#like just genuinely feel for her so much

[yashley]

#critical role #cr lb #ygifs #imogen #and now I'm like did imogen have her own reason for not even going near the raven queen did she pray to her for her mother #thinking her mother was dead was gone and the goddess of death had her and it was just a little girl praying at her bedside #take care of her mother. tell her how much she misses her. she misses her so much. and the raven queen never answered #and she could find no comfort not even in a deity who brought eternal rest there was no solace. and there was no correction #did she pick a god and pray? for her mother to come back. for her father not to hate her. for someone to look at her like shes not a monste #that all this time this certified atheist to have zero interest in the gods or helping them not because she genuinely didn't care #but because once upon a time the little girl she used to be cared so much. and prayed so hard. never seeing the red veil around her #damning her from the grace of the gods #and isn't that just what a monster deserves #not even a gracious god will find you special enough you feel like nothing to them because you are nothing to them #and it's like is that true or is such an evil force preventing their light and it's like I'm chewing but I'm choking #I had to stop looking at laura's face because it was making me too craaazzzyy she'd just be like (bafta) and I'd be like (SCREAMING) #hey matt if this is a birdcall to make imogen a paladin tweet tweet beautiful man

[blueskittlesart]

deeply refreshing to see someone critical of Swift who also like, genuinely likes her. Like i'm neutral to positive on her, but the online discourse has been absolutely rancid. flipping between "Taylor Swift has never done anything wrong ever and she's a fucking genius" and "Taylor Swift is the worst lyricist of all time and also a bad person" is exhausting, so thank you for like. nuance or something lmao

not to make it serious for a sec but i genuinely think that being able to like things that are bad is really important. like I think that it's an important skill to be able to look at something and see what you personally enjoy about it and then take a step back and acknowledge that objectively it's flawed. and to also be able to acknowledge that liking something isn't necessarily an identity or a moral stance. and i think that fandom space in general could really benefit from more people taking the time to learn how to do that. it's okay to like things that are bad

#people ask me sometimes why ill occasionally talk about something i like and then go 'but it's bad' and the answer is usually because it is #i love teen wolf. i love genshin impact. i love detective conan. and i fucking LOVE taylor swift. that doesnt mean theyre good #it just means i like them. and recognizing their flaws actually helps me better identify what i like about them! #it's like. in my mind bad > good is the x axis and i like it > i dont like it is the y axis yk. they're not mutually exclusive #tldr it's not that serious. we can all relax a little #irt taylor swift i do also think she has done some real harm to her fans in enabling them to deflect all criticism of her as misogyny #and i don't think it's fully the fault of these people who are parroting that response bc so much of her marketing has deliberately #reinforced this idea that to be a swiftie is to be a part of a sisterhood and that any attack on taylor is an attack on all of those women #who are in that in-group. when that's obviously not the case. but she's marketed herself as. for lack of a better term. 'girl music' #to the point where it makes her fans feel as though any criticism of the music or the woman responsible for it is an attack on their #personal experience of womanhood/girlhood/sisterhood/etc. and that's how you get all of thess bad-faith accusations of misogyny #i don't necessarily think this was her deliberate goal with her marketing tho because like. on first glance such a strong sense of communit #among fans sounds like a great thing. the friendship bracelets i got at the eras tour movie are really genuinely special to me. #but it does present a problem when your fans are unable to separate how they feel about the community and experience your music has fostere #from how they feel about you as a person. especially when you are a billionaire who absolutely CANNOT be above criticism in this economy #anyway. tldr i love taylor's music and i don't think swiftie hivemind is as deliberately malicious as it may seem #but it's obviously necessary to be able to take a step back and look objectively at what you're participating in. #anyway stream ttpd or don't idc <3 #taylor swift

[hecksupremechips]

Mizuki and Date though like. Imagine being 8 and your parents are filthy rich and going through a bad divorce. Your mom treats you like shit, lashing out at you, hitting you, saying she wishes you were never born all because you were behaving like a child. Your dad is more comforting, but he doesn’t do anything to stop the abuse and he spends his time invested in a completely different family, a girl who you love and look up to but he loves her more than you and it fucking shows. Then your dads new friend, some fucking bachelor in his late 20s, is just like "wow you guys are the worst fucking parents ive ever seen" and next thing you know your dad is sending you off to live with him. And it’s just a massive kick in the head cuz you go from a rich lifestyle to living in some really shitty tiny ass apartment with this guy who’s clearly never been around a child in his entire life and he doesn’t know how to behave and does a really bad job of censoring himself like he has a bunch of dirty magazines that he can’t hide very well cuz it’s literally a studio apartment and also he talks to himself sometimes, it’s really weird. He doesn’t even have the slightest clue what he’s doing

And he’s the best parent you’ve ever had

Because fuck, it all really hurts. You have to cope with having never received any love from anyone, and with the fact that your parents clearly don’t want you and can’t even be bothered to send you with anyone even kinda responsible. And this guy has a scary job with crazy hours and you don’t know anything about him and neither does he. But still, he never once hits you or tells you you’re not allowed to cry. He just gives you space and doesn’t push you to feel any sort of way about him. And sometimes, he’s even kind. He makes you some stew, even though it’s a bit chunky. He lets you sleep in the bed and takes the couch for himself, even though he complains about the massive back pain he’d never trade his spot for a second. He pays attention to events at your school and gives you your favorite stuffed animal when you make good grades, even though you called it ugly. He gets worried sick when you come home with bruises and puts on a goofy voice and trains you to defend yourself and you develop some highly deadly skills and even though it’s really abnormal, he buys you a bench press so you can get stronger. There’s this distance there, and you feel really weird caring about someone who you aren’t related to, but you find yourself wishing it was meant to be like this all along, that maybe, he’s secretly your real dad and he loves you like his real daughter

And when you say "I’m back" he says "welcome home"

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #kaname date #mizuki date #THE DATES THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAA #its so funny though like imagine being such a bad parent that some loner who jerks off all the time does a better job than you #and hes literally never interacted with children before and is later revealed to have actually been an assassin #renju and shoko really just suck huh #and i dont mean to reduce date to a porno loving loser cuz nah like hes actually got so much depth going on in this situation like he cant #remember a single thing about his past he has no frame of reference for what a family is or if hes ever had one himself #which we then learn he. kinda didnt he was an orphan with no friends no name no one who came looking for him it seems #yet he still finds himself loving and caring for this girl and would literally die over and over for her to live a happy life #hes so genuinely kind and caring and deeply lonely and unsure of himself if hes doing this right #and he feels agonizing pain when hes forced to remember that he isnt mizukis real dad and that. he has nothing #but despite that he doesnt force mizuki to return these feelings because its a lot to burden a child with and shes been through enough #its like. kaname date i love youuuu please just adopt her already 🥺

[ubepan]

mithrun thought of his lover as someone who's "untrustworthy". he looked down at her too, if this is anything to go by

she's a naga for ALL panels she's in with mithrun--you'd think if he wanted her to feel real, she'd atleast have been a doppelganger or something but she's been a chimera for most of the times we've seen her. mithrun's been dungeon lord for 5 years of his life, and his supposed lover has been a chimera for . probably all of it.

also consider: kabru is spinning the narrative about mithrun's time as a dungeon lord into something Laios can comprehend. i think that's critical. kabru says “his life in the dungeon couldn't have been happier” and i think he's being literal. there's little happiness in living in a lie, and personally—mithrun's expression here is pretty telling

is this anything

#like i genuinely don't think he loved her as much as fanon is making it out to be #i really think. and stay with me. that he only wanted her to be His so that his brother doesnt get to have her #misiril said his dungeon reeked of his complexes so thats where im going with this #<- not verbatim #dungeon meshi #mithrun #at most mithrun never loved his ex at least he's never loved someone without his complex getting in the mix #at the VERY least mithrun was (mentally) unstable. in canary scale he'd already be at dungeon level 4 from the start with his naga lover #feel free to add anything to this or counter it even! i may have missed something but this is just how i interpreted it all #would this count as a character study . idek

[b4kuch1n]

siren

#bakuspecial #cw: nudity #cw: body horror #monster #siren! I think. they're bird to me #I think this has been brewing since that stream mim did of drawing dnd monsters only from official text description #and when the official art for the sirens were shown I was like. oh thats just a woman with wings #lmao like. granted. its an official dnd book available for all audience. you cant make it too Bad To Look At #(I do not agree with this but it wasnt about me. if its about me its gonna be about very few people lmao) #but yeah. after that I got slightly too into the idea of putting more bird into birdwoman #but I also do genuinely love monsters that are Rearranged Human Parts so. I couldnt commit too much to the bird scales Im so sorry #I wanted the fleshiness. the feel. textural experience of holding her hands and being like oh that's a human #even when ur eyes tell u otherwise. mmm #...I looked to my right as I was typing these tags and saw. the fucked up pikmin I tried to sculpt the other day along with the pin #and got startled #its so. its so fucked up. gods. dusty white naked grainy parsnip #I used to have that one doll I butchered wanting to customize in a box next to me and thats way less upsetting than this. man #its perfect actually I will never throw this thing away. anyways #now. now I go to bed. its sleep time for the baku #have a good night lads! you CAN have it both way easily you just need a big bat

[cloudysarts]

this show would be good if literally everything about it was different

#read these tags please(unless ur an HH fan in which case please ignore them) >>> I DO NOT LIKE THIS SHOW #i hate viv///ziepop so fucking much its actually unreal. every time i think about her i seethe #been hatewatching it ('legally') nd its awful. like i mean i knew it would be going into it but goddamn. so much worse than i expected #you may be like 'whyd you draw this then'. i wanted to make a finished piece with my redesigns #for funsies me and my boyf have been rewriting/redesigning the whole show . thats been our fun little craft #i feel similar about this that i do about fnaf and miraculous ladybug even tho this is objectively worse in every way #theres this eternal feeling of like. man. if the writers were competent then this concept would be interesting #but theyre not so. here we are #anyway. im gona try not to put hate in the tags lol #but i like how this turned out too much NOT to post it #anyways mutuals please dont unfollow me for this i promise im normal JDSFHJKDFHJDFKHJK #Hazbin Hotel Redesigns #Hazbin Hotel Critical #Angel Dust #Husk #Huskerdust #I guess. #genuinely a little scared to post this ones. im scared ill lose mutuals over this AND/OR fans will harass me for those tags JHKSDFHJKJK #im posting it and then immediately going to sleep. might delete later if even 1 thing goes wrong #EDIT RL QUICK i wanna add: i dont care if you like the show <33 good for you!!! i respect it!! i liked it when i was 14. i just dont now. <

[caluupin]

Finished TGAAC around 2 1/2 weeks ago but only finished the doodles today. but still, here ya go!

#caluuart #art #dgs spoilers #dgs2 spoilers #tgaa spoilers #tgaa2 spoilers #ace attorney #the great ace attorney #tgaa #dgs2 #not tagging characters bc it's a lot #RAMBLE TIME. so ever since I finished dgs2 I have been listening to the soundtracks and MAN these bang so much #esp as a person who plays the piano and likes music. it's just. good. yeah. some of these do give me psychological dmg tho lmaoo #like kazuma's nocturne theme or his prosecutor theme. or the secret trial theme.... the partners - the game is afoot! theme.... I am normal #WHICH SPEAKING OF! man I love the sholmes + mikotoba partner twist so much even if i got a bit spoiled about it. i just think they're neat. #The partners of all time I think. #Also also the found family!?!?!? I am A SUCKER for found family. they fed me so well. #funny thing was the barok character development surprised me despite the fact that I also expected it since the first game lolol. #I do think he's an interesting character and probably one of the best character development in the game. And that I find his design cool. #oh yeah I didn't draw it but when I saw that albert mentioned that barok is “the darling of the van zieks family” I was genuinely like. #huh? wdym. like man at the time “van zieks” and “little darling” feels wrong in the same sentence. that was until I saw his pre- #-trauma pictures n well. albert isn't wrong. which was a slight surprise to me. #In conclusion: I liked it a lot. and now occupies parts of my brain along with my other brainrots. #They fight for priority in my brain whenever I try to sleep or disassociate lol. Well at least there's more material to think about. #off topic time: arlecchino animation. for the sake of the tag's length I'll just say a few things: #I am very very interested in her story and oh my god father. #My brain has stopped braining now; good night my fellows

[sanjarka]

i'm gonna start being mean. if you have enough understanding for katniss's depression then how are you calling katniss's mom selfish for her response to her husband's death. you do understand what catatonic depression is right? you understand that she didn't purposely abandon her children?

#i would also argue that she didn't even abandon katniss after prim's death but was actually protecting her #sometimes it seems like some people genuinely feel like she didn't love katniss as much as prim which is so... #she was afraid and she knew that if she were to return to 12 everything would repeat again #and yes as a mother she should take care of her daughter but she's also just a woman #how can two sick people take care of each other like literally how??? #and maybe she should've tried harder and not focused on the fear BUT I AM REPEATING DEPRESSION IS NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST CHOOSE TO HAVE #the only thing she's certain of is that the possibility of disappointing and hurting katniss is to high to risk it #and there are things to criticize her for surely but i just don't see any of her mistakes being a result of not caring for katniss #or not loving her #that's not it #I WILL PROTECT THIS WOMAN UNTILL THE END OF TIME #thg #everlark

[chirpsythismorning]

Some of the evidence supporting Mike not being in love with El is brutal. No, but seriously.

In s3, when El's leg is injured, instead of Mike putting his arm around her waist, allowing him to take some of the weight off her injured leg, he puts his arm around her shoulder, basically having the exact opposite affect of taking the weight off of her, instead just adding more weight for her to have to carry.

Now, I’m not coming at Mike here, I’m actually coming at the writers, because this choice here has everything to do with them using this gesture to signal Mike’s lack of feelings for El, even at the expense of realism.

I say this bc any person with common sense, including Finn and everyone around him and Millie filming these shots, would've known it looked unnatural for Mike to be adding more weight onto El as opposed to taking some off of her.

This means that what Mike did here, Finn was directed to do, and therefore it was for a specific reason.

And we know they could have easily made the opposite choice, because they show us Max AND Lucas doing it.

See how putting an arm around El's waist looks so much more natural? Because homegirl is injured and clearly needs help taking weight off her leg to qualm some of the pain she's experiencing there, which is why Max and Lucas are shown here doing it the correct way.

And so, why can't Mike do the same? Why are the writers making a point to show Mike being incapable of simply taking some weight off of El, instead doing the exact opposite?

I don't think it's as deep as Mike not being able to do something intimate, and that's bc, again we see Max and Lucas doing it.

I honestly think what they're trying to convey with this choice here, is that Mike thinks he's helping El, when he is in fact doing the opposite despite his best efforts. The implications of that and how that sort of aligns with their romantic relationship and what it leads to at the end of s3, going into s4, is pretty spot on.

I do think Mike thinks he's doing the right thing by being with El instead of voicing any doubts at the end of s3, because he is under the assumption that she is in love with him. I do think he believes he is indebted to her and that this is the least he can do after everything they've been through together, which has mostly been riddled with romantic pressures and so continuing that instead of disputing it seems like the only option anyways. Not to mention, he does care for her deeply, so it's not hard to imagine that he's a teenage boy confusing deep care for love (he literally tells us this is his problem when he can only say care and not love to El's face... but that's a whole other conversation).

Still, when it's all said and done, Mike's not actually doing El any favors by being with her romantically, if that is not what he truly wants.

Because that's the sad truth about all of this, which is that you would never want someone to be with you just because you want them. If you knew that they truly couldn't have those feelings for you, you'd want to know, right? You don't deserve someone just because you have deep feelings for them. And I think there's so many layers to this idea, bc many people are capable of not giving Byler a chance bc they truly believe Mike could never return Will's feelings. Will also feels this way atp, so though it hurts, he rips the band aid off, because he would never want Mike to be with him just out of pity or something. No one would want that. And so it all really comes down to who Mike truly loves romantically and wants to be with. And the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone, is to be honest, because being with them just bc you think that will make them happy is never going to be enough if you aren't truly feeling it, or worse, feel it for someone else.

We see how Mike's inability to be honest with El at the end of s3, leads to a season of Mike feeling deeply insecure and undeserving of the love El has to offer him, and even though he does try, he always comes up short. Despite Mike putting up this front that they are the perfect couple, the details are telling us something is off. And it gives him away.

Another example that I think is very similar to this loaded gesture from Mike to El in s3, is the scene in s4 when they hug in the airport.

Common sense ppl, picture this: You're reuniting with your long distance girlfriend. Then suddenly, she runs up to you, with her arms wide open, and instead of opening your arms wide to embrace her properly, you take the bouquet of flowers you brought her as a gift, and shove them against your chest just as she approaches to hug you, effectively squishing the present you got for her (a pretty delicate present at that) for no reason other than to... what exactly?

Like?? El isn't even squishing the present Mike, she's trying to hug you, dude! Your gf is trying to hug you properly and you threw the gift you got for her in between you so you could throw in a careful! x3??

Again, this has less to do with Mike's thoughts and reasoning behind this gesture in a literal sense, and more to do with the simple fact that this is a narrative choice! Mike is not a real person! There are real people sitting down and writing this and actors are having to do multiple takes to act it out. What feels natural for a situation is going to be what is often chosen 9 times out of 10, because of realism and wanting the audience to see stuff happening that is believable. That 1 time though, when it's not being done the way it would usually be, is usually because there's a specific reason for it.!

So the question really is, not why is Mike doing this, but why are the writers having Mike do this, and what message are they trying to convey about Mike's feelings based on his behavior, in these moments where he's just not capable of committing to El genuinely, one way or another?

#byler #no but most of the gay subtext is just so like... you really didn't have to do all that? #gay subtext at the expense of realism? check #mike thinks he's helping el by not breaking her heart and just being with her despite feelings for will he can't deny #very reminiscent of mike's 'maybe you thought you were helping but you weren't. you hurt me! what you did sucks!' #i do think it would be epic too see that moment come full circle but with el saying it to mike this time #bc i'm sure el would much rather have her heartbroken finding out that mike is incapable of loving her romantically #than to find out he was with her bc he didn't want to hurt her even at the expense of his own happiness #like no one wants to have someone be with them out of pity or obligation #we want someone to love us truly and deeply and genuinely! #we see how much el struggles in s4 bc of all the hints she's getting from mike that he doesn't genuinely love her #bc that's the most important part of a romantic relationship #it being equal #and it didn't feel that way #sure she's gonna be pissed #but she's gonna be more pissed he wasn't just honest #friends don't lie obvs

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

#not art #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit #kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it #until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it #until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her #but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs #she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying #probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone #lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear #Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!! #and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked #but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now #yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc #man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet #and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out #lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help #it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around #but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever #its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous #its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot #yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry #doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it #ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking

[mamawasatesttube]

an excerpt of the kon & cass genderisms fic im very excited about but still nowhere near done with:

The idea of Kon looking like a girl is kind of absurd, when Cass first thinks of the word. It brings to mind Steph, first and foremost. Brenda, too, though. And others.

But some of Brenda’s friends were tall, or broad-shouldered. Some of them dressed like Kon. The thought brings with it a pang, as always; Cass wishes she’d gotten to know them better, before…

Before.

But anyway. Not the point. The point is, Cass has seen Barbara call people without skirts or breasts girls or women, sometimes, too. So maybe Kon looking like a girl isn’t as weird as he seems to think it is.

She hums, cocking her head to the side. “What is a girl?”

“Huh?”

Next to her, Kon blinks. He frowns up at the stars, then rolls over and props himself up on one arm, and reaches over to playfully poke her nose.

“Well, I dunno exactly. You were Bat-girl, weren’t you? Shouldn’t you know?”

But that isn’t because of any… kinship with the word. No… what’s the word? Affinity. No particular affinity. Or is it connection? Something like that. Regardless, Cass shakes her head. “Barbara’s name. I just kept it.”

“Oh.” Kon frowns slightly. “I dunno, either, honestly. I mean, TV will tell you a girl is someone who likes girly stuff, but that’s stupid, ‘cuz plenty of girls don’t like girly stuff, and I mean, I do like so-called girly stuff, I guess, like knitting or baking, and I’m not a girl. So…” He shrugs, rolling back over onto his back. A moment later, though, he picks his head up and peers at her. “Are you—is this—I mean, are you trying to tell me you’re not a girl?”

The way he holds himself makes it seem like that’s some kind of a big deal. Cass just shrugs. “Dunno.”

“Oh,” Kon says, again, more softly this time. “Hey, I mean—nothing wrong with that either. It’s cool.”

Cass shrugs again. “It’s just a word. To me, anyway.” It’s her turn to frown in thought. “What makes a boy a boy?” She lightly nudges his side. He’s warm against the slight night chill, and she scoots in a little closer with a hum. “You were Super-boy. Tell me.”

Kon blows out a breath. “Hoo, man. Now ain’t that just a fine pickle and a half?”

Cass wrinkles her nose. “What do pickles have to do with it?” She likes pickles. Ma Kent has a jar of crisp ones in the pantry, homemade from cucumbers grown in the garden out back. Cass likes the way they crunch between her teeth and splatter vinegar-juice on her tongue.

“Nothing. It’s… actually, I have no idea why that’s something people say.” Kon lets out a wry snort. “I came pre-programmed with slang and idioms, y’know.”

“I know,” Cass says, and pats his arm. “Pregnable.”

Kon lets out a bark of bright laughter. It reminds her of the stars. He seems so very at home here, under the night sky. The starlight matches the gentle glow of his eyes. When he isn’t wearing his glasses, it’s easy to see the inhuman blue.

“Aw, man,” Kon says, still grinning. “You remember that? I forgot I said that way back then.”

“It was…” Cass tilts her head. “New to me. Memorable, for that reason.” She grins mischievously. “A pregnable boy.”

Kon laughs again. Cass snuggles up to his side and throws her arm across his ribs. She likes to feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.

#rimi writes #kon #cass #koncass #<- not romo just deeply affectionate friendship #they are two touch-starved little fellas #so they are all over each other <3 #the thing about cass and gender is that like... so much of it is tied to language and social custom #two things cass only very recently started to understand #so her perspective on a lot of it is just so. Whatever. it feels removed from her #whereas kon has so so so many issues about how he's perceived by others because for him privacy didn't even exist for the first few years #and the constant scrutiny of child stardom got into his head #and putting them both together about gender and presentation and figuring it out. its SOOOO juicy. to me at least #genuinely am sooo excited about this fic. i just have to write the other 2/3 of it

[transmasccofee]

Unrequited mikosai hits diff sometimes

#I think its healthier than any other unrequited saiki ship #Cause I don’t think Mikotos feelings would ever affect her too significantly #But they would inform some of her decision making #Yk #i like the idea of her idea of her wondering why shes in love with someone so different #And with so much baggage #But sticking by him bc that sure as hell won’t get in the way of their genuine friendship #But just sometimes being so frustrated in a way she isn’t with anyone else #Shes so well adjusted generally and on top of things #So I like the idea that hes able to push all her buttons without even meaning to

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[deus-and-the-machina]

I caught up to the oshi no ko manga recently and can I say whatever aquakane has going on is fucking insane good lord. Not platonic not romantic but a secret third thing (fake dating to “I have feelings for you” “I have feelings for you too” *narrator voice* the feeling was friendship to willing to commit a murder so the other won’t return to a spiraling revenge quest, a murder she was 100% down with since the moment it was implied to complicated exes but goddammit I still see through your bs and care about you idiot I’m gonna ruin your clearly self saboteering revenge quest and also it’s all super ace coded)

#truly no one is doing it like them #aqua is a character who wraps himself in five layers of bs and thinking he’s not obvious but akane sees through him fast #and that plus the fact she’s super amoral when it comes to their relationship and above all just wants him to be happy makes it so #interesting. she switches gears super fast but it doesn’t feel strange bc she still has the same priority #like I think it starts with a feeling of gratitude and debt bc he saved her life but she clearly enjoys his presence and company a lot so #it’s not just that. ngl when we get more info on the dad I wouldn’t be surprised if him and ai end up having parallels to aquakane #like I wouldn’t be surprised if this was someone ai did genuinely care about that it was also someone who could somewhat see through her bs #though with less good intent lol. and smth smth akane taking so much of ai in but also the imagery of her with the flowers and knife. hm hm #oshi no ko #aqua hoshino #akane kurokawa

[welcometogrouchland]

Don't want my next art post to completely flop (want to show off my Steph redesign) so do you guys have any suggestions for bat boys + cass drawings?

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc comics #damian wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #duke thomas #i feel like this is a little shady towards the fandom but also. it's true #the thing is i do like drawing all these characters very very much it's just sooo much more difficult #I'm always insane abt Steph but it hit a peak a few months ago and i drew her over and over again #and now she's one of my go-tos #whereas all the others it's like. pulling teeth. but it's worth it yknow? #it makes me so mad that i find damian so hard to draw bc he's one of my favourite characters. ever #he's genuinely the world to me and yet every time i draw him it's never Quite Right #ANYWAY. help a bitch out. give her some ideas

[carefulfears]

perhaps the most tragic line in the entirety of the x-files is 14-year-old samantha writing in her journal that she just wishes she could see her brother's face...samantha is understood and characterized and spoken about fairly strictly as Mulder's Sister, but it's just as true that mulder is Samantha's Brother. he may spend his entire life hearing her scream for him, but she's forever the one screaming. husband and child can be replaced, who can grow me a new brother, etc etc. anyway.

#i get so upset about this like genuinely #in his eyes he'll always be a Failed big brother but to her he's just HER big brother #also the most gutwrenching part of that journal is actually 'i hope someday he reads this and knows' #14 years old and a fucking human lab rat just writing that it's too much pain and she wants it all to stop #and she just wants her brother and she wants him to know that she's thinking about him #and it's such a kindness for him to get to see that and it's so unbearable at the same time #txf.txt #closure #they go their whole entire lives feeling so isolated and just missing each other