#made my mother cry so i wasnt allowed to

[bamsara]

Every daycare person or kindergarden teacher I know would absentmindedly plait hair so I now just picture everytime Sunny see you, he's looking over you with a first full of brightly coloured hairbands and a rainbow scrunchie.

*sobs* I need Sun to tame my hair and fix it up because I clearly can't. Need me a robot that can make me look pretty and brush my hair when I'm too ill to do it 😔 /j

#funfact i people in high school would come up to me and start playing with and tending to my hair without asking my permission #because i was the kid known with the rapanuzel hair cause I didnt cut it since that boy cut in middle school #made my mother cry so i wasnt allowed to #and i was fine with it cause it felt nice #so random girls would come up and be like 'hi turn around thanks' and id sit in the chair and they stand behind the chair #and use their fingers to brush through my hair and braid it and my brain was like!!! nice! i sleep #now that i think of it i did not really allow this with guys save for one or two friends #but all girls were allowed esp ones i thought were cool and they didnt even know my name #hold on im having a realization

[lesorus]

A thing I noticed growing up having a lot of physical altercations with my brother is how much defending yourself as a woman is looked down upon. If my older brother that started bodybuilding at 13 pushed or hit me, sure he would get a scold, being told he doesn't know his strength, but when i started digging my nails into his arms and scratching him somehow, i became responsible for defending myself. I wasn't just abusing power like he was, I was called a snake, vicious. To the point my mother made him hold me down while she cut my nails so short you could see my nail beds as punishment at 14 and i wasnt allowed to grow them out again. Scratching and biting was for animals she'd say, as if hitting wasn't. Well sure I had the option to hit him back, but the taller, stronger he grew the more laughable it was.

Then i started screaming in prevention, before he hit me, when he was threatening me, if i felt scared or overwhelmed. It was a good tactic because if anyone was home they would run there and intervene. He would say he didn't even hit me yet, that I was acting and a liar, and sure I was but I couldnt really defend myself against him otherwise could I? Nobody would care if I said he was threatening me but surely the blood curdling screams I would let out worked well enough. Until my parents realised I was lying, an actress they'd call me, a filthy liar. As if I was supposed to get hit and cry on the ground until i waited they do something.

If i broke something of his in retaliation or threatened to hurt his reputation, hurt him in one of the few ways i could, i was evil, a little demon. I was always punished, but he never got the same treatment for pushing me around, or using his physical strength to hurt me, because whatever I could do in emotional or material damage was sure worse than me crying in pain. Oh and sure, I was called the girl crying wolf whenever I was physically injured because I had faked being hurt before in order to have an adult intervene.

I was only worthy of help if i was completely helpless and a full victim, the second I tried to defend myself I became responsible, because somehow self defense was always worse than the act that prompted it. Because the scratches I gave were comparable to bruises, lies were worse than serious threats of violence, ripping a shirt was way worse than getting beaten to the ground. His violence was an excess of his masculinity to my parents, deserving of a scold but not of serious punishment, it was natural for him. Self defense and fear on my part was animalistic and wrong. A woman is supposed to be pure, a victim if she wants help.

#radfem safe #radical feminism #radfems please interact #radfems do touch #male violence

[clownery-and-fuckery]

Alright buckle up here's my actual genuine reaction....

First episode:

First of all, I regret asking for more Hemlock, this was fantastically awful, I will not be recovering.

Second of all, that shaved clone has done things to me. Horrible, horrid things that made me actually pause it and look away. It made me physically ill, it was the worst. Great, but the worst.

The passage of time really did fucking get to me BUT HER LITTLE PONYTAIL UGH

crosshair..... I need a moment

EMERIE !!!! CANT STAND HER !!!!!!!!!!! SNITCH ASS BITCH

I literally don't care that she was allowed to keep the doll, btw. I dont give a shit. I hope Emerie dies in a fire.

nala se.... ew............

I think the whole episode was just pure horror, it was so fucking disgusting to watch, idk about you guys but watching the clone who had probably faced the true horror of SCI-FI warfare crying alone in his cell genuinely had me pausing the episode. Really great work there, Jennifer, I will be billing you for my therapy

Crosshair and Omega bonding !!! The little "What's your mission objective" was definitely a tactic he used on his brothers to have them pay attention, I refuse to acknowledge that he's the youngest, he just isn't. That's big brother keeping his little brother(s) on task behaviour.

Everything about Hemlock gave me chills. I love him. I hate him. I hope his guts cover the screen. I am fascinated by him.

I had a sneaking suspicion Emerie was taken under Hemlock's wing, and her undoing will be her endless loyalty to him... they did not have to say it as obviously as that, though. Glad they did.

Crosshair is sick. There is no way you show us all these sick, dying clones then Crosshair and expect us not to figure that out. He's going to die. His shaking is just the first symptom. I am not ready.

I definitely have more smaller notes I will make once I am not sobbing hysterically about it !!!!

Episode two!!:

This is the one that made me cry, actually.

Watching Wrecker and Hunter march in, quiet and covered in countless injuries, made me so sad. I couldnt recognise them. Those aren't my lads.

Wrecker begging hunter not to go because people didn't make it back.... hunter I get you're desperate, but you will NOT survive another brother being killed. I can't bear to watch him tear himself apart and neither can Wrecker.

WEEPED LIKE AN ACTUAL BABY WHEN I SAW THOSE CLONE BABIES.... THEYRE TOO YOUNG.

"99ers???" THERES FUCKING MORE ??????? I want to know the lore behind this line particularly.

Theyre so cute..... they're so CUTE ugh sedate me immediately

THE WAY HUNTER WAS LOST AT THE START BTW WITH THE TECH AND HE WAS GETTING FRUSTRATED AND HE IMMEDIATELY LOOKED TO OMEGAS STUFF AND LET HIS GRIP LOOSEN ON THE DATAPAD HE WSS THINKING OF HIS YOUNGEST TWO SIBLINGS I WILL NEVER FUCKING RECOVER DAVID AND JENNIFER LET THEM BE HAPPY !!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways that little fucker who was good with tech..... I see you. I love you.

They were so used to letting Tech do his thing.... they immediately moved to cover fire....... for a second they forgot it wasnt him, I'm weak

THE CRATE FROM S1 YOU HORRIBLE BASTARDS WHEN WILL YOU LET ME DIE

wrecker playing with the kids..... laughing with them....... ohh i will not cope when he dies.

Hes going to die, btw. In case you didn't know. I know. I am aware. I am unprepared. I dont want to discuss it.

PABU..... THEYRE GOING TO PABU WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. MY MOTHER HAD TO HOLD ME. I WAS INCONSOLABLE FOR FIFTEEN WHOLE MINUTES!!!!!!

i cannot express my feelings for this episode.

Episode three!!!!!!:

I want that man. Yes, i do mean that masked man we saw for two seconds, I want him.

The Emperor had me actually screaming. I was so hyped. He scares me so bad.

Hemlock!!!!!! Evil !!!!!!!! CUNT !!!!!!!!!!!!

nala se was so obvious about her "Get tf out" speech..... why don't you say it louder, the whole fucking room couldn't hear you

The fucking timer. Chills. CHILLS.

Crosshair and Omega !!!! He was so unserious I love that

....sorry to all the lovers tho, have to say i DIED laughing at his "gUaRdS"

And the SCREAM he scrumpt when the door opened, who allowed that 😭😭 it was so fucking funny whbeisbwiba

They were so messy this entire ep, they're everything to me......

"Of course he did" DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DIE ?!?!?!? WHO FUCKING GAVE YOU THE RIGHT CAUSE IT WASNT FUCKING ME

Crosshairs trigger finger shaking so bad he gave his position away....... that's a major fucking problem, isn't it? That's gonna bite him in the ass.

I want more of Hemlock having a damn tantrum, that was fantastic. Him this season has me in a chokehold. I can't wait to write more of him.

This entire season so far is amazing. I can't wait to watch more, there are so many more points I wanna make, I'm freaked. I'm so happy, I'm still crying, I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Making more coherent thoughts about them soon <3

#the bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb hemlock #the bad batch spoilers #sw tbb spoilers

[xcixmoon]

introduction

ulti. masterlist

zero masterlist

this is part of my series for zero. this story is 18+, i advise that if youre underage that you dni.

trigger warning: reader's (you) will be given a backstory in this series. i usually dont like to do this in a character x reader series but it will give better structure for me to write and tell you the story as you read along. there will be talks of neglect.

life wasnt easy for you.

you had a childhood that made you always in either fight or flight mode.

your mother was at a constant battle with herself that she took it out on you. she blamed you that she had to grow up quicker than what she wanted and was forced to deal with you.

your father was great from what you remember but ultimately he left you and your mom. you didnt understand of course when you caught him packing his belongings and seeing your mother sit on the bedroom cry with a bottle or two in hand.

you remember asking where he was going and he just told you that he'll back so you waited and waited while dealing with your mother.

he never came back.

as you got older you told yourself that once you hit 18 you would leave her to allow her to sit in her self-pity but she beat you to the punch.

you got home one day after school with the house empty - no note, food or anything. you just figured she went out drinking once more but then that day turned into days where you were just sitting alone.

she left you just as your father left you.

you luckily had one close friend in high school where her parents took you in.

they were never mean to you but they pitied you.

a young teenage girl left by both parents? how could they not feel bad for you.

you kept your distance from people far more than ever but were still ever grateful for them that they gave you a space to sleep.

as high school ended you already had in your mind that you were signing up for the military. it was an easy choice for you.

you had no childhood to bother to think of what you wanted to become in life and this was the best choice at the moment for someone who didnt want to worry about the future.

days in the military flew by for you.

you spent endless minutes, hours and days focusing your time to learn every weapon possible and the one that pulled your attention the most was a sniper rifle.

a M200 intervention to be exact.

as you took time to learn the weapon more, you became a bit well known around base. people always loved to whisper and gossip. you never understood it but that was their entertainment for the most part on base.

you were a lone wolf, a nobody as most people would say, but you were someone who taught herself how to be highly skilled with your rifle.

you became zero.

you were friendly with very few and most people hated that.

they thought you were a snob but you were far from it. you just wanted to get through life and this was the life that you were living until the end.

as you hit 25 in the military, you noticed that every memory sort of started to become one. you didnt have a different life to balance you out when you would think of the past and it was pretty common that people who experienced emotional and mental abuse that they try to suppress their memories.

you would unintentionally mix memories or easily forget about a day in total.

you felt a bit ashamed that you didnt have a life outside the military but these were the cards you were dealt.

your life changed for ever ever since captain price walked into your life.

to be continued...

#simon ghost riley smut #simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley fanfic #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #captain price #mw2 #mw2 fanfic #cod x reader #cod mw2 #ghost x reader #ghost mw2 #task force 141 #xcixseries #femreader

[ijustreallylovethem]

3/17/2024 ~ baby zegras

sadiehughes

liked by quinnhughes and others

sadiehughes baby boy heard grandma was in town and made an early appearance just to meet her! march 16th may officially be my favorite day of the year. the day i got to finally meet wyatt james :)

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jackhughes NO HE WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE UNTIL THE SEASON WAS OVER

jackhughes you mean to tell me i have to wait a month to meet him

jackhughes A MONTH!?

sadiehughes take a leave 🙃

fanone that “jack hughes has taken a leave of absence” post tomorrow is gonna hit like CRACK

ellenhughes he was too excited to wait! and i was so exited to be there for you

sadiehughes and boy am i glad you were

fantwo single mother sadie? 👀 because i’m not seeing a dad

quinnhughes sadie, he’s adorable. if only we weren’t just there 😔

sadiehughes he did NOT need to come two weeks ago when you all were here. you can meet him when you come back in two weeks quinny

jackhughes NOT FAIR! I SHOULD GET TO MEET HIM FIRST! WE DON’T COME BACK OUT THERE

sadiehughes TAKE. A. LEAVE.

fanthree you know who did unexpectedly leave recently…

fanfour he didn’t leave, he just hasn’t come back

fanthree but he was supposed to come back and then he didn’t

fansix we have no clue what day he was supposed to come back. he hasn’t been out any longer than expected

alexturcotte so when can i meet him?

sadiehughes not until jack does, or he may explode

gracedrysdale SADIE! CUTE BABY ALERT! AND A MILF!

sadiehughes just wait four months and i’ll say the same 🤭😉

fanfive how is she this pretty after giving birth? what’s in the hughes genes? what water did they drink? where do i buy it?

fansix LITERALLY

lukehughes i’m not holding that thing until it’s been scrubbed

sadiehughes funny, i said the same thing about you

fanseven boy mom sadie! AH!

colecaufield so when’s he getting in some skates? ducks could use some help.

masonmctavish he’s reporting to practice tomorrow 🫡

sadiehughes maybe give him a year to catch up to the rest of you

trevorzegras hey jack, when can i meet him?

jackhughes NOT BEFORE ME

avazegras sadie you’re glowing! and baby boy is adorable!

fanfifteen i can’t imagine the fight for favorite uncle

sadiehughes it’s already started months ago. it’s been… entertaining.

njdevils congratulations sadie! future devil?

sadiehughes not if quinn has anything to do with it, sorry :(

fansixteen okay but what did you eat after?

sadiehughes SO MUCH HAM. i just really wanted ham sandwiches the whole time but wasn’t allowed to eat them. mama ellen asked what i wanted and i said a container of ham and she had to pause for a moment

fannine like… not even good baked ham? deli meat ham?

sadiehughes i love a good hot ham and cheese

njdevils

liked by sadiehughes and others

njdevils Jack and Luke Hughes will be gone by leave of absence until March 22, 2024.

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sadiehughes oh, he actually did it

faneight not luke going too 😭

fannine hope she scrubbed that baby

fanten lowkey ridiculous. the baby will still be there in a month when the season is over. which it will be because no way we get to playoffs with these two gone.

faneleven girl what 😭

fantwelve NOOOO I HAD PENS TICKETS

fanthirteen FELT! i have jets tickets.

fantwelve we can cry together

fanfourteen wait why are they leaving?

fanfive their sister had a baby!

fanfourteen oh my gosh! good for her!

fanthree with trevor zegras!

fanfourteen WHAT

fanseven that’s not confirmed. or even a working theory, really.

fanone i told you! CRACK!

fansix no i’m so excited for even the possibility of a picture of them with a baby

#social media edit #trevor zegras #baby zegras

[marvelita85]

Living in The red keep after your marriage wasnt always easy, most of your time was spend with your husband , when Sir Criston Cole wasn't around, honestly you couldnt stand the man, and thanks to Helaena who made your days happier and complete, your aunt, now sister too looked foward to your afternoons in the godswood with her children who you had doubts they were Aegon's because of how sweet they were

You wrote to your mother quiet frecuently and your mornings were spend in the library after break your fast with Aemond looking for new books to read to your convalecent gransfather, he was very happy you were living there with them... it was like having Rhaenyra again

You shared your mother's figures and looks one of the reasons the queen acepted you to married Aemond, but the truth was both of you married for love, you grow up together and fell in love for Aemond there wasn't any other choise

But spies and maids loyal to the queen was what abuded in the red keep, even you tried to be carefull in what you informed Daemon and your mother and doing so in Valaryan you knew you were being watched

You tried to live as normal as you posibly could but sometimes you wanted your dragon to call "Dracarys" in all of them

- princess...

- queen Alicent... - you were always respectfull of her tittle but you never called her my queen...

- I wanted to see you... my maids informed me you havent bleed in a month...- you looked at her surpriced but what she was saying was not lie... but you didnt think much about it

- I didnt think much of it, I've been busy...

- you should let the maesters check on you... I will arranged it myself...

- thank you queen Alicent but is not necesary... my mothers ladies will come with her shortly

-I dont think is necesary to wait...

- is not that long and if it is true the reason I'vnt bleed is still going to be there, Im sorry but the king is waiting for me... - you gave her a little bow and dissapeared in the corner

Alicent couldnt find to have a close relationship with you, you loved her son but her not so much, you saw her as a traitor to your mother

That night your maid was preparing for bed and Aemond entered your shared room

- leave us... - he said and the maid left not saying a word... - is it true what my mother said? You havent bleed in a month? - you smile a little and nod your head looking at him... - ynn.... - he aproached to you and you stand hugging him

- we shouldnt get our hopes up jusy yet... it could be but maybe not..

- then why you dont let the maester look at you...

- I dont want them near me... he is the same one who butchered my grandmother while having a boy... I want my mother's maids...

- do you think that I would allow them to do anything like that to you..

- of course not, I trust you Aem... Im just asking you this, we have time, we can wait...- Aemond kiss your forehead

Aemond talked to his mother because she didnt insisted you again until your family arried to Kings Landing for Jace wedding, your mother throught your ravens knew about your situation and her and her ladies were in your room first thing upon arrival

- I miss you my little dragon..

- I miss you too momma... - you were sensible but you were missing your family, Rhaenyra was always a good mother, leaving her only girl in the hands of the greens was a struggled for her but she knew you loved Aemond and he loved you, she saw that love and the way he treated you despite the way he was with your brothers, it was a different relationship but you looked happy and that was all it matters

- you are with child princess... congratulations...- you had tears of joy in your eyes, your mother pregnant herself was crying aswell

- you are creating your own family my love...

- is so overwelming... I have to tell Aemond...

- I'll go and fetch my brother....- you laught at the way she said it and smile to your mother, you wished her relationship with her siblings were different but a child of you and Aemond meant peace between your family, your marriage was to united the two branches of it, this baby was to solificated it

- what happend?

- come... I have great news... the ladies of my mother confirm what we suspected my love...

- you mean you are...

- we are.. with child...- Aemond never thought he could feel this full, and complete, he was married with the woman he loved, the almost only thing he thank his own father for because y/n wasn't his mother's choise and now they have created a little life who was theirs and it was undiscribed what he was feeling, he grab you in his arms, felt your body warm against his and knew he would do anythkng for both of you because he loved you but what he felt for that baby already went beyond imagination to the ledges he could go for him

- I have a request from you... before this baby arrives... I wish for him... or her to be born in Dragonstone...- before Aemond could say anything you understood his hesitation...- before you say anything hear me out, the only reason your nephew and even you were born healthy was because of your grandfather, he always wanted his blood in the Iron Throne and your son... our son or daughter will be in direct line of it after my mother and me, we are women and we understand what that means... just imagine if it is a boy... they wont hestidate a second to kill me and raise this kid to their shape and form...

- I wont let anything happend to you...

- then come with me to Dragonstone to have this baby... Luke will go to Drifmark and Jace will be in Winterfell over his honeymoon...

- we are going on Vahgar and your Dragon will follow.... I dont want you to be recless while pregnant with my child...

- as you wish my prince... - you said with a little smile

- I'll do whatever you need of me y/n as long as you and our baby are safe

#aemond targaryen fanfiction #aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #aemond one eye #prince aemond targaryen #house of the dragon aemond #aemond targaryen x velarion reader #aemond x oc #prince aemond x princess oc #prince aemond #aemond x reader

[camilacantthink]

Ok... I literally never make posts on here but I havent seen anyone else in the tags express this opinion so here I go.

This episode didnt make me sympathize with miri's mom at all. In fact it actually made me like her even less.

I come from a pretty messy family, so maybe this is my own personal experiences shining through but how Miri's mom was acting felt so incredibly toxic. The scene where she told miri kazuki and rei werent her actual dads did need to happen, but not the way she did it. Its clear she was jealous or insecure about the fact that miri loved them. It wasnt said bc it was the right thing for miri to here, it was said bc her mother didnt want her to love them anymore. Further more she then ignores miri saying she loves them and her mother. Makes comments about how 'lonely' miri is, how sorry she was for being a shitty mother and then crying. Miri never expressed being lonely. I think it was her mother who was the lonely one. And then to call herself a bad mother, making Miri reassure her that no no, you are a good mom, make miri reassure her that she does love her. That is so damaging to a child's development.

Its what my parents did to me, it makes you feel responsible for your parent's happiness. That its your job to hold their emotional burden. Miri is 5. Her mom shouldnt be telling her anything about her guilt. If she wants to talk about it she can apologize for sending miri away alone but then drop it after that. Because again, she's 5! 5 year olds should be allowed to be children, not emotional support for their parents.

Sorry for the rant... But as an asian person who had to deal with parents just like this their whole life I am so fucking glad Miri's mom was killed. Miri gets to grow up ignorantly blissful of the fact that her mother was a toxic person and would have raised her with so many self worth issues.

#buddy daddies

[ludinusdaleth]

on a similar note, i do think that there's a lot of people that are just outright evil towards the female characters moreso in this campaign than ever before, with people literally demonizing imogen for so much as breathing in laudna's direction as being an evil, toxic, heartless abuser and "worse than delilah". and people notably didn't care at all about ashton until they realized they could ship them with laudna and further make out imogen to be a monster.

i cant say that this is the worst it's been, historically. the way keyleth/marisha was treated for years was probably the most notable, gruesome, & well known example of misogyny in the fanbase, something that affected marisha ray personally and still does - iirc, part of beau directly spun from her willingness to spite her detractors. many a reddit incel would not shut up about every detail of marisha's rp as the druid. i appreciate that cr responded to that over the years narratively as spitefully as possible.

but, yeah, i think, especially on tumblr, there are some odd attitudes at work. imogen, fearne, & deanna are taking the full brunts of it -

deanna is called evil or disappointing for not being a shining cleric of holy goodness praising the gods bluntly to the screen, and is dehumanized by fans by being put into the mammy stereotype whenever she talks to imogen, even when her plotline is literally centered on realizing she's more than a nurturer (and aabria has liked my tweets on this subject, so maybe, we can assume she shares bitterness at this?). almost no one ever wants to acknowledge her beyond the trait of being motherly, or being lovers with chetney, and dont get me started on how people said she was feral because she killed a goat and made imogen cry?

fearne is treated as a ditzy kooky bimbo fae, with many people ive seen refusing to acknowledge any of her character development - folk get angry when ive mentioned her doing anything, saying shes just a selfish bitch and only that, that she needs to be "put in her place" by any character witnessing her mischief.

and for imogen - i know people dont want to woobify her, but in the process, holy fuck does cr tumblr become judgemental. i have seen, verbatim: "sorry she isnt your girlboss and her actions will hurt others when she turns evil", said pre-solstice, and then, she wasnt. her tendency toward her darker powers and her considering ludinus's pov (yknow. like many a protagonist tries to see the antagonist's pov. thats normal in narratives) because her mother joined him has damned her into the fandom thinking she's a beast to be put down. frankly, even if she did turn evil? id support that narratively, that's fantastic. but she didn't and there is a smugness to the fact that she is now the most clear headed against ludinus when people were sure she would turn, and wanted blood on that assumption.

as for ashton, yeah. i.... have a lot of thoughts on how fandom treats them - they definitely were treaded around til shipping began and only then they were considered palateable, and then were noticeably only called he/him pronouns by the terfs of the marisha/laura-ship brigade. if im being honest, i have not seen them directly used against imogen, and i dont think im the person to discuss imodna or shipping wars with you. but i do think every other bells member is utilized as some kind of cudgel against her (namely, in my experience, orym). to this fanbase, imogen is not allowed to have her traumas in the literal face of ruidis, the source of it.

i know this harsh simpleminded view on the ladies of cr has always existed. i could go into it in every campaign thoroughly. but i do think c3 is unique in how tumblr is treating it. do you know how badly you have to screw up for cr twitter to be calmer & more rational on the topic of women existing in a narrative?

#van speaks #asks #long post #critical role #campaign 3 #misogynoir #misogyny #racism #deanna leimert #imogen temult #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #transphobia #critical role meta

[xevrq]

Wings Of Freedom

Ft. Venti x Gn!Florist reader

Cw : Hurt/No comfort, some grammar error i think? Ooc venti maybe, I HATE WRITING RAAAGH, english is not my mothertounge so sorry if some of the word are amiss.

Summary : You've always dreamed to be a florist, tending and caring a flower is what you've always liked to do. Even after you opened up your little flower shop it always has an upside downs, Customer comes and go but not until a certain green bard came abruptly to your life.

☆–—–—–—–—☆ ☆–—–—–—–—☆

☆–—–—–—–—☆ ☆–—–—–—–—☆

Having to tend a little flower shop by yourself isn't always the easiest, picking up flower on starsnatch cliff by midnight and feeling the strong wind of mondstadt creeps up to your bone and then planting a seed of mondstadt native flower which grows into a beautiful flower then wilts the next day or either the pot falling from the balcony of a small rented house you're living in, then having to deal with rude customer.

Then again you remembered, this is the life you've always wanted.

Since little, You have always happily helped your parents with their little generational bakery. Either you were running around and delivering the freshly made bread to person that ordered it then getting a lot of compliment about how enthusiastic you are, it has always been the happiest day of your life. You wished that you could stay on that timeline of your life forever.

Sadly, one day. Your parents generational bakery comes to its end, as much as you can remember somebody blacklisted your parents bussines and making the bakery to be put out of business.

The day after it happened, it was a total chaos your parents were running here and there looking for a job vacancy to apply in. Your father said that he himself got a high paying job on snezhnaya and said that the job he applied in is pretty much dangerous and he had to move out of mondstadt to Snezhnaya leaving you and your own mother behind.

That night, he left you and your mother alone and left a letter saying..

"My dear beautiful wife, and my beloved child today is the last night i could see you with my own eyes. Worry not my dear family if the day ever comes that i wasnt in your arms remember that, i'll soar the sky and be with you as the wind of mondstadt. So fret not my dearest family."

You remembered how loud your mother cry were, after all when your father left your mother was very ill, You tried to use every allowances your parents gave you to look if theres a doctor who could treat her illnes, but your mother said...

"(Name) this sickness is uncureable, no matter if you search at the most smartest doctor. They cannot cure this generational illness, my own mother your grandma has this sickness too. Unfortunately she said that this illness has been going on our family tree since the first generation to our own. (Name).. im very scared if you caught this illness too, what if i was not there to tend to you? How would you survive by yourself?..." she holded your hand tightly while a little drop of tears falls down through her cheek.

Her word echoes through your ears frequently, even after her passing you could remember how her tone were laced in fear.

Mother... mother i miss you so much..

You doesn't even realize how your eyes water to the bitter memories when your mother passed away.

You tried to remember correctly about the symptoms your mother had when she was sick, first... she was pale.. and weak and then sometimes she.. coughed up blood wait why were you trying to remember the symptoms?? Perhaps, you were scared.

What if you caught the same illness your grandmother and your mother was? After all if you look at yourself correctly at the mirror you could see that your body were showing the same symptoms your mother had.

You turned your head to the dark sky of mondstadt, right.. its time to pick some cecilia

you got out of your so beloved bed you could feel the cold of the wooden floor hitting your bare feet, Maybe Midnight its a bad time to go pick out some cecilia, but deep down you know that you wanted to feel the mondstadt air and ease your mind for a little while.

You took one of your basket that you usually use to gather neither herb or flower and walked yourself up to the starsnatch cliff.

The midnight air was cold yet comforting, with every step you took you couldn't help but reminsice the old days when your beloved mother would take you to a night stroll on the starsnatch mountain. Often she tells you that sometimes a bard would play his lyre and sing a beautiful melody of a mondstadt poem. Said she that she would often gave up the idea of picking out the flower and admire the bard melody instead.

You wondered, was his melody really that good? So that your mother who has always hated bard fell in love with his melody. She even said that bard shouldn't sang their tune and stops being drunk.

Was he and his melody really that majestic?...

Indeed you were lost in your thought, until something or someone snapped your thought the more closer you walked the clearer the source was, its a... melody?.. was it the bard your mother tells you, From afar you could see a certain green bard sitting on the edge of the cliff and sang a certain melody.

What is he doing? On the middle night like this, does he not know the mondstadt air is too cold these day? And i was trying to enjoy my time picking out flower alone too. –You grumble down to yourself

The more you got closer to the cliff the more you could hear his melody, honestly his melody was beautiful. You were struck admiring him and his melody not caring about how the cold air is hitting you to the bone.

"Hoho~ is someone admiring the bard and his tune?" The green bard stopped playing and turned his head at you, "Was my melody beautiful that it made you stop your track and listen to it?" His feet dangling on the edge of the cliff.

"Ahem! Of course no, i was uhh here to pick out some flower see??" You bend yourself down to pluck some cecilia

"Lying is bad you know? But i'll let you do whatever your doing" said he as he continues to strum his lyre down and sang an old mondstadt song

What a weird bard –You muttered down to yourself

"Anyway Since this is midnight, what kind of a bard would see himself at the cliff while singing some mondstadt song or poem and not singing drunk at the angel share?" Again you said while picking up a batch of fresh flower while occasionally shivering from the cold air.

"Well, singing here made me remember some of the beautiful moments i shared with my late friend ehe, and honestly stranger seeing you here reminds me of a certain person, Hm.. which person was it eh?~" Said the bard with a cheeky tone, "Ah! I remember, it was that woman that would often came here to pick out some flower! Just like you." He got up from the cliff and walked towards you, "Though picking out flower at midnight isnt good is it? You should go home soon."

Damn.. who is he to tell me to do something?...

"Of course stranger, i will go home after i finished, and i diddnt quite catch your name, whats your name?"

"Im Venti the number one bard in the wholee teyvat! And what's your name stranger?" His aqua green eyes met yours

"Im... (Name) its a pleasure to meet you."

"No need to be so formal (Name), I'll be going now. See you somewhere!" He waves his hand at you while walking down the mountain.

Hmm, his name sound quite familiar i wonder –You continued picking out the flower, Today flower is so fresh~

After you finished on picking out the flower for tommorow sell, you descended your way down the mountain, again feeling the cold air of mondstadt hits your bone. Though seeing that bard makes you wonder if he is really the bard that your dearest mother mentioned, his melody were really beautiful.

After a little journey down the starsnatch cliff to your little rented apartement you set down the filled bucket with flower in it down and started to plant them down one by one on a little pot you got from flora.

Today flower is really fresh, im sure flora would like it~ —you muttered down to yourself

Though you wonder how you ended up being a florist, when all you dreamed was to be an adventurer, just like your father.

Your father had an pyro vision that light up brightly just like his own heart, said he when he got it, he felt disappointment arose on his heart. When he wanted an Anemo vision, so why does the god grants him an pyro one instead?

That pyro vision often burned his hand, you remember one time your mother dared him to cook by himself since apparently he made mother mad and ended up (almost) burning the whole kitchen and made your mother even more mad.

But, Again when you rethink of what your father said when he was disappointed of getting an pyro vision instead of anemo, you wanted to be mad you really do. Even after numerous of pray you did to the gods to grant you a vision, you never got one. Imagine how fun is it to have vision with you?

Like maybe cooking is easier when you have a pyro vision with you, or maybe the Anemo one! You could clean the leaves near your home by swooshing the wind.

Tsk, why was that old man so ungrateful. —you grumbled while aggresively patting your hand to get the dirt off.

You plopped yourself down to the bed and made yourself comfortable.

I hope tommorow is better.

The next morning came pretty quick, the ray of sunlight seeping from the curtain stirs you awake. The first thing that came in your mind is.. work.

Flora must been waiting, better hurry..

After you've done your usual morning routine, you picks up 2 pot of cecilia and walks outside your home, as usual you being you still being popular despite the incident that occured on your family.

You walked and walked to the mondstadt gates while occasionally saying hello to the people outside.

"Flora! I brought the flowers from last night, they looked really fresh today." You squatted and puts down the flower pot arranging it under flora's table

"When did you picked this up?" Flora asked

"As usual you know, on midnight. Though the wind was really freezing me up last night!"

"(Name)! I told you to stop picking up flower at midnight, who know a monster might get you or maybe the wind will freeze you!" She kneeled beside you, "Im worried about you (Name), dont push yourself, your sickness Its– " she paused, her eyes showing worries.

"You shouldn't be worrying me too much flora! I can take care of myself, im very strong no monster and wind could make me succumb to my own knees." You got up and offered your hand to her, "Now cmon! The work is waiting."

"Alright alright! Just dont overdo yourself." Said flora as she takes your hand and got up to her foot.

◇—◇

As time went by, the sun has set down. Leaving you and flora alone, Time to pack everything– you muttered to yourself but you noticed that, a certain bard has been watching you from afar. Though you paid no mind since ur eyes is starting to give up on staying awake.

"Aaaa im too tired, why does these weeks seems so tiring to me flora?.." you stretched your back while whining a little, "I gotta go rest.."

"Yea, you definitely should (name). Plus you gotta go check that illness of yours, its been a while since you paid a visit to that doctor." Flora turned her eyes to you whilst organizing the flower pot in front of the stall, "now go home (name), leave the rest to me!"

"Alright.. thanks flora, you too dont go home too late." Said you as you packed your things and walked yourself home.

The walk to your home wasnt that far since the place your staying in is near flora's flower stall, when you arrive at your doorstep again you realize that someone gaze has been eyeing you since you walked yourself home.

Eerie... –was all you could thought

The moment you entered your house you feel that something is wrong, your head was spinning abruptly and your vision was blurry, your palm were sweating.

"Hey! You alright??"

You could hear someone voice? When you turned your heels to see who it was.

Oh.. its that green bard– was all you could mutter before collapsing into the floor and your vision darkened.

◇—◇

You do not remember how long you were gone, but what you remember is that when you woke up you could hear 2 person mumbling about something, what is happening?? –You asked yourself

You started to open your eyes little by little, while sometimes you squinted your eyes trying to adjust to the lights around you, when you started to observe your surrounding. You realized that you were laying in your bed.

You turned your head to see where the mumbling noise was, flora?..

"(Name)! Thanks the archons you're awake, this green bard was running to me saying that hey! Your friend collapsed! –to which i replied WHO?!" She said whilst removing the ice pack on your head.

"Ehe! Glad i've spotted you on time, sorry about breaking into your house though." Said the green bard which if you remember correctly, his name was Venti.

"Must've been whatever this sickness is.. right??" You turned your head to flora.

"Anyway, (Name) ill go get your food from my house alright? You stay put here with venti. Venti dont do anything weird to them, remember what our agreement is." Flora said while she got on her heels and walked herself through your home.

And now what left is just you and the bard whose his position right now is sitting on your bed, "So how do you feel (Name)?" He opened his mouth to speak.

"Do i know you?" You muttered

"Aww cmonn dont pretend we're not close! (Name) its not good that you're starting to forget your savior!" He said crossing his arms

My what?! I diddnt even known him for long!

"Okay okay i–" your own voice was interrupted by a fist of cough coming down from your own throat, that hurted..

"Take it easy (Name), just rest i'll watch you." The bard said, "Should i sing you a tune then, its free dont worry." He said summoning his lyre, as he started to strummed his lyre down you realized how familiar the melody was, it feels as if you were listening it for the second time ever.

When you looked at his face, your mind suddenly went nostalgic. He reminds you of a certain someone? But.. who?

"Do i.. know you?.." for the second time again you muttered to yourself, you tried to recollect any memories that involve this certain green bard but there was none

"Have i ever met you before that time on starsnatch cliff?" You blurted the word out of your mouth, to your surprise the bard choked on his own melody. Seeing how surprised and weird his look was you began to ponder even more.

"Ehh i wonder.. what do you think then (Name)? Was i that weird bard who you met on the starsnatch cliff last time?" His aqua green eyes meets yours.

To which you shrugged your own shoulder as a response, "i dont know... venti.."

"You dont have to remember its fine, anyway flora will be here soon with your medicine, maybe to pass the time should i tell you a story?"

You only nodded your head in response.

"At last there was a story—"

Where a bard met a mondstadter who piques his interest, their hobby of dancing and their hobby of baking intrigue him.

There comes a day when he started talking to them, to which on his own surprises! They share the same hobby as him... Which is Singing. Everyday they would be running around the town singing music, every night they would sat together on the startsnatch cliff and tells eachother funny stories.

The moon is beautiful today isn't it? They blurted out, in which the bard responses, I know.

But sadly there comes a day when the bard partner had accident, their family bussines went out of bussiness. The bard never knew what his partner was dealing with, until one night it all ended.

-☆-☆-

"Alright! Thats it, the another part of story can wait another time (Name), flora is here already." He said standing up from your own bed, "I'll get going if you want to know the continuation meet me at the starsnatch cliff Ehe! See you"

Again he waved his hand at you and left, somehow your heart aches when he left something felt amiss on your heart.

"Flora who is he?." You turned your head to face her.

"Not important (Name) go eat first alright" she said

Who.. is he? Why does he feel so familiar

This time you could only bottle the feeling down to yourself, even flora persist that she's not gonna give you an answer. Should i try asking the bard??..

-☆-☆-☆-

Ironic isnt it? Seeing your own lover started to gradually forgets you? Just because of your little mistake everything started to went downhill.

The only thing that brighten up your life, Gone. Even when you tried so hard to make them remember who you are, you failed.

Because of your own mistake, now you cant do what you used to do with them, holding hands, hugging, laughing with each other, and maybe even being affectionate with each other.

Merely, they were nothing but a stranger to you now, all because of your own mistake.

It was your own mistake Venti, if only at that time you were quick enough they wouldn't forget you.

-☆-☆-☆-

Ty for reading whatever this shitty ahh post, gn im gonna go sleep ty.

#venti x reader #venti x you #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x gn reader #venti angst #Xevrq writes! #Honestly this is so shit im sorry

[submarinerwrites]

t.h. white, the once and future king

★★★★★

truly one of the fantasy epics of the twentieth century. possibly all time. a retelling of the legend of king arthur, the once and future king brings potent, arresting emotion to stories that we too often think of as long-dead.

i think it might’ve been ursula le guin who said she’d read this and laughed over it and cried over it all her life? me too genuinely. i read it first when i was eight and then several more times over the years (though this is my first time since high school) and it has always always made me laugh and cry in new and painful ways.

on that subject, it is still blisteringly funny. i love its humor, the way white mixes vernacular and high english, the way he describes history. it’s lush and amusing and i think everyone can glean something from it.

it is also painfully sad. my feelings while reading vary greatly based on my mood, but i was sad while reading it and what i took away from it was sad also. i kept thinking about the way the orkneys killed the unicorn and killed their mother and how different and yet how similar it was to arthur’s boar hunt. i kept thinking about the way white wrote about arthur’s loneliness and desire to do good. and about how lancelot broke down and cried because the miracle was that he had been allowed to do a miracle.

and the idea that arthur spent his whole life a lonely and damaged boy determined to do great things and then found himself up to his elbows in blood anyways... that’s just... so....

also like sidenote i do love bbc merlin or at least the parts i’ve seen (okay yes i’m talking about the fic) but i do think there’s really something to be said for an arthur who grew up confused, and alone, and broken, and friendless, and who went on to do all of these great things while carrying all of that inside of him... like maybe it’s just because i read the book long before i ever heard of the show but there’s something so special about the way white writes about his childhood to me.

from a more critical point of view, i think the one issue—if you can call it that—is that tonally the sword and the stone is violently and completely different from the rest of the novel. i don’t think white maybe intended for people to read all four of them in one volume honestly. i think it’s to the work’s detriment.

also! how was kay seneschal of all of arthur’s lands and fucking galivanting around the country?? no the hell he wasnt?? bro thats a full time job??

loved how white continually referenced malory; reminded me of the way malory constantly referenced the french book. arthuriana intertextuality ftw fr.

and i don’t know how i’d never picked up on this before but i am almost certain upon this reading that white wants us to entertain the possibility that it was mordred, not lancelot, who killed gaheris and gareth. mordred is desperate because he thinks lancelot is going to get away with everything and arthur won’t be ruined by everything he’s done and so he leaves and then kills gareth and gaheris in the madness. also gareth died shocked which i don’t think he necessarily would be if it were lancelot who killed him. small point but it is interesting.

also i found myself thinking about the john steinbeck quote: that arthur has lived over and over again because of all the stories we tell about him. i think white’s book truly allows for that to happen: arthur comes to life.

#br2024 #literature #book review #arthuriana

[wraithcxre]

at this point in time, i once again allow myself to feel and love.

looking back, the universe had cradled me in its arms of space and time without the past, unascended me knowing.

i love the world because i love that one random atenean who gave me her 3 day pass to conquest just so i can hang out with my friends. despite my offers to compensate, she declined just because. i love remember hans who gave me his m&g so i can see hakao. i love because daniel has always seen my brain rot and meme'd the fuck out of my stupid shenanigans. a distant yet long term friend for years, i knew that he was game for anything risky, fun and borderline illegal. i remember the time we door bell pranked other houses within tondo for the hell of it. also because he smuggled smirnoff and watched autotelic live with me and other friends we've met as well. because sigrid blessed me with her amazing dj set and through music, i made a friend.

mani and hannah and sab and shiva was love when they reminded me of my worth. that boys aint shit. that womanhood doesnt have to feel like a chore, and that being a lady is a blessing. they reminded me of what i was and what standards should be. kiel reminded me i belonged when i was invited for a second time to knkland, and i get to meet so many amazing people like nica, jd and etc

love is abundant because through ej, i met new friends as well. these friends turned into late night sessions in discord complaining about coursework and planning spontaneous after class detours, like little trips to tomas morato. i would eventually come to see tagaytay with these people, trying out rides i alone would never do. anchor's away was hell but it wasnt when ej told me to inhale and exhale upon descent, and when kyle shouted about how he hates sir harold. i came to enjoy the bumpy ass ride of life with these people, the people i shared grab fees with. the people i had treasured conversations with as we went home. erika and danne always were spot on with their motherly advices and gayish quips about life, and i would always appreciate cleo stealing my phone just to fill it with wack-ass videos about them knocking on it. sitting through 9 hours of college was easy when i get to navigate it with people like alessandro and kyla, whom i shared a newfound love of 3D with. i always looked forward to the tusok tusok ventures and how kyle would always treat me street food, even when he didnt need to. fibel was there for every spontaneous paresan adventures . i would never forget the time he and hannah handled me like i was chinese porcelain during a frenzied breakdown at a place where i couldn't hold myself together. these people have seen slivers of the real me and looked at me straight in the eye anyway despite my qualms to push them away. being loved while juggling the mortifying ordeal of being known is a terrifying feeling, but i felt safe because of these people.

love is when you have people to cook with. ej taught me that care came in the form of a microwavable container filled with a generous amount of food - food that my mother would come to love. that you can share the kitchen as a sous-chef and that you would be cooked for, too - like how you used to cook for others. that there are many ways to cut an onion and that you'd end up crying as you peel the layers (of people?) everytime. it was a lesson in aromatics.

kei, my friend for more than a decade, reminded me of this when she brought me food despite the fact that it was raining. percy, who made sure i ate before i took my medicine the time i had a burning hot migraine fever because of how stressful finals week was.

i knew i was loved when despite the nosy banter from friendship, i had someone to cram requirements with. that i dont have to go through finals week alone. that a treat of strawberry drink from kyle and jeff meant that theyre giving you energy to get through it, through a warm cup. francine, the ever so strict blockmate of mine loved me when she helped me manage our production team, because she knew i had too much on my plate to manage and handle. even if she was sometimes a bitch about it.

i love the world because of precious experiences. tamiel, with her chatty nature, was loved by me because she always made sure to invite me wherever she goes - may it be ukay, a spontaneous trip for ramen, the tattoo shop id eventually come to work for and the stories we tell each other had no end. she'd tell me otherworldy stories about her OCs and i knew despite the harsh exterior she usually projects, she's a softhearted child at heart. kuya, who trusted my vision and talent, gave me love when he offered to do my tattoos for free, in exchange for my work. dell and i watched barbenheimer together in matching themed outfits. it was a refreshing break. dell also witnessed the time when the UP prof gave me fish for free, then we visited UPCM afterwards. a dream, fulfilled. i had always dreamed of playing UP's pianos and i had done it. gan and i shared a lighter after we departed the jeep, after coincidentally riding the same one. gan, ej and angelo and percy and i formed a band after we found out our shared love for music and it has been one of the highlights of my college life so far. i looked forward to the jamming sessions every tuesday and saturday, and imagine my excitement when i found out there's a nearby studio :D

i felt like a game character in persona 5 who had multiple waypoints along kamuning. i had a newfound love for persona 5 after andres lent me his copy. he also was the one who taught me how to mix and record in fls. i wont forget the time i also was given fish supplies for free by that one stoner dude from reddit and i was also accompanied as i shopped for my fish. aquascaping as a hobby introduced me to newfound connections and people who liked the same things as me and it was nice. if i could talk to my betta and told him these, i hope he is happy n proud i am making friends bc of him. i still havent named the others yet, but i do know that he is blade - because he's colored like that one character from star rail.

i know that love can extend so much more from this. and so ill keep my head, heart, arms and palms open - walls broken as i move to accept what has always been rightfully deserved - love. it nestles in every leaf and every whisper of the wind, and it exists even in waters and fishes. it exists in animals and people and lives ,

and if life is not about love, then what is it supposed to be for?

[loverboypercy]

Starline for the acrostic game? ~sunlight-ships

ACROSTIC F/O ASK GAME

thank uuu @sunlight-ships <33

S - Story - if you and them were in a fairytale, which story would you be and who would play which character?

tbh i already have an idea of sa/tbk red being morgan le fay - granted as much more of a "arthur/sonics silly wizard sibling that lives in the mountains" than their more traditional kind of personality.

i think it would be funny if we got to see eggs in that universe as some kinda evil king, w starline as his like advisor, trusted guard or smthin. then he gets seduced by a funny weirdo.

T - Teach - what skills of theirs would they teach you? what would you teach them?

uh, i mean. they had to start learning more hand-to-hand combat bcs thats what starline kinda does-

but in their like. actual relationship he'd try to get red into hacking and some of the more advanced robotic stuff but they either are Bad at it or just don't really care all that much.

however, i hc that he actually loves cooking/baking so thats something they get to do together and bond over ! he's also one of those Fancy mfers that have their tea like done in a specific way. buddy learns how to do that for him bcs sometimes he needs a lil pick-me-up

A - Art - do they draw or paint? what about any other kind of art? what’s their favorite style/subject/another artist who inspires them?

he admits to having a mild soft spot for aesthetics. he did design and paint his logo himself after all ! if he did end up making art it would probably be more the abstract kind. its a little pretentious but like. red thinks its cute.

he is not allowed to talk about his inspiration and why he wont stop drawing stylised cityscapes and theme parks.

R - Rainbow - what colors do you associate with them and why?

tbh that really nice magenta on his outfit and his eyes make me a lil <3 u kno. its a v pretty colour !

L - Language - what’s their love language? what’s yours?

being annoying /j

i think its pretty solidly set up from his canon appearances that he's an acts of service/gifts kinda guy ! red is also gifts but also quality time.

I - Image - show us a picture of them that gives you a lot of feelings. if they aren’t a visual character, describe your mental image of them!

i love everyones take on him but evans got a special little place in my heart. also his gay little earrings,, never forget what they took from us..

(i also really REALLY love his more monsterous/frankenstein-y concept art where he is Tall. but this post is already really LONG-)

N - Nostalgia - what’s your f/o’s favorite memory?

considering uh. how He Is and comments made off-handedly on ians podcast - i imagine his family wasnt. the best. there was always a disconnect there, and he never really felt like he fit in with them.

but theres one time. he built a little robot for his mother - a very simple and crude thing, something he'd be ashamed of now. but it made her smile and she ruffled his hair. its his most treasured memory, and he hates it.

a second is the first time red called him starlight unironically (it was a bit of a joke before they became actual friends/partners, red called it him once by accident and he got So Mad that they kept doing it). they were still just, very loosely, friends at that point. he was still figuring out what to do with himself, so red took him out to the chao garden with them that morning and had him help out a little. at one point they remarked:

"i don't know if you'll get it right, starlight. but i hope you do."

E - Emotion - is your f/o open with their feelings or do they keep them close to their chest?

starline is one of those people that just bottle and bottle and bottle until they explode - usually by having a breakdown and crying. sometimes he lets stuff slip but he tries so hard to desperately hold onto his cool and calculated persona that it just makes him slip more.

#iloveyou.ans #starlight💫.rom #long post #i kno ive been v jokey w this ship but like. i love this guy a lot #i want to explore this stuff bcs while i enjoy him as a villain i geniunely kinda want him to get better. away from all the teens he #traumatized ofc #its okay kids you dont have to redeem the bad guy this time ill just make him fall in love w me itll be fine dw

[depressednoises]

I guess i shouls introduce myself. Hello, my name is Adin. Or River. I have lots of names by this point.

I am 18 years old and i was born August 19, 2005.

Go on and search if you care enough, there was no kid born on that day named Adin or River.

Because its not my biological name.

I was born to a man and a woman

Both who showed me very little love and affection.

I have an elder brother, A.

They didnt love him either.

We were wanted, apparently.

But we were mostly ignored. Or yelled at for doing something stupid.

We were given gifts and the like, on christmas.

But my father was more often asleep than to spend time with either of us

And my mother would be mostly af work then cooked dinner then went to sleep after tucking either one of us in.

Only once she ever sang to me to sleep. When i was very sick and feverish. I wasnt on my deathbed, but theres a likely chance i could have died. Multiple times thoroughout my childhood.

I have a heart condition that limits bloodflow. And causes severe pain in the chest area. I have passed out multiple times from not enough oxygen getting to my brain. This was only investigated once i turned 14.

Before that, if i didnt complain about the pain or anything, or cried, they could care less.

So i didnt cimplain, or cry, because even after bejng bitten by a rabid dog i hadnt cried. I had just sat there and allowed my mother to address my wounds.

I was a smart child. But inncoent, like all children. My father had been an alcoholic since before i w as born. So we never had a relationship. I eventually turned to older men.

They gave me a sense of love.

But all it did was make the empty hole in my chest worse.

I had maybe a total of one friend until i was 11.

Then i made other friends

Those friendships ended, all except one. Who then became my boyfriend. Thoroughout then and now i had many a girlfriends and boyfriend, even when i felt no romantic attraction. Just to fill the hole in my chest.

Its stkll there. Even with frjends and brothers and a lover to fill it. Theres no way to get rid of the void of affection i shouldve gotten as a child.

No one pickrf me up and adopted me away. Im still with my mother anf father.

Tbey still care very little about my well being, but my medical conditions are being treated consistently enough.

Ibe tried to commit suicide thrice, mayne four times. Its a wknder im not dead.

I still want to be.

[clearmentalitykryptonite]

YOU AND YOUR MOTHER have been abusing me, stalking me, and talking shit to any and everyone. Abusing me to the point of ptsd and then saying oh let her do it to herself. That is fucking mental abuse. The drugging me at dairy queen where I'm passed out for HOURS. The night we went to Joe's hot dogs like I have been going since I was a child and then i went the hospital (where my mother was dying) that same night about my kidneys because my eyes were so bloodshot and yellow I was terrified and trauma bonded. They said I was fine so I didn't speak up. The pizza (hunts pizza) that I ate and it felt like I was having a heart attack and I went to the hospital and it some how changed to a stomach issue and they sent home with a prescription that I never picked up because I'm scared to take anything. Telling me it's just stress. How about when our daugher was drugged and her pupils were so fucking dilated. You put your fucking hands on me so many times and then want me to get over it and then tell me "You lie and accuse me and other people of untrue things and you act like I am so horrible when really you created a monster because you had too make someone a villain." "Quit thinking of the past and read what's being said now." "I'm done and when you move out I will finally be able to just live my life. I no longer can take the constant accusing and berating of my character. Down to the smallest thing that just isnt true. "

This shit is actually fucking happening. You want to talk about character look in the fucking mirror. I can talk about what I have been through. You know the truth. The thing you have yelled at me for in the past many fucking times trying to scare me into stop talking. Because every time i fucking do something in real life happens. You and your guys bullshit and punishments can go straight to hell. Nothing is left on the table and there hasnt been for a year when I broke up with your ass after everything you guys put me through. STOP FUCKING ACTING LIKE YOU ARE A FUCKING VICTIM OF CHEATING WHEN YOU FUCKING ABUSED ME YOU DAMN PIECE OF SHIT. I'm allowed to have friends and live my life stop making shit up and and trying sabatoge it. I REMEMBER EVERYTHING! Right down to your mother years ago with the subliminals and you when I go into your stream and asked you why they are saying this or that. You gaslighted me and called me crazy and denied my fucking reality and then you guys made the abuse all real life and did both. I remember the one time you guys made me a drink and then everyone was complaining their stomach hurt again with the subliminals? I didn't touch that drink. I asked you to drink it and you said no, refused actually and it was just a cup of juice. Just like with the peanut butter when you said you just had some and my eyes were bloodshot and it felt like I was high. I asked you to try it you did and then passed out that night. Then the next day I asked you to try it again again and you told me I'm crazy and you were just tired but I had to be sure since the kids were saying they didnt want me to drink the shake so I didnt die. But it was actually the peanut butter. Oh what about my makeup when our daughters eye swelled up and you knew exactly how to get rid of it but told me it wasnt you. Or what about the rash the kids had but you knew what the doctor said before I even told you. Or our daughter pointing to her mouth and her crotch then crying and saying she pooped and didnt want you to change her. "Even our daughter comes to me more now when she has a problem." I wonder why its taken so long for that. I asked for help multiple fucking times but apparently everyone hears your mom and your bullshit and thinks what?! I will continue to speak the truth until someone fucking listens. I cant even go out to eat because im scared of what stalking or drugs you guys will do as punishment. I cant even go in a grocery store because you fucking know why without anxiety because of your bullshit. I have lost so much weight. I'm my damn junior high weight. YOU GUYS ARE ABUSIVE AND YOU WILL GET WHAT PUNISHMENT YOU DESERVE.

[idaliascruelworld]

My grandfather died and idk. Its hurts in a way i cant describe. I wasnt always fond of him bc he is kind of conservative and definitely favored my cousin over everyone else but there were so many moments where he deeply cared for me like no one else did.

Like when i said id love to go to the mountains we literally went the same day and the day after.

Or making sure the tv in the room i was sleeping in actually works while not caring if it works anywhere else.

Or when he picked us all up from the airport he would always ask us what we want to eat and not sit down until everyone had something to eat even if its just a slice of bread (tho he would kill us for just eating that and nothing more)

My grandfather was a hardworking man always caring for his garden in his village (we spent most of our time there) he planted several vegetables and had apple and cherry trees. He would wake up early just so he can work around, build us a hammock, prepare the inflatable pool when it was hot outside, plant flowers so it looks nice, drive the extra mile to get us whatever we want.

And now hes dead

He suddenly fell ill and we found out that its some type of cancer. I visited him 2 months after the diagnosis and he was so skinny and so fragile just looking out of the window we werent even allowed to hug him. It was really hard for him to talk or walk or eat or do anything. My hardworking grandfather became a man chained to a chair.

He just became skinnier and skinnier, the medication wasnt helping so he changed it, the new one wasnt helping either so they started chemo in January. That when they said he ll only have four months left to live.

My mother showed me a video of him in the hospital. Even skinnier, no hair bc of chemo. My father crying in the background. My mother had to go to türkiye several times for several weeks so she can help. At some point he had to wear diapers and be fed because he was too weak. I remember being angry at my family for having my mother leave me with my sibling but now i regret nothing more than that it was so selfish of me to say and think that.

On the 19th this month my mother suddenly left to visit him since his condition got really really really worse and just at 1:10 AM 20.02.2024 he died in the hospital.

My brother woke me up to tell me he died i begged them to let me go to türkiye so i can visit his grave and when my brother left the room i looked at the ceiling and started crying for hours

I had to take a later flight than all of my family members so i was flying alone and i cried all the time. I cried and cried and begged him to forgive me and cried and cried and then i was at the village he grew up in, where i spend all of my summers. I went into the house he built for us with his own hands but he wasnt there. I hugged my aunts and uncles and my grandmother and lastly my father and i just couldn't do it anymore.

I had to think about my father and his sibling who just lost their father.

I had to think about my cousins who grew up with him until they moved here and even called him father.

I had to think about my grandmother who had lost her husband of 55 years.

He wont ever pick us up from the airport again

He wont ever protect me from anyone

He wont ever drive me to the mountains

He wont ever grow the best cucumbers and tomatoe ive ever eaten.

He wont ever just walk around in his garden doing stuff since the sunrise.

He wont ever repair stuff we broke.

He wont ever just sit there and watch us have fun.

I wont ever see his face again.

I wont ever hear his voice again.

I saw his grave and there was no tombstone it was just a big pile of dirt with two big stones indicating where his head and feets are. They told me its tradition to wait for the dirt to completely settle on the ground before getting a tombstone which only made it harder to realise.

This year already started horribly and its just getting worse and worse and worse and worse and

#im sorry i was crying the second i typed the first word #its hard its really hard #to see everyone cry #he will be deeply deeply missed by us all and i dont know how long i can do this #he didnt deserve such an ugly death #death #family loss #grandfather #tragic loss #depressing #sad #i hope someone out there understands me

[orangfrckls]

my greatest love

it wasn't the kind you'd profess your affections and shout from the cliffs of a hill, that you loved him. it wasn't the kind where you would hold hands and run through fields of sunflowers, laughing yourself giddy and gasping for the warm air, that felt sweeter than honey. Neither was it the kind where you'd dance in the rain and feel like the stars lived in your hearts and and gold ran through your veins.

it wasn't the kind i'd imagined it to be.

but it was the kind where we lived too far apart and could only talk at midnights, because my parents were strict. it was the kind where I'd text him about the progress of the new town i was making in Minecraft and he'd tell me about the new blender or after effects project he was working on. it was the kind where my laptop's mic wasnt working and i could only speak using my hands and my expressions but he always understood me. it was the kind where he stayed up with me till 4 am on discord because i had to finish writing my physics record, he just kept talking to keep me awake. it was the kind where i knew he hated being cheesy but he always tried because i liked it, so he would try acting cute and then cringe internally afterwards. at the end of each day and the beginning of the next, right before i fall asleep, he used to tell me he loved me, and i felt so good that i dreamt happy dreams. they were happy because he was in it.

i was surprised how this love could made me feel so.

but then it became the kind of love that my mother found out about, and asked me why i wanted to bring shame into my family. it became the kind of love that made me brave enough to tell her, that i did truly love him. it became the kind of love that scared me because of how upset it made my mother, all because i was christian and he wasnt. it became the kind of love that encouraged me to tell her that he was ready to even change his religion for me.

i was devastated when she told me that our love will never be acceptable. Neither to my community nor to my god.

it turned into the kind of love that made me tell him that it wont work because my mom would never allow it, and i would never truly be happy if i did something that upset my mother as much as this love did . it turned into the kind of love that made him want to stop speaking afterwards because we are only going to keep hurting each other if we continue. it turned into the kind of love that always had me thinking about him and had me wonder if i would ever find anyone better than him. it turned into the kind of love that would have me on the verge of moving on but there's always this thin thread around my finger that tied me to him. i could sever it easily with a simple tug but my heart has never allowed it. it turned into the kind of love that has me yearning to speak to him now, but the part that holds me back is the fact that he has already moved on, long before me, i sound so pathetic, and i hate it. it turned into the kind of love that made me dream happy dreams, but i would wake up crying because he was in my dreams, but no longer in my reality.

#T #a part of me has always loved you #i wish i was as brave as you were for me