#just contemplating and disliking my entire life

[peaceoutofthepieces]

does anyone wanna talk to me about anything before I have a breakdown <3

#feeling anxious all day for numerous reasons and no reason #i start working tomorrow and i’d rather not #i’m literally not qualified for anything in this place #idk why they keep asking me lmao #don’t like not knowing what i’m doing and doing things wrong #i’m half like i should rewatch hs to chill out #but i don’t wanna taint a hs watch with this kinda mood #just contemplating and disliking my entire life

[dutchdread]

Do be a hater but I'mma say my truth, Tifa is the only reason the end feel any grief whatsoever. The new twist really kills any emotional impact Aerith's death may have and the boss fight that just keeps going on and on and on doesn't help either. With new LS sequence, her bond with the Weapon, unspoken beef with Sephiroth, her taking care of the party members, her relationship with Cloud,... I'm surprised at how much emotion heavy lifting Tifa has in Rebirth. So far I'm glad that the devs nail her character so well in Rebirth but I'm also extremely concerned for part 3 cos Tifa will have more focus and how they treat Aerith- the supposed focus of Rebirth- is.... questionable to say the least, so I can't give them any benefits of doubt.

Yeah I also really dislike the ending of Rebirth. The problem is that they tried giving equal screentime to Tifa an Aerith in a game that, quite honestly, should be more Aerith focused. This was the game in which Aerith was going to die, which means she'd have a lot of focus at the end. But because they wanted Tifa and Aerith to have equal screentime and scenes that meant Tifa would get a lot of screentime throughout the rest of the game. This essentially gave us the worst of both worlds. Tifa got absolutely amazing build-up. The game perfectly sets up her relationship with Cloud, as well as her friendship with Aerith. But then she barely gets pay-off in this game. Her pay-off is subdued, it comes in the form of a deafening silence. But this isn't a bad thing, like you said, Tifas grief is the main emotional trigger at the end of the game. But who really got screwed over by this is Aerith. Because she essentially got zero build up. Sure, the game shows her friendship with Tifa, and her pining over Zack, but unless you're doing an Aerith focused playthrough you will essentially have zero reason to think Cloud and Aerith are even particularly friendly, let alone that her death would constitute a major event in Clouds life that's more impactful than, for instance, that of Jesse. As a result Aerith sounds completely delusional during the dream date and the ending feels entirely tone-deaf because it overdramatizes something that really shouldn't be that big a deal based on the lack of set-up. This is then made worse by all the context surrounding Aeriths death. The death that achieved its fame by "not being hollywood", by being "sudden and leaving nothing but emptiness" became the most overdone spectacle in the history of gaming. It honestly was a travesty. And you can feel nothing because you don't even know what's happening. It completely failed to be focused or in the moment and as a result it was neither shocking nor contemplative.

#ffvii #ffvii rebirth

[the-golden-vanity]

💚 for the Terror. 💖🧡 and 📖 (but chapter(s) instead of entire book(s)) for Moby Dick

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

Ooh, it's time to make some enemies.

I really, really dislike the popular fanon characterizations of James Fitzjames. Depending on what particular flavor of queer a fanwork is depicting him as, the kind of... shallow femininity that gets forced on him makes me MASSIVELY uncomfortable. It often comes across as somewhere between homophobic and misogynistic caricature, personality stripped away and replaced with a pretty dress.

I can see where this started, though—the pre-Carnivale dress scene is something that's very important to a lot of Terror fans, and perhaps something that endeared them to a character whose Empire-loving, glory-hounding, "the atrocities I've committed are fun table conversation"-believing ways are (hopefully) unsympathetic to a modern audience. Still, I'd like to see more fanworks engage with that side of James Fitzjames—the tool of an empire that can never love him back.

This isn't to say I don't love queer or trans readings of Fitzjames! I just want to see the character still be a glory-hounding veteran of an imperialist war, and someone I can still believe would shoot rockets at bears.

💖: Already answered here!

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I had to think about this one for a bit. I'd say it's the take that I see floating around on the Internet a lot that Moby-Dick is cosmic horror. If we're taking cosmic horror to mean the horror of the incomprehensible, the impossibly alien, the Things Man Was Not Meant To Know, then there is exactly one chapter that fits the bill—"The Castaway", which includes maybe my favorite passage of the whole book.

However, almost the entire rest of the book is our narrator-protagonist making sense of the whale, as if knowing everything he can about it is his way of coping with the devastating trauma of losing everyone he spent two years of his life living with.

It's almost reverse cosmic horror—rather than a sane man going mad from coming face to face with an incomprehensible monstrosity, our mentally ill (traumatized/depressed/bipolar/open to interpretation) protagonist makes meaning for himself by learning to comprehend the monstrosity.

📖: If you had to remove one chapter from the book, which would you choose?

Ooh, that's a good question. And a hard one.

Moby-Dick is, rather famously, full of chapters upon chapters of whale facts, some of which are even true. I will not be getting rid of any of those. Those are load-bearing whale facts. You pull them out, and the book collapses into a respectable revenge tragedy, rather than the earth-shattering psychological epic that it is. The whale facts represent both the fact that for long stretches of a sea voyage, nothing particularly exciting is going on, and you have time to contemplate things like the immense scarred brow of the whale, and also that this story is being told by a traumatized man who's going off on tangents because he really doesn't want to get around to the part of the story where he loses everything and all of his friends die.

If I had to get rid of one chapter, it would probably be "The Town Ho's Story". Of all the ill omens and tales of woe that the Pequod's crew encounter on their fateful final voyage, this one drags out longest and (to me) was one of the less memorable. However, I'm sure it's probably someone's favorite chapter. Many of them are.

Thank you so much, @georges-chambers/@alienmythologist! You gave me much to think about.

Ask me for my unpopular opinions about boat stories!

#ask game #ask #georges chambers #alienmythologist #moby dick #whale weekly #the terror #the terror amc #james fitzjames

[bethanydelleman]

Northanger Abbey Readthrough Ch 30

Despite having ten whole children, Mrs. Morland notices that Catherine is acting oddly and is concerned about it. She waits a few days before talking to Catherine, which honestly sounds very wise, kudos to her. Then she gets it into her head that the high life at Northanger Abbey has ruined Catherine for home. She's wrong of course, but she is trying her best. How often do parents understand their kids anyway?

I think Jane Austen gets a kick out of bringing in a hero, unlooked for, mid paragraph. It happens here with Henry Tilney, who shows up during Mrs. Morland's search for an essay, it happens with Mr. Darcy turning from the stables at Pemberley, and with Captain Wentworth's arrival in Bath!

I just love this so much:

He was not ill-inclined to obey this request, for, though his heart was greatly relieved by such unlooked-for mildness, it was not just at that moment in his power to say anything to the purpose. Returning in silence to his seat, therefore, he remained for some minutes most civilly answering all Mrs. Morland’s common remarks about the weather and roads. Catherine meanwhile—the anxious, agitated, happy, feverish Catherine—said not a word; but her glowing cheek and brightened eye made her mother trust that this good-natured visit would at least set her heart at ease for a time, and gladly therefore did she lay aside the first volume of The Mirror for a future hour.

Henry can't talk, Catherine is just sitting there all heart eyes. It's so cute! It's so real! I love it so much. I can't even.

Mrs. Morland runs out of things to talk about and Henry finally lightbulb-moments his way into a walk to the Allens. Which Sarah ALMOST RUINS! Thank you, Sarah. Oblivious younger siblings remain a timeless problem. But Mrs. Morland luckily catches on and sends them on their little solitary walk. Mrs. Morland's "silencing nod" seems to be much more effective than Mrs. Bennet's winks at Kitty, by the way.

Such a short proposal description, but it's so lovely:

Some explanation on his father’s account he had to give; but his first purpose was to explain himself, and before they reached Mr. Allen’s grounds he had done it so well that Catherine did not think it could ever be repeated too often. She was assured of his affection; and that heart in return was solicited, which, perhaps, they pretty equally knew was already entirely his own

Now, a lot of people hate this:

I must confess that his affection originated in nothing better than gratitude, or, in other words, that a persuasion of her partiality for him had been the only cause of giving her a serious thought. It is a new circumstance in romance, I acknowledge, and dreadfully derogatory of an heroine’s dignity; but if it be as new in common life, the credit of a wild imagination will at least be all my own.

I have already talked about why a girl liking a boy first is bad (stupid notions of female modesty basically), but I don't understand why people dislike this so much. Yes, it wasn't love at first sight, but there is nothing wrong with liking someone because they like you first! That is literally what happened with Elizabeth Bennet! And it's not like that is the only reason Henry proposed, he realized that she is awesome! It was the regard for him that made him take notice, but that isn't why he defied his father, rode over, and proposed.

I love this, what did the Allens think of them? A very short visit to Mrs. Allen, in which Henry talked at random, without sense or connection, and Catherine, wrapt in the contemplation of her own unutterable happiness, scarcely opened her lips, dismissed them to the ecstasies of another tête-à-tête

Am I saying I love too many things? I WILL KEEP LOVING THINGS! This book is the best! I love it with my whole heart.

Here is a nice rendering of Henry's conversation with his father if you like fan fiction:

In Just Defiance

Now the crazy thing is how important John Thorpe was to the plot. His bragging about Catherine's wealth is the whole reason that Catherine was able to visit the abbey and probably secured her relationship with Henry Tilney, Thorpe's second interference has her sent home in disgrace, the catalyst for Henry's proposal. I don't even know if Henry and Catherine would have got together if it wasn't for that stupid idiot Thorpe! What a weird story!

I love John's lies though, exaggerating wealth and then poverty:

The expectations of his friend Morland, therefore, from the first overrated, had ever since his introduction to Isabella been gradually increasing; and by merely adding twice as much for the grandeur of the moment, by doubling what he chose to think the amount of Mr. Morland’s preferment, trebling his private fortune, bestowing a rich aunt, and sinking half the children, he was able to represent the whole family to the general in a most respectable light.

and then

They were, in fact, a necessitous family; numerous, too, almost beyond example; by no means respected in their own neighbourhood, as he had lately had particular opportunities of discovering; aiming at a style of life which their fortune could not warrant; seeking to better themselves by wealthy connections; a forward, bragging, scheming race. The terrified general pronounced the name of Allen with an inquiring look; and here too Thorpe had learnt his error. The Allens, he believed, had lived near them too long, and he knew the young man on whom the Fullerton estate must devolve.

"lived near them too long" is a great way to describe neighbours who have grown tired of each other.

It says that John is, "spurning a friendship which could be no longer serviceable" which makes me think that he actually ended things with James, not the other way around. Come on, James!

I love Catherine's ultimate conclusion about General Tilney, because I'm totally with her! He's the worst:

Catherine, at any rate, heard enough to feel that in suspecting General Tilney of either murdering or shutting up his wife, she had scarcely sinned against his character, or magnified his cruelty.

Oh the romance of it all, and the first time Henry defies his father:

The general, accustomed on every ordinary occasion to give the law in his family, prepared for no reluctance but of feeling, no opposing desire that should dare to clothe itself in words, could ill brook the opposition of his son, steady as the sanction of reason and the dictate of conscience could make it. But, in such a cause, his anger, though it must shock, could not intimidate Henry, who was sustained in his purpose by a conviction of its justice. He felt himself bound as much in honour as in affection to Miss Morland, and believing that heart to be his own which he had been directed to gain, no unworthy retraction of a tacit consent, no reversing decree of unjustifiable anger, could shake his fidelity, or influence the resolutions it prompted.

I do think it's a sign of Henry's growth that he finally defies his father, but I also get the feeling he's just never had any reason to go against him. It's my impression that he mostly maintained a civil relationship with his father so he could keep visiting Eleanor. Catherine is just the first thing to be important enough for him to fight back. *heart eyes*

IT'S ROMANTIC YOU HATERS!

#almost there! #northanger abbey readthrough #northanger abbey #so much work!

[lord-aldhelm]

Aldhelm Character Analysis (and why I love him so much)

The following is a character study and my own opinions. I meant to post something like this several months ago when I started this blog, but I had so much other stuff going on I forgot about this in my drafts, so I am posting it now. I know there will be people who disagree with me, and others who maybe think I am being ridiculous or whatever, but I don't care. This is my blog and I want to share this because it is meaningful to me, and maybe perhaps it will resonate with someone. This is a kind of "about me" but mostly a rambling mess.

Aldhelm means so much to me, more than any other character in any other show or movie I have watched. I have fallen super hard for this man; he has bewitched me body and soul, and just imbedded himself into the core of my being. He is my muse, and has profoundly permeated every creative aspect of myself, from creating this blog, screencaps/edits, gifs, memes, artwork, poetry (don't ask), and fanfics. No one else has managed to do that to me. This show in general, and him specifically, have led me deep into this fandom and made me do things that I have never done before.

My attraction to him goes far beyond just him being a pretty face; my feelings for him are complex and multi-faceted. Of course I think he is exceptionally handsome, and I find everything about him attractive. But I was attracted to his personality long before I was attracted to him physically. The two go hand in hand, and it takes more than just being a hot dude to hold my attention. This show is loaded to the brim with attractive people and yet he is the only one that has captivated me.

I love him for so many reasons. To me he is absolute perfection and I would not change a single thing about his character. He is introverted, quiet, soft-spoken, and dignified. He is highly intelligent, has a calm confident demeanor, and has a great fortitude for dealing with difficult situations. He is elegant and refined, despite sometimes coming off as awkward. I love his quick wit and dry sarcastic sense of humor. I melt whenever he rolls his eyes or sighs with exasperation. He is so pure and wholesome, and loves with his whole entire being. His selfless and unwavering devotion and loyalty to both Mercia and Aethelflaed are unmatched. He sets aside his own needs and desires to serve others, ultimately to his detriment. (He deserved better in so many ways) He has many personality traits that are normally only seen in women characters, while still being very much masculine, and I find that dichotomy incredibly appealing.

Additionally, something about him triggers my nurturing instinct; I want to hold him in my arms and cuddle him for all eternity. He is so unbelievably sweet and gentle, and the way he was so soft around Aethelflaed just melted my heart. In fact. he embodies my idea of a perfect romantic partner. He is so calm, patient, understanding, eager to help out, very devoted and loyal, cares more about his partner's happiness than his own. I feel as a boyfriend or husband he would be very attentive and in tune to his partner's needs. Never arguing, or trying to avoid it as much as possible. Never raising his voice. He would go out of his way to do nice things for them just to make them happy. Acts of service, gift giving, quality time, and humor are his love languages.

But more than that, I see in him a reflection of myself, that I have not seen in any other character or real-life person, ever.

His quiet, contemplative, introverted nature, and preference for solitude matches my own. Like me, he is the kind of person who dislikes bars, parties, or large gatherings of people, and prefers to keep to himself. He comes off as cold and calculating, but inside he is anything but. He is overwhelmed with emotion and allows himself to love wholly and intensely, despite not having his feelings reciprocated. Despite doing his best to hide his feelings, he actually wears his heart on his sleeve and allows others to use him just for the sake of feeling needed. He allows himself to cry, although he does so in private, not because he is ashamed, but because he wants to appear strong for others. He is the kind of person that hides the deeper parts of himself well from others, but I know that if you really got to bond with him, he would show you another side of himself, one that smiles freely and loves openly, laughs and jokes, and allows himself to be comfortable in the presence of others.

He appears to me to be demi/ace coded. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but seeing ace representation on the screen is incredibly rare and refreshing. Especially since his sexuality, or lack thereof, is never really brought up or ridiculed by the other characters (as ace-presenting people so often are in media). As someone who is demi/ace myself, I find his characterization in this way very comforting, especially since I have been ridiculed and downcast over my asexuality. I also find it delightful to see a male character who is not constantly talking about getting laid, making sex jokes, or aggressively pursuing or objectifying women. Much the opposite; he treats Aethelflaed with a level of respect and admiration that women are not often given by men. In fact he treats women in general with a lot of respect.

I feel his pain when he is ignored or his words are brushed off by others time and time again. As someone who has felt simultaneously invisible and freakishly "other" her whole life, I can identify with that strongly. I am always the one who others talk over or ignore in social settings. I have always felt like an outcast, even among my friends and peers. I never feel like I truly belong anywhere or with anyone, and have always felt like an outsider, just drifting along the perimeters of multiple social circles without ever fitting in. It is such a horrible feeling, and I empathize with him when I see him go through the exact same treatment.

I also feel his sense of uniqueness in that, like me, he is neither a leader nor a follower, but marches to the beat of his own drum. He had no desire to be Lord of Mercia even when it was offered to him (which I personally think was a mistake on his part). But I get it; I hate being in charge. I prefer to work behind the scenes and stay out of the spotlight myself. But while I am not a leader, neither am I a follower. I am always doing my own thing regardless of trendiness or popularity.

The biggest difference between him and I is that he is far more patient than I could ever be! He is much more level headed, whereas I tend to be more emotional and have a kind of firecracker reaction, especially when I am in an argument or when something upsets me. I think I would be a better person if I could learn to remain calm and collected during emotionally stressful times.

So, this is much more than me thinking the dude is super hot and wanting him to rail me until I need a wheelchair (I mean, that too, lol! I won't lie....). And it also goes so far beyond me just thinking he is a cool and interesting character (which he is no doubt). He has actually become a permanent part of me, one that will not be replaced by the next hot thing to cross my screen. Even if I run out of things to post here (which will happen at some point), he will still occupy my thoughts, and I will still be drawing him, and writing for his character for a very long time to come.

#about me #rebecca's ramblings #personal #character analysis #text post #aldhelm #the last kingdom #essay

[03josten]

hi friendoo. i saw your post about fics and i was wondering if you had any aftg fic recs. i remember you recommended me once "under the kitchen lights" and nothing beat that fic since...i reread it so many times...

roro u know this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and i didn't want to post it until i was satisfied but it was just gonna rot here if i didn't post it now. i'll add to the post if i think of any more.

just linking these in the order i find them or think of them, some of them are unfinished and older

Neil never made it out of Baltimore.

Six years later, Andrew has his life together, more or less, but he's far from okay. When Bee convinces him to change the scenery and go on a trip around Europe, he knows this isn't going to fix anything.

Except, he's sitting on a train in Switzerland across a ghost who's staring at him with a familiar crystal blue gaze and no spark of recognition in his eyes

Neil has temporary amnesia, and Andrew is disconcertingly attractive. This is especially disconcerting because Neil was pretty sure he didn't swing. Nicky is endlessly pleased by the entire situation.

Andrew Doe had been on the streets since getting released from an Oakland juvenile facility six months ago. He'd made his way down the California coast, and had been living in a homeless encampment on Venice Beach for the last two months. He'd made a decent life for himself and felt relatively safe and settled--until a boy with a worn-out duffel bag and haunted eyes appeared at his corner of the beach and threw his life into chaos.

Andrew becomes a cliché and joins a travelling circus after falling for the pretty sword swallower.

A year post-canon, when they thought they were safe, Neil goes missing.

Neil dug into the bag, through the snacks, and stared. In the bottom was a bottle of red hair dye. Not natural red, like Neil's, but something more… firetruck. It was darker than that, but that was the closest word Neil could think of.

"Oh," Neil said dumbly. When he looked up, Andrew was already looking at him.

"Oh," Andrew mocked.

Andrew and Abram meet in California, only for him to be wrenched away by the Moriyamas - until he shows up at PSU four years later.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45407749

Neil desperately does not want to talk to her. It doesn’t matter how many times Andrew tells him Betsy is very good at her job and could do a lot to help him; Neil doesn’t need anyone rooting around in his brain trying to fix him, thank you very much. He knows he’s fucked in the head, but he’s been dealing with it by himself for his entire life, and he’ll keep dealing with it on his own until the day he dies.

But Andrew is exactly the problem, today, and as strong as Neil’s dislike for Betsy is, he knows that if there’s anyone who can advise him on how to approach this…issue, it’s her...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45405370

Andrew finally lets his emotions in - the good and the bad.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45297673 this one is SEXY

Yes or no?" Neil asked as he pulled away, a grin on his face.

Andrew contemplated. He felt good. He had woken up comfortably, and the presence in bed beside him hadn't set him on edge. Him and Neil had been together for years, but sometimes he still woke up and put space between them. Neil always understood, but there was a crease in his brow for the rest of the day whenever it happened. Today was a good day for Andrew. Not just okay, but good.

"Yes," Andrew decided.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42678765/chapters/107211447

The next universe over, life has gone a bit easier on Andrew. He’s gainfully employed as a nurse of all things, working beside his best friend Renee, and living in relative harmony with his brother, the recently graduated Dr. Aaron Minyard. Everything’s fine.

It’s fine that he hasn’t spoken to Kevin in person for three years. It’s fine if Aaron’s leaving him to marry his stupid doctor girlfriend.

It’s fine until the boy with the box-dyed hair stumbles into the ER and passes out at his feet, bringing a world of secrets and trouble with him.

And Neil? Neil’s looking for any port in a storm.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45106720

The Monsters come to Columbia for the summer. There is lemonade and sweet tea, video games, ice cream and Andrew in muscle tees and short shorts. Neil is having the best summer of his life.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625013/chapters/67588202

Neil joins a band, gets laid and starts a mob war.

Andrew met a guy at a bar. Sort of. He had a one night stand with the guy he met at a bar. Sort of. Then said guy he met at a bar and had a one night stand with became a regular hook-up. Sort of.

Now the guy he met at a bar who became a regular hook-up after a one night stand keeps a toothbrush at his place.

Sort of.

Fuck.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47047513

"Andrew realized what he was seeing but he couldn’t comprehend it. He didn’t know how to help. There was no enemy to deal with – there was just Neil seizing on the floor and Andrew didn’t know what to do." _____ Neil starts having seizures and Andrew tries to help.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47005483

A hot guy moves in downstairs. Allison sees him first.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46988053

Andrew was a southern boy, through and through.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46033726

After an upbringing lacking in mundanity, Neil just wants to live a “normal” life. He’s got a home, a circle of friends, a job — why not give casual sex a shot?

Neil tries out poetry and he and Andrew are disgustingly in love.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47394898

Neil is on just a few more drugs when the Feds come to the hospital after picking him up from his father's basement, and doesn't cause enough of a ruckus to get the Foxes brought to his hospital room. Stuart takes him back to England instead.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47377012

Just falling in love.

(I've reread this fic maybe 8 times...10/10)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39298077

Neil's adventures in playing for the world's crappiest college Exy team, featuring highlights such as a meet-ugly of star players Kevin Day and Andrew Minyard, a tour of all three of Ohio's thrilling sights, copious amounts of shit-stirring, the mystery of an undead house plant, arguing about Pokémon with a guy he met online and sometimes hooks up with and definitely doesn't know in real life, forced team bonding, a date at the Mothman museum, charcuterie boards, and many more.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47515573

Someone's taken a dick pic in the arcade photobooth. Detective Andrew Minyard is on the case.

Andrew and the Idiotic, Thirsty, Ill-advised, Very Off-Limits Crush on his College Roommate's Younger Brother.

(a fav of mine. highly recommend)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20650433

Four million words, written across hundreds of journals. But one of Andrew Minyard's decoded stories outlives the rest. The story of his forbidden love, Neil Hatford.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42831054

This is the story of Neil and Andrew post “The King’s Men” and spans 12 years. It’s about their sexual journey – every baby steps, missteps, and gigantic leaps. It is also (and perhaps more importantly) the journey of how they stay committed throughout it all, made visible in the little things, and bigger, grander gestures. Most of this is a mix of canonical facts and my own take on their future. A few of the scenes include: the night following the championship game, Andrew allowing Neil to get him off, Neil getting fucked for the first time, the handcuffs scene, Andrew moving to a new city while Neil has to stay at Palmetto for his last year, Andrew bottoming, Nicky’s wedding, and Andrew and Neil’s public coming out far, far in the future, followed by a crazy Fox reunion.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47370928

Every hair on his new body stood on end as he quickly patted himself down, finding a wallet in his back pocket but nothing else until his shoe caught on the strap of a duffle bag, half buried in the sand under his bench. He yanked the bag up beside him, giving it a quick shake to loosen the sand clinging to the canvas fabric, before turning his attention to stripping the wallet bare. He decided quite quickly that his other half was an asshole. There was plenty of loose cash in his wallet, but not a single personal item of any manner. No ID. No bank card. No pictures of girlfriends or family. Not even an old receipt stuffed in the bottom. At the very least, life hadn’t disappointed him with how shitty things could get.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34885285 this one is also so sexy ur welcome

Neil and Andrew have always been inseparable since the day they first met in seventh grade - when Neil was Natalie and Andrew was no longer a Doe. They grew up side by side, sharing everything with the other - everything besides their feelings for each other. But now they’re nineteen and eighteen, and after Andrew kisses Neil, they begin exploring a side of each other they never thought they would. Well, that, and they still aren't sharing their feelings for each other too.

#Dramatically blows the dust off this ask and places it in front of u like ur a wizard and im the old wise librarian helping u on ur quest #all for the game #Aftg #Andreil

[galactic-pirates]

NoTP?

Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your "favourite?"

Thank you! ❤️

3) NoTP?

Generally speaking I try not to think about what I don’t like, I prefer to focus on what I do - love not hate you know.

The most recent that I absolutely can not stand is Shaw/Seven. Just writing it down and contemplating it makes me feel sick. An original from years ago that I can’t stand is Trip/T’Pol (both from Star Trek). I am tempted to say Wyatt and Lucy from Timeless but honestly I only came to utterly loathe that in the later parts of season 2. Oh and can’t forget Hook and Emma from Once.

There are probably others but as I said I try and not think about it. Also this is just my opinion. There’s an expression “don’t want to yuck someone else’s yum”. I am old school fandom really about ‘staying in my lane’. I might not like ships but I have nothing against shippers.

14) Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you've changed your mind?

Answered here :)

21) Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your "favourite?"

I have 41 fics tagged for Rumbelle (Once). The next one is Helen/John/James (Sanctuary) with 8. The lowest is Flynn/Lucy (Timeless). This is entirely because I did the bulk of my fanfic writing when I was in my ‘Rumbelle era’. Not anything to do with favourite.

I actually wrote a post about this on tumblr (probably more than one to be honest) about how it hurt my soul a little bit that it didn’t feel like I had shown Helen/John/James the same amount of love. It was never about the level of obsession just where I was in my life.

I don’t know if I can really say that any ship is a favourite above the others. Obsessions wax and wane, fondness remains. At different times of my life, different ships have hit me hard. Some pairings have endured for longer in terms of fandom participation but there are so many factors at play for that. Rumbelle definitely isn’t my current favourite, I can say that at least.

Bonus question because you had a repeat :)

4) Is there a popular pairing you don't necessarily dislike but aren't too invested in?

Many probably. I mean unless I out and out hate it, or I’m obsessed, there’s a lot of middle ground that encompasses everything else. I am trying to think of an example. Oh! The Leverage OT3. That’s a good example. They are obviously family and very important to one another, and Hardison and Parker are very sweet together on the show. I can see why people like all three of them together romantically. I’m not against it but I’m not invested either. I am comfortable with just how they are, because the bond between them is so strong.

#I answer things

[psychewritesbs]

I have to say, it's disheartening to keep seeing the Megumi slander on the internet and the way they don't give credit to where credit is due. I especially dislike that people think Megumi is so weak-willed just because he can't regain control of his body against Sukuna and compares him to Yuji, a result of Kenjaku's experiment, who was designed to be a cage for Sukuna. It's definitely not just a matter of will power.

Did they honestly just forget that despite Megumi being broken over finding out Tsumiki's gone he still managed to interfere with Sukuna's cursed energy output? Definitely putting up a fight? Did they miss that Sukuna had to take a dip in the Bath of Evil just to further sink Megumi's soul to ensure he wouldn't be interfering as much? But even then, he still had to go and kill Tsumiki for further insurance. Like, this is a normal kid (as compared to a specially-made vessel) we're talking about. His body wasn't made to host Sukuna and yet even Sukuna recognizes that Megumi have the potential to suppress him as well. Heck, Megumi even surviving being possessed is already a miracle in and of itself. So I think in terms of will power and strength of the soul all of these ought to account for something.

I'm so sorry if I ranted. I've missed my boy and the odds of him being x'ed rising each chapter is making me bristle whenever I see people shitting on him (I really got to remove myself from the toxic spaces for a while). But onto my ask, on the possibility that Megumi's coming back, do you think he'll overcome Sukuna alone or will he get help? Personally I really want him to breakout on his own. That would be such a nice F U to Sukuna. And I want my boy to take back the mastery of the 10S. The recent chap leak (that I couldn't avoid for the life of me) revealing Sukuna's motives with the 10S and Maho gives me a bit of hope that Gege has yet to show us the full extent of this technique. And there's still Chimera Shadow Garden. I'd like to think Gege would be kind enough to give us a pay off for the deliberate progression of Megumi's character and abilities. Essentially another Origin of Blind Obedience pay off. Cause my boy deserve it so much 😭.

HOLA anon!

Preach.

Rant away anon. This is what jjk Confessions Sunday not on a Sunday is for 😂. Even if I disagree with some of what I am sent, I always try to make it a point to understand where others are coming from. Otherwise Squishy calls me out on it ;)

Onto your question under the cut...

So I totally get how bromantic it is for Yuji to save Megumi. I do. It's an absolutely beautiful statement about the love these two have for each other.

With my recent realization that jjk is about... dun dun dun... DEATH, came a deeper understanding about how Gege is executing on this theme.

What I mean by this is that Yuji, Megumi and Nobara (the entire cast, really) have a shared experience of what it is like to face death as part of their everyday experience.

I know, I am late to the party. I can be dense like that.

Anyways... I think it's important that we agree on what it means to face your mortality. Most especially if you are young.

Spoken from experience, when you are young, unless you have had a brush with death or some sort of debilitating illness, death isn't something you think will happen to you.

When you are young, death is some foreign concept that happens to others. Never you.

Now, I'm not necessarily advocating that people contemplate death, but, also spoken from experience, there is a paradoxical truth about death that deepens the experience of the self--and that is that becoming aware of your mortality, if approached with the right mindset, becomes an invitation to live life more fully and with more intention.

So I imagine Yuji, Megumi, and Nobara, due to being the only 1st years, have developed a much deeper, unspoken bond than they would have with many of the other people in their lives.

That said, Megumi asking to be saved is such a desperate but beautiful expression of his vulnerability, which we hardly ever get to see by the way.

Not only that, it's bromantic af, mate! Ship or no ship, asking to be saved has deep implications on a soulful level.

To this point, Kiri by Monoral, the Ergo Proxy op, is one of my favorite songs ever because it captures the essence of love as a religious and aspirational experience in which someone asks to be saved.

But saved from what?

What does salvation even mean?

Come and save me

I am kind of obsessed with this theme of redemption as of late because Gege is framing Sukuna as a religious figure redeeming and releasing characters from their existential woes.

Which is kind of what Megumi is asking of Yuji in asking to be saved.

Like in the lyrics to the song, Megumi is metaphorically saying "I need you to 'refill my place' and to 'complete my fate'. Come and save me".

He's saying "we're not heroes" but at the same time elevates Yuji to the role of one who can redeem.

It really is as simple as Megumi asking for help on a surface level, and as complex and deep as asking for salvation on a soulful level.

After all, as I said in a previous ask, when Megumi asked for salvation, he had recently learned Tsumiki has to take part in the Culling Game, meaning Megumi is likely feeling insecure and anxious.

"Come and save me, I am at the lowest I could ever be."

Now, I LOVE that Megumi is asking to be saved because, in doing so, he's showing character growth, you know, that one thing people say he doesn't have. For one, he's asking for help, and second, he's showing vulnerability, which I will never get tired of saying he normally suppresses.

So anyways, all of that to say that, the problem with this mentality is that, even if it means Megumi has grown, it absolves him of responsibility for himself.

He's basically saying "here you go Itadori, your character archetype is Pisces, the redeemer, so here are my existential burdens, go die on the cross for me".

Ok, not exactly. I am exaggerating to get a point across.

My point is that, in asking Yuji to save him, Megumi is absolving himself of the responsibility to develop the qualities he admires in Yuji or to acknowledge said qualities in himself.

In retrospect, there's something about how Megumi having no qualms scoring 100 points is really about how he's willing to tarnish his soul and become irredeemable for the sake of saving Tsumiki.

And isn't it ironic that Megumi is on quest, just like a Knight, to uphold and protect the ideals of a Sleeping Beauty and yet he himself needs saving?

I am having a hard time verbalizing the paradox here, but Tsumiki's death is SO deeply symbolic.

idk, I don't feel like I'm doing this answer justice because I feel like I can go deeper with this because there's also something at the core of this idea about how Megumi is giving up on himself by waiting to be saved.

Which is relatable af.

What I am trying to say is that if he gets saved in the sense that other people yank Sukuna out of him or wtv... then Megumi didn't learn his lesson, and that just means it is prone to happen again.

If Gege decides to go for the bromantic outcome, I am sure he'll show us the train of thought he took to get there. Maybe there is a way for Megumi to be saved AND for him to take responsibility for himself.

Whatever the case, like you dear anon, I need him to stop feeling sorry for himself, to stop doubting himself, to see himself as good enough, and to take back his agency and take back his life. Because in doing so, Megumi is taking responsibility for himself.

Something like that 😂.

Thanks for the Megumi-love anon!

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl #god I love jujutsu kaisen

[sapphirepastries]

A Cleric in a Twisted Wonderland (Octopath Traveler AU) - Everything the Light Touches

Leona scowled. He came to the botanical gardens to skip class and take his usual nap, but as soon as he reached his spot, he saw that it had an intruder.

An intruder in the form of his Solistian counterpart, Leo.

In order to distinguish them, nicknames had been given to the Solistian dorm leader counterparts. Needless to say, there was an argument over which side got the nicknames: the NRC Dorm Leaders or the Solistian counterparts. Both sides wanted to be called by their own names, but Yuu had put a stop to their arguing, stating that she would give the nicknames in order to appease them.

Which is how her Leona Kingscholar got the nickname of Leo.

Leo's ear twitched and he opened one eye. Upon seeing that it was his Twisted Wonderland counterpart, he yawned and rolled over to his side, propping his head up with his hand.

"Oh, it's just you. Sorry, but this spot is taken. Better find somewhere else to take a nap," he said.

Leona's scowl deepened, and he crossed his arms, tail swishing in annoyance.

"This is my spot, in case you didn't know," he growled. "You go find somewhere else to sleep."

Leo rolled over again to face him. "Oh? No one was here, and I don't see your name anywhere here. Isn't this garden for all the students? I say that it's fair game where I choose to take a nap."

He smirked a familiar smirk, irking Leona even more. That was his smirk, and seeing it in his counterpart was irritating.

"Tch, dealing with you is just as annoying as dealing with Ruggie, or even my brother," he complained, a hand on his forehead.

The smirk on Leo's face suddenly disappeared at the mention of Farena.

"....Your brother?" he asked quietly.

"Ah? Yeah, my brother. What, do you not have an older brother like I do?"

Leo laid back down, putting his hands behind his head.

"....Yeah, I don't have one," he answered.

It was Leona's turn to have a smirk on his face.

"Heeh? How lucky you are."

".......Not anymore, at least," Leo whispered.

And then like Leo, the smirk on Leona's face disappeared.

"...What?"

Leo glanced up at him before gesturing for him to lie down next to him. Leona stared before complying, mirroring the way Leo was laying down.

There was silence between them for a moment, and Leona was contemplating on just going to sleep when Leo spoke.

"You should probably go and see his face at least," he said.

Leona glanced at him. Leo didn't return it. It was out of character for him to be saying that he should see Farena. Leo was just like him in every way, and if he has Farena as an older brother, then he should dislike going to see him like he did.

"You never know when it'll be the last time you see it."

".....What happened?"

Leo sat up and Leona followed suit. The former's face twisted slightly in anger, his hand curling up into a fist. The memory of what happened to his Farena brought up unpleasant thoughts.

"He was usurped."

"What...?!"

Leona turned to him in shock, unable to believe what he just heard. His counterpart looked at him, this time a weak smirk on his face.

"Heh, and not by me, mind you. By someone else. A lowly court official who had been planning this for years."

Hesitantly, Leona asked the question. "What happened to Farena?"

Leo turned away and looked down at the grass. "Dead."

Ice filled Leona's entire body at the word. Farena? Dead? That couldn't be. That stupid older brother of his was strong, as much as he hated to admit it. Strong, charismatic, and kind. He couldn't imagine such a person disappearing from his life like that. Sure he had thoughts about taking the throne for himself, but in the end, he never went through with them.

Usurping and killing Farena just wasn't something he could do.

"....And Cheka?"

"Alive, thank Aeber." Leo put a hand on his face, relief visible on his body.

Relief replaced the ice, and Leona relaxed a little. Again, as much as he hated to admit it, he loved the little brat.

"That's why you should go and see his face every once in a while," Leo said, looking him straight in the eye. "If you're like me, I know how you feel about him. If he's killed like my Farena was, I know that you'll be feeling every regret I have. Don't be like me."

Leona stared back before nodding slowly. He knew he was speaking the truth. Leo smiled a small smile and pat him on the shoulder before lying back down.

"Are you going to get your revenge?" Leona asked expectantly.

If he was Leo, and Leo was him then...

Leo grinned, his sharp canines and green eyes glinting under the light of the sun.

"Who do you think I am?"

Leona mirrored his grin and laid back down.

"Haha, good to hear it. A lion never lets his prey get away."

#twisted wonderland #twst #octopath traveler #octopath traveler 2 #twisted wonderland x octopath traveler #twst x octopath traveler #twst x octopath #leona kingscholar

[lutawolf]

Soft D/s Element of Not Me Episode 3

If you don't know what soft D/s element or tendencies are, then you haven't read my other posts. You can find them on my master list here.

There are several types of subs. Which I give somewhat of a description here. The important thing to understand is that while a person might be a natural submissive and use to listening and responding to commands. They do draw a line at who they will take commands from.

We see this clearly in White, in the way that he listens to his brother and father. He doesn't listen to just anyone though, because they haven't earned that respect. Just as Sean doesn't understand the new "Black" because he isn't Dominant. Neither is White giving him submission because Sean hasn't earned it.

So, we start the series with Sean and "Black" racing to the garage. He wins and when they stop, he playfully flicks Sean on the head. This is very much a brat move and will irritate the fuck out of a Dominant. It is guaranteed to not only get our attention but will get retaliation. When it comes to my own D/s relationship, this move usually ends with my husband having a massive wedgie and contemplating his life choices. This type of playfulness is guaranteed to make sure your Dom doesn't ignore you. Poor confused Sean yelling "watch your back." However, if you pause at 2:18 then you'll clearly see a smirking Sean.

Let's talk about Sean and Namo because they don't have a D/s relationship. Don't get me wrong, Sean is a Dominant. However, these two don't have that element to their relationship. What I see from their relationship is the same type of balance that Sean gives Yok. Which is not what you will see in a D/s relationship, power balance yes but that does not make the submissive equal to others. They are our most prized treasure; they are not equal.

Payback is served. Then Sean beckons "Black" for the real fight. Now for those that have watched this series before; Sean and Black are equal fighters with Black being slightly better. The entire fight seems to be "Black" trying not to die and Sean trying to figure out what the hell is up with Black. The knockout punch has Sean immediately catching him and holding a look of surprise. Again, Sean naturally cares for those he encompasses as his, it's just that Black has never needed nor wanted that care. You can tell that Sean does not like the fact that he feels this need to nurture "Black."

Sean argues over caring for Black but barely. Then "Black" goes to steal his drink, something that I doubt the real Black would ever do. Again, this is very bratty behavior and not how we see White interact with anyone else. When "Black" says he'll clean himself up, Sean argues even though a minute ago he was arguing with Gump to not do it. Sean has a natural need to care, we can see this in how he acts towards others, but it's become more with "Black." I know a lot of people felt this mean Sean had a crush on Black, but I really think he disliked him. Their relationship is more like two brothers that dislike each other and will torture each other but not let anyone else do it. Then he finds himself caring for "Black," cleaning him up and asking if he is okay. I bet the boy is so confused.

Just as a side note. The most Dominant person is Gump. Everyone is submissive to him. We've seen it from Yok, Sean, and White. It's because he has the most knowledge and has earned their respect. This will be important later because we will hear Sean ask "Black" about caring about Gump being mad. This indicates that Black respects Gump, but Black doesn't really allow anyone to be Dominant to him. This establishes just how dominant Black is.

Then we see White lose respect for his father and walk away. Again, subs aren't doormats. They choose who they give that respect and power to. If you lose it, they can and will walk.

When White shows back up at the garage, it's at this point we can really see the mixing of the dynamics. Gump puts White with Sean knowing he isn't Black, and he doesn't have Black's dominant personality. We know that he expected Sean to figure it out with him living with him. Sean is clearly giving Dom vibes to "Black" Asking him in a smart as way if he is scared of him, to which White answers "Why would I be?"

You can clearly see the confusion on Sean. Black looks like Black, sounds like Black, and often talks like Black but doesn't act like Black. Sean keeps doing little things to test him. He does unexpected things and makes Sean feel things that he isn't used to feeling with "Black" like sympathy for "Black's" hand.

Anyone else notice that White drinks after Sean and brushes his teeth with Sean's toothbrush without thought? Sharing food, drinks, and personal items in a D/s relationship is common. Sharing strengthens a bond. Even outside a D/s relationship it's significant. It signifies social intimacy at least because it implies a deeper connection than one would have with a stranger. Yet Sean should be a stranger to White. However, White has not treated Sean as a stranger since being rescued from the fire. He has in fact done many things that would increase their level of familiarity.

Sean has got to be confused. He is helping "Black" take off his shirt and bringing him a towel. All things that the real Black likely wouldn't have wanted from Sean. We also see Sean slipping very easily into Dominant behavior, such as demanding a thank you. That was a command. Another Dom would be threatened but all White does is give bratty behavior. Again, we see a beautiful display of bratty and Dom fighting. We see the confusion once again on Sean and then it turns into suspicion.

We get to the point in which White snoops through Sean's stuff. Is caught by the suspicious Sean and the above scene takes place. Now imagine if this had actually been Black, it would have never happened. So, at this point Sean has to feel like Black is up to something and he has no clue what.

That brings us to the end of episode three. Hope you enjoyed this.

#not me #not me the series #not me series #not me kink #luta opinions #coconuts mafia #luta talks not me series

[dashielldeveron]

Hi, sorry about the anon but I’m shy. I know you probably get this all the time but I just wanted to gush over your soulmate trope series. I spent my entire weekend binging it and then rereading it all. I can’t get over how talented and subtly funny you are! Your prose is so touching and then you can just flip the moment and dispel some of that tension with a joke that most people could not pull off, it’s artful!!

Bakugo being a little shit and not telling reader his hypothesis, letting her pull her own schemes and letting her suffer! I don’t even like Monoma, I hate Monoma, but you managed to write him in a way that was so charming and endearing that I couldn’t put it down. The paragraph about Shouto hiding all of his true feelings from the world and reader’s determination to draw those out into the open got me in the heart, I just sat and contemplated how this interpretation could be applied to canon Shouto for a while. Aizawa’s desire to be noble to the point he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness and by extension the happiness of his soulmate because he thinks he knows better was just *so* Aizawa to me (not to memtion the incredible sex scene after so much build up between the characters and their dancing around these dynamics they clearly would fall so easily into). Shinso wasn’t even the focus of his chapter for me, I related so heavily to the reader’s insecurity and anxiety and *everything*. It was like you crawled into my mind and fished out all of the things I personally struggle with to put into a reader character.

And Dabi’s chapter? I’ve re-read it three times. It’s so devastating and sweet and sad and hopeful. His physical insecurity, struggling with the things he’s done and wanted to do, not feeling worthy of a soulmate and at the same time not wanting one because he assumes she will paint him into a corner the same way everyone else in his life has. His struggle with intimacy and the hypersexuality he uses to overcompensate. Feeling actually physically ill at what he subjected his soulmate to before they were even destined for each other. And I’ve never even seen seeing through each other’s eyes as a soulmate trope before, to *me* it’s so unorthodox and unique, and you used it so *well*. I’m in awe at your creativity.

And you’ve been going at it for so *long*, I can see your passion and commitment. And your improvement!! Each chapter just gets better and better and better, more depth, more interesting prose, more complex emotions, such beautiful descriptions. If you ever have the desire and time to add more I just know you’ll continue to stun and amaze me in new ways. I hope school is going well for you, I just had to let you know how appreciated your writing is. ❤️

oof that’s a lot to read all at once!! and then again, wow!! it takes me forever to review the canon that i’ve established, so i’m super impressed with your quick read time. and ohhhhhhhhhh it makes my heart siiiiiiiing that you think i can pull off subtle f u n n y...................i try to be so funny all the time, so i'm so glad it's working for you

oh my god bakugou is soooo frustrating; i love him v v much. and i know a lot of people dislike monoma bc he's meant to be Stock School Rival in so many ways, so i'm so gruntled that he was working for you here :) and shouto!!! it's that todoroki Watch Him thing, y'know, and since reader Sees real shouto, she wants him to be seen by everyone :) that's sooooooo cool and flattering that shouto's route made you recontemplate some considerations for canon boy; i also tend to think of him as a little shit, but in a different flavour than bakugou. and goddddddd i think aizawa's route affects me the most bc of aizawa's "noble", stupid sacrifices to be a Good Man; he could have been happy immediately, but it would've been tinged with guilt, and he's suffered enough.

and oh!! it's so interesting that you say that shinsou isn't even the focus of the chapter for you but reader and her insecurities; you're, like, the third or fourth person to say--and that makes me immensely happy. really. bc i was nervous i was making her insecurities Too Specific so that no one would related to them, and with shinsou, i was like, okay, what's could i see as the best possible scenario for someone (me) feeling these anxieties? and shinsou is so willing to give--and it's reciprocal relief for him when, at the end, he doesn't have to too early. i'm hoping that some of it was a comfort to you, even if 1) shinsou not real. there are still good, good people out there who will be enormously kind to you in ways specifically helpful for you.

and ohhhhhh dabi. what a weirdo. idk and am frankly scared of what canon will do to dabi in the end, so i wanted him to be more than okay, but realistic. when you have a mental breakdown, it's realistic you end up living with your parents. you go back to childhood patterns and feel weird and out of place about them. nothing quite fits, and is everyone fooling you by being so kind? do they mean the kindness, or are they scared? what do you fall back on? i don't think he would know what to do at all besides hold someone at arms' length. and also i wanted dabi to be a weeb lol. i feel in my heart he was deeply into naruto and tries to pretend he isn't. and i haven't seen the "seeing through each other's eyes" either!! the closest i've encountered, i think, is when soulmates have a body-swop on a certain day of the year--birthdays, or something, and during that body swop, they rush to find each other. yeah idk i was trying to think of what to write for a dabi chapter, and the first scene that i thought of was the cafe scene where he holds up our chin while we're looking at ourself through him, and the details of how nervous we are and the sweat dripping down our neck. i try to avoid having non-reader POV bc i like second-person limited for readerfic, and i was trying to think about how i could express this strange, calm-but-nervous-and-sweaty look. and i thought, well, why can't we, the reader, be seeing that somehow? silly. but i think it could be fun and/or sexy. like you could both experience a stupid even so that you could bitch about it later together. or he could see what he looks like when he goes down on you. or if you're lost, he can try to recognise the surroundings. idk i think there could be a lot you could do with it, and perhaps some other people had ought to give this type of bond a try.

ultimately, this ask is incredibly, immensely kind and generous and absolutely the best thing i could've seen after an extremely tough semester. i can eat well on this ask forever. you seem to be the exact type of reader i love, who notices small stuff and structure. really, thank you so, so much. i am v v v grateful and a silly little jester at yer service :)

#dash it all

[scherzokinn]

Real talk rn.

I learned something recently that made me rethink of Julian Scriabin's death.

A lot of people consider the death of Alexander Scriabin's son Julian mysterious because they find the circumstances, which were his disappearance, then the finding of his corpse later in the Dniepr with the strong evidence that he had drowned, strange.

Because of this this, a lot of people have suspected that it was more than just him "drowning", for example saying that his peers were jealous of his talent which made them put Julian in danger, which would eventually lead to his death, or other theories along this train of thought.

While it's a possibility the jealousy of his classmates could have influenced his death in some ways (perhaps), a lot of people fail to contemplate the entire context of Julian and even his father's life.

It's known that Alexander Scriabin was very eccentric, but unlike what some people could believe, it did not just start when his career kicked off; there had always been a gap between him he his peers. It may have been accentuated by his, possibly, unusual uprbinging, but it was there no matter what nonetheless.

Some of his childhood traits include having a very strong fascination with piano mechanics, enough that he built some himself, being unsociable with kids his age (but appreciative of adult attention), and even when he tried doing activities with his peers, it did not end succesfully. I also recall him telling his mom that his "thoughts wouldn't let" him "sleep".

When he was a teenager, put it the cadets as he was a Russian boy, he was bullied and was given plenty of accomodations to do things he was invested in (piano, music). He was reportedly the only cadet to not have held a firearm once.

In his adulthood, we can note many other unusual reports, like him shaving his head completely because of migraines, being put into a mental asylum (where he said he felt very out of place because he considered the other patients to be actually clinically insane, and that it made his condition, depression, worse), being very nervous, having lots of tics, having severe germaphobia (that translated into OCD-like symptoms if I recall correctly), generally disliked concert halls and preferred playing in salons, and just generally having a completely warped view of the world. I probably missed some.

And this is without mentioning that his whole oeuvre resolves around senses.

But among other mental conditions, it sounds very likely to me that Alexander Scriabin had Autism Spectrum Disorder (and most definitely not a fun one at that). And Julian Scriabin was described as being very similar, in most ways, to his father.

What I learned was that autistic kids are 160 times more likely to experience drowning than their neurotypical peers. If we consider that Julian Scriabin may have had, and likely had, autism, then it would explain how and why he drowned, removing all of the mysticism behind his death.

Note: most information I shared here was written from just my memory, so it might be not totally accurate; don't use this post as a source.

#history #unsolved mysteries #music history #classical music #classical music history #theories #historical theories #history nerd #music nerd #autism #autism spectrum disorder #aspergers #alexander scriabin #julian scriabin

[greenandhazy]

I've got a bit of Richard meta, putting it beneath the cut for spoilers. and just fyi, while it's not meant to be anti-Richard or anti-Barris at all, it's a bit... realist? yeah, that's the word I'm going with.

I think one of the reasons I’m not necessarily shocked about the Treatment of Richard in the new Downton movie is that… I was never 100% sold on who Richard was supposed to be in the first movie. We don’t get very much dialogue from him, a fair amount of what we do get is generically pleasant rather than deep, and some of the deep dialogue is, to a certain extent, contradicted or at least complicated by his actions.

I’ve seen people argue that he was very brave and open and therefore would never marry, citing especially the fact that 1) he rescued Thomas from the police when he didn’t have to, and 2) he kissed him in a room with an open door. Which both make sense! Those are brave and risky things to do. But from my perspective, the first one was him very much relying on a “boys will be boys” persona and the power of his position, and the second was a matter of a few seconds. They don’t say anything about what Richard would do if his position in the Royal Household was seriously threatened, if someone had real suspicions that couldn't be assuaged by his bravado, or if he had a significant amount of time to contemplate a decision that would have a lifelong impact.

And there were also moments in the first movie that suggested he was a more cautious figure than fanon interpretation. From my perspective:

1) the fact that Thomas didn’t seem sure that Richard was flirting with him until after the police station, even though they had an entire afternoon together—including a 20-mile drive into York.

2) “You’ll have to be more circumspect.” That’s a very different line compared to, say, “We’ve all been there,” which suggests a less careful personality, or even “Your secret’s safe with me,” which is somewhere in the middle and would still have worked with the gesture, if the writers really wanted to keep that.

3) “Well, we all do what we must. But, yeah.” (emphasis mine) This is in response to Thomas expressing frustration at having to fit in—and it’s Richard hedging. Saying “we do have to fit in sometimes, that’s just how it is.” Max Brown’s delivery of the first line is rather soft and there’s a little pause before he continues, which also reads as a bit resigned to me. Even if he agrees with Thomas that it’s nice to not have to, he’s more pragmatic about it than Thomas is.

And in terms of the cut wife from movie 1 reappearing in movie 2—we can debate about whether that’s a good or realistic idea, and I totally acknowledge people might justifiably dislike it. But I think a reasonable argument can be made that this plot point was cut because of what it did narratively (giving Thomas a downer ending with no relief, as opposed to movie 2 which gives him a downer beginning and hopeful ending), rather than in terms of character. (And narratively speaking, we could also call it a cop-out that this was tacked on to the next movie, instead of one where it might have been placed better in a character arc, but I digress.)

Looking at the last two things I cited in particular, it seems perfectly plausible that Richard was still written as The Kind of Guy Who Might Get Married in the first movie, even if they didn’t seal the deal on it. There’s also the contrast built into the narrative between Richard and Chris, in which Richard is put up as the safer, more conventional choice. Again, making it not surprising that he would choose a safer, more conventional life.

Of course, all of this is only my interpretation, and I understand if people have a different interpretation! Fanon characterization of Richard built up a lot out of relatively little, as it had to for a movie with this many characters, and people can disagree on to what extent certain things are emphasized, or should have been emphasized, or make for a good/well-written/interesting character and plot. But I’ve also seen a lot of shock and feeling that this came from out of the blue or that it is completely inconsistent with first-movie Richard and… I don’t think that’s true. I think there was a lot of ambiguity in Richard’s individual personality, as well as what his relationship with Thomas would be—it was promising, certainly, and it might have gone in a better direction, but we barely saw it. We saw Day One of their established interest in each other, Day Two if we’re being generous, and there are a lot of different ways a relationship can go off from the first two days. And whether or not it was well done or satisfying, I do think the writers gave themselves enough leeway to make this version of Richard at least credible. We are meant to assume things have happened offscreen that pushed him in this direction, sure, but it's not as shocking a development as it would have been if, say, Thomas was the one deciding to get married, which would in fact have been wildly inconsistent with a well-developed character.

#da2 spoilers #downton abbey spoilers #downton abbey 2 spoilers #richard ellis #downton abbey

[kit-fisto-obsessive]

7: “Here, hold my hand.” for Plo and Kit if you feel up to it! I hope your day has been going smoothly, take care 💜🌻

Thank you for the plokit prompt!!!!

Swimming

title from the Florence + The Machine song of the same name

read on AO3 or below the cut

Plo dislikes swimming. He is not good at it.

Despite the fact that his species start as eel-like larvae that live in boiling hot pools of sulphuric acid, adult Kel Dor are not suited to the liquid life. Plo even less so than most, living as he does on a planet with an atmosphere that is toxic to him. His anti-ox mask is a near permanent fixture on his face, and he can’t just jump into the water whenever he feels like it. 

Not that he ever feels like it, of course.

Unfortunately for him, his husband adores swimming. Kit is never happier than when he’s in the water. More unfortunately, Plo is rather partial to the sight of Kit swimming. Either he’s floating just below the surface, his features serene, or he’s powering through the water, all grace and muscle.

So, when it came time for their annual meditative retreat, they had compromised.

A quaint little cabin on the edge of a beautiful lake with crystal clear water. Ideal for both their requirements. Somewhere quiet for Plo to read, and somewhere for Kit to swim. He’d been very pleased with himself when he’d found the cabin, waving his datapad in Plo’s face. It had seemed ideal.

It was ideal, but for Plo’s current predicament.

Kit had found a lilo in the cabin. Plo, in all his wisdom, had decided to read on it. To be closer to Kit, he reasoned.

They spent almost all their free time together in the Temple, slept together every night, and so when they are on vacation they tend to do their own thing a little more. Together, but separate at the same time. Usually, it sits perfectly well with the both of them, but last night Plo had been watching a young couple a few tables over at the restaurant they had decided to eat at.

They’d been so utterly absorbed in each other, seemingly incapable of being separated even for a moment.

Plo had remembered when he and Kit were like that, and he’d missed it. So, in an effort to be closer to Kit and show an interest in his husband’s favourite things, Plo had decided to read whilst floating on the lilo.

It was an excellent book, and he’d become entirely engrossed. Now he was floating in the middle of the lake, potentially miles from where he’d started, and Kit was nowhere to be seen.

He’d probably fallen asleep. He did enjoy his underwater naps.

Any attempt to use the Force to guide the lilo towards the shore made Plo wobble dangerously.

Drat.

He’s going to have to swim for it.

At least it was a lake, and not the ocean. Then he really might be in trouble.

As it is, he’ll just have to swim. He’s not in his heavy Jedi robes thankfully, instead he’s wearing some light linen things that gape open at his neck. It’ll be troublesome, but it won’t drag him down.

Plo knows what he has to do. He’s finished his book, and is getting quite hungry. He sighs, his hands folded in his lap, contemplating the task ahead.

He truly does detest swimming. He can’t get his mask too wet either, so he’ll have to be very careful. 

“What are you doing all the way out here, Old Man?” a voice says behind him. Plo jumps and falls off his lilo.

As his arms flail around him, the light linen robe twists around his head, obscuring his vision. He panics, already able to feel the water beginning to work its way around the edges of his mask. The water deadens his hearing, his senses, he has no idea where Kit is or how far from the surface he is. 

Here, hold my hand.

Kit’s voice in Plo’s mind is instantly calming. A strong hand takes his, and a firm arm wraps around his waist. As Kit kicks upwards, Plo’s robes clear from around his face and he can see his husband. Their heads breaks the service and Plo takes a breath, the filters of his mask needing a moment to clear the water.

“Are you alright, Love? Kit asks, his hand squeezing Plo’s tightly. “I didn't mean to startle you.”

“Quite alright,” Plo gasps, his talons tightening on Kit’s shoulders as he clings to his husband. “I was just trying to figure out how to get back to shore.”

Kit laughs. Plo rests their foreheads together as he catches his breath, heart hammering in his chest. 

“What in the Force were you doing on the lilo, Love?” Kit asks, smoothing his thumb over Plo’s cheek.

“I wanted to be with you in the water without… actually being in the water,” Plo confesses.

Kit’s grin softens, his eyes full of love.

“Well that’s lovely Darling,” Kit says, “but why didn't you use the row boat?”

Plo blinks.

“What row boat?”

#Plo Koon #Kit Fisto #PloKit #Kit Fisto x Plo Koon #my writing #prompt fic

[briarrosescurse]

OMGEE HAI... PLEASE... I NEED TO KNOW...! What happens in the Briar Prickler route.

YES YES who am i to deny the bitchman himself...!!

general outlook: i'd like to think that briar's route would be a rather grim one to approach...? basically, i was thinking that, if my ocs were in a dating sim, briar's route is one that isn't really recommended to play from the get-go, because he would have a much more increased difficulty compared to the others. not the hardest, but def on second or third place. (that is, if you want to achieve a good ending with him)

it's hard to ever really pick the right answers with him, especially at the beginning. i feel like the first impression you leave on him as well as how the first conversations go are very essential to how the route will develop and just... even determine the tone of the route? I FEEL LIKE. while his attitude may either remain as grouchy as ever, get worse or tends to go a little "softer" (as soft as it gets with him) with time, the genre can just. shift into different directions.

it's like no answer really pleases him, so i think you just kinda have to hope and cross ur fingers that he doesn't entirely dislike u, because of how vague he is. i feel like that's what would get people frustrated with him LMAO

good ending: if you are gunning for a happy ending with him, then i think you'd have to pick the answers that would provide a different outlook, so to speak...? it might clash with his stance A LOT at first, but throughout the course of the route, it becomes clear that he values your opinion and your thoughts, thus seeming more receptive to you and opening himself up to you. obvs his route wouldn't be a "my partner is my therapist" route or anything, things just can't be fixed like that BUT i think there'd more a little brighter, even more hopeful undertones. (imagine an ending cg where u see a rare smile on his face; albeit a tired smile, he seems satisfied enough)

bad ending: it'd be, unfortunately, so easy to slip into a bad ending with him, where he develops clear disdain for you... it's not even a dramatic, big ending, but it's more just a. well. that was it of him. you're not gonna get a glimpse of him again. he doesn't want to see you. it's almost a little heartbreaking, but it's not like he really cares, at that point. at the end, you'll be another of thousands of faces in his long life and he makes sure to let you know that. (i.e. he's a bitch abt it)

if you wanna spice it up, i feel like he deserves a secret ending where ur like his past lover or someone he knew before LMAO like a reincarnation or smth... it wouldnt be so on the nose tho, smth more subtle. he isn't a man of dramatic, grand schemes, so that ending would not be grand either. and i would also say that his route would be one of the longer ones, maybe diving rather deep into topics that are ur late night talks at 2 am, contemplating life and shit. a route that makes u theorize on the overaching themes and what exactly is going on with him or smth, "why is briar prickler like this: a thread" LMAOOOO

#TYSM FOR ASKING! #twst oc #briar prickler #dating sim ask #[my writing] #he is a bit of a. difficult case to say the least. #absolutely hard to romance but it would be an experience

[shrinkthisviolet]

☕️ on Ace Attorney (Original Trilogy vs Apollo Justice Trilogy)

Ooh this is an interesting one! Honestly, I think we can all agree that the OT was perfect, not much to say there…but I know Apollo Justice tends to be more controversial. I honestly hesitate to call it a trilogy, but…one thing at a time, let’s start with AA4 (aka my favorite of the three):

Here’s my hot take: Phoenix isn’t the issue. The game has its flaws, but Phoenix being more jaded makes sense (and he still has a brightness within him with Trucy). “But Lavi, you don’t like TLJ Luke for exactly the same reason,” yes, I hear you, but although Phoenix and Luke are very similar, the circumstances of their hermit era are different. Luke leaves his family to exile himself after a brief moment of contemplating murder against his nephew, instead of fighting the First Order (after he saw how dangerous and destructive the Empire was??). Phoenix loses the position he worked so hard towards and is then manipulated by Kristoph for 7 years, during which he still comes up with a plan to fight back in secret! Different circumstances…but I digress. Back to the main point: the issue is not Phoenix.

The game’s big issue is actually with Apollo: he’s so sidelined compared to Phoenix that it’s unfair to him. Like…forget not winning a case on his own (because Phoenix had that issue in AA1 too): his game isn’t even really about him! It’s all about Phoenix! Which, for a game meant to introduce Apollo, is bizarre. AA5 and AA6 (mainly AA6) do a better job of introducing Apollo than AA4, which is a shame. He feels like a plot device in his own intro game, and he deserves better than that.

The other issue is more to do with AA5. That game resets the status quo so much that it weakens AA4 in retrospect…which imo is part of why AA4 is so disliked. Phoenix is a lawyer again, and back to his OT self (no seriously, it’s actually kinda jarring), there’s another new lawyer in Athena (who gets a much better intro in this game than Apollo did in AA4).

Also, this game was “OT Cameo Central” with brief appearances from Trucy, Klavier, and Pearl (Maya was AA6 iirc). And oh, do I mean brief. It’s actually annoying, particularly with Trucy, because…these are supposed to be three of the most important characters in Ace Attorney, with Trucy especially as Phoenix's daughter! Why is she so sidelined?? Why is Klavier sidelined, when he’s Apollo’s most meaningful opposition and a great narrative foil to him in AA4?? (Why don’t we see his reaction to Apollo going all Kristoph-esque in the finale in DD? Feels like something he’d have strong reactions to, hmm?)

AA6 I actually preferred over AA5, but…even then, as I was playing, I just went “wow, after three games, we finally know something about Apollo other than his work life and his post-death-mentioned best friend” 🤦‍♀️

Honestly the more I think about it…this isn’t really a trilogy. I like parts of each game, but…it’s not coherent in the same way the OT was, and it’s not even entirely focused on Apollo the way the OT was entirely focused on Phoenix. It’s more of a beautiful mess, in a sense.

(Hey also can we talk about how messed up it is that Apollo and Trucy still don’t know they’re siblings?? Because that’s messed up, right?? Phoenix found out in AA4 and he still hasn’t told them?? And if he has, why tf didn’t we see that??)

Send me “☕️” and (optionally) a topic, and I’ll talk about it!

#i love this trilogy but also it’s a mess but also it’s complicated #(but i will defend aa4 ✋ especially from the people who say aa5 is better. IT IS NOT!! aa5 destroyed all the narrative potential of aa4!!) #ace attorney #anti tlj #(just in case. since i ranted a bit about luke) #tea ask game #spilling the tea ask game