#it's very weirdly heartwarming for such a character that she's so deeply loved by at least one person

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

You know, while the Despair x Edgar Allan Poe thing started mainly because of the Jill Thompson manga-style Season of Mists comics, and because we all like to joke about how Poe's incredibly angsty writing makes the pairing make sense? I think there's a deeper reason I'm unironically touched by the whole Despair and Poe thing - and by the sibling relationship between the Chaos Twins.

Because all jokes aside, the unspoken message at the heart of it that I see? Is "Everyone has value to someone. Everyone has someone who finds them not merely tolerable, but lovable. Everyone has someone who finds beauty in them."

Despair isn't everyone's favorite Endless and honestly, for very understandable reasons. Her realm, her function, isn't pretty or palatable. She's basically just sitting around feeding from people's sadness. She doesn't seem, to many, to contribute much to family meetings.

And yet, she is loved. She is treasured, doted on, by Desire. This is a character who is so often dismissive of others, often manipulative, so rarely shows genuine affection without some kind of game or scheme attached. Yet they seem to truly love their twin sister. They would be nothing without each other. She is always included by them in various schemes if possible. And to various writers and fans, Edgar Allan Poe found inspiration and even something to love, however strange, in her. She doesn't have to be as universally enticing as her twin or as creative as Dream or as obviously warm and lovable as Death or as fascinating and sympathetic as Delirium, to have her twin's whole heart, or even a random mortal poet's. She's good enough to some, as she is, as incomprehensible as it might seem to some.

I know some of us have had moments, or days or months, or even years, where we've felt like the Despair of our friend group or our family or the whole damn world, where we don't see how we contribute anything positive and we wonder how or why anyone would choose to care about us. I've had those moments, sometimes. Whether it's because we have some kind of mental illness or trauma or chronic health conditions to deal with, whatever the reason, I know many people have had times where even if they aren't the literal embodiment of despair, we've kind of felt like her. They may feel in those moments like they suck the joy and life out of everything or just like more trouble than we're worth.

So seeing or writing about someone choosing to love and spend time with even the literal personification of despair and hopelessness - yeah, the jokes are fun but it also kind of makes me feel things. And I wonder if I'm not alone in that.

And it may not be realistic to say that ANYONE is lovable to someone but honestly, sometimes I don't give a shit. Sometimes I need that, especially on those days when I feel afraid of reaching out to old friends because I wouldn't know how to answer the question of "what have you been up to" with anything that doesn't sound boring, or something they won't be interested in.

#personal #despair #despoe #sandman #wow this prolly got a little personal!! Killed the vibes a bit! But ppl can reblog ig #I just want to know if I'm not alone in this #it's very weirdly heartwarming for such a character that she's so deeply loved by at least one person #hell that in her previous form when it was murdered all her family went straight to horrifying revenge on her killer #it matters to me that despair matters to people in canon. Even without the poe thing. It's sweet okay?? #and this family doesn't have a ton of sweet moments. Not without death and/or Delirium generally

[coffeebanana]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Thanks for the tag @ladyofthenoodle and @kasienda

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, although my middle name is a family name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I think a few weeks ago? I watched "Everything, Everywhere, All at Once" and KJBSDFKBJD. Like that movie is such a fun mix of WTF is even going on craziness and contemplating the point of existence and exploring complicated family feelings and the end is weirdly heartwarming--particularly the interactions between the mother and daughter, which is what really got me. And I was watching with one of my best friends and like right after the movie ended he was like "if we were rocks you'd be the googly eyes"--which makes no sense if you haven't seen the movie but that made me cry again because kajdfbksjbf it was so oddly sweet. (Though that was a mixture of hysterical laughter and crying ajsdjfsvjhv in a good way though!)

3. Do you have kids?

nope. maybe one day if i ever get my life together LOL

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

idk if it's a lot?? though i'm probably single-handedly responsible for teaching my brother sarcasm (he's 7 years younger than me so when he was learning would have been right as i was entering those peak sarcasm years LOL)

sarcasm is still deeply engrained in me though, and i nowadays when i use it i definitely pay more attention to how people react to it (ie whether they picked up on it) because i tend to deliver it in a very matter-of-fact voice. like, one of my favourite stupid sarcastic comments to make is whenever something weird weather-wise happens i'll be "but thank god climate change is fake, right?" and KJABFDKSJBD i've gotten some WEIRD LOOKS saying that one around ppl who don't know me that well and then i have to explain myself 😭

5. What sports do you play/have played?

i used to figure skate!! my mom was a coach when i was growing up, so i would joke that i lived part-time at the ice rink. it was kind of inevitable 😂. but i was never good at the jumps. i prefered ice dance or synchronized skating (think synchronized swimming but on the ice)

and i also used to play hockey!? very different environment LOL and my hockey teammates would sometimes tease me for showing up to a game in a dress after skating practice on days i had both but it was all in good fun

now...now i really SHOULD do something kajsdkbfsj

6. What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

i...really have no idea.

7. What’s your eye color?

hazel? i think?

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings. scary movies don't really freak me out but i guess i just find them sort of...low-reward? i'm not a movie person to begin with because it's hard for me to get invested in the characters in such a short amount of time. with horror movies that's even harder because they're all about shock value instead of getting to know the characters

9. Any special talents?

i am very very good at puns. does that count? 😂

10. Where were you born?

canada. on the west coast

11. What are your hobbies?

when i have energy/motivation i really enjoy cooking (or baking, but with baking i have to actually measure ingredients and with cooking i just sort of go with the flow). my new apartment is going to have space for a dishwasher--which really is the most exciting thing in my life right now--so i'm hoping that motivates me to cook more!!

12. Do you have pets?

yes!!! i have a ginger cat and her name is Curie (namesake Marie Curie because i'm a proud little nerd like that). I love her she's so stupid and has tried to eat plastic TOO MANY TIMES but every morning and night she will curl up on my chest when i'm in bed and she's just a precious bean

13. How tall are you?

5'5.5 (166cm). but i would have been taller if my spine had known how to grow straight 😔

14. Favorite subject in school?

science!! i had the same science teacher in high school from grades 8-10 (aka the only teacher in the french immersion department who was really qualified to teach it 😂) and i ADORED HER. from day one i was hooked--like she even made syllabus day fun. so i owe my love of science in part to her, really.

in university i realized i liked chemistry best amongst the sciences, so that was my major. and my favourite class i ever took was intro to quantum chemistry (which is really just quantum physics but the math was geared more towards what us chemistry students were familiar with)

15. Dream job?

okay, avoiding the typical "i do not dream of labour" answer...i really don't know. which is a problem. like i genuinely have no idea what i could do long-term that would actually make me happy and i just hope i figure it out at some point akjsdkfsjbd ... I feel like I was not supposed to leave paragraph responses for some of these but akjfkdsjbgd i can admit i like to talk about myself, okay? Anyways! I think I can find 15 mutuals who as far as i know haven't been tagged yet.

@ck2k18, @wackus-bonkus-maximus, @redundant-lava, @maridotnet, @celestialtitania, @talkstoself, @saiikavon, @sunfoxfic, @rosiesared, @mexicancat-girl, @tiredfloridianbutverygay, @fortuna-et-cataclysmos, @zenniaphoenix, @eggothemusicalwaffle, @bocadelicate

#tag game #about me

[your-angle-of-music]

So the MazM Phantom of the Opera mobile game sure takes some liberties

Here be spoilers. In summary: they are deeply iconic.

The Good

The de Chagny brothers have pink hair.

Little Jammes the ballerina is actually a canonical catgirl who unionizes the dancers and leads the first ever opera house strike.

She eventually grows up to be a women’s rights activist and early suffragette.

The Persian is the one who gave Erik his name. In general, their relationship is approached in a heartwarming, heartwrenching, interesting way.

The game (and Raoul) criticize Philippe more actively, calling out his obsession with maintaining a family image compatible with class and gender norms, his infantilizing treatment of Raoul which is bad as well as tender, and his relationship with Sorelli compared with Raoul’s relationship with Christine.

The Persian tells off Raoul for judging the Persian government, pointing out his role as a colonizer.

Interestingly enough, Christine’s relationship with her father wasn’t perfect either — he used to get drunk and depressed and borderline abusive, and it helps to explain why she might be particularly vulnerable to Erik’s manipulation.

There’s a mini-arc where Christine rescues Meg Giry from being trapped in Box 5 by the managers and drugged by Erik.

Meg leads a troop of opera workers to look for Christine after the final kidnapping by Erik, separately from Raoul and the Persian. They’re the ones who end up finding Raoul after he almost drowns and taking him back to the opera house.

There’s basically high-key Megstine vibes overall.

Holy SHIT the ending...it’s no longer about Christine (who has been trying to save everyone but herself all along) showing yet more compassion to the Phantom or thinking she can change him. Instead, Christine tells him that he can’t control her anymore and that he’s nothing without bullying other people and that she doesn’t think he’s a monster for his face, but for his actions. He begs her to love him, if he changes, and she says that even if he does change, she still won’t owe him her love. She leaves with Melek without kissing him or taking his ring (although she still does promise to bury him after he dies).

When Erik says his final goodbye to the Persian, he calls him his name (Hatim in this game) instead of Daroga for the first and last time and they forgive each other but only when the other is out of earshot and I never thought a mobile game could make me cry but here I am.

There are two possible endings for Christine: either she goes off with Raoul to the beach where they spent their childhood summer together and get to know each other again and Raoul has learned not to pressure her to marry him and they take their time to reconnect, or she goes off alone and travels the world and sings for herself and never marries and ends up visiting her mother’s grave in Sweden.

The Bad

Instead of Christine losing Erik’s ring when she kisses Raoul like in the book, Raoul makes her give it to him and he chucks it off the roof of the opera house even though she told him quite clearly that taking it off would put her in danger.

Erik as the Angel of Music is so obviously creepy, controlling, and just kinda...mean from the beginning that I don’t really buy Christine’s initial loyalty towards him, or that she would believe he was the Angel.

Like, he really does genuinely seem to hate Christine and isn’t weirdly nice to her during the two weeks after the first kidnapping like he is in the book. He doesn’t like it when she expresses any emotions, talks about herself, or reads books.

As awesome as MazM Meg is, she is aged up and much more serious and caring, so we do lose Leroux’s sassy feral preteen Meg whom I love so dearly.

Everyone is so, SO mean to the Persian, and both Raoul and Erik and even you in the future (it’s a bit hard to explain) assign him way too much of the blame for how Erik turned out because when he was spending time with him in Persia he focused on making his life slightly less miserable instead of taking it upon himself to teach him right and wrong??

And then yeah the Persian is directly responsible for the Shah trying to have him murdered because he made up a rumor about him intending to get him exiled so he could leave the toxic environment of the Persian court but then the Shah decided to have the Persian execute him instead. But he still did end up saving his life at immense personal risk. And even fragile Erik recognized that. Plus he protected Raoul and Christine just because he thought it was the right thing to do. Why does the narrative keep trying to uncritically frame the Persian as selfish when he’s very much not??

The Baffling

The managers are legitimately evil now and try to frame Christine for the murder of Joseph Buquet for...reasons.

So Christine wasn’t Erik’s first “love.” Oh no. You see, he has a blind Turkish woman named Melek locked up in his basement after she refused to marry him. She used to be his interpreter and servant, and she was nice enough to him, and he thought she might love him because she was blind, but because she knew about the torture devices he built for the sultan, she spurned his advances. So he has imprisoned her for ten years now. Throughout the game, Christine tries to help her escape.

I don’t think the game designers realized that Jammes and Sorelli are last names (Jammes’ first name is actually Cécile in the book), and so they renamed them Jammes Petit and Sorelli Dupont.

Yeah Erik really didn’t convincingly change and while what Christine said to him was really important to her arc, I’m not sure if it made him act too differently. For example, he never chose to save Raoul for her sake — he never found out that he survived the torture chamber flooding and told Christine that he died.

The game even makes a point of having Erik call Christine “the cruel devil” several times after she makes him set her free (quite the opposite of book Erik calling her an “angel” later). On one hand it’s really good for Christine but on the other hand his reasons for giving up the Phantom and the money seem less clear.

This is the character design for the detective/narrator:

#mazm #mazm phantom #mazm phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #phantom of the opera #phantom #christine daae #raoul de chagny #erik #philippe de chagny #meg giry #madame giry #the persian #daroga #jammes #sorelli #carlotta #moncharmin #richard #the opera managers #poto #angle o speak

[whetstonefires]

Hi Whetstonefire. I have a question about the comic where Nightwing cheats on Starfire with Barbara: What happens directly after that? Does Starfire find out that Nightwing cheated on her? And, if so, how does she react? I've read online that (according to Marv Wolfman) Starfire is the opposite of everything Batman taught Nightwing to be and that Batman taught Nightwing to be repressed and cold. What did Nightwing contribute (emotionally) to the relationship between him and Starfire? (Cont.)

(Cont.) From what I can tell, from online, Nightwing was adamant about standards of mercy and monogamy - how do you think, if Starfire were to be written as her own character and not written around Nightwing and his emotional needs, she would handle and react to that? (This bit is an FYI for other readers: this is just speculation, not hate. Sorry about that.) Sorry about the questions! Have a nice day! 

Okay there are so many separate questions packed in here! I may miss some of them lol and I do not want to put in the hours it would take to produce an orderly response to all this, so this post is going to be a mess.

Initial query and important point: the cheating story was out of continuity. Like, literally, not just by ‘being rejected by the fanbase,’ it was just this weird retcon oneshot that seems to have been some sort of fuck-you to Nightwing or his fans or something. So no, it had no in-setting fallout lol. It, in more ways than most comics, didn't exactly happen.

It was just this weird thing where Dick hooks up with Babs before giving her a wedding invitation, which is both out of character for him in general and out of step with where he was leading up to the wedding--he was desperate to get married so they could have some Normal Stable Adulthood Happiness; the choice to recharacterize him as a fuckboy who regards it as a loss of freedom isn’t congruent, on much more than the level of principle.

As far as how Kori would feel about it, if she had learned...that is very hard to say. Apart from how it would require her to reinterpret everything about where their relationship stood at that point, the data is very unclear, and I don’t even have all of it. Gonna back up to cover some of the rest of the ask, get some context here.

So this actually brings up two of my biggest gripes with Wolfman’s NTT--weird Kori characterization and the weirdly negative interpretation of Batman as parent that backwashed heavily into other titles and influenced the character for the worse, in ways we're very much still dealing with today. 😩

The latter is pretty self-explanatory, though Wolfman’s take that the main thing Bruce taught Dick was repression does shed light on some writing choices and make others funnier. But Kori. Oh my lands.

So, item one, I wouldn't say that Kori is overall opposite Bruce, or even of his philosophy? There are just some very major points of opposition. She isn’t emotionally buttoned-down like at all, especially about positive feelings, although considered realistically with all the bullshit they’ve piled into her backstory she absolutely leans on repression to cope and stay positive, which makes her a lot like Dick actually.

To an extent, she was clearly written around foiling Dick’s Batman-derived traits in the same way that Robin was written to foil Batman, bright and glad and aerial. A Flamebird to his Nightwing in theme if not in name.

You could do some interesting stuff with that, and the bildungsroman aspects of this period of Dick’s life, like he has two roads forward in terms of how he’s going to define ‘adulthood’--does it necessarily require becoming more like his mentor-father, for good and ill, or can he make Kori in part a destination, as it were, and create an adult self that is derived from who he has always been as well as the man he’s modeled himself after?

To an extent I think this even was one of the things going on in ntt but like. Only a little bit.

(Given how much like Bruce Babs is in most of the ways Kori isn’t, especially once she’s Oracle, you could make a case for her as love interest being like. Symbolic of his not being in a rebellious phase? That gets weird and oedipal really fast tho lol.)

Okay stepping down one meta level lol, the thing about answering the 'what would kori' question here is that her character is deeply bound up in her culture, about which we are told and shown a great many contradictory things. Any attempt to read her as an independent character has to tackle not only the gender stuff you allude to and these inconsistencies, but how much of the sheer mess of her is rooted in racism.

'Fantastic' racism, technically, because Tamaraneans aren't real, but the 'taming the savage' narrative that kept surfacing between them and the language used in reference to it is just. The existing racism of presumably the writers, placed in Dick's mouth, and it's super gross. I hate it so much.

(I had a faint hope when they cast her for live action it was with a deliberate intent to directly tackle and better that history, but lollllllll nah. At least they didn’t double down in it tho! Can you imagine, with a black actress, in this day and age....)

So to predict and comprehend Kori, you have to make a lot of calls about Tamaran as a civilization. I like to slightly privilege stuff established earlier if there's no good reason not to, so while much is made over time of her inappropriate rage and the violence she was raised to normalize, I think what she says in her first appearance is good to keep in mind: in her culture, kindness is for friends and cruelty is for enemies. She doesn't understand why the Titans seem to have this backwards.

Kori is not a merciless person. She’s very empathetic, as a rule. With people she loves, she is self-destructively forgiving. That's not a trait only Dick benefits from--her family keeps betraying her in new exciting ways, and she keeps letting them.

Her arc of growing away from that habit is however greatly crippled by centering Dick in the narrative and by the awful 'civilizing' overtones that keep coming into it. When she comes back after the 1986 breakup, still married to Karras, she brings with her a commitment to doing things the Earth way--to eschew lethal force as more than a compromise with her friends’ values, but as a deliberate choice.

This deserved a lot more space and time than it got, and the fact that it didn’t get it is only somewhat due to her being subordinated to Dick and to general writing fail; a lot of it’s just the team book problems of everything happening to everybody all at once.

I mean, Dick’s journey later on to deciding he loves her enough to date her even though she’s married and it’s technically against his principles was packed into this absolutely heinous issue where he was inspired by a woman refusing to separate from her husband who’d just threatened to kill her and their kid with a knife, until being stopped by Nightwing. Because he’s apologizing for what he did.

This is his inspiration for accepting Kori’s marital status! It’s supposed to be heartwarming, as far as I can tell! Not heavyhanded messaging that this is a self-destructive terrible choice in which Kori will inevitably harm him somehow! This issue is pro ‘consensual open relationships under certain circumstances’ and also ‘giving abusers another chance’ as expressions of love. Welcome to the 80s ig.

(Notable is that the wife in this issue was black and the husband and son both looked very white, so it’s probably her stepkid and she probably wouldn’t get to keep him if they separated; this is not even vaguely treated as a factor.)

Point is, everyone was getting too little space to actually go through the amount of development they were getting, and it was clumsily handled; it’s not just her.

In an overlapping period Gar processed his issues with his adoptive father with whom he constantly fought and their shared trauma over the rest of their family (the Doom Patrol) having died violently not long ago via a batshit several-issue storyline where Mento went crazy, created supermutants, and abusively mind-controlled them to attack the Titans. It is literally all like this.

Back to the infidelity thing, now. So much to unpack. So like I mentioned above, their first big breakup, while partially driven by Dick’s existing conflicted feelings about their different ideas about things like ‘killing in battle’ and ‘her identity and loyalties being tied up with her home planet,’ is explicitly over different takes on monogamy.

When Dick is breaking up with her, Kori makes it clear she thinks it’s totally reasonable to have both a husband and a love, since Karras also has someone he loves and they’re both fine with it, but the story doesn't really explain how nonmonogamy works on Tamaran, or even if it's practiced outside the context of political marriage. They do do a sort of...soulbond fusion dance...thing, as part of the ceremony, so marriage is definitely serious business. There are so many levels of cultural difference that get poor to no development.

But to return to the weird ooc retcon cheating story: because of this context, no matter what her personal norms are, Dick specifically casually sleeping with someone else would be something for Kori to be mad about, because of the hypocrisy.

Then there’s the Mirage Incident, which I haven’t read through properly and which was very poorly handled by the writers. Kori is upset about Dick having slept with someone impersonating her and there’s a general vibe of this being treated by Dick’s social circle as unfaithfulness even though he was in fact sexually violated by deceit; it famously sucks.

We still don’t learn a lot here about Kori’s ideas about monogamy, from what I have seen, because her focus is mostly on feeling like Dick doesn’t care about her enough or in the right way since he couldn’t tell the difference. Which is an understandable feeling, even if it’s not an appropriate reaction to have at him at this time.

What Nightwing contributed emotionally........hm. This is a mess, honestly; he was all over the map, and not just because of having Brother Blood in his head. I cannot speak definitively on this, it’s too inconsistent.

For most of their relationship, Kori was the more intensely invested one, the one to initiate and the one who was shown at length to be excited to come home at the end of the day to their shared apartment because her boyfriend was there to see and talk to. If we set aside his more egregious white male bullshit, Dick was pretty emotionally available most of the time, though? They were cute.

Since they split up a lot of ink has been spilled making him less into her in retrospect, but he was pretty invested--leaving her coincided with mental breakdowns both times, and it wasn’t even mostly because she was doing his emotional processing for him, because she wasn’t, although it’s fair to say he often fell into using the relationship as an emotional crutch. Kori was definitely doing the same thing though so...it wasn’t the most balanced relationship in fiction history, but apart from slight codependency and the racism, it was decent enough.

She gets more evenhanded development than most superhero love interests, honestly, because she was costarring in a team book. She had her own storylines. She had other friends.

Mostly both of them just needed some space to finish growing up and stop being retraumatized long enough to process some of the existing trauma better, and I think they could have gone on being good for each other for a long time.

#long post #this did in fact take me about two hours #ask #a nonny mouse #dickkori #koriand'r #dick grayson #nightwing #hoc est meum #teen titans #new teen titans #wolfman and perez #sexism #racism #relationships #monogamy #drama #shipping #lol nonny if you're sorry why do it #do you mean sorry to inconvenience me? #do you mean 'sorry to activate your compulsive question answering?'

[life-rewritten]

SPOOKY/ NON SPOOKY BLS TO WATCH IN HALLOWEEN

Happy Spooky Season BL Fans! Honestly so sad that in Halloween we can't really fully enjoy it due to the pandemic out there. So why not stay at home and have a fun night in during this spooky month watching BLS with spooky/entertaining shows to get you into the spirits. Surprisingly there was a lot of shows from different countries I could add to this list. Join me and let me know what shows you plan to watch for this Halloween! 

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows/again? 

Korea

1. Antique

Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Bakery,  Bromance, Open ending/Happy ending. Country: Korea Verdict: Weirdly, this is one of my favourite BL movies, to be honest, most Korean movies just make me happy despite the sense that you can feel it's censored more than it has to be. Either way antique is so fun to watch, at first you're watching about this guy who hates cakes and sweets, but it is determined to start a bakery to find out some weird stalker who is kidnapping kids, and you're like wait what? As we delve deeper into his past, it becomes horrifying, terrifying and also just intriguing to find out what made him the way he is and how it's affected him psychologically. Add a twist of BL with someone who absolutely loves him and helps him with his bakery, and it's cute and lovely to see.

2. Method Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Romance, Tragedy, Acting industry, Internalised Homophobia Country: Korea Verdict: Korea is so good at producing these deep movies that really make you think and analyse whilst still having this haunting introduction to couples that are tragically affected by Internalised Homophobia in Korea. Method may seem like just an artistic story about two people who are being fake with each other, and it does seem that way at the end but when you actually look at it deeply you'd see it's a tragic love story about two people who couldn't fight society with their love for each other and decided to use facades to hide what truly happened. Anyway brilliant show, very thrilling and scary at times towards the ending especially about the psychology of Method actors and the struggle to differentiate  what's real vs what's acting when it comes to love and obsession?

Taiwan

History Hero/Obsessed

Ratings: 3.8/5 Genre/Themes: Gender bender, Rebirth, Ghosts,  Death,  Romance, Comedy, Happy ending Country: Taiwan Verdict: History is one of the best anthologies Taiwan produced for BL. And even the first history series are just as good as recent, whilst maybe more low budget and shorter, I still enjoy them as much as the other one. Hero is one that is actually not my most loved one, but it's heartwarming and also interesting to watch. It's a supernatural gender bender, with our main charcter's body taken over by his crush's girlfriend who we watch figure out the budding relationship between her boyfriend and the dead guy. It seems it would be tragic, or end in a heterosexual way but it doesn't, it does have a bitter sweet ending since we're seeing it from her perspective but our BL character's come out unscathed. Obsessed is one of my faves, also a rebirth story, our main character comes back to life and goes back in time after being betrayed by his lover determined to avoid him as much as possible only to realise that his lover is obsessed and determined to get them back together despite not understanding why he loves him. It's so fun to watch this show, and I enjoy the chemistry between Benjamin and Teddy. But yeh Halloween, mysterious deaths, rebirths and romance great times!

Chinese

Rebirth Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Rebirth, Romance, Historical,  Death, Drama, Royalty, Happy ending Country: Chinese Verdict: Absolutely so stoked with this drama, frustrated with censorship from China which prevented some scenes from being shown like the waterfall kiss, but it has a happy ending! Like what? I'm so happy because it's quite dramatic and has moments where it looks like would be tragic but I adore the romance between the King and his companion, and the way they're both loyal to each other. For Halloween this deals with death and reincarnation of our main character to return back and save the King from getting killed. Go watch it if you can find uncut link so worth it.

Untamed Ratings: 5/5 Genre/Themes: Zombies, Fantasy, Horror,  Romance, Happy ending, Rebirth, Death Country: China Verdict: Like I don't have to explain this one. Go watch it if you haven't. Tbh for Halloween I'm not going to be watching the show Untamed because I've seen it too many times, so I'll probably be crying over Wei Wuxian and Wang Ji's love with the audio drama (Season 3 especially) Whatever way you wanna watch Mo dao Zu shi: anime, book, tv show, audio drama, this is a masterpiece and so incredibly scary enough, supernatural enough and great enough for this Halloween. A masterpiece.

Guardian Ratings: 3.5/5 Genre/Themes: Supernatural, Romance, Rebirth, Horror, ,Bromance, Censored, Comedy, Mystery, Detectives Country: China Verdict: Guardian is so fun to watch but when I think of it's original source I get so upset with China and I just don't want to watch it especially that stupid ending. But for Halloween Guardian is the most Halloween like BL show there is, deals with demons, zombies, ghosts, etc Mysteries about aliens, humans and supernatural deities. And a painful romance that has amazing chemistry, acting and story behind it. Go watch it just for the fun cases the characters have to investigate each episode connected to the supernatural stuff.  Or go read the book and see what it was meant to be like.

Thailand 

Red wine in the Dark night Ratings: 3.5/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Horror,  R rated, Tragedy, Vampire Country: Thailand Verdict: My first movie introducing me to Fluke and his incredible acting. But like this movie messed me up, I went into it like nice vampire/cute boy romance and halfway through I was like wtf?? It's incredible and dark to see this movie and for Halloween scary enough to contemplate and analyse so yeh a great spooky watch with shady, flawed characters traumatised to make choices to be with love.  Watch it for Fluke.

Blue Hour Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Psychology, Thriller, Horror,  R rated, Ghosts, Mystery Country: Thailand Verdict: This is another messed up movie with an amazing cast. Both Oab and Gun are like so great in this, and they are my ghost ship. This movie starts of like a romantic with drama BL movie, about like falling in love and meeting the right person and then it just gets twisted and starts to be horrifying. Again has a lot of shady, dark characters who do things that are just so unexpected. It will scare you well and Gun's performance as a winner. But we already know this about him. Go watch Gifted and Gifted Graduation (also spooky in my opinion for Halloween)

My dream Ratings: 3/5 Genre/Themes: Supernatural,  Fantasy, Romance,  Drama Country: Thailand Verdict:  Okay only adding this on the list because of its supernatural genre but I actually don't remember what this is about. All I can remember is the main love story is between Runway and his lover who he sees in his dreams due to a mysterious dream catcher given to him by his family to protect him. Yeh this is fantasy so good for halloween but it's actually not my favourite show, I remember disliking a lot of things about it apart from the second lead couple so yeh Meh. But for Halloween you can squeeze a watch and try and see if you like it.

Until We Meet Again

Ratings: 4.2/5 Genre/Themes:  Reincarnation,  Rebirth, Suicide,  Drama, Death, Romance, Mystery, Happy ending Country: Thailand Verdict:  Can’t believe I almost forgot about this, But this is a great thai BL series, one of the best ones actually if you’re okay with slow paced storyline but with depth, and interesting plot. I love all the couples on this show and it kept me on my toes with anxiety and worry about how it was going to end. Go watch this for Fluke again, as he is so amazing at his role of Pharm. Everyone else on this cast is also my favorite. Reasons for Halloween, this deals with the psychological trauama of death and suicde, and also deals with the consequences of reincarnation. Because of this the psychological breakdown and reveal of Pharm’s connection to Inn, is ver scary, worrying and frightful as you go deeper the story. We’re not sure where this will lead, but we know as an audience that it sure isn’t going to be a nice reunion with Inn and Korn whenever the latter finds the truth about why they’re dead. Yeh towards the last three episodes it’s almost close to being a thriller, so much angst, drama and pain and fear for our character’s lives, will make this a scary but not scary Halloween watch for sure. 

Greater man academy Ratings: 5/5 Genre/Themes: Gender bender, Fantasy, Unicorns  Romance, Competitive all-boys school, Happy ending, Plot twists Country: Thailand Verdict: Can I just praise how genius this series is. Because no one else doing so it's understandable it's hard to find the subs because Nadao refuses to release it on its platform. Either way seeing Nadao mentioned as the producers makes you know this is incredible. From acting, to story telling, to directing, to dynamics, to the romance. I am in awe of greater man academy and I will never stop speaking about how I wish more BLs was like this. Add she's the man (the movie or twelfth night by Shakespeare) and BL tropes to this and you get greater man academy, Except this show is different, 3 dimensional characters that will take your breath away from the amount of plot twists written for their characters, romances that will keep you on your toes with anticipation and mystery and the suprising fact that this ends up as a BL when it didn't need to is what shocks me still to this day. Go watch it I don't want to spoil anything else. Just watch it. For Halloween we have magical unicorns with wish granting abilities, ghosts and other fantasy themes in the academy for the great men.

He's coming to me Ratings: 4.5/5 Genre/Themes: Ghosts, Mystery,Slice of Life,  Romance, Comedy, Happy ending Country: Thailand Verdict:  I've already talked about this show on here as well. But again just go watch it, it's incredible a bit slow paced but it's worth it. I just want more shows like He's coming to me, the whole supernatural world building was fantastic, the mystery, the plot, the love story between our main guy who sees ghost and his ghost best friend, and him learning to embrace his identity and sexuality. Brilliant. Also again Ohm Pawat is in this so are you shocked and Singto as well who is amazing.

The Shipper Ratings: 4/5 Genre/Themes: Death, Gender bender, Mystery,, Tragedy, Comedy, Romance Country: Thailand Verdict: Didn't know if I should add this here but there is a heavy supernatural theme to it, and it does have BL despite the fact that could be questioned but I love Way and Kim, and I think the actors are great and the plot is actually good for most of it, there are some issues with the show but honestly if the ending was better It would be a favourite of mine in 2020. Sigh. Halloween there's death, and the lore surrounding death and mystery about why it and how the circumstances our main character is happened, and it keeps you on your toes. Ohm Pawat that's it another reason and First and Fluke were incredible in this. Girl actresses were also good. And it's directed and written by the writer of the girl from nowehere, so that's another positive. (Must watch for Halloween if you haven't yet not BL)

Other recommendations: Bite fight, Niyamruk, Ghost boyfriend, Ghost Roomamate, Fanatic Love.War of Highschool 

That;s the list I’ve compiled. Probably missing like other spooky ones because I’m a wimp and horror aint my thing, Romance is. So here you have some shows mixing the two in a non squeamish way for me.  What about you guys how’s your Halloween season and planning going? Have fun!

#thai bl #bl drama #bl movies #antique bakery #method #history obsessed #history series #mo dao zu shi #untamed #guardian bl #fluke natouch #red wine in the dark night #blue hour #gun attaphan #greater man academy #he's coming to me #ohm pawat #the shipper #wrpup #halloween

[otomelavenderhaze]

I was actually feeling pretty guilty in liking the “Seduce the Villain's Father” because of how the story starts off with a kidnapping and the marrying situation, that I will explain further. Not mentioning that Yenni, the female lead, has a real need to be around Eru, the male lead, if she doesn’t, she could die, like literally. Btw, spoiler alert ahead from the light Novel and the Manhwa.

So convenently and in a very pushy matter, everything on the plot try to tie them up together in the start.

The kidnapping and the marriage proposal from her part are the strings that tie Yenni and Eru together, so they would know one another better and actually fall in love. If wasn't for that, they wouldn't have spend any time together because, at first, there is no reason to. Then we found out that Yenni is sensitive to manaa and Erudian's devine's powers are the quickest and the harmless way to keep her from dying, since all she needs literally is stand besides him to get energized by it.

And basically that's when Yenni comes up with the marriage thing that I mentioned before, yep, she asks him to marry her numbers of times throughout the manhwa hoping that he could say yes... Because he is the perfect medicine for her condition and because she wants to save him... It's not because she is in love with him.

So the marriage for her is more a matter of convenience, than love. Which, I need to admit, bugged me so much at first.

But then I understood why they did it when I read the Light Novel and saw some of the spoilers.

Eru was bond to marry the real Villain from the history, Elard, for polititcal reasons. Elard’s plan is marry him for his divine power, so through their son, she could create a path that would lead her to control someone that has divine and dark power together (since she does have dark powers, that Eru KNOWS NOTHING OF). Her goal is reach the god’s world and be powerful. Of course, she would make their son kill his father, Eru.

Yep, my boi Erudian was bond to die by the ends of his own child, all planned by Elard that actually wants to kill Eru since the beginning.

Erudian is afterall, a direct descendent of the god Raulus, the being with the strongest divinity power and his children would also be born with those powers. That's what Elard wants, like I already said.

Yenni knows that, because that world actually belongs to a novel that she read in her previous life and got in by mistake after dying in another world (our world).

When she got into the novel’s world, she knew everything that could happen, everybody that would eventually die or suffer through it.

Starting for her pregnant sister that would be kidnapped by Eru, that kinapping would trigger a chain of events that would basically deeply hurt Yenni's new family and other characters around her, that she cares about because a) she read their sad story on her previous life and b) because now they're ppl that cares for her in this new life, so she cares for them too. 

Interesting thing tho: Yenni should be a side-side-side character, she is a such minor character that none of those sad and hurtful events would actually harm her. So she could've lived a peaceful and good life if she wanted to.

DESPITE THAT Yenni, instead of letting Eru kidnapping her sister, hid her sister and tried to hide from him - but Eru actually found Yenni and kidnapped her, since his goal all along was just kidnapping someone from the royal family to use as hostage. I guess what he wanted was some vantage in an economic and political situation that Yenni's country created with his own, so that he would make tbe negotiations go his way. 

I don’t know, the whole thing is complex, but I guess, Eru isn’t what you could exacly call as a good person or a benevolent Emperor.

He is actually kind of a jerk. 

And problematic. I admit. 

He never learned to have emphaty towards others, - since he became the Emperor in a young age and since he had no family around him that could've taught him how and care about something else besides the country’s political's interests. 

With that, the romance was really settle in a weirdly way for me, very pushy, despite the art being so soft and the characters being really interesting, I was worried for where it would go from there. 

Since yeah, Erudian is a jerk. Kidnapping. Marriage by convenience. Not really the most promising mix. 

However, I think that Yenni is the character that really makes the difference on that type of plot. 

She was really well placed and well thoughtout. Everything Yenni does comes from a base of personal interest, she have strong motivartions for everything, she’s quite brave too despite the weakness of her body and petite figure. 

But most than anything, Yenni feels strongly responsible towards those characters because of what she knows all the awful/harmful things that could come out from the plot without her interference. And since he’s the only one that really knows the extension of their traumas, she feels responsable for doing something about it, not only for them, but also for herself. 

Look, Eru won't always act like a hero, but Yenni always acts like one. 

She isn't a genius, her plans fails and she don't really get always the outcome that she wants, but Yenni don't stop trying, because it's not only about Erudian's survival, it's about her survival too, it's about not letting someone meet a horrible fate when you have the means to do something about it.

Even so Yenni isn’t hopeless good. 

She chooses to act upon the things that she knows that going to happen. 

She isn't pushed towards it only for morality, it's for survival, it's for taking the chance and making a choice for the a better outcome, because despite being kidnapped by Erudian and him not being the most benevolent Emperor, dying by the hands of your own alienated/corrupted child and letting that same child be born to hurt her sister's baby girl (the actual heroin of the Light Novel that Yenni read before), is out of question to her.

But I will give it to Eru: everything he does towards Yenni is actually a reaction of things that he observe her doing. 

He starts to take the action only after taking a like for her as a person. He doesn't care for her just because. He cares because she is something that he feels responsible for, someone that depends on him (since he was the one that kidnapped her) in a more personal matter than the rest of his subjects.

Yenni, on the other hand, since their first encounter, make him step back with every action and choice that she makes. 

Yenni shaked his whole world with her determination, honesty and endearing careless manner, he sees everything good on her, everything he lacks himself and he loves it.

There is a moment on the Light Novel when even Yenni's plan of make Erudian marry her starts to backfire, because she actually starts to fall in love for real for him.

And the story progress to a point where: a) Yenni could be cured of her sickness without actually having to marry Erudian to do so; b) When Eru actually learns that Elard is trying to harm him and will not marry her no matter what and c) Yenni has the chance to come back to her country and be free from Eru and never having to meet him again if she wants to.

Despite that, and maybe because the same circumstances that put them together starts to force them to be apart, they actually do the last step to be together. 

That's when their first kiss happens. When the ppl that are meant to take Yenni back home are at their doors and Erudian is thorn for having to be apart from her, because, dammit, he loves her already.

Erudian fells in love for Yenni, cuz she is harmless, he can relax around her and she actually makes him feel like having a good time, because she is so cheerful, always teasing and playing around, so different from how anyone has ever treated him, that he simply fell for her. 

From Yenni’s side, Eru is actually far more unpredictable, far more fun and far more caring than she expected him to be, not mentioning that he is quite helpless without her, which is so cute as well. 

So they get apart from one another by 2 years on the light novel. 

On those two years they only exchange latters. Yenni has no obligation to marry Erudian and she is out of his hands, despite that, and despite having plenty of suitors around her, Yenni still chooses Erudian.

So he tries to propose to her this time (WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND, SON), despite Yenni’s country having nothing that could be beneficial to his country and despite her family hating his guts (haha, karma).

And just like that, they fixed the main issues of the story. 

Mind you, this will happen in THE MIDDLE of the Manhwa.

Maybe the writer was mindful of all those plot's issues since the start, all the things that ppl are sick of and so many other Manhwas have no issue on doing, the writer decided to actually fix while delivering character's and relationships development.

I just love this surprise, I love Yenni's journey for survival, love and pursuit for her own happy ending. How everybody points her to be the weakest, but she still stands for what she wants and believe to be right, how brave and kind she is despite of being so powerless and how she changed everything around her, how she saved herself and the ones around her.

I saw a lot of ppl calling her clingy and boring, just because she isn't a villainess, but they failed to see that woman is normally perceive as the weakest and that's when we can take the stand and show our strongest resolves. That's why I loved the story so much.

I'm still so obsessed with it, I can't wait to see everything in the manhwa that btw, still has a really long way to go, even the light novel trasnlating still hasn’t catch up with all the spoilers that I caught on by other’s ppl translate from random events from the light novel in korean - that is done for what I heard of, the autor is just releasing side stories now. 

It's a really good, strong and heartwarming love story, I love all the characters, I love how everything changed it's flow accordingly with the changes that Yenni caused and the new choices that all the characters made. It's shows that it's never too late to change, to take action and find happiness through diversity and pain.

Maybe that's why I'm so invested on it, because Yenni's and Erudian's love surprised me in the best of ways.

#Seduce the Villain's Father #personal #mahwa

[nclkafilms]

The absurdity of fanaticism

(Review of ‘Jojo Rabbit’. Seen in Biffen Art Cinema, Aalborg on the 23rd of January 2020)

“Let everything happen to you, Beauty and terror, Just keep going, No feeling is final.” (Rainer Maria Rilke)

Taika Waititi received his commercial breakthrough with ‘Thor: Ragnarok’, which followed indie hits such as ‘What We Do in the Shadows’ and ‘Hunt for the Wilderpeople’. He is one of those directors with a very clear style and vision, and he continues with a unique style in his latest film: nazi satire and self-proclaimed anti-hate-film, ‘Jojo Rabbit’. As if the notion of making a comedy/satire about Nazi Germany was not controversial enough, it certainly raised some eyebrows when he cast himself, half maori and half jew, to star as Adolf Hitler. And ever since it premiered, ‘Jojo Rabbit’ has divided audiences and critics alike into more or less three groups: those, who are deeply offended by its lack of political correctness and comedic take on one of history’s most tragic events, those, who think it is not dangerous enough or does not expose the horrors of the holocaust enough, and, finally, those who has been charmed, entertained, provoked and moved by a perfectly balanced mix of slapstick humour and gut punching drama. I, myself, sit firmly in the third group - ‘Jojo Rabbit’ is a wonderful piece of filmmaking.

We follow 10-year-old Johannes Betzler, better known as Jojo, as he prepares for a weekend camp with the Hitler Jugend. We watch him as he proudly dresses up in his uniform before heiling his imaginary friend, Waititi’s Hitler, as if he was a sportsman preparing for a game before he ultimately shoots through town heiling at everyone to the tunes of the german version of The Beatles’ “I wanna hold your hand”, while we alternately see Jojo and b/w clips of Hitler being celebrated as a superstar complete with cheering girls and everything. A bizarre and weirdly entertaining opening scene that perfectly sets the tone of the film’s dark humour; nothing is sacred here. The story that follows is Jojo’s coming-of-age-story. A process that typically lasts years, but in the midst of a world war nothing is “typical”. Waititi manages to beautifully balance the naivety and blind-eyed fanaticism of young Jojo with the horrors and brutal reality of war as things start to spiral out of control for our main character from the moment he discovers a jewish girl hidden in the walls of his home. Where is her horns? Is she going to eat him? Why is his mum helping her? and what does it mean to love someone? Jojo is forced to discover the many feelings of life and following him on his journey is as hilarious and endearing as it is thought-provoking and tragic.

This is more than anything thanks to just 12-year-old debutant, Roman Griffin Davis, who is nothing short of a revelation as Jojo. The range that he shows in his portrayal of Jojo is simply spectacular. He truly has funny bones with both physical comedy and a great timing, but it is when the story gradually shifts from Wes Anderson-ish, bizarre, slapstick nazi satire to a much heavier and emotional war story that Griffin Davis really pulls the rug from under you. In the process of the film you both laugh at and with Jojo, you are shocked by him, you feel his excitement and loss, and most importantly you really care for him. This is, of course, down to Waititi’s screenplay and directing, but it would never have worked without Griffin Davis’ wonderful performance that really bodes well for his future.

In addition to him, the other actors also turn in some memorable performances. Scarlett Johansson is perfectly endearing as Jojo’s mother, Rosie, who has to raise him on her own, while hiding a jewish girl in the attic and manoeuvring through the hardships of war with a heavy heart from losing her daughter. The chemistry between Johansson and Griffin Davis is stunning and feels so natural that their mother-son-bond becomes one of the most heartwarming aspects of the film. Johansson shines just as much as Rosie shines as the film’s clearest ray of humanism and empathy. As Elsa, the hidden jewish girl, Thomasin McKenzie is fierce and strong with the inevitable vulnerability of an oppressed person hiding to save her own life. As such she represents all the jews who suffered from Holocaust while staying brave to save their own and loved ones’ lives. Just as with Rosie and Jojo, the chemistry between Elsa and Jojo is electric and it is an absolute delight to see how their relationship develops and becomes deeper and deeper the more they both get to see each other for what they see rather than what they have learned. As such they become the clearest symbol of the film’s obvious anti-hate, anti-prejudice moral.

In the other spectrum, Sam Rockwell, Alfie Allen and Rebel Wilson are all hilarious as absurd caricatures of Nazi officers blinded by their fanaticism and extremism. This is, of course, one of the film’s very divisive decisions; because the actions that they perform whether it be teaching children to shoot and use grenades or burning books and teaching lies about jews are obviously despicable - especially in the light of what happened during holocaust. So to turn this into something funny (and boy, is it hilarious) is a brave decision, but also a clever one. The things they do are so absurd that to simply show them as dreadful and horrible is sometimes too easy; showing the absurdity and making people laugh at it can be quite disarming and, frankly, relieving at times. Another example of this is Stephen Merchant’s unforgettable, yet short, cameo as Gestapo agent, Deertz, who is hilarious at first. You laugh at him only to find yourself on the edge of your seat seconds later as the tone shifts and the scene becomes immensely nerve-racking. Now Deertz’ absurd behaviour is intense and in no way funny. Waititi disarms you by exposing you to the hilarious absurdity of this character only to catch you off guard shortly after and hit you with reality. He does this in another simply devastating scene that stands as one of the single biggest gut punches that I have had in the cinema for a while; leaving me with my mouth wide open and a tear running from my eye.                 To round off the acting performances, Waititi’s own portrayal of Hitler never really becomes anything other than a funny sidenote that adds some interesting comments to the extremist thoughts roaming around Jojo’s head.  It’s funny and at times delightfully dark in its humour, but it - thankfully - never draws focus away from the other, much more interesting characters.

But let’s get back to this balance between the laughs and tears, because this is what lifts ‘Jojo Rabbit’ up as a stunning film experience. It works as a comedy/satire and it works as hard-hitting, thought-provoking drama. This is an insanely difficult balance to truly hit and only a few films manages it. ‘Jojo’ succeeds in being a hilarious comedy thanks, partly, to its well-written and delightfully politically incorrect screenplay by Waititi with so many great and memorable one-liners. But it is also because of its tight editing by Tom Eagles and brilliant score by Michael Giacchino, who supports the shifting nature of Jojo’s perspective through both joyful and more sorrowful compositions. As a drama it works - of course also thanks to the screenplay - because of a brilliant production design by Ra Vincent that often stands in great contrast to the absurd action unfolding in it. Finally, the costumes by Mayes C. Rubeo are simply delightful whether they are historically accurate or hilariously comedic as when Jojo roams the street as a robot gathering “metal for Hitler” or Rockwell and Allen take their final bow as some kind of absurd superhero devoid of all the human faults that they otherwise infuse their characters with.

And now let us return to the quote from the beginning of this review.

“Let everything happen to you, Beauty and terror, Just keep going, No feeling is final.”

This is not only a beautiful quote that gives us an important lesson on why not to give into hate and despair, it is also a quote that is mirrored in the film’s three main characters. Elsa remains hopeful and decent even when the entire world seems to hate her and want her dead. Rosie gives her son the love a mother should give despite him representing everything she fights against. And, finally, the film tells the story of how Jojo learns this lesson; to not be tempted by hate and the “easy exit” of jumping on the bandwagon, but to stay curious, to acknowledge love and to let it in. As such ‘Jojo Rabbit’ does not become “oh, that film that made fun of Hitler”. No, it becomes a film about the importance of experiencing and exploring the world around us. The importance of being curious and engaging with people despite our differences. Simply put: the importance of never forgetting love. It might not be in the absolute top of 2019 objectively, but personally, Jojo and Elsa danced their ways into my heart and my top 3 for 2019.

4,5/5

#Oscars 2020 #Academy Awards #Film Review #Movie Review #Jojo Rabbit #Taika Waititi #Roman Griffin Davis #Scarlett Johansson #Sam Rockwell #Alfie Allen #Rebel Wilson #Stephen Merchant #Michael Giacchino

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam season 3, episode 6 reaction

In terms of length, this is a short episode, but watching it in real time, every day highlighting Isak’s misery, felt like an eternity. Luckily Isak and Jonas’ friendship intervened to give us one of the most heartwarming scenes of the series. 

SEASON 3, EPISODE 6 - “Escobar season”

Clip 1 - YOU CAN HATE ME NOW

It was a loooooong 10 days between the last clip of episode 5 and this one. Like, Trump got elected in that time, guys. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “Goddamn, I wish Skam wasn’t on hiatus so I could have something positive to take my mind off this shit.” Which might seem frivolous, but sometimes you need a little escapism from your impending national nightmare, instead of following the news in despair for 10 hours a day and stress-eating whole bags of discount Halloween candy (which is what I actually ended up doing).

The mid-season hiatus is set up so if you’re watching in real time, you can imagine that Isak legit took a week off school, but if you’re watching after the season ended, you can buy that maybe Isak just took a weekend off from the world, and either possibility still works. That shows some forethought on Julie’s part, since she knew this season would also be viewed post-real time experience.

So the music is by Nas, not N.W.A., but Isak’s intro here definitely reminds me of what he said to Even in episode 2 , about “music that you listen to when you want to walk around feeling tough.” This is totally a moment where Isak wants to toughen up, since he’s frankly pretty fragile at the moment. I love this scene because it is so deeply real. Most of us have done this, blasted the appropriate soundtrack to psych ourselves up for something we didn’t want to do, or attempted to alter our mood with a song. The fact that this is clearly a diegetic music moment, with Isak actually wearing his earbuds, makes him seem even more vulnerable to me, ironically. Like he needs that confidence boost.

Also, the fact that this is Nas just underscores Even’s influence on Isak, and that while Isak may be trying to deal with his heartbreak, Even’s presence is still there, weighing on him.

“Escobar season has returned … it’s been a long time.” Obviously it hasn’t been that long, but it is a cheeky little nod to the hiatus, as well as the official clip title  - “Returned.”

By the way, if people are wondering exactly what “Escobar season” means, here’s a little information about it. The summary is that it’s a persona Nas took on that’s like a Scarface personality, “Escobar” taken from famous Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar - who interestingly was the subject of one of Isak’s oft-mentioned TV shows, Narcos. 

The Escobar facade was fully formed and ubiquitous on Nas’ 1996 album It Was Written—he endorsed the now-defunct Willie Esco clothing line around the same time. 1998’s “Hate Me Now” famously begins with the phrase, “Escobar Season has returned,” and the Esco name is retired on the hook of 1999’s “Nastradamus.” Nas says Pablo Escobar represents his first awareness of a larger-than-life crime boss who wasn’t a fictional character.

This scene is framed nicely, with Even and his friends on one side of the screen, Emma and her friends on the other (the two “love interests” of this season opposite each other as they represent different sides of Isak) and with Isak stepping in the middle of the frame, not fitting into either group.

Man, I know Isak has fucked up, but like …. this song comes on, and I see him look nervously from Emma to Even, and my heart swells for this kid. I feel so bad for him. This feels so relatable for anyone who’s ever had a problem at school - a fight with a friend, a break-up - and had to go back where they knew they’d see the person again. Or embarrassed themselves, or been bullied, and had to face the judgment of your peers. It does feel like simply showing your face again requires an incredible amount of bravery from a teenager. (See also: Eva in S1, Sana in S4). And in Isak’s case, he has to face two people who know he is gay: Emma, who is angry and could use it against him, and Even, who he wants and seemingly doesn’t want him anymore.

The lyrics might sound over the top for this situation, but of course teenage problems are always the end of the world, and Isak actually does have some real shit to deal with. When Nas says, “Looks like the death of me now,” it probably does feel like that for Isak. I’d also say this is perhaps how he felt prior to coming out at the end of the episode - it could be the end of everything as he knew it, but there’s no turning back now. This is who Isak is.

“There’s no turning back now” - the lyrics that pop up when Isak first looks at Even, happen to be similar to what Isak and Even said to each other in episode 2, on their first “date” of sorts making those cheese toasties. “We can’t turn back now” - the words that made Isak cancel his plans with the boys and Emma so he could be with Even, and also the path that’s made him so currently miserable.

Let’s just note that Isak looks tired and worn and has his hood pulled up, keeps his head down as he walks across the courtyard, and Even looks to be in terrific shape, talking with people. Which has to rub salt in the wound. Even is doing just fine, seemingly, while Isak is suffering. You know Isak is questioning whether he meant anything to Even at all.

“This is what makes me … This is who I am.” Awwww, Isak. Baby.

Isak keeps his eyes ahead of him as he walks through the yard. Not on Emma or Even, though they notice him. Like the only way he’s going to get through this is if he pretends they’re not there.

Emma notices Isak and you have to wonder what’s on her mind, because really, she kind of falls away in the second half of the season? We hear about her but after this clip she doesn’t appear until the last episode. Has she already told people Isak is gay and set the rumor mill in motion, or is that yet to come?

I am always, always going to laugh at how the lyrics “DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE” sync with Even on screen, lol. You know Isak is internally kinda like FUCK YOU EVEN!!!! but also why even … why?

But also, Even probably did not expect Isak to be this downcast about their breakup. In real time, Isak has been gone for a week, and Even almost certainly noticed. You can practically see his heart stop when he notices Isak here. And it likely hurts that Isak is pointedly not looking at Even.

Oh my God, the kid crashing into Isak and interrupting his power walk is so funny, but you feel so bad for Isak! He just wanted to pump himself up before entering the school where all these people are mad at him or don’t want to talk to him, and some rando ruins the effect. Talk about adding insult to injury. A cherry on top of the shit sundae. Again, I love it because it’s such a realistic moment, and of course Isak’s woes aren’t going to be solved by the right soundtrack. Reality intervenes.

It’s like the little girl interrupting the movie moment of the pool kiss - the music just cuts off when the illusion is destroyed. Weirdly that warms my heart a little, because the pool was Even’s attempt to recreate a movie moment, this was Isak’s attempt to create a tough guy scene, and both of them got cut short by reality. Lmao, boys.

Emma looks like she’s too engrossed with her friends to notice Isak’s collision, but Even likely saw the dude crash into Isak. Just to embarrass Isak further. 

Poor Isak goes into the school and the first thing he sees is Jonas. Jonas isn’t hostile, but he’s a little distant. Reserved.

On the saga of Isak’s locker of character development, he takes a lesson from Even and bangs it open. Isak isn’t all the way there with coming out, but between the last time we’ve seen him and the locker, he’s kissed a boy for the first time and almost gotten himself a boyfriend. Even showed him how to open his locker and Isak took him up on it. Soooo… progress? He also bangs it open when Jonas is present.

Isak wants to know if Mahdi is still mad at him and Jonas says they’re not mad at him. He then takes a long pause before saying that they’re worried, like you know Isak’s weird behavior has been pressing on him and he’s finally just going to say it.

Isak tries to play it off and blames “family stuff” again and you can tell Jonas is disappointed and concerned that Isak is resorting to the same old lie.

“And I can’t sleep either.” Well, this part is actually true. It’s just you need to explain why you can’t sleep, Isak.

Jonas, a good bro, knows Isak is talking shit and not telling the whole truth, but he doesn’t argue. Just lets him know that he’s there to talk. Which is really all Jonas can do at that point. You can see Isak weighing it over as Jonas leaves, too, like … maybe Isak should talk to him. Or maybe he shouldn’t because that’s frightening. But Jonas had made it clear that he’s open to hearing the truth when Isak’s ready to share, and that’s what Isak needs to remember when Skrulle starts talking about people being islands.

Clip 2 - Noorhelm and Evak parallels

Isak really cannot sleep with all this anxiety and misery in his head. We don’t get late-night clips that often in Skam, but they were employed very well in S3 to illustrate Isak’s insomnia. That’s one of the coolest things about the real-time format, that we can get canon delivered at unconventional times to reflect the character’s reality and put us deep in their emotional state.

And of course Noora’s conversation is like … the worst thing that Isak could be hearing at that moment, since what she’s saying about her relationship with William also happens to apply to his relationship with Even.

“When you are in love, you believe that love will be like in the movies. But that’s not how it works.” This would be a solid point to make regardless of context, but it especially has to hit home for Isak, with his Romeo + Juliet watching and recreating in the pool. There was an element of fantasy with Even, of being in a love story like in the movies with a guy who views life like a film. But now the fantasy is gone.

What did Noorhelm shippers think at this point? S2 was all about Noora and William and gave them a happy ending, but now in S3, the way Noora describes what’s happened to them, it’s almost like a deconstruction of the tropes from S2. Noora is talking about how she thought she’d be with William forever, but no one lives happily ever after. Honestly, it would be a pretty interesting subversion to do a story like that on Skam, the fairy tale romance that ends up falling apart … but I wouldn’t want to spend a whole season building up to their happy ending, and then having it crumble in the background of someone else’s story. I think it’d be better if they got together by the halfway point (before the hiatus) and then showed the fall of the relationship through the rest of the season.

I mean, this is all because Thomas Hayes left the show, though, and was probably not part of Julie’s original plan. Makes you wonder how this scene was planned, though. Did Julie ever think Thomas would come back? Because this scene has somewhat different context with the Noorhelm reunion in S4, and in a scenario where Thomas didn’t return. 

“There’s nobody who is willing to make any sacrifices for love in 2016.” I don’t know why, but that part of Noora’s dialogue hurts the most? It does for Isak, too, since it’s the breaking point from when he goes from trying to bury his head in his pillow to getting up and telling her to stop. Maybe because to Isak, it seems like he was willing to sacrifice for Even by lying to his friends and making them angry with him, abandoning this heterosexual farce he was performing, potentially coming out, getting into a relationship with a boy despite all the problems that may come with that … but Even just couldn’t sacrifice his relationship with Sonja. For a brief moment, it seemed like he would choose Isak, but he didn’t. 

Maybe also because “nobody is willing to make sacrifices for love” is pretty disheartening to hear when you’re young and going through heartache. It makes you think this is how it’s going to be the rest of your life, it’ll never get easier. Especially painful for a closeted gay kid to hear since he’ll have additional complications in finding love. 

I think Noora’s words are obviously the main reason behind what’s making Isak stressed out right now, but it can’t help to hear that Eskild’s brought a guy home. Eskild has someone and Isak is sleeping alone.

Yeah, Isak could be less of an asshole in his delivery, but he’s not wrong. Take your conversations elsewhere at 2 am. Not to sound old but it’s a school night, Noora!

Noora is pretty shocked by Isak’s attitude, though. You can see the smile drop off her face. I don’t think Noora is obsessing over Isak’s personal life or anything, especially since she’s caught up in her own drama, but I think she picks up here that Isak is going through something that’s bigger than her just talking on the phone at night.

While I don’t know if Noora and Isak would ever be best friends, I do enjoy some of the moments they have together. I like to think that Noora taking care of Even when Isak couldn’t be there, and Isak demonstrating how much love there was in that grumpy teenage boy body of his, gained some lasting respect on both ends. And on the flip side, Noora ribbing Isak about his nightstand toilet paper and Isak taking it in stride in S4 is endearing.

Isak really is a good kid. He knows he lashed out and calms down after his outburst. He even says, “Say hi to Eva,” lmao? Like RARRRRRGH STOP TALKING ON THE PHONE NOORA … okay, sorry, say hi to our mutual friend.

The fact that he pauses to tell her that William is an idiot if he gives up on her is genuinely sweet. Of course there’s some projection behind it (trying to convince himself that Even is an idiot and not worth staying up all night stressing if Even gave up on him) but it’s also just a kind, courteous thing to say, since he recognizes someone else struggling over being in love, and Noora accepts his words as such.

Obviously everyone is free to like or dislike characters for whatever reasons, but moments like this are why I don’t get why some people repeatedly bring up Isak’s shitty S1 behavior as a reason why he’s the Worst (especially in the context of “How can you like Isak but not this other character when Isak has also done bad things?”). Isak repeatedly course-corrects from his mistakes and shows consideration toward other people’s feelings, listens to their advice and perspectives, and is kind to them despite his grumpy exterior. He’s not a selfish person. I’m fine with characters who make mistakes if they apologize, show empathy to others, and try to be better people.

Clip 3 - The cheese toastie of sadness

This scene is pretty short, but the first time I watched it, I spent like a minute and a half wondering “Where is this going?” only to freak out with Even’s appearance. Oh. That’s where it was going. It lulls you into a sense of mundane drudgery only to throw a curveball, which is what Isak must be feeling. Going about his boring day, feeling like shit, only for a surprise Even encounter to throw everything off-balance.

That random guy’s voice really does sound like Henrik’s, to the point where I’m wondering if Henrik said the line and they dubbed it over (since we don’t see the dude actually say anything but “Sweet”). If not, damn, that’s a close match.

It really throws Isak, it’s like a jolt of potential Even. But it’s just a false alarm. Of course, Julie gives us a false alarm to throw us off the real appearance of Even that’s going to happen in a minute.

Plot twist - this guy is Julian Dahl and he was hoping to make a move on Isak, except Even showed up.

Here’s where Skam’s ability to not rush things really helps, because this is a small scene where the majority is focused on an everyday boring task, but it establishes Isak’s mood, give a sense of how empty and dull his life feels at the moment, isolated from his social connections and love interest. The long pauses of nothing but agonizing silence feel like forever. Just waiting in line for a cheese toastie is an ordeal.

We also see just how out of it Isak is, how that reminder of Even throws him off balance - not responding to the cafeteria worker right away, dropping his money, giving her the wrong amount.

I swear my heart jumped when Even appeared, just like Isak’s must have.

Do you think Even meant to walk up to Isak or he just happened to run into him? The former makes more sense as to why he’d be right there at the front of the cafeteria line, but Even also looks so startled and caught off guard. Or maybe he just wasn’t quite prepared to be so close to Isak again, face to face.

It really does not help that Even again looks very healthy and well put together, and Isak just looks devastated. His demeanor is so muted and physically he looks drained, like he hasn’t been sleeping. Even is feigning some energy but Isak can barely summon it.

It does wrench my heart that Isak isn’t even angry at Even here, or pretending to be fine, or anything other than depressed. He doesn’t have the strength for anything else.

Yeah, that is the saddest looking cheese toastie ever. I’d eat it if I had no other options but it’s like the food equivalent of tears.

Even tries to reestablish some friendly contact with that kardemomme reference, which is especially relevant because hey, it’s not just any old small talk, it’s their inside joke, which Even remembers. It’s a personal connection.

Oh God, and it makes me so sad that Isak gives a half-hearted laugh of recognition and tries to recreate the “kardemomme!” line but his voice is broken and not energetic.

True story: when I watched this the first time, I actually yelled, “No!!!” at my computer screen when Isak says “Kardemomme!” in that weak voice. Like, way to cause a pang in my heart, Skam. That was their beautiful bonding moment!!! It made us smile, and now it’s just a shell of its former self. You took something good and used it for evil, Skam.

Even’s smile at Isak’s attempt is genuine but falls as he realizes how messed up Isak is and how this just isn’t the same as before.

What do you think Even wanted to say before Isak ran off? I honestly have no idea. I feel like he wanted to connect with Isak on a more substantial level, IDK, maybe ask how he’s been, but who knows? There are many possibilities. Go for another joke, go for a neutral topic. Try to communicate that he still wants Isak, try to avoid that territory. But Isak couldn’t let him get another word out.

The fact that Isak can’t take anymore and runs off without waiting makes my soul turn to dust. And Even looks back at him before leaving.

I think Even really was rattled by this encounter. Like ... Isak was rough. Even broke up with him as a means of protecting them both, but clearly it didn’t work as well as he hoped since Isak is suffering. You know he’s thinking to himself, You did this. You made him hurt like this. And I think this is when Even starts to reconsider whether it was the right move to break up with him. Maybe even for himself, because he misses Isak so much and having Isak not want to talk to him, barely able to look at him, is too much to handle.

Clip 4 - The queen of Skam returns

Time for the Norwegian goddess of wisdom to make another appearance!

Lmao, the opening conversation is about someone pissing her pants while exercising. The women blame it on a lack of Kegel exercises. This is all openly discussed in the waiting room within earshot of Isak. Somehow I think Dr Skrulle is in her element. Nissen’s medical staff must just attract ladies prone to TMI and bizarre anecdotes.

The “eye exam” poster in the office says YOU SHOULD BE WORKING NOW, by the way.

Oh man, this was the point when fans thought Isak was going to steal Linn’s sleeping pills, or get sleeping pills and OD on them! Such a tense week. Isak is so miserable that it felt like something drastic could happen. We were all yelling for something good to happen this week.

I feel like when you step into this doctor’s office, time and space are slightly altered. 

Truly there is nothing like Isak taking a seat and immediately within his line of vision is the good doctor and a dildo. He must feel like the presence of an artificial penis is the world is taunting him again.

This scene’s funny because Isak gets to play the straight man (ha ha) to the doctor. She exists in her own world and Isak is just this befuddled teenager trying to make sense of her. 

Isak can barely look at Skrulle when he’s telling her about his problems. I guess you could read this scene as Isak badly wanting those pills and playing up his distress so she’ll give them to him, but I think he really is that miserable, as evidenced by everything we’ve seen of him this week, and he has trouble opening up to anyone about his problems so this is probably a last resort for him.

“I don’t drive a car, though.” AS WE WILL LEARN IN S4.

I remember that one interview Tarjei gave where he was going over his traffic problems, and lol, I feel you, kid.

Legit nothing like a Skrulle story to put your problems in perspective. Also, A+ segue from the story of someone getting into an accident and ending up in a wheelchair to asking Isak more about his sleep problems. And by A+ segue I mean there is no segue at all.

Isak’s sleep has gotten worse over the past few weeks, for reasons that are quite obvious to the viewers. Even’s presence will do that to you.

The doctor wants to refer Isak to a mental health clinic, and he doesn’t want that. In fact, Isak is really, really against this, like … more than just not wanting to, he’s vehemently saying no over and over. This absolutely has to do with his ableist beliefs and his stigma against the mentally ill. Isak definitely isn’t going to be like one of those people. Isak can’t be mentally ill. He can’t talk to a therapist. Just like he didn’t want to be scene as one of those ultra-gay people, he can’t lump himself in with people who need help with their mental health. Those people are crazy. 

I remember right after this scene I wondered if Isak would actually go to the mental health clinic where he would run into Even, and that’s how we would learn that Even also has mental health issues. I was going to say that it would have been an awkward moment for them ... but then I realized, it can’t be any worse than how Isak did learn about Even’s mental illness.

Note that in S1, the girls went together to provide support for Vilde, but here in S3, Isak has to do this on his own. Makes sense that Skrulle’s advice ends up being about him not isolating himself and reaching out to others.

You know, I think of the locker room scene as a turning point in the season, but this scene is quietly a turning point as well. Skrulle gives Isak advice that will help him throughout the rest of the season. He can’t keep isolating himself. It’s advice that will not only help Isak, but allow him to extend that help to Even, and even to Sana in the next season. Even though the good doc expresses it in a quirky way, it’s solid advice.

“Don’t you have someone you can talk to?” “TALK TO JONAS,” screamed everyone watching.

Clip 5 - Jonas is king of the bros

Watching this week in real time was so stressful, Isak was so melancholic and alone, and this scene was such. a. relief. It would’ve been wonderful in any context, but it felt like a godsend after seeing Isak go through hell clip after clip.

One of the most observant details about the clip is Isak’s hesitation. He’s about to do something big and it’s not easy to just launch into it. He stands and watches Jonas for a little bit because, you know, it’s Jonas and Jonas is his best bro, but that doesn’t crush all the doubts in his head about what Jonas’ reaction could be. Not to mention he and Jonas haven’t had the best relationship lately.

But Jonas is still friendly when Isak approaches him. Perhaps he realizes that this is when Isak is going to tell him about whatever’s on his mind. Plus, you know, I’m sure he missed Isak! They’re best friends, it can’t have been great from Jonas’ POV to feel shut out from him.

I don’t know if there was any strategy involved in getting kebab other than teenage boys needing kebab to live, but it works as an icebreaker/apology of sorts (since Isak is paying) and I think, a buffer? It helps if there’s an activity like eating happening when Isak comes out, and that he’s not just telling a personal secret with nothing else to occupy Jonas’ attention.

Also, that they’re sitting on a bench side by side in this scene reminds me of all those Tumblr posts about how common it is for LGBT people to come out in cars, and how it’s easier to do when you’re not face to face. Isak and Jonas are looking at each other and making eye contact, but I do think it helps to have your bodies facing forward rather than toward each other. It gives a little distance, makes it less intimidating for Isak.

I just want to shout out that poster in the kebab shop window, which says, “EVERYDAY IT’S KEBAB TIME.” You’re damn right it is.

I feel like Jonas is telling this random puke story to Isak so Isak can work up to whatever he’s going to say. You can tell Isak’s listening but he’s not 100% there.

By the way, this puke story sounds like it could be about Magnus, except Isak says, “It’s never the ones that you expect that throw up,” and Magnus is absolutely someone I would expect to ruin his chances with a girl by throwing up all over her feet. Maybe this story was about the mysterious Julian Dahl!

Continuing on the point above about Isak’s hesitation, the pacing of this scene is a huge part of what makes it so great. Because Isak doesn’t sit down and start coming out right away, he doesn’t have a speech prepared (not that that it’s wrong or unrealistic to prepare a speech, but with Isak, he’s not a preparedspeech kind of guy). He has to work up his courage piece by piece over this conversation. He lets Jonas bullshit a bit, there’s a long silence where Isak keeps glancing over at Jonas as they eat, and you know he’s working out his nerves, wondering about Jonas’ reaction, getting himself to the point where he can just say it. Tarjei’s acting in this scene is so subtle and spectacular.

Jonas is such a dear, though. Marlon does this scene really really well because Jonas isn’t like … overcompensating or overly enthusiastic, he’s not pressing Isak too much. He’s very casual, but you can also see, for instance, when Isak brings up that he’s been acting weird lately, that Jonas looks at him attentively, ready to listen, because finally Isak is going to open up.

Just saying “there’s a person that I like” is a big thing for Isak to get out. He doles the information out little by little, he makes Jonas work for it. I think that what Isak is aiming for is similar to what many viewers suspect he wanted from Eva in S1. In the kitchen scene where Eva confronts Isak about ratting her out to Iben, Isak asks her to guess why he did it. You can make a case that he wants her to guess the real reason, that he has feelings for Jonas and is jealous - that maybe a part of him wants her to know and to take it off his mind. But of course she doesn’t guess and he runs with a lie instead. Here, I wouldn’t be surprised if Isak wants Jonas to say it before he has to - that he can come out without needing to say the words.

This is a pretty heartwarming scene, but Isak actually breaks my heart a little when he asks Jonas to guess. There’s so much fragility wrapped up in that moment and in Tarjei’s performance! This poor kid is so nervous.

Although bless Jonas for guessing Vilde, because it probably did give Isak a little moment to be like WTF, no, and make him laugh. 

After that, Jonas says, “Can’t you just tell me?” But of course no, Isak can’t just tell him, because that’s very hard.

I mentioned it in my episode 5 review but again, Isak doesn’t come out by saying he is gay and then going into his relationship with Even. Instead, he phrases everything in terms of actions, in some roundabout ways. he coming out is a step by step process. First, it’s that Isak is acting weird because he likes someone. Then “It’s not a girl.” He doesn’t even say, “It’s a guy,” he says it’s not a girl because that’s the less direct way of saying it, of course.

Isak gets so alert and on edge after he says it’s not a girl. Waiting and watching for Jonas’ reaction. Nervous as to what’s it going to be. Meanwhile Jonas just keeps eating that fucking kebab. Like Isak could have said, “The reason I’ve been acting so strange lately is that I found out Donald Trump is my uncle,” and Jonas would have been like munch munch munch.

I think the fact that Jonas reacts so nonchalantly when he says, “Is it me?” helps Isak quite a bit. Not only is it a funny comment, but like … if Jonas is so casual about Isak potentially liking him, then surely he can’t be that bothered by Isak liking another boy? And Jonas is just like, “What, am I completely unattractive?” Which again, is a joke but also lets Isak know that Jonas is chill, he’s not worried about Isak the predatory gay guy perving on Jonas or any of those homophobic stereotypes.

And obviously, this scene is hilarious if you’ve seen S1 and are calling bullshit on Isak not liking Jonas. No, Jonas, I don’t like you! WTF! Bruh, you set fire to Eva’s social standing and her relationship because you had a crush on her boyfriend.

But man, you can see Isak lighten up sooooo much after this exchange. He got the words out there and Jonas didn’t react badly, they managed to joke about it, so far everything is the same between them. The happiness in his eyes is observable.

I don’t think Jonas had completely guessed Isak was gay, or dating a boy, until this moment. I feel like there were a number of things that seemed odd to him, including that random guy who brought Isak his hat and was at the lockers with him, that Jonas filed away as “huh” moments and that are starting to slot into place with Isak’s admission here. We know that Jonas recognized the “left your hat in the cafeteria” story as bullshit (clarified in the script), so he’s been picking up here and there on things that seem unusual or out of place.

You can see Jonas mouth “Even” to himself after Isak says the name, and it’s such a small gesture but it’s the sweetest thing? Like he’s making sure to absorb this detail, or that he’s finally putting a name to a face, and to the cause of all Isak’s weirdness lately. There’s a warmth to it.

Lmao, Jonas saying Even is a good-looking guy and Isak reacting with laughter and bafflement. It’s a silly moment but Jonas is kind of complimenting Isak here, like hey, good taste, or hey, congrats on bagging such a hottie. Not to mention he’s showing how chill he is with talking about guys’ attractiveness, something Isak himself struggles with. Of course there are higher stakes for Isak to admit a guy is hot when he’s actually gay and Jonas is a straight dude, meaning it’s not as loaded of a statement, but still, it’s positive for Isak to be around guys who can just say other guys look good and have it not be the end of the world.

Also, this is probably how Jonas would react if Isak was telling him he liked a girl. You like Emma? She’s hot. Letting Isak in on all these bro bonding moments, not excluding him from this social exchange just because he’s not straight.

And I’m really fond of Jonas being like “What am I supposed to say?” and Isak saying, “I don’t know myself.” To them, they’re not a PSA. They don’t know the “right” words for when someone comes out. They’re just two friends eating kebab on a bench together. Because yeah, there are obvious wrong ways to react to someone coming out, but there’s also no approved script for what to say. Each person is going to be different. I mean, if Jonas made a big deal of it, like, “You are my friend no matter what and I support you,” it would have been a nice gesture, certainly, but that’s not really the relationship he and Isak have, so this would make it artificial and maybe a little awkward. In fact, not having a pre-approved coming out script is a good thing, because Jonas not knowing what to say means he draws on his normal banter and conversation with Isak, which makes it better! That way he’s just treating it like a typical conversation. By reacting casually and not making it a big deal at all, Jonas gives Isak what he needs - nothing is going to change between them, not really. Considering that one of Isak’s greatest fears is that people will think of him differently and judge him a certain way if they know he’s gay, this must be a massive relief to him. 

Additionally, imagine what a relief it is for Isak to be able to give Jonas a rundown of what’s happening with Even. To get off his chest the problems with him and Even; Isak don’t know what’s going on with Even, who has a girlfriend. This is the benefit of him coming out and being honest with Jonas. Suddenly all this shit he’s been bottling up, unable to talk to anyone about, can go through another set of ears. Jonas doesn’t even need to give him great advice or anything. Isak just needs someone to talk to.

Can Isak take some of his father’s guilt money and buy a phone case? Please???

Isak swallows when he realizes what the note in his pocket is. In-universe, it’s really a coincidence that he found the note right after talking to Jonas, but thematically, I don’t think it’s irrelevant that Isak’s bleak week ends after he opens up to someone.

THIS DRAWING. Gosh, it punches me right in the heart? First of all, adorable, and I love that Even always draws Isak with the snapback, and cartoon Even’s hair, and how cartoon Isak is slightly smaller than cartoon Even. But this is actually quite creative and clever of Even, too. I mean, he could have left him a more straightforward note or drawing, but he takes an original concept that’s so them to create something very memorable.

Even has taken several things that are relevant and specific to Isak-and-Even - the inside joke of the cheese toast with cardamom - and a weightier concept that was important to Isak - the parallel universes. Remember, Even wasn’t a fan of the parallel universes when Isak first mentioned them! However, here he’s using them in a way that’s more positive, he’s seeing the benefit of Isak’s worldview.

But what gets me about this sketch is the longing behind it. We have the reality, Isak eating his plain cheese toast alone. And we have the potential other reality, Isak and Even eating their far superior cardamom cheese toast together. It’s something of a kindness to Isak, telling him that somewhere they are together, but also expressing Even’s own desire to be with him. He does want to be with Isak. It’s just that they can’t be together, for mysterious reasons. It’s so bittersweet! They’re together, just not this Isak and this Even.

Even drew this for Isak after seeing him broken and depressed in the cafeteria. I think he really did not know how badly Isak was going to take the breakup and wanted to give him some comfort. This drawing is evidence of Even’s second thoughts.

Lol, and Jonas can’t know the full significance of this sketch, but it doesn’t take a genius to recognize that Even’s giving him handmade drawings of him and Isak together, and to see that for what it is.

“He needs to break up with his girlfriend.” Awww. What a sweet, encouraging thing, to say, and Isak smiles to himself. Things are coming up Valtersen.

This clip is when the hearts on the website turned into rainbow colors, and that alone makes me want to weep. I believe this was one of the most liked clips ever, and logically I do think it was because people were like, “Oooo, pretty!” and hitting that like button to see the rainbow, but I mean. This clip also deserves it.

The fact that this scene is based off a real story also makes me want to cry.

This week was so bleak and hard to get through, Isak just was in a terrible place, and I cannot express the release that the audience felt watching this scene.

The music over the credits is “Express Yourself” by N.W.A. Excellent both because, yeah, express yourself and you’ll be happier, Isak! Be true to who you are! And because Isak had previously mentioned N.W.A. as an example of “music you want to listen to when you want to feel tough.” This is Isak feeling pretty damn confident after things went right.

General Comments

There was very little social media this week, which makes total sense considering the state Isak is in. He’s cut off from all of his social connections.

One of Isak’s most redeeming qualities is his ability to learn from his mistakes. In an example from this week’s social media, he’s apologetic to Eskild in a text message. Eskild ribs him about what Isak said, saying that Eskild is busy working on a mascara collection with Kylie Jenner, before saying that they’re cool, basically. I think Eskild did take Isak’s comments pretty hard but realizes that Isak is young and insecure and not unable to learn.

There is an IG photo from Jonas with Mahdi and Magnus - boy squad minus Isak, just to rub it in (though I doubt that’s why Jonas posted it, to hurt Isak, but it does show how disconnected Isak is).

One of the other few text convos is between Kollektivet, where Isak only supplies one line but Linn mentions taking sleeping pills. For like a day or two, the fan theories were all about Isak stealing her sleeping pills in order to get some rest and accidentally ODing and needing to go to the hospital or something similar.

Isak’s mom sends him a religious text at almost 2 in the morning on Friday, hours before he comes out to Jonas. On the one hand, her texts are another source of stress to Isak. On the other, this text is … actually pretty positive? It’s a Bible verse, Joshua 1:9, which is:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

A lot of Isak’s mom’s texts are about sin, they’re negative and judgmental in nature. This one, by contrast, is affirming. So I think that, even with Mama Valtersen’s texts being a cause for alarm, it’s possible that this text helped Isak before he came out to Jonas. Even with Isak not being a religious person, a general message of being strong and courageous can be an inspiring thing. If that’s the case, then I like that his mom could end up being a source of comfort to her son even prior to episode 9.

#skam reactions #skam season 3 #skam #isak valtersen #evak

[panszy]

but  ok seriously now i’m tired enough to ramble and not care i’m just gonna talk about undertale and how much it and its characters have changed my life for the better

ok so for the past few hours i’ve been scrolling through undertale blogs and i found a post and it just....clicked as to a big reason why i love it so much: the entire fucking game is about love. and not just romantic, it covers all kinds of love, the entire fucking point of the game at least to me is love. and this wont be coherent because it’s nearly 4 in the fucking morning and i need to sleep but it makes it one of the most heartwarming pieces of media i’ve ever seen (and become fully invested in as a result), the friendship between the characters is heartwarming, the sibling love between the skeleton brothers and royal family sblings is heartwarming, the parental love over frisk and asriel and chara is heartwarming (and heartbreaking...). and everything is so fucking human??? like i cant describe it properly really but i can read hundreds of books and not connect to characters like i do in this video game because everyone is so well rounded and have proper personalities rather than just a few character traits, it’s the way i’ve always wanted to be able to write, the personalities they have and the love they have for each other is beautiful and it’s everything to me because it’s so real???

also my favourite character is papyrus (followed by sans and undyne, who i love equally for different reasons i will probably ramble abt all three who knows??) and oh my god can i just say how much i love this character??? for being so positive all the fucking time and seeing the best in literally everyone he comes across and he’s so sweet but holy fuck it’s his optimism that really gets me because like....if you take away my depression (or not actually?? i get through it every time for a reason lmao) i’m actually also quite an optimistic person who’s able to see the good in literally everyone i meet (like i also genuinely don’t hate anyone) and sometimes it bites me in the ass, and people see it as stupid but papyrus has helped me so much to realise that it’s...not stupid??? i’m well aware that some people suck but sometimes they just need a chance?? and if they fuck up well, that’s it, but they deserve the chance right?? but also everyone treats papyrus like an innocent baby who needs to be protected, and as someone who is often talked down to because i’m optimistic and idealistic and empathetic and let my emotions guide me i can really see why papyrus is actually pretty insecure because being talked at like you’re a kid when you’re an adult feels awful!! the only thing i genuinely properly dislike about papyrus is how much he lies, how much he keeps a face up and pretends to know less than he does around his brother, how often he pretends to like things he doesnt to impress people. but like, even that’s ok because i get why he does it (lonely...) and he’s hardly gonna be flawless, there’s traits in everyone including myself that i dislike, and it feels so well rounded...like ppl often reduce his character to ‘his main character flaw is stupid’ and he’s not stupid but thats beside the point - it’s also not a character flaw like at all. and oh my god i just love him so much he brightens everything up, he’s who i aspire to be is2g (ok maybe just the core of who he is is inspiring to me - his kindess, empathy, optimism, seemingly endless). he also says things that doesnt make sense and i do the same thing, i think weirdly and my friends often ask me what the hell i’m talking about, and i jsut connect to him so much??? so so much 

and fuck fuck fuck i really wanna talk about papyrus and sans because like....ok as a character i love sans, he’s my second favourite along with undyne, i do connect with him less but he’s very interesting (he’s a little overrated and mischaracterised by the fandom sometimes but i’ll let that go for now), and m a n do i connect to his laziness lmao (it’s not just caused by his depression i will fight u on this, i don’t think it helps obviously but as someone who’s depressed AND lazy i can relate on a personal level to him in that sense), but he is funny - not necessarily the awful skeleton puns but like in the ‘oh if you insist on prying me away from my work’ kinda funny, snarky asshole - and i actually really like that he’s a bit of an asshole, he likes to screw with people and he’s won’t fight you unless you’re literally going to end the entire world along with every single timeline (again though, i can really sympathise and get why he’s like this even tho i don’t really relate because he is so fucking well written), but i love that he loves papyrus so fucking much. like i’m a massive sucker for strong sibling relationships (the baudelaire orphans, the way brothers) and this just...oh man, i’m not the biggest fan of the way sans is portrayed in the fandom either but when people who agree with me on that argue that sans doesn’t even care about his brother it infuriates me because that’s...so....wrong??? papyrus is his entire fucking world, the game make that very clear, p much all he talks about is how great his brother is and it’s so cute and blindingly obvious that he means every word he says about that (even if that’s the only thing he doesn’t fuckin lie about lmao...). but i also love this relationship because they balance each other out so much, papyrus tries his best to get sans to get his life together - nagging him constantly, getting him an actual job therefore getting him out of the house, etc - but i think papyrus is also an optimist to sans’ pessimism and nihilism (for lack of a better word - depression i guess) and i think it helps sans quite a lot, or at least is something that makes him genuinely happy when he’s lost all hope. and on the flip side, sans is constantly saying really little things to pick papyrus back up when his mask of self confidence is slipping, and it’s very subtle - the main one i can think of atm is (paraphrasing) ‘me? right about something? come on bro’ or something after papyrus shows self doubt about his puzzles in the genocide route - that’s one of the more obvious ones i think but it’s there p much throughout, and god help my lack of being able to explain things because i can’t put it into words as to why i think this or why i love it so much but i think it really helps papyrus emotionally. THEN you’ve got the bad points, like the lies they constantly tell to each other and how they never fuckign open up to each other (they just project their emotional problems onto you lmao) and ohhh man the relationship between those two.... i could go on forever but i’ll shut up now 

i’ve been rambling for half an hour so i’ll keep the thing about undyne shorter hopefully (nearly half 4 in the morning...fuck... .and i have shit to do tomorrow like this essay.....god) but oh man oh MAN i really love her as well?? so passionate and so PROUD of it, she’s so completely unafraid of being herself (so unlike two of the people she’s closest to - papyrus and alphys), she’s such a fun character and i relate to how passionate she is and can i also just say i LOVE hers and papyrus’s friendship nearly on par with papyrus and sans’s sibling relationship, funnily enough she also treats him like a kid like sans does but she’s very kind and it’s obvious that she cares deeply for papyrus, and their phone calls made me laugh so much (the fucking hot pants one actually made me cry with laughter, it was brilliant), she’s so much fun i love her so much 

im leaving it there but this fucking video game it’s actually changed me for the better it’s quite literally my favourite thing on the planet atm, it’s gorgeous and i love it with every inch of my heart bless this fucking game i cant even put into words how much i love it it’s just!!! my god!!!!! 

i genuinely havent felt like this about something since i got into mcr over 6 years ago, if that doesnt say how much i love it then nothing will tbh

#im kind enough to put it on a read more #i dont think it'll be ridiculously wrong but like...... i need to talk about this fucking video game that i love with all my heart #*ridiculously long #obvs contains spoilers but like...who hasnt been exposed to undertale spoilers lmao #update: ok this got LONG #sorry lol #undertale #SO LONG #rebecca complains #its taken over my life it's half the reason im getting nothing done but it's such a good feeling