conversation topic: dogs in the city. tiny dogs that scamper and gallop bc their legs are so short. big dogs that can't possibly fit in an apartment. purse dogs. dogs in outfits. also babies in hats. actually just what's the convo when they r browsing a lovely farmers market. 💐 happy sunday hope the weather's nice where u r
ed: oh fuck me, look at that one
stede: which
ed: there. that. i’m—pointing with my fucking elbow, look—
stede: d’you want me to take something? i can carry—
ed: just—shut up and look at that fat little baby, look
stede: oh. oh my lord
ed: with the pom poms
stede: i see what you mean
ed: little fuckin—
stede: on his booties
ed, a full octave up: on his little booties look
stede: i love when they’ve got the hats that make them look like starfish
ed: is he supposed to look like a starfish?
stede: little points on his hat. starfish arms
ed: that doesn’t look like a starfish, it looks like a jester
stede: what? no it doesn’t. the points are sticking straight up, that’s a starfish
ed: how many starfish have you seen whose arms end in jingle bells
stede: i—
stede: the world is vast, edward.
ed: see i just think—
stede: must i be accountable for every species of starfish?
ed: —if there’s a starfish with jingle bells then you’re the kind of person who’s gonna know it off the top of your head
stede: i’m sure there’s one out there
edward: ok. is this like when i floated the idea of horse with wheels
stede: ……well, not—
ed: it’s practical, save the horse a lot of effort
stede: —it’s unlikely. it’s unlikely
ed: see that’s a useful feature. what’s a starfish gonna do with a jingle bell
stede: i don’t know! celebrate??
ed: doesn’t even work underwater
stede: maybe it just wants to feel fancy once in a while, you don’t think a starfish ever wants to feel fancy?
ed: spaghetti dog
stede: that’s—now you’re just hybridising
ed, pointing in an altogether different direction: no, look, there’s one of those spaghetti dogs, look
stede, following ed’s elbow to an italian greyhound: ooh spaghetti dog
ed: spaghetti dog
stede: that one’s got a jacket on. stylish
ed: didn’t you say starfish were carnivores?
stede: it’s houndstooth though. is that a bit too on the nose? sorry—
ed: no you have a point
stede: —what about starfish and carnivores?
ed: oh, just—if the starfish’s got bells, won’t its prey hear it sneaking up
stede: well you said it yourself, bells don’t really work underwater
ed: huh
ed: now you think about it that’s actually—that’s kind of depressing
stede: oh no
ed: sorry i didn’t mean to—
stede: no, starfish baby dropped one of his little pom pom booties, look
ed: oh shit—aw look at his little toes he’s gonna get cold
stede: should we go over? is that—would that be weird?
ed: i dunno, maybe, but like, also kind of badass?
stede: …badass?
ed: yeah like we’re starfish baby’s bodyguards or something. like we’re not gonna smother him but we’re just—
stede: on the outskirts, right? to make sure he won’t be mobbed for autographs
ed: right cuz he’s a celebrity baby
stede: but then when he needs assistance, we’re—
ed: “you dropped this, sir”
stede: and then he takes it, very businesslike, because he’s a professional
ed: and he understands what we’re saying because he’s a genius baby as well
stede: yes
stede: well—normal babies can do that too
ed: what, understand you?
stede: yeah. i believe so
stede: what? what’s wrong?
ed, in quiet horror: i have said so much stupid shit in front of other people’s babies
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