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ranmanjuu · 4 years

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—gen z mc with uesugi-takeda + misc. forces

ahh, i’m so glad people liked my gen z oda hcs! lol it’s usually pretty slow from my writing blog experiences until now, but i’m rlly happy! i was planning to do u-t and the others but then i decided to stop at oda and continue another day. thx for the asks tho! and yeah, i do take requests but it’s more of a pasttime, since this whole blog is just my stupid ideas written out and shared out there.

also someone said that a gen z mc could be old enough to romance the warlords, like, early twenties. and yes, very fair if u wanna romance ur mans with memes and existentialism go for it!! i just think it adds more to the comedy side of this child they have to babysit, while not fearing death or any consequences from their dumb of Ass decisions. someone who fears no death and armed with no braincells is a fool, but a Child who fears no death and armed with no braincells is also a fool, but more bizzare and has That Vibe y’know

@niphredil-14 and @arthotsglasses

tw: s*icidal, violent jokes treated in a light manner

also spoilers to some things of their characters

—kenshin:

who is this,, , sassy lost child??

he first saw you prepared to throw hands with ronins who were being Elite Dickheads. ofc, armed with nothing compared to the sworded-adults, he had to interfere.

no matter how cold he treated you, masking his secret !!!-like concern, you seemed so unfazed through it. you still interacted with him like normal,,,,, why?? do you want a death wish?

and each time he threatened you with,, anything, you responded with, “the only one who gets to hurt & kill me, is ME”

...... what?

he’s convinced you’re the biggest fool of a person. and he’d be right but even so, he has a weirdly strong need to protect you as you two got closer. you’re often with sasuke, so it’s harder to avoid you.

even with all the Horrible jokes you make on a daily basis, if your passionate side with everyone having equal rights of being treated as human, for him it shows a side of you that makes you seem precious and pure and kind hearted.

and the overprotective side increases.

which is, ,, a bit problematic sometimes cause you have the tendency to target and piss off anyone in a 10 meter range by just one (1) sassy comment, along with your lack of impulse control and blurting out everything in your mind. it’s made you a lot of short enemies in the sengoku period, and kenshin would always be ready to slice them down behind you.

sasuke has to tame him down with his Masters degree in kenshin-wrangling.

at banquets, kenshin would often have you beside him. if you’re too young for sake do age for drinking exist in sengoku? probably not. it’s more of sasuke advising for him to not give you alcoholic drinks he’ll have you pouring for him or just munching away at pickled plums or food.

—shingen:

(ngl i kinda had a hard time with this since it’s erasing a big part of his overall character,,, flirting)

once he heard the news that oda had taken in somone as young as you during honno-ji,, ,,,he’s in a very “how dare that demon >>:( taking such a pure soul,....”

and when you’re taken to kasugayama as a captive, you’re,,, surprisingly very calm and whelmed. you don’t have much sign of fear or anxiety in your overall demeanor meanwhile you’re busy dissociating and spacing out to feel those

you actually don’t seem to hate your captor. but shingen isn’t sure if your ‘fingerguns’ is a good thing or not cause it depicts you pointing guns @ him,, (dw is good shingen)

while yes being held hostage—no matter how good you’re being treated—isn’t ideal and kinda not very cash money, you consider shingen v chill. man has a kindheart!! “i diagnose you with good vibes.”

if he ever sees your righteous side, as everyone else, he’ll deeply admire you. he himself is someone who believes in such as well. and hearing the circumstances in the modern world regarding those things (blm, etc.) his heart truly does go out for you. he feels sympathy for such a young person like you having to take action

also your dirty humor around him, echigo’s player, kind of makes him question where and how you learnt it

and,, his illness.

through getting straight to the point and not falling for it each time he changes subject/dodges the question, you managed to get to the bottom of his illness. shingen himself thinks it’s not something you have to burden with knowing—you’re so, so young.

but that doesn’t matter to you. the world’s given you such a shit time, you’re mature enough to understand the situation at least.

and as he finishes his explanation, all there was is silence. it felt wrong to say any of your usual quips,, so all you did was slowly came there and hugged him.

that was more than what he’d ask for.

—sasuke:

oh hell yeah

you are in your element with him. the chillest guy to talk to, and probably the first one you’re the closest to

your phone was dead after like 2 days of use, and you were miserable while hideyoshi, like a typical parent, told you to go outside and into town. sensing your bad mood, sasuke asked what’s up. you deadpanned, “my phone game ended and now i’m ready to commit not breath.” you oslemnly look out in the bustling streets and clutched your fist like an Anime Protagonist, “those boomer memes were right all along... i am absolutely Miserable and Useless(^TM) without it.”

in response, you could’ve sworn he did the Anime Glasses thing as well, “then we at team Moderately Awesome Sengoku Ninja are happy to announce the launch of a DIY phone charger, made with the electricity from a fruit and the main functionality of a solar panel. and has more durability than samsung’s.”

there were Stars in your eyes now. with a big grin, you thank him, “i’d die for you, sasuke.”

“then perish.” he said with a blank look. (yukimura, in the bg: ???!!!??!??!?)

the next day he consentually breaks in through the ceiling and gives you the weird contraption. you’re now saved, soul-wise.

the memes start coming and they don’t stop coming from the two of you. in any situation. whether it’d be at a teahouse, or at a battlefield that can determine your life and death.

and you can have discussions about current world events, or the past ones, with him and he’d understand completely what you’re talking about. it’s those rare nights when you’ve been thinking and have a deep conversation with him in his room, and as an adult, it makes for interesting results as well.

the others are endlessly confused, but you’re both so unapologetically yourselves.

and he’s super protective if the circumstances are tough. he feels bad for dragging another person in the sengoku with him—much less when they’re so young like you.

if you’re enough of a lil shit, once you’re taken into kasugayama, in the nights where you can’t sleep because brain at what would be 3 am, you’d probably trudge over to his room and wake him up to tell him what kind of mind-blowing shit you realized.

—yukimura:

when he saved you from falling to your death, your reaction already set off weird Vibes inside him. what do you mean, “you stopped me from fleeing this fleeting world by the sweet embrace of death” ?!?!?! are you crazy?? yes

he doesn’t waste time getting blunt with you at all either.

once he goes into azuchi as a merchant, he silently observes you talking to sasuke for a bit. what’s with your weird language?? and crude humor???? never in his life has he met someone in your age act like that wtf

even so, he still operates on the basis of ‘‘if sasuke trusts you, i trust you’’, no matter how utterly concerned you make him feel

you have a dirtier mind than him! unsurprisingly. along with everyone else, you often tease the poor soul, a nd you’d gladly tell him what the innuendoes mean ( 69, etc.) and maybe sprinkle in some gay jokes in there

and why do you keep mentioning this “bromance between him and sasuke” ?? what us,,, a bromance????? and why is sasuke in it??

he takes you out to teahouses to eat chestnut dumplings and other desserts with you. you always seem to target the one he doesn’t like the most and have a bit of banter

your relationship is built on banter but what’s different rlly

he treats you much more maturely than other people your age. as in, he doesn’t pull back his punches in words most of the time. you don’t seem to around him also, it looks like.

and, he’s also very protective of you. he regards you as his little sibling, as rat as you may be. and he does care about you—he might just be a bit unwilling to say it

—yoshimoto:

you think he’s very chill, if a bit unique but who were you to judge. and he is, if you ever meet him in echigo or even azuchi

his big liking to art and something of apathy to people is osmething you can respect. there’s something about that kind of Vibe that you find oddly a mood.

and oh boy oh boy you wasted no time pulling up your phone and showing images of what art is in the future. whether it’d be a screenshot of anime, fanart, aesthetic-like ones, palette-themed—the whole shabang.

and, somehow, you were left ranting to him about how some artists in the future get it so shitty for theft, reposting, not crediting, the list goes on (please be a decent human being to artist, sincerely the author) and he can’t help but just listen in silence and kind of thinking about how you’re so passionate about the Struggles of artists. and it isn’t something he sees often in the sengoku era—where war rules most things.

and he does find art from the modern times interesting, how they’re so different and vast in styles. and not only that, it’s not like the future only has one major style like then, each hand can draw such different pictures and still have beauty in each. he appreciates and admires that.

and he does tell you his thoughts ^ while you give your own insight. it’s so fascinating to see someone like you having strong opinions on this.

because, well, rn art is a big thing in our lives as we’re stuck inside. a part of entertainment is looking at any media of art—and he finds his view of art and yours quite the same. you two came from a time of turmoil (one moreso than the other) but still think art isn’t exactly irrelevant just because it isn’t a cure to diseases or the Ultimate Weapon.

you had to Surgically Remove him from your phone so you can use it and to stop him from draining your battery looking at the art

and he often drags you out to town and admire pieces when you’re holing yourself in too much. your comments are always unknown to him, “radical”, “that’s one i can vibe with ngl”, and the list goes on.

and you occasionally call him pretty boy as a compliment rlly

—kennyo:

when you first saw him at honno-ji, and he won’t forget the one (1) line you gave him, all you said to his warning of ooo spooky demons was, “that’s lit fam gtg tho”

and that alone was enough to stun him for a few seconds

honestly you told the others of your meeting with kennyo before they told you it could be kennyo. just a throaway line of “oh yeah there was this dude with a scar across his face.” / “,,, ,....that’s kennyo. he’s really dangerous actually—” / “oh, poggers”

you’re probably kind of half the reason the oda forces found who dun it.

and it was an eye for an eye, kennyo himself found out that you were their child chatelaine, and very close to the others. as per his villain-schedule, he kidnaps you .

he laments about how “such a pure soul such as yours is not to be stained by the demon’s hands”

oh how Wrong he was.

you were the definition of the opposite of pure. and you seemed unfazed, which surprised kennyo but shrugged it off. he was willing to face you screaming and panicking, along with shouldering the sin of doing the deed. but instead, he was met with a raised eyebrow and, “this is unexpected and probably not welcomed but what am i doing here.”

he was stunned for a moment before explaining what he can.

“......... fuck.”

he cringed ever so slightly at your curse. but your attention seems to stray so quickly off of the fact that you were bounded and helpless, to the fact that you have the man doing unspeakable things to civilians and you absolutely don’t approve.

throwing your common sense to maybe be civilized, you went off on a rant of how human rights and how to not be an ass to him. all he could do was just listened, shocked to even cut you off.

when he did, he gave the whole ‘unsaved demon’ shtick, and you weren’t taking that kinda shit. he believed he was truly unsaved—you knew that. but that doesn’t make it okay.

eventually, he left you with a cold end of the conversation.

he admires your spirit in a way—but with what he’s experienced,,, it’s a bit of unreachable for him.

if at any point you saw the soft side of his with animals, you just gaped at him for a split second and whispered, “the gap moe is strong with this one.”

also old man died inside when you said that you’d fight god, along with many things.

all in all, to him, you’re insufferable. but weirdly,, fascinating.

you’ve totally ok boomer’d him once cause he rlly looks old

—motonari:

,,. if your speech to kennyo was bad, he’s going to rant hell.

motonari already knew you were interesting even when his men just spied on you. your behavior, so brash and impulsive, is going to be so fun to have, he thinks.

through some planning to stir up more chaos, he kidnaps you and brings you unto his ship. same as kennyo, you showed no clear sign of surprise, and that’s when he decided you were either used to this in any way, or a fool. both answers, he liked.

you’re kind of really confused on why he’s doing what he’d doing. “i get it, i like to stir up chaos myself but it’s harmless,, most of it—but not until the people are in danger, bitch.”

and by that line, motonari leans towards you with a deadly smirk, “now, i can bite, ‘kay kid? you don’t wanna be in the receiving end... do you?”

“do it, coward.”

and before he could let out even a wheeze of laughter, you continued on on a lecture of, again, not being a dick and letting people live their life in peace. and much less all of this damage, for what? chaos?? yeah you wanted to see the world burn but it wasn’t literally.

however, his patience was running thin. he shuts you up forcefully, and leaves.

even so, after a cooldown period, he still talks to you (,,,, well, that’s kind of a generous term) because, right he was, you were so fun in his eyes.

an interesting observation he made,,, was that you picked up on his big dislike of physical contact. and he’d think with how annoying you were at times, that you’d weaponize it. but you didn’t—in fact, you kept your space (not that you were planning to get close) and respected his boundaries.

he thinks you a bit of peculiar for that decision, some wary, and perhaps naive.

one of the days—the more dangerous ones—he was planning to take you to the oda as bait or something. and you weren’t taking it like that. two days before arrival, a storm racked up. you stood upon the edge of the ship with the rest of the crew watching you like you were a madman.

“the oda won’t want me if i’m dead, would they now?”

motonari stands in his composure, guffawing, “all i need is to make sure they believe you’re alive, kid.”

a smile that showed absolutely no fear and 1000 percent spite spread in your face, “not unless i decimate my own body until all the trail left is my blood. the only one who gets to do that shit to me, is me.”

finally, a look of wavering shows in his face.

you were saved last minute,, and the rest is history.

#ikemen sengoku #cybird ikemen #ikesen #ikesen kenshin #ikesen shingen #ikesen sasuke #ikesen yukimura #ikesen yoshimoto #ikesen kennyo #ikesen motonari #ikesen uesugi takeda #*writing #gen z mc #god i hope my Lack of Ability isn't shown in how other characters are written longer than others #and how i might've badly Fucked up their characters #i've done like.. 3 routes and that knowledge is all i have #stans pls don't @ me #pretty sure i had more i wanted to add here but #aha brain's memory go brrrrrrrr

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poguesofthebau · 4 years

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Hey! I was wondering if i could get a ship? I’m 5’5, a saggitarius and I’m 16 years old! I’m in theatre, i love hockey, writing, history and concerts! I’m super shy when you meet me but when i get to know you it is OVER, i’m loud, outgoing, as well as the group therapist. I love being able to make people feel loved and supported. I’m a harry styles, niall horan, why don’t we , ruel, and 5sos stan as well as I love show tunes, country and classic rock ! Thank you 🥰

i would first and foremost like to applaud and publicly appreciate ur stanning harry niall and 5sos bc after the falling of 1d i thought i was the only who still loved all THREE of them hoes. bless up. now back to ur regularly scheduled shipping :) (also this is one of my fave blurbs i’ve written so i hope u like!!)

i ship you with john b!! (honorary mention: the amount of mothering you would force on jj... like the ‘mama’s mad’ thing that he said about kie that one time? yeah, like that but times a million bc you were always being jj’s mom and it would be wholesome as fuck bc you’re the only one that child will ever actually listen to)

you would definitely have grown up a pogue. you would’ve gone to middle school with john b and jj back in the day, and the three of you would be a trio that nobody really saw coming. you’d be that one girl in fifth grade that everyone just thought was quiet and liked to keep to herself because you never really went out of your way to make close friends. your not being a part of a clique would be what brought you and the boys together. one day, some group of girls would take their usual table that they ate lunch at, so they’d wander over to the one you were sitting alone at, dropping their trays down with awkward smiles and even more uncomfortable body language. you’d smile back at them, not giving them much attention as you went back to the homework you’d been doing. when you made it clear that you weren’t going to bother them even if they were at your table, the boys relaxed and continued their conversation. the situation at hand would definitely include jj being pissed off and wanting to fight someone, along with john b trying to calm his friend down so he doesn’t get in trouble again. soon enough, you’d finished up all of your homework, shoved all your books back into your bag, and started eating doritos out of the bag while blatantly listening to the conversation going on before you. things seemed to be coming to a head, and the low voices between the two were getting louder and louder. eventually, jj would yell something like “shut the hell up, john b!” and earn himself a very dirty look from the teacher currently on lunch duty as well as a whack on the head from john b. rolling his eyes, jj appeared to be deep in thought as his eyes started scanning the room quickly. suddenly, his head was snapping to you, and your eyes widened when you were addressed. “what do you think?” stammering a bit, you glanced nervously between jj and john b. “wha-- what do i think about what?” jj sighed, turning in his seat to fully face you. “c’mon, you have to know what’s going on, don’t you?” john b would nudge jj then, giving him a face that told him to take it easy on you. “what? you think just ‘cause she’s quiet, she’s deaf too? i just wanna hear an outside opinion, john b.” surprised at jj’s (correct) assumption about you noticing the things that happened around you, you coughed. “um, i actually have heard,” you interjected, pulling a cocky smile out of jj. “told you, bro.” “but, no, i don’t think you should fight anyone, if that’s the question.” john b’s turn. he scoffed, looking jj in the eye. “told you, bro.”

after that one interaction, john b and jj basically took you under their wings. it was never a big deal. you just started hanging out with them-- when you were waiting for your ride home, they’d stand outside the school with you until your mom pulled up, only walking back to The Chateau when they knew you were good. they’d meet you at your lunch table every day after the first time, a tradition that would continue on through high school. they’d stand next to your locker, bickering over what the plans for after school were, while you swapped out books and laughed at their arguing. when pope and kie came into the picture, your two boys forced you to stay out of your shell, to let the new pogues get to know you like they did. before you could stop and realize it, john b and jj and kie and pope would come to know everything about you, and you them. and even though you knew all of them so well, there would sometimes be things that they kept from you-- including john b and jj. you’d catch the two of them whispering during keggers, or staring at you from across the room as you stood chatting with kie. after a few months of this sneaky behavior, you convinced yourself that one of them was into kie. you had the idea so deeply engraved in your mind that, soon enough, no other explanation seemed possible to you. that’s what you told pope one night at john b’s, when he’d come out to the hammocks, where you’d been swaying alone, to ask what the problem was. figuring it couldn’t hurt to talk things out with pope, you told him the truth. the day after you confessed to pope that you ‘knew jb had it bad for kie’ and he deciphered that you had feelings for john b, things got weird. you’d call jj that morning to see if he knew what the plan for the day was, and all he was able to do was stammer and stutter through your conversation. when you called pope to see if he’d need a ride to The Chateau, it was the same thing. so instead of trying with john b or kie, you simply made your way to the house.

when you pulled up to The Chateau, parking in your usual spot next to the van, confusion flooded your body. jj’s bike was nowhere to be found, and neither was kie’s car, which was supposed to have brought her and pope there. you made your way into the house, finding john b putting beers into a cooler. “um, hello there? is there a reason our friends are not here like i was told they were?” john b would smile quickly at you, picking up the cooler and nonchalantly grabbing your hand to pull you along with him as he walked out of the house. “just us today.” your eyebrows would raise at that, not seeing why your friends had lied about the day’s plans so you could be alone with john b. “what do you mean, just us?” john b ignored you completely, quickly moving in and out of the hms pogue a few times as he packed it with the day’s supplies. “john booker,” you’d call tightly, getting his attention right away. he’d look up at you, still bent over from putting down the cooler on the boat, eyes wide. he knew that tone. “don’t yell at me. please.” you’d slit your eyes, arms crossed as you waited for an explanation. john b would sigh, stepping out of the boat and pacing in front of you a few times with his hands rubbing repeatedly over his face, clearly thinking about how to begin as you watched. “are you okay?” he stopped at that, staring at the ground as he replayed your words in his head. “john b. are you okay?” he’d turn to you, expression like a deer in headlights. “i’m in love with you.” you’d squint suspiciously at him again, arms falling to your side. “don’t-- don’t fucking look at me like that! i just said something very, very chillingly groundbreaking, okay? so don’t give me that look. i’m panicking, okay? you think i like this feeling right now?” you couldn’t help but laugh at that point, taking a step toward him and putting your hands on his shoulders. “john b, i can’t believe this is finally it. i mean, i knew you were gonna crack eventually, but... today? you’re choosing today, to have your psychotic break?” he’d shake his head, trying to cut you off but not getting the chance as you continued. “seriously! i just wanted to relax for five minutes. but i guess we can go back inside and handle your unstable mental state. no problem--” all of a sudden, john b’s hands had found their way onto your face, palms pressing against your cheeks as he pulled your face into his. he was kissing you. john b routledge. he was kissing you. when john b pulled back after a few moments, you were essentially stunned into silence. “hi. hi, it’s me. john b? remember?” john b was waving his hand in front of your face nervously, and you caught him by the wrist, stammering over a few words before he spoke again. “okay, sooo words seem to be kinda hard right now. that’s fine,” he’d chuckle, moving his hands to rest on your shoulders as he hunched down a little to get to your eye-level. “do you wanna get on the boat with me right now, or was that not okay, that i just did that?” you shook your head, trying to clear some of the love fuzz out of it. john b, misunderstanding your response, dropped his hands from your shoulders and took a step back, panic resurfacing in his body. “hey,” you’d call to him offendedly. “what are you doing?” “what am i doing? what are you doing?” you’d laugh then, slipping your arms around john b’s waist and hugging him when you closed the distance again. “so, that was actually okay?” “yes, idiot. that was perfectly okay.” john b wrapped his arms around your back, smiling and releasing the breath he’d been holding in. “cool. cool. so, we getting on the boat or what?”

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bloodfcst-a · 4 years

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given the revival of the vii fandom with all of the hullabaloo surrounding remake, i can think of no better time to do this meme. i also suggest you check out my updated nav page if you haven’t already! i worked really hard on it okay sobs.

things a new rp partner should know about me !

write 3-5 things a new rp partner (or those who want to be) should know about you and tag 3-5 people! it should be related to rp and not to other interests.

tagged by: no one, but it’s a shame bc... i got thoughts. you were warned.

tagging: @angereve @enshijou @breselin @serophs @strfe @fractempyreal @extremepath @localmagicalboi @shimmerseas @duplikiss @verumking @asterites + if it strikes your fancy.

i. i am not your mother’s/father’s yu.ffie blog. while i do have a verse reserved for compilation content, that’s not the main premise of this blog. if you came here for oversexualized underage ninjas.... i’m going to have to direct you elsewhere. out here we’re primarily an adult modern interpretation... who does not daylight as a ninja constantly. she can, however, be a y.akuza or a sheltered member of high society who enjoys kicking ass for justice so if you’re interested in that, y’know. c’mon down.

ii. the typical ‘ yu.ffie is a kleptomaniac ’ / ‘ stop stealing my stuff ’ trope is like. one that grates my very existence. i have talked about this many times, but for those of you who are new: yufi has only stolen out of necessity to her cause. the only time i’ll refer to petty theft on this blog is if she like steals a fry or something. if we’re joking around, okay, but... please don’t consider that to be the sole core of her characterization. i’m begging. i’m on my knees. i’m warning you, i’ll cry and then i’ll probably ignore whatever post you’ve mentioned it in if you’re serious. just. don’t be that person if you’re following me.

if we’re going into it, the only times she’s stolen anything were: > in crisis core, as the ‘ treasure princess. ’ but this is arguable, as the treasure is truly up for grabs to start with & zack repeatedly goes after these locations she’s sent to him ( which, by the way, were sent to her from rufus to attempt to retaliate against + destroy shinra hq ). zack already knew what was up when: 1) she showed up in his spam folder; 2) she literally said she’s on the hunt for treasure; and 3) he knew at least after the second time that he was gon’ get goinked ( please see definition #2 ) so... can’t help him there. > in vanilla vii, when the party is foolish enough to meet her and not recruit her off the bat ( it be ya own self ). to be fair, 99% of her interactions with easterners / non-wutai prior to that moment had been people who either wanted to kill her or exploit her, so... it’s only self-preservation to use them before they use her or worse, leave her for dead. a sad reality for a 16 year old. > in vanilla vii, only after the party arrives to wutai & she thinks she can successfully finish her mission of “ getting all the strongest materia. ” after she’s captured, she does apologize, and then afterward makes cloud sign it in writing. so. y’know, she did learn from her mistake & said “ ugh, guess i gotta put that diplomacy training to use. ”

y’all could argue that she’s a thief class and that’s what they do, but note that it’s NOT one of her core skills-- it’s a MATERIA. which means everyone out there with a steal materia could be out here being a kleptomaniac. cloud? barret? tifa? red xiii? none of your favs are safe. her skills in the game, however, are shit called “ blood festival ” ( oh? see the username’s relevance all of a sudden? aha! ) and “ doom of the living. ” she’s out here summoning ghosts and reigning otherworldly power on ur ass but... fandom wasn’t ready for that conversation !! some folks were too BASIC and couldn’t handle her true strength... so i will gladly champion that for you.

iii. i like to emphasize that yufi is an emotionally strong yet traumatized figure, which stems from her origins and that i just put that in the forefront. we have a character who is haunted by her mother who died after childbirth, seemingly rejected from her father yet held to the highest of his standards, has attachment issues because she’s the “ black sheep ” and doesn’t just accept defeat or dejection even if it comes from her core community, survived multiple wars, has led in post-war rescue efforts on multiple occasions, was wrongfully imprisoned, was on the forefront of pandemic outbreaks as a first-responder, joins and rises to the top of an organization created to restore world order, is one of the two top operatives in said organization ( and the one out on the field longer--sorry vin.cent, but u only got involved at lu.cretia and when the actual gunshots disturbed your brooding and wine session filled isolation sessions. but like, mood tho ), pretends to be cheery despite clearly remembering all the hauntings and death and other bullshit she’s been facing since she was a toddler.... oh, and she disarmed bombs when her country was wrongfully targeted + used as political bait for terrorists...when she was a child. that’s canon, if we’re talking about “ accuracy. ” even in vanilla vii, she had no outlets, no one to turn to, ‘cause everyone was cloud vc: “ not interested. ”

so if you’re on this blog, it’s not like you won’t see happy yufi... but realize that i recognize that she is multifaceted and has a lot of baggage. emotional issues which unfortunately i bring to every verse gfdohfofh but u know, it’s core to her character + y’all gon have to deal, or... idk, go find another yufi. i’m not forcing you to be here.

iv. in my opinion, the best plotting comes with ooc conversations/interactions. i’m not saying if we plot that we’re required to be friends, ‘cause i don’t wanna force anyone into friendship, but i truly believe that if you want super deep plots with frequent interactions, we should... probably talk more than once. pretty simple, imo ! sometimes people claim i play favorites, but i really don’t... if you never talk to me and you don’t respond to my attempts to interact, then how am i supposed to know you’re interested?

as a general rule, i’ll put in as much effort as i receive. if i see you’re interested in me, if we’re really vibing when it comes to plotting, if you’re sending asks & liking posts, we’ve got some threads going, rad ! if i like starter calls and send you asks and message you and you never respond to me... ? i’ll take that as a sign you don’t wanna talk + i should move on to someone else. if i’m wrong, well... do something to change my mind.

v. i know i went hard as fuck on this meme, but that’s bc I’M REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT ABOUT THIS MUSE. in reality i’m actually quite soft + a weenie babie. if you ask.......... most people, i think they’d say i try really hard to be approachable and adaptable. i think everyone who talks to me on discord laughs at me because i’m scared of the stupidest things + i love to make jokes and just be funny and relatable. so please be nice and love me and my sassy fighty extremely tough deprived child. we both need hugs.

kthx i’m finally done.

#♝ mun.#long post /#WHEW.#also my nav legit has a f.a.q so like.....#i'm trying y'all !#but ! if u never ask u'll never know.#until i decide to drop a wealth of knowledge on you all gdoifdhodgd #whoops my hand slipped......

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jsteneil · 5 years

Text

Neil Josten’s Birthday Bash

in which the foxes don’t get anything done, ever

Nicky added Dan, Kevin, Aaron and three others to “Neil Josten's Birthday Bash Organization Committee”.

Nicky: can't add Andrew because he still owns a FLIP PHONE but here we go

Dan: hell yeah B-)

Nicky: kevin can fill him in with the details anyway

Kevin: why me?

Allison: because you live with him?

Matt: you're practically attached at the hip

Dan: omg ur roomm8s

Matt: ^^^ what allison said

Dan: yeah

Nicky: OR aaron can do it on wednesdays so that there's no chance of neil finding out :D

Aaron: no.

Aaron left the chat.

Nicky: what

Nicky: the

Kevin: just add him back

Nicky: fuck

Kevin: ffs

Kevin: some ppl are in class

Nicky added Aaron to the chat.

Aaron: im muting you all

Allison: just embrace the fact that you've lived in SC for years and say y'all

Nicky: y'all!!!

Nicky: yeah

Matt: dude don't how are u gonna know when to buy your coordinated outfit and rehearse the choreography if you mute us

Dan: Aaron?

Renee: I do think he muted us

Allison: fuck a crybaby

Nicky: hey

Allison: what's he gonna do? Unmute us?

Dan: asdhskfjdl ALLI

Matt: lmfao

Nicky: moving ON

Nicky: the important thing here is my boy neil's birthday

Kevin: and you wonder why Aaron left

Nicky: what?

Kevin: maybe Neil doesn't want to celebrate his bday

Nicky: no that's too sad

Nicky: next person?

Allison: not to be that bitch

Matt: oh?

Allison: but do we even know when his birthday is?

Allison: fuck you matthew donovan boyd

Matt: sorry i love you

Dan: it was easy

Dan: matt ur easy

Matt: ily babe

Dan: <3

Kevin: jan 19th

Renee: March 31st?

Allison: wait

Dan: uhhhh

Matt: Neil Josten deserves 2 bdayz

Kevin: no jan 19th

Renee: oh i thought we were using the one he chose for himself

Matt: Renee add a smiley face

Renee: :)

Renee: ?

Dan: babe ur mind,,,, im crying

Matt: ikr

Allison: stop using mygf so

Kevin: is it me or does it sound really passive aggressive bitchy with a smiley face

Dan: ye that's the point

Renee: I really wasn't trying to be

Matt: oh no we know, sorry

Matt: i feel bad now

Matt: it was just funny

Matt: sorry

Dan: :(

Renee: It's okay, don’t worry

Renee: :)

Dan: renee STOP i feel like ur going 2 murder me in my sleep

Renee: I could, but I won't

Nicky: im shaking and im not even in your dorm

Allison: and we daily thank god for that

Nicky: hey im an excellent roommate

Nicky: i always leave so cap and matt can have sexy times

Dan: yeah but then u call it sexy time

Allison: ive seen the bathroom nicky

Nicky: that's aaron

Matt: l o l

Kevin: aaron's a neat freak

Allison: exposed

Nicky: erik come get me the people here are mean

Renee: So when's Neil's actual birthday?

Kevin: jan 19th

Nicky: who's gonna ask andrew?

Kevin: HE HAS REAL PAPERS NOW

Kevin: JUST GO CHECK AND LET ME BE IN CLASS IN PEACE

Allison: well okay drama queen

Dan: kevin: *is on the chat as much as us*

Dan: also kevin: guys why r u dragging me here

Matt: it's okay kevin we can talk about it during practice

Renee: Don't goad him, Matt

Dan: lmfao babe u thought

Matt: uh oh

Allison: lol

Dan: we need 2 trounce the ravens nxt wk

Nicky: do we have to

Dan: y'all r hauling ass @ practice or god help me

Nicky: id settle for a close victory

Matt: nicky if you don't help us close the goal next friday im telling neil about his surprise

Nicky: noooooo :'(

Allison: ye renee has enough to do without having to face stuff y'all should have blocked

Renee: Andrew is also a goalkeeper

Allison: yeah but he doesn't give a fuck

Renee: That's neither true nor fair

Dan: i want bragging rights over this vctry, end of the question

Matt: are we just gonna ignore the fact that the fbi chose neil's old bday

Matt: even tho they made him a new identity

Allison: wonder how this conversation went

Nicky: are we ignoring the fact that neil is a goddamn CAPRICORN

Allison: "in my left hand is your birthday date. In my right hand is your other birthday" *shuffles behind his back*

Matt: idk about astrology but I checked and he tried to pass for an aries so what does that tell us?

Dan: shut up adfhskdjs

Nicky: im dying

Kevin: [attached picture]

Matt: did u steal neil's ID

Allison: i thought you were in class

Kevin: he sent it to me

Nicky: his phone can take pics??

Dan: RLY crappy 1s but yeah

Nicky: so all those times andrew refused to send me pics of his Eden’s Twilight's outfits so i could coordinate neil's…

Matt: :/

Kevin: he just doesn't like you

Allison: i would have laughed but you two have been fighting the good fight since last year, dressing neil up

Nicky: hey

Renee: Kevin, that was mean

Nicky: but thanx allison, I think so too

Kevin: sorry

Kevin: he's just difficult?

Nicky: yeah :(

Dan: omg u guys rmr when neil was on k ferdinand's show n he looked like a bite-sized snack in that shirt

Kevin: not exactly what I remember from this interview

Dan: u were pretty 2 <3

Kevin: oh my god

Renee: Didn't Neil keep the clothes?

Nicky: i've never seen him wear them again

Nicky: maybe he STUFFED THEM DOWN THE TOILET

Matt: uh okay

Allison: weird emphasis

Kevin: are you still stuck on that

Dan: what

Kevin: it's what happened with the clothes he wore the first time we went to columbia

Nicky: do you know how expensive that plumber was?

Matt: just a thought but maybe that wouldn't have happened if you didn't force him to come with you and drugged him against his will

Allison: don't tell me someone actually peed on them and tried to flush

Nicky: take it up with andrew

Matt: you literally drove the car

Kevin: what happened in columbia stays in columbia

Allison: omg oh my god

Dan: IM SCREAMING

Nicky: what was i supposed to do, get knifed?

Nicky: also ^^^^ yeah.

Nicky: ANYWAY

Nicky: now that Kevin got us proof that the FBI officially made neil a capricorn again,,

Dan: the fbi be like "oh u thought u could escape ur traumatic past? That's nice buddy

Matt: yeah I don't think beating last year's party is gonna be hard

Dan: here's ur bday n trauma back"

Nicky: HAPPY THOUGHTS

Nicky: :(

Nicky: anyway it's the big 21st, so the first thing in order is BOOZE

Kevin: uh nicky

Renee: He's turning 20?

Matt: what???

Kevin: yeah he aged himself up on his fake papers

Matt: oh my god

Dan: lmfao only neil

Nicky: he is baby

Matt: does. Does he know though. Like did he check when they made him the papers.

Kevin: I'm guessing so

Matt: imagine filling a form or smth and you get the day right but not the year

Renee: Wait Kevin, how did you get neil to send you the pic without telling him about the surprise party?

Nicky: DON'T YOU DARE HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE NJBB

Allison: njbb?

Dan: neil josten's bday bash, im guessing

Nicky: Neil Josten's

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Nicky: yes

Allison: it doesn’t sound right

Allison: like, something’s missing in the name

Matt: alli we play a sport named after what you get when you take the s from sexy

Dan: 10 bux kevin wishes he didn't have such a stick up his butt so he could reply with exy is sexy

Allison: im not taking that

Kevin: i actually don't know why she named it that

Kevin: she never told the press and she didn't write it anywhere so

Nicky: :(

Allison: oh

Dan: sorry :(

Renee: Maybe coach knows?

Matt: maybe each letter has a meaning

Kevin: how?

Allison: endangering xylophones yearly?

Matt: EXceptional daY

Matt: and then, boom, it's about your name

Renee: Matt, I like that idea!

Dan: allison, no

Kevin: I'll have to ask coach, renee

Kevin: anyway it was always going to be her name, she invented it

Nicky: someone bring neil in so he can say something super serious about how kevin is a legendary striker whose name is already associated with exy and make us choke with emotion

Kevin: nicky….

Nicky: look it's working and he's not even there

Allison: it's the josten effect

Dan: changing your entire life's beliefs one extremely tragic remark at a time

Matt:...

Matt: someone change the subject im sad

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Kevin: oh yeah nicky asked me how i got neil's ID

Allison: and?

Kevin: i told him i signed him up for his own exynews account so he could stop hogging mine for streaming

Kevin: so i needed his name and birthday

Kevin: and then we got into an argument about date formats

Nicky: dd/mm/yy 4ever

Allison: eww

Kevin: so he sent me a pic instead of writing the date

Dan: it's the european propaganda getting to him

Kevin: i guess i really have to get him an account now

Dan: kevin i know you're entirely serious but that's so funny

Nicky: THE REST OF THE WORLD USES IT

Matt: admit it, you can't wait to go back to Germany because you secretly like the metric system

Nicky: yeah dicks sound bigger if you use centimeters

Dan: didn't need 2 know that

Nicky: not that erik needs that :)

Dan: I DON'T WANNA KNOW

Renee: ….

Matt: honestly im glad i don't understand german or i would never live down all the skyping

Dan: renee's like "can't relate" lmfao

Renee: No indeed

Allison: hell yeah that's my girlfriend

Renee: <3

Allison: hey minyard if you're secretly lurking now is the time to leave

Allison: …

Renee: No, he truly muted us earlier

Dan: are we surprised?

Renee: we'll catch him up on what we decide to do later

Renee: Nicky?

Nicky: oh, yeah!!!

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Matt: here we go again

Dan: mamma mia

#aftg #tfc #all for the game #the foxhole court #this is crack #i'm aware of that #my writing #anyway i wrote this just after waking up don't hold me accountable for anything #dan's ridiculous spelling was fun to write #ALSO did tumblr get rid of line breakers on desktop because if so i'm about to fucking RIOT #you hear me tumblr??

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jvayis-blog · 5 years

Text

hello squad fam, my name’s lia and i’m 18 and uhh , yeah! i’m excited to be here and i also don’t know what i’m doing at all ever so pls accept me :~) this is my girl jiayi who lowkey loves pet names pls, and she’s a total mess! she hates her life and she hates her dad and she hates herself so you could call her something of a… triple threat. HENNYWAYS please give her lots of plots and maybe force some love or more pain onto her

jiayi is the youngest of four children and was originally born in taipei, taiwan but later immigrated to south korea because her father was in extremely shady dealings and her mother thought the family would be safer if they left

once they move it turns out nothing would change, and her mother would end up raising the kids mainly by herself as their father was in and out of jail for drug use/dealing

whenever his dad was home he was aggressive towards his mother and would taunt/ridicule jiayi for the way she would behave/dress/speak claiming she wasn’t strong enough

their mother made her living by working three jobs and sometimes wouldn’t come home until wee hours in the morning which initially left jiayi very confused, feeling neglected, and with weird ideas of what love really was

she was good at what she did though so it paid the rent of their tiny apartment and put clothes on her childrens back and food in their stomach and that’s all she was trying to do. even back then jiayi knew that and so even with all the messiness that was their household, they were very close. her mom was probably even her best friend growing up

obviously, all of this was incredibly harmful to her development and confidence growing up and made jiayi hypersensitive of her every action and word. this resulted in jiayi not really talking a lot when she was younger and keeping entirely to herself. she didn’t do any sports and wasn’t apart of any clubs at all. just went straight from school and back home again until she finally grew old enough to work independently

once jiayi started working she started racking in some of her very own money which meant she could spend it whatever way she wanted. now, she’d always been artistically inclined, a characteristic that might have developed due to her lack of speech and friends. she loved to draw, paint, sing, rap, and had always wanted to get into music production. so when she had enough she bought herself the makings of a mini home studio and started messing around with making her own music

jiayi’s music was always a personal thing - never really meant for anybody else. but once one of her friends caught wind of her music things started to get a little crazy. encouraging her to try out to become an idol, jiayi went along with it for two reasons: she needed the money and she didn’t think she would get far and figured she had nothing to lose

from there, you can guess what basically happened. her life got flipped upside down and got farther than she could have even imagine, becoming a trainee and then debuting in a group.

jiayi is a lot more confident now, sometimes seemingly overly confident to those around her. even if on the inside she still feels like that insecure little girl she was growing up

also calls herself a local meme enthusiast & there’s a 99% chance she’ll quote some type of vine during a conversation

but deep down despite all her stupid memes.. .. or whatever… it’s mostly a kind of coping mechanism to her? like she just really HATES feeling vulnerable so she makes up for that by being super outgoing to distract herself from thinking too much about her family but always goes 100% just to make sure they stay afloat

but she’s a Good Girl she really is, esp hates seeing people struggle or be in pain and would do as much as she can to help/defend them, which is why she often puts herself second and sacrifices a lot in the process

kinda hard to take srsly, but she gets annoyed pretty quick too despite how easygoing she is, so you’ll def know when she means smth is impt to her

at the same time people might get easily annoyed at her bc she might come across as someone who doesn’t take stuff seriously but it’s just bc she doesn’t wanna get too emotionally invested and hurt

so if you think you’re gonna have a heart to heart with her … well, good luck charlie

BUT she’s a funny girl and works hard

trustable 4 sure, ur secret’s safe w her

would make a friend in general despite everything FOR REAL she’s good for cuddles n making ramen and making you laugh

anw LOVE MY BBY PLS!!!! thank u babes i look forward to interacting w u all cuties

#my effort went .... downhill #im sorry sksks #abveintro

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saigeboredeaux-blog · 5 years

Text

hello !! below you will find a Plot Page that i have stolen from several sources (aka everybody whose done one of these) !! u can like it, u can...not, like it, either way when i wake up after blacking out and writing this (like...later? today? technically?) i will b messaging ppl that i haven’t rly plotted w/ yet ! and i Guess i’ll come bother u if u do choose to like this !

saige bordeaux | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

grew up under real strict parents so now she’s constantly acting like a wild teenager because she has no ! self control ! very very impulsive, but like, also very bubbly. can talk forever. big on photography (portraits, mainly) and like, her bass guitar, and partying. she’s like...actually really smart (knows multiple languages!) but she’s just got so much big dumbass energy that it doesn’t even matter. has problems w/ substance abuse and essentially just hides her Bad Emotions under layers and layers of goofy obnoxiousness. sort of in love w/ everybody she meets. tries to befriend everybody b/c she can’t handle people...like, not liking her? hates being alone! tries to be busy 24/7 WANTED CONNECTIONS: i think more...antagonistic plots, would be interesting? y’know, like, ‘friends’ using her for her money, or because she’s got this fucking endless supply, or just b/c she’s a good time / a good fuck / etc. etc. bad influences, like, somebody where they just go Too Far with some shit whether it’s that sort of reckless selfishness in the name of having a Good Time or like...running from cops LMAO, y’know ?? on the other hand, good influences ! people who recognize that she’s Overcompensating with her actions. somebody who thinks they’ve got a thing going on and don’t realize that this is how saige is with everybody. more hookups are always welcome ! more party pals ! more genuine, close, soft friends !

*amos barot | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

rich-boy-gone-broke ‘cos his dad mc’fucked up and is in jail for like, credit fraud and embezzlement or something. dramatic, and excessive, but like ... in a classy way. super smart, like, will debate you on his smartness. will debate you in many things just for fun. a...stoner, honestly. doesn’t try to be funny because idk how to be funny but he Is Funny so Laugh (this is a threat) , but he does use humor as a coping mechanism b/c boy...do he got problems. has real bad insomnia, probably worsens his anxiety but he’s big stupid and won’t admit it. a smart ass, jack ass, and a dumb ass all in one. has a caffeine problem. has a fucking ego problem, too, lbr. gotta keep yourself disillusioned so you don’t crack! haha but a forced haha. chaotic bisexual but like how does he Fuck so often...i don’t know... WANTED CONNECTIONS: hnng...give me his Serious Ex Girlfriend. who he was very much in love w/ but life got real stressful and they just sort of. cracked under the pressure of. more ppl he does assignments for !! please, the juiciness of it all...people who keep bothering him to fix their like, laptops or something and he’s Tired. somebody catch him sleepwalking ... please ... he’s a danger to himself. smoking buddies. more debating buddies. hook ups galore. enemies, like...rivals. specifically rivals. but any sort of banter ? we love. ** i MAY be switching him in season 2, but i’m not 100% yet.

*aleta evers | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

aaaa !! mean girl ! comes from a wealthy family but like...hates her dad...doesn’t talk to her siblings at all...is all by her lonesome if you don’t count her boyfriend. has...always been rude to people, like, she just doesn’t have a filter? acts and dresses like she’s more refined than she is but sometimes she just Goes off on somebody and it’s like ... stop. big on sports, can probably break your collar bone. has probably broken somebody’s collar bone before, actually. cries a lot but will yell at you if you point it out. on the inside she’s just Constantly Sad and few people get to see her be less...mean. very judgmental even though she’s not really in the place to. willing to start a rumor about you if you annoy her or like ... she thinks she can benefit from it. willing to manipulate other’s for her own gain. ruthless but like...a lil needy. WANTED CONNECTIONS: friends but like ... temporary friends ! like, let’s have her drop them ! or get into a stupid argument ! let’s build bridges and then BURN THEM. anybody she can flirt with even though she’s in a relationship / temptations that like ... give her the thought to cheat but she Never Pulls Through. people who are just like ‘ur relationship is bullshit lol’ but it falls on deaf ears ‘cos she’s ! stubborn ! ex-hook ups ? somebody she gets into...a physical fight with...because that’s SO like aleta sdnjfkg. people who know her siblings and are just like wow...ur nothing like them...you’re a bitch... ** i MAY be switching her in season 2, but i’m also not 100% yet !!

cain romanov | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

rochester golden boy ! senator’s son ! major asshole ! these are all things of the PAST. essentially an untouchable asshole in lockwood. they just ... got away with shit too easily b/c of their parents. up and joined a cult and that left them Very Fucked Up and like...they transferred to hendrix to Heal from said Traumatic Experiences and to start Fresh, but alas ! everybody from their past is here and it Blows. is softer now. has like, four cats. doesn’t sleep often. climbs trees often. literally cannot be touched directly because it’ll send them into a panic attack. just wants to mind their business and like...get better. calm, hates conflicts Now. has a stutter and always wears leather gloves. probably, also, uses humor as a coping mechanism. like...don’t get them wrong...they Will tell you about the cult if the conversation steers that way but only because their therapist says that they shouldn’t try to avoid talking about it. WANTED CONNECTIONS: old enemies, current reconciliations. people they’re proving they’re different towards. people they’re just...trying to mend relationships with ‘cos when they left they dropped like...so many friends. amsterdam friends who don’t really know that they used 2 be a major asshole. people who treat them Softly ‘cos like...they pity them but cain Hates it. people sus of them ‘cos they’re...just a sus person. old bullying victims. just people who are ??? at them being Around. they don’t hook up but like....sexting, anybody ?? either they’ve never met or they know cain’s deal n they’re just like aight. we can work w/ this.

as always you can find me here or on discord as emo stan#3644 -- whether it’s for convos or plots or like ... something ... hmu if you wanna learn about the two new muses i’ve been building and may or may not bring during season 2. also in case ur doubting my discord name ... i’ve been listening to a playlist called bop that Bussy ; emo version. i got distracted when they played bulls in the bronx. i wasn’t even a huge ptv fan. ok goodnight sijdfg

#water:ooc #substance abuse tw #anxiety mention tw #panic attack tw #cult tw #these r all just mentions and all intros have the necessary tw's #but like b safe #i feel like i was going to ramble in the tags #but i forgot everything and im just sleepy

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oflcvers · 5 years

Note

can i get some uh... dating wanda maximoff headcanons please?

DATING WANDA MAXIMOFF INCLUDES:

i cannot stress how incredibly delicate and careful you are around her in the beginning stages. not because you’re afraid of her, but because you don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable

wanda’s been through so much shit that it’s honestly ridiculous. being with her means you are 110% in, ready to be faithful, loving, and compassionate to her

it takes so long for wanda to open up to you. after losing pietro, she’s horrified to make intimate connections with anyone, fearing she won’t be able to protect the ones she loved like how she couldn’t protect her brother

but once wanda feels comfortable around you and assured in herself to date you, she is always with you, almost as if she’s shadowing behind you most of the time. it could be two in the morning and you’re out of bed microwaving something bc hey, you’re hungry

and she’ll just be trotting along behind you

leaning against the counter nearby

and she’s so fucking quiet so you turn around nearly shit your pants bc ‘when the fuCK did u get there baby what??’

you two talk to each other about literally everything. there are no secrets between you two; your relationship is strongly founded on trust and respect

any time she needs to vent or anything you are there ready to listen and you will not move from your spot until you know wanda’s finished talking

she offers great advice too, if you’re ever in a rut she always knows what to say. and not because she can get into your head whenever she wants; it’s solely on how well she knows you and how much she wants for you to be the best person you can be

OH ALSO she will never read your mind or invade your privacy. she refuses to, thinking it’s completely unfair to you. wanda is way too respectful to tap into your head like that. the only time she would is on pure accident or if she’s too out of control with her abilities at that given moment

wanda is always adamant on cooking all the time. she loves dabbling into the old sokovian recipes she learned from her parents and always cooks something incredibly tasty for the two of you. cooking is a coping mechanism in a way; it keeps wanda grounded, helps her feel close to her heritage, and keeps the memories of her family alive

sweet dinner nights where you drink wine, gorge yourself on wanda’s cooking, and just talk about your days yes please wanda deserves the sweet domesticity

she tells you about her avenger duties and all the shenanigans the heroes get into while saving the world time and time again

you talk about school/work and how you yearn for something exciting like being an avenger

wanda immediately shoots that shit down, not wanting to lose another loved one to events and forces too erratic and beyond her control

and you understand where she’s coming from so you drop that conversation, segueing into something nicer

you do get to meet the avengers though and it’s literally like meeting celebrities in real life

you kinda panic a lil like ‘holy fuck is that captain america’

you literally turn into scott lang meeting team cap it’s actually hysterical half of the avengers can’t help but laugh at you being all starstruck and shit

wanda makes fun of you the whole way home too

‘oh my god! you’re captain america wow i’m talking to the captain america wow that’s steve rogers oh boy!’ she mocks in a teasing voice, smirking as you fume next to her

‘i did not sound like that!’

‘yes you did!’ she remarks before she dissolves into the cutest giggles you’ve ever heard your heart literally melts at the sound

the happier wanda is the happier you feel because she deserves the entire world to you plus more so fine baby, make fun of me more as long as it keeps you happy and laughing

so!! much!! snuggling!! i love it??? you two don’t even have to say it. some nights you two get home from so much shit that you kinda just look at each other and collapse onto the mattress together, immediately intertwining your bodies together

wanda always craves body heat and comfort 24/7 and you are eager to supply it bc hello??? this is your girlfriend and you love her goddammit

sometimes wanda will speak in sokovian to herself, whether it be from frustration, confusion, or joy she just throws some phrases every once in a while

and you’re immediately just like ‘hello?? how hot??’ like you will stop what you’re doing just to peek in and try to figure out what she’s saying and why she’s saying it bc it sounds so pretty

wanda doesn’t teach you sokovian, thinking you’d be uninterested in learning when it’s really the opposite. but you still pick up on some phrases and simple sentences

y’all get a cat too dammit. a rescued senior calico cat that you two love dearly named mose

he’s a good baby you two dote on him like a child, literally the ‘i wanna see my little boy’ vine

nsfw headcanons??? sure

wanda is supER NERVOUS the first time you have sex like no lie. being vulnerable emotionally and physically makes her get incredibly skittish and wanna vomit tbh; it takes a long time to build up to sexual trust for her

she more often than not wants to follow your lead, just so she knows what she’s doing is correct and something you like

you console her with sweet kisses and dote on her nonstop. like you compliment every part of her body and jesus she just melts underneath you

you love eating her out, she quakes against your mouth and whimpers in a way that strikes a chord in you. she yanks at your hair for dear life and just ruts desperately against your face when you start teasing her while she close, cursing you with every word under the sun until the chord in her belly snaps and she’s exhausted and spent

having you say filthy things to her while you’re getting her off makes wanda so pathetically horny. she absolutely loves hearing every single vile thing you want to do to her and welcomes it with open arms

tbh her powers help her get you off while being able to concentrate on something else, such as making out with you

she literally just flick her fingers and turns you into a cumming, shaking mess in minutes while she’s busying sucking on your neck like the little minx she is

yeah as she feels more comfortable with sex the tables turn sometimes bc she’s just so devIOUS MAN but you love this spicing up to your sex life??? so even tho it’s surprising ur just like ‘okay baby i’m down let’s go’

snuggles after sex is mandatory; it’s both of your personal aftercare. just laying with each other, limbs all wrapped up comforts you both so much. it’s just such a fulfilling way to end off something so intimate and private

aaaaand there u go some wanda hcs i honestly could keep going but for my own sanity i will stop

send me more hcs for wanda tho i’m a slut for her

#marvel imagines #marvel headcanons #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagines #wanda maximoff headcanons #Anonymous #binch @ the anon who sent this / thank u wanda is literally my favorite character in both mcu and in the comics i just #she is my wIFE i would d I E for her

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wattanvs · 5 years

Text

hello squad fam, my name’s alex and i’m 18 and uhh , yeah! i’m excited to be here and i also don’t know what i’m doing at all ever so pls accept me :~) this is my girl achara who goes by the nickname bella, and she’s a total mess! she hates her life and she hates being in student debt and she hates herself so you could call her something of a… triple threat. HENNYWAYS please give her lots of plots and maybe force some love or more pain onto her

my girl here is a choreographer and has her own youtube channel

she started dancing at the age of five and tbh she’s been hooked since,,, to this day she remembers coming up with different choreography with her older sister and freestyling to any song she would hear

even though both of her parents pushed her towards college she absolutely detested it and was like no ?? that’s not for me ?? but eventually, like the slight pushover she is, ending up caving and going and majoring in dance, so tbh it wasn’t too bad of a decision bc she’s living out her life dream as a choreographer

the downside...she’s drowning in student debt rn pls help

( death, familial loss ) buuut two years ago she lost her sister in a car accident and when that happened she got really sad? she was soo close to her and relied on her for nearly everything, so once that happened she became very reclusive and hid in her room for days

until one day she sorta came to terms with it and just got out seeming like a whole new person, like a 180 degree change

became more upbeat and cheerful, makes herself the brunt of jokes just for fun

bella has 0 shame, gives 0 fucks, which makes her fun to be around ig

she’s the kind of girl who if u walked in on… while showering….. or whatever…… would ask u to join in

also the kind of girl who appears at all these bomb ass parties but disappears 30 min in bc she’s in a room asleep

she doesn’t even care she’s labeled as a “celebrity”...she’s honestly kinda confused?? like when a video of her dancing to her own choreo went viral she was like wtf bro that’s not even my best and ranted for like an hour why another video deserved it

100% a perfectionist but she’s such a sweet choreographer...if you ask her to choreograph anything for you she will make sure it’s the best okay

v v attentive and will make sure you get everything right but absolutely will not yell at you and will try to make you laugh if she thinks you’re getting frustrated

also calls herself a local meme enthusiast & there’s a 99% chance she’ll quote some type of vine during a conversation

kinda hard to take srsly, but she gets annoyed pretty quick too despite how easygoing she is, so u’ll def know when she means smth is impt to her

so if you think you’re gonna have a heart to heart with her ... well, good luck charlie

isn’t afraid to speak her mind and voice her opinions, so uh if she despises u she will tell u and (sorta) make u feel like shit

if she’s not working she’s usually holed up in her room but sometimes she comes out n does nice stuff for her friends like leave random gifts (like dildos) on their doorsteps LOL (w notes that say: u need to get laid bro)

generally nice to be around?? altho she does stupid shit n would accept anyone’s dares in a second and seems like she has NO regard for her life

BUT she’s a funny girl and works hard

trustable 4 sure, ur secret’s safe w her

would make a friend in general despite everything FOR REAL she’s good for cuddles n making ramen and making you laugh

anw LOVE MY BBY PLS!!!! thank u babes i look forward to interacting w u all cuties

#i'm ... always late #lov me #fameshq.intro

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nctsukashii-archive-blog · 6 years

Note

Most disliked arc (chapter)? Why?

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!10. Most disliked arc (in this case, chapter)? Why?

I bet you saw this shit comin a mile away huh?

Chapter 2.

Now, it might surprise you, but Hoshi dying isn’t even the worst part of the chapter for me. That’s more emotionally gut punching me and my hopes and dreams that joke characters can live past chapter 3. Actually, Hoshi is without a doubt the BEST part of Chapter 2 even with his death, just because of how amazingly he’s written.

Sadly, even Hoshi cannot save this chapter from showing just how RUSHED and UNPOLISHED it is. Because holy jeEZ THERE’S A LOT WRONG (albeit it’s personal opinion for the most part). So while you may know them, or may learn something new from my opinion, that’s all cool! Under the cut as Chapter 2 is dissected and torn into to learn why it is sadly, my least fav of V3.

- RUSHED.

Now, this is really easy to see, and I’m sure many others have noticed it as well, but it bears a lot of repeating because it’s a problem. Chapter 2 was rushed to high heavens, in the sense that it mainly serves to push the plot along and nothing more. Things happen too quickly in the story at that point, and while the rest of the game is better off for it, this is the ONLY chapter that REALLY does it so blatantly, and it feels very choking as a result of it.- Tenko’s attachment to Himiko needed to happen, absolutely, but I feel like more should have been done in Chapter 1 to show Tenko trying to talk to her more? Maybe, “OOO maybe himiko wants to be my friend??” and more interactions that show that Tenko isn’t just attaching herself to Himiko b/c she’s “the creepy gay” character. - Toujou becoming the fucking supermaid. This one is the most obvious, but mmm. Everyone relying on her suddenly feels super forced, as characters like Shinguuji and Hoshi and even Maki herself, all ask Toujou to do something for them. It feels out of character for them, and the fact that THAT interaction is the MOST she gets in Chapter 2 before the trial is fucking trash and I’ll explain why in a later point, but you can just TELL that they needed SOMETHING to give her ANY story relevance, and it hurts her character a LOT. - Kaito suddenly wanting to help Maki’s super fucking weird. Maybe if it showed Kaito like “sorry Shuichi maybe later, I wanna try talking to Maki” more in this Chapter to really see that he wants to help her, or even just him going more like “hey Shuichi wanna include Maki in our training? I feel like she could use it.” or ANYTHING that mentions Kaito reaching out to Maki more. Because as it is now, it feels like he’s suddenly placing an all or nothing bet and it makes him, p unlikable at that point b/c Shuichi just goes with it for seemingly no reason because “yeah I guess i gotta progress the plot”. - Those are the main points. Maki is done surprisingly well, actually, she’s really good here. Being sus like that and actually not letting you do FTE’s was cool, and i liked it a lot. Angie’s slow buildup was also pretty good as well, but I think they coulda put Tsumugi in w/ Himiko at some point so it’s not ‘suddenly everyone’s brainwashed!’ in chapter 3, as a slower buildup would do it good! Or at least, more buildup, I should say.

- CLUNKY.

This one is a bit harder to explain, and it goes in hand with the pacing issue, but lemme try. Some of the events and dialogue in Chapter 2 just feel, really clunky? Like, Shuichi’s an emotional guy and I totally understand that, but I don’t think he’d just spill his feelings to the guy that punched him for showing weakness not even 2 days ago? I dunno, maybe it’s just me. It feels like a lot of Chapter 2 was glued into the story as requirements rather than actually to tell a story. It comes in a lot of ways, as previously mentioned a lot of relationships are just ‘suddenly there’ rather than actually built up, IE Kaito and Maki, Tenko and Himiko, etc... and it makes the entire Chapter feel like it’s meshed together with ideas that Kodaka REALLY wanted to be in the game or knew would happen later on, but just couldn’t fit them in, so he shoved them in an early chapter and hoped for the best.

- TOUJOU’S ABILITY TO DO JACK DIDDLY SHIT IN TERMS OF STORY.

Somehow, they managed to make one of the stars of this chapter barely active in it. Can you fucking believe that? Like, no really, if you work off of fan translations I want you to open the translation you have, hit CONTROL+F and search for Toujou and see like, the 30 lines she has before the trial. It’s so MINIMAL, it’s so BASIC, and in those 30 sentences she’s treated like a PLOT DEVICE rather than a CHARACTER. I’m sure a bit of the reason as to why Toujou isn’t as popular as most of the other girls is just how hard the Chapter hits her in terms of not giving her any character development (even in the bonus interaction she’s just “i do this for my job” for fucc sake). Like, even if it was played for a laugh that she’s just so constantly work-focused, or the writing took it as a bit of a punchline for some dry humor (”hey toujou what’re ya doin?” “working.” and just have awkward eye contact and the ‘WOW this is awkward’ thought in Shuichi’s head after a few “...” between the both of them as it happens. easy comedy. see???) it at least would make her seem somewhat important compared to the cast. Honestly, it’s like the Tsumugi Effect but in 2 chapters instead of 6. By doing nothing in terms of plot, she basically puts on this huge fucking sign that says “HEY GUYS IM NOT STORY RELEVANT BECAUSE NOTHING IS HAPPENING TO ME SO I WILL PROBABLY DIE AS A KILLER OR VICTIM” Her trial behavior is really hit or miss as well, because some might find her ruthlessness to be really cool and makes her actually fucking interesting at any point in the story, while others might find it unlikable, excessively cruel, or just out of character for Toujou no matter how desperate she may be. Let alone that her US demographic prolly tanked quite a lot w/ her story focusing on POLITICS of all things (one of the three no-no’s in any conversation), making her very very hard to like, besides on an aesthetic level. Let alone her FTE’s are the worst in the game, as you still barely learn anything about her outside of “im a maid and im good at my job” or other points that the main story already tells you (besides that she once coddled a man so hard he became dependent and that her only weakness is not cutting konjac right ever). It just makes her feel like a barren and incomplete character.

- TOUJOU’S ABILITY TO DO EVERYTHING SO WELL SHE CAN EVEN FUCK HERSELF OVER AMAZINGLY.

Everyone has heard me go on and on about this, but if it doesn’t get said no one will know it so I keep repeating it until the end of time.By making her plan so complex, she basically fucks herself. By making a crime that only someone as competent as her could accomplish, it fucks her because only she can do it. XD. Literally, who do you think would have been able to do all that shit in one night? Saihara’s too weak to drown Hoshi. Don’t fight me on this, because if you seriously believe the detective in training with little self defense training (he worked on infidelity and missing pet/kid cases for fuck sake, his life isn’t really on the line all that often so he prolly wouldn’t know or have to train all that much to protect himself) can take the tennis player that killed over 200 people and has been playing tennis basically all his life (enough to go INTERNATIONAL in MIDDLE SCHOOL) in a fight, we’re gunna need to have a talk.Gonta’s too heavy to use the ropeway.Kiibo’s too heavy to use the ropeway and too weak to carry Hoshi’s body.Himiko’s too weak to drown someone and attempt to shove them in the staircase (which I will touch on real soon here on why even attempting to frame her the way Toujou tried to was dumb as shit).Angie’s... lbr here, prolly missing a few too many tools in her toolbox to really think of a ropeway to kill Hoshi with.Shinguuji’s too weak (and before I get arguments on this, if u think this underweight twig of a man can take out Hoshi when Hoshi’s prolly faster than him and could just run ur wrong)Maki who was the Child Caregiver at the time would be seen as too weak to do anything to Hoshi too (even if she lifts kids, again, Hoshi is fucking rIPPED and has killer legs)Ouma’s too weak (i mean he’s underweight and looks like a twig)Kaito’s a fucking moron when it comes to master plans and wouldn’t have been able to plain something like a ropeway murder (let alone his idol complex wouldn’t have let him kill Hoshi most likely... unless it was a Mondo situation but that’s a later talk)Tenko’s also a fucking moron when it comes to long term planning let alone she wouldn’t touch a man unless to flip him to death, which makes the ropeway seem almost pointlessTsumugi’s too weak to (i mean... rlly. u rlly think she could take him down? under the assumption she isn’t the mastermind ofc at this point in the story, but even then sneak murdering all the kills seems kinda.... eh? too hard for her to do.) Miu’s also a fucking moron that wouldn’t think of using a ropeway (actually, she prolly woulda done the smarter option and just pushed Hoshi’s body out his fucking window since a ropeway would be too much effort)By process of COMMON SENSE, only Toujou would make something so NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED in an attempt to murder a guy.

- THE DUMBEST PLAN ON EARTH AND HOW YOU COULD PLAN A SIMILAR MURDER AND GET AWAY WITH IT EASY.

Toujou’s plan is fucking dumb when you can think of SO many other ways to get Hoshi killed with more leeway as to who coulda done it. So I bring up the window in his lab, because literally you could just push him out of it and the fall would prolly splatter that midget cunt on the ground no problem. Hell, even handcuff him. Nearly anyone could have pushed Hoshi out of the window, meaning there’s a possibility that Maki or Kaito could have done it w/o that stupid fucking ropeway let alone anyone at night (or hell even during the DAY since time of death was obscured), and it wouldn’t LEAVE THE FUCKING GLOVE.MMMM OKAY RANT HERE REAL QUICK I MEAN IT THAT FUCKING TRASH BAG GLOVE IRRITATES ME. Like, hhh I know Kodaka wanted to make a case where something like the glove gets the killer caught, but HOLY SHIT was it poor to use in a case like this. It not only feels like it’s out of place for her not to just get it in the morning, but why the fuck would she use her gloves anyways?? Why not use Hoshi’s hat? Anyone could use Hoshi’s hat as hand protection down the moronic ropeway and since it’s a beanie it’s prolly made of more strong material than I guess whatever her shit gloves are made of, since they tore like fuckin trash when she went down the ropeway. As someone that wears cut and heat protection gloves because of my job, the gloves she uses are HORRIBLY inefficient (let alone if she’s cleaning before touching food w/ them on... like please don’t that can cause so many health problems) to try and stop ropeburn. She could have also just poisoned everyone, or killed them all in their sleep, to make her job easier on herself. Can’t have a trial if no one’s there after all right? No one would suspect Toujou working on her fuckin job to come and snap their necks during the night or w/e, or poison their food before the show. But also framing Himiko is really fucking dumb. Like, she expects me to believe that Himiko, who is only 2 more pounds than Hoshi mind you, managed to drown him and stuff him in that staircase, and pull him out during the show in under a minute. LOL no. Hoshi looks like he can break her arms like fucking toothpicks without even trying?? Let alone her laziness makes it look REALLY hard for her to have planned a fucking murder. The fact that like, the first hour of the trial wants me to believe Himiko could be the killer is asinine, just because of how basically fucking illogical it is.What Toujou could have done instead, was leave his body drowned in the sink. Yeah, it’d be harder because not everyone can drown Hoshi (ie. Himiko and Ouma and prolly a few others that are considered sticks or weak), but there are a lot of people who could, and drowning someone is a lot easier than the stupid ropeway piranha bullshit. OR PUSH HIM OUT HIS WINDOW. JUST KILL EVERYONE THAT WAY COME ON.Actually, she coulda killed two people easy. Just have someone gullible like Saihara come to meet her at night in the lab after she’s already pushed Hoshi out the window (or even just come running to his room with a bullshit excuse that she saw a shadow ‘running away’ and saw that something happened in the tennis lab) and push him out the window too. Boom, makes it look like a murder gone wrong, and the only alibi that’d be able to testify about the events is hers. Easy win, everyone else gets executed.I get it, in the end, it needs to be a solvable mystery in a mystery game, but it ends up making Toujou look like a complete moron as a result of it, which is unfortunate.

- MOTIVE VIDEOS ARE RIGGED AS SHIT.

Upon learning what hers and Hoshi’s are, it seems almost rigged that they would have to be the killer and victim respectively. Hoshi’s telling him to ‘kys’ and Toujou’s saying ‘lol go kill someone’ makes it like... even if everyone else saw theirs that they’d be like.. the only two to really act on theirs besides MAYBE Miu or POSSIBLY Angie. And then we also see Ouma’s?? And his is just actively “lol u don’t kill bitch but u should do it anyways” making it seem almost counter productive. Like, bitch it just said Ouma made a rule that no killing was a thing and u genuinely expect his ass to break that? ha. The odds were stacked against the two of them, which makes it only seem more forced in the long run. Which is great from a meta standpoint, but a story can be meta while still being fun, enjoyable, and flowing functionally and logically. Which this chapter isn’t really.

- THE SADLY NOT REDEEMING BUT STILL SUPER GOOD HOSHI FACTOR.

Now, the one thing that I can praise this chapter for really well despite all its shortcomings is Hoshi’s characterization and his story. For one chapter he really makes a hard hit at the time, and it’s easy to become engrossed in his little background story about him wanting to find a reason to live. The real cherry on top is his writing and his interactions with the few people he interacts with. with Kaito, it really shows the disposition that Kaito has against him and just how Hoshi is so understanding of others and like... nice. Even when he wants a goal that goes against everyone, he still respects them. “I won’t do something reckless to endanger everyone.”, and acknowledging that it’s an entirely selfish reason why he wants to find the videos and will still not hurt anyone to do it. He may have threatened to show Maki’s video to everyone in exchange for his own from her, but he never hits her or directly harms / threatens her w/ violence or anything extremely dirty. It’s respectable. Ohhh, and Saihara’s dynamic with him is just so sPOT ON HERE. Between the great advice and compliments in general he has for Saihara such as “the world can be bright for someone that’s looked down for so long, be careful” and “you’re confident compared to before, like a weight is lifted off your back. it’s a good look for you” and other such flattery, to Hoshi being a bit more open to Saihara about his feelings (feeling jealous about everyone else having a reason to live, wanting to find one himself, openly admitting he feels he has no purpose in his life and wants to find a reason to be happy like everyone else, etc.). But this dynamic goes both ways, as Saihara also can read Hoshi super fucking well. Like, seeing the Tennis Lab is a great example of it. When Hoshi states the past is behind him, Saihara thinks to himself ‘but then why are you looking at the court with such sad eyes Hoshi-kun?’ and it’s like, just really nice that Saihara’s not dense? Like, Hoshi expresses himself pretty poetically, with the way he talks and whatnot, acting like a wise sage type w/ endless wisdom all the time, so Saihara being able to read past all the flowery language to just hear “god i miss tennis” or “im depressed” is really REALLY refreshing, and a nice balance to see. If you do Hoshi’s FTE’s it personally makes it even better, but that’s not a requirement so moving on. Even just Saihara asking him things like “are you doing well?” or “Is this what you want?” or “or just the small but surprisingly deep talks they just seem to have with one another are tiny details that really complete the dynamic that they can both read each other and can react to one another super well. It feels balanced between the both of them, even in Chapter 1, and it’s a shame Hoshi had to die because I would have LOVED to see how far it could go and how much it could have been expanded on in the later chapters.

Sadly however, no matter how great Hoshi is, it can’t save Chappie 2 from it’s endless faults and gripes that I have with it, that ultimately make the story less entertaining as a result.

#reciprocation :: response #negative tw #//oh yes #my essays never stop when I have such thrilling subjects to rant about #//muaahahahaha!!!!#//thank u for sending in this one too!#//i had a blast with it.#blindedhope #parchments :: inbox

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conflictedrabbit · 7 years

Text

2* the AvPD

Conversation w/ my friend I mentioned earlier. With their name / identifying characteristics edited out and some chopping here and there.

___:

I made a post abt avod once tho and it got like A few rbs and I thought "if this isn't irony idk what is" Trje

66ccff: ekjal;kdjd;

___:

me: why do, so many avoidants want to pay for being alive avpd Tumblr: hm . I relate

66ccff: ekleja;ejdl;k

___: me: I'm glad to know people relate but are we fucking ok

66ccff:

LOL i mean mood tbh

___: HINESTLT like I noticed i do it cuz of you NFBNSBDKSBDKSS

66ccff: though do you mean pay as in like. pay the medical system or pay as in guilt

___: Guilt

66ccff:

kejk;ldj;L yes ok that is definitely me me: i breathed 5 gallons of air within 3 hours i am so sorry world

___:

me: [realizes it's not entirely religious trauma and also probably just Guilt over taking up space and needing to help ppl otherwise Why Live?}

Oh god me

66ccff: (this is not even ironic i get like this multiple times a week)

___:

hdjhdjsd I've been having a bad ep lately actually and like I think I failed to look 5-6 people in the eyes today CUZ IM JUST [WALKS AROHND] WOW . TERRIBLE

66ccff:

omg it's ok i nearly cried in class today b/c i didn't have a good eng translation for this jp sentence

i was like.... no.... don't....

i stabilized cuz the teacher went on a tangent for a second but like forcing myself to look in his eyes and act normal was so hard i looked away so many times i wa slike. oog my god. end m i love it when walking around where there's other people makes me really nervous and irritable agoraphobia is great!

___:

GOD yea It's so awkward for me I'm fine if I have a safe person or I'm walking to class but like

66ccff: i came back from class today and took a 6 hr nap cuz of my shame and agoraphobia

___:

Rip Wish I could do that...

66ccff: well i haven't done my homework so

___:

I just. Cry a lot NDKSJDJDNSKDNS rip me: I'm strong Me: spent the last 5 days like crying over nothing

66ccff:

dkjle;ajd i mean... i used to cry but then i got mad at myself for crying so now i just Repress (tm) and sleep and then. the joke is that sometimes it doesn't work self harms... oops... that didn't work either better nap again

___:

zz Pillows keep u safe Idk what I've been doing lately but I thought I was getting better til I realized I was like Abstaining from feeding myself BFBJSBFSJJFD

66ccff: o h my god

___:

And I was like "oh fuck I'm a terrible person bc someone told me I should eat and j Didn't Do It I Failed Them"

66ccff:

ahahahahaahahaha i thought i was getting better too but it was actually because i was just forcing myself to study to give myself an illusion of doing my part and then i went to school and my actual performance is like bad b/c i avoid so many activities that would make me better and i just

___: samd

66ccff:

Wow i want to die!

___:

hdjsjdjs

I think I only managed to eat cuz my brother was expecting me to

66ccff: tavpdfw you want to be punished constantly so you don't have to have anxiety about existing

___:

Cuz he bought me dinner like 6 hours ago but I didn't touch it til now BFJDJD MEEEEE

66ccff: dkja;eljd;

___:

GOD me: ah I feel good today Me like 3 hours later: oh my God I shouldn't feel good abt myself that's so Selfish ? I am trash

66ccff: oh Mood

___: Avpd solidarity

66ccff:

honestly i love my environmental soicology class but liek it talks about how we're all consuming and putting things back into the environment

___: Idk how I manage to have avpd and __pd but that's how it is on ths bitch of an earth

66ccff: and i was literally contemplating if death was the only way to take myself out from the cycle

___:

Me Bhhjsfjd

66ccff:

i was like holy shit. it's not just consumption i forgot i also put bad gases into the air with everything i breathe i am Bad

___:

All day today I was hearing abt what happened in Vegas and we were like. Talking in my apologetics class abt the Nature of Evil

66ccff: the true environmentalist take is death

___: And I was just thinking "why must I, exist if all I am is bad"

66ccff:

oh my god same! i looked over my abt page and i was like this looks fake tumblerina

___:

apologetics: so mankind is basically evil Me: great! I'll die so there's less evil in the world

66ccff:

me ME

MEMEMMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

___: HHDHSBDJSHD

66ccff:

sometimes i have fantasies of like going backwards and apologizing to everyone i've ever talked to and to everyone who ever had to work to produce what i've consumed

___:

M. E

66ccff:

and then hoping that they forget about me and then like disappearing forever i jsut can't see how some people can be like oh yeah factories in china and mexico earn less than 2 dollars an hour to make our stuff and not jus twant to kill themselves

___:

I'm just pathetic and compulsive if I feel bad about stuff I apologize til like 2 weeks after God. Yea

66ccff:

the joke is that people hate if you overapologize so you jsut damned if you do damned if you dont :upside_down:

___:

me: uh sorry for being sad People: don't apologize for that Me: Avpd:. They are mad that I am apologizing also that I am sad Hhhfjjejd

Me:

ME WKJD;LKD "can you stop saying sorry" "sorry"

___:

me: oh God I'm so miserable Someone: oh im sorry Me: I wish I could accept this but Pity is too much for a lowly worm like me

66ccff: "what did i just say"

___: MMSNDNBHHHHHHGGGGG

66ccff:

:smile: :gun:

MOOD

___: avpd feel when you don't deserve to be pitied ?

66ccff: pity is too much kindness ___:

God yea

LIKE probably just a conflicted feel but I prefer ppl being active than pitying me but then I'm like

"that's selfish I don't deserve that ?"

66ccff:

someone tells you to watch where you're going feel like you're unable to go outside for the rest of the day

___:

m. mebdbdhdhdjs

66ccff: oh yeah the joke is that i want people to like. be kind to me but also i don't

___: hell brain

66ccff: so i can't say what i want

___: GGG YEAH

66ccff:

be kind to me except don't because i'll feel invalid either way so maybe just don't talk to me >feels worse anyway

___:

Hhhhhhhhhhh me Me: talk to me ? But I don't know what to talk abt ? But I am also not good enough for pity you could just sit there maybe But then the presence of another person will overwhlem me and I'll go cry again/s

66ccff: feel free to entertain yourself, and forget about me, ___:

Mebdndmdkskdjsja god [looks at all cluster c disorders] you are all bitches and I hate tou

66ccff:

tavpdfw u gotta depersonalize to make it through the day of talking to other people and acting like ur a normal human bean MOOD

___: GOD yea

66ccff:

i have a question though if im depersonalizing why do i still feel terrible even if i feel ilke im fake smh

___: God me

66ccff:

me: i'm not real so heres me acting like i am chill and cool person that is interesting maybe or maybe not me, inside: this sucks and i hate this but im not real so it shouldnt affect me but damn i hate this when u feel separate from your auto-pilot but you still experience all the shame you would without it :thinking: avpd is stupid and contradictory and evolutionarily useless

___:

__pd isnkind of the same but like if you manage it well you can get stuff done but you still breakdown over the TINIEST DETAIL I hate it And I waste more time thinking abt what I'm gonna do and not actully DOING MT SHIT

66ccff: cripes

___: LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

66ccff:

me in high school UGH i'm ahving that problem right now dude in high school i used to just waste my days reading manga and thnking i should do my homeworka

___:

me: I'll spend this hour scheduling [2hours later] Me: [stressed nbdjdjjsjdjsjdks

66ccff: and then i'd like. start at 10pm and fuck myself over ___: rip 66ccff: have a crying session at 4am every time an essay is due the next day ___: I actually didn't do one of my assignments tonight 66ccff: bad coping habits ___: Rip me I got discouraged over something lame JFJSNFKSNFD 66ccff: oh mood

___:

relationship issues: occur Me: well, I can't, do anything ever again

66ccff:

i shouldn't even be discouraged abt my classes bc i'm here to learn and i'm just like. i know nothing i deserve to die kejd;kakejd friend, disagrees with you on something you feel unsure about: WELL I GUESS I AM BAD AND THEY HATE ME NOW time to ghost them

___:

me: [perceives someone not caring for me] me: and Now...what is Mine Purpose...what do I live for...my Friends....have all abandoned m MEEEEEE avpd sounds super dramatic when you separate it from yourself but like In the moment I'm always just [jdut starts Fucking Crying

66ccff:

i just want to manage to some kind of social work, give my wealth to some impoverished family, and then kms before 30

yeah my therapists in the past are like why... so soon

___: Jfjdjfjdf 66ccff: and i'm just like "why not i need to minimize all my ills on the world and also on the emotions of my family" ___: That reminds me of like. One of my mutuals talking abt how early he sleeps and he was just 66ccff: this is the optimal time look my life plan

___:

"why be awake longer than necessary"

Hdhdhfjsjfdjdjdband. I was just . Me

66ccff:

because you hate yourself too much sleep :^)

___:

God yea That's true. Me rn

I should've been asleep like an hour ago but [plays secret of Mana and then mopes]

66ccff:

dude i used to have bouts of insomnia b4 i got drugs that knock me out (and help me w/ anxiety) like.... i would lay awake and every second of being awake was just making the situation worse

___: I feel like I should get meds to balance out my bipolar eps but

66ccff: but then i couldn't sleep anyway so it was a damned situation ___: my parents r so anti meds 66ccff: rrghbh

___:

also like Internalized ableism That I don't Needthem and So Many people don't need them

66ccff: oh yeah, why do my essay when i can read an hour of garbage romo manga and feel slightly less bad during that time and then hate myself more

___:

So I Can do it cuz I'm like Everyone Else and not like Those "crazy" people Rifp

66ccff:

man i don't wanna encourage meds if your side effects r bad but honestly how did i get the fuck through high school other than triggering intense anxiety about all assignments

like... i was so nonfunctional i shouldn't have even been in school

.....

66ccff:

all accessibility problems are solvable humans are so bad

___: caring ? About others ? What a concept 66ccff: except sometimes they are good but that is definitely not me

___:

Ok I try to overcompensate w good to make up for inherent badness THANKS RELIGION

66ccff:

the US is like: here's a pricetag for your life pay up

___: AAAA

66ccff:

yeah i can see how christainity wouldn't help there w/ the "original sin" and stuff that doesn't quite exist in other abrahamic religions iirc judaism doesn't even have hell

___: it's really weird

66ccff:

i'm guessing its bc of jesus like.... y'all binches killed him so now this is life - christainity

___:

Like. Christianity makes the most sense to me probably cuz I grew up w it but fuck Man

66ccff: o yeah i grew up w/ some christianity too ___: It's FUCKED!!!!!! 66ccff: i actually have agoraphobia issues w/ going inside of churches ___: Oh same 66ccff: :^) ___: I'm actually fairly anti-church just because the current state of them is very bsd 66ccff: oh yeah

....

66ccff:

how can someone like me, who is literally not deserving of life, raise someone else

scrumbles

___:

Me Hdjehdsk

66ccff: ___ we are so fucked ___:

It's true Life is fucked We, are fucked

66ccff: existence is violence

#1-#2-#3-#4-#5-#a bloo bloo bloob #avpd #ok done editing tumblr posted it b4 i was ready but yea

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trouvvaille · 7 years

Text

Clams: Be the thing that caused Condy to do the Thing that caused her to fear her life.

vvicissitudo ey

sugary-empress )(ello!~ )(ow's it going?~

vvicissitudo decent. you?

sugary-empress I'm very tired, negative emoceans aren't allowed and wear me t)(e fuck out~

vvicissitudo yeah

vvicissitudo i aint had negativve emotes in a wwhile but i get you howw are things howws that coma kid

sugary-empress Coma kid finally recovered!!!~ My moirail's very )(appy~ 38)

vvicissitudo thats good glad you didn't need me think sallys on an upswwing

sugary-empress Me too~

vvicissitudo fuckin finally

sugary-empress O)(?~

vvicissitudo yeah

sugary-empress )(ow far up, t)(oug)(~ )(allucinations are a roug)( time~

vvicissitudo wwhat are you hallucinatin?

sugary-empress Is C)(o around to keep )(im safe, or are t)(ey still super weird~ No, I mean, as an aspect of mania~

vvicissitudo far up enough that he aint bein mopey about shit chos still around sals been stayin at his hivve for the past twwo months as far as i understand it

vvicissitudo guess thats helpin him wwho knowws

sugary-empress I )(ope t)(ey can keep )(im from going too far, t)(en~

vvicissitudo hope so too im uh honestly surprised u get wwhat i mean wwhen i say upswwing s somethin he talks aboat a lot an you sound a lot like u kno

vvicissitudo u care for sal ... talk to me aboat that

sugary-empress I've known plenty of bipolar people~ Gods, again???~ It's not t)(at deep, so I love some random Captor, so w)(at~ ... *like~

vvicissitudo no you listen to me sally is a big part of our livves an i havve the right to knoww what your feelins is on him you fuckin kidnapped him for fucks sake im lookin to havve an extremely civvilized convversation tryin to understand u an ur thoughts on him

sugary-empress I've explained t)(is over and over~ )(e's sweet and smart and )(urt but not broken and tolerates me and is more similar to me t)(an I t)(oug)(t and I accidentally discovered I can )(ave empat)(y becod of )(im~

vvicissitudo and you lovve him ?

sugary-empress W)(o in t)(e )(ell knows~ Feelings are impossible~

vvicissitudo surely you knoww wwhat lovve feels pike

vvicissitudo don't you

sugary-empress )(ow in t)(e fuck would I know~ Like, KNOW~

vvicissitudo wwell wwhat does it feel like

vvicissitudo that you feel i mean you slipped an said you lovved him do you?

sugary-empress I )(ave no idea if I do!~ I feel strong positive emotions, and empat)(ize instead of just being compassionate, w)(ic)( )(as )(appened to me like~ Twice~

vvicissitudo an thats good right

sugary-empress It's inconvenient, but good~

vvicissitudo sounds aboat right

vvicissitudo thats wwhat lovve is in the beginnin at least

sugary-empress I cannot love t)(at buoy and you know it~

vvicissitudo i knoww

sugary-empress So w)(y be so pus)(y?~

vvicissitudo im just curious

vvicissitudo because i don't care wwhat other people think of you if you are wwhat makes that bouy happy an you truly care for him an he truly cares for you i wwont stand in your wway or in the wway of his happiness

sugary-empress O)( my codddddd~ I'm not w)(at makes t)(at buoy )(appy and )(e doesn't care for me atoll!~ C)(o said if Sal was ever nice to me it would just be a trauma fin~

vvicissitudo wwhy'nt you ask him then

sugary-empress Becod if it IS~ a trauma fin, )(e'll say w)(at I want to )(ear, and if it )(arpoons to be regular fronds)(ip I'll make it weird~

vvicissitudo you should try it hes on you knoww

vvicissitudo are you gonna

vvicissitudo you'vve got fivve minutes to

sugary-empress Aaaaaa!!!~

vvicissitudo just talk to him

sugary-empress FIN-E~

vvicissitudo good

sugary-empress I'm doing it~

sugary-empress )(e says )(e doesn't like me~ W)(ic)( I knew!!!~

vvicissitudo uh im pretty sure he didn't sal's too nice to come straight out an say it unless you're bo bo is literally the only person i'vve seen him pick an argument wwith before

sugary-empress Telling someone you don't glub t)(em sooooo muc)( and don't want to be wit)( t)(em forebber and ebber isn't picking an argument!~ )(e's said )(e doesn't like me before~

vvicissitudo sally doesn't like me either

vvicissitudo or vvis but he cares for us an he probably cares for you

sugary-empress W)(at does t)(at mean, w)(y would you care for someone you don't pike~

vvicissitudo kismesitude is shore a thing huh its sorta pike that an besides wwere all family you don't havve to like evveryone in your family to care for em because they're yours

sugary-empress Kismesitude isn't like t)(at~ You don't talk feelings wit)( your kismesis, t)(at's gross~ You trust t)(em to deal wit)( t)(at on t)(eir own tide~

vvicissitudo but you talk feelings wwith your family an you need to talk feelings out wwith kismesis' sometides make sure evverythin is goin smoothly but thats not the point im makin here you asked wwhy you wwould care for someone you don't like

sugary-empress I don't feel weird multidirectional non quad "family" love~

vvicissitudo im shore

sugary-empress O)(, rig)(t~

vvicissitudo but thats probubbly cause you aint got too many people wwho you can evven call family you'll get there

vvicissitudo just givve it time an patience

sugary-empress I don't WANT t)(at~ It isn't rig)(t~

vvicissitudo it feels right though does sal make you feel good did cho

sugary-empress Yea)(~

vvicissitudo do you still pike cho? outta curiousity maybe not in a quad wway

sugary-empress Yea)(, but I mean~ T)(ey broke up wit)( me and were snide about me finding someone else to keep me from falling apart, and were cruel, and t)(ey're acting weird now, not not NIC-E but not as compassionate~

sugary-empress Interacting wit)( t)(em can be unpleasant~

vvicissitudo so you don't like like them but you care for them see

sugary-empress I like t)(em, I just don't like being )(urt~ I don't sink I do care for t)(em, now t)(at t)(ey don't care for me~

vvicissitudo ill givve you that then my point though is that they (sal an cho) made you feel good an at least for sal you wwanna see them flourish an prosper right wwanna see good things happen for em

sugary-empress So you're saying Sal feels t)(at for me w)(ile not enjoying me as a person~

vvicissitudo no im sayin sal feels that for you because he cares for you you don't gotta cubbyhole evveryone into quadrant boxes you knoww this right you CAN be fronds

sugary-empress Yea)( we can be fronds but I don't want to be )(atefronds and I don't sink )(e likes me!!!~

vvicissitudo wwhy naut wwhy do you think he doesn't pike u

sugary-empress Becod )(e just said so, at t)(e start of our conversation!~ >You're pretty sure, at least. That's what you remember reading.

vvicissitudo uh huh provve it

... )(u)(~ T)(at may )(ave been less definitive t)(an I remember~ But still, it's obviously w)(at )(e meant~

vvicissitudo you wwere rude and no that's vvery obvviously a dodge an it makes me more curious as to wwha t happened wwhen you kidnapped him

sugary-empress I'm always rude~ W)(at, w)(y?~

vvicissitudo because it wwould givve me insight onto his emotions an urs

sugary-empress )(e was confused and scared, I was confused and annoyed~ Now you're caug)(t up~

vvicissitudo so wwhy does he like you

vvicissitudo ask urself that honestly

sugary-empress I )(onestly don't sink )(e does or s)(ould~

vvicissitudo so wwhere does that leavve you

sugary-empress Lonely and sad~

vvicissitudo self punishin nice

sugary-empress It's not super pleasant, actually~ And t)(is isn't fucking self punis)(ing, NON-E of t)(is is self inflicted~

vvicissitudo i get feelin lonely an sad

vvicissitudo but i also think that if he lovves you you aint allowed to tell him he shouldn't

sugary-empress I'm not t)(at selfless~

vvicissitudo if you like him wwhats stoppin you

sugary-empress Please... Try and remember t)(is conversation for more t)(an fifteen seconds... )(e doesn't love me~

vvicissitudo you arent fuckin understandin if YOU like HIM' wwhat the fucks stoppin you from takin the shot

vvicissitudo the chance at happiness if not now, than later

sugary-empress T)(e muc)( muc)( bigger c)(ance of )(umiliation and ending a friends)(ip~

sugary-empress Great, now I SAID somefin and )(e D-EFINIT-ELY )(ates me and it's YOUR FAULT

vvicissitudo believve me wwhen i say its REELLY hard for salinx to hate someone based on their emotions towwards him

sugary-empress Okay, )(e likes me but )(e's mad~

vvicissitudo wwell i mean if you're bein as standoffish with him as you are wwith me

sugary-empress OK can't talk now but I just wanna say if I die it's your fault I mean not in general

sugary-empress T)(ats Sparks fault

vvicissitudo i'm shore

sugary-empress But if it )(arpoons today

vvicissitudo than its not because of me

sugary-empress You told me to do t)(is

vvicissitudo to talk to him

sugary-empress I did!!!

vvicissitudo yeah and anythin you said isn't my damn fault

vvicissitudo i saww his post

sugary-empress Fuck you. I told you t))at C)(o said t)(at fin and you told me to ask about it in w))at fucking universe is it not your fault I wouldn't )(ave said anyfin but you TOLD M-E

vvicissitudo i thought you liked him pike for real were you really only bein nice to him because of that if not wwhy aren't you reassurin him

sugary-empress I don't know w)(y I assumed you even vaguely )(ad my interests in mind, you even said at t)(e beginning t)(at you were just~ curious~~~ Of course it wasn't just because of t)(at, ))oly fucking s)(ir

vvicissitudo pike i thought you didn't care wwhat cho said about sal relapsin an shit THEN TELL HIM listen if i thought for one second you wwere truly taken advvantage of him i wwould havve nevver said anythin

sugary-empress Romantic feelings don't D-EV-ELOP FROM SINKING T)(AT SOM-EON-E IS B-EING FORC-ED BY T)(-EIR OWN PROGRAMMING TO INT-ERACT WIT)( YOU )(e knows I really care it just doesn't matter becod I also sink )(e's traumatized

vvicissitudo he knowws hes traumatized he hates it but the question here is

vvicissitudo wwhich part of his feelins does he question noww because of you thinkin that the part wwhere he's traumatized from swweeps of abuse an neglect or the part wwhere he liked you let me ask you somefin havve you seen his blog lately pike his siebar his entry his descroption let me quote it directly

vvicissitudo "1'm suff1c1ently far 1n my rec0very that 1 d0n't need empre22 2tuff tagged anym0re" wwhat do you think of that does that sound pike a guy who has issues wwith you because you're tyrian wwhos only nice to you because he feels like he has to be or you'll hurt him his best fuckin friend is meenah does that sound like a guy in mid relapse you're just afraid to trust that someone could actshoally like you for you you're afraid to trust him

vvicissitudo let me ask you somefin else what's he got to lose by all this

vvicissitudo an also? if he thought he was indebted to you simply for bein tyrian wwhy wwould he be honest wwith you aboat shit an let me ask you somethin else if hes truly pissed at u wwhy isn't he tellin artifex wwho hes pissed at wwhy isn't he tellin people wwhat you did to him in a moment of passion you think this means its ovver ur frondship but if it wwas

vvicissitudo you'd havve a lot more trolls pissed at you than just him evveryone thinks sal is this delightful swweet guy an he is but hes vvindictivve an spiteful too he broke my brothers ribs once broke my nose just for tryin to help him wwhen he was dyin of not eatin he gets pissy like the best of us you gotta stop thinkin he's brainwwashed, stop thinkin he's still got programmin in him hes been out for a wwhole swweep

vvicissitudo wwhich aint much granted but you wwerent there wwhen he wwas first on tumblr wwhen he couldn't wwalk wwhen he broke a horn because you liked one of his posts a wwhole swweep ago wwhen you wwerent tryin to be good wwhen he WWAS terrified of you you wwanna knoww wwhy he gavve you a chance? its because of cho cho told him that you could be trusted an you /tellin/ him that you were only being nice to him because you thought he was relapsin/traumatized? that not only brings his trust in you in question

vvicissitudo but his trust in his moirail you think this is about you it aint its aboat both a you an trust likin someone it aint let me start that ovver it IS likin somethin is somethin that can be caused by trauma, stockholm syndrome, the wwhole shebang

vvicissitudo but trust? no trust can't be faked

vvicissitudo i aint thinkin you ruined ur friendship wwith him or you'd already be dead but i think you did hurt his trust in you an you should apologize for that im goin to bed goodnight.

sugary-empress Bye

#ooc eyes only #sugary-empress #hallucination mention

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graysoons · 7 years

Text

let me start off by saying that that i KNOW it’s ugly of me to play two fcs from svt but … i couldn’t help myself i’m soruhdjfdfh (and if that didn’t already give away who i am .. surprise i’m not a new person that joined the rp .. it‘s me, alice aka jiho’s mun) but anyway click under the read more to learn more about this dirtbag

tw: drugs, drug/substance abuse, drug overdose, drug addiction

ok so .. family life:

his father is a politician and his mother is the head lawyer at a top notch firm

he’s the youngest of two (sister is 27, brother is 22)

sadly his sister got disowned by his parents when grayson was a child so he doesn’t really remember much about her or why she got disowned bc he was too young to know or understand what was going on and no one in his family talks about it ever .. lmao they treat it like she never existed so he’s kinda just ???? huh about it

his parents were never around besides the occasional “are u guys keeping a good image for us/not fucking up your lives” dinner but he was basically raised by his older brother (and their nanny)

but grayson slowly grew to hate his brother cause he was the obvious favorite of his parents and his brother stopped acting like a brother after their sister left and started acting like a dad

now here’s where things go downhill for grayson…. when he was teen…

instead of doing weed like a normal teenager, he decided to try out cocaine because he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal and he was like i’m rich i should be getting the best kind of high money can buy …. but oh man what a mistake

he was addicted to coke by the age of 16

it stopped being about the high and kinda just was something he needed to do because it helped make his life more bearable to live which is :/

he kept this a secret from his family till one night when he was 17 and partying with his friends and they freaked out because they thought he was overdosing and called an ambulance and since he was a minor they contacted his parents about it

his parents sent him to rehab the night of

he was there for about 7 months

relapsed a month after getting out … didn’t tell anyone

ended up overdosing on his 18th birthday

his parents sent him to rehab again once he was discharged

he was there for 5 months even though he was suppose to stay much longer but since he had everyone convinced that his overdosed really “opened his eyes” and he was technically an adult they let him go

he decided to finally leave home and go to california and stay at their summer home and things were fine .. he lived by the beach, did nothing but sleep and play video games

that is until his brother came to visit him .. (it been had been a year at this point since he left and grayson was on and off with his sobriety)

things didn’t go so well that day and the details are a blurr to grayson but after his brother left, he ended up overdosing on the beach but luckily for him he was found literally just in time

(now if anyone wants to plot to be the person who called the ambulance for him that night that’d be cool cause he probably won’t remember it was them at first when he sees them around campus and then it’ll click and then yeah u know)

how he ended up in sutton..

before his brother left, he told him he’d go to college and get a degree and that he’d get his act together or else he’d be force to come back home with him

which is why he applied to sutton

since this place is all about second chances

he’s a “dedicated student”

personality wise/other stuff..

grayon does not give a fuck

he’s just. like huh i’m alive that’s cool

he doesn’t care if he graduates he doesn’t care if he fails all his classes he doesn’t care if he doesn’t make any friends he just . wants his brother off his back

i mean he overdosed twice and he still does it

but that doesn’t he doesn’t try to be sober cause he tries … its hard tho since he started at a young age and has slightly become depended on it

the longest he’s been sober is about three months and a half

sometimes he does abuse other subtances to try to get his fix when he’s trying to stay away from coke (aka weed, alcohol, prescription pills but none of them give them the same feeling)

he’s not an asshole, he’s pretty decent

as long as ur not 24/7 serious he’s cool with u

he can be sarcastic though but he means it in a “i’m trying to be funny” way

his major is astronomy but only because he loves the planets and the moon and the stars and learning about space

he doesn’t want to become an astronaut (but he kind of does cause he LOVES the moon and would give his right arm to go there) but he also believes the moon landing was fake

don’t get him started on conspiracy theories

he’s nineteen and a freshman cause he took a year off after high school

he doesn’t swear besides saying shit but it’s rare

grayson is open af like u can ask him a super personal question and he’ll straight up tell u like “grayson do you have a drug problem” “yeah i do actually i’m a recovering coke addict”

but he won’t take what he tells u seriously like he’ll turn it a joke if you try to tell him how to fix himself or if the conversation gets too deep bc like i said grayson doesn’t care and in his head, its not a big deal

currently grayson is 2 months clean

i think that’s all u need to know about about grayson if u made it this far i love u and u are a good one and if you maybe wanna plot with this loser like this and i’ll message u shortly or if you wanna im me you can on either jiho or grayson’s account i don’t mind which u choose

btw this blog is a side blog so if you were wondering why u didn’t get a follow back that’s why

#tigers:intro #i don't know if anyone's on but i'm still posting this #ooc

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yungxyari · 7 years

Text

3am thoughts....

I wanna write how I feel because its eating me up inside and when I try to express myself I get stuck First is first I messed up I wasn’t in the wrong from the beginning my birthday was great and for once I was absolutely happy not a care in the world first time in a long time. With happiness came a funny feeling for me those are never ever good when I say never I mean never bowling didn’t sound so right not after he expressed how tired he was something was off. Tuesday night is a night I’m done reliving I kinda just wished it never happened but since it did my next step is literally acting like it didn’t. Just to let it go After that night I shouldve blocked him but I didn’t I fucking didn’t block him I wanted to talk I wanted to work shit out when you love someone unconditionally shit like this tends to happen.. you just kinda sorta feel sick to your stomach giving up And this is the part where everyone gives in their opinion Why care about him if he doesn’t care about you his actions should show how he feels They probably are right but when you get to know someone you get to know them. And him I knew better then I know myself. Moving on I flipped my anxiety sucks I can’t control it it basically controls me and thats me upmost scariest feeling I have ever felt. I loose all sense of everything and im really going to try to get medication for that it fucking sucks and it basically dragged me to where I’m at the moment. Friday was hard after asking for nothing but the truth he wanted to still protect me and he lied I left work looking for nothing I shouldve went home I shouldve showered I shouldve laid down and once again BLOCKED HIM but I didn’t once again I let the anxiety the anger get the better of me. I really don’t have a valid explanation for any of my actions I swear I don’t and I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish by showing up at publix making a scene for what to drive him away even more. That isn’t the point he tried to check on me but it was already to late I was less then 500 feet from him with my heart beating almost out my chest not knowing my next move.. publix happened shit I’m not proud of another reason to apologize to C since his thing is he wants me to take responsibility.. he did me wrong asf me out of everyone he knows how I am and how I was with him and he took advantage of me of my heart and of my love and he abused it. Here everyone goes saying how can you feel that way at such a young age but me and the kid shared everything it was more of a friendship with the amount of unconditional love I believed we was throwing around… where do I continue Friday was Friday I ended up at my cousins party Lord help me that was a movie hen ciroc and beer pong how did I wake up the next day ask the devil because I don’t know I called him that night very mad at each other he answered on the first ring and I noticed I call he answers first ring second no more after that night. We talked for 21 minutes if I remember right the conversation I can’t tell you what was said but my drunken thoughts and sober words said anything and everything you can imagine. He was a dear the him I knew but better but caring but loving but supprortive things I havent seen in a while it felt good I felt good the call ended when G called me back in and 2 more shots later a bathroom converstaion occurred s/o to my girl A the first person to tell me something that makes sense not the default message I was getting from everyone because fuck him you deserve better really gets played tf out !!!!! that was over the party continued blasé blase “I’m finally in bed” text became a “good morning its work time “ text nothing too deep happened Saturday just the usual mix of emotions and feeling “I wish you were here right now” that broke my heart to pieces was the least of my worries. Saturday wasn’t bad and Sunday either I got an “I miss you” which made me feel great because fuckkkk finally I can confirm he feels the same Side note saturday I asked to b his first kiss of the year might not count for anything but it was important to me Sunday is where it began to fall not going into detail the day was good afternoon was good 7-9 was good I was out at first ignoring him but the kid just has a damn way of hoping back into my system. Spoke about fucking donuts which I was going to get delivered to him we left it at he’s taking a nap and that was it Till I got the feeling The feeling that fucks me over and shuts the reasonable part of my brain off. After this the outcome I lost my best friend I lost my keys I lost my self respect I lost my faith and hope and gained a charge Sunday Night was an eye opener well I thought it was Monday I woke up different it was good then sucked then sucked again it was great and at the end sucked even more at the end of this I stressed my mom out more then she is and lost his trust and everything Tuesday nothing really to say and Wednesday which is today but it isn’t considering its 3 am was a lot.

It went a little of both good and bad. More bad then good ofc “your picture is on my mirror but I’m going to have to take it off soon” As young as I may b I know, I know the feeling you get when you just know and I just know its kid having someone say they saw a future with u even at 17 maybe not now Mayb in 5 years maybe in 55 but that means a lot I lost him but I didn’t. And thats all ill say about it it ended sad and I could hear in his voice I’m not the only one hurting he just sucks at even showing this emotion do u love me….the reply was given basically then I love you it hasn’t sounded that way in never and click. The little details are out but this is basically what I can think of now it was about 30 minutes it was a lot.. The Instagram pictures are gone. And d is posted. I’m not even sure if giving an opinion on this is ok but b basically It feels empty I deleted the February picture and kept it moving… I started this at 2:58 am and its 3:40 and I’m still sitting here with a million and one things on my mind. School is in 4 days and I still need a week tomorrow I’m asking my mom I really need it. I need anxiety help and I need weight help just the month of December I lost 4 pounds shit is real its no longer a joke

Idk if I want help or I wanna give up, cutting ur self is super middle school, and pills are a game… tonight I’m feeling like I’m tired I’m tired of it all I don’t wanna deal with anything going on anymore and I say this with my eyes getting teary eyed I’m fucking tired honest to the god I don’t even know if belive In I’m fucking tired I wanna die I’m making my moms life harder and she already has her own shit I’m not happy I’m not motivated ion wanna do this shit anymore I’m fucking tired still havent blocked him yo sitting here thinking of what to do. Will writing it then reading it make it better?? Pills an option but the what ifs still sit. If I try it and nothing happens I’m forcing myself to keep it pushing but if anything at all happens then it was the right thing I’m sad I’m not alone but it feels like it I gotta work on things so many damn things I mean here goes nothing I think I got 2 benadryls Advil and other shit ill see what I pull out the bag for the record it was nobody fault but mine I’m just fucking tired drained and ready to give up I love u all so much always checking making sure I’m staright. I gone make this future happen if I don’t make this happen. And I dont know how u end this.. goodnight xo 54 minutes of pure feellings and my head is still going on at it.

update I woke up the next morning with a huge headache and disappointed

#jan5 #depressing thoughts #feelings #heartbreak #anxitey

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