used to, even if it had been 4 years. You anxiously let your eyes scan the page, a lump forming in your hoarse throat from all the sobbing. To….

I apologise for my previous behaviour last night

I understand that I may have upset you. This is quite new to me actually. I’m too wrapped up in myself to recognise others problems, if I am being honest.

However, while I still stand by what I said about us not working out, I do want to create a compromise with you. And before you ask, I’ve dealt with Astoria. It was entirely difficult for me to tell her. And to be honest, I am feeling quite down. But I’m still so confused on where my heart is leading and I don’t want to lead her on either. She’s one of the only people I care about. Except for my family and some others which I won’t name.

If you are so desperate, it will have to be a hidden secret between us. If I ever eventually decide to let myself love you, while the guilt might weigh heavily on me, I am not afraid of it. It is quite dismaying knowing that you aren’t a pure-blood like I am, but I want to learn to be more tolerant at least. And I’ll try to be more open. But don’t let a word slip out. I’m sorry if I am asking much. I should really not ask you of anything, but I can’t help it. I’m still adjusting to this. I thought it would be so easy, love. But it’s not. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. But I don’t want to label you as wrong. Rather — unexpected. My family will surely be disappointed, so it’s why I’m so hesitant. But it’s a risk I am willing to take for my heart to finally be at rest. It has been tugging on me for weeks.

Do answer me later. Moreover, maybe I can explain it to you better in person.

Draco Malfoy

You saw your tears melt onto the paper. Different emotions poured through you like a rainfall, you felt excited and happy, but also unnerved. It disappointed you that he couldn’t accept you in the first place.

You found out your quill and a pot of ink.

To Malfoy,

Thank you for your letter. I am glad that you’ve explained to me your feelings. Sometimes writing it down makes everything better.

But please, do accept me as I am. I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you won’t find comfort in. Plus, it would put me in danger too. I don’t know what your family is like, but I don’t want to entrust them just yet.

However, I do feel similarly. Maybe we could try it.

I’d be glad to keep it a secret for you.

From…

You finally signed your name in one swoop of your quill.

“Hopefully..” You say to yourself, handing the addressed envelope to the messenger owl.

☆

thank you all so much for reading this fic, i appreciate all the support youve given me so much and im excited to write more future ones for you soon ♡

also im sorry if the ending seems quite rushed, i had no idea what to do and i didnt want to keep anyone waiting too long :( ill try to improve on this in the future and hopefully, not pressure myself too much with releasing chapters

#harry potter #harry potter fic #draco x reader #angst #draco angst #draco imagine #draco malfoy angst #draco x female reader #draco x hufflepuff!reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco x muggleborn!reader #draco x muggleborn

[ganondoodle]

the worst part about finding more and more about totk that i dont like is that ... it seems like one of my biggest fears is going to become true; all of my previous hyperfixations died because a new thing of the franchise came out and i didnt like it, turned that strange, perhaps unhealthy, love and attachment into disappointment and sadness and im afraid thats happening to zelda right now, the one hyperfixation i hoped could last or at the very least i would just grow slowly away from in a good way if it was just totk that i didnt like, tho its hard to see all the love people have for it and just ... feel the opposite about it, it would be fine (heck i really disliked links awakening but ultimately i just regret spending so much money on it, it didnt impact my feelings about the rest of the franchise) but because it diminishes everything about botw too .. a game that i still love deeply, its not fine aside from me not liking anything they did with the zonau, it basically steamrolled botw too, damn near ignoring it ever happened, cramming in zonau stuff where it wasnt before just so its literally everywhere, taking its mysterious and answerign them in boring ways, implying that stuff i loved so much about botw was yet just another zonau thing (the three dragons possibly having been zonau ..........the ancient hero mystery being .. that.......) people basically claiming as fact that its somehow slammed into the old timeline despite it making no sense nor has any evidence aside from some names that happened to be used once before or them saying whats the point of ever looking at botw again bc totk does everything "better" ...

you cant ignore it really, even if i try to ignore what i dont like, i know whats revealed in totk, and others know it too.

and in turn it all makes me go back to that strange self hatred i thought i had finally left behind, the why do i care so much, its stupid to care so much about a piece of media i have no control about anyway, whats the point of caring so much, you have wasted so much time and effort and thought and tears about something like this, why are you so weird, why cant you just be like everyone else and love it all, why are you like this, stop being like this.

knowing i cant stop being like this, fearing from the start it might happen just like it has so many times, that i fall in love with a piece of media so much that when it gets a new thing that i dont like but affects every aspect of it it all flips into anger first, then disappointment and sadness and in end into wishing i wasnt weird like this, knowing i cant change it ... and it turning out true

#ganondoodles talks #i dont know how to feel #i dont want to lose interest i really dont #but im seeing it happen just like it has all these times before #on top of feeling bad for beign so negative #also feeling like the villain here bc so few people have the same criticisim as me #the only people that dont like it are those posting rants on youtube complaining about enemy variety or whatever #the game wasnt what i expceted nor what i hoped but weird thrid worse thing #that i dont know how to feel about #.... not to mention being afraid of making myself hated for being the way i am #probably the reason why so many popular zelda artists i liked and even talked to suddendly completely shadowbanned me #im afraid of losing everyone i got to know in this fandom #for being over emotional and annoying i guess #or maybe i am just a bitch #maybe they are right #maybe theres a good reason i never joined the ranks of cool and relatable popular artists #and maybe its better for me to stay in my weird lil bubble

[poruvoron]

YUSHIII ITS WORKING ANON AND IM SO SAD BC I CANT GO TO CONQUEST AND BUY YOUR MERCH,,,, huhu pls I hope you have lots of fun there and have such good sales ><

WAAAAA WORKING ANONNIE I OWE U STUFF... I've been missing your previous asks dfhkDFLH,,,

also will start calling you sugar anonnie because u r so sweet ;;; thank you for your kind words !!

I hope we meet in a different con so I can thank you personally ;w;

i have a foggy memory but I've been telling myself for a long time that I have to draw you heizou,,, I can't find where we had that convo or where the thought came from, but all ik is that I NEED to draw him for you LMAO... here is my heizou offering

#dear donutsu #thank u sugar anonnie >:3c #I hope things are well at work and life is treating you kindly!

[misterradio]

house of leaves has my mind blown at such random stuff. page 97 has a check mark in the corner.

[i'll add random other musings below]

notation 127 references a real book which is even on archive dot org..!!! and it says to check out a diagram But you need to log in to view the book. AAGHH!!

page 119 it is now time to be confused on how to read this 👍

nevermind the box is just all one long footnote. and the backwards box is like a reversal of the previous box.

"this is what happens when you hurry in a maze. the faster you go, the worse you are entangled"..... UH OH !

the footnotes along the sides are just BUILDING NAMES?? and then ARCHITECTS ??????? i do really like the cyclical nature of these notes, one makes u flip thru several pages and then you have to turn the book upside down and flip back thru the same pages. the last note in this series is right at the 2nd page in this sequence but along the side. makes me think of. a spiral ::-) makes me smile.

im just now realizing some of these notation marks are letters instead of numbers....X appears several times (that footnote is on page 107) but theres also like, LL (but if the first L was reversed)? and this one is F (page 122). not sure if there is a meaning here

page 127 guys this is scary

(page 151) "I was sorry to hear he disappeared. Do you know what happened to him?" HE WHAT?????

(page 620) okay i decided to read some more letters from (checks her name) Pelafina and. this is one is. ::-(

okay i finished her letters and wah........... sad. i wonder what was the one jewelry johnny kept from her.

(page 154) i already forgot what these different names were for ermmm lol. great hall and antechamber. i forgor

(page 159) the fact that the stairwell was around 13 miles long for Roberts' crew and then for Navdison its 100 feet.... LOLLLL F--K the explorers in particular

(page 192) YAY JED and wax !!! i never thought id be so so happy to see them again. yayyy. but now getting out is the next obstacle.. F--K OFF I CANT BELIEVE HOW SOONI SPOKE f--k this book

SICKENIINNNNGGGG!!!!!!!

(page 263) I LOVE THAT there are occasional emails from people after the 1st printing and someone says "what was all that crazy stuff in the introduction about guns and blood?" THATS WHAT IM SAYIINNGGGGG

(page 272) this makes me think that the stairwell is analogous to a throat..

(page 305) once again. witnessing the staircase lengthen and groan. makes me think it is literally swallowing navy.

(page 318) im so so glad wax survived YAY

(page 320) this made me get up and start pacing and smiling. like. this house wants navy so bad. SO BAD

(page 326) JOHNNY BECOMES SELF AWARE THAT HE A FICTIONAL CHARACTEr (scary)

btw i did find ouf the letters used in notations are actually symbols bc there is a photo of a graph of them on the inner cover. i dont actualy know how to look up what they are called at all tbh. theyre like. aircraft related.

(page 342) bruh this is new and scary. fhe house's shifting horror now extending beyond the imposible hallways but into the main house ...... what the......

(page 397) everyone in this book is so FREUDIAN !!!! like all the psychology is so fruedian i think.

(page 402) im so fascinated by these dream scenes i didnt expdct this book to really have a dream scene but there u go ^^__^^ im sad the promised third dream is missing......

OH YEAH BABY WE ACTUALLY HAVE A MINOTAUR PRESENT also in a dream scene. EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR A MINOTAUR PRESENCE

(page 406) this is some like. reverse tma thing. you know how in tma everyone who gives a statement to jon has nightmare of him. this is like what if jon did something to absolve everyone of their nightmares. huh. (also i havent gotten past this part i dont even know what navidson Does back in the house yet.........)

OH I JUST REALIZED THE SKETCHES IN APPENDIX II ARE JOHNNY'S. he mentioned doodling on any scraps of paper he had like mail and i was like heh. just like in the appendix. OH WAIT

i love that tgis chapter does NOT end in a period and ends with an open-ended sentence that segues into the next chapter. thats so neat ::-) idek if navy is still alive like wtf i dont know yet SHHH shhhh

(page 425) the dread this is imbuing in me. the floors tilting slightly wherever navy goes to guide him along. youre at the mercy of this house now..

(page 465) WHAT THE ? THIS BOOK IS WITHIN THISBBOOK? (navidson has a book titled house of leaves) WHAT?

(page 468) this desolation almost made me cry somehow . maybe logcially its not the worst thing thats happened in this book but the nothingness is crushing

this part makes u turn the book around a lot and i really did get a sense of dizziness while reading bc i realized i didnt know whether the text i was reading was really along the bottom of the page or what... also im still so tripped up that they mention this book by name, even say how many pages it has, and that 'maybe some of the pages are hard to read'. bro.

the song on page 479 is apparently "when johnny comes marching home" which i had to look up but thats where the tune of that song the ants go marching one by one comes from???? u learn something new every day.

i like that the footnote on page 488 is another of those aeronautic symbols (theres a chart of some of them on a collage in the back) and this one means "heavily injured, need a doctor"...............

(page 527) "and whenever she laughs the notes sing a call to Victory" STARTS BAWLING

okay i done YAYYYYYYYYY AAAUUUUUHHHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHHHHHHH i have yet to finish the appendices....

#original nonsense #personal #just a simple check mark... our little code so effortless and yet so rich in communication........................... #<- other than this im not sure why tgere is a check mark there.

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #11: act 6 p2

aranea first appearance!!! shes so beautifullll hi girl

okay so i think i misremembered this specific comversation. in a previous conversation with roxy, roxy accidentally IMPLIED that jane might have feelings for him. but then jake was like yeah i already know that she has a thing for me but then since he knows roxy isnt supposed to talk about it he agrees to drop it. then here he is like hey jane do you like me? be honest. just come out and say it. do you? and she is like clearly not ready to be honest yet so shes like uh no i dont

so then hes like oh you dont well thats crazy i thought you did. but then hes like . are you sure? and she is like... haha i guess not... GAHHH THIS IS SO PAINFUL TO READ. but the problem im finding is that i feel like jake is in the wrong here but like i dont know i might do the same thing. if i suspected someone liked me and then got soft confirmation from their best friend i might also approach the situation by asking for confirmation rather than being like I KNOW YOU LIKE ME. but maybe the real thing i would do is wait for them to tell me... i honestly dont know what the right answer is... like what was his best option here because what he did felt so wrong. and jane. poor jane. she is suffering with the weight of liking this FREAK . its just hard cause i wanted her to be honest but i also get why she wasnt

i dont even want to show this next part but jake after this is telling jane about how he thinks dirk wants to date him (which he does) and jane is just. suffering . but she keeps telling him to like go for it? like why are you sabotaging yourself like this?? i get shes trying to be a good friend but like at what cost girl your sanity?? and how is he this socially unaware when he has proven that he can pick up on the hints that jane liked him even BEFORE roxy accidentally implied it?? but now he cant tell that jane is OBVIOUSLY not happy with the situation. i actually cant tell if hes being a cruel person and deliberately ignoring her feelings or if hes just suddenly unable to pick up on her feelings. i GUESS in his defense there has been this ongoing theme of his friends saying that he has a tendency to believe people at face value and believe IN people. get it. because hope. but that is dumb and in my opinion a weak defense

to be fair. he is glasses

what heaven looks like (without the dead cat)

AHHHHH JUMPSCARE

god damn you. tumut

this is really cool

me every time i get mad and my friends call me delusional

this section of dirk giving jake the Lore is cool. look at alpha dave he is so awesome

holy balls look at rose too

HELL YEAH

Sadge

DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT JANE HAS A THING FOR YOU....... WHAT IS HAPPENING

hee hee look at lil seb

this baller ass panel. hes so cool he has a fucking SWORD

look at him go!!!!

AHHH I LOVE THIS PANEL EVERYONE IS SO SILLY!!!!!!

me when im the dumbest boy in paradox space

wait this makes sense to me. the seer of mind can see brain ghost dirk. that is so cool

I AM CRESTFALLEN. (also jane and roxy just died so that is very sad too. but they have dreamselves.) shit is kind of hitting the fan when all the alpha kids are trying to enter. also calliope just got name and appearance revealed so... hey

this is funny

HUHHHHH

ok so i watched s dirk synhcronize. really good flash! some things i noticed. 1. there is that tumblr post that is like dirk just high fives meenah without even knowing who she is or what a troll is. that is wrong he DOES know what a troll is and had already briefly met her like right before the high five happened . 2 its crazy that he has no fear or hesitation when he puts his own head in the transportalizer. like bro really just was willing to kill himself for his friends. i know that he lives bc of his dreamself but still to have ZERO hesitation shows how much he loves them all. 3 in the beginning of homestuck john needed a sledge hammer to open his cruxtruder and throughout the comic most of the characters have needed to drop something heavy on the lid to pop it open but dirk just fucking kicks it open with little effort . actual baller

based hal

this goofy ass scene look at roxys face its so me

fuuuuuck i just watched caliborn enter... lord english destroyed the dream bubble with the john who died and a couple dead daves... (and a bunch of alternate trolls) man i fucking HATE that guy....

shes real or somefin

dude. not cool

i fuckin love his hashtags

LOOK AT THEM

gender envy

im out of image space but ........ to be continued. this is definitely... like... i feel like after cascade the comic came to an abrupt stop. and it is taking a while for things to get going again. maybe once they arrive at the new session

#joff hs reread #sadge #the girls and the gays #hs

[marv3l-drag0ns]

Technoblade cosplay planning (top secret) (my eyes only) (unless you wanna talk to me about it :eyes:)

Ok so im the biggest pignoblade supporter but thats gonna be technically hard and ill need to make a mask. Previous plans involve modifying a dinomask ala skulldog fursuit to make a boar skull and then have longer pink mane around it. merit!

However i already have tusks and i kinda wanna do a long hair wig for him so i might cave and do human techno. choices.

I want to give him a thigh chainmail (drawing to follow) because i think that sounds awesome. I also need to see if I can find calf high brown or black boots that actually fit my calf so. ill probably have to order them full price. sad. but i can make the chainmail! glad :D (new skill tree to pursue)

I'm probably also going to delve into making a cow-lion-boar combination tail (i have drawings with what i want, itll probably be thin felt a little stuffing around a wire core with a tuft of fur (maybe brushed yarn?) at the end to make it fluffy)

AND THEN THE BEST PART THE ONE IVE BEEN COLELCTING PARTS FOR!!!!!!!! I have this awesome red coat that i actually. cannot find who made it. but its so awesome and i want to use it for the techno cosplay, with either a rabbit fur ruff (white fur) or with the sheepskin scraps i got at the rummage sale a month ago. HOWEVER. new idea emerged recently.

I saw. a GORGEOUS. half cloak with a very full and fluffy pure white fur ruff (however i think it was fox fur which ive heard is a) more expensive and b) often fur farmed?) at the ren faire it was such a gorgeous deep wine color and the fur was so flufy AND!!!! it had cloak clasps that were golden chain and had blue crystals in the pin part and i immediately thought ''oh eyes of ender for sure!'' !!!!!!!!! and i also recently saw a tiktok from a shop advertising a longer red cloak that had a super cool pattern and way of securing it but thats also really expensive so i might have to learn how to make a combination of all three by myself (i love diy and im also not rich enough to get this).

Also the eye of ender amulet i painted would be really good, and i want to search for a dangly green jewel earing as well as some other ones either to put in the techno ears id have to make (this is seriously going to be the cosplay i learn to make fursuit gear lmao) or decide which ones to put in my ears (so also potentially clip on earrings since i only have the lobes).

was there anything else.... OH PROP MAKING i cant decide on what prop i want to make so we'll see what happens.

but yeah!!!!! im super excited and theres so many cool skills for me to learn and also a really fun cosplay ive been wanting to do for 2-3 years iirc. so we'll see!

#cosplay plans #dragon's discussions #technoblade #ive also been meaning to learn foam crafting skills so i might make foam armor bracers for it? but i also might get leather ones #because those are durable and i think theyre cool #alas. renfaire if i had money you would have been so helpful

[n7punk]

We’re stl here! She ra fans are still here!! YOUR fans are still here and not going anywhere! I think a lot of fans are just horny and give more engagement for rated E stuff lol. Also I (personally) try not to bombard my fav writers when I can tell they have shit going on irl- and I know you have dealt with a lot of sickness/pain lately so I dont want to be annoying! Could be the case for others. But we are here :)

aw i do appreciate it <3 ive been having such issues this year it has shaped.... literally everything, from irl stuff to slowing down my writing and also making interacting hard not just with yall but with my friends and family. sometimes messages stress me because i know i cant answer them (especially when i really want to), but i also like talking to you guys a lot its just very difficult at times. ive been having an extended episode for like three weeks now so thats. fun and easy. but! honestly its good to hear that and it is very kind of you <3 rn im on the border where im a little incomprehensible but feeling good enough to kinda ramble.

i feel like i keep mentioning the fandom "shrinking" but honestly i usually bring it up because i know it discourages new people who want to start making art or w/e for catradora and feel like "they missed their chance" but like yeah, youre exactly right, we're still here! if you're interested in catradora, you WILL find other people who still are and we're glad to have you (two cakes, etc).

i don't think the catradora fandom is small by any means, or even shrinking fast, it is just a fact that we used to be very high on the list of top ships, and now we're number 38 - still a big number despite the difference (ive never been in a fandom that ranked before im sure). which is why i brought it up for locked fics now seeing more "engagement" loss than before and part of my motivation to keep working on my stories comes from you guys! because im adhd and struggle with motivation/staying on task lol, so if i cant do something quickly (which hasnt been possible for like a year, you might noticed some of my "long fics" this year are shorter than years previous, though thats also story differences. look at SaD, which i thought would be short, and, well....), hearing other people be invested in it helps to stir up my own investment and keep me going so that was the reason it was a con i had to weigh despite generally focusing on what i like to write/read (side adhd tangent, i love how i started in my fics being like "well i could write adora as adhd or autistic but i worry about my outside perspective" and even worrying about how i do autistic representation to now knowing full well im both and gaining a deeper understanding of my life from it /end). i do think the lock will be very temporary (most likely because the damage is done, but hopefully because of some improvement/we find something new)

i did not mean to harp more on that and i think this will be the last time i mention it im just very rambling right now. anyway this message was sweet and i appreciate you <3

#ask #anon

[bybdolan]

uhhh i cant wait for a complete post of your thoughts when you've had time to think about it, im sad it doesnt fit the vibe of the photoshoot and its ok and im going to listen to the album bc it sounds like taylors previous work which i like but im sick of the same production on every track and its not even good, that synth rythm at the end of the anti-hero chorus is giving me ptsd its like every taylor swift song is starting to sound like that

ok i can finally answer this a bit more thouroughly after having sat with the album for a few days. I think my initial reaction was much more negative than my views on the album are now, simply because I also expected something different and was taken aback by what we ended up getting. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of reputation: in my perception of it, in its sound, and in the themes that are being explored. Ultimately, Midnights is the better reputation: it deals with themes of fame and "finding love through all the noise" MUCH better than the 2017 album did, likely because Taylor now has the removal and strong footing to really Get Into a lot of shit (and her own insecurities) without constantly being worried about how she will be perceived. Some tracks on Midnights are what I always wanted to hear from her fame-wise, as exemplified by how many beats from this playlist get hit, so all in all I do appreciate a lot about the album. It's also just... fun to listen to, I want to dance around my room to many of the tracks which I dig. Unfortunately, this is not all it takes for me to be head over heels for an album, and Midnights kind of disappointed me on the songwriting front. This is me complaining on an incredibly high level because Taylor is That Good, but there were almost no lyrics that stood out to me upon first listen. It is exactly the same feeling reputation has given me upon first listen, where I sat around wondering when a lyric would really GRAB me the way many of the lines on Speak Now or Red did. I appreciate the humor and Taylor's delivery of the lyrics is arguably the best part of the album, but I feel a bit dissatisfied with some of the metaphors or literary devices on here. Negative examples are "Your eyes are flying saucers from another dimension", "Cat eye sharp enough to kill a man" (shut up...), "I miss you but I miss sparkeling", "the sand hurts my feelings" (i actually love where she was going with this and think it should have been more refined because it doesn't land). And a lot of the songs are also just... There. They don't do anything for me. Which kind of is the worst crime an album can commit. I like Jack, but there is truth to the fact that he only ever is experimental on his own albums and gives the girls he works with very little breathing room. When listening to Midnights, I feel like the music is just. There as a backdrop to the lyrics and very rarely adds something to the overall feeling of the song. And when the lyrics by themselves are not that strong... That's not great. I would argue that Midnights has better lines than 1989, but 1989 felt like a symbiosis of production and lyrics, where each perfectly supported the other, and Midnights doesn't give me the same feeling. It feels a tad rushed. I say all of this and will most likely still stream the fuck out of the album, but I won't consider it a Great Work in the process of doing so. I simply love dancing around to a silly pop song.

#ask #anonymous #it's probably my 6th favorite taylor album? #also i wonder how well it will hold up through the years! #not because i think it won't but because i think it could go either way

[redheadbigshoes]

Hi, I noticed your bio says you’re open to giving advice and I don’t know if this is comp het or not but id be really grateful for any insight.

Basically, I am 20 and have never been in a relationship.  Is it okay to identify as a lesbian if I’ve not 100% felt like a lesbian in the past and haven’t been in a relationship?

I used to identify as bi but I now cant imagine myself or feel like I would want a relationship with a man. But because I have maybe liked a boy when I was younger I feel i should now or if it was just comp het.  It feels a bit alien to me, although if I picture it in a very queer way with me being a boy or more masculine (I am quite femme) and the boy being queer too or the perfect kind of Disney animation. I can imagine it blurrily but not really in reality. Sometimes I feel as though I need to just find a man and that I can like boys like everyone else. I feel like if i found a boy who was basically Remus lupin I might be interested and I used to find boys like timothee chalmet attractive but again, I don’t know .

I identify as a lesbian and have used the word to describe myself with friends. Although I have explained that im not sure if im bi. But I feel like I am a lesbian because the word brings me a lot of comfort, joy and is freeing. It feels like me.

The feeling that people wont see me as potentially being with a man or have men thinking id be open for a relationship with them is so nice but scary. I feel like i can talk to me friends like i would my journal, like they know me better now. I feel like for the first time in my life I feel comfortable with cis het men because it is like I can treat them like brothers I never had.

Although, at the same time I feel a lot of sadness because I never knew this. I didn’t grow up wanting a girlfriend, I felt very happy watching straight rom coms, talking about my dream wedding. I remember being on the bus at the age of 16 and seeing a random boy I didn’t know . For some reason I wanted him to notice me , wanted him to know me. It feels weird to me now, to think of how much of my early teens revolved around imagining id love a boy and believing I could when that’s so confusing to me now. Now, I feel like I actively don’t think of men because so much of my life I thought I’d had to and I don’t want that to take up space even though maybe I’m just denying I’m bi? I guess this makes me feel discomfort because i feel like ive found who i am but what if i havent.

I remember shutting the idea that I could be bi down at 15 because id never felt like that... and then realised later i was not straight because i thought about wanting a girlfriend very often. I just don’t want to be lying, but I don’t feel happy identifying as bi because I can’t imagine wanting a boyfriend. I also have never had sex, and I cannot imagine it with a man at all unless I change. I watch a lot of Tv/films with lgbtqa + characters to feel validation and comfort. I can sometimes / more often imagine having sex with a women and it feels safer in my head to me.

I have also questioned if im maybe asexual, because I don’t know comparatively what its like to really like someone and wanting sex feels quite externally pressured sometimes.

Id love to have a girlfriend and yet I haven’t found anyone that I really like. Maybe this is because I am a big introvert but hey I don’t know. Anyway, I’m sorry for this big ramble, but I guess I think about this a lot.

Hi!

First is that having had previous experiences with men or not having any type of experience in terms of relationships doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian (or any other identity for that matter).

You have to understand that sexuality can be fluid, even though it’s not fluid for a lot of people. So it’s definitely possible for you to have liked a guy in the past but right now think you don’t like men nor can’t imagining yourself with a man in the future.

Also, what you felt about that boy doesn’t mean it was a crush. When it comes to comphet our “crushes” aren’t actual crushes. You can find guys attractive while not being attracted to them. Noticing their physical beauty has nothing to do with sexuality.

When it comes to unattainable men they’re usually portrayed as perfect and made to be appealing to women, those men don’t really exist in real life.

I think trying out a label can definitely help you understand whether you actually fit that label or not. There’s nothing wrong with doing that.

And as a lesbian, I really relate to your feeling that you’re more comfortable (in some ways) around men. Because after you figure you’re a lesbian you also understand you don’t have to do anything for men and to always please them.

I think a lot of lesbians didn’t really grow up yearning to have a girlfriend, because that would mean that we all knew about our sexuality right from the start. And in the society that we live in it’s perfectly normal to figure your attraction later in life. I can speak for myself that as a child I’ve never wanted a girlfriend, but that’s because it wasn’t shown as a possibility to me, I thought only boys could be with girls in that way.

We as women (and anyone who is treated as a woman by society) are taught to like men and center them in our lives since we’re born. We’re influenced to want marriage and a family with a man, so it’s perfectly natural for little girls (even lesbians) trying imagining themselves with men and liking straight romance, because that’s the only thing you were shown as possible. I’d watch rom-coms and pretend the guy didn’t exist and that the story wasn’t all centered around a straight romance, and that would make it a little more enjoyable to watch.

Believe me I also spent my childhood and teen years revolving around eventually finding a man to settle down with. All that does not make me any less lesbian because I’m not responsible for what other people taught me was the right thing and what they influenced me to be and to believe.

A lot of the things you said I relate with, so I think you really could be a lesbian.

Now for the advices:

1) I think you should watch the comphet related videos I post here, you just click on the tag “source: patronsaintoflesbians” after you watch that video because there’s a bunch of those videos that can help you figure out your identity. 2) Maybe read both the lesbian masterdoc and the bisexual manifesto? They could help you understand your attraction (or the lack off) and even if you end up not being bi or lesbian I’d still advise reading both. The only thing is that I think you shouldn’t only rely on the videos or the masterdoc/manifesto, try watching the videos and reading the docs to make sure of your identity. The masterdoc’s link is on my pinned post.

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

[vasyashumkov]

you know im hvaing a momnt i gotta ask, sonny? got anything for him? uhmmm. also gilda. hi

GREAT time to use my media analysis "skills" for evil

SONNY of dogy day afternoon fame <3

Headcanon A:  realistic

he practasised what he was going to say during Da Robbery in the mirror and with all his friends but like didnt tell them why.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

his previous crimes include stealing an empty box from a store that was supposed to be full of something expensive but when he got home it was just bubble wrap

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

ummmmmm his Full name is Sonnald. sorry i cant think of anything im so bad at being serious.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

he discovers wymoning was its own country all along and is so sad becausw he never got to tell sal.

gilda tehee

Headcanon A:  realistic

she dumps johnny and goes to america to be a beautiful nightclub singer in some other noir scenrio except nothing bad happens to her ever again ever. this is realistic because she would find herself in those situations.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

shes lesbian and was cheating on both her husbands the entire time with girls and they never even thought of this so never asked.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

she is unhappily married to johnny Forever now. think about it.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

ive posted about this one before but the "the men she was going on dates with she was just playing board games with" hc is probably my favourite one ive come up with for the film

#SORRY these are lacking but this is what came out of my brain #asks

[hongism]

UM CALY!!!?!!?

MOC46AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHSUSUAJSJSJSJWNNSNSJAKWKWKAKKSNSNXNJXIAIWIWISJSJKAKAMZNSJWIQKMANXJSUWIWJJDEaaUNAHUABAHVAUJAINIKOSMNWJWJNSUBSBGSBUSNUEMI

SORRY BUT YOU KINDA HAD THAT ONE COMING 😭😭😭 ABSOLUTELY DISCOMBOBULATED AFTER READING THIS CHAPTER I JUST HAD TO *SMASHES HEAD INTO KEYBOARD*

as a hongjoong x mc enjoyer from the start, i hope you know i’ll never fully recover from this AHAHA but before coming to the part that we as a society should and will never move on from, i have to say you really never ever fail to step up your game my beloved 🥹

“I’ve gathered as much, yes. That I’m apparently able to put my hand through someone’s chest and rip their heart out if I so desire.”

“And I’m the Siren Iboun who can kill Sirens in the Dreamscape.” Wooyoung barks out a laugh as though he’s told the funniest joke imaginable.”

this scene made me cry-laughed bc my heart aches for both of them so much. i cant fathom feeling so alone and hopeless for the longest time, then meeting the one person that gets you just for them to forget about you completely. and as mc or wooyoung mentioned in the previous chapter, imagine how much pain you have to go through to choose erasing your memory completely. im so glad they got reunited and mc is starting to remember things and they’re so cute i just 🥹🥹🥹

“I still kinda want to punch you in the neck though. Several times. With a steel pipe.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, little lady!”

“And yet somehow I don’t want you dead.”

i dont wanna say that they’re cute but like THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE when they seem to just temporarily go back to the good old times… obviously jisung deserves whatever is coming for him and nothing can justify his actions but he reminds me of taylor swift’s ‘don’t blame me’ - specifically the part that goes “don’t blame me, love made me crazy”, and its sort of sad…. (but fr if moc is ever made into a film you can sure as hell expect me to make those tiktok edits LMAO the things i do for moc…)

Except when he lifts the gun, you find its aim pointed at your head rather than Jisung’s.

you know i’ll probably spend every living moment until the next chapter comes out just wondering what will happen next right?….. please omg he can’t do this it’s probably hyunwoo’s ass again i hope he trips and drowns in his own bs akskskwk

You watch with a careful gaze as he cups his free hand over the end of the thin tube and presses the lighter close. A small huff of opaque smoke clouds up around his face after the first puff.

wtf the noise i made when i read this LMAOOO just when i thought i’ve seen everything, he had to do this??? how can one POSSIBLY become any hotter????? i’ll just casually daydream about this moment forever.

“That you’re mine.”

👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹 THATS IT IM LEAVING

“I don’t see why that’s necessary at all,” you start to protest, but the words fall on deaf ears as that coat you were analyzing seconds earlier starts getting pulled from the captain’s form without further ado. You look away in a panic, jerking your head so far to the side that it makes your neck hurt some. “Truly, this is far from necessary, Captain.”

UGH i could quote so many other parts (or might as well just quote everything tbh) but this start to the whole sexual tension scratches my brain in the best way, truly. anything i imagined happening between these two, you just made it 1000 times better. this might as well trump every other smut scene i’ve ever read AND THERES NO ACTUAL SMUT?? 😭 just know i’ll never recover miss caly, never…. unlesssss you get them to actually do the devils tango AKSKSKSKSK ily i can’t wait for ur work <3 — 🌊

DIFJAIWEOJFAIOWEFA IM SCREAMIGORJGOEI BESTIE!!! UR KEYSMASH IS SO LONG IT BROKE THE ASKBOX IM LAUGHIGN

as a hongjoong x mc enjoyer from the start, i hope you know i’ll never fully recover from this AHAHA but before coming to the part that we as a society should and will never move on from, i have to say you really never ever fail to step up your game my beloved 🥹

THANK YOUUUUU 😭😭😭😭 i try my best to always improve to the point where im like omg isnt this too much? i feel like in a lot of ways i cant OUTDO MYSELF ANYMORE THAN THIS IT WOULD JUST BE TOO MUCH!

this scene made me cry-laughed bc my heart aches for both of them so much. i cant fathom feeling so alone and hopeless for the longest time, then meeting the one person that gets you just for them to forget about you completely. and as mc or wooyoung mentioned in the previous chapter, imagine how much pain you have to go through to choose erasing your memory completely. im so glad they got reunited and mc is starting to remember things and they’re so cute i just 🥹🥹🥹

i really adore them so very much and i think they have something so innately special together, and something that has been touched on briefly is the fact that seonghwa has been present for both of them but it still isn’t the same as what wooyoung and mc have 🥲🥲

i dont wanna say that they’re cute but like THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE when they seem to just temporarily go back to the good old times… obviously jisung deserves whatever is coming for him and nothing can justify his actions but he reminds me of taylor swift’s ‘don’t blame me’ - specifically the part that goes “don’t blame me, love made me crazy”, and its sort of sad…. (but fr if moc is ever made into a film you can sure as hell expect me to make those tiktok edits LMAO the things i do for moc…)

PLSSSSS im glad it read well bc i was worried it would read too much as a redemption when i was trying to be like !!! this isn’t redemption !!! and it is absolutely bittersweet in so many ways and it’s so deeply... difficult to traverse but that’s what makes it so !!! fun to read and enjoyable to debate!!!

you know i’ll probably spend every living moment until the next chapter comes out just wondering what will happen next right?….. please omg he can’t do this it’s probably hyunwoo’s ass again i hope he trips and drowns in his own bs akskskwk

FKJEHKLFHWLUIEHFW PLEASE 😭

wtf the noise i made when i read this LMAOOO just when i thought i’ve seen everything, he had to do this??? how can one POSSIBLY become any hotter????? i’ll just casually daydream about this moment forever.

EIOJFOWIJFWOIEFW look how do you think i felt... WRITING IT... i was falling apart fr i won’t lie...

👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹 THATS IT IM LEAVING

THIS HAS ME IN LITERALLYIJRIOJAIOJERFIOAWJEF TEARS BESTIE I CANTUIHSDFHWIUEF PELASE THE OFWOIFJWEIOFJO BREATHE BESTIE BREATHE!

UGH i could quote so many other parts (or might as well just quote everything tbh) but this start to the whole sexual tension scratches my brain in the best way, truly. anything i imagined happening between these two, you just made it 1000 times better. this might as well trump every other smut scene i’ve ever read AND THERES NO ACTUAL SMUT?? 😭 just know i’ll never recover miss caly, never…. unlesssss you get them to actually do the devils tango AKSKSKSKSK ily i can’t wait for ur work <3 — 🌊

brain scratching i do love to see it !! just hearing that its BETTER THAN SMUT WITH NO ACTUAL SMUT SLDKFJSLKDFJ THAT’S SUCH A COMPLIMENT AND ALSO SO INSANE TO ME THANK YOU???? we’ll have to wait and see what happens and how it all plays out though 😼

#mists of celeste #moc: spoilers

[kyonoc]

This might come in handy if I disappear in the near future

needy streamer overload. Tw; self harm

Val barely checks what I post anyway. Two other people who follow this blog probably have gotten sick of my excessive shitpost already. This shouldn't be appearing on the search, right?

No one shouldn't be reading this, except for me, so I suppose this is fine to share here.

Sometimes I wish to cut myself. So badly

But i cant

Because others will be more disappointed about it than me myself can manage to.

Because I'll make my mom sad. I put up the good girl, the carefree, happy child act for so long. It will be despairing for he once she finds out she has failed as a mother. That her child is so wrong in many aspects like this.

I think my mom can sense it, tho. She have always had a very good intuition. Or is my mask finally falling apart?

Because my friend will be taken aback by it. I never appeared to be unstable on the outside. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I vented to them. Even on this oh so called "venting blog" I created, I refrain my self from dumping my depressive thoughts here. I only ever share about my anxiety issues. Because.. Because if they realize that I am no better then them, surely they will be more cautious and I can't help them anymore?

Because I need to be the emotionally available friend. I'm suppose to be the therapist friend, the mom friend, not the other way around. Because I need to live up to my labels, because if not then.. If not then I'm just a blank, boring human. I don't have anything special about me, I don't have anything to my name. I'm good, but not good enough to make me stand out from the others. Not good enough to me make unique or remarkable. I'm good, but there are just so, so, so many people more talented and more successful than me. I'm supposed to be good, but I don't act like it.

Because I haven't harm myself in years, even if I desperately wanted to. Because everyone has fallen under the illusion that I'm fine. Because I'm supposed to be good. Thats why I can't, I'm not allowed to relieve myself through such ugly and despicable manners.

But least the pain will feel way better than the dread after each high and down. My emotions doesn't last long. Not the euphoria and mania, nor the depressive episodes and breakdown. I'm never one able to experience these to their fullest. The emotions will always be passing by so quicky, so hastily; be it sadness, grieving, happiness, or annoyance, hatred. And all their left behind is a never ending void of emptiness and dreadfulness. I'm writing these lines as Im feeling absolutely anything but blank.

And I hate thay feelings so much. I despite it. I want nothing more than for it to end.

KK.

I think few will make it to here. But, ah, anyway..

I dont think that Y user will ever read this. Mhm, seems like they've got a lot on their newfeed, considering the amount of post they have reblogged. So my post shouldn't be that noticeable. There are chances that they did came across one of my shitposts (considering I post these daily..), but just didn't interact at all. Either way, I hope my previous excessive amount of ramble is enough to steer them away from this one.

For V.. It seems like you do occasionally see my post. I didn't really get enough chances to test my theories, nor did I collected enough data to make a judgment. But whether is it you decided to interact with specific posts, or you only read those of mine that doesn't contain a readmore; I was kinda hoping you didn't make it to here. But this mean you did regardless.. It's okay. I'm fine. I'll bounce back, I always do. You should prioritize yourself first, cookie

Mhm, Val, if you see this, we both know what to do. You needn't to say anything, I'll be fine as time moves on anyway. We both are well aware of that by now, aren't we?

Post script KK-tan 2.0 here. I figured I should leave some kind of note behind as well, because it seems like my suicide plan may happen a lot sooner than I intended to.

Mhm, I'm not feeling like bringing my whole diary over here, but in short: I loath myself, and it's not because of hardships in life or anything, it's because I find myself to be imperfect. I strike for perfection, and my "incomplete" and flaw-filled self made me hate it so much. Enough to make me wish to erase my existence. The memories everyone have of me, my impacts and traces on this world, my proof of living. Aka, essentially asking to rewrite this world's history and alter everything, every event that have me in the picture.

But that is one unrealistic and impossible goal. So I'll do something more practical, more achievable: Delete my traces myself. My social medias even my clones, my birth certificate, my ID cards, my personal belongings, I'll cut ties and relationships with everyone I know, everything. But since this blog is owned by not only me, but also Val, it'll be selfish to delete it on my own. So this blog will stay unharmed, and so does this post. Surely Val will come here to seek an explanation, or nostalgia or whatever, and this post will act its part.

V-v-, it's not your fault that I disappear. Unsure if you consider me close enough to shred a tear.. but if anything, I don't want to be remembered. And specially not with regret and remorse. Move on, surely there will be someone who can encourage and support you as your #1 fan just fine. Don't think such like "If I paid more attention.." or some, I don't like it

G.. I feel like I need to inform you about this blog, in case I failed to go to the other side and reappear as a ghost to see you. But ah, I don't know if I can do that. Even if its high chance you won't read this, I hope that you'll be happier, that you'll start to love yourself more and more. I couldn't do anything for you, your battle was only yours, so I think you should be fine.

Val, I know, it feel like you are more likely to commit suisui first, yet I'm the one to go.

There's an saying that, "If [A] dies first, then [B] will live for them. But if [B] dies, [A] will follow them". I was hoping you could be the B, buddy, and I'll act as A. Don't follow me dude, I won't be lonely over here, remember? If the worst scenario happen, I want you to live my part, experience the world on my behalf. Pursuit our dreams and fantasies. All that. I'm aware that you have gotten emotionally attached to me, and I'm sorry that I let that happened. I should have been more careful, considering I'm well aware im this unstable. But ah, I still hope that you make it.

Mhm, this is very rushed, since it's more of a precaution before I forget than I'm actually intending to self yeet. Still, I hope this will do me justice if I really did the self yeet on an impulse.

[mrfoox]

I know im a broken record but I really just wish I could find some happiness or at least peace that lasts for more than 5 mins when I'm alone

#miranda talking shit #Negative #I just want someone to love and who loves me and to live with them with a cat or two #But im so broken and i cant see anyone mangaing to be with me for more than a month before noping the fuck out #Being told from all places that 'things will get better ' when you've been feeling this way since you were 13 and having had sucidal thought #Since you were 8 is like... Uh... Its been 10 years i.... I have just aged and lost my youth to my illness haha.... #Having to come to terms with the fact that youre probably going to be one of those people who doesnt get a good ending is hard #I always love and wish the best for everyone i meet and want to help them but im... Not ever going to find anyone that want that for me #And even if i did i guess i would just deny it or not accept it because i have no right to any love because im like this. Im disappointing #My mom every year that goes by because i cant get an good enough grip of taking care of myself and doing the bare minimum to be alive ... So #I can study or work like hahahah how lame is that? I just want to convince my own brain that i deserve to be alive even if its an pathetic #Life. But it's been over 10 years with medication therapy three different schools and thousands of doctor visits but its the same im the sam #I cant escape the thoughts that i am long overdue. I have expired. Im the rotten fruit left in the fruit isle at a store thats a danger to #All other fruits. I need to die already so i don't make it harder for everyone else. And i have the audacity to feel bad and sad over not #Being loved... The fucking nerve is mind blowing. I hate this i do. And then I'm not bad enough to not consider others feelings if i kms or #Cut mself so i have no way of escaping it. My guilt is literally trapping me here and also wanting me dead its so inlogical i would laugh it #If it wasnt my real state of existence. Everyone has trauma theyre dealing with so why cant i just do it? Because im pathetic and weak obv #Anyone saying im kind is just so untrue too. Im thinking and feeling empathy for anything that is helpless because i am and wish i could be #Saved. Even my kindness is selfish. So i csnt accept anything nice anyone says about me. It isnt true they do not know anything if they did #They wouldn't be able to even look at me. I guess this is all punishment for something i have done in a previous life. I wish I could know #Because having s reason behind all this shit would make my state of mind easier. If theres no reason behind anything then im one excuse low #In my existence and i am just so done with hitting myself against this wall over and over #No not a wall its a box because even if i try other things the feeling remain and i am unable to leave #I am thinking about dying and ending it on a daily basis but everytime someone ask ill say im okay because in that moment they are there #With me so technically i am. But my okay is not okay. My version of okay isnt alright but no one can change it and it would just make the #Other person feel bad so im just fine... Im okay... Nothing happened ...

[padfootdaredmetoo]

What would Y/n’s first day of school be like? (Adopted Y/n) Tommy would highkey be super emotional but wouldn’t want to show it 🥺🥺 What would be his reaction? John, Arthur, and Polly’s reaction? Ada and Polly would so pick her out the cutest outfit (also a pep talk from Polly, probably reminding her that she’s a Shelby and not to let anyone mess with her haha).

Them driving her to school 🤣🤣

What about Finn’s reaction?

OOOOOOH this is sosososososo cute. I just tossed random ideas at this! Hope you enjoy XO

Based on this previous request by @kpopgirlbtssvt : https://padfootdaredmetoo.tumblr.com/post/671884510508498944/hi-im-sorry-for-rambling-once-again-can-i

Shelby Family Pep Talk - for the first day of school.

Arthur:

He would be oblivious to it , she was going to school that's where kids went? No big deal, this was happy news. Linda had embordered her a little handkerchief to put in her backpack. It said keep the faith. He thought it should have said something tougher, something that said Shelby. But when he came to give it to her he could see that she was struggling. Hell he couldn't imagine being 15 and going to school, shite luck that was.

"Oi, what's a matter then?" He started and you said you were worried about the other kids, fitting in and all that. He tried not to find it funny, he told her that everyone outside the family didn't matter. He taught her a trick he'd learned when he started street fighting. She laughed because it was simple, but it worked to calm the nerves. He gave her a hug and went on his way.

John and Esme:

Esme had seen her moving around the house all day, tidying, reading, she's pretty sure she'd started to rearrange the lamps at one point.

"Gonna try to calm her down." Esme said finally getting up, John looked up from the paper.

Both of them found you outside feeding the chickens.

"What's eating you?" John asked Esme planted her elbow into his ribs. He shot her a look and watched her try to mouth something to him.

"Just worried about going to school tomorrow"

"Its not far, plus you'll be in there with Finn in the upper levels and all my goblins in the primary ward. Wont be away from the family by any means" He said watching her carefully.

"He's right love, family all over the place. Plus any girls your age would be stupid not to love you."

She had a sad smile and John realised that beside their manic family that had not been the case.

"Here take these, give 'em to people you want to impress" He handed her his silver cigarette case. He watched your eyes go wide.

"Woah woah - See if others are selling them, put your price slightly lower to start out. Then when you have good business you can branch out and raise the prices higher." Esme said sternly, taking John by surprise. They let out a loud laugh that earned a sharp look.

"What its a school full of rich snotty kids. Do what you have to do. I'll be your supplier."

"Thank you." She said pulling them into a tight hug. They heard Tommy call her in and she took off to the house.

"Cant believe you told her to start selling them."

"What? It's not like she's going to learn anything new there. Might as well learn good business. Plus the best thing she could do for her self in there is start a gang" Esme shrugged and looked down at the chickens with a level of adoration that would have made their children jealous. Women John thought to himself while shaking his head.

Ada and Polly:

They followed her up the stairs to her bedroom. She sat on the edge of her bed, eyes scanning them trying to anticipate what kind of lecture they were going to put on her.

Ada went to her closet to start working on what outfit would be best. Polly locked eyes with her and pulled a bottle of wine out of her hand bag.

"Polly!" She hissed in amusement.

"Lots to celebrate. Your going to school, a mostly useless concept, but important none the less." She watched as Polly pulled glasses and a bottle of something else out of her bag. Polly wasn't going to send her into class with a hangover so she mixed the girl's in with a generous amount of juice.

Ada floated through accepting a glass and they gave a small toast. Then dove into stories they'd both had as growing women. Polly hadn't gone to school, learning everything from her mother and Grandmother. Ada did well in classes but never finished due to the war.

However, school or not, they had a lot of stories about traveling and getting into trouble. Boys, dances, parties. She was laughing hard before they knew it. They helped her wash her hair and wrap it so it would be ready in the morning. They finally all agreed on an outfit and laid it out on her chair. Polly gave her a charm to tie onto her bag, it was for good luck and protection.

Tommy:

She woke up extra early mostly in excitement but also because she wanted to see Tommy before he left for work. She got dressed and headed down stairs.

The fire in the kitchen was already going and Tommy was there reading the paper. He had a cup of tea next to him and a untouched piece of toast.

"Your up early, love"

"Morning, yeah I wanted to see you before you left for work."

"I'm driving you in" He answered while taking in her hair and outfit. She looked very presentable, and he was grateful there wasn't a smudge of make up on her face. He wasn't in charge of her, but he wanted her to enjoy being young without being bothered with peoples more adult agendas. "You look nice"

"Thank you." She looked taken back and he assumed it was surprise at wanting to drop her off.

"Let's get you fed so you don't try and eat the other children" He said moving to grab some of the breakfast stuff that was prepped. She laughed knowing full well she turned into a monster when she was hungry.

Tommy didn't know how to prepare her. Deep down he was slightly afraid that she would think it was like the orphanage. He cleared his throat.

"First order of business. Finn is in his last year there, his classes should be near yours. Anyone bothers you go right to Finn, or go telephone from the office. Or just scream your head off, people wont look the other way" Like last time he thought. He could tell by the look in her eyes that this was something that had been weighing on her. She gave a nod.

"All you have to do is show up, try not to make the other kids look too stupid, and before you know it I'll be there to pick you up.

"Thank you." She said taking a deep breath. She smiled and it hit him right in the heart.

He dropped her off with a kiss on her forehead.

She was a tough kid and no one in their right minds would lay hands on a Shelby. He didn't like driving away from her, but he tried to think about something else. That's when he realised that after she got through school, she'd probably want to take a gap year. The normal thing to do would be go traveling, see the world.

Drop her off at the train and drive away.

Drop her off at university and drive away.

He felt ridiculous, he knew you would grow into a capable young woman before then. But he still couldn't shake the faint feeling of loss and fear all day.

Seeing the wide smile on your face as you ran to the car put things back into perspective. Of course you would leave and go on to do big and miraculous things, but everything would be alright because you'd be happy.

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