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jamisonwritestf2trash · 6 months

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Hello!

New to the fandom and your posts have been lovely to read! I don't know if it's been done already, but, may I request the TF2 mercs' reactions to having a nightmare? Like, frequency, how they cope with them, how they handle them when they happen?

The TF2 Mercs Reactions to A Nightmare!

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Anon, you are making me sob. Welcome to the fandom. You'll never be able to leave. But I haven't done this prompt before, so I'm glad to do it now! Uh, angsty as hell and a small spydad mention.

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Demo wakes up drenched in sweat. He's had nightmares before, but he doesn't really dream. Dreams are a rarity. Nightmares aren't too common either happening, maybe twice a month. He hasn't found a way to handle them. Drinking booze like water helps temporarily, but so does going back to sleep because if he falls back asleep, then he doesn't have to reflect on what his nightmares might mean. He'll probably end up staring at the wall for a while before going back to sleep. Hoping his brain will forget it by morning. It doesn't. He doesn't know how to cope.

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Engie is just tired. He usually buries himself in work so he doesn't have to sleep. Nightmares are a regular occurrence. He doesn't know when they started, or even what they're about half the time. He wakes up with a deep feeling of dread and fear, but he doesn't know why. He can't remember them, so it's weird they have such a hold on him. He'll normally just get up and start his day at that point regardless of its 2am or 7am, trying to distract himself in any way he can. He uses work to cope, tinkering away at some new projects he pulled out of thin air.

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Heavy just sighs, rolling over to go back to sleep. He has nightmares very rarely, and none are particularly scary, mainly sad. Occasionally, he'll cry if the nightmare is about something that's too real to him. He doesn't feel the need to react, to cope, to do anything other than let the haze of sleep overtake him again. He likes to think he forgets about the pain his nightmares cause him, but memories of them creep in during the day sometimes. He does check in the mornings that everything is okay and everyone is alright as a sort of coping mechanism.

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Medic wakes up crying, well, sobbing. He puts up a good front during the day. Not letting the mix of past traumas and present traumatizing events get to him while he works. But oh boy, is this man riddle with nightmares. He almost thinks it's a punishment of some kind. He can't remember the last time he slept soundly. He'll spring out of bed, wiping the tears from his face and grabbing his glasses, much like Engie he's ready to just start the day, but he hears soft cooing and the flap of wings. Archimedes lands softly on his shoulder, demanding affection from him and immediately distracting him from whatever spiral he's currently in, and sits with him until Medic is subtly convinced by the birds insistence of moving him to the bed to go back to sleep. Always staying in his line of sight while the ex doctor sleeps, making sure his friend is okay

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Scout is terrified. Like petrified in fear. He won't move from his bed. He doesn't have nightmares too often, but when he does, they hit him like a train. He just wants to sleep and not be plauged by bad thoughts. He tried to reassure himself that it's all just a dream, all in his head, and most of the time, it works. When it doesn't, however, he thinks about how his mom used to comfort him when he was younger, or just thinking of his mom or his childhood in general, it gives him a safe feeling. He might even find himself calling his mom after just to make sure she's okay.

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Snipers eyes open with a sigh as he stares at the ceiling. He's pissed. He's always tired because of this shit. Nightmares are a common occurrence, not as common as Medic's, but still frequent enough to interfere with his sleep schedule. They're stressed induced, and he can't ever find a way to stop them. He's tried drinking, smoking, he even asked Medic for advice, only to be told that, "If I had a cure, everyone would know about it by now." So he just lays there in hatred for his brain, a brain that cursed him with horrible dreams. Sometimes, though, if you catch him on one of his better days, he'll open up just enough for someone to maybe offer up some advice.

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Spy only lets a few tears out as he drapes a hand over his face to cover his eyes. His nightmares are more like regret filled dreams, he has them quite a bit, the frequency increasing after Scout joined the other mercs. He lets himself feel sad for only a few seconds before a guilt washes over him, making him feel as if he has no right to feel upset. He might light a cigarette cope. Smoking is the least likely thing to help, but hey, it's an excuse to go outside. He'll never address any of the guilt, shame, or fear feels from his nightmares. He just buries it. Never learning to cope and never feeling like he deserves it.

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Soldier is used to it. Nothing really phases him anymore. Not the real world, not the nightmares, nothing. He just goes back to sleep, silently hoping that he doesn't slip back into the nightmares, but he does. He has them at the same frequency as Medic, but is granted no support. He does find comfort once when he finally opens up about them to Medic. Medic and him discussing nightmares between the both of them. He's not one to do this often, though, finding that he doesn't need to cope as long as he pushes down the reoccurring thoughts of his nightmares. He's sure he'll be just fine.

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Pyro is hyperventilating, crying, and just a mess. They don't have nightmares often at all, maybe once a year, their mind always being able to protect them from it somehow, but when the nightmare comes its bad. Enough to probably actually traumatize Pyro on some level. Crying helps them in the moment, being a way for them to let their emotions out quickly, but after that, they need comfort, turning to whatever friends (mostly Medic or Engie) who could help them. Both are more than happy to comfort Pyro in their time of need, helping them forget about the dream until next time.

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Hot take! These fuckers cry, a lot. Men can cry and still be strong and manly, especially traumatized men. I want to give them hugs :,) I hope this makes sense and follows the prompt bc i am so tired rn, but i had to get this out 😭Anyways, I hope you like this Anon! And again, welcome to the fandom. Enjoy your new life >:D

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 headcanons #team fortress headcanons #tf2 hcs #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 soldier #tf2 pyro

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johnquinnhughes · 2 years

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The Thing that Should Not Be - Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

!! TECHNICALLY CONTAINS SPOILERS SO YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T READ UNTIL AFTER WATCHING VOL. 2 🧡 !!

A/N: Hi, everyone!! This is my first time posting my writing on tumblr. I have thick skin so I won’t ask you to be kind or go easy on me if thats not your thing, but I would love to hear your feedback, whatever it may be! If ya’ll dig this, I may post more in the future.

Also!! The title comes from the Metallica song, but it doesn’t really have anything to do with the fic, I just thought it was fitting.

WARNINGS: This is sad, there’s no other way to put it. If you’re looking for a comfort fic, this ain't the one. It basically follows Eddie’s partner as they mourn him following the events in 4x09. Doesn’t contain explicit spoilers, per say (aka it doesn't go into detail regarding how he died, etc.) but does include some things from the episode. That being said, if you don’t want to read about death, loss and sadness, please don't read this.

It was nearing 3am when the front door opened, in walking Dustin and Steve.

“Oh, thank god,” you exclaimed, nearly jumping on the both of them, one arm wrapped around each boy.

After a moment, you pulled back to look at them. Someone was missing. The most important person, in your biased opinion.

“Where’s Eddie?” You asked, the same grateful smile still plastered on your lips.

Dustin and Steve looked at each other, defeated.

“Dustin? Steve?” You tried again, the smile now slowly falling from your face, “Where’s Eddie?”

With a pained expression, Dustin reached deep into his jacket pocket, pulling out what you immediately recognized as Eddie’s guitar pick necklace.

“I am so sorry, y/n,” Dustin said, holding the object out to you, his bottom lip trembling.

It was like you went into shock. Your entire body felt cold, and you couldn’t move. A sob ripped from your lungs, causing Dustin and Steve to wince.

“No,” you cried, “No, he’s not... he can’t be...”

Your knees gave out, and you collapsed to the carpeted floor, head in your hands as you wailed. The breathless sobs echoed around the living room, tears soaking your t-shirt and the floor below you.

Dustin and Steve knelt beside you, each with a hand on your back, rubbing it soothingly.

“We wanted to save him, y/n,” Steve explained through tears of his own, “But we didn’t get to him in time.”

You looked at them, “Why weren’t you with him?!” You spat.

“I was, initially! But then he just, took off. I tried to go after him, y/n, believe me. I was just too late,” Dustin hung his head in shame.

“He didn’t die alone, y/n,” Steve continued, “He died in Dustin’s arms. Dustin made sure he knew he was cared for. That he was loved.”

You nodded, listening intently before another round of sobs ravaged your body, causing you to curl up on the floor once again, Steve and Dustin not leaving your side.

“I should’ve gone,” you whimpered, “If I had gone, he would still be alive.”

“You don’t know that,” Dustin said, “Please, y/n. You can’t blame yourself for this.”

You sniffled, clutching Eddie’s necklace to your chest. “Oh, Eddie,” you cried, “How could you do this to me? What am I supposed to do without you?”

Steve and Dustin sat with you for the next few hours as you wept. As the sun began to rise, the two of them helped you to bed, tucking you in and placing a glass of water on your bedside table. They decided to stay with you, Steve sleeping on the couch and Dustin on the floor beside him. You wouldn’t admit it in the moment, but they knew you didn’t want to be alone, plus it was now after 7am and they still hadn’t slept.

As you lay in bed, you stared at the empty space beside you, a space that would never be filled again, Eddie’s side of the bed. It might as well have had his name stitched into the sheets.

You lay there, running your fingers over the cool fabric, the coolest it had been in two years. You knew you shouldn’t have done it, because you regretted it immediately, but you picked up Eddie’s pillow and inhaled the remanence of his scent; apple scented shampoo, weed, tobacco, and something you couldn’t describe that was totally and completely Eddie Munson.

Eventually, you did fall asleep, still clutching that damn necklace, and of course, you dreamed of him.

#let me know what y’all think #let me know if it’s ass #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #stranger things s4 #st4 #eddie munson fanfic

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miaoie · 10 months

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entry 01 - 230506

addressed to you

Hey there, my solace.

I'm really grateful for the conversation we had last night. I feel a lot better now. I feel like I am finally ready to move on and be genuinely happy for you, because I wasn't able to do that. I don't even know why, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy for you because although you have given me everything you could give that time, I still felt like you were depriving me of something; a closure. I couldn't do that before. I held a grudge. It felt like it was so sudden and rushed. I didn't like how it ended. I feel like I was still hanging in midair when you raised me up so high and mighty; and when you decided to end it, I couldn't get back down safely.

It took me what felt like almost half a year to finally realize that the only one who could get me down safely is the one who put me high in the first place. It sucks seeing how dependent I am towards you even without being part of each other's life. It's weird.

Now that we've had what I could say was the most awaited conversation, I feel like I'm ready to move on. If we ever become friends again during research, go. If we ever become classmates again, go. If we ever meet in upd, go. Whatever it is that the circumstances decide for us, go. If anything, I actually want you back in my life as whatever, but that's not happening anytime soon because I don't think I can, so I'm gonna leave it to fate and the universe.

'Til the next time, friend. Do great things okay?

- weeyuh

That day, May 6th, was the scheduled date for the release of my test permit for UPCAT; the most popular college entrance exam in my country. UP or University of the Philippines is like the biggest and the most prestigious state university in my country with, I think, second quality education next to ADMU. Which is why applicants this year reached over 100,000 countrywide.

Personally, UP wasn't on my list. I was actually aiming for Ateneo or Letran, but since this year was the schedule of UPCAT for my batch, I also took the chance 'cause why not? My best friend, Sofia Anne, was actually the one who persuaded me. Probably because UP is her dream university. If I remember it correctly, she has been working on her academic performance to pursue the Doctor of Veterinary Medicine program in UP ever since. She told me that I should try and take the opportunity, and so I did. I submitted my Form 1 on the official website of the UP admissions and finally got my schedule for the test permit. May 6th.

The two days before that were actually interesting. I remember crying on the night of May 4th because I was reminded of that conversation we had about pasta. You learned that I don't eat carbonara, and so you kind of crossed that out of the list of dishes you said you were going to cook for me. I was crying that night because I finally changed my mind about carbonara. I like it now and regardless, I won't get to taste your recipe. I was sad because it felt like I was changing, turning into someone you don't know anymore. That change kind of scared me because from strangers with memories, we'd just be only strangers when that happens.

Weeks before that night, I was relapsing countless times. I couldn't stop myself from crying and hurting about the thought of you still caring about me when I have over-villainized you post-breakup. I learned through Sean that you miss our circle of friends, and that you have accepted whatever it is that I'll put you through. You understood that you've hurt me and validated me. That thought bothered me because I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction, but knowing you, it makes sense. I pitied myself during those relapses and made a deal with myself that if I ever relapse again, I will finally approach you for closure. I did.

I messaged you 6 paragraphs of all of my questions, pain, anger, confusion, and whatever else included on May 5th at 3 in the morning. Then, I slept. I woke up at 7am that morning. I only had 4 hours of sleep, but it felt like enough. I checked my phone and saw that you've sent your reply. I clicked on it and although my eyes weren't fully awake, I was able to comprehend what you said. You said you were sorry. You explained it really well how you really didn't mean to hurt me, how you admitted that you were selfish and insensitive that time, and how those gestures you did were with pure love and intention and not a cover-up or a compensation of what you were about to do. I cried. I cried at the thought of you loving me truly. It hurt me more how we couldn't be together because of your sexual preference and made me angry at the universe for letting this happen. All in all, I guess at least I experienced my happiest and my most loved moments with you.

After that day, it was finally the release of my test permit. At that point, I've re-read your message almost ten times already. I was making sure I was comprehending it correctly; I was, thankfully. I finally accepted it. I have finally accepted what the circumstances decide for us because I remember you saying you want to pursue Chemical Engineering in UP and if I'm not mistaken, that program is available in Diliman Campus. It occurred to me that there might be a possibility that we'd meet there in UPD because that campus offers my dream program which is Psychology. And if that's what fate plans for us, go.

I was facing the day like the new version of myself. I saw the journey to UPD as an opportunity to change my perspective and finally heal; 'soul cleansing'. It was like my vacation in Boracay back in 2022 where I went through new experiences that old me wouldn't be able to survive. I don't know why but roaming around unfamiliar yet safe places gives me clarity. And since I'm not yet familiar with commuting from Pacita to Quezon City, I was able to convince Pia to accompany me.

The bus trip from Pacita to Taft took about 30-45 mins. It was like an accidental catch-up with Pia because we were both busy with me on research and her on both research and review center. I remember her telling something about how chaotic her day was with our other friends when it was their turn to claim their test permit in UPD. They then went straight to MOA and tried the extreme rides there. I could see that they really enjoyed the day because when she was telling me about it, she was talking in high pitch and at a pace that you'd need multiple breaths. It was fun. They had fun and I could see that.

"'Yung closure lang 'yung interesting na nangyari sakin kahapon eh," I told her when she paused her story because we were about to get on the train. As soon as I uttered those words, I could already tell that she was interested. She has been the goat, the witness of my ups and downs including that relationship with you. She witnessed every cry, every 'ang sakit', every 'miss ko na s'ya' , every 'bakit kasi ganun?' from me. She knew how important this was for me.

"Mamaya mo ikwento sa picnic para sulit," she said as the train stopped in front of us. We boarded. We took LRT1, MRT, and LRT2 'til we reached the jeep terminal that goes straight inside the heart of UPD.

During our jeepney ride, a thought came to me and told Pia about it. "Siguro, kung 'di kami natapos, kaming tatlo ni Marco at Jat magkasama ngayon. I prolly wouldn't be here with you," I said. I mentioned your best friend because I got the knowledge that we have the same schedule. The thought of us going to UPD together just randomly popped into my head. The closure was still fresh, that's why my mind just wandered off on the thought of you.

After a few minutes, we finally reached the admissions building of UPD. This was it—the reason behind my journey to UPD, Quezon City—the UP office of admissions. I went to the queue that led to the inside of the building. Pia left me alone and headed for the waiting area since companies weren't allowed inside. I was honestly impressed by the process because it was well-organized in a circular manner. I went into the backside of the building, and got out in front. It was also an easy and quick process. I didn't wait too long for my permit. After a few minutes, my name got called, and I was able to claim my permit that fast.

Once I exited the building, I was looking around for Pia. I wasn't able to understand her when she told me where she was going to stay to wait for me. So I looked around in search of a tall skinny wolf cut-haired woman with glasses. I was kind of panicking that I didn't see her anywhere, so I checked my phone and tried to contact her. I forgot to take notice of the poor signal there in UPD, so I put down my phone and once again looked around. What I wasn't expecting to find was you.

There you were, I found you. I found you, Rian, and Jat. You were exactly in the situation I told Pia in our jeepney ride. I actually couldn't believe this happened. You pointed at me. Why the heck would you point at me? Jat, then, took notice of my presence. You three all waved at me. I waved back embarrassingly. Fuck, I need to get out of here. Pia, nasaan ka na ba? I thought when I immediately panged my attention to my phone after our tiny exchange. When I looked up at your direction, I saw you whispering to yourselves and began to walk closer. FUUUCKKK!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! STAY BACK!! My mind started going into frantic mode. I didn't know how to fucking act. We just talked last night—LAST NIGHT! I still have to work on myself. I still have to be okay with whatever it is that will get us to interact someday. I still have to accept what's now and change my whole perspective on us. Fuck, I wasn't ready to face you after the conversation we had last night. Fuck!!! When you all started getting closer, I began to walk as well.

I headed for the start of the queue in hopes of the sight of Pia. Then, I was approached by kids who were looking for the owner of the lost flask they found. I told them I didn't know and I didn't lose one. If I did, they sure weren't the right guys who found it because the flask they were holding was yellowish gold in color while mine was dark blue with stickers all over it. When they started to head for the direction I was facing to ask another soon-to-be upcat taker, Pia called out my name.

I was so fucking relieved that I heard her voice. I turned around and headed towards her direction. Then to my hyperbolic horror, I saw you three again walking towards my direction. Oh my effing gosh! There really isn't a way to avoid you, is there? I bowed my head down when y'all were getting close. When we got to a really close proximity, only Jat waved at me once again and exchanged a 'hi' with me.

After that exchange, I immediately ran to Pia. "Gagi, andito sina Marco. Nakita mo ba?" I informed her. She told me no, and asked about what happened. I told her about the whole interaction, what I felt, and what I thought about it in consideration of the random what-if scenario I told her about during our jeepney ride. What the fuck just happened?

We then headed to the picnic spot she was telling me about. I then prepared the mantel and lunch I brought. We had our Saturday classes there. Although there are a lot of things I could focus on that day, my mind kept bringing me back to what happened earlier—you. I spent my whole afternoon thinking why it happened, what its purpose was, & what lesson was it trying to teach me. I couldn't stop myself telling Pia every single little thought that popped into my head related to that interaction that day.

I couldn't believe that my tweet came true that if we ever meet in upd, I'll let it happen. Oh my gosh though, why must it happen so fast? I'm still so confused. Destiny is a funny thing and that day, it felt like I was the butt of its joke.

I think that's all you need to know about what had happened to me that day. I'm curious about yours too, but don't tell me about it. I don't need to know.

#angst #writing #letters #light angst #university #unibersidad

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emotionallyrin · 17 days

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Sleeping is funny

I have depression, I've worried it may be something worse but this is about facts for now. With that I'm used to doing things like sleeping and eating whenever, usually ends up depriving myself of those things by accident- sometimes on purpose.

Recently I've been struggling though; I don't like sleeping at 7am much because I know my sleep schedule gets fucked up if I do, doesn't stop me from ending up this way though. Slipping slowly down the line starting at 3am till night after night I reach 10am. Eventually I get stressed about college starting up and wanting a good sleep schedule again but that's where my troubles come in.

I've only had this more frequently since October but I'm struggling to sleep or atleast stay asleep. When I research I find it could be my depression but I'm usually anxious too so it might be a combination- and the stress. I could sleep at 12am feeling drained like all fuck but then my body says nope and wakes me in like 3 hours and that's my day.

Coffee is keeping me alive but people would probably say it's making it worse or hurting me, I only started drinking coffee 3 weeks ago and this issue has been happening longer than that. I hate how people jump to the same conclusions like I shouldn't be playing games so late or speaking or whatever.

Literally I don't play much, if anything I don't like games anymore I just have a few brain dead ones to keep my hands active. Games that people care about, I don't play those. Something simple on Roblox that I don't think and have open in the background, whether I win or lose doesn't matter on it. If I disconnect too I don't care since its just to keep my hands active. I'm justifying it because I can forget about that I have it open honestly and it'll just turn off by itself. I don't play games, I just disassociate.

Speaking? I don't need to explain much there , I have barely anyone I speak or want to. I made a few friends recently, I've spoke about one in a old post, some people who are kind. I'm thinking of distancing myself though. Conversations, with the one friend I talked about, lead to my guilt and depression feeling more than I could handle. I'm not cutting them off, just not being around more … that leaves me almost alone. Still have friends just not very close ones. Thats fine though.

This night atmosphere, isn't favourable. I've been a night owl for far too long that although I get peace I'm also going slowly insane from isolation. Not just that but also the stress of daily life, not being able to do things normal people do at a normal rate, is just becoming too much.

#personal rant #life #depressing shit

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atomicfilm · 10 months

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I met your blog this morning (7am) and was so far reading all the posts. dear, I feel so welcomed, I wonder if you're still active here (?) I'm intp and everything you said about this guy, f it made so much sense to me, like you're watching me and writing about me here 🤨 I hate the way people misinterpret me and say I'm selfish and rude, when in reality I was t.trying to help. I'm not the person who can emotionally welcome my friends, but I'm the one who tries to guide them towards a solution and I say the obvious things they might not be seeing on their own. of being in the middle of the hurricane (I'll explain this part, normally when we're living the situation, we'll probably deal with it in a very emotional way and leaving points and our our mistakes go unnoticed, only making the situation worse), so I always try to be cautious and help them, but they just ignore everything and say I was selfish and unnecessary in the first word.I tell them where they went wrong, and I always apologize (obviously) as I never know if I was really rude or they just don't want to acknowledge that they might have gone wrong with something too. this was a huge outburst, now that I realized. forgive me 😳

People largely don’t like criticism and it’s not necessarily your fault. I’ve recently been told I need to be tested for autism as well since I’m highly-likely to have it and I take a lot of things at face value and appreciate directness. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. A lot of people desire sugar-coating and a lot of people don’t. But I think you can try to stay aware of what people view as being rude. Trying to open yourself up to communication is always a healthy thing, but it’s also important to respect your own boundaries. If people don’t like the way you communicate, they don’t need to be around you and vice versa. Healthy relationships are a two way street and the best thing is to approach their words with interest in understanding their perspective but accepting that you may have different conclusions as you’re fundamentally different people. So don’t be super rude (I.e. don’t wish someone a good day at a funeral)! But also understand that some people will over exaggerate what they think of as being rude and that they will react to everyone in their life that way. I think you sound genuine and it should come across to other people who are also being genuine with their emotions.

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danieyells · 3 years

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Yo Danie, I wonder if you've got any ideas on this; in TAS, transients either get summoned to Tokyo because the app reaches out and makes pacts on people's behalfs with willing familiars, or they get summoned by having, like, a wish of some kind and they end up stumbling through a portal to Tokyo to see that wish fulfilled, right? And then they either get unsummoned, or stick around for whatever reason?

Here's the thing; when they get unsummoned, do they go home? The Red Oni in chapter 1 seems pretty convinced that he's going to die unless you make a Summoning pact with him, but Salomon says later that Shiro's familiar whose connection you cut will just end up going home. Further to that, Macan says about Oniwaka when he's vanishing into light that he's going back to his home world, and then when his strength recovers he'll pop right back in.

The thing is though, that there's a remark early on that Stray Transients, who are Transients without a Summoning bond by the game's definition if I'm remembering right, can only maintain themselves for a while by sustaining themselves on the land's energy. Even further, the actual Housamo wiki says that they'll be unsummoned from the game if they don't find a way to sustain themselves, usually by getting into a pact. Guilds I believe are also noted to be one way around this. Does that mean that if you just wait outside of a Pact, you'll go home? Or would you pop back in again after a bit, essentially trapped in Tokyo?

ALSO ALSO, Bathym says that, though this only applies to "his hella demonic self", demons need tons of emotional energy directed at them to survive, and a pact is the most efficient way to get energy.

But we don't see Sitri in a Guild or a Pact (unless you Pact him, but I'm pretty sure that's non-canon), and Sitri also has a family. They're all demons one would presume, so why does he not seem to need anything like Bathym does? We can derive from this that Bathym was either speaking about himself, and only himself, lying to try and get the Protagonist to make a pact with him, or that Sitri has a Pact he isn't chatting to anybody about, right?

HOWEVER. In chapter 4, we see that the Aoyama guild provides supplies for the enormous number of Stray Transients who have nothing and no prospects, but that those strays are unlikely to be guild members. Further to that, she mentions that the ninjas and many other strays are like, literally treated as the dregs of society. So, how come they're still around? Surely the Stray Transient population should be either dwindling all the time, or in constant flux? But I'm pretty sure there's a notable overpopulation issue in canon because of the sheer number of Transients! Not to mention, if they're treated like dirt and killed and traded, you'd think they'd just...WANT to leave, right? So they could just wait until their connection ran out.

AND ALSO, it's noted in the backstory that Transients started pouring through the gates one day in history, and that this generation has never lived in a Tokyo without walls, but the previous generation therefore presumably did; that means like, it's been at least 2 decades, possibly 3. How long could those Transients have stuck around without a pact going by the lore?

Lastly, the Protagonist has the power to rend Transients connections to Tokyo, canonically. How then, do those Transients come back if they've had their connection severed? And shouldn't the Protagonist offer to go to the slums and ask if anybody would like to go back to their homeworld if that were the case? Or will everyone literally just rebound to Tokyo completely?

Further to that, when people fulfil their wish, do they go home? When they've played their Role out completely, is that the end of their tenure in Tokyo?

Basically, I think the whole system is a little underexplained and I've seen you post thoughts here on stuff, so I was wondering as to what you'd make of it all! Am I missing something?

. . .holy shit anon this is an essay innit lol not that i'm complaining, I just was not expecting it when I saw the notification after I woke up. For the record I saw this at. . .7am or so. It is now 11:55 when I'm finishing it. HYPERFOCUS GO BRRRRRRRRR. OKAY LET'S SEE IF I'VE GOT SOME THOUGHTS FOR YOU.

DISCLAIMER: I'VE BEEN PLAYING THIS GAME FOR LITTLE OVER A MONTH AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FAR FROM ALL OF THE DETAILS. I haven't read three of the translated past events yet and I haven't read most of the untranslated content(including Chapter 11 although I'm super tempted you don't even know.) These are just my understandings of things, I suppose.

ALSO IDK HOW FAR YOU ARE IN THE STORY. . .I mean you mention them being sold so you're probably up to Chapter 10 at least since that's where we learn about Daikoku selling transients because it gets him off I guess, although they also could have mentioned it some other time and I just forgot lol BUT. YEAH PROBABLY GONNA MENTION SPOILERS.

TL;DR:

Red Oni: summoned to Tokyo without a pact. When rended from the land would disappear, possibly die. Likely this is because of whatever conditions are happening where they came from or having had already been dead when summoned. Possibly also just a false belief because they didn't know well what was going on to begin with. Possibly also just part of the game plan originally but retconned by the devs then never rewritten.

D-Evils: Shiro's Rule is Ressurection which causes an exception when clashing with Rending. The world of the Old Ones is gone, the D-Evils are familiars created by/living in Shiro's book. Entities, abilities, and artifacts from Old Ones are able to be used outside of the app/battle zones, so D-Evils can exist if Shiro just summons them. D-Evils don't go away when rended because they're part of Old Ones and Old Ones is gone--if they go away they return to Shiro's artifact where they came from. They also donct go away because rending them causes an Exception.

Oniwaka; Zabaniyya; Ophion: rended from EXCEPTIONS not from the world. Were likely sent back in order to resolve the exception after being rended and to recover the energy that sustained their physical forms in the first place, not because they had no means of being sustained in Tokyo. Returned due to pacts with MC, positions in Guild, unfulfilled pact, etc once their energy to maintain physical form returned.

Stray Transients: likely have outstanding pacts and thus do not disappear over time. However, some don't and those proper strays will likely return home after an amount of time, but we don't know how long. Alp has been in Tokyo for a few months but isn't disappearing despite arriving because he wanted to be loved/popular. So unattached transients stay around longer than a few months. They may also be attached to the school they were initially meant to go to to be monitored, or someone who works there. They may not want to go home due to poor conditions, being dead, lacking a home or people to return to, etc. Remember, even in real life people immigrate to places that treat them poorly--but that's because even that and the potential in those places is likely better to them than whatever they're running away from. If the transient arrived in distress it's because they wanted to be away from wherever they started out or because they desperately needed something. This new opportunity may be what they need--to find someone they lost, to find an answer, to simply start life over fresh. Even if they're being abused, looked down on, they may simply be happy to be alive. If they want to go home, they hopefully just have to wait--but you have to live if you wanna get home, don't you? Best to survive as well as you can.

Stray Transient Population: constantly increasing to sustain/grow the Game for the World Representatives. The overpopulation is deliberate. They do not care about the wellbeing of these people, they only want to create a stadium to fight in, and for that they need more transients and app users than humans not using the app in Tokyo.

Sitri: Aside from forming a pact with him, Sitri's Sacred Artifact is his wings/are his feathers, which cause people to fall in love with someone who touched them after the feathers that had been touched are attached to a second party. Sitri feeds off of the love directed to him. This is troublesome for him more often than not, but I'm pretty sure that's how he gets the emotions he needs to eat if not via pact.

Being around from the start?: The gates appeared in 1999--it's been at least 20 years, assuming the game takes place anywhere near the present year. Off the top of my head we don't know if any stray transients have stuck around for extended periods. How long someone's been in Tokyo rarely comes up. We know Yule has been in Tokyo for a few years because he went to middle(elementary? Idr) school with Ryota. Sitri is similar with Kengo. As such, given Sitri and Yule aren't in guilds as far as we're aware, assuming being attached to a school doesn't make one connected to Tokyo, we can assume they're stray transients. This means that they'd been here for years, as strays. Given we know stray transients disappear eventually, it's safe to assume that there have been stray transients who disappeared and went home. Assuming it isn't different per individual, stray transients can stay in Tokyo for several months to several years, but to my awareness there's no set number.

Going Home: in order to go home a transient who's been summoned must fulfil their summoner/pacted humancs desire. Surtr, Azathoth, and Babalon all disappear after fulfilling Arc's desire for them to be their family, leaving behind their sacred artifacts which contain their memories until they disappeared. So, yes, fulfilling the desire entrusted to a transient/playing out their role will cause them to fulfil the conditions of their pact, causing them to disappear. However, we don't know what happens when they do. Thus far, those three haven't come back despite the reset occurring. Arc was able to summon their artifacts but otherwise could not reach them. Their artifacts were taken by Breke who was able to channel the memories within and allow Arc to communicate with Azathoth's memories.

SLIGHTLY MORE FULL VERSION WITH A COUPLE SCREENSHOTS

(read the tl;dr anyway because I probably remembered things while Inwas writing it that I didn't remember to put in the 'full' version lol I WROTE MOST OF THE LONG ONE, WROTE OUT THE TL;DR, THEN FINISHED THE LONG ONE SO. PROBABLY WANNA READ BOTH.)

Transients arrive in Tokyo either by being summoned, by being summoned ACCIDENTALLY(someone wishes to have friends/meet someone new, etc), by being pulled in by the Rainbow Of Transient Light randomly(?) sucking them up when they're in distress/have a wish to fulfil, or some combination of those.

In Macan's character quest, MC and Macan learn that the one who technically summoned Macan was MC. The same thing happens in I think Xolotl's. They end up going to the collided past--or a collided memory?--and when past!Macan is in distress over being alone, MC approaches him and says they're there for him, however past!Macan can only hear them, not see them. He calms down and asks if they're searching for him and says he's going to find them--which causes him to disappear and be summoned to Tokyo in search of this person who wanted to be by his side. Macan realizes that's exactly what happened to him--he heard a voice saying that they were with him and, in his desire to no longer be alone, the transient light came along and took him.

(it's written as 'Magan' in Japanese hence why it's written that way here--this was likely translated before his English name was given.) (Such a request, perhaps, means that he's with MC until he's dismissed by them specifically.)

Xolotl was running from being sacrificed to Tezcatlipoca and MC and future!Xolotl protected him. Seeing himself be weak and seeing himself be strong enough to try and protect MC and seeing MC who refused to leave him and hearing what they had to say, he desired the strength to live with the people he loves and for there to not be sacrifices again. He may not have gone to Tokyo if he hadn't realized that desire through meeting himself and MC. In fact, he may not have survived at all(though maybe Quetzalcoatl would've protected him if not collided MC and present!Xolotl.)

SO. If you recall correctly, MC is implied to be a transient as well. There's also the possibility that they're not, and simply are some poor sob the Game shoved 23+ memories in at once, broke the memories of the host in the proccess, and thus we have MC coming to in a park confused about everything but their own name(of course if that were the case surely someone in Tokyo would recognize them beyond their being the trophy/exile from their home world, so it's not likely.) Lil Salomon says that as a summoned transient they can only go home if they find and fulfil the wishes of their summoner. However they neither know who or where their summoner is.

Transients can appear simply due to someone's desire for companionship. But they don't necessarily appear atop that person, hence not knowing their summoner. They just hear a voice, may not even hear exactly what's being said or asked for, and the light picks them up and drops them off with no further info or ceremony. So if someone is pulled into Tokyo this way they have a summoner even if they don't know it--even if the summoner themself doesn't know. So they won't just disappear over time unless that person unwills what willed them there or they die or something. Plus we don't know how long stray transients stick around if they have no pact/summoner--we just know that they disappear eventually. It's more than a few months, because Alp showed up a few months ago and hasn't disappeared yet.

Several characters are attached to guilds which may keep them from being Strays. However some, to our awareness, have neither summoner/master nor guild. At most they may be attached to schools. Sitri, as you mentioned, is one of them, as is Yule--whom Shiro refers to as a stray transient he sees every year without being corrected(although the situation wasn't exactly a good time to clarify that lol.)

Both of them have been in Tokyo for years without disappearing--and the app is a kind of but not super recent creation, so guilds likely didn't sustain them this whole time. Neither have disappeared. Of course someone may have summoned them or they may be part of guilds without it being stated or perhaps being in a school has the same effect as being in a guild. But we don't know that for sure, either.

(Japanese middle school is from 12-15 years old. Kengo's a second year High School student now, so 16-17 years old. Sitri was a first year while Kengo was a third year, so there's two grades between them. Sitri's been in Tokyo at least 2 years. I believe he mentions seeing Lucifuge in a magazine in Ghenna so he hasn't been here his whole life either. So a few years, but not 15.)

Transients that disappear don't have pacts but transients that come back probably do/have formed pacts/attachments to the world. Remember, Oniwaka, Zabaniyya, and Ophion say to call on them if you need them. They're attached to the player now, perhaps having formed a pact incidentally, assuming the situation that brought them there in the first place isn't still in effect(or they're not still bound by, say, their guild.)

Also, much like in real life, sometimes whatever is home is worse than the horrific things you deal with wherever you immigrate to. Or perhaps you've formed attachments somewhere you've arrived and are willing to endure suffering for them. It's rarely as simple as "we're suffering, we wanna go back to where we came from." Especially since transients likely arrived due to distress or wanting to be anywhere else but home. Some of their worlds don't exist anymore(Old Ones) or are collapsing(Yggdrasil; El Dorado.) Some people have no one and nothing back home and this is a new start for them, even if the start is bad. Also they could be waiting until they go home automatically, but what're you gonna do while you wait? Probably live your life as best you can. If you're gojna be stuck somewherefor a few months you may as well make yourself at home.

So why doesn't MC go around rending people themself?

Well, for starters, they're made to be a high school student most of the day. Where would they find the time lol. Second they're a bit busy trying to save the world and all. . .and if some teenager wandered up to you and said they could get you home if you had an app battle with them, would you really believe that when you've been told your best bet is to either find your summoner or wait out your incidental connection to the world? Sounds like a kid trying to stir up trouble, and not all transients have the app anyway. I mean really would you expect the local homeless population to have smartphones? Probably not.

Furthermore. Spoiler alert

This system of the game, the gates, the transients, it's no accident. It's intentional. Tokyo is the setting for this inter-world competition to prove which world is strongest or something to that effect--and the winner gets MC, the host of the exiles and perhaps some kind of powerful system. Of course what they do with MC is up to them. The Warmongers want to keep the game going so they can fight the powerful MV over and over again forever. We don't know what the Invaders want yet afaik but based on the name I'd assume they want to use MC as a super soldier to conquer other worlds. And the Rule Makers want to use MC to support one of their own worlds as its System. /smacks MC on the back) this baby can hold SO MANY rules and roles! Hold up a whole damn world apparently!!

So think of it this way. . .they could go around rending everyone until the transient light returns them home or to the deaths they desire. . .but would the World Representatives really allow that? They'd just keep bringing in transients. They need to fill Tokyo with them--until transients and app users outnumber the humans naturally belonging to Tokyo--so they can have their little contest.

MC alone would never be able to pull off sending everyone home as long as the Game is running. The worlds would not allow their contest to be ruined.

As for who goes where and does what when unsummoned. The Red Oni hadn't been there long. And perhaps wasn't summoned in the first place, nor had anyone likely explained much to them for that arrival. Also if you felt yourself disappearing, felt your connection to this world just torn off and uprooted and fading away, even if you knew better you'd probably think you're dying. That'd be scary. You'd want to avoid it.

Of course it's also possible the oni was dead or dying to begin with and their connection being severed would send them back to death--like Shino, who'd died long ago in the Land of Wa and when he died in Tokyo he went back to being dead.

The D-Evils don't have anywhere to go back to besides Shiro's book. The world of the Old Ones is gone. As such "home" for them is back with Shiro--and remember, their rules clash anyway. Rending and Ressurection don't mix. MC couldn't rend the D-Evils from Shiro properly because it causes an Exception. At best rending them will send them back to the book until Shiro summons them again. Plus, entities from Old Ones can use their powers without the use of the app--including those with Old Ones artifacts. Shiro can summon the D-Evils at any time, even outside of an app battle--so to send them 'home' doesn't really send them anywhere but back to Shiro since they both have no home to return to and were summoned to exist in Tokyo.

Demons needing to recieve emotions seems to be more of a feeding thing than a transient connection one afair. Like Alp eating dreams--he'll die if he doesn't. It's like "I need to external feelings or I'll starve" not "I need external feelings or I go back to Ghenna." Sitri likely survived thanks to his feathers--his sacred artifact which cause people they attach to to fall in love with whoever touched them previously--causing a constant stream of love towards him as he needs it. As such he doesn't need to have a pact to live, he only needs to make people fall for him to absorb that feeling and then take his feathers back to stop eating.

The canon-ness of MC making pacts with everyone is perhaps debateable. However events, character quests, special quests, etc have characters refer to Mc as Master or Summoner. And the story can sometimes reference events and such(see: meeting characters in events before they're part of the main story, meeting them in the main story, and being able to go "didn't I meet you in [season/holiday]?" And they go "yeah, we did! It's nice to see you again!" So technically events and the like are as canon as you make them. Also having a pact doesn't mean that person can't be your enemy or can't hurt you or is fully at your command, which means that it doesn't necessarily not make sense that characters can be in pacts with/summoned by the player while still being against them. MC likely has the ability to form pacts easily/unconsciously.

This is likely(and this part is speculation!) because of MC's role as the Wanderer--as the host of the Exiles of the many worlds, they're a system in and of themself(or they'e able to be one.) As such attachments to them are like individuals having 'faith' in them, the way Systems sustain worlds. Especially those who had some relationship with or attachment to an Exile they host. This may also cause a pseudo pact with people they meet and get attached to(and are attached to them in turn, not necessarily in a positive way)--like people believing in a faith. The attachment to them, love for them, hate of them, fear of them, is a sort of belief that causes them to be able to stay in Tokyo longer because they are now unwittingly part of MC's system. After all MC is a transient and transients, as far as I recall/understand, don't summon other transients to Tokyo, they only summon artifacts because bringing a whole person and their memories requires a strong means to bind them. Transients' connections are already dependent on someone/something else--which is already taxing as a pregnancy--and that'd be hard for them unless they were born into Tokyo.

In cases like Oniwaka and Zabaniyya and Ophion, they likely needed to disappear temporarily in order to resolve the Exception on top of regaining energy to sustain physical forms in another world. Think of it like closing a program on your computer. If the program clashed with another and an exception occurs you close the one of lesser importance. You can then maybe open it again once things have cooled down with your proccesser and it can handle them at the same time--thus, they come back to Tokyo even after being dismissed by fixing the exception.

So they pop back in because they're still bound to Tokyo. MC only rended them from the exception, not from the world itself. But transients who truly have no connection will go back and stay until summoned again. . . .

(Now that I think about it when someone fulfils the reason they were summoned to Tokyo they disappear and seem to disappear for good. We don't know if they die or what. They've been eliminated from the game. This happens with Surtr, Babalon, and Azathoth. After they successfully, properly became like Arc's family and that desire was considered fulfilled the pact was complete and they disappeared, leaving behind their artifacts.

Red Oni may have been summoned to be a tutorial for the player. But also a tutorial for the player character. Red Oni thus would go away completely after fulfilling that desire of whoever summoned them, thus giving them their fear they'd die because they'd served their purpose.

I just happened to remember/consider that lol ANYWAY.)

Basically it's a bit underexplained I agree.

But that's because you, as the player, as the MC, aren't supposed to know everything that's going on. You're supposed to learn as you go while also being denied information by the Powers That Be. You don't have your memories, you don't know what's going on here until you see/experience/hear about it. It's part of the immersive understanding/storytelling proccess. The characters don't tell you how things work because they only barely understand it themselves--and then when they learn 'this isn't just a game, this isn't just coincidence, there's something greater happening here' everything they know gets thrown into question. The people who do understand it aren't going to tell you much because they don't want you to ruin their game. You're just the final boss and the trophy to be won--and possibly the system upon which the game resides, resetting every time you die so you can struggle to be won someday.

You "can't win."

So you don't need to know how it works.

That doesn't stop you or anyone else from trying to find out, though, nor does it stop you from trying to change it.

. . .I hope that helped a bit! 8'D I don't think you missed much, really. You're right in that it's underexplained but That's Storytelling, Baby!

#danie yells answers #danie yells at tokyo afterschool summoners #danie yells with anons #long post #tokyo afterschool summoners #as someone who learned that they like telling reader-focused stories #the storytelling method of 'show don't tell' tyat's being used here #where you don't know anything abd you only learn as it happens to you #i enjoy it a lot is what i wanna say lol it's like #we can all speculate together because it's less 'you haven't read all the meta!' and more 'we don't know yet #ofc i'm not the expert and icm not as informed as people whocve been here longer so #if i'm wrong anywhere or leaving things out or other people have input i'm super open to hearing it and i'm sure anon is too!

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