#jyn erso x cassian andor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quarantineddreamer · 8 months

Text

Synchronous Scars | Chapter 9

Whew this one took awhile! A healthy dose of writer's block mixed with imposter's syndrome does not make for the most productive working environment, but we're finally here, and I am so happy to be back with this fic. I hope you'll enjoy the update! Snippet below and as usual full chapter under the cut, or above on AO3. Thanks for reading! (And any reblogs, recs, comments etc. greatly appreciated 💙)

Chapter 9

Sleep was not something that had ever come easily to Cassian. In many ways, he considered it a form of surrender, leaving him at the mercy of whatever torture his traitorous mind would conjure.

Once he drifted off, the trees would be there to greet him .

Tall and reaching, with trunks like prison bars stretching across his vision in every direction, trapping him. Not Kenari, but a twisted parallel, just close enough to be familiar, and all the more painful for it.

Vines would reach out to wrap around his ankles and wrists, rooting him to the spot, helpless to take any action as the forest’s shadows began to take the shape of his greatest failures.

His mother’s silhouette before him, crumbling against a violent red. Kerri’s eyes, wide and black and so afraid. Searching, always searching, with a voice small and hurting. Calling his name again and again, until the surrounding ether consumed her.

Cassian shook his head–willing inevitable nightmares from his thoughts–and returned his focus instead to listening. Straining to catch the subtle click of a lock turning, or the quiet hiss of a door opening, the soft fall of footsteps retreating into the night...

They had been fortunate enough not to encounter any further trouble following the strange run-in with Jyn’s ‘ghosts’. Even luckier still, to find a cheap hotel tucked off of Famu’s main thoroughfare with two open rooms. The woman at the counter had accepted the credits Jyn slid across the table without so much as a glance upwards.

The rooms they’d been given were next to each other, and when Jyn punched in the keycode to her room the door had opened smoothly, with little sound aside from a brief rush of air, practically a whisper.

There had been an awkward beat, Cassian watching her, trying to discern if this would be the last time he saw her, or what she might look like in another 6 years–so he’d be able to recognize her if, by some impossible chance, their paths crossed again.

He hadn’t dared to ask her outright if he’d be seeing her in the morning.

“Good night, Cassian,” she’d said softly, avoiding his eyes as she disappeared into her room.

Goodnight, Jyn.

Cassian rolled to his back, contemplating the blank expanse of the ceiling, glowing a hypnotic blue from the moonlight that streamed through his open window.

His body should have been screaming for rest—already, he could feel the ache of tomorrow beginning to set in, the fresh scrapes and bruises from his fight on Morlana One making themselves known–but instead it was betraying him.

It was absurd, well beyond logic, and completely unrealistic, but he swore he could still taste her on his lips, could still smell her hair–flowers, rain, and smoke–with each inhale, the soft skin of her back against the palm of his hand, heating his wrist…

There was a gentle bump somewhere in the hallway and Cassian found himself holding his breath, waiting for any sounds that might follow, for any indication she was leaving.

But there was nothing, only a distant ringing in his ears–a souvenir from his time fighting on Mimban.

He wondered what damages he might collect from whatever hellhole the Empire shipped him off to this time. Or maybe they wouldn’t even bother, maybe the notice that had–no doubt by now–been sent out from Morlana One simply read shoot on sight, and when his mistakes caught up to him that would be it.

Maybe he had seen Ferrix for the last time and–just like with Kenari–not even known it.

The image of Clem waiting up for him to get home–as he had done countless times throughout Cassian’s youth–bore too close a resemblance to his nightmares of Kerri doing the same. His stomach in knots, Cassian rolled from the bed and wandered into the hallway, seeking one of the communal freshers and the sharp slap of some cold water on his face to clear his head.

At the end of the empty, dark hallway was a door that had been painted blue to mark the location of the fresher. But when Cassian entered the code the hotel had provided to unlock it, the word ‘ ERROR’ flashed back at him, the keypad emitting three short beeps of defiance.

“One sec. I’m almost done,” a familiar voice echoed from within the fresher.

Something tickled at his chest, a strange combination of surprise, delight, and relief rushing through him. “Jyn?”

For a moment the only sound was the faint drip of water; he thought he might have heard her give a quick kark under her breath. Then the door hissed open to reveal Jyn, her outline haloed by the warm glow of the fresher behind her.

Like him, she was wearing the same clothes from the day–swimming in the shirt she’d borrowed from him on the ship. Her hair was still damp from showering and she had her head angled to the side as she continued to squeeze at her ends with a fluffy gray towel. She lifted an eyebrow at him, “What are you still doing up?”

“I could ask the same of you,” he pointed out.

She shrugged and lowered the towel. “I’ve learned to never pass up hot water when you have it.”

There was a slight downward curve to her mouth that made him think she wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he refrained from challenging her statement. “Fair enough…”

“Well…” Jyn shifted in the doorway, making space for him to pass her. “All yours,” a slight smirk played at her lips. “Good thing too.” She mimed plugging her nose and waving at the air, “You smell atrocious.”

“Thanks for that,” Cassian gave a dry laugh, “very kind of you to say.”

“No, really–I would know. I got a good whiff in the alleyway when we were–” She cut herself off abruptly, and were it not difficult to tell with the strange lighting of the fresher and the darkness of the hallway dividing her face, he might have said he saw a faint blush creep across her face. “Anyways,” she gestured somewhat awkwardly to the fresher behind her, “all yours.”

But he still couldn’t shake the sense that something was troubling her, and as she stepped into the hallway–her shoulder brushing against him–instinct compelled him to call after her, “Jyn?”

She turned and looked back at him. The expression on her face was carefully guarded, giving nothing away, but it was something in her eyes, capturing the light like twin lanterns, that confirmed his suspicions–an uneasiness in them that reminded him of the faraway look that had overcome her in the bar.

What’s the real reason you’re still awake? he almost asked, before noticing Jyn’s wary, shifting posture and thinking better of it. “Just…” let me know if there’s anything I can do. But he bit back the words, still too knowing, too familiar, and went with, “Hope you get some sleep.”

Her fingers picked at the threads of the towel that lay across her shoulders. “Yeah,” she murmured, a curious tilt to her head as she slowly turned away. “You too...”

Inside the fresher, the mirror was still fogged with moisture from Jyn’s recent visit and foamy suds from the soap she’d used lingered atop the drain, the minty scent clouding every breath Cassian took. Traces of sweat, blood, and grime from the streets of Morlana One washed away easily enough, but he found the picture of Jyn’s small figure retreating down the shadow soaked hallway remained stubbornly embedded in his thoughts.

On the day he’d met her, he’d learned the hard way just how resistant she could be to the help of another, and what had happened mere hours ago on the streets of Famu only served to remind him further of her stubbornness.

Which was why, even after his feet automatically carried him to her door instead of his own, he hesitated–hand wavering over its surface and a million thoughts buzzing through his head.

She might resent him for any further attempt at assistance, she might assume that he was there for all the wrong reasons...

The door flew open before he could make up his mind, revealing Jyn in the entryway, blaster in hand and leveled at his stomach, her eyes blazing.

It was the second time in less than a day that she had pointed a gun at him, and in retrospect a part of him knew he should have expected this might happen; as it was he nearly jumped out of his skin. “No, no, no, Jyn. Jyn, it’s me.”

“ Kark , Cass–do you know how close I just came to shooting you?”

Pretty fucking close, he guessed.

If she caught the ashen look on his face, she gave no signs of concern. Instead, she leaned past him to scan the hallway behind, “What’s wrong?” she demanded.

“We’re fine,” he said, nudging her back into the entryway–out of sight from any unlikely wandering eyes. He put his hand on her forearm, gently pushing till she grudgingly lowered her weapon. “Nothing’s wrong. I just came to check on you.”

She stilled, staring up at him with a mix of puzzlement and surprise, close enough that he could feel the warmth of her breath on his chin. “Oh…”

Now that his heart rate had returned to normal and he could think clearly again, he couldn’t resist. “Cass?” he asked her with a slight smirk.

“Shut up,” she muttered, though she mirrored his expression. “I’m still armed.”

He didn’t tell her that Cass was also what his family and friends called him, that he liked the idea of being able to place her in that category.

“Anyways,” he forced himself to lean away, clearing his throat. “It just seemed like maybe there was something bothering you,” he gestured to the blaster in her hand, “like you were on edge.”

The corners of her lips fell, and he almost regretted bringing it up at all–regretted ending whatever rare flash of carelessness she’d managed to seize. “I’m fine,” she answered, words sounding more sigh than truth.

His gaze lingered on her hand, firmly gripping Clem’s old blaster. “Looks like it…” he murmured.

He caught the twitch of her shoulders tightening, the brief flicker of a glare jumping across her face. But the irritation vanished as soon as it appeared, replaced by a look, not quite of surren der, but of something close to it; if not trust, understanding. “The pair that followed us,” she said at last. “Seeing them brought up some things from my past that I’d rather forget. Between them and what happened on Morlana today I guess I’m just a bit…unsettled.”

Cassian ran his fingers through his hair hoping the movement would distract from the color he felt rising in his cheeks. It wasn’t like he was ashamed of what had happened between him and Jyn in the alley, but the idea that fear of the pair that had followed them had kept her awake, while he had been tossing and turning recalling how much he’d enjoyed that particular encounter, did make him feel a bit guilty.

Jyn seemed not to have noticed his fidgeting. She was pressing her back into the doorframe opposite where he stood, tips of her boots nearly touching his own.

The boots served as an indication of just how far from rest she had been, ready to run at a moment’s notice. “I’m sorry, Jyn,” he said, studying what hints of exhaustion she had let slip. (Slouching shoulders, bleary eyes, the barely perceptible sway as she shuffled her weight from foot to foot.) “The mess with the corpos…you wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me.”

“Actually, I think it’s the other way around,” she quipped, with a slight smile that quickly faded into something more serious. Her eyes met his and held for a long moment, sending a rush of warmth to his core. “I’m definitely not ‘ glad’ I’m here,” she admitted, “but I am glad you are.”

He had to resist the urge to step closer to her, something about the softness in her voice like strings, tugging at his insides. Looking pointedly at the blaster still in her hand he said, “I could stand watch outside your door, wake you if there’s someone coming.”

“That’s–”

“The least I can do for landing you in all this trouble?” he offered; a gentle push. When was the last time she’d had someone to watch her back? Look out for her? Ferrix might not have been his choice–would never replace what he had known on Kenari–but at least he had Brasso. At least he had Bix, Bee, Clem–Maarva in her own occasionally misguided ways. Even if they didn’t always understand him, he knew they cared for him.

Jyn’s mouth was pressed into a thoughtful line, teeth pulling at her lower lip.

“I promise if anyone shows up I’ll wake you up so you can do the honors.”

“Alright, alright,” she said, shaking her head. “But if you linger in the hallway you’ll only draw unnecessary attention.” She stepped backwards into the room, “I guess you’d better come in...”

Her suite was a mirror to his own–if not slightly narrower–with the same hollow, sterile quality; all white walls and bedding, with ugly tan furniture and the smell of cleaning chemicals. But there was something about standing in such a space with another person–standing in it with Jyn –that seemed to soften some of the room’s coarser features.

She stopped awkwardly at the end of the bed and turned to face him, waving at a chair placed in a corner by the window. “I’m not convinced it was designed for sitting. I think it’s main use is decoration. Or maybe punishment...” It was her way of offering him an out, making it clear that–regardless of any anxiety she was feeling–she didn’t need this, she was just fine on her own thank you.

He walked towards the chair and dragged it to where Jyn was standing, turned it to face the door.

She rolled her eyes at him as he sat down–the chair giving an ominous screech–but he noticed that before she climbed into bed, she took a moment to remove her boots, lips curving in a small smile as she stretched cramped toes. If nothing else, he’d given her that bit of relief.

He forced his attention onto the door as she settled; messing with the sleeves of her shirt, pulling the covers over her legs, smacking at the pillows with her palms. The habits of someone unaccustomed to sleeping on a forgiving, cushy surface; he recognized them, knew them well.

Not long after, she gave a heavy sigh. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her roll onto her back, stare at the ceiling–another familiar gesture. “How are you going to function tomorrow on no sleep?” Jyn grumbled.

“I wasn’t getting any sleep anyways,” Cassian replied with a shrug. He was used to making do on very little rest, it wouldn’t be an issue.

“Why not?”

He glanced at her, caught her now curled on her side and angled slightly to face him, eyes open and bright with moonlight. Her hair was down, dark strands of it curling on the pillow beneath her head. Force, she was beautiful. Anyone else and he would’ve been trying to charm his way into the bed to lay beside her. But his intentions tonight were–for once, strangely–more honorable than that. He dragged his eyes away. “Go to sleep, Jyn.”

“Why?” she asked again, still watching him.

He swallowed hard, looked to the door again, and did his best to ignore the burn of her gaze, sending heat up his spine. “I never sleep well.”

He thought for a moment that she had fallen asleep, or else was done talking, but then her voice came again, barely more than a whisper, “Bad dreams?” And there was another question in there, audible only in his mind: You too?

“Bad dreams,” he agreed quietly, pulling his wrist across the arm of his chair to combat a sudden itch.

Another lapse of silence and then, “What are they about?”

Her words drifted through the air and settled onto his skin like a fine mist, seeped through the surface and into his blood till he could feel her there, a distant echo ringing in his veins. “Go to sleep, Jyn,” he said again, because he didn’t know what else to say–was afraid of what he might say or do if he surrendered to the feeling.

“The day we met. When I woke up on Ferrix… You were dreaming.”

He squeezed his eyes shut to keep from looking at her, certain it would only result in ruin. A reply came tumbling out of his mouth anyways, “It’s always the same one. My home planet, the day my mother died. My sister…”

“Sister?” Jyn asked, and he could picture the blink of surprise so vividly, he realized just how futile an effort it was to keep his eyes shut.

“Kerri,” he murmured, studying the blurred outlines of the shadows splashed onto the wall; the sound of her name on his lips as sweet as it was painful. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d said it outloud, probably it was on the day he’d lost her. In all the time he had spent searching for her, he had never told anyone her name. As though he had been waiting for her to be the one to bring it back to life.

“Kerri,” Jyn repeated softly. There was something to the way she said it, syllables like sparks, brightening the room around them, bringing his sister out of the dark hollows of his mind and into the light. Somehow, she knew, “That’s who you were searching for…on Morlana.”

“Yes,” Cassian breathed, still unable to look at her, feeling the steadying weight of her eyes all the same. “When Clem and Maarva found me I was just a kid… I didn’t know what was happening, what they were saying. I tried to tell them, but…she got left behind.” Abandoned. I abandoned her.

“Cassian…” she seemed to be searching for words, but because it was her, he felt that even just the sound of his name said enough.

He pressed his face into his hands and let out a long, heavy breath. There was lead in his bones, the gravity of a guilt that threatened to pull him down or snap him in two, whichever came first.

His pain found an echo, Jyn letting out a sigh of her own. “You think it’s your fault,” she said, not a question, a statement. “You think that you could’ve done something different, something that would’ve changed what happened, fixed everything…”

There was an understanding to her words. Somewhere in her past, there was something she felt responsible for, the same way he did Kerri. He wanted to know what it was, “You had a nightmare…that night on Ferrix.”

“My mother,” Jyn murmured, and out of the corner of his eye he saw sheets rustling, her hand sliding beneath the covers to reach for her chest, as though to hold something in place. “I watch her die, I watch her killer walk away with–” she swallowed the words. “It’s like you said: always the same.”

When he turned, he found her staring into a dark corner of the room, one hand squeezing her upper arm, the other tangled in a cord that hung from her neck–her fingers were wrapped tight around something connected to it. “Was that hers?”

She opened her palm, revealing a translucent crystal, glowing as though it had absorbed every spare sliver of moonlight from its surroundings. “It was,” she answered softly.

He wanted to tell her that whatever had happened, it wasn’t her fault, but those words had never provided him with any of the relief that was intended, and he knew she would deny them just as vehemently as he always did.

So instead, he let the quiet persist, sensing her there—far from sleep–and like him, running through faint wisps of memories again and again until they turned to hard, painful knots.

But at least one of them needed to get some rest. Cassian called out to her again, playfully, trying to cast the sadness from the room, “You should really go to sleep.”

“And you should mind your own business,” Jyn retorted, a smirk emerging in her voice. “If I’d known you were going to spend the whole time nagging I’d never have let you in here.”

‘There are other things I could do with the time if you prefer….’ He bit his lip to keep his smart mouth from landing him in trouble.

The bed gave a low creak, and Cassian watched, puzzled, as Jyn sat up, slowly reaching behind her for the pillows, then yanking at the covers until she had pulled the ends free from under the mattress.

“What are you doing?” he asked, when she began to toss the pillows towards the end of the bed.

She slowly clambered after the pillows, moving closer to him. His question went unanswered as she carefully rearranged herself, feet pointing to the headboard, head resting atop a pillow situated at the end of the bed, just beside his chair.

She left one pillow free, not bothering to look at him as she gently pushed it towards him. “That one’s for you,” she murmured.

There was a tightness in his chest as he reached for the item and settled it behind his neck, the surface of it smelling of her freshly-washed skin and damp, perfumed hair.

“I wanted a better shot at the door,” Jyn told him. “Just in case.”

He didn’t quip at the lack of trust her statement implied, didn’t try to argue the obvious (her position before had offered a better angle). Instead, he glanced to his left, where he could just see the soft, pale curve of her cheek. “Good night, Jyn,” he breathed into the silence.

“Good night, Cassian,” she said, voice muffled as she buried her face deeper into her pillow.

And he couldn’t be sure, but he thought there might have been a genuine note of ease to the steady exhale she gave, before she finally shut her eyes.

#rebelcaptain fanfic #rebelcaptain #jyn x cassian #andor au #jyn erso x cassian andor #*casually updates on a monday after literal months*#b writes #therebelcaptainnetwork #rebelcaptain fic #rebelcaptain fanfiction

49 notes · View notes

lilting-aurora · 4 months

Text

@astromechs

hi!! i was your secret santa. i apologise sincerely for the late posting - i had massive writer’s block and couldn’t finish it to the standard i feel you deserved. but that is not an excuse so i am truly sorry! <3 nevertheless i finished it and i really hope you enjoy it! have a happy new year <333

i chose your “sharing body heat for warmth” prompt and tried to incorporate as much r1 and ot interactions as i could. enjoy :)

#rebelcaptainsecretsanta #cassian andor #jyn erso #rebelcaptain #rogue one #jyn erso x cassian andor #my fics

25 notes · View notes

frostbitepandaaaaa · 10 months

Text

Twelve Days in Yavin, WY, Ch. 2

(thank you sm to @justwandering-neverlost for that beautiful mood board! i love you so much my friend.)

PREVIEW

“Hi,” Cassian greets tightly. “I’m Cassian. It’s nice to meet you.” He holds his hand out.

Maz pauses, shifts closer to him, ignoring his offered hand. Her multitudes of necklaces and bangles rustle like wind through the leaves as she moves, circling him like an inquisitive cat. To his credit, Cassian stays very still, glancing back at Jyn in an almost hilarious mixture of confusion and fear. Jyn realizes, belatedly, that she probably should’ve warned him. Though, she’s convinced no amount of pep-talk could really prepare anyone for Maz.

The woman completes her orbit and steps closer to him. She looks something like a child in front of Cassian, who is nearly six feet tall by Jyn’s estimation. She bites back a laugh when one of Maz’s bony hands shoots out, prods him in the shoulder. Maz clicks her tongue in disapproval. “City boy,” she mutters. Cassian is much too flabbergasted to do much at all except stare in mild alarm.

“Come closer, boy,” Maz requests softly. Either by sheer panic or something else, Cassian obeys and Maz taps the back of her fingers on either one of his cheeks, peers into each of his eyes like she’s examining him for glaucoma. Jyn has to bite into the meat of her thumb to keep from bursting into hysterical laughter.

“I like him,” Maz declares, clapping Cassian on the shoulder. To his credit, he does not flinch. “There’s a good soul there... I think,” she clarifies with an upraised finger towards Jyn. “We’ll see how he is at planting Mulberry trees. You ever planted Mulberry trees, my dear?” she asks Cassian, who is still rooted to the spot, blinking as if recently released from a spell.

“Uh, I don’t think I’ve ever... planted a tree.”

Maz frowns at him. “Never planted a tree? My boy, that is tragic. Come, come, we must remedy that.”

read it on ao3!

#rebelcaptain #jyn erso x cassian andor #dailyrebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #updates #writing #my writing #12 days in yavin wyoming #fanfiction

45 notes · View notes

trufflesandbedlam · 8 months

Text

*brushes off the dust from this account*

I made a thing!

By request (and I've got a few of those I've been working through over the past few weeks) I'm pleased to present Cassian Andor and Jyn Erso as magnetic bookmarks, available in shop as of today.

#jyn erso #magnetic bookmarks #etsy shop #bookmarks #star wars #bookish #rogue one #jyn x cassian #rebelcaptain #jyn erso x cassian andor #andor

20 notes · View notes

p-paradoxa · 10 months

Text

Warmest Hearts (Jyn Erso/Cassian Andor/Ruescott Melshi)

Rating: M for some mild sexual content, discussion of injury and surgery

7k words

Settling into Echo Base together, from Jyn's perspective.

Fluff, reunions, and bittersweet takes on life years into Alliance service.

everyone is trans and bi also

find it here and please read the author's notes :)

#jynmelshian #rebelcaptainsergeant #jyn erso x cassian andor x ruescott melshi #jyn erso x cassian andor #jyncassian #rebelcaptain #cassian andor x ruescott melshi #melshian #<- tagged them all separately again because they get together separately #fic tag

21 notes · View notes

rogue-durin-16 · 1 year

Text

THE MOMENT THEY KNEW

Summary: their imminent death brings surprising clarity to both Jyn and Cassian. While one of them surrenders to their bittersweet realization, the other decides to act on it.

Pairing: Jyn Erso x Cassian Andor

Genre: angst

Tags:

Rogue One/Andor: —

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @comfort-reads

Warnings: broken bones, blaster wounds, major character death, canon compliant, language

A/N: Recently read the Rogue One novelisation in hopes of finding a little kiss in the elevator scene. I was so disappointed that I wrote it myself (I even made some silly little playlists). I was tempted to write a happy ending but I'll leave that for another fic. Enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 navigation

AO3 link

Jyn Erso wasn't stupid. She knew they wouldn't make it.

A part of her was made aware of that the moment K2 had shut the vault's gate. Said part kept growing the higher she climbed.

By the time she, through welled up, defiant eyes, saw Cassian Andor holding up a smoky blaster even though he could barely hold himself up on his feet, she knew.

They wouldn't make it to the shuttle. They wouldn't make it out of Scarif.

It didn't matter much to her at first, though; more important thoughts flooded her mind. Thoughts about the Alliance's Intelligence Captain who she had just learned how to read.

She thought about him choosing to grant her cover over saving himself while they had attempted their climb up the data tower. She thought about him plummeting twelve stories down and crawling back up to help her atop the citadel.

She also thought about how he constantly refused to leave her behind, like everyone else had done before.

And she surprised herself being capable of thinking all of that at once throughout the short path she made over the ruined catwalk in order to reach him.

It all washed over her like a tidal wave, erasing the looming planet killer and the suicide mission and the man in white, and substituting it by how beautiful Cassian looked.

Jyn forced her mind to remember she still had a mission to accomplish. Instead of letting Cassian's name slip out of her lips while she threw herself at his arms in a kind of relief she had last felt when she was eight, the woman rushed to the tower's computer and sent the message to the rebel fleet.

At least, she hoped so.

With all buttons pressed and the plans being broadcasted, she still knew that was it, and it still mattered little to her because she wasn't alone. Cassian supported his own body against the concrete column, right by Jyn's side; his chest heaved as much as hers, and his arm pressed at his abdomen as if he was trying to mitigate the pain caused by the fall, but he was smiling.

Jyn hoped he was as happy to see her as she was to see him. She started to step closer to examine him —although she knew she'd be little help for the Captain—, when she heard it. Someone's staggered breath behind her.

The man in white.

The warm feeling coursing through her veins thanks to Cassian's proximity ran cold.

She ran cold, yet rage made her skin burn, because the man who killed her mother, the man who ruined her father, the man who had sentenced Cassian to death even if they were to make it back to the cargo ship, was still breathing on the floor.

Her father's revenge was sabotaging the Empire's deadliest weapon; hers would be smashing the Krennic's skull until his brains were poured out on the metallic platform.

Jyn seethed and leaped away from Cassian with a growl. She didn't want to kill Krennic, she wanted to murder him, she wanted to—

"Hey— Leave it, leave it!" Cassian urged as his free hand gripped her bicep, tugging her back and holding her flush against him for good measure.

A part of Jyn wanted to try again, but her rage was subsiding increasingly fast, and the scalding feeling on her skin toned down to a tummy-flipping tingle where Cassian's torso met her side.

"That's it." His voice became a soft, soothing whisper on her ear, and she couldn't help but lean on the wounded man.

He gladly took her in, his calloused digits exchanging her elbow for the small of her back and then her waist. Cassian stayed like that, slowly swaying them both while awaited —maybe a bit too long— for her need to disappear. He wondered whether Jyn's hand clinging on the back of his shirt felt as intimate to her as it did to him.

"Let's go." He finally spoke, bumping his nose on the woman's temple —or maybe she had been the one closing the minuscule gap between them. Cassian didn't dare to assume that.

"Okay." With a nod and a camouflaged sniff, Jyn's fingers slipped away from his ragged up shirt and her blue eyes rose until they met the man's chocolate ones. Cassian was in immense pain, yes, but the way the woman who had fueled the rebellion's dying embers until they'd become a wildfire looked at him made up for it. That longing stirred with worry and fear put him at ease, because he knew he made the right choice when he decided he would die for her.

He was no longer dumbfounded by those sort of thoughts like he had been in Jedha —back when he didn't know why he couldn't leave her behind—, or scared like he had been in Eadu —he had betrayed himself so easily for a woman he barely understood.

No, now Cassian knew. Jyn was a reflection of him —the part of him he had left behind. She was also a force to be reckoned with; a hurricane that had swept him into her chaos the moment they met.

Jyn was everything he had been unconsciously searching for a couple of years already. He would have loved to discover her day by day —the scrappy criminal who had saved him in Jedha; the soft girl who glistened in her tears; the passionate leader who had taken them to a nonstarter victory.

Yet, he accepted they didn't have the luxury of time, so he would take whatever she gave him in those last moments.

"You look like shit." She stated, feigning a nonchalant cynicism whilst giving him an up-and-down.

Cassian let out a half laugh that immediately turned into a grimace due to his most likely broken ribs. How he made it up to the top was beyond his comprehension.

"Can you walk?" She whispered, and this time her true emotions bathed her sentence. Cassian surprised himself by denying with his head.

Without a single word, Jyn awkwardly passed his left arm over her shoulders and hoisted him the best she could. She was limping too, the brunet man realized, although he wouldn't bring it to her attention.

"Do you think anybody's listening?" He asked, trying with all his might not to let his discomfort show. If Jyn heard it, she didn't mention it out loud either.

"I do." she gifted Cassian a smile, genuine and peaceful, before confidently stating, "Someone's out there."

Jyn wasn't the best with words, but she hoped that was enough to hint to Cassian the effect he had had on her. She hoped he understood she decided to fight for the cause because he inspired her to do so.

It took them forever to reach the damn turbolift. Despite Cassian doing the best he could to walk by himself, he could barely take two steps without stumbling, which had Jyn's already sore body tensing the whole time to balance them both. She almost exhaled in alleviation when her hand abandoned Cassian's to press the opening button.

The dimlit elevator gave her a fake sense of security, but did little to erase the concern about the Captain's well-being. Even though she had let go of him and his shoulder blade and crown now rested against the holed up wall, Jyn couldn't bring herself to lower her arms. Out of instinct, she kept them extended towards Cassian, ready to catch him if his legs gave in.

No one could blame her; the man looked like he was about to break into a million pieces.

He would have been bothered by that in any other situation —he was no kid who needed to be pampered, he was capable to hold himself— but the agonizing ache lighting up his body was reflected on Jyn's eyes as they roamed his frame, occasionally looking into his with an unspoken apology.

She didn't know how to help.

K2 would have known, Cassian thought, and felt the nausea coming to him. He had led the droid to his death.

In all fairness, he had probably led every pathfinder to death. Melshi had joked about how Rogue One's mission was a one-way ticket to the hell the had earned.

More nausea.

Did Jyn feel that guilt too? At the end of the day, she hadn't really gotten to know those people. Maybe she did feel it for Chirrut and Baze. Maybe for Bodhi. Maybe even for K2.

At the very least, he knew she felt his own life weighing over her shoulders. With a strained groan, Cassian bit the bullet and turned to face the woman besides him.

Jyn felt her heart skip a bit. With a gasp, she stepped forward, her panicked, shaky hands immediately shooting to hold Cassian's forearms when his position shifted.

He was surprisingly fast to catch one of her hands in his, thumb tracing reassuring circles on its back.

His spy façade had fallen with K-2SO, but only now he was actively allowing her to see through him. She found herself once more admiring how beautiful he was like that; exhausted and calm, still standing strong enough to hold her, staring into her soul with gentle, comforting brown eyes.

"This didn't have to end like this." She confessed, refusing to take a step back and lose the grip she had on Cassian's forearm.

The man inches away from her seemed half taken aback —fuck, even she was—, but not entirely.

"It's alright." He muttered, his free hand squeezing Jyn's own forearm before squeezing her waist. "I chose this."

He did. Jyn tried to remind herself Cassian had been in this fight for long enough to know what was at stake, but it haunted her still, the fact that it took her arrival into his life for it to end.

"I'm sorry."

"Jyn..." She almost preferred the Captain's impersonal front now; the way Cassian's gaze made her feel seen was overwhelming. He carried the understanding of an equal, the tenderness of a friend and the yearning of a lover all at once.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat while she reached out to cup Cassian's nape.

The man's lids fluttered close with her touch, a content exhale slipping through his parted lips, and Jyn's mind wander what they could have been in a fairer world.

The same Jyn whose life motto had been to live from day to day since she was a child, who had never had the luxury of daydreaming about future plans, became frustrated. She wanted to know this side of Cassian —the genuine, sympathetic Cassian who melted under her touch and smiled proudly at her curt speeches and would die for her in secret—, and it wouldn't even be an option, only a sour what if.

Jyn Erso didn't like the 'what if's. She didn't know if Cassian did, but she didn't really give a lot of thought before standing on her tiptoes to close the embarrassingly small gap between their faces.

It was a just an instant-long abrupt kiss, but for Jyn it sufficed to know it wasn't a 'could've been', but a 'would've been'. The certainty showed in her stomach flipping and the burning feeling on her skin under Cassian's tightening grip and the immediate reciprocation of her actions.

Jyn hadn't imagined that the bittersweet realization that came with that shortlived kiss would bring her peace, but it did.

The badly wounded Captain half chased the woman's cracked lips when she retreated. He didn't have to go far, though, since Jyn's forehead swiftly met his.

He wanted to say something —anything— but words escaped him. Perhaps it was for the best, Cassian thought. Jyn preferred action over talking that might have as well been hot air.

Trusting the woman to keep him up if he lost balance, his right palm abandoned the faux security of the turbolift's wall to caress her dirt-stained cheek with an equally smeared thumb.

Cassian felt a slight relief when her reaction to his touch mirrored the one he was having to her fingers toying with the hair on the back of his neck. He had to use all his willpower not to fall when Jyn snuggled closer, her nose bumping his own.

Having her close felt so natural. It wasn't fair.

Their blown pupils met through low lashes and, right when Jyn seemed to find her voice, an unprompted tremor shook the citadel's tower, making them both stumble and putting out the cold, flickery lights outside the shuttle.

Jyn had been quick to react, acting as a pillar for the pair and simultaneously forcing Cassian's back to lean on the wall again.

"What was that?" She whispered in the dark, and Cassian became well aware of the lack of space between them by the feeling of her hot breath fanning over his neck.

They both knew what it had been, but Cassian chose to shake his head briefly. "I don't know." Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. "We're still going down, right?" He caught himself having to ask. He hated the weak pitch he was forced to use.

"We're still going down." Jyn confirmed, carefully resting her face on his half exposed clavicle.

This time, it was Cassian's right that found Jyn's side, sneaking under vest to feel her closer.

Not even a couple of seconds passed before the lift fully stopped, signaling they had reached the lowest level in a shattered blue screen above the gate.

"Hold on, I'll open the door." Jyn requested in a resolved tone, her fingers slipping away from Cassian's biceps. "I'm going to get you out, Cassian."

That was the first time she used his name with earnest. He liked the way it rolled on her tongue a little too much for someone who was about to die one way or another.

"Wait."

Cassian slightly folded forward to take a hold of his savior's wrist and felt his insides twisting at the movement.

Jyn didn't complain. She didn't rush him or chastise him, she didn't even scold him for coercing his damaged self.

Instead, she obliged and waited; she let herself be brought back to his arms and fisted the collar of his shirt when his mouth desperately found hers once more.

She had had her chance, now he needed his. This time the kiss was messy and rushed and needy —so needy that Jyn wondered if Cassian would have denied it happened afterwards in a more promising scenario.

Cassian was writhing in pain and his own movements were at fault, because he needed Jyn's body burning life in every part of his own her touch could reach. He held her impossibly tight and winced against her lips when her own desperate hands did the same.

He kept up as long as his body allowed him to, moving in sync with Jyn until the pain became unbearable and he had to pull away.

There are worst ways to go, Cassian thought with salty tears caught in his eyelashes and his arms wrapped around the woman whose soul was a bit too similar to his.

"Cassian..." There it was again, that intimate sweetness. "We have to go." She muttered, cupping his stubbled cheeks with her fingerless gloves to plant one last featherlight peck atop his lips.

He nodded and complied, first letting go in order for her to open the gate, then draping his arms over her shoulders so she could drag him out into the unnatural hot of Scarif, and lastly allowing her to choose a place to rest.

A part of Jyn wanted to try and make it to a ship, but she was past the moment of knowing better, so the beach was her best call.

Her mother used to love Lah'mu's shores. 'The sea soothes the soul', she had confided Jyn. She wanted Cassian to have a soothing end, and Scarif's beaches were as beautiful as they could get.

She almost ran out of breath, but somehow managed to get them through the heating sand before Cassian's legs gave in, making them both stumble to their knees.

He had made it further than Jyn fathomed possible, which made a new kind of admiration for the Captain bloom in her chest.

Fixing her hopeless, terrified gaze in the horizon, she surprised herself by thinking how breathtaking the view was. Bizarre was an understatement to describe the uncanny resemblance between the upcoming boiling wave of destruction and the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen.

While she stayed mesmerized by the terrifying sight, Cassian sought comfort in observing her. He tried to imprint her silhouette in his brain through his already blurry glance, in case he would drop dead that same instant.

Her face turned and her apologetic crystal clear irises infused one last bit of life into Cassian. There was a thousand things he wanted to say, but maybe just a handful she would have needed to hear. Cassian wanted to believe he chose the best one.

"Your father would be proud of you, Jyn."

A tight-lipped, grateful smile confirmed it, and he felt content.

Jyn too wanted to return the favor, to give him the closure that, unbeknownst to her, she had already provided, but speech wasn't her strong suit.

Her unsteady hand reached out to his, at first miscalculating but ultimately intertwining with Cassian's fingers. I'm scared, she wanted to say at the feeling of the heat wave scorching her exposed skin.

The man whose job was to read people knew, and with one last effort, he propped himself up on his knees and prompted Jyn to do the same. He found the strength to hold her one last time.

Jyn could have cried in relief right there, but instead enclosed her newfound companion in the tightest of embraces. She heard him sigh peacefully, and felt his palms go all the way up to her shoulder blades while his face snuggled on the crook of her neck.

She plucked up the courage and shielded him from the world as it grew brighter, because she owed him; because he came back and wrapped her in a warm, safe embrace that felt like home at the end of it all.

43 notes · View notes

rogue-barnes-16 · 1 year

Text

THE MOMENT THEY KNEW

Summary: Their imminent death brings surprising clarity to both Jyn and Cassian about how they feel about each other. While one of them surrenders to the realization, the other decides to act on it.

Pairing: Jyn Erso x Cassian Andor

Genre: angst

Tags:

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver @angelh1 @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam

Warnings: major character death, wounds and injuries, mild language, blasters, canon compliant (I feel like that should be a warning tbh)

A/N: Recently read the Rogue One novelisation in hopes of finding a little kiss in the elevator scene. I was so disappointed that I wrote it myself. Enjoy?

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

Rogue-durin-16 navigation

Jyn Erso wasn't stupid. She knew they wouldn't make it.

A part of her was made aware of that the moment K2 had shut the vault's gate. Said part kept growing the higher she climbed.

By the time she, through welled up, defiant eyes, saw Cassian Andor holding up a smoky blaster even though he could barely hold himself up on his feet, she knew.

#star wars masterlist #star wars imagine #rogue one fanfiction #rogue one imagine #rogue one fanfic #cassian andor oneshot #Jyn Erso oneshot #jyn x cassian #jyn erso x cassian andor #rebelcaptain fanfic #rebelcaptain angst #rogue one novelization #cassian andor x reader #cassian andor imagine

37 notes · View notes

wackyart · 10 months

Text

My first ever RebelCaptain fic for you all, christmas vibes in the middle of July X'D

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories:

F/M

M/M

Multi

Fandoms:

Star Wars - All Media Types

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Relationships:

Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso

Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso

Cassian Andor & K-2SO

Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso & Chirrut Îmwe & Baze Malbus & Bodhi Rook

Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus

Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso & Chirrut Îmwe & K-2SO & Baze Malbus & Bodhi Rook

Chirrut Îmwe & Bodhi Rook

Characters:

Cassian Andor

Jyn Erso

Chirrut Îmwe

Baze Malbus

K-2SO (Star Wars)

Bodhi Rook

Additional Tags:

Everyone Needs A Hug

Everyone Is Alive

Not me writing a christmas fic in the middle of june

Post-Rogue One

Rogue One Fix-It

Rogue One Crew Survives Scarif (Star Wars)

Christmas

Christmas Party

Christmas Tree

Christmas Fluff

Fluff

Domestic Fluff

How Do I Tag

Jyn Erso Needs A Hug

Protective Cassian Andor

Soft Cassian Andor

Cassian Andor Needs a Hug

Cassian Andor Lives

Married Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus

Sassy K-2SO (Star Wars)

K-2SO Being K-2SO (Star Wars)

K-2SO Lives (Star Wars)

Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Family Fluff

Family Feels

Found Family

OTP Feels

otp

Cassian Andor is a Sweetheart

Protective Jyn Erso

K-2SO Being a Little Shit (Star Wars)

Good Friend K-2SO (Star Wars)

Movie: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

denial is a river in egypt

Ignore canon harder

Language: English

4 notes · View notes

rotzaprachim · 1 year

Video

youtube

rebelcaptain girlies the way this song is our moment our time our amv

#if i have to think about i dreamed about you for 29 years before i met you i'm gonna scream actually #rebelcaptain #jyn erso x cassian andor #i've been very purposeful to not define the show that is very purposefully HIS SHOW HIS TIME around the ship but like #the amount of parallels they've lain down is making me wild

9 notes · View notes

therebelcaptain · 1 year

Text

#i know i know #i’m actively choosing violence at this point #cassian andor #jyn erso #rebelcaptain #jyn erso x cassian andor #jyn x cassian #jyncassian #rogue one: a star wars story #rogue one novelization #star wars #swedit #rogueoneedit #rebelcaptainedit #jyncassianedit #niki made a thing

220 notes · View notes

quarantineddreamer · 1 year

Text

As a Shadow | Chapter 2 - (Not) alone

Here goes nothing ahhhh -Chapter 2! (Click title for AO3, or read below)

Chirrut is in a wheelchair that Baze pushes and leans on in equal terms. Both have cuts and bruises littered across their bodies and Jyn can tell they are in no small amount of pain, but they still give gentle smiles when they arrive at Cassian’s bedside.

Even though she doesn’t need to, Jyn gets up from her chair so that Baze can use it. As he collapses into his seat their arms brush, but it is clear he does not register her touch–and just another thing she cannot feel.

Cassian’s injured back will not allow him to roll onto his side, but Jyn can tell he’s desperate to turn away from their friends from the moment they arrive. He does everything he can to avoid their eyes, his mask back in place, an extra sullen quality added to it.

“She saved your life, you know,” Baze says quietly.

Cassian’s lips press into a fine line. He’s glaring daggers at the ceiling and it’s clear he doesn’t want to hear any of this.

“You think you’re unhappy to be here? Try being invisible to everyone,” Jyn grumbles.

Baze gives a heavy sigh. “Melshi said you might be like this.”

“She shouldn’t have done it,” Cassian replies by way of explanation.

Jyn wants to shake him. “Stop that. What I did was not a mistake. I was the reason you were there in the first place– you really thought I’d let you die because of me? Is that the kind of person you think I am?”

Chirrut makes a disappointed, humming sound. “I don’t think she would agree with that.”

“Thank you!”

Cassian gives a bitter laugh. “Of course not, she never agreed with anything I said.”

“You liked that about her,” Baze comments.

“I did,” Cassian admits quietly and for a moment there is silence between them. “She had a way of getting under your skin, didn’t she?”

“She did,” Baze agrees.

“She should be here,” Cassian says, soft and fierce, with eyes that Jyn fears are close to shedding tears.

“She is one with the Force, and the Force is with all of us, so she is here,” Chirrut says matter of factly.

“Sure. Something like that,” Jyn mutters. And it’s not that he’s wrong, but she does wonder what Chirrut would think of her current situation, if he would be so keen to trust in the mysteries of the Force if he knew the kind of anguish it was putting her through.

She tries to read Cassian’s face, to determine if he is finding any comfort in the monk’s word, and though his expression remains impassive, she senses that he is about as satisfied with the notion as she is.

Chirrut tries a new approach, “Baze tells me they emptied your pockets before bringing you into surgery and that they found something of hers?”

Cassian tenses and Jyn gets the feeling he’d by flying out of bed right now if his body would only let him. “Scarif… she shoved something into my pocket on the beach. Where is it? Where’d they put it?” he asks, uncharacteristically frantic.

“Don’t worry,” Baze grunts as he reaches for the drawer of the table at Cassian’s bedside. His hand emerges holding a worn cord, a familiar translucent stone dangling from the end of it. “I made sure they put it in a safe place.”

Baze places the kyber in Cassian’s outstretched palm and something in Jyn seems to anchor there alongside it. My necklace…

He stares at it for a moment, runs gentle fingers over its edges with a tenderness that seems to echo on Jyn’s cheek. When he ties the cord around his neck, the kyber falls into place against his chest.

And Jyn’s body begins to pulse with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, as though it were her own.

For the next several days, Cassian mostly sleeps, still heavily medicated and his body still very much in need of the extra rest.

Jyn, on the other hand, quickly learns that the phrase ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ is a fallacy. The first few times the lights of the infirmary dim, she goes through the motions of settling in a comfortable position, shutting her eyes, but she can’t even bring herself to pretend she’s tired. Her supply of energy is seemingly endless.

She spends the quiet, lonely hours trying to figure out why she is here; even–for one brief, self-conscious moment–tries talking to the Force, ‘So, uh, my mother said you called?’ But it’s useless. If there’s a message to be found it’s an incredibly cryptic one, either that, or the Force is answering much too quietly.

Occasionally she gets up and wanders, never straying farther than the corners of the room, always gravitating back to Cassian’s side. Normally, she would grow bored of this inside of an hour, but death seems to have granted her more patience, and there are plenty of things to occupy her thoughts, to distract her.

The Captain has a steady stream of visitors that she is eager to see. Bodhi, Melshi, Baze and Chirrut cycle through regularly to check on him. Even Mon Mothma and Draven come to speak with him and provide him with updates on the rebellion’s activities since Scarif.

Jyn is thrilled to hear the Death Star plans made it off Scarif, distraught to learn that they go missing when a Princess Leia is captured. Her heart breaks anew when the news of Alderaan reaches the medical wing–she and Cassian spend the day in still and quiet, and she can’t help but ponder the futility of their mission on Scarif. Had their sacrifice been for nothing after all?

But there is overwhelming relief when the plans find their way back to the Rebellion courtesy of the Alliance’s newest recruits, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. The day they hear about the attack planned on the Death Star, Cassian fights with the medical staff and all of his friends, cursing in frustration and insisting that he is well enough to fly a ship. ‘It’s not like I need to walk –just wheel me onto Rogue One!’ (Nevermind that he’s still recovering the strength to sit upright unsupported for more than a few minutes at a time.)

It’s a bittersweet sight to witness. Bitter, because he is upset about being bedridden and unable to finish what they started on Scarif. Sweet, because Jyn takes his fierce arguing as an encouraging sign.

It’s the liveliest he’s been in weeks.

He’s not eating much. Whether from all the meds they have him on or because he’s depressed Jyn isn’t sure. There’s a good chance it’s both. He picks at his food with little interest, consuming just enough for the infirmary staff to leave him alone. When Bodhi comes by, it’s mostly Bodhi who does the talking, and it’s the same with the others–though maybe he offers Melshi a few more words than the rest.

Sometimes they try to talk about her. Cassian always shuts it down, finds an excuse, steers the conversation towards anything else–even the loss of Kay is a more tolerable topic . Maybe it would lead anyone else to think he doesn’t care that she’s gone. But she knows better. He avoids any mention of her because he cares too much, and he blames himself.

Alone, he spends time staring at the kyber crystal. There’s a desperation to his gaze that she grows to resent. She wants to tell him to let go; she’s not worth all this pain–he shouldn’t feel responsible, it was her choice what she did, and she’d do it again…

And sometimes she does tell him .

But he never hears.

No matter how badly she wants to, she can’t help him now.

Members of the med-core team begin introducing physical therapy exercises to him as soon as possible, hoping for him to regain more of his mobility with time and practice. This, Cassian seems to pour every ounce of his energy into.

She sees the fire in his eyes as he pushes himself to his limits–and then some.

She doesn’t like this either. It worries her. He’s not doing it out of some eagerness to get better, he is punishing himself–she knows it. And if he is cleared to go back in the field, it won’t be the end of it, only the beginning.

Cassian will turn his guilt into a life-long sentence of pain.

What he doesn’t realize, can’t realize, is that she will suffer the same, serving right beside him in misery.

During the evacuation of Yavin 4, Cassian is amongst the first rebels to leave–along with the others under medical care.

He is wheeled out of the infirmary and onto a waiting ship, and Jyn follows, her body alight with the new energy she finds herself a part of.

Compared to the sleepy calm of the room Cassian has been residing in, it feels like she has made the jump into hyperspace. So many people, and the open space all around them, and the breeze drifting into the hangar from across the jungle. So much life. She tracks Cassian’s movements more automatically than anything else, because she can barely focus, her attention pulled in a thousand different directions at once.

The feeling diminishes once they board the ship and are contained within its walls, only to transform again when they break atmo and enter the cold expanse of the galaxy.

There, she feels like she is living up to the affectionate name her father once bestowed upon her.

She is stardust, swirling, brilliant, multitudes.

On Hoth, Cassian finally gets permission to leave the full-time care of the med-core team and retire to his own room. He’s still tied to base, performing desk duties until he is cleared for action, but Jyn can tell it is a relief for him to know he will be able to have some solitude–there are days she has caught him pretending to be asleep so that no one will approach him.

Melshi has been holding onto his friend’s few belongings and brings them to Cassian. An entire room’s worth of personal effects are packed neatly into a small duffle. It’s a sight Jyn understands well. Her life had always been one easily moved from place to place. The bag is probably full of clothes, maybe a blaster or two. But she wonders if—hidden amongst the folds of the bag–there might also be a token of the past that he keeps with him, as she once did her mother’s necklace.

She never did get to see Cassian’s room on Yavin 4–if he even had one of his own–and so she finds herself curious to see the type of quarters the man keeps. She pictures something spotless with neatly folded clothes, but her imagination doesn’t stretch much further than that, perhaps because she can’t see Cassian settling in one place for too long any more than she could imagine herself doing so.

They enter the room and he throws his bag onto the floor of the small, poorly lit space as the door hisses shut behind them. Against one wall is a narrow bed, against another there is a simple desk. Cassian stands in the middle, expression as inscrutable as ever.

“It’s not so bad,” Jyn says, leaning her hip against the desk. At least, she’s certainly seen worse. “But you have to promise you won’t spend all your time in the dark moping or I’m going to tell med-core they let you go too soon.” An empty threat, of course, but it feels good to say anyways.

Cassian gingerly sits on the bed–she’s noticed his back still has trouble with movements like that–and sighs heavily, his breath fogging the air in front of him in a way that fascinates her, a startling symbol of just how alive he is .

Fingers tangle in hair that has grown longer during his time in med-core care, as he places his head in his hands, hiding his face from view.

“Is this you moping?” Jyn asks teasingly, the same way she would if he could hear her. “Isn’t that exactly what I just said not to do?”

When a moment later he still hasn’t moved, she lets out a sigh of her own–a habit she cannot seem to let go of despite it being entirely unproductive in her current state. “Cass, why don’t you go for a walk or something? Throw a snowball at Melshi or Bodhi for me.”

In the silence of the empty room his jagged breaths echo against the frigid walls. His shoulders start to tremble.

She realizes it is the first time since the news of her death that he hasn’t been under the concerned stare of a friend or medical staff. And because it’s Cassian, it means he’s waited all this time to grant himself permission to feel.

Even now she can sense he does it reluctantly, fights it, like somehow he doesn’t deserve a moment to be vulnerable, to be human.

He looks so lost…so alone, and Jyn thinks she’s never wanted anything more in the world than to be able to tell him he’s not.

She takes a tentative step closer to him. But it’s not enough to simply be close, and she knows it’s never going to be. Not when what she truly wants is to be with him.

Aware of the impossibility of this desire, she settles for lowering herself to the bed to sit beside him. “I’m sorry, Cassian… I didn’t mean to hurt you like this.” She didn’t think she could hurt anyone like this.

She tries to imagine herself in his position. The guilt she would feel would choke her. And she would miss him. Force, she would miss him–it’s a shock to realize just how much.

There was no logical explanation for it, but from the moment Cassian Andor had walked into her life she’d felt pulled to him, felt seen by him. (The bitter irony of that notion is not lost on her now). He’d understood her like no one else ever had, and she him. Sometimes that knowing was a pain, like when they’d clashed on Eadu. But there had also been a sense it could become something wonderful if there had been the time. There had been the briefest of glimpses of it, in the elevator on Scarif, a question in his eyes that she’d never gotten the chance to answer before…

It had all been stolen from them. All the endless possibilities that might have been, snuffed out before they could even truly begin to unfold. She supposes she should just be grateful for the time they did have; for the incredible fortune they had in getting to know each other at all, no matter how briefly.

Jyn tentatively moves to rest her head on Cassian’s shoulder, gradually settling her weight against him. His hair tickles her cheek. He smells good, like he has been sitting somewhere green and sunlit, and he is warm, and…

Realization dawns, sharp and sudden–a spark catching on kindling.

He is warm.

Her body thrums with the dizzy rhythm of a racing heart as she slowly reaches up to lightly run one of her fingers along the side of his face, a heady sensation rushing through her–the heart stuttering.

His beard is scratchy. She knows it is.

I can feel him!

Cassian springs to his feet–moving with a speed she has not seen from him since before his injuries on Scarif–and turns to look back at the bed.

“Cassian?” Jyn asks hopefully, fighting to temper her foolish desire to pull him back–though admittedly she’s not even sure she could if she tried.

He’s staring at the bed intently, not fearfully, and she wants to take that as a good sign, but he won’t meet her eyes.

“Still can’t see me, can you?”

He shakes his head roughly and lets loose a long, somewhat unsteady breath. This time the mist that curls from his mouth is not something to wonder at. It is a slap to the face, a stark reminder of the divide between her world and his.

She watches as he begins to unpack his few belongings.

She’s fed up with watching.

For one brief, incredible moment she had done more, been more, and now all she feels is the bitter ache of disappointment threatening to overwhelm her.

She tries her best to fight it, to hold onto the memory of his touch against her skin, to hold onto the way he had looked at her on Scarif even as the world crumbled around them…

#As a Shadow #rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fanfic #jyn x cassian #angst #whump #jyn erso #cassian andor #jyn erso x cassian andor #rebelcaptain fanfiction #major character (un)dead #b writes

40 notes · View notes