#it sucks bc she's my only friend but we're not even that close

[daydreamertrait]

so i had plans to go out for lunch with my friend last tuesday which she cancelled and changed to wednesday which she then cancelled again and told me she would “text me next week to reschedule”; it’s now the middle of “next week” and i havent heard from her😬

#she cancelled the first time bc she told me she had a busy overnight shift and was tired #she works as a nurse in the ER at a hospital so that sounded valid #then she cancelled again bc she felt sick and thought she had a cold #which again is fine i guess #but she's been posting pictures of her hiking and stuff so she's obviously feeling better?? #if she doesnt want to go out with me she can just say that lmfao #it sucks bc she's my only friend but we're not even that close #i dont even think she likes me LOL #and im too old to make any new friends #so i just feel alone all the time #seeing groups of friends on social media HURTS #anyways i have to wake up early tomorrow to do bloodwork so goodnight <33 #shut up rebecca

[skzdarlings]

the heist team | the threesome series ; skz ; minho/reader/changbin

masterlist.

threesome series part 2/4.

pairing: lee minho/reader/seo changbin content info: sexual content. threesome. friends2lovers. very cheesy criminal heist shenanigans (very "we're in" style hacking and some laser grids lol). "fake" kissing, getting sexy as a distraction, giving sex directions, sexual tension that gets resolved. pussy eating, dick sucking, coming inside. purple haired minho bc meow <3

-

The camper van was the best idea you ever had.  It is much easier to enact dastardly schemes while inconspicuously hiding in plain sight. 

On the outside, the van looks like any civilian camper, but the inside is a veritable den of high-tech con-artistry.   It has a place for Minho to hang the get-ups for his grifting gambits, a compartment for Changbin to store his weapons and down-time dumbbells, and it has the sexiest, sleekest, most mouth-watering computer apparatus that has ever existed.  You love it more than anything in this world. 

Every job, you sit in the midst of your beloved computer screens, directing the operation while your boys do the ground work.  Despite knowing of your undying love for this system, your best friends and partners-in-crime are presently trying to separate you from your baby.

“Is she calling the computer her baby again?”  Minho asks from where he is getting dressed behind a curtain. 

“Yes,” Changbin says.  He is sitting in your computer chair with his arms distractingly crossed, his biceps bulging in his tight black shirt.  He is wearing a lot of lycra, having formerly anticipated he would be doing physical work tonight.

That all changed when you realized the nature of tonight’s job. 

You only ever target the obscenely rich, the kind of wealth that is obtained through its own nature of theft and villainy.  Tonight’s targets are a bunch of pompous elites celebrating themselves.  Upstairs is a gala kicking off a week-long set of dinners, auctions, and celebrations.   Downstairs is millions of dollars worth of art and antiquities, set to go up for auction the following day.  

It looked like a typical job, the kind where Minho could sweet-talk some fools while Changbin punched some security guards and you hacked the vault from the van.  The security system around the haul turned out to be far more advanced.  Operating with a form of artificial intelligence, it essentially learns as it goes, meaning hacking it from the outside is incredibly difficult as it will understand and respond to invasion.  It will be easier to outsmart from the inside, where you can reach your hand into its virtual heart and pluck its digital ventricles one by one. 

The boys do not have that kind of computer knowledge.  So now Changbin is in your chair, Minho is doing his make-up, and you are waving around an emergency cocktail dress. 

“Who’s gonna watch my baby if I’m in there!”  

“Yah! Rude woman!  You remember who helped you build this thing?” Changbin pats one of the computer towers to make his point.  “I can do the basic work in here, but I can’t do your complicated nerd things.” 

“I’m not a nerd!”  You definitely are.  You stare at the cocktail dress morosely.  “You’re forgetting something super important. That I am a total weirdo and I panic whenever someone looks at me! There’s a reason I don’t do the people side of things!  That’s what you guys are good at!”

“Technically I just hit them,” Changbin says. 

“You are plenty charming when you want to be and you know it,” you say. 

Changbin folds his hands behind his head, flexing all his muscles while grinning. 

“How charming?” he teases, cocky.  “Describe it to me.” 

“Shut up.”  You hit him with the cocktail dress to hide the fact he got you genuinely flustered.  “I can’t go in there.  People will know I don’t belong the second I walk in the room.  We won’t even get close enough to the computer bank for me to disarm it because they’ll get one look at me and throw me out the window.” 

“That won’t happen,” Minho says.   His changing area is behind you and you hear the metallic slide of the curtain opening.  “Because you won’t be going in there alone.”  

You don’t even have to turn around to know Minho looks devastatingly gorgeous; it is written all over Changbin’s shocked face.  His arms lower from behind his head and his cocksure expression shifts, his lips parting as he stares past you.  

Despite having the benefit of bracing yourself, you are still struck dumb when you turn and look at Minho.  It was always in the plan that Minho would serve as a distraction at the gala.  To stand out accordingly, he dyed his hair with temporary dye this morning.  The vibrant purple was more amusing than sexy when his hair was messy, but now it is neatly styled back, slick and off his handsome face.  He is dressed all in white, his asymmetrical suit partially slit at the side to show some skin.  There is an extra sparkle from his jewelry, plus the lightest dab of glitter in the sharper contours of his face.  He is practically glowing. 

He knows he looks good.  His mouth quirks in a little smirk at your expressions.  You and Changbin are both gawping at him, and it goes on long enough that his eyebrows lift and his smirk puckers with a surprised laugh. 

“What? Really?” he asks, still laughing at you. 

Changbin does an unexpected sign of the cross.  You hit him with the cocktail dress again. 

“Fine,” you say, mostly to have an excuse to duck behind the curtain because you think you might explode from lust and embarrassment and anxiety all at once.  “At least no one will be looking at me.” 

You step behind the curtain and snap it closed, leaving the boys to their banter. 

You like dressing up so this part is no problem.  The problem with parties is other people.  You wholeheartedly admit you are better with zeroes and ones than human beings.   

You try to focus on the fun elements of tonight: the dress, the glamour, and beating a high-tech security system at its own game.  It will be so fun to have a real challenge for once.  You know you can beat it but it will definitely push you more than your usual digital adversaries.

Also, you get to look at Minho looking like that.  Your view of the boys is usually through security cameras, nestled in your van surrounded by your operating system, so the proximity will be a treat. 

You open the curtain, scowling.  You do not enjoy socializing so you seldom have occasion to dress up, so you anticipate the boys will lovingly berate you.  But when you step forward, Changbin looks at you with the same dumbfounded expression he had for Minho.  Minho is sitting on the bench, knees apart and arm slung across the backrest.  His expression gets very serious when he looks at you.  He shimmies his hips, his knees parting further. 

“Turn around,” he says.  

The van feels so tense and quiet that you obey, more confused than anything else. 

Changbin’s gaze drops to your ass immediately, his jaw visibly clenching.  Minho tips his head like he is studying something. 

“Thank you,” Minho says. 

You face them again, hot in the face.  You cross your arms angrily. 

“What was the point of that?” you demand.

Minho lifts a single eyebrow.  “I wanted to see your ass,” he says, like it should be obvious.  “It’s a good one.  You should be proud.” 

You throw your sweatpants at his stupid smirk.  He catches it smoothly. 

“Can we just go already?”  You punctuate this with a stomp of your foot then storm out of your precious van. 

It is very strange being on this side of the operation.  You always have Minho and Changbin nattering in your earpiece, but usually you are sitting at your desk wearing proper headphones.  It is strange wandering around with a tiny bud in your ear, listening to Changbin report from your usual seat. 

You already have control of the hotel security cameras as they work on a separate operating system to the storeroom AI.  You replaced the live feed with a looping reel of empty rooms so the security team inside will not see you moving around.  It also gives Changbin a bird’s eye view of the gala and the rest of the hotel.  You feel anxious at not seeing it for yourself, but you are placated when Changbin whistles and teases, “You two are the best looking there.  You would be second best looking if I was there, so you’re lucky I’m not.” 

You and Minho both smile, your expressions fond.  

Minho gets you in the door with little more than a wink at the doorman.  You stay quiet, hiding your nerves as best you can.  Minho is a competent con-man and Changbin is plenty reliable so you try to focus on your own tasks.  First you need to get to the ground floor network base so you can get the AI to chase your red herring.  Once you are in, the AI will start responding, but with your virus acting as a decoy source within the building, you should be able to buy yourselves time to move onto the next phase of breaking down the system. 

“There’s a lot of muscle at this party,” Changbin says seriously, no doubt taking stock of all the burly security guards.  It is only natural Changbin would be as twitchy as you, also out of his element for the night.  “I don’t like not being there with you,” he says.  

“Easy,” Minho says in a calm voice.  You think it is directed at both you and Changbin.  He puts a hand on your lower back and gives you a knowing look.  “You’re doing fine,” he says.

You feel like terror is written all over your face.  It doesn’t help that Minho draws eyes the second you step into the hotel ballroom, men and women looking at him with the usual desire he draws.  They are equally curious to look at you, their eyes on where his hand rests intimately low on your spine. 

“I’m gonna hurl,” you say.

“Not a bad idea,” he says.  He smiles with so much effortless charm that no one would suspect he is whispering criminal tips.  “The best con,” he says, his lips brushing your ear, “is one that is close to the truth.”  You shiver as his fingertips brush up your spine.  He rests his hand on your nape.  “Look sick,” he says.  “We’ll say we’re looking for a restroom if someone asks.” 

You follow his lead, weaving your way through the party.  Looking sick is the easiest instruction to follow because you feel genuinely ill, your anxiety a toxic twist in your gut.  

Only when you are wandering the empty hotel corridor do you feel at ease.  You feel even more at ease when you find the ground floor network hub.  Your first obstacle is a regular alarm code, twelve digits in length.  It is obviously too long to guess so you physically unscrew the alarm box and start some manual fiddling.  There is no way to fully disarm it without also setting it off, but that’s where your own AI gadget comes into play.  You plug in your cypher scrambler and let it do its thing.  It flickers through numbers, seeking the correct pattern, learning from its errors.  You designed it yourself and though it is always accurate, it takes a while to pull the numbers.  You and Minho are forced to hover in the hallway while it gradually reveals each piece of the code. 

You are up to number seven out of twelve when Changbin inhales sharply. 

“There’s a waiter walking in your direction,” he says.  “It looks like he’s taking a shortcut to somewhere else, but you have less than two minutes until he’s on you.”

 “What!”  You start to panic immediately.  “My decipher machine could take longer than that, what do we—”

“Relax, relax!”  Changbin says at the same time Minho steps behind you and grasps your shoulders.  He makes little shushing noises while massaging you, not that it does much to help. 

“We’re good,” Minho says.  “It’s just a waiter, not security.” 

“I’m gonna get us killed,” you say. 

“By a waiter?”  Minho asks.  He gives your shoulders another squeeze.  “Is he going to beat us with a baguette?  Hey, hey, relax.”

You are a vibrating bundle of nerves.  Minho is not usually the type to dive into a hug but he turns you around and pulls you into his arms.  You wrap your arms around his middle and hug him back, hiding your face in his neck. 

“Yeah, that will work,” Changbin says. 

“Huh?” you say, lifting your head. 

Minho is staring into a security camera as if having a mute exchange with Changbin.  He nods in agreement, though you still don’t understand. 

“What will work?” you ask. 

“Distraction,” Minho says.  You just look at him with confusion. 

“Baby,” Changbin says in a soft tone, “listen to my voice.”

The sudden gentleness of his voice makes you shiver.  Your fingers are shaking when Minho takes your hand and rests it over his heart.  You look up into his dark eyes as he smiles at you with familiar fondness.  You open your mouth to speak but he shakes his head, shushing you gently.  His eyes drift to the side in anticipation of an intruder. 

“Baby,” Changbin says, his honeyed tone softening your nerves, “Minho is going to kiss you.  Just do what I say, okay?” 

Your heart skips a beat, your eyes widening.

“You trust us?”  Changbin asks. 

You nod, answering Changbin, gazing at Minho. 

It’s the truth.  You might be scared but you have been scared before and your boys always come through.  Even when the rest of the world left you behind, when you turned to crime to keep yourself alive, Minho and Changbin were there.  They have never let you down.  You trust them with anything and everything. 

Minho slips his hand around your waist, pulling you close to him.  You have been close before, sharing the van, sharing hotel rooms, but this feels different.  He looks at you with intent, his handsome face so close, a strand of dark purple hair curled over his forehead.  Your hand finds that patch of bare skin when you touch his side.  He is familiar and foreign at once, your Minho, and also a character, one who clasps his hand behind your back and ducks down to gently kiss your lips. 

“Take a breath, baby,” Changbin says with a little chuckle.  “You look like you’re going to pass out.” 

“Mmf,” is the noise you make, affirming that observation.   It makes Minho laugh, a breath against your lips. 

“Waiter is thirty seconds away.  You just want to look like a dumb, horny couple that wandered away from the party,” Changbin says.  “Listen to me, I’ll tell you what do.”

You nod, sucking in a breath when Minho kisses you again.  This time his mouth is a little more insistent, his lips coaxing yours open. 

“Close your eyes, baby,” Changbin says.  “Let your shoulders drop.  Minho has you, it’s okay.” 

You didn’t even realize how tense your shoulders were.  You listen to Changbin, letting yourself go lax.  Minho holds you, as promised, his arms sturdy around your waist as he kisses you deeply. 

“Let Minho move you,” Changbin says. “He’s going to lean you against the wall to hide the device, okay?  Put your hands on his shoulders.  Higher, baby, go around his neck.  Just like that.  Let him lead you.” 

Minho walks you backwards, carefully pressing you against the wall, hiding the dangling cypher scrambler with your bodies. 

“We wanna give our intruder a little jump scare, okay?”  Changbin says.  “Minho.”  

That is all the direction he gives Minho, trusting the adept con-man to know exactly what to do.  Minho does, his hands sliding down to your hips to pull them flush against his.  It arches your back.  Your hands are hooked behind his neck and you squeak, your fingers instinctively sinking into his hair. 

“God,” Changbin says.  The sudden dark colour to his voice sends a spark of heat shooting through you.  It clearly surprises Minho too, his lips parting with a caught breath.  “You both look hot.  Fuck.” 

Changbin takes a steadying breath.  You and Minho look at each other.  You get to see his smirk for a split second, then his mouth is on yours and it is no longer gentle and questioning.  It is a demand, hot and wanting, your lips opening with his guidance, your heart skipping beats when he licks in your mouth. 

“Do it back,” Changbin says.  “You want him to fuck you, baby.  Make him believe it.”

You think the him is question is the waiter.  Isn’t it?  You don’t even know where the waiter is anymore, if he’s around the corner or watching.  In the haziness of your kiss, it hardly seems to matter.  You kiss Minho back with the same urgency, pulling him closer, whimpering when he bites your bottom lip. 

“Fuck,” is the gentle whisper that Minho can’t fight.  His brow is crinkled, his eyes closed.  He kisses you again, his hands jumping up to gather yours.  He laces his fingers with yours and presses your hands into the wall on either side of your head. 

“Wrap your leg around his waist,” Changbin says.  “Like that, that’s it, you’re okay.” 

You lift one leg, shaky and unsure.  Minho catches you under the knee and pulls it more certainly around him.  He holds you there, his other hand grasping your throat very gently as he kisses and kisses and kisses you.  Your hands are still splayed open by your head, thoughtlessly awaiting direction.  Your fingers curl into your palm and you moan for real when Minho presses against you. 

Minho is a good actor, but the hard shape in his pants is very real.  When he grinds against you, so open and soft with your leg around his waist, it draws all those guttural sounds right out of you.  Minho makes one back, swivelling his hips in a maddening grind against you.  It is all too easy to imagine him fucking you like this, the effortless back-and-forth of his hips, your sweet sighs as he takes you, imagining Changbin there, his breath also stuttering. 

You do not forget he is watching all this, especially when he lets another low laugh and asks, “She feel good?”

“Yes,” Minho answers without hesitation, breathing the word against your lips. 

“Hold his face, baby,” Changbin says.  “Kiss him like you mean it.  Ask him to fuck you with it.”

You know what he means by that: to kiss Minho with fervency and heat.  You do obey, cupping his face with both hands and kissing him deeply, but the fuzziness of desire mixed with Changbin’s words makes your brain go screwy with want.  Not only does your kiss convey that desire, but words rush past your mouth, crashing into Minho’s lips in a breathless flurry.

“Fuck me, fuck me, please,” you say, your voice pitching up into a little whine as you rock against him.  “Want you to fuck me so bad, baby,” you say, thinking of both of them at the same.   You kiss Minho’s surprised, open mouth, your eyes closed, your voice loud in this hazy space as you say, “I’ve been thinking about it all night.  Need it so bad.  Please.  Want you inside me.  Want my mouth on you.  Come in me.  Come on me.  Take me, please.  I’m so hot and wet, it’ll feel so good, don’t you want to feel how wet I am?  Don’t you want to fuck me too?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Changbin says, followed by a rush of even more inventive curses.

Minho settles on another simple, surprised, “Fuck.” 

Then someone is clearing their throat.  Minho jumps, his hands clamping tighter around you, protective. 

“Oh, right, this clown,” Changbin says.  “I hate that he’s too far away too punch.” 

You giggle in spite of yourself, which is good because you think you might simultaneously die of embarrassment.  You drop your leg and Minho lets you go, pulling himself together faster than you. 

You let him do his thing, sliding a hand through his hair and smirking at the waiter as he saunters over.  He makes his little speech, something-something-something a moment alone with the missus, something-something sorry-sorry-sorry.   He walks the waiter back around the corner, giving you a knowing glance over his shoulder. 

Thank god your cypher scrambler has its act together, even if you are a mess.  It takes you longer to right yourself than it does for the scrambler to finish its job.  Your hands are shaking as you break into the hub, but muscle memory takes over when you have your mini-laptop open. 

Minho joins you a minute later.  Your entire body lights up like a firework when he steps close to you.  Nothing in his expression conveys anything more than professionalism – his queries are about the job and the job alone – but there is an ache between your thighs that won’t subside.  You know he feels the same way as you can see he is still hard despite how much he glares at the wall.  He adjusts his pants several times while standing in that closet of a hub with you.  You keep glancing at each other, your gazes heady, speaking volumes more than your polite conversation.   

When you leave and he puts his hand on your lower back, you shiver.  You think you might double over from the persistent thumping of your easily-distracted pussy. 

Changbin lets out a long sigh and a nervous giggle.  “Good work, team,” he says. 

You have worked enough jobs that you manage to set aside your personal feelings for the time being.  It is easy to lose yourself in your work, especially when you really have to fight the security system.  

You get inside the storeroom.  You know it is filled with more traps and alarms so you sit down beside the door and type away on your laptop.  You nearly break a sweat with the intensity of your work. 

“She’s hot when she’s doing her thing,” Changbin suddenly says. 

You lift your head and catch Minho’s eye.  He smiles at you.  “I agree,” he says. 

Your heart starts skipping beats again.  You look down at your laptop, feeling uncharacteristically shy under his gaze. 

“Don’t distract me,” you say, making both of them laugh a little.  You glare at Minho but there is no real animosity behind it. 

At least they both acquiesce, going silent while you work.  You manage to disarm most of the storeroom.  The best you can do for the remainder of traps is trigger their subsequent lighting rigs so you can see them all.  A labyrinth of blue light brightens the dark entry room, revealing each laser trigger that blocks your path to the locked compartments. 

You look up at Minho whose calculating gaze is already tracing each intricate beam. 

“Got it?”  Changbin asks.

Minho starts unbuttoning his suit.  “Always,” he says, smirking. 

Minho flips the blazer down his arms, revealing just a tight white crop top beneath it.  His jacket, shoes, and jewelry form a pile beside you.   Minho does a few quick stretches before confidently approaching the laser grid. 

Before his criminal life, Minho was a dancer, and a good one.   He draws the same graceful lines with his body now, making each manoeuvre look easy even though you know it is incredibly difficult. 

“He’s hot when he’s doing his thing,” Changbin says.

“Yeah,” you say, biting your lip and watching Minho move.  “Gotta agree.” 

Minho slips over and under each laser, twisting and bending and sliding with ease.  He pops up on the other side with a graceful twirl, throwing you a wink over his shoulder before flipping a switch on the control panel.  It powers down the censors so you can scurry across the room to join him. 

The compartment door unlocks with your final hacked access code, the door swinging open to reveal your loot.  Changbin gives a successful holler into your earpiece, making you and Minho duck with his volume. 

“I’ll bring the car around, baby,” Changbin says while you two roll your eyes but smile. 

You pack your fold out bags with your selections.  One key to success is never being overly greedy.  You walk away with a substantial victory nonetheless.    

You hurry out of the storeroom with your prize haul.  Minho gets dressed again, though he doesn’t button up his jacket.  He takes a second to catch his breath while you restore each alarm so nothing appears out of place.   When you are ready to go, he takes your hand, smiling.  You run hand-in-hand back down the corridor, making a few sharp turns until you find a staff exit.  There is a small drop so Minho jumps down first then holds out his arms for you.  Though you could make the jump easily, you still let yourself fall into his arms.  

He holds you close as he puts you on your feet.  You are riding the high of adrenaline and success, your heart soaring, which might be why you so easily surrender to desire.   You kiss him, sudden and brief but tantalizing.  He blinks back at you with surprise, his face scrunching with that astonished little laugh of his.   

You smile at him.  A line of sweat dots his hairline and you reach up, smoothing some messy strands of purple hair.  The gentle caress changes the whole shape of his face, his eyes heavy-lidded, his breathing harder.  You feel yourself change too, your heart pounding against his chest when he pulls you close. 

You got greedy with that kiss and greediness has consequences.  You are so distracted with each other that you don’t notice the security guards coming at you from the opposite direction. 

“Hey!” one shouts.  “What are you doing out here?” 

You and Minho look over, then at each other.  There is no time for conversation.  You grab each other’s hands and start running, your bags of stolen goods bouncing on your shoulders. 

“Hey!” the security guard shouts again.  You can hear their heavy footsteps thundering after you, fast despite their muscle and bulk. 

You turn the corner onto a backstreet just in time for the camper van to swing into view.  The door slides open and Changbin jumps out.  You pass each other, dropping hands so Changbin can dart between you.  

Panting, you and Minho watch as Changbin effortlessly takes down the guards. 

“He’s hot when he’s doing his thing,” you say, giggling.

Minho laughs, nodding.  “I agree,” he says. 

Minho takes the steering wheel so you can apologize to your baby for abandoning her.  Changbin jumps back in the van and the three of you drive away with another successful haul. 

Later, back at the penthouse, Minho takes the longest shower in an effort to scrub the purple out of his hair.  You are in your bedroom when he finally emerges.  You can hear him and Changbin talking in the living room.  By the sounds of it, the purple is still threaded in his dark brown hair, likely to last a few more days.  You smile to yourself, listening to their playful back-and-forth as Changbin teases him and Minho snarkily retaliates. 

It is tradition after a successful job to have a few drinks and relax.  Contacting your fence and taking care of business can wait until tomorrow. 

You can hear the usual music playing through the speakers, can hear the clink of bottles and glasses, can hear Changbin and Minho laughing and talking. 

You look at your reflection in the mirror.  Though you seldom have occasion to wear pretty luxuries, you have enough money at your disposal to treat yourself.   You have been changing in and out of different lingerie sets since you got home.  You think this one might be just right: a silky black set worn under a lacy black dress that falls to your thighs.  It is suggestive but arguably casual.  You could just be wearing it as pyjamas, right?  Sure.  Sure.  Totally normal pyjamas for a totally normal night.

The best con is one that is close to the truth, Minho had said.  Then he stuck his tongue in your mouth and you begged him to fuck you with Changbin’s help.  Even you, who is terrible at reading and understanding people, know what truth was in that charade. 

You take a deep breath and march to your bedroom door with determination.  You throw it open so hard that it smashes into the wall, startling the boys in the other room.  You ignore the crash and scurry into sight, avoiding eye contact.

“Hello,” you say.

There is a moment of prolonged silence then Changbin says, “Hi.”

You look up.  They are both staring at you, both wide-eyed, both in sweatpants and t-shirts with their hair undone and fluffy.  They look very casual and very surprised.  Minho is clutching a beer bottle and Changbin is holding a bowl of popcorn.  Both of them are frozen.

You smile a very awkward smile.

“Hello,” you say again.  “I am… I am… dressed.  For bed.  My bed.  For being in my bed, like this, as I am dressed right now.  I am going to that bed, now, like this.  You can… join me.  If you want.  If you don’t want, then, okay.  Hello.  And.  Goodbye.  Bye.” 

You run back to your bedroom and slam the door closed. 

Other than the soft music still swirling in the air, the penthouse is quiet.  You cannot hear the boys, not a comment, not a sound, not a breath.

Then you hear the popcorn bowl hit the ground and a bottle smash.  They shove and yell at each other as they stumble on the way to your bedroom.  You are standing awkwardly in the middle of your room, hands folded in front of you, waiting as they crash into your bedroom door and curse at each other. 

Changbin then very casually opens the door and they calmly walk inside. 

“Hello,” you say. 

“Hi,” Changbin replies. 

You wish thoughts could be hacked like a computer.  You cannot think of what to say or do next.  You just stare at them and they stare back, although their gazes are considerably less nervous.  Their stares are thirsty, drinking you in, looking from top to bottom and back again. 

“Turn around,” Minho says, his gaze low. 

You meet Changbin’s eye before obliging, slowly turning.

“Okay,” Minho says after a long moment, giving your heart plenty of time to go crazy in your chest.  “Thank you.” 

You turn back around, just as embarrassed as earlier but not angry at all.  You cross your arms over your chest, flicking your gaze between them. 

Minho reaches out and lightly punches Changbin on the arm.  Changbin looks at him and Minho gives him a look, one you cannot decipher.  You continue to stare at them. 

Changbin nods at Minho then looks at you.  He holds out his hand. 

“Breathe, baby,” he says.  “You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

You laugh but nod, taking his hand.  He wastes no time pulling you close, guiding your hand to his heart as Minho did earlier.  He holds your hand there and waits until you make eye contact so he can wink at you. 

“I know I am the best looking man you have ever seen in your life,” he says, making you laugh again, “but I’m me.  You trust us?”

You look at him then at Minho.  His dark hair is still tinted purple, his bare face open and soft as he meets your eye.  You smile and look back at Changbin, nodding. 

“Always,” you say. 

“Good,” Changbin says. 

He cups your face and you lean towards him, anticipating a kiss, but he gently turns your face aside.  You don’t even have time to be confused before Minho is kissing you.  He swiftly draws all those sweet sounds out of you, pulling you towards him.  Changbin steps behind you, holding your hips and kissing his way up your neck to your ear. 

“Baby,” Changbin says while Minho slows his kiss to something gentle but heated, his tongue swiping at yours.  “Listen to my voice, okay?” 

You nod, light-headed but eager. 

“Good,” Changbin says.  “Come sit in my lap.  Over here.” 

Changbin is strong enough to haul you around.  You barely have to move, letting yourself go soft in his arms.  He sits on the edge of the bed and puts you in his lap, spreading your legs over his thighs.   You stare up at Minho, out of breath, your thighs twitching to close for pressure.  Changbin slides a hand down, stroking your inner thigh and making you jump, his other hand tugging down your dress and immediately going for your breast. 

Minho sweeps a hand through his hair, taking a breath before stepping up to you. 

“Still want your mouth on him, baby?”  Changbin asks, reminding you of all the things you whispered in that heated moment.  

You nod, whimpering when Changbin slides his hands into your panties and touches you directly.  He circles and circles the most sensitive cluster of nerves, grunting and pressing his lips to your neck. 

“She’s so fucking wet,” Changbin says.  He slips his hand out of your panties and abruptly grabs Minho by the hand, tugging him closer.   Minho brings that hand to his mouth, licking your wetness off Changbin’s fingertips.  “Touch him baby,” Changbin says.  “You see how hard he is for you?”

You can see.  You can feel Changbin too, hard under you.  Their sweatpants do little to disguise it. 

You do not hesitate obeying, tugging on the waistband of Minho’s sweats.  Everything feels so dreamy and good, surrounded by touch.  It all seems to happen quickly; suddenly Changbin’s hand is in your panties, Minho’s dick is in your mouth, and Minho’s hands are tugging the straps of your dress down.   This ends with you drooling messily all over the end of his dick, sucking on the head and murmuring nonsense while Changbin makes you come on his fingers.  Then Minho kneels in front of you both, your legs end up over his shoulders, and you find yourself hurtling towards another orgasm on his mouth. 

You dress ends up somewhere, the panties too.  The bra is barely on, the straps hanging down your arms.  Changbin finally kisses you when you are on your back in the middle of the bed.  He lays between your open legs, his fingers filling you up as you continue to gush all over his hand.  You grab him, squeezing his biceps as he effortlessly moves that strong hand between your legs.  Minho climbs up too, his shirt somewhere across the room.  He grabs your hands and pulls them over your head, pinning them into the pillows before ducking down to kiss you.   You come for a third time before either of them even fucks you. 

Then they do.  Minho first, with you under him, listening to every direction Changbin murmurs in your ear.  You lift your legs around his waist when Changbin says, then touch yourself when Changbin asks, and shudder when Minho comes inside you like you earlier begged. 

Then Minho is behind you, holding you, touching you, protective and familiar while Changbin fucks you.  Changbin has a surprisingly filthy mouth, continuing to tell you how good you feel and how good you look.  Minho is quiet but fully entranced by you, his hands constantly wandering.  He slides one hand down and rubs you off while Changbin fucks you.  Then he leans over your shoulder and kisses Changbin on the mouth, making Changbin finish too.  

The music is still playing in the next room.   The three of you lay there in various states of undress, you in the middle, sweaty and messy, the boys panting and gently stroking your arms and thighs. 

“I love you guys,” you say.  It is incredibly cliché to make a love confession after several mind-blowing orgasms, but you don’t care.   You don’t need to play games or tell lies or be good at socializing, not with your boys.   You can just be your nerdy self, confessing your feelings even while drifting into sleep. 

You smile when you feel Minho kissing your cheek, Changbin giggling on your other side. 

“It will have to be big,” Changbin says.  “The biggest.”

“Hmm?” you ask, looking at him strangely. 

“The diamond we steal to put on your finger,” Changbin says, holding up your hand and circling your ring finger.  You laugh and try to pull your hand back but Minho catches it, nodding in accord. 

“I agree,” Minho says.  He kisses your temple.  “I know how criminals work,” he adds.  “You’re not getting stolen away from us.” 

He and Changbin exchange an affectionate glance over you, nodding at each other, then they are each kissing a side of your face as you squirm and laugh.  You swipe at Minho’s purple hair and kiss Changbin’s cheek, then nestle into their arms as they wrap around you, protective as always. 

#skz smut #stray kids smut #lee minho smut #seo changbin smut #lee minho x reader #seo changbin x reader #minho x reader #changbin x reader #skz x reader

[teanshan]

jealousy is my toxic trait. i can't get rid of it. the only thing i can do to diffuse these awful feelings is to demote the close relationship that I had, into basically an acquaintance.

a few years ago now, i had a very special mutual on my main blog. we bonded over our common interests, as is the tumblr way, and got quite close. we even met in person a couple of times bc she's from sydney and i'm in melbourne. back then I considered her my best friend.

well, it's a hard pill to swallow when you realise you're not someone elses best friend.

i remember it happening in real time. 'X', another tumblr user from fucking germany, was a mutual of both of us. would join us in reblog chains, comment on my art, and message my friend directly. and i could see them getting closer. my friend would send me screenshots of their messages, showing me how funny X is.

and i couldn't stand it. 'go away, she's my friend!' I wanted to scream.

it got worse and worse. they were talking everyday, tagging each other. my friend and I had less and less fandoms in common. we ended up only talking about our personal lives, and as we're both introverted nerds, personal updates were few and far between.

i couldn't get rid of these stupid, shitty feelings. i couldn't ignore their public friendship all over my dashboard. and i sure wasn't going to tell her to stop being friends with someone, how awful and entitled that would be!

so i had to unfollow her. and at some point she unfollowed me. we still chat sometimes over fb messenger, and she likes my personal ig posts and vice versa. but thats pretty much it. I hadn't felt those awful jealous feelings in years.

and then just ten minutes ago, simple curiosity took over me and I had to search her up on tumblr. its been so long that I actually forgot her username. I had to scroll through my old messages to find it.

and what do i see on her account? that she literally used 3 hours ago? reblog after reblog of X tagging her in posts and vice versa. daily correspondance. their friendship still very much alive and thriving and its making me sick to my stomach.

it sucks. im so fucking jealous.

she was my friend. my person to tag in posts like 'tfw your mutual lives in another state ;_;.' my person to message incoherent words like AKJFLSGKFG. she was my person.

god how fucking toxic is that mindset?! but what am i supposed to do! its a never-ending loop of shitty feelings. i cant fucking do anything. stupid.

#personal post #i cant post this on my main #in the event that she might eventually see it #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #feel free to ignore this

[wienersmosh]

rapid fire list of my smosh-related opinions:

noah grossman needs to have been phased out 3 months ago. people acting like FREELANCER contracts are so fucking ironclad and that's why smosh couldn't do anything are so disingenuous. they phased out saige in 2022, they could've very easily done the same to noah -- they just didn't want to.

eat it or yeet it was fun for the first few episodes, but they ran it to the ground when they realized it was a hit with the locals/casual viewers and they needed those numbers. it's SO absurd that they made 89 episodes and it got really boring, really fast. (i'm glad anthony got to be on it before they got rid of it tho)

i've always found garrett annoying and unfunny for the most part. he's maybe said one or two funny things in all of my time watching smosh and i will never understand how some people stan him or find him attractive.

to be clear even if they replaced garrett as host on eioyi, it would still be boring and stale to me.

i miss kimmy being on camera. she wasn't the funniest and the smiley sunshine persona can be a bit much but she was one of the better sketch actors imo.

i do not want the og smosh games cast back. it's also weird they keep bringing up smosh on their ogsog content. i'm glad they appear to be on good terms with ian and anthony but unless there's ACTUALLY a future collab in the works they need to stop namedropping smosh so much.

i don't necessarily miss saige on smosh but i do miss damien and saige as a couple.

i don't care if people don't like anthony or don't find him funny, but the way a LOT of fans (mostly on twitter and reddit) blatantly disrespect him, the fact that he started smosh, and him literally reuniting with his best friend, just bc they got rid of the unscripted series on main really pisses me off. also he's not to blame for EVERYTHING wrong with smosh today.

HOWEVER, that being said, i do believe there was a better way to transition smosh main. they could've had anthony do a speed run of all of their unscripted series to give them a proper goodbye, and THEN uploaded the sketches.

EBE was a hit or miss, but when they did it well they did it REALLY well.

other than ian, anthony, and finnerty, syd and olivia were their best sketch writers.

people who are genuinely mad that they have memberships now are overreacting. i get that paying for anything sucks but if you're an adult with a job in a first world country $10 USD a month *maximum* really isn't that much. also, they're independent now, that's just the reality of capitalism.

people who act like smosh is above any and all criticism genuinely terrify me. they're a youtube channel and a company, and as audience members we're allowed to critique them.

the old smoshcast was better than smosh mouth, but i might be biased bc ian did host most of them.

agree to disagree was a good series, but they botched it when they started using more serious prompts which caused a lot of viewers to lose respect for some of the cast for problematic opinions.

i used to like olivia but considering she was only in 30 videos last year and she really doesn't seem like she cares anymore, i don't get how they expect any of us to still care about her. also she posted something in support of israel on her story, but hardly anyone knows about it.

i love the guy but shayne doesn't need to be in every video. i get that he brings in the views, but jesus christ.

smosh pit theater is their best pit series, followed closely by beopardy.

i find a lot of their defy era series on pit eg sleepover, show with no name, put it in my mouth, etc to be really boring and i’m glad they got out of defy and sarah whittle was more in charge of pit.

i didn’t like angela at first but i love her now.

#smosh #smosh pit #i'll add more to this when i think of more

[writers-ex]

kinktober: final lap

street racer!yuna x gf!reader

word count: 672

warnings: dom!yuna, g!p, deep throating, dirty talking, angry sex, talks of multiple rounds

a/n: i'm highkey proud of this idea thanks to @ifseul for the idea of deepthroating bc i was going to do riding... xD i'll just be posting this and maybe a soft trick or treating hc with each member but enjoy the end of this spooky month and my final writing for kinktober <3 and thanks for putting up with my willy-wonka posting schedule TwT you're asks will be answered with time

cheers erupt as the opposing team's car crosses the line beating yuna by a hairline. they jeer and taunt her as she stays in her car watching them head to collect their prize. she gets out of the car and takes off her helmet with a pissed-off look as she looks directly at you giving you a face that says 'follow me'. trailing behind her you head to the garage nearby and wait for her next words. 

you met your girlfriend at a race your friend invited you to attend, only those with invites could make it past the bouncers at the entrance. being close to influential people they would close off one side of the highway and paid off the police to have their monthly circuits. stumbling across one race away from your friend you see a beautiful girl exit a car with a bright smile from her latest win she looks in your direction and you both could've sworn it was love at first sight. yuna took you for a ride afterward to get to know you better, some car sex, and a few races later you became lovers coming to each event to support your girlfriend with her garage shirt and a short skirt to let her get a peak at what she would be rewarded with tonight. 

however, those few times yuna lost could mean many things and you've learned to handle her angry outbursts. waiting for her to tell you what to do or trying to figure out what would calm her down you watch yuna lean against her workshop table with her arms crossed. getting closer to her by stepping into the light she remembers your presence and immediately pulls you closer to her. roughly kissing you until you both eventually had to pull away to catch a breath, yuna unzips her racing suit letting you see her bulge. pushing your head down so you were facing it she pulls her underwear down and slaps your face with her dick. 

"we're not leaving here until you're in tears, now get sucking." looking up you see her cold gaze and decide to comply hoping she'll calm down a bit after this. opening your mouth you lean in and take all of her at once making her growl. "remember doll i'm cumming in your mouth and i better not see any go to waste." before you have time to answer her yuna starts thrusting herself into your mouth hitting the back of your throat. 

not stopping even when you gag and cry out she continues fucking your mouth relentlessly. "ugggh doll your mouth is so hot, i can feel you drooling. you're taking me so well..."' letting out a loud moan she increases her speed making tears fall from your eyes as you feel light-headed. gripping your hair she keeps you still and continues on until she releases into your mouth hard and fast making you swallow every last drop as she stays in you. you manage to break free from her grasp and open your swollen mouth with staggered breath showing her your empty mouth. 

rubbing your head she smirks proudly. "good girl but...we're not done here." pulling you up your knees feel weak from kneeling down for so long you lean against her for support as she drags you to the winning team's car that stayed overnight in her garage waiting to be transported back to them in the morning. she rips your shirt and panties off leaving your skirt as she presses your chest against the hood of the car. feeling the cool metal against your boob you shiver and try to look at yuna with pleading eyes. "y-yuna what are you-" 

shoving your face back down she lets out a dark laugh. "they played dirty to win and so will we doll. i'm not leaving until this whole hood is painted with our cum." lifting up your skirt she immediately enters you starting what would be one of many more rounds that night.

#hannie.writes #kinktober #kinktober 2022 #itzy smut #yuna smut #itzy yuna smut #yuna x fem! reader #yuna x fem reader #yuna x f reader #gxg smut #yuna hard hours #yuna hard thoughts #yuna x reader #itzy hard thoughts #itzy hard hours #itzy x fem!reader #itzy x fem reader #kpop hard hours #kpop hard thoughts #kpop smut #kpop kinktober #itzy yuna #yuna #yuna imagines #street racer!yuna #g!p yuna #g!pitzy

[mikerztmf]

my stupid, messy, and long-winded thoughts on jake having a crush on drew

to get it out of the way LOL: CANONICALLY, jake doesn't have a crush on drew. obviously. BUT this is just me taking how jake acts and trying to answer the question "but what if he did haha" bc im delusional like that. that's also why this essay is a lot more casual than my other ones (not much shorter tho, SORRY ABT THAT). probably won't talk abt canon events as much (other than the drakeup), but still lmao

ME, PERSONALLY, i think that jake would develop a crush on drew probably around freshman year-ish. bc, as ive said before, drew was the first person to want to be jake's friend. im sure it meant a lot to jake, especially bc we can assume that it was drew who talked to/approached jake first!!

(and lol, if jake started crushing on daisy bc she was the first person encourage him in middle school, itd only be natural for him to develop a crush on drew after he defended him from bullies, bought him things, and in general was his first close friend???? jk LMAO, but the point still stands)

i think the way jake would go about his feelings... he simply wouldn't do anything about them... besides hide them away and act like they were never there. but then again, that shit wouldn't work out, bc those feelings are so engrained in him.

bc jake really cares about what drew thinks, which is why he kept quiet about his past and his passion. and the crush would definitely be a part of that. like it's smth jake would view as "bad", and he would think that it's just an additional reason for drew to drop him. that's why, i think, he'd never purposely act on his feelings or anything. maybe the occasional gay thing will slip out of his mouth when drew's not around to hear it, but nothing actually intentional?

anyway. sing along if you know the words!!! JAKE LIED TO DREW IN AN ATTEMPT TO KEEP HIM!!! 🎉🎉

jake hid his passion for music and his crush from drew so they would be able to stay friends. bc, to him, it was the only way that drew would ever "like him back", even if it wasn't romantically. (he's wrong ofc, bc drew has a massive boycrush on him. but jake doesn't know that)

basically, all of that basically means that the one thing jake didn't want is for drew to call him a freak/for drew to leave. it just sucks i guess, bc everything jake did to make that not happen... became the exact reasons why it did happen.

and if we're gonna talk abt canon some more... i think this crush would add to jakes internal conflict throughout the series. like yeah. jakes got the club and he can be his full self with them, but since drew is his first friend (who he developed feelings for!!!), he finds it hard to let him go. which is why he sort of tries to defend/excuse the jomies, up until ep7 ("they're still my friends ... they're not like that all the time.")

TL;DR??? imagine my last jake-centric essay but 5x worse 👍 sorry this is so scatterbrained LMAO i just. have a lot of thoughts abt jake-centric drake, if u couldn't tell

#bro idek #like this is genuinely the messiest thing i've ever written #like there's a lot to say and im not sure how to say any of it #so if idk. if u understand this ur a real one #but feel free to ask abt anything #the music freaks #drake tmf

[bunnihearted]

reading a book where the main character has an abusive relationship and the author note before was like ohhh she might suck but dont forget she's in an abusive relationship!!!! but i just think that every single person around her suck. and it just made me think abt how.... rlly you're broken. if you've been unfortunate enough to have been compromised and affected, had your nervous system tarnished and ur brain disordered, you're broken and ruined. ppl love further shaming victims and saying nuh uh it's your fault for not healing. bur truth is, nobody fucking wants to deal w anyone who isnt easy or simple or complacent. if you're damaged and broken and messy nobody has patience for you. it makes me so depressed bc i know that im tarnished. im ruined forever and i can never heal. only a small amount of ppl - the ones lucky enough to have one or multiple; loving family, supportive friends, a closeknit community, quality professional care - they might be able to heal. but some ppl dont have access to any of those things. we're basically only worthless garbage. im too messy too complicated too broken too ruined too disordered to ever be understood. im not normal im not healthy im not functional. im completely and utterly useless. i cant heal. i'll never be simple or easy to be around or close to. what's even the point in life when this is what'll be my reality? all the while everyone else - esp the ppl who caused me to turn into this - get to have the things i long and ache for. it's hard being awake bc im constantly aware of the acute pain of my brokenness. i'll never be ok.

[dooplissss]

Long time lurker, saw your tag, go off about emmett and his gf im nosy.

thank you beloved i am kissing you if you so desire

ok. god. where do i start. ok so my oc Emmett is my newest dnd pc, he's. his life sucks so much.

my beautiful little guy had this lovely life on top of a mountain in the town of Annona, a quaint colorful place that is a bit of a tourist destination. His dad died about 8 years ago, right before his family adopted his little brother Eliseo, and so Emmett and Eliseo are really close to their mom Jazmin. They run a small restaurant together and importantly Emmett's dad was essentially the spiritual leader for the town for their goddess Mama Pallay (pal-lay), so losing him put the whole town in a bit of a tizzy. It wasn't said outloud that Emmett had to take his place but it certainly was implied, he just wasn't ready to take it up yet. Maybe someday, just not now.

Cue Marasmus, a little mushroom on the hillside that was plucked and sold at the farmers market, where Jazmin picked him up and served him to Emmett for dinner. She didn't know what would happen next, she really didn't and she's gonna seem like a bad guy but she isn't. Emmett ate this mushroom and it began to eat him alive, putting Emmett to sleep and walking and talking in his place until Emmett was barely conscious for months at a time.

Then one night at a congregation Emmett was about to feed a mushroom to his brother and it Woke Him Up, he wasn't asleep inside his body anymore. And he ran, he went home and packed his things as fast as he could only for his mom to block his way. And she knew that voice in his head, Marasmus, by name, begged Emmett to stay. Emmett escaped her grasped and ran away from home as far as he could, all while this voice in his head is yelling at him to turn back.

And he's been running ever since, while this awful thing possessing him tears him down and tells him he should feed people mushrooms that he doesn't understand the purpose of. He's done some dangerous things to get rid of this thing but nothing works, it always brings him back to life with more and more rot every time. So now he's a Pact of the Undead Warlock and hates every second of it

Then comes Yulissa, this lovely 6'6 deer firbolg who is so sweet to him. They run an errand together where she accidentally gets dunked into the ocean and Emmett offers her his gloves and she's immediately like. Oh. This man is so sweet. I think I'm a little in love with him. and Emmett (and me) is completely oblivious to this until later on he divulges some of his story and Yulissa promises she's here for him, he's not alone anymore, and he instantly falls in love against his better judgement. he has nothing he can give to her but she doesn't ask for anything other than to like her, not even love her just tolerate her and he can't help being head over heels for her

And now it turns out Yulissa is supposed to be a human sacrifice and over his already dead body will that happen, he's gone from so woe-is-me to I need to save her and I'll do anything it takes to get there, we will get our happy ending, I need her to see her worth just as she sees the worth in me. also they are purple and yellow bc i love complementary couples so much and they just AUGH

like he's basically a shambling corpse thats slowly rotting away and this person sees him and says 'I'm going to protect you, you've been through enough, let me help you' when all he's heard in his ear is consume consume consume i'm. i'm crazy about them. i could go on and on and on and i sure have i'm just having such a fun time with them. and it helps that the friend i'm playing in the space with is so fun and always has such brilliant ideas about them and we're just circling each other around this sweet little ship that could and i'm just having blast ok post over

#ask #anon #thank you for letting me be crazy about them for a sec #yulett #emmett

[maehemthemisfit]

MUTUALS

This is a LOT and probably half of it doesn't make any sense and looks like gibberish but yk what thats fine. Sorry I couldn't fit everyone!

@clovers-garden-co - my first ever moot, my one and only, bae, love of my life, my beloved, and the person who helped me make this blog so BIG SHOUT OUT to them!! ALSO CHECK OUT THEY'RE BLOG THEY DESERVE SO MUCH LOVE 💕💖💘

@fitzkn - my dawg, my guy, my fam, he's canonically a cat and part of the menace society. If you ever see me rb a convo with him, 9 times outta 10 it's gonna be something... idek how to explain it but you might laugh, you might cry, you might log out and rethink your life on this app. Conversations can range from genshin to a lawn mower don't ask me cause I have no words. He's also a talented writer an artists but will never admit it. If you're a fan of angst and genshin, I recommend digging through his blog and finding a fic called butter knife... I was in tears. HIS OTHER WORKS ARE CHEF KISS TOO MWAH

@some-stale-bread - we don't interact much but they're one of the OGs who welcomed me when I first started my blog. They're really cool and they're a good artist so check them out some time!

@senjusonlygirlfriend - we go way back, though we didn't interact much in those early moments. They're an amazing writer and friend and I love chatting with them <33

@path-of-yaksha - we also been moots for a while but I got hella confused bc you changed your url. They're a pretty chill system even though we don't interact much

@y-umiko - fell in love with their blog aesthetic <3 wish we interacted more. They like genshin and TR so it's a yes for me

@mansplain-manipulate-malewife - I don't know how this happened, but it did and I don't regret it. I feel like im falling through portals from rick and morty whenever I open their blog. It's a nice change of scenery. Hii Alex, hope you're doing well

@official-megumin - The best wizard in tumblr so powerful I had to follow. IDK WHAT CHECKMARKS MEAN AND WHY IS THERE MORE THAN ONE??? EXPLAIN??? She's cool, though I rarely see them when im active

@oddshroom - MY GURL, MY G, MY SHROOM- MUSHROOM? HAMVKTIRLOE. ANOTHER ONE PART OF MENACE SOCIETY. They're an awesome person, really sweet, amazing writer, we also speak in code 🦞 but you'll never know what we're saying. They gang fr doe 💅🏾✨

@dorothy-rainbird - WE DONT INTERACT ANYMORE *sobs* or have we ever? I see you in my notifs a lot though so you're part of the misfit gang. RESPECTT. Wish I seen you on my dash more tho :')

@vellichxrr6782 - HUGGING YOU HUGGING YOU HUGGING YOU. You're really sweet and I wish we talked more <33 I wish you the best my friend

@cross-crye - ANOTHER AMAZING WRITER HELLO??? They bouta put me on twst fr im this 🤏🏾close into falling down the simp rabbit hole. HELLO SETH I ALSO WISH U THE BEST

@omori-1 - daily reminder that I need to finish watching omori... I PROMISE I WILL AJUFKRI. VIRGO GANG. TALENTED CREATOR GANG. IF I COULD EAT THEIR BLOG I WOULD. Put it inna air fryer and drizzle some sauce on afterwards yum. Another one part of menace society. LOVE YA CHAI, YOU DESERVE THE WORLD AND THEN SOME

@xiao6ao - My love. My life. My will to write. MY LOVELY EDITOR. MWAH MWAH I LOVE YOU. She's my life support for real and also deserves the world and good fortune and just Nbhvgtdikmk This world shall know pain if anything happens to her. AMAZING WRITER YET ANOTHER ONE WHO DOESNT ADMIT IT. Grammarly 2.0. Always come in clutch. Menace society CEO. AHH I LOVE YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE

@atskas - MY FAM. TALENTED AUTHORS ALERT. TIMEZONES SUCK FR BUT I STILL LOVE THEM. Another one locked in, in the menace society, rip their sleep schedule. HI ARII ILY- HIARIILY... That actually looked like one word- GIRL I WISH YOU THE BEST MWAH

@lunartcmpest - it's always the aesthetic blogs that melts my heart. TALENT WRITER ALERT BEEP BEEP BEEP. GO CHECK OUT THEIR BLOG RN OR IM SNATCHING YOUR ANKLES. Wish we interacted more but it's all good. She's pretty cool tho. SHOUT OUTS TO YOU KAIRI, WISH YOU WELL

@alhara - AUTOCORRECT BE DAMNED. HELLO HARA. SHOUT OUT TO ANOTHER UNDERRATTED WRITER. Wish you the best

@albed0kreideprinz - They haven't been active in a min and I hope they're okay, but here's an amazing rp blog for all those interested. They're amazing and really sweet and I hope the world treats them well <3

@araranas - aka @primojade aka TALENETED WRITER aka AMAZING PERSON aka MNJNJENKI I LOVE YOU. TIMEZONES BE DAMNED

@ventisweetheart - IF ONLY I COULD HUG SOMEONE THRU THE INTERNET! You're so sweet and I'm glad we're moots and I always look forward to our interactions

@micheya - I dont know why and dont ask me, but if I could squish you like a gummy bear I would... IT MIGHT BE THE AETHER PFP IDK. We don't interact much but <333

@1eaf-me-alone - This year, I think you should turn a new 1eaf... g-get it BECAUSE MUYGITKR,ICRLT. Forgive me, I had to. PFF S,MUTFR THEY'RE REALLY COOL CHECK THEM OUT. HI HELLO HRU. I love our interactions please dont block me for my Cyno jokes, I'll 1eaf you alone if you- AUMSUFKRDE IM SORRY I CANT HELP IT!!

@scaranya - the fact that I had to basically type your full name out because scaranation is so big on tumblr... N E WAYS, RECENT MOOT HERE. Love to see your comments <3 Please stay safe and well!

@qingxin-dream - ENVIOUS OF YOUR WANDERER KEYCHAIN GRRR GRRR SUNYUFKRIKRCF. Another great writer here, please check them out!

@sweet-almonds - COMFORT WRITER BC ANGST BREAKS MY HEART. SHE'S AWESOME AND SWEET AND I ADORE YOUR BLOG

@enassbraid - Yall with these url changes. I HAVE BAD MEMORY OKAY! She's lovely okay and deserves the moon and back

@wanderersbell - WWEEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO TALENT WRITER ALERT, YES OFFICER? RIGHT THERE -> YOU'RE LITERALLY SO AMAZING AND FUN TO TALK WITH IM SO GLAD WE CROSSED PATHS EEEE PLEASE I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING EVERYDAY I WISH U THE BEST

I KNOW IM MISSING A FEW AND IF I CAN I'LL ADD THEM LATER BUT MY HANDS ARE GETTING TIRED AND SORRY IF SOME OF THE THINGS IVE SAID WAS REPETTITIVE I TRIED MY BEST

@cynotical - RECENTLY BECAME MOOTS BUT IVE BEEN A FAN FOR AWHILE ✨✨✨ Another talented writer please check them out as well as their other blog!!! THEY'RE AWESOME AND SUCH A LOVELY PERSON TOO

@sonder-paradise - idk how but their writing manages to break me down and put me back together again every time like— UGHHH I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. Talent writer alert x20. Should have 2 novels and an ongoing series already because wth

#moots 💖 #mutuals <3 #mutual list #lovely moots 💕

[vole-mon-amour]

3x08, part 4.

Dads out with their kid. <3 No but for real. I want what they have. Your best friend moving countries with you bc you've got a new job, that said friend cooking breakfast for you and spending a lot of time with you.

Your best friend explaining things to your kid, sometimes the things even you don't know how to talk about with your kid. I love this relationship so much. Platonic or romantic, I don't care. I love it.

She. Her. Rebecca constantly correcting Ted every couple of words was not so much as funny but sweet. Their relationship and familiarity with each other is so casual. <3

I know you can probably cook it at home, but oh to go to some pub in UK and eat authentic fish and chips. I waaaant.

Why does it sound like Roy and Keeley, and then Michelle/Keeley started dating another person? :)

You, my lovely lady, have an interesting way to break the news.

Interesting how these words are coming from Rebecca, of all people.

This show showing love through music is... yeah. I'm still not over "Let's get lost" and RoyJamie scenes. My mind is still there.

Ok, I'm done with this. Roy fucking blew it, Jack sucks, where is Jamie? He knows better than those two fools. He already stated that only dickheads that hack and leak pics online are to blame. He GETS it.

Please kindly go fuck yourself. Jamie x Keeley back WHEN?

Jack, you are sooo close to being on sight :)))) I'm so mad. Keeley deserves fucking BETTER.

Maybe i'm reaching, but the look, the expression. Keeley watching Jack and understanding so much about Jack and the situation. Leave her. Leave. Her.

WHERE. IS. JAMIE. Like, even Roy would never. I'm mad about them making a queer relationship look bad, I'm mad about Jack being a fucking dumbass, I'm fucking MAD. I also thought we'd get JamieKeeley hug, at least I hoped for it, but it doesn't look like we're getting it. UNLESS they're gonna drop the bomb at the last 10 minutes like they like to do, but idk. (upd: they did & i'm screaming)

This is sooo weird to watch. I feel like there was a slowburn for like 140k before that and now they're suddenly married. It feels too cosy and too familiar. Like, they're cute, but also ????

I'm sad for Ted, but the soldiers. The way he loves Henry. Ahhhh. I do hope they resolve this.

#natiswatching #ted lasso #ted x beard #jamie x keeley #keeley x jack #rebecca welton #nate x jade

[moonchildstyles]

in honor of spooky season angel and harry going to a haunted house with friends and maybe angel feels confident and all the girls seem so excited so she wants to feel excited too but as soon as they get up closer in line she realizes it’s to scary and she doesn’t think she can do it but she doesn’t want to embarrass herself my backing out, maybe she gets quiet and harry notices *countine on another*🫶🫶

🫶🫶*continued* and he asks her “you still want to do this baby” maybe she looks up at him with teary eyes “idk ab this anymore i’m scared h” “okay baby it’s okay why don’t we get out of line and do something else” “but harry i look like a baby if i back out” “baby no one is judging, i’ll either hold you the whole way through or go buy you the best caramel apple while we wait for friends” THEN U FINISH IT WHAT THEY END UP DOING AJWIIWIWKWJW

wait stop it:((((( im def not one for spooky scary stuff so I totally get the like want to go to those kinds of things when your friends are so excited for it bc you want to be included and even if youre scared you still want to hang out with them and maybe it won't be so bad right? but I can see her standing in line w h and like she had searched up this haunted house the night before just to see what she was getting herself into and it just...the pictures online have nothing on how spooky it looks like even the guy up front who's main purpose is to make sure that everyone entering gets a wrist band and all the things is in scary makeup and if hes not talking all scary hes just....Standing and Being Scary like this isn't the fun she thought it was going to be but h and their friends don't look bothered at all and its just :( bc shes scared and doesn't really want to go in anymore esp when they get closer and she can hear ppl screaming like right away and the big spooky music and everything like :( but she doesn't want to embarrass herself and back out when everyone else looks like they can handle it and she doesn't want to be that one friend you know:( so instead she just tries to coach herself into getting over it and sucking it up before going through:( but ofc h notices the way she has her arms wrapped around herself and shes not talking anymore and shes paying very close attention to the line in front of them and everything so he just leans down and "hey you alright?" and she tries to smile and pretend that yes its all good but as soon as she does she hears a big noise from inside the haunted house and it makes her jump and her smile fall and hes quick to put his arm around her and duck down so they have their own quiet conversation that their friends cant hear and "if you don't want to do this anymore we don't have to okay?" and shes chewing on her lip and "but I don't want to be a baby h:( everyones so excite and im the only one that cant handle it and we're not even in there yet:(" and ofc he gives her a little kiss and "youre not a baby for being scared okay? if you really don't want to go, we don't have to I'll take you around to some of the other places around here while we wait for them. or if you really want to try ill hold you the whole time and nothing is going to get you I promise" and I can see her totally like being aster y/n and trying to convince herself to just go with it and not make a fuss over anything but I think h would catch on and just tell her quietly like "honestly im a bit scared. if youre okay with it, maybe we could go find some pumpkins or try some of the candy apples instead? I don't know if I can do it love" and ofc hes just doing it to make her feel better but she doesn't really catch on so she just gets a little smile and "youre scared too?" and hes so nice to her just nodding his head and peeking to the entrance like eek! and shes like okay:) lets go get some food then and maybe we can check out one of the not haunted little fun houses they have here:) and h makes sure to tell them that hes not feeling this anymore and y/ns gonna take him to get some food and they'll wait for them to go through:( and I see them just being all sweet walking around the fair holding hands and sharing popcorn and picking out tiny pumpkins and stuff:( and shes so happy that she has him:(

#anon #ask #aster inspo #concept

[angelwolf985]

finished watching supernatural s1-15 in 3 months! here are my opinions on the finale!

(warning: probably unintelligible, and very ranty) (+ obvious spoiler warning)

episode 18 was fuckin emaculate. genuinly. it was amazing. the one thing i didnt like about it was how it jumped about, same with 19.( i dont blame them for it tho, it makes sense with the story, i just didnt really love it.) 19 was good for the most part and served as a decent ending but was missing castiel and eileen (mention + presence) which sucked but what can you expect yk,,

episode 20. i have. so many issues with episode 20. WHY DID THEY EVEN????? LIKE TWO MENTIONS OF CAS, NO MENTION OF EILEEN, DEAN FUCKING DIEING, SAMS WIG, ???HEAVEN BEING LACKLUSTER???? it was so. just disappointing. cuz it could've been great. the end part of 20 was the only good part (jared and jensen signing off of the show). the show should've ended on 19 tbh. thats how im seeing it anyway. in my mind thats where it ended, but like, with cas and eileen back.

what i really disliked:

deans death. im pretty sure everyone hated that. and the whole like thing of him dying was really,, sorta,, weird? like; why did it go on so long?? did it happen bc he doesnt have god given plot armor anymore or was it just cuz?did jack see it? how did he feel about it? did he care or did he be all omniscient because he became god?? how did he survive that long? logistically? there was a fucking rusty rebar thing IN HIS SPINE (or like RIGHT NEXT TO IT??). WOULD THAT NOT?? PARALYZE?? OR WORSE???. and, im sorry, but i hated the forehead touch. it felt weird man. i get that they were close but,, not that close? even when they were more unhealthily codependent they wouldn't have done that. i think so anyway. i dunno. also. DEAN HAS SHOWN MULTIPLE TIMES AND IM SURE THE WRITERS WERE OVERTLY AWARE THAT DEAN DID NOT WANT TO DIE ON THE JOB. HE WANTED TO RETIRE WITH SAM AND CAS. ALWAYS WANTED THAT. he often said shit like "we're gonna die on the job, draw the short stick, thats just how it is, how its gonna end for us." (mixing quotes from the top of my head so, not exact) which he clearly thought would happen because pessimism but he NEVER wanted that. for HIMSELF or SAM. dean dying in this episode IS A CRITICAL DISSERVICE TO HIS CHARACTER.

sams mystery wife and (non mystery) child. BLURRY FACE WIFE. WHY IS SHE. WHY. also- how did he recover (seemingly) so quickly? i mean- if he really believed dean was gone FOREVER. when death hasnt meant forever in forever, how would he be so okay? idk. also, idk why, but sam having a kid seems very bizzare. could just be me. also. where tf is eileen. is she the blurry face wife? why would they do that if yes? (could be a load or reasons, either way they couldve like, said it was eileen, if it was supposed to,, idk,,,)

one or two mentions of castiel. did the writers just forget his CHARACTER IMPORTANCE?!?!? HES SO IMPORTANT TO THE STORY??? HE GRIPPED DEAN TIGHT AND RAISED HIM FROM PERDITION. HE LOVED DEAN. DEAN (INARGUABLY) LOVED HIM BACK. he (castiel) deserved SO. much better. my friend who has watched spn since she was a baby AGREES WITH ME. i GRRR I GRR I GRRR!!!! cas not being in this episode is such an aggravating disservice to his character. he deserved more. the fans deserved more.

alright im done ranting now. may add more on later. im gonna go rewatch the show and read fix it fics.

#spn #supernatural #spn ending #supernatural ending #spn s15 #spn rant #.txtpost #should i tag as destiel #...... #destiel

[weird-life-of-a-closet-fangirl]

Just finished watching the first ten episodes of Power Rangers Jungle Fury, here are my thoughts:

-Jarrod is initially a jerk. He's also extremely dedicated (been training for ten years) and extremely strong (beat his sparring partner very quickly) and extremely arrogant (bullies Casey and the other cub). I am very excited to see his redemption arc.

-Casey has literally been at the academy for a week. He's got enough raw power to make Jarrod flinch. We stan.

-Master Mao should have chosen one of the other finalists to be the third guardian after he kicked Jarrod out. I'm still not sure why he chose Casey but I like him so its fine.

-If Jarrod hadn't attacked Master Mao, Dai Shi's spirit wouldn't have escaped the box and possessed him. He brought that upon himself because he didn't know how to take the L.

-If this wasn't a kids show it would be a lot more gory and gruesome. Even with the morphing grid giving the rangers enhanced healing and strength and taking part of the damage they recieve in battle, the injuries they recieve while fighting would be pretty bad. Casey got slammed through multiple pillars and poisoned by scorpion venom. Theo fell off a skyscraper. They've all been caught in multiple explosions. Legally, they should be dead.

-Also, the amount of property damage being done by these evil monster attacks... I'm assuming they've got special insurance for that in this universe though, since the power rangers are a regular occurrence.

-Sometimes I remember that Theo and Lily trained with Jarrod for a very long time and get sad because they're fighting someone who used to be a friend. Like sure, Casey only knows the guy as a bully, so its probably not as rough on him, but for Lily and Theo, it can't have been easy to see their new friend go up against their old friend in battle.

-Also, I liked that they took an episode to talk about the rangers' insecurities and fears, with Casey still feeling like an outsider in their group, Lily being worried that her friends might die in the fight against Dai Shi, and Theo being worried that Casey's going to steal his best friend.

-I am THOROUGHLY invested in Camille and Dai Shi's relationship. It seems to me that they had some sort of relationship before his imprisonment (like we're talking super close, because she calls him by name instead of calling him my lord), and Camille is still hoping they could go back to how things were. Whatever relationship they had pre-canon, I doubt it was a good one, seeing how Camille is constantly trying to flatter him and appease him so she doesn't get destroyed.

-But- and this is my personal headcanon- I fully believe Dai Shi may have gone a little insane after being trapped in a box for ten thousand years. Camille also mentions hiding in a wall for ten thousand years but I feel like she might have gone out into the world every now and then. There's also the matter of Flit, who lives in her throat and refuses to shut up- he might have been good company during those ten thousand years that she was hiding. Anyway my point is that Camille managed to stay sane. Dai Shi probably didn't.

-The scene where Dai Shi suggests that Camille should risk being destroyed by the rangers in the process of becoming stronger because "if you truly want my admiration, my love, isn't that a chance you would take?" had me internally screaming, like oh my god this bitch??? And then when she kills Naja and takes his life talons and turns to Dai Shi for approval and he's just. Not there?? And then when she's talking to him later and he says "if you're waiting for a thank you, don't. Loyalty is something I expect." Anyway their relationship is looking a little one sided, and if it's not, Camille should totally dump him bc he sucks.

-Also something else I found interesting is that when Dai Shi brought Carnisoar back, Carnisoar was talking about how he's not at his full evil potential because there's still some good left in him. This, combined with the fact that Dai Shi refers to Jarrod's memories as his own, leads me to believe that Dai Shi is having a hard time differentiating himself from Jarrod since they're in the same body.

-Theo is just like me fr and I love him! His training with Master Swoop was just me him getting therapy for his anxiety.

-The little B plot in ep 9 with Casey teaching the kid about how the choices we make define our character and how they juxtaposed it with Carnisoar manipulating Jarrod's memories to erase every good and kind choice he ever made was a great storytelling move. I also liked the extra insight it gave us into Jarrod's character, because until then, I just thought he was a jerk, but he has a very strong moral code (which Carnisoar forces him to break, allowing Dai Shi to grow stronger as Jarrod's soul gets steeped in negativity)

-I'm very glad I decided to rewatch this because this is fun!

#power rangers jungle fury #long post #I have so many thoughts about this show its so fun #should I add a read more? #im gonna add a read more #edit: had to go back and edit jarrod's name bc apparently i spelled it wrong

[zhaoly]

k so I didn't know this before but halsin apparently originally wasn't even intended to be a companion plus he's intended to be part of a poly romance... which is why his mono romance was barely developed??

man how were we supposed to know that :\ but suddenly it all makes so much fucking sense... why his character arc and romance fell so flat and why you can't romance him for so DAMN long. I suppose you're supposed to romance another companion and then bring halsin in to be part of a poly relationship instead and it's not intended that you get to act 3 with no romances--they assume you've romanced another companion already

i'm really damn disappointed that his mono romance is pretty much nonexistent and that his character development is so all over the place. I don't think I'll ever be doing a poly romance because I'm just not into that at all so unless they fix halsin's mono romance guess I gotta live with it

the only other companion who really interested me for a romance was karlach but her story is almost equally nonexistent and apparently she's got bad endings only?! like just kill me man. i want to try karlach's romance but i feel like her story is just... nonexistent, i mean all you do is find infernal iron and go to dammon. there's not even a specific quest arc or challenge for her, you just sort of naturally find the iron during regular exploration.

guess i'll be trying the other romances more out of curiosity rather than desire. like they all have aspects i like but then there's just like one (or two) things that turn me off.

i liked gale initially bc i was like holy shit an alistair/anders lovechild but then he started all that weird mystra stuff and i was like aight im outie. and i was also like wait we're supposed to be able to romance this guy?! isn't he very clearly not over this thing with mystra? i mean dude's gonna blow himself up for repentance or sth

wyll is like... fine i guess but too nice LMAO and i wont lie the dance scene was just like........... not my thing at all. just really not. and i honestly really don't like his devil appearance, i feel bad for saying it bc it's not his fault lol 😭 i liked him way more as a human but then quickly realized he doesnt stay that way for long. i think his story is definitely intriguing with the whole mizora thing and him being the son of the duke but man.

astarion is insufferable lord i can't stand the way he talks. i kicked him right after the nighttime blood sucking scene bc his voice/personality were so grating and i'm just not into the vampire shit at all. he also just like... looks like a creep and the way he talks doesn't help... tbh i think the only way i'll be able to tolerate him is to mod his face he just comes off as a creepy insufferable old guy i'm sorry

i like shadowheart as a companion but not really into her for a romance. her whole utter devotion to shar was also a huge turnoff lmao and for this first run I just decided that my tav wasn't into that. i did make the choice that basically had her turn against shar but i'm like yeah she can be besties with my tav i like that more. I actually really like sh's arc as a close/best friend

couldn't stand lae'zel initially either, left her in the cage after she wouldnt say please since tav is petty like that. found her later and reluctantly went the creche with her and then ended up killing her oops but hey she threatened to kill me first 🤷‍♀️ i'll def take her on future runs but i don't think i'll ever romance her

so like who does that even leave me with?? halsin basically fit a lot of parameters i like in a companion until i played through more of the game and realized that they really didnt deliver with him. i'm sure if i play through these companion quests/romances further in the future i'll warm up more to these characters but my initial impressions were just... not favorable and hey it's an rpg and my tav has opinions! who knows maybe i'll end up loving one of these character romances but rn i'm still lamenting over halsin's utterly lackluster one

#welp #it explains so damn much #not rly looking for opinions on this one just tagging for my own future reference so i can look back and be like #damn girl u were so wrong... or right.... #halsin #bg3

[multigenderswag]

okay weird long rambly thing about being multigender and pronoun usage by friends & family:

so I use any/all pronouns and I don't think I have any strong preferences for particular sets, but I do really notice when someone is using only one set, or primarily one set, and I'm starting to dissect my feelings about who uses what and I'd appreciate any opinions/advice/commiseration/solidarity you or your followers care to offer

my parents: she/her, very rarely they/them. not fond of she/her from them bc I'm afab and in some ways it feels like they're ignoring my identity for what they're used to/comfortable with and that hurts. they/them is nice, especially bc it's rare but that's also got some complicated feelings tied up with it.

my one aunt: they/them, with the rest of the family she/her. I appreciate that she uses they/them most of the time, as it at least acknowledges my nonbinary-ness, but it really sucks that she won't be solid in that when other people (who definitely know about my identity & pronoun preferences) use she/her.

close friends from high school: they/them, sometimes she/her or he/him. I don't mind this as much and like that they acknowledge my identity even though it's never been a huge point of connection in our friend group.

my partners: generally good at switching it up but only between she/her, he/him, and they/them. also both still lean towards a set (he/him and they/them). this is really nice. I don't 100% get why they tend towards what they do, but I only kind of mind it, and only when I'm in a particular mood.

my ex-roommate: he/him, very rarely they/them or she/her. this one's got a lot of complicated context, part of which boils down to 1) I have an (exclusively) aesthetic "crush" on her and she's aware of this, and 2) she has expressed that she finds me physically attractive but that she has no interest in pursuing anything, specifically bc of me being bigender/also a guy and that not being compatible with her orientation (she's a lesbian). so her using almost exclusively he/him pronouns actually feels really good?? bc it matches her general attitude and it also casually marks out our (mutual) incompatibility (which helps with social assumptions about us as we're very close and casual with each other's things and space and physical touch). that's part of it at least. there's some other stuff, but she's the only person who I genuinely like using a single pronoun set.

as a final note, it also really sucks that no one ever uses neopronouns for me. I'm especially fond of xe/xem and ae/aer and really want people to use them, but I don't ever know how to bring it up while also not making it seem like I want them to use those pronouns exclusively/stop using they/them, he/him, and she/her.

Oh my god this ask is really old I'm sorry. If you're in a safe situation, I'd recommend talking to people who make you uncomfortable with the way they use your pronouns. Best of luck

#asks

[looosey]

Lucy's DDR #1: I Love Dance

My parents and friends think I love to dance. They know without me saying it. In fact, a conversation I had with two NH Medlinks (i.e. my Desmond friend and his H4 friend) went like this:

H4 friend: Oh how do you know (NH4 girl 1) and (NH4 girl 2)? Do you dance? My friend: Does she dance? All she does is dance. H4 friend: Oh cool! Are you in ADT?

Which I found very fonny. No I am not. But alas, for the past two years till now, I have always been dancing, and I really really enjoy it, and I want to get better, and I think I do really love it!

But sometimes, it's hard to love it.

Today I want to talk about a big thing I see in dancers at MIT around me, which is that they have a very stressful relationship with dance. "I might quit all dance next semester," and "The MIT dance community is so toxic," and "I don't know if I want to do <xyz advanced team> next semester or just quit" are phrases I hear often from friends who always end up dancing anywhere from 3-9 hours a week.

They love it, but they hate it. The feelings are so extreme, I think, because dance is a social activity. You make friends, close friends, through dance troupe, ADT, or teams. But with dance, you're also auditioning, getting evaluated and cut, watching yourself side by side with others, being recorded, being talked about, and talking about others. It's a social activity.

And if you start thinking about how good your other peers are compared to you, the deep deep blackhole of dance-is-the-devil is slippery and treacherous. Despite them coming in with more experience, or putting in more hours than you at the expense of grades, sleep, or social life, or having been an athlete before, etc. All of my fellow friends who started dance in college, we've talked about this shared anxiety, but yet. We're all still dancing.

Dance. Dance. Four total semesters now. Why?

My favorite semester ever dance-wise was sophomore fall. Coming back from Korea, where I took a class a week at the famous 1Million and JustJerk dance studios, I was made pretty well aware that MIT was just a spec in the dance world. Thus, I was on my own journey to enjoy the art form and become professional grade good, whether or not MIT's competitive teams wanted me as a dancer did not matter. So, in September, I joined MissBehavior, did a DT dance, and took an MIT Theater dept. class in Hip Hop Dance History and Practice.

McKersin, the lecturer, taught us the history, shared the culture, opened my eyes to the Boston scene. He became the first person ever to tell me... "you need to practice" in an objective but well-meaning way. Previously, choreo workshops and Dance Troupe were fun and good to me, but in the vacuum of no-feedback-ever, I remained convinced that I was great at dancing, and thus was so confused all the time when I got rejected from competitive auditions. Now I was beginning to know.

I practiced freestyle dance and learned choreo from videos on my own, late into the night at BC dance studio. Recording myself, and gritting my teeth as I watched my own recordings. Yuck. Dumpster trash on fire, the stench coming from those videos.

But the way my dance progress became my own? So valuable to me. Thus, I improved.

I'm on a team now, and slightly deeper in the "dance as a social activity" thing both in MIT and the Boston community. Many times, I also struggle. I think I suck, look at that guy who probably only started this year he's so much cleaner than me. And that puts me in the worst bottom of the barrel mood for an entire day. Literally, makes me feel physical pain. But I never hate on dance. It's usually myself that I hate, which is not any better.

I write this on a special day: my first day ever being picked by a choreog in a workshop. You know? As the first subgroup to record? It means you're good. It was an affirmation that I'm doing okay, after a recent wave of self-hatred, actually. Even if I don't hate dance, I struggle a lot with comparing myself, and thinking I'm actually trash and not getting better, which is the root of my friends' problems too. I'm trynna overcome this and share a positive view of dance, like the energy of today's choreographer: it's fun to do and it's safe here.

This post is a reminder to future Lucy that actually, this journey has been one of great memories and progress. So, don't hate yourself, or the art. Be kind to yourself and others. Dance. Dance. Revolution.

#lucys-ddr #mit #college dance #dance slump #dance progress