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joaquin-cabrillos · 6 months

Text

words of a stem student:

"Why should you go into STEM?"

well the plain and simple answer is that

you should stop.

too harsh of a statement? got the bold font and everything but its more complicated than just "no"

let me explain.

okay. so

STEM

what a thing, huh? people try and make it out to be such a huge achievement if you were to pursue in school and that only the smartest of the smart can study it.

"you should go into stem, being a doctor pays really well... (Indeed.com, 2023)"

"you should go into stem. itll give you more opportunities in the future (Bukas.ph, 2022)"

you hear talk of stem being where the cream of the crop is, and where the most money can be found. its often the golden child of strands among the forgotten middle children of abm and humms.

nowadays, youll find every parent clamoring to get their child into stem; no blame onto them, given the whopping demand for stem-related jobs in the market, nowadays (Albert, et al., 2020)

a lot of parents try and influence their child to go into stem purely because it's what would get them a brighter future, and purely because of the potential money that stem-related jobs are able to get.

well, in order to get there, you first need to slog through the circuit that is the STEM strand in the first place. It is considered to be one of the most academically challenging strands to take (Gobir, 2022).

Not only that but due to the heavy demand for workers who are skilled in STEM subjects, competition is high amongst students as they each try their best to do well in stem; evident in how group work is so effective in students' learning (Rusk, 2019).

so you sit there, twiddling your thumbs and daydreaming about just how successful you could be if you pursued a course in stem. whether that may be the result of your own family influencing you, or if you just think itll be the smart thing to do.

the hard truth is that if you're not prepared to face the challenges that come with studying stem then chances are that you will

HATE

it.

And dont take this wrong. im sure that a lot of you who may be reading this are more than capable of pursuing a career in stem. its just that the grandeur of hearing those four letters may start waning on you once the

horrors

set in.

let me tell you my story.

There i was, but a wee lad in elementary thinking about what i should pursue later in life. I had big dreams of moving abroad and doing something with my forte in mathematics. my parents suggested that i go to the school im at now, since this is a school that specializes in stem and a school that they themselves want to go. i figured that id join since of course what reason would i have to doubt my parents (mistake)

and there i was, coming into the stem strand, blissfully ignorant on just how tough it could be.in my head i thought that itd be just like what i went through in junior high school but *B O Y* did i stand corrected.

only a few months in and the number of hours ive slept this week can be counted on my two hands.

the number of experiments, tests and projects i have had to do is astonishing.

it feels like I was jumped in an alley with the amount of workload piled on top of me in such a short amount of time.

now you may be wondering

"damn op is stem really this bad?"

and to that my dear reader i return to the top of the post to go

yes.

and studies have been taken to show that there are others out there, who are studying stem, who also feel with me. feel the stress as deadlines creep closer. the anxiety of studying for a test you're unsure of. the emptiness and depression when you feel like you cant handle it anymore (Pester, et al., 2023).

HOWEVER

despite all of the hardships; despite all the empty cups of coffee; despite all the times i thought about how nice my face would look on a funeral wreath

i stayed

because its what my parents told me?

no.

because its the most popular choice?

no.

because of the pay?

maybe.

its because i love stem.

plain and simple.

I love learning about how the world around me works.

I love each lesson where I get to be taught something I didn't know before.

I love getting the first-hand-hands-on experience with doing research.

love studying with friends.

I love the effort our teachers put into allowing us to learn.

You can't get the scratch needed to sooth the itch you have for new knowledge anywhere else besides STEM.

And I know that many people wouldn't even join stem if not for their own personal love for the subject.

I know that the subject of STEM is not for everyone. I know that better than I ever did before. I know that this strand is not for everyone and that not everyone should join just because of pressure from society and others.

It takes a special kind of love for STEM. a kind of desire to keep on learning and to change the world with your capabilities.

And if you don't feel this way, there are other options. Don't feel as though you just have to join the stem strand because you think its the best option.

what really matters is that you enjoy the things that you're doing, income or societal expectations be damned.

despite all the hurdles you need to cross, you'll still come out with the same wonder in your eyes that got you hooked on the subject you're studying in the first place.

so as i end this prose that has gone on for WAY too damn long

i give my words to all future stem applicants; not as a scornful student looking down at stem

but as someone who wants you to look into yourself and think about what you want in life.

so if you're thinking of going into STEM

you should stop.

take a moment to think about it. dont let the pressure sink in and just float calmly in the waters.

...

still here? well, that probably means that

just like me. you know the trials and tribulations youll need to endure in order to pursue a career in stem. you know just how hard it will be and you know that youll stay

Maybe its because you know that it pays well

Maybe its because you want to use your skills for science to change the world.

what matters is that you persevered. and while others may quit from all the stress, you stayed

because you love the subject. because you know that STEM is the right choice for you.

References:

Albert, J.R., et al. (2020). Future S&T. Human Resources Requirements in the Philippines: A Labor Market Analysis. https://www.pids.gov.ph/publication/discussion-papers/future-s-t-human-resource-requirements-in-the-philippines-a-labor-market-analysis

Virtudazo, J.M. (2012). Determinants of Senior High School Tracks and Strands Inclination of Grade 10 Students of Buenavista II.

Pester, C.W., et al. (2023). On the Importance of Mental Health in STEM.

Indeed.com (2022). Your Guide to 15, of the Highest-Paying STEM Jobs. https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/highest-paying-stem-jobs

Bukas.ph (2022). Careers You Can Pursue If You Took STEM Strand In Senior High School. https://bukas.ph/blog/careers-you-can-pursue-if-you-took-stem-strand-in-senior-high-school/

Rusk, F. & Rønning, W. (2019). Group work as an arena for learning in STEM education: negotiations of epistemic relationships.

#stem #stemblr #student #school project #is this necessary?#idk anymore #science #i did this instead of sleeping #ramblings of a madman

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heyitsyn · 4 years

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Forgive Me

a/n: this was a request and an angsty one

im so sad theyre banning tiktok!!! :(

anon request: okok haikyuu hcs part 2: oikawa’s the reader’s best friend because their moms were also best friends but they went to different kindergarten + elementary schools so imagine how excited they were to go to kitaichi together,, anyway reader is the manager (again) but also functions as a really skilled medic,, (oh yea they start dating in second year) anyway they hit third year and reader protects bb kags,, so they break up. fast forward and reader is now in another school (either in miyagi/tokyo)

part 1.5

part 2

requests open!!!

oikawa torup in da house

so in this one,

yall are the iconic childhood friends

for the sake of this headcanon, hes an only child

so to explain

your mothers were actually college friends and became best friends and were so close that they decided to live next door to each other and have a child around the same time

also to mention, their husbands were also best friends and a few matchmaking rituals, they all got married

omg i want a friend to do this w me

it worked and they got pregnant and imagine their surprise when one was expecting a boy while the other was expecting a girl

they were already planning yall wedding before you were even born lmao

due to the closeness of your mothers, ofc yall would be best friends and you and oiks practically grew up w each other

every friday night was your night so sleepovers happened all the time

however, when yall were starting to go to school

you both ended up in different schools

dont ask me why ask your mom

oiks was throwing a tantrum and just crying bc you would be separated while you were just clinging on to him, thinking he would disappear

‘no! n/n-chan and me are going together! im not going if shes not!’

‘now, now, tooru, youre both going to be apart for only a few hours’

‘mommy i dont want to leave tooru-kun’

‘youll walk home together, baby’

i would cry too

so yall developed a routine that tooru would go to your school to pick you up and you guys would walk home together

again, explain to me how little 6 year olds are able to walk to and from school

he would always hold your hand to keep you beside him and you would swing your hands while humming a tune

‘ugh, i hate being so far away from you n/n-chan’

you sighed but gave him a bright grin

‘i do too. but we have to wait until we’re older so we can be together forever! mommy tells me that her and papa were not together for a long time but after school, they are now together forever. so once we finish school, i can be with you whenever i want!’

tooru nodded, a determined smile on his face

‘we’re going to be like mommy and papa. we will be together forever and we’ll have our own house and we’re going to die together!’

bls theyre like 6 and already practically thinking about marriage and they dont even know it

sometimes, if you both have leftover money, you would both go to a convenience store, Sakanoshita Market, and buy milk bread

‘mister, you dont have anymore?’

‘sorry, kid, now go on and have real dinner!’

you both lived in each other’s houses and sometimes, your parents would even wonder if they have a child bc you would disappear off to the oikawa’s house or the l/n’s

when he met iwa, ngl, you were jealous

even though you have the best friends rights due to being friends since day 1, you were still worried about being replaced

ofc oiks knew about that concern and kept you from being left out so he constantly dragged you to play with him and iwa

they developed an interest in volleyball and you wanted to hang out with them so you sometimes tossed the ball to tooru who would set it to iwa

whenever they wanted to do something else, you would always suggest going on an adventure

meaning going to the park

uwu kids are so cute

your little trio formed and soon, you three were the closest

despite going to different elementary schools, you still found ways to hang out together

however,

instead of you being jealous of being cast aside by oiks

it was him being worried that he was going to be replaced by iwa

it became apparent when iwa mentioned about going over to your house on friday to study something

and tooru is petty so he was mad that you didnt invite him

there was no way he was going to let iwa take you from him bc he knew you first and he was the first one to announce his intention of getting married to you in the future

he was yours and you were his, plain and simple

he went to your house unannounced and used his key to enter the house

your mom peaked from the kitchen and greeted him

‘oh, hello, tooru-kun! y/n is upstairs studying’

he nodded and went up to your room where you were reading some notes while doing some homework

‘y/n-chan’

you looked up to him standing at your doorway

your eyes lit up and your cheeks flared to see him

bahahaha yes feelings

‘tooru-kun!’

his face crumpled up and he tackled you, hugging the life out of you tightly

‘y/n-chan! dont leave me! youre mine, not iwa-chans! im better than iwa-chan, okay?!’

ofc you were just confused but tooru was weird and youve learned to accept that over the years

‘tooru, we’ve been friends longer. i’ll always be yours and youre mine too so youre always going to be first’

he was all teary eyed when you said that and demanded cuddles and a movie after making him run all the way from iwa’s house

‘but i didnt ask you to, though’

‘you were still the reason i had to run so take responsibility!’

he might be a handful but he was oikawa tooru and you love him otherwise

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

as yall were settled and the beginning of e.t begins

baby oikawa was absolutely in love with that movie fite me

he asked you why you didnt invite him to study with iwa

you stopped and looked at him confusingly

‘tooru-kun, youre good at science aren’t you? iwa’s this 👌 close to failing just bc he mixes up solid, liquid, and gas’

this is a random fact that i made up so pls dont blast me about this !!!

oikawa stops then just doubles over laughing

‘ohmygod! iwa-chan!’

yall know that arm wrestling video and his stage actor just yelling out iwa-chan? yes im imagining that

you looked at tooru weirdly

‘hm, laughing over your friend’s demise, okay’

needless to say, oiks called you during lunch and sounded like he was running and it was bc he was being chased by haji-kun after he made fun of him

‘ugh y/n! why did you tell him that!’

‘i mean,,,, its pretty embarrassing’

now comes middle school!!!

!!!!

yall are finally able to be in the same middle school as your friends!!!

you were so excited and you wouldnt shut up about it bc youve been looking forward to the day that yall get to be together everyday

not that you didnt have friends in your old school,

you just preferred being with the guys since you werent into the girly things yourself

and you get to see tooru everyday since he was in your class

oiks and iwa immediately wanted to join the volleyball club and they were soon accepted so it was only normal for you to be in practice a lot

you didnt join a club since none really interested you so it was okay for you to go the gym and do your homework while they practice

there was no choice on staying either since you usually walked home with them since oiks lived next door and iwa hung out at either your place or his

the current manager of the team noticed your friendship and frequent appearances so she asked you to be the manager rather than just being there

you didnt really have a choice bc oiks agreed for you and excitedly told you that you were going to be with them for the next 3 years

‘everyone! thank you for the past 3 years!’

hehe i just died inside

tooru was so happy that you would be in volleyball bc that was two favorite things lumped into the best 3 hours of his life: volleyball and you

so thus started your managerial duties

you became friends with the team but was closer to the first years

you quite literally watched them grow into amazing volleyball players and you sometimes cried along with them when they either got hurt or lost

specifically during the shiratorizawa match

it was then that you were sure of your feelings for your best friend

as he wept in the locker room, you stayed by the door, unsure if you should go in or not

but the others have gone to the bus already and iwa wanted you to go and get oiks ready so they could leave

so, you entered the room and your heart dropped, not even noticing the nasty smell of sweat in the boys locker room

he was hunched over the bench, a towel over his head

sure, he was just a first year and he has more opportunities to win

but it was the first time oiks experienced such a loss

and that smug look that ushijima gave him as he sat on the floor

you saw the defeated look as you stood with the coach at the bench

rushing forward and kneeling in front of him, you hugged him tightly

he cried, both defeated and embarrassed, but he didnt let go

it was then that you vowed to be there for him whenever this happens

every loss, every defeat, youll be there

it was painful and you had a feeling that this crush on him would make it harder in the future but you didnt care

bc tooru looked the most beautiful when he smiled

by now, second year has started

youve obviously noticed that your now second year friends are working much harder

and they were gaining more popularity

bc this was the age where puberty starts hitting everyone and lets just say god decided to bless the volleyball team

it shouldnt have surprised you that they were going to be known in the school or prefecture bc they were talented and handsome

perfect recipe for a dream boy

what was only a confession every few weeks or so, turned into nearly a dozen in a WEEK

dw you got some too!!

as a manager, you knew it was going to be a hard job being the only female in a team full of boys

but you didnt expect it to be this bad

girls would corner you in every hallway, outside or inside, to either give you their love letters to oikawa or to threaten you to stay away from their grand king

lmao king okay

and dw, you told them to catch you outside by chipotle after school but they didnt show up

that nickname seemed to get into oikawa’s ego as he told you about his love for that term

as you three walked home, oikawa was telling you about this one girl who called him her king and he giggled at the thought

‘she told me that she wanted to be my princess! but i told her i was a king so she should settle for a prince like iwa-chan’

you laughed at iwa’s angry face

‘shittykawa why am i downgraded?! you think youve above me or something?!’

‘PRINCE IWA-CHAN! HAIL PRINCE IWA-CHAN!’

you howled causing iwa to glare at you

‘not you too y/n!’

you were laughing so hard that your face was red and it got worse when iwa gave you a noogie

but little do you know, oikawa was looking at you at the side, trying to gauge your reaction

you didnt seem to be bothered at the fact that some girl wanted him to be theirs

that was why he frequently told you about his confessions

tooru wanted to know if you still felt the same about him being always yours by telling you stories about the girls and if you were jealous or not

but you remained indifferent and just laughed along

however, you WERE jealous but you didnt show it

youre like ‘im a bad bih you cant kill me’

with all these much prettier girls and talented girls than you, you were sure he would find somebody else

as long as he was happy and smiling, you were going to be just fine

again, another PSA! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT BC YOU ARE THE KWEEN TO GRAND KING TOORU AND YOU RULE THE WORLD BC YOU ARE A BAD BIH AND YOU WILL NOT BE KILLED BY INSECURITIES!!

tooru was lowkey hurt about you blushing with iwa and not being bothered about the threat that was looming in the distance

so he practiced more, slightly regreting now that you were in the team

he was being an insecure little bean again and suddenly hes thinking that you and iwa seem to be interacting more (even though you werent) and he was being jealous and this caused him to be slightly more irritated

with all of his practicing, he ends up hurting himself more often like bruises and such

that worried you deeply bc he was practicing too much and pushing himself way too hard and you knew he would combust any moment now

this energy seeped into the others and theyve begun to be more intense during practice and you were sure they were wearing themselves out

youve expressed your concern to the coach about the bruises on their skin and their wincing at every movement

‘the solution to this, y/n-chan, is to study about this and be the medic that helps heal our soldiers’

with that request, youve started taking more trips to the library, staying up late reading medical articles, and buying pain relievants and medical tape

this was when you decided you wanted to be a sports therapist or an injury related profession in the future

so you were obviously prepared when you caught oiks practicing late again

you were actually stocking up some medical supplies when you were passing by the gym and found it still open with lights

he was practicing those damn service serves again and you were starting to get irritated when he didnt listen to you about not pushing himself too hard

‘tooru-kun, lets go home’

your voice resounded from the loud sounds of the balls hitting either the floor or wall

he gritted his teeth

‘i need to do this. i need to be strong enough to beat ushijima. i need-’

‘tooru-kun, let’s go home’

(reference)

but he didnt listen to you and spiked once more but he didnt land back on his feet

but on his knee

tooru made a sound of pain

your heart started beating really fast and you busted out your bag that had emergency supplies

tooru saw you kneeling beside him and for a second, the pain subsided and he was only focused on you

the way your stray hairs from your bun framed your face and the delicate eyes that were so focused on bunching up your kita jacket and using it to elevate the sprained knee

‘ice. i need ice’

you kept mumbling and was about to stand up but his hand flies to clutch your arm

‘y/n-chan, please dont leave me’

‘but its going to swell-’

‘i dont care. i need you right now so dont leave me alone’

you stared at each other, one slightly irritated while one was begging

‘i told you that you were going to hurt yourself if you push too far and look where you are’

‘but it hurts and i need affection to cool it down’

‘N O, tooru, what you need is proper treatment’

‘cuddles are considered treatment, you know’

‘we’re literally in the middle of the gym-’

‘i dont care’

he gave you those puppy eyes and you harshly looked away to the side

then you sighed before sitting down behind him and holding him in your arms

he was content with your affection and your familiar cherry blossom perfume engulfing his senses

his back was rested against your front uncomfortably while your arms were around his middle where his fingers played with your hands

it was silent for a moment except for his occasional hisses of pain but he decided this might be the time

at this point, he was hurt already so he doesnt care if youd reject him since the pain in his knee would cover the pain of his heart

hes like 14 what he poetic and deep for

‘ne, n/n-chan’

‘hm’

‘go out with me?’

your arms tensed and he squeezed his eyes shut, prepared for the rejection

‘only if you stop doing these late practices bc i want to have dates with you after school’

oml oikawa was so happy

like so happy that he just turns around excitedly and hugs you, competely forgeting about the pain in his knee

‘omg tooru your knee!’

‘ow! ugh!’

so thus began your relationship

anon, im very reluctant to make this fluff to angst

he stuck to his word of not going too far with his late practices and yall often had dates at the park, the convenience store, or just at home

ofc it wasnt everyday but it was close to it

everything was great in the world bc you had your best friend as your boyfriend and he made you so happy

during the summer, you began being an apprentice to your uncle’s clinic to further advance your knowledge in the medical field

that meant less time to spend with tooru which meant sulky tooru

this often caused arguments between you two since he always brought it up

‘n/n-chan, i miss you!’

‘i miss you too, tooru-kun. but i have to continue this so that i can be a better medic for the team!’

‘but i matter more than the team! n/n-chan!’

that was his problem. he thought that now you were dating, youd be revolving him 24/7 and he was everything you thought about

but you still had a life to live and prepare for

you sighed before sitting next to tooru on the floor

‘i finish at 2. then we can go get some milk bread and hike up that trail in time to see the sunset. sound good?’

that made him brighten up and you were dreading of repeating this same cycle again in a few days

but you actually liked this boy and even could say you love him despite his clingy and slightly obsessive personality

when your third year rolled around, oikawa was finally the captain of the team

you were now on the hunt of another manager to take over for next year but so far, its been hard

theyve all been fascinated by the boys, especially oikawa, making it a hard task

during the practice, you notice that tooru has been different

to the others, he was fine

but to this one student, kageyama tobio, he was cold

harsh, even

it wasnt like him to treat his kouhais like that so you were confused and obviously worried for a player on your team

you pulled him aside one day and you asked him what was going on

‘tooru, why are you being mean to kageyama?’

he just smiled, but it was much more different

like a whole different smile youve never seen

‘hes the first setter ive met who is an underclassman. im just trying to toughen him up and shape him to his potential’

but you crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow

‘by criticizing every single movement he makes like breathing? by constantly embarrassing him in front of the others? by isolating him from everyone else?’

his eyes twitched and his grin got wider as he gently held your hands

‘we’ll talk about this later, n/n-chan, kay? now, i need to get back to practice as captain and you can continue being the manager’

to be honest, you were kinda pissed

‘no, tooru. you need to stop-’

‘y/n? stop it. this is a stupid thing to argue about so drop it’

boi watch yo mouth

but you didnt push further to not make a scene so you went to kindaichi and gave him his bottle and a towel to kunimi

it was tense between you and oikawa for the next few days

the team could pick up on the weird energy but refused to say anything because hello you were their mom and oikawa was their captain

but iwa didnt care so he straight up asked yall as you were taking spiking notes

‘oi y/n, shittykawa, did you argue or something? its kinda tense in here’

the entire team froze and even the coach looked between you two

lmao i love the coach

‘hm, y/n-chan and i just disagreed on something, didn’t we, y/n-chan?’

oikawa turned and gave you a grin

to others, it wouldve looked real and so convincing

but to you, you knew it was fake

thinking back on it, you shouldve known that was the beginning of his new persona

whenever you pointed it out, he would deflect and you wouldnt stop until he told you what was going on resulting more fights bc he was not doing his vital share in this relationship: communicate

‘tooru, listen to me!’

‘no, y/n-chan. im busy so later’

then it became like that

‘later, y/n-chan’

‘after this spike’

soon after, it felt like you didnt even have a boyfriend anymore

even iwa was starting to notice something weird since oiks was doing this to him too

he was distant, focusing too much time on volleyball which took a toll on his health

and he was getting angrier at tobio for unknown reasons

but these reasons soon came to light when that unfortunate day came

you were waiting for oikawa to finish up his practice so you could also pack up the balls and go home

iwa was already packing up to leave so it was only you oikawa and tobio remaining in the gym

youve talked to kageyama about tooru before and you encouraged him to ask oiks how to serve bc he was really good at it

today he was asking again but you already knew that he was going to refuse him like he has before

but you didnt see this coming

you saw him start to raise his hand with this manic look in his eyes and your eyes widened, running full speed towards kageyama

nYOOM

we finna change this up so buckle up babes

instead of kageyama, you pushed him aside so you took the hit

the force and the intensity of the slap was equivalent to the ones he used to his serves causing you to fly to the floor

you were breathing heavy, tears threatening to fall from the throbbing pain on your face, yet you didnt move

then your head turned to look at kageyama before giving him a nod and a smile

‘g-go to iwaizumi, tobio. he’ll take you home, kay?’

he looked unsure, looking between you and oikawa but your long blink and small smile told him that you would be okay

he ran to the exit and disappeared from view

it was now just you and oikawa

on the other hand, he remained frozen

he didnt know if he should grovel on his knees or cry to forgive him

‘n/n-chan-’

‘dont’

in all the years youve known each other,

from the very beginning in your diapers,

youve never spoken to him in such anger, venom, and hurt

‘dont say another word to me. dont apologize to me. i did what a normal person would do and protect an innocent child from something he doesnt deserve. he was just a child, tooru’

you stood up, eyes still not meeting his, instead focusing on his taped fingers that used to hold your hands with such gentleness and touch you so softly

‘what happened to you, tooru?’

you whimpered, arms wrapping around yourself

he was lost

he didnt know what to do

he had his own tears falling and he stepped forward in instinct to go to your arms but you flinched and backed away

that caused him to sob before throwing himself on the floor in front of you

‘y/n, please. y/n forgive me. i didnt mean to! please, y/n!’

part of you wanted to think that he was just so stressed out for the incoming interhigh that he wasnt thinking straight

but you knew you were just making excuses

this relationship started falling apart the moment you started your third year and you were just trying to hold it together

it was like holding water on your palms yet ignoring the water that was spilling on the side

you can only ignore it for a short while until eventually, the water is not there anymore and youre suddenly asking yourself, ‘where did it go?’

and now youre asking yourself, where did you go wrong?

was it your fault?

‘tooru, for months, ive made excuses for you. many times ive tried to sort out our problems, yet you always made excuses to not talk about it. it takes two to dance in a relationship yet it feels like im just dragging you in circles. we’re going in circles, tooru!’

he looked up at you, slowly standing on his feet with hands hovering over your shoulders, afraid to touch you

‘i can make this right, y/n. forever, right? you promised me years ago that we’d be together forever! we would get married a-and live together and be like mom and papa, right?!’

you choked back a sob at his face

he looked like someone else

he wasnt your tooru

he was the oikawa tooru that held you as you tried to walk

the one that pulled you back up to bed when you rolled off

the one who purposely tripped himself during your first year when you slipped so that you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of everyone

this was a selfish, jealous, tooru

the same look he gave you when he found out that you were studying with iwa without him

‘you hated tobio because he was a good setter, right? you were jealous and scared that he would take your place? was that it, tooru?’

that was then he really realized that you were the only one who could read him like you were reading a book

a single glance and you knew right away

and you calling him out on it allowed him to figure out why he truly didnt like tobio

and it was embarrassing that you said it out loud

and when oikawa tooru was embarrassed or flustered, he deflects

and it usually ends up badly

‘jealous? dont make me laugh!’

he scoffed while you glared at him

‘then what was it, then tooru? why did you do that, huh? because by the way youre acting right now, youre nothing but a green-filled monster. man, you seriously their captain?’

‘shut up, y/n!’

his personality took a whole 360 and you stepped back, scared he would lash out again

‘you dont know anything! you dont know how its like to feel second place from that bastard ushijima. you dont know how its like to feel threatened that your own kouhai could possibly be better than you. you dont know how it feels like to not feel enough no matter how many hours you practice or serves you hit. you dont know anything, y/n-chan’

he hissed and you shook your head in disbelief

‘so to satisfy your own insecurities, you hurt and put down others just so you could feel better about yourself. that just proves you are no longer the tooru i know.’

‘well i dont need you, then!’

you were taken aback by his shouts, composure now broken

‘im not him anymore so you either take whats in front of you or leave!’

at his suggestion, you narrowed your eyes

‘dont make me say my choice because you already know what im going to say’

despite knowing youd say that, part of him still wanted you to at least stay

but he was hurt and he wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt him

‘then leave! i dont need a distraction in my life anymore! you no longer satisfy me! so go!’

the tears now fell and you opened your mouth to say something but you closed it, replacing it with a sob

you bit your lip to compose yourself and swallowed that lump on your throat

‘fine. we’re done, oikawa tooru. and im sorry if i was a distraction to you for the entire 15 years of life we spent together. i can assure you that you will no longer have to put up with me’

then you left

nyoom?

you tried not to think about it bc you were only 15 and you were young so this wouldnt be the last time youd feel love

but not only did you lose a boyfriend, but you lost your best friend

and this is when you realized that best friends are only meant to be best friends

nothing more, nothing less

your parents knew nothing of what transpired and blamed your bruise at running into something bc you didnt want to strain the friendship your mother and his had if they found out her son hit you

family dinners were awkward and your parents kept asking until theyve just figured out that you were fighting

for the rest of your lives

iwa didnt know either

you made kageyama swear to you that he wouldnt say anything and you were relieved that it wasnt his business to say anything to someone else anyways

it was a secret that remains between the three of you

all was known was that you and oikawa broke up and you acted like he wasnt even there

if you had a problem, you went to iwaizumi since he was the vice captain

other than that, you no longer interacted with oikawa

it was an obvious thing that you wouldnt go to seijoh and your families were confused, wondering what the heck happened

‘y/n? youve wanted to go with tooru to seijoh since you were younger so what changed?’

‘people change’

tooru changed

instead, you went to karasuno

it was a suggestion from the guy in the milk bread store after you expressed your dilemma of finding a high school

‘karasuno’s right up there, kid. it’s not that far of a walk, right?’

‘i guess youre right’

during your first day of high school, you were shutting the gate when you saw iwaizumi and oikawa by his door

iwaizumi raised a hand in greeting and you smiled at him before walking down the road

‘i still wont force you to tell me but just know, you either fix it or get over her’

iwaizumi cautions tooru who kept his eyes on your slowly getting smaller figure

‘but i cant fix it this time’

you disassociated yourself from volleyball for the rest of years until a good friend of yours, kiyoko, asked you to help her manage the boys

she asked you to just help her out during your last year and you agreed since shes done a lot of things for you over the years

‘we have a practice match with aoba johsai on tuesday so you think you can come then?’

you froze, not knowing what to say

but its been years and you no longer cared

besides, you still felt protective towards one of your former baby chicks kageyama and him being there with that guy worried you

so you agreed

on your way there, kageyama stuck close to you since you were the only one he trusted there

‘are you okay with this, y/n-san?’

you squeezed his arm with a smile

‘it’s okay, tobio. besides, iwa told me that kindaichi and kunimi are there and i miss them so’

the boys and you started unloading their bags and kiyoko asked you to go and fill their bottles in case

the gray-haired setter, you knew as sugawara koushi, accompanied you to carry them so you were filling them up as he held the container of empty bottles

‘the boys are going to be good, you know. and dont worry about kageyama. hes extremely talented and we could win easily’

you gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded

‘i have faith in our firs-’

‘y/n’

a voice from behind you made the hair on your arms stand and you saw him there

he was shocked to see you there bc last thing he knew from iwa, you no longer had anything to do with volleyball

but here you were, in his castle, with an unknown person beside you

suga noticed your tense form and placed the box on the floor

he put a hand on your shoulder and made you face him

‘you know him, y/n?’

but you only gave oikawa one more look

‘no. not anymore’

oikawa screamed

yall that one last line is not relevant to the story but i put it there since someone pointed out that oikawa was always screaming and i thought that was a funny comment

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castiels-majestic-wings · 3 years

Text

HISTORY

Paring - Loki x Reader

Word count - 2,124

Warnings - None

This is my first fanfic so please don't be too harsh, but I would greatly appreciate some of your opinions on how i can improve my writing. Thank you.

It had been three days since you came to Asgard. Thor had offered to take you after hearing that your thesis was on Asgusrdian History. He had explained that the library was full of ancient knowledge. Of course it was mostly in Old Norse, but he showed you the section you would be able to read and understand.

Being an unofficial member of the Avengers came in handy when it came to your University papers. Of course you helped them when the time came but you weren't a true Avenger, you were neither trained in combat nor held any special gifts. But you were a tactician. And a good one at that. You already knew Tony and when he had asked for your help on a mission, you had to accept. Of course school came first but you could never refuse Tony of the help he needed. Especially when his life was on the line. And you helped save his life. On many occasions. He had asked you so move into Stark tower after that. Of course then the Avengers came and you became friends with them all.

Steve was easy to get along with, he didnt understand most of the references you made but he's always there for you. It was easy to tell Natasha anything and everything, her being the only other girl on the team made it easy for you to open up ro her. Bruce was smart, you didn't understand most of the things he said but being around Tony so much made you understand a little more than the others. Clint was a father figure to you. You knew about his family already, so you always went to him for advice Steve couldnt give you. But you never really understood Thor, after all he came from a different realm. And after witnessing first-hand what his brother did in new york you had found it difficult to trust him, thinking if Loki was capable of doing that then the other god could obviously do so much more.

But these past three days have been very helpful, you have been stuck in the Library reading non stop. The history of Asgard was a lot more than you expected. Thousands of years worth of wars, protests, evolution. It wasn't much different from the history on earth. The development was the same. The first war was about taking land and Asgard had claimed it. The second was about beliefs and claiming the opposing opinion was always wrong. The third was about a king who couldnt rule. So the Asgardians fought against him until his son took over the throne and ruled over Asgard better than his father ever did. It intrigued you greatly to find that you weren't that much different.

But it was today that you found out Loki was in Asgard. It scared you of course. After seeing the genocide in New York you never wanted to face him again. But Thor had pleaded about Loki's change of heart, explaining that he wouldnt hurt you or anyone again. He gave his word. So you trusted him. But when Loki entered the Library, you couldnt deny the fear that had crawled its way up your back. He sat down across the room facing you but his eyes were focused on the book in his hands.

Looking at him, seeing him again. It brought back the memories of new york, the way his eyes darkened whdn he found you in Stark tower. Powerless and scared. You heard Tony speaking to you in the earpiece, asking for your next move. But you couldnt speak, Loki had his eyes on you. You knew you had to tell Tony somehow. So when he came close enough you muttered to yourself.

"L-loki." He heard the fear in you voice, saw it in your eyes. And he grinned. He enjoyed placimg fear into peoples hearts. And you despised him. You heard Tony yelling at Thor to try and get eyes on you from outside. You hears the panic in his voice. But Loki didnt do anything to you. He went back to the portal device to talk the professor he had under his control. You told Tony quietly where in the tower you were and that is what gave them the upperhand.

But looking at Loki right now. It shocked you, he looked so peaceful. Like New York never happened. You didnt understand. But Loki felt your gaze om him and looked up, his eyes meeting your own. Your eyes widened and you shot your head down to resume your reading, trying to hide away.

His gaze lingered trying to recall why he recognized you, and when he remembered he felt remorse. You were the only human he didnt try to hurt in New York. He didnt know why he couldn't, maybe it was the look on your face. Or the knowledge that you couldnt move in fear he would do something. He knew you wanted nothing to do with him. He could tell you were struggling to be in the same room as him so he took his book and left to his chambers so he wouldnt bother you. That action put many questions in your head. Why did he leave? Did he recognize me? Was he trying to be kind? You couldnt comprehend his actions, but were thankful none the less.

It had been a week and you had read most of the books you used to help with your thesis but the last one you needed you couldn't understand. It was in English but it was very confusing to you. You knew Thor couldnt help because he had other things to do. And the only people you really spoke to during your time here were the servants who Thor had sent to give you meals and remind you to sleep.

That gave you one more option that you dreaded to even think about. Loki. He obviously loves reading, he came in daily to change his book and left immediately after, and he was Asgardian so he knew the history. But you just didnt want to face him. Your history wasnt a good one. But you knew you needed help. And he was academically smarter than Thor. You knew which room was his, you asked just so you could avoid it. He had avoided you to make you feel safer - or that's what you presumed at least. It was the last bit of information you needed for your paper so you had to do it. The sooner you did, the sooner you could go back home.

So you bravely got up and headed to the side of the palace you avoided at all costs. The layout was almost mirrored so it was easy to get around. Then you found his door. You hesitated for a moment. Contemplating if you should even do this. You hand was balled into a fist ready to knock, before the door opened by itself. You looked up to see Loki's radient blue eyes looking down at you in confusion with a raised brow. You dropped your hand to your side. There was a silence between you before you spoke.

"I need your help." An amused grin appeared on his face his eyes never leaving your own.

"Oh? And what could i possibly help you with that my dear brother cannot" His voice was dripping with sarcasm, obviously amused at your request for assistance.

"I need help learning Asgardian history and no one i know is academically smarter than you. You-you come to the library daily to change your books, so- its obvious you like to read" You were surprised you could form a sentence, let alone two. He broke you away from your thoughts with a chuckle.

"Yes i enjoy reading, it would be a pleasure to help you darling" Darling? The way he said it made your heart skip a beat. Was it the intimating tone? Or the fact he gave you a nickname. You couldnt tell. But for the first time ever you gave him a genuine smile.

"Thank you very much. I left my stuff in the Library, i didnt think you would accept my request." This time it was a lot easier to talk. His eyes weren't as dark as they were that day in New York. They were calmer, at peace. They were bright and full of hidden stories you wanted to read.

"Why would i refuse the request of such a beautiful midgardian" Your breath got stuck in your throat. He complimented the very woman he had frightened years prior. That fear that had been knawing at you for years suddenly disappeared. He felt lile a different person entirely. Thor was right, he has changed. Tony wouldn't believe it though. He would never trust Loki, you knew him well enough to know that. But your opinion of him has completely changed.

"Lets go then, i only have two more days to complete my paper." He nodded and closed his door leading the way even if you already knew where you were going, you didnt mind. You stayed by his side holding a small conversation until you made it to the Library. You sat down and explained what you didnt understand, he simplified the context so I would be able to gather the information I needed. You were just about finished when Thor came to check up on you. He was shocked to see you not just near Loki but speaking to him. He knew of your dislike for him so he didnt know what to do. You were facing the pages of the book so you didn't see him enter. He made his presence known by closing the door he had previously left open. You looked up and smiled as you saw him. You hand automatically gave him a snall wave before returning to your notebook.

"What are you doing here brother?" Thor obviously wanted answers so you didnt give Loki a chance to.

"He's helping me learn about Asgardian history! He simplified it so I was able to understand much better. Plus hes very knowledgeable."

"So you're okay? Being with him after last time i thought-"

"Yeah I mean I hesitated to even ask for help but I'm glad I did. Plus he has some very funny stories fron your childhood too. The stabby snake one is my favourite." You saw Thor's frown deepen knowing that Loki shared embarrassing stories of himself. But he was happy nonetheless. You were able to talk to his brother without the fear if getting hurt.

"How long do until your research is complete? Tony has asked me to escort you home once your done with your studies." You shrugged in response.

"Not long, about two hours or so." A smile made its way to your lips knowing youll be able to go home. But you heart ached at the thought of leaving Loki after befriending him so suddenly.

"But will Loki be able to come with us? He taught me so much about Asgard I want to show him earths history. I can take him to the museum I took you to when you were first curious." Thor was pondering your request to take his brother to the avengers tower alongside you. How would Tony react knowing you feared his brother? Would the rest of the avengers be okay with it.

"Theres a spare room across from mine he could stay in durin his visit. C'mon Thor. Please, its not very often that i get over my fears." You're eyes pleaded to him. Begging for him to say yes. You needed to talk to Loki about the modern literature on earth. You had plenty of books in your own room you could let him borrow. And it seemed like Thor knew he couldnt win this fight.

"Alright, Loki can you escort her home once you're done?" Thor had put every ounce of trust he had into his brother. He knew you weren't capable of combat but he also knew how similar the two of you were.

"Of course brother. I shall take good care if her, you need not worry." And then Thor took his leave. It was a good idea to bring Loki with you. Once you got home Tony was less than pleased at the sight of Loki, he begged you to hate him again and make him leave. But you wouldn't. You had to many things to show him. You had so much in common plus, in the short amount of time that you trusted him, he may have found his way into your heart.

#loki x reader #mcu loki #loki #loki odinson #loki lafeyson #loki imagine #loki x you #cazza writes

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bnhaficsforthesoul · 4 years

Note

How would Bakugou, Todoroki, And Aizawa be with a female s/o who plays for UA’s volleyball team ( that’s saying if they had one) and the uniform is like some knee socks, a jersey with the UA colors on it and then spandex that she has to wear. Thanks !

Bakugou

Thinks its great - he goes to all your games and helps you practice

Doesnt know much about volleyball other than you hit the ball over the net, so he does that

Watch him blow up the ball when he tries to spike it or something and youre like katsu plz calm down

Cheers you on so aggressively during games wow like ‘thats my fucking baby’

Not gonna lie hes gonna stare at your ass when youre wearing your spandex, like wow you look hot

Super proud of you when you win a game, like he gives you a bunch of kisses and all that

Todoroki

Thinks its super cool how you play a sport on top of going to UA

Cause like he sees how much time practice and games take up - along with all the time you need to spend studying and training for your actual hero work, so he really admires that youre able to do all that

Youll have to explain the whole concept of volleyball to him - like the details other than just hit the ball over the net and try to score a point

Once you do hes actually good at giving you advice, like hell watch everything you do and treats it as if youre training and finds your weak points

But overall hes super supportive of you doing volleyball

Aizawa (young! Shouta)

he gets pretty blushy when he sees you in your volleyball uniform cause wow you look nice

Hes astonished that you have the energy to do a sport in general, but then on top of training and school work??

He could never

He goes to all your games too, and maybe you can convince him to practice with you sometimes, but its gonna be more for fun than actual practice

He cheers you on before games - hes not gonna be yelling that youre doing great or anything but before hes telling you that youre gonna do great and youll win

#bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou headcanons #todoroki #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki imagine #todoroki headcanons #aizawa #aizawa imagine #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa headcanons #bnha #mha

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king-finnigan · 4 years

Text

Play With Fire - part 6

Masterlist!

The tender boys become feral again. Time for more smut!

(Jaskier be like *mood swing* *mood swing* *mood swing* *mood sw)

Edit2: Used to contain dubcon elements, but I now edited it to contain explicit consent, since I wasn’t comfortable with what I first posted.

***

“Well,” Geralt mutters, burying his face in the crook of Jaskier’s neck, “I’m going to miss you.”

He feels nimble fingers carding through his hair, tucking it behind his ears. “What do you mean, love?”

Geralt scoffs, pulling back a bit, looking into impossibly blue eyes. “They know you used my badge to escape, and well, you killed two people, so they’re gonna charge me with involuntary manslaughter. They’re handing the file to the cops tomorrow.”

Jaskier frowns at him, hands tightening on his shoulders, something dangerous taking over in those blue eyes, his jaw clenching. “Who’s they?”

Geralt shakes his head, kissing Jaskier softly. “Don’t worry about it. It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not.” Jaskier’s voice is cold, sharp as steel, and Geralt knows he should be scared, reasonably, but he can’t bring himself to be.

“It is.” He shuts the young man up by putting a hand over his mouth, and Jaskier frowns at him. “It is. I don’t care. I made a mistake and I need to be punished for that. I really don’t care, as long as you’re safe.”

He doesn’t know where this is coming from, doesn’t know why he doesn’t give a shit about his own life, doesn’t know why he’ll willingly trade his freedom to ensure Jaskier’s. He doesn’t know, but he doesn’t care, either.

“And maybe you should stop killing people, that’d also be nice,” he adds, for good measure.

“Oh, love,” Jaskier says, pushing Geralt’s hand away, some of the familiar snark returning to his voice, “we both know that’s not going to happen.” He leans forward, brushing his lips against Geralt’s. “Just tell me their names and I’ll take care of them for you.”

Geralt sighs, leaning backwards, away from Jaskier. “You can’t just kill everyone who gets in my way, dear. It’ll be suspicious and it’s just gonna land me in more trouble when the next person finds out.”

Jaskier grins at him, hands lightly tugging at the small hairs at the nape of the guard’s neck. “You called me ‘dear’.”

Geralt freezes for a second, as he realizes that he did indeed just call Jaskier ‘dear’. He shrugs, hands tightening around the younger man’s waist. “You don’t like it?”

Jaskier laughs, leaning forward, kissing him deeply. “I love it.” He looks at Geralt sternly. “Still, I’m gonna need their names.”

Geralt smiles, kissing the tip of the young man’s nose. “And I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Youll end up in jail if you don’t.”

“I’ll probably end up in jail anyways if I do.” He sighs. “Why are you so opposed to me being punished for my crimes?”

Jaskier frowns at him. “Because you didn’t do anything wrong. And besides,” he pouts, “I’ll miss you.”

Geralt smiles again. “We both know I did plenty wrong. I let you seduce me.” He leans forward, their noses brushes, smiling lazily. “Twice.”

“Thrice, if you count that time on the phone.”

“You’re just proving my point more. And don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find someone else soon enough.”

Jaskier frowns, pulling back, hands on Geralt’s shoulder, blue eyes searching his face. “Do you think I’d really move on so quickly? Do you really think so lowly of me?”

Geralt blinks. “I- I just thought-”

“What? That I didn’t mean it all those times I told you I love you?”

“No, I- I just-” he sighs, not sure what to say. “That’s not what I meant, dear.” He buries his face in the crook of Jaskier’s neck again. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t wait for me to get out of prison. I’m not worth that.”

He hears Jaskier sigh. “Say it again.”

“What?”

“Dear. I like it when you call me that. Do it again.”

Geralt chuckles, sucking a small hickey into Jaskier’s neck. “Anything for you, dear.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

The hand that’s been stroking through his hair stills, tightening into a fist, Jaskier’s voice growing cold. “Then tell me their names.”

He clenches his jaw, not letting Jaskier pull his head back. “No.”

Jaskier growls wordlessly, pushing Geralt back into the pillows, keeping his hand tightened in the silver hair. “Tell me their names.” His blue eyes are cold, spitting shards of ice into Geralt’s skin.

“No,” Geralt repeats, not budging a bit.

Jaskier snarls at him, strong, nimble fingers gripping his throat right underneath his jaw, tipping his head backwards. Geralt growls back, hands coming up to grasp at Jaskier’s forearms.

The young man bends forward, bringing his face close to Geralt’s, blue eyes shooting fire, features contorted in rage. “I’m not gonna let you go to jail, you hear me?” he hisses at Geralt. “Tell. Me. Their. Names.”

“No,” Geralt spits back. “I am going to jail, I am going to be punished for my crimes. Try and fucking stop me.”

Suddenly, Jaskier lets go of his throat, sitting back on his haunches, face relaxed and slightly amused. Geralt doesn’t know where the sudden change came from, but it does scare him. Just a little.

“Oh?” Jaskier asks, voice suddenly light and innocent, a drastic contrast with the rage he seemed to exude mere seconds ago. “So you want to be punished for your crimes?”

Geralt narrows his eyes at him. “Yes, that’s what I just said.”

Jaskier smirks down at him, one hand softly taking Geralt’s wrist. “Alright, fine. Have it your way.”

Geralt frowns. “What-”

Before his mind can process it, Jaskier’s taken something from the nightstand, pushing Geralt’s wrist up. Something cold touches his skin, and before he can resist, Jaskier’s already taken his other arm, pushing it up as well, closing the handcuffs around his wrist.

The little shit’s chained him to the bedframe.

“Jaskier,” he growls out through clenched teeth, tugging at the handcuffs, “get these off me right the fuck now.”

The young man laughs, bending forward, pressing a few small kisses under the line of his jaw. “You said you wanted to be punished. So here I am, punishing you.”

Geralt frowns as Jaskier moves off him, standing next to the bed, taking his shirt off, revealing lean muscle and a surprising amount of hair. “This isn’t exactly a punishment. At least not enough.”

“Oh, really?” Jaskier asks innocently, pushing his jeans and underwear off in one movement, kicking them off, and Geralt has to fight not to stare. “It’s okay, love, you can look,” he says innocently, as he straddles Geralt’s lap again. “Back to what I was saying,” Jaskier continues, bending to the side, opening the top drawer of the nightstand, “I’m sure this is plenty of punishment. After all, I know how much you hate not being in control.”

And Geralt does have to admit, he’s itching to be free of his bonds, to be able to be in charge of the situation. Jaskier smiles at him knowingly. “And trust me, love, I’ll make sure it feels like punishment enough, once I’m done.”

The words and the growl in Jaskier’s voice sends shivers down Geralt’s spine. Finally, the young man finds what he’s looking for, slamming the drawer shut. “Ah, there it is,” he mumbles.

Geralt frowns down at the bottle of lube that’s tossed onto his stomach. “How did you know-” the question sticks to his tongue as a realization dawns on him. He lets out a long-suffering sigh. “You went through my shit while I was asleep, didn’t you?”

Jaskier shrugs, his fingers trailing lightly over the muscles of his stomach. “I got bored. Not my fault you’re such a heavy sleeper.” He leans forward, kissing Geralt softly. “Last chance. Tell me their names.”

Geralt clenches his jaw again. “No.”

Jaskier sighs, taking the bottle of lube. “Then you leave me no choice, love. Tell me, have you ever fucked a man before?”

Geralt frowns, but nods. “A few times, yes.”

“And tell me, love,” Jaskier leans forward again and Geralt hears the unmistakable sound of the bottle of lube being opened, smells a hint of pineapple as Jaskier pours some in his hand, “have you ever been fucked by a man before?”

Geralt freezes, then blinks. “No,” he whispers, and Jaskier grins widely.

“Well,” he whispers against the skin of Geralt’s jaw, his slick fingers reaching down, softly caressing Geralt’s balls, “I’m honoured to be your first.” He pauses for a second, the determination in his blue eyes subduing a bit. “Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

Geralt hesitates, thinking for half a second. Of course, he’s a bit nervous, but those few times he’s been with a man had always left him a bit curious, as to what it felt like to be filled, stretched open and fucked - though he’s never trusted someone enough to ask them to do it to him.

And, strangely enough, he trusts Jaskier.

“I want to,” he says, and the cockiness returns to Jaskier’s eyes, as Geralt plants a chaste kiss to his lips.

He gasps, arching his back off the bed a bit as Jaskier’s fingers slip inside the cleft of his ass, circling his rim.

“Hmm.” Jaskier leans back a bit, blue eyes studying his face, as he softly pushes the tip of one finger into Geralt. “This is going to be so much fun.”

***

Tag list babey! (if you want to be added, just send me a DM or an ask, or put it in the comments, whatever suits you):

@just-a-himbo-and-his-feral-bard, @dandelionslute, @weakforjaskier, @the-blondey, @shipwrecked-nawtali, @bygodstillam, @rum-cream, @random-nerd-3, @allthethingshappening, @agentlewomanandascholar, @tschulijulesjulie, @noobtiedoo, @foddle-the-fiddler, @thenameislion-dandelion, @skai6, @thesmileyplant, @hysteria347, @pensandknittingneedles, @freak-fee-blog

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher fanfiction #smut #fluff?#does this count as fluff?#prison au #play with fire #part 6 #also #idk who it was that said angel of small death and the codeine scene fits really well for this fic #but whoever it was #if youre reading this #thank you #i love you #youre so goddamn right

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wolf-stark · 3 years

Note

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

#Asks

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nympsycho-ao3 · 3 years

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Hi so sorry if this is a weird question. I start college next week and I'm really nervous and overwhelmed. I graduated high school almost 5 years ago so I'm really late getting to it, I don't remember a whole lot about school life. Do you have any advice?

Not sure why youre asking a random smut writer on the internet but i would love to help if i can!

I was a huge lazy sack of shit in college ahhaha. My college years were spent either drunk or high for the vast majority of it. So my first piece of advice is to dont do that lmao. I missed out on a lot of fun, socializing, and networking because i was inebriated alone in my room. Id imagine with covid its even harder to meet new people so take every opportunity you can.

Find at least 1 person in every class that can cover for you if you miss notes or have questions about material. Youll generally make a friend too which is a nice bonus but really that safety net is nice. Dont abuse it either, like dont skip class for days then just ask for notes lmao.

On that note go to class strategically. I was able to skip a few classes every semester in their entirety bc they were easy and i got away with it but if they take attendance make sure you go. Again with covid im not sure with this stuff but actually give a fuck about the stuff youre learning. I wish i did instead of just memorizing and forgetting. I wont tell you to go to every class every time bc fuck that, but prioritize the classes you simply cant skip.

Treat studying like a job. It is so much easier to study like an hour a day than cram studying in 10 hours overnight for an exam. Im a huge hypocrite with this so do as i say not as i do lmao.

Going into it late in the game is actually kind of a good thing because you might not be tempted into the dumb bullshit like drugs and booze like i was. Just keep it to the weekend like i shouldve hahaha

If youre on a campus, go out and enjoy it. Some of my fav parts of college were just going out and enjoying the campus and what it offered. Maybe better advice for spring but... nonetheless.

I shouldve put more effort into making friends. I really came out 4 years of college with no friends to speak of because i made the conscious decision to keep to myself because i am naturally a loner and comfortable alone. Still, i think i would have overall had more fun if i got to know the really cool people in my program.

In general, take the opportunity to leave your comfort zone. It's college, no one is expecting you to be perfect. Just have some fun while you can take advantage of the safety net of college and the bad decisions youre allowed to make. As long as you keep your grades up (or passable, which i recommend making your perrogative instead of perfection) go out, get laid, try new things, meet new people, learn new things, and enjoy expanding your worldview with little consequence.

Remember that everyone lives in their little bubble. I was so afraid of embarrassing myself that i avoided doing a lot of fun things. Not a single person gives a fuck about you in a way that theyre judging you like you think they are. So just do you, be the cool older person in the class that can buy the youngins booze (do this at your own risk but it was fun for me lmao) and tell stories like a grandparent. Also, on that note, dont be surprised at how fucking stupid these kids are. You might be the oldest and wisest in the class. Just enjoy the stupidity at your beckoning call and take it in, sometimes it's better than TV. dont hold it against them though, we were all stupid 18 yos once.

Dont ask a ton of questions in class. I mean a few is fine but not a lot. It just makes class run longer. Anyone who cares is doing the following: either asking them after class, going to office hours, or emailing the professor. Do that.

Speaking of office hours. Youll probably need some reference letters when you graduate to apply for jobs. Pick like 1 cool professor a year and really buddy up to them so you can use them as a reference. Yay, using people! And hey you might get some cool stuff out of it. Talking with my professors was always pretty neat and enlightening. They will know what youre doing but they know the game too and theyre just happy youre putting effort into earning the reference. Just dont get boners for the hot ones like i did oop--

And uuhh flash cards. All my homies love flash cards. I still have all my digital ones from my classes for no reason but... they came in clutch!

I didnt work through college bc im a privileged little brat but, i think i would have had my shit together more if i did. So depending on your major find something relevant and maybe find a flexible part time gig (easier said than done im aware)

I graduated with a 3.8 gpa and a damaged liver and lungs but hey i survived! Hope this helped. Again im not the best person to ask bc i really hated my major and most of my classes but i saw them as necessary stepping stones to my current job. Oh well!

Good luck anon. I know you will do very well even in these covid times. Just take your shit seriously! Unlike me...

Dont go to fucking parties unless youre an asshole and/or vaccinated or until this covid shit blows over please!!!

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spacedlexi · 1 year

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When you draw do you use references or just freehand everything? I’m trying to get better at figure drawing and different poses and I’m generally alright when I use a reference, but freehand I’m all over the place and everything looks stiff and bad.

ahah unfortunately for me i was on deviantart during my formative years when everyone acted like you were a cheater and a faker if you even Thought about using a reference (im SO glad its not like this anymore those were dark times as a child artist)

so 9 times out of 10 i do not use references. i really only use them when im studying or if theres a pose im unfamiliar with/certain pose i want to recapture. like right now im drawing some dancing but thats not something that comes to my minds eye easily so i looked at a bunch of different references just to get the "idea", instead of using just one

dont be afraid about using references if they help you a lot! different things work for different people and lots if not all professional artists are using references in some way

BUT if you would like to improve your reference-less figure drawing, and it seems like youre unhappy with the movement (or lackthereof) in your free hand drawing? my first tip for that is to use some sort of base so you can try feel out the pose before you actually draw it. here are some examples of what i mean:

i have a few different methods depending on how i feel like doing it but you get the idea. i usually like to block out the shape but sometimes i need to be able to see details so its more of a little figure. some people just use little wire-frame-like skeletons which i also use but more rarely(i like to see the silhouette). but regardless of the method you choose, the point is to help with posing and movement and to try to keep things fluid. especially if you really PUSH the movement youre trying to capture. just exaggerate the pose a bit. push and pull and squeeze and stretch it helps make your drawings looks more alive. having the base like this helps me exaggerate more if i need to during the line stage

it also helps to know about the way the body likes to naturally rest. tip 2 is to look up the contrapposto pose itll go into all that and give you a nice little diagram. but the "rules" associated with the pose help a lot in creating poses that feel natural. it just helps with figuring out angles/weight distribution/balance stuff like that. keeping in mind that everything has a weight to it and we move to compensate for that helps too

UHHH i hope this helps?? getting poses to look natural and fluid takes practice more than anything. for me the most important part to pay attention to is the way you angle the shoulders and hips. those are like grounding points for me and i work from there (shoulders/hips/spine) (youll read more about this if you look up the contrapposto pose)

HEREs a little link to an article about contrapposto with a quick video at the end that would probably tell you all youll need to know about it. look up images for more diagrams if you need them

#replies with lexi #incognito #art tips #i should start tagging these aha i like answering art questions if i can

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endymionstudies · 4 years

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one of my struggles in today's daily life is just how terribly unmotivated i am to do anything productive - i want to study and exercise and actually clean but i have no! motivation! to even get out of bed! i think a lot of it has to do with my mental health not doing well in this situation but the fact that i'm not able to do even one productive thing doesn't really help... although i also can't help but thing maybe i just want to be lazy in this situation 😔

oh, the destruction of everyone’s executive functioning. i get to mock my friends now for struggling with it bc they tell me “just, do it? just get up?” sometimes and im like its not that easy but thanks.

looking up adhd or spoon theory management has a lot of good tips for executive dysfunction! but heres what i try and do:

write everything down. sometimes you realize an issue is actually a two step issue, which means that it may take up more spoons, but it also means its an issue you can tackle in two parts. some things that you thought were more than one issue turn out to be only one issue, or a smaller issue. “do homework” then becomes: 1 page math homework, german vocab. instead of “do homework” giving the idea of hours of work. the first step is understanding what exactly you have to do, and how much it is. also, write about how your mental health is doing. records are good to keep for the days when you dont have therapy or cant talk about it, and it gets it off your chest.

split tasks up. this happens partially during the step above. break tasks down. “clean room” is “put away laundry” and “put away loose papers” not one huge task, but smaller more individually manageable tasks. you may not have the spoons to clean your room in its entirety, and thats okay! but if you have the spoons to take your laundry off the Laundry Chair, that one task goes a long way.

step by step. with multi step tasks ITS OKAY TO DO THEM SEPARATELY. this was always the thing that blocked me from working on a problem. cleaning my room meant my entire room, all at once. but if i did a little bit, piece by piece, i got it done without quitting halfway through, and was less stress on myself. do math homework, and you can take a break. do laundry, and you can wait to put it up until you go to your room next.

combine tasks. i dont mean wash the dishes and cook at the same time. i mean “if youre going upstairs and you pass the linen closet, bring the clean towels with you and put them away”, or “when youre going to the kitchen to get water, bring all your dirty dishes and put them in the sink.” you can always move something with you to another room, or perform a combined action. brush your teeth in the shower. puts your meds in the bathroom so you take them every single time you get up to pee first thing in the morning. you’ll start to perform these instinctively.

you’ll get out of bed at least once. people have to pee. make use of it. take your meds. get some water and a snack. even if its just that, youll feel so much better. its okay to stay in bed if you dont have the spoons to get up. you can try again tomorrow. if you need to rest after every task, thats okay to! this is a hard time for everyone, especially those with mental and physical health issues. take it easy. get what you can done, and tackle what you didnt at another point. its not going anywhere!

#I FORGOT ABOUT THIS OOPS #finish philosophy tho #advice #coronavirus adventures #Anonymous

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zanesgirlfriend · 5 years

Text

Strangers Don't Have Secrets | Jeff Wittek

Description: The reader gets into trouble at a club and Jeff saves the day.

Warnings: Intense language and a really gross slimey dude

Requested?: Yes, im going to combine a couple of requests here, if yall want different/more imagines with similar themes just lmk!

@simplespectres : Protective jeff maybe? Or drunk jeff confessing his feelings for you

@puppershnups : can I request just a super angsty Jeff imagine? Like go ahead and make me sob I love it.

@suzobawuzo : In love with your Jeff posts! How about something where he is jealous ab your friendship with someone (you might or might not be together yet) but it turns into a whole lot of fluff in the end?? THANKS <3

A/N: I know thats a lot of requests in one story but I figured i could make them fit pretty well. i also kinda based "the reader's" actions in this after effy from skins so if yall have seen that youll probably like this lol. Thank yall for requesting stuff, it means a lot :)

__________

Back again, at a club, on a Saturday night. The gang was all there, dancing and drinking as much as they could. Of course there was David, camera in hand, floating from group to group. There was also Y/N sitting at a bar, attempting to make the night go faster by talking to slimey men. Next there was what she considered to be "fuck-boy" territory. They stayed near the center of club, grinding and taking body shots off of eachother. Generally just trying to get as wasted as they could. Todd, Zane, Scott, and Jeff were generally part of this group. Most of them seemed to find a girl to dance near, except for Scott, as he was actually commited to a relationship. Y/N admired that about him.

She wanted to know if the boys ever wondered why she always went out with them, but never seemed to do anything. There were two reasons. One being that she could always be an extra Designated Driver, God-forbid something happen to David. The second reason being that she loved to watch. She wanted to study behavior, and know her friends more intimately than they thought she did.

She noticed how when nobody was talking to David, he became incredibly awkward. The way his smile fell off of his face, and how he curved his body to avoid touching people as he moved through the groups. She also noticed Jeff, and how he didn't like to dance. Counting all the times he would catch her eye, and then pretend he was looking at something else.

Recently she spent most of her time watching Jeff. Something about him being new to the group, and having a questionable past intrigued her.

"Is this seat taken?" A handsome stranger asked her.

"No, go ahead." She smiled. Out of all the men that usually talked to her, this one seemed the most sober. He sat in the chair next to hers, turning around to face away from the bar like she was.

"So are you here with anybody?" His breath tickled the side of her face as he leaned in. She noticed the very full beer in his hand, as if he'd just gotten there.

"Nope, just me." She lied, enjoying the mystery she created for this man to solve. She could tell the fact that she was alone got his attention by way of him immediately scooting closer to her.

"Well, let me keep you company." The man smiled, but something about his smile was off. It was as if he was too perfect. As if he was here to distract her from something bigger. She noticed this and immediately turned back towards the club, spotting all of her friends and checking to make sure they were okay.

"Sure." She tried to keep her answers short, not knowing what this man really wanted from her.

"Why don't I get you a drink?" He offered. This was a big red flag for her, but she wanted to really see what this man was after.

"Sure." She checked her phone for a second while the man talked to the bartender.

Hey can u make out with zane for a bit this dance floor is kinda dead

David had sent that text less than five minutes earlier. She decided that she wanted this mysterious man to get confused about her character, so she replied to David with

Sure, I'll be there in a min

"Here you go." The man handed her a martini. She hated martinis.

"I'll be right back. Keep an eye on me." She placed the drink on the bar and walked over to fuck-boy territory. David attempted to explain to her what he wanted her to do, but she looked over her shoulder at the man and decided to wing it.

She grabbed Zane's face, bringing their lips together, and slipping her tongue in his mouth. She could tell he was enjoying it. Everyone else in the group around them was yelling, shocked by the intense kiss. She pulled away, immediately looking back towards the man at the bar, a smirk on her face as he smiled.

"I'll see you guys later." She walked away. On the way out of the group, though, she noticed Jeff's face. He looked sadder than usual. She wish she'd known him well enough to be able to tell what he was thinking.

"Did you know those guys?" The man asked her as she returned to her seat at the bar, this time facing towards the bartender instead of the boys.

"No." She lied again.

"He looked like he enjoyed it." The man was very focused on her lips.

"Probably." She knew what the man would say next, hearing it verbatem in her head as he said it.

"Maybe I would enjoy it, too." He was very close to her now. Uncomfortably close.

"I don't think so." His hand landed on her thigh, a little too close to the hem of her skirt. Her sixth sense was tingling again, and she attempted to spin the bar stool to check on her friends. The man grabbed it though, stopping her from changing direction. "Where do you think you're going?" His breath was hot and sticky this time. His hand creeped closer to her skirt. She used the hand on her free side to reach for the small can of pepper spray in her bag, just in case things went wrong.

"Bro, back the fuck off of her." Jeff's voice immediately brought out a sigh of relief from y/n.

"And who the fuck are you?" The man spun around, keeping a grip on the girl.

"I'm her friend, now back the fuck off, she's obviously uncomfortable." Jeff's accent seemed intimidating, but not intimidating enough to scare the man away.

"I thought you came here alone?" The man was now angry with y/n.

"Strangers wouldn't be strangers without secrets." She spun her stool towards Jeff, admiring his firm stature for the first time.

"You gonna leave her alone now?" Jeff stepped closer to the two, sizing up the creepy man.

"You can't just come in here and ruin our moment, dude." The man stood up now. He had a few inches on Jeff.

"You didn't have a fucking moment, asshole. She wants nothing to do with you, fucking creep." The boys were really going at it now, so y/n texted David.

Bar. Now. Jeffs about to fight someone.

David gathered the rest of the boys and hurried to the bar as soon as he recieved the text. His camera was on, but he also didn't wanna escalate the situation even further.

The man was now really mad that Y/n had lied to him. "You fucking lied to me, you cunt!" He lunged towards her. Jeff jumped in front of him, protecting her, as the other boys tried to hold the man back.

She had dropped her mysterious persona at this point, genuinely terrified that someone would get hurt. She grabbed on to Jeff's arm, feeling him flex as adrenaline ran through his veins.

The boys underestimated this man's strength, for he managed to free his right arm, and land a right hook to Jeff's jaw. Blood dripped out of his mouth. Jeff was fuming now, not wanting anybody to take advantage of him, or embarass him in front of the girl he thought so highly of. Jeff slipped out of y/n's grip, punching the man in the nose.

Before things could escalate any more, security had arrived and helped separate the two bloody men. They also kicked the entire group out of the club. The man sat against a wall outside, trying to get the blood to stop pouring out of his nostrils. The gang walked back towards David's Tesla.

"What happened? Why were you fighting?" David asked as he pointed the camera towards y/n and Jeff. She was too embarassed to say anything, knowing it was all her fault.

"He was feeling her up, and she wasn't feelin' it. I wasn't gonna watch her go through that." Jeff spit blood onto the sidewalk as y/n linked her hand in his. She had a new affinity for him. Something about him protecting her just really turned her on.

"Jeff, stop being so nice, you make the rest of us look like dicks." Todd joked, causing everyone to laugh. Even y/n cracked a smile.

David dropped Jeff off at his apartment, and everyone "ooooooh'ed" as y/n got out with him. She thanked David for the ride and went inside with Jeff.

"You didn't have to do that for me, but thank you." She smiled.

"I couldn't stand seeing you with anybody else anymore. Especially after you made out with Zane." Jeff unlocked his door and held it open for her.

"Why do you care that I made out with Zane? It was just a bit." She questioned him as she looked around Jeff's apartment. She had never been here before.

"I gotta take Nerf for a walk, I'll be right back." Jeff ignored her question as a cute french bulldog ran out into the entryway.

"Answer my question." She demanded, watching Jeff hook up the dog on a leash.

"Be right back." He shut the door behind him as he left with the dog.

She spent most of her time alone thinking about how little she actually knows Jeff, and how what he did for her was a huge character development in her mind. The door opened, and Jeff entered with his dog.

"I care because I was supposed to be the one to make out with you." He said, pretending to be more focused on the dog than the girl. She looked at him quizzically.

"Then why did David tell me to make out with Zane?" She was very confused now.

"Well, that was just to get you to come near us, considering you always come to the club just to sit and watch us, which I don't understand at all." Jeff sat on the couch, y/n followed. She smiled at the fact that he really did wonder why she came. "But if you woulda listened to David, he was gonna tell you to make out with both of us." Jeff ran his hand through his hair, and leaned his elbow on the top of the couch.

"I'll tell you why I just sit and watch you later, but why did you wanna kiss me so bad?" She just wanted to understand him.

"Because, y/n, I fucking like you, okay?" He grabbed her hand. "I've been trying to show you that, but you always seem like you want nothing to do with me. Now I'm sittin' here like an asshole, pouring my heart out to you, when you probably don't even like me." He was talking faster now, his accent thickening as he spoke.

"If I wanted nothing to do with you I would've just gone home." She reasoned with him. Before he could speak again she closed the distance between them. Their lips locked together instantly, feeling like they were made to be together. His hands found her waist as she climbed into his lap.

"Tell me all of your secrets." She said to him as she pulled away.

"What?" He brushed a hair out of her face. Her eye contact was very intense as she looked at Jeff with a new lust in her eyes.

"Strangers wouldn't be strangers without secrets, and I don't wanna be strangers anymore."

#jeff wittek x reader #jeff wittek imagine #jeff wittek #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad #david #david x reader #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik #todd smith #toddy smith #scotty sire #scott sire #davids vlogs #zane hijazi #vlog squad imagines

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onionjulius · 4 years

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[...]

For all the hands we’ve wrung dry over it in recent elections, electability isn’t a thing you can measure. It’s subjective, not objective — which is why Sanders isn’t the only candidate whose persona can be twisted one way to fit a narrative of unelectability, and another to tell a story of certain success. (Sen. Elizabeth Warren can attest to that.)

Political scientists study electability, but electability ain’t no science. Instead, researchers say, it’s basically a layer of ex post facto rationalization that we slather over a stack of psychological biases, media influence and self-fulfilling poll prophecies. It’s not bullshit, exactly; some people really are more likely to be elected than others. But the reasons behind it, and the ability to make assumptions based on it, well …

“[Electability] is this vague, floppy concept,” said Nichole Bauer, a professor of political communication at Louisiana State University. “We don’t know who is electable until someone is elected.”

“I’m not sure I’m who you want to talk to,” said Julie Brown of West Des Moines, arching her eyebrows and flashing the Elizabeth Warren button hidden under the flap of her canvas purse. She came to the Sanders rally with her teenage daughter, curious to understand why he was polling better than her favored candidate. As Sanders proxies worked the crowd, we huddled against a wall, talking about the ways electability and psychological biases overlap. “I think he is electable and that frustrates me,” she said. “It frustrates the female inside me. If Elizabeth Warren had had a heart attack, they would have put her six feet under.”

Determining who is electable inevitably pits candidates against each other, especially in an election year when the top priority for primary voters — by a long shot — is nominating someone who can take down the sitting president. Brown is a voter who sees “electability” as basically a reflection of whether a candidate can clear the hurdles presented by the electorate’s prejudices.

Months of talking about the primary — and wondering whether candidates will eventually win the general election — has made electability a hot buzzword of the 2020 election. But, scientists say, we’ve not put as much work into clearly establishing what it is.

When physicists suspect a thing exists, but can’t observe it directly, they start studying the stuff around it. You can’t see the particles, you can’t look at the black hole, but you can see what happens when they crash into something else. And that’s basically what political scientists have ended up doing with electability. To understand it better, researchers have looked at a couple of different kinds of social collisions: What voters like in a politician, and what those voters think other people like.

And, in that way, Julie Brown isn’t wrong about electability and bias, Bauer told me. Social scientists do use voters’ biases to understand what electability is and what it might look like.

[...]

So it’s fair to say that our notion of electability is, at some level, related to our individual knee-jerk social biases — things like the color of a person’s skin, or the way they present their gender to the world. We take those ingredients and we make assumptions about that person. We make assumptions about what other people might think about that person. We make assumptions about what researchers want us to say when they ask about our biases. We make a stew — reactions and reactions to reactions. It’s virtually impossible to avoid bias in perceptions of electability, said Alan Abramowitz, professor of political science at Emory University. “Just about anything that affects how you feel about a candidate could affect assessment of electability,” he said.

Media narratives, in turn, often prey on these biases, which only makes them stronger. In lifting up electability as a marker of fitness, we’ve inadvertently created a system that caters to whatever our imagined lowest common denominator might be. You might want to vote for a black, female candidate, goes the narrative … but other voters are racist and sexist and so you can’t.

Because, of course, electability isn’t just about individual feelings.

When voters like Julie Brown and Brooks Vander Kopsa talk about whether Bernie Sanders is electable, they aren’t really talking about their own feelings. They’re talking about what they think other people feel, which is where polls come in.

“The average person knows a little about politics, but not a ton,” Stephen Utych, a professor of political science at Boise State University, said. And voters use polls as a source of information to fill in the gaps. “If I’m a Republican and other Republicans don’t like this person, I don’t know what it is, but there must be something wrong with them,” Utych said. We American voters really like to believe we’re independent, Kam agreed, but the reality is that we take a lot of cues from the herd.

But polls can become a bit of an ouroboros. Kam and Utych’s 2014 study found that candidates who were behind in the polls were rated less favorably by voters — and voters were less interested in seeking out information about those candidates.

The interaction of polls and media becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy, Abramowitz and Utych both said. And candidates can shift the perception of how electable they are by striking back at the media and crafting their own narratives. In a 2018 study, the share of voters who, after reading a candidate’s defense of their own electability, were willing to think the candidate could win the election more than doubled, rising from 15 percent to nearly 34 percent.

This early in the election season, there’s still an opportunity to change the narrative – to grasp electability out of the jaws of defeat. And that’s the paradox that leads candidates like Sanders to spend months traversing the early primary states – breakfast to breakfast, handshake to handshake. Winning Iowa allowed Barack Obama to craft a narrative of electability around himself in 2008. Conversely, Bill Clinton lost Iowa and took second place in New Hampshire in 1992. But, from that, his campaign was able to spin a narrative of being the “comeback kid”, said Seth McKee, a professor of political science at Texas Tech University. “I think Iowa and New Hampshire matter so much in how the media portray the horse race after the votes have been cast,” he told me.

But building those narratives and harnessing those horses are dependent on the idea that voters have a good idea of what other voters want, or what other people’s deal breakers might be. And the psychology gets very tricky here. Frankly, experts said, voters aren’t great at knowing what’s going on in their own heads, let alone those of strangers.

[...]

Then there’s the issue that electability is not a fixed idea. What makes a candidate likable to the nation, as a whole, is in flux — tracking, experts say, with hardening partisan lines.

And voters see it, too. James Muhammad, a Californian visiting Iowa, was one of the other people I spoke to at the Sanders rally. When I asked him about electability, he just laughed. “Was Trump electable?” he said.

That’s a question academics are also asking. And it’s one that’s deeply tied up in attempts to understand what electability looks like to Democrats now. From what we can see in research on congressional races, which are more numerous, there’s something about electability that is shifting. Something fundamental.

“I think there is an idea in the media of a centrist, usually white, not necessarily college educated voter who is the one at play and that probably has influenced the way the media is covering it,” said Joshua Darr, a FiveThirtyEight contributor and professor of political science at Louisiana State University. That assumption of the power of the centrist voter is, to some extent, evidence based. Historically, being moderate and appealing to centrist voters was a great way to win congressional elections, Utych and Abramowitz both told me. But that’s been changing. Abramowitz’s analysis of the 2018 House elections turned up evidence that an incumbent candidate’s past voting record — whether they were more moderate or not — didn’t really make much of a difference in whether they won or lost, regardless of party. What’s more, he told me, the number of moderate members in Congress has been falling for decades. Forty-eight percent of the 95th Congress (1977-79) fell within the moderate range of ideology,1 compared to just 16 percent of the 115th Congress (2017-19), Abramowitz found.

Ideologues are elected more often than they used to be. Outsiders are elected more often, too. And the percentage of true swing voters is shrinking, Utych said. So does that mean someone like Sanders is more electable and someone like former Vice President Joe Biden is less electable? Electability here becomes a game of divining which group is more important to winning — swing voters or the partisan base. But that’s no more accurate than trying to estimate how sexist your neighbors are. “Which segment is bigger … there’s not great information on that,” Utych said. “Anything you say is just guessing.”

Even attempts to pin electability down subjectively leave you chasing your own tail, said Elizabeth Simas, a professor of political science at the University of Houston. We know from decades of research that voters have a tendency to line up their assumptions about who is electable line with the person they want to be elected. Maybe that means people just want to maintain some kind of cognitive consistency. “But it’s just always going to be impossible to parse out whether someone supports a candidate because of electability, or if a candidate is perceived as electable because they are the preferred candidate,” Simas said.

[...]

Maggie Koerth is a senior science writer for FiveThirtyEight. @maggiekb1

#fivethirtyeight #u.s. politics #u.s. election 2020 #maggie koerth #long post

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umbillicalnoose · 5 years

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i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

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theliberaltony · 4 years

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via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

In a beige reception hall in a Des Moines suburb, over paper plates piled with the remains of a Monday morning continental breakfast, Sen. Bernie Sanders urged a packed house of Iowans to manifest their dreams. Imagine an America where cancer only kills you, rather than also rifling through your wallet. Visualize a future where no American child has to pay off her grandmother’s student loans. Cynicism is high and more than a quarter of us believe the American Dream is unattainable, but Sanders’s stump speech offered hope. “Everything is impossible until it’s not,” he said. The crowd went wild.

This speech was about issues but it was also a pitch for the semi-improbable Sanders campaign, itself. Before you stands a 78-year-old Jewish man, a self-described democratic socialist and an independent interloper in the Democratic Party, who is making his second try at the presidency after 30 years as a professional gadfly.

Yet here we are, five weeks later, and that same old People’s Grandpa is the candidate most likely to win a majority of delegates in the Democratic primary. Everything is impossible, after all, until it’s not. But the pundits say Sanders is risky, and the pundits are honorable men. Already, you can find headlines full of concern that even if he was viable in Iowa, Sanders won’t be able to win when it really counts. In other words: Sanders isn’t electable.

This whole concept of electability is frustrating to voters like Brooks Vander Kopsa of Granger, Iowa. Standing in the back of the crowd, he told me who is and isn’t electable makes no sense to him — but he’s not even sure it matters. “There’s all this talk about electability. ‘Oh, this person is so much more electable than that person.’ But when I look at policy and I look at track record, I don’t know who is more electable than Bernie,” he said. “So, electability. I guess I don’t know what that is.”

Is Sen. Bernie Sanders the most electable candidate? There’s no way to know.

STEPHEN MATUREN / GETTY IMAGES

Truth is, nobody does. For all the hands we’ve wrung dry over it in recent elections, electability isn’t a thing you can measure. It’s subjective, not objective — which is why Sanders isn’t the only candidate whose persona can be twisted one way to fit a narrative of unelectability, and another to tell a story of certain success. (Sen. Elizabeth Warren can attest to that.)

And, in that way, Julie Brown isn’t wrong about electability and bias, Bauer told me. Social scientists do use voters’ biases to understand what electability is and what it might look like.

Is former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg the most electable candidate? There’s no way to know.

MARK FELIX / AFP VIA GETTY IMAGES

A lot of this comes from experimental studies — contrived situations where researchers present participants with information about hypothetical candidates and ask them questions about how likeable that imaginary person is, or how much leadership ability they assume the candidate would possess. It’s not the real world, but it does tell us something. Specifically, Bauer told me, voters’ conception of who can get elected appears to be based on who has been elected in the past. “And we always think about men,” Bauer said.

For example, men generally have lower pitched voices than women — and there’s a lot of research suggesting that people are more willing to vote for somebody whose voice pitch is more, well, manly. In a 2016 paper, researchers made recordings of five men and five women speaking the same sentence: “I urge you to vote for me this November.” They played these recordings for 393 men and 411 women, all of whom were participants in the Cooperative Congressional Election Study — a nationally representative survey that’s used to track all kinds of voter behavior and opinions.

Participants were randomly assigned to listen to either five pairs of male voices or five pairs of female voices, and were asked which of each pair they’d prefer to vote for. Across the board, participants preferred to vote for the candidate with the lower-pitched voice, regardless of if that candidate was male or female. And the effect was clearer for participants over 40 — you know, the people most likely to turn out to vote.

But it’s not like someone’s voice means much when it comes to actually governing. The people who did this study of voice pitch later went back and analyzed whether the voice pitch of sitting members of Congress correlated with their legislative activity, the holding of leadership positions or their influence in setting legislative priorities. Lo and behold, having a deeper voice does not make you a better politician. Voters just apparently sorta think it does.

Is Sen. Elizabeth Warren the most electable candidate? There’s no way to know.

JEREMY HOGAN / ECHOES WIRE / BARCROFT MEDIA VIA GETTY IMAGES

Studies like this run somewhat counter to actual electoral outcomes, though, said Cindy Kam, professor of political science at Vanderbilt University. Yes, studies suggest that voters hold female candidates to higher standards than their male counterparts — women who get elected to public office tend to be more qualified for the jobs they hold than men who get elected, for example. And women are significantly underrepresented in public office. But that’s not the whole story because, while biases exist, women who do run seem to do about as well as men when it comes to getting elected.

Racial bias, on the other hand, more clearly factors into outcomes of who actually wins elections, Kam and other experts said. Studies have found that white voters see black and Latino candidates as more ideologically extreme and less competent. There’s also evidence white voters resist coming out to vote for black candidates even when they share an ideology with that candidate. And black women still rely on the black electorate to win their races.

Even Barack Obama, who won the presidency, probably didn’t get the votes a similarly positioned white candidate would have. In their 2012 book “The End of Race?” political scientists Donald Kinder and Allison Dale-Riddle analyzed voter data from the 2008 presidential election. Based on party identification, you’d have expected any candidate put forth by the Democratic party that year to pull in 55.5 percent of white voters. Instead, Obama got 43.3 percent of the white vote. He won the presidency, but with lower enthusiasm and turnout among whites than a similar white candidate would likely have had, Kam said.

Because, of course, electability isn’t just about individual feelings.

Is former South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg the most electable candidate? There’s no way to know.

JEREMY HOGAN / ECHOES WIRE / BARCROFT MEDIA VIA GETTY IMAGES

A June 2019 Ipsos poll, for example, found that 74 percent of Democrats and Independents said they’d be comfortable voting for a female president, but only 33 percent of those same people believed their neighbors would be as open-minded.

The effect captured in that Ipsos poll is so common, social scientists use it in their research to make sure participants aren’t just blowing some woke-sounding smoke. “People aren’t stupid,” Bauer told me. If you just ask who they like as a candidate, they’ll figure out that you’re trying to see if they’re sexist. “But asking if you think they’ll win is asking if you think other people will vote for that candidate. It takes social desirability pressure off the individual.” But when polls turn up results like that, are they showing that Democrats are secretly more sexist than they let on? Are they showing Democrats are unfairly contemptuous of their fellow Americans? Maybe a little of both? It’s hard to say, but it does demonstrate how hard it is to predict electability based on what you think other people think.

Then there’s the issue that electability is not a fixed idea. What makes a candidate likable to the nation, as a whole, is in flux — tracking, experts say, with hardening partisan lines.

Is former Vice President Joe Biden the most electable candidate? There’s no way to know.

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And there’s no better place to see that ambiguity than at a primary campaign rally. Skirting the edges of a cheering crowd, Brown and Vander Kopsa basically both want the same things — a candidate who cares about average people, a candidate who will be a game-changer and think outside the box. They both suspect other voters aren’t engaged or doing the research necessary to know who meets those criteria. What they don’t agree on is whether Bernie Sanders is inside the box, or out of it.

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