#it's the guilt (not working as hard as i should be) mixed with the fear (consequences looming but not certain)

[perfectsunlight]

✧ 𝟬𝟰 ✧ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘁

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲, pushing

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𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 | 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁

𝗙𝗘𝗕𝗥𝗨𝗔𝗥𝗬 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭

“no. now, bada. tell me now!” y/n shouted, fists clenched into balls at her sides. hot tears fell from her glaring eyes as she stared at the taller girl in front of her. bada ran a hand through her hair, trying to maintain her composure. 

there wasn’t anything that could stop the other girl’s meltdown. she knew better than that.

once the fire started, there was no way to put it out. she just had to let it burn out on its own.

the tension in the practice room was palpable, thick enough to suffocate. y/n's voice had risen to a feverish pitch, her chest heaving with every breath. her fists trembled as if they were on the brink of exploding into action. hot tears blurred her vision, but she refused to let them fall.

bada's attempt to maintain her composure was faltering. she could feel the weight of the younger girl’s accusations pressing down on her, threatening to break her resolve. her hand, once elegantly raking through her hair, now clenched into a fist at her side, mirroring y/n's anger.

"why are we talking about this here?" bada retorted, her voice tinged with exasperation as she turned away to face the mirrored wall. she couldn't bear to look into y/n's accusing eyes any longer.

but y/n was relentless, her voice trembling with the fury of betrayal. "because i want to know. i need to fucking know. was it you?"

bada closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to find the right words. when she turned back to y/n, her expression was a mix of guilt, frustration, and fear. the storm that raged between the two dancers threatened to consume everything.

“yes, y/n,” bada finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “it was me.”

y/n's face contorted with a mixture of hurt and pure rage. she took a step toward the korean, her finger pointing accusingly. “you knew how much it meant to me, how hard i worked on it! and you just stole it, without asking, without even telling me?”

bada couldn't meet the other girl’s gaze. it was a fury brighter than the sun, and she didn’t feel like dealing with the hothead right now. she looked at her hands, as if there was anything interesting to look at there. “i was desperate, y/n. and we worked on part of it together so i thought i could make it work for the group.” she explained as calmly as possible.

the american clenched her fists so tightly that her knuckles turned white. “desperate? that's your excuse?! you think that justifies what you did?!” her voice raised even louder, disbelief ever evident in her tone.

“i had the company on my back! what did you think they were going to do? give me more time?” the taller girl snapped, feeling frustrated with the other dancer’s lack of understanding. bada was starting to feel aggravated now. how could the younger girl now understand where she was coming from?

“you could have just asked me! or just let me present the choreography myself!”

a sarcastic and forced laugh fell from the older girl’s lips. it was a sound y/n heard far too often from the taller girl. it was belittling, truly. “you really think they’d let just some american dancer get credit for choreography of a korean girl group?”

that was the sentence that truly snapped something within the young american. all she saw was red.

y/n's eyes blazed with fury as she shot back, “it doesn't matter where i'm from, bada. it was my work, mine! you should have given me the choice to decide how to present it.” bada's frustration bubbled over, her own anger flaring. 

“you don’t get it do you? the company, the fans, everyone expected me to come up with something groundbreaking. i thought i was doing what was best for the group!”

the american's jaw tightened as she stepped even closer to bada, their faces inches apart. “so, what? you're saying your fucking reputation is more important than us? than me? because you couldn't even respect me enough to be honest!” 

bada's voice quivered with heated emotion as she shot back, "no, it's not like that, y/n! i value our friendship more than anything, but i thought i was helping you by showcasing your talent." y/n couldn't contain her frustration any longer. she raised her voice even higher, her words filled with resentment.

“helping me? by stealing from me? i don't need your fucking help!” y/n's shoulders heaved with anger, her face flushed with emotion. "well, congratulations, bada. you got your glory.”

“selfishness? you think i did this for myself? you don't understand how much i've sacrificed for this group, for you!” bada shouted back. the older girl took a step closer to y/n, face so close to hers that she could see the flames dancing in her eyes. and in bada’s own were a hurricane of emotions spinning.

“do you know what they say about me because of you? you shouldn’t even be here, you know that?” bada snapped again, eyes glaring daggers into the younger girl. “you should be thanking me.”

the two girls were too caught up in their argument to notice aespa’s arrival, as well as redlic’s in the practice room. 

it was no longer an argument between two dancers. this was a battle of fire and water.

“is that what you think of me? is that how you really feel about me?” y/n whispered, venom dripping in her tone. 

but it was what bada said after that made y/n completely lose her temper.

the taller girl had a smug glare on her features as she scoffed in her face. “oh, it's not just me. it’s everyone.”

all y/n remembered was pushing the korean girl so hard that bada ended up hitting her back against the mirrors hard. she remembered redlic pulling back the other girl while giselle held by the waist and dragged her away. 

her vision became a blur of red-hot anger and hurt. the room seemed to close in around her, and she was only vaguely aware of the shocked gasps from the others and their attempts to separate her from bada. 

aeri’s grip on her waist tightened, trying to restrain her best friend. “y/n please,” she pleaded quickly. “she isn’t worth it.”

bada’s fingers brushed against the back of her head, checking for any signs of injury. the hurricane of emotions in her eyes had turned into a whirlwind of shock and disbelief. she couldn’t believe you actually pushed her.

the tension in the practice room was palpable, and as if a volcano erupted, y/n's voice echoed off the walls with a mixture of betrayal and animalistic rage. “after everything? you really think that i shouldn't even be here?”

bada hesitated, her smugness fading in the face of y/n's intense emotions. she realized she had gone too far, but her pride prevented her from backing down. “it's just business. it's about doing what's best for the majority.”

the room fell into a heavy silence as y/n's anger and frustration churned within her. she couldn't find words to express the depth of her hurt and disappointment. 

it was redlic who finally broke the silence, her voice stern and authoritative. “that's enough, both of you! we're a team, and this is not how we resolve our issues.” she let go of bada as she turned to face giselle, who still held onto the american tightly. 

“please,” gigi said in a hushed tone, feeling how fast her friend’s heart was beating against her chest. “it’s not worth it, trust me.” she knew y/n was far from cooled down, and she mentally thanked her trainer for the strength training she received.

 the other girls exchanged worried glances, their debut on the line as they witnessed the heated altercation between their teammates.

y/n's chest heaved with the effort to control her emotions, but her eyes never left bada's. “no,” she declared, her voice trembling with a mix of determination and heartbreak. there was nothing left for her. this was it.

no more bada. no more SM. no more dance.

“i quit.”

✧ 𝗦𝗬𝗡𝗢𝗣𝗦𝗜𝗦 ✧ ⸺ 𝗯𝗮𝗱𝗮'𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲, 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗻𝗲𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘀𝘆𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿. 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗹𝗹, 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝟯 𝗿𝘂𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿: 𝗻𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁, 𝗻𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗰𝘆.

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✧ 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 ✧ ⸺ @10cmpulisic22 @zhivaxo @the2ndl @moonsvrse @arievlaw @awkwardtoafault @mightymyo @1luvkarina @jisooftme @angel-hyuckie @bangtancritterrrr @unforgivenangel @starchasermyloves @deadgirlwalking3 @cosettesrants @faatxma @santasbitch @jaeneohee @jxrdxnh @kaaylvst @jesuschrist2006 @enhapocketz @stinkbvgs @neuftaeng @sinifere @ocyeanicc @svt-rei @l-a-u-r-a--b @yunjinwrld @leo-dragon @phamminji

⸺ ✧ 𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 ✧ ⸺

#smau #all american bitch #bada lee #bada lee x reader #street woman fighter 2 #swf2 #original series #swf2 x reader #perfectsunlight

[neopuppy]

There’s no denying how hard this year has been, each day feels more and more like a battle. It’s hard to wake up, hard to put a brush through your hair, hard to bother with putting away your laundry. Little things really, they feel meaningless, everything generally feels meaningless.

“Hey, it’s already half past noon and you haven’t eaten anything yet.”

Concern rings between each word, dragging your body to the side to blink your eyes open and peer over to where he stands. There’s those same eyes that droop at the corners, never bright or optimistic anymore. They used to hold a softness, love, adoration, never toward you romantically, but still enough to make you feel special. 

You are special to him though, that’s why he’s concerned. Even when he has to look away, maybe because you remind him too much of her. Of the woman you both loved more than anything, the loss you both continue to suffer from. 

“Not hungry.” You mutter, pulling your blanket on tighter as soft fabric rubs against your hips and sets off warmth between your chest.

He sighs, head knocking on the door frame. “You know, I won’t let you deteriorate, your mom would—“

“Mom’s not here.” You say, cutting him off. A small pang of guilt hits when he nods solemnly, chin tucked to his chest without looking at you again.

“Fine. Have it your way.” Letting go of your door handle, he shrugs and shakes his head. “I’ll leave my card and cash out on the counter if you change your mind and get hungry later. Have to get ready for work, I’ll be home late so don’t.. worry about me.”

You’d be lying if you said you won’t worry. You always worry. Always fear the thought of receiving a late night call that he didn’t make it, that he’s on his deathbed hooked up to life support leaving his fate in your hands. Instead you nod and barely raise your fingers out of your blanket to wave goodbye.

It’s always the same routine when he has these night shifts. Pester you about eating, about getting some fresh air, doing something productive with your free vacation time, just being a damn nuisance you don’t want to deal with. You have to get through it, act like you don’t care too much, keep up a calm facade despite the anxious way your heart begins to race.

It’s been weeks of planning, trying to figure out what it would take to make your sweet nurturing step-father finally snap. 

Jaemin: Swing by to get you tonight around 10?

Yeah. That should be late enough, and from the clues you’ve gathered, you know exactly where to go.

The sound of the shower turning on from the master bedroom alerts your ears, jumping out of bed and into your slippers to tiptoe down the hall and twist your mom’s key through the lock to allow yourself in. It’s lucky you’d found it mixed in with a bunch of her items, making it easy to pocket and hide in case you’d ever need it.

He’s already inside of the shower by the time you’ve rounded the corner and crouched down by the connected bathroom door. It gets steamy, but the glass still clears up enough to take in his long muscular legs, sleek lean back, thick arms curling up to run shampoo through his hair.

It’s different today, having to cover your mouth to hold in your gasp when you spot him leaned back against the wall. His eyes are shut tight, sharp eyebrows furrowed together frustratedly, arm jerking furiously. The fog clears up along the glass with each hit of water, making the view of his large hand stroking up and down his length vividly clear. 

To your surprise, he never brings anyone home. Many would consider him to be a young handsome eligible bachelor still, a good career, attractive face, fit body. You certainly wouldn’t be shocked if he decided to start dating again. The sad truth is you often find your step-father still mourning the loss you both took. He cries through the night, wakes up with swollen eyes and dark circles, he plays it off and puts on a smile for your sake but his pain is evident. 

It’s hard to watch him struggle. The way he pulls on his cock seems painful, writing his internal guilt with each whimper and groan that squeezes from his tucked in lips. He doesn’t want you to hear him, he doesn’t want to experience pleasure through his pain. Doesn't think he deserves it.

You wonder what brought this on, what set him off enough to finally break the silent celibacy pact you assume he’s held himself accountable to. Today’s different from the way he barely touches his cock whenever washing suds off his body, scrubbing himself clean in such a robotic way without any expression. 

Sliding onto your knees, you have to adjust the oversized boxers hanging from your hips, rolling them up tighter to squeeze around your middle. He hasn’t mentioned anything about his underwear going missing yet, hasn’t had the nerve to question you about the different items from his closet that he can’t recall seeing for weeks now. It’d be too weird to suspect his step-daughter of invading his privacy and personal belongings while at work. 

Johnny’s always been too nice to ever think you could do anything wrong. Not you, not with the angelic side of yourself you grace him with. It’s almost too easy messing with him, rolling around on his freshly washed sheets when he leaves for work, spraying his cologne on your pillows to feel closer to him.

He won’t say anything even if he notices a familiar print of his underwear peeking out from your pajama bottoms.

“Shit.” You murmur, pushing back on your legs to inconspicuously crawl your way out before he can exit the bathroom. Too fast to sneak out to take in the evident failure pulling his cheeks down into a frown.

Johnny’s lonely, he’s real lonely, and you can fix that. You want to fix that.

A knock rasps down your door minutes later, halting your hand from traveling past the waistband of your stolen boxers after burrowing back inside of your bed. “I’ll be heading out now, if you need anything I’m only a phone call away.” 

Staying silent for a moment, you decide to get up and listen at the door for his breathing. Keeping your movements light enough to not make the floor creak as you make your way over. His breath comes out evenly, fingers tapping a couple of times along the doorbed before he lets out a quiet sigh and turns to leave. 

It’s better for him to believe that you went back to sleep, lessen any possible suspicion, cover your ass if you ever fuck up and accidentally leave evidence. He’s too good at his job.

The cop car stays parked across the street from your house most days when he’s working a lot, not helping the ongoing joke you hear about how your step-dad does that on purpose to ward away the men who want to date you. For the most part it worked too, living by his rules to focus on your education throughout high school and not waste your time fucking around with teenage boys.

Times have changed though, and with this year long break you both agreed would be best for your mental health, you have gotten bored.

Beyond bored. 

Sneaking over to your window, you watch as he takes one last glance back at the house before getting inside of the car. He’s handsome as ever in that stupid pig uniform, the halster cinching his waist in further really accentuating his build.

Jaemin: Your step-dad’s not roaming the streets tonight by chance? 

Watching his car drive off you reply with an angel emoji, exclaiming how excited you are to get out.

“I’ll see you later Johnny.”

#WIP #forgot i wrote this part already #will post the pack alpha one later too #😇😇😇

[pagesfromthevoid]

A Real Nightmare | a.a. | 1

Astarion x fem!Tav

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Cussing. Astarion being…Astarion

Author’s Note: I’m not even sorry.

Talk to Me! | Series Masterlist

Astarion, visibly frustrated, threw his jacket to the ground with irritation, aggressively stomping out the flames that had crawled up its arm. A string of colorful curses escaped his lips as he forcefully dug his heel into the dirt, determined to extinguish every ember. Witnessing the dramatic display, Tav instinctively covered her face with her hands, feeling her cheeks flush with a mix of embarrassment and panic. The crackling sounds of the dying flames, accompanied by Astarion's expressive language, created a chaotic scene that lingered in the air, leaving an awkward tension between the two.

The majority of the party had headed into the nearest town to snag supplies or dig deeper into their quest details, leaving Tav and Astarion to handle the camp setup—just the two of them. Despite their limited interactions in the few days they'd known each other, usually confined to brief and somewhat meaningless small talk, today marked a shift. It was the day they finally got down to setting up a proper camp, making it the longest stretch of time she'd spent alone with him.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world; it’s not as if she hated him or anything…she just didn’t like his snide comments on everything. Or the way he looked at her like she was something to eat and not a person. Or the burning feeling in her belly when he flirted. But when he didn’t have an audience, he wasn’t nearly as bad. Truthfully, he was almost tolerable. 

Astarion had thrown a fit, complaining about having "worked so hard" to gather what he considered "so much firewood" (although three logs hardly qualified, she didn't bother arguing), only to come back and discover they had no means to light it. In a moment of misguided goodwill, Tav offered to take care of it. In hindsight, she should have known better than to make such an offer; her command over magic, especially when it came to fire, was far from stellar.

Which was how Astarion's jacket caught fire. And how her tent also caught fire. Though luckily, she hadn’t put all of her belongings inside yet.

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, hastily reaching out to retrieve his coat as he stormed away from the smoldering fabric. Examining it, she assessed the damage, hoping against hope for a chance at recovery. The arm was unmistakably burned through, but with the right supplies, she believed she could mend it. Her voice carried a mix of guilt and fear as she spoke, "I really didn't mean to do that – truly, Astarion. I would never actually try to hurt you, not on –,"

“You can’t even cast a spell correctly!” He interrupted, turning around quickly to point at her. His eyes flashed –a mix of darkness, anger, and a touch of dangerous allure.

“Excuse me, I can cast a spell just fine,” she argued, crossing her arms over her chest like a petulant child. His jacket hung at her side as she narrowed her eyes at him. “I just don’t have a lot of control after I cast it.”

“How is that any better?”

“Because at least I can do something!”

“You lit me on fire!”

“It was an accident!”

“What kind of sorceress can’t control her own fucking magic?” He demanded.

“One that has never been taught!” She spat back at him, her guilt receding only to be replaced with anger. He was allowed to be mad at her for lighting him on fire –he wasn’t allowed to insult her in the process, however.

“What the bloody hell do you mean, ‘one that’s never been taught’?”

Tav hesitated, realizing that maybe she had divulged too much. Her reluctance to expose her...deficiencies in magic was almost nonexistent.

When she had become the de facto leader of the party, and they had gathered up Gale into their midst, he had pressed her about her skills and spells that came from her home in Otherus. She tried to play it off at first, explaining that magic in Faerun wasn’t all that different from magic in Otherus, but Gale had been persistent –even when she explained she’d rather not have an audience. He just asked for her to join him in private.

It was there that Gale learned that their leader was not nearly as capable as she had made herself out to be. While she was able to cast spells and use magic, she couldn’t exactly…control the outcome. 

Magic had long been outlawed in certain parts of Otherus –in the main cities and around the edge of the kingdom, specifically –and Tav was born to a sorceress mother and a soldier of the king, who loathed those with magic at their dispense. Her mother, Fera, had kept her abilities secret for years until after Tav had been born. However, fearing that her babe would start showing signs, Fera thought it time to reveal to her husband what they were.

Fera had thought he would understand. That he loved them enough to protect them.

Fera had been wrong.

The King’s Guard had been called to the home, and by the time they arrived –Fera was slain, and Tav’s father was attempting to remove her hands from her body.

“A sorceress without hands is no sorceress at all,” he had seethed, pressing the blade into her wrist, breaking the skin and almost hitting the bone. 

The Guard stopped him before he did further damage; demanded if she had shown any signs of magic prior. When they determined she hadn’t, the Guard charged him with the abuse of a child; but his sentence was lenient for ridding the world of one more magic user.

Tav was ten. 

For a short while, Tav lived with her grandmother in a small village outside the kingdom but she was old and frail, and had no desire to raise a child at her age. Isowen, her mother’s sister, took her instead to the edge of the kingdom, as far from the king’s guard of Otherus as possible. Isowen ran an apothecary and taught Tav in the healing arts but forbade her from talking of magic or the arcane. Too many soldiers came in and out of their little shop; it was never safe. 

This was how it went for years –until Tav was old enough to go out on her own, and make a life for herself.

Initially, she had every intention of departing from Otherus. The kingdom as a whole, in all honesty, didn't hold any allure for her, especially if she aspired to master the control of her magic. However, the lack of viable means to leave or reach any other destination left her with no choice. Consequently, she found herself navigating a transient existence, engaging in various odd jobs across villages she encountered along the way. To safeguard herself, she discreetly concealed her magical abilities, aware of the potential risks that came with revealing her unique skills in unfamiliar territories. 

It wasn’t until the damned tadpole in her eye that she was finally taken away from Otherus. And now she was the leader of a band of heroes, trying to save everyone…and she had no idea how to control herself.

Gale had been sweet enough to offer to teach her, and keep her secret. Even though he did sound a bit snobbish about the ordeal, his lessons were important to her and she enjoyed the time she spent with him. 

Astarion continued to stare her down, his gaze unwavering, expecting an explanation. She felt the weight of his scrutiny, her left hand instinctively curling around her right, fingers tracing the scar that served as a perpetual reminder of the painful history of her life in Otherus.

"Have you ever kept so much bottled up for so damn long that when it finally spills out, it's like a wildfire you can't control? But, you know, strangely satisfying? Like this unseen weight you didn't even realize you were hauling around just lifts off your shoulders?" she asked, settling onto the ground before the dormant fire pit. She absentmindedly wrung her wrist, caught in the residual tension of her confession.

Astarion remained standing, though when she looked up at him to ask him to join her, his eyes had left her face and were fixed on where she held her wrist.

“I can’t say I have.” 

His voice was soft –sincere, even –and Tav smiled wryly.

“I’m from Otherus,” she explained, and Astarion let out a little ah in response –a knowing sound. She let out a humorless laugh, holding her hand to him now. “I had just gotten enough coin to finally leave when the damn worm got me. And now…I’m here.”

There was a moment of hesitation on his end, but eventually Astarion kneeled beside her and took her hand, examining the scar that rested between where her hand and wrist met. “You’re saying, darling, that up until you became the leader of a bunch of weirdos –you had never used your magic?”

Tav nodded once, shivering involuntarily as Astarion ran his thumb over the scar. “Here and there; but never enough to be meaningful.”

“Sweet hells, we’re doomed.”

“Must you be so dramatic?” She asked, though instead of the annoyed tone she usually held, it was laced with a fear that she wished she didn’t have. “I…I didn’t ask for any of this. I don’t know what happened; one moment, I was following Shadowheart’s lead then the next I was doling out orders.”

Astarion dropped from his kneeling position to sit beside her, one knee pulled up as the other was outstretched in front of him. He shifted and rested his weight on his hands. 

“You are rather bossy,” he pointed out, grinning at her teasingly, as if trying to ease the tension. “I suppose it only makes sense, minus the whole lack of skill bit.”

“You and Gale are the only two who know.”

Astarion practically giggled in delight. “Ah, so I have blackmail. I love it.”

She gave him a funny look, unable to help herself. “Astarion, you cannot blackmail me when I also know something about you.”

He scoffed. “Please. I’m an open book, darling.”

“You’re right; you are an open book. And the very first page says you’re a vampire.”

For a moment, she could tell he was debating if he would play off her accusations. She knew the look well; it was one she used herself when she wanted to avoid confrontation. But then he narrowed his eyes. 

“And how did you come to that conclusion?”

She rolled her eyes, pointing at her throat. “You have bite marks on your neck, Astarion,” then she motioned towards her mouth. “You also have fangs. You never eat with us, or when I offer you food. When you drink wine, you look nearly offended by it —,”

“To be fair, it is shit wine.”

“Regardless —I know you think me an idiot, but what I may lack in spell casting, I make up for in intelligence. I’m rather observant when I want to be.”

At this, Astarion leaned in close to her, voice turning sultry. “Oh, so you observe me, my love?”

Tav swallowed hard, involuntarily leaning in as well without even realizing it. “Occasionally, yes. Probably as much as you observe me.”

Astarion's lips curled into a mischievous smirk, and as he subtly withdrew, Tav felt the heat rise in her cheeks. A mix of excitement and self-chastisement coursed through her, acknowledging the magnetic effect he seemed to have on her. As she opened her mouth to respond, the distant sound of Karlach's animated yell reached them, accompanied by the laughter of their returning companions. Both their attentions shifted towards the camp's edge, momentarily distracted from the tension that she was certain they both felt.

Astarion rose from his spot, extending his hand toward her. Tav met his gaze briefly before accepting his hand, allowing him to help her to her feet. Their hands remained connected for a moment longer than strictly necessary, a subtle tension hanging in the air, before Astarion finally withdrew and strolled away from her towards the group. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he was about to go embellish how badly she fucked up the fire. 

But instead of feeling annoyed, she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips.

“I hope you feel that weight lift one day, Astarion,” she said, soft enough that only he could hear. 

He paused mid step, glancing over his shoulder at her. “One day, perhaps.”

#astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion fic #astarion imagine #astarion #astarion ancunin #baldurs gate astarion

[aibloomie]

GESTURES THEY LIKE RECIEVING

✧ featuring — xiao, scaramouche/wanderer, ganyu, thoma x gn!reader

woo one week break from school <3 hopefully I get motivation to write more throughout it. I was listening to lana the entire time while writing this guys just thought you should know HELP wait does thoma even have a house I forgot

XIAO

━ his heart aches to be more involved in mortal activities, no matter how stoic he acts when he hears about them. he fails to maintain that nonchalant facade when he is with you though, because his one true desire is to feel worthy of you and he cannot achieve that without bettering his understanding of you. so his heart flutters whenever you ask him out on a date, or suggest he accompany you to an event held by the people of liyue. he might feel a little overwhelmed at first, but you are his lover and safe space so he eases into it. holding onto your hand and walking alongside you in the crowded and lively streets of liyue make him believe he has a chance at happiness.

━ he finds it very romantic when you cook for him, mostly because his diet is limited to almond tofu and grilled tiger fish because of the comforting taste they bring to him. the idea of you gathering/buying all the ingredients and cooking those dishes with his preferences in mind makes his mind feel fuzzy with nothing but love and appreciation for you. he will not fail to thank you and return the gesture in his own way. as he is eating it, thoughts of how much effort you make for him flood his mind. he'll look up and make eye contact with those pretty eyes of yours and see the excitement in your expression as you watch him eat something you made for HIM <3 and he'll actually feel very emotional in that moment, because he knows just how much you cherish him

WANDERER

━ his reoccurring fear of abandonment is eased whenever you mention that something reminded you of him. when you are away he cannot help but succumb to the tormenting thought that you will not come back, and will instead discard him as if he were a mere doll. guilt clouds his mind, but you are his beacon of pure and loving light in his new chance of living and redemption, so he waits and aches for your presence. you always return though, and fill his ears with joyful tales of your journey. occasionally, you drop in some comments on things you saw along the way that brought your mind back to him, such as: the indigo bouquets of flowers in a merchant's stall that made you think of your lovers hair, or the gust of wind that made you remember his ameno abilities. his eyes will soften as you continue with your stories, he realizes that he is always in your thoughts and you always intend to return back to him and continue to love him

━ the matching accessories he receives from you will never leave his body unless it is absolutely necessary. if you gift him even ten matching bracelets then he will wear every single one of them, even if the color schemes do not mix well with his outfits. he finds himself toying with them whenever he thinks of you, and his lips turn into an almost unnoticeable bashful smile at the thought of you having the other pair

GANYU

━ you are the one person who gives back to ganyu, and does not ask anything of her. most of the time her mind is flooded with a long to do list of tasks she needs to finish in order to attend to the people of liyue. you, on the other hand, chase behind her and try to make her rest. you take care of her, and it takes her a while to get used to your kindness and concern. she would have never guessed that a gentle massage from you would make her feel better than pleasing other people. she looks up at you with tired eyes when your hands make their way to relieve all the stress carried in her temples, and she truly believes she has been blessed because someone has rewarded her for all her hard work

━ because she has walked the terrain of liyue for uncountable years, time seems to slip like sand from her fingers. she looks at you sometimes and feels her heart ache because it feels like each minute with you is going to become a memory prematurely. for this reason, she likes it when you are physically affectionate with her, but in a slow and steady way. once you wrap your arms around her, she feels like time has frozen and it feels euphoric, as if she can reflect on every single memory she has in her long lifetime, and can still be in your arms when she has finished.

━ ganyu is very insecure about not only her abilities, but her appearance. she doesn't outwardly seek it, but any words of affirmation coming from you make her heart burst and cheeks redden. remind her of her everlasting beauty, make it your goal for her to be able to look into the mirror and feel worthy when she sees her reflection

THOMA

━ thoma does not feel comfortable or safe in the confines of his own home. you on the other hand, make him feel safer than what four steady walls and a sturdy roof over his head could. he likes it when you cling onto him and make your desire to be in his presence known. he could easily fall asleep outside if you were right next to him. you are his home, the comforting one that he has been seeking for his entire life. he worries for you, but also feels your loving warmth spread throughout his body when you insist on staying right by his side

━ he always tells you not to, but he appreciates it when you help him out with anything he needs to get done. running errands is very common for him as he is always helping people out. having you accompany him reminds him that he does not need to burden himself with everything, especially because he has your sweet and loving self supporting him

#genshin x reader #genshin headcanons #xiao x reader #genshin fluff #genshin impact x reader #thoma x reader #scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #ganyu x reader

[sillyromance]

Can you make comfort vore? From Optimus?

Hello, dear evelyntyecrqzy!

Sure! Here you go!

P.S: there is angst and one heavy word in this work. Also I've written it from the first person's perspective... I really hope you don't mind it.

Have a good day and take care!

***

- How do you feel, little one?

It was late evening; almost all the lights were gone, the only bright area was Ratchet’s lab: the old medic was staring at the big green screen, typing aggressively on the panel and mumbling something inaudible. He was too busy to pay attention to anything else. The rest of the team left to their quarters after they had brought the kids home. No body had shown any signs of life since then.

I was lying on the couch, curled up in a tight ball. My head felt heavy and hurt; I felt cold and lonely. It was hard to hold back sobbing, but I didn't want to attract unnecessary attention - nobody cared anyways. Why would they? Were my problems that important?

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears running down my cheeks violently as my shoulders started shuddering...

And then I heard his deep, gentle voice.

"How do you feel, little one?" - I turned my red face to the huge mech behind me. Optimus Prime, my guardian. Through the cacophony of my thoughts I hadn't heard him coming. His blue optics far above glowed with concern.

I hurried to wipe the tear tracks from my face and stand up, mumbling something like: "Sorry" or "It's fine, don't bother yourself..." But as far as I did this, his large servo wrapped around me and very soon I found myself sitting on his plain rough palm, being swirled with his kind, sad gaze. I felt nothing but guilt, though the only reason for it was my depressing mood. I couldn't look straight at him, turning away over and over, rubbing my hot cheeks in attempt to get rid of the tears. I hated myself for the mess I had become – I waited for him to throw me away as far as he would get a good look at my ugliness. However, Optimus didn't seem disgusted with me at all.

- Did someone offend you? - The mech asked again with the same sincere tenderness in his tone.

I shook my head negatively.

- Is it something in your body?

I closed my face with both hands and shook the head even more violently, crooking.

- No...

- And what’s about your soul?..

I sniffed silently; choking sensation dug its claws into my throat as it let out a pathetic "Mm-gm..." and I nodded. Everything in me just fell somewhere down; I felt my poor heart beating hysterically in the stomach. There was a crazy mix of panicking fear and complete indifference. I was trembling, wishing to be left alone. But even more, I wanted to be comforted. I wanted someone to embrace me and whisper soothing words, to say that it was going to be OK, to stroke my hair as if I was just a kid. But wasn't it too much to ask? I didn't dare to believe Optimus would bother himself to spend time with such a puny, pathetic creature.

After this cut through my head, I couldn't keep myself from crying anymore – I literally burst out.

- Hey, look at me, Y/N.

Hesitantly, I obliged. I was ready to see disappointment or distaste, but instead...

- There is nothing to be embarrassed with. Do you want to talk about it?

I wasn't sure if I heard him right. Did he really... worry about me? Of course, as my guardian, he should have, regardless... Wasn't I dreaming?

- W-what d-do you m-mean? – I replied indecisively.

- I thought, perhaps you could share your pain with someone. Sometimes it helps. - A small, understanding smile appeared on his faceplate. - I'm sorry... It hurts my spark to see such precious little thing crying.

I lost my ability to speak for some seconds.

- Does it r-really? W-why?

Prime's eyebrows lifted up in surprise.

- Because you matter. You're my friend, Y/N. Friends help each other, don't they?

His gravely voice had already had its way with me. My shudders calmed down and though my eyes were still wet, I couldn't help but smiled back at him.

- Thank you... for this... But I don't want to talk right now...

- It's absolutely fine...

- ... I'm very, very tired, though. - At the moment I said that, my spine weakened and I collapsed at the flat, warm surface of Optimus' hand.

Something childish, basic, something from the abyss of my wild, subconscious core suddenly arose inside me and escaped my chest with barely audible plead.

- Please... Don't leave me here...

A quiet sigh rambled beside me; my entire figure was washed with warm air of his exhale.

- Don't worry, Y/N. I won't.

His digits closed over my tiny form. I wasn't able to see a thing anymore, but I could say for sure that we moved away from the place.

Quite soon the sounds of Ratchet's work faded away. Optimus opened one of the many electric doors and walked into a somewhat room - I heard a soft "whoosh" as the panel shifted back to its place. My guardian set me free on his berth, and only then I understood that we were in his private room. Sitting down beside me, he spoke even gentler than before:

- You are out of energy. And so do I. But still, I don't want you to stay alone...

Do you trust me?

I nod, already predicting where he was heading to. Cybotronian friends committed this small ritual with humans regularly; many were fond of it. However, I had never tried it with him. I couldn't claim that I was completely inexperienced too, but those previous times were emergencies which I couldn't truly like – they were harsh and distasteful like a rotten fruit. Now... It promised to be much more intimate. And it depended only on my wish.

I glanced at him through my eyelashes - I was too sleepy to keep the eyes wide open - and murmured:

- I do.

Optimus nodded. I was lifted up again - straight to his mouth.

Slowly, controlling every his movement, my guardian guided me inside his maw and laid my feet on his squishy glossa - there was a faint blue light twinkling at the back of his depthless throat illuminating a humid, warm chamber. Thanks to him I didn't even touch the sharp dents – their deadly blades loomed right above me, but stayed harmless, serving simply a reminder of what power Optimus actually had over me. The glossa curled around my legs as soft, thick blanket, then released them and I was pushed further to the glowing entrance of the esophagus.

I stared down, processing what was about to happen. I appreciated the leisure pace Optimus chose with me; his gentle licks and steady, rhythmical ventilating brought me nothing but comfort and peace. I sensed my toes in his pharynx and waited for inevitable with dull thrill - to be unceremoniously drugged into misty, humid confines of the muscles’ trap, to be deafed and choked. That what I was usually met with before, every time I was gulped down. However, when Optimus swallowed, his artificial, metal flesh contracted just slightly, pulling me so carefully inside that I almost missed the moment. It was like... A hug. The next swallow was just a little bit stronger - I gasped as he let his hand go off me and my tiny being got engulfed into his soft throat. It felt better than anything I knew before. Surrounded by the pulsing alien flesh, I finally felt protected and loved – the state I sought for so desperately all that fuckin’ day.

For some time he just held me there, his head titled back. I didn't make a move, trying to avoid hurting him. Living heat of his soaked into my bones and made me so drowsy that I thought I would fall asleep. However, at that moment the muscles came to action and lovingly tugged me deeper. The light grew brighter, though it didn't bother me at all; I was easily slipping in a long wiry tube constructed from the smaller ones, thinner and more solid, poured with viscous, bubbling energon – I was watching little sparks floating in there as I was passing by and a weak flame of forgotten happiness flickered in my soul once more.

Finally, I arrived at his fueltank. Its walls greeted me with a friendly squeeze, forcing me to curl into fetal position. I didn't cry anymore; all my worries and demons disappeared long ago, at the second I heard: "How do you feel, little one?"

God! I was so horribly wrong. I thought no one needed me, that I was lost, abandoned... And still, there was someone who couldn't bare me cry.

I felt Optimus' servo laying down on the lump I must have made on his waist, caressing me. I rubbed my head against the spot where I could recognize the pressure and smiled.

I did matter.

#soft vore #extreme cuddling #safe vore #transformers vore #transvoremers #willing pred #willing prey #tfp vore #optimus prime vore #hurt/comfort #comfort vore #angst #vore angst

[whatisreggieshortfor]

Prank War

Prank war goes to far. But manager Y/N knows how to fix it.

Yamamoto x gn!reader

SPLASH

Frozen not even a foot into the door way, you register the panicked expressions on your players faces- their prank did not go as planned.

Lev tripped, having attempted to run away, and fallen onto his back only to try and scurry on his long limbs and run into Inuoka.

You could practically feel the vein twitching in your forehead. Goddamit Yamamoto…

Kuroo had thought it was harmless, helping Yamamoto pull a prank on Kai to destress before Inter Highs, the team had been working hard and Kai was easygoing enough that it should have been fine.

But of course, as everything with a team full of hormonal teenage boys, it soon escalated to a war that you and the coach did not care to intervene with- upon the stipulation that you were both left alone. But you always knew that this war wouldn’t end if you didn’t end it.

Kenma had his games hidden- there was fear running rampant through the players until they finally showed up on the bench at the end of practice.

Yaku had all of his gear moved to the top shelf in the club room, where he refused to ask Kuroo or Lev for help to get it- until you finally dragged the captain in by his ear when you found Yaku trying to climb on top of stacked chairs to reach it.

Lev had his clothes swapped, needing to hold his new shorts every time he moved so they wouldn’t fall, because Kenma decided at his height he should dress proportionally whether he was proportional or not.

None of the players seemed to be safe from it, and they all tried to target Yamamoto, as he was the war’s instigator.

But they failed.

Walking into the gym, it should have been a normal day. Just warmups, laps, some three on three practice. But instead here you were, soaked to the bone and shaking from cold after three of them dumped buckets of ice water on you. Your clothes, your shoes, your bag, schoolwork, team notes- all of it was waterlogged. Your face, no longer clouded with shock, fell into scowl, your jaw snapping open, “KUROO!”

“Oh, no…” the captain muttered, panic lacing his features as he looked around for any means to escape, only to know he was trapped.

You were a very easy going manager- you kept them on task, you dished out praise when they felt low and honest humbling when they needed brought down from an ego high. You kept them hydrated, kept the gym clean, and defended them against strangers no matter which player was criticized.

But right now, you were fuming.

“Every. Day.” You growled as you stomped across the gym floor toward him, “EVERY DAY you lot have been playing new pranks on each other. I have been trying and trying to patiently wait it out- but this is too much!”

Kuroo expected to get hit. Slapped, punched, kicked, something.

But instead, as he squeezed his eyes shut to brace for it, all he felt was something damp lightly tap against his chest.

Blinking, he looked down to see you pressing a wet envelope against him.

“Give this to coach.” You looked defeated, “I can no longer be your manager.”

Gasps and arguments rippled through the gym as he stood there dumbfounded, Yaku tried to stop you- to talk you out of it, by the looks of it. But you just shook your head until you finally stepped back through the puddles they had made at the door, and kept going until you were gone.

“Yo, bros!” Yamamoto came strutting into the gym a few minutes later, everyone immediately turning glares mixed of anger and guilt his way, “What’s going on?”

“Ask your stupid prank accomplice.” Kenma snapped, shoving past him and marching out the door. The first years followed him, too dejected to stay and even try to practice, until eventually he was left alone with the third years.

“What the hell did I miss?”

Kuroo just didn’t look up, which said a lot without saying anything. Nothing really shook the guy, never like this at least. His face looked lost, upset, anxious. When he opened his mouth, even though his words were quiet, they echoed off the walls of the nearly empty gym, “Y/N quit.”

“WHA- What do you mean!? Y/N wouldn’t just quit!”

“Would if they happened to be caught in the middle of your stupid prank war.” Kai sighed, looking let down, “I knew this whole thing would cause trouble.”

“So did I, but we’re just as guilty.” Yaku muttered, still looking distraught, “We did nothing to step in and stop this. I watched that moron Lev talk Inuoka and Shibayama into helping him.”

Yamamoto didn’t stick around to listen to the rest of their guilt or self pity, he was flying back out the door.

There were a lot of times he tried (and failed) to convince you to let him walk you home after practice since you both joined the club in your first year. And there were a lot more times that he managed to get you to say yes.

So he ran.

He was a simp, that’s what everyone called him. It wasn’t a way to flirt, he may not be smart but he wasn’t naive enough to believe you took him seriously. He gushed your praises, appealed to your vanity, never said anything you wouldn’t want to hear. Now he had one thing that you needed to hear. He needed to apologize.

The team couldn’t lose you because of his stupidity. He couldn’t.

The gate in front of your house rattled so loudly you could hear it over the music playing on your stereo, confusion flooding your mind about who could be in such a hurry at a thundering series of knocks that almost shook the door hinges. You opened it curiously, peering through the crack as you kept running a towel over your hair. When you realized who it was, you let the door swing open, giving him a bright smile, “Hey, Taketora, what brings you here?”

You knew damn well what brought him here, but why would you make things easy for any of them at this point? Yamamoto hadn’t planned much- there were a lot of things he always wanted to say to you, but right now you needed to hear just one. So he bowed, not even having entered the home, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I never meant for you to get stuck in this. I’m going to tell the guys tomorrow that I apologize, I never should’ve let it run rampant like it did. Just please- please don’t leave us.”

You blinked, words escaping you. “Tora-“ you sighed, “Come inside. Please, Tora.”

He shuffled in, not looking anything like the over confident boy you had come to know, he didn’t even comment on it being the first time he’d been allowed in your home. Didn’t say a word about seeing you outside of your uniform or gym clothes without the other guys around. “I don’t want you to leave the club because of me, Y/N.”

Sighing, you couldn’t help but give him a soft grin, “Don’t worry about it, Tora. In the club or not, we’re still gonna be in each other’s lives, right? As long as you want me, I’ll be there. I promise.”

“Of course!” He answered quickly, blush filling his cheeks at just how hasty his response really was, “I want you in my life forever, you know that, don’t you?”

It was your turn to blush. You’d been with Nekoma for a while, you knew that a lot of Yamamoto’s personality was mirrored in his Karasuno counterpart, Tanaka, and it presented in the day to day flattery you, and any attractive person that gave him the time of day, was showered in. But this was a serious statement, it left tingles up your spine as you gaped at him for a moment. Until a chuckle slipped past your lips as you patted his hand, “Glad you could finally mean it, Taketora.” When he looked up in shock, you just pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t worry too much about the club, okay? I know you guys will be just fine.”

When Yamamoto finally went home- after he insisted that he needed to properly take you on a date to make for the prank pulled on you- he sighed to himself. You never actually agreed to come back to the club. You might still be in his life, but what would the guys do if you didn’t stick around as their manager?

Walking into practice the next morning, none of the guys were enthused to actually practice. They knew they needed to, Inter Highs were coming whether they were ready or not, but they were even more let down when you weren’t in the gym waiting.

Tears immediately flooded Yamamoto’s eyes, he really thought he could’ve gotten through to you. Covering his face as the coach walked out, he was ready to be told you weren’t coming back. You were his partner off the court now, that would have to be enough for him.

Coach Yamamoto cleared his throat, “As you’re all aware, these pranks have gotten out of hand. I’m sure you’ve all learned your lesson by now.”

Choruses of confirmation could be heard, the Mohawked boy’s being the loudest, before the sound of the door opening drew their attention, “I’m glad to hear it, boys.” Shock and confusion ran through them as your laugh filtered into the air. Winking, you stuck your tongue out at them, “And that’s how you prank to end a prank war. Pull that shit again-“ you eyed your new boyfriend seriously, “And you’ll be back to cats with no master. You get me?”

Kai covered his smile for a moment, but he couldn’t contain it when you held your hand up to high five him and Yaku.

The rest of the team was offended that they knew you were lying about quitting, but it was quickly over shadowed by the shock of seeing you give the second year spiker a good luck kiss before practice started.

Masterlist

#haikyuu #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu x trans reader #haikyuu x female reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu yamamoto #yamamoto x reader #yamamoto taketora

[astrafangs]

Fanaa Ho sabhi dooriyan part 2 - "My Greatest Regret"

Part 1

The bullet flashed by, not giving him even the light of day. He fell on the cold hard ground. His errors would become his demise, his anger bloomed fully into guilt and his sorrow now hurt more because it was sunjustified. Nobody whould be sorry for him.

"Get him!! We can't let him escape!!!"

Their voices were muffled, mixing in with his own desperate screaming conciousness.

He had not completed his mission. In his head the girls were still in peril because Meghnas girls and wife would now be just as lost in mouring. His one and only wife, how could he ever face her? What would she think of him seeing him in this sorry state? Would she kiss his heart and hold his hand? Any saving grace should have ben saved for Meghna.

The only thing he could do now was to lie down, lie down drowning in their fresh pools and handprints of blood. How ironic could his fate even be? The red liquid was fast leaking out of his body and the bullet stung his every nerve within the elbow tendons and the cramps were paralyzing. The world became a thin line between his eyelid and cheek, then he shut both of his eyes.

The home was cold and his steps sounded throughout the hallways.

His wedding photos framed, hanging by the dinnertable depicting his warmest most exciting moment.

Food left on the table, cold and colorless.

The sting stabbing deep in his heart as he for once in those tired workdays quickly looked around his shoulder.

Turning to see an infinate abyss of stars mirrored in the mirth of his blight he recalled the warmth of her deep mellow-brown intellectual eyes.

His duty to his work had defeated his duty to the love of his life.

He heard the sirens come near him from a distance.

...

When Rhea got dispached to the ambulance she feared the worst as a wife but knew the had a duty as a doctor. On arrival to the drug palace she barely believed her own eyes, this was the most brutal scene she ever had to work at. The place was a chaos of broken bodies and she could not shake off the terror running down her spine, which ones were alive, which one was Dhruva?

She barely recognized some from the cuts and scrapes of broken glass done to their faces and limbs. She taught her knuckles until they were white and continued over to the next body, whose chest lay covered in red.

"Call more people over!!" She ordered her coworker. "We need tweezers, tissiues and rubbing alcohol, fast."

Rhea was forced to remove two sets of bullets from Dhruva's body on the spot. She could not bare leave her husband's chest ruined by shrapenal. Dhruva groaned weakly but went limp short after.

...

She then sat in complete scilence as the ambulance kept driving. They had patched his body up as tightly as they could, the real work had to be done on an opperating table. She just hoped they had enough time.

"Hey, you did a great job removing those bullets." Rishi tried to comfort her.

"But, you heard how he cried!..." She lamented. What if she made him lose his composure with her unnececary whining for attention?

"We will help you, even so if it takes the entire night, I will stay by your side." Her friend hugged her in comfort.

"Thank you, so much." She quickly wiped away her tears.

...

The first thing they did was to hook his right arm up to a fresh supply of blood. They had to make sure his heart and brain continued recieving oxygen as to prevent a cardiac arrest.

It was his own fault for yelling at her to begin with. She didn't want to blame it on his mission, plenty of lives had ben saved But then who was that lying on the sanitized table under the green tarp in front of her?

As the needles were woven in and out of his flesh the machine showed his heartrate go from stable, Rhea was still focused. To slowfalling, she had to keep her hands steady. To critical.

She looked up for one quick second to grab the scizzors and realized while she had focused on fixing him, the bag of blood had completely emptied out and his heart-rate was going critically low.

As the desperation grew she realized how limited their options were, she declared;

"Im his blood match. We need to transfer the blood immediately!!"

Rishi responded at once "If you two are truly betrothed you really have no other choice right? I permitt it, you have to be there for him."

"Ok, quickly prepare sanitazion, tubes and needles!"

She connected to Dhruva's arm through the machine and the bpm detector screen showed his pressure finally balancing out. Rhea took steady breaths as she reassured herself everything would be fine. Somehow.

She nearly fell down on her knees from exhaustion and reached for her husband's hand. The other nurses quickly caught her and gave her a chair to sit on while the operation finished.

...

The sound of the door to the house opening made the tension start growing in the air. She turned around. He looked back at her. Thry stared almost blankly at each other as one of them spoke a word.

"Hey" said Dhruva.

"Hi" she answeared.

There was two pots of food on the table but no plates, so Dhruva offered to go get them. He entered the kitchen where Rhea stood getting the cutlery and as he reached for them he felt the sting returning in his arm and he couldn't complete the motion, making the plate fall to the floor. As soon as Rhea saw the accident she reached out and caught it midair. Also touching Dhruva's hand. How cliche could this get, it felt like the first moment two lovers looked at each other, picking up some fallen papers, greeting each other and then walking down the hallway to some meeting or class. But this was nothing close to that.

Rhea felt reborn, her husband was back and she could feel him. She fast put down the plate and hugged him tightly to herself never wanting him to go again.

"Please never give me such a scare again, Dhruva" she said, tears breaking her words "Promise me you're never going to place your entire soul into the work you do, I need you to be present here, with me, okay? Because we're really building on something here..."

Dhruva almost clung to her himself as he had missed her so much after all this time apart.

Then he felt the kick against his abdomen. A tiny kick coming from Rhea's core. He separated their bodies and held her by the sides of her waist just staring in wonder.

"Gosh how long was I gone?" His eyes welled up in sadness, and in joy, but most of all regret, he had yet to come home, gods! He hadn't even seen the first pictures from the hospital.

"I will show you the mamograms but first we have to have dinner, come sit down." They both grabbed a plate each, Dhruva reassuring he wouldn't drop it again. He would now have more time with his wife as his injuries healed and the super cop missions could be given to someone less buisy.

-The end

❤️@vijayasena ❤️@ronaldofandom @mesimpleone @milla984 @gifseafins

#ram charan #dhruva #my fic #ram charan fic #dhruva fic #emotional

[ladylilithprime]

You Don't Need A Nightingale

Series: Fluffy Faerie Tales

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Sastimmy/Jamstiel (Jimmy Novak/Sam Winchester/Castiel)

Rating: General to Teen and Up

Tags/Warnings: Half-Fae Sam Winchester, Jimmy and Castiel Are Twins, Selkie Jack Kline, Sam Winchester Is Jack Kline's Adopted Father, Brief Allusions to Canon-Typical Violence, Alicorns Are Flesh-Eaters, Dean Is An Aggressive Worrywart, High-Masking Autistic Jimmy, High Functioning Autistic Castiel and Jimmy

Summary: In the aftermath of the alicorn invasion, Sam is determined to get back to work as soon as possible despite his injury. This does not make his boyfriends feel better about him getting hurt in the first place.

For: @fluffyfebruary challenge!

Prompt: Day 7: Recovery

Read on AO3

ARE YOU SURE that you should be on your feet already?" Jimmy asked for the fifth time, practically vibrating in place as he tried to hover nearby without actually hovering. It was a balance that was hard to maintain, but even though the desire to take care of Sam in his injured state was almost overpowering, the last thing he wanted to do was be so annoying that Sam told him to go away like he had his own brother. Admittedly, Dean's reaction to Sam's injury had been terrifying, and had left Jimmy and Cas, who already felt horribly guilty over it, fearing retaliation from the older half-fae prince. Sam had not been happy with his brother's expression of temper.

"If I don't get up and walk around every now and then, I would go stir crazy," Sam said patiently, just as he had the last four times, smiling softly at Jimmy. "And a week is about as long as I can stand without checking in on my domain in person. I understand and appreciate the concern, but I do know my limits. I'll sit down when I need to and let you, Cas and Charlie handle any heavy lifting if you will let me take orders and mix drinks."

"You'll take extra breaks?"

"I will take as many breaks as I need when I need them, you have my word," Sam promised. Jimmy frowned, noticing the evasive wording in the answer, but nodded reluctantly. That really was the best he was going to get, and even he recognized that trying to coddle a fourteen-hundred-year-old former Seelie general over a battle injury was a bit much.

"The boss really does know his limits," Charlie chimed in as she hauled a bag of ice up to the cooler under the counter. "Three years ago this manticore got loose over in the marshlands across from Whale Harbor? His Steel Highness was out there with Balt and Donny and the naiads catching the damn thing and protecting the kelpie nests. Came back with a dislocated shoulder and a broken ankle where the manticore managed to get him with its stinger. He took two days off and was back the third day. Cursed all three entitled assholes who tried to scold him for sitting down at work and still managed to keep up with the afternoon rush."

"I know in my head that Sam can handle this," Jimmy said, scrubbing a hand back through his hair before absently finger combing it back into place. "It's just..."

"Your heart taking a bit longer to accept it because he's your boyfriend and him getting injured like that scared you?" Charlie guessed, a sympathetic look on her face.

"And the guilt because he got injured standing between me and Cas and the alicorns," Jimmy admitted, looking down at the floor. That was the part that was sending Cas nonverbal and hiding in the kitchen kneading bread with aggressive focus. Sam refused to blame either of them for having been trapped out when the alicorns descended on the town, and Jack spent almost as much time clinging to them as he did to Sam in the aftermath, but that didn't stop them from blaming themselves.

Especially not after Dean had yelled at them and Sam had kicked his brother out for it.

"Hey," Charlie said, one hand hovering questioningly over his shoulder until Jimmy gave a short nod of permission to touch. "He's alive, he killed the alicorn that got him like a badass, and if I know the boss he's much happier being injured if it means you and Cas aren't dead. His side will heal and he got to claim the remains of the six alicorns he killed while defending you." She frowned and twisted around to look at Sam. "Hey, what're you gonna do with those, anyway?"

"I considered mounting the hornless head of the one that impaled me as a trophy, but it wouldn't go with the cafe's aesthetic," Sam deadpanned, making Jimmy choke and Charlie laugh. More seriously, he added, "The parts that can be rendered down into safely consumable ingredients will be, and I have some plans for the hides, manes and tails that I would rather not discuss until I can talk to some people. Tasha and Rowena will be given first refusal on trade for the bones, otherwise there's a stitchwitch I know down near DC who would appreciate an alicorn bone needle set in exchange for her efforts on a commission. The rest will be sold for market value to help pay medical costs for everyone injured in the attack."

"What's the bet we'll have PETA fans griping at us about the Unicorn Berry Latte being made with 'actual unicorn'?" Charlie sighed.

"No bet," Sam and Jimmy chorused.

#fluffy february 2024 #rk writes #urban fantasy au #sastimmy #sam winchester #jimmy novak #charlie bradbury

[silverloreleysfanfics]

A few short snippets of the tteotm/lbfad fic I have in the works.

1 - (this is going to be a flashback during the nightmare sequence)

In a corner of the courtyard, Yingxin was sitting next to Jin, who looked at some servant kids playing by themselves not far. They both were wearing much better clothes, new and of high quality, and looked better fed.

Despite so, the child didn't have a smile yet.

He was watching the kids intently, as if he was trying to figure out something.

"Yangfu doesn't let them bully me. He's the owner and they fear him, but they all like him too, so they do what he says"

"So it is" was the maid's reply.

"Why didn't my real father do the same? Isn't a king more important than a landowner?"

The poor maid was taken aback "Prince... kings don't act like other people do"

"She's right" Xiao Run arrived at that moment and smiled to the child "I knew a king, once, who was very harsh to his own family. He drove his mother and then his younger brother away with his cruelty, although many said he was a good ruler, he wasn't good with his family"

"Why?" the child asked.

"Some people are taught wrong, or develop the wrong ideas and no one has the courage to teach them better. Kings are even more so, because they have so much power people are scared of angering them"

Jin frowned "Should I become scary?"

"I thought you wanted to be liked. Scary people are feared, not liked"

"But they don't get hurt and don't need anyone to protect them"

"Jin'er, everyone, even the most powerful person, can get hurt or need to be protected, but they can have help only if they have someone on their side, and if they scared everyone away, no one will aid when need comes" 

§

2 - (this should go in chapter 4)

"Everyone has their secrets, Ye Xiwu. Some are more dangerous than others, some are to be shared only with few, selected, people, others are to take to our graves. By being married, we'll be bound to guard each other and our secrets"

The glow in her eyes dimmed at that "So that's the reason. And here I thought..."

"You thought...?"

"Nothing. I was expecting too much, obviously, for someone like you to grow a heart all of sudden"

"Now I'm wounded, Ye Xiwu, hit in the heart you say I don't have" he grabbed her hand and pulled it flat against his chest "Here, can't you feel it?"

She could. Oh, even through the thick fabric she could feel it, the strong heartbeat, quick and agitated. Not the calm unfeelingness she expected, but a frenzied rhythm.

Her gaze alternated beween their hands and his face, both crazed and soft, the question and longing mixed up, scary in its intensity.

She turned away and retreated her hand from his grasp, unable to take the warmth of it all, his gaze and chest alike, as well as her own face.

[...]

It was hard not to wonder what drove him to her, when they had nothing but animosity and bitter banters in their current history. Yes, even with the secrets he wanted to protect, it was hard to say why he'd flat out propose. Without love strings, he surely didn't love her, that much she was certain of. Unless...

"Are you sure you want this, though?" she couldn't but ask. Then, almost softly: "Why me? Secrets aside"

A shadow seemed to fall over his face, sorrow and guilt, hopeful dread. A strange mixture, for someone who had always been so flippant, so far. It weirdly reminded her of his old self, of the self-deprecating emperor in her prison cell who lied his heart at her feet even in the midst of the pain she caused him.

"I'll tell you after the wedding" was his quick reply, before leaving in a rush. 

§

3 - (somewhere in chapter 6, I guess)

"So complicated" Xiwu pouted.

"Your younger brother is the nominal head of the family while your grandmother is the practical one, your father has two concubines and I can't tell which one is the mother of each your siblings, and you are the only legitimate of his children, but I am the one with a complicated family?"

"If you put it that way..." she pouted, then a thought crossed her mind: "Don't they have concubines in Yungmenze?"

"Some do, but it's not a norm like around here" he then tilted his head "If that was to ask whether I plan to marry others, the answer is no. I find absurd the idea of having multiple partners, love is supposed to be an absolute, marriage a proof of devotion. Divorce isn't contemplated either"

"Till death do us part then?"

"If you think death can get you out this relationship, that's your mistake"

§

4 - (not sure what chapter this will be yet, probably 9)

"I can't believe you've been so foolish" Xiao Lanhua said, the healing flux not stopping "You could have told us, we could have talked about it..."

Jin scowled "You've been very clear on not wanting to allow Ye Xiwu and I to get married. You wanted to take me back to Lucheng" he accused.

"For your own good"

"Taking away my choices is for my good now?"

"Look where your choices led you: you're poisoned, bleeding, marked as a criminal by Sheng, hunted by all parts, and you almost died"

"I'm fine"

"Are you, now?" she stopped the healing and pushed a finger in his ribs, eliciting a pained sound.

"I'll be fine" he corrected.

"Because we're here, Jin'er, but what would have happened to you if we hadn't gotten here in time? You almost had Xiwu killed too, have you thought about it?"

He inhaled sharply and sent a guilty look towards Ye Xiwu.

#My writing #tteotm/lbfad crossover #it's just some bits from the draft #I'd love comments about them though #Till the end of the moon #Love Between Fairy and Devil

[thewholecrew]

@deathvisited said: [ support ] sender quietly sitting down next to receiver to let them know they're there --- caleb and kassy

it was about as hard as she imagined it was going to be, having to essentially team up with the one person both her and caleb wouldn't ever want to encounter. grant ward. with his connections to a classified SHIELD procedure, he was their best bet in bringing sebastian back. despite how much she would prefer to kick and scratch and claw at grant for breaking her best friends heart, the feelings very mutual from caleb she believed too, they were forced to begrudingly work along side him. it wasn't enough that though dead, she could still see sebastian, see his pleading expression that if she wasn't going to stop trying to either find who did this or how to bring him back that at least she could try and get along with the man with the most information about it. the man she could tell he still clearly had feelings for.

she hated him, caleb hated him and the aura between the three were tense, filled with anger and grief, and jealousy between the two men. kassy also hated that most of what she and caleb could do were read redacted files, scan the database for any hint then wait for grant to give them any left over information. she would have much rather went to ted for this but she assumed his mission at this point was to hunt down the heartless, evil, rotten bastard who did this. she hoped ted made him pay, made him suffer ten times the amount that she knew her poor best friend had. from the state of his body at the morgue -- so she'd heard at least, thankful despite how badly she had wanted to be there to see him, she hadn't.

it was another day that seemed as if it was pointless. grant was off god knows where doing god knows what and it was just her and caleb sitting in this hotel room together. both sebastian and grant had warned them how dangerous this would be so they were held up somewhere completely random that was deemed safe, she wanted to scoff but instad she just felt defeated and the grief was overwhelming once again. whether sebastian was roaming around as some sort of entity or ghost, she still wanted him back, alive, how he should have been so he could return to her and caleb, so that his mother wouldn't have to cry herself to sleep every night, so that the tears caleb and kassy cried would be joyful.

she felt the bed dip beside her as caleb sat down with two mugs of coffee. sad, tired eyes lifted to look over at him, giving a small thankful nod as she took the cup from him if just to warm her hands rather than drink it and leaned her head against his shoulder. they had been leaning on one another for a while now and she was beyond thankful for him because she wasn't sure she'd be able to do this alone. dark eyes grew glossy as she took a numbing sip of her coffee, free hand gently going over his where he placed it in a comforting motion on her thigh. "he's not here right now," she told him quietly, knowing it was what he was probably biting back asking. she always felt that small sting of guilt at the fact that both she and grant could see sebastian, yet poor caleb could not.

"i know.... this has got to be so hard for you," she began, hand holding her mug trembling a little as tears stung her eyes. she placed the mug down on the bedside table before she turned towards caleb, looking up at his equally glossy green eyes. "but i don't think i could do this without you," she confessed, speaking her thoughts aloud. her arms slid around his slender frame as she hugged him tightly if to try and comfort both him and herself, eyes falling closed so the tears caught in her lashes. she knew there wasn't much either of them could say and didn't blame his silence as his free arm wrapped around her too. they were going to bring him back, but with grant in the mix... what did that mean for caleb? she was sure he must be fearing that yet still is doing all he can.

#deathvisited #kassy & caleb. #verse: vengeance. #kassy harwell: answered ask.

[aecho-again]

😭😨🌙🌋🙈 ☄️💓💚 for Helios, let's go! (that's a lot, haha, no pressure to do everything tho!)

Yeees, I love talking about my sad son, let's gooo!

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

Despite being an emotional wreck he doesn't cry easily, no. When his brother died, he experienced crippling grief and cried enough to last him a lifetime.

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?

His first instinct is to go into "flight" mode because he is not a good fighter but he was originally built for protection purposes so his programming switches to "fight" the moment he sees someone else in danger.

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

His greatest wish is to bring back his brother and he is willing to anything to succeed. I have an AU for the Brave version of his story where he sacrifices his life after they defeat the main villain to revive his brother... which leaves his friends mourning for him, but at least his brother is alive. Holy ship I should really give this guy a name, he's been just "the brother" for over a year now.

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

Helios has no temper :-)

Nah, all his negative emotions pile up inside him while he stays silent and suppresses them as good as he can. Every single time someone complains about him, calls him names, criticizes him, etc. he only shows his guilt, apologizes profoundly and tries to right what's wrong - with mixed results. It keeps gnawing at him from the inside, but it never shows. Not once. It takes Nightjet months of spying and investigation to get a good read on what is going on inside Helios' processor when things don't go his way or someone angers him.

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

He wants to keep his true self hidden - all those doubts and worries, defeats and failures - everything that makes him who he is, but he fails at it, just like he fails at almost everything. Wearing a mask is equally hard and others notice that he's faking it. To them, Helios appears uncanny. His toxic, forced positivity is what drives them away and also the reason why he's all alone in the first place. His brother didn't care about him, neither did anyone else... until Nightjet and Ironwing came along and were like, "Yeah, I wanna befriend this weird little guy" :-D

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

At first they assume he's just a drone. A servant that is also the shadow of his great, wonderful brother who can do no wrong and who everyone adores - Helios included. He accepts his role as the living battery of his brother who has a weak spark he needs to support with his own and while their boss is blackmailing him to work for them, he also comes to terms that he is nothing but a glorified tool they can use and discard as they wish. So, yeah, he acts like an unfeeling drone during the early stages of his life, but he is not one.

They also think he has been possessed by a vile spirit because of his ability to deny hardships and always stay positive when other people are around. That's not true.

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

It always feels like a miracle when someone offers to listen to his nonsensical ramblings. Unfortunately for him, no one was willing to do that until he joined Railjet's crew and they warmed up to him. He harbors four million years of internal monologues about topics no one wanted to talk to him about - this has also made him incapable of talking about his opinions or interests because he believes they are boring.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food

Hugs! Helios looooves hugs! He never got hugged enough so he's always open for some good ole cuddles. Though he won't object a few kisses along the way too. And because he is an insomniac, he barely gets a good night's rest before he is woken by nightmares. But having someone hold him during recharge keeps them away. Whenever he is distressed, physical contact helps.

#anon asks #ask game #thanks for asking! #i love helios so much #he is my son. my baby boy. my absolute disaster child

[hellonoblesky]

hi dovie im writing that fanfic where albatross sneaks into soukokus bed. i need to know what his terrors would be about (im giving you a "PLEASE GIVE ME A CHARACTER ANALYSIS IM BEGGING YOU" look rn btw)

LOVe. LOVELOVE LVOE PEACE AND LOVE MWAH MWAH

SO. So. In the Trainwreck Trio au Albatross is the sole survivor of Verlaine's killing of the Flags, yeah? So he has nightmares n stuff from That alongside survivor's guilt, and a feeling of inadequacy because he couldn't save Doc who was the one person he really did think he saved there, and also bc they teased him for not being very smart all the time so he's like "AUGH why do I get to survive but all the smarter people died?? I'm not worth this, god DAMMIT" <- Which feeds into his nightmares and terrors, really sending him into a silly doom spiral of The Horrors

BUT ALSO the only reason Albatross even SURVIVES Verlaine's onslaught is that in this au Wollstonecraft was on standby for repairs for Adam, so Adam calls her and is like "HEY I THINK VERLAINE JSUT FUCKING MAIMED ALL OF CHUUYAS FRIENDS GO?? CHECK ON THEM PLEASE AND THANK YOU" so she goes in there with a team and they re-stabilize Albatross literally by having to move the majority of his organs and internal functioning system into a metal vessel and then working circutry and robotics through him so he's functional enough to pass as a normal person (given that no one pays attention to or makes contact to any part of him lower than his chest because it is Metal you knock on that man's stomach you hear Clanging)

^ This is important because alongside the Terrors and Horrors of watching pretty much his entire found family get torn apart right in front of him, Albatross begins a spiral into a state of questioning his personal humanity, the thought of "I should be dead I should be dead I'm not dead because of these machines in me I'm part of a machine now am I a Person anymore??"

Which feeds into a self-isolation that was originally fueled by his survivor's guilt and probably PTSD, because now he's like "Oh. oh those are normal people I don't think i. i deserve that. ok. hm. ok i'm leaving now."

AND TO HIM. TO HIM?? CHUUYA AND DAZAI BOTH FALL UNDER THE CATEGORY OF HUMAN. HE LOOKS AT THEM AND HE'S LIKE "Yeah... there they are,,, just normal guys..... not exactly the normallest of guys but they're more people than I am i think,,"

So, you remember that one post about dead albatross symbolysm? The kin awakening one? Yeah so the frantic sobbing-so-hard-he-can't-breath breakdown I mentioned he probably had at the end of that? That's like, within the AU timeline, so it's like

>SB Events >The Horrors (Self-Isolation Version) >Breakdown/Tipping Point (Catalyst for him being able to Begin to return to regularly interacting with people, starting w Chuuya) >The Horrors Pt2 (Adjusting to everything) <- This is the stage where the drawing I did takes place in! He's too unstable to just be able to Ask to stay over but he figures if he can Sneak in then it's fine >Dark Era (He's a lot better at this point but also he has an episode about Dazai leaving because Losing People Doesn't Go Over Well With Him) >Current day (Epic Gamer moment)

ANYWAY so the Terrors and Horrors you want to go for for ur fic are probably feelings of like. Feeling lost and struggling to find closeness but also being so close and Needing that closeness to someone, an unhealthy dose of anxiety but specifically the anxiety you feel when it's mixed with depression so it's anxiety but somehow?? Slower. Like it's definitely Anxiety but mixing it with Depression made it's constancy thicker so it's less a "fidget nervous gotta run gotta go fear fear fear" feeling and more of a "the swamp is swallowing me and the branch is just out of reach but if i can just move a little to the side here jsut a little", if that ??? Makes sense??

TL:DR: Survivor's guilt and a feeling of displacement. Horrors and terrors of the Depression stage of grief mixed with Anxiety

AND if you have other questions I can answer them :)!!!!!!!<333

#turtledove answers #trainwreck trio #bsd shit #TAG ME IN THE FIC WHEN ITS DONE AUGH IM SPINNIGN AROUND SO FAST RN /POSITIVE #IM liTLEjt jLSDFZHDKJBKJDFHKJSDFJH RYASUFH

[inovation2inspire]

People ssay they have foot or feet problems an itch, dermatitis or deep vain trombises or they smell like there on top grade in France.

I have a relatively clean soul, but I have bad feet people say walk a mile In my shoes.

Any person of any good moral fibre and standing will have bad feet having served and dredge through the fields of farmland and the passing of war or that of the man that walked the cobbles to get water from the well of hope and life.

Me my feet are indebted to a world that doesn't exist anymore. I've stood anchored frozen in motion as the souls of incenet beings were ripped torn and slammed Ive Stood in the path of the ferocity of a man made mistake are pressure to make the world into a mirror for the obnoxious and loud the self ritrus and the fake, the money hauders and the time stealers. I'm riddled with grasps and screams of innocent grabbing on to there lives I stood in a dead picturesque place serounded by the aftermath of mother nature water is dangerous but the blackness in which the BBC nature's finest habitats and the organic world, I've had it run over my feet with oppitim and oblivion of hell thrown in the mix I feel the claws of the needy still trying to grasp for life the kind of moment where nails on wood from a werewold in a vampire Dracula, having face death is not anything of greatsignificance yeah it heart racing breath taking and a feeling that can only be lived in the presence of proceedings, but the hard part is after, when life doesn't resume and yesterday has no relivence to tomorrow 2 worlds collide in one breath its a bad timing and In time you will be at home or back to normal but in truth your never not really home from where you freze where your heart jumps your brain trip's and life choke holds you I know where I got a free pass to a it kinda never happened life but with that comes guilt I mean emotional scars go everywhere but what wen you come from scratch the clean up the deviation the sespit is your new beginning, there's questions and answers that are void cause you do what you do for best we're primal, we fend, we eat, we design to adapt we in a robotic age and an easy life but where are we if the clock stop and life fades what's are ranking, I sometimes with I lived the other way , built myself a fellowship and become an integral part rather then feel expandable I feel like I earn the scars but not the privilege to honor that moment because I had the views I felt the fear I heard and seen the pain, but in one breath I was an actor in a movie on set my dress rehearsal could send me back to never happen land but reality still resides I've seen humans at there whitts and the capability in willingness and I sit around and watch and see a conveyer belt of life where people are to unworthy or un smart or just not educated to level to disclosure cause it hard to speak but people aren't like shares you can't have a percentage more then they have and torn nature of I may do bad to give you the good, we come from a time where tribal warriors respect and form a colony of living but do you know what founders work for or what they did the power of primal order what belongs to who and where for how long, benifical or anchor a liability or possibility, walking in shoes and foot steps aren't easy nore should be done, but can you take a graphic reinstatement and tell me the same or look forward or act in the way you did, can you be honest with yourself enough not to lie, what's the value of a worth it doesn't matter the size the volume or the audience if the subject or cast is worth the while or has value for its time elapsed

#Walk onwards #spotlight #eternal #peace #disproportionate

[iheartgracie]

sad shannon lynch quotes in binding 13

“I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and hardly recognized myself.”

“I stared at my reflection in the mirror and forced myself to practice something I rarely did these days: smile.”

“Life, for me, was a bitter disappointment, and at the time, I had wanted no further part in it. I didn't do it because I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid of it not working and waking up and having to face the consequences. I was a fucking mess.”

“In my father's eyes, I was just a mouth to feed until eighteen. That wasn’t something I had come up with either. Dad told me this on countless occasions. After the fifth or sixth time, I grew immune to the words.”

“I didn’t feel better. I never felt better. I just couldn’t bear to watch my mother struggle. I despised being a financial burden on her, so I sucked it up, slapped on a smile, and continued to walk into hell every day. But the bullying never stopped. Nothing stopped.”

“Blinking away my tears, I clenched and then unclenched my fists, knees bopping as anger and humiliation coursed through me. I hated humans. They were such a disappointment. And to think, god switched dinosaurs for man. He must be raging. Rubbing a hand over my face, I quickly swiped at my damp cheeks and battled to get a handle on my emotions. I was annoyed with myself for being the kind of person who cried when angry. I wanted to be a shouter. A shouter was much better than a crier. I was disgusted with myself for freezing, too. He had no right to put his hands on me and I did nothing to stop him. Words didn’t seem enough for that boy, and instead of kicking him in the junk or slapping his hand away, I'd clammed up just like I always did. I should have learned by now that being a pushover didn’t do me any favors, and not fighting back wasn’t an option either. In situations like the one that had just happened, I had to fight back. I needed to stop letting the fear take ahold of me. “I was entitled to stick up for myself. It wasn’t rocking the boat to defend yourself. I knew this, but the problem was, every time I was faced with a confrontation or crisis, my body –and my mind – always reacted with the same broken instinct; freeze. People talked about the fight or flight instinct. I had neither. Instead of fighting back or fleeing, I froze. Every fucking time.”

“Are you okay?" he asked, breaking the silence. I didn’t respond because I couldn’t. I was concentrating too hard on not crying.”

“So, it's my fault he beat my brother and tried to strangle me?" I choked back the sob of outrage threatening to burst out of me. "For getting home late, or having a school picture taken, or for moving to Tommen? Which one, Mam? Or is everything I do wrong? Am I to blame for everything that goes wrong in this family?”

“Well, I don’t appreciate being called a whore every time I walk through the front door," I choked out, my emotions spilling over.

Guilt for upsetting my mother was churning inside of me, mixing with a lifetime's worth of resentment, fear, and anger.

"Because that's what he calls me, Mam," I strangled out hoarsely. "According to my father, I'm nothing but a dirty whore."

"He was worried about you," she replied. "He didn’t know how you got home last night."

"He was worried about me so he called me a whore?" I shook my head, appalled. "Because that makes sense."

"Because you were in that picture –"

"Have you seen the picture?"

"No."

"Well, if you had you'd see that I didn’t do anything wrong!" Batting away a traitorous tear, I sniffled and said, "I've never even been with a boy, Mam, and you know that. But he gets to call me a whore and you do nothing.”

“You don’t have to feel scared to come home."

"Don’t I?" I brushed my hair off my face and pointed to the scar on my temple. The one that my father put there when he almost maimed me with a whiskey bottle when I was eleven.There were many more where that one came from, but she already knew that.

"You are so concerned with fighting the bullies at school, Mam," I sobbed, tears streaming down my cheeks. "When the biggest bully of them all lives under this roof."

My mother flinched like I had physically slapped her. I hadn't. What she was feeling right now was a cold, hard dose of reality smacking her in the face.

"You need to leave Johnny alone!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, voice shrill and furious. "He has done nothing wrong here! Absolutely nothing."

I didn’t care anymore. If I woke my father, then I woke him. If he kicked the shit out me, then I would heal. I was beyond containing myself, and all of my concern was directed at the boy who had done nothing to deserve being dragged into the middle of my madness.

"I mean it, Mam," I warned, voice warbling. "Call the school making trouble for Johnny and I'll tell them everything you don’t want them to know!"

Mam clutched her chest and shook her head. "Shannon."

"Everything," I bit out.”

“I never wanted to go back into that house. Knowing that I had no choice and would have to go back was a special form of hell. For once in my life, I wanted a safe place to run to instead of from. I felt like I was slowly dying in that house. In my home. Where I was supposed to lay my head. Where I was supposed to feel safe.”

#shannon lynch quotes #shannon lynch #binding 13 #binding13 #boysoftommen