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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 5 months

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cough hack wheeze who wants a teeny tiny fantasy au snippet with uhhhh laughingstock Tension. it's like... half a scene! unedited & out of context As Is Tradition

“Nothin’ much. I think I’ll poke around nearby towns, shake down some travelers - see what falls into my paws.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Barn,” Howdy says. He sweeps aggressively, spreading dirt more than gathering it into the usual neat piles. “Who knows if those ne'er-do-wells are still roaming around the woods - if you and Ed couldn’t take them, what makes you think you could alone? Or- or! What if you stumble across those cultists? I hate to think of you stuck in an ambush with no help coming, knowing fully well that-”

A large paw slips the broom out of his grip and sets it to the side, and Howdy stammers to a stop as Barnaby crowds him against the bar with a soft, “Howdy.”

Howdy swallows hard, bracketed on each side by strong blue arms. The look Barnaby fixes him with dries up his well of words and bristles his fuzz. Howdy’s heart hammers against his ribs. He can feel Barnaby’s body heat, and it’s lighting his blood on fire.

“I’m not gonna be reckless, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Barnaby says. He barely needs to speak louder than a whisper for Howdy to hear him loud and clear. He smells like sweet smoke. “The other day was a one time deal, cross my heart. But, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll take someone with me. I’m sure Jules is itchin’ to get outta town.”

“What would really make me feel better is if you stay,” Howdy blurts, just barely reining in the with me. He tenses, knowing that he’s toeing a dangerous line. One wrong word, and he’ll make the unspoken spoken - but the stress drains out of him as Barn’s eyes go soft. Perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad. Of course there’s no reason to worry, not about this, not with him. There never has been.

“You know I can’t do that,” Barnaby murmurs. “Not yet.”

Howdy doesn’t need to say that he knows. Not for the first time and with any luck, not for the last, it clicks in his mind that they’re on the same page - he doesn’t need to be a telepath to understand the thoughts behind Barnaby’s dark eyes.

Barnaby says it anyway. “I gotta get him back. I can’t… there’s no room for anythin’ else right now.”

Howdy sighs through his nose and slumps against the counter digging into the small of his back. He nods and adjusts the lapels of Barnaby’s vest. His fingers ghost over soft blue, and Barnaby doesn’t flinch at the contact. If anything, he leans the barest millimeter into it. His gaze burns into Howdy’s, even if they aren’t meeting at the moment, but it isn’t a bad feeling. Quite the opposite, actually.

“Well,” Howdy says in a low voice, “if you find a good lead, send for the rest of us. I’ll be there as fast as my four legs can scamper.”

Barnaby smirks. “Even if you need to take a boat?”

“Even so, Barn.”

The smirk slides into something that isn’t a frown, but isn’t a smile. It’s too soft for a grimace, but too intense for simple recognition. Barnaby seems to sway forward, and Howdy is sorely tempted to meet him halfway.

But Barnaby’s claw taps the counter, and he pulls away before anyone’s mind can be made up. Howdy’s hands slip from his lapels, brushing against fur as they fall and knuckles skimming over the smooth, fresh scar cutting across Barnaby’s belly.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Barnaby says, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He squeezes Howdy’s shoulder and then his back is turned, and he’s leaving. All Howdy can do is watch.

And call out after him, “Your table will be open and waiting for you.”

Barnaby pauses in the doorway and looks over his shoulder at Howdy, and his grin is so full of affection that Howdy may just burst.

“With a free pint?” he asks.

“Hey now, don’t push your luck pal.”

Barnaby bursts out laughing, and Howdy can hear it even after the door thuds closed.

#clawing and sobbing and- no. no #im normal. im so normal i swear #yk on a related tangent. i keep wanting to go to my sleep but spotify keeps playing bangers #all of my Lore songs... the animatics in my head... i dont want to not listen!#so i thought hey. might as well offer Yet Another Snippet!#i have many these days!#i almost posted the human au carnival snippet but uhhhh this one won out. i wrote it like. two hours ago #im sorry if it lacks some Personality or if theres blatant Mistakes #im tired! i meant to be asleep two hours ago! its 2 am!#snippets from the bog #laughingstock #wh fantasy au #its not shown in this tidbit #but barnaby has his pack and it contains Not Only Wormie! but also Puppet Wally!#barnaby: i gotta find wally 🥺#honey... you have had him the whole time... kiss your caterpillar....#the. the tall one. not the teeny worm.#well. the teeny worm too but she just gets a little kisth on her tiny face.#the tall caterpillar would get uhhhh a lil more than that id expect. lotsa sugar yk yk #im. gonna go sleep #these two will be my nightly bedtime story as i drift away...#and hopefully ill wake up early enough to find the christmas lights before The Stream #and maybe crochet a few more rows.... read a couple more chapters...#i just misspelled read as red i need to be Unconchus

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mysteryofren · 4 years

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The Best Date ever

part 19 of So Happy Together

18: https://mysteryofren.tumblr.com/post/617223875887071232/think-about-what-i-said

The sun on your skin. The breeze seems to constantly be flowing through the streets. The smell of the restaurants from the buildings ahead. You took in every single second you could. You needed to remember everything so you could tell the first order. You took pictures like crazy both with your phone and the camera Elaine had gotten you. It had been 3 days since you arrived in Florence. You had been so in love with the city you told your grandfather you didn't want to go anywhere else. He spoke to the hotel manager and managed to keep the room for the full week. You spent your days roaming the streets with him. Taking in the views of the city. You didn't want to leave. You wanted to stay here forever. It was the beginning of your 4th day you woke up early like you usually did, and ran to wake your grandfather.

“What do you wanna do today? I think I wanna try visiting the Uffizi Gallery today.” you flipped through the little travel guide the hotel kept in each room.

“My dear. I'm sorry about this, but I'm not feeling very energetic today.”

“Oh. ok well maybe I can go get us breakfast from one of the restaurants outside, and we can just have a day in.” you said putting the book down.

“Don't be ridiculous. If you want to go out on your own I won't stop you. I'm old, you're young. Go see what the city has to offer you.”

“You're not that old. Besides I would feel bad leaving you here.” you really did. You didn't want to go off and see everything without him.

“Don't feel bad. Go. explore the city, and tell me all about it when you get back.” you kissed him and hugged him before running back to your room. You opened the window to get a feel for the air outside. Not its hottest day, but not cold either. Something with a light jacket could do. You just threw on a regular t-shirt and jeans and brought a jacket with you. You said goodbye to your grandfather and headed out. You walked out and down to the hotel lobby. Once you were outside you made your way to one of the restaurants outside. As soon as you stepped out the hotel doors you felt the familiar warmth of the sun hitting you. You would never get tired of that feeling. You looked at the scenery in front of you. The sun was barely up yet. The buildings across the street only had a few people walking by them. Even less people in them.

You made way towards the little bakery you and your grandfather had passed the other day. You took the time to think. It was still dark out back home. It was almost 8 am. That meant it was 1 am at home. That was crazy. You just woke up, and some of your friends were just going to bed. Elaine's tour was tomorrow. Her date with Matt was coming up. If they did date how would they make it work. Phasma went back to California to see her parents. What was she up to? She still had to be awake. What was Hux up to? You knew he was still probably at the school. You missed them all so much. What would happen once Hux, and Elaine left? Would you all stick together? Would Elaine get a new roommate and forget you existed? Would Hux go to England, and leave the memories behind him? No. he wouldn't. She wouldn't. You weren't sure of many things, but the one thing you knew without a doubt. The bond all 5 of you had was unbreakable. No matter where the world took you. They would always be there. You would always be there.

You had finally gotten to the bakery and walked in. it was only about a block away, but the area around it had looked so different . you walked in and went to pull out your phone to see if your grandfather wanted anything. You couldn't find it though. Could you have left it back at the hotel? You went to walk back out when you bumped into someone. He was out of breath. Like he had been running. His hair was red, but it wasn't bright red like Hux’s hair. It was dark. He also had it swept back, but he didn't use any product to keep it back. He wasn't pale like Hux either, he was a little tanner. He had a small scar across his nose, and another one that looked like it came from the back of his neck to his jaw. He smiled down at you before backing away from you.

“Hey, sorry,” he said “I followed you back from the hotel. I've been looking for you for like 10 minutes. You dropped this.”

He dug into his back pocket and took out your phone. Shit. good thing he found it. Anyone else would have just taken it. You grabbed it from his hand.

“Shit thanks man. I didn't even notice.”

“No problem. I was worried I wouldn't find you.”

“Are you eating here? Can I get you anything as a thank you?”

“No, you don't have to do that.”

“Cmon, I insist.” he shyly followed you in and you both stood in line looking at the menu.

“Im Y/N by the way.”

“Oh, I'm Cal.”

You were next in line. You both told the person working the register your order. You paid and you both went to the side counter to wait for everything to be ready. You stood in almost an awkward silence. Once your food was ready you grabbed it and went to a small table outside. You sat there a few minutes before the man walked out and looked over at you.

“Mind if i sit with you?”

“Of course not, go ahead.”

“So uh where are you from? I think we might be staying at the same hotel, I see you around there a lot.”

“Oh, i'm not from anywhere special. Just some small town.”

“Well still where are you from?”

“It's a town called Tatooine”

“Cool, I'm from Bracca.” you had heard of it. Your father went there a long time ago.

“What's that like I heard it's like a big industrial town.”

“For the most part, yeah. My parents are lawyers though.” oh great another rich kid.

“So how old are you?” you asked, trying to divert the conversation from parents to literally anything else.

“Im 18. 19 in a month. My parents brought me here as an early birthday gift since the semester will still be going on when it comes around.” you both stayed talking for a good amount of time. An hour almost. He reminded you of what Hux could've been like. He was smart, but he was also carefree and goofy. It was cute. His eyes didn't have a cold look behind them like Hux’s did. They were dark and kind. You looked down at your phone and saw your grandfather had messaged you about his order.

“Hey sorry I gotta take my grandfather some food. That, and I gotta get going. I got a few things I wanna do today.”

“Oh what are you doing?”

“Just going to some museums and walking around the city.”

“It's a bit straight forward, but can I join you? My parents are doing some couple things, and I like hanging out with you.”

“Oh sure, I'd love that. I mean to not be alone.” Why were you nervous?

“Cool it's a date. I'll meet you in the hotel lobby when you're ready.”

Date? Like. a DATE date? Oh no. you were nervous. You watched as he walked back towards where the hotel was. Oh stars. You wish you could message Elaine. She's probably asleep but OH STARS WHAT DO YOU DO? You walked back into the bakery and ordered food for your grandfather. You made your way back, and the entire time your heart was racing. Once you were back at the room you went into your grandfather's room, and handed him the bag with his food. You chatted with him a bit, and let him know you were going out with a boy you had met from the hotel. When you both were done talking you went into your room, and changed into something a bit cuter. Maybe it wasn't a real date, but he was cute, and you're still recovering from everything back home. You style your hair, and put on a bit of makeup, before deciding you were good to go. Even if it wasn't a real date, you could have him take pictures of you for the first order. You said bye to your grandfather, and headed out.

You looked around the lobby. Not seeing him anywhere. You decided to sit in the small waiting area by the door for him. A couple minutes went by, and your phone buzzed. It was a message on instagram.

‘Good thing I thought to get your instagram :) where are you?’ oh thank the stars he wasn't ditching you.

‘I'm in the lobby by the door.’ he had read it, but didn't reply. A few seconds later you saw him coming from the other side of the lobby.

“I couldn't see you behind the plant, sorry.” he said smiling. He changed too. Now you didnt feel so weird about it.

“No problem. You ready?”

“Yeah so what do you wanna do?”

You told him about how you wanted to visit the Uffizi Gallery, and see some more of the city. You both walked out, and headed for the gallery. You both went back and forth about everything you could possibly think of. You guys talked about school, friends, family the list went on and on. Once you guys finally got to the gallery you walked around admiring everything around you two. You took some pictures with your camera, both of the art, and Cal. he did the same. He used your camera to take some pictures of you posing by some of the pieces they had. One certain picture he took 2 photos, and slipped the second one in his pocket. When you questioned it he said he didn't want to forget the day. You could have sworn you were in love when he said it too.

You would stop people occasionally to take pictures of the two of you together. You didn't want to forget the day either. While looking at one of the pieces he even took your hand in his. He moved pretty fast, but you weren't complaining. It felt like you two were together for a lifetime. It felt like after the cafe talking to him was like it was nothing. You were so nervous at the thought of this being a date. Now it didn't seem so bad. This is what you were looking for. You felt normal again. Like nothing at home was wrong. You were just a girl having a small fling with some boy in a different country during your break. You liked him though. Not as much as you liked someone else, but you did. It felt like the day was one big dream.

“What should we do now?” he asked while you both sat on a small bench outside the gallery.

“I don't know we can probably just walk around. See what there is to do around here.”

“Alright then. Lets go.” he took your hand in his, and you both walked. No destination in mind. Just a need for adventure.

“So I saw on your instagram your last name is Kenobi. I don't know why but it's really familiar.”

“Well my dad has some business’ in Bracca. You've probably heard of him. Alden Kenobi.”

“Oh yeah. He basically owns the city he's got so many places down there.”

“So what's your last name?” you really didn't want to talk about your parents.

“Kestis.”

“Cool, so you're in college? What are you studying?”

He told you about his love for engineering. He talked about how his whole life he would constantly take things apart just to put them back together. He talked about it like it was art. It was adorable. Part of you is glad you dropped your phone. If you hadn't you couldn't have met him. Now that you're here with him you felt good.

“So you're here with your grandfather huh?”

“Yeah. he got me the tickets as a christmas gift. I've never been out of the country before so he wanted to bring me.”

“Really? Not even with your parents?”

“Uhh, me and my parents aren't very close.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn't know,” it felt awkward again until he asked. “So do you have friends back home?”

Now it was your turn to gush. You told him all about them. You told him about Elaine, and her love for soccer and plants. Matts awkwardness, Hux’s intensity, and Phasma's goofiness.they were the world to you, and you loved talking about them. He told you about his friends back home. A girl named Cere, and some guy called Greeze. They met when he started college.

The day went on. You both walked around for hours exploring everything the city had to offer you. You took lots of pictures, and let him keep a few. You hoped he would show Cere and Greeze when he went back to school. It felt like a dream. This was the closest thing to peace you've had in awhile. You felt almost as good as you did new years. If he didn't live so far, you could see yourself with him. It could never happen. He's in college. You've still got next year left before you are in one. All good things come to end and so did your date. Both of you somehow found yourselves back in front of the hotel. It was dark now. Actually it was late. Almost 10.

“Hey, I gotta go find my parents, but I had a lot of fun today.”

“Yeah me too. It was definitely what I needed.” you said smiling at him.

“Yeah I hope we can do it again while we're here.” he grabbed your shoulder gently, and kissed your cheek.

“I'll message you later.” he said with a smile as he walked away.

Maybe it was a date. Even if it wasn't. It was still the best date ever.

tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour @wondering-wishing-well

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vernonluver · 5 years

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24 hrs - wong lucas

prompt- 24 hours with your secret boyfriend wong lucas

word count- 1.9k

note- omg im posting hehe uhh theres no warnings in this besides so angst and theres literally no talking in this my bad homes

5:00am

It happens almost every morning, you get a text from your boyfriend telling you good morning and how much he loves you. That he knows you’re asleep but somehow someway you’ll wake up from your deep sleep to text him back before his recordings start. You’ve been with Lucas for a year and for that year the only two people who know of the relationship are you two, and you’ve made it work. The sneaking around gets old and sometimes you feel like he forgets you exist, but he doesn’t, it’s quite the opposite actually. You’re always on his mind, when he’s surrounded by camera crews and his band mates the only person he can’t seem to forget is you. When these thoughts get too much the text at five in morning always comes and you feel the love from him pour through his words.

“Good morning my love, today the guys and I are filming for a variety show that I don’t know much about, hopefully that doesn’t bite me in the as haha. I love you so much and I hope your morning is wonderful despite classes. Text me when you wake up, I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you tonight. <333333”

7:00am

Your alarm never fails to leave you agitated, the shrill sound pissed you off beyond belief but you know that you have to make your eight am because if you miss another class your professor would kill you. You look at your phone to see Lucas’ text to you, a smile finding its way onto your tired face, he never failed to make you smile like a dummy. He was the love of your life and you couldn’t wait for the day you could tell the world. He made the gloomy days so much brighter with his loud laugh and contagious smile. You sent him a text back telling him about your plans for the day that you hoped his filming goes well and that you love him too. You drag yourself out of bed, your feet feeling a little lighter now that you’ve talked to your boyfriend, your eight am was waiting for you and who were you to keep intro to psych waiting?

9:30am

Your first class of the day was over and you had an hour and a half to kill before heading to your second and final class of the day. You decide that feeding yourself would be best and you head to the cafe that had the muffins you loved so much. After a long day for Lucas you brought him a muffin from the cafe that sits on the edge of campus, it was a chocolate one, that was probably the happiest you had seen Lucas in weeks. The muffin brought him so much joy you couldn’t help but buy one for yourself along with a coffee, you ate the food with a smile on your face.

12:30pm

Your class had finished for the day and now it was time to go have lunch with your friends, you were very lucky to have them. When you couldn’t see Lucas they always cheered you up, and they loved to go and eat lunch. They’re loud laughs always made your cheeks hurt from smiling so big. Half way through talking about due dates and horrible teachers your back pocket buzzes meaning you got a text. When you saw Baby<3 pop up on your screen you tried your best to hide the smile that was fighting to take over your face.

“I hope your classes went well today my baby, there is only a few more hours left of shooting and then I’ll be able to head to yours and give you all the hugs and kisses I want hehe. I love you, have fun with your friends!”

He was so sweet, so sweet it almost hurt you. Sometimes you felt like you didn’t deserve him, that he was too good and too pure. These thoughts didn’t have time to take over before one of your friends called you out for smiling at your phone, an eyebrow raised as if asking who is it that is making you blush. You hope the excuse of a picture of your dog from home will trick them once again.

2:30pm

You smile at your coworkers and greet customers as you walk into the small coffee shop you work in, It wasn’t the best place to work and the pay kind of sucked but it payed the bills, and that is all you could ask for. The four hour shift felt like it could last for forever when you know that Lucas would be at your house in just a few hours, he just couldn’t seem to leave you alone today. He invaded very thought you had, you wondered if he would like the new drink your cafe had been promoting, or what he would think of the things you’re learning in class. He followed you around like a shadow but without actually being there. Lucas had you so sidetracked today that you accidentally called out his name instead of a customers, you were so embarrassed you couldn’t look the guy in for the rest of the time he was in the cafe.

6:30

You leave the cafe smelling like coffee beans and sugar, the smell almost too sweet. You were so excited to see Lucas you almost forgot you needed to pick up dinner for the both of you. Thai food, you loved it and he couldn’t seem to eat enough of it. The wait wasn’t long and soon you were on your way to you apartment and texting Lucas that you were off work and picked up food. He texted back a few minutes later saying that he had just gotten back to the dorms and to give him another hour to sneak off. You smiled at the text and sent him back some hearts. Before you knew it you were at your apartment.

7:00pm

Once you’re home and the food is in the microwave to stay warm you hop in the shower to get the smell of coffee off of you. You text Xuxi that you’re home, that the front door is open, and that your roommate isn’t home. The shower doesn’t last very long and soon you’re changing into shorts and one of Lucas’ shirts, somehow it still smells like him even after being in your house for so long. You see a text from Lucas ten minutes ago saying that he’s about twenty minutes away. You put some night cream on and try and dry your hair as much as you could.

7:25pm

You heard the door open and shut and then foot steps sounded into the kitchen where you stood. You turn around and a huge smile took residence on your face. Lucas was covered in black from head to toe, even a mask adorned his face. Your legs moved before your mind and soon you had your arms around his neck and you were pressing kisses everywhere his mask wasn’t. His laugh flooded the apartment and his hands pulled down the mask and he pulled you closer to him so he could finally kiss you. His lips were soft, as they always were, and his grip was tight on your waist. It had been a few weeks since you last saw each other, and the desperation in your kisses and touches expressed that wanting for the both of you. Soon you both break away, breathless but the hunger you both felt was over powering. You both sat down, the thai food in your laps and you both talked about your days. Lucas told you about all the dumb ass games the host made all the boys play and you told him about the ridiculous amount of homework your psych professor assigned you. Every so often between bites he would lean over and kiss you, once, twice, maybe three times just to hear you laugh and feel you on him. You ached to have this every day, not just once every few weeks when he could seek out of the dorms. You had to wait, and you understood that, but it didn’t make it any less painful.

8:00pm

You told Lucas to go shower and take his makeup off, you knew he couldn’t be comfortable in his skin tight clothing that the stylist always put him in. While he showered you cleaned up the kitchen and tried your hardest to push away the sadness that was slowly filling your chest. You didn’t want him to leave, you wanted him to always be with you and stay in your arms, no matter how selfish it was. He is you baby and you never wanted to let him go. When he got out of the shower, now in clothes that he kept at yours just in case, you laid in bed. His chest was against yours and his head was in the crook of your neck. You could feel his breathing matching up every time you ran your fingers through his dark hair.

9:30pm

You two decided that you wanted to watch We Bare Bears. You find comfort in the show, and he found it funny. He found ice bear super funny, you swear you had never seen him laugh as hard as he did when Ice Bears drone got smashed by the subway. His laugh sounded like music to your ears. Lucas kept kissing you, leaving small pecks all over your face, neck, and shoulders. He never wanted to leave your side.

10:30pm

You’re both tired, but neither of you want to sleep. You don’t want to leave his arms and he would rather never have another shooting if it meant he got to spend the rest of his time like this. How he was able to spend the night with you, you didn’t know, but you didn’t question. After the TV was turned off and you two felt sleep creeping up on you, you realized you didn’t know the next time you would see him. You decided not to focus on that but on the fact that the love of your life was in your arms. You focused on his breath hitting the side of your face and how the sleepier he got the more his hands would twitch indicating that he was getting closer to sleep. You kissed his cheek and told him you loved him, he groaned in response but you knew what he meant.

5:00am

You woke up to Lucas pulling the covers over your shoulders and him kissing you on the top of your head. When he saw your eyes open he smiled down at you, telling you to go back to bed and that he would text you later and to enjoy your day. You smiled up at him and let out a raspy “I love you”, he giggled and told you he loved you too. He left the room after many more kisses and you closed your eyes, trying to get a few more hours of sleep before your classes for the day start. You’re almost asleep when you hear your phone go off. You roll over and beam at your phone seeing a text from Xuxi.

“I know I just left you but I wanted to tell you how much I love you again, thank you for staying with me when I know this situation is hard, only a few more months before we can tell the world about our love. Have an amazing day at uni and pls don’t forget to eat and do your homework. I’ll talk to you later my baby, I love you<3333”

#nct #nct imagines #nct drabbles #nct x reader #nct scenarios #nct fluff #wayv #wayv fluff #lucas #wong lucas #wong yukhei #xuxi #lucas fluff #lucas x reader

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lizzodorito · 4 years

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quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically, but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with.

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

#me

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woahthereborther · 5 years

Text

Chapter 1 - The artifact and questions

“Don't ever look back honey!” a woman's voice echoed through my head, Who was it?... I don't know who it is “go! They are coming!”. Who is coming? Who are you?. My mind is blank, just White. The women with white hair. Is she old? Or was she born like that? I have white hair too... I wonder too much or it could be a coincidence. Whoever that is, I'll find her, and that's a promise I won't break.

“Jaren!” a male called out, The male with white hair looked at another male with a mask, The white-haired male looked confused. The both of them were at a park? Or was it an abandoned factory. “What is it jay? Did you find something” Jaren asked, The male named Jay nodded. “I found this old writing on it, It looks ancient but why at a factory?” It was strange for an ancient artifact to be here in a rusty factory, it just doesn't add up right now.

Jay leaded Jaren to the artifact, He wasn't lying at all. There was one room that the people that used to work here never found this room at all, it’s like it was blinding them from it, strange. “It like tells a story about 2 people who had these powers. See” Jay pointed to two figures, one small and the other taller. “This tells a story of a baby, who had the power of light but not no kind of light. It had... Color and such glow. That if a person touches, it burns them” The male looks at the white-haired male. “It would be cool if one of us had it” saying it like he actually meant it but... It was just a joking matter. Jaren didn’t take to kindly but he didn’t show it, all he did was do a fake laugh from it. The male went over to the artifact, touching it so light since this to him looks about 2 million years old, wishing to call out to his father for help to understand this story more. The only thing he wants to see is the face of his mother, asking his father won’t do any good, Hell he doesn’t even look half of his father just his father’s eye color, red.

Of hours of looking, Jay got tired and Jaren was still looking at the artifact.

“Jaren can we go home now? It has been 3hrs since we found it, Mason and the others are probably worried” Jay is probably right, The only person who worried is Fitz. Jaren didn’t want to leave yet, not just yet. “Jay, you can go home on your own, I’ll still be here until tomorrow” Him saying that, made Jay stand up and grab his hand “We are leaving together, You know how Fitz is if he doesn’t see us at home together.” Jaren never seen jay like this before, Jay is actually more of a chill person like another person, So this surprised Jaren. “I know how Fitz is, I can call him and tell him where I am, It’s not that hard right?” He took his phone out and dials Fitz phone number, It ringed for a few seconds before some picking it up. “Jaren, I know this is you. Where the fuck are you kid?” Jaren was confused, whos this voice he was hearing “um, who is this?” The confused shorter male asked this voice he’s hearing, he didn’t recognize it correctly. The male sighed softly through the phone “My name is swagger, Im Fitz partner on caretaking kids or other people.” Jaren stayed quiet for a second before breathing in slowly and exhaling sharp “swagger, sir, whatever, tell Fitz I won’t be home for a while. Tell him I found something in the old factory that was shut down 8 years ago.” Before swagger can even protest, Jaren hanged up, putting his phone away “there jay, now you can go home.”

When Jay said his goodbyes to jaren, The small male already felt lonely. Without jay around or anyone at least, It felt.., Quiet. Jaren’s anxiety started crawling up his back so ever slowly it hurts him. Depending on how quiet it is, jaren’s mind went all over, his thinking overflowed with many questions from the artifact in front of him. ‘Who was the first person to have this power? They might be dead but it couldn’t hurt to know… right?’ That question only wondered him more and more. Taking his phone out, jaren took a picture one or two times so he can show Fitz what he found at the abandoned factory.

Jaren started getting tired now, checking the time of what time it is, “3:06am. Fitz is gonna kill me when I come home” He said to himself while walking out of the room. When Jaren walked out and closing the door, He looked forward and saw a medium looking figure, Scaring him too. Jaren didn’t dare to move from his spot or the figure with seeing him. Jaren backed up slowly and trying to be quiet as possible as well, While doing this, the shorter male tripped backward, falling onto his back with a hard impact onto him, knocking his breath out of his lungs too. The figure saw Jaren, causing the figure to run off somewhere. When the figure ran off, Jaren sits up slowly and carefully too, Still trying to catch his breath from the impact he experienced from the fall. The night sky made the place dark as night but the moon was out, You can see small and big beams of the moonlight, it was beautiful to witness at a time like this.

After what seems forever, Jaren made it home by walking so ever slow since he wanted to enjoy the beautiful moonlight. When he made it to the front door and opening it, A colorful person was sitting on the couch, was he waiting for Jaren? Maybe. The colorful male stood up when he heard a soft click from the front door. “Where the HELL have you been mister.” The male said in a stern and pissed tone, Which scared Jaren for god life, “well... WAIT didn’t swagger tell you?” he asked, corwarding on the door, his back up against it. The taller male thought for a second, Then he remembered that swagger DID tell him Which caused the taller male to.. Calm down and took a breather. “Ok.. yes swagger told me, I’m sorry for using that tone on you” He apologized, Jaren forgave him “its ok Fitz, everyone forgets” When he accepted his apology, Jaren went upstairs to his bedroom. Jaren had a long day today, He was still wondering about the artifact, but small questions only came up. Changing his clothes to his sleeping clothes, Heading to bed. Jaren laid down and looks up at the ceiling, Waiting for himself to fall asleep, He closed his eyes and he quickly fell asleep, Waiting for the next day to come.

#fuck man #took awhile and i still suck at writing but thats fine #Luminous fire AU #BBS #smii7y #mccreamy #mason #goodguyfitz #swaggersouls #i uh- oOF hope people like it

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daydreamingalways · 6 years

Text

His Popstar [S.M]

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first ever imagine so please bear with. If you have any suggestions for another imagine please message me.

Singer based on Ariana Grande

Summary: Shawn watches you at your concert and hopes one day he will be as badass as you.

The faint screams coming from the arena make you feel so excited for the concert. 20,000 people have come across the whole country to see you perform your first show for your new album. You wanted your first show to be at your hometown and then your last show to be in Toronto as you live with Shawn in Toronto. To say you felt lucky would be an understatement you couldn't believe people would listen to your music let alone buy tickets to see you. Shawn , Aaliyah and his parents as well as your family and friends have come to watch you. unlike last year they will actually be seated by the stage so they can watch you rather then be backstage. The thought of this made you nervous yet happy, you felt nervous because what if they didn't like the performance? but somehow you new they would.

“Y/n , its go time.” Your manager pulls you out of your thoughts and before you know it your walking to the stage. You are hooked up with your in-ears and given your microphone so now you are just waiting under the stage before walking on.

the faint screams are now deafening and you can hear your introduction being played. Last year you joined Shawn for part of his tour and you fell in love with his introduction so you wanted something that would build up the tension and excitement just like Shawn’s did.

“y/n you ready?” someone said through your in-ears. the all so familiar moment comes rushing back. You smile because you know in 30 seconds you are going to be doing something you loved and have missed for the past year and now its finally hear.

As the floor is lifted you can see all the people who have come to see you, all the banners they've made and the lights from their phones. You search through the crowd and once you see Shawn and your family cheering you know your ready to perform a phenomenal show.

SHAWN’S POV

I’m amazed at how perfect y/n really is. She's killing it , the outfits, the vocals and the concert as a whole. I’ve never really truly realised how badass she is. She walks around the stage like she owns it and she deserves every part of it. Throughout the show y/n is winking at me subtly and I'm the only one that seems to notice.

“Not gonna lie Shawn you should probably step up your game because this is the best concert I have EVER been too.” Bringing me out of my thoughts I turn to Aaliyah.

“Let me guess your enjoying yourself?” I prod her playfully. “ Duh , y/n said theres gonna be balloons during one last time if there is then you defiantly need to rethink all your ideas for your tour next year.” I laugh and turn to look at the rest of the family. they all look in awe of y/n and look so amazed at how well she can sing. they all obviously knew how well she could sing but something about this performance was special. the past few months of preparation had took a toll on y/n. the countless nights of her not being able to sleep because of stress due to the stage not looking exactly how she planned or the long hours of her recording the

I knew how much us all being here meant to y/n because whenever I'm on tour all I ever want is my family to be here because it gets lonely and also its nice to have them watching you and having a good time while supporting you.

You were truly lucky to have her.

YOUR POV

Towards the end of the show you sing touch it Shawn's favourite song. You've never told him that the song is about him and you have no idea how he doesn’t know.

Towards the end of the song you give it your all. perfect harmonies fill the arena and everyone screams and Shawn just watches you in amazement.

Your so lucky to have Shawn here tonight snd it means the world to you that Shawn and his family flew from Toronto to y/ht ( your hometown). you knew that Shawn was probably exhausted from the amount of times he had to try and get you to sleep after waking up at 3am to find you wide-awake in your thoughts.

As your final song one last time plays and the balloons start to fall you can say this has truly been the best show yet and it has just gotten started.

As the lights dim and you exit the stage you run to your dressing room where you hope to meet your family. After dating Shawn for nearly three years you consider him and his family to be your family and vice versa. Since his family and your family were all close it only made sense to call them all your family.

SHAWN’S POV

As I walk in y/n dressing room I see her already starting to pick out some comfy clothes to wear once she gets out the shower. she's dripping in sweat and out of breath from all the singing and dancing non stop for the past 2 hours. Considering I am warn out after just singing for 2 hours without dancing I can't imagine how exhausted she feels.

As she hugs and thanks each family member she approaches me last with a big smile plastered on her face. “ how was it?” I asked her while wrapping my arms around her tiny frame. “ Amazing, for sure the best show ive ever done. Im so tired though I just want to sleep.” I just hummed in response knowing she probably doesn't want much conversation as she's so warn out.

two years ago we would've been celebrating her first time playing at an arena of this size but now the size of the arena is nothing compared to when she played at Madison square gardens or Wembley stadium so she doesn't feel the need to celebrate as much as she did back then.

After a while of spending time with our family we make our way back to our hotel. Since my family have flown all the way here from Toronto me and y/n have both decided to book a hotel room and let them have the spare bedrooms. Neither of us mind it though because it will be a lot quieter since the rest of the family are celebrating on our behalf.

The car journey to the hotel was peacefully silent and it wasn't long before I heard the deep breaths coming from y/n who had fallen asleep. She had had a rather long day and I didn't want to disturb her but we were pulling up to the hotel so I had to. “baby were here” “hmm?” she had one eye closed and one eye barely open. “Were at the hotel hun.” “oh right” she took one big stretch before we both made it into the hotel. Luckily for us we both spent the night before here and therefore we had both already unpacked so we could just go straight to bed. I was mentally thanking myself for that idea because I know y/n would just fall asleep leaving me to do all the work. I wouldn't normally of minded but I was still tired from the journey here.

After we both got ready for bed and talked about the show and how y/n nearly tripped in her heels yet covered it up quickly we both crawled into the comfy white sheets and cuddled up while looking at the window which showed the brightly lit buildings in the city. we both soon drifted into a deep sleep and neither of us could wait for the next few months like this.

A/N: sorry about the really bad ending its late and I wanted to finish this before iw ent to sleep. Let me know what you thought about this imagine and whether I should write more or not. If you do want me to write more could you let me know what you want my next imagine to be about and ill try my best to write them. Thanks G X

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #arianagrande #shawn mendes imagine

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in-a-trans-like-state · 6 years

Text

so my xmas is pretty much over. it was ok

under the cut is just me giving a blow by blow of my day trying to figure out my emotions.

the morning was nice though i had problems sleeping and woke up about 2 to go back to sleep at 6 to get up at 8 and be tired all day.

I made bacon and raspberry pancakes for my family’s brekkie and we opened presents over food. my dad decided it was a great time to collect all the food and cutlery he wanted from upstairs and take it downstairs (his abode since my parents have spilt up) He wasn't too much of an arsehole though he really could have waited till i’d finished in the kitchen to rummage around it trying to find the last bowl of a set ( that turned out to be downstairs anyway)

We went to my great uncles for lunch. I don’t like having xmas at his much cos he never really comes to family gatherings so he feels more like a stranger than anything. Plus he and his wife are loaded and they invite their rich friends over and i did not feel like talking to people i didnt know. Especially load drunk ones who are the embodiment of the “what could a banana cost? $10?” meme lady. (OK i dont actually know how rich they are but they live in a very nice suburb in a big house with way too much wine and it makes my working class leftist self cringe.) I much prefer to have christmas at my grandma’s run down place that creaks and the kitchen floor slopes because its the uncut bedrock the house it built on, and the only new people i have to deal with are my cousin’s new boyfriends.

One guy was extremely extroverted and drunk and he was very cringe worthy. Like shut! up! you are embarrassing yourself! and your daughters! He cornered me said he remembered me from when i was little and made comments about how I’d changed, he actually bought up the gender thing which like everyone else was stepping around.

My great aunt made comments about how much happier i am and how she was glad i’d followed my stars. Like thanks? But also I transitioned nearly 3 years ago?? Have you not spoken to me since then? (probably) Talking to the drunk guy was awkward but it was over pretty quick and i ran back to my mum.

The food was good. I liked the ham and smoked salmon. there was prawns which stunk and made me feel vaugely sick for the rest of the day. as well as my dad’s smoked chicken. Idk what it is about it but when ever he makes it it tastes slightly off to me. Probably cos im not used to it. There much have been 20 bottles of wine on the table. Like ?? You don’t need a bottle of red and white for every person present.

My dad opted to go home with my aunt and granny so he could stay and bitch longer. He is an alcoholic. I always thought I was maybe exaggerating when i said that but mum recently told me that he has attended AA meeting in the past. Apparently when they last separated about 9 years ago he was sober for a couple of months. but then said something like “my life isnt worth living without alcohol.” Which does make me feel a little sorry for him, but also he is such an arsehole when he is drunk, like he can be bad when his sober but drunk him is a nightmare and 100% why mum’s separating form him (for good this time)

Like mum was so worried during the lead up to xmas because what if he gets drunk and starts complaining loudly about her at the family lunch? And she cant leave cos there’s only one car? Or worse (?) he waits til we get home before (verbally) laying into her and us. I wasnt home but my sister got into uni the other day and instead of congratulating her dad made a big fuss cos no one had told him. I cant wait til mum has her own place. Where she (and me and my sisters) dont have to fear him stomping up the stairs to yell at us. I always tell my self that he’s probably not abusive. Like he is a negative toxic person (mum calls him draining) but he doesnt beat us or emotionally manipulate us on purpose. But honestly whats the difference? I wouldn’t be exaggerating too much by calling him abusive.

I suppose the difference is that I’m (unlikely) to get PTSD from him? And i feel that it wasn’t as bad as some people have it so am I offending actual victims by calling him abusive? But also as theres no way I’m going to start talking over abuse victims and saying shit like I survived my dad with minimal damage that therefore their stories are invalid that calling him abusive or nearly abusive just puts another blip of the spectrum of this is what abuse can look like. If that makes sense? Fuck this was meant to be a christmas post and now its been derailed.

Anyway I hope one of them sobered up enough to drive. Because drunk driving is a dick move and also I’m slightly worried that they’re dead. My anxiety is always going people are late? They had a car crash there’re dead. I know not to fixtate on it and just go well its possible but also quite unlikely so stfu brain.

I spent way too much time on my phone trying to ignore people so now i have a headache. I didnt get to drink because I was designated driver so at least I’m not hungover but I was so tired I nearly feel asleep at the wheel. I came home and slept for two hours straight.

I’ve changed my sheets which ive been meaning to do for a week now, and had coco pops (thanks santa!) for dinner. I need to have a shower and eat some fruit. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep because we’ve got to get up again tomorrow and go to my granny’s for present opening. because for some reason we couldn’t do it at my great uncles? Like not that I’m complaining about seeing the family again its just very time consuming and I’ve got work tomorrow afternoon so my whole day will be on a time limit and therefor stressful.

I feel pretty down though. its probably the headache. Maybe its the fact i didnt get presents from extended family so my inner four year old is sad. Maybe its the weather it was quite cold today. Maybe I’m all socalised out.

I think its partly cos im disappointed in myself for not engaging with people more. Even though I was tired and therefore socialising is undesirable and they were drunk and too loud. I’m also slightly pissed off at having to go to my great uncles. But also the reason we went is cos he had cancer this year so I also feel like a massive jerk for not wanting to go to his place.

So all in all the day could have gone better. But also it was ok. Like I’ve long since accepted that the whole of christmas day cant be 24 hours of magical this is a special day feeling. Maybe thats an adult sign or maybe its depression (xmas is less and less fun as you grow up) either way I suppose it could have been a more special day. But also it doesnt really matter and hopefully i’ll feel better tomorrow

#this is literally just me rambling for 1300 words #yes i copied pasted it into a word doc might aswell try to collect this 'journal entries'#i do go on a ramble about my parents separating and whether or not i can call my dad an abusive alcoholic #because he is technically but also not really what you think off when you hear abusive alcoholic #like he's never hit us #he's just energy draining and negative and unconsciously sexist and resistant to own up and apologise #partly cos he is too drunk to remember the incidents?#alcohol #abuse #anyway in conclusion i had an ok day that could have been better #and ive got to do most of it again tomorrow which could turn out really good or just plain stressful #i speak

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die-a-betic · 7 years

Text

Thank @eyesforguyswithcurlyfries for tagging me.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Definitely

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? I guess?

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? When i got back from barcelona. 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? allllll the time. 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Who doesn’t want to be in my place? ;) 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Yeah, father and son from the GOTG soundtrack. 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? New top with shorts and socks. Its 3am why am i still wearing yesterdays clothes. 8. How often do you listen to music? on the way to and from work and sometimes at work, also when walking. 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? 2018? I dont think dramatically. 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? Very social. 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Yeah, I was their first kiss accidentally oops @lxvedlikethis 13. What about ‘R’? Yea boi 14. Can you drive a stick shift? getting there! 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Depends who they are. 16. Are you going out of town soon? Out of my town? Im going to Harrogate and York at the end of the month if that counts? 17. When was the last time you cried? Last week i think? 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Every day. 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? Nah 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? I dont think so? 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. Felt pretty ill today 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? Not really. 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Nope just my shitty pal Callum 24. What are you sitting on right now? Desk chair. 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Mairona. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yea boiiii 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Mairona or my Mum? 28. Do you get a lot of colds? Not really? 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Mango Barcelona :) 30. Does anyone hate you? Nah 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Probably? 32. Do you like watching scary movies? Yesss 33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Definitely not. 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2014 35. Did you have a dream last night? Yep 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Few hours ago. 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Possibly 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Yea boiii 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Everybody is asleep.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? Wasnt too bad, really good weather and back to work and time there went quickly 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Yea boiii 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? Yes 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yeaaaa 44. What’s the best part about school? The people. 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Yeah 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I pass sticky notes to my workmates. 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Try not to but sometimes things stick. 48. Were you single over the last summer? Nah :))))))))) 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Absolutely not. My friends, situation and relationships with family have completely changed, my outlook on life has changed and my ambitions and plans have completely changed. All for the better, thanks to M. 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Sleeping. (This line sums up my life) 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Definitely. 52. Are you nice to everyone? Most people. 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes lol 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Definitely. 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Not on purpose. 56. Do you think you like someone? Indeed. 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Yeahhhh 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Basically equal at this point. 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? A few 60. Do you hate anyone? One person but im trying desperately not to because i shouldnt. and maybe hitler? 61. How’s your heart? Fantastic and owned. 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? 3 things. 63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Sort of? 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Finlay Lowes or Callum, in his sleep. 65. Are your toenails painted pink? Noooooo dont like nail paint, anything but nail paint, nail me to a wall before you paint my nails. Im fine with makeup or anything, just not nailpaint. 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Nope. 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? Is this aimed at girls? My girlfriend likes the intimacy and openness. 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? Yes! My button ripped off my jeans once at an acting class and my jeans kept falling down and i full on had to hold them up. 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Mother. 70. How do you look right now? not ma best - Tired and snotty. 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yeah, M. 72. Can you commit to one person? Completely. 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes, unless i forget. 74. Have you ever felt replaced? Yeah. Dont leave school unless you’re prepared for this 75. Did you wake up cranky? Not cranky but ill so sort of? 76. Are you a jealous person? Can be. 77. Are relationships ever worth it? The most rewarding thing I have ever had. 78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Not giving up. 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? YES 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Probs should do some work. 81. Last person you cried in front of? M 82. Is there someone you will never forget? Dr Bruce, Mairona, Callum, I hope all of my friends but thats not likely. 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Yeahhh 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Probably dancing or watching her dance or watching shitty tv or having sex or sleeping. 85. Are you over your past? Yes 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yes 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? yes unless i forget. 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? No need to apologise. 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yes 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Nah 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Im sure. 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Haha yeah 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Mightve? 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Yeah, was a rough patch I think 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? Yes and I still am 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? The most gorgeous and perfect girl in the world. 97. Who do you have texts from? many people ? Mairona, Mum, Dad and the group chats. 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? :( 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yep 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? Nobodyyyy 101. Ever kissed under fireworks? I think so actually @eyesforguyswithcurlyfries when we had them in your garden? 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Yep

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chocolate-brownies · 5 years

Text

“I Tried 40 Days of Yoga, Meditating, and Chanting at 3 a.m. Every Morning”

“I Tried 40 Days of Yoga, Meditating, and Chanting at 3 a.m. Every Morning”:

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

One early morning last November, my doorman, Jose, who usually says it like it is, took one look at me and said, “What happened to you? You used to look sexy. Now you look like you never sleep anymore.”

His statement stung. I wanted to say, “Well I don’t sleep anymore. Not since I started Sadhana.” But then I’d have to explain what Sadhana meant. And why do I have to justify how I look? So, I said nothing.

But it was true. I was barely sleeping, and the dark circles under my eyes, chronic yawning, and 10 extra pounds I’d put on in a matter of just a few weeks were all byproducts of my commitment to complete 40 days of Kundalini Aquarian morning Sadhana.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

For about a year prior to starting Sadhana—which involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days—I’d seen Facebook ads for it. Several friends swore by its benefits, and I’d read many articles about its transformative powers, such as increased energy, mental clarity, and a plethora of blessings. Many spiritual paths have a practice of getting up before sunrise to pray. That special time is called Amrit Vela, which translates as the Nectar of God. When you give two and a half hours to a spiritual source, your entire day is covered with blessings. And who doesn’t want more blessings?

For years I’d been trying to finish writing a book, create an online program, and get into shape—but I lacked self-commitment and follow through. In Sanskrit, Sadhana literally means accomplishing something. I wanted to strengthen my commitment to both my spiritual practice and word to myself. I’ve never been an early riser, so I told myself, If I can wake up at 3 a.m. for the divine, I can do anything!

For the next 40 days, I woke up at 2:30 a.m., put on my white clothes and head covering, and drove to a yoga studio where I practiced yoga, sang songs to my soul, and chanted Aquarian mantras. I tried to go to sleep each night no later than 8 p.m. each night to attempt at least five or six hours of shut-eye. But no matter how many hot baths I took, Chamomile teas I drank, or minutes I spent breathing through my left nostril to relax, I couldn’t fall asleep until it was time to wake up again.

For the first week, I was very enthusiastic and surprised by how little sleep I needed to function. But then, somewhere around day eight, I came home after Sadhana and passed out until noon, which only messed up my circadian rhythm further. As my levels of exhaustion increased, so did my weight. I wondered how the other yogis in the room were doing it. Some of them were on day 50, 60, 90 and even 240. I was assured that if I could get enough sleep, I would be OK.

According to our Sadhana group leader, the secret to a successful Sadhana was getting enough sleep. I’d never had difficulty falling asleep before. But I’d also never woken before 7:30 am, and my nerves were keeping me up.

Somewhere around day 20, my very traditional Russian father called to tell me that he and my mother were worried. They’d recently seen my photos of me on Facebook and asked why I looked so exhausted, bloated, and pale. I was too tired to explain that I had signed up for a sacred practice meant to elevate my soul (and what that meant). Instead, I tagged him on the Facebook live Sadhana page so he could see what I was up to. The following night he called me and said, “Your mother and I saw the video. Are you in a cult? All those people in white look like mental patients.”

Was I really back here again, having another conversation like this with my parents? Some 10 years ago, I came out of the closet as a Feng Shui consultant. My parents wished it was just a phase, lied to their friends that I was an interior designer, and insisted that spirituality is for people that don’t want to work.

See also “Something Happens as I Continue to Chant…”

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

On day 30, I went to see a medical intuitive who told me that I was suffering from liver insomnia and severe adrenal fatigue. I had no idea that our livers wake up around 4 a.m. Which meant that when I was getting up to do yoga so early, it was really hard on my liver. I already had mild symptoms of adrenal fatigue before starting Sadhana and didn’t know that feeling wired and tired were the hallmarks of that condition. It explained why I was having so much trouble falling asleep.

I reached out to a friend who’s a Kundalini yoga instructor to tell her that I was going to quit because I couldn’t take it anymore, and she urged me not to. “Everything that’s coming up for you is coming up for healing and clearing,” she told me. Translation for spiritual neophytes? “Your moodiness, liver issues, obsession with weight, and needing other people’s approval was probably always there, and now you’re ready to deal with it.”

I thought I’d dealt with all of that years ago—at least the obsession with weight and needing others’ approval. But the onion has many layers. And maybe Sadhana was fast-tracking the peeling of mine.

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

I began to wonder if I’m just a masochist and maybe what I really need is to get back into therapy. Then, I reminded myself that I am a therapist. In fact, I’m actually a spiritual psychotherapist and should know by now if something is good for me.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

At the end of the 40 days, a few things happened. First, I felt satisfied that I was able to finish what I started. Next, I finally got a good night’s rest. Then, I spent hundreds of dollars on herbal tinctures and vitamins meant to restore my liver and adrenals. A few small blessings did arrive. I finally found an incredible illustrator for my book and a week later, two of the wellness hotels in Miami Beach where I really wanted to teach finally came through with proposals. Overall, the experience was a mixed bag.

While unfortunate, I don’t think we—as a culture—are equipped to support someone embarking on a 40-day adventure that may cause little or no sleep. Especially if that someone has lots of responsibilities. I think it would’ve been easier, and I could’ve treated the practice with more reverence, had I been on retreat or on an ashram somewhere. But we don’t all have the luxury of going away for a month. I know I don’t.

Forty days of so little sleep would be hard on anyone, regardless of the spiritual path they were on. My advice: If you want to start 40 days of Kundalini Aquarian morning Sadhana, please get your adrenals tested first. Make sure your life supports the potentially crazy sleep schedule, and that you have lots of time to rest and contemplate the process.

Also, listen to your body. If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, don’t turn to this all-too-common default: “Exhaustion? Oh, it’s probably just my negative mind trying to sabotage me.” There’s nothing enlightened about wearing yourself down to become more spiritual.

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

0 notes

cedarrrun · 5 years

Link

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

See also "Something Happens as I Continue to Chant..."

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

I reached out to a friend who’s a Kundalini yoga instructor to tell her that I was going to quit because I couldn't take it anymore, and she urged me not to. “Everything that's coming up for you is coming up for healing and clearing,” she told me. Translation for spiritual neophytes? “Your moodiness, liver issues, obsession with weight, and needing other people’s approval was probably always there, and now you’re ready to deal with it.”

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

Also, listen to your body. If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, don't turn to this all-too-common default: “Exhaustion? Oh, it’s probably just my negative mind trying to sabotage me.” There’s nothing enlightened about wearing yourself down to become more spiritual.

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

krisiunicornio · 5 years

Link

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

See also "Something Happens as I Continue to Chant..."

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

diary4 · 6 years

Text

14/8/18

Fucks sake.I’m currently engaged in mission ‘get all the way to Bristol and take my stuff out of the boys house to my house then get home again without anyone noticing’, and so far I’ve made a right cock up of the whole thing. Got to Egham station at an inconvenient time anyway because it was inbetween trains to Reading so I had to wait 20 minutes for one. Then somehow, I was so lost in my own stupid thought that when the train to Reading came I did t even notice, and by the time I’d realised and ran to it it was already pulling away.Serves me right I guess. It’s just another one of the blows karmas dealt me since I officially gave up on morality.Oh yeah, that’s right, you guessed it.I suppose this chapter of the story, which is kind of like chapter two of the Eric saga, commencing after the yearnful intermission, started last Friday. So this is the Friday that’s Friday fast approaching Saturday which would be the Saturday to mark 2 weeks since I officially broke things off with Eric. Had a god awful boring week last week where absolutely no one was around and absolutely nothing happened. Started going stir crazy. More than relieved when Michelle planned to have this little gath on Friday night.Anyway the whole thing turned out to be a bit of a cop out, because there wasn’t enough alcohol and it was a weird, Jamie Foster dominated crowd. The ‘main event’ was Molly’s new boyfriend Oscar, being trotted out and introduced for the first time. It was especially exciting because the word (corroborated by social media) was that he was really really peng. Anyway, it was funny because he turned out to be kind of a dweeb - he had a bit of a tragic man bun and he vaped and he tucked his tshirt into his jeans etc. Anyway, I got pretty drunk and ended up kinda passed out with Soph and Smell on the sofa, in self imposed exile of the general conversation which we only joined in to nag John to take us home. I don’t know if it’s cos it was kind of a shitty night or cos I felt kind of excluded, or if it was just a side effect of being drunk and free of inhibitions, but all of a sudden all I wanted to do was forget all this abstinence nonsense and hit up Eric. Maybe it was also something to do with how unbearably horny I’ve been all week - the predictable time of the month. Anyhow, I felt no pressure to follow through on Friday night only because I knew I was going out again the next day, and that that would provide a far better opportunity to hook up. In the morning I sort of told myself that the whole thing was rubbish, but I think that in my heart I kind of knew that there was no way I wasn’t messaging him on Saturday.Anyway. Saturday rolls around. Unbearably hungover. Meant to be going to Maddie’s to pre for this Artshouse festival thing in London. The whole day has been organised and sold as Maddie’s leaving party, and despite the fact I no longer like Maddy and didn’t really know anyone else going apart from Beth, I’d allowed myself to be convinced to go by Beth, who I felt guilty for leaving alone. I had apprehensions, but I sort of knew it would be fine - once you’re drunk things normally are - and besides, aren’t I supposed to thrive around new people when wasted? It’s true, I always manage to make some random friends. And I did. I can’t be bothered to describe the whole day because it’s not really the topic of chapter two, but yeah, it was fucking lit, i slammed way too much coke, was lucid for the most part but am missing a patch between dancing and being on the tube home with Beth, and, oh yeah, around 7 pm lost all inhibitions completely and hit Eric up with an ‘oi’.It was raining hard, we were drenched to the skin and being shunted around to the sound of tech. I wiped the water off my phone and checked it once every ten minutes or so - after forty minutes he still hadn’t responded. Imagine my sudden panic. Here I had been, assuming that Eric was on standby and would always be there when I fancied dipping my toe back into sin. What if he had in fact moved on? What if he was going to blank me - leave me on read? What if this was operation Lucas all over again?!!In a desperate bid to retain my dominance in the relationship, I sent an angry follow up: ‘don’t you dare ignore me Eric, you shit’.Anyway, long story short, he replied soon after that and we arranged to meet up that evening. My memory sort of melts away around this point, but I know from the messages that I was pretty forward and initiated quite a lot of the whole thing. I resurface from the blackout on the tube with Beth, and it’s at this mind fuck that we resurface.Riding the line with Beth. We’re having some melty, loud, drunk conversation, lying all over each other and the carriage. Then she has to get off at a stop and I’m left on my own, sliding away from the back of her blonde head and the platform and not knowing where the hell im going.Hit up Eric - ‘I’m in central’ (I think?)He comes back saying he’s wine drunk and tired and can’t be bothered coming to central, so I say I’ll come meet him in Uxbridge. Only problem is - how to get there.At this point i try to ascertain my location and find myself staring hard at the blue rectangle that says ‘Embankment’. Right. All I need to do is get onto that blue Piccadilly line, then I can slide all the way down to Uxbridge easy peasy.How I managed to get onto the Jubilee line I will never know - my navigational tactics were just sheer will power. At one point I got on a train, realised I was sliding in the wrong direction and had to do a rapid U-y at the next stop. Somehow, though, around 11 at night, I found myself gliding into Uxbridge station. By this point of course my phone had gone flat, but I haphazardly hoped this wouldn’t pose a problem, and it didn’t, because when I came through the barrier Eric was sitting, dark and broody, in the corner of the station.So he gave me his coat, a kind of quilted denim thing, because ow as wearing nothing but a crochet bralet, and we hooked arms and began ambling towards his. When we got there we continued drinking wine, and I think we did kiss quite a bit but nothing else, our clothes stayed very much on and I sat on his stomach and rattled off what I’d been doing all week and the conversation got deeper until (I don’t remember this) eventually I fell asleep on his chest.So here’s the thing - I fucking fancied him so much. It was like all the doubt and annoyance that had made me doubt whether I did before had evaporated, absense had done its fondening work on the heart, and we were head over heels, all over each other, all gazing eyes and thoughts like ‘I just can’t believe how handsome you are’ bouncing about in my brain. It was the same the next morning - we chattered and laughed with all the ease in the world, and lolopped on each other and I could barely tear myself away to go home.It’s wet and strange but I really just can’t get over how perfect he looks. So I’m not stupid, I know he’s not the best looking person in the world. But for me, for my personal taste, he just looks perfect - like he’s just perfect?! I could play with his hair and stuff for hours man. Hell.He made this stupid spoof film with his friend Janek, ‘the polish cinematographer’, which is on YouTube. In it they’re just sitting around smoking chatting shit trying not to crack up. Basically when I’m bored I just whack it on and I can’t stop watching it. It’s like back when I first met Charlie and I had those two videos of him impersonating Varys and saying ‘if you don’t have a croquet lawn you’re a fucking peasant’ that I couldn’t stop looking at. Except Eric just looks so much better. I don’t know if that’s the me of today talking or if the me of two years ago would agree. Either way - that’s how I feel now. This shifting sands of time and personality thing is impossible to keep up with. I guess you just have to surf the present ?I hope Eric feels the same way as me. I’m kind of concerned that he isn’t really capable of getting all giddy and in love and excited, because he’s been with with so many people and had so much of it. Even I can sort of sense how this time isn’t going to be as giddy and as romantic as it was with Charlie - the first time is always the best, salt in the glass of water that is your heart etc. There were a few things he said which sort of indicate that he really does like me. In the morning, wrapped in each other’s arms with some music humming in the background he said ‘this is what I missed. Just chilling. You are one chillllll motherfucker’. Does that equate to being someone with whom he feels himself falling mind body and soul infatuatedly in love with? Maybe...?

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queerloquial · 7 years

Note

every odd number!

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?you better have, we’re kinda dating

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?iunno, whens the last time you said something that made me go “cfghvjb fUCK yOU”?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?not to my knowledge, but if there is they can go fuck themselves bc idfc

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?vault boy tshirt, gray sweatpants. my regular comfy sleepwear stuff

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?i wear jeans anytime i have to leave the house, but if i dont have to go out in public and hide my wookiee legs i actually prefer shorts to either of those. i also rank chef pants higher than sweats bc they breathe better

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?i am antisocial as fuck, my dude. if i could get away with living in my bedroom and talking to like three people total ever, i so would

13. What about ‘R’?i think this is in reference to ‘have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with ___��, in which case, no. i have never kissed anyone, at least outside the “small child gives/receives cheek kisses from family or other adult considered to be basically family” sense

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?yEs. i give so many shits, all of the fucks, and even a couple hecks

17. When was the last time you cried?i think like a week and a half, two weeks ago it was like 2 am and i was tired n lonely and re-read some of ur letters to me. it was a happy cry dont worry. u make me do that a lot

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?nah i like blue

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.that stupid fuckening dog did not shut up for one damn minute after i let her out at ten last night. she barked for eight hours straight and for six i had a headache, i have slept a grand total of 32 minutes and it is now 7 am. hlep

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?to my knowledge yes. unless “im going back to bed, love and kisses~” is secretly your way of breaking up with me :P

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?you do~

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?it you

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?i think i got it from fye at the mall. either there or gamestop. i dont remember

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?theyre lined up on top of my desk. the only thing hiding them is the handful of non-alcoholic glass bottles i also have collected

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?ehhhhhhhhhhhhh i kinda have a Thing with pain so i have a heavy aversion to getting anything pierced

35. Did you have a dream last night?no bc i couldnt fuckening fall asleep

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?idk my dude. the future is unpredictable

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?idk. maybe if ur still awake theres a chance but if ur not then probs not

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i would hope so, ive been waking up before dawn every day to tell you i love u and i would hate for all that effort to have been for nothing

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?in those words exactly, not that i can remember

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?yes, but theyre all from early high school and i really ought to go in and take them out but. effort. and i dont even really use facebook anymore

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?yes. all the time

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nah, two years ago i had a job

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?i think this was my dad? so no

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?well when youve been aromantic for over 20 years you dont expect to develop a crush on ur cuteass mutual so

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?all but two people irl think im a conservative straight cis girl

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?see number 13

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?yes

61. How’s your heart?emotionally its doing fine. physically i could probably stand to cut back on sodium a bit

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?no

65. Are your toenails painted pink?no, theyre black

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?i wouldnt know, ive never been a girl and ive never had a boyfriend. but either way that sounds kinda weird, like i mean sure, promote healthy expression of emotions, but “love it when they cry”?? that sounds kinda messed up my dude

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?a lady from my church whose dog im watching for part of this week

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?it youuuu again

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?lol no

75. Did you wake up cranky?a BIT YES. god i hate dogs

77. Are relationships ever worth it?hell yeah, but you gotta be willing and actively choose to put in the time and effort to support one another through all situations, not just the cutesy happy fun times. it can be hard work, especially if one or more involved parties are neurodivergent, but it is completely worth it to have a relationship based in genuine respect and trust and honesty

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?buddy there aint a day that goes by that i dont daydream of what itll be like when we can finally meet irl

81. Last person you cried in front of?if this is strictly about physically being near someone, and discounting headmates, then… i dont actually remember. i try my best not to cry where people can see

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?i feel like you might be at least a lil bit

85. Are you over your past?well my brain is irreparably damaged and i still cry when i remember that i have at least one person who respects my feelings and consent and i generally try to block out all memories of life before college but for the most part yeah im totally over it :)

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?well i would say no but then we did recently have that convo re: “tier 4 kinks” and tbh that was like the last big secret i was holding in so i guess yeah i do

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?i dont remember the last person i kissed, if animals dont count, so im just gonna give a blanket no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?well i hope so

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?no

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?ye~

97. Who do you have texts from?you, family, best friend, some people from church who have needed me to petsit/house-sit/bake things

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?see #13

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?no

#tao kan #misc tag #askbox meme reply #this was written at 7 am but only getting posted at 7 pm #whoops

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