#kind of a vent idk i just wanted to talk about my year because wow

[wtfuglydemon]

As the year ends i keep thinking how this year was.... something. I feel like life gave me a soft reset and i dont know what to do with it, it's not as much as i was given a second chance on things but as if everything ive built suddenly crumbled down with no warning and im now forced to work around this, for better or worse.

This year already started horribly, after all i just left from a year where i was being humiliated, shamed and scolded for not being sad about my uncle's death, a man they all know tried to kill me multiple times before, i dont know if i am fully over that still.

At the beginning of the year i am suddenly invited to live with someone i honestly didnt even know and since i was so eager to leave home i accepted but didnt realize how much pressure that would place on my back, as suddenly i was responsible by so many things and specially the person. A horrible gamble that only made my situation at home worse because i left after a fight, never contracted anyone and suddenly i had to come back and pretend nothing happened, worsening my relationship with everyone now that they know i hate them.

I actually dont even remember what happened in April anymore besides the fact i tried to kill myself, i only know this because i told some people but my memory of it is completely gone however it is relevant as it is now May and im a very depressive episode the whole month due to my current treatment and i then suddenly forget my mother's birthday at the end of it, im at my worst day and im being guilted and dragged into a birthday party that i do not have since im 10, without a shower, without time to comb my hair, looking my worst in a place full of people who actively hate me, who told they hate me many times, i felt vulnerable and violated, i had to leave early and had a panic attack which led me to go back into self harming, something I hadn't done for years but this is what brought it back and now i was in a very bad mood and locked at my room

Then immediately after, the person i lived with for what was nice for a month or two, she made me start my hrt and gather my documents to change gender and name officially, and gave me many other things but now there was a problem, she was so... obsessive and possessive over me and i never had shown any interest in her and this became weird fast, everything she did felt like she was trying to win me over, all the gifts all the help, it felt like she saw my state and thought i was mentally vulnerable enough, that she could "save" me which eventually led me to be highly uncomfortable and start distancing myself. She got mad at me, started telling me i should go to therapy despite the fact im open to the fact im not returning to one, there was a random threat of sending me to a psych ward, she questioned my relationships and said they were all bad for me despite barely knowing the people i involved myself with AND me, and as i exploded due to my already bad mood and my frustrations about how she was invading my personal space and thinking she is important to me, that only certain people could, she used my words to spread it to all my old group of friends in a way that made it seen like i hated them.

I was immediately abandoned by everyone i knew since 2015 or even early, the only stable relationships i had my whole life, i was called many names, thrown away without a second thought and only for me to find out this was already coming, that they already had a secret chat to talk bad about me without me knowing way before all this, so all this did was give them an excuse. Of course i also no income and now with her doing this, i have to sustain myself with my hrt meds, something around $40(BRL120) per month and $80(BRL240) every four months, my family already hates me and now i need them to buy these, further decreasing even the food i receive and now i can not ask for anything, not only that but i am now being forced into a job i can not have, causing me to once again cut.

It's been like that for two more months, i only gathered enough courage to leave the house once in July to pick up my new altered documents and once my birthday came in September, almost no one remembered, two people did but not even my partner at the time did — all while i watched so many people with September birthdays, even the same day as mine get everything, birthday wishes, gifts, a party. I have a horrible relationship with birthdays, i never had birthdays past 10yo, all i get since then is a cheap chocolate box and a rush to find a job and leave the house and this year was no different but with the added flavor or being blamed for the lack of money due to my meds. To me, birthdays represent the day i start existing and if no one says anything about it, it tells me I shouldn't exist, which is what i thought that day, I was forgotten by everyone again, i ended everything, even with my old partner, that was the third cutting in less than 5 months.

I truly was at my lowest by the end of September and only by October i would have better news, it was when i got much closer to p-chan, my current gf, when we started dating... he cares so much for me, helps me at my lowest moments and makes me feel secure, i now have new people around me that i talk more often with and even if things at home have not changed, they are a lot more manageable when i have someone that understands my mind and is able to help me stay mentally stable after everything i went through this year, i really have no words on how grateful i am to her, she has been my light this whole end of the year, i am going to next year a little more hopeful for the better which is more than i can say going to this year. Ive been beaten down this year over and over and over, with barely any time to breathe, i dont think i am over anything in it yet and im back into my self harming behavior, with cuts as new as two weeks ago but i am better than i was at the beginning of the year and that makes me know that i can start over next year, with better people at my side.

#big text for the year because i needed to say this somewhere #might delete at a later date #kind of a vent idk i just wanted to talk about my year because wow #love.txt #tw self harm #tw suicide mention

[horatioo]

vent/long post, this is probably the most ive talked about mcyt in years wow

not to vaguepost abt random tumblr users in tags but maybe, just maybe-

the reason im so pressed about tommy, specifically, is because i am rightfully pretty fucking upset that this behavior got overlooked for years and it seems like all anyone fucking cares about is "emotional processing" and "gathering words".

everyone cares about how tommy hasnt said shit, ignoring the fact that hes had surgery recently, ignoring shubbles OWN WORDS about wilbur being physically abusive, ignoring actual video evidence, and all they care is they can make fun of a guy whos "too loud".

they care about looking good.

and not the actual physical safety of somebody who is literally the same fucking age as me.

if tommy doesnt speak out any time soon i will not blame him, because i believe shubble and niki and all the other people whove come forward and said wilburs an abusive piece of shit.

and i believe my own gut feelings from fucking 2020 when everyone was tagging this sort of behavior as "#goals" and "#omg so wholesome!!" and all i could do was feel sick.

and those gut feelings say that wilbur is dangerous to everyone hes hurt and especially dangerous to those in close proximity to him.

and no, tommy isnt my biggest priority, im just only making posts about him because i have not watched ANYONE in that circle since at least 2021. i have no idea who is who, i dont know any of these people.

my biggest priority right now IS shubble, but the thing is i kind of want shubbles tag to be KIND to them right now. because she probably desperately needs it, knowing twitter. i want there to be one place where she can go and its nice and kind.

she was incredibly brave, speaking out against him. i am so so fucking proud of her. i know how it feels to be the person on the other end. i know that they probably felt like they were wrong or no one would believe them. i know that they were fucking terrified.

she deserves nothing but kindness right now.

and unfortunately, i am not in the right headspace to be kind. so i havent been speaking on it. when i am in the right headspace to be kind, i will.

but not right now, because right now i just have angry words for wilbur and angry thoughts of how everyone laughed at the behavior of the man who verbally abused people on stream and said it was "just jokes".

its all fun and games until someone gets hurt. its all laughs until you cant laugh anymore because its "problematic" to.

idk. im incredibly fucking disappointed in a large portion of the community. im incredibly angry at wilbur but im not surprised at all because on reflection he has been showing this type of behavior for years, its just he was a hot pretty white man so nobody wanted to think about it.

im angry because i know nobody will give a shit after its all said and done.

and im angry because this shit thats happened to shubble and niki and tommy and god knows who else has happened to me, and its always, always a joke to people.

and god, was the whole world laughing at them.

#wilbur soot #wilbur situation #abuse

[despairforme]

 💫 + any of my urls :') I never send these for myself because it feels so self-servicing but fuck it i could use some positivity TwT

[ POSITIVITY MEME! ] ( always accepting! I am just slow at answering them--- )  

[ BLUE! Hello, one of my absolute favorite writers and favorite people and honestly I consider you one of my best friends on here.

I remember before we started interacting, I saw your writing around and I was like: WOW I'd love to write with this person. AND lucky me! I got my wish! I am forever amazed at how well you portray your muses, and especially considering how different they are. The thought you put into them, and especially how you analyze how they think/feel. It gives you such a good grasp of their personality. I feel like I've gotten to know a lot more about the characters you write ( specifically Renji, Ikkaku and Kensei ) through your portrayal. They seem so ?? Canon to me ?? But with an extra layer of "this is why they act the way they do", and it ALL makes sense. I'm not sure if I'm explaining that right but yeah !!

I'm also blessed to be writing one of my BLEACH OTPs with you. I always wanted to write Byakuya/Renji with someone, but I've always worried that it would not work out in the end, in case our portrayals clashed ect, but there was no need to worry about writing with you! From the very beginning I knew our muses would fall in love. Your Renji is simply perfect for my Byakuya. We've had SO MUCH FUN writing them!! I've loved every moment of their interactions, and honestly it's been a while since I was so into something that I wrote that much on discord. In May I wrote like 18k with you on discord?? I love writing with you so much it's literally one of my favorite things to do !!

Also, gotta mention your art. Your art is one of the styles that inspire me. I'm not just saying it because we're friends. I adore the flow and life that your style has. The movement of your lines. How "alive" the characters always seem. As someone who has more of a stiff style, it's incredibly satisfying for me to look at your art. I love the softness of it ?? It's SO PRETTY! And also when you draw in your more realism-style, it's incredibly beautiful. Your skill with anatomy and drawing faces AND HAIR OH MY GOD THE WAY YOU DRAW HAIR !! cannot be underestimated. I've also known you for quite a few years now. I bought a commission from you back in 2017, and it's been super inspiring to watch your art-journey from back then. Love love love your art and I'm forever following your art-blog, so I can see your work ( I love seeing it even if it's not from fandoms I'm a part of uvu ).

OH AND I ALSO wanna talk about your creativity. The past few days we've been making OCs and a story together and I'm !!!!!!!! So excited about it !!!!!! I'm thinking about it all the time and how our boyfriends are gonna deal with the very difficult life we're giving them. It's been 2000 years since I made a whole story/world with someone and I'm amazed at how smoothly it's going. You're so easy to plot with, and you have such great ideas. It's a cliche to say but - we're vibing like crazy ?? I LOVE IT!!

And, finally - I of course have to mention about how kind and sweet you are. I love talking to you because it's so wholesome and relaxing. Our friendship is like a safe place?? Idk how else to describe it. You're always supportive and kind, and patient. You deserve all the good things and I hope people around you are treating you nicely. I feel truly fortunate to be your friend, and for being able to spend so much time with you. I want to thank you for your time and for the kindness you always show me. I'm here for you if you need to talk/vent or if you need anything else from me. You are my precious friend and I wish you all the good things !! ]

#yperifaneia #[ i know this is late !! BUT HERE WE GO ] #[ i didn't want to rush these bc i wanted to make sure to write out a proper reply !! ] #[ - sends love to you - <5 ] #toby post. ╱ out of character. #longpost //

[deanscherrypie69]

hi, check this post to try and solve the problem with your tags. i’m sorry tumblr is being shitty. now i hope you don’t take offense, bc i’m gonna give a few tips and constructive criticism to help you out, from a writer to another.

there’s a lot of us writers here, a hundred is not a stretch. it only makes sense that there are many well-known and favorite writers, so sometimes readers don’t check tags everyday. not to mention that tumblr’s tagging system is shit. since you’ve only started writing recently, it will take some time for your notes and activity to grow. i know it’s discouraging, but everyone goes through this phase, so all we can really do is persevere and wait.

sometimes it also depends on the trends/fan favorites, on which character is being talked about/thirsted on the most right now. in our case it’s currently Ari (due to the recent photos) and Lloyd (because of TGM). you don’t have to follow the trends of course, you can write for anyone you want, but it’s a factor that affects the notes. Andy is still one of the fan favorites though, so don’t worry, readers will come around.

as for writing, it’s better to post when you have the fic finished. oneshot sneak peeks don’t get good notes in general, and readers are likely to forget them. i also suggest having someone beta for you, or if you don’t want to (which is okay), you can use grammar checkers. make sure to not skip over scenes no matter how long they take to write so the fic won’t seem rushed. you can try being more descriptive of what they’re doing, what they’re feeling, the atmosphere and environment, expound more on the background story… sometimes they’re more important than dialogue and character thoughts. don’t just tell readers what your characters are doing, show them. you know the kinds of stories that you can see and imagine so clearly in your head? that’s our goal. it’s not easy, it’s tiring and writing makes you double-think especially when you’re not getting the feedback you want, but it will come, and it will be worth it.

i hope i did not offend you, i just wanted to help you out because i was like you when i started writing too. above all, you have potential, so believe in yourself :)

Ty sm much for this. I’ll try to figure it out, I’m not entirely. New to tumblr and writing. I’ve been doing it a while so I know how tumblr works. (Wow that sounds mean, it’s not tho I promise)

BUT! I’ve never had this problem AS many times as I have. It��s so discouraging. And I hate it. Idk what else to do. I’ve done tags. I’ve looked at tags that no ones has used, Ive did all that… a lot of ppl use the tags. So I don’t know honestly. Which ones to use and not to use…

As for the sneak peeks. I’ve seen a lot of writers do it before and get 200+ notes… so I thought it would be cool because I was Proud of what I wrote.

And as for a beta reader. I don’t have anyone. I’ve always read my own work. It sucks yea. Because I feel like no one ever wants to proof read my work… so I just post it without a beta reader.

As for fan favorites. I’ve always written for lloyd. Andy and, Ari. I have two new Andy series in the works and a hundred oneshots in drafts in multiple apps.

Imma vent really quick:

I’ve been writing for YEARS and I’ve never ever gotten the feedback I wanted. So having this void of where ppl cannot see my work. Suck. I mean I should be used to it now? You know what I mean?

So. It doesn’t entirely suck. Maybe it’s for a reason. Idk

I’m just really hurt buy all of this..

So if this whole message is scrambled. It’s 3am.

But Ty for the sweet message. Ily🫶🏽

#anon #roise responds #asks

[doux-amer]

Man, I have a lot of controversial opinions (according to fandom....actually, no, maybe not just fandom) and I just BOIL OVER when I think about them sometimes, and I’m so glad I can rant to @aslightstep because bottling up is not healthy. See Exhibit A: Steve Rogers.

#i've voiced a few a couple of times and i'm TIRED of dealing with people getting upset #so if i ever talk about it it's with irl people i trust/online friends who aren't in the marvel fandom #sometimes i get so frustrated when this happens that i want to delete my tumblr and cut off 99% of my ties with people #because lol this is my blog! i should say what i want! but i've been mutuals with some people for so long #or some mutuals are newer but i like them and like interacting with them so i don't want to rock the boat!!!! #but i really miss the days when i was on the periphery and was most often just an observer #look i love stuff but i'm really critical and that doesn't mean i hate it or i enjoy misery #anyway wow i kind of went on a massive tangent fdsfslfjas #this post was just about how i'm glad i have alanna to vent to #because she understands! and if she disagrees i'm never frustrated with her and i never feel like i upset her or vice versa #if we disagree we either end up seeing each other's points or seeing something from a perspective we didn't consider because the other #person brought it up or we still disagree but can understand where the other person is coming from and i never feel wary about #bringing something up with her no matter what it is #with her because i know she won't jump down my throat or go on the defensive or try to start a fight with me #anyway this isn't a vaguepost about anyone specific lol. it's just something i struggled with over the past few years #as i started to gain more followers even though i don't tag or make that many original posts so idk where all these people are from #it makes me super uncomfortable that there are hundreds of strangers who follow me on here sometimes

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 32

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Summary: Stephen Strange being a grown-up. Reader being a grown-up. Kind of. Revenge plot starts now - don't be like the mercenary, don't threaten reader's family. Avengers being good.. bros? Good found family idk. More smut + plot coming soon.

The silence hung awkwardly over us. Stephen wasn't the one to wax poetics, usually, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything but curl up somewhere warm, chug a bottle of liquor and fall asleep. Sleep is like death without the committment and after my little outburst, I inwardly prayed and begged for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Instead, I was directed to sit and drink my tea by the sorcerer, who, by the way, was beginning to look like a kicked puppy.

It was starting to become unbearable. "I'm listening," I finally croaked out, shocked at how raspy my voice sounded. As if someone had forced me to choke on some nails - and I felt like it, too. My hands were shaking, all but spilling the hot tea onto them.

"Princess..." His mouth did the thing when he was worried, lips pursed, their corners upturned. "What we did was not... Right, you were drugged without your consent. I am sure Tony feels the same way."

My eyebrows rose, words bubbling up to the surface as I fought the urge to simply start calling Stephen some strong names. Had he been blind the whole time I flirted with him, had he not seen both me and Tony ogling him when we thought nobody could see? Every time I joked about the sexual tension between them - you know what they say, every joke has a little bit of truth in it.

Or maybe the sorcerer had used the incident as a convenient excuse for our little fuck-fest to be a one-time thing? I expected more, I won't lie, but I wouldn't put it above him. I knew all too well that some men tended to simply... Avoid.

I was angry, probably rightfully so, but it was not the time for me to comfort an adult man. My own life was going to shit, I had no mental energy to unburden his baseless guilt. It was selfish and it made me feel even more like shit, but it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of me. I just didn't care about someone's heartbreak. I needed to solve another problem, a much bigger than a man that couldn't make up his mind.

I had to find that damn mercenary. It was the only real threat hanging over our heads; unlike any mission that I've seen the team go on before, they had thrown all the forces into catching the man that had gotten into their safe space, their home. That threatened to take what they thought as theirs. Long gone were the days of comfortable domesticity.

"Okay," I replied, nodding curtly. "I wanted it, if it helps any. I thought you were attractive the first day I saw you." I spoke bluntly, beginning to feel like myself more and more with each word that I spoke. "And again, no strings have to be attached. I'm sure Tony will understand it too, it's not his first rodeo."

Stephen's head shot up from where he was examining his clasped hands, to study me with furrowed brows. Cloaky moved where it was wrapped around me, attracting the sorcerer's attention - I, unfortunately, did not understand the Cloak's sign language and what it told Stephen remained a mystery to me. I was just delighted to be out of the cold and and wet clothes.

"I think you misunderstood me," Stephen eyed me with surprise. "I want more, but..." He trailed off, unsure. "I don't know. I'm surprised Banner hasn't gone green on me yet. I'm a doctor, I should have known..."

So, he was pulling a me and wallowing in pity. Is this really how pathetic I looked when I used to mope around the house earlier? No wonder my mother thinks I'm a baby. "Stephen, I'm really not in the mood to listen to bullshit. I wanted it, you wanted it, great, we can move on. Because with everything that has happened to me, I really have no energy to convince you I like you even while sober when you're sabotaging yourself." Sure, I might have ripped off the motivational speech from a self-help book my mother used to have laying around. My patience was wearing thinner with each second. "There, I said it. I like you, my boyfriends like you, you're welcome to the club if you decide to believe the fact that I am telling the truth." And if he wouldn't, well, I could get over it. I was planning to never act upon my feelings for both Tony and Bruce, it hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Especially with me being busy enough to just ignore the feelings.

At some point, I had grown attached to Stephen. Perhaps, if I and Tony hadn't decided to mess around with the sorcerer at the party, my feelings wouldn't have bloomed into anything more than physical attraction. Murphy's law had a particularly strong affinity on me, I noticed, because over and over I found myself falling head over heels for emotionally unavailable men. It worked out with Tony, which wasn't as surprising as one might expect, considering we're two halves of a whole idiot, but then Bruce also decided to pucker up - Stephen was bound to be the rock that I trip on.

Or not? Soft lips pressed against my forehead, beard hair softly tickling the tip of my nose. I was pressed against a solid chest, surrounded by warmth and comfort. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot," Steph whispered, voice quivering.

"Well, it's not like this... Relationship... I've got going on is something commonplace," My arms wrapped around him, a deep sigh relaxing my body into his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't right."

Stephen chuckled, all but pulling me bodily into his lap. "Don't worry, Princess. I deserved it." As he spoke, the Cloak carefully unwrapped itself from me, drifting away with a parting pat on my back. "Now what happened with your parents?" Large palms pushed the hair out of my face, stormy blue eyes looking at me with worry.

"I should probably assemble all my significant others for this conversation," There was little enthusiasm in discussing the incident. I was an adult and had enough money to get by for a few months, at least until I could patent one of my inventions. I had plenty of knick-knacks that should be able to interest buyers, that much I knew, and while the legal side of the process was a blank slate to me, I knew I could be charismatic enough to have someone work it out for me.

"I don't think I'll be able to take Steve seriously when he says 'assemble', now," My third boyfriend chuckled, which - wow, I didn't have boyfriends and now I had three? Should I be considering opening a factory or something? Stephen adjusted his hold on me. "Let's go, I'll portal us in."

"My car's out there with all my stuff. I'll have to drive," I protested but made no move to get out of his lap.

"Tony is a billionaire, he can pay someone to retrieve it," Shrugging carelessly, he produced a golden circle of magic, the common room couch in plain sight at the other side of it. I heard voices and then Clint's head peaked through, a curiously tilted eyebrow morphing into full fledged face of confusion upon seeing the two of us.

Yikes. I had forgotten about the state of my dress and the bruise on my cheek. "Hey, bird. I need a drink," I said the first thing that popped into my mind, causing both Clint and Steph to laugh as the sorcerer carried me into the tower through the portal.

"I'm starting to think you go out there and look for trouble on purpose," The archer sighed, pulling out his phone and texting rapidly. Mine vibrated, too, once he was done, which meant he'd called for a family meeting. Blergh.

In no time, Tony appeared, dark circles under his eyes and yesterday's shirt on, towing a worried Bruce behind him. One after the other, the Avengers tickled in, looking restless and exhausted. Loki's frown was well on its way to becoming a full sneer.

"Talk, please," He requested, eyeing me with concern.

"Good news is I got our rogue wizard back," I poked Stephen in the chest. He was blushing. "Bad news is my mother threw me out and my father didn't pick up the phone, so technically I'm homeless and parent-less," I decided that spitting out straight facts was the easiest way to go about it. I mean, there was no good way to tell what I just told them.

The storm that I anticipated didn't appear. Just a lot of disappointed sighs all around, especially from Tony, who looked twenty years older after I'd confessed to the current state of my affairs. "You're not homeless, you live here," He pointed out, rubbing his face and muttering some very strong words under his nose. Particularly, the expressions involved my mother and various methods of fornication.

"We got your back, doll," Bucky nodded, coming over to wrap me in a gentle hug. He was like a brother from another mother to me at this point, kind and goofy and sensible. "I would propose to teaching that harpy a lesson but I think she's beyond it."

"Perhaps it's for the best," Loki mused suddenly. "If I recall correctly, your mother was against your career of choice, which is idiotic. Science is a noble and prospective path." The Asgardian, too, gave me a hug.

I wasn't crying! There were ninjas, in the vents, cutting onions! "Stop it guys, I'm gonna cry. I already look like shit!" The protest was silenced by Bruce's lips on mine, his tiny smile briefly covering my mouth with tenderness. After that, everybody somehow decided it was their job to try and make me cry; like a bad bitch, I resisted, but eventually broke and started sniffling when Tony began rambling about building me my own lab and Wanda offered to help me decorate my new apartment.

No matter how much my mind screamed at me to refuse, I forced that noise down. Fighting against myself, accepting help despite feeling unworthy of it - it was probably the hardest thing I've done in my whole life.

Bruce volunteered to carry my prone body to Tony's bedroom which was quickly becoming the master bedroom for the three of us - ever since the incident, both of my scientists stuck close to me whenever possible, aggressively cuddling me whenever they decided it was time to get some sleep. Which wasn't much these days, if I was being honest. Persuading Bruce to stay with me was a novelty - usually he didn't resist, but that time, I had to repeat myself multiple times that the team could handle business even without him being present.

I had my ulterior motives, of course. Tony and Stephen needed to talk. I only hoped their egos wouldn't clash without me to mediate - having two boyfriends start a fight wasn't something I wanted to experience. I had zero experience in those matters and had no idea how to manage all that. Are there handbooks for polyamorous relationships? I stuck a mental post-it note inside my brain to check it out.

I fell asleep with Bruce wrapped around me and woke up in the same position, having been too exhausted to move even in my sleep. Voices, rough and quiet, were the first thing I heard upon syncing my brain into a resemblance of a working order, instantly recognizing Stephen's deep baritone and Tony's teasing drawl.

"Expect either Reindeer Games or Kim Possible to come and terrify you," My engineer didn't sound particularly ecstatic. His voice came from somewhere around my feet; the hand wrapped around my ankle, thumb gently stroking the skin, must've been his.

"Duly noted," Stephen's reply was equally sarcastic, sounding a little closer. The warmth coming from my side was him. I could smell the faint spices that surrounded him, smell that I'd come to associate with the Sanctum.

Bruce snored away, not a care in the world.

My body, on the other hand, felt rested for what felt the first time in years. A pleasant ache in my muscles had me begrudgingly squirm out of Banner'd grasp, shamelessly pushing up into Stephen as I stretched with a juicy yawn. "What's poppin'?" I rubbed my eyes, finding the men awake looking at me with fond amusement.

"Just watching," Tony smiled, causing me to giggle at his accidental meme-ing. Was it even accidental? I refused to believe that a man well versed in IT was oblivious to meme culture.

Stephen, on the other hand... "We've discussed some things, wanted to talk to you too." His hand stroked my hair, face expression soft unlike anything I'd ever seen him have. "But you were sleeping. So cute."

Me, cute? There was a puddle of drool the size of a dollar bill on my pillow, I was pretty sure some of it had even gotten in Bruce's hair. Banner's sleep was quiet except for every five minutes when he'd let out a snore with a force somewhere between a Mack truck and a whale in mating season.

Cute, sure.

Bruce groaned, a tell-tale sign of him waking up. I met his eyes, brown, shiny, a narrow edge of green around his irises. Huh. Do I have three boyfriends or four?

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​@sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias

#party favours #bun writes #tony stark x y/n #bruce banner x y/n #stephen strange x y/n #tony stark x reader #bruce banner x reader #stephen strange x reader #tony stark x you #bruce banner x you #stephen strange x you

[mindswriters]

Family Meeting - jj maybank × reader {one shot}

Summary: for the first time you decide to take your pogue boyfriend at your family's annual meeting, and let's say that your relatives didn't have the best reactions in the world.

Pairing: jj maybank × kook!reader

Warnings: language, underage drinking, mentions of hook ups?, "drunk" driving [IF YOU DRINK DON'T DRIVE]

Word count: 3.3K (is this big? idk)

A/N: hell yeah, i'm a shitty writer. Y/f/n means "your full name" btw

not my gif, credits to the owner ;)

****

Your surname is pretty infamous at the Outer Banks, your dad owns one of the biggest parts of Tannyhill, what makes you full kook. That's why you always lived in that shitty bubble wrap, you understand that living in the Figure 8 gave you privileges that you wouldn't have if you lived on the south side, and you hate the fact that everyone around you always pretend that everything is perfect when there are people to miles from there surviving from water and bread. But, as a blessing, a while ago your friend Sarah Cameron started dating John B, a Pogue guy who worked for the Cameron's, and you also started to hang out with them, and that's where your life started. At first your parents didn't liked your "new life", but they also did nothing to stop you (probably because they knew you would find a way to sneak out). You found your real crew with the Pogues, they were very receptive with you, John B is really kind and fun (way better than Topper, Sarah's ex boyfriend); Kie became your third musketeer, she's smart and is always there for you; Pope is your favorite nerd eveeer, y'all would be screwed without him. And last but not least, JJ Maybank, at first you thought he was cute, at second that he was a stubborn dumbass, and third? Oh, third you've fallen in love with him.

That's what brings you here, getting dressed for the Y/l/n's annual meeting at the Country Club, while JJ, your actual boyfriend is sitting on your bed with a messy hair and a clumsy suit. This meeting is nothing but a bullshit that your parents "require" you to go every year, you actually don't like it a lot, but today you are especially excited, you can't wait to see all your old aunts and envious cousins staring at you, when you arrive holding hands with your Pogue boyfriend. The most handsome Pogue of this island.

"Hey, J, which one is better, this one or this one?" you asked showing him your hands, each one holding a different pair of earrings.

"Hmm, this one." he pointed to your left hand with a smirk after carefully observed both the jewels.

You whispered a "thanks" and turned back to the mirror, putting the bright jewels on your ears. You were giving a last check on your marine blue dress, when you heard a knock at your half opened door.

"We're waiting for you kids." your dad tried to disguise the complain with a smirk.

"Sorry for the delay, dad, you know how long it takes for me to get ready." you pouted leaning on the door "But you and mom can go ahead, JJ and I will go with my car in a little while." you looked at your boyfriend and smiled when he waved to your father.

"You sure?" you quickly nodded "Okay then, see you there." the gray haired man sighed and went down the stairs.

"Thank you, daddy." you murmured but he definitely didn't listened.

"Can you just don't call him daddy when I'm around? It's kinda awkward." he slyly said when stood up from your bed.

You giggled rolling your eyes and walked towards him, looking up to stare his blue eyes "I never thought I would live to see JJ Maybank wearing a suit." you joked.

He just looked away and gave a shy laugh, while you delicately straightened his tie and collar. As much as you are excited, you don't see the same in JJ's expression, let's say he is not extremely comfortable in the middle of the Lion's den, as the Pogues call places with many Kooks.

"Come on babe, spit it out, what's wrong?" you ask kindly wrapping arms around his neck.

He shook his head hesitating to speak, but only with your gaze he eventually convinced himself that you wouldn't let it go unnoticed.

"Are you sure you want me to go? I mean, it's a family thing and-" he was about to vent put you stopped him.

"You are part of my family, JJ." you smiled placing a small kiss on his lips.

"Say it to your father, at this time he must be bad-mouthing me for the rest of your family." he complained snorting.

"So what?" you intertwined each other's fingers on both hands "Look, JJ, I don't care about what my father thinks and says about you, I just want to show up there holding your hand and telling everyone that you are the guy by whom I fell in love, and fuck what those idiots will think! It'll always be you." you sighed relieved after you vent all that was in your throat.

"Wow, unexpected PDA from my little girl uh?" you felt the heat blushing your cheeks, but he immediately filled your face with plenty kisses.

"I meant it, J, I meant it!" you both laughed when you tried to escape from his lips "Let's just go there and enjoy us, eat those weird foods, drink expensive drinks and if it gets too boring we can leave, okay?"

"Fine, fine, I'll go." he rolled his eyes pretending to be angry with you.

You held the boy's cheeks joining his lips lovingly and jumped up to the chair where your purse was hanging.

"I can't wait to see the faces of my envious cousins when they see me coming with the hottest guy on the Outer Banks." you sent a wink and asked him to follow you downstairs.

You drove all the way to the Country Club and when you got there you already saw all the chic decor and the other cars that were in the parking lot. JJ seemed to be nervous again, dangling his legs and biting his nails, but holding your hand before entering the party was what helped him to be calm. As soon as you took the first step, you were surrounded by the looks of everyone, some from close relatives who looked disappointed, and others from people you didn't even know were family members. Soon in the entrance hall you met your parents, talking to one of your aunts, when you were a child you gave her a loving nickname, auntie witchie.

"Hi dad, hi mom! I didn't know that half of Outer Banks was now our family." you teased kissing your parents cheeks.

"Less, Y/n." your father whispered discretely.

"Oh, Auntie Mary! How long I haven't seen you!" you greeted your aunt with an exaggerated (and false) smile.

The lady returned the smile but soon frowned as she spotted the messy blonde hair right behind you, even in a suit JJ was still clearly a Pogue.

"Let me introduce you, this is JJ, my boyfriend!" the boy politely kissed the top of your aunt's hand "I don't think you will need to worry about my relationships anymore."

You smiled confidently exchanging looks at the boy as your aunt seemed to analyze and judge every inch of him with a disgust feature. She looked at your parents and they just sighed and shrug.

"Y/n, darling, can I talk to you for a second?" you nodded in response and your aunt pulled you 2 steps to the side, which did not help from anything if she wanted a conversation reserved.

"What happened?" you asked as if you didn't knew what was coming.

"Is this boy really your boyfriend?" you nodded again, always smiling "And is he a-"

"A Pogue? Yes, he is a Pogue." you cut her even before she could finish the question "Any problem?"

"No, dear, but I mean, don't you think you should look some more? I don't know, someone here in Figure 8, with a good surname, I always thought that you would make a beautiful couple with the Cameron's prodigal son." you sighed thinking about a polite answer for the lady.

"I'm sorry, auntie, but you are completely wrong. I don't need to look anymore, JJ is definitely my lobster." you smiled leaving her confused with your words.

You turned your back politely and pulled JJ by the hand, with the intention of literally walking with him around the room and telling as many people as possible that this handsome blonde, mop headed Pogue is your boyfriend. While walking around the space you drank a few drinks, teased some people and received many, many looks of judgment. In addition to some cousins of yours commenting things like "I heard he was that crazy guy who shouted a gun at the Boneyard". But you couldn't care less, even more after some doses of alcohol.

"I need to go to the bathroom, stay here, it'll only take a sec." you gave a kiss on JJ's cheek before leaving him near the bar counter.

You were on your way back from the bathrooms when bumped into someone. It was Amber, she is your cousin, but you two didn't always get along. One time when you were 7, she threw your plush turtle in the pool and as revenge you stuck chewing gum in her hair. There was also the time when you were in 8th grade and she told your mom that you and Sarah went to Topper's house at night to drink vodka with powdered juice. Well, after that you have distanced and now when you meet by chance you pretend to like each other.

"I'm sorry!" she said with that annoying voice "Oh my God, Y/n, is that you?"

"Yes, cousin, it's me!" you smiled pretending to be excited.

"Look at you! You mean you have boobs now?" yeah, and my boyfriend loves them! okay, that's what you thought, in fact you just smirked raising eyebrows.

"Yeah, I think so. But you remain the same! Just with a little more chemical in the hair." you teased in the same mocking tone of her.

"Y/n/n, always so funny." she let a fake laugh and looked away "Damn, since when did the waiters from the Cut get so hot?"

You turned around and soon realized that she was talking about JJ, who was still leaning against the counter. As much as you were a little jealous for hearing her call your boyfriend hot right in your face, you were also proud to be able to tell her that he is already yours.

"Oh, actually he's not a waiter, he's my boyfriend." you smiled confident biting your own lip.

"Shit, don't mock me Y/n, you and that guy?" she laughed trying to disguise the wide eyes, Amber always made a point of telling that you were too ugly to get a boyfriend.

"Yep, me and that guy." from a distance JJ realized you were staring and then waved at you, who responded with your most proud smile.

"Ugh, I can't really understand what you and Sarah see in those Pogues, they're disgusting." funny to see how she changed her mind just in a few seconds.

"Let's say they're like that song."

"Song? What song?" she asked confused moving her gaze to you.

"You know, harder, better, faster, stronger, oh and add 'bigger'." you slowly said containing your laughter by biting the inside of your cheek.

She stared at you with a shooked look, and speechless. You must admit that the situation was quite satisfactory, seeing your dear cousin unresponsive on learning that you are not the ugly duckling as she always liked to say. You couldn't help but let out a little laugh, and then you excused yourself to return to your boy's arms.

"Who was that?" he asked when you leaned beside him on the counter.

"It's my cousin Amber, I hate her." he giggled and you fake smiled looking over your shoulder to see the fake blonde girl staring at you two.

"So what were you talking about?" he fixed your hair behind your ear gazing you.

"Nothing much, I was just telling her how is to be dating a 'dirty Pogue'..." you teased bending to whisper on his ear.

"Dirty Pogue, huh? And how is it like?" he frowned with a mischievous smirk.

"Well, it can be so many things, and I would risk to say that "dirty" is one of them." you smiled biting you lower lip with your eyes fixated on his blue ones.

JJ smiled back and moved his gaze to your lips, quickly kissing them and moving his wet lips to your cheeks, until reach the sweet spot behind your ear. Fuck, this is pretty good but let's say that the middle of your family meeting isn't the right place for you guys do it.

"J, stop, not right now." you giggled raising your eyebrows and softly pushing him away.

"Why not?" he pouted with puppy eyes.

"Because all my family is seeing us?" you used an obvious tone, 'cause it was obvious.

"Maybe we could sneak out?" you narrowed your eyes thinking about his proposal.

"Soon, first we'll show that people how we move on the Cut." you answered when heard one of your favorite songs playing outside.

You dragged your boyfriend by the hand until you reach the middle of the dance floor, at first he was kinda shy, but being with you makes him feel more comfortable, and as soon you both were already moving your bodies like no one was around. Laughing, drinking and kissing, you were stealing the show, this until you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turned, you faced a man who was probably the photographer, since he held a professional camera in his hands.

"Excuse me, are you Y/n Y/l/n?" he asked politely.

"Yes, why?" you frowned holding JJ behind you.

"Oh, they're looking for you to take the annual family picture, can you follow me, please?" he pointed to the entrance hall.

"Ah sure, come on baby." you nodded bringing JJ with you.

When you reached the hall everyone of your family was there posing and waiting for you, soon you found your parents on the left side and before joining them, you stopped to straight your hair and JJ's bow tie. When you had just finished fixing his suit, your dad stopped you by your shoulders.

"Y/n, sweetie, I know JJ is important to you, but I think it's best that he doesn't appear with you in the official photos." you frowned when your dad moved his gaze to the blonde right behind you.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" you snapped with a bit angry tone.

"It's nothing personal, honey, it's just 'cause you know, you’re still young and he’s just your boyfriend, we don’t know if it will last long." your father said making you chuckle shooking your head, that's unbelievable.

"Nothing personal, right? So why can Andrew's girlfriend appear in this stupid picture and JJ cannot?" you stormed pointing to your cousin and his girlfriend already posing to the camera.

"Y/n please, don't make a scene." you dad sighed when noticed that everyone looked at you.

"Is because he's a Pogue, isn't it?" you asked with anger burning your face.

"Y/n it's okay, it's just a photo." JJ tried to calm you down and leave it, but you didn't listen.

"You see, sweetie, it's not a big deal." and you're also sick of your dad pretending that everything is perfect.

"You know what? You guys can keep with this Kook bullshit and take this fucking picture, but I will not be part of it." you said confidently causing JJ to giggle behind you and your father give you a pissed gaze.

"What the hell you think you're doing, young lady?" your dad murmured holding your arm carefully.

"I'm throwing off my chains." you stepped back confronting him.

"Y/n, darling, stop it! You're embarrassing me and your father!" your mom shout out when she noticed that you were about to leave.

"Whatever! I'm already the family’s shame!" you shouted taking a few steps back until reaching JJ, who have a proud look in his face.

"Y/f/n! Come back here! You can't do it!" Y/m/n shouted one more time.

"Yeah, but I'm already doing." with a twist on your own feet you answered back while stealing a drink from the waiter's tray that passed by.

At this time everyone is looking at you with wide eyes, your parents flushing in anger and JJ, oh JJ is paralyzed with a huge smile on his face, he's so proud of seeing his badass girlfriend facing everyone to defend him. This was something you wanted to do a long time ago, and a family meeting seemed like the perfect time for you to throw everything up in the air. And that is what you did.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" you stopped making exaggerated expressions "Auntie Mary! You should find your own husband before give hunches on my boyfriends!" you said with a soft tone pointing to your old single aunt standing a few meters from you.

"Y/d/n, you should fix your daughter!" she yelled angry.

"And Amber!" the fake blonde jumped when she heard her name "Cousin, you should try to hook up with a Pogue anytime, they're so fucking hot!" you smiled biting your tongue and looked to JJ, who let out a big laugh and soon disguised because of your father's gaze to him.

Everyone was staring at you and your parents with jaw dropping, you always showed some personality differences compared to the rest of the family, but no one ever imagined you were that bold. Okay, the drinks helped you do that, but they say that when a person gets drunk is when she shows who she really is. And this is you for real. While hearing comments like "How absurd" or "This is a shame", you poured your entire drink in a single sip and dropped the glass on the floor, hurrying to leave that shit party.

"Come on, blondie, are you with me or what?" you raised your eyebrows calling JJ to follow you. He looked at your parents and they gave a serious look to him. But he didn't care right now.

"Sorry, Mr and Mrs Y/l/n," he laughed stepping backwards "your daughter is crazy!"

He shouted shooking his head and turning around to run towards you. You both laughed and you waited for him to embrace you at the big front door, you explicit kissed and left everyone behind, running hand in hand until you reached the parking lot. Inside of your car you two waited for the laughter to lose their strength to catch your breath.

"Oh my God this was insane!" you smiled heavy breathing and looking at the blonde on your passenger seat.

"My girl is a huge badass!" he pulled you for another kiss, this time it was longer and full of proud and desire.

"Okay, your place or the Chateau?" he said breathlessly, pulling away and looking at you.

"Definitely the Chateau. And hope John B isn't home." you gave a nasty smile and started your car.

You're gonna be dead when you see your parents again, but it's fine, still worth it.

#jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #obx imagine #outer banks imagine #jj fanfiction #jj mayback x reader #jj outer banks #jj x reader #obx netflix #outer banks fanfiction #jj blurb #jj fic #jj #rudy pankow imagine #rudy pankow #outer banks netflix #outerbanks #obx #outer banks #obx jj #jj obx #obx fanfiction #jj maybank obx #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader

[doctapuella]

i just need to type some things to get them out of my head bc that tends to help. so pls ignore and don't worry about interacting, i don't want attention from this (it's about grief and death and general unhappiness, so. gotta purge that shit.)

i feel like this week i just woke up and decided i'm going to be unhappy. i mean, i didn't decide it, but i haven't tried to fight it. i'ts thanksgiving, which is always kind of blah for me - we don't really do anything, no traveling, no family visits, so it's kind of a non-day in general.

but it's also the first year without my mom. and i didn't realize how much of my holiday associations are around her and what she does for the days. even though we hadn't spent a thanksgiving or christmas together in at least a decade, we would talk all the time leading up to the days and she would always be doing something excessive with my grandpa, and would be texting me updates. but this year it just kind of, happened and is here. huh. thanksgiving. again, a non-day, but because there's nothing happening, i have to make my own distractions so i don't have to think about the huge space that isn't being filled by my mom's existence.

and somehow this ends up with me being angry and bitter about everything? in a reasonable way i am angry at my obnoxious colleague, who keeps sending me messages in his creepy paranoid way and making me uncomfy and i finally had to respond like "i have no idea what you're trying to say, can you just say it outright?" i fucking hate him and i hate his little mafia mentality and his paranoia and buddy sorry but people don't hate me the way they hate you. so that particular anger is justified.

but like. less reasonably. my irl friend group chat is just on and on about all the homemade food they're spending time on and i'm just like "cool i might have some chicken nuggets from the freezer" but also like, little things are pissing me off like one person being like "ugh so this person coming to friendsgiving said she's bringing a store-made pumpkin pie (disgusting)" ok but like not everyone cooks or bakes? and i am not a cook or baker and i hate cooking/baking and it just was this one like little pretentious moment that made me feel like absolute SHIT even though that wasn't the intention. and i'm not gonna be mad at her about it because i know she's just venting too. it's not her fault i have all this emotional baggage around the day this year. she doesn't know that store-bought desserts are a thing my mom and i always got and brought to gatherings. so idk i'm not really angry at her.

i'm just. real fucking sad. i miss my mom.

i think this is all a big part of why i have been immersing myself in all this music blogging bullshit the past several months. the start of this fixation was like right before she got sick. and i've used it as a distraction for so long. and i'm not gonna stop - i love this dumb stuff i yell about. i love projecting my emotions onto people i will never ever meet or interact with.

but holy fuck was yesterday hard. with this particular genre of music, there's always gonna be musicians you like who have died. and i am a person who never makes the mentally healthy choice, so i tend to read about the circumstances of those deaths. and i think part of the reason i've reacted to strongly to eric carr is that there's a lot of overlap. like, his personality feels like a comfort to me, because italian-american from brooklyn (like half my family). and funny, and he loved making people laugh and shit. but then some (def not all) of the details about his death are real similar to what happened to my mom. so reading/thinking about his death makes me think about my mom's death in a way that other musician deaths don't.

so yesterday being the 30th anniversary of his passing, in combination with the day before my first thanksgiving without my mom, just. wow. i did not anticipate the sort of emotions i was feeling. just everything intense. and i kept trying to distract myself which mostly worked. but also at once point i cried so hard and intensely that i felt sick. and i don't know what i was crying about - eric? my mom? every single thing that has hurt in the past forever? the fact that i don't know any healthy mechanisms for dealing with tough emotions? all of it probably.

not sure what i think typing this out will do! maybe if i can figure out why i'm so upset, i can stop it? doubtful. i just wish this were a normal day and not one where all i can think about is the fact that i can't call my mom. i mean at least i never have to do this (have the first thanksgiving without my mom) again? christmas is gonna be rough. my birthday is gonna be rough. everything is just gonna suck for a while. and i know i'll be fine. i'm just not right now?

#please do not talk to me about this #i am just trying to understand and process my weird emotions #like i said this is not a pity plea #let's all move on #long post #(just in case the cut doesn't work) #anyway i'm gonna go watch a damn yankees show and pretend i have no corporeal form #GOD emotions are such a scam i want my money back

[kyluxtrashpit]

2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

#kylux #renben #hey I'm not late this year lmao #it's been an interesting one that's for sure #anyway I'm happy with all my fics this year which is good #but I need to keep working at keeping my head in the right space #which will likely take some practice #but I'm off to a good start #and I have good feelings about the future in that regard #so here's to a 2020 full of writing about kylo getting railed to high heaven #and to a 2021 full of the same! #my fic #long post #shut up nerd

[justaweirddruid]

I say this as a Fjorester shipper who is 100% ambivalent about W*dojest — I genuinely am, I’m not trying to pull some fake fandom credentials for credit — but your post about Liam was needlessly antagonist, and really not fair

Liam has done nothing disrespectful to Fjord or Jester, or to Laura and Travis. He has never tried to take a Fjorester moment and make it about Caleb — even when he saw them cuddle for the first time and acknowledged it, the Fjorester moment was already over and it was fine, it was fair game for Liam to say that (WJ shippers, on the other hand, are *constantly* making Fjorester moments about Caleb, but I’m not talking about them) Caleb has never once implied that Fjord and Jester shouldn’t be in a relationship together, and neither has Liam. And Liam has confirmed that he had no intention of having Caleb pursue Jester romantically, so it’s not like there’s a secret plan for Caleb to break up Fjord and Jester. And really, Liam was so excited and proud of Travis in episode 118! He meta-teased them in episode 119! Liam is happy and approves of Fjorester.

Yeah, it’s easy for Liam, speaking for Caleb, to gush about my Beauyasha! It’s easy for Caleb to be happy for them. His feelings for Jester (which themselves are not disrespectful in anyway — Jester treats Caleb with kindness and love and consideration, because she treats all of her friends that way, and Caleb is/has been deprived of that kind of attention — it’s not some weak excuse made by Liam to create dramatic tension to say that Caleb has developed feelings for Jester) and even his arguable attraction to Fjord make things more difficult. And that’s totally fair.

And unlike Beauyasha, Liam had no reason to describe his feelings about Fjorester on Talks Machina! The Beauyasha date already happened, and it was a lovely and grand moment — while Caleb had yet to talk to either Fjord or Jester about their relationship, so Liam has no reason to go in depth about his feelings for his friend’s fake relationship on Talks. It would be much more impactful to address it in character, during the game, and as far as I’m concerned, that discussion will happen. So long as there are no surprising perma-deaths that make that discussion impossible, Liam probably wants Caleb to talk to one or both of them about it. We have been inundated with emotional conversations lately, we’ll have a dozen more before they fight the Tombtakers, and it will be fair game for Liam to talk about it as much as anyone wants him to on Talks after that.

I know that there are people who hate Liam no matter what he does, and take all of his choices in bad faith. I’m not one of them, I love Liam, but you might be one of those fans — idk you, I just saw your post in the fjorester tag and thought, wow, that’s not at all the interpretation I made at all. Your post might have just been your form of venting, and you almost certainly weren’t expecting an anon to write an essay in your asks, so feel free to delete this without any guilt. But I feel like your post really missed the mark and implies that Liam isn’t a supportive friend or player at the table, and imposes fan-created ship drama onto the players

Hey anon

I wrote a long post replying to all the things you mentioned because I disagree with most of them, but I decided that I don't wanna add to the discourse today because I know we won't change each other's mind.

So just the most important points:

- I'm not a Liam hater, although I'm not surprised you said this because since the campaign started every time someone tries to criticize Liam or Caleb, people try to discredit them as just mindless haters that complain about everything they do.

I like Liam as a person, I like him in every other CR content, I liked Vax as a character and the twins were my favorite part of vox machina. I just don't like his playstyle when it comes to romance (since C1) and I was never a big fan of Caleb (since way before wj was even a possibility)

- Second, the thing that bothers me is not the ship itself. But the fact he made a point to show Caleb acknowledging fjorester (aka Jester's choice when it comes to her romantic relationships), but still didn't change the way Caleb behaves with her. That moment would've been the perfect way to close this chapter in Caleb's story in a meaningful way.

I know feelings don't simply disappear, but is it really necessary to bring them up all the time now? I mean, just look at Pikelan in C1, Scanlan never stopped loving Pike, but when he realized things needed to change, he stopped bringing it up all the time and focused on other important things for his story. 

I know both ships are completely different, but you can understand what I mean. If Caleb is aware he needs to move on, than why bring it up all the time? Or at least have him *talk* to someone (not fjord or jester because I think this would be even worse) about it instead of just narrating everything in an unnecessary way, have it be a way to show growth instead of being a weird guy in a corner staring at an unaware woman. 

- Finally, I don't think Liam is doing this in bad faith, maybe he's not even aware. Media spent decades showing these type of stories. How many movies and tv shows do we see where a guy showing affection for an unavailable woman is portrait as the highlight of romance? I'm not surprised one of them thinks this too and chose to include it in his character story.

My only comfort is knowing Critical Role is not a scripted show, otherwise we know how this would end.

I just wish people respected a woman's choice to pursue romance with whoever she wants and realized that a grown ass man pinning for his friend for a year while fully aware she doesn't feel the same is not romantic.

[ren1327]

Sweater Weather ch.5

Ben and Kenji watched Bumpy as she slept on Ben’s lap, Carmen sitting next to him to stroke her flank as she read her new manga, brown eyes scanning over each detail of the art.

Kenji had sat on the sofa and Ben flush against him, acting as the comfortable partner and lover.

But Ben couldn’t help but feel how comfortable Kenji was. How well he fit to his side. How warm this image of them with a dog and his sister relaxing in the living room was. He leaned his head back and Kenji looked away from the movie to nuzzle in his hair.

Ben wanted this to real if only to feel the comfort and trust in that single moment.

“Dinner’s ready.” Candy said as she came in, pausing to look at them and smile.

Bumpy yipped and stood, stretching before she followed Candy to her new bowl in the corner of the dining room on a soft rug.

Ben got up and Kenji followed, Carmen calling she wanted to finish the next few pages.

Kenji pulled out Ben’s chair and smiled when he sat down with a soft thank you.

Once Carmen was seated, Kenji sat between where Kosei would sit at the head and Ben.

Candy brought out a savory casserole with meat, cheese, tortillas and chili. She then placed down bowls of red rice, refried beans, chips, red and green salsa and cabbage.

“Enchilada casserole!” Carmen said excitedly, then looked at Ben from across the table. “It’s Kenji’s favorite!”

Kenji nodded and was happy to help Ben fill his plate.

Once he had a substantial amount of everything, Ben noticed they were watching him. He then saw that they were holding hands.

“Are you comfortable with grace, Ben?” Candy asked.

“I…yes ma’am.” He said and took Kenji’s and Carmen’s hands.

The family closed their eyes and he noticed only Candy and Kenji bowed their heads. He quickly closed his own eyes as Candy prayed outload.

“Dear provider and father above, thank you for reuniting our family this winter. Thank you for the safe journey of my son and our transition into our new home. Thank you for blessing us with Ben and Bumpy. And thank you for giving us so much more to be thankful for and love. And we say”

“Amen.” She and her family chorused.

Ben lowered his hands and smiled, blushing as he held back tears.

“Ben?!” Carmen asked and Ben quickly wiped his cheeks.

“Sorry. Sorry. It’s just been a while since I’ve prayed.”

“We don’t expect you to be obligated to, Honey.” Candy said and Kosei nodded.

“How you express or don’t express your faith is up to you. But thank you for joining our thanks.” Kosei said gently.

“Does your family have a faith?”

“I uh, I think we were Jewish.” He said.

“Think you were?” Kosei asked.

“Um, my mom was the religious one and um…my Uncle got work overseas so it’s uh…just been me.” He said.

“What?”

“I didn’t want to stress my uncle out and he knew I was with friends and I haven’t…I haven't even told him about Kenji to be honest. It’s been so long and I…”

“Oh, Sweetie.” Candy whispered. “and your mother—”

“Mom.” Kenji said and she covered her mouth in surprised.

Kosei sighed softly as Carmen looked from her parents to Ben, slowly putting the pieces together.

“Oh, Ben. I'm sorry…” She whispered.

“It’s okay. She’s with my dad and I know if I work hard, I can make them proud.” He said, sounding robotic at this point.

“Well, if it’s not too candid…You always have a place in this family. Even as a friend.” Kosei said and Ben smiled, wiping his cheeks again.

“I’m sorry. I made dinner awkward.”

Kenji put a hand on his and look him in the eye. “Never be sorry for expressing how you feel.”

Ben nodded as he looked down at his food. He took a bite…

And coughed hard, grabbing a napkin and holding it to his running nose and burning mouth.

“Oh my gosh!” Carmen said and gave Ben his water. “Kenji! Did you give him the green salsa?!”

“What? It’s not that hot?” Kenji said, grabbing his own napkin for Ben to switch out.

“Mijo, you’ve been eating jalapenos since you were in diapers! Mamita, get him some of the banana milk.” She said.

Carmen quickly got up and returned, twisting open a school cafeteria looking yellow bottle of milk and handing it to Ben, who sipped it slowly, panting softly as he finished it. He then whirled on his pretend boyfriend.

“You’re not human!” He said to Kenji, who was trying to hold back his laughter.

“Stop…stop laughing…” Carmen said, placing a hand over her mouth to hide her own smile.

“I reacted horribly the first time I had the green salsa too, Ben.” Kosei said. “I was sweating while pretending I wasn’t affected, then got sick later.”

“I told you not to put so much. You need to build up to that amount!” Candy said and Ben laughed imaging such a regal looking man sweating and red faced.

“Okay. Stay away from the green sauce.” Ben said. “I’ll remember for next time.”

He took a bite of the casserole and nearly melted.

“Wow…”

“One of the perks of my marriage.” Kosei joked, making Candy huff and roll her eyes with a smile.

“One of many, I hope.” She said.

Kosei took her hand. “Too many to count.”

“Ew. Mom. Dad.”

“Oh, they get to flirt, but us older folk don’t?” She asked her daughter, who giggled.

“So!” Carmen said, gaining everyone’s attention. “How did you two meet?”

“Online.”

“Friends.”

Ben and Kenji looked at each other and Kenji stuttered.

“W-well, we met through friends online…”

Ben put his hand over Kenji’s, smiling at him with steely eyes. Kenji’s mouth shut as Ben hunched his shoulders.

“Its kind of embarrassing really.” He started. “You see, he was video chatting with Sammy. And Sammy and I have been friends for so long…we were comfortable around each other. So one day, while Yaz was at a retreat, I had gotten out of the shower and was only in my boxer briefs because I forgot my clothes in my room.”

Carmen and Kosei looked scandalized as Candy covered her mouth.

Ben blushed as if it were true as he continued. “So, being so comfortable with Sammy, I was drying my hair as I walked nearly naked past her and Kenji unfortunately got an eyeful of my pale chicken legs. The scream I let out.”

Kenji chuckled just imagining the scene.

“And then I asked him for his number.” Kenji said with a shrug.

Candy laughed. “That sounds very like you, Kenji.”

“Texting Ben and calling him leveled me down. Made me want to come back just to…” He paused and shook his head, interlacing his fingers with Ben.

“He makes me happy.”

“So you two are still new to a lot of things.” Candy said. “Despite talking for three months.”

“Yeah.” Ben said and smiled at Kenji, almost genuinely. “He’s way taller than I expected.”

“But you’re just as cute.” Kenji said, making Ben blush deeply.

“Aw~!” Carmen cooed and Kosei scoffed at his daughter.

“Now, now.” He said, then turned to the boys. “Ben, I never asked. Do you prefer a separate room?”

“Excuse me?”

“Dad!”

“We understand how couples are and respect how you express your love.” Candy said. “As long as you’re safe. However, if you’ve only started being together…”

“Stop, stop this now.” Kenji said.

“I’ll be okay with Kenji.” Ben said with a nod. “He takes really great care of me and respects my wishes.”

Kosei nodded in approval of his son. “I am very happy to hear so.”

“Ben, I have to ask because it’s been bothering me…what’s that scar on your upper arm?” Candy asked.

Ben looked at the jagged scar on his left bicep. He covered it.

“It’s…from an old relationship.”

Carmen gasped and Kosei placed his glass down, eyes hard as he looked at Ben. Kenji squeezed his hand.

“What?”

“It was way before I met Kenji.” Ben said. “And I never brought it up because…”

“No, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Candy whispered.

“It’s fine. He’s…” He took a deep breath. “He’s gone and I’m far, far away from him.”

Kenji pulled Ben’s hand to rest on his chest. “Ben…don’t be scared to tell me things. I won’t judge you, ever.”

Ben smiled and kissed Kenji’s cheek.

“Thank you. All of you.”

 Ben sat on the king sized Ben in Kenji’s room.

It was decorated in shades of red and gray, as opposed to the white and blue outside. He was dressed in an old t-shirt and pajama pants, Kenji showering.

The room was very…sparse.

It had rich dark wood furniture, plush latte colored carpet and pale pastel yellow walls that could be white in different light. Rich strawberry red bedspread and rugs and grey curtains and armchairs next to a white brick fireplace with a glass guard. There was a desk, a small table next to the large window with the armchairs next to the fireplace and with another tall, small surfaced table. The bed was in the middle of the back wall, two nightstands holding touch lamps and piled with soft velvety red and grey pillows overstuffed, but comfortable enough to leave on when going to sleep.

Bumpy snored from her plush pet bed near the heating vent, exhausted from the busy day she had.

Ben felt himself already getting sleepy as he read one of the books Yaz had bought him as an early Christmas gift. He looked at his phone

He text Sammy.

B: I told them about J

S: WHAT?!?!?! Ben, you didn’t have to!

B: It felt right. I trust Kenji.

S: Okay. How do you feel?

B: A little better tbh Like Like I have some more eyes looking over my shoulders to watch my back Idk

S: Kenji would kick his ass into next year! I WOULD TOO!

B: Thanks, Sammy. We’re heading off to the hotel tomorrow. I’ll send you some pictures.

S: Be safe! Yaz said to say she misses you.

B: I miss you too. Love you both.

S: <3

 Kenji came in dressed in flannel pajamas and looked at Ben, who was still curled up on the right side with his book.

“Um…”

“It’s okay. You’re probably cold.” Ben said, pretending to read his book as Kenji draped the damp towel over the back of his desk chair.

“Are you cold?” He asked.

Ben ducked his head a bit, not wanting to make a awkward situation more so.

Kenji reached into his bag and pulled out the soft knitted blue sweater he had worn to dinner. He held it out to Ben.

Ben blinked and suddenly, Kenji blushed.

“Sorry! I’ll get you a clean one or—”

“I’ll take it.” Ben said, taking it from his hands and pulling it over his shirt.

He blushed as he smelled Kenji’s cologne on the collar and wrists. Kenji got in bed next to him.

“What are you reading?” He asked Ben.

“A sequel series of this young adult…um…It’s a little complicated, but it focuses on my favorite characters from the first series.”

“Read a bit to me?”

“You wouldn’t understand it.” Ben said. “But if you want me too, I can explain plot details and stuff...”

“Okay.” Ben said and found where he had paused. “Magnus saw hundreds of masked people in elaborate costumes dancing in unison, and around them was music that could be seen as well as heard. As if ripped from a black-and-white sheet of paper and turned into bright, living shapes, the notes floated in the air, drifting along currents of musical lines and wrapping around the glittering masks and elaborate hair of the dancers. Along the ceiling, the constellations were moving; no, they were the orchestra…”

He noticed Kenji had relaxed and was dozing off, soft snores floating from him. Ben placed his bookmark inside the page and placed it on the nightstand. He touched the lamp, and the room went dark.

Kenji wiggled closer and hugged him loosely around the waist.

He smiled and pretended this was his life, with a loving boyfriend and his family and safe and loved—

“Sorry…Brooklynn…” Kenji groaned and Ben froze. He pulled away and rolled over, leaving Ben cold and feeling empty.

#jw fanfic #jw sweater weather #ben pincus #kenji kon #kenji x ben #kenji and ben #mentions of #red scrolls of magic #camp cretaceous fanfic #camp cretaceous sweater weather

[zoppzoop]

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

15. personality description

28. i’ll love you if…

31. 3 random facts

53. 5 things that make me happy

hi babe <3333

6. romantically? probably not. ive never actually fallen for someone that emotionally deeply for it to be even mildly difficult to get over it. but like platonically? as in if a friend just backstabbed or straight up was shit to me after calling them my best friend? let me just say i still very very slightly have a grudge on my 2nd grade best friend. i take my friendships very seriously (skip the rest of this coz its too long and honestly idk why i even typed it out lmfao its honestly just turned into a weird vent skjdfljkg)

(i definitely dont hate the 2nd grade kid more than this one bitch in my old neighborhood who literally got into a best friend trio thing between me and my friend and turned her against me and then also sabotaged my friendship with another friend and yeah things were shit for a few months and then her dad got transferred to another place and i thought it was a good thing but then the day she left i went back home after playing in the park with the rest of the kids and my parents give me the news that we're moving to the same place as they did because my dad got promoted there too and then she managed to make my life shit again for the three years she was there (and her sister helped her like the zero braincell dipshits they both were)(also teh fucker told my other friend who i was really close with and went to school with that my home situation is bad??? like hoe first of all what the fuck. second of all what the fuck third of all what the actual fuck and fourth of all my parents are actually really nice and kind people and actually care about me so again, what the fuck?????????? (also her mom had a thing against mine so im damn sure that had to root from there so yeah fuck you too auntie) and after that got cleared out the bitches literally blackmailed the rest of our common friends to team up and bully me and that was another ordeal for a while. and bullshit like this continued until her dad got transferred again. but by that time i was at a point where i couldnt really go out at all because i had to study and wow thats a long story but i dont wanna really backspace on that so yeah sorry for rambling and going off topic and for the negativity but i hate those two two-faced fucked up bitches a lot lmao)

15. i guess i'd say im chill with my opinions on most things so i dont get into arguments much. also i've got a very (uhh whatever the opposite of confrontational is) kinda personality. also my stance on things is out of sight out of mind so if i want to avoid sth i can and will ignore it. i like talking to new people and also friends but im literally not the most talkative person. when i say i like talking i mean i like listening to people go on about whatever's on their head and occasionally when i feel up to it i just thought dump (like we saw in the last question sdkjlf) or i just straight up vanish like a ghost (which is bad nasdfkljs) also with certain people i get very very chaotic. i once challenged my friends on chugging multiple glasses of coca cola at a party so yeah- ooh also i get emotional (on all emotions) very easily. also im the kind of person who wants to know peoples secrets and all that stuff coz i just like knowing things but i never do anything with it except forget it in a couple of days.

uuhh idk what else to say about my personality lmao i think thats it but if theres sth specific you'd like to know feel free to ask me!

28. i'll love you if literally anything. if know you and we're close enough i'll literally just pour over my love and support to you. i've got a lot of it to give (even though i ghost people sometimes it doesnt mean i dont care about them. i still love them)

31. 1. me and grudges is a bad idea because i never think about it much or show it but it stays there and keeps festering forever and i dont really know how i'll act if the patience meter tips over sdjfsk

2. my dad had got a switchblade thing a while back when he was out on a trip and i stabbed my teddy bear with it and uhhh yeah im pretty sure teddy hates me now but then i also stitched him back up but no that i think about it, practicing knife throwing on your teddy is not a good idea-

3. i used to be a soft-violent kid back in the day (like middle school/junior high) because at first glance you'd think im the ideal student/kid but my classmates knew that i would literally not hesitate to punch a bitch if that situation came up at school or at least in my class. i mean a teacher who came in for substitution legit presented me to the class like 'look at her. she's such nice and smart and helpful kid' and my class was like 'lmao who? her??' but yeah teachers and seniors liked me. i was a nice kid too! just some people got on my nerves and got what they were asking for <3 now im just a wallflower. i doubt anyone outside my friend group even knows my name here lmao we're chaning that in college though! i wanna be a good person to everyone!!!

53. 1. drawing

2. good food (and subsequently cooking)

3. good entertainment (currently anime, music and fanfics)

4. talking listening to people

5. relaxing without the impending doom of some or the other deadline/exam

Hi babe <3333 sorry for making this so long lfjkgs ily <33333333

send me some nice asks!! O(∩_∩)O

#bianca (〃▽〃)

[adamarinayu]

Can you tell us more about your author au, back in action au, and Notre duck au? Sorry if I'm asking for a lot but I just saw them on your AU list and they caught my interest 😅

Haha sure! I haven’t worked on any of them in a while but here we go! It’s a bit long, especially the Back in Action section....

In the Author AU, Donald is an author who works under a pseudonym, so that he and the triplets can have some normalcy in life while also being able to support them comfortably. He’s the author of a best selling series, which is the Paperinik series (maybe in this AU it’ll be called Duck Avenger, idk). 

He began writing the PK stories during highschool, and they were published as shorts regularly in a small magazine. Of course, being a teenager, it began as a fantasy- it was how he vented his frustrations. Gladstone, of course, figured it out, as did Della, but Scrooge had no interest so no one else outside of Donald’s closest circle (that is to say, Mickey, Minnie, Daisy and Goofy) knew. It soon grew to be a hero story, rather than a story about vengeance. At this point there are no nephews in the story.

After highschool, his story got picked up by a publishing company and Uno was his agent. He ended up including the character ONE based off of Uno, which Uno is equal parts amused and exasperated by (”Honestly, I thought you said you wanted to be anonymous.”). The two don’t officially become friends, however, until a couple of years later, when Della went missing. Donald had taken a surprisingly dark turn in the story which would have resulted in killing off the main characters, at which point Uno decided to intervene and talk to him. With Uno’s support and growing friendship Donald rewrote the story, keeping the darker tone but ending it on a higher note with all the characters alive and happy.

Donald also gave PK a family of his own, having him be a single father to three children (hinted heavily at them being adopted, after PK saved them as eggs), a decision which forever changed the direction of the books from being about a duck who fights because it’s all he’s good for, to being about a duck who fights because he has something worth fighting for. He and Uno obviously become very close over this time.

Gladstone reads every book that comes out. He always wins a free edition but insists on buying it, as his way of helping Donald out. He uses the tone of each book and the events that happen in them to determine whether or not he needs to come and kick a little sense into Donald.

Donald ultimately concludes the book series after Della comes back, with the story having a happy ending all around. Which definitely includes ONE getting a physical body and joining the family. Unsurprisingly he and Uno get married. Scrooge and the kids find out he’s the author of PK after Scrooge announces his studio bought the movie rights to the film lol. Della and Gladstone are just like “wow seriously, you guys didn’t see the writing clear on the wall?”

--

The Back in Action AU is basically, PK was a TV show and Donald was the titular character, PK. His co-star was Uno, who lent his voice and face to the character ONE (the names of all the characters in PK are changed, ofc, their real names are the actors’ names now, except for Uno and Xadhoom). The entire cast (yes, including Angus Fangus) were a pretty tight-knit family, of a sort. So while Della and Scrooge were adventuring (as he had left the adventure life behind, feeling as if he wasn’t contributing or seen as an equal among the group) he became part of a family of his own. Daisy also played PK’s love interest, though the two of them are actually more like Best Pals. They went to highschool together so. Daisy wasn’t in the main cast and was just a recurring character, as she had a main role in another series.

The triplets in PK were just babies, but PK wasn’t their primary caretaker. They were more like background characters, but occasionally PK would get roped into babysitting them and having to balance watching the children and saving the world because “oh god even if I stop the Evronian invasion if any of their feathers get singed my sister will kill me!” (Note, PK’s sister was only seen in photos and was a blonde, like in the original comics. You can hear her voice now and then though)

Donald was close with everyone (oh the bloopers he and Angus had.... and of course the Evronians, something ALWAYS went wrong with their costumes!) but Uno became his best friend (and his almost-more). The series was the most popular thing on TV for a while, and Gladstone and Fethry were so proud of their brother cousin and so sad that Scrooge and Della were missing the best moments of his life. Gladstone and Fethry are much more involved in Donald’s life than Della and Scrooge are in this AU. That isn’t to say they don’t all love each other very much, it’s just Della and Scrooge’s interests laid elsewhere.

Anyway, every series hits its end, and more often than not it comes much faster than planned. PK ended a whole season sooner than expected, due to the sudden buyout of their studio and the new owners choosing to shut PK down in favour of one of their own shows (couldn’t afford both at the same time, and their own show had a smaller budget). So the series ended on the cliffhanger of PK losing ONE and (Lyla’s character), the Evronians being defeated and PK choosing to hang up his cape because of just how much that final battle cost him. It was an ending that angered many people, extremely upsetting especially knowing that it hadn’t been the planned ending of the series.

The entire cast and crew split up, most still staying in acting but a few leaving. Donald went back to adventuring with Scrooge and Della while Uno went back to Italy with his brothers (Due and Tre, the former of which played a major part in 2-3 episodes) to work in their father’s lab. They ended up falling out of contact (not by their own choice, just due to the nature of their jobs). Then a few years later Della went missing and Donald was left caring for her three children- it was a bit ironic, perhaps.

In the 10-12 years Donald was taking care of them, a “sequel” movie and a spinoff came to be with different actors and stories, but neither were well received because they lacked the “spirit” and charm of the original series. Especially the spinoff, which was animated in a very Saturday-morning style.

The triplets don’t really know about the OG PK, only knowing it by the spinoff, or that their uncle used to be a big name actor. However, 10 or so years later it’s announced that PK is coming back.... with the original writers and actors (except for the kids). Including Donald Fauntleroy Duck, the actor who played the titular PK. They are shook.

The original children who played PK’s nephews were unavailable (”We were like 2 during all that, we really don’t care”) and, besides that, had already aged out of the roles (the comeback was a Ten Years Later kind of deal, and it had been more like 14 or 15 since the end of the show, so the original kids were already mid-late teens. Therefore, when the director discovered Donald was now caring for his three nephews (convenient that there were three) he suggested they play the role of the triplets. Donald left it up to the triplets, under the stipulation that they would have minor roles (as the triplets always did) and this wouldn’t interfere with school.

They actually made a whole new role for Webby in the show! Because the triplets agreed on the condition that Webby gets to join them. And that’s how Webby began to play the triplets’ younger sister. The director decided to take a page out of Donald’s real life and wrote PK’s sister out (this was also partially because the actress had died) so PK was now being a full-time father to his kids who had no idea who he really was.

But then Donald finds out that not only is Lyla there, not only is Angus there... so is Uno. Uno and both of his brothers. It’s quite a reunion. And of course everyone expects Donald’s most emotional reunion to be with Daisy, but no. It’s Uno. And Uno is the one he ends up on the front of a magazine with lol.

Also yeah they get married :3

Man I think I may have overspoke about this one XD But I really enjoy this one what can I say jkkghfdsjlk

--

Notre Duck!! That’s another one I enjoy though it isn’t as in-depth as the last. So basically Everett came to Earth, and it’s kinda like.... a Duck version of medieval times. He came here for inspiration, then ended up building Uno, who became like a son to him. However, when other flesh-and-blood ducks realized he was an android, they became fearful and called him a monster, and tried to attack and run him out of town.

After that, Everett hid him away in a tower attached to a church, where no one but the church staff would go. He didn’t want to lose his android son. But Uno watches the world below his tower change, dreaming of a day when he could go out there too.

One day he meets Donald, who is a street performer with an association to Scrooge McDuck, a king in a neighboring kingdom. Donald finds out very quickly that he is an android and doesn’t judge him for it, instead encouraging him to leave the tower because “life is about the adventure.” This, of course, does not sit well with Everett, who forbids Uno from leaving the tower or seeing Donald.

Donald is wanted by the lord of the city, who wants to use him against Scrooge (and earn favour with his own king). There’s no creepy old men lusting after young women and no slurs being used casually so.

Also anyway this actually spawned from me imagining Uno to the song Out There so yeah.

#Ask #DT17 AUs #They're all DUno

[dingobabywrites]

Okay, so little announcement/coming out/vent.

First and foremost, if y'all followed me from ao3, from the depths of my heart, THANK YOU! I know I am not consistent in posting fics and the fact that you bothered to read any of my stuff is enough... but to follow me...wow. You guys are amazing!

I have had a hell of a year, including (but not limited to) losing my night shift job that I loved, almost losing my spouse due to their neurological issues, thinking they might have brain damge for a solid month due to those neurological issues, losing my relationship with my mother because she turned my situation into a political debate, all while trying to be a decent parent to my kids and not let them see that I was breaking, during a continuing pandemic in a state that does not care about the safety of others. There is more, but I'm not here to complain. I just wanted to give a brief explanation as to why I haven't really posted anything in a while. I've written things, just lost motivation to post.

The thing that has gotten me through this year is my fandoms and you guys. I thank each and every follower on all my stupid blogs and the people I follow, for giving me an escape from the fucking shit storm that has been this year. And because of you beautiful people, I am beginning to learn that it is okay to be myself without hiding behind a screen. You see, until this year, there were maybe four people I know IRL who knew I even wrote fanfiction. Hence, creating this little side blog. But now, I'm feeling a little more confident in myself. Now, a good majority of the people who actually know me....actually know me. So, I'm opening up a little more of my world to the people who helped me get there.

If you want to continue following this page for my fics, that's fine. I'll continue posting updates here ( I have about 2 or three in the works). But, if you want to see the true level of my insanity, see reblogged shitposts, a bunch of destiel ( with occasional cockles content) and some other fandoms sprinkled in, you can follow me here: @kagesdumpsterfire

I'll reblog this post there as well, but I have a couple rules:

If you know me IRL, no you don't.

If you know me IRL please do not read A Thing of Fiction....the risk is too great. It's poorly written, under construction and well...just don't do it.

PLEASE do not let the actor people perceive me. My anxiety is too high.

If you see previous posts on either page that contradict one another, remember, I was trying to not be me. Just shake your head, judge silenty, and leave it be.

If you feel I am wrong about something or want to call me out on something, that is fine, just please be respectful.

Keep specific fic talk here.

I may add more. Idk. This is still kind of scary to me.

Thank you all so much. Truly, for everything. Enjoy.

[feralseraph]

some thoughts while reflecting on suicidal ideation. just heads up this is really really long lol and i don’t expect anyone to read it i’ve just been jouranling a lot and i decided it was normal and reasonable to share these kinds of thoughts with 2k strangers on tumblr.

btw im fine i prommy im just like venting basically. and pls don’t reblog this it’s embarrassing stream of consciousness crazy talk <3

in the moment when you’re spiraling and feeling completely helpless you can only feel sad. after that moment has passed, it feels like “wow that was fucking dramatic”. it’s like being angry at yourself for thinking that somehow you’re too special to suffer along with everyone else. 

a lot of people don’t have it easy. so many people struggle their entire lives why should i be any different? do i think im better than other people?

i just want to tell myself to suck it up. it never works though, inevitably there’s another spiral and im stuck feeling like the saddest little weenie on the whole planet.

suicidal thoughts can seem irrational but it never feels that way in the moment. especially when you’ve dealt with it for so long. half of me tells myself im being stupid and it’s such first world problems but the other half of me is like, it’s always been this way there’s no other way to be.

the annoying thing about suicidal thoughts is that there’s always a little spark of hope. there’s always that devil/angel thing going on where you convince yourself life is meaningless and hopeless and there’s no point in staying but then you’re like well what if this happens and that makes it a little more bearable. for years i would just pray that the dumb little hope spark would just die out already but it hasn’t and it probably won’t no matter how much i’ve convinced myself there’s no point in anything. 

it’s human nature to want to survive. your body tries to keep you alive whenever you’re hurt. if you’re bleeding or suffocating or otherwise seriously injured your body is fighting to keep you alive even when you don’t want it to. could you imagine if your body didn’t try to stay alive? like if you got anything worse than a paper cut and you just endlessly bled?

not trying to make it religious. you can if you want, but i don’t really have that belief. what creature doesn’t try to keep itself alive? plants will regrow if a deer nibbles them too much. so yeah if you get hurt your body is gonna try to heal that hurt.

suicide. self harm. trauma. are all hard things to talk about and to hear about. well, everyone always wants the gruesome details but hearing about the thought behind it is way less interesting. 

because it sounds really simple that well, people who hurt themselves or who talk about dying are experiencing [quote from the DSM] and yeah but that also makes it seem like they’re being irrational

when you’re really thinking that life isn’t worth living it feels completely rational. you’ve thought of every avenue of trying to live and none of it seems worthwhile and you’re also just fucking tired. it doesn’t seem worth the effort. 

life can be really long or it can end unexpectedly. imagining a long life and sometimes you can only see how everything will continue going wrong forever. it’s  not just being pessimistic sometimes it’s seeing a pattern in your life where things keep falling apart. sometimes it’s seeing the world around you and feeling like you don’t want to be part of the insanity anymore. and no amount of hand drawn comics with fuzzy blue kittens or memes about all the sunrises you’ll miss can make you feel differently. who cares about the sunrise when you hate waking up everyday? who cares about the sunset when you have nightmares all night?

not saying that there’s no way to help people who are suicidal but that maybe the same approach doesn’t work for everyone. there doesn’t always have to be an approach of trying to find a solution to every concern they have. sometimes if you just let people talk it helps just to say it.

because it feels crazy. you feel like an insane person because who the hell wants to die? who’s that dramatic? at least that’s how it can feel. it’s really alienating and isolating to feel like you can never be honest with anyone because they’ll never see you the same way again. suddenly you’re a fragile little egg and they have to “check in” on you to make sure you haven’t finally cracked. i think it’s possible to keep people safe without making them feel like they’re under a microscope. 

obviously it’s hard to listen to someone talk about really heavy stuff and i wouldn’t expect people to always be down for that. sometimes it just helps to know that someone out there even knows that you’re struggling. because it feels so shitty to keep it all inside and maybe you don’t want to talk about it all the time. 

it’s not about making your friend group your personal crisis counselors. it always goes back to the idea that it’s not really acceptable to openly talk about struggling and that should change.  

it’s a tragedy when anyone feels like they can’t take another day in the world. there are so many things that need to change in order to support people who feel that way because it isn’t always just linked to mental health alone. things like poverty or ongoing abuse can exacerbate it. 

people really love true crime. they love hearing ghastly details of abuse and murder. but people can’t face the fallout from things like that. the people left behind after the case is closed who are traumatized. people like to satisfy their morbid curiosity but there’s real people on the other end of that. 

there’s no satisfying way to end a conversation about suicide. at least for me idk in the back of my head i’ll probably always feel like life is an opt out kind of experience even if i manage to find ways to make existence bearable. there’s never a perfect answer for everything.

[thegayraven]

this is out of nowhere but im thinking about that meme that says zuko/sokka is a gay ship for gay people while jet/zuko is a gay ship for straight people and is that not, a Little unfair to jetko? for one thing jetko was actually around during the original run of atla (i dont think z*kka was popular or mainstream at all but also i was like 10 so i could be wrong) so 1) put a little respect on its name 2) put a little disrespect maybe too because m/m ship fandoms have changed a lot in the last 12 years. idk i feel like while jetko has been around longer and has thus inevitably been written ignorantly as well as well, its not an inherently bad ship lmao? like we're not on the levels of steve from stranger things/billy the racist from stranger things or bucky/the white guy villain from tfatws. jet and zuko have conversations, they work together, they have a falling out and a dramatic fight...if people see that and are like "wow if things were different they could have been on the same side, they have a lot of similarities!" then i am just like yeah youre right have fun imagining that.

and also i dont reeeaally have a problem qith z*kka conceptually, even tho i dont see as much supposed chemistry between them as other people do. i more have a problem with the popularity of z*kka leading to a kind of klanceification of the ship and of zuko and sokka which is very irritating to me. i spent more time reading klance fanfic than actually watching voltron so i feel like i kinda know what im talking about. its irritating bc like many other people i grew up with these characters and so i feel like i "know" them in a sense like They Are My Friends and i dont like seeing leftover keith & lance characterization get stapled onto zuko & sokka. zuko is not a stoic/shy serious pretty boy! he gets mad and easily ruffled or frustrated and i dont see enough of that bc people focus on soft zuko at the end of season 3 and not angry zuko from seasons 1 and 2. its not as noticeable with sokka because he and lance are basically the same archetype so its more like typical fandom simplification of the character but obviously its still a bit annoying.

dislcaimer: i have not read every zuko/sokka fic ever written i am simply talking about stuff ive noticed in what i have read or how i have seen the characters discussed

anyway in conclusion i just wanted to ramble/vent, jetko isnt a bad ship, zuko/sokka is fine but i wish it could be written less klancey more often, and we should start stanning ty lee/mai. if anyone sees this and wants to recommend me zuko/sokka fics feel free im not opposed to reading more about them especially if they arent reskinned klance.

#i dont even hate klance it was the perfect fandom ship in many ways. absolute blank slate rivalry pretty boys. #mine #atla