#keeping you all in my thoughts. the abstract concept of you all

[noriakicatkyoin]

if i make this fic be released chapter by chapter itll be the first time i wrote a fic with proper proper chapters in almost 4 years 1. fucking disgusting i was 15 almost 4 years ago. 2. this would in fact make it easier to write but my control freak self would not be able to make major retroactive edits and thus would have to trust myself and stop editing 14 million times. hideous task but a possible one

#the real problem is i write kakyoin and my internal view of him shifts a lot and then i worry im making him sound too much like me #and not enough like him #and i lose my mind in the particulars of it all #and then characterization itself is super abstract and kind of too abstract for me and not something i can like #solidly conceptualize #its not math its not art it doesnt have like a x character would not do x rule list I HAVE TO MAKE THE RULE LIST MYSELF #so im in a loop #the problem truly is that like i see myself in him . jotaro is easy as fuck to write #jotaro is a guy where im like ok i relate to the thought process but not the execution I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT IS A SOLID CONCEPT #where do i start and where do i end. where does kakyoin start and where does he end. where do our paths cross #etc #also i keep making him sound like a pretentious little shit which yeah is a little in character but i want the text to be readable #sorry kakyoin i cant give you my stupid loopy brain thoughts what if the audience cant fucking read them #youve given me unnecessary feelings #i say all this now bc i have to work a... 6 hour shift in 6 hours hahahhahhhjhhahahha #i have to think my writing thoughts now before they evaporate #good fucking god i have forgotten to log my shifts for the past 2 weeks. guess ill do that now

[pristine-rose]

✧ CROSSING MY HEART ( I’D RATHER DIE )

⊹ characters : ayato, yelan, albedo, shenhe

⊹ synopsis : their reaction when they realize they’re in love with you ( so deeply it almost hurts )

⊹ warnings : none, completely sfw :] kinda dramatic

⊹ female reader, not proofread, just short drabbles, shenhe’s slightly models the scene from les miserables

alice ?! writing sfw ?! how unheard of … i just wanted to test something folks !! it’s a wild ride on this app

⊹ KAMISATO AYATO

There’s a pang in his chest, one so painful as he looks at you.

At first he thinks he despises you. He hates small talk, after all — and small talk is all he gets with you. Perhaps he is annoyed. Yeah, that might be it. He’s never been in love before. Crushes? Sure. But he hasn’t found the time for love with the busy life he lives — he wasn’t even sure if he knew the meaning of such an abstract concept.

So when realization comes crashing down on him like a tidal wave, it initially stopped his entire body in his tracks. Even in the middle of this busy, Liyuean market street; Even on the way to an international business meeting; Even if he was so short in time — his body halted, no matter how much he wanted it to keep walking forward. He mind filled up with the thoughts and realizations of his feelings for you so unwillingly, though the only thing in his mind just a few seconds prior was this meeting. And now it’s you — all of you in some childish, lovesick and foolish way of thinking.

…This was why he turned he a blind eye to love. This was why a busy, public man should not even experience love. This is why, that instead of feeling euphoric, his nails dug into his chest through his clothes in the middle of the street, so firm and so still as if trying to claw his heart out. Because… he wanted to rip it out of his body, he really did. He wanted to shred it, stomp on it, blast it to shreds if it meant he could get rid of this loud, annoying thumping right now. If it meant he could focus on this meeting, he would do it.

If it meant he didn’t have to feel this silly little love for you anymore, he would do it.

☁️ —

⊹ YELAN

It’s a needy feeling, and she doesn’t like it.

She’s quite late to realizing it despite falling so quickly — which she doesn’t realize, either. She’s one to stop for no hesitation if she sees what she wants. If she wants it, she’ll get it; And if she doesn’t, well, that’s a story unheard of.

So being in love with you was a frustrating, unsatisfactory reach. It was a constant reaching and pulling just to get you in her grasp. Such a loop of mindless, silent begging in her head just to see you turn and smile at her again. And the more she got it from you, the more she wanted it. How was she supposed to know that her desperation to have you be around her every day was actually romantic feelings for you? How was she supposed to realize that she was asking for too much?

She’s a jealous one, and that was really how it came spiraling down. She’s never been this annoyed to see you with someone else before. It casted a certain type of void in her chest — one that was akin to the feeling whenever she wanted something so badly. And yet, this one was stronger.

There was a needy pull at her heart. It felt weird; And it felt worse knowing she had to play a waiting-game. Such an unsatisfactory feeling of waiting to win this game made her more annoyed than she bargained for. And all over a person, too. She could not stop and relish in any happiness or joy of love; she could not bask in smiles or fluttery feelings around you.

Yelan always got what she wanted. But this might be the most annoyingly long game she’s ever played to win.

☁️ —

⊹ ALBEDO

It’s the soul-crushing moment he feels his body malfunctioning.

Damned butterflies in his stomach, a hellish pounding in his chest — it wraps around him like he’s suffocating for such wasted air he is instead spending on thinking about you. Air he could’ve used for potions, or for experiments, or for oxidizing. But instead he stands so still, stiller then he ever has before, just to breathe out a shaky sigh.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he focus? He had research to do, and a goal from his own mother to accomplish. And yet, he stood here like a lovesick fool thinking about the weighting feelings these simple-minded Mondstadters called “Love.” The very thing he saw people die for in storybooks — the very thing he pitied, for people would waste the entirety of their lives just to find.

He hates it. He can barely admit it. Because how can he allow himself, when he wasn’t created for such a thing in the first place? It hurts, like his body rejects it the moment it surfaces. Love is such a human thing, he feels he should be incapable of it, though he also feels he doesn’t deserve it, either. To crave being with you felt like death to himself — perhaps this was just another trial his Master planned for him. Yes… Yes, just another trial to get over. Just another hurdle — one strong enough to plant your ringing voice in his mind for hours on end — to overcome and achieve his end goal.

He stays closed up in the mountains for his upcoming days. He hopes you don’t feel this way, too.

☁️ —

⊹ SHENHE

It’s a quiet realization, one that has her leg bouncing so rapidly that her shoe aimlessly taps on the pavement.

She doesn’t understand it, of course. It’s not like she thinks she ever will, either. But it’s absolutely exhilarating. She feels like she just drank pure substance of sweet flowers or tasted the finest of sugars, for her heart was racing a mile a minute and her body could barely keep up. What was this thumping in her chest, and why did it get louder when you locked eyes?

An admiration at first sight — right on the busy, open street market of Liyue Harbor — had her spiraling in seconds. To bask in the essence of the ocean’s breeze painting the scene between you both. Was it even possible to feel this way from mere eye contact? Many questions; So many, in face, she almost considered you were an adepti roaming this human land. In the matter of milliseconds, her head was racing with thoughts and imaginations of what sort of supernatural you could be, or what sort of human you were.

The thought of the color of your eyes even through this crowd of people sent her mind into wonders. It was like magic, one that even Cloud Retainer could never come close to. This enchantment in the human realm was a drug like no other, and in that moment alone she was ready to sink into it forever.

And in this single, passing moment, she finally felt a true sense of humanity at her heartstrings.

☁️ —

#genshin x reader #ayato x reader #yelan x reader #albedo x reader #shenhe x reader #genshin women x reader #genshin men x reader

[rhoorl]

Delta Landscaping

Chapter 1: Welcome to Torrey Hills

It's here.

Series Summary: In this Triple Frontier AU, the boys start a landscaping business post-Colombia.  

Series Masterlist

Rating: Explicit (18+). Not this chapter necessarily, but a blanket statement to this whole concept.

Chapter Summary: As much as we want to get to the thirst, there is some setup we need to do.

A/N: I first have to thank the amazing @goodwithcheese because, without The Layover, this idea would not have come to life. This entire concept was born from a scene in one of her chapters. 

This AU stays true to cannon in some aspects (Tom is dead y'all) and not in others (the boys kept some of the money and Frankie does not have a kid). There is a main storyline, but also opportunities for extras/drabbles/asks … maybe a guest post or spin-off? I've included some Easter eggs and jokes throughout, some more obvious than others. From its conception this has been a group project, so let’s keep that energy going!

Finally, a big thank you to @gemmahale (our Technical Supervisor for all things plants and protective wear) and @trulybetty (the creator of our logo) for listening to my ramblings and for their advice and encouragement along the way! @patti7dc also contributed a hilarious idea for a commercial that had me cracking up.

Ok enough of my rambling, on with the show…(I hope you like it!)

_____________________

There's something kind of magical about when an idea finally comes together in your mind. Different thoughts, images, and words swim around in your head, some of them unconsciously, until they finally coalesce in the depths of your brain and bubble up. Going from abstract to clear and defined.

Benny had been grappling with forming an idea for months. It was right there, he could feel it. But it frustrated him because it never came together the right way. 

_____________________

Nine months earlier

In the immediate aftermath of Colombia, the Delta Force boys tried to process what happened, each in their own way. Santiago took off for a few months traveling on his own, finding solace in discovering new places. Frankie came back with a renewed focus to get his life together, talking to a therapist Will recommended to him and going to weekly meetings. The more quiet and reserved one of the group, Will continued to find ways to help other veterans. He volunteered at the local VA and shuttled veterans to and from medical appointments. He found driving to be soothing for him – having a set path, a direction to go in, and accomplishing something. Sometimes his passengers wanted to talk, sometimes they didn’t. He was comfortable either way.

And then there was Benny. He needed to keep his body in motion to try and silence the whirl that went on in his head. Fighting helped. He continued training, getting booked for local fights in Tampa, sometimes making it over to Orlando or as far as Jacksonville. At first, it helped him numb some of the pain. He felt like dealing with physical injuries was easier than his mental or emotional ones.

When he wasn't fighting or training, he found himself returning to a love he had as a kid – drawing. At first, he didn't really draw anything in particular, just doodles. But eventually, his doodles started to form beautiful landscapes and vistas…pulling inspiration from places he had seen during his time in the service. The activity brought him a sense of calm, using his hands to concentrate and make something. It didn't have to be perfect or beautiful, it just was.

Months passed and the guys just sort of existed in this newfound reality. None of them really talked about Colombia to each other, leaving the hurt and pain largely unspoken. Benny, Will, and Frankie would see each other often throughout the week. Santiago would FaceTime occasionally depending on where he was in the world. Although the guys kept some of the money from their mission, none of them had really spent it. Benny never did end up buying that Ferrari.

One day while driving back home to the apartment he shared with his brother, Will decided to take a detour to drive through a few different neighborhoods. He and Benny tossed around the idea of buying a house together, even going so far as visiting some open houses together to check things out.

This neighborhood, Torrey Hills, was particularly beautiful, with a palm tree-lined entrance and expansive water fountain greeting you on the drive in. Will aimlessly drove around taking in the Mediterranean-style architecture. Lots of two-story homes, stucco and white brick, raw iron and metalwork. There were some ranch-style homes sprinkled throughout as well. He noticed one in particular that had a for sale sign – 319 Mulefall Court.

Parked on the street, he grabs his phone to do some quick research. He checks on the price of the house first, a lot lower than he was expecting just based on the looks of the neighborhood, which he confirms once he looked up some recently sold homes nearby.

"What's wrong with you?" He mumbled toward the house, wondering why it was valued so much lower than everything around it.

The housing market in Tampa was pretty competitive, something Will and Benny had already realized. Oftentimes by the time they found a house they both liked it was already under contract or had multiple offers. They conveniently kept the fact that they could pay cash for literally any house they wanted from their realtor; they wanted the house they chose to be special.

Will continued looking over the specs of the house. Four bedrooms, two and a half baths. Two-car garage. Pool. Pretty spacious backyard from the photos and from what he could see from the street. A beautiful, old oak tree in the front yard. He noticed there weren't too many photos of the interior of the house or much of a description. 

Normally, he would text a listing to Benny to get his thoughts, but this time he went straight to calling the realtor’s number on the sign. The realtor, Ethan, picked up and was a bit surprised someone wanted to talk to him about that property. It had been sitting for a couple of months without an offer, so Ethan was eager to set up a showing for the next day.

When he arrived home, Will saw Benny sitting at their kitchen table, head down over his notebook with a pencil in hand.

“Hey man, what’re you doing?”

“Nothing just got an idea for something,” Benny said, not looking up.

Will heads to the refrigerator to pull out a beer, grabbing one for his brother as he goes to sit down in the chair across from him.

“D’you have a good day?” Benny asks, putting down his pencil and grabbing the beer from Will.

“Yea, Mr. Jacobs seems to be doing better.” Will pauses to take a swig of his beer. “So…I saw a house today.”

“What?”

“Well, from the outside. I have a showing tomorrow morning if you want to go.”

“Yea, where is it?”

“You know that Torrey Hills neighborhood? It’s in there.”

“Wooo, that neighborhood is nice! Are you sure you want to go all fancy?” 

“It is a nice neighborhood for sure, it seems quiet. This place looks like it needs … some work.”

“How much work?” Benny is a bit skeptical of what his brother may be getting them into, but trusts that Will wouldn’t do anything too rash. 

“It’s going to be a project.”

“A project? 

“Yea. The house has been sitting for a couple of months,” he said as he fished out his phone from his back pocket, pulled up the listing, and handed it over to Benny. “Look, I figure we go in and take a look to see how bad it is. You know how much shit we built with Dad back in the day. We can even call Joel to see if he thinks it's doable for us to fix it up ourselves.”

Benny looks up from the phone and gives a little smile as he hands the phone back, “Sure, man. Sounds good.”

Will and Benny could buy any house. But rather than buy something brand new, they wanted to buy a house they knew needed a lot of love and care. They wanted little projects they could work on, either together or by themselves. 

______________________________

As the guys walked through the threshold of the house with Ethan in tow, they realized they may be biting off more than they can chew with this place.

“Shit, how long has this place been empty?” Benny asks as he looks around. 

“Well, the house was built in the ’90s and had the same owner for about 20 years before it became an Airbnb,” Ethan said as leaned on the kitchen counter. “Then, some guy bought it, trying to do some real HGTV-type shit in here. Bought it before the pandemic, but didn’t realize how much work goes into a complete flip, you know? It’s not like the TV shows. Anyway, he ended up getting in over his head with it and then the foreclosure happened. He left the place an absolute goddamn mess,” he gestured around. “The neighbors have been on my ass to get this place sold. The curb appeal is kind of bringing down the block.”

Will quietly walks around the living room, his mind working through logistics. He comes into the kitchen where Benny was checking out the cabinets and appliances.

“Ethan, can you give us a minute?” 

“Yea sure, I’ll be out in the backyard, y’all take your time,” Ethan said as he attempted to open the glass door leading out to the back porch. Struggling, he decided to head back out to the front door and unlock the fence to the backyard.

“So, what do you think?” Will asked, arching his eyebrows.

“Psh, I don’t know man, this is kind of a shit hole, right?”

“Yea, but like … we could do this. Maybe get Fish to come over and we can demo the inside. Start from scratch?”

“We should call Joel.”

Their cousin was a contractor in Texas, so he would be able to give them his honest opinion of whether or not they could do this. They ended up calling him on FaceTime so he could see what they were dealing with.

“I mean, it’s not gonna be easy or quick, but I think y’all could do it,” his low Southern drawl reverberating in the empty living room. “Plus, when you’re all done I can come out and inspect it for you. Sarah has been bugging me about taking her to Disney,” he laughed.

“Oh hell yea, that would be awesome!” Benny lit up starting to see how it could all come together based on Joel’s suggestions.

Will hadn’t seen his brother get this excited about something in a while. 

“Ok, Joel. We’ll talk to you soon … tell Tommy and Sarah we say hi.”

“Later guys.”

Hanging up and looking back at Benny, who still had a smile on his face, Will clears his throat. 

“So, what do you think? Should we do it?”

“You already know what I’m going to say!”

“Alright, let’s go talk to Ethan,” Will says motioning to the front door. 

Coming out of the front door, they head out around the right side of the house, picking their feet up high to walk through the overgrown grass and weeds. 

“This fence looks a little rough,” Benny observed, jiggling one of the loose boards.

“Hey, stop that! Don’t fucking pull it out.”

“....that’s what she said?” Benny laughs.

Will rolls his eyes, slapping his brother on the chest. “You’re so fuckin’ stupid.”

As they head back, they notice the pool. Ethan was standing at the edge looking at his phone. He hears them traipsing through the overgrowth and turns around, “Hey guys, what do you think?”

“Well, it’s going to need a lot of work, that’s for sure, but, we want to make an offer.”

“Shit, really? I mean … cool. Yea ok, I’ll draw something up and send it over.” 

Giving them both a handshake, the men start to walk back to the front. Benny pulls out his phone taking a few photos of the backyard and the front as they make their way back to Will’s Jeep. 

Ethan gives them one final wave before pulling out of the driveway and heading out.

Will and Benny walk up to the driveway and give one final look at the house, Benny snapping a few more photos. They hear someone clear their throat behind them. Turning around they see a woman, around their age, walking a corgi.

“You guys going to buy that?” she nodded towards the house.

“Uh, yea we’re thinking about it,” Will said cautiously while Benny bounded past his brother to crouch down to pet the dog.

“Aw man, I love corgis!”

“Ha, thanks, he loves people so you’re making his day. My name is Megan, that's Bucky.” She extended her hand to shake Will’s first, looking down at Benny who got back up. Removing his backward baseball cap and putting it in his left hand to shake her hand.

“I live over there, the blue two-story with the basketball hoop,” she says pointing over to a house a few doors down and across the street. 

“Do you play basketball?” Benny asks, reaching back down to give the dog some belly scratches.

“No, but my son does.” She reaches up to brush some hair out of her face and the boys both notice the huge diamond on her finger. 

“What’s the neighborhood like?” Will could tell it was a nice neighborhood, but still wanted to do the proper reconnaissance. 

“Oh, it’s pretty quiet. A few families, but some singles as well,” she eyes them both up and down. “You have some nice neighbors on both sides of you. We’ve been trying to have more events together, block parties, and stuff. Hopefully, you boys can fix up this piece of shit and we can all come over,” she smiles tilting her chin up at the house.

“Yea, well that’s the goal.” Benny looked up smiling, continuing to play with the dog.

“Well, I’ll be seeing you around hopefully.” She waves and continues her walk.

Later that night, Will was sitting in the living room playing some zombie video game when he noticed Benny head back over to his chair at the dining room table, notebook, and pencil in tow. Except this time Benny had some colored pencils with him too. Will saw his brother prop up his phone, using it as a reference for whatever he was drawing. A small smile on his face as he got to work.

______________________

The next month was busy getting everything together with the realtors. During that time, Santiago returned from his travels, wanting a bit more stability than the nomad life. He and Frankie had been helping the brothers pack.

Closing day comes and before they go in to sign the papers, Will pulls out his phone.

WILL: Headed in now to close on the house…should have the keys by 5. You guys want to come over and check it out?

FRANKIE: Yea, Pope and I can head over after I get out of work.  

BENNY: Sweet, see you guys later. Bring beer!

“Goddamn, my fucking hand hurts,” Benny puts his pen down and massages his hand. “I didn’t realize we had to sign so much shit.”

“What did you think, we would sign one paper? We’re buying a house.” Will chuckles.

_________________________

The boys waited approximately one day before fully starting Operation Bachelor Pad, as Benny put it. Will continued to lean on Joel’s advice about what materials to buy and avoid and techniques to use. Joel even sent them a new set of power tools as a housewarming gift. 

The sweltering weather made working outside on the yard a bit of a hassle, but one of Will’s first orders of business was to clean up the front so it wasn’t such an eyesore to the neighbors. Between the four of them, they were able to knock it out rather quickly. Will mowed the grass, while Frankie meticulously edged. Being the tallest of the group, Benny worked on pulling leaves out of the gutters with Santi’s help. They pulled weeds and removed a couple of dead shrubs. When they were all done, the boys sat in some folding chairs in the driveway drinking from their bottles of water.

“It’s so fucking hot out,” Frankie said as he took his hat off, wiped his forehead and combed his hair with his hand, before returning his hat to his head.

“How am I this sweaty?” Benny grunted as he peeled off his T-shirt, resting it on the back of his chair.

“What, you trying to give a show to all of the housewives?” Santiago teased him.

“Fuck off, it’s hot. If the pool wasn’t such a goddamn disaster I would jump in there,” Benny laughed.

Will looked up and saw Megan walking towards them holding a basket.

“Hey boys,” she smiled.

“Hey Megan,” Will got up, meeting her at the front of the driveway. “What’s this?”

“Where’s the corgi?” Benny yelled. Will turns around to glare at him. “Just kidding, hi Mrs. Megan!”

“Oh my god, Benjamin, please do not call me Mrs. It makes me feel old,” she chuckles. “Here, I wanted to bring something by, not sure how stocked your fridge is yet and I saw you had some friends over.” She nodded to the group behind Will.

Handing over the basket, Will sees she had arranged a few bottles of water and Gatorade, along with some homemade cookies and a gift card to a pizza place. 

“Wow, thank you, this is so nice,” Will smiled. By this point, Benny had walked up to see what was in the basket too. 

“Nice, this is awesome!” he said, pulling out one of the cookies and stuffing it in his mouth. He noticed Megan giving him a quick up and down, so he stood a little taller. “This is fucking amazing. Are you a cook or something?”

“Baker. And no, not professionally or anything. I just dabble.”

“Well, you can dabble with us anyti-” he chokes as Will hit him in the side of the stomach. “Shit. I, uh, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry,” he looked down bashfully. 

“I know what you meant, all good,” she laughs. “Well, I should be heading out.”

“See ya later!” Benny waved, grabbing one more cookie from the basket before bouncing back towards the chair. 

“So, are all of your neighbors hot?” Santiago asked with an arched eyebrow. “May need to move in here myself.”

“Fuck off, Pope. She’s nice. She’s actually one of the first people that has come by to say anything.”

________________

It was so fucking hot outside. Florida summers were no joke. As a result, the boys used the next few months to completely renovate the inside of the house. They installed new countertops in the kitchen, laid down hardwood floors, upgraded nearly every appliance or fixture in the place, and fixed the glass sliding door to the back porch. As the months went on, the house became a source of their collective pride and joy; they reveled in their handiwork.

Megan would come by every so often to say hi. She introduced the guys to a few other neighbors and it felt like they were starting to develop a home base. Even though Frankie and Santiago didn’t officially live there, they may as well because they were over all the time, even when Will and Benny were gone.

As the weather got cooler, by Florida standards, the boys decided to focus on the outside of the house. 

One day as they were sitting around watching a football game on a lazy Sunday, Benny got up and headed out of the living room with a purpose.

“Where the fuck is he going?” Santiago looked over the couch to where Benny ran off to.

“Who knows, the kid has been really focused on something and I don’t know what it is,” Will said.

“Ok! I got it!” Benny ran back into the room with his notebook and a pencil in tow.

The other three looked at him with confused looks.

“I’ve been thinking about what to do with the yard, but I think I finally figured it out. This was the missing piece.” He quickly scribbled some things down and turned his notebook around.

“What are we supposed to be looking at Ben?” Will asked, confused and trying to read what Benny’s chicken scratch said. 

“Ok, look,” Benny sat in the middle of the couch, Will and Frankie on either side and Santiago came over to sit on the back of the couch, looking over his shoulder.

“Let’s start in front. We need to replace the fence on both sides and put in a swing gate, that’s easy. I’m thinking we do some flower beds here in the front. I haven’t decided what kind of flowers yet. But leading from the front porch over to the fence we’ll put some flagstone pavers down. Yea, I think that’ll look nice. Oh, and a couple of planted pots here in the front,” he motioned to circles he drew on either side of the door.”

He keeps rambling as the other three look at each other, Benny oblivious to them.

“Oh and then on the left side of the house, I’m thinking some permeable pavers so that the water can drain, will help us not have standing water to avoid excess mosquitos and algae and shit. That side of the fence is bigger so we can easily get the lawn mower into the backyard that way and not fuck up the grass as much.”

Moving the paper closer, he points to the left side of the paper. “Ok, so once we get into the backyard, I think we line it with some raised flower beds. Near the pool, we’ll have some more perennials. We’ll add some more planted pots on the porch. Maybe some string lights or something.”

“And then this is what finally came together!” he smiled pointing to the back right of his drawing. “I think … wait for it … we build a gazebo thing.”

“Isn’t that called a pergola?” Santiago asked.

“Same shit. They’ll be a structure back there. With some shrubs up to the fence line. We can put a palm tree out there, some more flagstone pavers, and then we include a little water fountain in one of the perennial beds here.” 

When he finished, he leaned back on the couch and exhaled, pleased with himself and excited that his idea finally came together.

“So that’s what you’ve been working on, huh?” Will smirked.

“Yea man, I … I don’t know. Ever since we came here for the first time I had this … vision. Like, I could see it, but I couldn’t. So I’ve been working on different designs.” Benny paged through his notebook showing numerous mockups of their backyard.

“Holy shit, Ben, that’s awesome,” Frankie looked over at Benny. “But what if you put a grass bed over here by the utilities.” 

“Yea … yea, that could work Fish!”

_______________________ 

Over the next few weeks, Benny and Frankie continued to tinker with the design, sending Will and Santiago out on Home Depot runs to get things off their list. 

As they did working on the interior of the house, they found themselves opening up to each other as they worked, finding that keeping their hands and bodies busy gave their minds time to process.

And they worked hard, completely rejuvenating the look of the house both from the inside and outside, so much so that the neighbors took notice. 

Megan was the first to come over to ask if the guys could look at her lawn. Benny made a few easy suggestions, offering to fix it up on weekends. Then another neighbor and another neighbor. Before they knew it, the boys had worked on nearly every house on their block, which helped them get to know everyone.

One night as the boys were hanging out in the backyard, Benny came up with another idea. 

"Ok, hear me out," as he opened the cooler to grab beers for everyone. 

Frankie was by the grill and turned around to peer over at Benny. "What Benjamin? What job did you sign us up for now?" chuckling as he took a swig of the beer Benny handed him.

"Landscaping."

Cocking his head to the side, Santiago repeats back matter-of-factly, "Landscaping."

"Like what, do it professionally or something?" Frankie laughs.

Benny looks over at Will who was observing, taking it all in.

"Oh come on! Look at what we did with this place," gesturing around to the backyard. 

They all had to admit they did a beautiful job with the backyard. It has been almost therapeutic for them, working on this house together. 

“We’ve already been doing it! Megan’s lawn. Fish, you had a great idea for Melissa and Derek’s backyard, they fucking loved what you and Pope did with the place. We … we could do this for other people. Figure out how to make shit better.” He pulled his cap off, brushing his hair.

Although the other three had always seen Benny as the little brother, bouncing off the walls with energy, they had to admit he had a newfound focus when it came to the projects around the house. His brain was crawling with ideas. Plus, they were having fun working on projects for their neighbors. They had gotten very close to some of them.

"This could be a legit business for us. I even have a name I came up with. Wait for it…Delta Landscaping!" He beamed, clearly proud of himself and waiting for the guy's reaction.

Next Chapter

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first installment of this series! Seriously thank you to everyone who has sent me a message or a comment in the lead-up to this. I’ve had so much fun interacting with all of you and it has been a bright spot in my days for sure.

Let me know if you want to be on the tag list moving forward!!

#delta landscaping #triple frontier fic #triple frontier fanfiction #triple frontier au

[maristelina]

Amane Voice Drama Really Bad Translation

Please take my really bad translation with a truckload of salt. It's super incomplete. I was having troubles understanding what's going on because of my current anemia and uh episode. I wanted to share this because I want to see how close I got later when more competent people translates the Voice Drama.

Amane: We were disappointed in MILGRAM's judgement. We thought it could be a new world. You're quite something, always looking down on others from above. I'm pretty sure I told you not to be conceited. On top of that, you say something incomprehensible like not forgiving us.

How dare you say that. But we are magnanimous. Let's set aside time for dialogue with the warden once again. After all, our history is one that has been made through dialogue.

Es: Get to the point quickly. What's wrong, Amane? Don't think I can just overlook your drastically changed attitude and move on. It's the result of my judgment that you've become like this. The way you talk. You're like a completely different person at the moment. Everyone who is unforgiven is under the mental stress of hearing voices blaming their own sins. Is your change also due to that influence?

Amane: The ridiculous voices? Ah, we did indeed hear it. But, that's not a big deal because we have steadfast teachings. We have clear and sublime faith. No matter what is said from the outside, we won't be shaken.

Es: Faith. You're talking about the religion you believe in.

Amane: The power that Milgram possesses seems to be true. Have you also taken a peek at our faith?

Es: It was quite an abstract expression(??), but I judged that your killing of people was due to religious beliefs.

Amane: It's not murder; I simply administered punishment according to the doctrine.

Es: So you're saying it's not a sin.

Amane: Is faith a sin?

Es: Faith itself is free, and while many are non-religious, I understand that there are those who are saved by religion.

Amane: Is that so? Are the unforgiven prisoners lost? They might also need our faith.

Es: I'd rather you refrain from proselytizing within Milgram

Amane: Faith is free. Faith exists for the sake of those who are lost.

Es: We've gotten off-topic. So, what exactly are you now? You keep saying 'we,' does that mean you're not Amane Momose?

Amane: I am Momose Amane and yet not Momose Amane. I am a spokesperson for our faith. You said you won't forgive us. I think there's a need for dialogue and warning because you made a wrong judgment, so I am speaking as 'we.'

Es: So, in essence, I am speaking with the concept of your religion itself right now. Is that what you're saying?

Amane: You can think of it that way if you like. So, let's issue the warning again. Warden. Milgram made the decision not to forgive us.

Es: Ah, yes, that's correct.

Amane: As I said earlier, our actions are actions of faith???, and they don't amount to sin. Therefore, Milgram is wrong. People are getting killed in the prison. I understand that I'm breaking the law.

Es: As I said before, there are things more important than the law. This is Milgram. Such arbitrary rules cannot be accepted as a standard. Therefore, I won't forgive. That's all. Faith in religion is also free. However, your so-called doctrine cannot become the standard for overall sin.

Amane: Isn't Milgram trying to establish new standards precisely because foolish laws can't properly guide this world? Are you still bound by the law?

As a mere warden I have no way of knowing Milgram's philosophy. It's not because love is against the law. Your killing of people is not forgiven by Milgram. I simply made that judgment. The orders are to deny your doctrine.

Amane: If you don't change your mind, we can never forgive you either.

Es: What do you mean "we"? You make me laugh. What you're doing is simply murder. Whether you talk about it as a whole or sing it like a noble ideal, it's murder. Momose Amane. The one who killed was not "you all," it was you. Don't divert your eyes from your own actions by playing games.

Amane: I have a duty for God!

Es: So? What are you gonna do about it? / What would you do if that's the case?

Amane: I will never forgive you! I will definitely never forgive you!

Es: I'm saying that attacking me is pointless.

Amane: I will never forgive you!

Es: Weren't you taught that those scissors you got from the supply should not be directed at people?

Amane: According to the doctrine, the guards' insults towards us are fully subject to penalties. We won't forgive.

Es: It's poitnless, you might as well give up.

Amane: I won't forgive you! I won't forgive you!

Es: Attacks from prisoners to guards are not possible. It's Milgram's principle, but a certain multiple personality individual slipped through this rule. In other words, Milgram's prisoner classification focuses on the mind rather than the body, so if the mind is separate, the rule doesn't apply. It seems like they're struggling with a flawed rule.

Amane: I'll kill you! I will fucking kill you!

Es: Thanks to that flawed rule, it has been proven this way. The fact that you're wielding scissors now doesn't make you a god or a concept. You're just Amane, plain and simple. Quite literally, what you're doing is just a pretend game. It's trivial. This is what you wanted with Milgram, isn't it? A direct showdown.

Amane: SILENCE!

Es: What's wrong? Have you indeed desired to be treated like a child? In my opinion, the fact that you are a child is closely related to this matter. No matter what you assert, no matter how much you try to act mature, you are a child. It's an unchangeable fact.

Amane: You're also a child!

Es: I'm 15 years old, so in Puerto Rico and Haiti, I'm considered an adult. You're 12 years old, so you're a child in any country. You look frustrated.

Amane: I'M NOT A CHILD

Es: Either way is fine. Why? In the first place, there are two main reasons why children are given reduced sentences by law: the potential for rehabilitation and the influence of their environment, I believe. In this case, it's mainly the latter. As I mentioned before, early childhood is heavily impacted by parental upbringing, and the effects of the rearing environment are substantial. Children born into households that practice religion, for instance, grow up recognizing it as a rule of the world.

Amane: What are you trying to say?

Es: It's about how they feel that the doctrines of what is commonly known as a religion are everything in the world.

Amane: You are arguing against the idea that being underdeveloped due to being of a young age.

Es: Certainly, the ego was fully developed. However, because this ego was nurtured in a specialized environment isolated from society, the argument remains among us whether this is your sin or rather the sin of your parents' environment. Here, we assess the potential for rehabilitation, as I mentioned earlier.

Amane: W-well, what do you mean by "among us"? Isn't it me? Aren't we from the same country? The warden and I understand five years' worth. As for me being special, it's just that my environment is unique, and everyone else's is ordinary. There are people who have actually gone there. I've been told things like you're being deceived, it's not too late even now, or you're mentally unstable. They still treat me like a child after all. It's because I'm a child that they think I've been brainwashed. But that's not the case. Even I, as a child, understand everything. Please don't label people as unhappy. I'm fortunate to have been born to my parents. It's challenging, and sometimes it gets tight, but I'm happy to live under pure teachings. That's the path I want to take. I see, you all think it's brainwashing, don't you?

From my perspective, you all are also being brainwashed by the religion of mainstream values. Why do you blindly believe in it just because there are many people following it?

Es: I understand

Amane: It's only natural that those of us who haven't been acknowledged by society due to our small numbers would see the potential for a new world in Milgram.

Es: Yes, I understand well. That's why your doctrines aren't acknowledged. Teachings that affirm life are not permitted by my standards. Huh.

Amane: That is correct.

Es: Our judgement, huh? I'll take another look at your feelings. Next time, if you feel something even deeper there, I intend to accept it properly. It's like a direct showdown, isn't it? That's right.

Amane: If, in the end, you deny and don't forgive me or us, then at that time, I won't forgive you. No, that's not it. I won't forgive you. Evading responsibility for your actions through pretend play is the next line. Thanks, it's not just you. It's all of you. I said I won't forgive you. It's a direct showdown. You're not allowed to keep your hands clean.

Es: What are you talking about?

Amane: I suppose so. The warden refers to themselves as "you all." If it's you, then it's you.

Are you experiencing a headache? Are you alright, warden? Please stand up on your own. That's a trial given by God. It's a trial of pain/sickness. Escaping from it is the greatest evil according to our teachings. One of the Eight Principles, isn't it? It's not allowed for anyone, no matter who they are. People do tend to act that way. Like a devil among prisoners, trying to steal trials from others.

Kirisaki Shidou, his actions who is cutting and tearing, violating our taboos. I issued a warning. If they continue, I might have to intervene. Is it perhaps already too late?

Es: Shut up.

Amane: Resorting to violence, how childish

Es: Silence. I am the one who makes the rules here.

Amane: What sets us apart from you?

Es: I told you to shut up didn't I? Listen to what I say.

Amane: If the world you create is attractive to me, or perhaps.

Es: Prisoner #8, Sing your sins!

#milgramtranslations #milgram translation #milgram #momose amane #voice drama

[hootbon]

I saw a concept on instagram by someone saying that no matter who wears it (like Jax in the art it had), it can change the emotion of whoever wears it, nice concept in my opinion (the art had Jax glitching cuz he put on the comedy mask and it was changing his emotions)

That sounds so interesting honestly (I can hear the lethal company from a MILE away)

It’s funny because I’ve thought of something similar for gangle in a way, for my au at least. She had a lot of different concepts I never figured out how to incorporate without it being ‘too much’

For instance,

We had a different idea of having gangle not be a separate ribbon mess but death grip attached to one of the mannequins at all times. And when another abstracted they’d replace the mannequin with the abstracted character until they’ve leeched off whatever was left of them..

That and they’d have their masks on the face that swapped out whenever one wanted control.. (gangle almost never got control).. I mean I wanted to keep this but but I could never get it to work if the original idea i had with that whole gimmick was that gangle dresses up the mannequin to look like a near identical replica to fool even the other members into false senses of security(such the way an actual virus works).. doesn’t work when you got a big ass mask on your face that looks suspiciously like aingle now does it💀.

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #freakshow au #tadc freakshow #freakshow gangle

[max1461]

I'm terminally humanities brained, but I am kind of interested in pure mathematics and POM and generally just more mathematics oriented philosophy stuff/mathematics in general, I haven't studied any kind of maths since Highschool, how should I get into it? Should I read Quine?

Oh, this is a great question and I am very happy you have decided to send it to me! My answer reflects my particular views on mathematics and what it is all about, of course, so keep that in mind.

The number one thing I would like to convey about mathematics to someone coming from the humanities is that mathematics, far more than most fields, is something you do in addition to something you learn. Mathematical thinking has to be practiced, it is a skill that you train. If your primary interest is in philosophy of math, I'm afraid I haven't read very deeply on the subject and probably can't recommend a good starting place. Maybe... Russell? Look into Hilbert's program, and why it failed? But if you want to understand math "from the inside" instead of "from the outside", then you have to do math, and to that end I think "who to read" is the wrong question.

This might sound a bit scary, but I don't think it needs to be. Math is not so hard to do, although it is a very foreign type of thinking to those who are not practiced at it. In fact, this is why I think doing math is important even if your interests are primarily in POM; math is ultimately a human activity, regardless of e.g. what you believe about the ontology of mathematical abstractions, and I believe that in order to understand it fully (to have a picture of it beyond just its ontology) it must be understood as a human activity. Thus, one must do it, at least a little bit. It is, if nothing else, a whole realm of human experience all its own, and I think just about anyone would profit intellectually from spinning their mental gears in a mathematical way here and there.

Thankfully, there are many great places to start if this is your aim. I assume that what we're talking about here is "proof based" math rather than just calculation. To that end, a great introductory book is Velleman's How to Prove It, which will give you some guiding principles and many examples of how to approach a mathematical proof. Beyond that, I think you'll want to pick up an "entry level" introductory text (that is, an introductory text aimed at undergrads, etc.) on any math topic that strikes your fancy, and work through it—making sure that you understand the structure of the arguments (proofs), and attempting as many of the exercises as you can. The exercises are really the most important part. You cannot learn math without the exercises. You cannot learn math by reading it. The only way to learn is to try your hand at it yourself.

Expect your reading speed to be slow, and new concepts to be confusing. Expect to read things over and over, and fiddle with them in your head, before they make sense. Well, I mean, if you're anything like me or like most people. I think one of the biggest reasons people get turned off to math is that most of it just doesn't make any sense the first time you encounter it; it won't make sense until you've thought about it a lot.

One way or another, if you have a background in philosophy and are used to parsing and evaluating careful arguments, you will have a leg up on many people getting their introduction to proofs.

As for what topic to start with... you could always start with Euclid's elements, which is still a perfectly solid introduction to Euclidean geometry even after 2500 years. It does not quite meet modern standards of mathematical rigor (in other words, its proofs have gaps by modern standards), but realistically this is not a big deal: the basic thinking style is the same, and the gaps are somewhat subtle and technical IIRC, so I don't think it will really affect the beginner experience. On the other hand I believe at least a couple of Euclid's proofs are genuinely flawed (that is to say, they aren't just uncareful in their presentation, but are actually invalid in their structure), so maybe it's better to start with a modern work first.

Some books that I think are good for a beginner:

Graham, Knuth, & Patashnik, Concrete Mathematics — The focus of this book is on mathematical tools for computer science, but even if that is not your interest it's still a great book. It deals mostly with familiar concepts such as whole numbers and sequences (you might have encountered, e.g., the Fibonacci sequence), but is great for learning to problem solve and think mathematically.

Rudin, Principals of Mathematical Analysis, ("Baby Rudin") — If you want trial-by-fire. A lot of math undergrads have this as the textbook for their first proof-based math class, and it's notoriously challenging. Its topic is the field of real analysis, the rigorous foundations of calculus. I... wouldn't start here if I were you, honestly, but it's definitely a classic.

Some graph theory text. Some people seem to be recommending Wilson's, which has the convenient feature of being available online here. I haven't read it, but looking over it, it seems fairly gentle. There are a lot of pictures, and proofs don't enter the picture until a couple of sections in. Graph theory has the advantage of being very visual and having basically no prerequisites, so this might be a nice place to start.

Some abstract algebra book. If you're looking for a really clear presentation of the way mathematics is done today, starting with axioms and proving theorems deductively from them, etc., there is probably no place where it is more straightforwardly visible than in abstract algebra. The first math book I ever attempted was Herstein's Topics in Algebra; not the most beginner oriented, but certainly not inaccessible, and hey, it worked out for me! If this one is not to your liking there are a million books on e.g. introductory group theory you could look into, or the very canonical Dummit & Foote, or so on.

Uh yeah I think that's all I got. Anyone else feel free to put any more thoughts or recommendations in the reblogs!

#math #anon

[olliesneweyes]

Wanted to flesh out and add more headcanons to this ↑, so that'll be under the cut!

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

This post by my friend(?) Is basically what I mean by he's chaotic academia lol

⫘⫘ Messy as hell handwriting that only he can read, although sometimes he can't read it either and struggles with remembering what he wrote

i feel like he'd have a typewriter in his room for important notes because of this (no idea if those actually existed when idv takes place but we have cypher machines which seem pretty similar so-)

He's always, always doing something with his hands.

if he's not writing on his notes, he's doodling abstract shapes or concept inventions on them.

And if he's not doing that, then he either has something to fidget with or tinker on, or he's playing with his hands.

⫘⫘ speaking of hands, to me he only wears one glove because they irritate his scarred hand.

He should take regular breaks so his hands don't cramp and hurt, but he's usually so engrossed in his tasks that he forgets it's even a problem.

⫘⫘ He talks a lot! But sometimes it's not just the chatty type of talking but a cacophony of thoughts and ideas that his brain works him up into and needs to be dragged out of him by the only way he can.

If you're not his friend already and you end up on the listening end of one of these, as long as you don't actively recoil from it you've probably gained a ton of trust with him.

⫘⫘ Part of talking so much with everyone is that he has a lot of friends! But he doesn't really have many friends, you know? There's only a select few he trusts properly.

⫘⫘ His memory tends to go blank on things like the date or time.

He's worried quite a few people by not realising it was a holiday, and commenting on it with confusion.

More minor holidays like Easter and Valentine's Day are the easiest to forget, because people don't really decorate for them.

He has Several alarm clocks for timing, but he usually asks people to immediately come and get him if he's needed for something and isn't there.

Due to this, he's been part of things he wasn't supposed to be, because he generally trusts that he's just forgotten he was meant to be there.

Of course he has distorted dreams of the incident, but he actually has quite a lot that revolve around his prison time.

⫘⫘ He has a lot of night terrors. There's been so many nights where he's jolted up, heart racing, and couldn't tell what was real or fake or where he was for a while.

He was treated... extremely badly there. Any excuse to take frustrations out on a rich person was taken liberally by the other people. Prisoners, guards, all of them.

Lots of both physical and mental trauma helped to cement his broken mental state and lack of memory, as well. Being hurt like that is not going for your head.

After all, one of his canon dislikes are "implements of torture"

⫘⫘ He's pretty good at decoding when he decides to do a match! He avoids hunters pretty well too. Unfortunately, they don't like him very much...

He always HATES the rocket chairs. Not necessarily what happens after he's eliminated, although that's startling too. It's actually being strapped down to it that makes him panic.

He doesn't like being stuck to anything, and he especially doesn't like it when the hunters are usually nearby ready to hurt him.

⫘⫘ It's alright though, because he has his chain! He's augmented it in order to create the static charges you see in the matches.

There is just one teensy little problem. After coming to the makeshift hospital ward after blacking out while using his abilities a couple of times, he was asked what he did to keep his electricity generator from shocking him. He didn't have an answer.

As it turns out, he's rather numb in certain parts of his body. Including his neck. And as he was only focused on this invention being effective, he never quite realised that it might be a danger to have it near his already messed up brain.

He's trying to refine it so it doesn't do that, but he's advised to stay out of matches for now.

⫘⫘ he's not the best with self care. At all.

his hair is VERY messy, so it's tied in place with a lot of unconventional things.

Ribbons, wires, gears to wrap it around, clasps, and more. He even kept it tied with a pair of pliers one time. He just needs it up. It's a sensory thing.

But on a less light hearted note, he usually forgets to eat, and "forgets" to sleep while he's working.

If he does eat, he usually brings things like pastries from the main hall to his room.

And if he sleeps... The night terrors about killing his mentor are much more vivid when he jolts up to a desk that looks exactly as it always did back then.

⫘⫘ he doesn't work on his invention. He desperately wants to, but he can't.

Even for someone with good memory, trying to continue a project you last worked on YEARS ago, completely from scratch, is hard.

But he barely remembers what it was meant to do. His life's devotion, shattered to pieces in his mind because of a stupid impulsive accident he feels that he caused. It breaks him.

So he works on other things. Everything and everything will be tinkered with, because maybe he can remember what he wanted. Someday. Through desperate notes and ramblings and trying to weld the puzzle pieces together in his mind.

Grasping for it even as it slips away the more he tries to think of what it was...

⫘⫘ He has friends now. And he'll do whatever they want to do. Anything to distract himself from his plight.

They're the main reason he takes self care at all, besides keeping up appearances. He doesn't feel as alone when everyone is struggling with him.

His room is full of little gifts for them. Might as well put his knowledge to things that make them happy, right?

#identity v #idv #idv prisoner #identity v prisoner #idv luca

[fists-on-up]

I started this blog when Twitter looked like it was going down so I could keep up with my gaylor friends. Most of them are still on Twitter, but as a writer I am a wordy motherfucker & I hate character limits. So, rather than let this blog lay dormant I am going to use it for more personal gaylor related things & more abstract/complex perspectives.

I might as well start by explaining how I stumbled upon the gaylor community because I feel like my journey here was much different than most.

I am a little older than Taylor & have mostly listed to rock & EDM my whole life. I don't hate pop, but I don't really seek it out & I don't care much about trends or pop culture. I had heard the most popular Taylor Swift songs in passing. I didn't hate Taylor at all, I just never looked further into her music.

I do vaguely remember feeling like YBWM sounded very much like being in love with your high school best friend who doesn't consider you an option because you're a girl, and as a Shakespeare obsessed lesbian Love Story pinged the ol' gaydar because forbidden love is way more common for queer people. It's not impossible, though, for a girl's family to not approve of a particular boy so I chalked it up to a specific situation she faced coupled with me viewing lyrics through my own (very gay) experiences. Especially given the fact that Romeo & Juliet tends to be referenced often based upon a very surface-level understanding of the story.

These thoughts did stick with me subconsciously, as it turns out. One day I was listening to a Spotify generated playlist I was really digging and Don't Blame Me came on while I was in the shower. I thought "Wow, this is a very sexy, Sapphic song who the hell is this??" I checked when I got out of the shower & was so confused. I LOVED it and listened to it frequently, but it still hadn't clicked completely.

Then I heard only the bridge to Cruel Summer in a TikTok & said "Oh my God, she's gay!" I immediately recognized how painful & difficult it is to play the part of "friends" in public and the sense of doom that comes with realizing you're in love with a girl while closeted. If you've never had that experience, I envy you. How we treat people we're in love with isn't really planned out, it's automatic. Trying to catch that & substitute "friendly" behavior when you don't even know HOW to be her friend is very hard. It's hard to not feel insecure when the woman you love treats you like a friend, too. It's hard to hide the love and the pain if you wear your heart on your sleeve. In short, it's torture. A unique torture you can only really describe or recognize if you've experienced it. I have, and immediately knew Taylor had too.

As soon as this clicked I immediately devoured her entire discography over & over again. For days it was all I did, starting before I got out of bed and ending when I fell asleep with a notepad on my bed listening to evermore (again). I was 100% certain she is queer before I ever Googled "Taylor Swift gay?". I didn't even know there was lore or a community at first.

I didn't just recognize her queerness because I'm queer, however. I recognized it because I'm a writer. Not by profession. By passion, I suppose. And what really made it clear was what Taylor doesn't say.

I realized I was gay when I was 14 years old and when I did I wasn't scared, I was excited. I had come to the conclusion that the entire world was just... faking it. Girls would kiss boys & go on & on about it, almost every song, movie, & book was about love, and I just couldn't relate. I had kissed more than a few boys, but I seriously did not understand. I would pretend to fit in, but it was not at all appealing to me.

Then a friend stayed the night & kissed me. A friend that I wasn't consciously attracted to at all, and yet - fireworks. Suddenly I realized that people weren't exaggerating or lying about attraction & love. I realized that the concept of attraction wasn't merely recognizing that a boy was conventionally attractive, it was attraction like two magnets pulled together. Like gravity. I wasn't broken, the world wasn't a lie, and I was fucking ecstatic about it.

But then I told some close friends and most of them immediately stopped talking to me. Some became hostile. This was around 1999-2000 in Small Town, Texas where there were no out queer people. Looking back I understand that it was just a matter of kids being ignorant and uneducated and, well, kids but at the time it was confusing. I tried to backpedal and told the friends who stayed that I was bisexual. I even tried to be bisexual (spoiler: I am not). The excitement I initially felt quickly turned to fear & I chose to hide it from anyone else.

To cope with the constant overflow of my newly-activated heart and the isolation of having no one who understands, I poured myself into poetry. I started reading Shakespeare at 11 and had read most classical works by the same age. By 14 I had multiple poems published in collections, had read every work of Shakespeare & Poe, and had memorized the Chorus to Romeo & Juliet. Using poetry to cope was kind of my brand. So cope I did.

I wrote thousands of poems. I filled binders & spirals & journals. I was always writing. Most people knew I was published young & knew I was writing like crazy, so it wasn't uncommon for other kids to read what I was working on. Sometimes they'd commission a poem from me.

The fear of anyone finding out (including my parents) meant that I had to be very, very careful with how I worded things. No she/her pronouns. Nothing that would give me away. The occasional red herring. I would be specific enough that the muse would know it was about her, but no one else would.

I almost always wrote to the muse, using "you" more than anything. Poetry is like a love letter, so it comes naturally, but it also prevented the need for gendered pronouns. I wrote that way so much I still default to it now (and I have a hard time NOT pouring my heart out to anyone I care about). I didn't realize it at the time, but my writing was inherently queer coded despite my efforts to conceal it because, well, I'm queer. Sound familiar?

There are simply some things that are upside down when you're queer & you don't even recognize it because you've never NOT been queer. Things you say straight girls wouldn't. Things you don't say that straight girls would. Straight people don't see it because they've never NOT been straight. Hell, queer men won't recognize Sapphic language because they've never been attracted to a woman OR been a woman.

There are subtle, inherent tells separate from intentional tells or flags. I didn't realize that, and neither did the kids (or adults) who read my work semi-regularly.

One day my close friend borrowed my poetry journal to catch up on what I had written. This was an especially vulnerable journal, but it was just as obfuscated as everything else. I thought nothing of it and went about my day.

Hours later, during lunch, I was outside probably bumming a cigarette off of an equally punkass kid or smoking a bit of weed from a pipe crafted out of a soda can when I heard a girl shouting my name. I left the hidden corner and walked to the main area to see a girl I didn't know walking around, calling my name loudly over and over. I called back to her, confused but glad it wasn't a teacher busting me smoking.

When we were finally face to face she confirmed that I am in fact me & I realized that she was holding my journal. She pulled me to a more secluded area, looked me in my eyes, and said "these are about girls, right?"

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck shit.

I was a sophomore. 15 years old. She was a senior. A beautiful black girl named Lovely who I only knew of because it was a small school. And here she was just... straight up asking me. No one had ever asked me before. I had never had to answer this question before. I was caught off guard & wholly unprepared for this.

The closet is an awful place when you hate lying.

So, I didn't lie. For some reason I looked right into this girl's eyes and reluctantly, fearfully, said "Yes." Then I held my breath.

But she didn't laugh at me, didn't call me a dyke, didn't preach at me. She just... fucking cried.

This lovely girl named Lovely completely broke down in front of me, a complete stranger, and I did not realize what was happening.

Turns out Lovely wasn't just lovely, she was queer. And scared. And so, so lonely. She thought she was the only one, until she heard what my poetry didn't say. She recognized the inherent queerness in my writing because she identified with it and immediately came to find me.

I consider that conversation to be one of the most pivotal, defining interactions of my life. The entire time I thought I was alone & Lovely was there. Lovely thought she was alone & I was there, and I suddenly realized coming out wasn't really about me. It wasn't about the friends and family who would reject me. It was also about being visible. Being brave. Being proud. It was about the other queer kids who thought they were the only one. The other kids who couldn't come out. With this realization, from this conversation, I found purpose.

The very next day, Lovely came to school in baggy jeans and a basketball jersey - a huge departure from the very feminine presentation she always had. We never talked about it again, just exchanged fond smiles and nods in the hallway, but she came out to some extent. I came out within a week of our conversation, and I made a conscious decision that I was going to be loud about it.

My mom was great when I came out & I knew she'd have my back. Before the word "privilege" was commonplace, I at least understood that my supportive mom gave me an advantage others didn't have. I felt like I had not only the ability but the responsibility to be visible and unapologetic.

I was a rebellious little shit. I would make out with girls in the hallway. I lined the inside of my locker with Playboy pictures. I wrote "gay" on my forehead in hot pink lipstick when I got sick of being asked if I was "fully gay".

As a result, the varsity quarterback would call me in tears to talk through his struggles with his sexuality. I knew the most popular boys all of the girls wanted were actually very in love with each other. Girls who would laugh along with their friends who called me a dyke would hook their fingers into mine when they passed me in the hallway & pull me into dark rooms at parties when no one was looking.

I became the keeper of secrets. Society makes queer people lie & uses the guilt of that "deception" to keep people closeted. We lie to ourselves, then to everyone else, then to all but a few trusted people, then even when we're out we lie on behalf of others. I still hold secrets, even for those who don't "deserve" my loyalty. It's part of it, like an unspoken code. Closeting is lying, whether we like that or not. But lying is morally neutral. Intent & impact matter.

That time of my life was hard. Teachers would treat me differently. One flat out told me I would go to hell in front of the class. Another refused to intervene when my girlfriend was physically attacked by another girl who was pissed about her dating me. The school tried, for a time, to force me to use the boys locker room so other girls wouldn't feel uncomfortable. The school tried to ban me from taking a girl to prom (even though I was taking a friend, my girlfriend's family wouldn't allow her to go with me). A group of boys chanted "1, 2, 3, 4, death to the lesbian whore" when I got to school every morning. I got in a lot of fist fights. Mostly with that group of boys. Someone broke into my locker and wrote "dyke" all over & inside of my text books in huge magic marker. I remember telling one of my teachers I couldn't read part of an assignment because of it & trying not to cry. I was preached at constantly by kids & a few teachers who saw me as an opportunity to "save a soul". I have a lot of stories.

But you know what? I got the teacher that told me I would go to hell fired. I fought back when they tried to make me use the boys locker room. When they tried to ban me from prom, I printed hundreds of pages of court rulings from cases in which schools tried to do that to other gay kids, stormed into the principal's office, dropped it on her desk and threatened her. I went to prom with my friend. And after I had graduated, my high school girlfriend (who was a grade below me) finally got to take me to hers. A gay boy I'd never met won prom king and he thanked me for it. I didn't even know him, but he knew me. I won every single fist fight. I didn't cry about the slurs written in my books in front of people & I protested when they washed it off of the front of my locker. I wanted it to be the dyke locker. I took everything they gave me with a smile & asked for more, because it showed other kids it was possible. I made myself a lightning rod for hate on purpose, because then the "less problematic" queer kids were seen in a better light. It protected them. It also made sure they knew I was there. And they came to me & I did my best to help. I chased girls & have so many stories about drunken hookups and falling in love. Wild nights & happy days.

Don't get me wrong, I fucked up plenty too. I certainly wasn't a hero, and I put myself in very real danger multiple times. There were a lot of failures & mistakes. There was a lot of pain. But it was absolutely, positively fucking worth it. Despite it all I look back on that time fondly & I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. And I'd do it the same.

That time of my life shaped who I am in every way. I'm still that punkass kid (even though I'm pushing 40 now). Still a fighter who doesn't care how much pain I endure if I'm doing the right thing. And I never would have become that person if a girl named Lovely hadn't picked up on the queer themes in my writing that I wasn't even intentionally adding. So for me, it's kind of serendipitous that the very thing that led me to becoming everything I am today is the thing that I saw & heard in Taylor. That led me to so much beautiful art, beautiful love stories, and beautiful people in the gaylor community that is so, so dear to me now.

It takes one to know one, but sometimes knowing one puts you on the path to knowing yourself.

#gaylor #gaylor swift #taylor swift

[lawrites]

Gender neutral! Reader X Gotham Rogues Crochet Headcanons

This is so self-indulgent and too detailed for how dumb this concept is...my God. Anyway, crochet headcanons for the Gotham Rogues. How do they react to your crochet hobby? What do you make for them?

Featuring: The Penguin, The Riddler, Zsasz

The Penguin (Ozzie my beloved)

One of Oswald's most prominent love languages is gift-giving (he is SUCH a sugar daddy, c'mon)

So whether you already know how to crochet before meeting him or gently bring up wanting to try it while sharing dinner one night...

He is already getting out his card. A set of beautiful, ergonomic crochet hooks with colors to differentiate between the sizes, a leather yarn bag and organizer, plus yarn to fill it up.

He IS such a snob about fibers tho, he would get you local wool spun right outside of Gotham, bamboo, etc. anything expensive and natural and beautiful. (Even if you beg for some cheap acrylic just to start out with)

He also gets you little penguin stitch markers. He does his research on gifts and makes sure you have EVERYTHING you need to start a new hobby. (Now why is that so hot? Anyway)

He enjoys nothing more than sitting by the fire with you, drinking brandy, (or sometimes nice hot tea), and letting you cuddle up to his side as your nimble fingers create something.

He never gets tired of the cute face you make when you concentrate, or the joy and pride you show when you finally finish a project.

The first project you EVER made had to be a little amigurumi penguin. It was terrible and lopsided and you were almost ashamed to show him. You wouldn't have, actually, if he hadn't been sitting by you the whole time you were making it.

"Little Dove, is that for me? You shouldn't have." His hands plucked it from yours before you could protest, and he hugged it to himself and complimented you. He was so cute and so genuinely happy with it. And it stays on his little bedside table to this day.

BUT to truly make something for him? You try to go with the classics, as Ozzie is a classic guy.

Hat, scarf, mittens.

You use smaller yarn and stitches to give it more elasticity, the yarn is all a deep, darker purple and SO soft. (Cashmere bought on his dollar but it's the thought that counts right?)

You even managed to make a little penguin on only one side of the scarf, making it a little secret for Ozzie while still keeping the scarf classy.

He loves any gift from you but this? He starts planning his winter outfits to match your creations immediately.

He can smell you on the scarf still, since you spent so much time with that yarn, and it makes him smile even as the wind bites at him on cold days in Gotham. 💜

The Riddler

Listen, he's great but we all know he is kinda patronizing and a little bit of an asshole right? (Some versions more than others)

So he supports your hobby, even if your yarn and supplies take up space that he could be using for traps or riddles.

He does to research and figure out as much as he can about the hobby, but he won't dedicate time to it like you will, so he never gets as good. But he DOES know the basics, which means he can now critique you.

You are having trouble with a pattern? "Darling, that's just a double crochet into a half-double crochet into a triple crochet repeated 10 times into a magic ring. Simple."

You lost track of your stitch count? "Well I guess we can't all be multitaskers like me. I'll be silent for a bit while you count. 🙄"

With that in mind, he DOES leave you riddles in crochet pattern form occasionally. They take forever to solve but he's with you for a reason. And success is always...pleasurable for you both. 👀

Your first creation around him was just a little round frog. Green, because you thought you could gift it to Eddie.

It turned out misshapen and lumpy (listen all first projects are like this). And he teased you mercilessly for it.

"I suppose it could be a frog, from a certain angle. Maybe it's supposed to be abstract?"

It went missing after that. (Secretly Eddie keeps it at his workbench and squishes it when he's feeling stressed. The cute face you put on it does make him smile, too, but don't tell anyone 🔪)

For your actual real gift for him? You make a little crochet Riddler plush! You know the man well and he loves himself just a bit too much sometimes. (except maybe Dano Riddler but he would love it too for different reasons)

You decided to not go for realism and keep it simple in the face. But you DID go all out with the clothes. A little green suit jacket, pants, even a belt!

And you found little glasses to put on it. 🤓

When you presented it to him, he was speechless.

He takes it from you, examines it, and the wonder in his eyes makes your heart swell with pride. That is until he opens his mouth again. "I couldn't think of a better subject, truly. Though the face needs some work, dear, it doesn't truly capture my likeness."

But he says this all while hugging it to his side absentmindedly. He hugged it to himself for the rest of the night, actually. (And he now has another crochet project at his work bench)

You sometimes hear him talking to Ed Jr. while he's working, and you just smile to yourself and leave them be, turning back to your own crochet project and enjoying the peace.

Victor Zsasz

My headcanon is that Zsasz is into needlework and crochet, maybe someone in his family taught him?

He recommends what most seasoned crochet people will tell you, don't buy the fancy stuff and get some $3 goodwill hooks to start out with.

He also gifts you some yarn remnants to practice with, and when he doesn't have a job he'll sit next to you on the couch while you watch a movie, patiently helping you with steps you may struggle with.

Sometimes he may silently correct your form, showing you a different way to hold yarn tension or helping you remember how to make a slip stitch.

Your first project was just a simple washcloth. ("Nothing fancy to start out with, get the basics done first and then we may start with other stuff. If you do good.")

And you succeeded! Turns out it IS easier to do something basic at the beginning. Who knew. (Victor did)

After that you continued to have YouTube Video Essay/Needlework nights. Victor would sometimes not even work on anything and just lay against your side.

Sometimes he would even lay in your lap, spitting out any yarn fragments dramatically if they got in his mouth and pouting up at you until he got your attention.

Anyway. The actual project you made him was a nice, cozy sweater. And it was HARD to hide from him. Luckily, his profession DOES sometimes take him out of your apartment for hours upon hours at a time, so you have the ability to work in secret.

You think a simple black sweater is just perfect, something made of cotton or wool and maybe lined with red on the collar/trim, but that's it.

His immediate reaction when you gave it to him was to kiss the LIFE out of you, thanking you for thinking of him.

Then he pulls it over his head immediately, poking his head out and grinning goofily at you.

That night, you don't work on any crochet projects because he takes up your whole lap, cuddled up in his sweater and rubbing his hands up and down your sides, your hips...

Yeah he distracts you well.

And he wears the sweater proudly, but not on jobs. He reserves it for walks around town with you, so he can say his partner made it for him.

#lawrites #reader #gotham x reader #gotham rogues x Reader #gotham rogues #batman rogues #batman rogues x reader #riddler x reader #edward nygma x reader #oswald cobblepot x reader #the Penguin x reader #victor zsasz x reader

[psyche-reads]

I’m rereading Harrow for the first time after Nona and noticed a very subtle but very disturbing trend when Resurrection Beasts come up.

The wording is careful, but quite specific when it comes to why the Resurrection Beasts come for the Lyctors; for John, it’s related to him killing the planets, but for his lyctors, it is very clear that the reason why the RBs want them is because they consumed their cavaliers’ souls.

This is pretty obvious in theory, but I didn’t really think much of it when I first read that. Like, it just kind of makes sense as some kind of abstract concept linking them with John while also being “unnatural” enough to invoke the wrath of eldritch monsters. But the more you look into it, the more it seems that the Beasts have some sort of connection to the cavaliers.

They see the consumed souls of the cavaliers and they are physically drawn to them. It’s like some base instinct that draws them to the lyctors at all times, that they just have to get to the cavaliers, but it’s not clear why. THEN, we get to Nona.

In the first conversation we get with blue-madness Judith, Varun the Eater shouts at Nona that he saw Gideon— and ALL the other cavaliers— in the River. The other cavs seem to be fighting the RBs, but Varun’s opinion on them isn’t exactly clear yet. What is clear is that wherever cavaliers go when their souls are consumed is the same place that the RBs go. There is something of them that is alike, where they are called to each other, where they are trapped together, and it has to be important.

Back to image 2 with Mercymorn’s cries about it seeing her cavalier’s mortal soul, she describes the RB (Varun) as “blue like Loveday’s eyes,” aka Loveday Heptane, Cytherea’s cav. You know, the one from the Seventh House.

Varun the Eater. Neptune. Number 7. Resembles the eyes of the consumed cavalier of the Seventh.

No way in hell is that a coincidence, especially with how important eye color is in this series.

It’s also worth mentioning that there were originally NINE Resurrection Beasts, including Alecto; one for each planet. Harrow is the Ninth Saint to Serve the King Undying. Including Gideon (but not Samael), there are NINE dead cavaliers.

THEN, thinking of Alecto, the gold-eyed gold-haired RB who already favors the Ninth House—whose cav has some Very Interesting eyes and a history of body hopping… do you see where I’m going with this?

My thoughts aren’t fully cooked on this one because I’m not that smart, but there’s clearly something here. Like, the Resurrection Beasts are drawn to cavaliers, they go to the same liminal space when they’re dead, they resemble cavaliers, there’s the same number of them as cavaliers… add to this the fact that John keeps all of the corpses of the dead cavs around and we know RBs can possess bodies… let’s just say he’d better start settling his affairs :/

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #harrow the ninth #alecto speculation

[robo-milky]

[More Info]

Nicknames:

Henchman (Grim) | Claws (Ace) | Clochey Wochey (Cater) | House Cat (Leona)

Shrimpy (Floyd) | Trickster -> La Petite Clochette (Rook) | City Kitty (Epel) | Kit -> Honorary Human (Sebek)

Kit of Beasts -> Heart of Man (Malleus)

In Return:

Master _____ (Everyone except for faculty)

Uncle (Ramshackle Ghosts)

Bio:

An emotionally distant girl who thinks with her brains more than her heart. Her words may come off as insensitive, but it’s always said in a neutral tone. Prefers to state the facts and look for the most efficient way out, than tackling more abstract concepts like emotions. Despite this outlook on life, she is a skeptical, worst-case scenario planner. Cloche will go the extra mile if it means security and success is guaranteed. When it comes anything, be it a task/person/subject, Cloche is the type of person who would want to know anything and everything about it to be prepared. When push comes to shove, Cloche will take on the role of leadership and make all the hard decision no one else wants to make. Cloche is a very “the ends justify the means” kind of person.

Core Values -> Competency + Freedom

Background:

A cosplayer from Earth who, after exiting from a con, took a wrong turn to get home and was swept away by the NRC horse carriage.

Ghost Camera: “I’m pretty sure Headmaster Crowley gave this to me as binding to keep me here.”

Snow Hand Cream: “Master Rook could tell this cream is from Neige’s line just by the smell! Isn’t that impressive?”

Bandaids: “I originally bought these for myself, but I end up giving them to others…”

Advils: “Would you like one? Binding Bells told me you were getting headaches, so…”

Handkerchief: “Here, let me wipe that up for you, Master.”

Hair ties: “Master Epel gave them to me during a joint P.E. class. The day after, I overheard Master Vil complaining about his missing hair ties.”

Pencil Case: “If you wish to borrow a pencil, I expect you to give me something back as collateral— so I know you’ll return it back to me.”

Lollipops: “The lollipops in Twisted Wonderland are great and all, but they can’t beat the taste of Chupachups.”

Thread and Needle: “Oh, you’re missing a button.”

Lactaid: “You don’t need one… do you?”

Scrapbook: “Do NOT touch.”

Textbook: “I’m so close annotating the whole book. Just a couple pages left…”

Spiral bound notebook: “Master Rook complimented the calligraphy title in my notes! …Maybe I should do the same thing for futures ones.”

Phone: “Master Grim, please stop playing games…”

Sketchbook: “Master Epel complained about me drawing him too ‘girly’, but I only drew what I saw.”

Notable Thoughts: Cloche’s

“Headmaster Crowley must be busy running such a prestigious school like this… So busy, I wonder if he’d have time looking for a way I can go back to my world.”

“Master Grim’s orders aren’t as bad you think. All he really does is make me do his share of the chores. The simplicity of his orders are a blessing compared to other students’…”

“Master Ace may be annoying when he exploits my curse, but he can be a surprisingly sweet friend. Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Is it bad I felt no sympathy for Master Kalim when Master Jamil overblotted?”

“I feel like I’ve been seeing Epel more and more since he stayed over at Ramshackle for the VDC. I get that it’s probably convenient for him to go with me, if we’re going to head back to the same destination anyways, but he doesn’t have to accompany during short breaks.”

“I think Master Rook is very admirable! He’s intelligent, athletic, and creative! …I wish more people could give him a chance and see him for who he really is— but… he probably wouldn’t like that… After all, half the things I know about him, he’s never told me in person.”

“Before asking Master Idia for homework help, Master Grim and I always play a game of rock-paper-scissors. …Why? Because neither of us want to be the bargaining chip.”

Notable Thoughts: Others’

“Cloche could’a been the perfect henchman if he didn’t have to call other people ‘Master’!” - Grim

“With Cloche around, Heartslabyul doesn’t have to resort to using a cat beastman to play the violin, but an actual cat. That way, we can follow rule 529 without any loopholes.” - Riddle

“Me, friends with that stick in the mud? Pfft—! As if!” - Ace

“Even in a sticky situation, I’ve never seen Cloche lose his cool before. I wonder how he does it…” - Deuce

“I can’t have Leona ordering Cloche around, cause he’ll steal my job!” - Ruggie

“It’s such a shame Cloche refused my offer for him to work at the Monstro Lounge. …We could have made good money and attracted more customers if we used his cat form to promote on our Magicam…” - Azul

“I thought I could feel the claws of a wild beast, but there’s a beauty to reservation too.” - Rook

“‘Master Hornton’, an amusing nickname, indeed. I was under the impression Cloche had known my identity, but it seems my expectations had been subverted.” - Malleus

Extras/Trivia:

- Birthday: May 12

- ISTJ-T/6w5

- “She/Her” is only used in a meta/narration sense, otherwise— she uses “he/him”

- When Cloche is in her cat form, she has no conscious thoughts and move as if she’s on autopilot, like a normal cat.

- Cloche has no distinct handwriting. It varies depending on what she’s writing and who it’s for— yet even then, no two letters look the same.

- Cloche has no inner fur in her ears. It’s to signify that the cat ears are unnatural— fake.

- Has a habit of either covering her mouth with her hand/sleeve or turning away whenever she breaks into a genuine smile. Can smile on command for a camera (cosplayer intuition).

- Goes to the school forest to calm down whenever she feels emotional or if she has an inkling that her feral side will come out

- Cloche has germaphobic tendencies.

Gallery:

Cards:

Groovy!! [SR Tsumsitter]

Groovy!! [SSR Union/Birthday Jacket]

[SR Luxe Couture]

#hiiiii so I made a new cloche bio for the sake of clarity- #now that I’ve finally settled on her lore and I’m taking her more seriously than a silly meme yuu- I think I’m happy with this? #oc: cloche🎊 #cat scribblez 🌸 #twisted wonderland #twst #twst oc #my art #twst yuu #twst mc #twst ocs #twst disney #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #yuusona #ツイステ #ツイステッドワンダーランド #twst art #twisted wonderland art

[fictionadventurer]

It's time to start thinking about this year's Inkling's Challenge. There are a few things to address before I make anything official, and I'd like to bounce it off of you guys first.

Interest

Is anyone interested in doing this?

Themes

As in previous years, I'd like to have a list of seven Christian themes for writers to choose from to inspire their stories. This encourages people to think about the Christian element, and provides some guidance without being too rigid. I got the impression that last year's images worked better for people than the previous year's list of Christian concepts. I'm trying to figure out which direction to take with this year's list.

Options include:

Keeping last year's imagery list. Makes it easy for me, but I would like to shake things up to give each year's Challenge a unique feel.

Coming up with a list of new images. My first thought is images that have been applied to God (shepherd, father, king, bridegroom, servant, etc), though that may be too narrow and limit people to stories involving blatant Christ figures. At the moment, I can't think of anything else that goes beyond the major Christian images in last year's list.

Coming up with a new list of more abstract Christian themes. Virtues? Gifts of the Spirit? Books or Sections of the Bible?

I'm open to any ideas that anyone might have because I'm stumped.

Team Chesterton's Technology Category

Each team in the Inklings Challenge gets a fantasy and science fiction genre assigned to it. The split has been pretty even with stories written for Team Lewis and Team Tolkien, but after two years, we've yet to have a single story written for the Technology genre of Team Chesterton. This suggests there's a major problem with the concept, so I should probably switch it up.

The best solution depends on what exactly the problem is. Is the category too broad? Does the title make it seem too technical--like you have to be an expert in technology and write about it realistically? Does it not have a genre attached to it that inspires stories? "Space travel" and "time travel" both suggest going places, which naturally sparks stories. And they evoke certain not-necessarily-hard-sci-fi genres.

There is a possibility that it's chance--maybe Intrusive Fantasy, with its urban fantasy and fairy tale possibilities, is just too appealing to this crowd in comparison to any sci fi genre. But to have no stories in the genre (with Team Chesterton always sparking the fewest stories) suggests a deeper problem.

How to fix it?

Options include:

Choose a category name related to travel like the other two are. There are lots of stories you could tell based on air, land, and sea travel that still involve sci-fi technology (and the concept matches things included in Chesterton's work). But what to call it? "Earth-based travel"?

Choose a certain type of technology to focus on. Say, Biological Technology. Or Robots. This may have some of the same too-technical-sounding problems of the Technology category.

Choose a technology-related subgenre, like Cyberpunk or Steampunk. (Or all the -punks if I could figure out a decent term for it). This still fits Chesterton's work, but may be too limiting or may still not draw writers--after all, these were always options under the original genre category, and no one wrote any.

Any feedback in this area would help.

#adventures in writing #adventures in the inklings challenge

[davestridernb]

@duskyashe​ here is my Raven (eldritch Nightwing) design from Encryptid/Calling All The Monsters! Drawn in sketchbook & colored on the computer. Feat. colored sketch and concept of how it looks in the dark. Very long details below the cut.

Firstly, the pose and drawing style used on the left is inspired by Lilo & Stitch, because of the description "He held his ready stance for a count of eight, then started relaxing parts of his body opposite how one would normally relax their body, starting with his legs and working his way up to his shoulders." which reminded me of how character weight was drawn in the movie opposite of how it usually is, keeping the weight rooted low with gravity and pulled towards the ends of the limbs.

The coloration concept is based off of animals that have direction-dependent color, the most famous of which is the blue morpho butterfly, but one which most people have probably also seen is the super black bird of paradise. So the idea of how that works in the wild is that tilting movements or seeing it at the right angle causes a disorienting flash of color, which I hoped to use here for Raven!Nightwing's eldritch illusion.

His fingerstripes aren't strictly straight but more inspired by tree bark/veins/cirque du soleil costumes, where lines that curve across limbs make the poses look more twisted and fantastical rather than emphasizing the actual direction of the limb, which is what the straighter lines in most hero costumes are supposed to do.

His wingsuit structure as described is a snap-out style that he holds the ends of when he flies, which I've augmented with small electromagnets to seal the airspace between his arms and the wings, which can turn on and off with a current. The structure itself is similar to the draco lizard in nature, where the draco lizard has modified rib bones that hinge at the top of its wings and fold back down to its sides when not in use. The edges on the wingsuit have a soft tattered texture that helps silence the wings like owls' feathers, as well as obscure the outline a little.

I wanted to avoid showing human skin, so I used a full face mask and repurposed the Nightwing V into an abstract suggestion of a beak. His real eyes can either be disguised with colored lenses that match the stripe or can be white, but there are also decoy eyes scattered in different spots on the suit that have cameras. At first it was just the two on the sides of the head to increase peripheral vision, but I thought it would be super cool if Raven could just see in a bunch of directions and into small spaces like Emily Eyefinger just because he has several small working cameras in different locations on his body. Ravens and eldritch beings are both associated with eyes so it works? ^u^

Regarding the wing coloration, this was the last addition to the design. I considered eyespots, just as I considered larger wings, but I really wanted to avoid the design getting mistaken for Mothman from a distance. The premise of the AU relies on the power of belief, so people need to recognize Raven on sight and also believe he's an eldritch being, so I went with one big solid eye that no one expects just opening out of the darkness when you’ve done something wrong. Yikes. Raven knows where you sleep.

#duskyashe #dp x dc #nightwing #encryptid #calling all the monsters #my art #character design

[not-that-n]

I read like all of Sleepless Domain yesterday and it was pretty good, its one of those stories that I know will really resonate with some people even though it didn't with me. Don't take that comment wrong, I think the comic is great and has some pretty amazing ideas, I love the world it presents and I love how the characters inside it act in relation to that.

I like all those things about magical girls being celebrities and how that's a purposeful way of making the concept feel more abstract and surreal to the average public so that girls don't hesitate to participate in such a life threatening job and how the general culture of the place sees magical girls and their organization, but I think the most compelling aspect of the comic was how different circumstances, mainly the presence of a support group, affect two people that went through the same tragedy.

If this sounds interesting to you, please go read it, it is a pretty good story that I know will resonate with some people incredibly deeply. That said, beware spoilers below

Tessa if my favorite part of the comic because of how that character reflects Undine's situation. While Undine still is hurting the loss of her three friends she takes action, while shy she still tries to better herself, to make new friends, to make new relations and get help, it is stated that she goes to therapy something that seems, well, logical considering what she goes through but outside of that she shows progress in trying to move on from this tragedy. She keeps hidden a lot because, well, of course she does, talking about such a traumatic event is incredibly hard specially if you think that opening up might put your friends in danger, but even though she is scared of this, she does open up, to Kokoro and then to her other, new friends. She is afraid but she works to Kokoro, she accepts her proposal to participate in the training club, she is afraid but she makes new friendships.

Its also important to mention Kokoro and just how much I like her as a character, originally I thought she was just too emotionally intelligent and that it made Undine's journey a bit more plain but that's kinda the point. Kokoro's character is about how a single person can change someone's life for the better through kind acts. She does struggle like everyone does, she is insecure and she went too through a great loss. She keeps somethings bottled up because she is afraid of making things about herself, of being annoying to the people she wants to help. But she still opens up to Undine, afraid of course but she does it. She makes the club a friend group and everyone ( except one character ) is better for it. Kokoro made the club a support network for everybody involved and that's incredibly cute and heartwarming, this one person made the world such a better place for most of her friends as a result of being so kind.

Then, as a parallel, you have Tessa's story. Instead of, like Undine, trying to get help and establish new relations and a support group, Tessa isolates herself, not letting herself move from that tragedy. She makes new friends, Rue (I won't talk about Rue much but she is amazing) and the whiteboy she likes (I forgot his name lmao) but never really opens to them, every time someone tries to get closer or make a friendship with her, she runs away and even with Rue, someone she actually used to hang out quite a lot and were friends if not really close, she still keeps at an arms length, never talking about her issues, never opening up. When Rue attempts to get closer, Tessa ends up hurting her, saying some (in universe) horrible things to say and breaking that friendship, she is constantly avoiding Undine, not answering and purposefully calling at a time she knows she won't be at home, and when they meet up again she is distant, not opening up, waiting until she goes away to showcase any feelings of discomfort as showcased by the comic panels only beginning to shatter when Tessa is alone.

And I find this such an interesting juxtaposition of characters because Undine tries to move on, she does feel horrible about it, saying that she feels like things are finally becoming normal when after such a tragedy things should never feel that way, she like Tessa feels like she shouldn't be moving from that moment of loss, that doing such isn't grieving correctly her friends. But unlike Tessa she doesn't let those feelings win mainly because when she doubts, Kokoro is in there to help her, to lift her up, to be the shoulder to cry on. While Tessa just goes to the cemetery every day, never opening up, lying to people about her situation and just further isolating herself.

When Rue, after all that happens, still tries to do the right thing, recognizing both that there's no excuse for Tessa treating her that way but that she is going through something incredibly hard, and asks her if she is ok, asks her, in a way, to open up about her feeling so she could help, Tessa again says no, she says that she is fine and only wanted to be alone in that moment, that she didn't mean what she said. Something that actually might not be completely bullshit, she probably never doubted Rue's magical girl ability and wanted to be alone, to isolate herself even more, and just said that so Rue couldn't get closer, and I find interesting that Tessa, in a way, said the truth to justify the pretty obvious lie that she is ok.

I just really love this, presenting two different, opposite outcomes of how people deal with tragedy makes both stories feel both more heartwarming and more tragic, when you read about Tessa you remember Undine's story and, knowing that Tessa could be going through that, it feels like adding salt to the wound because you know she can be in a better place, and while reading Undine's story you always have Tessa's on the back of your mind, feeling more heartwarming because you know how her friends helped her and what would happened if they didn't.

#sleepless domain #Sleepless domain spoilers

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

hmm. conversely, most ADHD car?

(A dab o' context for y'all, this ask came hot off the heels of my most autistic car post, hence the "conversely".)

Well, when I read this, I had nothing. But then I thought about it a little, and suddenly, I continued to have nothing.

But you already know that, dear asker, because you're in the blog's Discord server which I turned to for suggestions. And in fact, you chipped in yourself with not one but two picks, first of which the fifth generation Ford Mustang!

So, pray tell, what brings my elementary school self's favorite car ever ever into this list?

uhh from like a cultural view its an unfocused and hyperactive car with a reputation of not going the way people want (see: crowd meme)

Oh, come on, are we really still not over that stereotype whereby late model Mustangs are owned by people both too eager to show off not to leave a car meet flooring it and too inept to actually keep it under control when they do?

Well, I guess to get over it it'll need to stop being true.

But also, being so much of an exhibitionist as to cause physical pain is not about ADHD at all!

Anyone I invite at my house gets bored to tears with a tour of my every possession...

...but not because I have ADHD!

Actually, you know what? That may really be it now that I think about it. Well, anyway, your submission is funny enough to earn a pass even if we don't see eye to eye on this anyway.

How about your second, though?

alternatively: late '90s to early 2000s tuner Civic, for the same reasons

While he included this picture, he advised to use a worse example, so I took the liberty to present you a historical picture.

I say historical because this picture was the definition of rice, the textbook example. If Wikipedia had a page for "rice (automotive)" it would feature this picture, probably second behind that blue early 90s Civic which in hindsight we were all wrong about and was actually sick.

Did you know this was made by a teenager out of metal? I'm digressing.

Friend of the blog (well, pillar of the blog at this point) @demoness-one agrees and suggests:

Honestly riced out clapped out honda civics did come to mind also But i feel like the car that most represents adhd is probably one that isn't finished lol Abstract concept of a car

But she wasn't the only one to vote for her own cars, as friend of the blog and Saturn SL1 owner @chevyventure posted a simple but effective contribution:

zero executive function between those eyes

Not as simple as friend of the blog @brick-enthusiast's, however, who just posted a Suzuki Cappuccino without comment.

In respect of that approach I will not comment either.

However, it's time to make my pick too, as in the process of writing this post I finally understood the assignment, and thus came up with something.

What's ADHD? As this blog demonstrates, sometimes it's being hyperfocused on something exciting, much to the detriment of things that actually matter in daily life. Sometimes it's said focus earning amazing results that seem disproportionate to one's means. Sometimes it's taking comfort in the routine, in deeply ingrained habits and tradition that still have to constantly be actively enforced as conscious choice. Sometimes it's being darty, shooting from point to point with speed other minds can't even keep up with. Sometimes it's having too much energy to contain. Sometimes it's... being loud? Oh really! I thought I was just being Italian!

And if you've read my 100th post, you'll know a car that fits that description to a T. (And if you haven't, click on here before reading on because you really want to.)

Indeed, what could be a better pick than a car that's stayed the same for nigh on seven decades in its devoted preservation of its ability to dart around like nothing else on the road, a car so perfromance-focused the comfort spec is the one that gets windows, a car not one bit less deafening than legally required? What could be a better pick than the Caterham Seven 620R, the literal world record holder for spinning around in circles?

And also just look at it.

If you're wondering about the number plate, it was made to celebrate its Lego version - yes indeed!

And if you can believe it, people still gifted me clothes for Christmas.

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!

#ford mustang #honda civic #suzuki cappuccino #caterham seven #demoness-one #chevyventure #jettacar #brick-enthusiast #lgbt cars #once again I will use the tag for something that cannot remotely be called a sexuality just because it kind of fits the theme of the series

[l-a-l-o-u]

do you support ai art?

that's a tough one to answer. sorry in advance for the wall of text.

when i first started seeing ai-generated images, they were very abstract things. we all remember the gandalf and saruman prancing on the beach pictures. they were almost like impressionism, and they had a very ethereal and innocent look about them. a lot of us loved those pictures and saw something that a lot of human minds couldn't create, something new and worth something. i love looking at art that looks like nothing i've seen before, it always makes me feel wonder in a new type of way. ai-generated art was a good thing.

then the ai-generated pictures got much more precise, and suddenly we realized they were being fed hundreds of artists' pieces without permission, recreating something similar and calling it their own. people became horrified, and i was too! we heard about people losing their job as background artists on animated productions to use ai-generated images instead. we saw testimonies of heartbroken artists who had their lovingly created art stolen and taken advantage of. we saw people being accused of making ai-generated art when theirs was completely genuine. ai-generated art became a bad thing.

i've worked in the animation industry. right now, i work at an animation school, specifically for 2D animation. i care a lot about the future of my friends in the industry (and mine, if i go back to it), and about all the students i help throughout the years. i want them to find jobs, and that was already hard for a lot of them before the ai-generated images poked their heads into our world.

i'm not very good at explaining nuanced point of view (this is also my second language) but i'll do my best. i think that ai-generated art is a lot of things at once. it's dangerous to artists' livelihoods, but it can be a useful tool. it's a fascinating technological breakthrough, but it's being used unethically by some people. i think the tools themselves are kind of a neutral thing, it really depends on what we do with it.

every time i see ai-generated art i eye it suspiciously, and i wonder "was this made ethically?" and "is this hurting someone?". but a lot of it also makes me think "wow, cool concept, that inspires me to create". that last thought has to count for something, right? i'm an artist myself, and i spend a lot more time looking at art than making art - it's what fuels me. i like to imagine a future where we can incorporate ai-generation tools into production pipelines in a useful way while keeping human employees involved. i see it as a powerful brainstorming tool. it can be a starting point, something that a human artist can take and bring to the next level. it can be something to put on the moodboard. something to lower the workload, which is a good thing, imo. i've worked in video games, i've made short films, and let me tell you, ai-generated art could've been useful to cut down a bit of pre-production time to focus on some other steps i wanted to put more time into. there just needs to be a structure to how it's used.

like i said before, i work in a school. the language teachers are all very worried about ChatGPT and company enabling cheating; people are constantly talking about it at my workplace. i won't get into text ais (one thing at a time today) but the situation is similar in many ways. we had a conference a few months ago about it, given by a special committee that's been monitoring ai technology for years now and looking for solutions on how to deal with it. they strongly suggest to work alongside AIs, not outlaw it - we need to adapt to it, and control how it's used. teach people how to use it responsibly, create resources and guidelines, stay up to date with this constantly evolving technology and advocate for regulation. and that lines up pretty well with my view of it at the moment.

here's my current point of view: ai-generated art by itself is not unethical, but it can easily be. i think images generated by ai, if shared publicly, NEED a disclaimer to point out that they were ai-generated. they should ONLY be fed images that are either public domain, or have obtained permission from their original author. there should also be a list of images that fed the ai that's available somewhere. cite your sources! we were able to establish that for literature, so we can do it for ai, i think.

oh and for the record, i think it's completely stupid to replace any creative position with an ai. that's just greedy bullshit. ai-generated content is great and all, but it'll never have soul! it can't replace a person with lived experiences, opinions and feelings. that's the entire fucking point of art!!

the situation is constantly evolving. i'm at the point where i'm cautious of it, but trying to let it into my life under certain conditions. i'm cautiously sharing ai pictures on my blog; sometimes i change my mind and delete them. i tell my coworkers to consider ways to incorporate them into schoolwork, but to think it over carefully. i'm not interested in generating images myself at the moment because i want to see what happens next, and i'd rather be further removed from it until i can be more solid in my opinion, but i'm sure i'll try it out eventually.

anyway, to anybody interested in the topic, i recommend two things: be open-minded, but be careful. and listen to a lot of different opinions! this is the kind of thing that's very complicated and nuanced (i still have a lot more to say about it, i didn't even get into the whole philosophy of art, but im already freaking out at how much i wrote on the Discourse Site) so i suggest looking at it from many different angles to form your own opinion. that's what i'm doing! my opinion isn't finished forming yet, we'll see what happens next.

#for the record i'm open to discussion about this topic so anyone can feel free to respond #but im honestly more interested in talking about this with people in person #i suggest interacting w this post more than sending asks! #ask #kaijuborn #lalou yells