#it may not be that much compared to a normal human being but with burnout + cold + The Anxiety it felt massive so im celebrating 😤 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hold-your-applause · 3 years

Text

A commission for the lovely @tater-tati, thank you so much for your undying support. I do hope you think of this whenever you need to catch your breath

Reformation

You wished human spines were more efficient.

You could feel yours starting to go stiff from all the hunching over you were doing at your desk, which was made worse by the poor quality of your office chair. You hadn’t stood up for hours; you could feel your knees waiting to crack when you would eventually rise from your seat, and you knew your ankles wouldn’t be any happier.

You didn’t even want to think about your neck.

You blinked your tired eyes slowly, trying to make sense of the words you had reread for the eighth time.

Or was it the ninth?

You sighed in aggravation, forcing yourself to sit up straight so you could lean back in your chair, wishing you could yell out all the tension in your body.

It’s not like anyone would hear you. You were the only person left in the building.

For the last two weeks, villains had been popping up in record numbers, so much so that many agencies were forced to work beyond their means in terms of staff, meaning countless extra hours and fewer days off. Not only that, you worked in the accounting department, and with your other coworkers feeling burnout and calling out, that left you on your own to handle the numbers. There was a serious influx of information regarding insurance, supplies, wages…

It felt like it was never ending.

The timing couldn’t have been any worse, either, seeing as you had arranged to end your employment at your current agency to move to a new one at the end of the month.

Before the workload began to overwhelm you, you had started to feel that your boss may have been taking advantage of your work ethic. You had a knack for finishing your tasks in record time, which meant you had time to spare to either get ahead of schedule or do the work of someone else who had fallen behind. It didn’t take long for everyone to catch on and hand off their work to you instead of doing it themselves, but ever the team player, you took it on without complaint. Not once in three years did you complain, committing yourself to the company as much as you could.

Which was exactly why you had ended up stuck here with more than you could reasonably handle.

You leaned forward, resting your palms on your desk to try to stretch out the knots forming in your back.

One more week, and you’d finally be working for Gang Orca instead of stewing at this dump.

You had heard wonderful things about his agency; there were far better benefits than you were currently receiving and an employee turnover rate so low it was almost too hard to believe. Your friend had gushed to you about how much she enjoyed working there and even managed to get you the interview that landed you a spot on their financial team.

Unfortunately, that light at the end of the tunnel felt farther off than ever before with the amount of stress you were accruing with these late nights at the office.

You winced as you felt a satisfying pop in your lower back, bringing you some short-lived relief before you felt your shoulders protest and force you to sit straight again.

You heard a door open and close somewhere on your floor, making you curse to yourself.

The janitorial staff was here, meaning it was past 10.

You jumped when you heard a low rumbling come from your right, making you whine at your muscles complaining at the sudden movement. After getting over the initial shock, you realized it was your phone, which you kept in your drawer lately to keep yourself from getting distracted.

You were surprised the battery wasn’t dead yet.

You fished it out of your stuffed drawer, glad you were able to catch it on the final ring before it went to voicemail. You didn’t even check to see who was calling before answering.

“Hello?”

You internally kicked yourself at how tired you sounded.

“Hey.”

You felt some of your fatigue disappear at the sound of the calm voice on the other end.

“Shoto, hey. Is everything okay?” You asked, unable to even pretend you weren’t exhausted.

“Yeah, everything is fine. I just got home.”

A relief, truly.

Being the son of the former number one hero of Japan brought Shoto a lot of attention, both good and bad. With crime on the rise, that meant his own work hours had increased, and while the extra money brought some comfort, you worried that he might overwork himself and get hurt.

Like you were one to talk.

“Good! That’s good.” You said, smiling tiredly as you quietly waved to the janitor that passed your desk.

“Yeah. Is everything okay with you?”

You paused, thinking of a way to answer that.

Shoto was a pro hero, and his job was infinitely more dangerous than yours. You knew that whatever difficulties you faced didn’t compare to anything he handled on a given day, so you tried to keep your complaining to a minimum. He knew about your job transfer, but you hadn’t been honest about the reason why. Your reasons felt trivial compared to a hero who goes out into danger most days.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just the usual. There was another call out today so I was the only one in the department. I’m just finishing up these balance sheets and then I’ll be home.”

There was a brief silence on the other end, but you thought nothing of it. Shoto was the type to think before he spoke, so these pauses were frequent.

“That’s really unfortunate, but I’m glad you’re almost done. How much longer do you think you’ll be?”

You looked over at your computer’s clock, squinting to try to see the tiny numbers on the illuminated screen.

10:17

“I don’t know, maybe another half hour? And then the drive home will be another fifteen minutes, so probably close to an hour?” You estimated, rubbing your tired eyes.

“Alright. We’ll get started on dinner then.”

You tensed, feeling guilt wash over you.

You had planned to make dinner for you, Shoto, and Hitoshi when you arrived home, hoping to surprise them before they got off their own shifts. You hadn’t told them about it, but you felt awful that you didn’t get to do your good deed for your boyfriends as you had wanted.

“You guys don’t have to wait up for me, if you’re hungry, please go ahead and eat, Shoto. And if you’re tired you can just go to bed, I’m sure you had a long day.” You insisted with a roll of your neck.

“It’s okay, we don’t mind. I won’t keep you any longer. Just be safe on your way home, and we’ll see you when you get here.” He said.

You nodded, hiding your sigh. “I will be. I’ll see you when I get home.”

With some quick affectionate words, you hung up, groaning as you forced yourself to get out of your seat.

You were grateful that the elevator in your apartment building was functional again as you leaned against the wall, not paying attention to the number climbing with each floor you passed like you normally would. Your eyes were instead closed, listening to the familiar humming of the electricity running the car instead of the soft music playing from the speaker overhead. You had almost fallen asleep during your ride home in the cab, and you wanted to at least try to stay upright until you got to your floor.

Which seemed to be taking an eternity, if you were being honest.

You forced your eyes open, pulling out your phone to check the time.

11:08

You couldn't catch the heavy sigh that rolled out of your throat just before the door opened. The quick reprieve from walking had caused your legs to feel less like lead and more like concrete, which you tried to ignore as you fished for your keys in your pocket when you finally reached your door.

Your day was almost over.

The sound of the door unlocking was music to your ears as you pushed it open, dropping your bag on the floor so you could hold onto the counter to slip your shoes off.

You gasped when you felt something slide across your shoulder blade, jumping and whipping your head around to see a familiar pair of mismatched eyes looking back at you.

"Welcome home."

Your shoulders dropped along with your guard and you leaned forward, resting your face in the crook of Shoto's neck.

You could tell he'd already showered.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

You felt him shake his head, his arm moving down to trap you in a gentle hug that seemed to make the heaviness of your eyes disappear.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." He assured you, letting his thumb rub absently against your back. He made no move to pull away, and even though you felt like your ankles were going to give out at any moment, you weren't in any rush, either.

You moved your arms to wrap loosely around him as he tilted his head to kiss you briefly.

"How was your day?" You asked, pulling back to look at his face.

"Better than usual. I think things are getting ready to calm down." He responded.

That was good news.

"That's great. That means you'll be a little safer." You said, blinking as he turned you around and began pulling your coat off for you.

He hummed in affirmation as you pulled your arms out of the sleeves, allowing him to hang the coat up.

"And hopefully your workload will be lighter."

You made a face as you attempted to turn around to face him, but his hands on your round hips kept you rooted in your spot as he pulled you back to lean against his firm chest.

You tilted your head back to rest against his shoulders, feeling him tug on your blouse so it was no longer tucked in the waistband of your skirt. He slid his hand under the light fabric, resting his warm palm against the skin of your stomach.

You could tell he was using his quirk, and you weren't about to complain.

"The bath is ready."

You blinked and turned your head, seeing Hitoshi standing near the hallway, suspiciously still in his work clothes.

Shoto reluctantly pulled away.

"Come on." He said, leading you away from the door. "You need to get off your feet."

Hitoshi had refused to leave you alone while you bathed, and at first you thought it was because he was worried you'd fall asleep in the water, but you understood the real reason when he climbed into the tub first. He'd put off taking a shower in order to join you, which made you feel guilty for just a moment before he assured you that he was glad to finally have a calm moment with you. Your schedules didn't exactly line up lately, so more often than not, one of you was asleep when the other came home.

Hopefully, that would soon come to an end and things could go back to normal.

You allowed him to comb his fingers through your hair as he worked the conditioner through it, doing your best not to doze off as they massaged your scalp. He'd been adamant about doing all the work, and you didn't have it in you to argue with him on a normal day.

"You're taking tomorrow off."

Your eyes snapped open, turning your head to look at him in disbelief.

"What?" You asked dumbly, looking at his calm face.

"I called your boss and let him know you're not going in tomorrow." He said casually, looking unbothered as he moved you so he could rinse your hair without getting the water in your eyes, but you gripped the side of the tub to stop him.

"Toshi, I can't, we're understaffed right now. I'm all they have right now." You protested, feeling your stomach churn anxiously. "Everyone else is sick."

"And you'll be next if you let them keep taking advantage of you." He said, unimpressed. He gently pried your hand off the edge of the tub, carefully tilting you to try to rinse your hair again, and this time you didn't fight him. "They all called out because they know you'll pick up the slack, and this is their last chance before you leave. You're starting somewhere else soon, and you're not going to make a good impression if you're too tired to move the day you get there." He lifted you back up, moving some wet hair off of your face. "So you're taking tomorrow off, and all three of us are going to be unproductive on purpose."

His tone left no room for argument.

You swallowed, still feeling unsure.

"Also, what's he going to do? Fire you? With a week left?"

You let a nervous laugh escape you, the last of your anxiety disappearing.

"Thank you, Hitoshi. I wouldn't have done it myself." You said, resting your back against him and letting your hands gently sit on the edges of the tub again.

His own hands moved to settle over yours.

"We know."

The sound of the bathroom door opening pulled your attention away from Hitoshi and towards Shoto, who was wiping his hands with a hand towel.

"Dinner's ready."

The blend of being in clean clothes, well fed, and Shoto's warm hands working on heating your sore joints made you wonder how you had managed to stay awake. It was well past one in the morning, and somehow all three of you didn't seem close to sleeping. Instead, you had all made your way to the couch to get a headstart on your lazy day.

Your legs were currently draped across Shoto's lap, his hand currently rubbing at one of your knees, melting the stiffness away with almost no effort. Hitoshi had assumed the same position he had in the tub, arms caging you against him.

It felt like it had been a lifetime since the last time the three of you were in the same room together like this.

You were glad to be able to breathe again.

Your train of thought was effectively derailed when you felt heat crawl up your leg, making your leg jump instinctively. You tried to sit up, but Hitoshi's arms tightened around you, refusing to let you move. Your eyes darted up to look at him in confusion, and for a moment he looked back at you, but before you could ask him to let you get up, his mouth was on yours, and your request died in your throat.

You closed your eyes, sitting still as you felt warmth glide over the skin of your thigh before ducking under the hem of your shorts.

You counted yourself lucky to have found people who would take care of you when you couldn't.

#shoto todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki imagine #shoto todoroki #hitoshin shinsou x reader #hitoshi shinsou imagine #hitoshi shinsou #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia imagine #my hero academia #scenario #comfort #director fugue

84 notes · View notes

azenta · 4 years

Note

I think the reason your 3 fix typing doesnt make sense bc u said you feel unique already and don't have to prove anything is because 3 fixes don't think this way about themselves. 3 fixes feel they're not worthy unless they're achieving something. they have trouble understanding they're unique because they're worthy human beings and should stop trying to prove something. you may be a very healthy person who has learned self love but it takes years for 3 fixes to accept they're unique and worthy

u said you feel unique already and don't have to prove anything

I try to prove myself constantly to a point it's really dumb of me. I don't remember if I said I never felt like proving anything, but I can tell you if I did it's because I am conscious it's useless and more harmful to want to prove myself, but can't acknowledge I do so because I need to be "irreprochable". So, what I do doesnt match what I should be, thus a beautiful almighty Denial mechanism from me there.

Tho, I said I dont need to prove that I am unique, and this is true, I dont try to prove that i am unique. However, i don't claim i am unique in the sense that i am SO SPWECIAL compared to others, because I am aware that not only me but everyone else is unique. Claiming you are unique is not a 4 statement in itself anyway, like wtf. Needing to feel unique is a basic human need. We all need to feel we have something separating us from others, and all the need to also feel we are not alone and not TOO different either. However, 4s/fix developed a fear around that need, and fight the feeling(/belief) of being so normal that they are obsolete and totally unworthy of almost living. Or they have felt so different that they understood from it that it was problematic about them, and decided to embrace it as a counterphobic measure (thus their self deprecating annoying discourse). "Fuck yeah i am different, while all of you losers are just some sheeple without personality" or "i know i suck but at least i have a personality" is some 4 catchphrase i have heard unironically many times when they were on a reactive strike.

3 fixes feel they're not worthy unless they're achieving something.

True. They seek being competent and capable, and do so by achieving things they deem are valuable (Je and IVs dependent).

They have trouble understanding they're unique

This is 4s, not 3s. 3s dont care about unicity on its own unless their unicity is an asset to make them do better and achieve excellence (3w4). Their unicity is a tool to stand out and be noticed for their greatness.

3s are cp like 4s, so they go and act against their inner belief of worthlessness. Both 3s (<< 3w4) and 4s ( << 4w3) pretend to be either better(3) or more unique(4) than they are. Both fear being bland and ordinary, of being a nobody. But 4s want to be acknowledged for how "unique they are" as a person, how them as an individual stands out and matter, while 3s want to be acknowledged for their "achievements and successes", for their excellence and Competency TM. 4s want recognition for their traits, for their personality itself, with their flaws and qualities (4w5 > 4w3), while 3s want recognition for their doing, they want to create an image of success, of something greater than they feel they are, that would make up for their flaws (3w2 > 3w4). 4s embrace their identities, 3s reject it ; until of course they become healthier and 4s learn that their flaws can be worked upon without losing authenticity (improvement -> 1) and 3s that their flaws are alright, that they don't need to prove others, the world even, that they do good despite their flaws, and that others are here to help, not to deter them from it because they are too worthless ( -> 6).

You'd be righter to say 3w4 can feel more threatened on their uncity and have some cp reaction more so than their 3w2 counterparts, but 3w4 are less likely to feel attacked on unicity itself (vs 4w3) as they know they are ready to bend part of their identities to achieve whatever they want to and therefore know the limit of their unicity, and authenticity especially. 4s do not bend their identities, 4w3s will show off the part that makes them feel the most unique, but they won't by any mean hide any part of it. They want all their whole self to be acknowledged. 3s doesnt want you to know their shitty part, 3w4s are aware of those shitty flaws and will only present them if it makes them look better, ironically.

But still, 3w4s are likely to brush away anyone telling them they are a fake bitch because *cp voice* "I am better than you, and your opinion has no value, inSigINficAnt fOoL". In other words, attacking their unicity is more a low threat to their "excellence" and that's why they'll react, so not because of being fake, but more because fake = you suck, and 3s "do NOT suck", they are "the best".

And well, if I retyped as a 3w4 fix I'll let you guess which fear and beliefs I noticed the most in me.

you may be a very healthy person who has learned self love but it takes years for 3 fixes to accept they're unique and worthy

It's been years. But of course, i still have a lot to do or else i wouldn't be on a burnout. Self-work is never completed, it's a work you have to do all your life. Still, it's my last fix, and with the amount of therapist apointment + my job that still also offers me apointments to take care of myself (not just offered to me tho), i can tell you it's not my last fix that is causing me the most problems in my life until now. Even i'd say, it's the one the least problematic and that caused me trouble only when i reach my limits and meet unhealthier levels. It's in part because of that burnout that i had to notice the image i tried to protect really wasn't about unicity, it was also about competency, about how much i was reliable and the best at what i master (x 1 x 5 influence here). "Look how much i fucking stand out because of how good i am" is the image i wanted to reflect.

I dont mind if you arent convinced that I am a 3 fix, and you are more than welcome to object yourself and argue furthermore if you want. I kinda like to explain stuff a bit too much, and the frustration to be doubted fuels me of motivation and energy, ironically.

#ask #3s #4s #e3 #e4 #en #typing

15 notes · View notes

maikatc · 4 years

Text

Black Sun Tale | Dearest

i feel like this chapter has a lot. huh. i’m the the lot is some great content though.

remember that this is a first draft with only minor edits, but enjoy! comments and reception is always appreciated.

A snore crept out of one of the two, gentle albeit messy… What a distracting noise, yet that of comfortable nostalgia from being bothered by such a thing, even if both were asleep.

Though regardless, the spring sunrise shined from the window. Its rays focusing on the room and gleaming on the third-grade textbooks, barely finished, or the piles of papers and utensils on the floor. The conundrum of a mess bustling itself with scribbles of drawings and poetry and leftover clothing picked out after shopping with assumedly-stolen money. Sheet music notes and lesson-charts sat comfortably on the side, piling itself and waiting for when it can scatter around the room with the rest. A ukulele shined from next to the bed and the bookshelf left ignored from the wavering sun whilst a switchblade was left hidden and ignored in the closet for the first time in ages. And with such a sight from the young boys’ room, the loving chaos still hid from outsiders that never knew of one of the two.

Those two however, shined beyond the rest. From one taking up majority of the bed, and the other almost fighting back with the blankets, they tangled up together in comfort of one another. Their breathing calmed with both of their touch from an earlier embrace and the mere knowledge of the other’s presence lifted one’s fears.

In the light, one awoke, bothered by it. His mixed eyes pinched with the rising sun, and in the matter of seconds, he realized their tangled position. Despite the oddity, he chuckled silently at the normality. With careful arms, he unraveled Oliver’s arms over his and attempted his best at rolling off again.

“You aren’t leaving him, are you,” she asked.

“Of course, not,” he whispered back. Away from the bed, his mind wandered to what item in the room to pick up first. For one, the instrument was off limits for the time being after almost breaking a string. Secondly, a sad burnout began erupting for him towards his sketchbook, as Oliver explained prior. Silence was always a rule for the night by Ayu’s standards, from when he snuck across rooms to be rid of his mother’s bottles, to even then to not possibly wake another mother.

He would have winced at the last choice of the textbook, however in his luck, Oliver stirred. Stirring always meant his soft waking in Ayu’s head. In the anticipation of the new day, Ayu lofted his head at the bed again, waiting for Oliver’s stirring to end, and his eyes to flutter up.

Oliver met his innocent eyes when he first awoke, shining brightly with those colors of blue and grey, no red in sight. His hands clasped empty, with the person he hugged in the night sitting on the floor next to him. Groggy, he sat up, pulling the blankets that fell over back into the bed. “Can you fix the blankets today?”

“Yeah.” Oliver rolled out of bed himself with the reply from Ayu. “If you let me skip the math questions today,” he smiled.

“Ayu, you can’t avoid long division for a week.” Oliver picked up some leftover papers from last night on the floor, forming yet another pile. “It isn’t even that hard to figure out.”

“Says the one who never struggled in school.” He grabbed a paper off of Oliver’s hands. “Besides, aren’t I getting a lesson from Eilwen today?”

“Yeah, but you haven’t seen her in a few months,” he took away the drawing. In it held a simple portrait of outside the window frame. Oliver smiled at the simplicity but continued, “And you haven’t been in school for almost five years. There’s a difference.”

Ayu pouted, to Oliver’s pity.

“To make up for it, I’ll make whatever you’d like in the fridge,” Oliver said.

He however retorted, “Isn’t that just the usual deal?”

That was actually a fair point surprisingly. “Well, yeah– but it’s better than nothing, isn’t it? Can’t do much when I’m eleven.”

“… I’ll take it.”

Ayu still sat on the floor with a paper and book on his lap; Oliver lied around in the freshened bed relaxing himself from finished work. Though, Ayu reached out the paper, pointing at a section of the notes, and asked, “Ollie, what’s the fraction remainder of this one?”

“Two-thirds.”

Eilwen sat by the edge of her candlelit room, darkened from the lack of light. Her head balanced crookedly to the rest of her body with her hands placed justly underneath. The pocket-watch seemed nowhere in sight but in front of her bestowed multiple items.

Ayu stood by the door, thoughts curating on what sort of lesson he would experience today. His nose tickled and ran from the odd scent of the room. And his eyes burned for no apparent reason. However; remained quiet without much of a complaint.

“Ayu, you do know your eyes are bright red at the moment, correct?”

In the question and the realization, he blinked and shook his head. “No, not really… But it doesn’t happen that much. Why does it smell funny in here?”

She answered the second question as a brush off. “I burnt some sage here before you arrived to see effects on you. But, you’re saying your eyes are something of occasion,” she asked.

“… I guess?”

The tension grew from Eilwen’s end. She breathed out. “I didn’t call you here for a lesson,” she said, “You’re here so I can test you.”

“What?” The word test frightened Ayu from Oliver’s past mentions of it. “Why do you want to–”

“Your associations with Akeldama are rather peculiar, are they not?” She stood up, holding the first item up against her gloves. Despite the covered cloth, the item steamed in her hands.

Ayu nodded, backing away in the process.

“I want to understand why Akeldama has such affiliations with you from what Alice had told me… What your connection with him is, in a sense.” Her eyes tilted towards the other items behind them then. “I assume you heal quickly like Oliver?”

The question rang worry. “Why are you asking?”

“I won’t if you don’t abide to it, but I hoped to see at least some blood samples from you to be frank.” The item still steamed in her hand, but her face showed no reaction.

The sight brought Ayu to ignore her answer. “Isn’t that thing painful?”

She finally held it in the sight of Ayu; it was a cross. “Why, yes it’s supposed to from our contracts with Akeldama. But I’ve held one enough times for my hands to be null void.” Her eyes blinked into a pause. “It’s safe to assume that this may hurt, and you may run off if you like.”

But the door already left them.

“Are you willing to help me run these tests?”

With hesitance, but curiosity, Ayu nodded.

“Thank you.”

Soon enough, Ayu was seated in a chair placed near the table, oddly ready for any testing.

Kneeling closer to him, she asked, “Where would you want this placed if it stings?”

He gestured at his legs, not as boney as their prior meeting, but enough for Eilwen to comment, “You seem to have harmed this place already…”

“Just get it over with,” he said.

With an eye at him, she replied, “Alright. Please don’t kick if it does hurt. I’ve heard of your strength before.”

And with the comment, she placed the cross down on his shin in the slowest of pace. From the tip of the metal to the mass of the shape, a burning sensation kicked instantly.

His urge to jolt attacked him with the pain, but instead of doing as such, he hissed instead for her favor, “Stop, stop, stop–”

She herself jolted from the command, and pulled back with a stern expression. Her eyes studied the shin it was placed in, “Oh dear.”

The recovery from the pain still lasted, up to his stomach’s own urge to somehow vomit. “What?”

“It seemed to have left a mark.”

“It what?!”

“Do you have a pain tolerance?” She asked. “Because it seems to be very harmful.”

The surprise made Ayu fluster, “How bad is it?”

“Close to blistering it appears,” she turned to him, “but it looks bad enough that you should have screamed…”

The scent of the room did not help with the minor pain that left regardless. “I can’t compare how bad it was… I don’t think I’ve been hit by someone before. I’ve only hit… others, and myself.”

Her staring froze. “Is that where these bruises are from?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “I’m dumb aren’t I?”

“Idiotic.” A hand grabbed bandages from the side and wrapped both injuries. “Let’s see what’s next.”

She pricked deep enough into his finger for a decent amount in her sample vile. The color of his blood strained darker than most other shades he had seen.

“What are you gonna do with that anyways?”

She answered, “Test it with everything else. The plant will be the more interesting subject considering how an iblis’ blood can be poisonous if found.”

“How poisonous is the monster blood?” It was a strange idea to Ayu, considering he had never seen the blood of the monsters before.

She scoffed, “You can turn into one of them yourself if you indulge in it, though it takes a couple of pints.” She grabbed the cursed cross again, “Let’s try it here first.”

On top of a wooden plate, the experimenter tipped the vile ever so slightly. With time, the dark blood crept down on into the cross, and at the first touch, the blood burnt off.

A click nipped from her lips. “Uncommon attributes in your blood I see.”

Throughout the entire procedures, her hands never wrote notes onto anything, to Ayu’s notice. Her calculations all occurred in her head with little analysis, and the methods all formally played out in her assumptions. In curiosity of these readings, he asked her, “How do you know all this stuff?”

Already, her focus faced the plant in the very corner. Its stems stuck up in thickness and lines whilst the leaves made no focus for themselves, leaving the stems to wander up and about around the vase. “I know most of these through experience. However, Alice did teach me of basic human study after her days in home remedy.”

Another drop formed from the vile into the plant, and after a mere second effects arose.

Eilwen stepped back from the reaction, as the stems that stretched so lively began to wilt and grow black. All the parts of the plant dove down from its previous ways and lied dead on its vase with the dark colors quickly proceeding.

“This…” Eilwen held her breath, only to Ayu’s wonder for the plant.

Despite its obvious death, once the black corroded through the being, it dissolved back into the vase. Then abruptly sprouted again into snapping little creatures. The creatures almost hissed in wails, seeping out the tiniest bits of liquid, but soon enough a flame was put through it.

The flame, brought upon by Eilwen and her candle, also died down relatively quickly with the monster.

Without Ayu even realizing, Eilwen huffed from assumedly her held breath. “That…” She placed her candle down. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

The door appeared once again.

“You may leave,” she said, “I believe I have enough of what I need… Be wary of what’s to come soon.”

Oliver left himself in his ‘I give up’ stance again, lying down in the grass field after ages of exhausting himself over shapeshifting.

Into the sky, he groaned, “You think it’s supposed to be easier after making a fucking cup disappear but now you’re warping your physical form.” And the frustration leading his hands to pull his face.

With the sky, he stared at it for far too long. Enough for his focus to trance into the abyss of his blank thoughts. But after another blink, a pair of eyes stared down at him.

“What’re you doing,” Ayu asked.

The suddenness of his appearance bolted Oliver up, knocking their foreheads together evenly. “Holy shit,” Oliver hissed while getting up, “where did you come from?”

“I just walked up here!”

“But I didn’t even–” He paused. “Is this how it feels to get invisible-pranked?”

In reaction and quick recovery form the hit, Ayu only blinked. “I don’t know.”

“Great response.” Oliver brought himself up again from Ayu’s arrival. “How come you’re here so early.”

A shrug rolled from his shoulders, “Eilwen let me off just now so I came to watch you practice.”

The new pressure of the hour claimed itself to Oliver. Now with his widened eyes and his lazy state, he waited for Ayu to add.

“I’ll be quiet support,” he cheered with jazz hands, to the other’s adoration. “But… what are you doing?”

The topic, in which Oliver never wanted to try again, needed to be explained yet again by his sigh, “I got introduced to shapeshifting today.”

“Oh, my God,” Ayu jumped in his seat, “You’re doing it for once?”

“Yeah,” the excitement rolled Oliver’s eyes over. “But, I have to figure out how to deteriorate my body first!”

And with just those words, Ayu’s expression changed and his head tipped over.

“… I’ll turn into a black abyss then I can turn into things.”

“Oh!” The idea finally clicked. “That… Okay I get why that’s hard now.”

Oliver nodded along with him, and sat back down with him. “Today I’m just trying to get my hand to warp.” He placed his hand into front attention, and both him and Ayu stared into it.

“… Is anything gonna happen?”

“Nope.”

The issue brought some struggles into the table for Ayu’s day, as thought was required. Though luckily, ideas already crept through his mind during the conversation. “Did you try… turn your hand invisible.”

The command baffled Oliver at first. “What? Okay.” But the command was simple by this point. Within a few seconds, his hand vanished between the two of them. “Now what?”

He needed to think up of the words. “Pretend like that hand that should be there, belongs to someone else?”

“Like whose?”

“I don’t know.” Some digging dove in his mind. “Let’s say Faustus to make fun of him.”

Oliver chuckled.

“Faustus wants his hand back,” he said. “But you’re hiding that hand from him.”

“Through invisibility?”

“No,” he replied. “From making it not exist for him.”

With his foreign words, Oliver followed what Ayu said with hesitance. “Now what?”

“Turn off the invisible stuff.”

And from those silly words, Oliver did just that. His hand slowly revealed itself, to both of their dismay to see the typical brown. However, soon enough the tips of his fingers appeared, and one was missing.”

For a few seconds, they both stared. Then Oliver spoke out, “What the fuck?”

A bend of the hand later, the piece is still gone. He pulled it over and inside the missing piece of limb was a void of nothingness inside the hand. Eyes widened, Oliver shook it back and forth, and then poked himself with the finger. The piece literally was not present.

Disheveled, Oliver confirmed, “Okay, so I think it worked, but how do I undo it?”

“Uh,” Ayu panicked after realizing even he never knew what he was saying. His own limbs shook in thinking. “Just think it exists again?”

“I don’t think that’s enough description, Ayu!”

“Do you think I know what description is,” he barked. “I don’t know, bite your finger?”

“Ayu,” Oliver stated, “My pain tolerance is nonexistent; I’ll bite my finger off if I do that.”

“Fuck you’re right,” he agreed. “And I don’t want to punch you again…”

“Why are all your backup options involving me getting beat up?”

Ayu answered back, “Because those are the ones I was always taught!”

“Well, that’s another thing that’s concerning but we’ll talk about that later,” he exclaimed. But it turned out that after their small argument, they looked back at the issue and it already returned.

They both took a minute, but sighed in relief once they hit the ground.

“… You really resort to punching?”

Ayu reminded himself of the comment. After a few shuffles, he said, “I guess so.” He went on, “I ask what to do and it’s pretty much always fighting back… and hit yourself to make you stop. All that stuff.”

A tense grew in Oliver. “Ayu, that’s really not a good thing?” He rolled over towards Ayu, leaning himself on one arm. “That’s just bad for your wellbeing, and makes you a dick. Besides, it’s cooler to use your wits nowadays.”

Ayu replied, “But I’m not smart, I’m just dumb.”

And at that moment all the insults Oliver threw months before clicked back to him. Oh shit. “You can be smart, like just now. You were able to figure out deterioration before I could.”

“I guessed though. I didn’t even know what I was saying.”

“But it worked.”

“Even though I couldn’t help you get rid of it…” His body turned around, away from Oliver.

A small frown packed Oliver’s face, obvious of Ayu’s growing discomfort. A new strategy had to be formed, quickly at that. He stood up from their lazy states. “You know what? I think I know what we could do while we’re here.”

“What?”

And Oliver turned invisible.

“Really,” Ayu complained.

However, it was all in Oliver’s plans of new fun. Backing up, he set himself to charge at Ayu and run away of impact. Luckily, he gained some speed through his dieting, and the abilities helped. After a decent distance, enough to only view Ayu as a well-sized blob, he ran towards him. Swiftly, the breeze grazed his hair and face at the charge, and with nifty hands, he patted Ayu’s head.

“Tag,” he yelped while appearing again, only to hide himself once more.

“Oh,” Ayu got up as well. “Oh, you little fuck,” he smiled. A jump and a kick off later, and he busted running in his speeds.

The speed itself flinched Oliver for its arrival, but he laughed and continued running nonetheless.

For Ayu, however, was a different story. Despite Oliver’s own advantage of his invisibility, the crunches he formed onto the grass still paved his path everywhere he ran. Then lurking in his ears, Ayu heard those footsteps and all the twists Oliver made in his own escape, an experience he already faced prior. But regardless, he played along with Oliver’s sense of superiority in the game.

“Come on, Ayu! I’m pretty sure out of anyone, you can catch me,” Oliver cheered.

Oh, is that what he’s going for? Ayu sighed in his head, but figured Oliver was already putting all his efforts in anyways. Suppose he just wanted to lift his spirits, in fact, he was, but the comment already seemed forced. Regardless, he determined himself to take advantage of the moment. “Alright, guess I will.”

Tracking Oliver’s running patterns seemed easy enough. His turns, after a good bit of fake-running and waiting, finally made to where Ayu could catch him. And at that time and curve, Ayu ran for the win.

With Oliver’s breeze of a run, he turned his head to check Ayu’s whereabouts, ready for the next tease. However, he did not expect Ayu to run directly at him in the side, then tackling him with the yell of a, “Tag!”

The momentum of the tackle left both of them falling and rolling together on the grass in recoil. Through the rolling and tumbling with grass sticking to their clothes, it ultimately ended up with Ayu pinning Oliver underneath him in winning fashion. They stared into each other, but the rolling pains hit them both as Oliver laughed, “Okay, I think I lost.”

Ayu, blinking for a second, laughed back and let go of the position, returning to lie down next to him.

They giggled off a little more for the childish game, disregarding them still being children.

“The tackle didn’t do anything, did it?”

“No,” Oliver reassured, “The rolls just cracked my bones a bit much.”

“No breaking?”

“Pretty sure not.”

The new silent peace brought upon Oliver to add on to it. “… How long has it been since we’ve met?”

Ayu said, “We met in October, so that’d make it seven months, right?”

“Good math.”

“Thanks.”

Oliver continued after his compliment. “A lot happened after that, didn’t it?”

“Mainly because of coincidences but fair point.” The grass itched Ayu’s skin but in a comforting manner. “Honestly, the monsters have been gone long enough that I can relax a little more.”

“Yeah, now I’m the only one you have to deal with.”

“Don’t say that!”

Oliver giggled at his retort, “Okay I’m exaggerating; we haven’t seen the wolf in forever, I know. But you have to admit, I still have monstrous tendencies even if we doubt it.”

“Don’t we all?”

“… Yeah everyone here’s a little fucked up apparently.”

A calming ambiance chilled them over while they gazed at the sky together. However, for Oliver, the topics that he hid from himself and Ayu rushed back in his mind through the silence. The time was perfect for him to ruin it, but everything always ruined everything, so he pushed ahead.

“Ayu… How are you feeling right now?”

Ayu tilted his head towards him. “Good? This is kinda nice, you can say.”

“No, I don’t mean that,” Oliver said. “I mean, it’s good that you’re feeling good right now but–. How are you feeling about life? With how you got here, and the wishes, or your dreams?”

Ayu gripped his hair. “Isn’t that a little much to ask?”

“I just want you to let out whatever’s in your mind for once,” Oliver said. “Since I don’t think you’ve ever gotten much of that.”

“Yes, I have,” he argued.

But it was all invalid with, “Ayu, you told me you were taught to cope by beating stuff up six minutes ago.”

The counter jabbed Ayu a bit with his own prior words. He blinked a few times, then breathed out. “Okay, but there’s not much to say.”

“That’s fine, just let it out.”

Thinking forced Ayu to sit up. “… Where do I start?”

“Anywhere, I assume. And I’ll ask as you go on probably.”

That help reached Ayu as if nothing touched him. “Okay… I guess let’s start with my dreams?”

No reply.

“There’s nothing that bad with my dreams; actually, I think I like them,” he began. “Uhm, I like them because they’re good for my stories. But, they usually add more to it than needed from what people told me, and it makes everything too confusing for them to like. My stories are trashy, compared to how I wanted them to be since… I never told anyone this before, but…”

“But what,” Oliver asked.

For some reason, Ayu could never control his grin at the motive. “I’m making my comics for somebody; I want them to be proud of me after I worked so hard.”

A smile crept from Oliver. “That’s pretty sweet.”

However, the tone died after breaking innocence. “They don’t like how I made it, though. It’s disappointing… They said nobody would ever bother to read it… That’s one of the ways I’m kinda incompetent, really incompetent.”

“Ayu, you’re not–”

“Shut up,” he exclaimed, “you already told me that a million times.”

His tone brought Oliver to fear in his tangent. Had he ever heard the boy tell him something like that?

“I’m an incompetent, dumbass kid,” he said. “I’m that dumbass who killed so many people because I asked without thinking. I was eight sure but can I do anything about it now? No; because I’m too fucking weak to do anything about it despite every step I take and I’m hurting people somehow.”

His words picked up in volume, and his speeds brought his monologue into rambling. The more he spoke, the more he pulled his hair as well.

“Everybody is suffering because of me and my stupid, selfish wishes. I wanted to be a hero; I wanted to have friends, but I didn’t know what that meant. And I can’t stop it! I have to rely on everybody and sit around with only comics at my side and even that is terrible! I do nothing and I practically am nothing; pretty much nobody knows I exist anymore anyways. And none of this would have happened if I was a bitch and–”

With all of his huffs and drive, he stopped. Gasps for air came his way for his held breath. But soon, his breathing crumbled, along with his voice.

“Why did I run…?”

All of his venting shook Oliver in his core. The pieces of this conclusion seemed as something that laid right in front of him for ages. Yet, only now did he see them pieced together. And that, processed poorly. “Ayu, what–”

Ayu propped himself up and his feet moved with his mouth. “Fuck this.”

Oliver’s processing unit somehow slowed from its increasing malfunction. But once Ayu continued walking farther, he himself propped up into a quick run. “Ayu, wait.” He grabbed his hand, grasping it and holding it steady. Denying words could never work again, he figured. So, basic assurance seemed as the only thing of help. “It’s going to be okay.”

“How?!”

He gulped, “I’m here… and we’ll fix it all together. One step at a time.” Lacing their fingers together, Ayu’s shaking, Oliver brought to him a smile. The same peaceful smile he raised up to his mom for so many years, all to preserve life behind the dread.

Despite his efforts, Ayu did not turn and eye into it. Instead, he froze with the shaking hand, and clenched his grip.

“Ayu,” he cried, “that–” but he stopped the rest of the sentence. Another trigger would ruin the moment, so he endured the pressure.

And afterwards, Ayu chuckled with the smallest sound. “You’re a lot nicer than before. You know that?”

Ignoring the pain, he replied, “I’ve always been nice; it’s just that I think I forgot how to care for a while until you came along.”

“I’m just that much, aren’t I?” He yanked out of the hand-holding, much to Oliver’s lost balance. “We should go back to Alice. It’s been a while hanging out here.”

Regaining balance, Oliver stared at the now calm Ayu in disbelief, as it seemed he copied his own style of emotion recovery and avoidance. Well, not entirely, but similarly in nature. “Uh… Yeah I guess we should.”

As they arrived, Alice stood by the porch table, setting the final touches to what appeared as Oliver’s proper meal of the week. The faint scent already hit his nose as he waited for the satisfying dish.

With a quick glance, Alice jeered out, “Oliver! How is your progress now?”

“It’s okay,” he yelled back. “What’s the food today?”

“An average roast. I didn’t have many ideas in mind today.”

“Well, it still smells good,” he added. Once he reached to Alice’s spot, he took over the seat.

“Wait a moment, Oliver, I still need to fetch a utensil.” However, right as she began entering back into the cottage, her eyes glanced at an Ayu standing by the side. “Oh, you can sit along with him. I prepared a meal for you too.”

“You did?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “I knew of Eilwen calling you over for something so I figured you should have something else for the occasion.”

“Huh,” he said. Hopping from the steps to the porch floor, he replied, “Thank you,” as he sat by Oliver, ready for their first time dining together.

***

“Alice, why are you taking us inside?”

“Because,” she led them inside her cottage and the surprisingly various rooms inside. “It’s been some time since you asked me for that gift you mentioned, and I’ve finally gotten what I needed to give it to you.”

One final turn interrupted Oliver. “Wait, do you mean– oh, my God!” He ran towards the present in astonishment around his face.

Ayu watched in confusion. What Oliver gushed over in awe appeared to be a piano, but one of old browns and rust. He figured the boy would never be impressed by the quality. Though, the rustic nature had an appeal.

“Alice, how did you find this?” He squeaked at the press of an out-of-tune key. “This is an antique!”

He studied the features of the metals and the wood cuts around it all as Alice spoke. “Well, I went and talked to Akeldama about you wanting the instrument, and he happened to have a lot lying around according to him.”

The name rang a bell for both of them, and they both questioned, “Akeldama had this?”

“Why, yes. He has many items in his pocket dimension.”

Ayu asked, “And what’s that?”

“His storage space.”

Oliver cracked up at the fact, but Ayu stood baffled at the idea of Akeldama giving such a gift to Oliver.

In playfulness, Oliver played a few chords to test. “I wonder how old this is from the lack of tuning… Did Akeldama not care?”

“He may have not been interested in this one specifically, but it may have been the best he had. And if it needs adjustments, he may still know a thing or two.”

The offer seemed promising, but Oliver shrugged it off. “Nah, I think this is fine. It fits the old-ness in a way.”

The chords built themselves off more and more, but they all played choppily. And after a few more notes he knew from his own signature instrument, his mind paused. … I don’t know how to play this thing. Through a simple yet rushed transition, he set aside his playing. “I’ll need some practice but honestly, this is great,” he laughed. “Hey Ayu, why don’t you try a little?”

Ayu, staring by the side, whipped his mind awake and asked, “What?”

“Come on a play,” he repeated.

“Why would I play it? It’s yours…”

He beamed at him. “Because, it sounds funny. Plus, it’d be nice for you to just try it out since I don’t know much either.”

That smile intimidated Ayu somehow, enough to give in. And he sat beside him on the piano seat. Once some moments of silence set in, he knew Oliver would not guide him yet. Thus, he prodded his fingers onto the keys, one by one, pressing at random. No melody formed, nor did a tempo, or a key, or anything of substance. This went on for multiple seconds to a few minutes.

The stiffness bothered Oliver to no end, in reality, as his patience stabbed him in the gut for letting Ayu play in such a way. However, an alternative was found to save himself from such experimentation. “Here, let’s teach you a chord.”

He guided one of Ayu’s hands to the beginning of an octave, and slowly adjusted his fingers to the right keys. Once they aligned correctly, he gently pressed for him to play.

“That’s what should be a C major chord.” He patted Ayu in the achievement. “And I think you can make up your own now, can you?”

For a moment, Ayu glared at the keys, carefully placing his fingers over new ones and pressing.

“Interesting… That’s a suspended chord.”

“You know I won’t remember anything you’re telling me, right,” he asked deadpanned.

Oh no, the attitude is back. “Probably.”

“Oh,” Alice said while in the background. “Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“I assume you’re about to leave, correct?”

Oliver nodded while playing with Ayu.

“There’s something else I’ve been saving for when you do leave,” she said.

Curious, Oliver turned and stood from his seat towards her. “What is it?”

Opening her book, she summoned a flat-looking bag in front of them. “When I asked for the piano, Akeldama said to also give you this along with it.”

She handed it off to him, and both him and Ayu looked at the small bag in confusion whilst the inside felt hollow. “Why’d he give me this?”

She shook her head, “I do not know, but you may open it.”

From the bag, Ayu gathered next to Oliver as well. The strangeness of the gift increased most definitely for both of them, but what was inside still mystified the air.

Reluctantly, Oliver opened the bag to find the hollow item, and even then, was there more confusion.

***

Huh, Oliver stared at the gift after his research in his room. From its sheen wood surface that plated itself with small metal keys, it was a confirmed kalimba, or thumb piano as the internet sometimes called it.

Such a strange item, he studied. Its keys played gently of that of a music box for a lullaby, which it technically could be accounted for both literally and purposefully. Sure, it was mix-matched, and the pretty keys were jagged from age, but the sound made up for it all. Melodies formed easily and gracefully even if played choppy from his infers. Honestly, it seemed of some use for his style of music and covers.

While studying he joked, “Ayu, you can probably master this thing, its super simple.”

But Ayu’s reply was nothing.

Despite the silence, Oliver continued. So, Akeldama first gives me a switchblade and now a nice, aesthetic instrument? We need to look more into him nowadays. –

“Hey, Ollie,” Ayu called out from the bedside.

“What is it?”

“Come over here.”

A lopsided look was given to him, but light only illuminated in Oliver’s corner of the room, so Ayu’s expression hid in the darkness. Regardless, Oliver stepped onto the bed by Ayu’s side and asked, “What’s up?”

And only in the matter of seconds did Ayu tackle him again, only onto the bed and in a shaking hug. He grasped and clung to Oliver as tight as ever, yet the grip was weak and shivering.

Soon whilst lying down, a sniffle covered the room’s sound, then another, until cries rang onto Oliver’s ears.

“I,” Ayu trembled in his words, “I’m sorry… I can’t do anything.”

He continued crying into Oliver’s chest, rubbing his tears all over his sweater. Oliver looked down upon what was occurring, but instead of any surprise or panic, he knew something would arise from that conversation. More than he initially expected.

He hugged back, cradling the boy’s head in his arms and brushing the tuffs of his hair.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, “I’m here for you, remember?”

With every comb, his hands faintly touched Ayu’s shaking body. He gasped for the air out of his cries and wailed in choking up.

“Here, let’s…” Oliver glanced over from their position, in which they were stuck in the middle of the bed, and all of Ayu’s weight hefted onto him. “Let’s get a little bit more comfortable…”

He moved them into the pillows and under the blankets, where Ayu still hung on Oliver under his head.

“Ayu,” Oliver began, “you’re a good person. I know that for sure.”

He remained silent, much to Oliver’s incline.

“You’re probably the best person I’ve ever met. A best friend if you will. We’re best friends, right?”

He felt a nod underneath him.

Oliver smiled. “I’m glad… Out of anyone, I think I was the selfish brat at first, but then I met you, as dumb as the introductions were,” He chuckled at his speech. “You changed my life, and helped me realize that I wasn’t going to be alone forever and…” Even he began to choke up at his words.

“And what,” Ayu croaked.

“You aren’t going to leave me.” Despite the emotions, Oliver set it aside from Ayu’s turn. “That was my fear, I guess. But you disproved that and you haven’t left me alone since; and, you’re wonderful to be around.”

Only those sniffles were left to handle.

“You’re more…” Damn, compliments are trickier like this. “You have this stubborn bravery to you that I like. And your simple thinking’s actually calming for me since I overthink half the time… Simple’s the best way to put it; you answer everything as you see it and I think it works for a duo like you and me. Despite everything you’ve been through, you still want to stand with your goals since you know that’s right… That’s what I love about you; you have hope. You had enough hope to give me a chance, to tell me that everything will be better just like I’m telling you right now. I would’ve given up, Ayu, so long ago, and right now I’m stopping you from going down the path I could’ve gone to.”

He hugged Ayu back as tight as he did.

“I’m sorry if I ever said or did anything to hurt you. I didn’t know what I was saying. You’ve gone through just as much as I have… That’s something else I realized.”

With his words, Ayu kept silent. But finally, he said, “Thank you.” Then asked, “… Can you keep on talking? Just about anything. I want to listen to you.”

He nodded back. “Alright. Anything?”

“Yeah…”

Memories of his own request flurried back in Oliver’s mind in his understanding of that need of comfort. “I can talk about how my day was with you, then,” and the words fluttered in Ayu’s ears as he calmed from his stuttered breathing.

“Oh yeah, there was this thought I had for a while.”

Ayu nuzzled in from the cuddling, still listening to Oliver’s words as it started to dry out from speaking. He listened to his day, his thoughts, his imaginations, ideas, epiphanies, everything that whisked him away somehow. They all expressed mindfulness in each word, and he could not have enough. “What is it?”

“I started thinking about this scenario,” Oliver rasped, “about if the world ended.”

His own voice drowned in a drowsy state, eyes burning from all the crying and exhaustion. “That doesn’t sound like a nice thought.”

“Obviously not,” he huffed. “But, I was wondering what people would do… and what would I do in that scenario. If the world was dying, and it was only a matter of time for me, or you, or anybody to be next.”

“…And?”

“There wasn’t much I could think of, since it really does depend on how the world ends, but out of all the routes, there’s only one thing I want to do for all of them.”

The nature of the conversation rang dangerous bells for Ayu, yet he continued it with, “What would that be?”

He said, “I would never want to go to sleep.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because,” he explained, “you can die at any point when it’s all over. So, if I’m asleep, I can die in my sleep, and I would never have the chance to goodbye… to anybody.”

His answer spoke to Ayu, and remained as words for him to remember always. However, with his tired mind and recovering state, he replied, “Makes sense… Ollie, can you sing for me?”

He looked down upon him. “Is there a particular reason why?”

“The world’s not ending, so I think I’m ready to sleep right now.”

He chuckled a little, combing his hair once more. “Okay. I’m guessing you want an original.”

“I never heard one so,” Ayu snuggled in with his own smile, “obviously.”

Oliver’s face warmed, but without any embarrassment. “Okay, Ayu.”

And with lyrics for the occasion, he quietly sang a piece from those nights of new beginnings.

“My dearest,

all the shadows that have followed us have come

and gone.

My dearest,

all the darkest that had weighed me down

is far and long evermore.

My dearest,

you have come to greet me in a light

that shines across us every night…

My dearest,

We will roll along again.”

Oliver’s eyes drifted, with his last view being Ayu sleeping by him, his tears gone and his breathing cooled. He smiled as he closed that view, uttering the last words.

“My dearest,

We will roll along again.”

3 notes · View notes

hillnerd · 6 years

Text

reunión familiar- chapter 4

Percy meets Audrey during the reconstruction after the fall of Voldemort, both working in family reunification. He needs to work to repair much at the Ministry, as well as his relationships with his family. This explores how he handles time post-Hogwarts Battle. Percy/Audrey. Canon compliant. Not sure how long this will be

Rated: PG-13 CHAPTER 4 - 9,035 words ff.net A03

trigger warnings: mild language, death mentions, depression, ptsd, battle mentions, panic attacks

The following chapter describes intense crime scenes, has some disturbing imagery. It also describes the sensation of not being able to breathe.

Reader discretion is advised.

[PREVIOUS CHAPTER]

CHAPTER 4

Percy had never been good at setting limits for himself. Overworking himself to the point of exhaustion was a natural state for him. He’d work beyond burnout, as if there was an endless fuel of energy within him, not matter how thinly he stretched himself.

When he was younger he truly felt there was no limitation in what he could accomplish. If you want to get a job done, there is limitless energy you can expend to get said job done. All you had to do was organize your mind and POOF! It would get done. Allnighters, skipping meals, social isolation, pushing caffeine-like potions and even using charms to stay awake. Those all felt reasonable to him. Afterwards he’d feel shaky and exhausted, but one good night of sleep or two and he’d be back to normal.

Now, no matter how he tried to dole out his energy more wisely, he felt like he’d run a marathon of allnighters. A constant numb tiredness saturated him. He was only twenty-one, but feeling decades older. He supposed he accomplished quite a lot in a day compared to most people, but that failed to energize him or make the numbness dissipate. If anything, he was aware of how little he could accomplish compared to before.

He had so many people coming into his office, and so many papers, and so many questions, and so many problems to solve and… He just couldn’t handle it like he used to. His head was pounding, as if the pulse wanted to make its way out his eye sockets.

He looked up from his form at the old man across the table. He was looking at Percy expectantly, as if he could provide an answer that would fix everything, but Percy knew he would be very little help at all. He wanted to help. He’d cut off his right hand if he thought it’d help. But nothing would. Percy’s hands began to sweat.

“I don’t understand…” the old man let out.

“Your son’s body was found at the Mireland Camp. We can perform a spell to give you an image to identify him, just to make sure, but fingerprints indicate it to be John.”

“But… but I received his letter. Just weeks ago. His letter…”

“Yes… It looks like it was sent to the wrong address, and someone sent it to you just now.”

“How… How long has my John been dead?”

“This form says about four months.”

The old man gave a shuddering cry, and Percy quickly conjured a handkerchief for the man who began sobbing.

The old man had been searching over half a year, and finally when he thought he was to be unified with his son, Percy has to tell the man they found nothing but a body.

In the past few days, he had to tell over a dozen families they’d found their loved one’s body. Aurors had uncovered a Muggleborn ‘internment camp.’ They had named it Mireland Camp. A camp seemed such an inadequate term for what they’d discovered. It was a prison of death and torture. Inhuman experiments had been performed on prisoners there to try and find the ‘root of their stolen magic.’ They’d done everything they could to strip prisoners of this ‘stolen’ magic,’ and then when Voldemort’s defeat had happened, the wardens abandoned their prisoners. It was a well hidden prison, with so many spells in place that no one knew it existed but those who had been there. If not for a confession from a captured Death Eater, all the prisoners would surely have died. Many had starved to death, though, unable to escape the pens they’d been locked away in.

There were mounds of bodies, and so far, only less than one hundred had been identified. The Death Eaters’ records had been enchanted so only a Death Eater could read them. The Ministry only had a few people with Dark Marks willing or able to read the records. Death Eaters were currently dictating documents to Quick Quills, even as Percy sat here telling an old man the search for his son was at an end.

They were lucky that his son had been a Ministry employee- otherwise, they would need to do a variety of tests to identify the half-putrefied corpse. It had only been preserved well enough for fingerprints due to a peat bog the Death Eaters had been throwing corpses in. Some of the prisoners were turned into Inferi— left behind by the monsters who had run the camp. They had been a nasty surprise for the Aurors and volunteers who went on a rescue mission to the Camp.

“Do they know… Do they know how he died?”

Percy roughly swallowed. There wasn’t enough flesh to immediately how John had died, but given the five arms growing out the side of the body, it was likely due to a human experiment gone wrong.

“It’s unknown. An autopsy would need to be done. If you’d like to forgo that, of course, you may. It can be easier on the family, in these cases, not to know.”

Percy hoped the old man wouldn’t try to find out more about the camp. Every new file he came across left him feeling nauseated. He hadn’t been able to imagine anything so inhumane or sick as the variety of horrible deaths he’d been told about. The only thing thing he could be grateful for was that he didn’t have to go there and help remove the corpses. He was looking forward to getting the victims of the prison back to their families, if they had any.

Family reunification.

It had seemed like such an easy task at first. Just getting people back together! Fill out some forms, arrange a portkey here or there, and poof! There are happy families having a reunion.

Percy was not prepared for the influx of people who didn’t know where their family members were, and was even less prepared to inform them their family members were dead. It grew harder and harder each week. The longer he worked, the dead people or missing family. His files were filled with face after face. They had a book of pictures for people to look through— some were pictures of the dead, some were children who didn’t know their full names, some of people suffering from so much mental spell damage they didn’t know their own name. Lastly, there were spells they could use to reconstruct a corpses face. They were somehow most disturbing, because the face would look alive and whole- when in fact the owner of that face was dead and their body so destroyed that they needed a spell to create a face.

The old man didn’t spend much time in the office, and Percy was terribly grateful for it. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself together watching an old man mourn for his son, openly weeping and asking questions no one should have to ask about their child. Percy’s hands had a tremble in them as he escorted the man out the door.

The door shut, and not for the first time, Percy felt his own breath start to hitch. He rubbed at his eyes, stubbornly trying to keep his tears at bay. He was too tired and had too much to do. There was no time for him to sit and cry now. He had no time at all. His box was filling up with more people to see, and he couldn’t stop for a moment. He leaned his back against the door to take a calming breath, but his ribs refused to move normally. An invisible vice tightened around his chest, leaving him unable to catch his breath. His mouth airlessly convulsed, gasping and trembling, face red, eyes watering. He couldn’t breathe!

He looked for his wand in panic, hoping he could do a non-verbal Anapnea and get air. His wand rolled from his grasp under the table and he hadn’t the breath to find it. He looked to his desk where the Mireland Camp documents sat. Was one of the documents he touched cursed?

He’d never felt such tension run through his body before. His stomach roiled and he vomited where he stood. Tears blinded him as he couldn’t stop gagging, panting, and feeling as if his lungs were going to leave his body.

Shivers ran up his arms and he just managed to collapse to his knees when a knock came at the door. He couldn’t make a sound, and somehow the knock made it even more impossible to breathe. The someone knocked again, and Percy managed a gasping cry of ‘no!’ before the door burst open and to his horror his father, eldest brothers and sister-in-law stood before him, wands drawn and ready to attack. They looked down in surprise to find Percy on the floor, still unable to breathe and lungs burning.

“Merlin!” Dad cried out, kneeling beside him.

“Percy, are you ill?” asked Fleur.

Percy fiercely shook his head, unable to say a word. His lungs kept pumping, but it was as if all the air had left the room.

“Everyone out,” Dad commanded the room. They quickly obeyed, leaving just a father and his third son. His dad did some spells beside him before saying, in a slow calm voice:

“I have a cold cloth I am going to put on you, if that’s alright. Concentrate on how cold it is. It will help.”

Percy let out a hiss as a cool cloth was applied to the back of his neck.

“Now, focus on something ahead of you. How about the the wallpaper pattern. Try to count as many of the dots in it as you can.”

Percy thought it was ludicrous to count dots when he couldn’t breathe, but hadn’t the energy to ignore his father. Time seemed to crawl as they sat there on the floor, counting wallpaper dots and breathing. Eventually the choking sensation subsided and his breathing became more slow and even. He knew his office was rather warm, but his whole body seemed to shake and convulse with cold.

“You’re ok, son, you’re ok,” Dad hummed.

“I’m sorry,” rasped Percy, giving a rough swallow.

“It’s fine,” said Dad, standing with a small grunt. “Are you alright with the others coming in or should I ask them to leave?”

Percy gave a shrug. He couldn’t bring himself to decide anything, he just felt tired.

“You ok?” asked Charlie as he barged into the room.

“I guess? I don’t know... what happened… One moment I was fine, and the next— the next I was…” He gestured pointlessly, his boneless arms lamely flopping by his side.

“I think you had... What is it called, Bill? Une crise de panique?”

“What?” Percy dazedly asked, not knowing as much French as he would like.

“A panic attack,” Bill answered from the doorway, looking grim. Percy flushed and tried to rise, feeling a bit dizzy as he did so. To his shame Fleur and Charlie caught his arms and guided him to a chair as if he were a fainting miss from the 1800s.

Charlie was staring at him as if he were an injured baby dragon, a big hand rubbing at Percy’s shoulder. Percy didn’t have the strength to shrug it off. Fleur conjured some fresh water and handed him a glass he drank from. The cool water did little to rid his mouth of the acrid taste of sick, but he was grateful to have something to concentrate on as everyone stared at him.

“Have you had one of these before?” Dad asked, taking a seat beside Percy.

Percy shook his head, unable to look at any of them.

“It wasn’t a panic attack,” he let out. There must have been something cursed in the papers. He’d been holding them all morning, after all.

“Well, you are not ze only one to ‘ave these, Percy. Zey are not uncommon, especially after all this war.”

Percy shook his head again. He couldn’t have had a panic attack.

They all seemed to exchange looks around him.

“It’s fine, Percy,” said Bill. “A lot of people have these—”

“It wasn’t a bloody panic attack!” Percy snapped, stunning everyone silent. “The papers… The ones from Mireland. It must have been those.”

Percy shakily pointed to the papers at his desk. There were two in the file that were from the Mireland Camp. He wouldn’t put it past the Death Eaters to curse someone who had it in their presence too long.

Bill took his wand and grazed it across the papers, a series of runes and light rose from the paper. Percy felt his ears go red as he made out some of the runes. He was rusty, but as far as he could make out, there were no curses there. Just the enchantment to make the paper unreadable, which he was already aware of.

Bill squinted at Percy, but said nothing. They all silently knew there was no curse on the papers.

“When’s the last time you ate?” asked Charlie, more loudly and cheerfully than was natural.

Percy wasn’t sure and gave a weak shrug.

“We came to get you for a surprise lunch at the Burrow,” said Dad. “Your mother’s made a nice spread. She finally had the inclination to make a big meal, so we thought we should embrace it while it was here.”

“I have too much to do—” Percy began, but Charlie had grabbed him by the shoulders and was pulling him up.

“No way, Perce. You’re coming to the Burrow and taking the rest of the day off,” he proclaimed, moving round to poke at the books on Percy’s desk. “Your schedule doesn’t have anyone on it.”

“That’s because I have paperwork to do.”

“You need to put your paperwork off to tomorrow,” said Bill. “After one of these it’s best to take a rest.”

“I can’t! I’ll get behind!” said Percy, starting to feel the burning sensation in his lungs start again. “I can’t get behind! If I do, then there’s more families not finding each other and it will be my fault. They’ve been through too much. I can’t— I can’t take a moment! I can’t stop for a moment! I can’t stop— I can’t!”

“Percy,” he heard his father say firmly, but kindly. Percy snapped his gaze up. Dad calmly put a hand on Percy’s. “Come home.”

Percy had no fight left in him. He could barely breathe, let alone fight back. He dumbly nodded.

Charlie volunteered to side-along with Percy, but thankfully their Dad intervened and did it instead. Charlie had never been the best at Apparating. The only time Percy had side-along Apparated with Charlie it had been a sickening experience that left him dizzy for hours afterwards. An apparition with Charlie after his current illness would surely leave Percy sick to his stomach, if not unconscious.

They had little to say as they made their way from the Apparation point, and Charlie slowly walked beside Percy. It was casual, but Percy could tell his brother was tensely at the ready should another ‘illness’ take him. His knees felt weak, so after walking only a few meters he was grateful to have someone nearby as backup.

They entered the Burrow and their Mum immediately bustled over.

“Oh, I’m so glad you all could make it, even though it was so last minute,” she said, giving each of them a hug.

Every Weasley was present except for George. Blessedly no one pointed out his absence; otherwise their Mum would probably have her own une crise de panique. As they gathered round the table, Ginny and Harry seemed more interested in each other than anyone else at the table, and Hermione was reading the Prophet making a face. Ron gave Percy a nod as he came and sat at the table, while Charlie doggedly followed and sat beside him. Mum had made a delicious meal, but it all tasted like sand to him.

“So how has your day been, Percy?” Mum asked.

The table was subdued, which made it all the more loud as Percy’s hand shook with his tea cup.

“Er, fine,” he flinched, putting his teacup on the table with much more force than necessary. He just needed to lie down for a nap and he’d surely feel better.

“You’ve barely eaten, are you alright?”

It felt like everyone's eyes were on him and the room wanted to close in again. Hastily he muttered an excuse before quickly making his way to the bathroom. He took off his glasses, and turned on the sink to splash cool water on his face.

What the hell was wrong with him? What even was a panic attack? It’s not like he was in a battle, or doing anything that took real effort. Why was he so weak? He knew his brothers were right to insist he take the rest of the day off. He was too useless to even have a meal with his family. There was no way he could concentrate on paperwork right now. He’d just have to work the weekend a little longer than usual.

Mind made up, he opened the door to find Charlie. He sitting across from the door, large boots almost touching the side jambs.

“Have a seat,” he said, patting the wooden floor beside him.

Percy wanted to roll his eyes and apparate home, but lack of energy made him trippingly lower himself to the floor beside his hulking brother.

“Been a while since the two of us were sitting like this,” said Charlie.

“Yes. We’re a bit grown to be sitting in the middle of a hallway,” said Percy, his legs uncomfortably splayed before him. His legs were much longer than Charlie’s, and he had to bend them at an odd angle to sit with his legs splayed ahead.

“Your feet didn’t touch the wall then,” Charlie grinned. “We’d sit here all lined up waiting for our turn to use the bath, making sure we got in before the others.”

“Bill would always take the longest,” Percy said with a smile.

“And I would always take the shortest,” Charlie said with a laugh. “You can primp, pee, and brush your teeth anywhere. Plus, perfecting writing my name in the snow helped keep foxes out the hen house.”

“You definitely weren’t relieving yourself outdoors for altruistic reasons, nor would I call an ‘x’ perfecting your ‘penmanship.’”

“How dare you question my virtue! Or my penmanship!”

“Plus, I had the best penmanship of us all” Percy said a wry grin.

“Cheeky bugger! Next Christmas we’ll hold a contest. Didn’t get a chance to put you in your place the last few years.”

“I know… ” Percy grimaced. “I’ll never be able to make up for—”

“Not because of that. I was in Romania,” said Charlie, hitting Percy in the arm. It was meant to be playful, but pain radiated down his arm nonetheless. “Merlin, Perce. You need to lighten up. It’s no wonder you were having a panic attack.”

Percy bristled and began to get up, but Charlie easily pulled him back into place.

“I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“I don’t have anything to say about it,” muttered Percy.

“Then don’t say anything,” said Charlie, roughly patting his brother with a pie sized hand. “We knew what you were going through in your office. We might not be the best at helping after one, me especially, but you need to know you’re not the only person in the family who has had these.”

“You—?”

“Naw, not me,” he said with a squint, before running a hand through his hair. “Look, if I tell you who it was they’d hate me for it. I can’t do that… But I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. It’s normal—”

“What happened today was anything but normal,” Percy protested.

“Fine, it’s effed up,” Chalie relented, “but a lot of people have been there, including one of your own family.”

Percy couldn’t fathom any of his family being a disgraced blubbering mess on the ground like he had been earlier that day. His drew his knees up to his chest, feeling very useless and small.

“Don’t give yourself grief over it. I’ve helped them before when they had an attack. I can give you some advice, if you like, or a book to read,” Charlie mentioned the book with a bit of a smile. His calloused hand patted Percy’s before he stood up with a grunt. The floorboards seemed to grunt too at his lumbering movement.

Charlie was nearly to the stairs when Percy called out, “I’ll take the book.”

His brother gave a broad smile and continued down the stairs.

Not wanting to face anyone quite yet, Percy took the familiar stairs to his childhood room. Every creak of the stairs sounded the same as it had always had, and every picture frame was housed in the same place it’d lived for over a decade. He daren’t look at the pictures, though. Too many of them had pictures of Fred in them, and it was too painful to see him and George smiling together.

Family reunification. It was ironic he should be in charge of such a task, when he’d done his level best to keep himself away from his own family for years. When he finally reunited with them, his family was torn apart forever by Fred’s death less than an hour later. His family had been mostly whole for less than an hour, all because his stubbornness and pride kept him at bay for three years. Charlie hadn’t joined the fighting until much later, so technically they weren’t all together in one place for almost four years.

Percy looked about his familiar room, and put a hand on his old desk chair. How many hours had he wasted sitting in that chair cursing his family for being so loud and just having fun? He longed for a familiar bang or smell of gunpowder to waft from the Twin’s too quiet room, but of course, there was no sound at all. With a practiced motion he untied his shoes, took off his tie, and put his glasses on the bedside table. He would sleep, surrounded by the horrible quiet he had always wanted as a child.

Having a good rest left him feeling much recovered as he returned to his office to gather some papers. The normal trudge to his office felt like nothing at all with a good bit of rest behind him. He spied a strange sight in front of him, though. His whole family along with Harry Hermione and Fleur, were standing in front of his door. They were waving in his direction, some of them beckoning him to hurry. What in the world?

“Come join us!” called his family.

He made to join them when he felt a hand on his arm stopping him. Fred was there, broad and smiling at Percy.

“You can’t think they meant you, mate?” A charming smile adorned Fred’s face as blood began to pour from his mouth and ears.

“Of course not… Go ahead,” Percy politely answered, standing in place, watching as Fred joined his family, undisturbed as the blood trailed along the floor and started to surge.

“Percy,” came a sweet voice beside him. Audrey was holding the bodies of two children who weren’t moving. “Will you help these two find their parents?”

The children were rotten. Rotten like they’d been in a peat bog. Of course he’d unite them. He just needed to sleep first.

Blood was filling the corridor, but no one minded. It was warm and comforting. He just needed to rest, then he could unite the children with their parents. He’d sleep here in the hallway. There were beds all along it, blood slowly overcoming them. His family were all lying down in the beds, and Audrey was too. It was a peat bog of blood and beds, that had a knocking sound echoing through it.

“Percy?”

Percy woke, disoriented, his stomach made turbid by the bizarre nightmare. It was an all too mundane sensation. He had disturbing dreams a few times a week.

A knock came at the door. Wait, were they knocking a second time? Was that in the dream or real life?

“I’m up,” Percy replied, voice hoarse from sleep.

“We have some supper, if you’d like to come and eat,” came his father’s reply.

“I’ll be down in a moment.”

Percy slowly dressed, cleaning his glasses as he made his way past the family photos. He stumbled a bit down the stairs to see only Mum and Dad downstairs, putting out some serving dishes.

“Charlie left a book for you on the cat, dear,” said Mum, gesturing to the ceramic cat shaped planter in the corner. It was the spot his family always put errant objects that needed to be claimed. “Why he thinks you’d want to know about dragon mating rituals is beyond me!”

“Where are... everyone?” Percy asked, opening the book. The cover was about dragons, but the inside seemed to all be about anxiety and coping with panic attacks. He quickly stowed the tiny book in his pocket.

“Bill and Fleur went home. Charlie’s with them. The rest are down at the quidditch pitch. One of us should send a patronus to get them,” said Mum, getting the silverware.

Percy wasn’t sure he could make one. He didn’t have anything happy enough to conjure more than a whisp, much less a corporeal patronus. Dad looked equally spiritless at the prospect of sending a Patronus. The two of them eyed one another a moment before Dad volunteered to get everyone at the pitch. He didn’t send a patronus; instead he walked down the path to the orchard.

He could have apparaed, but Percy thought it wiser to walk. After the war people avoided any sudden Apparations that might surprise a group. It was a perfect way to get a face full of defensive spells thrown your way, otherwise.

His Mum was at the sink and let out a loud sniff as she filled a pitcher with water.

“Are you alright, Mum?”

“I just shouldn’t have said anything about a Patronus. You father hasn’t made one Patronus since… since…” She shut off the water and wiped at her eyes. “I’m being silly. Don’t mind me.”

Percy quickly cradled his mother as she began to sniffle even harder.

“You’re far from silly, and I’m sure Dad won’t mind,” he said, patting her back. After a few moments she pulled back and put a hand to his cheek.

“My good boy,” she fondly murmured. He hadn’t been called that by her in years. She had a different nickname for each of her children she used when she was most tender with them. It immediately made him feel seven years old again, wrapped in a blanket and getting a batch of her special hot chocolate. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

He knew it would make her happy to say yes, but without Bill Fleur and Charlie there as buffers, Percy wasn’t sure he had the energy to cope with the rest of his family.

“I’m sorry, but I really can’t stay. I missed a lot of work today, and need to get in a bit of time before bed.”

His excuse sounded plausible enough, and he was quickly laden many leftovers, making the walk to the Apparation point a delicate situation. Containers nearly went spilling every few steps. Once home he found it difficult to swallow any leftovers, despite eating little that day. Perhaps he was coming down with something. Sleep and hunger seemed equally elusive that evening, for after hours of readjusting, he couldn’t manage to relax and sleep. Finally he resorted to a dreamless sleeping draught, which had been languishing in his cabinet for an indeterminable time.

The next morning the normally dreary walk to his office left him unsettled. Vague memories of a blood filled hallway made him march past his office like a harpie was on his heels. His office was no respite. He couldn't stop recalling his embarrassing panic attack. With a fumbling hand, he opened the book Charlie had gifted him the night before. He quickly scanned it for tips, finding it had a format that didn’t work well for speed reading. There wasn’t a quick list of do’s and don’ts available, and it made him irked. Instead the book was endless personal anecdotes.

He was about fifteen minutes early, so he supposed it gave him the time to read for a moment. He found one section that had a quiz in it, making him feel better about it. He could take the quiz and be done with it.

“If you have an abnormal amount of stressful events in your life and don’t know how to cope with them, you are at greater risk of having a panic attack. Look over the Social Readjustment Rating Scale below and see how much stress the life events during the past year have caused you. Please note that when the word ‘change’ is used in this list, it means both positive and negative events.”

There was a list of events with numerical scores next to them he was supposed to add. Most of them were mundane or didn’t seem to apply, and there were very few about anything as dark as death, let alone war. He ended up with a score of 305.

“If you score below 150 points on this scale, you have about a one in three chance of serious health change (including panic attacks) in the next two years. [...] between 10 and 300 your chances increase to 50/50. Over 300 points, and your chances are an overwhelming 90 percent — unless you learn some coping skills.”

Percy began to speed read trying to get some coping skills within the next three minutes, but with a knock on the door the parade of people began to march into his office. He’d have to find coping skills later.

Fate had spared him, to some degree, as this batch of people were far less draining than the day before. He was informing people of alive relatives, portkey approvals, and stamping paperwork for them. No one was dead. Nothing grim had to escape his mouth. Nothing dire fell upon his ears. He was feeling better. Almost normal. The last time he’d felt this way was at lunch with Audrey.

He was set to volunteer with her at the children’s home, but wasn’t sure if he should be more nervous or excited at the prospect. Children weren’t his forte. He was never particularly liked by kids even when he was one. His nerves increased knowing Harry would be there. Ron owled him to say as much, but had left out important details like time of arrival, who else might be there, or what he all he had informed Harry of.

Percy couldn’t blame Ron for not going into details. His younger brother most likely planned to tell him in person at the Burrow, and Percy had made it nigh impossible for that to occur. For some godforsaken reason Percy had added to the situation his ex girlfriend. There were plenty of other people to help her find her niece and nephew- he could have easily given her their contact information.

Despite all this, the image of Audrey’s expectant face brought a sense of calm. He felt ridiculous for being so excited to see her when they barely knew one another. He had plenty of co-workers he’d worked aside, yet she was the only one who made him nervously bite his lip and bounce his knee so hard he spilled his ink.

The rest of the day seemed to fly by, and soon he was at home ready for bed. He quickly flipped through the book, but found it tediously schmaltzy. It was all about thinking positive, having affirmations, being aware of ‘cognitive distortions’, ‘grounding’ oneself and other useless bits of advice. With a roll of his eyes, he placed the book in his desk drawer to return to Charlie.

If all he had to do was ‘think positive’ Percy was certain he didn’t need that silly anxiety attack book. He was fine today anyways. It was amazing how well he felt, really. Things went well at work. He was getting on with his siblings. He was going to see Audrey. He would get a good night’s sleep easily. Life was great- but nervous energy bounced round in his stomach, and sleep evaded him with every turn.

Around eleven at night he laid out several different outfits, trying to not be so stuffy, as it was the weekend and volunteering with children. Going through his closet, he realized he had few casual options. Most of his clothes were perfect for a business meeting, but few were good for much else. The most casual clothing he had was one of his Weasley jumpers from three years ago. He hadn’t changed much in height or build the last few years, so the jumper seemed to fit well enough. The weather forecast was blissfully cold for July, with rain and cloud cover imminent.

Around one, he then had trouble deciding which book he should bring for the children, if any. Would they have books? Part of him had wanted to send an owl to Audrey to inquire, but it was far too late and he’d look like a lunatic. Many of the children would be muggleborn, so perhaps they would enjoy The Tales of Beedle the Bard. Ron had always been fond of Babbity Rabbity when they were young.

Around three he rechecked his alarm for nine thirty, then set another one for nine instead, so he’d have more time to get there. Then he set two more alarms so he couldn’t accidentally sleep through one.

Around four he finally fell asleep.

He woke to the pair of blaring alarm spells, and stumbled his way to the bathroom. He rushed through his morning ablutions, and nicked himself shaving. He quickly staunched the bleeding with a bit of tissue. He was done so quickly with everything he had far too much time on his hands, not being due for another forty five minutes. Pacing his flat made the minutes drag even longer. He attempted to read, but all the words blurred together as his nerves got worse by the second.

Finally, thirty minutes before he was due, he could take it no longer and apparated to the sign that read ‘Magical Child Welfare Office.’ The sky was light grey, and moisture clung in the air. It would rain any moment. He bounced on his heels, agitated with himself, for he couldn’t possibly enter the home and not be seen as a conspicuous loser for arriving so early. It would not do to stay there and get drenched. He turned to apparate home, but saw Audrey walking his way in large pair of wellies, both arms filled with large paper bags. Mortification, and something else, fluttered through him as he saw her.

“Percy!” “Pardon!” they each let out in turn.

“I told Obasi you’d be here early,” she said with an arch look.

“I didn’t want to be late. I was going to wait out here a bit so I wouldn’t inconvenience you,” Percy answered lamely, though he warmed to the fact that she’d discussed him.

“Nonsense, I’m glad you came early,” she said, as he took a bag of apples from her. Her radiant smile warmed him.

“Obasi thought it’d be ten minutes early but I thought at least twenty. Now Obasi owes me a knut!”

Percy’s smile fell. Yes, someone as pompous as he would be an object of ridicule to them. The only reason she was happy to see him was due to being a knut richer, and having a warm body to help with things.

“I’m glad my fastidious nature made you a profit, even if it’s small,” he said, hoping his bitterness didn’t show.

“Well, you’re definitely paying off your lunch from the other day,” she said giving him a playful nudge towards the gate. “Though for someone so fastidious, you should be more careful shaving.”

“What?”

She pointed to her own chin and laughed. Patting his face he found the bloody tissue was still there. It figured. Nothing was going to go right today.

“Let’s get inside before the heavens open up on us,” she smiled, and with little preamble he was scooted along the path towards the cozy home. Only a few children were outdoors, some jumping in puddles, mud splashing in every direction. They gave a chorus of giggles as Audrey spelled them clean, booped each child on the nose, and swept them inside.

Inside was a pure chaos reminiscent of Percy’s youth at the Burrow, only with oodles more children. It was warm and humid, with seemingly every square of carpet taken over by children. Some children were quietly reading in corners, but most of them were loudly playing board games, running about or making crafts.

“Snack time in ten minutes, everyone, so get to your tables please!” Audrey called over the den in a Wagnerian manner.

“You’ll put cups onto the trays, Percy,” said Audrey, before leaving the room.

“Catch!” said Obasi, throwing an extra tube of paper cups Percy’s way. He fumblingly caught it, and doled the cups onto a nearby tray the little owl-eyed woman conjured for him. They had a large pitcher of juice for him to pour out, and he nearly spilled the thing as one of the children bumped past him. With practiced precision, the other adults opened sleeves of crackers, and quickly spelled some apples into appropriately tiny slices they portioned out in a trice.

Percy glanced around to find Audrey, and saw she was helping a child who had spilled some paint and was loudly crying. She was quite patient as she murmured something to the girl who nodded and stifled her tears with a small smile. It was a delightful tableau to watch, Audrey gently hugging a small child to her like that. She was such a natural with them. The room was frenzied as the children crowded around the tables, but Audrey kept her calm.

Percy’s feeling of contentment fled his body when there was a loud bang that resonated throughout the room. Percy quickly had his wand drawn, and everyone gave a start. One of the kids meekly gave an apology, having accidentally slammed the piano’s lid shut.

Most of the room seemed to ignore Percy, and they continued on as nothing had happened. Percy, however, felt a bit of the jitteriness he had the other day in his office. His chest was beginning to constrict.

“Not here,” he whispered to himself, willing his body to still. His body ossified, all except his trembling hands. What had the book said? Something about coping skills? Thinking positive? But this wasn’t a thought problem! This was physical! He could feel his limbs shutting down, his diaphragm spasming. What was he supposed to do when his heart and lungs were the problem? He was going to collapse in front of everyone, he just knew it.

“Percy?” his head snapped to Audrey, attentively staring at him. His throat couldn’t say anything.

“I was thinking you could read to a group in the sunroom at the back. It’s nice and quiet there. I’m sure you’re not quite used to all this chaos,” she said, leading him to the back room. His feet woodenly followed her, and he was sure his hand was clammy for her to hold.

It was noticeably cooler in the sunroom, and much quieter.

“Mmm, feel that breeze coming in through the window! There’s nothing better than the smell of rain,” she said, taking a big whiff of the air.

He felt himself relax a bit beside her, able to take a shaky breath. Just sitting and breathing the air like this made his hands steady.

“We have a few books in the corner you can choose from. I wish we had more of a selection, but that sort of thing takes a bit of a back seat sometimes.”

Percy nodded, taking in the scent of the rain a few more moments.

“You alright?” asked Audrey quietly. She was still holding his hand. He flexed it and pulled away.

“Yeah… yes. I just have been a bit… Well, I brought a book, actually. My little brothers and sister were always fond of it,” he said, fumbling in his back pocket for his copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard. He handed it to her as he sat down.

“We don’t have that one! I’m sure they’ll love it,” said Audrey, ever enthusiastic. Instead of leaving to gather children, she sat down on the wicker settee beside him, and riffled through her paper sack.

“You ok if I relax out here a bit with you? It’s been a busy morning.”

“Of course,” he smiled.

She found what she was looking for and withdrew a chocolate bar from her bag with a triumphant crow.

“Here, have some,” said Audrey, snapping off a large piece and placing it in his hand.

He nibbled at it as he eyed the book he had brought. They sat in silence for a bit. Usually he’d want to fill the silence with babble or be harriedly doing something, but she was rather pleasant to sit and smell the rain with.

“I have a question,” said Audrey, “and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable with it, but I must ask...”

“It’s fine,” he said, though he was suddenly on edge.

“Back there, when the piano lid slammed, I saw you were a bit off and pointing your wand…” Audrey said, not looking right at him. Studying her hands she continued. “Are you alright to be around big crowds and sudden noises just yet? I know after battles and such, it can be a lot for someone to deal with. I don’t want to throw you into something that would be stressful, but I also can’t have wands being drawn for battle around the kids.”

“I can leave. I’ll leave. I’m sorry,” he said flatly, rising from his chair.

“No, I’m not asking you to—”

“You think I’m a lunatic. It’s fine. I understand.”

“I don’t think—”

“I’ll go. You won’t have to see me again.”

“¡Cállate! Percy, I swear if you walk out of this room, I’m going to kick you in the shins!” she blustered, blocking his path to the door. She was panting and looking very fearsome, despite being almost a foot shorter than he.

“Kick me in the shins?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes!” she answered without hesitation, little fists at her side, and mouth fixed in a pout.

“You have a whole array of spells you could use,” Percy began to snicker, “but shin kicking is your big threat?”

Her face curled up in indignation as he laughed at her.

“It’s— it’s not funny!” said Audrey, but soon she was smiling along with him.

He schooled his face into a much more sober smile.

“Well, we’re clearly at an impasse then. I don’t want to invoke the dreaded Morales shin kick.”

“You better not test me!” Audrey declared before biting her lip. “I am sorry I upset you. I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.”

“You’ve nothing to apologize for,” said Percy. “I overreacted to a very necessary line of questions. If I were in your position I would do the same, and not as delicately I’m sure.”

“I don’t think you’re a lunatic.”

“High praise indeed,” he let out bitterly. He took a breath and paced to the back of the sun room. He knew he wasn’t a pillar of sanity anymore. Percy looked up to her hazel eyes. They were so full of compassion and understanding that he felt words start to tumble out of him of their own accord. “I’m a bit of a maladjusted wreck right now, to be honest. In all likelihood, it would be best that I ward myself off and not enter society until I’m a bit more back to normal.”

“You think you’re the only one who jumps at sudden noises? If we only let problem-free people out and about, there wouldn’t be many left, would there? I’d probably not like any of them anyways. Far too normal for me. I’ll take a maladjusted Percy over a normal one.”

“You really shouldn’t,” he protested.

“I’ve already decided I like you, so it’s settled. You’re staying,” said said with a smile, that quickly faltered. “I mean, I’d like you to stay. I can’t force you to volunteer here if you really don’t want to. I mean, it’s a complete zoo, and if anyone is a lunatic it’s me, so I understand why you’d not want to be here.”

“I want to be here,” he assured her, hoping she could feel his sincerity. She must have, for she gave a hum and squeezed his hand for the second time that day. Maybe it was the chocolate finally kicking in, but Percy felt his chest rise with contentment and calm. Her hazel eyes twinkled at him and he felt a grin begin to take over his face.

“Am I interrupting something?” came the voice of Obasi from the doorway.

“Yes you are!” Audrey said, throwing her chocolate wrapper, which he easily dodged. She kept holding Percy’s hand.

“Kids overheard there would be a story time and are getting restless. Of course, if you’d like me to tell them Miss Audrey and Mr Weasley are too busy making eyes at eachother, I can do that,” Obasi teased.

“Shut it,” said Audrey, finally letting go of Percy’s hand. “How ‘bout it, Percy? You up for some story time?”

He lifted his book in confirmation. In minutes a passel of children were gathered at the foot of his chair as he read a few stories. They were particularly interested in The Tale of the Three Brothers. Percy was not a great reader. He couldn’t do voices very well, and lacked the dramatic brio Ron or the twins were able to lend a story, but they seemed enraptured all the same.

“‘But though Death searched for the third brother for many years, he was never able to find him. It was only when he had attained a great age that the youngest brother finally took off the Cloak of Invisibility and gave it to his son. And then he greeted Death as an old friend, and went with him gladly, and, equals, they departed this life.’”

Percy finished the story, and all the kids started talking at once and asking a number of questions. Audrey had said many of the children there were Muggleborn, so it made sense they all had questions.

“Does Death really have a cloak like that?” asked one little girl.

“I don’t know. I’ve never met him,” Percy answered. “But there are invisibility cloaks. They’re rare, but they exist.”

A chorus of awed children started telling him what they’d do if they had a cloak.

“Is there really a wand like in the story?”

“Course there is,” Percy heard from the back of the room. Ron was standing there and got a swat on his arm from Hermione, looking overly ferocious for him telling the children something so benign. Harry and Ginny were standing a bit further back, Harry doing his best to blend in to the wall.

“Everyone thank Mr Percy for reading us such an interesting story,” Audrey instructed the children.

“Thank you, Mister Percy,” they chorused as one, a few giggles breaking out amongst them as they eyed the new guests. Percy knew he was quite boring compared to the others, and was happy to have the attention on them instead of himself. He felt a bit irked when Audrey’s attention went to the quartet, but quickly put his jealousy aside. They’d have plenty of time to talk later. Each of the newcomers brought activities for the children: Hermione had a pile of books in hand, Ron a chess set, and Harry and Ginny each had a broom.

The kids were immediately rather taken with Ron, a few of the little girls poking his scarred arms with delight as they asked him more about the Elder Wand, but Ron was suddenly a bit less vocal about it as Hermione glared at him.

“Wait, Harry Potter?!” one of the older boys cried out, and the chaos of earlier was back ten-fold. All the kids scrambled to see the hero of the the wizarding world. Harry was somehow blanching and smiling at the same time.

Percy was about to check in with the owl-eyed woman when he was stopped by a boy tapping him on the elbow. It was the serious ten year old from the other day, whose little brother was showing so much accidental magic.

“Mr Percy?”

“Maximilian was it?” he asked the boy.

“Yes sir. I- I have a question,” he said, looking about to make sure they had privacy.

“Ask away.” Percy had always rather enjoy answering questions. It was the only thing he truly thought he was good at. He was not fun, charming or handsome, but he’d always been knowledgeable.

“Sir, if invisibility cloaks exist, then do Elder Wands and Talk to Dead People Stones exist too? Could that stone in the story actually be real?” he asked, staring intensely at Percy

“Well, I can not claim I know with all certainty the Wand and Stone don’t exist. Anything is possible really… But in all honesty, I don’t think they do. It’s an interesting children’s book story, though,” said Percy, looking down at the little boy whose face became crestfallen.

“Oh… I thought… Well if maybe I could find one I could use a stone to talk to my parents,” the boy muttered, more to his shoes than to Percy. The owl-eyed woman had said Maximilian and his brother had been through something bad, but Percy hadn’t stopped to think what that meant. Percy put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and lowered his voice.

“If I had a Resurrection Stone, I’d use it to talk to my brother.”

“Is there a way to talk to the dead, you think?“ whispered Maximilian.

“Not where they talk back. Some people think the dead can hear us, or watch over us, though.”

“Do you think that?”

Percy wasn’t sure what he should say to this.. Truthfully, he didn’t know if the dead could hear or watch over them. He didn’t want to dash the hopes of a child though. He was torn when an idea struck him.

“Are you Muggleborn?”

Maximilian nodded.

“Did you know that ghosts exist?”

He shook his head, eyes wide.

“They do. At Hogwarts there are so many of them, walking right down the corridors/ We have a ghost named Nearly Headless Nick., who’s actually rather nice to talk to. I asked him once about the afterlife: what is was like, if the dead could hear us, was heaven real...”

“What did he say?” the boy asked, watching Percy almost hungrily.

“Nick said he didn’t know. He had been afraid of death, you see, so he became a ghost without ever going to the afterlife at all.”

“Could my parents be ghosts?”

“Only wizards can become ghosts— but Nick didn’t seem very happy to be a ghost. He seemed to be saying brave people don’t choose to be ghosts. They choose something different.”

“What’s the ‘something different?’”

“Even a ghost of Hogwarts didn’t know that. But if a dead person has time to choose to be a ghost or not, then there must be something in the afterlife, right?” asked Percy. The boy nodded.

“Is your brother a ghost?”

“No,” Percy answered with certainty. “He wasn’t afraid of anything.”

“My parents were brave. They hid me and my brother from the Deadeaters,” said Maximilian. Percy kept his instincts to correct the boy at bay. “But can they hear us, you think?”

“I don’t know if they can hear us or not,” said Percy, wishing he had a real answer for the little boy. The best he could do was try to impart something of hope instead of just more sad non-answers

“I like to think they hear and watch over us. The story made a good point— We can’t be like the second brother who only wanted to talk to the dead. It’s better to connect with the living and enjoy life. If the dead can watch us, we should probably give them something good to watch.”

“Do you give your brother something good to watch?”

The question gave Percy a start. He knew the answer to that was no. He was barely able to just eat dinner and go to bed at the end of his work day. He lived a boring existence long before his brother passed, but it all seemed more hallow now.

“I could do better,” Percy answered tightly. “Now, why don’t you go on and meet Harry Potter and all his friends. You’ll like them a whole lot more than a fuddy duddy like me. Get your little brother and play some fun games with him. Have all the fun with him you can.”

Maximillian nodded, looking around for his brother.

“Ok. Thank you, Mr Percy.”

With that the boy went off like it was nothing, with the resilience only a child could show. Percy wished he could rebound from a conversation about death so quickly, but instead felt miserably close to crying.

“I like to think they watch over us too.” He looked up and saw Audrey softly smiling at him. If he was going to give his brother something good to watch, he couldn’t imagine a better person to help him. He’d happily have picnics, feel the cool rainkissed air, and get kicked in the shins by her any day.

#percy weasley #audrey weasley #reunión familiar #my writing #fanficition #harry potter #harrypotterfanfiction #fic

17 notes · View notes

sciencespies · 3 years

Text

Parental burnout in the US is among the highest in the world, and we may know why

https://sciencespies.com/humans/parental-burnout-in-the-us-is-among-the-highest-in-the-world-and-we-may-know-why-2/

Parental burnout in the US is among the highest in the world, and we may know why

Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but depending on circumstances, some people can find it much harder than others.

In recent years researchers have begun to recognize ‘parental burnout‘ – a condition in which exhausted parents become overwhelmed by their role as primary carers, potentially leading to emotional distance from their children, parental ineffectiveness, neglect, and worse in some cases.

But where does this phenomenon come from? To examine whether cultural factors might contribute to parental burnout, a team led by researchers from UCLouvain in Belgium surveyed over 17,000 parents living in 42 countries (with the data being collected between 2018 and March 2020, in the relatively normal parenting conditions before COVID-19 lockdowns commenced around the world).

In addition to collecting information about sociodemographic characteristics, the participants were asked numerous questions about their family dynamics.

Prevalence of parental burnout. (Isabelle Roskam)

The parents were also assessed for parental burnout by a questionnaire measuring emotional exhaustion, emotional distancing from their children, loss of pleasure in being a parent, and contrasts with their previous parental self (e.g., “I tell myself I’m no longer the parent I used to be.”).

The results showed that the prevalence of parental burnout varies greatly from one country to another, but when the researchers compared the burnout rates to a set of independent measures of cultural values and traits across countries, they found an interesting link.

“Individualistic cultures, in particular, displayed a noticeably higher prevalence and mean level of parental burnout,” the researchers, led by first author and developmental psychologist Isabelle Roskam, wrote in their study, published in Affective Science in early 2021.

“Indeed, individualism plays a larger role in parental burnout than either economic inequalities across countries, or any other individual and family characteristic examined so far, including the number and age of children and the number of hours spent with them.”

Specifically, this trend meant Western or ‘Euro-American’ countries, which tend to rank high for individualism, also reflected high levels of parental burnout.

In the results, Belgium showed the highest prevalence of burnout at 8.1 percent of parents, followed by the US at 7.9 percent, and Poland at 7.7 percent (which had the overall highest average level of parental burnout).

In contrast, many South American, African, and Asian countries tended to have a low prevalence of parental burnout, which the researchers hypothetically attribute to cultural factors, while acknowledging that the link they’ve identified requires further study.

As for why this might be occurring, the researchers speculate that it may be due to a transformation in parenting within countries that hold individualistic notions.

“The current results dovetail with sociologists’ observation that parenting norms in Euro-American countries … have become increasingly demanding over the last 50 years, resulting in intensification of parental investment, and growing psychological pressure on parents,” the researchers suggested.

“What parents feed their children, how they discipline them, where they put them to bed, how they play with them: all of these have become politically and morally charged questions… The distinction between what children need and what might enhance their development has disappeared, and anything less than optimal parenting is framed as perilous.”

While it will fall to future research to further examine these questions – and to confirm whether these sorts of pressures are significantly contributing to parental burnout in the countries of concern – the researchers say individualism was the only factor they could find to explain the differences in burnout prevalence.

The team also has some ideas on what might be able to reduce exposure to the pressures behind parental burnout. Put simply: you don’t need to do this all by yourself, and nobody’s perfect.

‘The first would be to revive in our cultures the dimension of sharing and mutual aid among parents within a community,” Roskam said.

“And abandon the cult of the perfect parent and gain some perspective on all the parenting advice out there in order to choose what works for you.”

The findings are reported in Affective Science.

A version of this article was originally published in April 2021.

#Humans

0 notes

your-dietician · 3 years

Text

Why business leaders need a 'wake-up call' to take burnout seriously right now, experts say

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/business/why-business-leaders-need-a-wake-up-call-to-take-burnout-seriously-right-now-experts-say/

Why business leaders need a 'wake-up call' to take burnout seriously right now, experts say

Amid the coronavirus pandemic, another health crisis has been lurking.

It affects people of all backgrounds and in some cases can have profound impacts on their health.

Burnout in the American workforce, which surveys indicate was a widespread problem even before the pandemic, is an issue that employers and managers can no longer afford to ignore as many companies contemplate return-to-office strategies and the future of work in general.

“This is a historic time; we’ve never been through anything like this. Our mental health and our physical health are really being taxed,” Darcy Gruttadaro, the director of the American Psychiatric Association Foundation’s Center for Workplace Mental Health, told ABC News. “If there was ever a time to raise these issues, it’s now.”

“If you’re experiencing burnout and you’re trying to ignore it, that will eventually catch up with you,” Gruttadaro warned.

Burnout is also killing people, new data indicates. Last month, the World Health Organization and the International Labor Organization said that working long hours led to 745,000 deaths from stroke and ischemic heart disease in 2016, a 29% increase since 2000. In a statement accompanying the study, WHO Director-General Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus linked the COVID-19 pandemic to “blurring the boundaries between home and work,” which resulted in longer hours for many — and thus a higher risk of premature death.

And if that isn’t enough for business leaders to take action, experts note that burnout is also linked to plummeting productivity, poor retention and other factors that can impact a company’s bottom line.

Data shows that pandemic-battered workers are now leaving their jobs at some of the highest rates ever. The share of workers who left their jobs in April was 2.7%, marking the highest “quits rate” since the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics began keeping records, according to data released by the agency earlier this month.

Here is what experts say defines burnout, why it’s been exacerbated by the pandemic, and what can be done to address it.

What burnout is and why it’s been magnified by the pandemic

While the term has been used colloquially for decades, the World Health Organization used three factors — energy depletion or exhaustion, distance or cynicism to one’s job and reduced professional efficacy — to define burnout as an occupational phenomenon for the first time in 2019. It is not classified as a medical condition.

“Burnout is when an individual is experiencing high levels of stress — and usually a person becomes cynical and kind of distant from their job. They just really are not feeling good about their job at all,” Gruttadaro said. “And then the third big area is their efficiency or their ability to perform their job really drops.”

It does not just have to do with workload, however, but also whether there is a sense of fairness in the workplace and the amount of control workers have over their tasks. While the self-help industry and employers may place the blame on the individual, experts say it usually has more to do with the workplace than a specific employee.

High levels of stress associated with burnout can manifest in people experiencing depression, anxiety, substance use, heart disease, obesity and a number of other illnesses, according to Gruttadaro.

Reports of depression and anxiety amid the pandemic have spiked significantly, she added, and overdose deaths have also soared — likely showing that many are turning to substance use in high numbers.

The pandemic has been linked to higher rates of burnout for both essential workers and white-collar office workers, many of whom had the privilege of continuing their jobs remotely.

For essential workers, the pandemic brought a myriad of new and chronic stressors related to trying to stay healthy and safe while working on site or getting to and from work, as well as many new restrictions and changes outside of their control at work.

For those who have been working remotely, many reported working longer hours — marked by days spent eating lunch at their desks or working through the time they would have spent commuting. As a shift to remote work blurred the boundaries between being on and off the clock, some data indicates work productivity actually ticked up during the health crisis.

New caregiving responsibilities as schools and day cares shuttered throughout the past year also disproportionately impacted mothers, leading to an alarming exodus of women in the workforce — many of whom cited “burnout” as the reason for leaving or downshifting their careers, one study found.

“Burnout is essentially saying there’s something not healthy, or not fair, in a lot of different places,” Christina Maslach, a professor emerita of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley and a core researcher at the school’s Healthy Workplaces Center, told ABC News. Maslach noted a feeling of unfairness — in pay, treatment and work assignments — within the workplace is especially linked to burnout.

That sense of unfairness can lead to negative feelings and cynicism toward your work, which often means “that people, in trying to cope with that, are doing the bare minimum rather than their very best,” Maslach added.

Maslach pioneered research on burnout, creating the Maslach Burnout Inventory, a research measure that was a key contributor to the WHO’s later work on burnout.

While there is a common fallacy that burnout and stress is a personal weakness or flaw, Maslach said it usually has to do with an unhealthy work environment rather than an individual not being able to take care of themself.

“It’s rarely something that affects an individual alone; it’s not just about workload,” she added. “It’s about how much control that you have and it’s also affected by the extent to which you get recognized and rewarded for doing good things as opposed to ‘a good day is a day when nothing bad happens.'”

What can be done to address burnout

Maslach warned that many of the solutions to burnout touted by the self-care industry and beyond deal more with coping rather than prevention, and sustainable solutions would require overhauls that tend to be very job-specific but address the root causes of what makes a workplace stressful and exhausting.

“It’s analogous to the canary in the coal mine,” Maslach said. “When the canary goes down in the coal mine and is having trouble breathing, and not surviving and not doing well, you don’t worry about how to make the canary stronger and tougher; you say what’s going wrong in the mine? Why are the fumes getting so toxic that a community can’t survive?”

Gruttadaro said that one thing employers can certainly do, however, is recognize that leadership matters with regards to burnout.

“Leadership sets the culture and organization,” she said, which is why it is so critical to make sure that “managers and leaders are modeling good behavior and not sending emails very late at night, not sending weekend emails all the time.”

Effective communication between managers and workers is also key, Gruttadaro said, such as having check-ins where workers can feel comfortable voicing their concerns to their managers and not just through human resources departments.

Microsoft’s annual 2021 Work Trend Index report warned that business leaders are “out of touch with employees and need a wake-up call.” The report found high levels of overwork and exhaustion among employees, but a major disconnect compared to managers. Some 61% of business leaders say they are “thriving” — 23 percentage points higher than those without decision-making authority.

At the individual level, Gruttadaro recommended doing what you can control — such as “setting healthy boundaries” — and if you’re working remotely to try and mimic the hours you would do if you were still going into the office.

When it comes specifically to dealing with stress management, Gruttadaro emphasized that exercise and sleep are essential, as well as engaging with activities that you enjoy.

“There are likely to be higher incidence of burnout at jobs in which people don’t have as much control over the activities they do during the day as part of their job,” Gruttadaro added. “So the more that employers offer opportunities for people to find meaning and purpose in their work, and really feel like they’re making a difference and they have some control and there’s a certain level of fairness associated with the way they’re treated during the day — these are all elements of a healthier work environment.”

Some companies, including Bumble, LinkedIn, and Hootsuite, have responded to post-pandemic burnout recently by giving all staff an entire week off.

Maslach added that the present time provides the ideal opportunity for organizations to get creative with solutions that aren’t just treating the symptoms of burnout but creating a work environment that people actually want to be a part of.

“The changes in the pandemic I think underscored an important bottom line, which is the importance of a healthy workplace,” she said. “We have to rethink what makes for healthier environments in which people can do productive, meaningful and valuable kind of work.”

“And if anything, the pandemic is pointing out you could do things differently,” Maslach said. “Let’s get creative, let’s rethink this.”

“It may not be the ‘same old, same old’ going back to normal workplaces,” she said. “How do we learn from this and figure out better ways of doing what we do?”

Source link

0 notes

dailynewswebsite · 3 years

Text

How the pandemic will shape the workplace trends of 2021

Distant working turned the brand new regular in 2020. Elenabsl/Shutterstock

The economist John Maynard Keynes predicted in 1930 that the quantity we work would regularly shrink to as little as 15 hours per week as expertise made us extra productive. Not solely did this not occur, however we additionally started to spend additional time away from dwelling on account of commuting and suburban residing patterns, which we regularly overlook are current historic innovations.

Nevertheless, 2020 has modified all that. In my new historical past of distant work throughout COVID-19, I marvel at how a lot it has shaken up our lives and the way a lot we took with no consideration. My analysis additionally factors to quite a few traits that may assist form working life in 2021.

Commuting is a comparatively new pattern. Gene Daniels.

Over “in time for Christmas”

At the beginning of 2020 distant work was a regularly rising long-term pattern. Solely 12% of staff within the US labored remotely full time, 6% within the UK. Naturally the world was unprepared for mass distant work.

However COVID-19 immediately proved distant work was doable for many individuals. Office establishments and norms toppled like dominos. The workplace, in-person conferences and the every day commute fell first. Then the 9 to 5 schedule, holidays and personal dwelling lives have been threatened. International locations even began issuing distant work visas to encourage individuals to spend lockdown working of their territory.

As outdated norms vanished, a fast procession of novel applied sciences marched uninvited into our properties. We needed to grasp Zoom assembly etiquette, compassionate electronic mail practices, navigate surveillance, juggle caring duties. The listing goes on.

Within the face of grim statistics – the UN predicted 195 million job losses – solely the tone deaf complained about working from dwelling. Nonetheless, COVID-19 created the most important distant work experiment in human historical past.

In July, UK prime minister Boris Johnson – with Edwardian optimism – daydreamed a way of normality would return “in time for Christmas”. Quick ahead via summer season to lockdown 2.zero and the fantasy of a 12-week experiment light into sepia tinged reminiscences. One interviewee joked: “I actually thought we’d be again within the workplace by July, what fools we have been!”

Are you disciplined?

Silicon Valley corporations Google, Apple and Twitter have been among the many first to announce staff might do business from home. Forward of the curve, they have been nicely practised. Predictably, they already had a flowery time period for it: distributed working. In 2021 ideas resembling distributed and hybrid working will proliferate.

Most have been much less ready than Silicon Valley. In March, I revealed findings from a four-year analysis research monitoring distant staff. I warned, to be a profitable distant employee deep reserves of self-discipline have been required, in any other case burnout adopted.

We perceive this now. However I spent the primary lockdown patiently explaining to information shops why working from dwelling was so onerous. Once I prompt returning to the workplace is likely to be thought-about a luxurious – as a result of it helped individuals construction their days – a information presenter laughed. For good or ailing, conversations about disciplined routines will intensify in 2021.

Learn extra: Distant working: the brand new regular for a lot of, nevertheless it comes with hidden dangers – new analysis

By Could 2020 many reported experiencing Zoom fatigue. I naively predicted Zoom use would subside.

I’d have been proper if we’d returned to the workplace. As an alternative necessity dictated we up our Zoom recreation – even when they have been draining. Zoom concurrently saved and ruined working from dwelling, and it’s not going away anytime quickly.

Zoom calls are draining however we’d like them. Michael D Edwards/Shutterstock

The commuting paradox

Distant staff, grateful to nonetheless have jobs, additionally reported a gnawing sense of survivors’ guilt. Overwork was a method of expressing this guilt. Many felt working additional hours may safe their job.

In April 2020, I joined different teachers researching work-life stability on a challenge referred to as eWorkLife. The analysis knowledge revealed will increase in working hours when it wasn’t apparent when the working day ended. Particularly with no apparent sign to finish the working day.

In my four-year distant research, I had observed an odd sample. Individuals initially mentioned “escaping the commute” was a key good thing about distant working. But months later these identical staff began recreating mini commutes.

The eWorkLife challenge uncovered related findings. Folks needed to create “a transparent division between work and residential”. Examine lead Prof Anna Cox urged individuals to do faux commutes so they may preserve a work-life stability. In 2021 work-life stability should change into recognised as a public well being problem and the eWorkLife challenge is urging policymakers to behave.

The idea of labor life stability is right here to remain. Khakimullin Aleksandr/Shutterstock

The appropriate to disconnect

What’s occurred to the time beforehand misplaced to commuting? Many are utilizing it to compensate for admin and electronic mail. This faucets right into a worrying pattern.

Pre-pandemic warnings about an encroaching 24/7 work tradition have been intensifying. Social scientists argued that modern staff have been being become worker-smartphone hybrids. In 2016, French staff have been even given the authorized proper to disconnect from work emails exterior working hours.

A hopeful wish-list for 2021 consists of continued will increase in office activism and for corporations and governments to disclose their distant working insurance policies. Twitter and 17 different corporations have already introduced staff can work remotely indefinitely. No less than 60% of US corporations nonetheless haven’t shared their distant working insurance policies with their staff. Distant staff inform me till bosses reveal their post-pandemic insurance policies – planning for his or her future is not possible.

Learn extra: Distant-work visas will form the way forward for work, journey and citizenship

The late activist David Graeber described the failure to realize Keynes’s 15-hour work week as a missed alternative, “a scar throughout our collective soul”. COVID-19 could have began conversations about various futures the place work and leisure are higher balanced.

But it surely gained’t come simply. And we must combat for it.

Dave Prepare dinner doesn’t work for, seek the advice of, personal shares in or obtain funding from any firm or group that will profit from this text, and has disclosed no related affiliations past their tutorial appointment.

from Growth News https://growthnews.in/how-the-pandemic-will-shape-the-workplace-trends-of-2021/ via https://growthnews.in

#Growth News

0 notes

covid19updater · 4 years

Text

COVID19 Updates: 10/15/2020

Belgium: Belgium: 8,271 new cases.131% increase on last Thursday (3,577);

Czech Republic: Czech Republic reports nearly 10,000 new coronavirus cases, biggest increase on record - New cases: 9,544* - Positivity: 27% - In hospital: 2,678* (+175) - ICU: 518* (+51) - Deaths: +66* * = record

Wisconsin: Wisconsin reports coronavirus hospitalizations reach 1,000 for the first time - New cases: 3,107 - Positivity rate: 21.4% - In hospital: 1,017 (+58) - ICU: 246 (+3) - Deaths: +28

Germany: Germany has agreed to extend coronavirus measures amid a surge in new cases. "We are much closer to a second lockdown than we might want to believe," the leader of Bavaria state says

World: How your blood type can increase your risk of dying from coronavirus, studies warn LINK

UK: Hospitals in Liverpool have 90% of their intensive care capacity taken up by Covid patients and wards are almost at the level of occupancy at the peak of the epidemic, an expert in outbreak medicine has warned. Prof Calum Semple from the University of Liverpool told BBC Breakfast that he was predicting "quite a dire situation within a week or so" for the city "We’re not even into winter yet and the system is stressed by so many cases," he said. Many NHS staff are off work due to sickness and burnout and the region also faces pressure on other services such as education, fire services, food and fuel deliveries due to illness.

UK: Millions of people in London will face tougher Covid restrictions from Saturday onwards, moving from Tier 1 to Tier 2, local MPs have been told. LINK

Czech Republic: Czech Republic building field hospital in Prague amid surge in coronavirus cases. Hospitalizations have risen 160% in 2 weeks, or 778% from last month LINK

Europe: Central Europe, Spared in the Spring, Suffers as Virus Surges LINK

China: China fires 2 health officials following new virus outbreak LINK

Poland: Poland reports 8,099 new #COVID19 cases, setting a new daily record, along with 91 new deaths

UK: UK Test and Trace weekly update: In the past week 216,627 People Were Identified As Coming Into Close Contact With Someone Who Had Tested Positive. Only 62.6% Were Reached.

Switzerland: Switzerland: 2,613 new cases. 123% increase on last Thursday (1,172)

Austria: Austria quarantines the whole region around Salzburg.

US: Cancel Thanksgiving? Fauci warns Americans may need to ‘bite the bullet’ LINK

World: Infectious Diseases Society of America: Promoting the concept of 'herd immunity'... as an answer to the COVID-19 pandemic is inappropriate, irresponsible and ill-informed. LINK

Missouri: Shortage of staff leads Missouri to downsize women's prison in Vandalia LINK

US: Berks store dealing with national canning supply shortage LINK

US: US national positivity rate for COVID-19 tests jumps to 6% LINK

Missouri: #Missouri announces an all-time State high of new #Covid19 cases, of 3,357 (old record 3,023)

France: French PM, Castex: 46% Of Hospital Beds In Paris Now Occupied By Covid Patients

France: 15 Oct - 08:18:13 AM [RTRS] - FRANCE'S INTERIOR MINISTER DARMANIN SAYS 12,000 POLICEMEN WILL ENFORCE CURFEW FROM SATURDAY

Germany: Germany Health Minister, Jens SPAHN: GERMANY AT `TIPPING POINT,' COULD LOSE CONTROL OF VIRUS

Germany/Czech Republic: Germany receives the request for admission of Czech intensive care patients. The Czech Republic has contacted German health authorities as it experiences a very large increase in severe cases of # COVID19.

Ireland: Nationwide ban on home visits imposed while Cavan, Monaghan, Donegal moved to Level 4 LINK

Netherlands: NEW: Netherlands reports 7,833 new coronavirus cases, biggest one-day increase on record - In hospital: 1,526 (+51) - ICU: 313 (+12) - Deaths: +29

World: Overactive Immune Cells Linked to Severe COVID-19 LINK

France: NEW: France bans all private parties at public venues, including weddings, amid surge in coronavirus cases - AFP

Vietnam: All entrants must be placed under medical surveillance for at least 28 days to contain COVID-19 LINK

Europe: PRES. OF EU COMMISSION VON DER LEYEN TWEETS: I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT A MEMBER OF MY FRONT OFFICE HAS TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID-19 THIS MORNING. I MYSELF HAVE TESTED NEGATIVE. PRES. OF EU COMMISSION VON DER LEYEN IS IN SELF-ISOLATION.

US: Biden campaign says two staffers test positive for Covid. Neither was in contact with Biden or Harris.

Wisconsin: ‘This is slowly grinding us into dirt’: An ER nurse reflects on the relentless pandemic LINK

New York: ‘Diamond Sweet 16’ Party Leaves 37 Infected and 270 in Quarantine LINK

Alabama: University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban, AD Greg Byrne test positive for COVID19. LINK

Florida: Florida coronavirus: 3,356 new infections, 141 more residents dead LINK

Italy: #BREAKING #Italy has registered 8,804 new #coronavirus infections over the past 24 hoursת the highest daily tally since the start of the country's outbreak and up from 7,332 yesterday

Europe: Record infection figures in Germany, the Czech Republic, Italy and Poland are adding to fears that Europe is running out of chances to get a grip on the coronavirus pandemic. Many cities in France have a curfew and Londoners face new travel restrictions.

World: UNITED AIRLINES CEO SAYS EXPECTS BUSINESS DEMAND TO RETURN TO "NORMAL" AROUND 2024 - CONF CALL

World: US and European stocks drop as Covid cases accelerate LINK

Massachusetts: Massachusetts restaurants heading into hibernation until spring LINK

Poland: #BREAKING Polish PM announces nationwide partial lockdown amid record virus spike

France: 30,621 cases of #coronavirus in 24 hours in #France, which becomes the first country in # Europe to exceed the threshold of 30,000 infected in one day. It's a new all-time record.

Op/Ed (World): October 15th, 2020. The update that I have planned, but didn't wanted to make. Some excerpts from previous update, on October 10th.: "Compiling all the numbers, from testing capacity, number of cases, asymptomatic ratio, Europe today is on comparable levels to Europe at the peak of the Spring wave." "What is going to happen in the next 6 months, is influenced, in no particular order, by the following factors : -political decision to avoid full lock-downs -the start of the cold season (especially less sunlight, temperature drop not as much important) in Northern Hemisphere. -disbelief in the virus -strong belief in conspiracy theories -inability of westerners to face bad times, and inability for behavioral changes." "There will be no full lock-downs by the end of this month." "Most hospitals ICUs, across Europe, will be full by November. By the end of October, about 5% of the general population will contract the virus, the rest of 20% will contract the virus after October. While most cases will benefit from ICU treatment this month, virtually everyone else in November in December, will not." "Again, this is just numbers. Math. It cannot predict human reaction to such a catastrophe. And what it cannot predict is if we will only get to 20-25% infected people, or more...because it can easily be more. The longer full lock-downs are avoided, the more people will get infected, the faster hospitals will get full, and the more sick and dead we will have. The U.S. is 3 weeks behind Europe. What is in Europe now, it will be in the U.S. at the end of October. And this is where I think we are heading." Looking at U.K.'s Tier 3 scenario, Macron's address to the nation, Netherlands so called "hard measures" and whole bunch of leaders arguing in the favor of avoid full lock-downs at all price, facing a catastrophe on par or even worse then Spanish Flu is now reality. October 15th is the date for "make or break", as I called it. The date when I expected to clearly see what was the path chosen by our leaders. Many times before I said that my model and my predictions are based on human stupidity, and on politicians choosing the worst possible option.They did it again. They chose the worst possible option : betting on saving the economy and let the virus spread, in the hope that "it won't be that bad". So, let's see HOW BAD can it get, and let's see if it will actually get THAT BAD. We cannot rely on the official numbers of cases and deaths. We can only rely on the official number of hospitalizations and ICU usage. But I am not going to talk about any of the above. What I am going to talk about is the official data on EXCESS deaths, from January until mid-September 2020. The number of excess deaths can overwhelmingly be attributed to the current crisis : both deaths caused BY the virus and BECAUSE of the virus, due to hospitals being overwhelmed. The data I used is from several European countries and the U.S. The selected European countries for analyzing the excess deaths data are : Spain, Italy, France with England & Wales., as the worst hit countries in Europe, Germany (due to their having the best medical system in Europe for a pandemic), Sweden (as the love child of WHO) and Switzerland (as the country who had a negative factor of excess deaths) Why haven't I selected other countries in Europe? Simply because we are facing the scenario of no full lock-downs, which means that most important hospitals (by bed and ICU capacity) will be overwhelmed, and the data from Italy, Spain, France and most of the U.K. for excess deaths is the most reliable. However, not all hospitals will be overwhelmed, and there is still a lot of population living outside major urban areas, so I chose to add Germany to the pool as well. Adding Switzerland was because even if it is a tourist and business destination, they managed a negative growth in excess deaths, as well as adding to the total general population to get to a number, for Europe, of almost 50% of the entire population. The U.S. was selected because it is a mixture of social, political, faith, etc., it is the biggest western country in the world, and faced a whole bunch of various measures all over their nation, from full lock-downs to no measures at all but some mask recommendations. I did not chose to add any other country, for the obvious reason that their data is highly unreliable or doesn't even exists, like the entire African continent, the whole of India and China, Latin and South America. I did not put South Korea in the pool, because of a very simple reason : they excess deaths are a negative 60%, which I am sorry, but it is BS. Anyway, on to the actual numbers. Please bear in mind that the numbers you will read are, in the first part, the best case scenario, and in the last part, the worst case scenario. I will let each and everyone of you to chose to believe any of them, or none of them. After calculating the excess deaths, for every week, in the selected countries, the number of excess deaths, compared to the normal death rate, is 9.4%., for a population of 663 million people, 328 million in the U.S. and 335 million in the selected 7 countries in Europe. These 7 selected countries represent roughly half of the European continent (except Russia). Going further, the weekly number of deaths in the previous years, are 57,000 for the U.S. and 121,000 for Europe, with half of those for the selected 7 countries, so 60,500 weekly deaths, in previous years. The number are similar, because U.S. and Europe are virtually the same type of populations and political organizations. To make things easier to calculate, the weekly deaths, per 100,000 people, in previous years, was 17.2 in the U.S. and 18.05 in Europe (except Russia), resulting in a median number of 17.775 deaths per 100,000 people, in Europe (except Russia) and the U.S. The excess deaths, being 9.4%, when applied to 17.775 deaths, per week, per 100,000 people, in the previous years, results in the golden number (which will be the base for what we can expect to happen without full lock-downs) : 1.67 excess deaths per week, per 100,000 people, in the U.S. and Europe (except Russia), in the first 37 weeks of 2020. 1.67 excess deaths, per week, per 100,000 people in a population of 663 million (U.S.+ 7 selected European countries). Next, I made a split, in groups, of most world population, as it follows : U.S. + Canada + Europe + Russia, in Group A. India and the entire African continent in Group B. China, as a separate entity. Latin and South America in Group C. I did not consider Japan, SK, Taiwan and Singapore in my calculations, because these countries are not relevant in the equation. They are testing whether you like it or not, they lock-down anything and everything the second they find a case, they have a population that understand what is going on and abides to the rules. Very different approach to the pandemic, since the start. The countries in Group A experienced the 1.67 deaths / week / 100,000, in the first 37 weeks of 2020. China, even if being the most aggressive in lock-downs, they faced the same overwhelmed hospitals and the scarcity of medical care and resources. Still, they most likely fare better then Group A countries, but not much better. Most likely, China's golden number is 1.6 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people, in the first 37 weeks of 2020. Group B. India and Africa. I can only make an educated guess here, considering that, first, in terms of contagion, they are way worse them Group A countries and China, and secondly, in terms of medical care, generally speaking, they are MUCH worse the Group A countries and China. I will be on the optimistic side here, and consider that the golden number for Group B (India and Africa) is twice the number of Group A and China, somewhere around 3.25 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people, in the first week of 2020. Group C (Latin and S.America) are most likely about 50% worse then Group A countries. The golden number for Group C is probably 2.4 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people. Again, these are the optimistic numbers. We all know that India and Africa are much worse then just twice the U.S. and Europe, and Latin and South America are most likely higher then just 50% worse then U.S. and Europe. Regardless, we now have something that we can work with, even if it on the low end of the spectrum. After making all the calculation, for each Group, in the first 37 weeks of 2020, we registered 5,555,309 extra deaths, for a total population of 6,149,000 people, as it follows : 687,719 for Group A (1.113 billion people) 824,656 for China (1.393 billion people) 1,462,240 for Africa (1.216 billion people) 1,626,982 for India (1.353 billion people) 953,712 for Latin & S.America (1.074 billion people) Middle East and South East Asia are similar to Latin & S.America golden number, and their population represents almost the rest until 7.8 billion. However, Japan, SK, Singapore, Taiwan, Australia and NZ are having a positive effect on the golden number for the rest of the world population (1.651 billion people), lowering it to roughly 2 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people, which gives us the next number : 1,221,740 for Middle East, S.E. Asia, and the rest. In the first 37 weeks of 2020, the world registered, at best, around 6,777,049 excess deaths, deaths that are almost all caused by the virus, or because the medical crisis created by the virus. Ok, so, we have this 6.777 million excess deaths in the first 37 weeks of 2020. But how many people got the virus? According to various CDC entities and WHO, 10% of the world population contracted the virus. My estimate is that closer to 15% of the world population contracted the virus. My model is taking into consideration the start of the pandemic in November 2019. WHO and various CDCs, January 2019. Most likely, the reality is that around 12% of the world population contracted the virus in the first 37 weeks of 2020. And that is 936 million people. Now we have what we can say, with high degree of confidence, an educated guess of what the INITIAL part of the pandemic did to us : 6.777 million dead for 936 million people : 0.72% excess death rate (caused by the virus and the overwhelmed hospitals). Before I go any further, I want you all to understand that the above number is highly unlikely (India, Africa, Latin & S. America, S.E. Asia, former soviet republics, had it worse then what I assumed), and the reality is that we were at roughly 1% excess death rate for the first 37 weeks of 2020, which is over 9 million extra deaths. All of the above under a world-wide lock-down of 2 months, at the BEGINNING of the pandemic, and the END of winter season. This is highly important to understand what is coming for the world. This is the first part of the update. I know you all are now making scenarios, based on this 1% excess death rate, applied to 7.8 billion people, and the result is 78 million dead, which is, mathematically, economically and sociologically, not that bad. WW2 killed 3% of the world population. Spanish Flu also 3% of the world population...so, 1% is not that bad, right? WRONG. If by some miracle, we want to keep this 1%, we will need another 7 YEARS (until we get to 80% contagion), each year with 2 world-wide full lock-downs of 2 months each in Spring and Winter. Clearly, we won't do this. And even if we WANT to do this, we can't...because this is all based on the INITIAL part of the pandemic. We are past that, and we can't go back. Ok, onto the second part of the update. What is in the "store" next? And by next, I mean the next 12 months, until October 2021. We won't have a vaccine. We will have better treatments, but they won't make a dent in what is coming, because the governments CHOSE the path of no full lock-downs. To understand what we are facing, we have to go back to excess deaths, but this time we will look at the excess deaths in the worst hit countries, and among those, to the areas where the hospitals got overwhelmed, because this is what we will experience, if no full lock-downs. The excess deaths in the first 37 weeks of 2020 represented a median number. The golden number was also a median number. Those numbers only helped us to see what HAD HAPPEN. To see what WILL happen, is to see the excess death number in the span of 4 weeks of hardest hit areas in the Spring (Italy, Spain, U.K. and France). The above areas registered an excess death of 100% and OVER (Lombardy and Madrid up to 400% excess deaths). It is unwise to apply a 400% excess death rate, to the entire world, just because of Lombardy and Madrid. But a 100% excess death rate, registered across Spain, Italy, France, the U.K. and NYC, is more then realistic. If we do that, and I see no reason not to, since there is no plan for full lock-downs, we no longer talk about 9.4% excess death rate, or 1.67 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people. We are talking about roughly 9 times this number. I have always said that overwhelmed hospitals will cause 10 times more dead then the virus itself does. Still, this is the correct number only after the entire population gets sick, and we don't know when this will happen. To be more precise in the evaluation, we have to lower the excess deaths of 15.3 (for Europe and the U.S.) to a more realistic number, which is about half, considering that metro areas will actually face such excess deaths, and the metro areas count for roughly half the population of the world. So, the golden number for what is coming, is roughly 7.8 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people, for the next 22 weeks, up to April 2021. This is a median number, and the peak will see mush higher excess deaths, then the upward and downward slopes. But overall, this is what we are going to experience in the next 22 weeks : 7.8 excess deaths / week / 100,000 people, all cause by the virus and because of overwhelmed hospitals. If we consider the population of Europe, this will mean roughly 43,680 excess deaths per week, from November until April 2021, or a total of 873,600 dead in 20 weeks, or roughly 1.4% of the population killed by the virus or lack of medical care. Same will be for the U.S., 1.4% of the population killed by the virus or lack of medical care. But that is just for November to April 2021, to a second wave that is SIMILAR to the first wave...which clearly won't be the case. The second wave, in the absence of full lock-downs will be at least twice as big, if not 3 times as big as the first one. We're talking 20 weeks here, not 6 weeks, as it was in the Spring. We're talking a virus widespread much higher then the spring. We have no idea how many people will contract the virus by April, but with lock-downs we got to a 5% in the spring, in 6 weeks. How many will get it in the next 20 weeks? 15% is a MINIMUM. My own model shows 20% to 25% of the population in the northern hemisphere will get the virus by April, if no full lock-downs. The treatments won't matter, at all...if people cannot be treated, since most hospitals will get full by the end of this months, across Europe. When I said that we can potentially see more dead then WW2, I wasn't joking. The official death count from the virus is 1.1 million. The excess deaths in the first 37 weeks of 2020 are over 9 million. That is a 1% population loss, in reality, during the first wave, after a lock-down, with a virus spread much smaller then it is now. We will EASILY get to a 2% population loss, in the next 22 weeks, and another 1% by October 2021. And this is a scenario where only 20-25% of the population gets the virus by April 2021, and another 10% by October 2021. We would not even be HALF the way to curb this pandemic in October 2021. I can't even quantify what is going to be when the peak will hit, in mid-November. My mind cannot comprehend that the governments chose this path. The numbers are WORSE then Spanish Flu. I am unable to visualize what the impact will be. But we will see it. We will live it. The human loss of life will be insane. The number of people out of workforce in the next months will be tremendous. The economic impact of such a shortage of workforce will be much bigger then a 4 month full lock-down, and this is just people getting SICK...not those that will see their workplace shut down all of a sudden, because even if we won't full lock-down, every workplace with cases WILL BE shut down. I hope I am wrong, my math is stupid, and based on wrong assumptions. U.S. resurgence, U.S. number of epicenters, Brazil plateau, Europe second wave, schools impact, Eastern Europe being much harder hit now,...all of those things I have predicted to happen WEEKS and sometimes MONTHS before they did. Please choose to believe what you want to believe. Hope that I am wrong. Hope that even if I am right, the society will get past the next months in one piece, because I have no idea how people will react to what is coming. It can get very bad, very quick, in less then a month from now. It will probably happen. God help us.

Russia: NEW - People will not be allowed into public transit in Moscow without wearing a mask and gloves, TASS reports

Texas: DALLAS COUNTY REVERTS BACK TO HIGHEST RISK LEVEL LINK

Texas: NORTH TEXAS COVID 19 MODEL PREDICTS MORE THAT 900 NEW CASES A DAY BY NEXT WEEK LINK

Florida: Palm Beach School District Withholds Morikami Park Elementary COVID Infection LINK

Spain: Spain:13,318 new cases, +140 dead New hospital admissions: +1,052

World: Breaking: WHO SPECIAL ENVOY FOR GLOBAL COVID-19 RESPONSE DR DAVID NABARRO: “THIS VIRUS ISNT GOING TO GO AWAY”

Georgia: Falcons shut down facility after 2nd player tests positive for COVID-19 LINK

World: Retinal involvement and ocular findings in COVID-19 pneumonia patients LINK

Connecticut: State’s First COVID Recovery Center Opens LINK

World: Building Resilience During the COVID-19 Pandemic LINK

US: NFL: 49ers pass rusher and Hall of Famer Fred Dean dies at 68, reportedly of COVID19 LINK

US: US SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MCCONNELL: IF A FRESH COVID-19 RELIEF PACKAGE IS NOT PASSED BEFORE THE ELECTION, IT WILL BE PASSED AFTERWARDS.

Idaho: In Idaho, children as young as 5 have become ill will COVID-19, and with the reopening of schools the numbers keep going up. LINK

World: REMDESIVIR HAS LITTLE EFFECT ON COVID-19 MORTALITY, WHO STUDY SAYS- FT

Washington: Seattle-area man is the third person in the U.S. confirmed to have been infected twice with coronavirus LINK

Texas: El Paso prepares for influx of virus deaths by adding mortuary refrigerators LINK

World: Canadian Study Shows Over 75% Of Ex-COVID-19 Patients Have Lasting Health Problems LINK

Europe: Covid-19 cases hit records in Europe, surpassing the United States LINK

Germany: Germany reports 7,058 new coronavirus cases, biggest one-day increase on record - @risklayer - In hospital: 3,167 est. (+153) - ICU: 659 (+55) - Deaths: +39

World: Risk of coronavirus exposure on commercial aircraft ‘virtually non-existent’ – even if they’re FULL – according to a Department of Defense study carried out on United planes LINK (That is, if you are wearing a mask)

New Mexico: NM’s virus spread ‘on fire’ LINK

Texas: LUBBOCK DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO SHUTTING DOWN LINK

Arizona: Rising Covid cases leave Arizona ‘headed toward exponential growth,’ expert warns LINK

Texas: Over 130 Members Of North Texas High School Band In Quarantine After Positive COVID-19 Tests LINK

World: Third of newborns with Covid infected before or during birth – study LINK

Canada: Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau says border won't reopen until US gains control of COVID-19 LINK

Florida: Clay County school bus driver who planned to retire dies after contracting COVID-19. LINK

Switzerland: Finger pointed at Swiss yodelling 'superspreader' concert LINK

New Jersey: Former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he spent 7 days in ICU before recovering, urges people to take coronavirus seriously - CNN

Canada: 37-year-old Quebecer catches COVID-19 for the second time LINK

Kansas: KC hospitals ‘bursting at the seams’ with record numbers of COVID-19 patients LINK

Wisconsin: She was a healthy teenager. 3 months after getting COVID-19, she still hasn’t recovered LINK

0 notes

northamptoncouplestherapy · 4 years

Link

Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel once said, "None of us are married to just one person in our lives, even if we only marry one person." For those who have been married 40 years and beyond, this saying undoubtedly rings true. As partners change and grow, good marriages evolve.

We live in a culture that is richly informed by romantic concepts. However, the truth is that marriage is hard for even the most committed partners. We increasingly rely on our spouses to play a vast number of roles in our lives: friend, lover, co-parent and financial partner.

Playing all these roles is a lot to navigate and virtually guarantees that you will not only hit bumps but also some craters along the way. When two people with separate histories come together, there will be periods where the best thing you can hope for is to find a way to coexist and a maintain a neutral stance towards one and other.

However, over time and with work, you and your spouse can grow together and even thrive. Science and relationship studies provide critical features of the roadmap that points to long-term success.

In the name of science and in honor of all those marriages that have surpassed the 40-year-mark and beyond, here are five tips for lasting success so that you can enjoy the different phases of evolution together. It is never too early to make use of them, even if you have just started your relationship’s journey.

1. Avoid The Comparison Level Alternatives Phenomenon

John Gottman, a recognized leader in the field of marital distress, first coined the phrase “comparison level alternatives” to describe the pattern in which we compare our life circumstances with an alternative, imagined scenario in the outside world.

For example, it’s quite normal to ask yourself questions like, “Am I happy in my career, or would I enjoy following a different path?” or “Am I really made for a life in the suburbs?” or“Should I consider a move to the city?”

When a marriage starts going on the rocks, however, you or your spouse might entertain more damaging comparisons or even enter into a marriage crisis.

You might say to yourself, "If I was married to so and so I’d be happier," or "If I had picked a different person, my life would be less lonely,” or, "Maybe if I were alone, my life would be better."

Research shows that comparison level alternatives are dangerous and potentially devastating to a marriage. They often manifest themselves in absorption of fantasies of freedom, or can lead to emotional and physical affairs. Avoid this insidious line of thinking at all costs.

When things get hard, try saying to yourself, “Part of being in a relationship is navigating troubled times, and I could be just as unhappy in another relationship. It might look different, but there would be difficulty and conflict all the same.” More simply, you could remind yourself of the truism “out of the frying pan, into the fire.”

Instead of entertaining fantasies about some alternative life that doesn’t exist, choose your primary partner; committing to them in every way repeatedly. Spiritually. Emotionally. Mentally. Choose your spouse, again and again.

2. Adopt a Commitment Mindset

Committed spouses lean more towards realism than romanticism during challenging phases, and maintain an awareness that their needs will go unmet a certain percentage of time in the relationship. When asked for the secret behind her successful marriage to George Harrison, Olivia Harrison said, “It’s simple. Just don’t get divorced.”

A successful long-term marriage requires a bit of abandon. You must give up the notion that your spouse will make you feel completely satisfied all of the time. Refuse to view your role in the relationship as contingent on how your spouse makes you feel.

This is a type of mindset that manifests itself — not in a declaration of wedding vows — but in the way you show up for your spouse in the everyday, often mundane areas of life. There is something about an unwavering commitment that makes all other burdens easier to bear, and obstacles easier to surmount.

If you do allow your commitment to waver, on the other hand, you are more prone to abandoning the relationship when it goes through a period of not meeting your needs. Whether you do this physically, mentally or emotionally, you stop showing up in any meaningful way.

Instead, you start searching for the proverbial “Exit” sign.

3. Build Your Relationship “Love Map” (& Continuously Redraw the Lines)

There is immense value in teaching your partner who you are and what makes you feel loved in return.

As humans, we can’t read one another’s minds. However, it’s vital to know what works for both of you and to act on that knowledge repeatedly. Otherwise, you can be building a self-centered marriage, instead of a functional relationship.

The philosophy of love languages--that your partner feels loved in particular ways and you should find those ways--goes part of the distance. But when they don’t see your specific love language and don’t speak it to you, a generosity of spirit can go just as far. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is an important stance when they may be too distracted to love you in the way you want.

During the first 3-5 years of a marriage, you are just developing this understanding and building your love maps — a concept originally developed by John Gottman to describe the process of getting to know your partner’s world intimately.

Ask yourself, what’s happening in your spouse’s world? What’s important to them? What makes their heart sing and/or sink? What romantic gestures do they long for, and how often do you satisfy those longings?

These love map questions are not answered once and for all. Partners headed for a golden anniversary will continue to ask them, revising their maps as they go, adding nuance at every opportunity. A successful relationship is partly based on continued attention.

4. Avoid Turning to “Thirds” to Avoid Conflict

While we all need to talk about our problems from time to time, it’s important to be selective in what you say, to whom and how often.

In the world of couples therapy, involving others in your marital problems is what we call turning to “thirds.” It’s when you choose to talk to another about your relationship woes instead of your significant other.

Why is this an issue?

Well, for starters, it creates an immediate ripple effect. All of a sudden, you may have a one-sided jury of people who are rooting for you and will take your side no matter what (even if they shouldn’t). Your “jury” is hearing only one perspective of the issue and may align with you on partial evidence. They are likely to give you a level of confidence in the validity of your view that maybe you shouldn’t have.

Another dangerous aspect of turning to “thirds” is the clear conflict avoidance it displays. Whether from a lack of trust or one’s family of origin, some people are just more conflict-averse than others. However, avoidance never solves the most profound problems in a marriage and may exacerbate the issues.

Bringing your complaints to friends and family on a regular basis, no matter how well-intentioned they may be, can poison the well.

5. Support Your Partner in the Hard Times

Couples who have been married for decades have experienced many seasons of life together: births, graduations, deaths of family members, career moves and financial highs and lows.

With everything life can throw your way, it’s important to have someone by your side to hold your hand and share in the ups and downs.

Caring for yourself includes caring for your partner, knowing that their health and well being supports your own. However, if you have a partner who has not cared for you well, (or even become more of a burden than a benefit), your trust in them may wane. Once the retirement years approach or age starts to take its toll, the stakes for marriage become even higher.

You don’t want to wind up wondering, "Wow, for the next 10, 15 or 20 years, I could be physically compromised. How well is my spouse going to support me through this time?”

The patterns of support you have experienced throughout your marriage will inform how you answer that question. Was your spouse there for you when you had a C-section or your shoulder operation? Were they there for you when you were laid-off from your job or lost your father unexpectedly?

If you have felt abandoned or neglected throughout your marriage, you will have an appreciable amount of trepidation concerning how much support you will receive as you age. And the same may go for your spouse.

One or both of you might be more inclined to say, “Life is short, and I have less of it left. I want to make the next 10 years count.”

This is especially true for if one spouse has worn the hat of caretaker throughout your marriage. They will likely experience burnout. So, if one or both of you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, it just might be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

In old age, things don’t necessarily become easier. So, pay attention to how you support your spouse now and make every effort to acknowledge the ways you might have missed the mark in the past. This is a step to doing it better in the future.

A marriage that lasts decades requires a committed mindset. It asks each spouse to give equal regard to the others’ thoughts, opinions, and values. And, as you age, it will necessitate even deeper levels of trust and support.

If you and your spouse need a little help adapting to this new stage of your marriage or want to find new ways to approach conflict, our couples therapists have over 100 collective years of experience treating couples and spouses.

From the Gottman Method to Emotionally Focused Therapy, we apply science-based methodologies to our marriage therapy.

We offer weekly therapy and private, intensive 2-Day and 3-Day Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel once said, "None of us are married to just one person in our lives, even if we only marry one person." For those who have been married 40 years and beyond, this saying undoubtedly rings true. As partners change and grow, good marriages evolve.

However, over time and with work, you and your spouse can grow together and even thrive. Science and relationship studies provide critical features of the roadmap that points to long-term success.

1. Avoid The Comparison Level Alternatives Phenomenon

When a marriage starts going on the rocks, however, you or your spouse might entertain more damaging comparisons or even enter into a marriage crisis.

2. Adopt a Commitment Mindset

Instead, you start searching for the proverbial “Exit” sign.

3. Build Your Relationship “Love Map” (& Continuously Redraw the Lines)

There is immense value in teaching your partner who you are and what makes you feel loved in return.

4. Avoid Turning to “Thirds” to Avoid Conflict

While we all need to talk about our problems from time to time, it’s important to be selective in what you say, to whom and how often.

Why is this an issue?

Bringing your complaints to friends and family on a regular basis, no matter how well-intentioned they may be, can poison the well.

5. Support Your Partner in the Hard Times

Couples who have been married for decades have experienced many seasons of life together: births, graduations, deaths of family members, career moves and financial highs and lows.

With everything life can throw your way, it’s important to have someone by your side to hold your hand and share in the ups and downs.

You don’t want to wind up wondering, "Wow, for the next 10, 15 or 20 years, I could be physically compromised. How well is my spouse going to support me through this time?”

One or both of you might be more inclined to say, “Life is short, and I have less of it left. I want to make the next 10 years count.”

From the Gottman Method to Emotionally Focused Therapy, we apply science-based methodologies to our marriage therapy.

We offer weekly therapy and private, intensive 2-Day and 3-Day couples retreats as well as new extended hours and a growing team of couples therapists to meet increasing demand for expert, research-based couples therapy. as well as new extended hours and a growing team of couples therapists to meet increasing demand for expert, research-based couples therapy.

Like what you’ve read? Sign up to receive my musings filled with heart, concrete tools, and cutting edge resources via my blog: Loving Well.

#couples therapist #couples therapy #marriage counseling #Emotionally Focused Therapy

0 notes

iamkellyadams · 4 years

Text

10 Self Care Strategies For Busy Moms

Self-Care Is a Habit Built From Mindset

Taking time to nurture yourself has nothing to do with being selfish. It is about self-care.

Self-care is a habit that is built from the mindset of it being imperative, your responsibility, and a preventative measure to keep you well. Its effectiveness lies in constant and ongoing repetition of many tiny habits that in their totality ensure that you are well in mind, body, spirit and in your life quality.

This is good news because it means that we need not take a 2-week vacation, in fact to be most effective self-care should be practiced daily, with even the smallest actions having a big impact on our state of mind, and the health of our bodies and spirits, all of which improve our quality of life.

Best Self Care Strategies For Busy Moms

Like achieving any other success, improving your self-care skills requires a strategy, remember that self-care is a deliberate effort.

1. Make You A Priority

Our culture is immersed in this idea that it is selfish to put yourself first. When you are in a relationship you’re expected to put the needs of someone else first before you act you should consider their interests and needs. Then you have children and it’s the same but an even bigger thing.

Suddenly you are in third place behind your partner and kids, maybe even fourth place if you have a job to juggle, too. It’s understandable that you want to consider the needs and happiness of others and it’s completely normal that you want to ensure they feel understood and heard.

However, in loving others there is room to love yourself. In fact, if you don’t love yourself how on earth can you be expected to love anyone else?

2. Treat Yourself With Respect and Compassion

This is so simple, if you live your life and make decisions from this simple standpoint, then everything else will fall into place. You will begin to make yourself a priority, and look out for your own needs.

3. Love Yourself

What does this phrase even mean? Well, quite simply it means that you make yourself a priority and that you take care of you.

When you do, it becomes easier to care for others, because your own happiness is overflowing. You become a better person when you learn to love yourself.

You have more to give to your partner, your children, your family, your friends, and even your job. Maybe the biggest issue with the thought, culturally, is that we associate putting yourself with forgetting about everyone else.

In fact, the opposite is true. Putting everyone else before you can lead to frustration and resentment, especially when you suffer in silence.

4. Don’t Apologize For Putting You First

Who do you spend the most time with? You. So, why on earth would you ever feel the need to apologize for making yourself a priority? You need to invest in making your own passions and goals come true, rather than being completely focused on doing the same for others.

The situations that life throws at you quickly sap your resources, and generally, those situations require time or money. You don’t empty your bank account without topping it up; you need to top yourself up, too. Therefore, when you need some me time, don’t you dare apologize for it. Prioritize yourself so that you can give everyone else what they need.

Putting Yourself First Pays Off

You know that saying that if you aren’t first, you’re last … it’s really accurate in this situation because if you don’t put yourself first you will be last on your agenda and it will be easier and easier for other things to slide in ahead of you. Here’s how putting yourself first pays off:

➢ Healthy & Happy

The people that you love want to be happy and healthy. Now, think about all of your friendships and relationships and how they improve when you feel you best (mentally, emotionally, and physically). Just think about how you feel when you eat well, exercise regularly, and enjoy a good night’s sleep.

Compare that with your relationships when you’re exhausted and irritable, too caught up in filling everyone else’s needs and desires rather than your own. You can’t give your best when you’re not at your best.

➢ Burnout Saps Your Joy

Have you ever tried to indulge in one of your favorite activities when you’re completely burned out? It isn’t enjoyable, is it? When you’re exhausted and overworked, you’re stressed out and wracked with anxiety, so much so that even a relaxing dinner with friends is just another chore to add to your list.

The truth is you need a proper break to remember how to be present for the moments that you should be enjoying. Burnout depletes your levels of happy hormones and when you’re in survival mode, you are at greater risk for mental health issues. Learn how to say no to others and say yes to yourself.

Resting Is Compulsory

There are probably a bunch of items on your to do list that you can cross off and forget about, whereas you can’t cross rest off your list. You wouldn’t keep driving your car with a flat tire; let the oil or gas run out, so why on earth would you do it yourself? It can be difficult, though, because you feel that you have to say yes, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. What about your feelings?

A failure to rest is going to increase your cortisol levels and just make your situation worse and feed into the vicious cycle of burnout. It’s okay to put yourself first and choose the couch over a big night out.  

➢ Improved Health

You will be in far better health when you learn to prioritize your self-care. Exhaustion, anxiety, and stress contribute to a variety of illnesses. Stress triggers a chain reaction that draws all of the available resources just to get you through the situation, leaving other areas of your body lacking.

➢ Energy

You bring a certain energy to every situation that you are involved in. If you carry an angry energy, the people around you will see it, the same as they can feel your happy energy. It doesn’t even have to be that obvious an energy for it to transfer to others. So, be mindful of the fact that your stress and moodiness can transfer to those around you.

The best thing that you can do for the people in your life is to put yourself first, practice self-care, and be the best you possible. If that means saying no sometimes then be brave and say no. When your body and mind are trying to tell you to slow down, listen.

5. Ditch The Guilt

Have you ever felt guilty about taking care of your son, daughter, mother, sister, or spouse? Think about this for a moment. Likely, your answer is no, but you likely do feel guilt when taking time to do something to take care of yourself.

One way to overcome this type of guilt is to understand the big picture, without self-care you end up running on empty and you cannot care for or give to others from an empty cup.

6. Ditch Perfection

Paul Hewitt, PhD, says, “I don’t think needing to be perfect is in any way adaptive.” With over 20 years of research behind them, both Hewitt and his colleague, Gordon Flett, PhD have found that perfectionism correlates with anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and a host of other mental health problems along with several studies that show it to contribute to psychopathology.

At the root of perfectionism is control, but perfectionism can never truly be achieved, and it’s exhausting. You don’t have to be perfect, in fact it takes way too much of valuable time that can be spent caring for yourself instead.

Your house need not be perfect, you don’t have to be perfectly organized, and it’s okay if your car did not get a wash today. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, focus on your own self-care instead and it will help you release the need for control.

Let go of perfection, it’s exhausting and nobody is perfect. Life is too short! If you find it difficult to let go of being perfect, seek professional help from a qualified therapist or psychologist.

7. Superwoman Does Not Exist

Stop trying to be a superwoman who can do it all, after all, you are only human!

8. Plan To Be Spontaneous

Spontaneity is a key component of emotional and mental wellness. Remember that self-care need not be a planned time intensive event, even a few minutes each day can have a profound impact. Spontaneity is something that can help in this regard.

Whenever you have a few moments of free time, for example while the baby is napping or a lunch break at work, choose to do something for yourself. You can also set up time that can be used to be spontaneous; this means planning time in your schedule without any plans, an hour here, an hour there can really add up and make a great impact on your wellness.

Those holes in your schedule can be used to…

Take a drive

Read a book

Take a hot bath

Call a friend

Watch a movie

Just sit in your garden and enjoy a glass of wine or a cup of coffee 

9. Making Self-Care Your Own

It is important to make your self-care ritual your own. What may work for some women may not be ideal for you. While some women love taking hot baths, others are better served lifting weights. Some women practice their rituals first thing in the morning, so they get up extra early to do so, while others prefer afternoons or evenings for their rituals.

The point is that the self-care techniques your adopt help you to destress, stay calm, and take good care of yourself. You do not need any authority to tell you what you need, you are the only one that can answer that question, and this may take some introspection, especially if you have not regularly been in touch with your needs in the past.

You may have to try a few things to find those that make you feel more centered, calmer, destressed, refreshed, and cared for.

You should create a standing appointment with you. Find something that you love and dedicate time to indulge in it, whether it’s painting, writing, or having a mani-pedi. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it brings you happiness.

Make everyone understand that nothing should be scheduled around this appointment, it’s yours. Having an activity that you enjoy allows you to relax, de-stress, and eases some of the emotional tension you experience.

You can make a special appointment once a week, but do find quiet time for yourself every day, whether it’s as little as 10 minutes or as much as an hour.

You’re worth it. It isn’t escaping from your life, it’s the direct opposite, it’s enjoying it by embracing it for yourself.

10. Create A Habit With Rituals

The most effective way to achieve a goal is to make it a habit. Doing something for yourself, with self-care rituals every single day is where you start to form these habits. Commit to doing some type of self-care activity each day, before long it will become automatic, and you will find the positive results motivating you to continue.

With just a little bit of attention to your own self-care, you will form habits that pay off in big amounts. You will feel more whole mentally and emotionally, and stronger physically, all of which will make your life balanced and happier.

Who am I and Why you should listen to me?

For those of you that don’t know I am Hillary Fay, I have a passion for yoga and transformational arts. This overflows into everything that I create from my classes, workshops, yoga teacher training’s, Reiki certifications, and Evolutionary Arts Practitioner Certification.

As a teacher and teacher of teachers, I am here to help you deepen into your own Source of Unconditional Love — S.O.U.L. So, you can access all the gifts that always are, and always will be inherent within you through breath work, Kundalini Yoga, Reiki, Alchemy, Vinyasa Flow, Meditation and much more.

My passion is sharing what I have learned with everyone.

From a very young age I was inspired to seek healing and be at peace. At the young tender age of 12 I had lived in 8 states, been through trauma and abuse and experienced far more than any 12-year-old should.

From the deep suffering came the greatest gift I could have ever imagined.

Now I embody love and want to help others do just the same. I’ve taught over 10,000 students. You are capable of being loved, filled with energy and amazing presence!

Ask yourself – what would it be like to wake up feeling happy and confident, that you’ll have all the energy you need to feel good at the end of the day? Now you can feel the transformation of deep self-care.

In this fast-paced world, we live in, it can get lost as to what we need to do to help ourselves.

I’ve designed a program to help you increase energy, return to your own power, and give yourself the boost you need to continue showing up for others without draining themselves.

In my Ultimate Self-Care Kit, you’ll be getting tried and proven practices to help you create and set the energy you need to feel your best in only minutes a day.

Introducing…

THE ULTIMATE SELF-CARE KIT

The Ultimate Self-Care Kit contains everything you need to dive deep into what self-love and self-care really are.

Including 7 guided meditation audios created with binaural beats which help to access deeper states of well-being:

The Safe to Be Mediation to reconnect with your breath

A powerful Energy Clearing meditation that you can use every single day to reset your energy

The Deep Relaxation Meditation for Self-Care to unwind your nervous system

A Yoga Nidra (the Yoga of Sleep) Meditation. This will help you tap into your Theta state where you can access your own source of intuition and love. The more we access Theta state the more we learn how to trust ourselves and our own gut instincts.

The Divine Mother Meditation will help you feel cherished, love and accepted.

The Love Consciousness Activation is designed to support you in grounding.

The Self Sourcing Meditation for igniting the love and support you deserve

You simply need to get comfy on your couch or in a quiet space and focus on your much needed self-care to help you get real stress relief and the rejuvenation of spirit they desperately want.

Special bonuses include potent breathing exercises and meditation videos from the best of yogic science:

Breathing exercises to help you relax into a restful night’s sleep

Breathing exercises to boost your immune system and activate your Inner Sun

Full Hatha yoga class specifically designed for self-care and grounding

PDF workbook for Creating Healthy Boundaries

This helps you live your best life…without the guilt, which empowers you and everyone around you.

Regain control of your mind, body, and spirit…and feel the power of true transformation. You need my Ultimate Self-Care Kit in your life right now. Click here, The Ultimate Self-Care Kit.

jQuery(document).ready(function(){ setTimeout(function(){ window.newVuukleWidgets({ elementsIndex: 3138, articleId: 3138, img: "https://gethealthremedies.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/GHR-FI-1-150x150.jpg", title: "10 Self Care Strategies For Busy Moms", tags: "", url: "https://gethealthremedies.com/self-care-strategies-for-busy-moms/", }); }, 2000); });

The post 10 Self Care Strategies For Busy Moms appeared first on Get Health Remedies.

0 notes

sciencespies · 3 years

Text

'Parental burnout' in the US is among the highest in the world, and we may know why

https://sciencespies.com/humans/parental-burnout-in-the-us-is-among-the-highest-in-the-world-and-we-may-know-why/

'Parental burnout' in the US is among the highest in the world, and we may know why

Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but depending on circumstances, some people can find it much harder than others.

In addition to collecting information about sociodemographic characteristics, the participants were asked numerous questions about their family dynamics.

Prevalence of parental burnout. (Isabelle Roskam)

Specifically, this trend meant Western or ‘Euro-American’ countries, which tend to rank high for individualism, also reflected high levels of parental burnout.

As for why this might be occurring, the researchers speculate that it may be due to a transformation in parenting within countries that hold individualistic notions.

The team also has some ideas on what might be able to reduce exposure to the pressures behind parental burnout. Put simply: you don’t need to do this all by yourself, and nobody’s perfect.

‘The first would be to revive in our cultures the dimension of sharing and mutual aid among parents within a community,” Roskam says.

“And abandon the cult of the perfect parent and gain some perspective on all the parenting advice out there in order to choose what works for you.”

The findings are reported in Affective Science.

#Humans

0 notes

momentumgo · 5 years

Text

Lizz Kupfer

Animation Tech Lead San Francisco, CA She/Her

How did you get your start in motion design, animation, or whatever it is that you do?

I started my animation career by attending an art school for college. My intentions when I started my education at SVA in NY was to get into games and work in level designs. But when I started, the small subset that I was interested in in the Computer Art department, wound up being eliminated, so like most people, I slightly freaked and then pivoted. I was going to a school that was very expensive and on student loans that I knew one day I would have to pay back. I wasn’t going to waste time and transfer to another department or school who may have had a stronger gaming geared department, I was going to take the resources at hand and make it work. I had a goal of graduating in 4 years, transferring may have hampered that goal and I was determined not to spend more on my education than I needed.

I took classes and found ways to see what I liked best in each class. This lead me to a conclusion: I really liked animating 3D characters. Even if I did not work in games, this new idea was a great stepping stone into multiple different industries that had disciplines in 3d.

Both my parents were very supportive, my dad a bit more than my mom, when I made the decision to go to art school.

After graduating with a BFA in Computer Art, I wound up permalancing and freelancing in NYC as a generalist. I really wanted to focus on character animation, but I also had to pay bills, one of which was some hefty student loans. I was lucky. My parents took out a ParentPlus loan for part of my freshman year. Going to a private college wasn’t really what they thought I should be doing, but there are very few public or state colleges with a program I was looking for. The rest of my student loans my grandmother co-signed in order for me to qualify for them. My first payments wound up being around $1200 a month, not to mention living expense. I was also lucky to be able to live at home for a few years.

After a couple of years of generalist gigs, I started really pushing towards characters again. What helped me stay pretty open was also taking gigs with softwares I wasn’t completely fluent in. One of my first permalancing jobs I learned how to use 3 different compositing softwares, tracking software, a different 3d program that I was not familiar with at all, and honing my skills with familiar softwares as well. Another studio I applied to work at wound up using motion capture, which I understood how it worked, but never actually got to work with it. They were willing to teach me and so I took a lower rate than I should have, but learned a great deal. There I met some great friends and one new friend had a lead on project that sounded right up my alley, and was in an industry I had wanted to get into from the get go: video games.

What are some best practices you use today?

‘Work smarter, not harder.’ It’s super cliche, but it’s the truth. Sometimes you have to get into the muck and deal with stuff, but if there is time to plan, plan. If there is time to troubleshoot and find a simpler way to get something done, do that research. If you need to hire on someone to get to the finish line, don’t wait til the last moment. And don’t over promise what you can accomplish. I always think things thru, and put buffers into how long it will take to complete a task. Sometimes I’m dead on, and sometimes I’m way off. I’m not perfect, but technical issues aside, I’m pretty forward with what I think can or can’t be accomplished in time. And if someone says something I don’t agree with, I’ve been known to put my foot down and say how it is. (not my favorite part, but you gotta do what you gotta do.)

How do you define success? What would success look like for you?

Success, to me, is doing something I love and getting paid for it. What better job could there be? I’d probably do this for free if I didn’t need to pay bills and retire one day. Success means doing something I’m good at and enjoying the work, even if it sometimes isn’t the greatest project or a game I might not play. It also means getting paid what I’m worth. There have been times where I’ve talked to colleagues and nothing is worse than realizing someone who has less experience or isn’t as good as you or other team members is getting paid the same as you or more. It’s like a punch to the gut. Does that mean that whoever hired me for this project values my input less because they didn’t offer more or they offered the same pay to someone who has several years less experience than me? I don’t have the answer to that. But it’s something I’ve had to deal with, and the best I could do was walk away from that project and team knowing I’m worth much more.

How do you balance your work with your personal life? How do the two influence each other?

The eternal struggle of knowing when to leave work at work, and when you need to get something done. I have moments where I’m not good at balancing my personal life with my work life. Many of my friends work in similar fields and I’ve met many of my friends thru work. I make an effort to work out to stay healthy (sitting all day doesn’t really help and the sedentary lifestyle is not kind to your body).

I’ve crossed over into a few different work environments. Commercial, TV, Video Games. They all have issues with ‘work/life balance’ and not only with one gender. I wound up seeing both men and women trying to prove to someone how serious they were about a job. It meant giving up time with their families to work longer hours. I see it games more than others, but it’s also because that’s where I’ve mostly been. Ask anyone in VFX if they work long hours and you will most likely get a resounding yes.

We all have this huge problem because the system has a problem. Work is inevitably going to get in the way, it’s more about how much you are going to let it. I had a moment at a studio where I had to suddenly take a few days because of personal family issues. I let work know that the day I had been booked I could no longer come in. I informed people on my team the day before and let them know I would be able to do the long hours next week or that evening, but the following day I needed off. We were always chasing deadlines. Me failing to come in would be hard, but it shouldn’t have been earth shattering to them. That’s how it felt and they all let me know how they felt. I got the rudest, snide, remarks about how I wasn’t going to be there and people guilting me because I had to take a day off.

The next morning, someone higher up gave me a call about how I wasn’t in that day and how it was irresponsible to not come into work. I’m not even sure that claiming I was sick with the flu would have worked. The call made me feel like I was a small child being scolded for doing what was right for me, but inconvenient for the company. The first 30 minutes of the call was trying to get me to come in. “We’ll send a car and pay for you cab fare home.” “You can do that overnight, afterwork. You don’t need to take the full day.” “What if you came in for a few hours?” “You’re being extremely selfish. What about the rest of your team?”

The next 30 minutes was a lecture on how I needed to take responsibility and how I put way too much on my teams plate. How I wasn’t considering them and it was immature of me to take a day off last minute. I was compared to this person’s 17 year old son even though I was a 20 something who had her own bills and student loans and had been working consistently for a few years at that point.

I needed that day off. It was the right choice for me. Looking back, I have no regrets. After how my co-workers had treated me for taking this rare day off to take care of personal issues, and the phone call I received because a co-worker probably complained to someone about this, I decided I needed to not work for that place anymore. A few weeks later, I was working somewhere else. My work/life balance improved. And I was happy I burnt that bridge.

It’s one thing to get lost in work or to have a deadline that is fast approaching. It’s a completely different thing when a company stirs up a culture that prides itself on doing long hours like it’s some sort of battlescar. Places like that are not going to have employees best interest in mind. Places that run on constant tight deadlines and push to get work done are all around us, knowing if or when to step away is maybe the hardest thing we’ll all battle with. At some point, something has to give. Burnout is a huge issue. We’re also in industries where ‘passion’ and ‘seriousness’ are valued, and if you don’t do the extra work, you are all of a sudden less passionate and serious than if you did. Again, something has to give. We are only human.

State your privilege – What circumstances may have helped or hindered you along the way?

I’m a white woman from a middle class family. My parents are still married. My dad worked as a bus driver and my mom worked as a RN. Most of the kids I grew up with had both parents who worked, but almost all had the father as the breadwinner. My mom brought home more than my dad. We eventually had stability, but before my dad worked as a bus driver he had difficulties landing a steady job. He adapted, we all did. My parents never let us see they had issues with paying bills, but there was also times when we were told we couldn’t afford that right now. Overall, it seemed like a pretty normal upbringing for where we lived. We were also slightly different than most families I had seen by us. My parents were from different religious backgrounds. It’s more common now, but for our conservative area it wasn’t normal. I always felt like I stuck out slightly.

I have had some uncomfortable experiences based on how I look. I never thought I looked Jewish, but I’ve had experiences at work where it was quite clear that I was an other. My curly hair has always been something that has defined me. Once I got to working though, I was now being described as the Jewish looking girl. I’ve also been told to my face that anti-Semitism isn’t really a thing in liberal cities and not something you have to worry about in America. My experience has not made that clear at all and have had to deal with anti-Semitism several times. I try very hard to avoid these topics at work, and I’m not the one bringing them up.

The curly hair thing also has the whole please don’t touch my hair issue. For as long as I can remember, people come up and just pull on my curls. To see them spring back up. No. Just no. It’s just as if I go up to someone and touch their nose. Adults don’t do that. Boundaries.

On the part of being a woman, I have been given character work because I was a woman. I animated a female character because I was a woman. Not because I was good and this character needed more help, but because I was a woman. And I was told that at the start of the project. I’ve also been ignored and had my idea said slightly differently and accepted by the team/lead/director.

How have you learned to practice self-care? What do you do to take care of yourself?

Taking vacations help. But I also try to get up and walk around throughout my work day. That with working out when I can helps. I also have plenty of hobbies so I don’t focus on animation all the time. It’s important to step away.

What advice do you have for those just starting out?

Learn the fundamentals. Tools will always be changing, software is constantly evolving (and is sometimes buggy). Knowing why you do something one way versus another is a great skill. Knowing why something looks funny or weird or marvelous or scary is half the battle. The tricks we teach each other to get those effects are easier than figuring out why something looks the way it does. The why is the hardest part to figure out. Then it’s off to how to accomplish that look or feel.

Be Adventurous. I work with some really great people and our team right now is amazing. And part of that amazing-ness is how everyone on our team got their start somewhere different. You don’t have to go down the traditional path in order to get somewhere. Animation schools are everywhere now, and I think they are great, but they all have holes in what they teach. What you learn isn’t some gospel truth, but one path that has been tested over and over. It doesn’t mean you couldn’t try it another way.

Everyone makes mistakes. We all fall. It’s how we get back up. (lame, another cliche) It’s cheesy, but knowing that we all make mistakes, we all fail, well, it makes it easier to get up from that. We all fuck up. It happens. It’s the part that follows that can be the hardest hurdle to jump. Knowing that you aren’t perfect and you will fail at some point.

0 notes