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shooter-nobunagun · 3 years

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Horny on Main (R-18)

//Random smut time; sort of a continuation from “mind games” AKA Sio discovers Adam’s collection and watches it for herself.

She stared at the DVD in her hands; even though both the title and image were, for all intents and purposes, about as vanilla as you could get, still Sio couldn’t help but blush at the thought of holding such a…lurid piece of material between her hands.

‘Calm down Sio, this is perfectly normal; it’s okay for girls to be interested in this stuff too…’

Gulping, she took one last glance around, as if half-expecting Adam to waltz in any moment—even though she knew for a fact he was currently away on a recon mission and she’d definitely be the first to know when he returned. Though she’d initially chewed him out for watching porn, a part of her curiosity couldn’t help but be piqued; what was it all about, anyway? Growing up in Japan meant the sniper definitely saw more than her fair share of 'adult’ videos and hentai offerings—down to the most depraved, obscene scenarios that bombarded her eyes every time she stepped foot inside Akihabara. And yes, she admitted to occasionally flipping through some more “grown up” fare when browsing the bookstores, though still images (and especially anime style) weren’t the same as live-action.

“B-Besides, I’m his girlfriend, I have a perfectly valid excuse for looking at this, uh, stuff…” she muttered to herself in an attempt to work up her courage. Sio vaguely wondered what Adam’s reaction would be if she ever suggested they watch porn together. Apparently, according to magazines this was a thing couples commonly engaged in, but Sio felt they’d both probably die of embarrassment first before getting turned on.

Which was why she was currently locked away in her (very) private quarters, laptop glowing almost ominously before her as she clumsily shook out the disc, her nerves getting the better of her. “My Own Service Maid”… a photograph of a petite woman in a classic maid outfit graced the cover, looking over her shoulder in either an embarrassed or shameful manner (Sio couldn’t tell) as her skirt was lifted until it reached just underneath her butt.

Sio gulped, then popped in the DVD before she could change her mind. Though her room was pretty soundproof, still she made sure the volume wasn’t too loud; lord knew how she was going to explain away the lewd noises if someone happened to hear. ‘Not that I’m super quiet myself, but hey…’

A couple of obligatory logos and copyright jargon later, Sio found herself almost mesmerized at the scene on her laptop: a young woman in a maid outfit, whom (she assumed) was supposed to be cleaning a mansion, but instead had gotten sidetracked and was now shyly teasing herself with a paintbrush she’d found. The music was distractingly cheesy, and Sio wondered for a moment if all pornos were this low-budget.

“Oh, master, please…I’m so wet, I can’t stand it anymore…”

Sio cringed inwardly at how cliché the lines were, but at the same time, she couldn’t deny her body was starting to heat up. As the maid’s actions started growing bolder, the sniper was definitely starting to feel the tell-tale signs of arousal: nipples perking up against her bra and to her slight shock, a faint, pulsing throb started up between her legs.

‘Whoa, I’m actually getting turned on by porn…and watching a girl, no less…’ Though Sio wasn’t sure if she was queer, she’d definitely had crushes on both genders before—and sometimes wondered if she’d have wound up dating Asao-san, if it weren’t for all the e-gene/DOGOO business and she ended up meeting Adam instead.

“My clit is so hard…I’m getting wet, master…” The maid had shed her panties now and was blatantly masturbating with her legs spread wide, her large chest heaving with desperate pants as the paintbrush was pushed inside her cunt; the maid pumping and stirring the makeshift toy and as juices spilled out, Sio felt something hot stain her own panties.

‘Damn it…I’m really getting wet from this…’ Face flushing with a heady lust, Sio began surreptitiously removing her uniform, not wanting to break out of this strange, trance-like state she was in. As the maid on-screen continued her self-pleasure, Sio felt her own hands mirroring the movements; one hand slipped underneath her shirt to tease her stiff nipples, while the other wriggled inside her panties and Sio couldn’t help but jerk slightly as her fingertips brushed against her clit, which was apparently swollen and already quite sensitive before she even began touching herself.

“Haah, hah…this is, pretty exciting…” Gulping, her she couldn’t help but whine slightly as the finger squeezed inside her own tight slit, now hot and sticky with her own juices as Sio began masturbating to the porn. ‘I wonder why I’m so turned on…is it because, I can do the same things she can on the screen?’ Being able to experience the same type of hedonistic pleasure as the girl in the film…biting her lips, Sio kicked off her panties, now lying half-naked on sheets that were steadily getting soaked as she played with herself.

‘Okay, I can see why people watch AVs…it’s super hot…’ All sorts of naughty thoughts were running through her head as the sniper started panting from her own fingers, nevermind what was happening on her laptop. The camera was now zoomed in to the maid’s crotch, giving Sio an incredibly erotic and detailed view of a perfectly pink, shaven pussy, dripping with so much juices that she had to wonder if it wasn’t staged. ‘Wow, it’s so pink and there’s no hair…I wonder if Adam would like it if I waxed…’ The paintbrush from the beginning of the film had made its return and was now brushing in quick, hard strokes against the maid’s throbbing clit and Sio felt her fingers reaching down to do the same, unconsciously matching the tempo on-screen.

“Ah~ I-I’m going to cum! I can’t take it anymore~!”

“S-Same…” Sio moaned, stimulating her swollen clit as her fingers became increasingly slick. “Hnng...gah, oh god I’m definitely gonna cum soon…” Her back was arching and the knot inside her was tight to the point of almost-pain; she could feel her inner walls clenching and pulsing around her digits, begging for release.

A second later the maid climaxed, squirting everywhere on the floor as she cried for what seemed like forever but Sio wasn’t even paying attention—not when she was being wracked with her own orgasm, so strong it left her gasping between the pulsating waves of pleasure while she kept rubbing her clit, trying to keep the stimulation going for as long as she could. “Ooh~ I-I’m, c, cumming…I’m cumming so hard…!” Moaning, the sniper rolled over on her side, panting for air as she gingerly pressed against her clit, letting the little aftershakes quiver all throughout her body as she lazily thrust inside, feeling her inner muscles pulsate slowly and coating her fingers with her own cum.

“Oh…man. I can’t believe I came that hard…jeeze, I made a mess too,” Sio groaned as she slowly sat up, the DVD having ended long before. Heaving a satisfied sigh, she ejected the disc and put it back into the case, intent on slipping it back into Adam’s ‘secret’ collection before he returned. “Maybe I should apologize to him…I have to admit, that was really hot…”

Though the sniper had just satisfied herself minutes earlier, her libido-hazed brain wondered what other secret goodies lay in her boyfriend’s collection as she now sat in his room… ‘I-I mean, there’s no harm in just taking a look…’ Her face turned a bright red as she pulled out another disc at random, this one with a far more provocative cover than the previous: a buxom woman with her ass lifted into the air, servicing a huge man with her mouth while another pounded from behind.

“Uh, maybe something a little more...tame...”

After browsing around though, Sio could tell that Adam was definitely more than just a little vanilla when it came to the bedroom. Aside from that one threesome DVD, most of them (from what she could tell) seemed to be your standard heterosexual couplings, with some occasional girl-on-girl action. But even then the covers seemed to indicate a more romantic theme, rather than any of those weird, graphically-violent offerings she often saw in hentai. Despite the situation—that is, the sniper hunched over in a corner of her boyfriend’s room secretly perusing his porn stash for herself—Sio couldn’t help the smile on her face and a warm, fluttery feeling in her chest. “Adam...you’re such a sweetheart, deep down...” It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that even his tastes in porn leaned towards the cheesy, romantic kind.

“Ah...how about this one?” A beautiful woman lay on a bearskin rug, completely naked save for a handsome cloak. “Relaxation” the title read, and judging from the short summary on the back, it seemed to be a low-key, romantic morning romp between two lovers. “Seems pretty safe, and kinda romantic...”

Before she knew it Sio was once again seated on a bed, her laptop glowing but this time she was prepared: clothes completely off with the sniper nestled comfortably against Adam’s pillows, his lingering scent adding another layer of arousal aside from the video. ‘Adam...wonder when you’ll be back. I gotta make sure I’m done before he returns...’ Her worries were soon forgotten however, as the video started playing and Sio felt her body ready itself again in anticipation, fingers already lazily fingering her clit throughout the intro.

If it weren’t for the fact the two leads were pretty much naked, Sio might as well have been watching a movie. There was even a decent semblance of a plot, which apparently involved the woman’s lover having just returned from a business trip, and the couple was now getting ready to ‘celebrate’ with some spicy activities. The female actress was certainly much more buxom and voluptuous than the sniper’s own slender build, but at least her breasts didn’t look fake, and to Sio’s surprise there was a shock of matching pubic hair between her legs. It was unusual for porn to feature such ‘natural’ looks, but Sio liked it; it made things more authentic than the usual staged drivel that was often peddled. The male lead though, was built very similarly to Adam: tall and handsome, with ripped muscles and long-ish hair, but as the two actors got down and busy, she could see he was gentle, too.

“Damn, I guess I really do have a thing for muscles...” She groaned, easily transposing Adam’s face onto the actor’s impressive body. She never really noticed but after getting together with Adam, Sio realized that whenever she saw a well-muscled body, she couldn’t help but stare and admire them. Newton had caught her once pouring over a risqué magazine spread, and gently teased the sniper about her ‘muscle fetish’.

“I-It’s not a fetish! Is it a crime to look at buff guys or something... Besides, how can it be a fetish if I’m grossed out by those macho, body-building types?” Sio put the magazine down in a huff, embarrassed at having been caught indulging in her fantasies.

“Even so, it seems pretty obvious what your type is, no? And that is, men with well-defined bodies.” Jess purred, opening the mag right back to the spread on that year’s promising male athletes. “I noticed you seem to forgo the slender, ‘pretty boy’ type your country’s manga is so famous for...”

“I-I, th-that’s not—”

“Don’t be shy, Sio! I think it’s cute. It’s good to know what you want and don’t want. Lucky for you then, that Adam keeps up with his training, hmm?”

Sio walked out of the room with her face in a furious blush and an urgent need for some ‘alone time’.

Luckily for her the camera was an equal opportunist, giving the sniper abundant shots of both the male and female actors. Especially as the foreplay on the screen heated up, the woman now using her well-endowed assets to give her lover a tit-job. Like most porn stars, his penis was clean and bare with no foreskin, but that didn’t stop the sniper’s eyes from following each vigorous thrust, his powerful hips moving like a jackhammer. Although her breasts were nowhere near the size needed to pull this off, there were definitely other places where Adam was able to thrust with almost the same level of ferocity... Sio closed her eyes briefly as she remembered their last tryst, right before he headed off on this current mission. They’d decided to change things up a bit, doing it from behind for once; she could still feel the sensations of his thick cock pounding away inside her, fists clenching the sheets as she held on for dear life. When she finally woke up the next day, her nether regions were still aching tenderly, and during her shower she discovered (to her dismay) his hands had left some minor bruises along her hips. Still, it’d been worth it to be fucked completely, utterly senseless like that. Despite his brash attitude, Sio discovered it usually took a bit of coaxing on her part to convince Adam to not hold back—though she knew a part of it stemmed from his fear of hurting her again.

“Kiyaaa! You came so much...”

“That’s because your tits are too gorgeous, babe.”

She opened her eyes again just in time to see the man cum all over the woman’s face and breasts, the sticky, white liquid looking so much like icing. Her inner walls tightened and she took a break, licking her fingers as the leads exchanged some dialogue and actually moved the plot along. “Mmm...it tastes more sour today...oh well.” With her fingers now well-lubricated with her own saliva, she resumed thrusting a finger in and out, keeping the pace steady as she felt herself getting wetter. Especially as man’s statuesque backside filled the computer screen and she gave a slight moan, wishing Adam was here instead.

“Adam...I want to touch your body...” A hand reached up to massage her breast; using slow, gentle circles until her nipple perked into a sensitive, pink point. Those sexy six-pack abs, his chiseled ass and the cords of steel muscles running between his shoulders...whining about the lack of his presence, Sio continued touching herself, casually glancing at the muscles on-screen and thinking about Adam’s instead. This guy was definitely strong; she could tell by the way his biceps rippled while he spread the girl’s legs, preparing to eat her out. The view zoomed in to the girl’s crotch, all slick and wet with cum and saliva as the man’s tongue flicked about her sizable clit.

‘I wish Adam was doing that to me right now...’ Feminine cries soon echoed from the speakers, Sio ignoring pretty much everything but the actual on-screen action. Her fingers rubbed her clit a little harder as the woman started shaking from the impending orgasm, Sio getting an eyeful of gushing as her own core started throbbing. “N-Nng...uhhn, I’m getting close...” Her own juices were already making a sizable stain on the sheets as she thrust her fingers in and out, making sure to pay special attention to her little pearl. “Mmmph...it’s good...oh man, my clit feels so good...it’s so sensitive, i-if I keep going, I’m definitely, gonna...!” Her stomach was clenching as the actress reached a climax, screaming and squirting everywhere. Wishing she’d had the foresight to bring her vibrator, instead the sniper made do with her own fingers, sticking them inside and letting her walls convulse around them as she desperately humped her hand—rubbing all around the hood, underneath, even pinching the nub slightly as her hips jolted.

“Nnngg...uhhn, it’s coming...!” Thrusting her hips into the air, Sio felt the first twinges of her orgasm start pulsing through, before everything slammed down and she fell back onto the bed, jerking unevenly as she kept up the stimulation, rubbing her clit every so often and shivering from the smaller quakes. “Oooh...god, it’s so good...!” The fingers inside her were slick and sticky with her own fluids, the inner muscles still pulsing strongly as she tried to ride it out for as long as she could. Her head was buzzing with a bit of static sound, the actors’ voices strangely muffled as she gasped for breath, gently massaging her stiff breasts and patting her damp, sensitive crotch as the high slowly receded.

“Damn...I can’t believe that felt so good...man, does porn really make this better...?” She gazed down at her hand, which definitely needed a good washing. “I can’t believe I’m still thinking about continuing...why am I so horny today all of a sudden...” This was her second masturbation session in the span of an hour, and the film was barely at the halfway point. She glanced at the door, and then at the screen again, which now showed the couple getting ready for the ‘main event’.

‘Might as well...I’ve got time...’ Besides, just watching a few more minutes of the porn turned her on again, Sio feeling herself getting wet. She gently stroked her pink clit, careful to not be too rough as she was still sensitive from earlier; still, pleasant shivers ran up and down her spine as she lay in a tangle of sheets.

The couple in the video were really going at it, now. Loud, lewd sounds were coming from the speakers and Sio gingerly turned it down just a touch, though a finger remained on her clit, swirling and teasing it until she once again felt the small shivers of an impending climax. The sniper bit her lip and dug back into the pillows, fingers stirring her insides and spreading the sticky nectar all around. This one wasn’t going to be quite as explosive as the previous one, but the pleasure was building up at a solid, steady rate. The sniper spared a glance at the screen, which showed the male literally hammering away at his lover, his balls slapping with reckless abandon as their juices squelched all over. Biting her lips, Sio started thrusting faster, mesmerized by the action and her own anticipation of what was about to happen. That moment right before the peak, what it felt like to hang onto the edge before tipping over... The couple in the film was getting closer and so was she.

“Nnng...ha, haah, ahn...!” Her eyes closed as the first powerful rush of pleasure cascaded over; the familiar pinpricks of electricity, then a burst of heat that shook her to her very core. Sio gasped for air as the waves gradually subsided, gently running her fingers between her wet thighs.

She lay there, catching her breath and watching with hooded eyes at the rest of the film. Sometime during her climax, the couple in the DVD had finished as well, and now they were engaged in some fluffy pillow-talk across the bearskin rug from the cover. She was wondering when they heck they made the transition to the floor when the door suddenly opened, Sio looking up in shock; it was too late to do anything though and unfortunately, the afterglow made her too relaxed to move.

“Sio? What in th...” The room’s owner was staring wide-eyed at her, cheeks rapidly flushing as he took in the scene before him.

“A-Adam! Uh, t-tadaima...” Sio smiled weakly at her boyfriend, a nervous giggle escaping her lips as she half-heartedly tried to cover her bare, dripping crotch. “U-Um, you’re back...”

“...Yes...okaeri,” Adam answered on instinct, still trying to comprehend just what the hell was going on. Clearly, the sniper had been enjoying some personal time, but why his room? And more importantly, just what exactly was the open laptop for? Before he could say anything else though, the ending credits started playing, and Adam instantly recognized the cheesy outro of a very particular porn title.

He took a very deep breath.

“...Alright, I’m not even gonna ask what the bloody hell’s going on.” He dropped the duffel to the floor, not sure how to react or where to begin. “There a, reason you decided to commandeer my bed in particular? And my...entertainment, for that matter?”

Sio squirmed uncomfortably, not sure if Adam was peeved or just confused. Or a combination of both. Granted, this was not the first time he’d caught her while masturbating unawares—even though all those instances had been unintentional, she wondered if there was someone up there who just liked them to be in compromising situations—but this time, he’d caught her watching porn as well.

And right after she’d chewed him out for it, to boot.

‘Yikes...talk about eating my own words...’

Adam remained silent, only a white brow raised in a questioning manner as he stood next to the bed, arms crossed. He tapped his foot and tilted his head to the side, as if to ask ‘well?’

“Erm, I...I’m sorry, Adam...I-I was curious about, you know—p porn,” he didn’t say anything, but merely nodded, “a-and I...couldn’t help it; I know I made such a big fuss before, but...then I started wondering what it really was all about, anyway, and then...u-um...” Her voice started quivering and a wave of guilt washed over her, the realization of just what she’d done hitting her full-on. She didn’t even finish her explanation before a sob choked out, and the next thing she knew tears were falling, the sniper crying and wiping her tears haphazardly. “I-I’m, s-s-sorry...!”

She couldn’t look him in the eyes, not like this; why did she always do things without really thinking them through? ‘I really am such an idiot at times; some strategist I am,’ Sio thought glumly, it was a wonder Adam still put up with her antics. The bed creaked as Adam sat down and gently closed the laptop lid, pulling her into his lap.

“...Oh Sio.” He sighed, not saying much else but instead brushed her hair back. “...Sometimes I just...don’t quite know what to make of you, y’know?” He wiped her tears with his sleeve, before handing her a tissue for her nose. “While I am rather indignant at the fact that you had the gall to tell me off for indulging in smut, only to turn right around and sneak about my collection,” Sio winced, “I’m more wound up about the fact that you felt you couldn’t talk to me about this.” His face was not angry, but she could tell from his gaze that he was serious. “I can understand why you were upset at first—but if you really were curious, couldn’t you have just asked me about it?”

His words made her feel even worse, Sio needing a few more minutes of quiet tears before she regained enough composure. “I...I-I know...and I’m sorry I said all that...” A shudder ran down her as she tried to calm down. “It...wasn’t intentional; but sometimes, I just miss you a lot...a-and I feel, really...” Sio squirmed, burning with shame at her behavior, “...I swear, it feels like I can’t control it sometimes—I-I just, get so...horny...it’s like I can’t think straight...”

“...And so, in your, uh...lust-induced haze, you...decided to impulsively watch my porn?”

“...I’m sorry...I’m such a terrible person—!”

Sio squeaked as Adam flipped her onto the bed, hovering over her with a stern expression on his face. “Y’know, I really wish you’d stop ragging on yourself like that; for the last time, Sio Ogura, you are not a terrible person or anything of that sort. I thought we made that clear already...” A hand reached down and gently stroked her cheek, Sio shivering from such a simple gesture. “You’re the one I care about the most—the most important thing to me, ever. So to hear you think of yourself in such a, a...disparaging manner...it hurts me too, you know.”

“Adam...” His tenderness towards her could be even more overwhelming than his physical touch, sometimes. “I, I’m...I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I guess I just feel really stupid for blowing up at you, and now I’m eating my own words...” Sio couldn’t help but blush at her own blunder. “I’m...sorry I was so harsh about you watching porn...at the time, i just didn’t know what to make of it...I guess I overreacted a bit,” she heard Adam mutter under his breath ‘a bit?’, “b-but, now that I’ve...done the same, I...change my mind.” She swallowed thickly; even though Sio did feel bad about berating Adam, her pride still took a blow. “I...I’m fine if you want to watch porn in your own time. Especially when I’m not around...I miss you a lot, too...so I’m sorry...”

The room was silent for a bit, Sio wishing she could just crawl under a rock and wallow in shame. Adam meanwhile, had a rather peculiar expression on his face as he attempted to take this all in stride. Even now, it struck him at how Sio was able to surprise him, time and time again. Perhaps not all surprises were particularly pleasant, but it kept him on his toes.

“Well...I appreciate your apology, Sio Ogura. And I respect your humility in keeping an open mind.” To be fair, he’d been prepared to basically give it up if it meant keeping her happy, but with this sudden turn of events...perhaps a god existed, after all. “In that case, I...wouldn’t object to you watching my, stuff...or if you wanted to, y’know,” at this he blushed to the very roots of his white hair, “...watch something together...”

Sio’s eyes grew wide as saucers at that suggestion. ‘This is exactly what those magazines said...! So it is actually a couple thing...’ Her body flushed hotly as her eyes swept over to the unassuming set of discs on the shelf.

“W, Well...I-I, have to admit I’d be curious to try it...” Adam raised an eyebrow at her bold response, “I-I mean, I’m just saying I’ve read about it and since I...was so rude to you and all—” Sio’s arms were flailing all over the place, the sniper in a bit of a panic at everything that had happened in the past 10 minutes. As if the situation wasn’t already awkward enough, but at least Adam seemed to have forgiven her for sneaking around his room and using his material.

“Also, I’m...still kind of horny...” Sio gave a nervous laugh, anxiously crossing her legs in an attempt to hide her wet thighs.

Both of them blushed beet red at the implications.

“M-Maybe, you can recommend something? N-Not anything extreme but just...I dunno, one of your...favorites?”

Adam was so stunned you could have pushed him over with a feather. Here was his girlfriend, who was usually so shy and stuttering and prone to nosebleeds whenever he got too close, now sitting on his bed half-naked and proposing he choose some smut for both of them. He gave a small nod, before going through his collection.

A few minutes later a case landed on the bed, the sniper craning her neck to read the text. “An Openly-Exposed Hot Spring...” Sio raised an eyebrow at the name. “A...voyeuristic title?” She gave him a side eye.

“Hey now, don’t judge a book by its cover; it’s actually not what it seems—well, not all of it anyway. And besides, you’re one to talk, Miss High School Peeping Tom,” he gave her just as pointed a glance back.

Sio groaned. “Oh come on, that was an accident! You’re never gonna let that go, are you,” she groused.

“Considering you made no attempts to look away, no I’m not going to let you forget that anytime soon.” Adam replied evenly. Sio grumbled, but she couldn’t deny it. “Well then, if you wouldn’t mind budging up a bit there, squirt...”

She scooted to the side, Adam sighing as he climbed onto the bed. There was a moment of hesitation as he eyed the damp spots, but then shrugged and sat down. “So that explains the laptop, I guess...”

“Er, yeah...sorry...actually, I...already watched another one earlier...b-before I even came to your room...”

Adam nearly choked on his own spit at Sio’s sheepish revelation. “Wh-What?! You what? Wait, did you just say you...watched more than one?”

“...Yes...sorry...”

“I-I uh, well...alright, sure. ‘S fine...I guess...” Adam gave a resigned shrug. His brain was basically on overload at this point from the myriad of things he’d learned about the sniper in the past couple of minutes. Not that it was bad, mind you, just...definitely surprising. Including the fact that apparently, the sniper had one hell of a sex drive. “So...out of curiosity, which one did you...choose?”

“Uh, it was like the service maid one...”

‘The solo female one...?’ While he’d always suspected, the fact that Sio admitted to watching and masturbating to a woman...

“...So, I see you’re a woman of culture, too...” The sniper blushed and covered her face. “By the way, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but...are you, perchance, also attracted to girls?”

“E-Eh? Uh, hmm...” The sniper was caught off-guard by the sincerity of his question. “...To be honest, I’ve never really thought about it much, but...now that you say it, maybe? I mean thinking on it now, I did have crushes on girls when I was younger...but I didn’t realize it as such.”

Adam nodded. “Sure, that makes sense. Do you consider yourself...bisexual then? I-I don’t mean anything by it, just curious is all.”

Sio blinked. “Bi...sexual? What’s that?”

“It means you’re attracted to both genders, male and female.”

The girl sat with her finger on her chin, deep in thought. “I...dunno. I’m not sure I’d say that right now, since it’s not something I’m really familiar with...but, it is possible. Or, I guess maybe I am queer, to some extent...” She shrugged. “Hey, who knows, right? Maybe I’ll figure it out later on.”

Adam couldn’t help but smile. “Sure, love. Anywho, apologies for that odd line of questioning, but...it just seemed like something that was likely. Guess you could say curiosity killed the cat.” Without another word he popped in the disc, Sio nervously squirming underneath the covers as the disc started playing.

‘I can’t believe this is actually happening...’

The first couple of minutes were wrought with silence, save for the incredibly stilted, canned dialogue coming from the video. Sio could hardly look at Adam, much less try anything, and it seemed the feeling was mutual. Maybe it was too soon to be engaging in something like this, when she’d barely just watched her first porn.

Swallowing her nervousness, Sio turned her attention to the screen. Some hapless milquetoast office worker had found a hole in the wall separating the two baths, and was now peeping on a seemingly-deserted women’s bath—save for one buxom bather. Naturally, the peeper started jerking himself off as he discovered this opportunity, his cock growing stiffer and Sio blushed the camera made it clear that this pervert was well endowed.

“Well, I suppose if nobody’s around...”

The camera switched and now it was the lady’s turn to indulge in some self-care. Fingers plunged into her swollen pussy lips, the water churning and splashing as the actress on screen fingered herself with abandon. As the action continued the sniper felt her own core tighten, as it always did when she was aroused.

‘Oh boy...I’m getting turned on...’

“U-Um...sorry about this...b, but I’m kind of, uh...” She noticed his face turn slightly in her direction, “my body...” Her insides pulsed again as the moans from the video got louder, forcing Sio to rub her thighs together to ease the pressure somewhat.

“If you need to...relieve yourself, feel free; that’s kind of the point of this.” Still, even with Adam’s encouragement her fingers stopped at her mound, unable to bring herself to actually go through. Especially since Adam himself remained so still she had to check to see if he was breathing.

“...Man, this is...awkward...m-maybe we shouldn’t do this...” On one hand, she was still fairly aroused, but on the other, this bizarre situation was kind of killing the mood. “I just...I don’t know, it feels weird..” Maybe it was the video, or maybe it was the fact that, despite being together, Sio still considered masturbating to be a private activity.

The video continued playing for a few minutes, both holders sitting in an incredibly strained silence as they watched the peeper now crawling over the fence and getting it on with the female bather. ‘Ugh, I’d rather just have Adam do that to me instead of watching...wait...’ She gave a surreptitious glance to her left; Adam looked so placid she wouldn’t be surprised if he started taking a nap.

“A-Ano, Adam...?” He twitched as she gently poked his shoulder, but nodded, “u-um, I have an idea...”

“...Yeh? You wanna stop?”

Sio shook her head. “N-No—well if this doesn’t do anything then we might as well—but, since I feel really awkward doing this to myself, c-can, could you...” she took a deep breath, “d, do the same thing to me as...the video? I-I think, I’d...prefer it if you touch me instead.”

“...Ah.” Leave it to Sio to come up with a solution, despite being more inexperienced; Adam supposed she wasn’t now head strategist for nothing. “In that case...” Taking off his jacket, he handily lifted the girl into his lap, aware of the wetness still coating her thighs. “So, like this, ‘ey?” His voice took on a mischievous tone as he slid a finger down, right into her tight slit—same as the video. A whimper from the sniper told him all he needed to know; turning the volume down a tad, he leaned in closer, holding her tight against him as his finger started pumping in and out. “My my, we’ve ourselves a rather naughty little Kitty-chan today, don’t we? First you go sneaking about my personal belongings, then you finger-fuck yourself on my bed...and you still aren’t satisfied?” His hot breath fanned the shell of her ear and Adam felt the sniper quiver, her inner walls sucking his digit in until it was buried to the knuckle. “Tsk tsk, you really are quite the pervert, aren’t you?”

“A-Ahhn...ahn, I-I, I’m—aah—sorry—!” Sio momentarily forgot about the video as Adam started to finger her, all the while whispering incredibly dirty words into her ear. He rarely got in the mood like this, but sometimes the ‘Jack’ persona would come out, if she pushed him far enough. “I, know I’m a pervert...I can’t help it, you feel too good...” Right as she said that his fingers plunged straight to her g-spot, Sio crying out from the sensitivity. “Ah—! Ah, oh god, it feels too good...m-my insides, it’s so hot...!” Breathy moans soon overtook the video’s dialogue, Sio glancing between the on-screen action and Adam’s hand that was working her sopping cunt. “Nng...A, Adam, m-my clit, too...”

“Oh? So demanding, Kitty-chan,” he teased, but obliged with his other hand; Sio let out a loud moan as he pinched the pink nub. “So, how’s this working out? Better?” Now that he was actually touching her, the video seemed less distracting and more like a background mood-setter, especially with the way they were almost mirroring the on-screen action. “You’re soaked...”

Sio couldn’t even muster a response, instead nodding as she panted from the stimulation. ‘So hot; everything is so hot...’ She massaged her small breasts, rubbing the stiff points between her fingers that caused her to arch her back. “Haaaahnn...it’s too good...! When you touch me like this... It feels amazing...your, fingers...!” She moaned and bit her hand in an attempt to not completely lose control, though it was difficult when Adam was scissoring her insides while teasing her clit. Sometimes it boggled her mind how such a small, seemingly insignificant little part of her body could unleash such pleasure when stimulated the right way. Though Sio was happy that Adam appreciated her breasts no matter how small they were, she wouldn’t deny her favorite place was that small, secret bud between her legs: a delicate pink that was now flushed a deep red and swollen with arousa. Drops of nectar leaked out and down onto the sheets, nevermind his trousers that were now stained.

“That makes me quite chuffed to hear, love,” he licked her ear and she squealed, “seems my dear Kitty-chan always has some devious ideas up her sleeve...” Hot nectar flowed down his hand and onto the sheets, Sio moaning as he curled his fingers inside to stroke her g-spot. Her cries were almost synced with that of the video at times, Adam having nearly forgotten about it—he casually glanced at the laptop, where the ‘hero’ of the show was now also fucking the actress into oblivion. Such deviant behavior...but, there was no way he could deny how hard it made him, given how readily Sio admitted porn turned her on.

“Nnngg! How...does it feel...so, good...!” Panting, Sio fell against Adam’s broad chest, needing a bit of a break from all the stimulation; Adam sensed this and his fingers slowed inside her, though not completely stopping, lazily thrusting in and out. When her sex drive kicked in, it really went into overdrive. At first it was scary how high her libido was; it seemed like every other moment she was thinking about having sex, either with Adam or simply masturbating by herself—as often as two or even three times a day. But gradually, it did balance itself out. Though sex was still a major and integral part of their relationship, so too was the emotional support they provided for one another.

Screeching akin to a banshee’s wail grabbed both their attentions, as the porn reached the final act. The ex-peeper now furiously bounced the woman in his lap with white cum squelching out, all the while accompanied by the strangely-cheerful, elevator music background track. Ignoring the dissonance between the screaming and the soundtrack, Adam focused on the action itself.

“M-Mmnn...mou, Adam you stopped...” The sniper pouted as the fingers removed themselves, her gaping hole squeezing itself in an attempt to alleviate the tension. Love juices sluiced down her thighs as Sio made an effort to wipe them up, though she was largely unsuccessful.

“Now love, just be patient...” He smirked and Sio recognized that mischievous tone. It was cocky and sure, much like when he became Jack the Ripper—but in the bedroom, that could only mean one thing... A second later something hot and stiff prodded against her slick entrance and Sio yelped in surprise.

“A-Adam...! Y, You, you’re...” She whined as Adam started slowly but firmly push himself into her tight cavern, though being so wet helped a great deal to ease his thick length inside her. “Ahhnn—it, it won’t fit like this! This angle...are you sure it won’t just fall out?”

Grunting, Adam shifted his hips upwards, Sio squealing as he grabbed her supple thighs and pulled them apart to help him gain more ground. “Oy love, we’ve not even started and you’re already having doubts? Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, isn’t that what they say?” Using his strength, he slowly lifted the sniper up and down; in and out, empty then filled as Sio cried from the sensations and writhed in his grip. “Would appreciate it if you would have a tad more faith, Sio.”

“I-I’m not, it’s not...ahn, aah...” Panting, Sio could hardly think of what to say, let alone speak the words. Adam’s cock filled her up in the most satisfying of ways, as her walls finally squeezed around something warm and stiff, instead of emptiness. “I, I’m just saying...i-if you slip out, it might kill the mood...ahn!” A particularly forceful thrust from the silver-haired man, as if to prove her wrong.

“Then I won’t. Simple as that.” Sio had no more quips left as Adam increased his pace, just like the film. The only audible voices now were coming from the video, as both holders were too focused on breathing to even moan or cry out. As Adam settled into a steady grip and good rhythm, she reached one hand down to lavish her clit with overdue attention. Her insides instantly tightened from the stimulation; electricity shot up her spine as she unconsciously struggled against Adam’s hold. Behind her, she heard him grunt slightly as she squeezed him, though the extra friction felt delicious.

“Aah, I’m cumming...iku, iku...!” The porn was about to come to the end, judging from the scene and the timer winding down. At this point, Sio wouldn’t be surprised if they came right after—both of them were getting desperately close, especially as she continued to fondle and tease her swollen clit. She whined through her teeth as her fingers pushed the hood back, rubbing the sensitive nub directly and pinching it lightly.

“Nnngg! C-Crap, it feels too good...my clit, it’s always so sensitive...!” With Adam thrusting deep inside her and occasionally hitting the edge of her cervix, her own hands pleasuring her body all over, Sio felt the faint pulses start to converge in her core. “O-Oh...d, dame, Adam...I, I think I’m gonna...I’m close...”

“Hah, hah...is that so...” Hot breaths fanned her cheek, Adam himself feeling the tripwire tighten inside as well. His height allowed him to peek over Sio’s shoulder, and watching the sniper please herself was much more erotic than any porno that could be playing. Her bra was crumpled above her breasts, and her panties had long disappeared somewhere amongst the sheets, nevermind their uniforms scattered carelessly on the floor. In public, she was still terribly shy about anything remotely sexual, but behind closed doors, she could let her guard down and be herself. Knowing she trusted him enough to shamelessly show him how she masturbated was even more of a turn-on than the whole ‘fuck while watching porn’, honestly.

“Oooohh...I-I’m, I can’t anymore...” Her head sank back into his shoulder as Adam felt her walls start spasming a bit.

“Hnn...’s that so...” The video was close to the end too, his eyes narrowing as he caught sight of the timer. “I wonder, who will finish first...us, or—haah—that daft video...” He heard Sio gulp as she realized his words. “So love, think you can...hold out just a touch longer?”

“W-Well, when you—aah—put it that way...h-how can I not...” Sio bit back a moan as she renewed her efforts to hold back her orgasm, though that was a bit like trying to stop a landslide with a shovel. “H-How much...hnn!” Her clit gave another throb, as if actively trying to sabotage her efforts. “N-No, stop...my body, it’s...!”

The girl in his arms trembled, Adam reducing his pace to help her draw it out. Even though it was tempting to just ignore everything else and thrust until they were completely spent, that stupid video seemed to be goading him on, even though it was entirely fictional... “Hnnngg...j-just, a little more...there’s a good girl, Sio...”

In. Out. Empty. Full. ‘Oh god...I don’t know if I can do this...! I just wanna cum...!’ Besides, Sio was getting tired--and judging by the tremors in Adam’s arms each time he lifted her, so was he. He may have had genetically-enhanced strength, but he wasn’t a tireless robot. Moaning, she stared at the numbers on the screen, trying not to think too hard about anything other than how good everything felt; her own hands fondling her breast and nipples, then giving some tender touch to her nub, Adam’s penis thrusting into her at a good pace and hitting all the right spots each time... Hearing his gasps and grunts, feeling his sweat-slicked skin pressed against her back as his strong arms supported her was just as enticing as well. Sio felt herself drooling slightly from all the exquisite sensations assaulting her senses.

“Kyaaaaaa!! Iku! Ikuuuuuuuu!!” The fake onscreen couple reached their limit; after that, the laptop was completely ignored. Adam’s grip tightened on her thighs as he thrust into her with a desperate vigor; Sio rubbed her clit in the tight, fast circles that she always used to bring herself to a roaring orgasm.

“Haaah! Aah! Nngg! Hnn!” Adam’s thrusts drove like a piston against her slick walls, kissing against the entrance to her womb each time. “Oooh...I-I’m—mmmmnn—c, cumming!” Panting so hard her tongue stuck out like a dog’s, Sio felt her orgasm crash through like a runaway train. A single, long wail tore from her throat, her climax hitting so hard her eyes nearly rolled to the back of her head while the rest of her body twitched and jerked. A burst of juices gushed from her hole, dripping all over Adam’s crotch and onto already-soaked bed as she continued to squirt, even as her orgasm slowly tapered.

“Holy...fuck...” Adam wasn’t sure which was more impressive: the strength of his orgasm, or Sio’s. The girl was practically slathered in fluids—saliva, sweat and a generous amount of their mixed cum—panting and completely limp in his lap. His own climax had been just as mind-blowing, especially after hearing the video finish first; Sio’s walls squeezed him mercilessly as the girl herself cried and pushed back against him. He opened one eye wearily as he felt something drip down this leg, only to see a thick glob of white spunk, mixed with Sio’s nectar, slowly make their way down via gravity. He groaned and sank into the pillows, too tired to even pull his softening member out. The entire room smelled ripe with sweat and the musky odor of their voracious sex, and vaguely Adam thought about a shower.

“Ooooh...god, that was...haaahh,” Sio had no words to describe the pleasure she felt as she slowly came down from her high. “Oh man, you came so much...I’m overflowing...” Wincing, she gently lifted herself off, Adam finally pulling out of her with a slight ‘pop’. “Urg...I’m definitely gonna feel this tomorrow...”

“Speak for yourself; christ Sio, you’re just...I don’t, I’m just...” As the sniper turned towards him with wide, guilty eyes, he regretted his words. “W-Wait, I didn’t mean anything bad by that—”

“—S-Sorry, I’m such a pervert...I, I know I can be...insatiable at times,” Adam coughed slightly as this, “s, so, I’m...glad you still put up with me...”

“Oh Sio...” Adam couldn’t help but smile slightly as he pulled her into a hug. “You know I’d never hold that against you. That being said, I’m...amazed at your, er...appetite, at times...” Adam was pretty sure if he weren’t an e-gene holder, he’d be worn out by now. He gave her a simple kiss on her forehead. “Remember Sio, I said I love all of you, as you are. And I mean that.”

“Ah, A-Adam...” Now she was shy again, cheeks turning a cute pink as she buried herself into his embrace. “Th, thanks...you’re the best...” Her libido may have been a great source of embarrassment at times, but the amount of pleasure it gave her was enough to make up for it, she decided. His chest rumbled with muffled laughter, causing Sio to blush more, but with happiness.

“...So uh, I take it we’re all cool with the AV thing then?” Adam cautiously broached the topic. “You’re fine with me watching, uh, my stuff and all that? Granted, you’re welcome to it too, now.”

Sio nodded shyly. “Y-Yeah, honestly you should do whatever you want in your private time. I’m really sorry I freaked out the first time...th, thanks for being so chill about everything...” She poked the sheets, too embarrassed to look at him in the eyes. “A-And also, th, thanks for your um, generosity...I promise I’ll keep it a secret between us...”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “What, the fact that we both enjoy porn?” Sio squeaked and he rolled his eyes slightly. “My dear Kitty-chan, you do realize this is quite common, right? I appreciate your consideration in keeping it on the down-low, but there’s no need to pretend otherwise.” He patted her on the head and she looked up with red cheeks. “Feel free to enjoy yourself, Sio.”

“Un...Adamu suki...” He really was the best, the sniper decided. ‘Who’d’ve ever thought I’d get such an amazing boyfriend...thanks for something at least, Invasion Objects.’

Yawning, Sio proceeded to crawl underneath the tangled sheets, her body now demanding some measure of rest after what she put it through. Next to her, she heard Adam shutting the laptop and putting it off to the side. before sliding underneath. She sighed as strong arms spooned her against his broad chest, eyes closing before her head even settled on the pillow.

Yeah, adult videos weren’t that bad after all...in fact they could be good...very good, indeed.

#my sweetest one #//lmao why do i always take so long between start and finish #//literally went on for way too long #//can't write a short and concise when i need to #//then when i need to make full chapters it doesn't happen #//y #//hot times ahead

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johnnymundano · 5 years

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The Edge (1997)

Directed by Lee Tamahori

Screenplay by David Mamet

Music by Jerry Goldsmith

Country: United States, Canada

Running Time: 117 minutes

CAST

Bart the Bear as The Killer Kodiak Bear

Anthony Hopkins as Charles Morse

Alec Baldwin as Robert “Bob” Green

Harold Perrineau as Stephen

Elle Macpherson as Mickey Morse

L.Q. Jones as Styles

Kathleen Wilhoite as Ginny

David Lindstedt as James

Mark Kiely as Mechanic

Eli Gabay as Jet Pilot

Larry Musser as Amphibian Pilot

Gordon Tootoosis as Jack Hawk

Kelsa Kinsly as Reporter

It was one of those days; you know the ones - where the only remedy is to watch Alec Baldwin and Anthony Hopkins fight a bear. Luckily Lee Tamahori, David Mamet and Bart the Bear anticipated this need way back in 1997 and made The Edge. In this entertaining wilderness action nonsense a diffident billionaire, Morse (Anthony Hopkins), and a bullish fashion photographer, Bob (Alec Baldwin), are stranded in the Alaskan wilds and have to survive against the odds, said odds including a relentless ursine attacker and their own simmering enmity over Morse’s wife, Mickey (Elle Macpherson). They’ll need each other to survive, but what happens when they no longer need each other? Butch shenanigans in excelsis are in the offing, for sure.

Apparently, The Edge reunited Bart the Bear and Anthony Hopkins, the two having previously worked together on Legends of the Fall (1994); a movie I have never felt the need to watch. But then again I didn’t know Bart the bear was in it. Bart is very much a star in The Edge, easily the equal of the two headliners and he gets a big onscreen shout out at the end, which unfortunately undermines Anthony Hopkins’ portentous final line. I think David Mamet wants us to roll the multi-layered implications of this ambiguous line around our minds like a boiled sweet in a child’s gob, instead you end up going “Bart! The bear was called Bart! Cool. He was good. Man, that bear rocked. Go Bart!”

But the loss of pathos to bathos at the finale is no great loss, as Mamet’s script isn’t one of his stronger ones. It’s very much an “entertainment” as Graham Greene might have had it. It’s not as provocative as Oleanna (1994), but then Oleanna doesn’t have a bear in it, so there you go. Damn, now I really want to watch a production of Oleanna with a bear in it.

(JOHN: We can only interpret the behaviour of others through the screen we create.

BART: RRAaauuuugghHHHH!

JOHN: Agh! My legs! My legs! Oh my God!

BART: Exactly!

[Curtain])

Nor is The Edge an excoriating portrait of the dog eat dog world of capitalism involving U2’s guitarist selling dodgy real estate. No, the Pulitzer judges can have a lie in; The Edge is just a Boy’s Own adventure, with an extra layer of Mamet’s signature comically excessive manliness. The Edge is so manly there isn’t even a part for Rebecca Pidgeon. However, it’s not all metaphorical whiskey chugging and snapping of towels at each other’s arses in the shower; there’s a woman in glasses who has about two lines and, in a bold casting stroke, the pretty model Elle Macpherson plays a pretty model. Which she is very good at, fair play to Elle Macpherson.

As roles go Macpherson’s is really no more than a fragrant chew toy for the two Alpha males to lock antlers over. The Edge is testosterone laden stuff, as you’d expect from Mamet, but it’s also a bit slack and lazy, which you don’t really expect from him. It’s very much a big budget adventure movie, it feels very much an attempt by Tamahori to atone for the flop of Mulholland Falls (1996). Hey, Hollywood, I can still be trusted to make a movie people will want to see! is pretty much the subtext to every frame of The Edge. And Tamahori certainly makes a movie worth watching. Savvy enough to take advantage of the quite breath-taking (a cliché; but clichés are clichés for a reason; they are true) landscapes; at once both threatening and bucolic. And the action when it erupts is certainly convincingly pulse accelerating. Hopkins and Baldwin do seem to be in remarkably dangerous proximity to Bart the Bear when he is lunging and roaring at them like a massive, enraged, uh, bear. It’s thrilling stuff; no doubt the result of sharp editing, plucky stunt doubles and Bart the Bear’s profoundly professional refusal to maim and eat anyone, despite every instinct in him probably urging him to do so. It feels real, in short. Of course it’s an illusion, it’s a movie; but it’s a damn good illusion.

The Edge is very good at creating the illusion that these two dudes are out there alone. Obviously, at all times there would have been a small army of people milling about. With Mr. Baldwin’s latte stirrer and Mr. Hopkins’ nail buffer etc all hovering like midges, to ensure any hardship never exceeded the limits acceptable to millionaires who pretend to be imaginary people for money. It does actually feel like they are stuck out there, dependent on their own meagre resources, whatever they can scrape up from the land and Morse’s learning. Well, for most of the movie it works; as the end nears things get a bit daft. The pair come up with some quite amazing trapping contraptions for a fashion photographer and a billionaire in a non-specific industry; these reach their absurd peak when the fellas are shown wearing home-made clothes fashioned from the pelt of a slain animal. Luckily the actors pick up the slack when all else fails. We’re talking Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin here; if you can’t find entertainment in those two, well, then that’s why God invented bears.

Anthony Hopkins gives it The Full Hopkins, no doubt inwardly delighted that his older, more sedentary character bests the virile young pretender in almost every scene. Actually, Hopkins’ performance is far better than the movie it inhabits. Yes, he does a bit of face mauling and even that sort of vacant stare thing that he holds just long enough for me to start looking around to find someone who can help him; but, mostly it’s good stuff. There’s actually a distinct arc visible in his character throughout The Edge. Starting off introverted and remote, Morse slowly thaws into someone who appreciates life and can open himself up to people, and all it takes is incredible physical hardship, the death of two people and the realisation his wife is playing away. A small price to pay for a billionaire seeing the sunny side of life. “Never feel sorry for a man who owns a plane.” is repeated several times (just so we don’t miss it), but (SPOILER) it turns out that men who own planes have feelings too. The movie has a few messages, a few too many as these messages kind of trip over each other, but one of the messages is definitely that rich people have feelings too. Boo fucking hoo. Personally, I could give less of a shit about rich peoples’ feelings, but Anthony Hopkins nearly makes me care; he’s that good. Alec Baldwin gets to have more fun as the macho smarm machine angling to replace Morse as Mickey’s favourite bedroom pastime. Charismatically unpleasant as ever, Baldwin tries hard to sell Bob’s later change of nature, but the implacable predictability of the movie works against him.

Because, yes, The Edge is quite a predictable movie, but that isn’t a failure on its part; it seems more than comfortable with that. The Edge is very much at peace with spending quite a lot of time setting up things that will quite blatantly pay off later. The pilot laughingly says he sure hopes they don’t encounter a bird-strike! Do you think they will shortly encounter a bird-strike? Morse has a noggin stuffed with facts purloined from books, but has never been able to put them into practice. Do you think Morse will be able to put some of his book learning into practice over the 117 minute run time? Morse and Bob are initially accompanied by Stephen (Harold Perrineau), who is not Caucasian, is winningly affable and might as well have “Bear Food” and a Use By Date stamped on his forehead. Guess what happens to the luckless Stephen? It is firmly established that a Kodiak bear will never stop killing once it has tasted the flesh of man. Do you think they will encounter a…well, basically, does a bear shit in the woods? Or as bears say, is The Edge a fun chunk of sub-Jack London hokum? Well, yes. Duh. Ask a silly question...But there’s nothing wrong with professionally done fun chunks of hokum. certainly not when you’ve had one of those days.

#movies #the edge #thriller #machismo #anthony hopkins #alec baldwin #elle macpherson #harold perrineau #lee tamahori #united states #canada #bart the bear #the 1990s #1997 #david mamet #action

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dcarevu · 5 years

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The Underdwellers

“Rise and shine, Master Leprechaun!”

While Batman The Animated Series is generally considered to be a masterpiece, with some near-perfect episodes making up a lot of it, any show with as many episodes as it has is bound to have some that don’t quite measure up to the rest. A couple pieces of chewed up gum hidden on a floor covered in pillows. The Under-Dwellers is one of those gobs to a lot of people. But what about to Char and I? Well, here’s a game I like to play called It’s Not As Bad As It Gets Credit For. One that I usually play with Spider-Man 3, so let’s give a dark and brooding hero a chance. Well. One that doesn’t have emo hair and an all black suit. SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

Villain: Sewer King Robin: No Writer: Tom Ruegger (Story), Jules Dennis, Richard Mueller (Teleplay) Director: Frank Paur Animator: Studio Junio Airdate: October 21, 1992 Episode Grade: C

Yup. A C rating. I can hear some of you laughing me off of this website already.

There are very valid reasons for this episode getting the criticism it does. Despite my grade, there are things that I complained about as well. The first scene involving the kids playing chicken on top of the train, for example. First of all, these kids are idiots, and it’s pretty hard for me to maintain the suspension of disbelief here, especially since this part was not overly entertaining. I did like Batman’s line, “You play chicken long enough, you fry” (Char didn’t so much, though) and overall how he handled the children, but other than that, no. The kid getting his ankle stuck is a trope I’ve seen enough times, and of course Batman is going to swoop in last second.

After that scene once we start with our real episode, we have a kid dressed in green running down the streets, stealing a purse from an old lady. She screams and tells the cops that a leprechaun was the culprit. Okay, this is well and good. A bit of comic relief, right? Plus, she’s old. Maybe she’s not as on things as she used to be. But when we get to the part where Batman tries to convince Alfred that it was a leprechaun, that’s where I start rolling my eyes. I mean, this is Batman. The Dark Knight. He sees a kid wearing a green hood. Why the hell would his first thought be that it’s a damn leprechaun? This is probably the most stupid thing I’ve ever seen on this show. I get that this is a world with a psychotic, murderous clown, man-eating plants, and a talking, stalking scarecrow. But this is something I can picture coming from Adam West, and not so much Bruce Wayne, especially when we are supposed to take this episode seriously.

Then later when we cut to under the sewers and see the child slavery in action. When this popped on screen, my internal thoughts were, “Oh no…” This episode was headed downhill quickly. Those of you familiar enough with Batman The Animated Series know that episodes about children is often where the writers just didn’t know what they were doing a lot of the time. We have a certain later episode focused on kids that I already know I’m giving a straight-up F, mark my words. Then we see the villain of the episode, who looks like he should be in a Disney Afternoon special. And I mean, he’s got an eyepatch built into his glasses. Jesus, how corny are we gonna get here?? But luckily from here, things didn’t really get worse to me. They got better. Hence the C. There are things in this episode I hate, then things I really liked.

What are some things I liked? While not 100% awesome, Alfred dealing with Frog, the under-dwelling child Batman finds, is cute. Despite having raised Bruce Wayne and, in a way, Dick Grayson, he insists that with children, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. And you almost believe it, watching him. But Frog is a real shithead, misbehaving in virtually every way possible. Some nice comic relief, because other than that, the episode is pretty dark as usual. Even with the concept of a guy running a sweatshop under the sewer (complete with gators!). I think that this is the main reason that people dismiss the episode. The concept alone. And yeah, I’m kinda surprised that this was Tom Ruegger who wrote the main story. Judging by this episode and the last, I think he’s more of a teleplay guy. The teleplay in this episode is actually pretty decent, though!

Also the animation! For most of the time, it’s the best we have seen so far, if you ask me. Granted, I’m no animation expert, so I can’t talk about technicals, but I loved the way it looked. There was some nice lighting, especially on Batman’s face, and wow, watching Batman fight those alligators! It’s the best fight scene we’ve gotten yet, and it actually looked like I remembered the action scenes from this show looking. Watching them slowly find their fitting when it comes to Batman kicking ass is super interesting. Their more cartoony Tiny Toons background is clear, where real fist fights were certainly not nearly as common (at least not to my memory). Char next to me gasped a couple times watching Batman take on those alligators. I always find it fascinating to watch Batman deal with animals other than humans. The thing with animals is that they aren’t thinking about what they’re doing like humans do. You can’t beat the shit out of them in the same way. The idea is simply to stop them from attacking, and then not going any further. When it comes to giant reptiles that could devour any human, yeah, that does involve some slamming around (admittedly, the one alligator who gets its mouth forced open was something that could have been left out). But I mean, I personally can say that I wouldn’t prefer to reason with them. Maybe compliment their lovely eyes? Yeah, no. And look how well-fed those gators are. What, you think their living so well on garbage people throw in the sewers? No. It was Char who brought this up to me, but y’know what the most likely thing is? Think about it. Gators eat pretty big meals. They eat meat. And the Sewer King was pretty quick to almost feed one of his slaves to them. They’ve probably been feeding on the kids. The ones who disobey too much…maybe the ones who get too old (it’s pretty unclear how this operation has been going on)…either way, yikes, these kids have it bad. I mean, these children are not even allowed to express vocal pain, as we see at the beginning as one of theme slams his shin with the tool he was using. It makes me cringe every time I see it. If Fox had allowed blood, man, lemme tell you, that would have bled.

So while some of the animation was great, for some reason on almost all of the scenes on the streets, it got really bad. Namely, at the beginning and end of the episode. When I started watching, Char and I both noted how it just didn’t look right. I was so afraid that the entire episode would look like this, and it just wasn’t the case. Why we had this discrepancy, I have no idea. Maybe all the damn budget went to the action? It’s the only thing I can think of. The whole episode, as far as I know, was done by the same studio. I’m not familiar with this studio’s work at all, and it really excites me to finally be able to pay attention and compare the work of all these studios who worked with the show. I’ll be going back occasionally to make sure I can comment on other episodes different studios have done occasionally. So if Junio pops up again, I’ll likely mention it. Hopefully their next episode (if there is one) keeps the good quality the entire show.

Most of the rest of the episode was mixed too. The villain was pretty shallow, and just kind of generic evil. On the other hand, Batman getting as pissed as he did and hunting this guy down was awesome. The voices of the children were pretty annoying. On the other hand, most of the children were completely mute (a truly wonderful thing). There were a lot of really corny lines from some of the characters. On the other hand, we had a guy in an even more ridiculous getup than a spooky bat costume yell, “Destroy that costumed freak!” Irony! Yeah, I don’t know guys. When you add in the fact that these children are gonna have some serious PTSD, and this type of thing, while exaggerated and made more accessible for the 7-year-olds, really does happen in the real world. Children are enslaved undoubtedly more than I realize, and more than I even want to know. I wish we had a Batman in real life to destroy these monsters, I truly do. Add all this together, with the fact that I simply didn’t feel the discomfort/displeasure throughout much of the episode, I can’t rate it too harshly. I’m not a professional critic. I’m just a guy with a blog, who makes his own rules. Because of that, yes. A C. I hope that’s fair.

Char’s grade: B

Major firsts: Batmobile’s transforming capabilities, Sewer King, a children-focused episode

Next time: P.O.V.

#batman tas #dcau #batman the animated series #batman #dc animated universe #the underdwellers

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owl-eyed-woman · 6 years

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Pacific Rim Uprising: A Comparative Review

A miracle has occurred. Pacific Rim, the brainchild of Guillermo del Toro that bombed in the US but soared internationally for a total box office gross of $400 million, has, against all odds, managed to get a sequel. Am I dreaming? Pacific Rim: the movie (and now franchise) that could.

But though the existence of a follow-up to this underdog of a movie (if a Hollywood blockbuster can be called that) is certainly miraculous, we must ask ourselves if a greater miracle has occurred: Is Pacific Rim Uprising actually good?

The answer is no… and yes. Wait, let me be clearer. This is a bad movie… and I dug it. OK, this is still confusing. I guess ‘patchy’ is the most accurate word here. The patches mostly consist of giant gaping holes of badness, but there are patches of (relative) goodness.

Let’s get this out of the way: Uprising is, in most ways, not the Pacific Rim we know and love. Set 10 years after the first, sporting a new director along with an almost entirely new cast, it is unmistakably a departure from the first one. Yes, it still has giant robots and giant monsters and they do indeed punch each other, but it is a fundamentally different movie in so many ways that it isn’t really surprising to find that something essential has been lost in the sequel.

I almost feel bad comparing Pacific Rim Uprising to its predecessor. As special as Pacific Rim was, I do typically believe that movies should be judged on their own merits… but it is a sequel and such comparisons are inevitable, so screw it, I’m doing it anyway.

Before we can unpack what Pacific Rim Uprising lacks, we first need to understand what made Pacific Rim so beloved.

Pacific Rim was special from the start. Guillermo del Toro, a man who has made a career out of penning revisionist love letters to cherished nerd genres, somehow managed to get 200 million dollars to make a big budget ode to monster movies and mecha anime. This once-in-a-millennia, stars-aligning act of providence made Pacific Rim, from its inception, something to behold and treasure.

But to suggest that the improbability of Pacific Rim’s existence is what makes it so special, is to do a disservice to Guillermo Del Toro and the film he created.

On a purely surface level, Pacific Rim has some of the most striking visuals of an action movie in recent years. Pacific rim could have just skated by on the novel prospect of trashy anime and B-movie visuals paired with the polish of a Hollywood blockbuster. Instead, Guillermo del Toro paired this already enticing spectacle with what can only be described as an explosion of saturated rainbow. In a time when The Dark Knight-inspired grey was the norm, Pacific Rim was a sweet, candy-coloured treat for sore eyes. I would even argue that the neon wonder of Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor: Ragnarok have the bravery of Pacific Rim’s psychedelic colour palette to thank.

But the uniqueness of Pacific Rim goes much deeper than its admittedly stunning surface. What makes Pacific Rim stand, maybe not above, but most definitely apart from the crowd, is tone and theme.

At its heart, Pacific Rim is a silly movie. Its premise is ridiculous, its spectacle is over the top, it’s big budget, b-movie, anime trash. In the hands of a lesser director *cough Steven S. Deknight cough* this kind of movie would most likely be couched in a form of defensive snark and detached irony, as if embarrassed by its own frivolousness; the implication being that a movie like Pacific Rim is an indulgence we can partake in, but only if we feel guilty about.

This is what makes Pacific Rim so refreshing; it isn’t ashamed of itself. Every ridiculous line, every overwrought emotion, every heroic sacrifice and every earnest declaration, contains not one ounce of shame or cynicism. Instead, Pacific Rim oozes self-love, pride and, perhaps most unexpectedly, gravity.

There is always an urge to dismiss the often-simplistic conflicts and relationships we see in movies like Pacific Rim as mindless fluff, but Pacific Rim just won’t let you. Every part of this movie is delivered with a feeling of weight and import. An elbow rocket may at first seem like a throw-away sight-gag, but honestly, Pacific Rim takes Jaegers, and, by extension, their elbow rockets, seriously and you should too. They are trying to cancel the apocalypse and you need to get on board.

In this way, Pacific Rim doesn’t just make sure you get invested in the movie’s characters, robots, monsters and endlessly goofy dialogue; it makes sure you respect it.

And honestly, as much as I’ve been playing up the more outlandish parts of Pacific Rim’s premise, it’s hard not to respect the truly weighty and revolutionary ideas that Pacific Rim contends with. Its central conceit shows every nation banding together to save the world in a utopian vision of internationalism and global co-operation. Its puppy dog-like characters love each other with all their heart seemingly from the second they meet, truly trusting each other with theirs lives and innermost self. Its Jaegers are literally powered by emotional understanding and compassion between human beings. Every part of Pacific Rim expounds a far too rare faith in humanity’s potential for positivity, idealism and empathy.

In a movie ostensibly about revelling in the apocalypse, Pacific Rim was, in actual fact, creating a utopia by showing us how humanity’s fundamental goodness could save the world. So needless to say, it is deeply disappointing to find that these things that made Pacific Rim so memorable and, dare I say, important, have been abandoned by the sequel.

The most obvious change is, unsurprisingly, the visual style, as the rainbow extravaganza of Pacific Rim is traded in for the grim, muted greys of reality. To be fair, Pacific Rim Uprising is not entirely devoid of colour, but it isn’t soaking in it like the first film.

In the scheme of things, it’s not a devastating loss, but it is indicative of Pacific Rim Uprising’s biggest problem: its decision to trade in the flavour and uniqueness of Pacific Rim for the bland, the generic and the safe.

Thematically, the internationalism of the first movie is still present implicitly in the diversity of its cast, but the unique positivity and unabashed idealism of the first film has been abandoned. Ideas of empathy and interpersonal relationships are inextricably woven into the premise of Pacific Rim, but these elements never really congeal into any coherent message or ideology; it has lost the unique voice and lofty ambitions of Pacific Rim, so it never feels like Pacific Rim Uprising is trying to say anything other than ‘friendship is good’ and ‘let’s save the world’.

Tonally, the child-like sincerity and self-respect of Pacific Rim has been replaced by generic snark and detached “edgy” humour. Mostly, this tonal shift is just boring and predictable – scenes play out emotionally like you’d expect, characters react with defensive sarcasm and contempt, the humour is crude and forgettable. It plays like a typical, middle of the road blockbuster, content in its mediocrity.

To be fair, it doesn’t not work, it mostly just exists, but it also leads to some bewilderingly bad choices when it comes to humour, especially when it involves the younger members of the cast. A joke about a cadet’s plastic surgeon father goes on for far too long and somehow, in 2018, the triumphant blast off for battle is accompanied by, of all things, the Trololol song.

That’s not to say all the sincerity or joy has been lost – a scene where the team bands together to rebuild their Jaegers hits the right blend of cheesy and awesome, and Jake and Amara’s bond is, at times, quite sweet but in the context of such a snide movie, these glimpses of sincerity seem awkward and unnatural.

Let me put it this way. In Uprising, a Jaeger, the awe-inspiring feat of human ingenuity and mechanical embodiment of empathy and co-operation, flips a kaiju the bird. This is the what Pacific Rim is now.

It’s appropriate that Pacific Rim Uprising shifts the focus to a younger generation of cadets, because Uprising kind of reminds me of being a teenager. It wants so badly to be detached and cool, but it’s far too desperate and unsure of itself to ever truly be considered ‘hip’; it embodies that awkward teenage posturing we all thankfully escape in adulthood. Contrastingly, Pacific Rim exudes the confidence of an adult, secure in their interests and themselves, and in that, effortlessly achieves the coolness Pacific Rim Uprising so desperately seeks.

By now, I think I’ve made it clear that Pacific Rim Uprising is pretty bad, but the thing is, I actually do think there’s some good in here!

But before I get into that, we need to once again, return to the original Pacific Rim, because I haven’t been entirely honest in my assessment. Though my glowing praise at the beginning of this review may suggest an intense, fangirl-ish love of Pacific Rim, in all honesty, I actually don’t like it that much. I appreciate it, I respect it, and I do enjoy parts of it, but there are fundamental flaws that prevent me from truly loving it, specifically, character and plot.

When it comes to Pacific Rim’s characters, the word patchy once again comes to mind. There is some genuinely strong character work in this movie - Mako Mori was rightfully praised at the time for being a well-rounded and interesting female character with a character arc separate from the men around her – and then there is some bafflingly incompetent character work, namely, Raleigh, the protagonist of the film, is fundamentally uninteresting.

Part of this can be attributed to the dearth of charisma that is Charlie Hunnam who seems unable to imbue Raleigh with any emotional depth, but even setting this bland performance aside, Raleigh just feels like countless other mediocre male leads. He’s got a tragic backstory related to a dead family member that he still hasn’t gotten over and he needs to learn to let someone else into his heart before he can save the world; I’ve seen this plot in most uninspired video games.

But to be fair, just because this setup is cliché doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been interesting; Pacific Rim is, in many aspects, an example of this, elevating classic genre tropes through thoughtful execution and smart, progressive additions.

This only makes it more perplexing that Raleigh remains so conventional, with no real twist or update. Even the most interesting part of his character arc, that is, the difficulty of reconnecting emotionally with others after a loss, falls flat since Raleigh never seems to struggle with this. Once he agrees to re-join the Jaeger program and meets Mako, he instantly accepts her as his co-pilot and his arc is resolved.

This emotional hollowness also impacts Pacific Rim’s greater plot issues. Pacific Rim’s plot is mostly passable, with a straightforward story propped up by the novelty of the premise and world. However, Guillermo del Toro seems to be aware that to make Pacific Rim great, he can’t just rely on the inherent coolness of giant robots and monsters fighting. To this end, he has intentionally foregrounded human relationships in the very premise of the film with the idea of an intense, emotional connection required for Jaeger co-pilots to control their mech – its ingenious really! But that only makes it more disappointing and bizarre that Raleigh’s arc is so devoid of emotional depth. This setup for emotional conflict never really pays off past the halfway point of the film, with next to no internal conflict between Mako and Raleigh after they drift together. They face external threats of course, like Kaiju, Stacker and an angry Australian, but there is no conflict between our main characters.

That’s not to say there is no emotional conflict in this movie; Mako struggles to reconcile her respect for her adopted father with her need to define her own destiny and avenge her family’s death. But as amazing as Mako is, she isn’t the main character. We’re stuck with Raleigh, a bland, white man who is the hero despite the fact that his female co-star is so much more compelling and, well, heroic.

The other threads in the film are similarly hit or miss. Idris Elba kills it as Stacker Pentecost but the Australian Jaeger pilots are mostly annoying and the resolution to Yancy’s arc is perfunctory and unearned. I honestly loved Newton and Hermann but many people found them grating, and the other secondary characters, while memorable, remain fairly flat, sketched out in broad strokes rather than elaborated upon with depth or nuance.

I still think Pacific Rim is a great, nay, important movie, but I also think we must acknowledge where great movies go wrong and, conversely, where terrible movie go (somewhat) right, or perhaps more accurately, go wrong again but in a slightly different direction.

?) Thus, we once more return to Pacific Rim Uprising. In regards to the film’s protagonist, Raleigh has been cast aside and traded in for a newer model in the form of John Boyega as Jake Pentecost, which, unsurprisingly, is a good decision. As a character, Jake isn’t anything we haven’t seen before, but there are a few things that elevate him above his archetypal beginnings. John Boyega’s performance makes a huge difference. Unlike Charlie Hunnam, he has genuine screen presence and acting skills to boot, imbuing what could be a flat, cliché role with character and vivacity - he is a speck of salt in an otherwise bland and flavourless movie.

But to give props where its due, Jake’s arc is just better constructed than Raleigh. Thematically, Jake has more going on than Raleigh; he starts off as a party boy avoiding responsibility to both his family and the world and learns how to move past his father and sister’s death and become the leader the world needs. Already, it’s a stronger base for a character than Raleigh’s, but what really makes Jake work is how he genuinely struggles with what path he should take; he tries and fails, he makes mistakes, he grows, and because of this, when he finally gets his heroic moment as both a leader and a surrogate brother to Amara, it feels earned and makes the earlier struggles actually mean something.

Did I just praise Pacific Rim Uprising? Well, don’t get used to it, because, like its predecessor, Pacific Rim Uprising can’t seem to get a handle on its ensemble. This leads me to the worst part of the movie: the cadets.

The cadet plot line didn’t have to be bad. On a meta-textual level, it makes sense – just as the cadets are aspiring to take over from an older generation of Jaeger pilots, so too is Uprising is taking on the mantle of the original Pacific Rim. On a more basic level, who doesn’t like stories with training montages and burgeoning camaraderie?

But even the most basic elements of character development are absent from Uprising. The cadets have screen time, they appear in scenes and they say things, yet it is all done with no greater purpose or pay-off. For Generic Teens, 1 through 6 (i can’t remember their names and I refuse to look them up), they remain half-baked, under-developed and pointless.

The cadet storyline needed not just re-writing, but some actual writing, because if the filmmakers don’t care about the cadets, why should I? In the end, the only real function the cadets have is to be an attentive audience for John Boyega when he delivers his Pentecost brand inspirational speech.

But as angry as the mishandling of the cadets makes me, I am only saddened by the film’s mistreatment of their female characters.

Pacific Rim was a feminist film with some caveats: while Mako became a minor feminist icon because of the (sadly) uncommon amount of respect and care given to her arc, she was still the only female character in an otherwise a male-dominated film.

One might think then, that Pacific Rim Uprising, with its noticeable increase in female characters, could challenge the first movie on the feminist front, but apart from Amara (who is fine), every female character is under-served and disrespected.

The most cursory and useless of them all is the ‘character’ Jules. I’ve put quotation marks around ‘character’ because her only character trait is ‘happens to be into Nate’. You see, the filmmakers wanted some sexual tension, along with some bro-conflict between the two male leads but they didn’t want to go to the bother of writing an actual character for these bros to lust after. So they didn’t. You could edit her out of the movie and lose nothing. It is unacceptable to so callously write a woman like this.

They do better with Shao, the imperious and imposing head of Shao Industries. She works well as a fake out villain, but when she takes a more active role in the third act, she is denied the development and screen time needed to make me truly invested in her. Yes, it’s a cool moment when she pilots Scrapper and saves our heroes, but her appearance is more of a convenience than any culmination for her character.

But what of Mako aka the best character in the whole franchise? Mako returns for a bit as Jake’s older sister and shines as the new boss of the PPDC, before being killed off in the first act. Mako, a character who was never defined by the men around her, has been reduced to fodder for male character development. Need I say more?

I can’t help but imagine what could have been if Mako hadn’t been fridged, and she’d been the one to pilot Scrapper and save her brother and Amara’s life in the climax – what a moment that would have been! Or, if not this, imagine if they had truly fleshed out Shao as a character with an arc. Or, why not simply have two Asian female leads treated with respect they deserve? But maybe I’m being unrealistic (if it’s not clear, this angry sarcasm).

But despite these numerous flaws, I still really enjoy this movie, if only because, unlike the first movie, I was never bored by the story.

Pacific Rim had a great world and premise, but its plot was too straightforward and predictable. Pacific Rim Uprising, by comparison, has a sense of mystery and several reveals that genuinely surprised me. As much as I bemoaned Uprising’s generic tone, for most of the film, I really had no idea where it was going, and that’s not something to be dismissed.

Admittedly, Uprising’s success in this realm is indebted to the original Pacific Rim and the skill with which Guillermo del Toro built its world. It’s because of this strong foundation that Uprising is able to take this franchise into new and bold places, expanding on the world of Pacific Rim in exciting ways, like all good sequels should! We get to see how the Jaeger program proceeds after the threat has seemingly disappeared, as well as new drone tech looking to supersede a human workforce, the repercussions of human-kaiju drifting and kaiju-jaeger hybrids! This is all fascinating stuff and I’m actually getting excited just thinking about it. It reminds me of why I was so desperate for a sequel in the first place.

Yes, most of it is handled clumsily and it’s still plagued by character and tone issues, but the core ideas and worldbuilding are strong enough that it still made the film worth watching. And sometimes, you even get glimpses of a good movie in there; seeing the effect of kaiju-drifting on Newton, the reveal of Alice and how his and Hermann’s relationship had changed, was so satisfying and well-done it shocked me (I’ll stop here before I start fangirling about Newmann).

This is all supported by some stellar action scenes. Earlier, I bemoaned the loss of Pacific Rim’s rainbow colour scheme, but to the film’s credit, what it sacrifices in visual innovation, it makes up for in clarity and thrills. The fights are faster, the monsters are bigger and every Jaeger has a sword. Like all good action sequels, Uprising ups the scale, the spectacle and the challenge, and lives up to the inherent coolness of watching two giant things fight each other.

There’s a scene in Pacific Rim Uprising, just before the final battle, where the Jaeger pilots and cadets combine broken parts of various mechs in order to build a working Jaeger to fight with. In the film, it’s a triumphant moment, but it’s also the perfect metaphor for Pacific Rim Uprising: it’s a mess of a movie made with broken and disparate parts, that may function, but not as a cohesive whole. Many choices are bad. Some choices are different. Some choices are good. It is the definition of a mixed bag.

But honestly, at the end of the day, I’m still left with a smile on my face, and an eager, grabby hand reaching back into that mixed bag for more.

I hope they make a sequel

(but Uprising bombed at the box office so...)

#pacific rim #pacific rim uprising #guillermo del toro #movie reviews #movie criticism #review #reviews #criticism #mako mori #mako #raleigh #raleigh becket #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #jaeger #kaiju #jake pentecost #pacific rim 2

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mejomonster · 3 years

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look i cant say that LORD critical world is good but i can say that it got my attention ToT:

im simple, it reminds me of xena and drakengard in a weird mesh

i can tune out

ok but in one fairness to it, its pacing so far is consistent and fast. the slowest pacing has been certain plot clarifying fights or character intros but since its plot setup its doing something

like i love the untamed but that was a slower pace, so was tlt2

kinda reminds me of men in sword but like in the opposite direction of the same spectrum (weak af budget, actors i ???, weirdly intense political plot full of death but im not sure how to take it seriously the way its being presented in such an anime way, still managing to get me to care, kinda intensely gay and like in a the worldbuilding just Makes it that way? idk it is an Experience)

main 2 remind me of moshang so much it gives me constant whiplash

speaking of whips at Least once an episode someone has been tied up or whipped this show really be Bouncing between bdsm and comedy i ???

u could theoretically come for ‘sexy’ tied up Zhang Mingen because it happens a LOT but i’d say its more physical comedy than sexy so oogle at your own risk

Zhang Mingen is SO good at comedy

you know what else it reminds me of? Romance of Hua Rong! Because like the plot could still be a mess for all i know but each individual episode is fun and i can just chill and have fun (tho like drakengard some fucked up stuff just, might happen sometimes)

Also reminds me of Once Upon A Time in Lingjian Mountain just with how chill it is about ‘yeah u could just read everyone as not straight’ and ‘we will in fact push those agendas ourselves as a show’. Lingjian Mountain pretty notably did a pretty in ur face bl along with a very in ur face gl (and i loved them both) and it was kinda fun to just chill and know anything could happen and would be treated nice and be a possible plot point. This show feels kinda similar.

We got Qiling who thinks Shen Yin is hot and thinks Lord Yin Chen is hot, not to mention his very open minded assumption that anyone of any gender could be into him or someone else could be into any gender if they haven’t told him (which is like the antithesis of Ashes of Love that insulted two women marrying and queer people and -.- i just was really let down by that show’s hostility so when a show Isn’t hostile but is pretty open minded i appreciate it - which an fyi Eternal Love didn’t push it but was pretty open minded, and Love and Redemption was also open minded and supportive, by all of which i mean their stories acknowledged all kinds of people can exist and love others and get married and have families and they’re all good and a regular thing).

We got Princess (Lord 6/Liu i messed up her name). who meets Qiling while dressed as a man, who Qiling asks about the rules of the contest to win the princess’s hand in marriage “so if a woman wins, she can marry the Princess?” as literally their first convo (the answer is YES, and will again be confirmed as YES when Qiling is asked as one of the competitions “so the princess cannot marry someone who?” and he goes “a woman” and the contest judge goes “incorrect” and then the Princess gives him a hint - the right answer is “a magician”).

Speaking of a woman winning the contest, Shen Yin shows up and almost wins the first contest for the princess which i just think is Cute. (Tho no idea what the plot motive was except maybe wanting to save the Princess from bad marriage prospects - which is why the Princess herself was going into the contest to win it real quick)

While talking to princess in disguise as man, Lord Liu, Qiling mentions he has a ‘friend’ and she goes ‘woman or man?’ (which i’d love to Stretch and say is she’s bi too ok she’d marry a woman and she thinks a ‘friend’ might be anyone i love her even tho she’s a Danger Babe). And then he says man, waxes poetic about how charming his Lord is, then asks someone disguised as a man “why? are you interested? I bet you’re interestedddd!”

so like just Princess Liu in general got a very fun vibe about her whole intro. And then we got Shen Yin and Lotus who yes have no reason for me to think they’re into women BUT one wears white one wears black, they’re enemies who need to fight each other but keep letting the other go, they keep having cool fights and flirting, can they fall in love Pleaseeee

Zhang Mingen is such a good actor? I mean i didn’t expect him to be bad. But this is not like a high quality show, but him as the lead helps a LOT. 1. A comedy does better when ur lead isn’t afraid to look ugly/unattractive and Zhang Mingen goes ALL out on the comedy (similar to Lingjian Mountain where the leading actress is in part so impressive because she doesn’t moderate her performance to remain pretty at all times, she gets ugly and gross and dumb and ridiculous sometimes). He has a big enough presence he makes scenes with anything interesting whether its an extra, Lord Yin Chen, or a cgi monster. He also manages to make me feel some emotional impact when tragedy hits in this show - which is a feat since the overall vibe is comedy/action mostly so u need that skill in the lead actor.

vibe is kinda like Drakengard 3 but less explicitly rated idk how to put it? Like there’s Lords and Disciples (Like Intoners and Disciples). The Lords possess and are usually lovers with their disciples, they’re magic and like Gods among this fucked up world, they kill people at large and random and so do magicians and monsters (which are a middle ground between lords and civilians), there’s a LOT of dirty jokes but just unlike Drakengard 3 less cursing (like... a joke about a grower not a shower, bdsm spanking ur new disciple when he’s grieving, tying up a man for a wedding and putting him in a giant cage, constant gagging people, im fairly sure the magic being right above his ass where they bonded and needing to be summoned from there is some kind of dirty joke about sex, Qiling simply existing is a walking joke that sexual half the time). But like i said... cause of the lighter tone (so far) it doesn’t come off quite as intense. Like people Are dying in this show for sure, but in Drakengard 3 the intoners are also losing their minds and hunting each other and. While that might be happening in this show tbh? If it is the plot hasn’t let me know that explicitly yet.

idk what to say i love ugly cgi monsters i really do, especially when they still have cute faces so i feel they got Character even being ugly as all hell

not kidding when i say Zhang Mingen has probably been tied up every single ep so far

#lord critical world #lord critical world lb #like i said tho? Qiling is comedic to the point he's ok not being sexy looking #so even if Zhang Mingen is tied up i cant guarantee it will be eye candy ToT #this show did say bottom rights tho with him #every girl hes met is a top and Lord Yin Chen isnt having his nonsense #idk this show is??? idk where its going like #emotionally i am not invested. but it is fun #OHHH maybe thats the difference ok like. Men With Sword made me Immediately emotionally invested #but also felt this Bizarre

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underbananamoon · 5 years

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TED, UNRAVELED

Memoirs are my favorite books to read, along with nonfiction, and also biology and neuroscience, and autobiography and biographies too. I read this one:

Like all of us, he started life as a baby, and then became a child. To be exact, he lived in Massachusetts on 74 Fairfield Street. Many decades later, after achieving a notoriety that surprised him, he revisited that child home. He told the current owner Ron Senez “I just stopped by to make sure you’re taking proper care of the house.” For some time he sat in Ron’s young sons’ room (Ted’s old bedroom as a child) and regaled them with stories. Ted showed them where he’d poked holes in the plaster and he told them a tantalizing story about a mural of “a lot of crazy animals” now covered by their wallpaper.

He started out drawing humorous cartoons for beer, oil companies, and the like, with a long-running very popular campaign for a bug company. (photos found at https://aoghs.org/petroleum-art/seuss-the-oilman/ ) His early work for these ad companies had many touches of the fanciful animals we would all come to know.

Of course he eventually fell into children’s books.

Suess’s wife was fond of saying that although Ted was witty, funny, somewhat introverted, and pleasant he was never happy when he was working on a book; but happiest when he finished one. Writing the rhymes, he’d often fill in the last word as ‘duh-duh’ or ‘dum-dum’ and then he’d toss and turn on his couch in his office, read a nonfiction book or mystery to clear his mind, walk the beachfront property, scour thesauruses, and eventually replace the fill-in words with the rhymes. He kept a paper bullseye of his father’s hanging on his office wall, where his father had gotten the bullseye dead center, to remind him of perfection. He had the bullseye till his end of days. (Ted was a chain smoker and eventually a dentist found cancer under his tongue which spread. He did not like hospitals and often refused treatments that may have prolonged his life a bit.)

When he first started, it was especially hard writing the Beginner Books series. There was a pedagogical rigor to the adherence of the approved word list. 361 approved beginning reader words to be exact. Authors were encouraged to have no more than 200 of the approved words per book. No “ed”, “ing,” or “er” endings of words were allowed either, except if it was specifically listed. Plurals were allowed but only if they were made by adding an “s.” Only approved contractions. No possessives. Finally the list was amended to allow “emergency” words, words not on the list but absolutely necessary to the story. Ted was quite a prankster and sometimes purposefully submitted x rated verse to Random House, and looked forward to the phone call that would surely follow! Truly, he would get a scolding, but he always left them laughing.

Example, an early “Hop on Pop” submission just to see if Stan was paying attention:

When I try to read, I am smart. I always cut whole words apart. Con Stan Tin O Ple, Tim Buk Too Con Tra Cep Tive, Kan Ga Roo.

This prank while working on “Dr. Seuss’ ABC:”

Big X Little x X…x…X Someday, kiddies, you’ll learn about sex!

A more elaborate prank was played on a frequent house guest to the dinner parties at the Tower (he and his wife’s home in LaJolla). The man was always going on about how he collected fine abstract art. One day, Ted made up a fanciful long-syllabled-made-up “artist” name, worthy of his Suess books, and said that he had in his possession a rare abstract artwork by this big wig so and so “famous�� artist. The man replied “Oh! I have always wanted an art piece by that artist!” Dr. Suess said he’d be willing to sell. Not long afterward, Dr. Suess presented the man with a framed abstract artwork (paint barely dry) that he’d secretly, and quickly, created himself. The man oohed and ahed! Ted could keep a straight face easily. Just when the man was ready to hand Ted a very large sum of money, Ted’s wife stepped in and said the prank had gone on long enough! Laughs were had all around. I wonder where that art is today.

Dr. Suess (he dropped out before he earned a doctorate but was to go on and be awarded honorary ones) was serious about “brat books,” as he affectionately called them. He felt the Run Sally, run!” books were detrimental to children and insulted their intelligence along with being boring and not stimulating in children a desire to read. Though he never had children, (his first wife, who could not bear children, took her own life in the Tower, devastating Ted), he knew how to be in a child’s world and also how to create worlds for them to be in.

From his home in LaJolla California, where he lived in what was known as “The Tower,” he’d receive more and more mail as time went by. He’d even have children ring his doorbell often asking if he were really Dr. Suess, or to wish him a happy birthday, and then run away down the hill. At first he answered the fan mail but it got to be so much, that eventually most fan mail was answered with a copy of a signed form letter Ted had written and drawn on himself, thanking the letter writer and explaining Dr. Seuss’s mail delivery was slow because he lived on a mountaintop where mail could only be delivered by a Suessian beast called a Budget, pulling a cart driven by a Nudget. Imagine having a copy of one of those today!

He was a true storyteller, granting few interviews, and always showing up for events, especially early on, if there was an arranged deal that he would not have to speak in front of the crowd. About himself, he told and retold stories so much that often many accounts of the same story are different. It was part of his charm. The office at Random House, which he visited when he hand-delivered finished books to read them aloud, much to everyone’s delight, he had a hand in decorating to suit him! The office there was whimsical, as per his decorating instruction.

Ted was terrified of public speaking, but toward the end of his life, he managed to speak publicly in simple rhymes. They were short, to the point. For example, if asked to speak to college grad students, he’d step up to the podium, deliver four verses of rhyming advice, and amidst cheers he’d quickly leave the podium.

He didn’t preach, but his stories often were about big issues. Yertle the Turtle (who represents Hitler) was written in delightful anapestic tetrameter. It was banned in some areas for being ‘too political.’ Sneetches on Beaches was written in 1961 to teach children about discrimination. He wrote the book to address how different groups of people didn’t like each other during World War II. A number of the Seuss books address the subject of diversity and teach children to be fair and treat people equally. And there’s my favorite The Lorax. I don’t mean the silly movie adaptation, I mean his version, the book. Ted was a stickler on getting every single color in his books the way he wanted. He’d have loud conversations about this. And when a few stories were made into cartoons, he wanted them his way. It was his work. Not so sure he’d approve of the Grinch That Stole Christmas movie that takes liberties with his writing (sorry Jim Carrey.) But who knows… Back to The Lorax which was written in 1971. It chronicles the plight of the environment and the Lorax “speaks for the trees” and confronts the Once-ler, who causes environmental degradation. At the end when the last tree stump remains, there is written upon it one word:

He’s left a legacy. I can’t begin to recount the tidbits I learned from the book. I do know that somewhere in this house I’ve got an “adult” Dr. Suess book, full of his art meant for adults. No I can’t find the book, but I was able to locate a few of the art pieces from this site ( https://www.drseussart.com/secretandarchive ):

CAT FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS

THE RATHER ODD MYOPIC WOMAN

Art in My Life and Other Updates

Finally finished the mime video for the event in October. With son Silas’ video production skills much appreciated. Cannot share until after event at CARD (Center for Autism & Related Disorders). It is a great feeling of accomplishment to have something creative come to fruition after much work. And although never really achieving my “unique” artistic vision, nonetheless it becomes an eccentric but heartfelt entity all its own!

Received these from a friend on a day I much needed a smile:

My 19 yr. old cat has been having seizures, one of which he had on my lap. When he does this, his mouth snaps open and closed, biting the air. My finger was in the way. He ended up biting my finger which can be dangerous. I can barely move it and am on antibiotics.

My son is in a highly creative mode of life, having won a contest recently. A pill company sponsored a contest whereby they send you a red and white capsule, and you sculpt art to go inside it. His creation (on the right) is a tiny wax skeleton, a casket and dirt from our yard, all of which fit in the capsule. He didn’t win first or even second prize but the contest judges like his and another person’s submissions so much they created a special category:

Another of Silas’ works:

Like me, he picks up interesting things by the roadside. He made some into this:

Silas and his girlfriend are going to be featured in Keri Bower’s film “Desire,” in fact we have more taping to do later this month. Silas is supplying music for it too.

For the most part, I keep to myself. I enjoy my day job as a QA software tester. I love deeply and am loved deeply by my small circle. I am currently grateful thankful and even at times hopeful that the world is going to be alright. Although the times we live in are painful to bear witness to, a lot of the time. Currently I am enjoying the respite here in the east from the heat. Fall is coming on.

In my free time, I do my house chores and run errands and adore grandchildren and keep up with doctor appointments. But I also do what I’ve always done- fill my need to create. And also to advocate, occasionally consulting with college students when they are studying or writing about autism and/or selective mutism. I occasionally get emails that humble and thrill me. I received two such emails this week. Which I’ll share here. Sometime ago, I was published in this book:

I got an email from Belo recently, here it is in part:

Dear Firsts Authors,

I have some wonderful news to share. Firsts has received a gold medal under the nonfiction anthology category from the Reader’s favorite Awards. This means you are all now award-winning authors!

…..There will be a ceremony in Miami on Nov 23rd, 2019 to recognize all winners.

…..They will make the official announcement on Oct 1st via their website and Publisher’s Weekly. While they haven’t made this entire official just yet, it’s perfectly fine to update your bio and call yourself an award-winning author. Also, I am attaching the seal image and award certificate for those who wish to add it to their websites. Oleb Books will be making the announcement via social later this week.

Congratulations to all of you – and big thanks for believing in me and in this project.

Cheers,

Belo

I really really have to update my website! Belo, who I didn’t realize had a disability (he is blind) all the while we were emailing my contribution back and forth for this book, truly deserves this honor.

Another surprising email came from a literary publication I haven’t been published in for over a decade. Here is the email, in part… and if you are still reading this blogpost, which is always all over the place, I thank you.

“We would like to feature you as an artist, along with some images of your artwork, in an upcoming issue of our publication. …..we have reviewed work on your website and are quite impressed.

Since we only publish two issues per year, January and July, and we only feature one artist per issue, we are thinking of featuring your work in the July 2020 issue of the magazine. I interview the artists we feature and write the article. We typically use 9 – 11 artwork images in each issue. “

I said yes to that. It’s such an opportunity to pick art pieces I feel ‘say something’ about how I feel as a “terrestrial.” Because aren’t we all terrestrials? Not just citizens of this country or that one, but citizens of earth. I read that recently and cannot seem to remember the book I picked it up from. Isn’t that awful! Here is an artwork I may or may not have posted here in my blog (I’ve forgotten!)

Anyway, I see the CARD event I mentioned earlier, and the interview for the magazine as opportunities to say things in ways I could never vocalize from podiums. Through mime-face, and art images and through written word.

my web site which needs work LINK here

My Book Link Here

Silas Art link

Suess Review (Jones) and My Art Updates TED, UNRAVELED Memoirs are my favorite books to read, along with nonfiction, and also biology and neuroscience, and autobiography and biographies too.

#FIRSTS in disability #kimberly gerry tucker #Silas Gonzalex art

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years

Text

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time.

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour.

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it.

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?!

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder.

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE.

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case.

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

ema: can i fuck off now

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

“back in the old country”

...england..?

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out.

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA.

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you.

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL. THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

why the fuck did he

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL

AW YEA

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting.

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

Huh.

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller.

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

oh wait

ah here we go.

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell.

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

what the fuck is his deal with being king

OH SHUT UP DURKE

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

when

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.

#sulking over SOJ #im so.... i #this fucking game good christ this fucking game

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oblivianclassic · 7 years

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Game Ramble: Furi

Furi, by The Game Bakers. Available on PC and PS4.

Come to think of it, I haven’t actually finished all that many video game stories in my lifetime. It wasn’t until I began to deliberately set out to finish games that I realized this. Half-Life 2: Episode 2 sat fallow for months before I finally picked it up to see why everyone wanted Valve to make Half-Life 3 so badly (other than the fact that the Half-Life games are still a high standard of single-player shooter design). Mass Effect 1 and 2 were a pair of rare titles that I played straight through because Shepard/Garrus is my perfectly-calibrated OTP, but I still haven’t gotten around to importing my save into Mass Effect 3. I’ve played through the opening bit of Dragon Age: Origins twice now as two different characters, and stopped shortly after. My Planescape: Torment playthrough is forever stuck at the bit where I think I’m supposed to join one of Sigil’s factions. I got caught up in some massive conversation trees instead. I almost finished all 4 of Warcraft 3’s Reign of Chaos campaigns, but I lost my saves shortly before the last stand against Archimonde. I still feel bad about not seeing Dishonored through to the end. Dark Souls… I might actually return and finish that one day. Playing a Souls game is like riding a bicycle--more muscle memory and mental approach than remembering the plot--and I’m not ready to go Hollow just yet.

There’s just something about playing a game with a linear story that makes me loath to actually finish. Maybe it’s a fear of endings, of seeing something finished and put away, or maybe it’s my tendency to get distracted by new and shiny things promising innovative game mechanics.

So please understand that when I’m saying that Furi defeated me, there’s actually a lot of precedence.

That all said, Furi has defeated me. This isn’t to say that I don’t like Furi, or that I don’t appreciate its challenge. Far from it. But when it comes to Furi’s mix of bullet hell and character-action hack-n-slash, I seem to have run into a wall, figuratively speaking.

Furi is an indie attempt to make an action-y character action hack ‘n slash game - the kind that normally gets made by a Japanese studio and features a lot of physics-defying, animation-cancelling and enemy-juggling action. Furi is a little different, in that it’s made by a French studio called The Game Bakers, and it doesn’t have the bits you’d find in your average Devil May Cry where you fight groups of weaker enemies. Furi is a boss rush game, which is to say that the entire experience consists of a string of big single-enemy set piece boss fights, with bits in between where you walk slowly through some pretty environments while a man wearing a purple rabbit helmet exposits angrily at you.

All you know in the beginning is that you’re some kind of prisoner, fated to be repeatedly brought to the edge of death. You’re then released by the aforementioned purple rabbit-head man, given a sword and a gun, and told that the jailer is the key. Kill him, and you’ll be free. Of course, in a plot twist nobody saw coming, things aren’t quite that simple. You’ve only escaped your initial jail cell, one section of a whole sky-bound prison. There’s a gauntlet of floating islands to traverse, each housing their own jailer, each with their own reason for wanting to keep you locked up. Or perhaps they’re fellow inmates? The story of this game turns out to be fairly straightforward despite a few twists and turns crossed with the rabbit-man’s best attempts at keeping things vague. That said, I will give the game credit for taking risks with one late-game boss and committing to a theme. That as well as taking a page from Spec Ops: The Line and giving the player a not-entirely-obvious choice in a situation where most video games wouldn’t risk it. The story obviously wants to be great, but only manages to be pretty good.

The visuals are much like the story in this respect. The character design work of this game was done by Takashi Okazaki, the man who gave us Afro Samurai (the manga, not the video game), and the game bears a strange but distinctive sci-fi look as a result. Everyone has long, lanky limbs and our main character bears a stream of wavy white locks that drift like seaweed in a gentle current. He also doesn’t seem to wear shoes, which bothered me for a while, though I’m really not sure why. Unfortunately, low-res texture work and model clipping issues don’t do the concept art justice. Judging by the shaders, Furi is attempting to take on a smooth and stylized aesthetic similar to that of something like El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron. Unfortunately, I’m guessing that the limited budget and small team are to blame for the stiff animation work. I understand just how time-consuming animating a game of this type can be, but that doesn’t change the fact that the striking, memorable, and distinct visuals could do with a lot of polish. Then again, considering the size of the dev team, this category could probably be given a pass. Perhaps it was in all in service of the framerate, which stays at a smooth 60 no matter what; an essential part of any fast-paced action title. If so, it was a worthwhile tradeoff. I’ll take a smooth framerate over shinier graphics in a game like this.

Fortunately, both the soundtrack and the gameplay are exceptional. The soundtrack probably deserves its own article and easily stands on its own as something worth buying. Right now. I mean it. Composed by Carpenter Brut, Danger, The Toxic Avenger, Lorn, Scattle, Waveshaper and Kn1ght, it’s a thumping tribute to retro electronica and the perfect accompaniment to energy-ball-dodging, pew pew pew-ing, and laser-sword-swooshing. Whatever atmosphere was lost when I saw an awkward animation was more than made up for by whatever music happened to be playing at the time. My favorite tracks are probably “A Picture in Motion” by Waveshaper, and “What We Fight For”, by Carpenter Brut.

Furi is built around a core set of abilities. The player can dodge, string together up to four strikes with his sword, and make rapid-fire shots with his energy pistol. Each of these moves can be charged up for greater effectiveness. The dodge will go further, and the charged strike and shot can interrupt certain enemy attacks. The player also has a parry move that if timed properly will block melee attacks, reflect projectiles, and open up opportunities to unleash a counter strike on their opponent. It seems like a simple enough system at first glance, but there is a lot to master once the player has a basic grasp of the controls. Parry timing is critical, not only because your health is healed a small amount with every successful parry, but a perfectly timed parry will stun your opponent and allow you to carve off a chunk of their health. Timing charged strikes to interrupt certain boss attacks and knowing when to charge a dodge become important too, though not absolutely essential. The controls are snappy, precise, and perfectly tuned for the sort of exacting and demanding game that Furi is.

With mastery of the controls, I’d imagine that this game will become appealing to speedrunners. Absolute mastery of all the various attack timings and patterns isn’t required to beat the game. Rather, cutting down a boss’s health bar becomes much faster once you figure out a few tricks, and I’m sure there are a lot of people who will make it their mission to go through each boss as quickly as possible.

There are nine bosses total, plus one optional “secret” boss, each with their own theme, arena, gimmick, and twist to the formula. I’ve heard that Furi plays a bit like a last-gen cult-classic game called NieR, and this is true to a certain extent. Like in NieR, each fight is a blend of character-action/hack ‘n slash and bullet-hell gameplay. Each boss fight goes through several phases, indicated by blips below their health bar. Each phase of the fight requires the player to work through two health bars. Two sections to the fight, essentially. Generally speaking, in the first half of a phase the boss will engage the player with a mix of bullet hell projectile patterns and melee attacks, while in the second half of the phase the player is locked into a small area around the boss and the fight becomes melee-focussed. That said, each boss after the second one will start mixing things up, each one with a twist to the formula. The third, for example, has no melee section to the first phase of his fight, instead putting up a series of rotating shields that the player must shoot through, but saying much more will definitely ruin a fair amount of the experience for you.

The difficulty curve from boss to boss is, unfortunately, rather uneven. The third fight seems to be a common difficulty spike for many. He’s not exactly tough, but seems designed to test the player’s patience to a breaking point, while the fifth fight is a breeze after the quick reflexes and more precise positioning required by the fourth boss. While I never made it quite so far on the default difficulty level, the ninth fight is apparently quite easy after the extremely tough seventh and eighth bosses (though I’d argue that in this case it’s necessary for thematic reasons).

Fortunately, the game is actually quite forgiving in terms of allowing the player to learn while keeping up the pace of each individual fight. The player themselves has three lives, and losing a life only resets whichever phase of the battle they’ve currently reached. Successfully finishing a phase will restore a lost life and replenish the player’s health. The player must lose all three lives before being forced to start the fight from the beginning. The game may be demanding, but it has a fair amount of tolerance for mistakes.

Unfortunately, my own tolerance for the game was worn down by just how demanding later fights were. Taxing melee combat, that I can handle. I’m even okay with the occasional bullet hell game, though I can’t say I particularly appreciate the genre. Furi’s blend of both, on the other hand, seems to be geared to break me down into incoherent rage. Switching between the two modes of action on the fly simply proved too taxing for me. It might be argued that I had ruined the experience for myself by getting fed up at one point and switching the game to “Promenade” difficulty so I could essentially skip ahead and finish the story, thus removing a lot of my motivation for continuing the game. That may be true, but I do feel that by that point I’d already seen most of what the game had to offer, mechanically speaking. I’ve got a good look at what Furi does, and, frankly, I’ve got a lot of video games on my plate here.

This isn’t to say that Furi is bad, far from it. It’s an admirable effort, something that’s striving for greatness and bumping right up against the hard limitations of a small team and budget, especially for the kind of game it’s trying to be. To achieve Devil May Cry 3 levels of polish, you need much bigger teams of animators and software engineers, but the core of Furi, the fast and challenging combat mechanics, is rock solid. For those who want a precise and demanding series of fights, where a neat art style and kickass soundtrack are bonuses, Furi is definitely a game for you. Though lacking in terms of visual fidelity, Furi has tough boss fights where good reflexes and patience will win the day. No filler, just your character and your opponent. The experience wore thin for me about two thirds of the way through, though, for more or less the same reason. Furi knows what it wants to do and does it very well, but the things it does ended up driving me up the wall.

I will say this, though: playing the deceptively hardcore Hyper Light Drifter after bashing my head against Furi feels so much easier. Situational awareness? Dash timing? Juggling ranged and melee combat? I’ve got it covered.

Tune in next time when I drift on blades of the hypest light.

-Taihus “Enough talk, let’s fight!” @raincoastgamer

#Video Games #Gaming #Taihus #A Rain-Coast Gamer's Ramblings #Game Ramble #Furi #The Game Bakers #The Oblivian Studios #Oblivian Studios #Oblivian #Review #Reviews

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youngavengersfeels · 7 years

Text

Local Raccoon Man's Struggle To Act Like A Normal Person

Pairing: Stucky

Word Count: 10,172

Summary: Bucky knows he’s a hot mess and he's accepted it. He doesn't need any asshole cat or judging hipster to remind him of that.

Read on AO3

All Bucky wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep until the end of the world, but was realistic enough know at best he was only going to get maybe four hours of sleep before needing to get up for his morning class. The first thing he did after closing the door of his apartment was strip off his way too tight skinny jeans. He literally couldn't breath in those pants but whenever he wore them he got more tips at the bar he worked at and he needed the money. He put on his ratty sweatpants that honestly should have been thrown away a couple holes ago but they were too comfortable to give up. He threw on his NYU hoodie that he had felt compelled to buy after enrolling in the university even though it pretty much cost more than his food budget.

He threw his phone on the couch and went to the bathroom to grab a makeup wipe because he maybe dead tired and given up on life but he wasn't going to let his skin suffer for it. He had just started rubbing the eyeliner off when he noticed movement from the corner of his eye. Whirling around Bucky almost fell over. He curse internally, he had been in the army for six years, he should be able to handle a home intruder better than this.

Turned out his home intruder was just a cat. A cat that was not Bucky’s and that he had no idea how it got in since his windows were painted shut. The cat looked healthy and clean, like it was a house cat. The apartment complex allowed pets so mostly likely it was one of his neighbor’s cat. He walked over to the door opening it to see if anyone was out there looking for a cat, but the hallway was dead quiet which made sense at 3am. Turning back into his apartment Bucky strolled over to cat who is lounging on his couch like it owned the place.

“Hey buddy,” Bucky says reaching a hand out to let the cat sniff. “Where are you supposed to be?” He asked before the cat bit his hand hard making him regret going for the pet, but could resist the cat was so fluffy. He tried reaching out his left hand to let the cat get used to him but that only seems to make it worse. The cat hissed and backed away from Bucky.

“Ok, so no touching. I feel you there, I haven't really been ok with that whole human contact thing for a while now too,” Bucky said moving to sit on the couch. He wasn't sure him trying to have a conversation with a cat was a testament to how tired he was or how few human relationships he had at this point.

With the strength and agility that Bucky didn't know cats could possess, the cat grabbed his phone in its mouth and bolted out of his apartment. He cursed himself for not making sure his door had properly closed as he proceeded to chase said cat down the hallway. Because the universe was against him, someone had left the stairwell door ajar and the cat was much faster at taking the stairs than Bucky. He really needed to work on his cardio.

The cat managed to make it to the door right as someone entered, Bucky nearly knocking the person over in his haste to catch the cat. Bucky was seriously wondering if someone trained this cat to steal people’s phones in some sort of bizarre organized cat crime ring. Either way he had the cat cornered in the alley beside the apartment building.

“Hey! Leave that cat alone!” Someone yelled distracting Bucky. He turned to see this impossibly small guy running toward him with a face twisted in anger.

“He’s got my phone!” Bucky yelled back. The guy stopped, looking a little confused, which was fair because why would a cat even need a phone? Who did it have to call?

“What?’ he asked in a voice too deep for his body, that totally did not affect Bucky at all.

“That asshole comes into my home uninvited, bites me and steals my phone. See if I ever show a cat hospitality again,” Bucky rants aware that he sounds crazy. The guy looks between Bucky and the cat who was licking itself and then back at Bucky. He looked even more confused now and his anger seemed to dissipate with the confusion. He looked a lot smaller without the anger propping him up.

“Well that still isn’t a reason to abuse an animal,” the man said in a self righteous voice that made Bucky roll his eyes. He wasn’t really going to hurt the cat, just scare it off, which the cat totally deserved.

“You got a better way, be my guest pal,” Bucky said gesturing to for the man to have at it. The man rummaged through the bag he was holding that Bucky hadn’t noticed and pulled out a take out container. He grabbed a plastic fork and skewered a piece of chicken. He squatted down close to the cat, but far enough away not to get swatted by an errant paw.

While the blond tried to lure the cat away with a piece of chicken Bucky couldn’t help but admire the way the man’s pants clung to his ass. The cat stoped licking its ass and regarded the man waving food at it with disinterest but seemed intrigued by the actual food. It nabbed the piece of chicken and chewed in it, then moved to rub against the man’s legs purring loudly.

The man grabbed Bucky’s phone and scratched the cat’s head like that cat wasn't a manipulative piece of shit. He handed over Bucky’s phone giving him a weird look. Bucky knew this whole situation was ridiculous, he knew he looked like a crazy raccoon man compared to this gorgeous hipster. This is what his life had come to, him in an alley ready to fight a cat. If he was being honest with himself, which he rarely was, he probably would lose said fight with the cat. Still he didn't like the idea of the hipster judging him, he could judge himself enough for the both of them.

“Of fucking course that asshole cracked the screen. I'm going to kill that cat.” Bucky mumbled flipping over his phone. It was a old crappy one that he had been meaning to upgrade but hadn't wanted to undergo the stress of the store to actually get a new one. Natasha would say that cat had done him a favor by cracking the screen because it would force him to get a new one. Bucky knew what was actually going to have was, he was going to live with that cracked screen because a cracked screen was better than having to deal with figuring out how to buy a new phone.

The man stepped forward, blocking Bucky’s view of the cat. He looked ready to fight Bucky just as much as when he had first ran yelling into the ally, even though Bucky was like double his size. He couldn't help but admire the guy for his guts. Now that he wasn’t locked in battle with a cat he actually looked at the cat whisperer. The dude looked like he was in high school, but dressed like the hipsters Bucky saw hanging around campus. He was wearing a button up shirt tucked into khakis under an open cardigan. Bucky could see blond hair poking out from under a beanie. The man had on huge thick rimmed glasses. Altogether it could look really nerdy but the man seemed too ready to fight him to pull of the nerd vibe. He just looked like one of those little dogs women carried in their purses that were ready to throw down any minute of the day.

The man looked undeniably good though. It made Bucky even more aware of how trashy he looked in his sweatpants that had enough holes in them to make Bucky nervous about being charged with public indecency. He also had been half way through taking his makeup off leaving dark circles around his eyes. He looked like a human disaster. It didn’t really matter because Bucky was too embarrassed about needing some hipster twink to save his phone from a cat for him, to hit on the guy no matter how hot he was.

“Thanks for your help,” Bucky mumbled before making the quickest retreat of his life. When he got back to his apartment he made sure the door closed properly to prevent any other asshole cats from wandering in.

Bucky wasn’t sure why Clint and Natasha insisted on coming to his apartment to hang out. They claimed it was just convenient but neither of them lived anywhere close to him. Also their apartments were much nicer than his. Even Clint’s which was saying a lot because Clint was such a human disaster, it made Bucky feel good about himself in comparison. Bucky was pretty sure they subjected themselves to the long trek and shitty apartment because they knew if it was up to him to go see them, they would never see him again.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be around his friends, it was just harder than it used to be. During high school Bucky hated being alone. He was constantly surrounded by people and practically fed off the energy. After getting back from two tours in the army Bucky found it almost draining to be around people, even his friends and family. When he had been living with his parents, trying to figure out where his life was going, it had been so stressful. He found that family dinners would rob him of his stamina and ended up with him hiding in his room all day just to prepare himself for them. His parents’ had freaked out over his personality change, but tried to be supportive and said he would get better as long as he kept going to therapy and taking his medication.

Bucky didn't think it worked like though. He didn't think just because he was taking medication all of a sudden he was going to enjoy parties again. It had upset him at first that his personality had seemed to change so drastically after leaving the army but now he didn't mind so much. His therapist had assured him that it was normal for people to change as they grew up and experienced new things and the army had been one hell of an experience.

Bucky had jumps at the chance to move out on his own when he decided to go back to school. His relationship had been strained with his parents during his transition home. They had fought more than they had at the height of his rebellious teenage phase. Now that he was out of the house he couldn't help but see his relationship with his parents improve.

The unintentional side effect was that living on his own made it so much easier to isolate himself from his support network. Without his parents just down the hall there was no one there to silently judge him into functioning like a normal human being. Sometimes he just didn't have the energy to do anything so he would just sit in bed not realizing hours had passed while he fell in and out of sleep.

He wasn't sure how he ended up with friends like Nat and Clint. We Bucky had started to pull away from him they started putting more effort into seeking him out. They didn't mind when it took him hours to muster the energy to text them back let alone hang out with them. They would send him texts warning him they were coming over with enough time for him to back out if he really couldn't handle them that day but close enough that he wouldn't have to stress about them coming over for too long.

He loved his friends and didn't know what he did to deserve them. Although now they were both sitting on his couch laughing at him for letting a cat get the best of him, he was not so impressed. He should have known better to tell them but even he could admit it was kind of a funny story.

“It’s not that funny guys, come on,” Bucky grumbled.

“It kind of is bro,” Clint said with a grin Bucky wouldn’t mind wiping off his face.

“I for one am proud of Bucky for interacting with another human being without getting punched, even if it was a close call,” Natasha said like it was some big accomplishment. Which to be fair it kind of was now a days. Whenever they went out together it always ended up with Bucky either having a panic attack or with Bucky starting a fight. It was honestly safer for everyone to just hang out at his apartment.

“Hardy har, I hope you guess are having the time of your lives making fun of me,” Bucky whinned.

“Don’t worry we are,” Natasha said with a grin. Bucky kicked her good naturedly only to have her push him off the couch entirely. “But really, Bucky. Hearing you talk about how much you hate that cat is the most passionate we’ve heard you in awhile,” Natasha pointed out. Bucky wanted to protest but knew she was right.

“Don’t forget about the hipster!” Clint interjected making Bucky groan. “You said ‘he came running down the alley looking like a righteous ball of fury with an ass that just won’t quite’,” Clint said giggling his ass off. Bucky groaned again. He did say that and regretted it even though it was true.

“I have eyes guys. It’s my right as an American to appreciate when someone is aesthetically pleasing,” Bucky argued. Natasha rolled her eyes at him. Bucky was pretty sure with the amount she rolled her eyes at him and Clint someday they were going to get stuck.

“This is the most interest you’ve shown in a person since you got back. Maybe this is a sign that you’re ready to put yourself out there and start dating again,” Natasha offered in a much more serious voice. Bucky instantly felt his anxiety starting to act up. Even the idea of trying to find someone to date was too much for Bucky right now. He felt drained after a couple hours with Natasha and Clint who were his best friends there was no way Bucky was going to be able handle getting to know someone well enough to date them.

“I just thought he was hot Nat, it’s not that deep,” Bucky said hoping his voice did portray how anxious he was.

“Well you never know, now you promised up beer and board games and I for one am ready to kick both your asses at monopoly,” Natasha said rubbing her hands together. Clint shared a look of terror with Bucky. Natasha was downright terrifying when she got competitive.

Whoever came up with the idea of group projects is probably laughing at Bucky from the spot in hell specially reserved for them. Bucky hated group projects. In high school he had loved working in groups because he could just talk to his friends and somehow the work still got done. Now Bucky wanted to go back in time and punch his younger self. He was the person everyone hated in group projects and prayed they didn't get partnered up with. Now that he was on the other end of the spectrum, the one actually doing most of the work he resented his former self. It also didn't help that he was the oldest one in his group by a good six years so they just assumed he knew more then them.

He had just spent the last four hours in the library trying to corral a group of freshmen into actually doing their work. He was ready to either kill someone or sleep for the rest of the weekend. Neither of which were a viable option so Bucky was going to have to settle with watching cartoons on Netflix and eating more microwaveable food than his mother was comfortable with him eating. Just a classic Tuesday night now a days.

He was struggling to get his key out of his pocket when he heard a little meow. He looked down and saw that damn cat hanging out a couple doors away from him.

“You better stay over there if you know what's good for you,” Bucky warned. “There aren't any hot hipsters to save you this time.”

Apparently he wasn't competent enough to talk and find his key because he ended up spilling his backpack all over the hallway. Luckily it was only the cat that saw, so to least he didn’t have to worry about being embarrassed, not that he really cared what his neighbors thought about him. He had heard way too much of Ms. Jenkins's personal calls through paper thin walls to worry about her sharp gaze anymore.

He was too busy scooping everything back into his backpack to notice the cat creeping up on him until the fur ball dart across his pile of stuff on the floor, snatching his apartment key. Bucky was starting to sense a theme with this cat. For some reason the cat had decided to steal his stuff at the most inconvenient times.

“Don’t you dare eat that!” Bucky hissed at the cat. Lucky the cat listened to him and did not swallow the key, but instead dropped it. The cat had stopped a couple doors down from Bucky’s apartment, he wondered if that was the cat’s owner’s apartment and if so if it would be appropriate neighbor behavior for him to complain to the owner about their thieving cat.

“I’m just gonna come over there and get my key now,” Bucky said shuffling on the floor toward the cat who looked at him unimpressed. “It would be super nice if you didn’t bite me.” Bucky watched in horror as the cat stared him in the eye as it batted the key under the door of the apartment. “You’re an asshole you know that?” Bucky spat at the cat tempted to give the cat a little kick when he stood up. He didn’t because he did have morals and just because he was mad at the cat didn’t mean it deserved to be kicked. But oh was he tempted.

Bucky prayed the apartment owner was home because he did not want to have to call Natasha who had his only spare apartment key. He knocked on the door shooting the cat a glare. He can hear shuffling coming from inside the apartment which means at least he wasn’t going to have to call Natasha. As long as he kept his mouth shut no one would ever need to know about this; just him, the cat, and whoever lived in this apartment. The door swung open revealing a familiar blond hipster.

“Ummm” Bucky said staring down at the man completely forgetting why he he had knocked on the door in the first place. They stood there for a few moments in silence awkwardly, Bucky’s face burning with embarrassment. He use to be smooth now he couldn’t even talk to his neighbor.

“Did you need something?” The blond asked eyebrow quirked.

“The cat kicked my key into your apartment,” Bucky blurted out. The guy looked confused stepping back and looking down at the floor. Sure enough Bucky’s key was lying by the guy’s feet. He bent down and picked it up, flipping it around his fingers in a way that said he wasn’t really conscious of doing it. He handed it over to Bucky with an amused look on his face. They stood there looking at each other again without saying anything.

“Um, thanks,” Bucky said making a tactical retreat.

“You got to stop doing this shit,” Bucky said in a warning voice at the cat who probably would have rolled their eyes if cats did that sort of thing. “You need to stop embarrassing me in front of pretty boys. I can do that myself,” Bucky said unlocking his door. He was careful to close the door before the cat could follow him in because he was not going to encourage that kind of behavior.

It would be his luck that the cat whisperer lived not only in his apartment building, but just down the hall. Life truly was unfair sometimes. All Bucky wanted to do was earn his engineering degree and mind his own business. He was a good person, alright. He helped old ladies in his building carry their shopping bags up the stairs because their elector was broken again. He had pulled a kid out of the road before he could get hit by a car the other week. The point is Bucky was a good person and his karma should reflect that. He didn't deserve to be tormented by a cat and have attractive hipsters judging him. Although he guessed judging people was a main draw of becoming a hipster. Now he was going to have worry about those too blue eyes judging him anytime he left the apartment.

Bucky did find himself putting a little more thought into his appearance for the next couple weeks. He wasn't really sure why he was trying so hard for a neighbor he didn't really know, and didn't really plan on getting to know better. Before his tours, he had cared a lot about his appearance. He had been voted best looking, best hair, and most likely to become a model in high school. Bucky's knew he wasn't an unattractive guy, but nowadays he seemed to do his damn best to hide it. He had shrugged it off when Natasha had pointed that out to him, but now he was acutely aware that everything in his closet was in shades of black and on the shabby side. At least all of the clothes he wore to the bar were tight and showed off his well toned body.

All his effort seems to go to waste though because every time Bucky found his eyes wandering toward the man’s apartment the door was shut. It felt kind of weird that Bucky knew where the guy lived but not his name. Especially since Bucky had a crush. He wasn’t so proud that he couldn’t admit he had a small crush on the guy. He wasn’t going to pursue it because the guy had a knack of only showing up when Bucky was doing something embarrassing and looked like absolute trash.

No, it was better to just admire from afar. Bucky was much less likely to do something so embarrassing he would have to move that way. If his mind started to wander and focus on a certain slight blond, that was fine.

Bucky has running on fumes and it was only the first day of finals. It was his first semester of college so he was only taking general requirement classes that didn't really matter in the long run, but Bucky had his pride and wanted to prove he could do well. He probably shouldn't be making his gpa a representation of his personal health and worth, but what his therapist didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?

His first final was at 6am because the university wanted them all to freeze to death on the commute to campus. He didn't really understand why his 9am class needed to have its final 3 hours before the normal class period but what did he know. Normally the campus Starbucks didn't open until 7am but in the infinite wisdom of capitalism they were opening two hours early for the week of finals. There wasn't too long of a line when Bucky stumbled in. He had seen the line wrap around the building in the height of midterms so Bucky counted the line only going to the door as a small victory. He had his humanities final in about an hour and if he was going to stay awake enough to write the essay portion he needed some sugary coffee.

Bucky was all about efficiency, so while he waited in line he had his flash cards out going through terms and names he knew he was going to forget right after the semester ended. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the subject, but Bucky wasn’t the kind of person who remembered names and dates. He understood the concepts and could apply them, but he couldn’t tell you who came up with them and when.

“I think it's your turn,” a familiar voice said breaking Bucky’s concentration. He looked up and realized it was in fact his turn to order and then behind and saw a pair of blue eyes that were becoming more and more familiar.

Bucky couldn't help but blush as he scurried to place his order. Most of the tables and couches were already occupied by students who looked dead to the world, but Bucky managed to find one pressed up against the glass window. He had about half an hour before he needed to get to his final so Bucky pulled out his notes again for some good old fashion cramming. He didn't remember having to try this hard in high school, but then again he hadn't gone through a serious head trauma that left him with memory issues in high school. Growing up kind of sucked like that sometimes.

“Hey! Is this seat taken?” That deep voice asked making Bucky’s head spring up so fast he probably got whiplash. The blond was standing behind the chair across from Bucky giving him a soft smile. You would think that the blond hadn't seen him being targeted by a cat, by the way the blond was looking at him. Bucky shrugged and the man smiled, sliding the chair out to sit. Bucky noted that the Starbucks was busy, but there were other chairs and tables the man could have sat at.

They sit in silence waiting for their coffees. Bucky tried to concentrate on studying his notes, not the incredibly attractive man he had no chance with because the man had already seen him acting as crazy as he felt.

“How’s your cat doing?” The man asked breaking the silence. Bucky stared at him in confusion for a moment. Did he really think Bucky would keep that monster as a pet? Sure, he had started putting out food and water dishes for the cat, but he wasn’t cruel, he didn’t want the cat to starve. He must have a look of pure horror on his face because the man visibly wilted. He was saved from answer by the barista who started calling out orders.

Bucky grabbed his embarrassingly sugary drink and scurried back to the table, maybe small, blond, and angry was just getting his drink to go, but of course Bucky wasn’t that lucky. The blond scoots back into his chair, making an obscene nose that does not go straight to Bucky’s dick as he sips his coffee.

“I'm Steve by the way,” the man said. It was actually nice to get a name to put to the face instead of thinking of him as stupid things like the cat whisperer.

“Bucky,” he grunted in reply because that was the normal thing to do not just openly stare.

“What are you studying?” Steve asked head nodding toward the flashcards laid out on the table which Bucky had completely forgotten about which is bad for his gpa but Bucky thinks is perfectly reasonable because this is the first time he’s gotten to talk to Steve without that damn cat there to make him look bad. He can make himself look bad without any outside help, thank you very much.

He kind of wished he had remembered to shower the last couple days, but it was finals. Bucky thought he should get a little credit for even remembering to put on a clean pair of jeans. He was wearing his NYU hoodie under a oversized ratty jacket he had gotten at Goodwill. It might make him look homeless but it was hella warm. So he was sitting there sporting the greasy, homeless college student look while Steve sat across from him looking like he walked out of an indie music video. He looked so put together in his north face coat over top a flannel. He even had a scarf that matched his beanie.

Bucky wondered if being able to assemble a real outfit during finals was a precursor to being considered a real adult. If it was part of the criteria then Bucky was screwed because his personal style was what he liked to call hobo chic. Natasha said adding the word chic at the end didn't actually make his apathy about his clothes cute, it was just sad. Natasha was like a real, real adult with a full time job and a beautiful apartment so Bucky normally deferred to her opinion. But if she thought he was going to get rid of his hobo jacket she could pry it from his cold dead hands.

Bucky wanted to run into Steve just once when the blond looked like a slob and Bucky looked like a real person. That would mean Bucky actually taking care of himself which wasn't going to happen so it was only a pipe dream.

“Intro to Humanities.” Bucky said.

“I took that when I was an undergrad. I thought it would be a fun elective but all it really did was make me question my faith in humanity,” Steve said with a sympathetic tone. So Steve was probably a grad student then. Bucky had assumed Steve was a freshman like him based on his size.

“It's not as bad as Intro to Women’s study. That's where you really learn to hate your classmates,” Bucky said. Steve actually laughed at that nodding in agreement.

“That class was almost torture which is a shame because the topic is really interesting and should be taught, but there are always those people who refuse to be taught and assume their life experiences supersedes all of history in terms of racism and sexism,” Steve said.

“On the first day of class this dude just starts ranting about how feminism is the real oppressor and the fact that he’s require to take this class shows how political correctness has ruined academics. Then when he’s done and the whole class is staring at him in abject horror, he has the full to turn to me the only other guy in the class and say ‘this guy knows what I'm talking about,’” Bucky recounted. Steve was gaping at him in horror. Bucky had told the story to his parents over the phone while he had been loafing around his apartment, but they didn't seem to appreciate how horrible his classmates were like Steve did. Bucky shouldn't be surprised that someone who dressed like Steve would be on the same page as him on this.

“What did you do?” Steve asked attentively.

“I told him to fuck off if he thought I wanted any part of the shit he was trying to sell. I advised him to either get his head out of his ass and actually listen to the women in the class telling him he’s wrong or transfer out,” Bucky said. Steve nodded like Bucky had answered some unsaid question correctly.

“There was a guy in my class who felt the need to assure the class that HE wasn't the kind of guy in all the stories the women in the class told,” Steve said rolling his eyes.

“He was probably only there to try and hook up with them,” Bucky said knowing way too many dudes like that in his Humanities class.

“Well someone should have told him we all saw through his shit,” Steve said with a smile that Bucky couldn’t help but return. His phone starting buzzing. “That's my alarm telling me if I don't get a move on I will be late for my final. It was nice talking to you Bucky, I'll look out for you around the apartment,” Steve said before rushing out of the store.

Bucky stared after him before realizing that he just successfully managed to have a conversation with Steve. It wasn’t an accomplishment he should probably be proud of, people had conversations with really hot neighbors everyday, but ever since Bucky had gotten back Stateside he was been more withdrawn, only really talking to his family and Nat and Clint. So the fact that he been able to not only have a conversation with Steve, but enjoy it was a pretty big deal to him. It totally made up for the fact that he wasn’t able to concentrate on cramming for the next hour. If he didn’t know it at this point that extra time wasn’t going to help anyway Bucky figured as he let his mind wonder back to the way Steve’s checks had been pink with cold even though the Starbucks was fairly warm.

He started noticing Steve around the building more often. He doesn't actually go talk to him because that would mean Bucky would have to act like a normal human being and he was quite there yet. He comes home once and Steve is just getting home but he’s with a very good looking black man. Another time Steve is just getting back as Bucky is leaving. Steve smiles and waves hello, and for a moment Bucky just stood there in the hallway not knowing what to do. Then awkwardly returned the wave before running away.

“You know this is your fault right?” Bucky said pointedly at the cat lounging on his couch. He still had no idea how the cat was getting into his apartment but he figured at this point he better just accept it and move on with his life. He still had a healthy fear of the cat though so he tended to avoid wherever the cat decided to perch. That’s why even though there was plenty of room on his couch, Bucky was on the floor eating pizza. Natasha would laugh at him for being afraid of a cat, but Bucky could be honest with himself.

“If it weren't for you I would be blissfully unaware of how hot my neighbor is,” Bucky complained. “I could live in blissful ignorance about how not only is Steve super hot in a twink sort of way, but he’s also really smart. Who told him he was allowed to do that?” Bucky said sullenly shoving food into his mouth. The cat just stretched out with a yawn by caring about bucky’s heartache; the heartless bastard.

Bucky was kind of embarrassed to admit he spent way too much time thinking his crush on Steve, but to be fair it was winter break so he didn't have much else to think about. It wasn't like his job at the bar required much thinking. He had picked up a seasonal job doing gift wrapping at a department store to earn a little extra cash. He had no idea how particular people were about their wrapping until he he been chewed out for 15 minutes by a soccer mom who claimed to be too busy for him to take his time making sure his gifts were wrapped properly. Bucky knew he wasn't meant to be working customer service jobs. He did not have the right attitude for it, but it paid the bills while he finished his degree. Still he couldn't wait to be done with his seasonal job. It was kind of weird to have to wonder which job the glitter clinging to his hair was from.

Every time Bucky had seen Steve he had looked so nice in outfits that had to have been prepalanned. The only pre-planning bucky put into his wardrobe was sniffing his shirts to find the freshes one. Steve probably didn't find himself covered in glitter very often. Although now that he thought about it, Bucky and noticed that while Steve seemed to take care in his outfits and hair, he was also normally a little messy in other ways. Bucky had seen him with paint on his nose more than once and his hands almost always looked like they were smeared with something black.

“Get it together Barnes, you've only had like one real conversation with the guy. This is starting to border on creepy,” Bucky said to himself. The cat meows as if he was agreeing with Bucky’s self deprecation. He glared at the cat for good measure. Bucky didn't think it was fair for the cat to judge him because clearly it had made some poor decision of it had to rely on him for food.

At least the conversation thing was something Bucky could work on. He knew where Steve lived and knew he went to NYU. It shouldn't be that hard to have a normal conversation Steve was always friendly when Bucky saw him. All he really had to do was walk up to the guy and start talking.

“Just commiserate about having to go back to school,” Bucky muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs toward his apartment. “Say something. Don't just stare at him like you're the heroine of some romance novel,” Bucky muttered glad there was no one else in the stairwell to hear him talking to himself. That's just what he needed.

He definitely didn’t look longingly at Steve’s door as he passed it. That would be pathic, which Bucky definitely was, but not for that.

“Hey! I'm glad I caught you,” Steve said just as Bucky was putting his key into the door. Bucky’s heart did that thing where it would beat way faster than was strictly necessary in Bucky’s opinion. “Your cat must have gotten locked amour because I found him pawing at the door morning something fierce. I didn't want someone to kick him out of the building so he’s chilling in my apartment,” Steve explained.

Bucky stared at Steve confused for a second. He had never really thought about the car getting locked out before. It was always just there when it wanted to be, normally when it wanted Bucky to feed it. Also that wasn't his cat. He was going to tell Steve as much, but the blond was already turning, gesturing for Bucky to follow him toward his apartment. There was no way Bucky was going to pass up the opportunity to get into Steve’s apartment even if it was because of that damn cat.

Steve’s apartment was a mess. It was by no means dirty, but every surface was cluttered with art supplies, books, and other random junk. It made Bucky irrationally pleased to see Steve with a less than perfect apartment. He probably should have guessed that Steve was an artist. Him always being covered in glitter and paint suddenly made sense. Bucky also felt like he understood the guy’s aethic a little better now.

“He’s around here somewhere,” Steve said with a sheepish look. Bucky was pretty sure Steve’s apartment was heaven for a cat. There were boxes everywhere and plenty of stuff to knock off of high places. It made Bucky wonder why the cat had decided to torment him instead of Steve. Which reminded him, that he should probably inform Steve that the cat he was looking for didn’t actually belong to Bucky.

Just them the little shit itself came running out of what probably was Steve’s bedroom. It looked like it was carrying a piece of paper with what looked like a drawing on it. Steve rushed to grab the paper, but the cat just dodged him making a beeline for Bucky. It dropped the paper in front of him and then retreated back to Steve who was glaring down at the cat like it had betrayed him, which knowing that cat it probably had.

“Looks like he found something he liked,” Bucky said picking up the paper flipping it over to see the drawing. Bucky was pretty sure his eyes were bugging out of his face as he looked down at what was clearly a picture of him. It was a drawing of him wearing his hobo jacket, eyeliner smudged like it normally got after a long shift at the bar. His shoulders were hunched with tiredness. It was a facking good drawing and Bucky had no idea Steve had been watching him.

He looked up to see Steve’s entire face and visible part of his neck bright red. He was glaring down at the cat like it had personally betrayed him. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at the justice of it. Finally the cat’s asshole tendencies weren’t directed at him. Steve’s face snapped up at Bucky’s laugh, chin jutted out looking ready for a fight.

“Sorry, I’m not laughing at you, well I guess technically I am,” Bucky sad doing nothing to help the situation, but he couldn’t stop laughing.

“Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better,” Steve said sarcastically.

“No, really that cat is an asshole and I’m just glad someone else is finally at the tail end of it,” Bucky said finally gaining composure. “But this is really good Steve,” Bucky continued in a more serious tone. Steve fidgeted nervously, lifting a hand to pick at something on his sleeve.

Steve looked more nervous than any other time Bucky had ever seen him. He wondered if he was that obvious with his nervous. It made Bucky feel good to know that he wasn't the only one not totally ok. Although he wasn't really sure what Steve had to be nervous about. That drawing was ficking fantastic. It was an honor that Steve had even found him worthy enough to draw. Maybe he just had a weird fascination with his neighbor raccoon man.

Bucky wanted to ask him about it, but the words got stuck in his throat. He wasn’t sure what he could say that wouldn’t make it obvious the Bucky had a huge crush on the dude. Or maybe that was exactly what this situation needed.

“I have to say I’m honored that you would consider me worth drawing,” he said with a huff of a laugh.

“How could I not draw you, you're gorgeous,” Steve burst out and sequentially looked like he wanted to put his foot in his mouth. Bucky couldn’t help the wolfish grin that spread across his face. If it was even possible Steve’s face became even redder. Bucky didn’t agree with Steve’s assessment, not by a long shot, but he was so incredibly happy that Steve had even looked at him with some kind of interest.

“Yeah think so?” Bucky asked with an impish grin. His heart was pounding in his chest but it felt good to tease Steve playfully.

“Yeah. The first time I saw you in the alley you looked so good it was practically indecent” Steve said moving toward Bucky slowly.

“I’m pretty sure that was the condition of the sweetpants, not me,” Bucky said with a laugh. Steve shook his head.

“It’s all you Bucky. You make my hands itch to draw you,” Steve said coming so close he was practically chest to chest with Bucky.

This was it, Bucky thought, this was really happening. All he had to do was tilt his head down and he could kiss Steve who looked like he wanted it. He was about go in for the kiss when there was a sharp pain in his leg making him hiss and step back. He shook his leg to try and get that damn cat off of him.

“I don’t think your cat wants to share,” Steve laughed taking a step back. God, Bucky could listen to that laugh all day and not get tired of it. He had it bad. Bucky mourned the loss of the moment, but now that he knew Steve was interested he didn’t get discouraged. They stared at each other smiling like idiots for a couple seconds before Bucky decided he better go before he over stayed his welcome.

“Would you mind if I kept this?” Bucky asked lifting the drawing still clutched in his hand. Steve shrugged.

“Sure, I feel like that only fair since I didn’t exactly ask for consent before I drew it,” Steve asked suddenly looking nervous again, like he expected Bucky to get mad at him even though Bucky had thought he made it clear he was only flattered by Steve’s pen.

“Thanks, I better get going though, I’ll see you latter?” Bucky asked hoping he didn’t sound too desperate. Steve bit the his lower lip in a way that distracted Bucky, and nodded. Bucky beamed at the blond nodding back before turning to leave. The cat followed him out. Bucky was so happy that he was even considering willingly letting the cat at into his apartment for the night.

He was just opening his door when Steve came flying at him, surprising him. Steve was pressed in close to Bucky’s chest, pulling him down for a kiss. It took a moment for Bucky’s brain to catch up with what was happening, but when it did he returned the kiss with more gusto than finase. It wasn’t a particularly long or intense kiss but it was still the most amazing thing that had happened to Bucky recently.

When Steve pulled away he placed both his hands on Bucky’s chest and looked up at him coyly. “Come see me tomorrow?” He asked. Bucky could only nodded but Steve beamed at him before giving him one last peck on the lips and turning to go back to his apartment.

Bucky stood frozen in his doorway for a good five minutes after Steve left him. It wasn’t until a shrill, demanding meow penetrated his racing thoughts that Bucky snapped out of it and entered his apartment. He couldn’t keep the goofy grin off his face though. Steve liked him. Steve like him enough to draw him and kiss him. Bucky went to bed that night dreaming about hipsters and cats.

Bucky’s favorite thing to do was make out with Steve. It was only slightly spoiled by the demon cat who seemed to take personal offense when Steve’s attention was on Bucky and not it. Still even that damn cat could ruin how good it felt to his his lips on Steve’s, one hand tangled in blond hair the other clutching at Steve’s hip.

They had been dating for a few weeks now and it was better that Bucky could have hoped for. It was a little awkward at first, but once they got going it was hard to stop talking and laughing. It was like Steve was always meant to be a part of Bucky’s life and Bucky just hadn't known he was missing anything until he had Steve. A part of Bucky was remorseful that Steve hadn’t been part of his life sooner, but mainly he was glad Steve was in it now. Both Clint and Natasha had commented on him seeming happier and he was proud to be able to say he felt happy. Steve made him feel giddy inside.

They spend most of their time in each other’s apartment. If Steve doesn't wander into Bucky’s apartment Bucky knows that Steve is wrapped up in some art project. Bucky loves watching Steve work. Steve is a little ball of passion and that really comes out when he’s making art.

They do go on dates though and Bucky is so proud to be able to show Steve off. He finds as many excuses as possible to call Steve his boyfriend. He doesn't mean in a possessive way he just loves hearing the word. Whenever Steve calls Bucky his boyfriend it sends a whole body tingle through Bucky.

The one thing they haven't done yet is meant the family and friends. Bucky’s family definitely knew about Steve because Bucky couldn't shut up about him, but They hadn't made the trek over to actually meet Steve. Bucky wasn't worried about anyone not liking Steve because really, not loving Steve would be a crime. Clint had already proclaimed he liked Steve without even meeting him because Steve had managed to make Bucky stop glaring all the time.

What Bucky was worried about, was meeting Steve’s friends. The way Steve talked you would think he was friends with a bunch of geniuses and people who were generally out of Bucky’s league. Bucky was just a 25 year who joined the military right out of high school because he didn't think college was an option. When that blew up in face, literally, he had been totally lost. He wasn't stupid but sometimes he felt like he was in class won't people seven years younger than him and light years ahead of him on the material. He still had trouble having conversation with strangers and being out in public toolong, but Steve never made him feel bad about it. In fact Steve seemed to get mad for him whenever Bucky was feeling bad about himself. But still Bucky was nervous to meet Steve’s friends.

“So I have a proposition for you,” Steve said from his laying in Bucky’s lap. They were laying on Bucky’s couch, Steve’s laptop in his lap while they watched Parks and Rec. They had both already seen it a million times but the show was good and when finally stopped making out they were actually able to follow the show.

“Mmhmm,” Bucky hummed into Steve’s hair.

“My friend is throwing a party this weekend. I normally would avoid his parties like the plague but they are guilting me into going because I haven’t seen them in a while,” Steve said.

They both knew that Steve hadn’t seen his friends because him and Bucky were literally living out of each other’s pockets at the moment. Bucky felt a little guilty about hogging all of Steve’s attention.

“I didn’t really picture you as the partying type,” Bucky teased. Steve titled his head back sharply effectively head butting Bucky.

“I said I don’t normally do that kind of thing but Sam was ranting about all kinds of statistics about people losing on average three friends when they enter a new relationship and that he didn’t want be one of the three,” Steve said apologetically. Bucky snorted at that. He didn’t even have three friends to lose. Well if you counted Steve then he had exactly three friends. “It’ll be an experience though. You can meet my friends,” Steve said.

“Yeah alright,” Bucky agreed going back to playing with Steve’s hair and watching mindless tv, dying a little bit on the inside.

Partying wasn't really Bucky's scene but he would jump off a moving train if Steve asked him to; which was absolutely terrifying because he barely knew the guy. He felt like a middle school kid with their first crush. He may have called Natasha right after Steve had invited him to squeal at her, but he would deny it to his dying breath. Bucky wasn't completely sure why he agreed to go since he could barely handle being around his study group let alone a bunch of strangers. He knew he was going to end up following Steve around like a lost puppy, which was not a cute look.

"How the fuck did you get invited to a party in Stark Tower?" Bucky couldn't help but blurt out as they rose the elevator higher and higher.

"Oh, didn't I tell you Tony's throwing a end of winter break "drown yourself in alcohol before school can kill" party," Steve said putting air quotes around the end, a look of distaste on his face that told Bucky that it was a direct quote. It took Bucky a moment to realize that Tony must be the Tony fucking Stark, who Bucky knew attended their school but he only knew that in the same way that he knew famous actors and singers lived in NYC without him ever seeing them. He kind of just assumed Tony paid tuition, did his own thing and at the end of NYU would give him a diploma. He didn't think attendance policies applied to multi-billionaires.

It also took Bucky a minute to connect that fact that this all meant that Steve knew Tony Stark well enough to get invited to his party. Bucky was so out of his league. He had been preparing himself for adults sitting around drinking wine, not a fuckung Tony Stark party which regularly ended up on the news for causing some form of minor catastrophe. Fox News still liked to bring up the time Tony accidentally cashed a minor economic crash in France with one of his ragers. There was no way this was not ending badly.

"You didn't actually answer my question," Bucky said hoping Steve couldn't notice his impending panic attack.

"I meet Tony throw his girlfriend, Pepper who was in my art history classes," Steve said with a wave of his hand like it was nothing that he knew one of the richest men in the world. Bucky was sweating. There was no way Steve;s friends were going to approve of him, Bucky didn't even approve of himself. He knew he shouldn't put so much stock into people's opinions of him, but these were his boyfriend's friends. Their opinion of his mattered.

The penthouse was packed with people and alcohol. Bucky was terrified of getting separated from Steve and just froze in the doorway. Luckily Steve was better at this than him and just slipped his hand into’s Bucky’s and gently led him along while he looked for his friends.

Bucky could feel himself starting to get overwhelmed with all the people bumping into him and the blaring music was making his head hurt. He had already decided he wasn’t going to drink. Steve had asked him if it was ok for him to drink or if Bucky would be more comfortable with him staying sober. Bucky gave Steve his blessing to get wasted if he wanted to, but Bucky himself wasn’t going to partake.

Steve tugged Bucky to a stop in front of a group of people. The only person Bucky recognized was Tony Stark because of the amount of tabloids he was in. Steve went around introducing his friends, trying to raise his voice over the music but failing. Bucky was only able to catch a couple names. Before Bucky could figure out what was happening Steve was running away.

Bucky was halfway to a panic attack when the person he thought was Sam started talking to him.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Bucky. I thought we were going to have to storm your guy's’ apartment building to get Steve to come out,” Same said extending his hand out to Steve.

“Yeah. Sorry about that,” Bucky sheepishly.

“You look like the kind of person we normally kick out of the building,” Tony said brashly. Bucky gaped at him like a fish.

“You disgust me,” Sam said in a tone that Bucky couldn’t tell if it was friendly or hostile.

"I’m just saying that Steve's about as wholesome as apple pie and his boyfriend looks like he’s a homeless assassin," Tony said. Bucky stared at him him unsure of what he was supposed to do in this situation. He wanted Steve to come back.

"Man, do you ever get tired of the bullshit that comes out of your mouth" Sam said thankfully. Bucky was more than ready to let Sam take the lead for this. "Steve has gotten us banned from more places than your annoying ass has," Sam said. Bucky let out a bark of laughter at that. He could totally picture Steve in all his hipster glory causing a scene because of some injustice.

"Hey!" Steve said appearing out of nowhere at Bucky's side. Bucky slung his arm around Steve's shoulders further tucking him into his side. Bucky felt a little less tense with Steve next to him, radiating heat into his side. "What are you guys talking about," He asked eyeing his friends warily.

"They were just telling me about how much of a punk you are," Bucky said with a grin.

"It’s all lies, I've never done anything wrong in my life" Steve said instantly with a smirk that said otherwise.

"I know babe," Bucky said pulling Steve in to kiss the top of his head. Tony made a gagging noise.

Steve didn’t leave him alone for the rest of the night, which Bucky was grateful for. He ended up having a better time than he thought he would. Steve helped pull him into conversations and was good at reading him when he was getting uncomfortable and need a break. They were plastered to each other’s sides which gave Bucky a sense of comfort.

Steve got steadily drunker as the night went on. It was funny to watch him go from the well put together to lose and friendly. Steve was handsy when he was drunk, Bucky had to stop wandering hands more than once. Bucky decided it was time to go when Steve passed out on the couch while Bucky was using the bathroom. He had to fend off a drunk Tony Stark with a sharpie. It was a good thing Steve was small because otherwise there was no way would have been able to get them home since he had to practically carry Steve.

He got Steve tucked into his couch , but when he tried to make his way to his own bedroom Steve’s iron grip dragged him back onto the couch where he had to awkwardly spoon Steve to fit. Bucky was first to wake up, which was not surprising at all. Steve’s head was on his chest in a growing pile of drool that even Steve’s cute make look cute. When Bucky disentangled himself from Steve’s skinny limbs, the blond just groaned and rolled over.

Bucky made them a quick breakfast while Steve slowly woke up. His blond head peaked out from the back of the couch a look of utter pain on his face. Bucky couldn’t help but smile to which glared back at him.

“Coffee,” Steve demanded making grabby motions with his hands. Bucky rolled his eyes but brought his majesty a mug of coffee. Steve made the most disgustingly inappropriate noise as he took a sip. “Sorry if I got a little crazy last night,” Steve said with a shrug.

“You were fine until you passed out,” Bucky said leaning into the couch. “It was fun,” he admitted.

“Mhh, it was nice to finally get to introduce my boyfriend to my friends,” Steve said. “Next step is me meeting your parents don’t you think?” Bucky couldn’t keep the stupid grin off his face. For the first time ever he was seeing Steve looking like a hot mess. His clothes were wrinkled from sleeping on the couch, his hair looked like smoothing was building a nest in it, and his skin all blotchy. He even had sharpie still on his face.

“Sorry, I just can’t have a serious conversation with a guy who has a dick drawn on his face,” Bucky said with a laugh.

“You let Tony draw a dick on my face?” Steve asked in a hurt voice.

“Sorry babe, he got to you before I could protect your honor,” Bucky said in his best remorseful voice.

“Is it at least a good drawing of a dick?” Steve asked as if the quality of art was really what was important here.

“I mean it's no Steve Rogers piece of art, but it's alright,” Bucky teased. Steve smiled leaning over the couch to pull Bucky into a kiss. Before the kiss could gain any heat through a set of claws dug into Bucky’s leg.

“For the love of god, you don’t even live here,” Bucky groaned trying to get the cat to dienage. Steve, the little shit was laughing at him.

“What you mean he doesn’t live here? He’s your cat?” Steve asked confused.

“No, he’s not. He’s just a little shit who breaks in and makes my life hell,” Bucky said glaring at the cat who ignored him in favor of climbing into Steve’s lap who started petting him instantly. The cat even had the nerve to start purring like it wasn’t a torn in Bucky’s ass.

“So that’s not even your cat,” Steve asked break into hysterical giggles.

“Nope,” Bucky said with a pop.

“Don’t worry it can be our cat,” Steve said with a soft smile that Bucky knew was going to be the end of him someday.

#Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #stucky #captain america #Winter Soldier

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bigyack-com · 4 years

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With ‘Upload,’ Greg Daniels Takes a Leap Into the Great Unknown

VANCOUVER, British Columbia — The new Amazon series “Upload” was in its final week of shooting last May, and Greg Daniels was chewing on everything he could get his hands on, including his hands. Time was waning, and the set — a convincing facsimile of a claustrophobic Queens apartment — was tricky to navigate. Daniels, the series’s creator, watched a monitor as the crew worked the tight spaces and the director shouted commands.He chewed his gum. Cut! — another take, please. He chewed his fingers. Cut! — let’s try again. He leapt from his chair, consulted the crew and came back chewing his thumb. Cut! — one more time for safety.“At least I get to sit back and let her direct,” Daniels said, nodding to the episode’s director, Daina Reid, which was maybe half-true. He had complete faith in his directors, he emphasized, but this was a passion project three decades in the making. There wasn’t much actual sitting back.“It’s hard not to micromanage,” he admitted.Perhaps more than “Parks and Recreation,” which Daniels cocreated, and more than the American version of “The Office,” which Daniels developed and oversaw, “Upload” is his baby, based on an idea he conceived as a writer for “Saturday Night Live” in the late 1980s.A sci-fi dramatic comedy set in 2033, in which the souls of the dying are uploaded to a virtual afterlife, “Upload” is also Daniels’s first major creation since “Parks” ended in 2015. And when it debuts, on May 1, it will do so in the wake of several other notable series focused on similar themes and issues. The pressure was palpable.“It’s been three and a half months of go, go, go,” Daniels sighed. “It’s been a little bit crazy.”As much as anyone in television, Daniels is responsible for a successful brand of TV comedy that feels as familiar now as it felt groundbreaking when “The Office” debuted 15 years ago. His half-hour, single-camera sitcoms, with their deep ensemble casts and tonal blend of cringey awkwardness and heart, offered viewers the easy reliability of the best multicamera comedies but without the one-liners and studio audiences.“Upload,” however, is new territory for Daniels. Gone is the hand-held, mockumentary aesthetic he is best known for. He took a more cinematic approach to “Upload,” which Amazon encouraged him to write as a single contained story. It is his first creation for a streaming service (his second, the astro-political satire “Space Force,” lands next month on Netflix). The plot — told over 10 mostly half-hour episodes that will drop all at once — is tight and binge-ready. The special effects are complex.It also has action. And a murder mystery. And cursing and nudity. And competition.“There are so many good shows,” Daniels said during a car ride between sets. Audience attention is strained, he said, so he packed as many of the things he likes into “Upload” as possible.“Part of the impulse here is to kind of do a genre mash-up — to have satire but also to have romance and the mystery,” he said. “There’s a lot to look at and a lot to think about.”

Heaven, for a price

People love the characters Daniels creates and writes — as in, actually love. The way viewers talk about Michael Scott and Leslie Knope, they might as well be real people. Pam and Jim could be a real couple. Put “Ron Swanson” on an election ballot, and he’d probably do OK.Along the way, the list of actors his series have turned into stars is impressive. Aziz Ansari, Mindy Kaling, John Krasinski, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt: All were relative newcomers before appearing in Daniels’s sitcoms. Fans of “The Daily Show” knew Steve Carell as a correspondent, but it was his role on “The Office” that catapulted his career.“Upload” has a sharper edge than Daniels’s earlier shows (including the animated “King of the Hill,” which he created with Mike Judge), but the cast has familiar qualities: charismatic, diverse, good-looking but approachable, and led by actors who have the glow of indwelling stardom but aren’t widely known.“I think that’s really exciting from a casting standpoint, is to find somebody and see how you’re going to break them,” Daniels said. “And I think there’s a pleasure for the audience in going into a show and being like, ‘I don’t know any of these people.’”One of them is Andy Allo, who plays Nora, a customer service representative at Horizen, a company that manages the virtual afterlife and its digitized human souls, known as uploads. (The reps function as the angels of this digital heaven.)In the series, Nora’s father, a religious man, is dying, and he hopes to join Nora’s deceased mother in the celestial afterlife, not some digital one.“It does bring in so many questions of your existence after death,” Allo said between takes. “Heaven, on this spiritual level, is what my dad believes in, but I work for this company that has created heaven.”Like today’s wireless companies (note the name), Horizen offers different data plans based on what families can afford. If customers exceed their limits, things get glitchy.“How darkly funny it is that you end up almost in a similar way and place that you were in real life?” Allo said. “It’s like pay-by-month” on the bottom tier, she added — heaven when you can afford it. “You get two gigs a month, and once you run out, you freeze.”Although Nora has dozens of other clients, she grows close with Nathan (Robbie Amell), a handsome young upload who took his charmed life for granted before he was critically injured in a self-driving car crash. Ambiguity surrounds the circumstances of his eventual death, drawing Nora and Nathan deep into a dangerous mystery.Meanwhile, Nathan is even more beholden to his rich and controlling girlfriend (Allegra Edwards) than he was before he died, because her family is financing his digital existence.“Being uploaded and essentially being owned as a human being, or as intellectual property, by my girlfriend throws a huge wrench in my life,” Amell said. “So although I get to continue living, it’s definitely not on my own terms.”To create the show’s complex mesh of realities, Daniels relied on multiple directors with prestigious, wide-ranging résumés. (Reid got an Emmy nomination for “The Handmaid’s Tale”; Jeffrey Blitz directed the Oscar-nominated documentary “Spellbound.”)Daniels was among them, directing two episodes including the 45-minute pilot. It is a rare role for him — “I am probably the worst director of the bunch that I have hired,” he said laughing — and “Upload” presents its own technical challenges. Dogs talk. Heads explode. Characters and objects (and useful body parts) appear and disappear.On an outdoor set, an actor whacked a nonexistent golf ball toward a green screen, then traded barbs with a patch of grass. In the finished version, the empty space became a hologram of another actor playing Arnold Palmer, who died in 2016.“The game just keeps getting harder,” Daniels said. “I shot the pilot, and then ‘Ready Player One’ came out. Spielberg is master of special effects, and he had, like, a 20-minute opening shot with no cuts in it, zooming through this world, going in and out of VR and the real world.”Thirty years ago, Daniels likely wouldn’t have measured himself against Steven Spielberg. But in the era of streaming and prestige TV, the competition had evolved.“I was like, ‘Oh God,’” Daniels said. “‘His one shot is like 20 times the budget of my entire pilot.’”

A convincing future

TV has become highly interested in post-mortem journeys of self-discovery, in shows like Amazon’s “Forever,” TBS’s “Miracle Workers” and Netflix’s “Russian Doll.” Daniels is aware of the micro-trend but doesn’t consider “Upload” to be following an increasingly well-trod metaphysical path.Ask about “Black Mirror,” and he is quick to tell you he devised and sold the idea for “Upload” well before the debut of “San Junipero” — an episode that won two Emmys in 2017 for its story set in a digital hereafter.Ask about “The Good Place,” however, and he is thoughtful to the point of appearing vulnerable. “The Good Place” wasn’t TV’s only comedy about the afterlife, as he noted. But it was the only one put out by his “Parks and Recreation” co-creator, Michael Schur.“I couldn’t believe that Mike had the idea for ‘The Good Place’ while I was doing this,” Daniels said. “I don’t watch ‘The Good Place’ because of the similarities. I don’t want to watch it.”Given the creators’ shared history, comparisons between the shows will be inevitable. Each is a high-concept comedy set in an afterworld with design flaws and equally flawed but charming staff. But “Upload” has a detailed and believable universe all its own.Perhaps its greatest distinguishing feature is the focus on technology and class. The tone is sometimes dark, not just darkly funny, and even frightening.Daniels said he’d wanted realism, a version of the near-future that was convincing and recognizable. A Tinder-like app lets people rate their hookups. Unemployment might keep you out of heaven.“For the pitch, I was referencing Kafka and Charlie Chaplin in ‘Modern Times,’” he said. “That’s, to me, why to do it, because it feels like it says something about income inequality and capitalism.”Traditional notions of heaven are about “both living past your body’s death but also, supposedly, some sort of fairness or ultimate reward for the good and the meek,” he added. “In this version, that’s not happening — it’s just the rich and capitalistic getting it.”That pitch had traveled its own Kafkaesque journey, metamorphosing as it went. Daniels conceived an early version while brainstorming “S.N.L.” sketches but ultimately decided to table the idea, and then later tried to turn it into a short story. During the writers’ strike of 2007-8, he took a stab at making it a novel. He didn’t pitch it as a TV show until several years later, selling it to HBO in 2015.HBO spent some time developing the concept, but then the executive who bought it left. Daniels resold it in 2016 to Amazon.“There have been other shows that dealt with the afterlife, but I think the way that Greg has designed the show is truly and fully unique,” said Ryan Andolina, the head of comedy at Amazon Studios. Andolina also bought Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s “Fleabag,” a favorite of Daniels’s, and he viewed “Upload” as another kind of auteur comedy. “Greg is very meticulous and specific, and had a very clear idea of what the show was.”It would’ve been easy for Daniels to make another network mockumentary, but he seems determined to push himself. “Space Force” will reunite him with Carell, who pitched him the show in July 2018, not long after President Trump announced his desire to create a new military branch of the same name.The Netflix series is not quite science fiction, though there are spaceships, and the cast and cinematic production signal a significant budget. Another thing it isn’t: a network mockumentary.“Mockumentary is terrific — it’s a really fun style,” he said. “But after nine years of ‘The Office’ and seven years of ‘Parks and Recreation,’ I don’t know, I felt like I wanted to do something else.”He paused, then laughed. “After dealing with this many green screens, I could see going back to mockumentary.” Read the full article

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furederiko · 7 years

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The 89th Academy Award will held its celebration and crown new winners in around 24 hours from now (PST time). Here's my thoughts on who I want to see win, and who would likely end up getting the gold instead...

Before I proceed, a quick disclaimer notice. This printable Oscar® ballot was taken from Fandango, so clearly the credit goes to them. It's an annual thing they do, so I don't think any of you would be surprised. Also... last year, I was able to see some of the nominees for "Best Picture", hence i could give a valid opinion for them. This year however, I have only been able to see ONE of them... *sigh*. Thus I honestly don't think I'm even qualified to voice my prediction. LOL. But screw that, I'm going with my guts instinct instead! And yes, that means I'm listing ALL categories now (in bottom-up order). Here goes nothing...

Best Sound Editing

Who I want to see win: Perhaps, "La La Land" because it's a musical? Really, it's the first category and I'm already clueless with it. Who would likely win instead: I believe aside from "Deepwater Horizon" and "Sully", the remaining titles are top contenders. I can even dare say they have an equal chance of winning. But I'm choosing "Hacksaw Ridge", because it's a war movie, and we all know that sounds play a crucial factor in enhancing the look and feel. I mean, just imagine a war movie without any appropriate sound effects. Yep...

Best Short Film - Live Action

Who I want to see win: I can't actually voice my opinion for this one, because I don't think I'll be able to see any of them anyway... Who would likely win instead: I really shouldn't give my pick on this one, due to the exact same condition. But to not go empty handed, I'll go with "Ennemis Interierus" after reading opinions from various critics. It seems they are favoring this title for valid reasons.

Best Short Film - Animated

Who I want to see win: Can I just say 'PASS' now? XD Who would likely win instead: Look, I'm a fan of animated movies. That's a FACT. But I've only seen one title in the list, and eventhough it's sweet, adorable, and genuinely cute, I doubt "Piper" would win. Not to mention, "Sanjay's Super Team" didn't win last year, so Pixar's not exactly a sure bet anymore. Which one should I choose, then? After reading various reviews, I think I'll go with "Pearl" then...

Best Sound Mixing

Who I want to see win: I think it's between "La La Land" and "Arrival". Who would likely win instead: Well, my vote goes to "La La Land", due to a ridiculous reason that it's a musical. Hey, sound mixing is crucially important for the genre, right? It's the make or break element. Let's just see whether the Academy members are on the same page with me or not on this. But it seems they always DID choose musical for this category. LOL.

Best Makeup & Hairstyling

Who I want to see win: You know what? I'm going to go ahead and choose A Man Called Ove for this one. Why? It has won the same category before at the Guldbagge Awards! Beside, it's the fairest choice considering the other blockbuster titles competing with it. Who would likely win instead: Its anyone's guess, really. Because "A Man Called Ove" might not get a huge buzz because it's a foreign movie, "Suicide Squad" was forgettable pop-corn flick at best and that might play an effect to voters, and "Star Trek Beyond" wasn't too successful. Judging from the tendency though, I think that last one has the highest chance of nabbing the prize. After all, "Star Trek Beyond" was critically praised, and it was meant as the 50th Anniversary movie of the franchise. That must've played a factor in the voters mind. Besides, we're getting lots of aliens in it, right? And that requires extensive make up. Then again... even "Guardians of the Galaxy" didn't win this category back in 2015... *sigh*.

Best Visual Effects

Who I want to see win: Well this one's VERY easy. The easiest answer I could give. And that is? Either "The Jungle Book" or "Doctor Strange", because both were visual effects masterpiece that brought audience to surreal worlds they have never been before. The former was plain old movie magic, while the latter dazzled and enchanted through its magical sequences. I recall, we have had a double winner before, right? I hope that's the case with this category this year. If it's not happening, then at least "Kubo and the Two Strings" should be given a consideration. Who would likely win instead: This is also easy. "The Jungle Book" all the way. I'd be surprised if it doesn't win. And would be VERY suprised if "Deepwater Horizon" does!

Best Original Song

Who I want to see win: Obviously the one that resonated to me the most... "How Far I'll Go" from "Moana". It's an inspiring song, and one that would get stuck in your head fairly easily. Lest we forget, it was sung by a teenager when the movie was produced! Who would likely win instead: "The Empty Chair" from "Jim: The James Foley Story" might pull off a surprise win here, but I'm betting my pick on "Audition (The Fools Who Dream)" from "La La Land". Sure, "City of Stars" by the same movie is having a much higher chance to win, but I personally liked Emma Stone's solo better (I haven't seen the movie, but I have heard its soundtrack). It's a slow ballad that's sweet, hopeful, but also poignant at the same time. And usually, melancholic songs tend to win more attention. At least, I'm sure it'll move many voters' emotion to give their voice.

Best Original Score

Who I want to see win: Duh? Of course it's the musical one. Who would likely win instead: Yes, rhyming well with my desire, I'm giving my pick to "La La Land" as well, because it IS a musical. And yes, I do think it would win as well. Because... yes, it IS a musical. Duh! Hold on, why am I repeating my words in a loop? Hmmm... like a song? LOL

Best Costume Design

Who I want to see win: Judging from the trailer and clips, "La La Land" looks stunning with its colorful costumes and designs. Who would likely win instead: Unfortunately, I don't think those fancy vibrant colors would win over audience, as much as the other movies. I'm not too keen of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them", I mean, I need to check whether any "Harry Potter" titles had won this category before. But it DOES have a higher chance of winning. The same goes to the other titles, because the costumes are important elements to their time setting. With that reason in mind, I'll give my voice to "Jackie" then! The figure has an iconic fashion style, and it would break its actress performance if it wasn't done appropriately.

Best Production Design

Who I want to see win: I usually couldn't care less about this category, but there is a particular title I want to see win, and it's "Hail, Caesar!". Yes, for a movie about Hollywood, and considering the directors and talents behind it, it's really quite surprising that it only scored one nomination in the Oscars. Just this one! So yeah, this is my way to honor the fun and meaningful movie. Who would likely win instead: "Hail, Caesar!" and "La La Land" are pretty much similar in this category, so I doubt neither would get the gold. "Passengers"? Wasn't that all relying to CG? Meh. I'd love to use the same reason to denounce "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them", but for some reasons, somehow I can see it winning over voters. In fact, it might actually get the first place. The same sentiment goes to "Arrival". Judging from the Academy members' tendency, I'm going to go ahead and choose "Arrival" though. After all, the Academy members tend to go with lower budget movies that utilizes more practical production, rather than big-budgeted box office types. Still, I could be very wrong about this....

Best Film Editing

Who I want to see win: I'll pass... because I think any of them should win. Who would likely win instead: Editing is a crucial aspect of film's post production. We all have seen examples of how poorly edited process affected the overall reception of a movie. Example? The two latest DC Films. And nope, not event a 'Make Up Oscar nod' is valid as an excuse. Things need to flow together nicely, and scenes need to be cut and shaped without breaking the narratives and goals of the movie. This works for all the names on this list, because if it's not a tight-cut war sequence like "Hacksaw Ridge", or rhythm-paced musical of "La La Land", it's a slow moment that captures thrills like "Arrival" or emotions like "Moonlight". I'm going to go ahead with the safest choice once more, which is... the most nominated title of the bunch.

Best Cinematography

Who I want to see win: This one's a little... hard. In fact, I'd go ahead and choose the simplest answer once again: Any of them. This sentiment is based on the trailers alone, of course. Who would likely win instead: Once again, I don't know for sure. I think this is the category where every nominees have a fair chance. Since I can only choose one title, I'm going to go ahead and choose "Arrival". Though I can't seem to hide the feeling that "La La Land" will come on top instead.

Best Documentary Short Subject

Who I want to see win: ...any of them too? The wisest answer for me is to pass on this one, really. No... really, because I don't even have access to see them. Not now, not in the near future. Who would likely win instead: Many are saying that the award would likely be given to "Joe's Violin", due to its emotional theme. But I'll go with "Extremis" for this one. And no, not because it sounds like a plot point from "Iron Man 3", but because it sounds like a serious title about... something serious? Ahahaha... (don't worry, I'm ready to lose point in this, and I think I will)

Best Documentary Feature

Who I want to see win: ...likewise with the previous category. Who would likely win instead: I want to go with "I Am Not Your Negro", because it 'sounds' like something relevant to a discrimination theme, but I have a strong feeling people are going to vote for "O.J.: Made in America" instead. Yes, due to that popular TV shows that has been winning Emmys. So I'll go ahead with that one.

Best Foreign Language Film

Who I want to see win: The Iranian movie, "The Salesman". I know I shouldn't relate this with politics, but seriously, its win would serve as such a huge slap to the current leader of US Government a.k.a 'He Who Should Not Be Named', and his despicable discriminative ban on a certain religion believers. Say what you will, but I will NEVER approve a bully, no matter what or who he is. Who would likely win instead: Yes, I'm giving my vote to the same title, and apparently "Toni Erdmann" is likely tailing behind it. It's hard to properly judge foreign movies though, because I don't even know how to gain access to these movies. They say that movies, just like music should've been universal, and that IS indeed the case. Distribution-wise however? NOT the case.

Best Animated Feature

Who I want to see win: Should I go with a Studio Ghibli co-produced title "The Red Turtle"? Or the child drama of being an outcast in "My Life as a Zucchini"? Perhaps the Polynesian coming-of-age Disney Princess movie of "Moana"? Nope... I think I'll go with a title that I placed on my Top 10 Movies of 2016: "Kubo and the Two Strings"! I'd genuinely be happy if ANY of the nominees wins though, because seriously they are all great... Who would likely win instead: There is one title that have been a standout, defeating every competition in previous award shows. It's none other than Disney's Animation second title, "Zootopia". Which is why I'm giving my vote to it too. It's also one of my Top 10 Movies of 2016, although it ranked a little lower than Kubo's. But I can see the appeal to why Academy members would go with this title instead.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Who I want to see win: I have to give this one a pass too, because I would need to know the actual source materials to properly give a valid opinion. Who would likely win instead: I feel it's going to be a race between "Arrival" and "Moonlight". Not saying that the other three titles are not good, but my gut is telling me that way. I'm going with the latter here...

Best Original Screenplay

Who I want to see win: Hmmm... I can't say who I want to see win, but I know which one would be unlikely to. But I'll just stay silent and choose abstain here. Otherwise I might sound rude to a title or two. Who would likely win instead: If you ask me, it's highly likely that "La La Land" and "Manchester by the Sea" are the two possible winners. Which is why I'm going with the former, because writing a musical isn't a easy feat. Especially one that blends the bright Hollywood dream and its dark and crushing reality.

Best Supporting Actress

Who I want to see win: Hmmm... I really don't know. I like all names in this list on the same level, so I don't think I can favor one. Who would likely win instead: If there's a category that proves that we're not having an #OscarsSoWhite year, it's this one. Three of the nominees are African-Americans! And all of them have the highest chance to nab the big prize, especially when compared to the two white Oscar darlings Nicole Kidman, and Michelle Williams (who has a higher opportunity to win among the two, mind you). Before you get me wrong, I'm not going to compare about race here, but I do feel we might see Viola Davis actually winning this year. She has been nominated several times already, and it's high time that she's getting the accolade she truly deserves.

Best Supporting Actor

Who I want to see win: I'm 100% Asian, so obviously I'll go with Dev Patel. Okay, I'm kidding, because that's not the main reason. But it's certainly one of it. LOL Who would likely win instead: The only one I've seen in this list is Jeff Bridges, and while he was good in "Hell or High Water", I honestly didn't think he offered anything new in his role. Thus the likelihood of him winning is well... a little low. Similar to Michael Shannon IMHO, whose inclusion felt like a big surprise, considering it was his co-star Aaron Taylor-Johnson in "Nocturnal Animals" who were nominated for Golden Globes. Who won too! With that said, I'm gonna go for Mahershala Ali with this one, although both Patel and Lucas Hedges have strong chances too. In fact, I won't be surprised if Hedges comes out on top!

Best Actress

Who I want to see win: Ruth Negga! Yep, ever since she gave a layered and stellar performance, albeit being wasted as an antagonist character in the first two seasons of Marvel's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.", I've known for sure that Negga is going to go big. Her being 'not white' might sort of prevented this from happening much sooner, but here's hoping her Oscar nomination will pave way for a brighter success in the future. It also helps that just like Mahershala Ali, she's a Marvel alumn. LOL. Who would likely win instead: Unfortunately, the chance for Negga to win is rather... slim. That's because the buzz has mostly gone to either Natalie Portman and Emma Stone for their performances. The latter in particular. Which is why, I'm giving my vote for Portman, due to several reasons. Her movie "Jackie" IS a biopic. It's a political theme one. And Portman is an Oscar darling. Those three might easily affected the Academy members in giving her a 2nd Oscar. Stone comes next because she fits the 3rd category as well, and the same goes for Meryl Streep who has always been a frequent in the Oscar race.

Best Actor

Who I want to see win: Casey Affleck, if only to prove to the world that he IS a solid talent on his own. As in, not just an actor who should always be associated with a more popular brother. To be honest, his acting skill are beyond Ben's, but he has been the joke of the town just because his last name, right? That's unfair. Who would likely win instead: This is rather difficult. If there's one name I could easily cross from the list, it's Andrew Garfield. I haven't seen "Hacksaw Ridge" myself, but I don't think he's a contender to win when we have Viggo Mortensen who bared it all physically and emotionally in "Captain Fantastic", Ryan Gosling who danced and sang it all in "La La Land", and Denzel Washington who both directed and acted in "Fences". And then there was Affleck, whose performance many critics have been wholeheartedly praising. So far, I believe the true competition would be between Affleck and Washington, and so I'm going with my gut instinct and choose Washington... with the same reasonings to my vote for Natalie Portman.

Best Director

Who I want to see win: Either Denis Villeneuve and Damien Chazelle would be great! Who would likely win instead: I have a strong inkling feeling that Chazelle will take the big prize. After all, he's been scoring wins in other award shows, and might very well continue a winning streak. But I do believe Villeneuve, Barry Jenkins, and Kenneth Lonergan also have high probability to win. The one I honestly doubt would win would be Mel Gibson. Not saying that he's a bad director though, but I don't think he has as much positive buzz as the other nominees.

Best Picture

Which one I want to see win: I got it right last year when I chose "Spotlight", but I honestly can't tell with this year's set. As I said above, I haven't even seen half of the titles on the list! That's saying much. So I guess I'm okay with any title that'll win. Everyone's a fair game. Who would likely win instead: Being the movie with the most nominations, "La La Land" obviously has been the frontrunner for this category. Especially if voters lean towards the happy poignant Hollywood flare rather than heart gutting dramas about social issues. Hollywood folks love to praise themselves, and it has been proven several times in the Oscar's "Best Picture" wins. But "Moonlight", "Arrival", and "Manchester by the Sea" are tailing behind, stalking the musical in every corner, so they have a high chance too. I'll say it again, I have only seen one title (and without discrediting the title, I doubt "Hell or High Water" would win), so I can't really say much about which one would likely win gold. Thus I'll go with the popular consensus and go with "La La Land". Taking the easy road, eh?

As you could see, this was NOT a credible prediction. At all. LOL. I mean, I mostly relied on personal guesses judging from the Academy's tendency, while some categories were picked from popular predictions posted on various sites (like Collider, Forbes, Social Media, and so on). So that's just the way it is. One thing for sure, I won't be surprised if my Result Score would end up being much lower than last year. LOL. Then again, things can always go sideways, and might not play well to anyone's prediction. Considering the Academy has 6700 active members now, and every single one of them are a unique soul. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes, when the grand celebration starts on February 26, 2017, on 04:00 PM PST. Which is only around 24 hours away (if my calculation is correct, it should be February 25, 04:00PM PST when this post goes up). I'll return with the 'Result' version of this post, as soon as I get information on all the winners. Till then, go watch the Best Pictures nominees and wish the best for the ones you want to see win! See you soon...

#random thoughts #Just for Fun #movie #Academy Awards #Oscars #animation

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