#its weird writing all this out because it makes me realize how much information just sits in my head while i draw and i dont even realize | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captain-mj · 8 months

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May tumblr endure the pain of all the angst fics on it's sight for eating your askbox.

Well then, I'm really glad you liked the Selkie!Ghost prompt I sent in :D, I loved what you did with it ^^ -X/3NH

(If you want the old prompt just tell me)

Okay new prompt: Ghost is a monster that lives under the bed and in the closets of children. Soap has been the singular person he's haunted, not by choice, just because Soap won't have a single nightmare related to him. In fact, Soap sees him as a friend.

Ghost's kind feeds off nightmares related to them, so he's latched to Soap until he can get a singular nightmare out of him. But Soap is now in 141 and he still hasn't had that nightmare relating to him.

So Ghost now protects Soap because he's grown attached.

(Do what you want w this concept, but I was thinkin Ghost takes a shot for Johnny, but gets that nightmare he wants so bad, it's about him dying in Soap's arms. Ghost's now free, free to choose another contract, but he doesn't want to get anymore nightmares, he wants to be with Soap. (also his family isn't too nice cause "he's the reason SOap doesn't experience nightmares, he's doing it wrong" (No soap is just a massive fan of monsters and doesn't feel scared around them)))

Wow thats a lot, well enjoy ^^

Hello friend! I want to say, I absolutely adore your asks and I'm sorry for always taking so long to answer them! They usually need to be a tad longer than my normal stuff and I want to do them justice! Also, did some very mild experimentation with some formatting/punctuation. Nothing super noticeable but if you notice something looks weird, its on purpose!

Also, Ghost is also a child for the first portion of this. He matures a bit faster but their age gap is only really a year (felt weird writing about an adult monster under some kid's bed)

Ghost had never, ever heard of a kid like Soap. The kid was... well. If changelings were real, Ghost would put money on him being one.

Soap regularly grabbed spiders and played with him. Not the cruel playing of little tyrants that ripped their legs off, but a genuine, loving little thing. He'd pet them and let them crawl over his hands and set them outside when they started to get agitated.

Snakes fascinated him. The first time he managed to see one at school, he came home, sat on the floor and told Ghost all about it. How the scales moved and reminded him of Ghost's arms. Then he asked Ghost if he was a snake which made him lash out and try to yank the kid under the bed.

However, since Soap feared him no more than he feared snakes or spiders or soft kittens, he just went straight through him. It looked more like he tried to pat him than anything else.

Ghost couldn't believe it. Other monsters his age were back home! Bragging! And here he was, taking way too much time.

"I'm going to kill you!"

Soap sighed. "You're always so grumpy. Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?"

"...I guess." Ghost pouted.

Soap smiled at him, radiant. Ghost wondered if he was made out of the sun.

The tea was delicious. He even got biscuits on the side.

"Why do you want me to be scared of you anyway?"

Ghost refused to talk to him about it, worried it would ruin his chances of ever going home. Soap smiled at him.

"Is it like a grade? If you scare me, you get a better grade?"

"Something like that." Ghost agreed. "I need to scare you."

"I will do my best to be scared by you!" Soap smiled at him and finished eating.

On Soap's thirteenth birthday party, far far after when Ghost should be long gone, he asked for some odd things. Horror posters and books about mythology. Ghost knew he was trying to get more information on him, probably to banish him.

Soap never did anything though. He continued to be his friend with so much ease. He also never told anyone else. At some point, Soap realized this was abnormal and instead of panicking like Ghost had hoped or maybe telling someone, he just moved on.

"We're friends. I couldn't endanger you like that." Soap had answered honestly when Ghost asked.

"We are NOT friends."

Soap smiled easily. "I'll get you to admit it one day. I promise." He gently nudged Ghost's shoulder. Ghost hadn't been touched in a while and the fact that Soap could touch him but he couldn't quite touch Soap was... weird. A little scary.

Soap smiled at him gently.

Ghost hated the day that... man put the idea of the military in Soap's head. He inspired Soap apparently. Sent him on this spiral to try to get into the military.

"Fucking hell, Johnny. The military?" Ghost sat on his bed and stretched out. His shadows had shifted from... well shadows into dark clothing. Recently, he had gotten used to adjusting them to look like a leather jacket, leather pants and dark gloves. If this so happened to be exactly like Soap's most recent movie crush, then it was purely coincidental. And if maybe, just maybe, Ghost enjoyed the lingering gazes from Soap, that was also coincidental.

He cropped up in Soap's dreams sometimes, but it was never frightening. The only reason he even knew was because Soap sometimes muttered his name in his sleep.

"It would be great! Going out there, helping people, good innocent people. Going on missions and adventures."

"Your brains being splattered against the ground. Dying. Fucking up and hurting people that don't deserve it." Ghost grinned, ignoring Soap's scrunched up face.

"Stop being such a bawbag. This isn't going to scare me so you're just doing it to be a dick." Soap hit Ghost with a pillow.

Ghost laughed and laid flat on his bed. He went quite when Mrs. MacTavish passed by, asking if either of them needed snacks. "She can't hear me, can she?"

"Course she can. Why couldn't she?" Soap tilted his head.

Ghost frowned. At this rate, he might as well just become human. He already fucking was. "How long?"

"About two years now. She thinks you're super shy." Soap explained, not understanding how terrible this was for Ghost.

Ghost dissolved, slinking under the bed.

"Wait, Ghost!" Soap looked under the bed. "Come on. Are you sad about your family again?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE."

Soap flinched and sighed. "I'll make you tea, okay?" He left Ghost alone for a bit while he did.

Ghost did miss his family. He couldn't go back until he fucking got a stupid nightmare and he was hungry because Soap's dreams were so fucking devoid of any fear. Stupid asshole.

The tea made things a little better.

When Soap finally got everything together to join the military, he was 15. Too young to actually join, but that wasn't going to stop the asshole. He planned to join and Ghost had to go with him.

The problem? While Ghost was roughly 16, he didn't have any papers saying he existed and he couldn't just wait for Soap to come home on his leaves. So he just made some stuff. Fake documents and different things. he was also very, very fleshy. Soap and him had touched hands and his skin felt the same way.

It disgusted him. He really, really hoped that while they were in the military, Soap would learn fear.

But that didn't happen.

Because Ghost was accepted and Soap wasn't.

"You're clearly too young. Try again next year."

Ghost felt his heart drop.

Shit.

This did not occur to him as a possibility.

Soap immediately started in on the man while Ghost sat there, stunned. He tried to smoke away. Dissolve and reappear miles away and back home.

His body refused. Panic flooded him.

No.

Fuck.

Ghost spent... three years? Time was weird. But he bumbled around the military. For the first time... ever, he ate what he was supposed to. Nightmares. None of them were good enough. They weren't Soap. It was better than the nothing he had been experiencing the past 19 years. That's when they reunited again.

Soap flinched when he saw him before hearing him speak and immediately brightening. "Hello... Simon."

"Hello, Johnny."

So Ghost watched out for him. He had to keep him alive and safe. Both because of his job and also because Soap needed to dream of him to set him free.

Soap still dreamed about him. Ghost could hear him speaking his name in the dark of night. Saying it with a tone that Ghost heard other people use in these scenarios. It was different than the playful manner of when they were younger. For some reason, it made Ghost's chest flutter.

Somehow, Ghost became a Lieutenant and Soap became one of his Sergeants. They worked together well and no one ever suspected it was because they were old friends.

Ghost had long since felt human. Any connection he had to being a monster gone. Even if he fed off the fear of his comrades, they weren't exactly Soap. He still had to eat human food and had human problems like cold hands.

Still felt pain.

The bullet went straight through his chest and the blood from his wound splattered all over Soap's face.

Soap's blue eyes widened. He was finally afraid.

It tasted rather bitter.

Ghost collapsed into him and Soap cradled his body. His blood covered them both.

"MEDIC!"

Soap screamed his little head off. So loud and insistent.

Ghost wanted to dissolve. Wanted to sink back into the darkness and hide under Soap's bed again.

"never wanted to join the military."

"Why did you then?"

"wanted to stay close to you." Ghost admitted, panting. His mask felt tight around his face. "it wasn't just a job for me. hadn't been for a while."

"The military?"

"No. Johnny." Ghost leaned up and kissed him through the fabric.

He finally dissolved.

His consciousness floated somewhere. It felt like home. He could still smell the soap Mrs. MacTavish used on the sheets.

Soap dreamed of him. Ghost was rather violently dragged into it, spectating whatever Soap finally put together.

The fear and adrenaline was intoxicating. Finally rid him of the awful feeling of being hungry that had plagued him for so long.

Soap held his body. It looked much worse than it was. The entire world seemed tinged with Ghost's blood.

"Please. Please. Stay with me." Soap begged, rocking his body.

Ah.

Johnny wasn't afraid of Ghost. He was afraid for Ghost.

How endearing.

The bond between them, the hold, snapped. Ghost felt himself start to spiral away from Soap, his body wanting to spin back into smoke.

But he dug his heels in.

"No." Ghost mumbled. "Got this fucking far. Can't ditch now." He had spent the majority of his life with Soap and he was realizing now that he wanted to spent the rest of it with him too.

It continued to drag him and he struggled and thrashed until his eyes flickered open to see Soap staring at him.

"You're awake."

"Fucking hell, don't stare at me like that. And I'm supposed to be the monster here." Ghost sat up, fully healed.

Soap went to stop him before pausing. "Always forget you're not human. You okay?"

Ghost nodded.

"Do you remember what happened?"

He nodded again.

"All of it?" Soap batted those damn eyelashes at him.

"If you're asking for another kiss, you can just lean down."

This kiss didn't have fabric between them.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #simon ghost riley #johnny soap mactavish #call of duty modern warfare ii #cod mw2 #ghostsoap #soapghost #cod #ghoap

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mrrharper · 1 month

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1000+ followers / Commissions

What's up, everyone!

First of all, the follower count for this blog seems to be glitched, so I'm only 95% sure that the following paragraph is correct. But anyway...

This blog has reached and surpassed 1000 followers, which is kinda insane. Never really expected this collection of my weird little stories would get a large following, and certainly not this fast. And I'm so damn grateful for that.

Especially for all the positive messages you bros sent me. It's such a great feeling when you realize there's a whole community of people that share interests and kinks with you. Thanks for every DM, it's really cool to see a notification about a new message, appreciate that very much.

So I come here with gratitude. Thanks for all the support bros, stay tuned for what's coming next! There are quite a few hot (in my personal opinion) ideas sitting in my drafts, there are sequels and longer stories and more musky jocks and soldiers coming.

I also come here with a proposition.

I am now doing writing commissions - if you would like me to write a story for you, you now have the option to make your wish a reality.

If you are interested, please contact me (through DMs) and tell me what you have in mind. We'll work together and figure out the details. But before we begin, please read the details below first.

What I will write about:

Of course, I am most comfortable with the stuff I've been writing about already - please check out my writing to see exactly what that entails. My interests include jocks, cops, soldiers as well as transformations, mental change, identity change, muscle growth or mind control.

But I am open to other stuff, although in that case I'd like for you, the person commissioning the work, to be more prepared to provide me with the kinds of details you'd like me to include in your story. I will not be able to help you figure the details out as well as with themes I'm more used to.

When writing to me, please be... fairly specific. Come with more than one sentence. If you want to give me a vague idea, you can just send me an ask. Try to also approximate the length of the story, check out my other writing to get a sense of how much detail and story can fit into 500 words.

What I will not write about:

These are my red lines - things, themes, kinks I will not write about because I'm not comfortable working with them. This is not a value judgement - I am not saying that any of those things are bad, that you should feel bad if you get off to stories that include them. With that in mind, the list includes:

Feminization/main focus on female characters

Bathroom stuff (watersports, scat, etc.)

Excessive violence, torture, rape etc.

Chastity

Real celebrities

Feet

Underage (duh)

Inflation/excessive size

This list is not exhaustive, and I reserve the right to say no to your proposal.

And about explicit writing: for now I will not write stories that include explicit scenes, that is characters fucking, you know what I mean. The reasons for this are twofold: I'm not sure in my ability to deliver writing that will be satisfactory in that regard AND it is a grey area when it comes to taking payments for that type of content. So for now its a no, bros.

Pricing:

My base rate is 3 EUR for every 100 words. That translates to 15 EUR for 500 words, 30 words for 1000 words, and so on.

The payment is upfront, the size of which will be decided before I begin writing based on what you'll want and what we will decide your idea needs. The payment will be made through the "commission" section of my Ko-Fi page (https://ko-fi.com/mrrharper). You can also go there and see if I'm accepting new commissions (I will set the number of free slots there and update it).

Other information:

Please, take into account that I have a life outside of Tumblr. I have a family and friends to foster relations with, classes to go to, papers to write. Because of this I might not be able to answer within seconds or complete your story as fast as you would expect or want to, and I ask you to take that into consideration.

After the work is finished I will provide you with the full file containing the story in a format of your choosing (but remember that I'm not paying for any professional word processing software).

I might want to one day post your commission on my blog (with credit). If you'd like for me to not do that, or not credit you, please tell me.

That's it for now, don't be surprised if I add (or ask for) some more details as we talk.

The Ko-Fi page is also open to one-off and monthly donations, if you really want to support me. I will really appreciate every single donation, but please - DO NOT feel pressured to support me financially. You reading my stories, liking and following, is completely enough.

Thanks for everything bros! See ya soon and Fly Eagles Fly!

#tumblr milestone #open commissions

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bettsfic · 9 months

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possibly dumb question but… what exactly is structural editing and how do you do it? i assume it’s shifting the order of stuff around in a draft but how do you do that to end up with a cohesive story that flows in the end? it sounds very daunting!

not a dumb question at all!

structure is, at its core, the organization of a story. for the most part, stories are organized chronologically. we are given information in the order of time passing, and often at the same time the narrator experiences it.

if your story is chronological, structural editing will mostly involve major turning points for the story, ensuring that your tension (even if it is a very loose tension) is escalating. for the most part, writers focus on the escalation of external events while drafting, but the internal escalation sometimes needs to be reorganized or totally re-envisioned. your narrator's epiphany lands after the sequence of events that would prompt that epiphany. i know i have a terrible habit of making my characters realize important things far too early, and in revisions i have to move that realization later, which, yes, involves cutting and pasting and changing the order of things, but also affects the narration based on what the character does not yet know, and sometimes even the action of the story.

so it's cyclical logic in that way, which is why revision can be so hard and frustrating: if you change the character's inner growth, that may affect their actions in the story. if you change their actions in the story, it may affect the rate of their inner growth.

an example is the fanfiction italicized "oh." in other words, the moment your narrator realizes their feelings for their romantic interest. let's say in drafting, you put it in the climax. the narrator spends the story grappling with their feelings, then realizing them, acting on them, and then the romance culminates in a confession and/or a kiss and/or sex, and the story ends.

but how would their behavior change if "oh" was the inciting incident of the story? if they figure it out during the exposition, or maybe even before the story begins, and spend the rest of the story pining, with some other conflict keeping them from expressing their feelings?

very often my developmental edits for people involve something like, "your resolution is the inciting incident of the story you're really trying to tell," which no one ever wants to hear. but it's a good practice when pre-writing to ask yourself if the end of the story you're trying to write is actually the end of the backstory.

drafting (or what i sometimes call the discovery stage) is the order in which your story arrives on the page, and revision is working with what you've written to figure out the order of what must be known. one of the hardest parts of writing is figuring out what your reader needs to know and when they need to know it in order to have the contextual information and emotional priming of what happens thereafter.

although i do very much love when weird shit happens that makes me go ??? and *then* i'm given context in a form of a reveal, or what i call an illuminating moment that casts light on the previous events of the story. many people mistake this for a "twist," which is when the story sets up an expectation and subverts it meaningfully.

of course, you're not obligated to write chronologically. in fact i don't anymore. i prefer framing devices, long backstories, multiple timelines, and alternating points of view that sometimes overlap in time and space. a lot of writing advice will tell you these things are bad. they're not. they're just hard to pull off, because it requires an extra step: telling yourself the story in the order it comes in, figuring out the cause and effect sequence, fixing the cause and effect sequence, and then figuring out the order you want the information to be revealed in beyond the constraining device of time. never let anyone discourage you from experimenting with structure. it can be fun and challenging as both a writer and a reader.

tl;dr: structural or developmental revision is the process of putting your story in the order of the clearest escalating tension and stakes, both internally and externally, with an eye on the organization of the information revealed in the story as the reader would experience it.

#writing advice #structure

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thiccsys · 3 months

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as i rolepkay killer for the first time i realize that he is much more fun if i rewrite him and his relationship with nightmare to my silly advantage.

i never liked the stages of his. i think calling it stages is weird. i like putting them as dissociative states, where depending on how affected by Nightmare he is he is more or less dissociated. dissociation comes with things described in his stages (i forgot but i know its true) so hes just. got a silly dissociative disorder. do i know which one? no. but i’ll probably diagnose him one day to make my writing even better.

now, its sooo hard to find info on him. since his creator mostly removed the info about him its soo hard to figure out how he works. but thanks to some friends and stuff ive heard down the line ive gotten only a few things, such as

- he’s arabic! i’m pretty sure he knows how to speak arabic as well

- killer would and had flirted with nightmare

- his sleeveless turtleneck is fanon 😭

- he’s basically sans that accepted a deal with chara or something (idk its emo)

- Hes nightmare’s only canonical subordinate. horror and dust are fanon (they’d all hate each other)

- nightmare has and will kill and replace killer if things go wrong

i have SOOOO LITTLE on him and because theres so little about him im leaving the rest up to my interpretation! i’m pretty sure its true that he works with nightmare for the fun, but (here come headcanons) its not all fun since nightmare needs negativity— and that includes being from killer. he has a love-hate relationship with is and is in denial about nightmare actually caring/actually needing him. he’s undyingly loyal but is prone to being swayed or redeemed (if he did this, however, he’d be killed and replaced).

i love taking my own interpretation about killer! i’m doing a kross rp right now withba friend and its a blast. it’s lots of fun to build up killer’s character in a way that i like (since.. from what ive heard canon killer isnt entirely to my tastes).

BUT IF ANNYONE has canon information from memory/a source for canon info about killer written down i’d love you forever if you sent me links/rambled in my ask inbox :3

#undertale #utmv #undertale aus #killer sans #love him #hes handsome #please link me canon info tho #pls utmv fandom do ur work

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booiiee · 2 months

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Brooklyn Baby

Pairing: Lee Jaehyun (Hyunjae) × Female Reader

Tags: Fluff, Hyunjae is WHIPPED, They bicker- a LOT, they love each other so much, it's pathetic actually, eventual smut (duh), separate tags and warnings for smut in the smut chapter. MINORS DNI!!

For @un-love 🩷🩷

-------

Chapter 1

It's summer of 2024 you've just shifted your whole life to Brooklyn New York, a decision that you and your friends and family had to all collectively take, Brooklyn is expensive and people are rude sometimes but for the first time you're building your life

You love your job, not a lot of therapist can say that specially with how taxing the job can be, but you really love your job, you're one of the most loved therapist at Brooklyn's biggest hospital NewYork-Presbyterian Brooklyn Methodist Hospital (yes i googled that) and let's just say you earn enough to have an entire studio apartment to yourself, something that you've come to realize, you love.

Your job is many things but it is not a job where you have a lot of free time, it might even be busier than working at a fashion magazine like your friend Daisy does,some days she is the only reminder of your life back in your home country, and your love for kpop and a certain kpop idol- Lee Jaehyun from The Boyz.

“Miss Rose, the director wants to see you.” your thoughts were interrupted by your assistant Liz- or Elizabeth, informing you of your rather sudden meeting with the director. Now the old Jasmine would absolutely lose it over being called by the director but moving to a place like Brooklyn from India has made you indifferent to these small anxiety triggering things.

To say that you were surprised would be the understatement of the century. The director had assigned you a patient of your busy (lazy) colleague, some VIP, whose case was “of utmost importance” to the hospital, which in itself was making you angry as if one life was worth more than the other. Nonetheless, you were gonna treat this patient like any other patient.

“Hi, Mr. Eric? I am Dr. Rose. I am taking over your case as of today, as informed. Please follow me this way” you introduce yourself to a tall man with freshly dyed brunette hair with a mask. He must be some high profile person given the way he was avoiding the stares from people.

R- You can keep the mask on until you feel comfortable to talk without them, our session can happen without you having to show your face.

E- Oh that is a relief thank you doctor.

R- So tell me Eric, what do you love doing when you are the most stressed and when you have a lot of leisure time?

E- Oh I thought you’d start with asking me my sickness

R- You say sickness like it is a bad thing

E- Is it not?

R- Well being sick is not great but it is not something derogatory.

*No one is born a patient and no one stays a patient till the end*.

*(From Daily dose of Sunshine)

As far as the questions go, if you’d rather me start with discussing your diagnosis, i am happy to do so

E- No its…its okay we can do your method.

I am skipping the actual therapy part because I am neither a licensed therapist nor a psych student to be writing that.

The 3 weeks you were assigned Eric’s case you found that against your better judgment, you guys were becoming almost friends, which is to say was weird in more ways than one. You were his therapist and you did not know what he looked like. You never asked him to take off his mask. He never mentioned why he prefers to wear one. So you decided you’d start and stay away from him in the hospital corridors when you often bump into each other after his session with your colleague.

E- I know we are not supposed to be friends and all that protocol, but you have really helped me in ways i could never explain and i am not the best person when it comes to gifts but i asked my friend j and he suggested this since you like to read- i've seen all those books in your office

Your gasp was audible to not only Eric but a few staff around as he pulled out a blue box. Eric quickly pulled you aside and for the first time, took off his mask.

R- You’re THE Eric?????

E- I mean I dont really say that about myself but i think you know me? Which is even better, so you know that i can afford this and im not robbing a bank for this gift, which also is not the case cause J bought this really-

R- Wait, I WILL not accept that, and give me a minute Wow! okay.

Eric, hi, I love your music and you'd understand when i say how weird this is to know my patient is a member of the group i love

E- aww doc you’re a fan. That makes me wanna be your friend even moore

R- Yeah, we’re gonna…we’ll talk about that later.

Wait, you're Eric from TBZ, so your friend J who often drops you to your session, the one who bought this SUPER EXPENSIVE gift, is J, Jaehyun? As in, Lee Jaehyun?

E- Yup you got that right! The one and only! In Fact he is on his way up, now that you’ve seen me, we can all talk comfortably

R- Oh No… no no, NO.

E- But why? Do you not like Hyunjae? *Gasp* Are you a hyunjae antiii??

R- WHAT???? NO! I could never hate my Hyunjae! not in this lifetime for suree!!!

“Well that’s good to know, Miss Rose”

You could identify that voice in a room full of noisy people, let alone the silence of the corridor, so you had no choice but to tun around and see a curly haired masked man smiling at you. Oh this is not good for your job.

-----

Chapter 2 will be posted super soon!!

#hyunjae fluff #hyunjae #lee jaehyun #tbz #tbz hyunjae #tbz × reader #the boyz fic #the boyz smut #the boyz fluff #kpop boygroups

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dirty-bosmer · 10 months

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WIP Wednesday

Tagged by: the ever-talented @thana-topsy and @thequeenofthewinter. Once again, I had nothing prepared, so thank you, friends, for the motivation to write <3

Tagging: @gilgamish @atypicalacademic @justafoxhound @skyrim-forever @chennnington @inkysqueed @dumpsterhipster @kookaburra1701 @snowberry-crostata @nuwanders @wispstalk @sylvienerevarine @sheirukitriesfandom

Snip from my Skyrim necromancer fic, Slither and Writhe

The carriage hit another rock, and Sylawen lurched forward, praying silently that this time the whole damn thing would fall apart. Or maybe just a wheel. A wheel if she was lucky. Oh please, Stendarr? Is one loose linchpin so much to ask for?

But no matter how fervent or how sincere the plea, the carriage trundled on, and Sylawen was forced to realize (not without a note of bitterness) that she did not in fact bear Stendarr’s favor, and the only way left to avoid reaching Skingrad was to throw herself out the carriage door. Fathis had doubtless informed Loriel he was bringing her home. Knowing her mother, she was at the stables already. Sylawen could see her in her mind's eye, the vision as clear as spring water— Loriel pacing wildly, Loriel waiting in agony, Loriel gnawing her nails down to blood-crusted quicks, another handful of hair gone grey from worry.

At the image, Sylawen’s stomach curdled inside her. She pulled the sleeping draught Fathis had given her out of her purse, threw it back, and imagined she was elsewhere.

Not half an hour later, her consciousness was somewhere between the top of her head and the carriage roof when Fathis’ voice pulled it back into her braincase. “You know,” he said, flipping the page of The Courier, reading by the dim glow of his magelight, “you could always enroll at the College of Winterhold.”

Sylawen squinted. “Wha?”

“I could write your recommendation. Really, it would be my pleasure.”

She scoffed groggily, her mouth tasting of sleep. “Only the desperate and the damned go to Winterhold.”

“Is that so? My son happens to be the Arch-mage there.”

“Eh, Mother says Savos was kind of weird as a kid. Said he failed most of his classes first year too.”

“You’re one to talk. Loriel mentioned your near perfect record of absence in Illusions first semester.”

“Well, that doesn’t count because it was Illusions and no one actually needs illusion because It’s the laziest, most useless of all the schools. I was not about to spend all of fall quarter fiddling around in someone else’s mind, because let me tell you, most people have nothing interesting in there anyway.”

An ageless grin stretched across Fathis' face. It had a way of crawling under Sylawen's skin, making her feel he knew something she didn't. “If your grandmother heard you talking like that, she’d weep.”

Sylawen flushed but rolled her eyes, then shut them. Illusion. She hated Illusion. She wished she could tell him illusion was for the weak, a field of mind games and emotions, just alteration without the grounding laws of physics. Alteration for people who were bad at math. Illusion required Sylawen to be too close to others' emotions, and though she hated to admit it, sometimes she simply didn't understand how other people were supposed to feel. What was angering to other people? What was calming? Calming was her mother’s voice in the study as midnight valerian simmered in the retort. Sylawen, did you know a land dreugh will regrow its limbs with every molt? Did you know scribs breathe through spiracles that pull air directly into their tissue?

Calming to Sylawen was verifying each of her mother’s words with her own eyes, the silence of her makeshift laboratory at the edge of Father’s property. The sharp sting of alcohol. The smell of fresh blood. A scalpel in one hand, rat-tooth forceps in the other as she peeled back the skin of a freshly snared hare. Calming was the scratch of charcoal as she sketched every nerve and every vessel, each striation in the muscle that her mother had conjured into her mind when she'd said, Sylawen, did you know a rabbit’s hindlimbs are so powerful it can jump over three feet in one leap?

But when Sylawen focused this image and reflected it onto the minds of her classmates, it hadn’t soothed them. It made them prickle. It made them break out into cold sweats and cringe inwardly until they were slumped over in their seats and dry heaving. She’d gotten in trouble for that on the very first day of tutorial. All her classmates had assumed she’d been playing a cruel prank. Her Illusion professor had made her stay late to clean the chalk boards, and after the third time it happened, Sylawen simply stopped showing up to class.

She didn't tell that to Fathis, of course. Instead she snorted quite uncouthly. "Illusion, pah," she muttered out with the last of her breath, and then she fell soundly asleep.

#wip wednesday #skyrim fic #slither and writhe #CW blood #a sprinkle of magical head cannons #necromancer #sonny writes

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did-system-did · 5 months

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Long Thoughts

I feel like a ghost of who I used to be.

I thought the more effort I put into healing, processing, accepting, and integrating the less I would have to deal with the symptoms of DiD. The less I would have to worry about being different.

Somehow with age, its gotten harder. I thought it would be the opposite. I idealized a future where I could just be one, have a better memory, and retain information better. I wanted that future so badly. Maybe its still possible and I'm just prematurely discouraged, but it was so much easier B.D (before discovery).

Yeah, it was chaotic and embarrassing and all the things you can imagine from an unknowingly traumatized little girl. It was easier back then to just write off my behavior as being weird. I was just the weird, rambunctious, unpredictable little girl, pre-teen, teenager, young woman. And truthfully, I found comfort in the idea that everyone lived that way.

Leaving the emotional distress aspect out of it, I thought everyone had multiple voices and memory gaps and drastic identity changes and internal conflict with identity. So I just lived my life. I was more unstable, but I was significantly happier even through the manic/depressive episodes. It was easier to write it off as "this is just part of life!". My system worked for me.

Finding out that I'm separate from the internal family that raised me was terrifying, embarrassing, yet liberating. Terrifying because the voices I came to be familiar with weren't a norm like i thought, embarrassing because i realized the horrible, mean, weird, chaotic things i've done around people wasnt a dream but actually real life; and liberating because i spent years trying to understand the complex experience i was having and finally cracked the surface.

It was an intense discovery.

Months and a couple years later i was extremely motivated to get to the bottom of my disorder, come to terms with what happened to me, and grow as an individual. Being aware of switches was harder than being unaware, because the latter meant that those days or memories were processed as dreams or separate from reality so i have nothing to worry about. Now knowing that I'm being ripped out of my mind and body made me more erratic when it came to time and how i spent it. I wanted to prevent switches so i could live my life more.

Almost 4 years A.D, i feel... defeated. I have lived my life a certain way since childhood filled with switching, beautiful chaos, and recklessness. It was full of rambunctious people taking care of me, laughing with me, helping me with tests, saying jokes only we can hear, talking to me out loud while i wear headphones walking home from school, protecting me, and just making me feel like someone was there for me. Although it was a confusing time, i was happy. My system made me happy.

That's something i have never admit to anyone, not even my husband who is in full support and knowledge of my disorder. But growing up and until discovery, my system was one whom i, for the most part, could trust.

It's just harder now. When you're a kid theres more freedom for weird behavior, but at 24 years old i would be called crazy.

I'm not crazy, im traumatized. I'm severely torn apart and my brain led the otherwise impossible task of gluing me back together. I spent time in psych wards and crisis houses. I lived in my car and got fired from jobs. I struggle heavily because the way my brain formed itself to live isnt one that fits where i am anymore. And yet, I still need them to feel like myself.

Its painful to accept that because for so long I just wanted to be me. But I'm seeing now that its already been done. This is my brain. This isnt the type of disorder you can medicate away. My brain put itself together in this way to survive and the more i try to make my days quiet and free from my system, the sadder I've become.

This is my sign to take a different approach and be more accepting of the system who helped save my life.

It'll be hard, but i want to be happy.

#host #hostxtommy #rant #long thoughts #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #endos dni

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emblazons · 1 year

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I feel the same, no offense to theorizers ofc because people are free to theorize and have headcanons. But also it is important to consider what the writers are intending here and recognizing their story bits. I feel like people just kinda go... too over the board with some of their theories/headcanons here and I'm like... it is fine and all to think about those things but are those things really fitting for what the writers are likely intending? I also am not that fan of people saying the Duffers are lying about things, first of all, yeah ofc they're not gonna just gonna openly talk about everything, but the majority of the time what they're saying are not lies, lol. So it's just kinda weird to see people claiming the Duffers are intentionally lying or just outright lying about what they say regarding certain plots and the story choices they made... that just does not make much sense to me. While doing promo and before that ofc the writers are just gonna be vague about certain things, that does not mean they're intentionally lying about the majority of the stuff they say in regards to the story they're telling.

Agreed! Honestly, don't have a single bit of issue with people theorizing and writing out their thoughts for how the story should go to their hearts content, especially knowing I do the same in my own way. It's fun, it keeps you invested, and ST has done a phenomenal job at giving their audience just enough detail to ask questions, while still leaving a ton of room for fan theorizing & artistic expression.

As for people going overboard with thinking their headcanons are what must happen in the show...it was actually my experience with listening to theorists right before Vol II taught me to manage my expectations in a healthy way rather than hold tightly to what I thought should happen (lmao). It was July when I realized that not a single person in this fandom is working with as much information as they'd need to precisely guess what goes on in Matt & Ross' minds...which was confirmed for me when only one theorist of the literal hundreds I read pre Vol II had even 50% of what went down written out correctly when it came to what "The Piggyback" ended up meaning in the actual show.

Tbh, its just that I realized its literally impossible for any one person to know every detail of what will happen—and even if they did get it 100%, it still would have only been an (admittedly educated) guess. That's not to knock theorizing at all; I love it lmao. I just think it becomes less about the show and more about you being right when you think The Duffers are lying to you when your specific hopes aren't what happens, or even saying that Stranger Things suddenly "fell off" because its not done the way you would have written it. It just seems odd to assume that every bit of the story down to the exact details needs to be what you theorize or perceive is "right"—something we knock other sections of the fandom for doing all the time, but that we somehow avoid in ourselves because we (rightfully) managed to catch the queer coding + narrative setup of Byler.

All that to say: in listening to The Duffers, I've never felt "lied to" any differently than I have Noah or Finn saying they "don't know" anything—even if they do know every detail, they wouldn't be able to say that anyway LMAO. The Duffers are sorting through their wants for the story the same way any author does, and what they enjoy might not align with how I would tell the story if it was mine—which is why I've decided to look for the core themes, narratives and arcs for general direction points rather than specifics, personally.

I like learning what inspired The Duffers, what their taste in movies and other art are, and how they've structured their previous plots for hints as to what I might expect to see come S5...but I'm not holding any of my own theories, never-mind anyone else's, with an iron fist. Matt & Ross + the 2000 other people working on ST got me this far enjoying the ride, so I'm gonna do something radical and just. Trust them to get me to the finish line. If its disappointing after its all ended, we'll talk about it...but for now I'm okay lmao.

Thanks for the ask!

#asks #duffer brothers #I have already lost two followers for saying theories arent always right but...like. imma keep it real with you if nothing else lmao

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snootlestheangel · 7 months

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Curious about the ocs you mentioned and your original work.

That has gotten me thinking about my own original work and adding it to my current hyperfixation, our darling COD and its men and women.

Though only a part of my original work would flow with COD, but it would flow better with Halo lol

Oh my work wouldn't flow super well with COD without some weird magic stuff going on but the characters will be unstoppable

*cracks knuckles* Prepare yourself for a long ass read cause we gettin' into it *screams of victory in the distance* (I have not introduced anyone to these characters/this story in literal years so I am flipping out. This is soooooo much information I apologize for the dump but holy shit the autism is autisming) (also halfway through writing this I am starting to realize this is not really what you are probably expecting... but I've had literally years to think about these characters soooooooooooooo *panic*)

First, the homebrew monsters cause important

Death Crawlers are humanity's greatest enemy, as they were created out of a greedy desire to bring humanity to its knees. Magic users with the capacity to live very long lives, but are easily killed by most things. Under the command of the first of their kind, Sortis, and the Elders, the first generation. They are cunning creatures willing to do anything to be successful, which we'll get into later ;)

Death Crawlers are strict in how they run things, actually. There is no such thing as friendly/neutral interactions with humans. Every interaction must have ill-intent behind it, otherwise you are subject to execution. Any magic with a visible presence, such as summoned fire, appears Blue. That is critical information! Limited uses of magic: cannot heal things/people, must study different books written by the Elders to learn new advancements (most DCs can wield a small flame as children but cannot make it useful aside from lighting a candle until they study). There's more worldbuilding stuff here that I can get into but I'm not gonna right now

Night Watchers are the predecessors/cousin species of Death Crawlers. The exact date of the beginning of their existence cannot be traced, but it is assumed they have existed alongside humanity the entire time. They get their name "Night Watchers" from the early humans, because they often kept the nightwatch to keep tribes/communities safe. Very well adapted for the dark. Night Watchers' greatest duty is to protect humanity. They have what is referred to as Red Magic, while DCs have Blue.

They are the reason humanity didn't know/believe in the existence of monsters and other species. When Death Crawlers became a nuisance, a war between the 2 broke out, trapping humanity in the middle. Together, the Council in the Night Watchers Royal Court came together to combine their magical knowledge/prowess to erase the memory of DCs and all other monster-kind, including themselves, from humanity's memory. All documents were destroyed and any trace of their existence completely wiped. This threw the DCs into hiding, as most of their power came from taking humanity out from within, but they didn't know how to blend in and relied on their status as magic-wielders to manipulate people. Night Watchers have taken sanctuary underground.

Dragons!! Live in what could be interpreted as a side dimension from ours. Massive creatures that can shift into a human-appearing form, although it isn't uncommon for most dragons to retain a few reptilian-like qualities in this form (such as slit eyes, sharper teeth, split tongues). Cold-blooded creatures so they are mostly found in warmer areas and are known for just lying in giant piles together. They "breathe" fire based on a system of gas produced in their digestive tracts and a small, hard piece in their throats that can be flicked to create sparks. The sparks ignite the gas, thus fire! (literally just basically think of it as they burp (exhalation of gas) and the spark just makes it fire breath). Don't have a true government system (there's a major story with that) but basically whichever dragon is the biggest gets to claim the "crown". Very rowdy creatures with some aggressive tendencies but that's just cause of their size. Have a hatred for unusually small dragons :)

Characters!

First, the "protagonist" Maxlar

Utmaxos 'Maxlar' Whishling is a Death Crawler with a bounty on his head. Through some series of events, mostly not his fault despite what everyone believes, he is being actively hunted by the Death Crawlers. He was born with purple eyes and it was soon realized his magic did not have a blue appearance, but rather purple. (combination of Red and Blue is no bueno in this world). This was a huge scandal, of which his family suffered the most. His parents were put through several trials to prove their loyalty to their blood-line, and his brother got the worst of it

Believe it or not, DCs actually hate killing their own kind, hence why execution is typically left for those that have interacted with humans in ways that benefit the human/lack any ill-intention. Maxlar was exiled at one point because he never engaged in truly "evil" acts but more or less just acted as a trickster towards humans. They didn't like his poor commitment, especially when it was worsened after the murder of his family. However, upon finding out he's married to a human and has a family, Sortis puts a bounty on his head. Dragons are technically allied with Night Watchers and DCs are, in the modern era, allied with humanity. There's a special agreement between them that there is to be no travel between the Realms (Dragon realm, Night Watcher Realm, and DC/humanity).

Therefore, when a dragon with a vengeance against Maxlar breaks out of prison and into the, what is referred to as Natura, realm, Sortis declares war, thus giving him the excuse to hunt Maxlar down and execute him. However, one of the Elders with a unique focus on fortune telling, sees the inevitable downfall of the Death Crawlers through this war, thus she enlists the help of The Demon to both protect and "end the Whishling name in a fate worse than death".

Physical description: Roughly 5'11, maybe 6' if he's wearing the right shoes. Brown hair that lightens naturally as it gets longer. It's stuck between a constant state of curly and wavy, thus making it an absolute mess but he rocks it. Keeps it roughly at his collar/shoulders. Never clean shaven, kind of a mess appearance wise but he's just like that. Dad bod dad bod dad bod. Intense purple eyes, always wearing just like a leather coat that touches his knees, jeans, and a V-neck shirt even though he's in the middle of a war. Got the weirdest collection of socks. Is schizophrenic, according to those around him he "cannot shut up to save his life", is a really openly emotional guy.

Absolute Dad! Married to the most beautiful human woman named Andrea, has several children and adores them. Literally so in love with his wife sometimes he'll be sitting there just crying quietly cause he misses her. His best friend is Devon, a dragon, and they actually canonically have an invalid Las Vegas marriage. Andrea knows about it and thinks it's so funny, she gifts both of them flowers on their "anniversary".

Devon Blackstone

Technically the prince of dragons since his father is current reigning King, and he's bigger than all the other dragons. Doesn't really give a shit about the throne, especially since when he was beginning the process of becoming a full-fledged prince is the time he met Maxlar. Really chilled out dude, but is such an instigator. Literally has the best time doing stuff to intentionally annoy Maxlar. Carnivore diet? Sure, but also a massive seafood eater. Has been known to just go hunting in the ocean as a dragon. Fiercely protective of Max and his family. Likes to throw his weight around when in fights, can be a bit of a masochist. Darker skin, broad flat nose, kind of mean looking but then he smiles and you're like "ah! friend! :D"

Massive teal-colored dragon: has longer hind legs than front ones, uses this to pin and gain the upper hand on dragons that are closer to his size. Wish I could tell y'all just how big, but like roughly 200yards nose to tail, and maybe like 2/3rds of that in height when on his back legs. Wings are massive (the ratio is like 3x of their size I think). He's got spines along his back that are perfect for riding behind. Human form is roughly 7', and he still has some teal coloration to his hair, so he keeps it buzzed and pretends he dyes it. Literally the King of Dad Bods! Big, massive guy. Just really round and beefy and just *chef's kiss* I love my big boy.

Hades Evanchio

Tired, wants to go home. Please. The only Night Watcher that resides in Natura (referred to as Topside in the Night Watchers' Realm). This is because he was nearly executed for a crime he technically didn't commit; the crime being treason of the highest offense and him being royalty made the penalty that much worse. Only reason he was able to survive is because his mother, the Queen, begged for the Council to stop it. (Night Watcher executions are brutal. They have an executioner that is highly versed in the ways of using fire. The executioner will tie a thread around the victim's throat, set it on fire and force it through their neck. It also simultaneously cauterizes the wound/keeps them alive until their brain stem is destroyed. It is torturous.)

He, like most Night Watchers because they literally live underground, is unnaturally pale. British accent because it's where he first ended up and relearned how to speak due to his wounds. Has red eyes, dark very curly hair (just like his Mum), and chronic anxiety. Literally 6'4" ish but is so skinny and is constantly hunching in on himself because "please do not perceive me I will cry". Wears scarves/turtlenecks all the time to hide the really obvious scar on his neck from his near-execution. Runs naturally cold, uses his cold hands to get Maxlar to shut up (will wrap one around his neck to which Max freezes and just slowly drops to the ground cause COLD)

Hades got brought back into the Night Watch Realm after the war broke out because his father had been poisoned and stated no heir other than Hades. Literally dragged down there against his will. He hates the Council, the Council hates him, thank god for the Queen Mother. He just wants to go back to his little cabin, curl up with tea and write poetry while using his dragon husband as a pillow/bed.

Atendarajo Evanchio

Feral little dragon. Hades's beloved husband. Cannot put enough emphasis on the feral and little aspects of his character. Escaped the dragon realm a long ass time ago because he's dangerously tiny for a dragon. Devon is considered unnaturally big, but Aten is definitely like concerningly tiny for a dragon. Dragon form has legs of the same size, he stands only the same height as Devon's human form like this (7'). Has a beautiful headpiece made of horns and smaller spines. Gorgeous red-orange color. Literally a ginger in human form with so many freckles it drives Hades crazy. He's constantly having to fight Hades off cause "You cannot count them all! I am busy!" Retains his sharp teeth and wings in human form. (Thank goodness Night Watchers possess healing magic otherwise poor Hades lmao). Stands only like 5'4", maybe 5'5" on a good day. This does not prevent him from picking fights with anyone and everyone. Hades is so anxious he wants to cry in crowds meanwhile he's married to the feral little guy trying to fight a biker gang for literally no reason. Literally falls apart every time Hades calls him his "good little dragon" despite the fact that if anyone else called him little, he's trying to kill them. Will literally start fights with Devon because he's filled with rage. Severe small dog syndrome.

Asmalverious Whishling

He's the last one for today, I promise :')

Most commonly referred to as Malvo, or better yet, The Demon. Is Maxlar's younger brother. Died nearly 200 years ago but due to the curse of the DC Elder, he had to crawl out of his own grave. Is now contractually bound to protect Maxlar. Unless the threat against Maxlar's life is eliminated or Malvo is killed, Maxlar cannot be harmed by DCs when in Malvo's presence. Anyone actually within a certain distance of the younger Whishling brother is safe from harm caused by DCs. The curse cannot be broken unless the above stated or a much more upsetting scenario that I am not sharing.

Referred to as The Demon because he is. Demons aren't actual demons, but rather a group of people that participate in a forgotten, ancient form of Black Magic. When he was a child, Sortis contracted out several of these "demons" to twist Malvo into one. He is by far the most powerful being but still requires studying/practicing before able to do very complicated things. His magic is Black, not Blue, as he's more practiced in the darker arts of Demon kind. Sortis knows what he is capable of and hopes he will win the Demon's favor.

Literally a know it all. Thrives on learning and knowledge, thus he's far more advanced in his magic than he often lets on. Aten refuses to trust him. It's unclear why exactly.

Same height as Maxlar, perhaps a bit taller. Constantly clean shaven. His curly/wavy black hair is always slicked back, literally the image of perfect hygiene and self-care. Always wearing classy clothes. Prefers classical fighting styles such as using weapons like swords. Has a very cool looking navy blue sword that is like one of two possessions of his he cannot afford to lose. The other possession being a journal. No one knows what is written in it or why it's so important. Very unnerving cause he always makes too much eye contact and he's got really intense, empty green eyes. Speaks like he's from the 19th century, cause he is but he just refuses to adapt.

So fed up with Maxlar's bullshit. Constantly wants to go back to being dead. Not suicidal, just not happy he got dragged out of his grave.

And those are my boys!! I love them very much (clearly) and I cannot wait to write the thing with our beloved COD boys. Also, I have some visuals of their appearances (not drawn by me, but they're pretty accurate representations of my boys) if y'all want those

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vampire-wizard-solidarity · 1 year

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i’ve been watching a lot of patricia taxxon video essays and it’s been striking me just how much of analysis is like, completely out of line with the aesthetic experience of the actual piece.

it’s like when someone talks about breaking bad and goes “it’s crazy, the first season is basically comedy!” when it’s like. the entire show is a comedy. it has jokes, like a lot of them, and they’re funny, and clearly meant to be funny. even when shit hits the fan over and over it still is funny. arguably the jokes only stop in the latter half of season 5, i.e. it maintains huge elements of comedy up until the very end of its plot. and it’s not just background gags, either, a ton of plot important events and character work is framed through comedy. it is, very firmly, a tragicomedy. it’s kind of crazy how people overlook that.

and like, this happens with a ton of media! i’ve been getting back into bsd recently and people will provide so many analysis pieces about the characters and the themes etc etc, and yet everyone, in their analysis, fails to talk about the aesthetic experience of bsd. they talk about the plot points, the information provided etc, but they rarely talk about how that information is delivered. because, actually, bsd is camp as shit.

like, for example, people will write pages upon pages about dazai and his tragedy etc etc, but if you only read those you wouldn’t realize that he’s actually a very funny guy. he’s basically the closest bsd has to a comic relief! he provides comedy in most scenes he’s in, and often while other characters are only funny to the audience, like the characters are unaware that a comedic moment is taking place, dazai jokes and is amused in universe! comedy is very, very prevalent in his character.

and you could say “oh it’s just a facade” (a take i wholeheartedly disagree with), but 1. it is still something he does pretty much all the time, half his screen time is dedicated to a level of comedy, so how can you not talk about something that he does constantly in your character analysis and 2. he says multiple times he does it for his own amusement! he says he finds fun in making people think he’s weird, and dismissing that as a “facade” seems highly strange considering how big of a thing this is for his character. even in his more serious scenes, he’s consistently cracking jokes, often in contrast to the sometimes playing along but still serious tone of other characters.

and maybe you could argue people do mention this, by mentioning his detachment or his closed off nature or blah blah blah, but you can’t really address that aspect without mentioning the fact that it’s funny. it is. it just is, so in all those essays upon essays about his depression or whatever they fundamentally fail to mention the framing of the entire thing. bsd, like most media, is not a bullet point list of events, of plot points or disconnected lines. it is not an array of facts or summaries. it is all conveyed through certain lenses at certain parts of the story, and those lenses are the meaning. the medium is the message. it would be missing the forest for the trees to talk about dazai’s, say, attempts on himself without mentioning that most of the time he makes those attempts into a joke. they are comedic within their framing. that doesn’t mean they’re not serious or should be downplayed, mind you, it just means that we cannot just ask “what do these events within the story mean”, we have to consider “what do these events within the story mean by being presented this way”.

this happens a lot with comedy, too, i’ve noticed. people think the sad parts are the “real story” while the comedic scenes are “just meaningless entertainment”. something cannot be both funny and meaningful in some people’s eyes, and i think that’s just a great disservice to art in general! comedy, and things framed through a comedic lens, can be and are meaningful! the comedy doesn’t obfuscate the meaning. the comedy adds to the meaning.

anyway watch “art, furries and god” as well as “the autistic horror of don’t hug me i’m scared” by patricia taxxon

#my hot takes #analysis #art #meta #breaking bad #brba #bsd #bungo stray dogs #< insane sequence of tags right there #dazai #dazai analysis #osamu dazai

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lennoxlorian · 7 years

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WRITING: GETTING THROUGH THE DRAFT

It’s been a couple of years since I’ve done NaNoWriMo and I am looking forward to jumping back into it full force this year. And as I start prepping with outlining, last minute research and setting up a special Scrivener file for the project, I remembered a post I wrote of the things I did that helped me smash NaNoWriMo the second time and wished I’d had these tips the first time around.

I found the post I wrote but over the years, (you can read that here) and since then I’ve gathered more practical tips to getting through NaNoWriMo. Remember, these tips are basically, to push through and get that first draft - which seems like the hardest part. How can you revise and edit something before you have something to even revise and edit, right? So, here are my original tips, plus some extras.

Set up a “Notes” file. This may seem like a weird tip. But I promise that it will be worth it at the end. The “Note” file can be a word document, pen and paper or even a Scrivener type program that has a notes section attached to the file. This will be a place where you will be jotting down every comment, note and idea you have as you write your novel. The purpose is to keep yourself from going back and falling into the downward spiral of self-editing/editing as you go. Because we know that it tends to lead to a novel in a perpetual unfinished state. My suggestion is to divide your notes into “Chapters”, “Parts”, “Page Number-Ranges” - depending on how you’re writing your novel and writing subsequent notes and ideas under that particular one. This helps you to find relevant information during the editing process.

Keep moving forward. No matter what. Don’t worry about the details. Don’t worry about changing something, even if the scene seems really long, dialogue heavy or you are describing the heck out of the setting. Don’t waste time thinking about how to change a small detail. Chances are you will probably not end up using it anyway. Just make a note of it in your “Notes” file and keep pushing forward.

An outline helps - even if you consider yourself a “Pantser”. Not everyone has an outline. For me, I LOVE outlines and mine tend to get crazy detailed. But what I appreciate about having an outline is that it helps me to keep my story in the direction it needs to go. Mind you, even with an outline, sometimes I do get into a flow that deviates from my original outline (It’s the tiny, rebellious pantser inside of me!). And that’s okay! I do suggest, even as a pantser, that you create a simple action breakdown. You want to have a clear idea where your characters are headed. Even a little.

JUST WRITE. Simple as that. Moreover - and this is important - write as if no one will ever read it. Don’t get caught up with how you think your novel should sound or even how you want it to sound. Just write it because it will create a voice of its own. YOUR voice. And that’s pretty freaking awesome. Putting myself into that mindset took away all of the inhibitions and self-doubt that I had and it created much of my best work. So write those cheesy action scenes or embarrassing love scenes. At the very least, it’s good character/plot development, it will get it out of your system and you’ll realize, later, that those scenes weren’t even needed. No harm, no foul.

Over write. Though many of the tips I'm giving can be applied to writing your first draft, this particular one is mainly for NaNoWriMo. As much as we would like to sit in front of our computers everyday or 30 days and just write, the truth is that we have lives and responsibilities that oftentimes takes us away from writing more than we’d wish. Sometimes for a whole day! (Boo!) But life happens. So over write. Write more than your daily word target. Especially, when you have extra time. That way, you won’t get behind and you’ll probably reach your goal sooner than you thought.

Stick with it. If you get #PlotStuck, don’t give up. What helped me, was to write chronologically. Meaning, I forced myself to get through whatever writer’s block I thought I had. Even if it’s introducing a new character, object or location to get the juices flowing, again. Some may say to skip over it and come back to it later but that’s how I got into a habit of not finishing novels. For me, waiting to get over that barrier - whether it was taking a quick break or a walk or reading - got me through several of those hurdles. What I’ve learned is if you’re serious about writing, you have to get through it because writing is not easy and it won’t be the last time you’re Plot Stuck. Trust me.

These are some things that helped me write and finish my first drafts. They may not work for everyone so take what you can and leave what you can’t. These aren’t the only tips I have but just the ones I have at the moment. I’ll be sharing more of those tips when they come to me. Or if you have a different question about my writing or my process or the blog or even my first draft, just ask me!

#writing tips

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aewrie · 15 hours

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i've gone so far off the rails but we're in too deep now too late to turn back

or, long ass tirade re: writing consent and lack of thereof and weird nuanced situations is go

(who died and made me the boss? no one. but ppl keep telling me i write this stuff good so presumably i'm doing something right)

first off: if you think deriving enjoyment/catharsis of any kind from fictional nonconsent scenarios is gross and wrong: you're not gonna like me, please go away

second off: i am approaching the majority of this from the angle of writing (hopefully) engaging fiction. this is personal thoughts flavoured by my preferences, not a universally applicable how-to guide and not a consent 101 for real life purposes

also, for context

'excplicit on-screen consent is awkward'

skill issue

but yes. it can be. very much so.

i'll start off with that i have put words into characters' mouths at times bc i felt the need to tell others something (even if intended audience for a given message might never stumble across it) and will do it again, But good luck trying to figure out what those instances are,

but anyhow i think that's where a big part of the problem stems from. people (writers) try to tell their audience things (educating them on consent) at the expense of their story and characterizations. and then when they try to make it sound less awkward they attempt shortcuts like a handful of specific Sexy Ways To Ask For Consent lines that i saw people lamenting about in the notes of that post, rather than, again, trying to think of how these characters might have this interaction happen and if it serves the story and its purposes

(what i mean by 'a story's purposes' is what's the goal here. is it to explore these characters. is it to make the audience feel a certain way, or to have them think about something. and bc we're talking about smut here too is the point to get off and that's it)

if i try to think back i can remember exactly one (1) pwp smut fic where a character stopping abruptly in the middle of business to ask for consent in an somewhat questionable situation was entertaining, and that's bc the other one's response was basically that ship sailed ages ago don't you fucking dare leave me hanging here

'fiction influences how people act irl'

"...and therefore all sex scenes should have on-screen consent to help model healthy communication"

to a degree, yes, fiction can influence people when information on a topic is otherwise scarce, but the solution here isn't to turn porn into sex ed, it's to provide better sex ed outside fiction. if you write explicit enthusiastic consent SOLELY because you think your average reader needs help grasping the concept, i worry. to paraphrase a post i can't be assed to dig up bc it was years and years ago: if we rely on people's chance encounters with pornography as a means to educate the masses on safe sex, we've already lost the ball. grievously.

and i need to stress that i LIKE writing explicit consent, when it makes sense, and in ways that make sense. i'm not opposed to showing what attempts at healthy communication can look like in fiction. i think there should be stories like these! i think they can be great in introducing people to new ideas and encourage learning more outside fiction. but also i think in many situations it's just better to share educational resources separately and let the stories be stories, even if the aim is to have the communication etc reflect what you'd generally want/expect irl.

one thing i like to include (when applicable) is the term edgeplay in my descriptions/tags; it's a small thing but maybe someone not familiar will see it and realize that maybe they shouldn't be diving into what my characters are doing headfirst, even if it works out in the story

i do think mainstream porn especially could use more things like brief scenes after the main meat of a film where the actors are just chilling and stuff. a little grounding moment when it's time to 'return to reality', particularly with more hardcore stuff.

but we're primarily talking smutty fanfic, a niche within a niche, and like. honestly a lot of fanfic does better on this front already, bc we tag for these things. the understanding is already there that the fic is following tropes and kinks and specific crafted scenarios regarding consent. #sex pollen is the author telling you here will be that particular kink/trope, but also that someone's decision making is influenced/impaired by some substance belonging under the sex pollen category

wait i thought a good way to highlight the key point here;

> author's wanting to include on-screen consent because they prefer that, or want to encourage people, even if on a small scale, to think more about this more, etc: awesome! go for it! i do this too!

> other people pushing an expectation that fanfic smut writers of all people are responsible for educating the masses in order to fix a society-wide problem: please get a grip

i have written a pretty wide range of situations where there was on-screen consent but i'll get more onto that later,

and then i've also written/drawn stuff where there's absolutely no whiff of anything resembling healthy discussion or concern for boundaries, and a good chunk of that has been smut. i do love pwp fic/erotic art where you can read into it what you want to read into it; eg i have a fic that *could* be read as the pov character is really into it, the consent just isn't explicit on screen OR yeah that's just straight up noncon and brainwashing, just subtle about it -- i tagged for power imbalance. readers can read and imagine further details as they like. a one shot pwp with no wider narrative attached to it lends itself particularly well for something like this.

when there is a bigger story attached, i gotta start considering more how characters interact with each other and what their relationships are like, but even then, please refer to the diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm fic post

and of course the one part of this wank that only noncon enjoyers seem to even notice: i'm more worried about the people who write ""consensual"" sex scenes that are in fact dubcon at best, because they genuinely do not seem to realize this, than the ppl writing wildly not-appropriate-to-replicate-irl scenes with full awareness that this is the case. and often, you can tell. even if it's not spelled out in the text itself.

'consent is sexy'

i am facepalming and groaning (in frustration, just for the sake of clarity) and glaring at my screen

rl? consent isn't sexy. it's necessary. it absolutely CAN be sexy but that's not a prerequisite. in fact sometimes these discussions can be actively unsexy and THAT'S FINE (trust a cnc kinkster to be the one voice of sanity in the notes of that post and be the one to bring up this point; you, random tumblr user, are a real one) bc being sexy is not the point. the mutual agreement and knowing what you're getting into is the point

(i get this phrase is less or more something created with the purpose of basically marketing consent but still)

in fiction, it can be many fucking things. including the worst boner killer you've seen. refer back the where we started, and also the whole, when the reader's here just to get off chances are they aren't in the mood for a lowkey lecture in consent (and/or safe sex)

also!!

i wouldn't say character gasping i want you in the middle of making out is sexy bc it's explicit consent, but rather it's sexy bc they're needy. because they can't contain how much they desire the other person and are emotionally vulnerable in expressing that. and does leaning into something like that not make for a more interesting and engaging (including in the sense of being arousing) storytelling than 'yes, i, a mature adult of legal age to consent and not currently under the influence of any substances that might impede my judgement, enthusiastically consent to performing the sex with this person who is my equal in every way'?

(i am exaggerating for comedic effect but that's how reading some examples i've seen feels like at times. and if someone out there thinks that is sexy i want to study them under a microscope. fully solidified brain risk centers has me fucking weeping.)

people writing things with consent/boundary issues that aren't straight up noncon (moderately spicy opinions time)

you see here' the thing with me being comfortable acknowledging that something can be noncon AND sexy: i am also perfectly content acknowledging more grey area type situations that so many others completely miss on their crusade against the Problematic noncon (and age gaps. let's be real fandom loves to hate on age gaps even when they're a completely non-issue, and then is damn oblivious to often far more glaring potential red flags. (see hannigram. apparently some people think the ship is Bad because of the age gap and no other reason.))

coffeeshop aus being the ~fluffiest most wholesome trope~ that's actually problematic bc that's just sexually harassing a service worker who may not be able to do shit about it is just one oft used example. other such things include: teacher/student or mentor/student relationships, doctor/medic/healer + their patient relationships, gods + their followers/priests, spiritual leaders + regular people of the applicable faith, ceo/evil overlord/whathaveyou and their employees/staff/underlings, the list goes on, wrt consent these are all at the very least sketchy by irl standards even if everyone was an adult and technically consented, and i didn't even list nearly every scenario imaginable,

and oh boy i almost forgot to mention things like love potions, sex pollen, aphrodisiacs, characters in heat, etc etc

BUT in fic, if we're not all fixated on being Pure and Unproblematic, these can be fucking great and romantic and sexy. for a moment we can pretend that getting flirted on by the cute regular and writing your number on the back of a receipt to hand with their drink you have memorized bc that person always orders the same thing is the pinnacle of romance. we can imagine that a follower in their blind devotion isn't a prime target for exploitation but rather their god's favourite pet who gets special treatment. you get the idea.

just, don't whine about problematic fic if you can't face the iffy parts in your own favourite romance/sex fantasies?? we're all freaks here and slapping a BUT my characters EXPLICITLY STATE that they consent on yours doesn't change that my dubcon pwp and your coffee shop au both inherently have a certain disregard of boundaries built in. it's a feature. it makes the story better at what it is supposed to be. that is: a fantasy. trying to shoehorn in standardized explicit on-screen consent can get weird beyond a superficial level of wholesome, unless you're willing to acknowledge the fact that this is actually at least a little Problematic. you don't have to spell it out in the fic, but. at least think about it, if depicting only the most wholesome consensual educational intimate encounters is so very important??

back onto depicting attempts at healthy communication/consent for a bit

the thing is, care and communication and respecting boundaries and trusting each other and all that can just as much be a fantasy explored in a story(!)

and i say 'attempts at healthy communication' rather than 'healthy communication' for a reason. even when i try to go for something grounded in how these things can look like in reality, characterization and narrative comes first. i've cut banger lines bc they felt too much like we're trying to do therapy and i'll damn well do it again. same with consent. i'm here to tell a story. even when it's grounded in realism. i'm not First And Foremost trying to model a healthy relationship even if my story has an element of hey, practising good consent *can* look something like this. characters can and should stumble and make mistakes and have conflicts that don't have perfect solutions, and that applies here too. we apply suspension of disbelief everywhere else in fiction. this is no different.

!! and, in insisting on reading this kind of fictional intimacy as Educational, people are going to miss more subtle ways in which the scenario may not be ideal. i shouldn't have to explain why that's Not Good

you can have fun with this actually And make it another tool of characterization etc

and on-screen consent doesn't have to look the same for every scenario and character. in fact it shouldn't. bc if it does, now you've probably stumbled into the pitfall of writing consent 101, possibly with an attempt at making it more sexy, rather than story.

like, just some ideas off of the top of my head that aren't 'yes, i consent':

normally abrasive character who needs to be in control at all times becomes more subdued and allows another to get intimate. just maybe a reserved 'you can', and them not fighting like they usually do with everything just out of habit

characters who cannot keep their hands off of each other because they're just desperately wanting to get as close and intimate as possible. no time for words. no chance for words because between kisses they're too out of breath anyway. (how is there any argument about this sort of scenario leaving consent 'vague'??)

normally reserved & quiet character making a subtle first move that, when coming from them, is Big

character is too excited and aroused and struggles to make the words go but their actions very much scream Want, while the other is going on about how sexy they are

honestly, nala giving simba the bedroom eyes in tlk style situation is a good one if you're just fading to black

'i want you', 'i need you', 'let me have you'

actually i'm providing some examples by yours truly;

my longfic is just. there's two sex scenes. one character is very experienced and the other is aroace and has not had an intimate relationship of any kind prior to this. i put emphasis on the curiosity and uncertainty and the more experienced character wanting to be sure that everything's fine, because he cares about that. for how i wrote these characters and this relationship, this approach made sense. i have lines like:

"You would give me this experience with you, then?" "Is this alright?" "I know my boundaries. That includes knowing which ones I am willing to bend." "Go slow at first and it's all good." "Tell me how it feels?"

I wouldn't necessarily label ^this scene smut in a conventional sense tbh. it's more the characters trying to figure things out and being a bit awkward about it at points.

and then i have this example later on of how a lack of clear 'yes' can be more fun:

If they think they are going to get a coherent answer out of him, they are wrong. The sight between his legs demands his attention, and he knows nothing sensible would come out of his mouth now, if he tried. The best he manages to give is a whine that maybe was supposed to be a 'please', but who knows. He certainly doesn't.

from a different story with same characters, we have

"You are so responsive to simple touch, my friend." Simple, he says. Distracting. That it is.

closely followed by

"If I should stop, will you tell me?" They look up. Tell him? They don't bother, often, with trying; so many don't pay attention. Most keep a distance anyway. But some, they don't care if they push away or try to leave, unless they want to go away themselves; don't care that they hold a weapon until they use it, they know how to use it, it is not an idle threat. Easier to fight or run away, depending. Not to bother, when others deny their mind, their decisions. But he wants to know? "Three taps. Or something else, but still thrice. Somewhere I can feel it. I will know, then." So simple. They can do that. "Will you?" He wants to know. Nod; yes. They will.

in which we establish a safeword without calling it a safeword! to have a clear way of communicating no/stop when these two aren't that familiar with one another and the pov character is nonverbal. again, bc it made sense for my characterizations. frankly(!) leading up to this there's little things that are less good consent, like pov character feeling they have to decide on the spot if they engage or not when they realistically would have liked more time to think (and did not expect further checking ins along the line bc Unfamiliar Territory) but for the oneshot fic it works, bc it gets things moving along at a decent pace.

also good spot to go on a tangent about how perhaps im just too aroace for all this nonsense bc I KNOW the gag is that oh you're reading this very filthy smut? we all know what you're here for ;) ;) and i'm legitimately like. good character writing?? yes?? with tasty word building on the side as a bonus maybe?? i Do Not look at sexual content as inherently or even primarily as something that exists for the sake of sexual gratification, it's just another thing you can include in a story. if it's sexy for others and all that awesome, if not, that's a you problem lol.

then less plotty more smutty ones;

The King parts his legs, then, just enough to allow access.

^depending how you kinky you'd like something like that, it could be an invitation or a command. depends on the surrounding context

He listens to the raspy breaths above him; they do not betray much, but he knows the subtle differences in the pattern, knows when he is getting close. / They would expect him to do something. They delight in the spontaneity, -- / -- watching how their hands twitch, listening to their little sounds. How he adores those sounds.

a selection of small things implying these characters are familiar with each other. and, that there's not so much of a point in confirming consent for everything every time. you can have it in there without spelling it out if you want, and especially with established relationships, that just makes sense, unless it's a Thing for them to go over the details each time. in which case: why. explain the logic and convince me (is it a kink for them? you could make it a kink thing if you want to play up the sexiness, but do realize that's going to be a niche thing.)

ooc is ooc. how would your character show or not show that they want to get nasty?

sidenote for kink etc: if your story isn't set in present-day real world or something close enough, you can implement a system that the readers will understand is a safeword, even if you don't call it that. is there something unique to your setting/characters that they might use instead, that might even make more sense in-universe? ALSO, in scifi/fantasy settings particularly you can possibly take stuff MUCH further than would be plausible or possible irl. don't be restricted to real world rules for kink, and with that, consider how this might impact stuff like negotiation. eg, 'anything that doesn't leave a permanent mark goes' carries a whole lot of different meanings when you have access to magic healing that leaves your skin looking perfectly unharmed. (this is for if your characters are aware that they are doing kink; if your characters aren't aware of this, proceed accordingly)

fixating on a verbal 'yes' like it's some kind of magic word just shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what consent even is

[cw for talk about sexual abuse etc from here out]

(if you're not familiar, please look up the fries model of consent. it's not a be all end all, but a solid starting point, particularly for vanilla scenarios.)

you can have a character go through the motions of consenting without it meaning jack shit due to the circumstances that lead them there. this partially ties to the whole people writing noncon without realizing. bc fiction generally involves conflicts of some kind, the things that drive your story forward can at the same time be what makes consent between your ship-to-be iffy, even if we all know that it's actually fine and no one's really being hurt (again, we apply suspension of disbelief etc), or just not good consent by any stretch of imagination.

is my neglected and emotionally abused ~late teens oc meaningfully consenting to sex when she's being pressured to 'earn her keep' by her caretakers and then getting pimped by her boyfriend who manipulates her? she says she's consenting. must be fine, then. right? right? (hint: No.)

another oc initiated what was at first a consensual encounter, voiced discomfort when things started going sideways, and when things Really went to shit, started fawning (among other things). is a yes, go ahead, i like that good consent here, or later in different situations, when this trauma rears its head and they're fawning again? (hint: No.)

and don't get me started on the 'verbal' part of a verbal 'yes' bc apparently some people out there genuinely insist that that's the only thing that matters- like YES, irl, if someone's body is responding to stimulus but they're saying no, that verbal no is what you pay attention to. but communication is so much more than plain spoken words. ffs.

writing lack of consent (spicy opinions incoming)

disclaimer addendum: if you're writing based on personal experiences, do whatever makes you comfortable. and i mean whatever. hell, even if it's not personal experiences or you're not sure, still that applies. i sure as fuck know it isn't so simple knowing if your experiences 'count' sometimes. again, personal thoughts/preferences re: fiction. not an edict to follow.

so, with fictional sexual abuse/nonconsent, i find a common point of struggle with this is a) person is writing noncon smut and they try too hard to make it Sexy, b) person is writing a story focusing on trauma and they try too hard to Be Sensitive

like honestly the best ones i've read, regardless of what the purpose of the story was, are the ones where the author approached it like just another topic to write about. go into detail when it serves the story you're telling. be vague when it serves the story you're telling. let the characters react in a way that makes sense rather than in a way that tells the reader how sexy and/or terrible this situation is. even if you're keeping things off screen, show what's going on in the character(s) heads.

for smut, trying too hard to make it sexy can come off as awkward and at times comical. and i'll wager, not in a way that's intended. not a noncon exclusive phenomenon, but perhaps more obvious here with the tone issues that come from that.

trying too hard to be sensitive is. it can come off as condescending? i don't want to chew up anyone for being uncomfortable, but i do take issue when people act like their way of dealing with their trauma is the Only Correct One (please shut up) and anyone who disagrees is Not A Real Survivor (please shut up), and especially if anyone more removed tries to dictate how to supposebly be respectful as if trauma worked the same for everyone

...have you ever watched a crime drama featuring sexual abuse and the general vibe that the whole situation has is just this oh you poor pitiable thing :( wrapped in a package of copaganda dressed as revenge fantasy. and it isn't even that the victim wants revenge, or anything really, for that matter, they're just kinda there to look vaguely sad. it's all just a side note to the getting the fix of Justified Corporeal Punishment

adjacent to that, is what comes with the territory of writing a sensitive topic with care: people beating around the bush and using vague euphemisms instead of describing ANYTHING. i'm not saying every single instance of depicting sexual abuse has to be graphic, but when it comes across like this is something so terrible and gross that you can't even mention it, are you being sensitive, or are you being avoidant? not every story that features sexual abuse in some capacity focuses on that, but with the ones that DO, worth considering why something is being left offscreen/underscribed.

(like i can straight up say when i've been Avoidant it was bc *i* was not in the spot to be dealing with that particular scenario in depth OR bc i was pre-emptively wanting to appease hypothetical others. for daring to include something a touch more personally vulnerable in art/fiction. neither was exactly the best mental place to be creating something planned to publicly share from.)

uh oh it's complicated

idk if i'll make any sense but i'll try to words

a somewhat tame example: unexpected kiss that gets handsy. we could have rough division of scenarios as such

1) character didn't consent to this, but actually wanted it so it's fine, 2) character didn't consent to this, and aggressively makes it clear, 3) character didn't consent to this, and it's complicated

scenario 1, when done well, is the surprise affection is sexy situation. characters know exactly what the other wants. there's a fantasy in that, of not having to voice your desires to have them realized, and whatnot.

with scenario 2, when do things pause to give it some weight? character in the receiving end shoves the other away and yells at them, or someone else does it for them, and then the whole matter gets brushed off after maybe a quick are you ok, feels like the usual way it goes. from a storytelling perspective, even a brief moment to show discomfort would make that land far better, if the point is to show that this is creepy and unwelcome?

and 3 is. what if it is unwanted, but the response doesn't scream get off of me. what if the character has complicated reactions, for a possibly wide variety of reasons. where things get messy. this compels me. but it's very different from both the prior ways to go about the same scenario and easily the most complicated, because we don't get that immediate simple dramatic 'resolution' either way, if you do this properly.

i love good dubcon/soft noncon/technically consensual/things of that nature. and i will argue that you can't really do those well if you don't have a decent understanding of consent. you can't properly navigate the nuance and grey areas and technicalities and it isn't consensual, but it's complicated or consensual but not safe or sane for a compelling, believable story if you don't have a solid grasp of how these things work

depicting sexual trauma without showing anything or even directly naming it

a while there was a post about how if you can't bring yourself to use words like 'kill', instead opting for euphemisms like 'unalive', then you probably aren't mature enough to write about death with any grace, and shared there was the sentiment that this applies to sexual abuse as well. absolutely valid point but also i had happened to finish a fic relevant to that discussion recently and Now i'm getting out that particular yes but there's also this other angle to consider

which is: does it make sense for the characters to describe things using a given phrasing?

my character who's just been slapped in the face with a significant trauma and is struggling not to dissociate probably isn't going to talk about it the same way as someone who's had time to process and heal and just had an epiphany in therapy. probably.

but i'm getting sidetracked from getting sidetracked so onto the next point (for now?)

if you're not allowed to write it badly, are you actually allowed to write it?

do your research and approach these topics with care and all that, yes, but also, are we demanding that people potentially writing about their own trauma and lived experiences are masters of their craft? does a vent fic or an autobiographical work have to stand up to scrutiny of representing sexual abuse 'respectfully'??

like, a bunch of people have pointed out how demanding people publicly disclose their trauma to be judged by complete strangers in order to determine if they're allowed to write something is all sorts of shitty, but hey, here's a thought adjacent to that i don't think i've seen anyone bring up. because seriously. if someone's screaming that they're hurting why the fuck should the primary concern be but are your creative skills up to par??

(i'll be blunt again and say this is in part why i've been extremely hesitant up until recently to include these sorts of things in my stories in much detail, but far more so, i'm thinking about all the fucking awful treatment i've seen others receive for talking about/depicting fictionalized retellings of their traumas ""incorrectly"".)

i'll admit it: my first attempts at depicting sexual trauma even as a sidenote to another story just plain sucked. there was an attempt but it was no good. in part i was young and less aware of everything, in part i was poorly mimicking existing examples that were generally meh

i'll also admit that what was genuinely most helpful at getting better was reading graphic noncon smut/angst. the well written stuff. because those fics aren't afraid to go into detail; rather, they enthusiastically dive into all the little and not so little things that make it more worse. they present the whole thing without dressing it to be palatable, and the jump from side note to copaganda to brutally honest survivor story was- i think the first really graphic one was the first time i could sympathize with the character and root for them in their journey to overcome the trauma. as opposed to almost voyeuristically (ironically enough) observe from a distance and then forget about it when the rest of the plot moved forward and forgot about it too.

and then one more thing relating to that that's been rattling around in the back of my mind for probably years now: there's one fic from years ago in particular that i think of when i consider the topic of fanfic depicting rape inappropriately. because that fic is not so different from noncon kink works i at times see from the type people arguably disrespected in said fic, just more novice in execution. it also makes me think of how i handled various areas of this whole consent/communication/boundaries jumble in my earliest attempts vs now. which is just one of those reasons i'm reluctant to judge intentions in these situations, at least outside mainstream entertainment where standards/expectations should be completely different.

in conclusion

this has been an i was exhausted and the filter was off ramble that got too damn long

have good day/night/whatever

#yourebabblingjulle #this got over 5k words btw it's Long

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