#it’s all burned into my memory

[unpretty]

the thing about having been really broke. averaging $500 a month in a good year broke. using a gamestop credit card i shouldn't have qualified for to buy taco bell gift cards for food broke. is that i am SO bad with money. i have a degree in accounting and i am so bad with money. i do not think of myself as superstitious at all but money feels so cursed. not in a spiritual way, i mean literally. practically.

having 'too much' money feels so bad. money is a thing you spend as soon as you get it because it's so cursed. the more it is the more cursed it is. i save too much money and bad things will happen that cost all my money. money is a thing that summons expenses. if i have no money and the car breaks down i find a way to make it work. i scrounge and resell and pass the hat and talk to my mom's friend's friend who knows a guy and in the end i'm so relieved to be right back where i started. but if i were saving my money for a new computer and then the car broke down, the money is just gone. i spent the money i saved for a thing i wanted on a thing i needed instead and after all that hoping i'm right back where i started.

i get a windfall and i set the money aside because if i'm careful that's enough to pay for gas for months. but then i need to pay for heat and i apply for assistance and they look at my bank account and see i have money and now they won't help pay for heat. soon it's just a habit. i get the money and i spend the money. immediately, as soon as possible, get this money away from me. don't even save enough for cigarettes. i can find money for cigarettes, somehow i can always find money for cigarettes. cigarette money is a weird magical fake money i summon from dark corners whenever i run out of cigarettes. i don't know how it works either. i've tried to summon the cigarette money for things that aren't cigarettes and it never works. just get this out of my bank account. get it out of here before something notices there's money here.

anyway i'm working on it but god it's hard

#original #i think i've made this exact same post before but everyone politely ignore that my memory is bad #i was doing better and then it all crashed and burned in the last couple months #and i'm fixing it but god it feels so stupid #i'd finally worked my way up to having Savings. Any Savings At All. where did it go. #how did i spend that much on pennywhistles and moonpies #that shouldn't be possible that's illegal

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult. #i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

[ghost-in-the-corner]

Harrison Ford and Ke Huy Quan at the 2023 Academy Awards

#no you don't understand #i need this moment burned into my memory #it's honestly adorable #literally squealing #indiana jones #indiana jones and the temple of doom #temple of doom #short round #harrison ford #ke huy quan #everything everywhere all at once #eeaao #waymond wang #oscars #oscars 2023 #academy awards 2023 #academy awards #steven spielberg #film #acting #harrison tries to give him the oscar #but he's like no the producer #oh my heart #i don't care that they're low quality gifs #this moment means everything to me

[shearlin]

Hot take about Sky angst, regarding the curse of Demise, because I haven't seen anyone talking about this possibility in all those years I've been in LU fandom.

Guys...

Sky has no idea about the curse

Because think about it. Why would he know about it?

My man has been electrocuted multiple times, with magical - basically divine - lightnings in attempt to defeat Demise. All the while fighting for his life with a literal GOD OF EVIL, after spending an entire afternoon fighting an army of monsters and a Demon Lord/creepy ass Sword Spirit. Not even mentioning how worried sick he must have been that entire time, if this time he was also too late too save Zelda.

(always too late too slow not enough and late late late)

I don't know about you, but I don't think he was in any state of body or mind to listen to some dudes last words, when he had to focus on not passing out because he has to make sure Zelda/Sun is alright.

(It got a bit long so rest of the rant under the cut)

Fi gave him clear, that Demise received a mortal blow and that now it's only a matter of time until he dies and that was all Sky needed to stop paying any attention.

Just go through the motions. His vision is blurry, but that's alright just stay awake. Fi chimes to rise his sword. He does. There is some black smoke suddenly surrounding him, but Fi get's rid of it with her light so it's fine. It's probably why she asked him to rise her skyward. The last fifteen minutes he's been following her directions nearly blindly anyway, because his mind is still foggy, he's not sure where he is or what he is doing he just have to get to Zelda.

And then she's there. And everything is fine.

Impa fades, Fi sleeps and he finally rests. Or rather crashes as the exhaustion finally catches up to him.

But he recovers, as best as he can, and live on.

And then eight other heroes, just like him, appear and take him on a quest across the time. They become friends. Then brothers. Soon he feels like they knew each other their entire lives and can't imagine how he can move on after the inevitable goodbyes.

He is so happy that no matter what, there will always be someone among his people, someone from or even outside of Hyrule, to stand up against evil, no matter how many times it will try to show it's ugly face. He's a bit bummed that there even is a need for a hero to show up, but hey! He is not so naive to think people are and always will be only good. Things happen. Some people are just terrible, and some take it out on the entire world.

But somewhere along the line, he starts to notice... something weird.

They all fought that same guy (some of them even multiple times!) called Ganon or Ganondorf. And while he is overjoyed that none of them even heard the name of Demise, he feels kind of singled out. Few of them mentioned an idea of reincarnation. Mentioning Zeldas' connection through blood of the Goddess and their connection through a spirit.

A spirit of a hero.

He always though it was a figure of speech. A way to describe someone courageous who fulfills the quota of being a hero.

But it's not about a spirit of a hero.

No.

It's the Spirit of the Hero.

His Spirit.

An idea begins to form. A distant memory he didn't even knew he had. Maybe nightmares about that fateful fight starting to get clearer by night. Maybe he spends some time talking to Fi and he does not like the feeling he gets from her chimes, even if she can't really talk in her slumber. Maybe he even prays to Hylia in some distant era in an unfamiliar place, so she can deny or confirm his suspicions.

Goddesses, please, may he be wrong.

Because he loves them all like a family. Because they are family. Because he has seen their haunted expressions and blank eyes, he has heard their stories and horrors they went through and nearly all of them were so young, too young, and the thought that he was the direct cause of it-

Sky had no idea that Demise trapped his spirit in a cycle of reincarnation. He had no time to process it or find coping mechanisms before the adventure with the chain happened. He found out during it, slowly putting it together and coming apart at the seems before their eyes.

Sky didn't know about the curse.

And I say, it could be really interesting to watch Sky fall.

(And if anyone knows a fic exploring this idea please let me know! I searched but couldn't find any)

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu headcanons #linked universe headcanons #lu sky #linked universe sky #some curse of demise rant because I have thoughts #I love sky I promise #I just also happen lo love angst #and sky angst #having a traumatizing moment burn into his memory and haunt his every waking moment is all cool and dandy #but think about the slow realization before it finally hits #my rants

[theyaremycrocsyoudonut]

The scene in 3x11 right before Mickey gets married is just so *unintelligible screams*, *muffled sounds of violence*, *nails scratching a chalkboard*, *war sirens* you know what I mean?

Let me elaborate. Ian comes practically BEGGING him not to get married to Svetlana. He didn't give him an ultimatum as he does later on, he just begged him. And Mickey didn't want to get married to Svetlana, it was the last fucking thing he wanted to do. But, had he ran away, or refused to marry her, or came out, or something, Terry would right out try to murder him and we know this for a FACT. So Mickey did the only thing he could. He couldn't not marry Svetlana, he couldn't come out to his dad, he couldn't outright admit his feelings (because acknowledging them even to himself would cause him an INCREDIBLE amount of pain), he couldn't do jackshit. Except of what he did. He kissed Ian, like it was their last kiss, which, had they not found Ian after he ran away, would actually be their last kiss. He looked at Ian's lips and it was as if they magnetized each other. Physical love was all he could give.

#shameless #gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #for me that whole season 3 thing was their saddest ark by far #cause they were doomed by the fucking narrative on this one #i hate them with a burning passion #(i wish I could erase my memory to fall in love with them all over again)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ON THE SUBJECT OF A MARCH 1ST UPDATE LIVESTREAM.

so due to newly-employed circumstances, i most likely won't be able to stream my exploration of the update until the Sunday after it drops - March 3rd, likely around 10 am pst.

im not gonna ask anyone to wait because that's unreasonable and absurd, However! I am curious:

#im asking instead of cancelling it outright #because i know how fun it can be to see someone explore/discover/watch something youve already enjoyed #plus. if i may so bold as to say! #who knows! maybe some of you actually Want to hear me speculate and go bonkers On Mic <3 #absolutely unprompted #marked for deletion #welcome home #Why Am I Waiting Until The Third? #it will most likely be my first day off! #i dont wanna explore the update when im exhausted after a 9 hour shift lmfao #and i don't want to explore it in the morning before work when im on a crunch #i want Time! i want Energy! im gonna need all the brainpower i can cobble together! #oh man the upcoming full day of Active Avoidance #i might actually turn off my phone lmfao #bc muscle memory is gonna take me to tumblr & That has burned me so many times... #im not gonna use tumblr im not gonna use discord #im gonna queue up youtube videos so that i dont risk seeing anything on the homepage #babey im Hunkering Down! #i will simply spend my free time after work with myself. crochet. doodle. sit and stare at a wall #sob viciously bc im missing out #its interesting. so much of my life has been Being Late To The Proverbial Party & Missing Out On Experiences. #and by interesting i mean it makes me violent. sigh. but we deal! what else is there to do!

[petricorah]

humble offer of an au instead of (a continuation of) divorced zukka

Zuko fakes his death:

Someone's been trying to assassinate him. It's long after Sokka leaves, and they aren't together. Maybe they had something once, and Sokka always thought they'd end up together, but they aren't together. And he hears word of the fire lord's death all the way back in the water tribe. How there was nothing the Kyoshi Warriors or the palace guard could do, and he was killed.

There are no remains.

He goes to the funeral, and it's this big dramatic ordeal (because they're trying to really hammer in that he's "dead") and Sokka's a mess. A complete and utter mess. He can barely function, and he's angry, especially at Suki, because he doesn't understand how she isn't more upset (she knows Zuko's still alive. She tries to talk to him, but he pushes her away, and they're never able to talk in a private place.) But more than that, he's angry with himself. Because if he hadn't left, he could have saved him. He could have been there. He thought they had a future together, that they couldn't be together now, but someday they would, and that all goes up in smoke.

And then Zuko's alive. They were able to apprehend the mastermind with the guise, and Sokka should be happy, but all he feels is emotions he can't understand. He feels betrayed.

"You were in the water tribe," Zuko said. "I couldn't tell you--"

"You died. You were dead. I-I went to your funeral, I mourned you."

And he wants to be angry, he wants to hit him, to make him feel a fraction of the pain he felt, but he can't hurt him, not ever, and the only thing he can do is crumble at his feet because Zuko is alive.

#death tw #...yes this is partially inspired by middle school me watching bones and having that episode locked and loaded in my memory #anyway in bones i thought the excuse they made for not telling her was stupid so here my reasoning is...distance? idk it kinda falls apart #when sokka arrives for the funeral so if anyone has ideas as to why sokka can't know id love to hear them #or ideas on how to really twist the knife #like maybe this isn't full divorced maybe this is just like they had a fight and sokka left for a little while and reaaally feels guilty #but it was actually because i was thinking of sokka's canon death and how i would love for it to be fake #i really like the idea of zuko mourning him in a completely wrecked room things half burned as he turns away all the guards #zukka #surely there's got to be fic for this. anyone know?? #<----i say being very bad at actually sitting and reading fic

[sn0wbat]

sparkle on, tiberius ✨

#my art #low stakes 🦇 #my old friend crimson-catalyst helped with the shoes!! basically drew the shoe sketch while i slept. please check out his art he's great #anyway not many vampires sparkle in my lore. like at all. it's a super rare trait even among the daywalkers. tiberius is a weird exception #most vampires just kinda burn. or crack. and otherwise can't deal with the sun very well #and most daywalker vampires - upon sun exposure - get these dark ashy marks on their skin instead #so most vampires don't even know sparkling like this is a thing that is possible #he sure is sparkling like a MARBLE STATUE ✨ (do they actually sparkle?? idk man it's probably just a figure of speech at this point) #happy birthday silly boy #anyway his birthday is feb 2nd and he'd be uhhh. 2144 years old today #a grecoroman idiot twink. i don't think he remembers his original name - his cause of undeath was drowning in the river of tiber though #being drunk on wine while accidentally becoming a vampire is never a good idea (major memory loss may happen) #so he's just been going by tiberius. for a while. like that's just his name now #for the record he is very gay. he doesn't call it that but he totally is #also i don't care for twilight sorry it's too romantic and mormon for my taste. but its vampire lore is funny and i'll borrow from anything #like the sparkles. maybe one vampire does sparkle. as a treat #hope you enjoyed my tag ramble. time to actually post

[balladofmoony]

a little collage for dstg lily of @mayescapade because honestly lily evans and the phoenix are all i think about these days.

#at the top we have our order of people and i am kind of hoping they are well and happy in that memory #look at the nasty dementor! #and beautiful cradle <3 and of course regulily scene #lily and phoenix are the characters of the show #look at the little bird... that fucking bird #also some documents from lily's previous profession. my girl turned out to be a phoenix after all #i will always think about how she lived in a burning house and carried in herself always #btw this was supposed to be a he is for me collage idk lily kind of stole the spotlight #i will always love you dear girl hope you find peace #oh i forgot we have some burning in our eye #also 2 thank you jude for such a masterpiece i love dstg with all my heart

[fluffypotatey]

If wukong told (lied) to macaque that he never cared about him, do you think that would make macaque even more aggresive or like shut down/be the final straw that finally makes macaque let go of wukong

so, just like my answer for whether macky would willingly erase swk from his life, I think this answer also depends on when in the show swk told macky this, and what better way to explain this than by going through each outcome per season :)

UNO

looking at s1, we meet a Macaroni who is very hellbent on killing (or at the very least, heavily damaging) SWK because he feels like the guy never truly gave a shit about him (<- my interpretation). thus, it is safe to assume that if Wukong were to laugh off Marnolo's hurt and anger and tell the guy that he never cared, Mac&cheese will only feel that his current assumptions of SWK are correct and that the guy only cares about himself and his image.

would he feel hurt about it? oh absolutely. maybe punch a wall, destroy the "dojo" he allegedly lives in in an outburst of power and anger. maybe scream and cry but be mad at his own tears (begin to wipe them away but is too hash so he scars himself and then can't stop bc he's very self-destructive)

DOS

technically, Wukong is MIA so this would never happen. BUT! have you considered!!! Wukong telling MK that Macdonalds was just some guy from his past, nobody super important, basically a nobody he wronged in his long list of enemies. which MK might possibly parrot back to Macadoo in 2x07

heavens above Marconi would be pissed.

forget trying to be a dick to MK and "teaching" him that his path of emulating Wukong has already made him forget his friends (untrue, but this is what i assume was Macky's interpretation of MK's actions since the guy didn't actively search for his missing friends, who MK thought left him on purpose).

nah, Macky is hunting SWK down. he is out for blood because "did i serious mean so little to you? were our nights under that tree sharing secrets, dreams, peaches fucking nothing to you?" (and idk....maybe after the air clears out, possibly, macky would realize SWK's true reason for being MIA and....help out???? mayhaps???....yeah, yeah, i know only in my dreams T^T)

TRES

ok, so we could technically say this sort of happened in ep1 when Sun Wukong said, "i thought it was someone important," and, "so what, you're her puppet now? i mean, makes sense. you always did have a sidekick kind of vibe."

and that is basically Wukong implying that he viewed his relationship with Macaque as one where he didn't consider Macky to be important to him, or someone he saw as a close friend. however, this is also a tactic Wukong uses against nearly every villain he interacts with, simply to get a rise out of them. so, pin that down as Wukong being observant enough to know which words to use to hurt.

AND Macky's reaction to it is him jumping out of his cool-ass looking jet and body-slamming the monkey king to the floor. so, uh, it is safe to assume that Macky was pissed off at Wukong's comment.

THUS! with that in mind, we can say that in this context, Macackle will be upset enough to fight him; however, if we were to consider the end of s3 (like Samadhi Fire ritual to the end) i would go with the option of Mackarell shutting down and feeling like that comment is the nail in the coffin for their relationship.

CUATRO

in s4? absolutely not. he would be dragging Wukong by the ear, demanding that he repeat what he said, ordering Wukong to try and convince himself that their past meant nothing while Macky still lives and breathes. and especially after the s4 special.

you could argue that Macky could shut down in the beginning of s4, but i think he'd probably laugh it off because he knows now that Wukong is lying. he's being his old deflective self and probably doesn't know where to place Macanoli in his head now that they're technically on better terms with LBD done with.

but after all the drama of going through SWK's memories? nuh uh, Wukong can't get out of this, nope. you handed iMac a chocolate peach popsicle. it is too late for you turn back and lie about your feelings. you can dig your grave and lie about it, but he's just gonna hit you right back with your own medicine and make you understand that if y'all truly want to reconcile, you cannot continue lying to yourself that you don't care.

not anymore.

so, anyway, i hope this answers your question, anon! i had a lot of fun running this question around in me braincage :3

#lmk #lmk six eared macaque #lmk sun wukong #shadowpeach #bc i cannot help myself but talk about them in the context of shadowpeach #literally could have said 'i think if swk told macky this now compared to previous episodes' he would know it was bullshit (since he & MK #went through swk's memories and got to SEE swk's side of their relationship) and would've called the idiot out on it bc nuh uh are they #going to go through the same motions as before and fuck up their communication like last time you take that fucking back you bitch' #but (of course) i wanted back up for this answer and this show occupies all the nooks and crannies of my mind :) #for the sake of this mini essay (she says typing out her tags before finishing this post) imma capitalize only the names #for the bit #also mispell macky's name #for the bit....as well #no i am not counting macky out for being self-destructive #he has BEEN self-destructive to himself and his health until the end of s3 #nobody can convince me otherwise #this man was on the path of destroying himself to either destroy wukong or free himself from lbd (whom i might add WAS SOMEONE #HE WILLINGLY CONSIDERED IT WA BETTER TO BATHE IN THE FIRES OF SAMADHI TO BE FREE FROM HER CONTRACT! YOU #KNOW....THE VERY SAME FLAMES THAT CAN BURN REALITIES??? THAT FIRE!!!) #*sighs* why must my answers about shadowpeach and almost everything lmk related be long T^T #not mad just confused on that fact that i have been in a writer's traffic jam for weeks but get asked this and SUDDENLY???? #all my energy comes back???? #rude af brain >:( #asks #anonymous

[wormonastringtime]

reminder.

#hi i couldnt think of an awesome caption for all of this so um ill talk in the tags about my thought process #silhouette is forgetting herself. and she knows this. they reflect on this often. this time literally in a mirror. and their face... #its blurry. its obscured. they can see their own tired expression... but can they really see their face? #and the flames. once again burning away at their memories. sil can watch herself forget in real time if she wanted. she's so tired. #she could burn away everything if she wanted. they could keep burning until there's nothing left at all. and that self destructive tendency #is tempting. god it is so tempting to say fuck it and give up. but no they cant. they have a job to do. they usually remind themself to kee #going in the mirror. even when the reflection doesnt always look familiar. but now theres also something else. a new glimmer of hope in #silhouette's otherwise bleak life. a girl. she doesnt know if they can have that happy ending. but she will do anything to keep her safe. #and for now that is enough. sil doesnt know if she will remember her own face or her own name but my fucking god she will not forget lucy's #anyway hi im normal about my ocs 😁 teehee #my art #doodle #digital art #colored sketch #oc tag #silhouette #lucille

[front-facing-pokemon]

#bonus under the cut bc i couldn't decide which one #suicune #this one is my favorite legendary beast. mostly bc of pokémon 4ever. i think i might've talked about pkmn 4ever before #because it's one of those movies that was the only thing i had on DVD as a kid and we didn't have cable TV. so i watched it all the time #and basically that entire movie is burned into my memory. because i also fell asleep to it most of the time. just for the sound #due to that i have this attachment to suicune. because i saw it in my dreams. also out of the legendary beasts that showed up in colosseum #this is the only one i ever managed to catch as a kid. so two things making me attached to suicune #it's also in pokkén which is a good choice. and i also seem to remember it being the only one out of the trio in psmd who wasn't a bitch #lots to say about suicune. i like suicune

[puppyeared]

ok there are flop posts and its like. ok maybe it was ahead of its time. maybe my genius is untapped. but commenting a one liner on a mutuals post and u dont get a laugh? you can never come back from that. just roll me into a ditch

#AND IF U CANT DELETE IT BEFORE THEY SEE IT U HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE SHAME #i was in the shower and i suddenly remembered smth very embarassing that i commented at 3AM months ago and wanted to die #i think i deleted it. i hope to god i deleted it i dont want that burned into someones memory. i dont even want it in MY memoery #if i add a funny tag and they so happen to call me out on it thats fine i love the dopamine rush when that happens actually. bc if they jus #never see it i can die in peace alright. and i can edit the tags for my own peace of mind. ITS OPTIONAL TO INTERACT WITH #but like the confidence that comes with adding something in the comments.right out in the open where everyone can see it #its like staring the devil right in the eye and taking a fat piss waiting for him to make the next move #SAME WITH SENDING AN ASK OFF ANON #maybe its the social anxiety and/or shyness. or maybe ppl just forget to respond bc.. i do that all the time... bleg #fully aware that im saying all of this on the 'we encourage user interaction that we invented new ways of interacting' site. but still #yapping

[anotherpapercut]

just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace

#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges #im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life #i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself. #fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed #since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious #i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit #fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her #truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her! #talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us #i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result #until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace

[deathsweetblossoms]

"You're here," she said, only half sure she'd said the words out loud.

"I'm here." He tugged lightly on her braid before pulling his hand back.

Recessional by @ultadverb

#fic rec #moodboards for my favs #ELRIEL #pro elriel #the way this fic singlehandedly healed some memories from my own study abroad experience/long distance relationship #while also rekindled my burning unending wanderlust like omg #also the elriel of it all is perfect #everything about this is perfect #also modern aus are my weakness #I think about this fic every day #my storyboards #my moodboards

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

I don’t think y’all understand how clearly I have a potential novel mapped out in my head based off things I’ve already written like. It’s the overarching plot of lost gods (depressed guy forms a relationship with an older artist after two failed relationships) meets the dying love story of moth work (two guys are doomed for a lifetime of each other) simultaneously threaded with a dreamlike whirlwind romance (body back & changing states) ultimately leading us to a narrator who feels more like an art exhibit than a man

#IS THIS ANYTHING ?????????????? #I have scrapped my short story collection bc idc to make it sellable it is not that important to me in my stage of life LOL #so random novel ideas have been rolling around in my head #burn memory is the moth work rework which is like idk saltburn & maurice & obviously moth work smashed together #this idea in this post is smth else bc the plot of lost gods is sooo coolllll as a novel idea #ANYWAYYY idk how this will ever happen but in my mind the pieces are all there #probably bc I wrote them all LMAO #to be clear this idea would be: FICTIVE PRESENT - lost gods harrison and Augustus etc #SECOND TIMELINE: moth work #THIRD TIMELINE: changing states #absolutely no skill to do this rn but I’ll be thinking about her