#it hurts bcs ^^ all that is solely my fault. for thinking this way.

[noxtivagus]

hmmm this uh. vent in tags doesn't pertain to anyone here though okay, it's really just a Me problem bcs i rlly appreciate you all so much but i can't help but be like this :<< (working on it though)

#🌙.vents #just thinking a bit n thought i shld write it down bcs i've always really have wondered what's rlly real n not #i'm a bit of an idealist at heart but i'm v much also a realist. i may be swimming in the deepest depths of oceans but i always know where #the shore. perhaps i am a moon and perhaps there rlly are those who love me like that but #i can't help but oft feel that ppl only like sides of me. or perhaps their images of me. idealized to their preferences n needs #to some ppl i've felt from them that i have to be like This so they'd love me. or they only care abt what they can get from me n i'm left w #receiving nothing at all. when i do receive stuff it then feels foreign. n even for those who rlly do care #it hurts bcs ^^ all that is solely my fault. for thinking this way. #i cld break out of it but maybe i don't bcs i think i don't deserve it. to inflict this pain and choose and grasp on it unto myself to #idk smth w all my burdens n regrets n mistakes. no matter what good i do; the past will never be erased. i'll live to atone but i'll never #properly let myself live; is that it? i can't accept a future or reality for myself bcs of the scars of my past n the reality that shldve #been if i wasnt so incompetent? if i was better if i was good enough if i wasnt so afraid to reach out n if i hid when i should have. if i #did all that perfectly. but i'm human n we all are n we make mistakes. i can pardon others i can understand n help them but not for me #it hurts i wish i cld do more for those that r just as deserving but don't receive it. if i'm the moon n you don't know my dark side #then they're the sun that blinds you to see. i hate this world so much #i'm stuck. when it comes to my own self n when it comes to ppl that.. idk rlly have done stuff for me i #i can't help but wonder if it's just for who they think i am n not for who i really am. maybe that cynism is due to old friendships where i #was neglected. like one friend that i feel used from. or another that broke their promises. n i've made my own mistakes too but i have thes #scars that tell me i'm not worth staying for. i'm not worth pushing or digging deeper for others to love the whole me. reciprocation is onl #one-sides; from me to others. but that's dumb too i barely do as much as i shld as i wish i cld as i want to do for others #maybe all we need to do is accept that we're all human n communicate authentically n honestly n openly. trust #but then i think of myself undeserving of it. n i shld fix that. i've been better before i rlly did have that sometime earlier this year bu #i've been falling apart once more. i shld fix this n i know i can but my helplessness regarding other aspects of my life n others burden me #not that others shld be my responsibility before my own in this stage of my life. but i need to give. more than doing things for others for #the sake of myself but More because i really just care for those in my life n i think they deserve so much more. #i wish i was better so they cld have more. fuck if i sacrifice myself i rlly wish i cld do more for others #for my parents. my twin. my friends. for the ones who have stayed despite my shortcomings. who have reached out in any way #i love them all do much n i have to be better bcs i want to love them back properly. #dilemma though bcs sometimes i do get unsure if it's even real at all. but at my heart i know most of it is. but then. hfksjfsjfs #it's not simple at all. it's v complex in fact bcs we're human n this is the real world. there's sm more i can't write. i have stuff to do😭

[eternadreeblissa]

Ok but brainrot time 🧍‍♀️@neverchecking @wayfayrr

So Sage will JOIN the cult eh?

Look the way he is atm there will be inevitable drama. So much that the guy in the beginning is disrupting the (secretly cult) group bcs of him smothering and hogging darling to himself— especially when you released that hcs of how manipulative and stuff he was? That was BEGGING for some inevitable drama down the line!

Picture this: Sage is always on the lookout for your attention to be solely placed on him and him only, and he'll use whatever grubby or dirty methods and CREATE MORE himself if he has to! Just look at him and give him affection pllllsssssss?? But in the bg he's like destroyed the chain's chances of having her and it's FRUSTRATING them to a point they'd naturally try and sabotage Sage's chances in return. Heck even as a whole group.

This just further keeps Sage excluded from the group, and it's even more felt when he makes Reader choose between him or the chain. It's always that.

And Reader? Idk abt u guys but my reader will cry out in frustration: she loves all of them! How can you make her choose? I'm rlly starting to think at some point with all this pressure Sage has been doing he's gonna make Reader cry at some point (mine at least, cuz in her eyes she felt she isn't doing enough to satisfy both parties. She gives and gives but for some reason it isn't enough and it's DRAINING and she wants to cry and now her worth is being questioned by herself and that's a DANGEROUS LINE OF THOUGHT cuz it could teether over to Darling leaving and tHAT CAN'T HAPPEN)

And NOT ONLY THAT. But if this continues on far enough, it could even lead to an accident too— a catastrophic one. Remember the times when the chain wasn't united into the cult that they were now? In Gliphy's writing of that campfire union smth before they agreed to worship their new Goddess, Legend specifically said Reader was HURT from their rivalries.

History will repeat itself, with Sage.

A brewing storm that Legend, —who has become the backbone, mediator AND BRIDGE of the chain— will undoubtedly notice at some point and try as he might he'll stubbornly try and knock some sense into Sage, probs knock him down a peg a bit, he should SHARE and not become overly SMOTHERING, he'll chase their darling away and that's the last thing they need!

But Sage, stubborn, hurt and battered heart Sage, doesn't listen and doesn't himself do the same problems the chain once did before they formed. In his eyes he's ABOVE them from doing the things they used to do, or maybe, he is NOT them and therefore won't be able to do those mistakes. BUT HE IS. HE INEVITABLY WILL. And if Sage goes on this way Reader not only just cry, she'll get HURT, AGAIN.

And when it happens that's practically the eye of the storm. And until she got stuck in bed recovering with no certain date? It's a whole train wreck of explosive emotions between him and the chain.

Sage is in DENIAL. NO. NO NO NO HE DID NOT HURT THEIR DARLING NO IT WAS THOSE LINKS FAULTS IF THEY WEREN'T IN THE PICTURE SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN HURT! To which the chain will flip over at him WT* NO IT WAS U THE WHOLE TIME U MANIPULATIVE ATTENTION HOG!! U MADE HER CRY ETC. ETC. It's a battle of words and there's a point they're all screaming at each other—

But naturally Legend halts everything and deals with Sage HIMSELF— Being the bridge that keeps the chain together this whole time, he'll do it again for the sake of keeping this family he actually cherished. And he'll do it by getting rid of the root of the problem.

This is an interesting clash in my opinion. Sage and Legend. Honestly they're so very similar in some ways.

Legend is a hoarder so there's like a hc of him taking everything he can to keep it to himself cuz he also loses stuff and he'll stop at NOTHING to gain his darling's affection and attention too (even when he's tsuntsun. There's no way he's letting all those walls he built be a reason he can't even have a moment w his darling). Mans lost so many loved ones and got betrayed and all that that he's become the way he is to keep himself safe, but his lil inner bunny still longs for that companion, for family, for love.

Sage lost EVERYTHING. absolutely EVERYTHING :')) He's on his THIRD adventure, the princess DITCHED him and he's like at the inch of his life facing Ganon. Man has also gotten all spiky and hard shelled bcs of it. He's tired of people and the princess (smth Legend can relate) he's tired and DESPISES Hylia (smth the chain ALL relates). He can't let anyone get close cuz he'll just get hurt again (Legend absolutely relates)

In a way, they're like, sides of the same coin? Reflected mirrors? Legend has went through so many adventures himself, and while it wasn't quite like Sage's it did leave him as hardshelled and everything as he is now. Personally I think Legend would understand him the most. So he tried, he rlly did, to tolerate Sage. Tried warning him not to do the same mistakes the chain and he HIMSELF once did, that he could push darling away. He knew how he felt the most after all. But he didn't LISTEN. And now they're darling is hurt, AGAIN. And now Legend's patience is on a thin THREAD.

Sage has ONE. LAST. CHANCE. to make things up. And this time Legend is WILLING to cut things off w him and the chain FR if he doesn't own up to his mistakes and the fix the mess he made. He's willing to keep darling AWAY from Sage, bcs the only thing Sage has been good for this whole time is making DARLING OF ALL PEOPLE question their worth, disrupting the chain and their bonds. He's not one of em? He's gonna keep being that way? Fine. They'll take darling WITH THEM and they'll leave him in his Hyrule. But not before Legend chews him out and makes him SEE his mistake. See the DAMAGE it caused not just the chain but to DARLING. that it was HIS FAULT. ALL OF IT. THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENED.

Trust me when I say Sage is one wrong move away from getting maimed by Legend. Man is so ready to kill and the others are too. Especially Cal and Wild. Legend will let Sage decide what he'll do next. And he better not be thinking of kidnapping their own darling cuz they're all gonna fight tooth and nail to keep him away from her and he'll be BANNED from seeing her even if he didn't do that. He needs to see his mistake, just like they all did. And once he ACTUALLY tries to somehow show his sorry and all that? While things are rusty and all, and forgiveness ain't easily given, they'd still accept some... Some..

He's a Link after all. No one here can blame him for anything (even if no matter what, the mistakes he did are inexcusable).

#yandere linked universe #yan! lu #yandere linked universe x reader #dreerambles #yandere sage #lu sage

[stilldancewithyou]

What are your thoughts on the carnival scene both in the book and the show? Was Conrad really interested in the girl from the ring toss or do you think his sole purpose was winning Belly Junior Mint?

There is this weird dynamic between them where they kind of assume that the other knows how they feel because they do have a great understanding between them but that's where the problems arise because they put too much weight on the silent understanding between them & forget to communicate their actual feelings. I think he thought she fully understood the significance of the original Junior Mint moment (and she clearly DID kind of get it bc she held onto Junior Mint all this time and the bear was really important to her, and everybody knows/recognizes how much she loves Junior Mint, although it's heavily implied at least to me that no one else actually knows how she got him or what he REALLY means).

My book girlies know this, but it comes to light in Conrad's letters that not only does he vividly remember the day he won her the bear, but he also spent $40 (at like 14 years old!!!) trying to win her the bear because he paid attention to her all summer and saw that she badly wanted it and had been eyeing it all summer (he actually says "remember how you used to go over to the ring toss and just stare at the polar bears?"). I think he got confused when Belly got all standoffish about it but also didn't know what to do about his feelings at that point in time (which is why he said that the girl said Junior Mint was the best prize they had. it was easier & less vulnerable than saying "I think I might have romantic feelings for you too and I just spent hours trying to win this for you because I know how much you wanted it and I wanted you to spend time with you") so he didn't try to explain it to Belly & ended up hanging out with ring toss girl that summer as a distraction in a way. But then the present scene...he wanted to remind her of that memory and he wanted her to know he remembered it and that it mattered to him & he wanted her to know he still thinks about her and loves her and wants her back. And Belly is in the mindset she was in in the 2nd book where she still loves him but doesn't want to & is tempted to go back to him but feels like she has to prove a point to herself and everyone else that she is over him and doesn't need him. I also think she spent so long being in love with him with everyone knowing & teasing her about it and it made her feel like it was the child like and immature thing to be with him, so she wants to show that she has "outgrown" him, and she's not a dumb 13 year old kid with a crush anymore.

I think Conrad probably did think the ring toss girl was cute, he was a 14 year old boy so you can't really fault him for being a little interested in her and hanging out with her, and also Belly got upset and he probably didn't understand that he had inadvertently hurt her feelings. He wanted to win her the bear he knew she had been wanting and make her happy, and it backfired (Which probably fed his anxiety and feelings of not being worthy and always fucking up and disappointing people but especially Belly). I think that moment would have been different if Belly had stayed there while he was trying to win her the bear- she made an assumption to start out and ran away without ever actually knowing what really happened (kind of like the prom moment). I think the fact that Conrad still remembered and thought about winning her Junior Mint even 8-9 years later kind of says it all. And the way he boops Junior Mint in the show in season 1...that man knows it was never about the ring toss girl.

Also it just occurred to me that maybe he had spent time noticing the ring toss girl because he had already spent a lot of time noticing Belly go to the ring toss and staring at the polar bears and also maybe he had already spent time trying to win Belly the bear during that summer. ok I'm gonna go cry because that makes it SO MUCH SWEETER.

#tsitp #tsitp season 2 #the summer i turned pretty #it's not summer without you #belly conklin #conrad fisher #belly x conrad #bonrad #bellyconrad #ask

[bewilderedbuck]

having devi vs. david thoughts about season 4; particularly which one we will hear first and why - this is just spec, ofc, but i can't stop thinking about it, so...

i think we're going to get a "devi" before we get a "david" this season, and i think it's going to be spoken directly to devi - as opposed to most times when ben refers to her as "devi" only when he's around other people. right now i'm just looking at 2 particular scenes in the trailer that i think the first "devi" could be from:

immediately post-boink. i don't have a screenshot for this one, bc they didn't give us ben's reaction to devi immediately bolting (which i'm thankful for, bc i really want to wait to see his reaction!) but i can see him saying "devi, wait" or something along those lines. i'm not totally sold on this one, honestly, but the thought's there.

the other scenario - and the most believable to me, from what we've seen so far - is immediately after devi sees margot kiss ben and confronts him. we can see they have a bit of a....i wouldn't call it a fight, but fight-adjacent, and from the looks of the trailer it doesn't seem like it gets too heated, but....

ben looks hurt and confused which - is so good (obv not for him but like - i live for the drama, whatever, it's just good entertainment). i don't know exactly how this would go, but i know how i want it to go: after ben tells her he thought it was a one time thing, devi tries defending herself, and he says "devi, you left," to parallel this fucking amazing scene from 2x04:

(cue everybody moved on i stayed there dust collected- yeah it's been almost 2 years and i still haven't gotten over this scene. jaren lewison the actor that you are.)

i could be completely off-base here. the first "devi" could be neither of those of course, and hell we might even get a "david" first instead. and while 3 seasons isnt enough to establish a pattern just yet, i'm hoping that after 4 seasons we can. see below:

season 1, we get a "david" first:

season 2, it's a "devi":

season 3, we're back to "david":

i'm hoping they continue the back-and-forth trend of this first devi vs david in the final season - idk! i like patterns! i like repetition! and like, his choice of which one to refer to her by first each season shows the status of their relationship:

season 1, "david," that playground nickname that's used to antagonize her (even if it doesn't work), showing their immature animosity for each other

season 2, "devi" to show her he's serious, he wants her to be his girlfriend, he doesn't want to hurt her, or annoy her, or make her feel less-than anymore - he's all in!!!!!!

season 3, "david," now evolved from an immature nickname almost into a term of endearment, a mark of friendship.

i just think a "devi" in the beginning of season 4 would be a great way to show the status of their relationship with each other; he can't use "david" because "david" has turned fond. so using "devi" would feel like - like a level of separation between them, if that makes sense? to make this whole interaction between them less...familiar. less safe, i guess. to show her he's hurt and confused, confused as to why she left and confused as to why she's the angry one when she made him feel like it was a one-time thing - using her name and his tone of voice to convey, "you walked out on me, you ghosted me, you made me feel like it wasn't special, like what we had wasn't special." i want devi to see the consequences of her leaving in his eyes and hear it in his voice - he's not angry like he was in season 2, hell, maybe he's not even totally heartbroken over this, but he's still hurt, you know?

(and again like i've said before - i'm not totally, solely blaming devi for what happened here - we still don't have enough facts, so as far as i'm concerned right now, the miscommunication [and like, total lack of] is both of their faults in my eyes, at least until s4 paints the whole story for us.)

#this feels like it makes no sense to me but i just cannot stop Thinking about that possible parallel ok it would just be. so fucking good #devi vs david #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #benvi #nhie #never have i ever #nhie s4 spec #s.txt

[heniareth]

There's a line where Zevran says:

"Don't worry, my sweet lady. I never asked you for anything, did I?"

And I just. There's a lot in there.

It's the immediate distance he puts between himself and the Warden. "I never asked. I merely offered. It was you who accepted, you who wanted. And it was you who put an end to something that was solely one-sided." Except that's not how relationships work and you know it, Zevran!

It's the hiding of what he wants. He never asked, he only offered what somebody else wanted. It's the people pleasing to be kept alive and well, yes, but it's also the hiding of his own motives and desires. Nobody will know what he wants. Nobody will be able to hold it over his head and make him scramble and beg for it. Nobody will blackmail him. He will have his pride and the opportunity to level an accusatory look in your direction if you mistreat him. What is given or withheld is entirely your fault and he gets to walk away with his head held high because he never asked. He let you do as you wanted and the only one whose character was revealed in this exchange was yours.

It is also, however (this mask has three layers as every good thing does) the hiding of his own desires from himself. He didn't ask for anything, he didn't want anything, didn't think it might be nice, didn't look at the way the Warden acted with close friends and had to turn and choke down the stirring of envy, no, he never asked for anything because he never wanted anything. If you do not want anything you can't be disappointed, after all.

And can you blame him? They took away his gloves. He constantly had to find his own pleasure and happiness because nobody else would give it to him freely (except maybe Rinna and he killed her). It's no wonder what he wants is not even a question he bother to answer anymore because it won't change a thing! It will only hurt when he doesn't get it. He doesn't want anything. Nothing good ever came out of wanting (or loving for that matter).

That line I think comes up if your character chooses another LI over Zevran in his jealousy dialogue, and it's funny bc he later asks if you may at least remain friends. He does want. There's just no way he'll admit it, to others or to himself. He's shrouded himself in apathy and you can hear it in his voice when he talks to Howe and Loghain, when his approval is low (but doesn't descend into hostility), when he's bargaining with you for his life after his failed ambush, in the first few conversations when talking about the Crows. He's so numb and then he's so careful to not get ripped to shreds again and it's so satisfying to see that numbness gradually fading away

#zevran #zevran arainai #zevran meta #dragon age #dao #dragon age origins #this man gives me feelings #apathy

[ammonitetheseaserpent]

AAAAAAAA I NEED TO TALK ABT THE NEW EP-

I didn’t think the ep would give me something to talk about so quickly (I’m only just putting this post out now bc I had to get my thoughts in order) but this episode gave the Collector a whole new layer to their character and aaaaaaa I need to talk about it! They’ve further expanded this character’s status as a foil to both King (via the new Collector species) and Luz (via the Collector reliving her adventures as well as his use of character-trope-y terms when describing Eda). They’ve got DUALITY just like I’ve been sayiiinnnng! And we can finally see more of what Dana meant when she called him morally grey!

First of all, the Collector is ah. very messed up - no fault of their own, though. He’s a god raised by a collective who (from what can be gleaned from this ep) view and treat mortals more like servants or items than people. Then he was under the thrall of Belos - and while he clearly wasn’t solely responsible for twisting the Collector’s morals, it definitely couldn’t have helped to be around someone who didn’t view anyone currently around him as people.

Now though, through their interactions w/ their first good influence in King, we see the more “good” aspects of them shining through - ones that kinda conflict with what they were taught. On one hand, they’re oblivious to the level of fear they cause, but on the other, he’s vehemently opposed to the idea of actually hurting people (Titans at the very least). On one hand, he has no qualms about and sees no issue with turning people into living puppets, but on the other, their interactions with François tell us that he does have some sense of boundaries. Granted, there’s a high likelihood that, where they are right now, he’d only be this caring and considerate to Titans (who are only like. a few steps below the Collectors), but the capacity’s still there.

The biggest difference between him and the rest of their kind, though, is that he’s a child - a deeply traumatized child. We don’t know much about what they’ve been through (yet), but it’s clearly left one hell of a mark. I’d also like to refer to a previous post, where I mentioned that them being a child/having that sense of malleability and innocence is a double-edged sword. It’s the thing that means they see (almost) no issue with how the others taught him to think and act - but it also might be the thing that allows him room for their mind to be changed, for him to be shown the error of their ways and what they’ve been taught. And I really want to see how that plays out - how those little good-aspect-seeds might grow, how he might grow because gggrrrggggrfhgf they’re such an inTERESTING CHARACTER-

#the owl house #the owl house season 3 #toh season 3 #toh the collector #the collector toh #the collector #toh king #king clawthorne #toh belos #emperor belos #belos wittebane #toh for the future #for the future #toh analysis #random snippets of my day

[spontaneouselfcombustion]

It’s very weird thinking about how things like míriel just Giving Up and dying is essentially???? Kinda???? Like??? Elf suicide???? Like she dies of her own will and volition. She even does it after a traumatic event (bc a childbirth that intense and medically effecting does count), in a state similar postpartum depression? Like she’s so unable to keep going she just Doesn’t. And it’s the first time that’s ever happened. And even living in the halls of mandos and just Vibing doesn’t help soothe and restore her. Even when she finally DOES reembody she says close to the dead and the goddess of sadness like damn, my girl is really going through it and elves never invented psychology so rip.

And just— when you put it like that. Finwë wife killed herself in paradise. She couldn’t continue and she chose to not be alive anymore. No one has ever done this (yet— I’m lookin at you thousands of elves about to get tortured n shit B) ). He’s got a wee baby to care for his wife just effectively committed suicide and he has no support because no one fucking knows what to do with this. It’s never happened before there’s no protocol for this. And she won’t come back. it’s not just that she can’t like with humans it’s that she’s choosing not to. It’s cruel to put it this way but she’s actively abandoning her husband and baby who love and need her. It’s not her intention and in many ways it’s something she can’t help but it doesn’t change that it’s going to feel like that for them. So finwë is just left totally bereft and isolated and pours everything into fëanor until the loneliness is so unbearable he asks to be able to remarry because he can’t take the sorrow and isolation anymore.

And then for fëanor man— she’s not just gone she chose to be gone and he did that to her. That’s so damaging to a growing child. Like it’s not totally true and míriel would never blame him but when you look solely at the facts— míriel is Fine, míriel has fëanor, míriel is so Not Fine she chooses to pass on. It’s going to eat at him. And again since this has never happened before and finwë doesn’t even have the experience of raising any other children to rely on for some of it none of it gets addressed really. Fëanor and finwë become intensely enmeshed and codependent because they’re the only two elves in all existence at this point who can comprehend this kinda is suffering and trauma. And OFC fëanor hates his stepmom and half brothers. It’s CLASSIC we can all look at fëanor and see like, the standard template of every kid struggling with changes to the family dynamic after a parent’s death or a divorce. It’s just no one here has HAD a parent die like this OR had a divorce. So once again no one actually knows what the fuck they’re looking at or what to do with it and so it festers.

I feel like if you wanted to you could sit down and trace basically everything bonkers fëanor does beck to míriel’s suicide and the subsequent events and dynamics it creates after. And not in a “it’s all míriel’s fault for being so weak and not just toughing it out blah blah blah kinda way” but just that all of this was so damaging, scarring, mismanaged, poorly thought thru on all sides, and just massively impactful even outside of their house (like they made a LAW bc of it, it’s the FIRST TIME these events have ever occurred, some might not have even thought what míriel did was POSSIBLE — at least on an emotional level) that OF COURSE it effects all his actions and choices. You could probably look at things like the kinslaying and find some shadow of míriel’s effects on him there.

Like okay— lemme just do just that in a very odd the cuff manner, just off the dome. No matter what finwë might’ve said fëanor had likely lived his entire life with at least a small part of him believing he is Bad and Entirely Dangerous/Evil. It’s the child logic of “it hurt my mommy to have me, she didn’t want to live because of it. I must be bad to have hurt my mommy so bad. She must not have loved me enough or at all because she wanted to be dead, she didn’t want to raise me. She must have known I’d only hurt her more because I’m so bad. Maybe she hated me because I hurt her so much she felt she had to die”.

Like— unless the gateway is wrong or I’m worse at math and reading than I thought— she dies when he’s around a year old. So he never got to meet her. He only has the facts and whatever flavor people put on it when they talk about her/what happened. He only has the facts of it and no real knowledge of her as a person to help inform why this would happen and maybe help him understand her and find a smidge of peace or release from that self loathing. He only has the idealized stories his father tells him about her (and you know finwë’s stories of her are all soooo glowing bc he’s in his own grief too) which can make him both love her as this Concept of a Perfect Mother who’d Love Him Forever and also make him feel Worse bc He Killed Her/Made Her Want To Die.

It doesn’t matter that fëanor is an adult with kids when finwë remarries— it’s going to absolutely obliterate his precarious mental health. And his new stepmom and half-brothers are all like nice, charming, well liked good people. Fëanor is not. He’s respected and admired but not as universally well liked as his brothers, he’s absolutely a personality you gotta have a taste for. It just hammers in for him the idea that something IS wrong with him. He was Not Enough for his father of his mother. Finwë went off to have more sons and that’s Proof. And it just Spirals from there for years as fëanor’s issues never really get addressed and the relationships spur and strain.

By the time his father his murdered and his silmarils stolen he’s 1) obviously out of his gourd with grief and rage and 2) probably going to find it easier to be The Bad One. Sometimes it’s just easier to lean into thinking you’re bad or evil or cruel. It feels like owning what people put on you or putting on an armor. And he can also tell himself that he’s avenging his father as his true son and being the bravest and strongest of his brothers, doing all the things they’re too weak to do. He’s already Bad anyway so why not be Bad and use that Badness to mow through every obstacle between him and the REAL enemy everyone else is too weak and cowardly to deal with? They should’ve just given him the boats. It’s not his problem they were fools. Didn’t anyone tell them he’s just as adept at destroying as he is making?

Like— I feel like there’s holes in that example and malformed bits but it’s literally just what I came up with on the spot to kinda prove my point. Míriel’s death, the nature of it and the repercussions on her family and elf society are just bonkers. If you want to sit down, think about them and map them out you can find the shadow of them everywhere without having to really get into any bullshitting or reaching.

#meta #silmarillion #feanor #finwe #miriel #feanorians #I kinda wanna go over this and reread/edit it but the app has crashed TWICE while I wrote this so I’m not taking chances #I’ve been listening to a guy talk about a book about a child who struggles with attachment bond creation and yes that did influence this #Fëanor really is the Most Specialist Elf Ever he literally invented childhood trauma and ofc was Super Intense About It #suicide tw #suicide mention

[golbrocklovely]

You know what I find really sad is every time I’ve heard Colby mention his ex and what happened with her I can’t help but think he sounds like a genuinely good boyfriend, at least from the way he describes his behavior with her. I remember watching that Q&A he did a couple years ago and I noticed that he consistently talked about his actions during their time together in a negative light but all I could think was he just sounded like a really normal, caring, attentive boyfriend. Wanting to be with your partner all the time is normal at that stage of a relationship, especially if you’re really into them. Wanting to take care of and be there for them is normal.

Was he overbearing? Perhaps a little, especially if he maybe wasn’t listening to what her needs might have been, we don’t know the exact situation but so many women would absolutely love a guy that is that crazy about them and it breaks me heart a bit that he seems to now think those particular actions/behaviors were why the relationship failed, especially cause he seems to think she did nothing wrong (at least from the way he’s talked about it), at the very least it definitely seems like she was not communicating with him very well. It just sounds like she personally didn’t need or like those types of qualities in a relationship, especially if she wasn’t feeling it as much as he was but so many women would absolutely adore a guy like that. I just find it really sad that that relationship seems to have hurt him so much that it he might still be holding back on what feels normal for him to do in a relationship because he thinks the reason it ended was completely his fault due to those actions.

And from what he’s said, I would bet money on him having Quality Time as his primary love language and trust me, as someone who has quality time as theirs, it can come off as extremely overbearing if it’s not how the other person receives love cause just being around that person, making time specifically for that person is how you show you care and them wanting to be around you and making time for you is how you feel cared for in return. Him being upset with her seemingly pulling away or cancelling shit on him is consistent with something that would deeply hurt someone with this love language.

i will say the one thing i find interesting about colby talking about his ex is that he never really says anything bad about her. it's always that he did something, that he was too much. most ppl when they talk about their exes always go for "well they were bad for X, Y, and Z reason" and then maybe later get into their own faults.

now idk if he does this bc he himself thinks she did nothing wrong and he was the bad one, or if it's more of a self-realization that maybe he was the problem to some extent, or if it was the third lovely option of self esteem issues and he blames himself solely. who knows the true answer but colby.

nonetheless, i do think to some degree colby definitely was clingy and overbearing, even if she wasn't either telling him to calm down or that she needed a bit of space. every relation, no matter what, takes two to tango. but the tango in this case is the break up. so while she had her issues, so did he.

but i do feel bad for him regardless. to not have your love reciprocated is really hard. and it hurts to feel like you're not being seen or supported. i get that deeply.

all of my loves have been one sided so i know how much pain that causes and how much it holds you back when you want to get up again. it takes a lot of effort to move forward, so to some degree i get why he hasn't really gone back out there. plus, if he's not ready for a relationship, getting into one ain't gonna help.

i just hope that when he does feel that spark again, he doesn't hold himself back. everyone deserves to feel love.

#ask #personal #colby brock #cb ll

[bullagit]

my friend you are so refined. nice to see posts appreciating stede every once in awhile lol love to clown on the dude but i also feel like the fandom has pushed me into full apologist mode too. like yes he’s wack he has problems but i am also so bored of reading the same takes over and over about why he needs to castigate himself for absolution or be responsible for the actions of other adult human beings lol. ik this is kinda spicy lol but just wanted to let u know ur appreciated

its always rad to know you're not alone in these takes!! i dont consider it spicy at all i think it's completely valid tbh. this got way longer than i planned hold on if u want the tldr its that you are right

anyway at this point im gonna stop even doing the like, "i know stede [xyz about flaw or mistake he made]" preface when i type up meta, unless i'm posting specifically about his flaws or mistakes. 🤷

especially if what i'm writing is about ways stede has been legit wronged, or how parts of fandom only seem to invoke historical accuracy/paying attention to very specific minutiae when it's done in a way that makes stede come across as way more self-aware and self-important than he is in any canon capacity lol. i get tired of meta and interpretations where everything bad that happens in stede's relationships is solely on him, and reconciling is solely on him, and maintaining is solely on him!

these characters are all flawed human beings who bring their baggage to relationships. all of them. and those relationships are two-way streets, from the issues to the repairs. and it's unfair to see it whittled down to like... thoughtful fleshed-out considerations of ed and mary and their circumstances/points of view and how that contributes to their actions, occasionally to the point where even THEIR missteps are suddenly recontextualized to be technically stede's fault. while stede gets surface-level bad faith takes that ignore the context of his actions and the history he has that contributes to his issues. they've all done things that were hurtful, they've all done things they need to work through.

like. just because mary says stede left his family on a whim doesn't mean that's literally what he did! we know full well it wasn't some idle whim he had. the thing is, demonstrably, she and stede do not really know or understand each other. to HER understanding, it was a whim. to stede it was fumbling for hold of a lifeline after a lifetime of slowly drowning. and it doesn't make it less of a terrible thing that he left his family without a word in the night. and it doesn't make it less of a terrible thing that she literally tried to murder him without a word in the night. in the same way that just because they were able to come to an understanding at the very end of the season, it doesn't mean that they could have magically had a satisfying life together If Stede Had Only Been More Open Sooner.

and just because stede did something that broke ed's heart doesn't mean it's stede's fault that ed, a 40+ year old man, attempted the murder of people he knows stede cares about. in the same way that while izzy pushed ed’s buttons and was generally fucking awful to ed in the aftermath, it was ultimately still a choice that ed made to maroon the crew and literally throw lucius overboard!

(and like, i think there's a lot to be said about the fact that if stede had straight-up been intercepted more permanently in some way, if he'd not shown up bc he was hurt/killed/captured/etc, ed's assumptions-- the fact that he at no point seemed to consider that something could have gone wrong with their little plan-- and ultimate awful reactions would have played out the same way. i think there's a lot to be said about the fact that he historically seems to have trouble picking up on stede's issues; being so in love with the whole forest that he tends not to pick up on the state of the individual trees that form it, etc.

but god that's a whole thing i don't even have energy for that rn)

[sweethome-silly-thoughts]

✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯≫ Lee Eun-Hyeok/Lee Eun-Yoo

\Canon, No Monster AU, idk tbh a mix of both just speaking about random things here/

-❀•≫ My favorite siblings....no they really are along with Ikki and Shun from Saint Seiya but that's not the subject here. The THEM™. I have so many things to say about them

-❀•≫ First of all, we don't really know how they were BEFORE their parents's death, which doesn't help me set a developpement knowing if they relation was smoother before 😭 I like to believe they were pretty much the same but with a more stable and normal sibs dynamic, Eun-Yoo being less agressive etc

-❀•≫ They both love each other...so much. They really do, it's insane. Most of their love language goes through gestures (repairing the broken glasses, giving a shirt) since they suck about saying vocally how they feel about each other.

-❀•≫ Eun-Yoo feels mostly angry at HERSELF, because she feels like she's the one at fault for the death of their parents. She 'stole' Eun-Hyeok's family, a new family he was supposed to get and can't forgive herself for this. Seeing Eun-Hyeok being kind with her, offering him things, is truly hard for her.

-❀•≫ Her affection for him is paradoxal, because basically, she loves him. But seeing someone she loves getting his new family destroyed because of her being still nice with her HURTS her too. Because everytime he's being nice, she remembers how she destroyed everything for him, and due to that, for her, she doesn't really deserve his love. She's basically rude with him BECAUSE she loves him. She kept the shirt he gave her and put it on after she got out of his sight for example

-❀•≫ I believe they need to talk about all of this, about how bad Eun-Yoo really feels instead of bottling everything up, and Eun-Hyeok also needs to be a bit more. Open and less 'cold' ? 😭 Their main issue is being absolute mess of human beings with little to no real dialogue and they need to SPEAK ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS. Eun-Yoo fixing her bro's glasses was nice, him bandaging her ankle was nice, this scene made me cry a little, but it's not. ENOUGH. For them to have a healthier dynamic 😢

-❀•≫ I'll just finish with something I'm deeply annoyed with, the strong hatred for Eun-Yoo in this fandom. Nobody forces you to like her, of course, but treating her like she has done multiple murders and atrocities while she's literally a TRAUMATIZED TEEN just rubs me the wrong way, she doesn't deserve the hate some people throw at her I swear to god 💀 not asking to love her, but to stop saying dumb shit and try to understand her a little bit. She's one of the most interesting characters on this show, her dynamic with her brother is SO good and interesting but guess she's just an annoying teen okay

-❀•≫ One day maybe I'll do a wall of text solely based on Eun-Yoo bc I think she's great and deserves more love 🙏

#sweet home #no monsters au #lee eun hyeok #lee eun yoo #i'm even more annoyed when I see so many people shitting on Eun-Yoo to end up shipping stuff like Hyun-Su and Eun-Hyeok ?? like. #Eun-Hyeok was even MORE of an asshole with everyone but since he's a hot guy I guess he's fine !!! #let's ship him with the guy he used like a tool for 8 whole eps !! #i don't actually LIKE Eun-Yoo x Hyun-Su it's a huge discomfort for lot of reasons #but their friendship and dynamic is so much healthier than Eun-Hyeok and Hyun-Su I don't get it #anyway this fandom hates on eun-yoo way too much #Eun-Yoo haters you're not welcome here /hj #spoilers #Lee sibs

[sloppysmooches]

82023

i hate how change stresses me out so much, also just little things recently have been irking me. we kicked our drummer out of the band yesterday and it feels really strange, for me it was a little unexpected like timeline wise but it needed to be done he just wasnt taking it as seriously as me and everyone else and his morals are skewed as fuck. im excited for our new direction though, i really am manifesting being the like sole singer and us getting another drummer and then the lead guitarist being on bass because i just really want to shine vocally and its hard when im still a beginner on bass.

ive been thinking about my friendships a lot recently and more and more its hard to feel like i have a best friend anymore. its partially my fault for holding resentment against her and just letting it fester but im sure if i bring it up shes gonna whip out her best arguing skills which i have none of and make me feel not so valid. i was telling her i was stressed out about our show last night bc at the time i didnt know how i was gonna get home and i was really hoping she’d offer me a ride because in less than a heartbeat id do it for her but all she said was be careful out there text me updates which was nice i guess but idk i was expecting more.

it hurts so bad because in all my friendships regardless of how long ive met them if i feel a strong connection id die for them and no one feels that way for me except maybe one person but also idk if she’s genuine. maybe it’s because i have trust issues or quiet bpd lol.

i always feel like pushing everyone away and disappearing for a year like serena on gossip girl but that isnt very realistic. it just sucks because in friendships i bring so much to the table and no one seems to care as much as i do.

even on my friendiversary with my best friend she didnt seem to care, id ask so many questions about our friendship like favorite moments and stuff like that and her response is always idk. another thing that i hold on to is how on her 21 birthday i was like lets all say our fave things about her and when i said mine she just smiled but when our other friend whose her other bff basically said the same thing as me she screamed and jumped across the table to hug her and it felt idk degrading idk if thats the right word.

i think ill just do what im best at slowly pulling away. its so painful when she says shell always be there for me but if i send a text saying explicitly that im struggling she skips right over it and changes the topic. she wont even cuddle with me which isnt the hugest deal among everything obviously but it’s important to me and she seems grossed out whenever i even touch her hand yet shes so touchy with everyone else.

quick topic switch, i have a call back for a job on tuesday, hopefully they actually call me. my dads been so evil about the band and me not going to school or being employed but its a discussion we have so so so often and he never listens to me and hes never proud of me, all he gives a fuck about is himself and his wife and she doesnt even know the extent of his real personality in my opinion. but im manifesting this job bc its so close and i like the atmosphere and its heavy on selling merchandise and i can work on being more talkative to the public so idk itd be cool i guess.

sorry this entry is so fuckin long omg

[eevyerndracaneon]

Hey, I don't mean to intrude or anything, being a stranger on the internet and all. Don't feel the need to answer this ask or anything but, I just hope you can hear me out and maybe something I say can help a bit... I've seen some of your posts today, I'm sorry you're going through the ringer. I've got a good couple of friends who deal with the very similar struggles and whatnot, so I just wanted to say pretty much what I always tell them regarding some of what you're feeling. I dunno your specific situation, and I know a lot of things are way more difficult to just outright fix than some people will say it is, so I'll keep this more general. And some of what I will say you might already know, but I feel they bear repeating. First off, your worth as a person is not tied to your ability to make money, or work a job or anything like that. You are a person, and that makes you valuable. No person or thing can ever take that from you. Second, never feel bad about wanting to interact with your friends and loved ones. Even if you're in a bad mood, I'm sure they'd love to spend time with you. Social needs are just as important as any other need, so do not feel guilty of them, and don't hole yourself up if that's not what you need right now. A friend of mine (and I do also to an extent) does this all the time and after they always reflect that it only hurt them.

Third, I'm sorry about whatever issues you're dealing with, with family or otherwise, I know how difficult that can be. There are no easy solutions, but, like, you just gotta keep carrying on, you know? Even if there's no option out today, there might be one down the road. On a lighter note, I think your art style is charming! I think you could get some commission work if that's something you wanted to do, it's less on your skill and more on confidence and a bit of luck, I think. Even if today sucks, it doesn't define you tomorrow and not all days will be like this. None of what you're going through defines you or your worth as a person. You've got this, and your friends and loved ones have your back. Keep on being you, A concerned stranger

ah right i did vent really hard on here huh, thanks for sending this out-

i've been vague overall with my posts bc im just going thru it today so some of what you've said doesn't apply but i can't fault you for it, since i didn't rly explain anything

i've tried for a few years now to have art as a job that i could maybe help pay for rent with if i ever moved out, but i just didn't get enough comms to even get to that point. u-u i'd LOVE to just draw for money but it just didn't rly work out the way i expected. maybe i'll give it another shot, i dunno (I'd have to increase my prices again for 2023....)

the house i live in rn is the one belonging to my partner's family. so i live with my partner. my boyfriend is long distance (i'm polyam if that hasn't come across with some of my posts) and i desperately wish i could live with him as well. my partner's family is amiable, but not exactly super friendly or welcoming. especially not if i was openly trans. (they have a trans daughter but refuse to treat her with respect so she cut herself out of their life years ago) my life is kinda trapped in my partner's room, in a corner, so i really don't feel like i have a home. it sucks, but at least im surviving and have a roof over my head and food to eat and warmth in the cold and cool in the heat.

you're completely right on the social front. i think a lot of us forget this. my boyfriend and a friend of mine both reached out to me an hour or so ago bc they were worried abt how i wasnt around like, at all, and i basically got the same thing from them. "its okay to be around, we can try cheering you up"

and finally the big one. i understand capitalism is trash for making us all think we need to make money to deserve life. i hate that i need to make money to be able to live on my own. luckily im not sitting here thinking im worthless solely bc i cant get a job or make money. but i need money to get a place to live in on my own, apartments need rent, houses need mortgage payments, and then food and bills and all that crap. i need a job for that to get pulled off. and i've been trying to get a job! i've been applying to places since the beginning of december! but no place has accepted me. i've gotten like three interviews. nothing else. its just really infuriating. all of my friends, even my boyfriend, are getting new opportunities, new places to live, new goals new motivations new everything. and im just kinda stuck.

today was really hard. all of these feelings welled up over the past half a year and i think just finally crushed me into the dirt today.

so its just kind of a sad day. im doing what i can now to make it better even if only by a little bit. but oof.

thank you anon for popping in and checking up on me, it means a lot <3

[traincat]

I made the mistake of checking the replies on one of your re-tweets about the Lizard and Shed, even though I was warned people got weird in the replies, and I can't believe that in the year 2021, people are still defending Shed as a great story arc, or excusing it by being like, 'But he has a new kid now!' and 'Oh, so you're mad a villain did villainous things, huh?', like, what part of Shed being a horrible storyline that crossed a line that shouldn't have been written, and makes the character irredeemable do people not get? And I say that a someone who's been a big Lizard fan since long before it happened, but I can't enjoy the character anymore bc of it, and I feel like the discourse around him has gotten so much worse since NWH bc of the MCU stans tbh

Oh man I'm so sorry, I think @splendidnothings the OP muted that and so did I because people were just getting really weird about a story that involves semi-graphic child cannibalism. Which is I guess now that I say it pretty par for the course for Twitter. Like I said in one of my tweets, it's a really complicated situation because I would probably still say the Lizard is one of my favorite Spider-Man villains based solely on pre-Shed content, but post-Shed I think it's impossible to feature any sort of redemption of the character without heavily damaging the actual fabric of Spider-Man as a series, which is unfortunately what has happened.

For those who haven't read it (and given the contents of the storyline may understandably not want to), Shed (ASM #630-633) is a storyline where the Curt Connors succumbs to the Lizard who, in an act of trying to fully sublimate the Connors persona, hunts down Connors' young son Billy and kills him. It is strongly implied he eats at least part of the body, and Peter is aware of this. It's a deeply and purposefully unpleasant storyline that's part of an overarching arc dedicated to trying to crush Peter's spirit in the lead up to Grim Hunt (ASM #634-637), and so I understand why, narratively, Shed made the choices it did, even if I don't agree with them. I like grim and dark Spider-Man stories, but Shed is so utterly hopeless that even I think it's a step too far. And I think where Spider-Man as a series really falls down a well is not actually Shed, but its handling of the Lizard significantly after Shed.

To make a point clear, I think the Lizard has pretty often been a not particularly subtle metaphor for domestic abuse in Spider-Man comics. Not since his inception, but at least for the past few decades. If you look at his interactions with his wife Martha and his son Billy, even though they love him and he loves them, they're forced to live in semi-constant fear that this horrible persona will arise out of the family patriarch to cause them emotional pain and very possibly hurt or kill them. (Which is ultimately what happens with Billy.) I don't think this particular subtext was new to Shed. I think if we wanted to make an argument, you could say that almost all of Spider-Man is about some form or other of abuse, and that's what sets Peter apart from his villains is that he has the same power to inflict abuse but consciously chooses not to, and that this is a very large part of the concept of power and responsibility. If we look at it in this light, a lot of Peter's dynamics with his villains take on a funhouse mirror effect: Norman is corrupted by money and abusive to his family, whereas Peter refuses that corrupting influence and is not an abusive man. Doc Ock uses his intellect to inflict abuse, whereas Peter does not. Curt Connors' dual persona causes his family to live in fear, etc.

(ASM #365)

"I could persuade myself that nothing I did was my fault. (...) I would have killed [Billy] to prevent you from having him." (Spectacular Spider-Man v2 #13) This is a retroactively really interesting story because in a way it does predict Shed and how Connors is unable to let his better nature truly prevail.

Post-Shed, things with the Lizard are weird, because very realistically Peter should despise Curt Connors. I think if there's any integrity in the depiction of Peter Parker as a character, the Lizard killing his child is not something he should be able, under any circumstances, to forgive. To quote John Mulaney, to do otherwise is to present a version of Peter Parker with the ethical backbone of a chocolate eclair. It essentially renders everything he should stand for garbage. Which is exactly what Spencer's run did when it essentially said that everything is okay now because the Lizard feels super bad about what he did (EATING HIS KID) and also he has a brand new clone version of his son who is alive so it's like he never actually killed the original at all. And did we mention he feels super bad about it. Like just so bad. He's teaching ethics now. The Venture Bros has significantly more subtlety than this. And it drives me completely crazy whenever I think about it because it just demonstrates this insane need to uplift the status quo where you can never have consequences for anything, even a character eating his kid, and the very fiber of Spider-Man's storytelling depends on there being consequences for people's actions. The ultimate crime here isn't having the Lizard eat his kid, but in pretending that once you do that that the character can easily be forgiven for it as long as he demonstrates regret, and we see echoes of this all through Spencer's run, in particular the Goodening of Norman Osborn, who just feels like super bad about all that stuff he did, including apparently selling his son's soul to the devil.

And like I know a lot of movie fans have no way of knowing this and that when you put the Lizard in No Way Home, compared to the Green Goblin especially he just seems like kind of a funny little guy who wanted to turn everyone into lizards, and I'm not even gonna pretend like you can have a nuanced conversation about TASM on twitter, but it creates this weird gap in conversation between fans of different continuities, especially because (and I'm speaking in general and not in specific to the tweet that Linds initially quotetweeted) a lot of movie fans will invoke some amount of comics canon as a way to back up their opinions, and a lot of these times these pieces just don't fit or they lack additional context which is fair because there is a lot of comic canon, but we end up in these situations where people are like "well villains are bad people so of course they eat their children." COMIC BOOK FANDOM.

#curt connors #traincat talks comics #*replies

[lookotherway]

I think what confuses me about my hero is that bullying and abuse are taken very seriously in the story but somehow kidnapping/murder/terrorism/etc. are not? There’s no emotional impact for the victims who die or suffer from lov unlike there is to deku getting bullied or rei and shouto being abused. Not even shouto cares that he’s almost murdered. The closest we get is the families of dabi’s victims speaking out but we never get to see it. I really wonder why.

i guess because the author set it up that if kidnapping, murder or terrorism occurred and there're innocent dead, it would be the authorities' fault, or specifiedly in this case, the Pro Heroes' fault; and focuses solely on it.

my friend once told me this: A stain on white shirt is more eye-catching than a stain on black shirt. if killer, kidnapper, terrorist do their job successfully, it would be the heroes' fault for not fast enough or not careful enough, not good enough; as we've seen in Bakugo's kidnapping arc. it's funny how Tomura pointed it out in this arc then some arcs later he actively blames the entire Hero industry for unfortunate things happened to the villains. a city was destroyed when LOV battled Meta Liberation Army, resutled as the media praising brave civilians yet concerning about the Heroes’ irresponsibility for letting that disaster occured. another disaster, Paranormal Liberation arc, civilians once again condemn the Heroes.

they bullied and abused someone in the past, yes, their fault. but disasters? still because of them. it's always a Hero's fault for not being ‘hero’ enough.

things like that happen in real life too, so i guess Horikoshi just tries to make his manga more real? he’s good at writing realistic details, like how the children’s behaviors reflect their upbringings. but then he also wants the villains to be kind of right in their reason so he has to squash the hero side lower so readers would feel less possitive about them.

on this instance, i don't like Stain's ideal (i kind of ok with his character, but not his ideal) because such ideal dehumanizes Pro Heroes, that Heroes have to be strong to stand against any trauma, have to be perfect from inside out and outside in, have to have a 200% success rate, have to be mary sue and gary stu, be power machines because only senseless machines that won't possess a slightlest thought about themselves while working for human. that kind of ideal is ‘everything-or-nothing’ kind of ideal and it’s very dysfunctional.

and the thing is: even without Stain, a similar mindset already transpired among the Heroes. Nana sent her son away and fought a suicide battle. Aizawa went solo against dozen villains because behind him is his students. Endeavor told Bakugou “if you aren’t fast enough, what lost is someone’s life.” and was hurt to the point he almost dropped his career only to get up again because people need him. Hawks accepted a long and dangerous mission for a better chance, almost wingless, heavily injured but still running around like the fast chicken he’s bc the world is in chaos while he’s sleeping. Best Jeanist be like “hey you killed me and i just died for like, half a year, but it’s ok i’m up!” and coming straight to the battle while his body felt like a disstressed denim. 

there are heroes, albeit not entirely and loudmouthedly, whose existence revolving around the safety of the ones-to-be-protected, even if each of them performs it in different way and different form, surpassed their own limits and gave up many things they have every right not to, then passed it to their successors. that’s what ‘hero’ means, to give, to sacrifice. the only difference is some of them do ask for something back instead of all giving.

it’s just that All Might took such mindset to another level, became the absolute standard of Hero, then Stain took it to a reverent level, deeming the Heroes aren’t sacrificing enough.

#bnha #anti lov #i kinda realize this answer has gone off track somewhere #horikoshi after this please just write something slice of life and seinen #you aint suit for writing politics #bnha meta #is this a meta? #ask #thank you for the ask!!!

[dramagenes]

okay, theory time!!!

so this is solely based on the description of episode 14

i guess the truck of doom got to yurim’s dad after all :(((

but what could be bad from a personal standpoint about reporting this? you would think the only thing yijin would have to do would be reporting on the accident bc it has to do with yurim. but what if it’s not that simple?

my theory is that yurim’s dad and another car hit each other and the people in the other car want to blame her dad for it. yurim’s dad is either dead or is in a critical enough condition to not be able to defend himself.

therefore, yijin, just like jaekyung, will be asked to report on the accident as if it is solely yurim’s dad’s fault as it will bring a lot of media attention that a national fencer’s family would be involved in this.

obviously, this would not sit well with the taeyang squad. but the audience knows yijin would not do this. even if it cost him his job. but maybe this isn’t clear at first to us or the rest of the taeyang squad. maybe yijin even has to contemplate it at first. this would also correlate to heedo saying in the preview “i need to give you a warning as your girlfriend.”

ultimately, because it would be very out of character for yijin to go through with something like that, he doesn’t do it. but maybe there is a misunderstanding along the way that leads the squad to believe he DID.

this would hurt them all immensely but it would also hurt yijin when he finds out that they honestly thought he could do something like that too.

this would explain how yijin and heedo would hurt each other at 20 & 24.

my theory isn’t as in depth past this point but if by any chance I’m right I would assume this is where a time jump would be implemented and the last two episodes would be baekdo finding their way back to each other and forgiving each other for the situation above.

this would be angsty, yes, and im not sure if i want this to happen or not, but I do think it would make a happy ending in the present more likely bc if the two of them were to break up in ep 14 than what is the point of the last two episodes?

again, this is only a theory and i could be completely off on what the actual storyline is but i just couldn’t find any other reason why it would be a problem for yijin to report the accident unless yurim’s dad was portrayed in a negative light.

let me know what you guys think! sorry for this getting longer than intended!

#i want to be wrong #but also what if they do something worse #i just want the taeyang squad and baekdo to be happy :((( #twenty five twenty one #2521 #show analysis #theories

[ex-terf-anti-terf]

i want to ask some genuine questions if that’s okay bc I’ve never actually encountered an actual ex-rf who was part of the community but changed their mind

1. what is your definition of ‘gender’, if you don’t understand the radfem definition, then what do you define gender as?

2. what does being non-binary mean to you? do you not think it just traps you into another binary system of being either binary or non-binary?

3. what is your response to the “genital preference” narrative that is encouraging homosexuals to “examine their genital preference”… and how is it any difference to homophobic conversion therapy rhetoric?

again this is all completely genuine, i really do want to engage in a proper conversation about this and hear your side!

Well I do answer similar questions to these in this post, but I can elaborate on some stuff I didn't say there as well!

1. Reading the definition that you gave in the notes of this post, I agree with parts and disagree with others. For me, gender is an umbrella containing gender roles, stereotypes, norms, identity, and expression, as well as both sex-based and gender-based oppressions. All of these things look different in different cultures and in different individuals. (And I can make a different post defining each of those things at some point but I'm really tired and dissociated right now so I can't at the moment, I'm sorry.)

None of these things is inherently harmful, but many of them are used in harmful ways; by the patriarchy, by trans people, and by those who oppose trans people. The important thing to note there, though, is that each of these groups weaponizes different elements of gender.

By which I mean the patriarchy, especially the main agents of the patriarchy cis men, largely push gender roles and gender norms onto others, particularly cis women. Trans people largely rely on gender stereotypes, and gender criticals attack gender identity and gender expression.

ALL of these actions are harmful, but that doesn't make any of those individual elements inherently harmful. This is something I talk about a lot in regards to fiction. If a CC creates a work of fiction, and then a person uses that work of fiction to hurt another person, that CC is not at fault for that harm. They were creating art, which everyone in the world has a right to do. The blame for the harm that was caused lies solely on the person who manipulated that piece of art.

But I'm a little off-track, sorry. The point is, gender is a lot of things, and it is different for each person experiencing it. It can be influenced by a number of other things, like neurotype, sex, orientation and attraction, race, ethnicity, and culture. And there's not really one definition that's going to fit everyone's experiences, the same way there isn't really one definition of attraction that fits everyone's experiences.

(A sidenote, but I've noticed many trans people don't particularly care about the gender aspect in and of itself, but more about how it affects their relationship to the world, especially in regards to language.)

2. I do not! This is because nonbinary doesn't mean 'not attached to either end of the binary'. In fact, it just means 'not fully attached to one end of the binary'. (The word for the first one is 'abinary', which is a subset of nonbinary.) So I am a female nonbinary woman. (I'm also genderqueer but that has a little more to do with my sexuality than my gender.)

To answer what nonbinary identity means to me, I'm gonna draw from the post I linked at the very beginning of this response.

My lesbian identity has significantly impacted my understanding of my gender. I feel more closely tied to the idea of being a lesbian than I do to any gendered term, woman or man or otherwise.

My dysphoria related to my breasts has recently spiked in intensity, and I've found that certain things are just more comfortable for me. I find womanhood to be quite welcoming and positive, and I would not separate myself wholly from it, but I have an experience of myself as something entirely other, as well.

If I could choose any body for myself, it would be entirely devoid of sex organs or secondary sex characteristics. But I would still view myself as a woman, because the connections I've made to women have shaped my understanding of myself in a very particular way.

I've seen many women (particularly radfems/GCs) talk about womanhood as if it is inherently an oppressive, miserable thing and all women hate being women. I've never felt that. And maybe that's because I don't feel like I'm just a woman, or maybe it's something else. Who knows.

I guess the best way I can describe being nonbinary is through my wants. I want to be a masculine woman and a pretty boy and a genderless cryptid Eldritch entity of unknown intent. It's about rejecting the dichotomy of man vs woman entirely and saying 'I'm just going to be what I am, and I'll call myself whatever I want to call myself, and I don't have to deal with people who won't respect me.'

Some people on both sides like to say "gender is not a feeling!" (And depending on which side they're on, they mean this in one of two very different ways.) But I disagree. Especially for trans people, gender is at least partially about feelings. We feel dysphoria. We feel euphoria. We feel connected to certain words and less connected to others. Those are all feelings.

I would say that "man" and "woman" aren't feelings, but that's because ultimately, they're just words. They are labels that were created to ascribe social categories to differences in biology, and they don't carry any real significance.

3. I'm really, really glad you asked this, because I've been meaning to talk about this anyway. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about 'genital preferences'.

First of all, people with genital preferences are not inherently transphobic. Second of all, it is blatantly homophobic to tell a person that they cannot identify as gay if they are ever attracted to someone with different genitals from the ones that they were born with. To attempt to dictate another person's LGB identity is homophobia, full stop. I won't debate this.

I honestly think both sides fuck this up a lot, I'm gonna be honest. Trans people often take it too far, and gender crits are often homophobic about it.

I often see gender criticals (in response to, say, a cis gay man dating a trans man) say that the gay person is actually bisexual, or that they shouldn't call themself gay. And I've never been okay with that, even when I was deep in radfem circles. It was one of the big turn-offs for me, actually. This is because, in my mind, labels don't exist to dictate our experiences; it's the other way around. We take labels on because they describe our experiences. So if your label is prescriptive, rather than descriptive, and you are weaponizing that against other same-sex or same-gender attracted people, I don't trust you.

(Not you specifically, harringtn, just the general 'you'.)

I also often see trans people say "if you won't date a trans person who identifies with the gender you're attracted to, you're a transphobe" and that never sits right with me either. Recently, this has been changing a bit, but a while back when I was looking in all the wrong places, I saw this constantly, and it definitely pushed me into TERFdom.

There's a middle ground there, and I think it's this; it is entirely okay and understandable to be repulsed by a certain set of genitals, especially if one is a victim of sexual assault or abuse. I think it's important to identify the reason for that preference or repulsion, doubly so if it's a result of trauma so that one can heal from the traumatic event/s, but it doesn't necessarily have to be changed.

When trans people say 'examine your genital preference' I tend to agree with the sentiment but not the wording. The wording tends to sound like 'check your privilege' which is just... not applicable. The ability to choose who one engages with sexually is not a privilege, it's a fundamental human right. If the reasoning behind it is bigoted, then the bigotry needs to be addressed, but there is more often than not no bigotry present. I've met plenty of lesbians who were penis-repulsed and fully trans-positive.

So my tl;dr on that is I think very few people approach it from the right angle and there's a lovely gray area between trans folks' approach and TERFs' approach.

Anyway, I hope that answers your questions, this is super long now I'm sorry ;-; Feel free to send another ask if you have more!

#nessa.txt #ask #harringtn #feminism #lesbian #trans #nonbinary