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weaponizedducks · 16 days

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poor shiro cannot catch a fucking break can he. first he gets a crippling disease he's got two years to live. then an angsty wattpad breakup with his boyfriend then he gets kidnapped by aliens and pumped full of alien weed then he crashes on earth with so much walking midlife crisis energy that he gains the skinning puppies to make a fur coat hair, and then he immediately gets shot right back into space by his shittass little brother and weirdo friends with the literal matt clone. then this poor man is made the leader of an alien war, becomes a father to four fuckass teenagers through accidental child acquisition, is forced into the kim kardashian lifestyle by a ginger on drugs, gets kidnapped again, gets cloned, fucking dies, somehow comes back (yeah I'm not really clear about this) then this pathetic wet cat of a man, this stressed jean valjean father of four, experiencing his fourth midlife crisis and millionth mental breakdown, gains that senior citizen swag at twenty five. you could colour match his hair with a polar bear. then he witnesses a walking loreal ad (derogatory) get melted alive, watches a castle get blown up, loses three years in a space time jump and then finds out his ex- fiance who broke up with him right before he left has fucking died in a purple thumb invasion before he got to marry him. but oh no no no that's not the end for this poor sad man. poor guy doesn't get a second to grieve before he is visually assaulted by a less cunty sue sylvester ripoff and her gang of bitchy cheerios (this is admiral s*nda), and yet again made a leader against his will, and shot right back off into space again. then he watches the only other responsible adult in this entire franchise (hot badass space princess who like shiro did not catch a break) sacrifice herself and is left a struggling father. ends up marrying some random fucko. all while suffering through his shitass hot topic brother and blueberry disaster's doomed yaoi romance. oh yeah and he's only got one arm. give the guy a BREAK. FREE my man he doesn't deserve this 🔥🔥

#you have no idea how long it took to type that out #i was in a fit of rage #seriously let him REST #either the writers fucking hated him or they loved him so so much #i know this because whenever i love a character i like to create the most horrific angsty lore for them imaginable #shiro #takashi shirogane #voltron #shadam #adam voltron #no i'm still pissed abt adam literally what the fuck #broganes #klance #they should have called the voltron tv show keeping up with the coalition #voltron legendary disappointment #voltron legendary defender #blue has a fat rant #making ranty posts on tumblr is my way of coping #rant

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redjennies · 4 years

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Your post about the sexual awakening thing with shipping in cr is EXACTLY why I have such an issue when people say beaujes is better than beauyasha because it’d mean jester “”discovers herself and stops comphet”” like.. first of all don’t say that like that’s all actual lesbians are good for. and second of all, as someone’s who’s pan: it didn’t take a relationship with a woman or enby or man or anything for me to figure that out. i could be in a “straight” relationship and figure it out. ffs.

i'm trying real hard to choose my words carefully bc I really honestly do not care what people ship. I'm too old for that shit. I'm just here to make jokes about RPGs and lesbian characters and talk about how I'm a funny sexy genius. like I really don't even care if you don't like B/Y as long as you're not dumb about it. shit, sometimes stuff just doesn't connect and sometimes shit does. I cannot even begin to explain the personal neuroses that have led to me having a soft spot for F/J of all ships. like if people like B/J better than B/Y, fine. I think you're wrong but whatever. keep laughing at my jokes and we'll get along fine. i really ain't that deep.

but the "Beau and Yasha are only getting together bc they're the two lesbians and that's boring" aspect of this ship war, specifically, is so fucking insulting. like god forbid lesbians be attracted to each other. to me, that's more insulting than the "beauyasha is for the straights" bullshit. though honestly I think that's more aimed at trying to make bi women feel insecure than lesbians. like I know I'm gay. lmao don't @ me, but some bi women are sensitive (not a bad thing! I understand why!) to that kinda bullshit posturing. I digress, but that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth that I wanna address while I'm being ranty and petty.

idk it just makes me feel fetishized. like women who are confident in their sexual attraction to other women exist to be someone's experiment, when really most of us are too afraid to hit on any one who isn't super confident in their sexuality because of homophobia, and you're right. I didn't consider from the other side, that it's really demeaning to y'all too. like you aint clueless babies who need a big strong lesbian momma to show you the error of your ways. you don't need me to be all sexy and hot and seductive to make y'all come bat for the other team or some other regressive ass stereotypes that the community has been fighting for decades and decades but Tumblr thinks is actually woke.

idk comphet jester theory in general makes me uncomfortable bc that's not what comphet is??? like when I dated a man for four fucking miserable years, I wasn't feeling him up and giggling whenever he flirted with me and all the shit Jester does with Fjord. I was drinking myself to death and taking pills to cope with him touching me and sobbing on the phone to the woman I actually loved and actually wanted to be with about how I felt so broken and heartless. and yeah, my experiences aren't universal, but most lesbians I've talked to who dealt with trying to force themselves to like men would probably agree Jester isn't anything like their experiences either. (also there's the meta-level: Laura literally wanted to do a romance arc with Travis from the get-go so even if she decided Jester was attracted to women, she's still not a lesbian. like you don't have to like FJ or want them to be canon to acknowledge that Jester's attraction to Fjord was always intended as real.)

anyway, people keep being stupid and I keep being funny sexy genius.

#in which redjennies gets weirdly personal while talking about stupid fandom drama #asks #not tagging

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

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I was tagged by @darth-bagel thank you! I shall tag (no pressure as always and feel free to ignore!) : @a-muirehen , @palepinkycat , @walk-ng-d-saster , @kyber-heart and @berriku <3

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Name/Nickname: I usually go by Elf/Elven online, tho my gf also calls me Boyscout (it’s an inside joke we have XD)

Gender: Cis female

Star sign: Taurus ♉

Height: 5′4″ (I can’t believe I’m actually taller than someone, sorry Bagel!)

Birthday: April 21st. Prolly gonna be spending another birthday in lockdown but hey, at least I can either play SWTOR with some buds or ARK with dad this time so that’ll prob be what I’ll be doing. Gotta make the most of it

Time: as I’m finishing this to post it, it is 1:22pm

Favorite bands: I have a lot so hold onto your hats lmao: Fall Out Boy, Glass Animals, Panic! At The Disco, Hop Along (not sure if these two still count as bands or if they’d fall under solo now...), MISSIO, 30 Seconds to Mars, Shinedown, Lord Huron is apparently a band now too tho he started solo owo, The Oh Hellos, Of Monsters And Men, The Antlers, PVRIS, Bastille, Young Heretics, Dorothy, The Crane Wives, The Mountain Goats

Favorite solo artists: Hozier, Willyecho (pretty sure he’s solo? XD), Billie Eilish, Ed Sheeran, Lorde, Mikky Ekko, Iron & Wine, Marina (& The Diamonds), Florence & The Machine, EDEN, P!nk, Keaton Henson, Amanda Palmer, Halsey, Radical Face, grandson, Lincoln

Song stuck in my head: as of this morning, The Mighty Fall by Fall Out Boy

Last movie: Uuuhh, pretty sure it was Hotel Transylvania 2, I was feeling icky the other day and needed to laugh so XD

Last show: The Alien Worlds series on Netflix, it’s really cool even if I wish they’dve come up with better names for the alien critters ¬_¬

When did I create this blog: Oh, not that long ago actually, funnily enough. I’ve been in and out of tumblr for a long while but never made my own blog(s) till about March last year (2020)

What do I post: this blog is exclusively SWTOR (and KOTOR) related stuff, anything from awesome art, writing and headcanons from mutuals, to my own art, screencaps from my and mutuals’ gameplay, to my own fics, headcanons and stuff. My other blog is for “canon” Star Wars, general fandom/gaming stuff etc. Very occasionally I might post non-swtor posts like this one here if I feel it “belongs” in the “get to know elven” tag

Last thing I googled: "acnh how many villagers can you have” - I wasn’t sure what the limit was and I play sporadically so I didn’t know, don’t laugh at me LMAO

Other blogs: just my other/main blog: @itstheelvenjedi . There’s “canon”-era Star Wars, LotR/The Hobbit stuff as well as a little bit of Warrior Cats, other gaming (mainly ARK: Survival Evolved atm), as well as a tiny bit of politics and ranty stuff. All is properly tagged so you can block any tags you don’t want to see.

Do I get asks: I do! I’m kinda slow answering them sometimes but I promise if you send me one I will always answer it and I appreciate every single one <3

Why I chose my url: ok, so, my mains are mostly wlw - except for Kas - (and yes, wlw can use the word “lesbian” if we want to, as a demisexual wlw person I will beat you with my crutch, fuck off, it’s a blanket wlw term just like “sapphic” and you don’t get to decide what I can and cannot call myself or my characters, you’re not me), they’re chaotic and they live in the SWTOR verse which is sometimes affectionately called a “space opera” so: chaoticspacelesbians. my main blog is because “TheElvenJedi” has been my main online pseud since about 2014, but theelvenjedi was apparently taken when I made my tumblr so I had to add something else to the beginning, therefore I went with itstheelvenjedi cause it was the closest thing to theelvenjedi and easy for me to remember XD

Following: 229 apparently (oop. I should probably....go through that and trim out the year+ inactive blogs huh o.o)

Followers: 90 (holy crackers where did you all come from LMAO am I really that funny???)

Average hours of sleep: I try to stick to at least 7, sometimes when insomnia hits tho it’s more like 4... >__<

Lucky number: 4 again! I just really dig it, it’s a cool number.

Instruments: I used to play recorder, and I took a couple drum lessons in primary school but couldn’t afford to keep it up ;-; it was fun while it lasted tho!

What am I wearing: ...my pyjamas and a dressing gown. It’s cold and I don’t have to go out or expect visitors today so I’m staying warm. Don’t judge me LOL

Dream job: I would’ve loved to have done either Riding Groom/Jockey (which I might have managed 6 or so years back but uhhh, I can’t handle the physical strain anymore, thanks granny joints!) or Animal Assisted Therapy, but there’s no way I can cope with managing my own business, it’s too much for me qwq A lot of things are Too Much For Me, unfortunately. I will take working checkout at a grocery store at the rate I’m going now tbh.

Dream trip: 1) to visit the gf in Germany and see the Christmas Markets there, and also 2) to go to New Zealand and visit the Hobbit/LotR sets and see all the wildlife :’D

Favorite food: Mac n cheese, it’s just...so good....

Nationality: South African/British (yes, I am in fact dual-national even if my SA passport has expired and I can’t find money to renew it, it’s on my birth certificate and in my blood so HAH)

Favorite song: I have...a few... but uhh Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along Bury Me Face Down - grandson Domestic Bliss - Glass Animals (TW: abuse mention, abusive relationship) Raise Hell - Dorothy Woman King - Iron & Wine Save Rock n Roll - Fall Out Boy Saint Bernard - Lincoln I could go on for a while but these are the ones that oft live in my head rent-free XD

Last book read: I don’t even know, tbh....I haven’t been able to focus on reading in a while 😅

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:

1. SWtOR (obviously. Gimme a lightsaber and Force powers, stat!)

2. LotR/The Hobbit

3. ARK: Survival Evolved (I’d prolly get eaten by a t-rex or a spino in like 5 mins but hey, the thought of actually having a bunch of pet prehistoric animals is nice~)

#not swtor #get to know elven #i was gonna put this on my main blog but since i have more followers here & *technically* this is the blog bagel tagged #XD #plus i don't post much about *me* here and this is impersonal enough that it feels safe to share with y'all #some proof i am an actual living being behind a screen and not some sort of pro-empire robot #hahahaha

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ellynneversweet · 4 years

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Ok, so I’ve finished Normal People and I have ... thoughts. Mostly about whether it succeeds or fails as a text, and what the relative metrics are by which success should be judged (it’s succeeded in getting me to think about it, for sure). This got long and a bit ranty, and does discuss the mental illness aspects of the book, so I’ve put it below the cut. Spoilers etc.

I haven’t watched the show or read any of Sally Rooney’s other books (book?) or reviews yet, because I wanted to get down what I took away from the book by itself, rather than what other people thought about it. I did see the headline of like, one review that seemed to think it was all about capitalism, which struck me as a significant stretch as a primary theme, but hey. My take was that it was primarily concerned with (many and various) degrees of mental illness and unwellness experienced by various characters, the causes and effects thereof, etc etc, and it’s really because of that that I don’t know whether or not I actually liked the book.

Ultimately I think my ambivalence comes comes down to how the narration is structured, and the way Rooney doesn’t at any point step in explicitly prompt the audience in one direction or another.

So what took me a hot minute to realise was that the book’s written in a very close third person narration, alternating between Connell and Marianne’s perspectives.The thing is, however, that this close third person isn’t immediately obvious, because Rooney subverts the whole ‘show don’t tell’ advice. There’s a lot of phrasing given as ‘she felt good’ ‘he felt anxious’ ‘then they had sex’ etc. The most personal aspects of the plot are constantly elided with this flat, clinical, definitive language that sounds almost like a witness statement in a criminal case. That’s especially the case with Marianne, who disassociates a lot, and slightly less so with Connell, who’s anxious, but the flat description is pretty present throughout. There are moments when the narrative dips into describing sensation, but that seems to occur only with regards to things that are irrelevant and impersonal, like drinking a glass of (insert carbonated beverage here), or feeling the breeze from an air conditioner. The book is all about this very intimate, arguably co-dependant and unhealthy relationship between these two intermittently sexually involved characters, so the aforementioned flatness struck me as an odd choice initially.

However. There’s two things that this does. The first, and IMO more significant, is that is creates an illusion of the narrative voice as omniscient and impartial, rather than biased and unreliable as it actually is. The seeming authority of the definitive statements in the narrative is emphasised by the stock filler phrases that the each of the dual protagonists uses in direct dialogue, and which inevitably mean the opposite of what’s actually said — in the case of Marianne we get ‘okay’ (I disagree but I want this conversation to end) and ‘I don’t know’ (i believe this to be profoundly true but it makes me unhappy), and in the case of Connell we get ‘obviously’ (I’m not sure at all, what do you think?). So the upshot of this is that especially in the earlier parts of the novel the audience is led into thinking the description of a particular plot point is what objectively happened, rather than the biased viewpoint of one of two people who keep talking past each other (I’m thinking particularly of the part in which Connell moves home because he can’t make rent, and each of them was waiting for the other to propose his moving into her flat instead).

So it is really interesting on that level of language structure. I do feel that the section headings (‘two weeks later,’ ‘six months later,’ ‘five minutes later’) were a bit of a red herring — especially towards the climax of the book, when things became violent, I was frankly expecting it to take a schlocky turn towards one or both of the main characters being maimed or killed in a domestic violence and/or drunk driving accident, à la Jodi Piccoult.

It didn’t, which was a relief, but I didn’t subsequently find the ending satisfying, and I think that’s because the way that it ended — a breakup that’s not really a breakup, just a breather — felt like something that had occurred at least three or four times already in the text. It’s always tricky to write a satisfying ending when all the main characters are alive and young and (presumably) going to continue their lives. Why stop the narrative here, rather than there? I think for that sort of ending to work, a story does need to feel like it’s shifting into a different stage of the characters’ lives, one that can be inferred, however dimly, but is distinct enough from the part described in the text to form a natural break. This didn’t feel like a break from what had gone before. It felt like a groove in an emotional cycle that had already been repeated, that had been shown as being repeated, that gave every sign of being repeated again and again, forever and ever amen.

This leads into the part where I talk about what I didn’t like, fyi, and fair warning, mostly what I didn’t like was the characterisation of Marianne. Sorry if she’s your fave.

So Marianne gets the last word of the narrative, in which she thinks about how ‘they’ve [Marianne and Connell] been so good for each other’. And i would argue two things, which is that 1) unreliable narrator or not, this being the last part of the text gives weight to this being read as a true statement 2) this is, uh, pretty clearly not the case. Marianne’s still fundamentally the same, teetering on the edge of self-destruction, and Connell is still anxious (and being made more so by Marianne’s reaction to his small successes).

Now, neither character is perfect. They’re also not bad people -- but they are struggling people who use maladaptive coping strategies and don’t ever really appear to move past those.

At first glance, on a scale of quantifying unhappiness, Marianne gets the raw end of the stick. She’s a character who’s sympathetic and pitiable, because she starts out as the smart, bullied kid who turns out to have an abusive home life and who is brutally dumped by her first boyfriend. So far, so sad. Connell, by contrast, is much less upfront about the things that cause him trouble (although they’re very much there) and has the initial upper hand. Connell also comes off as much more self-aware than Marianne — the part where he’s lying on the floor in a post-shower depression slump reminds me of that piece that goes around tumblr occasionally, about lying on the floor sobbing about the state of the world, and simultaneously noticing that the last time you painted, you didn’t do a good job with the brushwork in the corner you’re looking at, and thinking about how you should re-do it once you finish crying.

But the thing I can’t get my head around with Marianne is how Rooney feels about her, and it boils down to this: what level of awareness and intentionality is Rooney operating at when writing about Marianne’s mental health arc? Does Rooney agree with Marianne’s self-assessment of herself as ‘better’ and ‘normal’ (ie still acting in more or less the same way as she did throughout the text, but no longer a subject of gossip) at the end of the book, or does she not?

As I mentioned, I haven’t seen the adaptation, but I’ve seen a gif or two, and what struck me as I was reading was that the way that Marianne is described as looking (and styled in the show) is reminiscent of the pop-culture caricature of Sylvia Plath — increasingly thin, indie-fashionista, bangs, statement lipstick, weird but precociously brilliant, magnetic, male muse and male victim, mentally ill in a way that is complex but always sexy and sexualised (of course she developed a cute, posh eating disorder that involved eating half an expensive sugary pastry and a sugarless black coffee every day. Of course she did).

Basically, what I want to know is, is Marianne someone Rooney wrote based on that image of Plath, or is Marianne someone cosplaying as that image of Plath, whom Rooney is consciously deconstructing?

See, I think writing Marianne as someone (possibly unintentionally) cosplaying Plath is interesting. The myth of the hot, damaged girl is pretty pervasive (Harley Quinn, the suicide girls, etc etc) and writing Marianne as a character who has legitimate issues that she has trouble facing, who then instead focuses her self-awareness into this trope of ‘acceptably damaged’ has potential. I feel like there’s an opportunity there to examine the line between struggling with a mental illness vs self-consciously performing that struggle in a way that’s socially acceptable, which is a topic that suits the period when the novel’s set.

Unfortunately though, I think Rooney is probably buying into that myth rather than examining it, because the fact that no-one, in a book that starts in 2011 ever sits Marianne down and goes, ‘yes, I get that people have told you you’re mentally unwell as a tactic to bully you, and that was shitty, but you pretty clearly have a raging case of ptsd which is NOT YOUR FAULT, please accept some help’ — that is frankly hard to believe. Not Connell who seeks out therapy and takes some dubiously successful medication? Not Joanna, who is by all accounts well adjusted and who makes a point of caring in a friendship where she’s doing a lot the heavy lifting? Not Lorraine, parent of the decade? Not some random teacher or professor, looking out for an obviously promising student? Really, no one?

Marianne is supposedly brilliant and a tireless researcher, but she apparently never becomes aware of the possibility that there might be ways to process her past experiences in a way that would allow her some measure of peace. Never wants it, even in the worst of times. Never ceases to wallow in her own unhappiness. And it’s relevant, I think, that in the period of the novel where Marianne is (kind of) happy, when she’s making a success of things at uni, the focus of the book is on how she’s making Connell jealous by dating an abusive man. The closes she comes to self-awareness is recognising her proclivity to seek out unhealthy relationships and decide to lean into that, in what is consistently the least unhealthy romantic relationship she has. That feels like a cop-out.

Like, I’m not suggesting that every story that features mental illness as a theme needs to show recovery. That’s, unfortunately, not always the case. Some people never get better. Some people can’t bring themselves to believe in the possibility of getting better. It’s not even the case that recovery is a straight line, when it happens. I know that. I’ve seen people I care about it struggle with a whole range of problems, I’ve struggled myself. But this felt like 13 Reasons Why for adults, like depression-porn, and I just...am a bit angry, I think, that I can’t tell if that was the intention, it that wasn’t the intention but was the outcome, or if that’s just my take and I’ve misread the thing entirely.

Obviously people can write whatever they want in fiction, but I do think that when you’re dealing with a topic that has impacted a lot of people, that’s been poorly handed in fiction in the past, you do have a responsibility to treat it sensitive and thoughtfully, and not glamorise something that is ultimately destructive under the guise of ‘this is interesting and cool, and a good way to treat yourself and others, actually.’ And I don’t know if that’s the case here.

#textual analysis I guess #ranting about writing #normal people #i'm aware there are five thousand 'i' statements here #but I can't be bothered going back to remove them

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painted-bees · 6 years

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maybe a weird question but is there anything that makes you angry? I don't think I've ever seen you like mad.

Oh, I get angry lots! I think everyone does..! I wouldn’t be suprised if I have made an angry ranty post here recently (though I cannot recall). I can’t even list all the things that make me angry, there are too many–from global political issues to deeply private, inter-personal interactions. On tumblr, for a very simple, silly example: I might get a rude comment that makes assumptions and accusations about things when no evidence of it is present. And I get a flash of anger because it feels like a personal attack or that they’re intentionally trying to disrespect me. And I’ve got Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria as well, so my pang of anger might even manifest into physical goosebumps, shivers, I might break out into a literal sweat over it as my stomach bottoms out. All in an instant because someone I don’t know said a mean thing in my vague direction on the internet.But then–before I react, I’ve gotta unpack all that. What does it mean to me if a stranger doesn’t even bother to check my page before making crass assumptions about me? In such a case, it really about me? Or are they just unhappy people in general due to dealing with a lot of their own personal hurt and they’ve displaced their own frustrations and anger about it onto a stranger who may not even read what their saying to react? In which case, I choose to respond in a way that might be soothing or let them know that I’m not here to exasperate their feelings, contribute to the negativity in their life, nor feed into unhealthy coping mechanisms. I can feel angry as a response to a provoking stimulus–that’s mostly out of my control, but I don’t have to respond angrily. So I try my best not to.Anger is a lesson, and the people/things who make you angry are teachers. In thai, there is an important word ปลง which simply means “put it down” or “let it go” but there is a whole context attached to it that gets lost in the translation. The context is that we own nothing, not even our bodies. In the end, we must let it all go. So too, must we let go of what we are feeling and the grudges we hold. We cannot take those with us. So what is the point to hold onto anger and respond angrily? It can be a powerful motivator, but makes us so sloppy and ineffective when it comes to carrying out an action. We might be better to use anger as lessons towards building our patience and letting things go.Tl;Dr: I’m too damn old and tired to be outwardly angry, it’s just exhausting.

#...this turned into a weird lecture??????#I am so sorry lmfao that probably not what you wanted.#Anonymous #I have a much harder time processing sadness than I do anger..!#sometimes my anger will dissolve into sadness and then I'm hooped!

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overthinkingkdrama · 6 years

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I'm the kind of person who doesn't write a thing about what I'm watching, but, I have to say I love Money Flower, and I love every post you make about it. You're not alone (?) ;) As a spoiler but something I have to say, I'm dying with Boo Cheon going badly, and it hurts that what finally crack him was Pil Joo's betrayal. Jang Hyuk's final face was too much :v

Thanks for dropping by to throw some gasoline onto the fires of my own personal hell, anon. I think I spent 3 hours ranting to my BFF about this exact subject yesterday. I was trying to organize my thoughts to write a post about it but I couldn’t. I feel ya. Oh yea, you and I are in the same boat.

In all seriousness, I love it when I get anonymous message that give me an excuse to write about something I was already privately ranty about. So thank you, lol.

[Fair warning…I went HAM on my reply. Sorry?? Huge spoilers for the show past this point, y’all.]

It was hard watching my three crazy kids fall apart this week. Especially Boo. The turn his character took this week broke my damn heart. Full disclosure: Boo Cheon is my favorite character in this garbage fire of a show. Has been for weeks now. I feel like I’m pretty much alone in that opinion. My mind twin, agaggleoffandoms (for whatever reason tumblr is refusing to let me @ her) and I are on the same page, but for the most part people seem to really hate Boo. I don’t get it. I can’t wrap my head around how you could love and root for Pil Joo in this whole thing, and yet have no sympathy for Boo Cheon whatsoever. Like, I get it, but I really don’t get it.

Okay, so, I think Kang Pil Joo is actually Satan himself and this is why…

First, let me disclaim and say that I like Pil Joo as a character. I like him a lot. I like the way Jang Hyuk is playing him. I like his scenes. I like him because he’s twisted and terrifying. I like what a manipulative monster he is. I went into the drama expecting it and I was not disappointed at all. He’s every bit the sociopathic puppet master the poster promised me. I watch this show because it’s a crazy-sauce makjang mess. I enjoy the characters because of how insurmountably dysfunctional they are.

Additionally, this isn’t supposed to be a post to justify Boo’s actions, or claims that he’s done nothing wrong. Clearly that’s not the case. I’m just trying to understand the audience’s reaction to him. Why I find myself rooting for him so much, and other people have no time for him at all.

The first thing Boo Cheon does at the beginning of episode 17 is threaten the mother of his child making it clear in no uncertain terms that if she goes through with the press conference and torpedo’s his chances to be chairman she’s as good as dead. That’s monstrous. I make no bones about that. I would just argue that Boo is merely the monster that Pil Joo has made of him.

If we’re going to completely jettison the possibility of Boo’s redemption arc based on that scene, Pil Joo shouldn’t be getting a pass. In the moral landscape of the show, Pil Joo has done everything Boo has done, but three shades darker.

Pil Joo has personally laid hands on Seo Won not once…

But two separate times….

He has also directly threatened her life on multiple occasions. He’s the Jang family fixer. We know how dirty his hands can get. The show has shown us. And we can argue all day long that Pil Joo never would have actually harmed her. That he was trying to put the fear of god into her because he was also a victim of Jang family violence toward mistresses and their unacknowledged children…but does that justify it? Boo has also on multiple occasions attempted to remove her from the situation, and taken steps to protect her from his family by bringing their son to Mooshimwon. Seo Won is either too foolhardy or too determined to take the hint. She revealed herself to Mo Hyun with malicious intent and became indirectly responsible for the loss of his unborn child.

He goes to the hotel room to meet Seo Won because Pil Joo sent him there. He threatens her with a knife–Pil Joo’s knife interestingly enough–making good on his promise not to let anyone stand between him and the chairman position. Why does he even want the chairman position? Because that’s what Pil Joo groomed him to want:

Sure, Boo has said that he wanted to become chairman for his own reasons now. He is motivated to succeed so that Mo Hyun will praise him and feel proud of him. He’s motivated to do it because he’s developed a real affection for his wife. He loves her enough to feel jealous over the prospect of losing her, to go head to head with his mother over her, and even to put his own life at risk for her. Why is he even married to Mo Hyun? Because of Pil Joo’s manipulations.

Everyone is in the position they’re in because of Pil Joo’s manipulations. Look at what he’s done to Mo Hyun! He lied repeatedly, fed Boo lines, write apology letters for him, engineered situations to further the seduction plot for his own personal benefit. He has continually withheld crucial information from her in order to control her actions. Because it all forwards his revenge plot.

Furthermore, he resents Mo Hyun for falling in love with Boo according to his own plot.

This is a pattern we have seen repeatedly. Since as early as episode 4:

Pil Joo blames other people for falling into his traps. He doesn’t take responsibility himself. He is “unable to stop himself” so they have to be the ones to resist him. He merely writes the scripts, he sets up the pieces, but if you fall for his tricks then it’s your own fault. That’s the attitude we’ve seen again and again.

And sure, he’s in denial. He obviously still has feelings for Mo Hyun. But those feelings have always been subordinate to his need for revenge, and continue to be sacrificed in the name of his goals. Along with the people around him, their lives and their happiness. Whether they deserve it or not. Everyone is expendable in the name of revenge.

He sets Mo Hyun up to hear the ugly truth about their deception and her arranged marriage as though he’s about to tell her everything, but then he only tells her enough to break her and drive her away from Mooshimwon. He didn’t even tell her why he, the real Jang Eun Cheon, is hiding his identity and staying in that family. He didn’t tell her why he was doing what he was doing. He didn’t explain why he became the Jang family dog. He only told her enough to devastate her and driver her away. Let me repeat that: he didn’t even tell her the whole truth. His whole “confession” was just another one of his manipulations!

This has nothing to do with making a clean breast of it with Mo Hyun, and everything to do with the revenge plot. Pil Joo isn’t a martyr. He’s a monster.

Immediately after the confession, where is he? Planning his take over of Cheong A. He doesn’t even take a breath to recover. He immediately asks Yong Goo to go over the final leg of the plan with him:

After intentionally breaking Mo Hyun’s spirit and wrecking his supposed “friend’s” sham marriage of his own design, Pil Joo is right back on his slash and burn war path toward the utter destruction of Cheong A. We may want to attribute all these suppressed emotions and noble feelings to Pil Joo to try to mollify his guilt in some way. His mysterious friend/helper Yong Goo sure seems to want to. But you know what kind of person consistently suppresses their better feelings in the name of goal oriented, ends-justify-the-means pragmatism?

A cold blooded, sociopath. Which is what Pil Joo is.

By contrast, where do we find Boo after he threatens to kill the mother of his child in the name of his goals? Sobbing like a child in his car:

Where is he after his wife’s very understandable mental breakdown upon find out that the last five years of her life have been one long series of lies and manipulations orchestrated by and large by the man she loves? Watching over her as she sleeps.

Of the two of them, Boo is the one most visibly shaken and horrified by his actions. And it’s honestly a wonder that Boo isn’t more messed up than he is, morally speaking. Considering that he’s been physically and emotionally abused by his terrifying mother and manipulative friend for the past 20 years.

Oh yeah, remember how Pil Joo frequently uses violence with him when Boo doesn’t do what he’s supposed to do?

Boo still has a soul and is capable of feeling things like remorse and betrayal. Like the desire to protect his son.

While I feel terrible for Mo Hyun, because her life has been utterly and undeservedly wrecked by these people, I think she’s capable of recovery. After all, she already suspected what kind of people lived a Mooshimwon. She has had multiple indications of what kind of situation she is willingly placing herself in. Boo is coping with the shock that everything he believed about his life for almost 20 years is a lie. His sense of identity has been shaken–everything he’s wanted, everything he’s ever attained is part of this lie. He was forced into an arranged marriage that he didn’t even want at the time and now that he truly loves his wife, she’s calling out Pil Joo’s name in her sleep! He just found out that his only friend has never been sincere with him. Rather, he approached him maliciously with the intention of ruining his family and taking his place. Not only that, he’s found out that he’s not even the biological son of the father that he idolizes. Pil Joo is the true heir, here to take everything away he’s ever taught Boo to want.

Anybody would crack up in these circumstances. And he can’t even talk to anyone about it. He can’t tell his mother or confide in wife or the person who was supposed to be his best friend. He ends up going to his unacknowledged father (I think he knows, or at least strongly suspects who Driver Oh is) to vent some of his grief.

He talks about the truth of Pil Joo’s deception being enough to kill Mal Ran if she was to ever find out. But I think the same scene can be taken a different way. He doesn’t want his mom to find out the truth, because he doesn’t want her to feel the way he feels right now. Like he might die from it. Because Boo really loved Pil Joo, damn it! If we can say nothing else about Boo Cheon, we have to at least give him that.

Even if they intend to make Boo the antagonist from this point until the end of the drama, I just can’t bring myself to hate him. He’s too pitiful. Sure, he’s weak and selfish and entitled. But he is what he was conditioned to be from a very young age. His mother has treated him like an incompetent disappointment and Pil Joo has turned him into a puppet. If things had played out different, who knows where he would be right now? If not for Pil Joo’s interference, who knows what kind of person he could have become?

One big thing that the shooting range scene demonstrates (besides the fact that Boo has officially been driven around the bend) is that when he isn’t comparing himself to or being hopelessly dependent on Pil Joo, he can actually perform very well.

As much as I despise his cousin, I think Yeo Cheon was right about something:

Anyway…that’s why I can’t help but root for and feel sorry for Boo. I hope that he’s not past the point of no return. And I’m still waiting for Pil Joo to recognize the fact that a) Boo is a victim of this corrupt family as much as he is himself and b) he doesn’t have the right to manipulate and destroy other people’s lives like some kind of vengeful god. Even when the deserve it.

If it’s not evident from what I’ve written above: I really, really like this show. It’s mad entertaining, and the character arcs are as complex as they are tragic. I am still hoping for Pil Joo’s redemption, I think the man is utterly fascinating. I don’t see this train wreck having a happy ending. But I’m still waiting for Pil Joo and Boo to actually have it out about Pil Joo’s lies before someone gets shot or stabbed. I want to believe, even at this point, that Pil Joo really did come to care for Boo. Even if he started out hating him, I can’t believe all he feels for Boo is hate, anymore than I believe he really put a stop to his feelings for Mo Hyun. Forgiveness might not be possible at this point, but at the very least I’m hoping for closure. A lot can happen in 6 hours, so lets keep our fingers crossed.

Anyway, those are my TL;DR feelings about Money Flower. Raw and unabridged. Thanks for your patience while I worked on your ask, and thanks for sticking with me if you read this far. Goodnight, my lovely followers. You’re all so beautiful.

Jona

#answered #mbc money flower #money flower #I should never be allowed to screencap things #I always go overboard #what even is this?#meta #commentary

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starlightbarbie · 7 years

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(don’t reblog this post if you’re not one of my friends talking to me)

okay, you know, i changed my mind? i’m cleaning house today, airing out laundry, so why not do the same emotionally?

it’s been weighing on me too long and making me feel like a bad person but i’ve been so terrified of burning bridges that i never want to admit when i have a different opinion social-justice/spiritual-wise than my friends on here.

bc a lot of people seem to have the attitude that having a different political opinion than someone means you literally can’t interact with them again or continue being friends.

which i understand, it’s an online safe space and you want to surround yourself with like-minded people so you can enjoy your time away from the real-life people whose opinions you’re stuck around. tumblr is kind of the only place you CAN talk to ppl about lgbt, race, gender, etc issues and avoid other types of ppl.

but it just seems so, in a way, divisive and un-productive to alienate people who you enjoy talking to and being friends with, who share all of your political, social justice beliefs except ONE or TWO....just because their ideology doesn’t match perfectly with yours.

especially when they’ve been respecting your opinions the entire friendship and there’s no reason you wouldn’t be able to continue talking just without discussing those topics you’ve never discussed in the first place because they’ve been silent about them...

so maybe i’m afraid of all my friends finally learning my two differing opinions and immediately going “wow youre a bigot we cant be friends” and maybe thats presumptive and wrong but i can’t help my instinctual worries, you know? am i putting up too much self-defense here??

i hope i dont sound attack-y which i’m worried i might because whenever i get ranty....but whatever, this is all just MY opinion and if you read it i hope you can understand where im coming from and then, take from it what you will.

.hhmm. enough stalling...

ive never been “anti” otherkin--as i understand it’s a spiritual belief for some and a coping mechanism for others, and there’s no reason for me to bash that or find any fault with people who just feel a connection to a certain animal or whatever. that’s been happening for all of human existence, there are religions which believe in reincarnation, and i’m agnostic anyways.

i wasn’t raised religious, tho my mom was raised catholic--she wanted my sister and i to come to god on our own terms in our own time instead of being brainwashed by a church since babyhood. so far it just made us very secular. but i’ve had jewish, christian, muslim friends, and never disrespect anyone’s spiritual beliefs. i do preach separation of church and state and hold the political views that come with that, but i believe in freedom to express religion as long as it doesn’t infringe on another human’s rights.

but when it goes past otherkin...people identifying as animals, plants, and galaxies, that doesn’t harm anything--but when it comes to fictionkin and factkin it makes me very uncomfortable.

it feels extremely like theft of intellectual property and theft of identity. factkin, i have never actually seen a person identifying as, just people having “discourse” over, so i dont know if its even real but if it is...i dont even know if i have to argue against it, it’s literally pretending to be another person who is alive?? and is themselves. it’s way beyond wrong to pretend to actually be a famous person, and it is NOT a healthy coping mechanism. it could actually really scare or harm that person they’re pretending to be.

fictionkin is something i have seen a LOT and have friends who id that way, so that’s i guess the big topic here. no problem with otherkin, no one i know is factkin, but fictionkin....

i understand where it would come in as a coping mechanism, i really do. i can relate. i have characters that i’m very attached to, that i relate to very much, that i look up to and want to emulate. some of them i even feel unreasonably possessive over, like “well that’s my favorite character, they can’t be your favorite character if they’re already mine” which probably comes in to play with fictionkin feeling like they ARE the character so nobody else can be the character.

but the thing is, i can’t help but to feel like it’s intellectual property being stolen. it’s one thing to roleplay, to say “hey i know i dont own this character but i’m gonna pretend to be them and explore different scenarios.” the same for cosplaying or writing fanfiction and making fan art. using characters somebody else created to INSPIRE your own art is all fun and games as long as you dont claim to own any of the copyrighted materials.

claiming to BE the fictional character is totally claiming to own it. not legally obviously, i don’t think any fictionkin think they legally have rights to their kin, but definitely a huge mark of ownership to say “This is Me.”

they didn’t create that character. they didn’t spend hours, days, months, pouring their heart soul sweat blood and tears into bringing that character to life. the writer/artist did. when you write, you put literally all of yourself into your characters. every bit of it comes from your thoughts, your unique worldview, the things you’ve seen and learned all mixed together and spat out in a new form. it all comes from the mind of the character’s creator. in a way, their characters are each, them, or have their blood running through their metaphorical veins.

i am PASSIONATE about writing.

claiming to BE that character, that a writer put so much of themselves into, is almost like claiming to be that writer too. at least like carving out a piece of their mind and saying “this is mine, it came from my life in another universe. it doesn’t belong to you. it’s not a unique pattern of emotions and ideas and creativity that you spent years developing. it’s just me from another universe, what a coincidence, right?”

it’s so offensive to steal another person’s hard work like that. and tumblr--tumblr--is supposed to be this place where people care about art theft and crediting the owners matters? and that makes me very, very uncomfortable as an aspiring writer who has my own original characters developing in my head.

important side note: i dont think you can say that fictionkin doesnt actually hurt anyone the way factkin obviously would. i have seen personal accounts from people on tumblr that said people were tagging their ocs/self portraits as kin, or telling them that they were kin with their ocs and they were writing the story wrong in some way, and they were very distressed by it.

so. i have never said anything because i dont want to hurt anyones feelings and i dont want to lose friends, but i also have to be honest and say what i believe if i want to respect myself as a person. so that’s what i believe.

and i don’t think it’s a necessary course of action to cut off ties with someone because they dont believe in fictionkin. its like stopping being friends with someone because they have a different religion than you. i’ve had christian, jewish and muslim friends and as i said, i’m non-religious.

i understand that maybe identifying as a character is more tied with your personal identity than your religious identity, so it’s natural you would feel like people should accept that that character is part of your personality--but please understand that i can accept that there are aspects of all those characters in you and that you relate to them, without expecting me to believe that infinite universes AND reincarnation across those universes exist, which is more than any of my religious friends have asked of me. (ie no one has tried to convert me to their personal spiritual beliefs)

so that said, idk if anyone read all of this, but if you want to stop being my friend over it i wont try to make you change your mind. if youre uncomfortable talking to me after this, its fine and i wont push it. i gave my reasoning for why im willing to stay friends and put our different beliefs aside so know that youre always welcome in my life if you want to be, but i wont force you if you dont.

the next one is worse. stay tuned.

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laviedesimplicite · 5 years

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my life

dear tumblr friends:

I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for six years now. I am 18 years old, and I am a senior in high school. It started when I was in 6th grade. I was shocked to realize the harsh reality of middle school bullying and drama and bullshit-ery. In 8th grade when I came out as bisexual, I received lots of hate from my classmates. My guidance counselor called my parents and told them I was getting bullied and they asked me why. It literally took me 3 hours to even get the words out of my mouth. “I’m gay”. They were so relieved, they thought I was pregnant! My parents love me for who I am and have no prejudice or hate towards my sexuality, they celebrate it. I know others are not as fortunate to have parents that support them and I truly feel so sorry for them. Like I’m 18 now I’ll just adopt you and love you.

Anyways

Once they found out I was gay they started better understanding why I was hurting so badly. They put me into counseling and it was alright, but I felt that therapy wasn’t helping because I kept having relapses. I just wanted to make all of the depression and anxiety disappear. Unfortunately, though, it is not that easy. I had been seeing a counselor throughout my freshman and sophomore years in high school.

My freshman year I had my algebra I class with this guy named Tariq. Tariq was an interesting character. He used humor a lot to handle bad things, and I do the same thing. We started dating sophomore year. I will admit, I did have a lot of good times with Tariq. He was my best friend. But throughout this relationship he was slowly poisoning me with his toxicity. I just didn’t see it until we broke up.

We had sex for the first time about 2 months into the relationship. He was my first and I was his. Once that happened, though, things started to get out of hand. I could not be around Tariq and have him not touch me. He always wanted to have sex, receive blowjobs, etc. (Also sorry if you’re confused I use gay and bisexual just gay because they are both queer!) But he would always ask me for it. Like, I get it you’re a horny teenager but you shouldn't continue having sex after your girlfriend says to stop. This happened more times than I can count. He would apologize for going too far, but it still kept happening.

Tariq also was a manipulative piece of shit. He would make me feel bad about the stupidest things. The way I dressed, did my makeup, decorated my notebooks, talking to male friends. etc. During our relationship we broke up for about a month. (He was treating me like shit so I was done). During that time I was talking to his friend Michael (name changed for privacy), and we exchanged nudes. Tariq and I got back together and I hadn't told him about Michael. When he found out, though, he was heartbroken. I completely understood, I went to someone else when we were having problems. But we still were not dating when all of that happened.

He held this over my head for months. He didn't trust me. He controlled my every move. I was strictly his and only his and no one else could interact with me. At night, we often facetimed before going to sleep. This was his time for giving me lectures about what I was doing wrong in my life. He didn't miss an opportunity to tell me I wasn't handling my parents’ divorce well and I need to leave my comfort zones. Now I, a very mentally ill self-loathing teenager, can’t just do that very easily. He just made me feel sad all the time. Finally I was fed up with all of this so I tried to break up with him, but he threatened to kill himself if I did. I stayed in the relationship and heard him out, but that only lasted about a month.

Tariq started suspecting that I was developing feelings for my best friend Angii, which was true, I was. She theoretically put a mirror in my face and told me to look back on my relationship. All the times he’s lied, cheated, made me cry. I became strong enough to make the decision to end it. It was probably the best decision I have made in my life. He still tried to be my friend after the relationship, but I was too hurt to even see his face. Along the line I started talking to him and we got back together for four days. We had sex at my house and then he told me that his condom slipped off. (he has a chode). He made me scavenge my house to find enough money for plan b, and he went to buy it and came back. Our summer fling ended shortly after this.

Fast forward to my junior year of high school. Angii and I started dating in October and stopped mid-February. I took it very, very hard. She was my best friend and my soul mate, but she just didn't feel the same way romantically anymore. I tried to kill myself and that landed me into an inpatient program at PPI. I stayed for about a week, started new meds, and did partial day hospital for a few weeks afterwards. When I came back to school, my friend Reese (name changed for privacy) told me that Tariq had showed her a video of us having sex, without my consent or knowledge. I was horrified, I knew it was illegal for minors to appear in porn so I thought I was going to get in trouble if I told anybody. I thought about what to do throughout the day, still having to see his ugly face in my math class. At the end of the day I decided that it is more important for him to get in trouble for this than it is for me. I told my guidance counselor what Reese told me, and so she called the assistant principal and student resource officer (both male) into her room so I could tell them what happened too. About half an our later, school had already ended, and a detective came in to talk to me. We called my mom together and he told her what happened. She was very concerned and asked if she could come in and talk, but the detective said it wasn't necessary because I had already told him what happened. That night I remember having work and my mom kept asking me if I was okay, and told me that I was going to get charged because this video is out there. Weeks go by and I’ve talked to detectives, police officers, and victim witness about what happened. My mom filed for a PFA against him to protect me and we got approved for that, so he cannot contact me in any way for the next 3 years. This also then became a criminal case against Tariq. We went back and forth to court with Tariq and his parents, and it was agonizingly painful to have to go through. He was eventually sentence to a year of probation. It was just a small slap on the wrist because they didn't want to ruin his life. What about my life? It’s already been ruined.

The summer after junior year I started dating this girl named Cayden. She was nice and I really enjoyed our relationship, but towards the end things just got so overused and overworked because we were both depressed and suicidal and projected it on each other. We broke up in August and I went to my second inpatient at Philhaven. I stayed there for two weeks and did partial day hospital for a few weeks after that. It was all just a repeating cycle of relapses in depression and countless panic attacks and self harm and overall an emotional roller coaster. I still don't understand why my brain does that. After inpatient I started getting better, but was struggling with insomnia and nightmares. I had horrifying dreams of Tariq hurting me again and I began having flashbacks in my daily life. At the end of December 2018 I went inpatient for the third time and stayed at PPI again. I was diagnosed with PTSD and I now see a trauma therapist (which is going great btw!). It’s now March 3rd and I feel like I’m genuinely doing well. I’m caught up in school and on track to graduate, I find things to smile about, I had a job interview today and got the job, so things are looking up. I still have these terrible flashbacks and nightmares, my hands tremble so badly, and I still have suicide and self harm thoughts, but I’m getting better at managing it. I have friends that love me, a color guard team that I compete with, and Youth and Government affairs, so I’m fairly happy. I’m just waiting for it to get a little better so I can be happy happy. Until then, I use my coping skills and strive to be the best I can be, so even though life kicked me in the ass I have been able to rise above.

This was very ranty and I have never been able to better explain what happened to me than in this post, so I hope it makes sense. There’s some details that I didn’t mention but they weren’t significant enough to talk about. I just want people to know that they are not alone, and things WILL get better. I never have been able to believe that until now. Be the best you you can be. To be or not to be.

I am Shakespeare and thank you for coming to my ted talk.

- val

#depression #anxiety #ptsd #recovery #hope

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