#makes me very very hopeful that ill actually see it through and get it finished someday

[arosebyan0thername]

im currently hyperficated on other people's ocs. please tell me abt ur ocs 🦉🐔

Hi! I have no idea when you sent this as I’ve been talking about my book on here for a while, but I am happy to oblige, whether or not you are still interested!

So! First is Ella my heart and soul, and honestly kind of a doozy to write about. She’s trans but she spends a lot of the book not out to the people in her life, especially her family, so she’s deadnamed a lot and misgendered even more, which sucks, but the narration will never ever do it. True to the cinderella trope, she’s very nice and sweet and very very very strong and brave. She doesn’t have the typical cinderella story father figure to teach her values, though, she just knows that that is how the world should be. She is doubted by a lot of people and overcoming that and the self-doubt it leads to is a big struggle, but she gets shit the fuck done, don’t you worry. Animals aren’t quite as big a deal with her, she doesn’t have any mice friends or anything, but she does care about animals and the environment more than the average person and it does help her. She’s pretty naive because of the way she was raised (although she has, of course, Seen Some Shit), but very quick to pick up on things, and she adjusts pretty well. I really cannot give a lot about her away without spoiling things, because most of her personality comes from her particular backstory and much of that isn’t revealed until later on.

Ian is my good good boy. He’s the younger of the two princes but first in line for the throne (more on that later), and he is very proud of his role and eager to become king and clean up the messes his country is still dealing with from his shitty grandmother. He is also very proud and defensive of his older brother (not that andrew has much trouble defending himself, physically or verbally). He meets Ella when she’s at a low point in her already troubled life. He is in fact a straight man, so with her not yet out and certainly not passing, it’s not love at first sight, but he does immediately want to help because, again, good good boy. He’s the kind of royalty who knows the names of every single member of the castle staff and he treats them with kindness and respect (I do not endorse monarchies irl but this is a book with magical fairies so I get to make the rules here). His love language is 100% acts of service, which I love for him as the future king, and, once they get there (it’s a slow burn for sure), he practically worships the ground Ella walks on (but in a healthy way. eventually). One of the first things to really draw him to her is that she’s very outspoken about her disapproval of the former queen (aforementioned shitty grandmother) in a way which he just doesn’t normally get to hear. She’s very open and earnest, but not just hostile for the sake of it, you know? Like she actually has opinions and reasoning and isn’t just “fuck queen genevieve because I said so.” She’s also open about her opinions of the current royal family in a way he never ever hears, since she doesn’t know he’s the prince right away. I’ll be honest, most of Ian’s characterization revolves around Ella, he’s almost kind of a mary sue. He does have flaws he’ll address tho don’t worry.

Andrew is maybe my favorite possibly, he’s very great. He’s the colonel fitzwilliam to Ella’s lizzy bennett, they’re absolute besties and I can’t get enough of it. I’m in fact very very defensive of their relationship and its platonicness, and I know i cannot avoid people shipping them but I need it to be very clear that that is distinctly not my intention. They’re very very close, definitely at least almost as close as she and Ian, but like andrew is ella’s man of honor at she and Ian’s wedding, you know? And anyway, he’s gay and she’s a woman so you can’t really ship them without invalidating at least one of them. They spend a few days pretty much alone together when ella first gets to the castle and she really just opens up to him right away; there are things she feels more comfortable telling andrew than ian, and she’s known Ian longer and also is in love with him. Being the older brother, it is his divine right and duty to bully the hell out of Ian, but in a way that they both always know is just joking - he knows very well how to not take things too far. He and Ella actually frequently tag team and just shit on ian relentlessly (bur affectionately, of course), it’s great. He’s also not at all afraid to actually call ian out on his bullshit in ways that no one, not even their father or ella will do. He doesn’t do it in a mean way, but a very flat out and honest way, without sugar-coating. if ian is in the wrong, andrew will tell him “you are wrong and you have to stop.” The position of royal heir was taken from andrew by force, but he grew to learn that he would not want it anyway. He sees how hard it is to have political power and not become corrupt or let it completely break who you are as a person and he wants nothing to do with that; he could never take himself seriously and would never want the pressure of an entire country’s fate on his shoulders (although he would be good at it and he frequently acts as advisor to his father, and later his brother). He is very very proud of his brother, though, and has absolute confidence that Ian will be the best king their country has ever seen.

Madame Louise Bouchard would have been on Dance Moms for sure, and honestly that’s an understatement. I also can’t say much about her without spoilers bc she’s the main antagonist and the driving force for most of the plot, but i do think dance moms sums a lot of it up. She would definitely be a republican; she’s for sure homophobic and transphobic but honestly that’s not even why she’s so awful to ella, shes just a horrible person all around. She has two daughters (who I genuinely have not given enough thought to yet to warrant their own section), Vivienne and Camille, and she loves the image of them :) she loves when people think she’s a good mom :) does she love her daughters? :) good question :) she is a single widow and she does everything she can to make sure she and her daughters have enough money to look good and be seen in high society. She grew up with money and honestly her parents were pretty good to her so idk how she came out the way she did but sometimes people just suck and there’s no reason and thats like,, a major moral of the story. Her husband was like a minor politician iirc?? idk i wrote his backstory a while ago, but he also moved in high society until he mysteriously died of being poisoned disease but that’s never confirmed. and her daughters do love and trust her and follow her lead, not questioning why shes so awful to ella and instead playing along, as they grow up and far past the age where they should be able to recognize basic morality. Like i said I’m not sure of a lot of their specifics bc they haven’t come into any of the parts ive written yet, but basically they have draco malfoy syndrome very bad. Louise also does everything in her power to hide how she treats ella from the public so as not to besmirch the buchard image, but that relationship is very complicated and, again, half of the plot.

Queen Genevieve isn’t even alive by the time the story takes place so there’s not a lot to say about her, other than that she was a bigot and a colonizer and pretty much everyone in the country, regardless of general political views, hated her. She caused a lot of really bad things and also stirred up a lot of distrust in the royal family.

I don’t think I’ve given the king a name yet, but he’s. he tries. He’s not the very best father on account of having been raised by genevieve who was awful, and also having to spend so much time and effort making up for the shitstorm she left the country with when she died, but he does truly love his sons and he wants them to be happy and successful. He’s not a bigot but he’s not exactly like, fresh with the times, either, so some things are a little bit of a battle to get him to accept and be normal about. he’s generally fairly liked, although a lot of people think he’s maybe a bit too much of a pushover, overcorrecting from his mom. He's not an A+ dad, more like a B average probably.

There will be a few more principle characters who I know the general idea of but haven't actually started writing yet (ella has a handmaid, who I've been referring to as Tiffany for the time being, and she's very sweet and 100% rooting for ella and Ian endgame), but those are like the main main cast. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

#personal #ask #anonymous #3lla #ive been working on this for months now #i dont think ive ever spent this long seriously engaged in a writing project #makes me very very hopeful that ill actually see it through and get it finished someday

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest�� bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

#lainsmail

[blondeboyfriend]

𝐖𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 (𝟏𝟖+)

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈

[ PAIRING ] Yoshikage Kira x f!reader [ AUTHOR'S NOTE ] I'd be lying if I said American Psycho didn't inspire bits of this fic. [ SYNOPSIS ] Against his better judgment Kira takes you up on your offer to grab some dinner after work. [ WORD COUNT ] 3k [ CONTENT ] Canon AU, POV switching (though most of it is written from Kira's POV), he is so goddamn mentally ill, y/n is crushing hard, masturbation, oral sex (f receiving), penetrative sex, handjob, murder, angst without a happy ending.

Yoshikage Kira never intended to go out to dinner with you. He was already fantasizing about a quiet evening at home as he finished up his work. He could picture it so clearly: sitting at his dinner table eating leftovers from the night before, eventually making his way to the couch to watch mindless television until the early stages of slumber enveloped him, then he would drink a warm glass of milk and do some light stretches before snuggling up under his freshly washed linen sheets, sleeping soundly until morning came.

But for reasons unknown to him, he felt compelled to take you up on your offer. Maybe it was how you walked by his desk six times before getting the courage to actually speak to him. Or maybe it was your feeble attempt at acting nonchalant about it and how cute it was when your desperation trickled through.

“I haven’t had the chance to try shabu-shabu since I moved here and I cannot be seen doing it alone. Think of what that’ll do to my ego.”

He chuckled even though he didn’t find your comment particularly funny. “Find a time when no one is around and go. Then no one will see you.”

“But I’ll know I’m alone. Like, I’ll have to live with that memory for the rest of my life.”

“What if the food is so good you forget about that part?”

“Kira,” you whined. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“I can’t; I have to return some library books. Why not ask someone else?” He leaned back in his chair, trying to see who was still toiling away in the office. “Ah, Natsumi would be a good choice. I bet she eats food.”

You attempted to quiet your laughter with your hands which annoyed him to no end. Who were you to put yourself on display in such a manner?

“I barely talk to her,” you finally said after reeling in your laughter.

“I don’t know what to tell you then. Maybe another night,” he suggested though he hoped you’d never follow up.

“I’ll pay! Please?”

He sighed, denying a cute thing like you was too cruel. “Will you have me home before 8?”

You reached out and put your hand on his shoulder. “Of course I will,” you replied, your tone comically serious. “You can count on me.”

He brushed your hand off of him while making note of how gentle your touch had been. Your hands were a sight to behold, just looking at them made all his blood flow straight to his cock. He crossed his legs and smiled sweetly, trying to maintain a veil of normalcy.

Kira knew he would be testing himself by going on a social outing with you. But it wasn’t as if he was an amateur. There had been plenty of times he didn’t let his urges get the better of him, even when presented with the perfect opportunity to indulge. He was more than capable of exercising self restraint. Besides you were his coworker. Killing you was far too risky. That in itself was enough of a deterrent.

“Do you have somewhere in mind?” He asked.

You nodded. “There’s a place not too far from here. It’s a few blocks down.”

“Have you heard good things about it?”

“No, terrible things. A guy got food poisoning and died in the bathroom with his pants around his ankles. They say his ghost haunts the restaurant to this very day with his dick hanging out.”

“Oh I love that,” Kira said quietly as he shut down his computer.

“Thought you would.”

He cleared his throat and looked up from his monitor. “I’ll meet you out front. I need to take care of a few things before we leave.”

You nodded and strolled off, unaware of the mental anguish that plagued him. Kira glanced down at his lap, watching as his cock fought against the fabric of his pants. He slowly got up, careful to obscure his erection with his quivering hands. Dizzy and humiliated, he skulked into the bathroom and quickly relieved himself. As he squeezed the shaft of his cock he fantasized about how your disembodied hand would feel stroking his tender flesh.

“Stop it,” he mumbled, hoping verbalizing his morality would make it appear.

Misery enveloped Kira as he washed his hands. He was careful to not look in the mirror, unable to bear the sight of himself. He breathed deeply as he unlocked the bathroom door, pulling it open only to be greeted by your expectant presence.

“I felt weird standing around in the lobby.”

He couldn’t follow your logic, but your earnest demeanor was precious so he didn’t think too hard about it.

“Great,” he choked out.

There was a sense of relief once the two of you were out in the world, away from the office. The air seemed lighter, the lights not so blinding and unforgiving. He was at ease as he walked beside you, your hands brushing up against his on occasion. Your disruption was more harmonious than he previously surmised. It was wrong to assume you were a woman of strife and discord. You were more benign than that. You were like petting a kitten that had been napping in a puddle of sunlight. Your presence carried the weight of a reassuring hug. He wanted to melt in your arms and drown in your sweetness.

Everything was painted in a blushy-orange hue as the sun slowly set. It gave your face an angelic quality as it danced across your face. To say you looked picturesque was an understatement. Nothing could shit on this moment; nothing could annihilate his peace. He was sure of it.

“This is… it,” you said sadly, noticing that the restaurant was in fact closed.

Suddenly everything came crashing down. Kira felt like he was going to vomit into his shoes.

“What a shame,” he said, voice straining. He was convinced he could cry at any moment.

Your eyes darted around. “We could get udon,” you said, pointing at a restaurant across the street.

Kira spun around and nearly moaned as relief filled his chest. It was directly across the street, its existence a good omen. He could have kissed you for pointing it out.

“Yes,” he said, wiping his eyes. “We can get udon.”

You gave him a confused look. Damn, he must really love udon.

Dinner went well. You both ordered the same thing, but that was only because Kira wanted to mirror you and what he perceived as your moral superiority. You talked about work, expressing similar grievances. He rarely voiced his discontent to anyone, let alone his coworkers, but you disarmed him. Everything he knew and held dear was now flexible; he didn’t mind bending a little for you.

You upheld your part of the bargain and covered the bill without a second thought. He contemplated paying for everything while you weren’t paying attention, but you were too quick.

“You could have at least let me pay for half,” he said as you signed the receipt.

You smiled. “Nah.”

The sun had set and the streets were not bustling with as much life. The sidewalks were practically empty. Eight o’clock was growing near, putting Kira on edge. His confidence in his self control was waning. It was time to go home.

“Well I’ll see you on Monday. Thank you for dinner. It was nice.”

“You don’t wanna hang out for a little longer? Maybe grab some tea? Pudding? Anything?”

He clenched his fists, nails piercing his palms. Your company was now a burden to bear. He knew you wouldn’t make it out alive if you stuck around.

“You know you wanna have tea with me,” you purred. 

A playful grin adorned your face. It was true. Kira did want to have tea with you, but not like this. He wanted to be with you under the warm gaze of a perpetual sunset. He wanted perfection, but the circumstances made it impossible, sullying it all. The longer he was around you like this, the more he wanted to hurt you.

“I doubt anywhere decent is open,” he said firmly.

“We can go back to my place! I actually have this really good genmaicha if you’re into that sort of thing.”

Fuck, he thought to himself. I am into that sort of thing!

“Alright, a cup or two won’t kill me.”

“Me neither. Let’s gooooo.”

He could control himself; he could show a semblance of restraint. Maybe spending more time around you would let him realize your true value. If he liked you enough, surely he’d want to keep more than just your hand around. And it would be nice to have a friend at work, someone to make him seem like a typical guy.

He sighed and convinced himself everything would be fine.

And it was. When the two of you arrived at your home, Kira was pleasantly surprised by its comforting warmth. It was no sunset. But it was close enough, disarming him all the same. He made himself comfortable on your couch. You prepared the tea, blethering about your interests. He watched you intently, taking in every little movement you made.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” you said, placing a cup of tea in front of him. “But you have the eyes of a hunter.”

“What?!”

Suddenly he was trying to look as doe-eyed as possible. He couldn’t believe his mask was already slipping.

“It’s not a bad thing,” you laughed, nervously scratching the base of your skull.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh my god, don’t be,” you cooed as you took a seat beside him. “It’s not a bad thing. I—I, uh…”

You cut yourself off by taking a big sip of tea.

“What was that last part?” He asked, taking off his Valentino jacket. 

He carefully folded it and hoped the wrinkling would be minimal. He then rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to feel less constricted, a little freer.

“Uh,” you mumbled, staring at his toned forearms. “It’s, like, attractive. I’m saying that objectively.”

You were courting him in the shadows. He wanted to shake you and beg you to stop, to end this nonsense, to kick him out of your home for his predator eyes. All the time Kira spent trying to shield you from it didn’t mean a thing. It made him ill. And it wasn’t as if he could tell you to stop being flirtatious because it made him want to kill you. If you knew that he was a demon with a thin veneer of sanity, he’d lose you forever.

“Thank you,” he said, sipping his tea.

“I’m surprised someone hasn’t scooped you up already.”

“I don’t really like to make myself… scoopable.”

“Fair enough,” you said, scooching closer to him. “So, you’re not seeing anyone then?”

He paused. “I am not.”

You placed your hand on his thigh, fingers grazing the inside of it. He stared down at your hand like it was a grenade.

“I’m not seeing anyone either,” you said bashfully.

Kira felt like he was going to implode.

“You know… I’ve always had a bit of a,” you coughed nervously, “crush on you. I don’t know why. I just feel drawn to you.”

His cock throbbed under his pants, begging to be freed. His carnal needs were taking over. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually fucked someone, and seeking solace in your cunt sounded endlessly appealing.

“Is that so?”

You nodded and squeezed his thigh. His body ached for you, all of you. He wanted to have every bit of it in his mouth and cover your skin with his cum.

“I need you, Yoshikage,” you said, pulling yourself into his lap. Your hands gripped his shirt.

He didn’t know what to say. You were seeing him too clearly. Hearing you say his name made it all too real. But still there was some allure to it. Rarely did Kira ever feel desired and it was clear as day that you wanted him. It stroked his ego in ways he never thought possible.

“Tell me how much.”

Your hands were now unfastening the buttons of his shirt.

“I’d rather die than be without your touch,” you mewled, rolling your hips against him.

Kira felt like his heart was caught in his throat.

You kissed his cheekbone. “Let’s go to my room.”

He followed you to your room and watched as you removed your work clothes. Your body was incredible, delectable, and he wanted to consume it. It was like a sun ripened peach, dewy and glistening under a full moon. He wondered how it would feel to sink his teeth into your flesh, how sweet your arousal must taste.

Kira did the same, carefully undressing and making sure his clothes wouldn’t look like crumpled paper once he put them back on. His ego sang as you took in his naked form. He knew he was physical perfection, a body in the image of a Bernini sculpture. Your eyes were wide, eager, and starving.

You crawled onto the bed, resting on your back with your legs spread wide. He had a perfect view of your slick cunt, one that nearly made him drool. Unable to contain himself, he got onto the bed and buried his head between your thighs. He lapped at your folds, the tip of his nose brushing up against your swollen clit.

He looked up at you and watched as you grabbed your breasts, pinching your nipples between your fingers.

“Feels s’good,” you mumbled in a blissed out daze.

Kira gave your clit slow, languorous licks, savoring the sweet taste of your arousal. He found himself rutting against the mattress, desperate to feel some form of friction. The sounds of your breathy moans sent him spiraling into a pit of pleasure and despair. His urges were creeping around him, whispering in his ears.

I wonder if she’d make the same noises if you sliced her up a bit.

He closed his eyes and focused on kissing the inside of your thighs while he slipped his fingers inside you. Your moans grew louder, more comely, as he curled them.

“More,” you moaned as you laced your fingers in his wavy, flaxen hair.

Show her the real Yoshikage Kira.

“I want your cock,” you whimpered.

He got on top of you, his blue eyes lost in your haze of ecstasy. Lust radiated off of you, drawing him in. There was no way he could deny you.

He guided his cock inside you, tossing his head back as it was surrounded by the plush heat of your cunt. You locked your legs around him, clinging to his body like your life depended on it. He loved every minute of it; feeling wanted and needed was the best sensation in the world. He was sure of it.

His thrusts were languid and sensuous. Kira liked to take his time while fucking. He was never plagued by the overwhelming reflex to come as fast and hard as possible. He preferred to focus on the needs of his partner, slowly drawing out their transcendent moans. He was hypervigilant in his awareness. You couldn’t hide a thing from Kira. He noticed every muscle twitch, every gasp and groan, every gloriously enraptured expression.

“How does it f—feel?” You asked.

He didn’t want to speak. He felt safer with his mouth shut.

You tightened your cunt around his cock.

“Shit,” he choked out as he bottomed out.

You let out a deep moan and dug your fingernails into his shoulders. Your orgasm flowed through your body, replacing your blood with unadulterated ardor. Your sweet sounds filled the room, overwhelming him.

“I can’t,” he spat out abruptly.

He pulled his cock out of you and rolled gracelessly off the bed.

“Huh?” You were in a fucked out daze.

“I have to go.”

“Is this about the library books?”

He shook his head. “No. I j—I have to leave.”

“Can you at least tell me why?”

“I’m afraid if I stay I’ll do something to you.”

You gave him a confused glare. “What are you talking about?”

KIra stared down at his hands, hoping they would have an answer.

“There is something terrible happening inside me and I don’t want it to interfere with my work life.”

You sat up, your annoyance was tangible and took up space in the room. Your eyes were fixed on his erect cock.

“No one has to know.”

“But—”

“Come on. Let me make you happy before you leave, hm?”

His eyes darkened. “You want to make me happy?”

“Yes. I wanna be filled with your cum,” you begged.

He walked over to the bed and grabbed your right wrist.

“Jerk me off.”

“Uh. Okay,” you said, squeezing his swollen shaft.

Precum dribbled out from the tip, coating your hand and you serviced him. You didn’t look enthused, but you gave it your all.

“Good girl,” he choked out as his cock spurted cum over your chest.

Kira looked down at you, trying to memorize your face since this was the last time he’d see it. He would miss your goofiness and your sweetness, but living without it wasn’t impossible. Life would just go back to the way it was before, the way it should be. Home by 8:00 PM. A glass of warm milk. Stretching.

Surely you would understand why he had to do it.

“Whoa,” you said suddenly. “Wha—what’s that fucking pink thing behind you?”

He panicked and Killer Queen vaporized your body, leaving nothing behind. Kira fell to the ground and buried his face into the side of the mattress. The pain in his chest was sharp and raging. He wished he could go back in time and never agree to dinner. He would have forced Natsumi to go with you. He would have insulted you to your face. Anything to keep you away from him.

Kira was at a loss, alone in your home. He had no idea if anyone saw him come in or if anyone at the office knew you two had gone out. He cursed himself for being so reckless and began to sob. His hubris has gotten the better of him.

What a waste. But don’t worry. There will be another one.

Before you ask: yes, y/n was a stand user. Her stand was Baby One More Time and she could bring plants back from the dead.

#yoshikage kira x reader #kira yoshikage x reader #kira x reader #jjba x reader #jjba smut #jojo's bizarre adventure smut #.fics #.jjba #.kira #reader insert #x reader

[themultifandomgal]

Kelly Severide- A New Baby Pt2

I drop Harper off at day care and run to the store and grab a box of pregnancy tests. Quickly heading home and to the bathroom I pee on the stick and wait for the results. Kelly sits on the edge of the bath tub while I sit on the toilet seat

"It's going to be positive. You threw up again this morning" Kelly smiles

"I don't want you to get your hopes up Kel. There's a chance I might just have a bug from Harper"

"But there's a higher chance of you being pregnant, because Harper hasn't been ill"

"Well we will see in a couple of minutes"

"If hypothetically it isn't positive, we can always try again. But you my beautiful wife, are pregnant" I laugh shaking my head at him.

We wait for the timer to go off and when it does I pick the stick up

"And?" Kelly asks me with that smile as if to say he already knows

"I'm pregnant" I smile in defeat that he was right all along. Kelly lifts me up making me squeal "how the hell is Harper going to react?" I ask nervously. Kelly puts me down

"Whatever happens we will get through it together" he kisses my forehead.

We tell Harper not long after I find out that I'm pregnant, in hopes that she will come round to the idea before I give birth

"Ok Harper. Mommy and daddy have something to tell you"

"What is it?" Harper frowns at me

"Mommy has a baby in her tummy. So in October you will have a brother or sister" Kelly explains. Tears start to run down her face as she cries

"But I don't want a baby. Your my mommy and daddy not theirs" she points at my stomach

"Harper. We will always be your mommy and daddy and we will love you both so much"

"No you'll love them more than me!" she shouts

"I promise you that we won't" Kelly puts Harper on his lap

"No!" Harperscreams as me and Kelly try to comfort her. Tears start to form in my eyes

"Come on Harper. Won't it be nice to have a brother or sister to play with?" Kelly wipes her eyes

"No!" she shouts again and crosses her arms with a frown

"You know you might even like the baby when they're born"

"No mommy I won't. I only want you and daddy. No more only us and dogs" I sigh feeling defeated as she runs off. Kelly places his arm around my shoulder and kisses my cheek

"She'll warm up to the idea"

"I hope so"

"Can you give the baby back?" Harper ask me after I finish reading her a book

"No Harper"

"But I don't want a brother or a sister" she pouts

"I know, but me and daddy did want another baby"

"But I don't"

"Wouldn't you like to a friend to play with?"

"Why don't you give the baby to auntie Gabby"

"But I want the baby. Why don't you go to sleep. You might feel differently"

"I won't" I sigh kissing Harper on the head before getting out of her bed and switching the light off

"I love you" I tell her

"Love you to mommy" I pull her door to and head downstairs

"Well that didn't go very well" I say sitting on the couch with Kelly

"She's used to being an only child. It's a big change for her"

"She's stubborn, like her dad" I cross my arms

"Give her time. We can talk to Hermman, see if he's got any ideas on how we can help her"

"That's not a bad idea actually"

"I'll have a word with him tomorrow"

#one chicago #one chicago imagine #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire #kelly severide x wife #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide imagine #kelly severide #kelly severide x oc #kelly severide x yn

[parrotbug]

"can you help me study?" ft. dazai, atsushi, ranpo, & fyodor

dazai

he would actually help you for awhile, he'd be good at schoolwork and would try to figure out what he doesn't already know

if he's really having trouble understanding something (which would rarely, if ever happen), he would still pretend to know what he's talking about to impress you even if he's bullshiting everything

he would flirt the whole time. he would barely even try to hide it

everyone would be looking at you two like 🤨 ehem

you're holding your pencil, working out a problem. dazai leans over and gently wraps his hand on top of yours to stop you writing

"you're so close, but you made a little mistake here. don't worry, i'll guide your hand for you..."

he'd do the thumb rub thing all the way too ♥️

he'd be quiet while you're working, but expect him to play with your hair, lean against you, and play footsie

he would walk you home afterwards if you were out

"call me when the results are out, you'll do so great~"

atsushi

he tries his best

he's honestly so flattered that you even asked him, and you can tell he really appreciates that you wanted his help

he'd be better at helping you with essays, practice flashcards, and memorizing things

all the work everyone pushes on to him paying off

would leave the cutest comments if he edits your essay

"hehe, i remember you telling me about this"

"you can delete this extra space :o"

"this looks really good, ____! :)"

he would be so sweet if you get upset 🥺♥️

"you're so smart, i'll make sure you do great, but let's take a break, um... here! ill show you a picture of the cutest cats i saw earlier...

once you get back to work, he'd walk you through everything veeery slowly, pausing like every 3 seconds to make sure you understand

after you finish, he'd treat you to a pastry and a fun drink :)

after he does, i'm begging you to pleaseee hug him. he would be so happy

ranpo

haha. hahaha

so ranpo is very smart, of course he's an obvious person to ask for help

however, he doesn't necessarily know how to explain how to do things to other people

"just do it! it's not that hard." 🫥

but once he figures out how to articulate his thought process, he'd be pretty good at explaining things

however. he would expect you to give him snacks in return

he would be so fun to slack off with. one minute you're actually working and the next you two are taking selfies and watching youtube

"you'll do fine, i'm helping you!"

*proceeds to play mobile games*

if he does actually help you and you get a good score/raise your grades, he would be so proud oml

just keep praising him about how smart he is and he will always help you study ♥️ or slack off

fyodor

he's always so busy, but would rearrange his schedule to help you

not that he would tell you that

"it's not like i like you 😑 im just not that busy today 😑" ← fyodor lying

he'd have a similar approach to dazai, but with a different execution

unlike dazai, if he doesn't understand something, he'd just say it's stupid and fake 🪦

background noise king, he'd always make sure you have what you need to focus

he would be quite patient with you

he would be skilled at simplifying complex topics so that you can understand them

it's the little things with him

if he sees you working hard and sniffling/shivering, he might wrap his coat around your shoulders 🥺

"you're doing so well. i'm proud of you, Умница."*

*Умница "oomnitsa": little clever one

my first time writing one of these, i hope it was okay! i had to write the whole thing twice because i accidentally deleted it all the first time 🫣 oops

hope you enjoyed! - li ♡

#ଘ 🦋 ଓ – li writes #.* 🤍 *. – fic #gn!reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai x reader #atsushi x reader #ranpo x reader #fyodor x reader #bsd fluff #bsd headcanons #bsd hcs #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd x y/n #bsd imagines

[arcadekitten]

Thank you for making such wonderful games!! I’m new here, but i just finished Cemetery Mary and Blackout Hospital the other day! I was just wondering, are these two game going to be apart of a trilogy?

I know BH ended with a “to be continued” in the true ending, so im pretty excited to see whats next! but in the same vein, i was unsure if CM was considered the ‘first’ game in this series, as in BH Mary and Val didnt know eachother (<- this is in reference to that scene in CM where Mary sees Val+Crowven together! also in BH Mary only seemed to know Reggie as her doctor, but maybe i missed something? idk lol).

If these games *will* be in a series together, though, i have to wonder…

Because we’ve already had a game where Mary was our protagonist, and then had a game where Val was a protagonist, will the next game have Tetra as a protagonist? I ask because in my head theyre a trio, but i didnt know because Val wasnt didnt weigh too heavy on CM’s plot, but idk! I figured i might as well give you an ask about it, though i know im probably shooting at you out of left fielda here, lol!! :)

I just wanted to say i love love LOVE your writing and art and characters and games very much! Thank you for making such amazing games.. and for free!! Overall just THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I hope youre having a fantastic day/night! :)

-a shy fan haha (maybe one day ill get the courage to send an ask on my actual blog lol!)

Thank you so very much, you are terrifically sweet and it makes me so happy to hear!! ♡

I consider Cemetery Mary and Blackout Hospital to be games that are "Separate, but Connected" if that helps give any idea !!

Lucky for you though Reginald Tetra IS returning as a protagonist in my next big project, WISHMAKER! I'm working through the prologue now! ♡

#they are a trio to me also #like within the main 5 they are like. the main 3 #cemetery mary #blackout hospital #ask

[xhanelia]

Could I ask for Sova x reader with fear of needles? The reader will try to run away and will cry during the actual needle play (totally not me after getting my COVID shot😐)

Okay okay my tumblr is now allowing me to edit my ask box so, HELLO DEAR! I hope im not too late! If so, im so sorry. I swear i want to write but this shitty app is against it so much istg. I wrote this fic platonic in any case. Anyways, hope you like it!

Sova x Reader who is afraid of needles

How did it came to this? You have no idea.

It was a mission day like always. But the thing was that the rain, pouring like the goddamn zeus just broke up with his wife and lost all of his children.

Ofcourse nearly all of the agents went to this mission came back soaked wet. But no one worse than you.

Your part was outside. Watching out for any threat that might come. There seemed to be no threat other than the natural ice bucket challange for you.

When the team finally arrived to the HQ, you were trembling all over. Holding your arms with your hands, you try to warm up but it did not helped. Your body was sore all over and your nose was running.

Sage noticed that and gave you afew days to rest your body from the mission you just finished. Hopefully you'd recover from this little illness and relax but your body had other plans.

After afew days, Sova got worried and went to check up on you. Knocking afew times and entering inside your room, he saw how you were curled up in your bed with red cheeks and tissues all over the room. He got so worried about you.

Just as he was going to get Sage, he remembered that she went to a mission with Skye that will last for about a week or two. With dissapointment in his face, he thought about other choices he had.

Then it hit him. Maybe Viper could be able to find a solution. She was a former doctor nevertheless.

He picked you up and went to the doctors office. Viper raised a brow when she saw the two of you. Sova explained your situation. She gave a nod with a hand on her chin then looked at you. Examined you for afew minutes then went back to her desk.

You looked at Sova, trying to imply that this was not a good idea. Sova gave you an assuring smile to keep your hopes high like he always does.

You looked back at Viper. She took a syringe and took some kind of liquid that looked like water. Then carefully inserted a needle on top of it and flicking the top to get rid of the airbubbles. The fear ran through your veins as she turned to you.

And thats how you find yourself in this situation. Crying in Sova's arms while the two was trying to convince you.

"You wont even feel it, besides, im here for you." Sova tried to calm you down with his warm tone like always but this time was different. You were really scared and his reasuring words were not helping for the first time.

"Theres no other choice. The HQ is so far away from the city. We cannot go to a hospital. And theres no other healers left in the HQ." Viper spoke. "You either let me do this or you'll suffer untill Sage and Skye come back from their mission."

You screamed as she tried to get closer. She knew to not go over your boundaries so she looked at Sova. Hoping that maybe he could find a way.

Sova got the hint and turned you to face him. "Look at me." He said with the same warm tone as he took your forearms into his hands to make you keep looking at him. Viper understood what he was trying to do.

"I dont want you to get any worse than this. You are very dear to me and it hurts to see you so weak like this. I know that everyone has their fears inside them but theres nothing we cannot overcome. See?"

He smiled at you while Viper wiped down your arm with a piece of cotton. As she turned away and tossed the needle and the cotton into a thrash bin, you looked at Sova with a confused face. He laughed at your reaction and wiped down your tears with his hand.

"The effect of medication will show in an hour." She smiled. Truly a rare occation to see Viper smile. "Dont underastimate my skills." She said. This little trouble reminded of her the times when she used to be a true doctor.

When you both walk back to your room, you crossed your arms. "I hate you." Sova laughed. "Alright, alright... im sorry. But you feel better already. Dont you?" You scoffed. "But im still mad at you." Sova giggled. "I'll win your heart later. I promise." And you know that he always keeps his promises.

#valorant #headcanon #sova #sova valorant #valorant sova #sova headcannons #sova x reader #valorant x reader

[fanofthelamb]

So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D

#cw gore #cotl au stuff in here #23 pics under the cut btw #cotl #cotl fanart #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #the lamb #cotl narinder #cotl spoilers #cotl kallamar #cotl leshy #i dont think ill tag anymore #idek if i should've tagged this post at all #but well see how it plays out!! #THIS POST TOOK FOREVER TIME TO GO CLEAN

[inlocusmads]

list of ocs in my crimes canon:

oof okay so this took a While lmao. I hope to keep this list handy because it's easier for me to explore these characters once they're written on paper.

There are two categories: 'the recurring cast' who make cameos in fics and' 'potential crossovers' that I still wrote down, but not sure how it might "feel" like. I also have a third category - 'one-offs' as in they're mentioned but you don't see them everm but they're just only 2-3 characters and their stories are already over, so... I dunno lmao. Maybe I'll make a different list and add those guys in.

recurring cast:

Buddy "Bull" Bager (he/him, 45): Nora's number one contact for anything to do with famous people. Bull's been in many social circles - from being a concierge at fancy hotels to driving around celebrities and he's got all the insider information. He's strong, was a big name in underground street fighting rings but now wants to settle down and start businesses he's passionate about - ranging from a mechanic shop to a bakery. Got his nickname "Bull" because he once wore a t-shirt that had a picture of one, once.

Skilner (he/him, 63): Ex-drug supplier turned janitor for literally any place imaginable. He's good with names and addresses and doesn't forget people easily, which makes him a great contact if you're looking for someone on a more domestic level. Pretty old, so doesn't fight much. He has a niece whom he loves very much and would move mountains for. He aspires to put his old life behind him and really work to being a normal guy, get an education if he can afford it somewhere down the road.

Mx. TJ (they/them, 29): Former bank robber - well not exactly in the way you'd expect - but yes, they did bypass the security system just to tell the authorities how stupid their security system really was. Now TJ doesn't do it all that much since they and their team are on the run. If Luke can get through security tapes, TJ can barrel through government servers. They usually have a 'scratch my back and ill scratch yours' way of payment, so Nora would usually have to supply them information or run errands on behalf of them. TJ also takes cases on a 'dire' basis, meaning Nora can't just contact them to look up xyz unless it is an absolute emergency.

Officer Jillian (she/they, 32): Jillian was Nora's coworker at the 53rd precinct and still works there. They keep her updated on all happenings within the NYPD and beyond. Jillian also has many friends in restaurant circles, so she's the one to go for, if you're ever looking for recommendations or if you're looking to track down a person's tastes in cuisine. Nora actually learned of Ricochet's taste in this particular hollandaise sauce that they served in the Sensation En Bouche thanks to Jillian doing her homework on high profile criminals and where they usually go. They're also the first to call out on Nora's bullshit in the sparse moments they hang out.

Monty Jackson (he/him, 31): Monty was very close to Trystan since he was one of the latter's very first friends in New York. Monty runs a small sandwich shop with his college friends Lee and Todd. He doesn't know what he wants to do with life, but will gladly help you out with yours. He isn't much of an informant or anything - can't do much for you, but like Skilner, he's pretty good with names and addresses and has built up a connection over the years from sourcing supplies over the years. However he's a bit of a crook, doesn't know what he talks about, will talk out of his ass and is a pain to deal with, but if you know how to talk to him, he'd tell you how to win at life.

Lenny "Lee" Yamada (he/him, 29): Trystan's other close friend. Lee is the brains of the sandwich shop. He's a committed person, dedicated, loves his job and wants to earn money so he could put himself through culinary school. Despite Monty minoring in economics, Lee knows more about the market than he does and he didn't even finish college. Lee's super into research and he's pretty efficient at scouring the web for answers, thanks to his experience hunting down old blogs and broken links and salvage recipes. If it's on the web, it cannot fly under his radar. Lee was chronically online before "chronically online" became a thing.

Samaya G. Pallan (she/her, 21): Samaya is a barista/assistant manager in the coffee house across the street from the Ginovesi Agency. She's good friends with all the four of them, given they're regulars but exceptionally close with Ruby. She is a music student, very good at identifying musical notes and being able to tell you where you're likely to be - as in, where you live, where you are at your current position in life, where you'd like to be and so on - solely from your taste in music. She does this thing where she likes to judge people and embody being a hater for funsies by allowing people to suggest their playlists for the music in the coffee shop. She was able to read through Luke's little crush on Ruby from what he played in the shop.

Kimia Ahktar (she/her, 27): Kimia runs an Art Conservatory - one that teaches art as well as runs programs to "conserve" pieces of old art. Her family came from a long line of painters and artisans, especially her great-grandfather who was a prominent artist during his time. Kimia and Sonja Dormer ran in the same social circles, with Sonja usually putting up her work when Kimia's Conservatory conducted art shows. They weren't close, since Kimia didn't really want to be a part of this "academia" of elite for-profit people. She met Trystan (and Nora) when she learned her great grandfather's work had been forged. Kimia's made many enemies in the art society in the past, which is why she's quite weary about talking to new people and likes to keep to herself.

Isac Zamfir (they/he, 48): One of Trystan's old contacts, Izaak works as a librarian in the Romanian embassy in Drakovia . They have a degree in metallurgy and are pretty close with museum directors and cultural ambassadors - especially an avid financial contributor to the Dimitrie Gusti National Village Museum among many other heritage sites. Isac's background in metallurgy and current venture into gemology puts them at a valuable position where they're able to assist in retrieving stolen museum artefacts back to their homelands. He and Trystan have been close thanks to their shared interests, thanks to attending many dinner parties in lieu of his engagement to Juliana Georgescu. In fact it was Isac who cultivated Trystan's interest in jewelry and Trystan who'd consulted them for assistance to find ways to get more funding into museums once he gets coronated.

Aizan "Kaz" Tso (he/him, 34): Aizan is a friend of Mafalda's. He runs a bookshop/novelty shop who sometimes dabbles in metalworking and plaque-making. Mafalda basically took him in as her own kid like how she did with Nora -- helping him get through college, get him safe gender-affirming surgery and assisted him as he got himself some financial stability. Kaz majored in manufacturing and design engineering and really wanted to set up his own additive manufacturing business and combine his love for comic books somehow. He runs his own shop, selling books and figurines of characters he made and is the guy behind the 'best detective/employee' plaque the Agency made into a quarterly tradition. He does so as a thank-you to Mafalda. Kaz is also super into pop culture, so he sometimes helps the gang out when they require his expertise.

potential crossovers:

Inam Vallath (laws of attraction-ish? | she/her, 34): Inam is an intellectual property lawyer. She majored in mechanical engineering in undergrad, with a minor in art history before switching over to IP law. Now she majorly works with entrepreneurs in the domain of protecting their brand, protecting their work from infringement and detecting it. She gets a pool of clients from mostly the automobile or tech industry, publishing and sometimes the art fields. It's usually trickier for her to deal with art, which is why she goes by the books and tries to get a complete story as much as possible. She currently works as a junior associate at Brahms & Partners, IP. Inam works with Nora on Kimia's case to aid her in the discovery process. They kind of start developing a more serious partnership later on.

Ramona "Rowan" Stone (murder at homecoming | she/her, 19): Rowan is an aspiring investigative journalist from Beachwood who started on this path after her sister, Perdita went missing. She goes on to major in journalism in New York and gets a part-time job as a writer for a small up-and-coming digital newspaper/blog to pay for her expenses. During her time gaining experience in the field, she stumbles on old allegations for the NYPD's internal corruption and decides to report on it; only to have her be a massive target planted by none other than the 53rd precinct and Captain Thompson. This is around the time Rowan meets Nora who tells her to keep calm and helps her deal with the matter. Later, Nora and Rowan forge a new partnership. Nora helps Rowan finish her article without any turbulence. She was a big influence on Rowan and her motivation to go pursue the truth. Eventually Rowan would do her internship at The Styrne Examiner.

Aloka Sinott (veil of secrets | she/her, 35): Aloka earned her big break from helping solve the mystery of the Birchport killer. However she didn't return back to the New York Herald or take up a job offer with the FBI. She was offered a place in a non-profit investigative journalist organization - The Styrne Examiner based in New York, who also put out articles. They collaborate with major news organizations and are committed to bring back valiant journalism and commit to the truth. Aloka works on a lot of different projects but gives a lot of priority to training young interns. This is where she met Rowan and took her under her wing; helping her hone her craft and build up her experience in the field. The two of them became good friends solely due to their pasts. Rowan was able to connect with Aloka and how she dealt with a missing persons case involving Kate.

Morgan Horowitz/Hayes (the unexpected heiress (modern day) | they/them, 29): Morgan is the descendant of the Hayes family - known for their influence in the electrical power industry based in New York. They got into corporate law and currently are working in the business's R&D division to come up with more sustainable technology measures. They're a well-known person especially to Trystan since the Hayes-Horowitz family had long been an avid supporter of the arts and were generous to Ruth Iverson's once-upon-a-time charity. Morgan's family is also a long-term client to Brahms & Partners IP. They basically helped Inam skyrocket her career after choosing her to represent them and aid them when a smaller company copied the design of a new sustainable wind turbine and filed the patent under their name. It was also Inam's first ever case and Morgan's first ever dealing of such a case as a manager and the two handled it pretty well.

Reyna "Rusty" Jones (open heart-ish | she/her, 34): Nora and Rusty were childhood friends who grew up on the same block in Manhattan. Rusty got her name from being well, a take-charge no-nonsense rough person and went on to leave home to go to medical school in supposedly Boston or Boston-adjacent(??) She did her internship and residency at Mass Kenmore before transferring to a more research-oriented hospital (about this time Mass Ken and Edenbrook may have had their feud and she was tired). Rusty and Nora aren't super in contact w each other but since they were such big part of each other's lives for a long time, they still text each other as much as they can or if they're reminded to. There was this one point where Nora didn't have Ruby or Luke's assistance and had to make do with Rusty's expertise on a case. I HC Nora might get involved in Rusty's life - either by offering her some professional help or just getting her out of a sticky situation. I don't know Rusty's story yet or what she ends up doing but hopefully I get to mull it over and come back later with an answer.

one-offs

Gustav Cvejić: Trystan's childhood friend-turned-boyfriend, Gustav is pretty headstrong. he's constantly getting into fights, he lives in a rough part of town and met Trystan when they went to the same primary school. After Trystan got pulled out of school to be homeschooled, Gustav still made it a priority to visit him in the palace. It thankfully worked considering his father was a wholesale vendor who supplied grain and flour to the palace. Gustav, thanks to his upbringing is more aware of the social happenings in the country as opposed to Trystan who had been sheltered for most of his life. It is in fact, Gustav offered him insight by helping him navigate this new life as a would-be king, offering him good advice and introducing new music to him.

He grew up in a very anti-monarchist household and developed the same beliefs after learning what was really out there. Thanks to this and his association with Trystan being known to Viktoria one day and all these years of secret-keeping, she tries her hardest to persuade Trystan, but decided to just simply stop her business with Gustav's father. To add further to the wound, she ensured the family was cut of any ties to the palace but at the same time, treated them as well, kings.

She gave Mr Cvejić a visa for Gustav to study abroad- she basically cornered them in a stalemate in exchange for their loyalty. Viktoria had to pull in a lot of strings because she believed Trystan was being "influenced" when in reality, he was just developing critical thinking skills from having a friend/boyfriend, you get the idea. This led to him developing a resentment for his own mother. Gustav's father sent him away to get an education abroad and that's the last they heard from the other. Even before Trystan could think about Gustav, he was whisked away to a new life preparing for his coronation.

Gustav has had a tough childhood. His father was a single parent and had dreamed for his son to take up the family business as a wholesaler, but wanting him to first get into a good school. They didn't make a lot of money, so when the opportunity presented itself, he sent Gustav away to America. He'd go on to study economics and would eventually come back home to settle down, but with a lingering hollowness he'd trace back to his past. Gustav and Trystan do end up reconciling someday in the future - perhaps when they meet again, because you just didn't let go of special people like that, but it's far away for now.

They'd lost contact after Viktoria's puppeteering, thus creating a sour taste of Trystan in Gustav's mouth and an absolute vile hatred for his mother in Trystan's heart. It never fails to go away.

Aneesa Wang: Aneesa was a postgrad student when she met Nora when the latter worked in the NYPD. Aneesa at that time, was an immigrant student on a visa as well. She'd come from Hong Kong to do her master's in New York along with her other friends. Aneesa's quiet, determined and pretty savvy. One day they all make a collective mistake by accidentally stumbling into an underground criminal gang looking for a quick weed fix. Aneesa's name is taken into their account at the time of purchase, but since neither of them could afford anything high-quality, they offered to pay it in installments -- only to come back home, say "fuck it" and not do that anymore.

After a couple of warnings, Aneesa's name and info quickly became an easy way for the underground guys to use as a "fall guy" contact. Suddenly she's receiving hundreds of calls, thousands of death threats, mysterious text messages. She literally stopped going to classes, afraid that someone might know something. It was Aneesa's first time in America, mind you. She'd gotten involved with the wrong people and she was so freaking scared. So she met Nora, covered in sweat and dirt - trying to scrub her name off credit cards and lists and using cold cash to get by. Aneesa's broke, terrified and Nora was her only hope.

Nora helped her out. She gave her shelter in her home, accompanied her to her classes - would basically sit outside her classes decked out in normal clothes but with her holster visible for everyone to see. By night, she'd try her best to track down these guys. It was around this time she'd discovered the so-called 'underground gang' was really composed of dirty cops - some even from her precinct, which made her stumble onto a huge corruption scandal. She tried to notify the higher-ups about it, with no avail. Aneesa wasn't going to get justice not when they were both fighting against horrible people.

Eventually, Aneesa had to drop out. Nora insisted the only way out was to leave the country because it got so dangerous that Aneesa was on every 'wanted by the police' list because she was technically a fall guy. Nora spent a long time thoroughly wiping away her data, ensuring she could somehow transfer her current uni credits to a college back home so she didn't have to worry about discontinuing her education and had to literally help her make a daring escape on a cruise ship heading for Spain and then get her tickets back home via plane.

Nora and Aneesa had a very brief relationship (?) to say the least. It wasn't really of the romantic pursuit but somewhere where they could both confide in each other and be able to trust the other- given Aneesa had spent weeks living in Nora's apartment before she left home. This was a major catalyst in Nora quitting the force. Literally the day after Aneesa left, Nora turned in her resignation letter.

As for if they're still in contact? It's tough to say. Nora does email her from time to time, but she can't afford to have it on the record since well, Aneesa's still a wanted person even though the case ran cold. They try to check in from time to time. Nora also firmly believed the theory that the 'underground gang' might have something to do with her father's death. Aneesa, as a thank-you, used to send back packages of little trinkets and things from home. Nora still has some of it on her desk.

Vinko Novac: Vinko was Trystan's old tutor from when he was a teenager and ever since his mother pulled him out of school. Vinko started off as trying to want to get a formidable job in the palace - since manning a government office as a clerk is practically the last resort-job option if you can't get in any other place. Vinko kind of stumbled his way into the royal family's affairs by being a speechwriter for Trystan for a while before he was moved up the ranks to become a de-facto "helper" of some sort where he'd just assist the prince with more than just speechwriting - it was a bit of everything, but mostly inclined towards academia.

Viktoria wasn't picky with her tutor options - she knew it was a thankless job with no takers. Vinko had a decent college degree, so he was kind of an interim tutor of sorts until they could find Trystan a proper tutor/mentor of some kind. Vinko's presence in Trystan's life was short, but he was the only one to make a more lasting impact. He taught Trys everything he knew now - the deviant tricks, the confidence, the poise, the 'how to talk like you know what you're talking about' - along with cultivating this inert curiosity in him to ask as many questions as he'd like. The worst part was, Vinko believed he was an actual tutor, when in reality Viktoria really intended for him to keep her son company and was quick to let him go once they found a foreign academic to teach him and learned he was just a crook who'd shimmied his way in just to make some money.

Trystan actually ended up encouraging Vinko to pursue a teaching degree if he really wanted to. But he ended up not doing that, just quietly leaving - hoping he'd made some impact because it was the first time he'd cared about something - a job, even though it was frivolous as "babysitting". He didn't find much success doing much else, just ended up getting berated by his father - a scriptwriter - only to just simply carry on with whatever he felt like doing.

Vinko's story is pretty sad, because he knows he wouldn't find that satisfaction. He felt like he'd just touched upon people's lives - but not wholly a person himself and can never feel that way - just doomed to this 'temporary appearance' box. He'd continue to stay in Drakovia, following through with Trystan for a while before getting sick of it very quickly. He'd try to move to the suburbs - maybe start a new life someplace else, but it would still be of no avail. He, much like his father, is doomed to being his own worst critic. Never more than the sum of his parts, just relying on dumb luck to get through. Vinko would find a career, nonetheless - a successful one (remember that one hugh jackman meme where he recognizes his former student?) but this would keep digging into his brain for years to come.

***

Please send me some asks about these guys! I'd love to talk about them and get to know them if I ever plan on writing crossovers.

I remember I wrote an Open Heart/Crimes of Passion crossover a long long time ago. It didn't work out because I was trying so hard to make it follow canon. Now I reject canon.

Thanks for.. reading until here lmao. you're a real one.

Until then I'll just keep editing and adding as I go.

#character introductions #i just took an idea and ran w it i love that for me

[youngpettyqueen]

for prompts, might I suggest a number 14 with Julian takin care of Kira, and a ‘it feels worse than it looks—no wait-‘ with Julian being a bad patient?

oh my god I finally fucking finished it.

I am SO SORRY this took so long I got hit with. the most violent writer's block ive had in a HOT minute and this had me fighting for my life. I dont even know how many times I wrote and rewrote this. I went through so many different ideas it was actually ridiculous. at one point I had something finished but it Was Not Good and I dont believe in posting writing I dont like so I scrapped it and started again

I keep waffling on whether or not I like this, but thats entirely because ive spent way too long staring at it. im sure in a few days ill actually really like it, cause I really like the dialogue, which was what I wrote out first. pulling myself out of my perfectionism, I do think I like this, and at the very least im proud of getting it down when it gave me so much trouble

again, im so sorry it took so long, but writer's block is a bitch and ive had a lot going on lately, so I hope you understand <3

for the readers- 14 on the list is "Stop pretending that any of this is ok. It's not." I did adjust that one a bit cause I was having trouble making it flow. but, without further ado, here's what I've got! 

Kira slides down with her back against the wall, grinding her teeth as she clutches at her wounded shoulder. The pain is still hot, the hole burned into her skin practically still smoking. She hisses as her palm makes contact with the sticky, raw flesh, but she still clamps down. 

“Anytime you wanna get over here, Julian!” She calls, her voice strained. 

“Doing my best, Major!” Julian calls from where he is, hunkered down behind some debris as a makeshift shield against the barrage of disruptor fire. 

This is, in eloquent terms, a right fucking mess. Getting into a fight with a bunch of Jem’Hadar soldiers is never a good thing, even when they’re prepared. When they’re not prepared, it’s even worse. And this time, they weren’t prepared. Because there weren’t supposed to be any Jem’Hadar on this planet. This was supposed to be a quick pit stop for the Defiant, replacing some whatsit that O’Brien said was damaged in their last firefight, but then there were Jem’Hadar soldiers and they’ve managed to land themselves in a whole different firefight. 

It really just hasn’t been a great week. 

Kira inches closer to the wall’s edge. Her grip on her phaser isn’t stable, but it’ll have to do. She takes a deep, steadying breath, and then she twists over so that she’s peering out from behind the corner. She spots the Jem’Hadar pinning them down, quick count tells here there’s 3 of them, and she snaps her phaser up to hit them with some fire of her own. The motion pulls at her injured shoulder in a way that makes her want to scream, but she bites down on it. 

Julian, bless him, takes the opportunity to lunge out from behind the debris. He scrambles across the gap, barely dodging the returning fire from the Jem’Hadar, and manages to throw himself down behind the security of the wall. He plasters himself up against the wall beside Kira, right as she ducks back behind cover as the Jem’Hadar’s fire intensifies. 

Kira looks at him. He looks at her. He’s breathing hard and heavy, his hair a mess and dirt and blood staining his face. She musters up a grin to tell him, “You’re late.”

Julian gives her a flat look as he turns to her. “Forgive me, it’s a bit difficult to make house calls in the middle of a battlefield,” He replies, sounding very, very tired. But then his eyes flick to her bloody hand, still clamped over her wounded shoulder, and she watches his expression shift as he clicks back into what’s affectionately referred to as doctor mode, “Let’s see that shoulder, then.” 

Kira moves her hand, letting Julian get a look at the wound. She winces as he pulls aside the burnt fabric, taking a deep breath in through her nose and resisting the reflex to jerk away. “How’s it look?” She asks, mostly just to distract herself. 

“Like it needs more than what I’ve got,” Julian replies, frowning, “The dermal regenerator I have will do for now, but this is deep. I’ll need to immobilize your arm,” He tells her, giving her an apologetic look, “If you move it too much, you’ll risk tearing it open again.”

“Just do what you have to,” Kira tells him, “Won’t be the first time I’ve had to shoot myself out with only one arm.” 

Julian nods, and returns his attention to her wound. “Right,” He pulls his kit up and rifles through it for a second. The first thing he pulls out is a hypospray, which he quickly sticks into her neck. Kira relaxes fractionally as the painkillers immediately start to work, dulling some of the burning in her shoulder. Then he’s pulling out the dermal regenerator, and bracing his hand against her shoulder again, “Try to hold still.” He advises.

Kira just gives a tight nod, already gritting her teeth and bracing herself. She feels the dermal regenerator start to work. The hypo helps, but it doesn’t take away that burning, itchy sort of feeling of muscle and nerves and skin stitching itself back together inch by inch. She clenches her fists tight, breathing hard through her nose as Julian works. 

“Sorry, I know this stings,” Julian says, “I’m doing the best I can. This regenerator wasn’t meant for a wound like this.” 

Kira grunts a wordless acknowledgement. If she says anything, it’s just going to be a string of curses. Instead, she focuses on keeping her ear on the sound of disruptor fire, making sure it isn’t getting closer. If the Jem’Hadar decide to come after them, she wants to be ready. 

“Done,” Julian pipes up. She looks over as he puts the regenerator back in his kit, taking the worst of the pain with it and leaving her with a dull ache, “That’s the hard part done. I’m going to move your arm now,” His hands are gentle, taking her arm and carefully easing it away from her side, “There we go. Alright, hold it there, please.” 

Kira does. Julian sits back, and unzips his jacket to get at his undershirt. “This will have to do,” He tells her, tearing a couple of strips from his undershirt, “These won’t be the most comfortable, but they’ll have to do. I’m out of bandages.” He leans back in, starting to bind her arm with the torn fabric.

“Sorry about your shirt.” She cracks weakly.

“I’ll get a new one.” He replies, without so much as a smile.

She hates how flat his voice is. Hates how… unlike him, it is. Quiet, with no bite. “C’mon, Julian, where’s that boyish optimism of yours?” She asks, “I could really use a hit of it right about now.”

Julian secures the bandage around her arm. “I must’ve dropped it when they started shooting at us,” He says, not meeting her eyes, “Do me a favour, Major. Don’t pretend any of this is ok,” He sits back again, still not meeting her eyes, all caught up in taking in his work, “Cause it’s really not.” He does look her in the eye, then. And he looks so… tired.

But then, he’s looked like that for a while, hasn’t he?

Kira gives him a smile. A sad, quiet little smile. “I never said any of this was ok,” She corrects, “I’m just… used to it, at this point.” Very, very used to it. Used to it in a way she hopes he never is. 

Julian considers that for a moment. His expression is hard to read- sad, maybe. Sympathetic. Then he sighs, and breaks eye contact. “Well, I suppose I’m getting used to it, too,” He scrubs a bloody hand through his hair, “We should get going. Can you walk?” He asks.

No time for sentiment, then. Kira nods. “It’s just the arm,” She assures him, “I can do a hell of a lot more than walk.”

“Good,” Julian starts to push himself up to stand, “Let’s-“ He doesn’t get far. He wobbles suddenly, his eyes widening slightly as he nearly topples right over. He barely manages to catch himself, bracing a hand against the wall before he can fall against it.

Kira quickly reaches out to steady him. “Julian?” She sits up, frowning, “What’s wrong?”

Julian frowns, confused. “I… don’t know,” He says, looking down, “I can’t feel my-“ He cuts off, suddenly, his eyes fixing on something, “Ah.”

Kira’s brow furrows. “Ah? What’s-“ She follows his gaze, and comes to the same abrupt halt as she sees just what he’s found, “Ah.” 

Julian has a substantial wound in his thigh. A chunk of his pant leg has been burned away, revealing a raw, painful-looking burn that’s steadily oozing blood down his leg. Kira’s eyes widen at the sight of it. That doesn’t look good. That really doesn’t look good.

“Well,” Julian says, “That’s not ideal.” And then he sways alarmingly, nearly crumpling right to the ground.

“Julian!” Kira lurches forward, manages to catch him by the arms. He grimaces as he eases himself down, taking his weight off his injured leg, “Damnit, Julian, what were you thinking ignoring this? Gimme that tricorder-“ She reaches for his medkit, not waiting for him as she rummages through it herself.

“I wasn’t ignoring it!” He exclaims, “I couldn’t feel it! Honest!” 

Kira finds the tricorder and pulls it out. “Don’t tell me they augmented the ability to feel pain out of you,” He shifts again, adjusting his position to give her a better angle to scan him, and it draws a painful hiss out of him, “Guess not.” She hums.

Julian manages a weak chuckle, the first one she’s gotten out of him all day. “Not as such,” He confirms, “I’ve just been- gah!” He grinds his molars as she pulls the burnt fabric away from the wound, “Preoccupied.” He growls.

Kira huffs softly as she reads the results on the tricorder. It’s not a fun wound. “So busy trying not to get shot that you didn’t realize you got shot?” She asks, arching a brow at him, “I’m almost impressed.”

“Only almost?” Julian asks, all mock indignation, “I’d hate to see what I’d have to do to actually impress you,” He mutters. His eyes drift down, then back up at her. He looks worried, “How bad is it?”

Kira puts the tricorder down. “How bad does it feel?” She dodges. 

“Pfft, this little thing?” He scoffs, gives a weak little wave that’s probably went to ‘wave off’ the pain, “It’s nothing. Just a scratch. It feels worse than it… no. No, wait, that’s not right,” He blinks, and she can almost see the gears in his head turning as he tries to figure out the order of the words, “I don’t mean to alarm you, Major, but I think the shock might be setting in.” He tells her.

Kira can’t help but roll her eyes. “No kidding,” She says, “This isn’t my first time, Julian. Hand me the regenerator, I’ll do what I can with it.” She holds her hand out expectantly.

Julian hands it over. “Now who’s being serious?” He asks.

Kira adjusts how she’s holding him, making sure she’s holding the burnt edges of his uniform away from his skin so that she doesn’t accidentally fuse any fabric to him. “Oh, so you can make jokes,” She takes the dermal regenerator and adjusts her hold on it, making sure it won’t slide out of her hand, which is slick with blood, “I thought you dropped that along with your optimism.” She gets the regenerator going, doing what she can with the wound.

Julian chuckles again, grins at her. “I told you, the shock’s setting in,” He replies, all charm, “I’ll say anything just to say anything. Apologies, but I’m going to be talking your ear off until we get out of here.” He warns.

Kira keeps her eyes on her work, keeps her hand braced on his thigh to hold him still. “As opposed to when you don’t talk my ear off.” She counters. After a few seconds, she can see that the burn’s healed as much as it’s going to. She switches the regenerator off and hands it back to him.

“Rude,” Julian huffs, taking the regenerator and putting it back in his medkit, “How’d the regenerator do? I don’t want to look.” He’s looking even as he says it, like he can’t help himself. 

“It’ll hold,” She tells him, not seeing any point in sugar-coating it. He would see right through her in a second, “For now. I’m gonna bandage it, just in case,” She adds. Now it’s her turn to get at her undershirt, tear it up for strips of fabric, “I liked this shirt, you know.” She informs him as she does.

“I suppose we’re even, then,” Julian cracks weakly, “Have I ever told you you’d make a great medic?” He asks.

There’s the Julian she knows. “Flattery will get you nowhere,” She tells him. Satisfied with her bandages, she gets them ready, “I do have one question for you, Doctor.” 

Julian frowns, confused. Yeah, the shock really has set in if he can’t see what she’s doing. “Go ahead.” He invites.

Kira starts wrapping his leg. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?” She asks.

He looks even more confused. “What are my-“ She yanks the bandages tight before he can finish, and he cuts off with a pitched yelp, “Fuck!”

Maybe it’s a bit mean to chuckle, but Kira can’t help it. She doesn’t often get to hear him curse. “Oh, language,” She tuts as she finishes tying the bandages off, “There. Nice and tight. That oughta hold you together till we get out of here.” She gives his knee a pat. 

Julian pouts at her. “You enjoyed that.” He accuses. 

“I did no such thing,” Kira replies smoothly as she pulls his medkit closer to her and starts rifling through it, not bothering to ask him, “Want a hypo?” She offers.

“No,” Julian shakes his head, making her stop short and give him an incredulous look, “I’ve only got the one left. Save it for someone who needs it.” He reasons. 

Her look quickly flattens. “Don’t start with the heroics, Julian,” She advises, “You’re not gonna be treating any patients until after you’ve been treated. On the Defiant.” She doubts he can even stand on his own, let alone treat people.

“I can hold out till then,” He insists, “Someone else might-“

“Julian,” Kira cuts in, not giving him any room to argue, “Take the fucking hypo.” 

Julian’s brows shoot up and he looks a little stunned. Just for a moment, though, before he huffs a bit of a laugh. “Now who needs to watch their language,” He says, his tone light and teasing, “Alright, go ahead.” He nods.

Kira takes the hypo out of his kit. “Oh, thank you,” She replies, making sure her own tone savours strongly of sarcasm, “You’re a terrible patient, you know that?” 

There’s that grin again. All charm. “So Nurse Jabara keeps telling me.” He replies, like the pain in the ass he is.

“You should listen to her. She’s always right,” Kira sticks the hypo in his neck, and watches his shoulders instantly sink down a notch. She didn’t even realize how tense he was, “Better?” She asks. 

Julian takes a deep breath. Probably the first one he’s taken all day. “…Much,” He admits, with the decency to look a little sheepish, “Thank you, Major.” His smile’s a bit less charm now, a bit more sincere.

Kira finds herself smiling back. “Anytime,” She says. She shoots a quick look around, regaining her bearings a bit now that they’re both taken care of. She can still hear blasters firing, but not as close. They might’ve moved off somewhere else. Or they could be waiting, “We should probably get moving.” She suggests.

“Probably,” Julian agrees, “Just one problem, though. I don’t think I can walk.” He tells her.

Kira figured. “Can you limp?” She asks, “I’ve still got two good shoulders, both perfectly good for leaning on.” She offers, patting her shoulder for emphasis.

There’s that glint in his eye. First time she’s seen it today- stubborn determination, or, in another word, cocky. “I think I can manage that.” He says.

Kira grins. “Great,” She ducks in and gets her arm around his waist, pulling him in snug against her as he wraps his arm around her shoulders, “Alright, lean on me. Steady. And…” She pushes herself up, and brings him with her. He leans heavy into her side, and she tightens her hold on him to keep him steady, “Up we go. Ready?” She asks.

Julian takes a moment to find his balance, shifting most of his weight off of his injured leg and compensating on Kira’s shoulder. “As I can be,” He tells her with a nod, “Let’s go.”

And they’re off. Making quite the sight as they hobble back into the action, pressed hip to hip and clinging tight to each other. But, hey, they’re still kicking, and they’ve still got their phasers, so they’ll make do. They always do. 

#fic bitching #star trek: ds9 #kira nerys #julian bashir #like I said I really like the diaogue #I had fun writing the dialogue #and it came to me pretty easily once I settled on what I wanted with the scene #this was originally. a bunch of things #my first idea was two separate scenes #and I drafted several versions of those #but they just wouldnt flow #even the one I had literally finished just. I did not like it #it was not good #and I dont say that to be hard on myself I know im a good writer and what I wrote wasn't good and thats fine! #they cant all be bangers #but I wasn't gonna post something i knew wasn't good #hopefully the wait was worth it cause like I said while I keep scowling at this #I know its cause im grumpy it took so long #and its cause ive stared at it for way too long so it was never gonna look right #until I posted it #anyways! thats enough tag rambling #I hope you enjoy! #I love Julian and Kira theyre besties in my brain

[olivia091108]

Crimson

Summary:bam gets his heartagram tattoo done

Word count:1.8k

Pairing:bam margera x reader

I have just finished checking out my last client and it has gone quicker than I thought so maybe today I’ll actually be able to go out and meet some of my friends.

I walk into the back room to say goodbye and grab my things when I heard Holly shout my name in a hurry, I turn around and face her 

“Everything alright”

“ I’ve just thrown up in the bathroom can you take my last customer I feel awful please”

After thinking it through, I can’t really say no if she feels ill, “ alright, hope you feel better”

“Thank you so much. I totally owe you one”

From behind me I hear ruby “girl she is so faking I heard her in the bathroom, talking to one of her friends and they’re gonna go to a club because apparently some famous dudes are there”

“ You’re kidding, at least I can still hang out with you though”

“About that I did overtime yesterday, so I get to finish early today. So here’s the keys lock up as soon as you’re done and maybe you’re still have time to meet your friends.”

“Do you mean I’m here all by myself? What if there’s some creepy dude, an-“

“You’ll be fine, and if anything goes wrong, just call me love you”

“Love you too I call out to her as she leaves the shop”

I walk back over to my station and get my stuff set up and putting on another layer of my crimson lipstick and putting in my earphones, trying to pass the time

BAMS POV

Who into the tattoo parlour not seeing anyone so I ring the bell on the front desk. nothing. I try again. Nothing. maybe they’re in the back. I wander off to the back of the shop and see a girl facing away from me. 

“Hello?”she doesn’t hear me so I tap her shoulder

YOUR POV

I feel someone grab my shoulder and without hesitating i scream so high I’m surprised the glass didn’t break and swung on whoever was behind me feeling my fist connect with a face.

 As if something in my brain switched on, I realised that he is probably my client who I have now just punched in the face and his Crimson blood is dripping from his nose.

“I’m so sorry”

With the hand that isn’t holding his nose he pulls out my earphones and I realise I must’ve shouted in his face s this time I say it much quieter “I’m so sorry”

“Nah your’e fine at least you threw a good punch.” He tries to joke but I feel even worse I grab him some tissues to clean up the blood on his face, and then I realise how handsome he is with his dark, brown, almost black hair, piercing blue eyes, and has a small mole on his face.

“Umm well I’m y/n I’m gonna be doing your tattoo so if you can take a seat.”

“I’m bam”

“Have you gotten any tattoos before bam?”

“Yh a few”

“What were you thinking of getting today”

“A heartagram right here” he points to right above his dick.

The thought of being that close to his dock not just anyone’s but a VERY handsome man’s dick makes me feel a bit shy and awkward.

“Cool super cool” he laughs a bit at my awkwardness “yeah I thought so too”

He lays back on the recliner chair and pulls his top up revealing his torsos and while I was staring eh started to unbuckle his belt and pull down his jeans more showing off his prominent v line.

I quickly snap out of it and draw out a stencil and double check that he likes it. I try to get in a position where I don’t have to lay sideways to do the tattoo but no luck

“Sorry can I just”I squeeze between bams legs and he manspreads more to give me some space so now my face is inline with his dick. Usually in the position I wouldn’t be giving tattoos and he knows that as well since he has a coy smile on his face.

As I’m getting ready to tattoo him I start to make conversation to distract him from the tattoo.

“You doing anything fun this weekend”

“ Yeah actually after this meeting up with a few of my friends at a club and have some drinks but I’m only visiting for the weekend so I’m probably gonna look round and shit” I feel a tinsy bit jealous but continue with the tattoo

“What about you?”he asks staring down at me probably getting a great view down my cleavage but I’m not complaining he’s one of the hotties men I’ve ever seen.

“Well, I was planning to do the same, but the girl who was originally supposed to tattoo you felt ill, so I had to cover for her. And tomorrow, I’m meeting up with my friend bill. I haven’t seen him in awhile because his girlfriend has gotten pregnant.”

I hear my phone pain, but I’m doing a detailed part of the tattoo so I asked them to read it out. It’s not like I’ll be anything weird since I’m undeniably single

“William says sorry I can’t make it tomorrow. Chloe wants us to look for cribs and stuff maybe another time” my face does drop a bit,but just ignore it and focus on the tattoo

“So I get why bill is short for William and Bob for Robert, but how do you get dick from Richard?”He asks sound like it’s been frustrating him for awhile. And without thinking I reply “you ask him nicely”

He breaks into a fit of laughter and I quickly move the tattoo gun off him so it doesn’t mess up. “Your funny y/n”

Can you bring your jeans down a bit lower please?”I say feeling all the blood rush to my face. He shuffles them down even more almost seeing the start of his dick

“Anywhere you think I should see while visiting?”

“There’s a  fair that seems quite good  or you can go to the pier with you’re Girlfriend it might be a bit busy but there’s loads of stuff to do down there”

“I don’t have a girlfriend”

“Oh sorry, I just thought since you’re so handsome that you would have a girlfriend I’m sorry”I whip my hand over my mouth not meaning to say that

“It’s fine it ain’t a big deal”he assured me “wanna know a fun fact” “yeah sure”

“My dick was in the world book of records” my face flushed probably the same colour as my lipstick “oh wow um nice”

“Yeah but then the librarian told me to take it out” he stares down at me, watching me laugh at his joke, and when I look up, I catch him staring down my cleavage, and now he’s the one to blush 

“So, where are you visiting from anyway?”

“West Chester, Pennsylvania”

Oh wow, I have a friend who lived on there. I visited her a couple times,and she tried to teach me to skate but I wasn’t very good but she said that there’s this really annoying famous man who lives down there and destroys things and plays his music so loud till like 5am. People like that are such jackass’

“Yeahh they definitely are”

“Your all done” he stands up to look in the body length mirror and stares at the tattoo. “That’s sick thanks how much do I owe”

“$160” he grabs a wad of cash all in 100s and gives me $200 and tells me to keep the change and leaves the shop

I check the time on my watch 10:34 too late. I start clearing my stuff away and making sure everything is switched off. I look in the mirror and see my lipstick has come off so I reapply before leaving the shop and locking it

I dont get too far until I hear my name being called and I hear bam calling my name. “Did you forget something”

“No I was just gonna see if you wanted to come out for a few drinks tonight.?”

“I really would but I’m so broke right now and I’m not really dressed for a club”

“You look great and it’s all on me” I look down at my outfit my denim skirt that some people would say is too short and my deep cut red top. It will do.

“Ok yeah that would be nice” we walk to the club and when we get there there’s a huge line and a billboard above saying JACKASS APPEARANCE this is probably where holly went too she lives jackass she’s always rambling

I walk to the bcak if the line to start queuing but bam takes my hand and we walk to the first of the line “bam what are you doing we can’t cut in” the bouncer just asks “who’s she?” “She’s with me” and just like that we’re in

“What the fuck hwo did you do that?

“I’m apart of jackass” as he says that I see all his friends come over

“Y/n this is Johnny, Steve o,wee man and Ryan”

“Hi it’s nice to meet you” we chat and have some drinks for a bit before they all separate and me and bam start doing shots and me being a lightweight I’m already drunk.

Over the speakers I hear hit in here by nelly playing. “Omg I love this song come dance with me” I didn’t really give him a choice as I dragged him to the dance floor and began to grind on him. Throughout the song we have been getting closer and closer so now our lips are almost touching.

I reach up and kiss him and pull away just as quick for a second I thought you read the signals wrong until bam pulls me back into the kiss and kisses me even harder and my arms wrap round his neck and I feel his arms snake round my waist. He bites onto my bottom lip which makes a moan slip out and he starts to kiss down my neck and soon enough finds my sweet spot and he nips at it and I already know that there will be a bright hickey tomorrow morning.

I move my head down and catch his lips into a kiss again but we disconnect when we feel a bright light on us and over the speakers we here johnnys voice “there he is he was too busy trying to get laid.”everyone laughs at that including me and in the bright light I can see that my lipstick is all over his face. I grab his hand and drag him out hearing whistles coming from behind.

“You might as well prove him right”

-liv

This acc took so long but I feel like I could have done better

#liv’s writing #bam margera imagine #bam margera x reader #viva la bam #jackass imagine #jackass x reader

[corvid-language-library]

2024 Goals Monthly Check-In

I actually didn't do this last month because I was ill all of February and didn't make much/any progress with anything so I felt it was kinda pointless 😅 Let's see where I'm at now!

Japanese

1) Reach ~N3 level - I've not really been focusing on this so much. I've started using HelloTalk again and occasionally trying to learn a little new N3 grammar/kanji/vocab, but I should probably study in a more focused way.

2) Learn 10 songs by heart to a level where I could sing them at karaoke - Oh yeah I haven't worked on this at all, I kinda forgot it was a thing lmao

3) Finish reading another book of short stories - No progress made whoops. I try to read articles on Todai/NHK Easy a bit more but I've not touched my short story book.

4) Finish both Minna No Nihongo books - I'm about halfway through unit 11, so I'm a little behind but not too much. Hoping to finish unit 11 tonight and unit 12 at some point this week, but we'll see what happens!

Norwegian

1) Read at least 2 books in Norwegian - Not started yet

2) Maintain an overall B2/C1 level - I think I'm maintaining, but I need to immerse more for sure

3) Finish Enjoy Norwegian textbook - I've completed unit 2 so I'm a little behind where I wanted to be, but I should be able to catch up relatively easily.

Life in Japan Goals

As with last time, I'm just gonna focus on the goals where I've made progress rather than listing all 11. So:

1) Get my hair cut - Did it! And it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be :D

4) Have a 10-minute conversation with a native speaker in Japanese that’s not an italki lesson - I managed to chat with the hairdresser, so I can definitely say I did this!

6) Go to the dentist - I've booked an appointment and I'll be going next Monday. Absolutely terrified :D

7) Go to a prefecture I haven’t been to before - I went to Tochigi last weekend!

11) Be able to point to every prefecture on a map and name their capital cities - I can still more or less do this, but I sometimes mix up some prefectures or can't quite remember a capital

Non-language

1) Read 36 books - I've read 11/36 books, which means I'm 3 books ahead of schedule.

2) Complete a first draft of a novel manuscript - no progress made lol

3) Comfortable two-block oversplit with back bend - my oversplits are there but they feel very tight and not comfortable, so I need to work more on them.

4) Consistently hold a handstand for 5 seconds - I can barely balance on my hands at all atm lmao but I'll keep trying

5) Noticeably improve my demi pointe - I'm using the strength in my feet a lot more than I used to but I'm not getting much higher. I'll keep at it!

Health/diet goals under the cut:

Diet & health goals

1) Tackle my diet soda and sugar addictions - I've come a long way with the binge eating! I bought a multipack of chocolate marshmallow biscuits and managed to just take one with me to work every day instead of sitting and binging the whole lot. And right now I have a family-sized bag of mini eggs in my cupboard and I'm managing to eat a controlled set portion each day. I still mess up my diet sometimes, but I'm very happy with how I'm doing!

Diet soda is still a huge problem though lol

2) Slim down enough that none of my clothes are tight anymore - I look and feel SO much better about myself! For ages I've not wanted to dress up nicely because I felt like I looked frumpy or chubby or shapeless in my nice outfits. But when I was packing for Utsunomiya, I tried on all my cute outfits and I thought they looked good! I still want to lose a bit more so that I can see my abs, but I'm really happy with my progress here.

#2024 goals #nutcracker norsk #nutcracker nihongo #jackdaw in japan #a rook reading books #flight of fitness #chough chatterings

[penissirius]

Seo Changbin VS Feelings

Seo Changbin x male reader

SUMMARY: Changbin isn't the best at feelings and emotions. Misunderstandings happen because he's stupid lol.

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 3 aussies and a devil bunny fight dwaeki over golden retriever child

SPECIAL THANKS TO: @ldrei Thank you for encouraging me to finish this! This is dedicated to you!💕

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: AJ is my OC and he's used as the M/n of this story! Miyeon is my partners OC, she is AJ's sister, and is dating Felix. I actually have 2 full stories one a AO3 chapter story and the other a non-idol social media AU that ill post here. If you'd be interested, please let me know so i know at least someone is looking forward to those stories T-T

AUTHORS NOTE: So, I wrote the beginning of this for my English essay and it was the only essay I've gotten an 100% and a good comment on so I went to Tumblr and my partner asking if I should finish it and publish it because I liked it and my teacher loved it (her Not knowing it was a Stray kids fanfic I wrote just for the essay lol) after some convincing I finished it and now here it is. I would like to apologize because this was finished in December, and I promised I would post it after it was done and never did. I hit a really big depression block in my life, and I didn't want to do anything but now I'm back! Just a heads up I wrote this for my Victorian Drama Essay so don't hope too hard for a so happy ending lol. Have fun reading!

WARNINGS: Arguing, Angstish Ig, Insecure thoughts, breakdowns, panic attacks, yelling, violence, bAd WoRdS

FEMALE ALIGNED PLEASE DNI <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ was on his way to the JYP Entertainment building to meet up with his boyfriend? Close friend? Friend with romantic benefits? AJ didn’t know but Changbin had said he had something seriously important to talk to him about, AJ had hoped this was when Changbin would finally ask him out for real. Oh, boy was it the opposite of that. AJ texted his best friend and sister, Miyeon, that he was on his way to JYPE and that if she needed a ride home then he could give her one. When he was done texting her he speeded off eager to see the man he loves, he also had serious but good information to share with him. 

    Meanwhile, at JYPE, Changbin is pacing back and forth in his studio panicking and talking to the one person he could for love help, Hyunjin, which honestly wasn’t that good of an idea but he was better than the rest of their friends. “God Hyunjin do something! Give me advice or something idiot!” Changbin says finally standing in one spot facing his group member while tugging on his own hair. Hyunjin stood pushing Changbin into the seat behind him, “First of all sit-down and get your hands out of your hair. You’re stressing yourself out and the stylist will be pissed if you pull any of your hair out.” Changbin took a deep breath and put his hands on his lap. “Now I can’t really help you seeing as this is your own very stupid plan. Everyone in the group is dating someone in some way or another. Why are you purposely putting yourself through this? Even Chan has someone. Chan has more game than you!”

    Changbin sat in silence for a few seconds before looking at his tall dramatic member. “I don’t want to take any chances, what if it’s not what he expects and leaves me? What if we date and get found out? He’s not an idol. He’d get way more hate and things like that! I couldn’t do that to him.” Hyunjin just shakes his head. “So instead of letting him make that decision, you decided to break his heart and make the decision for him? Well-”, Hyunjin started walking to the door, “You do that but don’t expect me to help protect you when the three Aussies and Lee know find out what you did. Even tho I think your stupid for giving up a guy who does so much, some that you don't even know, for you. I kinda understand why you're doing it. You better not hurt him, he’s the sweetest when it comes to his friends. So don’t make it worse than it has to be.” That's all Hyunjin said before walking out. 

    The shorter man is left sitting in an empty studio by himself, left with thoughts, “Dammit! I didn’t even think about the AJ protection Squad™️ that would be after me! If AJ doesn’t kill me himself they sure will.” Just then his inner voice said ‘Remember you used to be one of them, but now you’re about to shatter his heart just because fans and other companies believe it's wrong for you to date.’ Changbin shakes his head arguing back, “It’s more than that. Us being together could damage the careers we both worked so hard for! If people were to find out he’d get non-stop hate! I’m just protecting him!” He would definitely sound crazy if anyone else was around to hear him argue with his self-consciousness. He shut up quickly when he heard his phone ding with a message from AJ saying he was on his way up to the studio. 

    When AJ got inside the studio he hugged the shorter man happily before sitting in the armchair that Hyunjin was previously sitting in, looking towards Changbin with a bright smile. “Hi, Hi Baby Binnie!” Changbin swore that AJ’s beautiful smile would be the death of him one day. Changbin gave a nervous smile back, “Hey AJ” “So what serious thing did you want to talk to me about?”AJ tilted his head confused, still smiling. The idol was starting to panic not knowing how to talk about it without hurting AJ’s feelings. “Didn't you say you had good news? You should go first!” AJ laughed, smiling less than before, “Well whatever you wanted to talk about seems to be making you stressed and upset so maybe you should go first and I'll tell you the good news when you're feeling better!” Changbin sighed, AJ was right it's better to rip the bandaid off now rather than give himself more time to think it over and panic. 

    “Alright, please promise that you won't take this personally and you won't get mad at me.” That brought a small nervous giggle from AJ, “I've never gotten mad at you before, I'm sure it's not that bad!” Changbin took a deep breath and finally said, “I don't think we can be a thing anymore- we should just stay friends…” It was silent for a minute before Changbin looked up at AJ and saw that he no longer had a smile on his face. AJ paused, it was like his whole world stopped when he heard Changbin say those words. Changbin had never seen AJ speechless or that upset in the year that he's known him. AJ sat paused and baffled, Changbin didn't want to be with him anymore let alone be officially together. “AJ?-” Changbin was cut off when the taller one turned to him blank-faced and asked, “Why?” The idol was confused and because of all the panic earlier his brain was no longer working. 

    “Why what?” Changbin asked stupidly. AJ scoffed, still looking at him with the same blank face that Changbin had never seen before, likely none of his friends other than his sister had seen him with a blank emotionless face, that just wasn't him. “Why all of a sudden do you not want to be with me? How long have you been waiting to tell me? You let me believe this whole time that you actually liked me and there was a possibility that we could be together. So WHY is my question?” Changbin took a moment to gather his thoughts before replying. “Us being together would be a risk. It’s not that I don't like you, because I do! It's just that our careers could be ruined if anyone were to find out. I know that being an artist and dancer is very important to you. I don't wanna be the reason that all falls plus if I get any scandals I might damage everyone in Stray Kids' careers as well.” 

AJ stood angry but still pretty much blank. “Alright, guess it’s my fault for thinking that you were different and didn't care about what everyone else thought. I'm sorry for thinking that maybe we would be able to be together and happy like my sister and Felix. And more importantly, I'm sorry that I went through all this trouble for you. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went through so many panic attacks for you. Turns out it’s not enough. Guess I'll see you around Changbin.” AJ slammed a piece of paper down on the desk in front of Changbin before storming out to go find his sister and then go home. Changbin, saddened and confused, tried to call after AJ but he was already gone down the hall and into a different part of the building. Changbin got up and looked at the paper that AJ left, it was crumbed and there was a corner torn off at the bottom. It was a printed-out picture from JYPs staff to AJ saying that he passed all the auditions and was officially a JYP trainee. Changbin stared at the paper in shock, feeling more like an asshole than he originally did.

AJ walked from Changbin’s studio downstairs to the practice room that he knew his sister and Felix would be in and slammed the door open, way harder than he meant to, and looked at his sister. “Oh, hey AJ- What's wrong? Who did it? WHO hurt you? Whose ass do I have to beat?” Miyeon immediately noticed the difference in her brother's face despite his trying to act like his normal self. “Nothings wrong, I'm just ready to go home.” AJ said, walking over to them. “Nope, something is clearly wrong, sit. Sit your ass down. Family Circle.” Miyeon said, looking up at him from where she and Felix were sitting on the ground. “Since when did we still do Family Circle? And how is it Family Circle if it’s just me, you, and Felix?” AJ said, sitting in the half circle they formed. “Shut up now tell me who hurt you, imma beat their ass!” Miyeon said. “We beating ass? Should I call Chan?” Felix said, pulling out his phone. 

“There is no reason to call Chan. Don’t call him, I said I was okay!” AJ said trying to reason with the two Aussies but trying to do that is like talking to a wall. “Call him!” “I’m calling him!” Miyeon and Felix said after staring at AJ for a sec. AJ groaned defeated, leaning back on the floor still sitting with his legs crossed. After a couple of rings, Chan picked up the call. He put the call on speakerphone.  “Felix? What’s up dude, I thought you and Miyeon were practicing, what’s up?” “You need to come to the Micheal Jackson dance room!” Miyeon said over the owner of the phone's shoulder. “Why did something go wrong?” Chan said and you can hear shuffling on his side of the phone he gets up grabbing some stuff. “Nothings wrong Hyung, they're just being dramatic!” AJ yelled from his spot laying on the floor. “Someone hurt AJ. We’re trying to find out who so we can beat their ass.” Felix said into his phone. 

“Really? Why didn’t you start with that! I’m on my fucking way. Should I get Lee Know? I’m gonna get Lee Know.” You hear Chan set his phone on his desk and open his door screaming down the hallway in the dorms. “MINHO! LET'S GO WE GOT A CODE GAY DOWN!” AJ turns to them shocked “You guys have codes for this shit?” Felix looked back at him, “Yes. We are the AJ Protection Squad and we take our job very seriously.” They heard stomping before they could hear Minho’s voice clearly. “A code gay down? Whose ass am I beating? Where’s my child?” “At the Company let’s go.” You hear them both shuffle around before Chan turns to his phone. “We’ll be there in 5.” Chan says before hanging up. “The dorms are 15 minutes away!” AJ said, still confused about everything going on. “As Felix said we in the AJPS take our job very seriously.” Miyeon said looking at her brother, still bothered by the fact that someone made him upset. 

AJ decided to no longer ask questions and stared at the ceiling sadly still thinking back to what Changbin had said. Miyeon and Felix just looked at each other and at him knowing that something was wrong and they were determined to get to the bottom of it. In 5 minutes exactly there comes a worried and already angry Chan and Lee Know burst through the door. ‘If they are already pissed before knowing what happened, how will they be after?’ AJ thought, still staring at the ceiling, not moving. Lee Know and Chan move to join the makeshift ‘Family Circle’ before they all turn to AJ. “Alright now what’s wrong and who did it? And no bullshit answers AJ or I swear to god.” Lee Know says. They all looked more calm and worried rather than angry so AJ just decided to tell them, also because they probably would never leave him alone until he told them and it would feel better to talk to them about it. 

AJ took a deep breath before sitting up and looking at all of them suddenly feeling shy when he realized that they were all staring at him. “Well, this morning Changbin texted me saying that he wanted to talk and that it was something serious so we agreed to meet at the studio. And I don’t know why but a small part of me was hoping that this was when he’d finally ask me out or something, after all the mixed signals he was giving about whether we were in a relationship or not. But I should’ve known that wouldn’t have happened.” AJ looked down at his lap holding back tears, now that he was saying it all out loud the sadness and rejection is hitting him in waves. “I was gonna tell him the good news after he said what he needed to say but when he said what he did I was no longer in a happy mood. It felt like my whole world shattered-” By the time he got that out he had already started crying letting the tears fall into his lap. 

“He had said that he doesn’t think we should be a thing anymore and that we should just stay friends. And that hurt! It hurt so much but I still hadn’t processed how much it hurt until now, all I felt was anger. All I could think of was to ask why. Why did he let me believe that there could ever be something between us? Why did he let me get my hopes up just to crush them? Why had I been stupid enough to believe that he would like me back and wanna be with me? And he spouted some bullshit answer about how he actually did like me but us dating was a risk and that because I wasn’t an idol if our relationship was found I’d get so much more hate and shit. That it could ruin the careers we both worked so hard for. That he didn’t wanna be the reason I couldn’t be an artist or dancer anymore. And that if he got any dating scandals he could possibly ruin Stray Kids' career as well.” 

At this point, AJ was ugly sobbing and barely getting his sentences out correctly. Lee Know moved until he was directly behind AJ pulling the younger into his lap and wrapping his arms around him, setting his chin on the crying boy's shoulder. Felix and Chan moved to each side of him, Felix grabbing one of AJ’s hands and Chan setting his arm on his thigh. Miyeon moved to sit in front of her brother holding his other hand. The only thing on all four of their minds was comforting their youngest yet tallest friend and beating the shit out of Changbin later. AJ, although a pain in their ass some days, was their baby, the maknae of the friend group, and the only one who could get Minho to be this soft and cuddly by will. Not even Jisung had that pleasure. Hell even I.N. loved the younger and gave him affection. He was always happy and had something stupid or sassy to say, always there to make them smile on their worst days, and to see him crying aggressively over something one their friends did really pissed them off. 

AJ took some shuddery breaths trying to calm down to no avail before speaking again. “All I could think of in the back of my head was that I wasn’t good enough. That I’m still not good enough. That he was just trying to protect my feelings by not telling me that he didn’t like me that way. I'm not an idol so I’m not good enough. That I was stupid to think that just because all my friends got their happy ever after that I could get mine! I’ve tried so hard! I did so many things and it still wasn’t good enough! The amount of panic I’ve gone through during this whole audition process, the way I’ve unhealthily thrown myself into school and practice so I could get a better shot of getting accepted. The stupid strict diet I let that staff member put me on cause they thought it would make me look better. Because I wanted to be better! For him! I wanted to look better, dance better, rap better, be better. All for him. Just to find out my efforts were for nothing. That I’ll never be good enough!” 

At this point, AJ was working himself into a panic attack and Felix and Miyeon were thankful they grabbed his hands earlier because they know how bad his attacks can be on himself. They were all shocked none of them knew about the things he said. Miyeon knew about the school and practice thing and would try to pull him away whenever she could but that’s because she was used to him being a workaholic and thought that it was because of the constant auditions, not Changbin. Felix knew about the panic attacks because he’s helped him calm down from a few but none of them knew about the diet. He already has a bad relationship with food so the diet might have made it worse. AJ started falling deeper into panic and Lee Know pulled him closer whispering calming words in the boy he saw as his little brother's ear. They all huddled closer hugging the younger, letting him cry, and doing little things they knew calmed him down. 

Eventually, AJ calmed down and his cries turned into small hiccups and tears. He was so thankful they made him talk about this rather than him bottling it up and telling no one until he exploded and had a much worse breakdown. When AJ finally felt calm enough he lifted his head and everyone pulled away. Although he was squeezing Felix and Miyeon’s hands, leaning onto Chan’s shoulder, and refusing to get out of Lee Know’s lap, he was a lot calmer than before. He was very tired from so many emotions and crying. He was half asleep in Lee Know’s lap and leaning on Chan still. There was a long moment of silence before Miyeon spoke up. “You know I’m gonna beat his ass right?” The other 3 hummed in agreement. “Please don’t do that. I know I can’t stop you from talking to him but don’t do anything irrational. That’ll just make it worse.” AJ said in his broken sore and half-sleepy voice. “Can’t make any promises little Bro” Miyeon said, already standing up. 

“Just don’t do anything to have to go to jail, I don’t have bail money” AJ said before falling asleep fully. Miyeon leaned down and kissed her brother's forehead whispering, “later we will talk about that diet stuff.” She stood and turned to the other boys “Alright I have a Pig to slaughter and it won’t be the first time. Who’s coming with?” Lee know whipped his head to her, “you’ve done what?” “You heard me” was all she replied. “We all want to come but I don’t think it’s right to leave AJ alone so 2 of us should stay and the other 2 go.” Chan said, looking at AJ sleeping on his shoulder. “Alright, we’ll who’s coming with me?” Miyeon said. “I’ll stay with AJ, I will take him back to the dorms so he can rest and make sure he doesn’t try to do any work when he wakes. I also don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from fighting Changbin.” Chan said. Minho looked at the sleeping curly-haired boy and up at Miyeon. “I’ll go.” Lee Know reluctantly handed over the sleeping boy, putting him in Chan’s lap. “I’ll go to the dorm with Chris and make AJ’s favorite food and dessert.” Felix said from his spot on the ground. Chan handed Lee Know the car keys since they rode together and he and Miyeon would need to get back to the dorms. 

“We’ll drive AJ’s car to the dorm since I’m the only one other than Miyeon he lets drive it. And He was Felix and Miyeon’s ride home anyways.” They all nodded before Miyeon and Lee Know left the room storming up to the studios. Felix gathered his and AJs stuff while Chan picked AJ himself up. When they had everything they walked down to the parking lot and looked for AJs car. It wasn’t that hard to find with the obnoxious bright light blue color of it. Felix sat both of their bags on the floor in the backseat and got in on the right side. Chan set AJ on the left so he was leaning on Felix while sleeping. Chan got in the driver's side and started the car checking on the two younger ones in the back before driving off towards the Stray Kids dorm. 

Back at the company, Changbin is panicking. He feels so many emotions at once, he feels like an asshole, he’s upset about having to break AJs heart like that and overall he’s scared. He’s terrified because he knows that it’s only a matter of time before Miyeon or someone else shows up to beat his ass. He paces back and forth like earlier when Hyunjin was with him. “Fuck man what am I gonna do? I mean if I leave now there’s a possibility I can start running before they catch me- but where would I go? If I run, they're gonna be expecting me at the dorms and attack me then! I’m better off just staying here-“ As he finished saying that there were loud stomps and banging on the studio door, Changbin was glad he locked the door earlier. “COME OUT CHANGBIN YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER!” While Miyeon was shouting at him through the door, Lee Know looked through the keys Chan gave him and was happy to find a key to the studio amongst them. 

He pushed Miyeon slightly over and proceeded to unlock the door. Changbin visually panicked now, it was all happening so fast! He quickly ran to the other side of the couch and sat between it and the wall, knowing damn well his muscled ass was not gonna be able to hide fully back there. The two angry friends stormed in and Lee Know walked over to Changbin not knowing whether to laugh that he thought would work or just stare at him before he grabbed him by his arm and pulled him up to face Miyeon. The rapper looked at the angry sister in fear, the two scariest members of their friend group were currently mad and it was directed at him. Changbin should’ve said bye to his family when he had the chance. He opened his mouth to say something that would spare his life but before he could Miyeon delivered a hefty right hook to his face. ‘Damn that hurt like shit’ Changbin thought, grabbing his cheek. For a 5 foot girl, she sure does pack a punch but that’s to be expected from her seeing as she and AJ got into fights in high school. 

Lee Know gawked at how hard she hit him, not that he didn’t deserve it but goddamn he could feel that punch and he was behind Changbin still holding his arm. “You have exactly 5 minutes to explain why you did and said what you did to my brother and if it’s not a good reason I’m gonna punch you again!” Changbin quickly replied with pretty much the same thing he told AJ and Hyunjin, he was honestly terrified and looked everywhere but at her. When he was done Miyeon took a deep breath before punching him again in the face. Poor Changbin is gonna end up with bruises on his cheek and eye. “It’s a good thing we’re on a break right now. If we weren’t idols I’d leave more bruises than she did.” Lee know said smacking Changbin hard on the back of his head. 

“Listen I don’t care if you thought you did what was best or anything. You broke my brother. I’ve never seen him cry so hard he sent himself into a panic attack over someone. He loved you. He did everything for you. Originally I was supposed to be the only one auditioning and when I tried to talk him into it I stopped because I knew it would be too much pressure for him. But he did, why? Because he wanted to be closer to you.” Miyeon was raising her voice as she talked, her accent getting stronger, and the fact that the studio is soundproof definitely helped. “Do you know what I found out in the last hour? No? Then let me enlighten you. My brother worked himself into the ground with school, dance, and practice for you. He thinks that he’s not good enough. He let one of the staff members put him on some stupidly strict diet because she said it would help him look better! Why? Because he wanted to look better for you!”

Miyeon looked at him disgusted, “I trusted you with my brother's feelings and you broke him more than anyone had in the past. If you like him so goddamn much why didn’t you just date him! Instead, you lead him on. You’ve been all lovey with him, cuddling with him, taking him on dates just to outright turn him down and make him feel like he’s not good enough for you! Felix and I are dating and there’s no problem! Hell half of JYPE is in a relationship! Why are you the only one who is thinking so hard about your career and not the man right in front of you who would and has done literally anything for you! AJ is perfect and if you can’t see that then I don’t know what the hell to tell you. If this is how you're gonna treat anyone who has any interest in you your whole life. Then have fun being single and friendless because clearly, your career is more important.” 

Lee Know moved to stand next to Miyeon, rubbing her shoulder before saying, “We’re giving you one shot to make this better. If you fuck up even more so help me god Seo Changbin, Miyeon and I will not be the thing you need to be afraid of. You’ll have his parents and Chan after you at that point. You better make this up, but at this point, I’d be surprised if he even talks to you again let alone still loves you. If I were him I sure as hell wouldn’t.” Changbin looked at the ground in shock, sadness, and pain because damn those punches hurt. “I will make it better, I really do love him and I hadn’t realized how much pain I’ve put him through. Or how I was only really thinking about myself and my feelings and not his.” Changbin said, nodding. “Good, you have a week, and if he decides he never wants to speak to you again or doesn’t want to be with you. You can’t get mad because you fucked that up for yourself.” Lee Know said, looking at him. 

“I know and I take full responsibility. I definitely deserved the punches because I was stupid. And I wouldn’t blame him if he no longer wanted to be with me” Changbin looked up at them. “Not just stupid. You were a dumbass and full-on idiot. Now I’m gonna go back to the dorms and check on my brother. You are not allowed to even look at him until you’ve decided how you’re gonna fix your huge fuck up. Do you understand me?” Miyeon glared at the short rapper. “Yes ma’am” Changbin nodded firmly. “Good now sit and think about your mistakes” was all Miyeon said before storming out of the room to the car. “You really did fuck up and it’s hard to understand whatever stupid logic you thought you had but hopefully you make this right because he seems happiest when he’s with you and that’s all we want for him” Lee Know said looking towards the chair Changbin sat in. “MINHO!” Miyeon yelled down the hall. “That’s my cue to go. Don’t fuck up Seo Changbin” He said before he left the room. And so there Changbin sat left with his thoughts of how much of an idiot he is and how he’s going to fix it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really hope you like it! If you did leave likes and comments! reblogs help as well! If you wanna read more of my shitty works you can follow me on AO3 @/penissirius ! If you’d like to see more of AJ and Miyeon and their Interesting Adventures in life in Korea and Becoming JYP trainees well you’re just in luck because the whole story of them is being written and made. Tho I will not post it until I have the whole thing finished which will be a while but I have a few chapters now! So be on the lookout for that! I will be posting a Social Media AU that is completely unrelated to that story so let me know if you wanna be on the tag list for it! Byeeeeee~

#stray kids x male oc #stinky stinky fic #stray kids #x male reader #changbin x male reader #changbin #i tried my hardest #stray kids x male #kpop idol #stray kids x male reader #seo changbin x male reader #kpop x male reader #idol x male reader #pls dont steal #penissirius.req

[wishful-seeker]

I think people should give kids more credit for knowing what they need.

When i was missing so much high-school i had to do summer school because i was not only physically ill but also very mentally unwell, sooooo many adults kept telling me to go to school, even though doing so made me have severe, debilitating panic attacks, and i was dealing with a lot of physical pain aswell. So many people said "you'll never amount to anything, man up and go to school." And i kept telling them "im sick and i know what my body needs." But nobody likes it when a 14-15 year old says that. God forbid a CHILD knows exactly what her body and mind needs, shes just a stupid kid how could she possibly know?

I promise your child actually knows what they're doing and what they need. Please listen to them. If you kid says they need to stay home from school there is a reason. Maybe its mental health, or physical health, but kids aren't stupid. I would like to see less of this ablism where a child that doesn't go to school is considered a bad child.

Do you know how many teachers hated me specifically for not being able to go to school? It didn't matter that i had a note saying every absence is excused by a doctor, they still assumed i was fooling my parents into letting their bratty child do whatever they wanted. They would ridicule me TO MY FACE and say I'd never pass. I did pass btw. I finished most of my school work on one single day of summer class because i missed a lot of that too. But i learned nothing, because i was BUSY BEING FUCKING SICK i had BETTER things to worry about. Idc what the excuse is, absence should never mean you fail a class or don't pass a grade. It is so ablist to assume that every student can follow THE VERY UNREASONABLE SCHEDULE of waking up at 4 to 5 am and being at school for 8 hours (WHEN YOU ONLY DO ACTUAL WORK FOR 4!!) and kids only getting 6 hours of sleep (WHEN A LOT NEED 9 TO 12!!!) for 5 fucking days (EVEN 4 WOULD BE BETTER!!) Its absolutely ridiculous and the only kids can do it are either able bodied, able minded, and even then they are more stressed than a child should ever be. And if they cant follow this schedule they are a Bad Person. I had teachers that literally treated me like a dog. I'd ask them for make up work and they would give me the most shitty and rude attitude i have ever seen. NO ONE has treated me worse about my health than teachers. It was because i was a kid. When i had to drop out of college for my disability, the teachers were incredibly respectful and wished me a speedy recovery and hoped id be back in their class next year.

Being sick as a child is one of the most isolating and angering experiences you will go through. Adults take every shitty thing they feel and throw it at you because you are a vulnerable child. They would never speak the way they speak to you to adults because then they'd get their ass beat or fucking killed. But because you are 15 years old, they will use you as a punching bag.

If your kid is sick, FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM!! i hate to burst your bubble but when i say "people know whats best for them more than anyone else" I MEAN KIDS TOO.

#ablism #cripple punk #mad punk

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

#story

[deliciouskeys]

Kink of your choice: people of diametrically opposing ideologies having a tense conversation but not killing each other

#Lockhimup

Warnings: Gen. And just kidding, this isn't really for Kinktober. It's even more self-indulgent than that. Set shortly post S3. It's not a pairing fic. It's Homelander; Billy Butcher. Dedicated to the 1.3 people other than me who might possibly enjoy this. AO3 link.

After the hospital, Butcher's been staying at home to recover from his nausea and illness. His brain might not be getting better, but his body was slowly recovering-- not throwing up nearly as often anymore, and able to get food down and walk around more or less steadily.

But his brain was definitely deteriorating. He was having very vivid dreams, and auditory and visual hallucinations were cropping up more and more often. Maybe this is the reason he didn't rush over to the balcony when he saw Homelander out there. He figured he must be seeing things again until the cunt approached the glass and tapped on it gently before stepping back and putting his arms behind his body, waiting patiently for Butcher to unlatch it.

Butcher sighs heavily and opens the glass door, but doesn't bother to come out or officially beckon him in. He sits down in the chair, just in case he starts feeling sick and woozy again. He's already feeling lightheaded from the unpleasant surprise. Homelander makes his way in, thoughtfully closing the door behind him.

“What brings you here this time. You’ve already got Ryan. Come to finish me off?”

Homelander frowns. “Why are you so obsessed with this idea that I’d come here, uninvited, and kill you in your usual pathetic mudperson state? And sick with some kind of pathetic chronic illness on top of that." Homelander wrinkles his nose. He can probably see the damage through Butcher's skull, or maybe his nose is actually detecting the scent of his illness. "Have you ever seen me stalk and kill someone?”

“I haven’t seen you, but I’m sure you have. You had no problem trying to kill Hughie down in the tunnels.”

“That was–” Homelander rolls his eyes and waves his hand dismissively. “Hugh Campbell’s a non-entity to me. And you were all fugitives from the law at the time. So yes, I have pursued and killed lawbreakers.”

“And I happen not to be one at this moment? Didn’t know you were such a stickler for the law.” Butcher lights a cigarette, hoping it will annoy Homelander. “You still haven’t answered my question. To what do I owe the pleasure of this divine visitation?”

Homelander makes that strange snuffling sound that Butcher recognizes by now as pure unadulterated frustration. He makes a movement to pull out the chair where he sat last time, but Butcher hooks his foot and pulls it in tight against the table.

“Really?” Homelander looks at him impassively. “You let me sit down last time.”

“Last time you were trying to find Ryan. You have him. So I don’t see what you need here if you ain’t gonna blast me in the head.”

“Feels bad, huh? Well now you know how it feels, to have your child out of reach,” Homelander says, and shoves a bunch of Butcher’s kitchen paraphernalia further down the counter and makes room for himself to float up and sit on it, first moving the cape out of the way as always. Butcher hopes his counter is dirty and this cunt gets stains on his ass for doing this. “No, I’m just sick of Vought trying to manage this ‘crisis’ for me.”

“You mean you killing a bloke in plain daylight on camera? That 'crisis'?”

“Yes, if that’s how you want to describe it, yes.”

“That’s what happened, it’s not some subjective description.”

Homelander’s jaw tightens and grinds for a moment before he speaks. “Yeah. I’m alright with that. What I’m not alright with is doing an apology tour and saying it was inadvertent or whatever the fuck Vought wants me to say to “soften the angle”. They’re idiots if they think either side is going to buy that. The people who like me don’t want to hear me tying myself into knots trying to explain away what I did. And the toxic idiots who hate me aren’t going to suddenly change their minds if I say ‘hey I’m so sorry! I totally didn’t mean to kill that child-attacking shitstain! I don’t have any fucking control over my lasers! Please don’t hate me!’ I mean if- if that were the case, then I should be fucking locked up, because I’d be a menace to society. If I have that little control over my powers.”

Homelander pauses in his tirade. It grew louder in volume and faster in delivery as it went. Butcher has to admit it’s fun to see this cunt lose his mind with anger, when he’s always been curated to look forever happy and imperturbable. Although the mask has been slipping more often of late.

“You are a menace to society. But yeah, not so much into locking you up. I’d be much more at peace seeing your head on a pike.”

Homelander chuckles. “And you call me needlessly violent."

"Vought's probably thinking ahead about the lawsuit, and not your popularity. Maybe you should listen to your handlers."

"I don't have handlers, I have idiotic underlings. And you're talking as if popularity with the public has nothing to do with how a lawsuit will pan out. From where I'm standing, it's better to have a group of strong supporters than a mass of people confused by some milquetoast, apologetic statements from me. But you know what? Fine. I’m used to the fickle idiot public, with their fucking short-term memory, not remembering everything I've done for them, and still doing for them. They can hate me, their loss. But you see the shit trending today? It's not just #lockhimup. It's #ASAB and #FuckVought and #CompoundViolent, and even the ever-lovely #KillAllSupes cropping up periodically. That's why Vought wants me to backtrack. As if that will do anything to stop those kinds of hasthtags.”

“Don’t know why you’re whinging to me about it. I’d be retweeting all of that if I had an account.” Butcher gets up off his chair and walks past Homelander to fill his teakettle with water, because this is turning out to be a longer conversation than he expected. He still doesn't turn on the light in the kitchen, only one lone lamp on in his entire apartment in an effort to avoid any migraines. Homelander just swivels himself around to face Butcher in his new spot.

“You know what’s better about you than those mindless parrot drones all over social media? At least you say what you mean to say. You really want to kill us all apparently. That apply to Ryan by the way?”

“He’s a child, so no.”

“But when he turns eighteen? Or whatever the fuck age you British people consider majority? Then he’s fair game?”

Butcher feels his irritation rising. “He’s Becca’s son, so no, I’m not gonna lay a finger on him.”

“Other supes are people’s sons and daughters too, but that doesn’t seem to deter you.”

“Hell no it doesn’t. Sons and daughters of people who doped up their kids with Compound V to try to make a buck or get some glory? Off the parents too, if you ask me.”

“Ah interesting! So you do think the people who made the choices are worse than the people who had none.”

“Every one of you supes has plenty of choices.”

“At what age would you kill someone like me?” 

Butcher sighs. Vogelbaum’s words flash in his memory. He asked about what Homelander was like in childhood because he wanted to know if Ryan was genetically doomed to be an evil cunt. Homelander probably doesn’t realize Butcher knows about his sordid lab-confined childhood. He’s throwing this question out flippantly. Butcher thinks about making some stinging remark to show just how much he knows. But that will only lead to him having to acknowledge that he wouldn't have killed off an innocent baby labrat. Butcher also thinks about not answering at all, but Homelander is sitting there silently, ugly red boots dangling above the floor, raising his eyebrows to show he’s expecting an actual response to his stupid question. 

“At whatever age you were when you decided to rape my Becca.”

“So… this is purely personal then?”

“Of course it’s fucking personal,” Butcher mutters, not liking how much this cunt is forcing him to think this late at night. “What else could it be, at this point?”

“Wanting to kill off a whole big group of people over a personal matter seems kind of petty to me.”

“You’re not people. You don’t treat us like equals, so we don’t need to treat you like equals either.”

“So normal human morality doesn’t apply.” Homelander grins. “That’s what I like about you, William. You stand by your words, no matter how vile they are. When you say ‘supe genocide’, at least you really mean it.”

Homelander peers at him, looking unimpressed. "Your brain looks like Swiss cheese and you still make more sense than everyone else I'm forced to talk to. But I do wonder: you're kind of an honorary supe now. Certainly spent some time in our shoes. Do you deserve death too?"

"I'll take an honorary suicide once you're all gone, if you want me to be consistent."

Homelander smirks. The kettle starts whistling, and Butcher takes the opportunity to avoid saying anything else and focusing on steeping a cup of tea.

“Can I have a cup?”

Butcher seethes inside. Get your ass off my counter, get your shiteating grin out of my house. But he proceeds to just brew another cup, because it’s easier than having this conversation. His degenerating brain can't take much more of this.

They wait for the tea to steep in silence. Welcome as it seemed at first, Butcher finds himself wanting to break the silence because when Homelander’s not talking, and Butcher stares at him in the darkness of the apartment, teeth shinier than the rest of his face, he starts to seem increasingly otherworldly, scarier, like there really is a different species perched on the kitchen counter, and Butcher starts to feel his fight-or-flight response kicking in. “Didn’t take you for a tea drinker,” he says, as he hands him the cup. At least his hands are rock-steady, and his tone sounds nonchalant as ever.

“I’m not. But I wanted to see what all the hype is about, at least in the UK. You guys are obsessed.”

“‘You guys’ were too until you got radicalized and decided you didn’t want to pay taxes on it.”

Homelander’s smile just grows wider. “That’s true.” He sips and makes a face. “Wow, that’s… strong. That’s almost as bad as coffee.”

“You really never had tea before?” Butcher can’t help but ask, incredulous at the reaction.

“I don’t think so. This tastes like bitter puddle water or something.”

“No one’s forcing you to drink it, cunt.”

Homelander takes another sip anyway, making a face again, actually shuddering. “Don’t people add milk to it? And sugar? Am I making that up?”

“You can,” Butcher says, shrugging. Then notices Homelander glancing at his fridge to verify there's milk inside and looking back at him expectantly. “Unbelievable. Alright you little candy-ass, would you like some milk and sugar with your unbearably bitter tea?”

“I would,” Homelander answers, disregarding the insult, holding the cup out in front of him expecting to be served.

Butcher takes it from him, in disbelief at what he’s doing, but again, it feels futile to refuse or argue. He dumps in more milk than he ever would for himself. Maybe this git wants a lukewarm, tasteless cuppa.

When Homelander drinks the modified version, he nods. “Much better, actually. Thanks.”

“Why did you come here, really,” Butcher asks as he finally gets to drink his tea, leaning back against the counter across from the one Homelander is perched on.

“No ulterior motive. Needed to vent. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills when I’m in the Tower and they keep telling me I need to appease the other side. Talking to you cements it for me. People who hate me aren’t going to come around. People who’ve decided to blanket-hate all supes won’t come around.”

“So you done? Feel better now?”

“I do, actually. Thanks for the company.” Homelander smiles, puts down his cup of bastardized tea, not having the courtesy to finish it off, hops down off the counter and walks off towards the balcony to take off with an obnoxious force that Butcher's glad didn't crack the balcony cement at push-off.

He stares at the skyline visible from his apartment. He hates a thought that has been creeping in during the conversation, and now that the supe is gone, he can contemplate it fully. For what it’s worth, he might have done the same exact thing. He knows what having heat lasers is like. How easy it is to power them up. If someone threw something at Becca, or, yes maybe even just Becca’s son, he might have done the same exact stupid thing and sliced the man's head. Why on earth is he thinking about that? Maybe it’s his strange irritation at the public finally, finally after so many fucking years, finally noticing that there is something fucked up about Vought. He should be happy that some people finally see the truth. But it feels like too little too late, and it also feels like they might get distracted off of it. They don't really understand how far it goes. Vought wouldn’t exist without the money these crowds of people have paid them. It’s not funded by the government. It’s not beholden to anyone but American public opinion. The very people tweeting angrily about Homelander’s public murder are still subscribed to Vought+, and still using Vought-owned social media to complain about it. This monstrosity grown in the lab was grown for them. For their protection, at least internationally speaking, and most importantly for their entertainment and cult-seeking mentality. Homelander is the hero they voted for with their dollars, and they’ve maybe only just wised up to the fact that what they’ve been paying for is a mentally unstable killing machine.

#gen??? from me?? #homelander #billy butcher #social media rot #vought #the boys #the boys tv #mystuff #fic