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growingstronglikeahighgardenrose · 3 years

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Sanditon Season 2: all the news & my thoughts

So, we're getting not one but two new seasons of Sanditon! After a year of tremendous effort on behalf of the Sanditon sisterhood who kept the fandom alive, we'll be looking at a new season. Although I think the biggest thank you probably goes out to Bridgerton, which showed that romance, regency, a diverse cast and butts are a perfect mix to lure audiences.

I want to take this moment to reflect on what I think we'll win, what we'll lose and what we can expect in the future.

1. No Sidlotte HEA

This is probably the most heartbreaking salty news we could get. But I know Theo James, he likes new projects. And after divergent's disaster, I can't blame the boy for not wanting to hang onto another franchise. As a fanfic writer, although mainly an Esther/Babington one, I broke my head for over a year on how to get Sidlotte together. I had to imagine the grandest schemes to get them together. Tom needed 10 000 pounds in less than a month. Even Babington was probably not worth that much. That's over 6 million in today's money if adjusted to inflation. Regency era's England's top 1-2% made that in a full a year, and most of that is probably in assets and investments. And they don't just get to keep that money, most used a good chunk of it to keep their estates running and to pay their staff. Anyone know someone who has a casual 6 million lying around?

There's only two realistic solutions: either have Eliza die: which would be cruel and take years (unless you kill her in childbirth 9 months in), or create a grand scheme that would take months and see Sidney, Crowe and Babington actively work hard on their 'business' while in the meantime Charlotte, Lady Denham and Lady Susan get everyone including the prince regent to come to Sanditon. I kind of accepted they would have a hard time getting out of that plot twist. It was likely that Sidlotte could not be endgame.

Personally, I never felt a strong connection to Sidlotte, and had hoped that Charlotte, like Jane Bennet, would go to London with Lady Susan to recover from her heartbreak, and I kind of hoped James Stringer would eventually go down there for his apprenticeship, where a sort of Captain Wentworth-like situation would come to exist where he is a young man trying to make something of himself. I know Charlotte didn't love him. But I also knew that Charlotte wanted adventure and perhaps needed to grow as a person. But in the new season she'll probably be a bit jaded, closed off, and depressed. And will probably need a softer more available man. Growing up goes with swinging to extremes. She was an open optimist at the beginning, and eventually turned to the opposite, not letting her emotions shine through and being very guarded (@miss-holly-goes-lightly did a wonderful post on this). Adulthood is finding a good balance again.

So while I am saddened, because this brings along a long set of questions like: "Does Sanditon still take place in Sanditon then?" "Where will Sidney live, will he then live in London with his wife?" "Why doesn't he come help his brother the next season or visit his family, as we know Tom will make a mess of things" The show will have to answer these questions in a believable manner.

2. No Beaufort twins

Mollie Holder said on her instagram that the Beauforts wouldn't be returning. This leads to quite a few questions like: where will Georgiana stay then? What will be happening to Mrs. Griffiths? Will Georgiana be her sole ward while the Beaufort's absence is explained as them having married or having become governesses?

3. Who remains aboard

Rose Williams is definitely on board. It's also pretty certain Tom will be there again. Lady Denham is also likely to return. The child actors and their parents were willing, but worried about their increasing age a few months back. Old Stringer said he'd have loved to be part of Sanditon again and to see it continue, but he's well... dead on the show so he won't return. So who will join Charlotte?

Leo Sutter might not return. He plays an important role in the next spin-off of vikings. Vikings has a new season each year. On top of that he's currently busy recording Gateway 6. We don't know how long that might take. And perhaps by the time filming ends he's required for the next season of the Walhalla series. Leo Sutter is a rising star, he might not even have the time to return. Especially for two seasons. At his age and point in his career, he needs to cement his name, or he'll remain b-list while he has a-list potential. So he might have to give up Sanditon for his career. It's sad, I'd love a Stringer/Charlotte future where they both grow to being suitable for each other while becoming people confident in their own abilities. But in the end, I would be alright with it, as Charlotte didn't express immediate interest in him. Writing him out would also be fairly easy, they could just write that despite thinking he had to stay home after his father's death, he went to London in the end under Charlotte's encouragement. Perhaps he could then come back for a guest appearance.

Crystal Clarke will reprise her role as Georgiana. Clarke has, since Sanditon, spoken out about the sometimes tone-deaf director and scriptwriters. She had to step in a few times to make sure Georgiana was done justice. She also said she hoped Georgiana, if the show was continued, would get the space to breathe and be independent, instead of playing a minor role as token black friend of Charlotte while under the control of Sidney. It will be complex to have her return without involving Sidney, as his character will have to be written out. I imagine this can be done with a timejump, but the timejump would have to be 4 years to make Georgiana 'of age' as she is 17 in the show. They'll probably place her under someone's care while saying Sidney is "still her guardian, but away". Georgiana is, in my opinion, an essential part of Sanditon. Bridgerton showed the world wanted to see diverse faces. Austen wrote a black character as a wealthy and desirable woman. They simply have to do more with her in the future. Clarke will reprise her role, this time with black writers to do justice to her character. I'm excited to see what will be done.

The actor who plays Arthur, Turlough Convery, is a good actor and mostly in period pieces. However he's never overly in demand, and usually stays with shows for multiple seasons. I think he's quite willing to come back and it means Georgiana would have a friend. I also hope they delve into his character, especially after his "I don't think i'll ever get married".

Matthew Needham and Mark Stanley, Crowe and Babington, are Sidney's best friends. It will be hard to have them come back without them explaining why Sidney is never with them. But I believe they would work well as a duo: the drunk and the one braincell are a fun dynamic. Both are not much in demand, despite that I quite like them as actors. So we might see them returning. Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Charlotte Spencer's Esther Denham is married to Babington. Without Babington returning, how can Esther? And vice versa. Their storyline was also the main romance for me and a big part of the last few episodes. They kinda need to return. Babington is also Sanditon's access point to high society. To cash in on Bridgerton's success they should search that royal connection. Babington is friends with the Prince Regent. On top of that he has the most money. If he hosts a party and Charlotte is invited, this is where they get those grand-bridgertonesque scenes.

Lily Sacofsky's Clara had a romantic subplot with Crowe. In their final unaired scene they went to London together. She could return. However, the chances are quite slim. Clara is in London, and Sanditon takes place in Sanditon. Unless Lady Susan takes Charlotte to London for a while and she meets Clara and Edward there, cooking up a plan to get back at Esther and Lady Denham.

4. Predictions

There's no words to describe the popularity of Bridgerton, so this WILL influence Sanditon. I predict: more sex, more scandal, and even more ahistorically modern ideas and characters, multiple female characters and multiple male characters that each get screentime and their separate storylines and developments like in bridgerton, instead of just Charlotte's pov we follow. Glamorous scenes. And more POC.

The season will start with a timejump in all likeliness (as it is easier so they don't have to focus too much on her grieving). Charlotte will catch us up with what has happened while perhaps narrating over some letters she's written to georgiana and lady susan. She'll return to Sanditon during a summer. Sanditon will have been partially rebuilt with Eliza's money, and many activities will be planned. Sanditon will be in some kind of trouble. Charlotte will still be a planner. Her being very actively involved in things and having a vision was one of the most alluring parts of her character. In the books there was a rival town Tom hated. That might be a bit tricky to adapt so they could introduce some local competition for attention around Sanditon. A local duke hosting parties could overshadow tom's events. Or the social season in London could lure everyone there instead of to Sanditon. Charlotte will try to help Tom with this while getting reacquainted with everyone still in Sanditon, and hearing about the reasons why Sidney/Esther/Stringer/The Beauforts (to be seen) aren't in the show anymore. She'll also rebuild her relationship with Georgiana.

Then one day for an event Charlotte will invite Lady Susan, who will invite her to the London season to get over her heartache à la Jane Bennet. Charlotte will join Lady Susan to lure a crowd to Sanditon. There, she'll be confronted with some of her demons of the past season. Perhaps a pregnant Eliza Campion makes an appearance to rub it in Charlotte's face. In Sense & Sensibility Margaret discovered Willoughby's relationship in a most shocking manner in an almost public setting. Sanditon likes to nod at all Austen books so this could be a nod at that book when Charlotte discovers unpleasant news in a public manner. Charlotte will congratulate her and wish them happiness, and afterwards either a girlpower moment could happen with Lady Susan or Georgiana supporting her, or a love moment. Mrs Campion has tried to talk Charlotte down in front of people in the past, if she did it again, a new love interest could step in at that time to compliment her and then take her off for a dance. That could be an emotional moment for her, as she realized her feelings for Sidney in London during a dance the last time around as well. And she could have her cinderella moment by excusing herself and running off after the dance, uncertain of her feelings. She'll have some grand balls, might be harrassed by a man and risk a scandal, or try and prevent Georgiana from ruin during a scandal.

At the last moment she'll succeed in her goal and lure a crowd to Sanditon's events that will put Sanditon on the map. Either the local competitive duke, or someone from London will be impressed with her, but she won't be ready to marry yet. I trust that by the end of the second season, she'll finally have a realisation that she's quite happy with how she's living her life and how good her work is, and that she has finally stopped feeling sad. So the second season will stop with her atop a cliff, letting go of the traumatic loss she suffered on that same cliff a season before. By the end of the season, one or two love interests will be set up for the last season.

So the nudity and big romance will have to come from elsewhere. Georgiana will get more agency and action in the next seasons. She could be trying to tempt Charlotte in joining her adventures as a single wealthy independent woman. She might even leave to find her place in the world via boat, returning to where she was last truly happy: Antigua. The second season could maybe end with Charlotte overlooking Georgiana's boat leaving from the previously mentioned clifftop. Another option is Georgiana falling in love with a local man and taken an interest in the town. Financially speaking, Georgiana could be the only one able to save Sanditon. But I don't think she owes the town anything. Another option is the writers focus on Georgiana navigating her relationship with Otis, who might be back home for a holiday after navy duty. We could also see some political debates à la Poldark S5 about freedom, servitude, independence and so on. The first plan for Georgiana doesn't even have to exclude the second, she could decide to sail away with Otis to find their place in the world. In any case: race shall not be brushed under the carpet and Georgiana will kick some shins on her way to her happy ending. In Jane Austen, we have rarely seen a woman who tried to elope, or escape her guardian, get a happy ending. Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Eliza's mother, ... they're all tragic tales of women falling for bad guys who try to steal their virtue or take their money. And in the end they always become dependent on men again. I hope in Sanditon Georgiana will learn and grow herself, instead of being coddled by men. A lot could be done.

Esther and Babington could be a very cool insert if the actors join. They can really connect the high society to Sanditon. They could host balls, invest in Sanditon or drive the London plot. But they can also be an emotional backbone to the show. Esther married Babington, but she wasn't in love yet. I'm not a fan of the edward/Esther angle. After all he did, I rather she hated him with burning passion and never spoke to him again. But he could try to blackmail her and ruin her reputation in London. Perhaps become some kind of Lord Whistledown. With Charlotte coming to Esther's aid. Esther's plotline could be about learning to trust people and open her heart again. Perhaps she could have a conflict with Babington about him wanting a family and she still being uneasy with marriage, let alone children. Maybe they could have a fight, with one of them going to London. In their separation they might realize they love each other. And then the other comes back home from London with Charlotte and they fix everything. Another route is them having a fight, Esther going to confront Edward or Clara about their blackmailing or maneouvring. Babington thinks it's because she doesn't love him, but actually it's because she loves Babington and wants to be rid of her past. But she gets into an accident and Babington only realizes the truth later on, leading to a happy ending.

Other things I'd love to see: Mary finally growing a backbone and telling Tom to either be open about his affairs and finances or be gone. Arthur and Diana growing a backbone and telling their brother he's a fuck up. Charlotte realizing Tom is stupid. Lady Denham appointing Charlotte or Arthur to head of Sanditon after showing their worth an entire season. Tom being repentant. Diana getting over her fears. Arthur getting a love interest. Crowe being in Sanditon, I just love him. Kisses. Healthy love interests that aren't broody and traumatized and in need of fixing by women. Jane Austen's men need to do their growing ON THEIR OWN. And then they earn their brides.

5. What we'll lose

- A Sidlotte ending: once the new season comes out, Sidlotte is no longer headcanon.

- A happy Esther/Babington ending: they married and looked happy, despite Esther's rushed turn around. If they're in the new season, their marriage won't be perfect. They'll have conflicts, just for plot. Whatever headcanons we had for them will probably be falsified. We might come to dislike them or their relationship. I've seen almost all my ships crumble to dust on the rocks of multiple seasons dragging out relationships and piling on conflict just to keep it interesting.

- A part of what made Sanditon Sanditon: we'll lose many faces we've come to love. And the dynamics and relationships will therefore change a lot.

- Fanfics become dated: I know it is the problem of every fandom, but it's one I regret all the same. Part of why I love Austen fandoms is the fact that the books are written. The characters and relationships won't change. With 2 new seasons coming, all fanfics out there will become dated. The millions of hours authors put into Sidlotte fics will perhaps become barely read when Charlotte gets new love interests. All the headcanons I and many others wrote down for Sidlotte, Esther/Babington, Charlotte/Stringer, will officially become silly fantheories. I've been there a couple of times before that shows changed the entire course and personality of certain characters and then you can't help but feel exhausted and sometimes annoyed because these are your babies and you had dreams for them, and the writers took them in directions that sometimes don't do them justice. But it's canon so you gotta accept it. Sometimes fantasy is nicer than a writer toying around with storylines and characters just to create drama. And I'll have to write my characters in a new way that fits the characters based on the info from the new seasons. I might fall out of love with them. Ah, the burden of being a shipper weighs heavy.

- Perhaps we still lose a HEA: Season one ended with a happy babington/Esther and an unhappy Charlotte who learned a lot, and a Sanditon that was saved. Although Sanditon has been extended for two seasons it's possible that if the ratings for S2 aren't good they may still cancel the third season. If they don't learn from their mistakes and end season 2 on another cliffhanger even Esther's relationship and sanditon may be at stake. If they're getting 2 seasons they will also not marry or engage charlotte in the second, meaning Charlotte will still be single by the end of the series if they cancel season 3. The whole reason we wanted more seasons was for charlotte to have a HEA. So I'm really fearful that she'll be put in another hard spot. They at least need to get her happy by the end of S2.

6. What we'll gain

- More sanditon content

- More regency era content and images and music which is always lovely

- Seeing our favourites again

- Hopefully we get to see new challenges and romance and humor and tense moments and scandal and drama that will be fun to watch

- A Georgiana story arc: a black woman in a realistic historical setting living her life, being wealthy, and England just having to Deal With It. And as cherry on top she'll be written by black writers.

- Happy endings (hopefully)

- New hot men! This is a guarantee

- Perhaps LGBTQ+ representation with Arthur

- Frustration at Tom's antics (guaranteed)

- Maybe some interactions with Charlotte's siblings

- Esther Babington content

- New material to write fanfics and metas about

- Over 8 hours of viewing pleasure

#sanditon #sanditon season 2 #sanditon season 3 #sceptical fanalyses #sanditon predictions #charlotte heywood #esther denham

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himbowelsh · 4 years

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Valentine's day alphabet for Lewis Nixon, pretty please! I love your writing! :)

valentines day alphabet ( accepting! )

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Gifts. When it’s someone he cares deeply for, he’ll shower them with gifts. He’s just that sort of person, and it’s his way of giving back to people who choose to stick with him. When it gets too much, he’s got to be told to cut it out. He also enjoys being close to people, even if that doesn’t always translate to cuddling; he likes curling up next to his partner on a couch or in bed, he likes touching his friends casually to show he’s there and he cares. It seems a bit careless, but that’s just his style.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

This man is masterful with the bouquets. He has a really sharp aesthetic eye, and knows exactly what will look good in a certain spot, exactly what’s appropriate for a certain occasion... he doesn’t ask the florist for help, the florist asks him. Nix would never garden by choice, but he’s a bouquet connoisseur.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

It’s called a guilty pleasure, leave him alone.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Why must one... do things? Is it not enough to simply spend a night in, maybe in a nice hotel, ordering room service and watching a movie, before passing out next to each other? Honestly, Nix doesn’t need to go places --- he’d prefer a quiet night in, not around people, so long as he and his partner can spend time together.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Honestly, they make him a little uncomfortable. He wasn’t hugged as a child, it does not compute. He’s tricky about physical affection in general, so he definitely won’t be the one to initiate hugs... and honestly, might stand there like a board if he’s the one getting hugged.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh, he can. He can, he will, and he’s good at it. Nix is a pretty natural flirt; when he bothers to lay on the charm, it can be overwhelming. He’s great at disarming people, and quite shameless when he’s interested in someone.

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He’ll literally just hand out money, man. “Here you go, don’t spend it all too fast.” That’s for the people he likes. When it comes to someone he loves, like a partner, Nix is very, very different --- he enjoys spoiling them, even if he doesn’t trust himself to get it right all the time. Jewelry, tickets to shows, new hats, new shoes... the amount of things he showers his partners / best friends with it a little alarming. He’s definitely bought Dick a puppy before. A whole-ass puppy. Dick didn’t even ask for one, Nix just gave it to him, and suddenly, wow, looks like Dick is now a dog owner.

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He definitely doesn’t make a habit out of it. When it happens, it’s usually unintentional, and he ends up caring more than he ever means to, or knows what to do with. Nix’s heart is a fickle thing. It goes where it wants, he’s got no say in the matter.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Oooooh, buddy. He’s not gonna say it first. He’d never dream of saying it first. He is legitimately terrified that he’ll say it to his partner and not hear it back; he has nightmares about it, and that’s honestly the moment he realizes how much he loves his partner. He’ll probably freeze up the first time he hears it --- just for one telling second, before covering it up with a smirk and a half-serious “aww, love you too”, like it’s nothing. Nix won’t be able to really say it for a long time... and even then, won’t be able to breathe until he hears it back. It’s a big thing for him, and he honestly needs to hear it a lot.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Yeah, and he’s not even subtle about it. If someone’s monopolizing his partner, he’ll either insert himself into the conversation and completely take it over, or... just take his partner and lead them away. No explanation, nothing, just ‘c’mon, time to go.’

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Nix’s ability to kiss is firmly tied into how much alcohol is in his system at a given time. The drunker he is, the bolder he is... but way sloppier, too, and needier. He’s trying his best, but that might not be a good thing. When he’s sober, he’s a lot more... deliberate about it. He pays more attention to where he puts his hands, cupping his partner’s face and holding them like a precious thing. His sober kisses are almost chaste, not very adventurous, not demanding anything from the other person... but the more comfortable he is in a relationship, the more he’s able to put into a single kiss. Lots of touching (he loves getting his hands in a partner’s hair), breaking apart just long enough to gasp for breath, pulling them into his lap and just... kissing the hell out of them. Nix needs to get lost in a kiss.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

He adores his sister Blanche, has a soft spot for his mother that she may or may not return, loves his kid (even if he doesn’t know how to show it), loves his friends, loves Dick to the moon and back... Nix has a big heart, and more love to give than he realizes.

M : MOONLIGHT. is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Nighttime is where it happens, baby! Mostly because he resents getting up before noon.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

Naughty’s a very good word for it! Again, this depends on his level of sobriety at the time. When very drunk, he’s been known to just... stop working in the middle of the act, sometimes even passing out. (Let’s just say Kathy had her reasons for that divorce.) A more sober Nix, however, is very attentive. Talk about a tease. He likes to hold, to caress, to feel his partner. Definitely has a few kinks, and is tentatively eager to experiment; he really digs encouragement in bed, which is probably a fun topic for therapy. His hair is a thing, okay --- twist it, pull it, run fingers through it. He loves doing the same to his partner. This man is horrible when it comes to leaving marks in visible spaces, and has basically no shame about it --- one of Nix’s greatest turn-ons would be seeing his partner fully decked out in eveningwear, with a hickey he gave them just visible at their collar. Sometimes does a weird sort of thing in bed where he’s massaging his partner in the middle of the act? Because god forbid they had any tension in their back or shoulders while they’re legit on top of him! He’s quite vocal, murmuring a running commentary the whole way through, but doesn’t get loud until the very end.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

He’s an eloquent bastard, but 78% of what he says is sardonic. Don’t trust him.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

He wants a keen mind, someone who he can have discussions with; someone dynamic, open to new ideas and out-of-the-box thinking, with their own opinions they’re not afraid to express. He’d kind of love a partner he could debate with, honestly... but definitely one he can bounce off of. A person capable of reading between the lines, because he often doesn’t say what he means. Someone who gets his humor --- someone who likes to laugh. A good appreciation of music would be great, especially if his partner was a good singer! And definitely... someone patient.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’s asked it enough times at this point, with a progressively bigger succession of rings; at the same time, he doesn’t expect anyone will ever ask him, so, what can you do?

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Romance is for people who’ve never had their dog stolen by their ex-wife. (He can be super romantic, if the incentive is there --- like, astonishingly romantic, candlelit dinner and bedclothes strewn with roses. He’s got a romantic spirit, but needs a good reason to put that effort in, and the damn right person.)

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Bold of you to assume he had a childhood. Nah. Nix was raised by a succession of nannies and all-male prep schools. He never really had the chance. He never really dated until college.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

Heh heh... no. No way. That’s a stupid question. Love’s just... it happens for some people, and they’re able to relish it, and thrive in it. For others, it’s distant and difficult and never quite what they want it to be. For some people, it’s right there, but they’re not allowed to seize it. There are lots of different types of love; Nix has known (or dreamed of) them all at one point or another. Nothing about any of them is true. There’s no such thing as ‘meant to be’.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

He’d say no, but Kathy’s divorce definitely took him by surprise. Like... it wasn’t as if he loved her then, he hadn’t loved her for a long time --- hell, maybe he didn’t love her when they married --- but they had an understanding. She swept the rug out from under him, and Nix rushed into a relationship with his English bride to sort of... bounce back from that. That ended in heartbreak too.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

Commercial and stupid, but you bet he’s booking the best seats at the fanciest restaurant in town. It’s what his partner would want, right? (He’d need someone to actively tell him, “no, let’s not, we can stay at home and I’ll be just as happy”, otherwise he feels like he needs to please.)

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

You’d think he’d have enough of that after Kathy, but... nope, he keeps making the same mistake. Glutton for punishment.

(Marriage is an institution he honestly doesn’t believe in, but he’ll keep trying until somebody proves him wrong. Nix has a certain need to be in a relationship, to be bound to someone else in a way that feels permanent. Deep down, he has the feeling that everyone leaves, especially the people who make the mistake of getting close to him. Putting a ring on it makes things feel more permanent, like they won’t just up and run as soon as things start to get difficult. Nix isn’t afraid of commitment --- he just doesn’t feel like anyone can, or should, commit to him.)

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

“Sweetheart” is his big one, and he’ll whip out the occasional “darling”... or “dear”, which is nearly always sarcastic. He’ll sometimes get creative with them, (ex: “Guts 'N Glory here applied for a transfer...”) but never use those more than once --- heaven forbid he become boring.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

Yes, and it’s completely removed from his jealous tendencies. Nix does not like to see the people he cares about threatened under any circumstances. He’s a lover, not a fighter... but he’s a lover with a lot of money, and a big brain he knows how to use. He has the resources at his disposal to publicly obliterate someone, and could find dirt on a saint. Just give Nix a reason. In the moment, he’ll diffuse the situation as best as possible, maybe warning someone off or leading his loved one away. The real show happens after the fact.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

Okay... okay. Listen. He went to Yale. He was away from home. He was partying... a good portion of nights. Like, he’s not a womanizer, but he’s been around, okay.

#thank you so much babe!! hope you enjoy ;)#lewis nixon #headcanons #Anonymous

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nicnacsnonsense · 5 years

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I just recently rewatched The Little Mermaid and noticed something pretty interesting. So we’re going to do a scene comparison of “Kingdom Tour”/”Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid to “Kingdom Dance”/”I See the Light” from Tangled. Which I realize is actually two scenes from each movie, but as the scenes are back-to-back and can function as a unit, I’m going to go with it.

In both movies these scenes form the romantic core of the movie. There are other scenes in each that help build the romance – the “Part of Your World (Reprise)” in The Little Mermaid or when Eugene tells Rapunzel his real name and backstory in Tangled as examples – but these scenes are the ones explicitly about our couple spending time together and falling/being in love. Both scenes start with a montage of a day exploring the kingdom (or at least the capital city), followed by a romantic boat ride that evening. In both cases the montage is scored by a nice upbeat instrumental and is largely dialogue free, while the boat ride is set to the main romantic musical number of the movie.

Now let’s get down into some of the little details:

Both scenes involve our female lead excitedly grabbing our male lead’s hand and dragging him off

A dance in the town square

Animal sidekicks that ship it

Guy holding a couple of baguettes

Boat surrounded by romantic lighting

Almost kiss

Romantic moment interrupted by bad guy dragon (in the trope sense, not the fire-breathing lizard sense) twins

But as cute and fun as those little similarities are, the differences are where it gets really interesting (long post ahead)

In Tangled the animal sidekicks are largely passive in their shipping. The extent of it is some light teasing of Eugene from Maximus during the montage. By contrast, the animal sidekicks in The Little Mermaid are supremely active in their shipping, to the point the musical number and all the romantic atmosphere involved there is something they are deliberately engineering.

Ultimately this is a consequence of the plot of each movie. There are no real stakes involved in whether or not Rapunzel and Eugene get together. It’ll happen when it happens, and if it doesn’t, oh well, too bad. The animal sidekicks are only shipping it because they think it’ll make their cinnamon roll happy. By contrast, if Ariel doesn’t get true love’s kiss from Eric by sunset the next day, she will literally be enslaved by Ursula and spend the rest of her life as a tiny seaweed gremlin thing. Those are some pretty high stakes, so it would be weird if Ariel’s friends weren’t doing everything in their power to make it happen. It’s just unfortunate this comes at the expense of an organic internal growth of their love.

Both Ariel and Rapunzel are a bit out of their depths when exploring the kingdom, as this is their first time doing this sort of thing. Ariel’s spent her whole life underwater, and Rapunzel’s spent hers locked in a tower. Neither of them let that stop them from excitedly running around and experiencing everything. However, at times the things Ariel does makes Eric look at her like she’s a weirdo or like he’s frightened for his life.

No matter what Rapunzel is doing, Eugene is always either looking at her softly, being an active participant, or both!

Both love songs have a talking interlude, though the content of the interlude is different in both cases.

In The Little Mermaid, Eric is trying to guess Ariel’s name. It’s a little weird that he apparently found her washed up the day before, took her home with him, had dinner with her, and spent the entire day out and about with her without establishing her name or at least what he was going to call her by, but okay. The scene itself is cute, and they get some good banter going, which is pretty impressive when Ariel can’t even talk.

(Pictured: nonverbal banter)

In Tangled, they have already had the important conversation about names, interestingly enough, so our interlude here is something different. Rapunzel has finally achieved her lifelong dream of getting to see the lights up close, and we can tell by the look of rapturous wonder on her face that it’s everything she hoped for. Then she turns and sees this:

Eugene has brought a pair of lanterns for them. He’s telling her I don’t want you to just sit back and watch this experience, I want you to be able to be a part of it. I want us to be a part of it together.

Rapunzel responds to this by pulling out the bag she’s been blackmailing him with, if we’re being honest, to get him to be her guide. But she’s not giving it to him because he has successfully discharged his duty and earned his reward. She’s giving it to him because she’s “not scared anymore,” because she trusts him to stay with her even without that. A trust he immediately validates by pushing the bag away so they can release the lanterns together.

Backtracking a little to the dance scene during the montage. In The Little Mermaid, it is again a cute and sweet scene. Ariel apparently sees some couples dancing in a square, so she drags Eric along and they dance too. They are smiling at each other, seem to be enjoying themselves, it’s cute, it’s sweet, it’s great.

In Tangled, the dance is the focal point of the montage. It begins with Rapunzel, having wandered off a bit while Eugene is buying those baguettes, hearing some musicians and beginning to dance. She starts pulling the people around her into the dance as well and eventually motions for Eugene to come join. He declines initially, and by the time Maximus has pushed him in, Rapunzel has been swept away by the dance and Eugene is partnered with someone else. We start interspersing clips of the dance with clips of Eugene and Rapunzel doing other things around the city (the timeline here can be a little confusing, but best estimate is the dancing is actually the last thing they do in the day before the boat ride, and all the interim clips actually happened earlier). We come back to the dance and Rapunzel and Eugene reach for each other, only to be pulled away by other partners.

Now we keep flashing back and forth between scenes of Eugene and Rapunzel in the city, and Rapunzel dancing in the square without him. The music’s building. Our anticipation is building. We want to see these two dancing together. But we keep cutting back to the dance and it’s just Rapunzel and the townsfolk. The music keeps building. The sun is starting to set now. Finally we see Eugene again. He’s dancing with another woman, but he’s looking over his shoulder, watching Rapunzel. Cut to Rapunzel, going into a dizzying twirl as she dances across the square. The music swells… and stops, with Eugene and Rapunzel breathless and smiling in each other’s arms.

The lead up to the almost kiss in The Little Mermaid does something similar with the build-up in anticipation, but with a very major difference. In the Tangled dance scene, Rapunzel and Eugene were reaching for each other and external factors were pulling them apart. In “Kiss the Girl,” the external factors are what’s pushing them together while Ariel is largely passive/reactive, and Eric periodically pulls away.

Again, from a story perspective this makes sense. Eric is conflicted; he likes Ariel, but he’s also convinced mysterious singing beach lady is his soulmate. The trouble is the song is not about Eric’s internal conflict, it’s about the external conflict of Ariel and her animal sidekicks trying to get Eric to kiss her, and their frustration when he doesn’t. Eric becomes an obstacle to the relationship, rather than a participant in it.

“I See the Light” has our two leads almost completely isolated from external forces, at least until the Stabbington Brothers show up on the shore at the end. This song is entirely about the two of them and their relationship and their internal journeys. And in that context every step they make is closer together. Rapunzel starts on the prow of the boat, while Eugene sits on one of the seats.

Then when Eugene offers the lanterns to her, Rapunzel sits down on the seat across from him.

Eugene reaches out and takes Rapunzel’s hand.

Rapunzel turns to face him and takes his other hand.

They lean in closer as Eugene brushes back some of Rapunzel’s hair.

And finally the almost kiss.

My conclusion is this. While they were working on the storyboards for Tangled, someone rewatched The Little Mermaid and thought to themselves, “I can do better.” (Except in terms of the music, because Alan Menken is a goddamn treasure, someone get him in here asap.) This should have been the height of hubris. To watch beloved childhood masterpiece and the first piece of the Disney Renaissance The Little Mermaid and think, “I can do better.” But damned if he didn’t pull it off.

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radkoko · 5 years

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Novel Idea

Second day, second prompt. Books

Ao3 Link

~~~

Iruka browsed the covers of the novels on the new table as he waited for Naruto to run through the store grabbing his senior year reading books for English class. They both wanted Naruto to graduate high school, and that meant starting early on the reading for the year.

He had far too many books at home, and Iruka knew he was going to be spending far too much on Naruto today, so when he picked up the unassuming romance novel, he wasn’t looking for anything -or expecting much- more than a distraction while Naruto searched.

It wasn’t until halfway through the first chapter that something felt off about this book. Iruka felt like he’d read this before because he was getting a strong sense of deja vu. He’d just have to blame it on the stereotypical protagonist, as most romance novels went she fit the mold, brown hair, brown eyes, the ‘not quite skinny, but not fat’ body shape, and… a scar? Okay, well that one wasn’t usually on the list.

Iruka heard Naruto call out for him, but suddenly he couldn’t take his eyes off this book. The scar she described was so strikingly similar to his, and her name… Ruika… it was all so close to him that it just didn’t seem possible. He skimmed through this coffee shop love story, picking up pieces that felt so much like memories instead of a new book.

Completely engrossed in the book, Iruka jumped when a hand clapped him on the arm and tore his eyes away from the pages.

“You okay Iruka?” Naruto asked. He looked at Iruka with his big blue eyes full of concern and a basket full of books at his side.

“I’m fine,” Iruka waved off Naruto’s concern, “You get everything on the list?” He questioned the teenager who was notorious for forgetting things.

“Yes,” Naruto grumbled, Iruka stared him down looking to get a better answer, “I went through the list twice, I swear.”

“Ok,” Iruka took him at his word, “Let’s pay and get out of here. I was thinking we could pick up ramen on the way home.” Iruka offered up the treat as a reward for a successful ‘mission’, one Naruto would never say no to.

Iruka turned to put the book down, but his curiosity got the better of him, so instead he dropped it in the basket as he took it from Naruto on his way to the register.

~~~

Iruka was a fast reader, but that wasn’t the only reason he finished the book before he went to bed that night. The book was -he’ll admit it- good, but it was the fact that it was so eerily similar to his life that stopped Iruka from putting the book down.

The girl, Ruika, was shown as practically living in the coffee shop. She had a standard table that she spread out her important paperwork on, and stayed there for hours on end. Iruka felt his life was subpar compared to hers, where his paperwork was just his student’s homework that needed to be graded. He did however have a table that he had claimed, just short of writing his name in it, for those afternoons that he sat down to get some work done while waiting for Naruto to finish soccer practice.

After seeing a standard day go by the author introduced the love interest in a scene that hit a little too close to home.

Ruika, being the self described clutz she was, proved her nature by tripping and dropping her coffee all over a man sitting at the table next to hers. Iruka remembered this being a particularly embarrassing event that happened to him about six months ago. His phone started ringing, and he rushed to pick it up in case Naruto was calling about something happening at practice. It ended up being an annoying telemarketer instead, but it was enough of a distraction that Iruka tripped over a chair that had been pulled out from a table and his coffee went flying.

He’d been lucky enough to only spill it on the floor, but Ruika’s had gone over the cute guy at the table and launched them into their great romantic love story. Iruka had tried to make conversation with the guy at that table and was left sitting in silence as the whole of the coffee shop stared at his misfortune.

If it had been just that moment Iruka might have forgiven the book for being a bit cliche, but it kept going. The time he’d offered up his table to the elderly couple. Or the time he’d gone to pick up all his papers and dropped them on the floor. Even the time that he’d gone running out of the shop, only to run back in for all the paper’s he’d forgotten to pick up before leaving.

The story even had his exact coffee order, mocha with hazelnut syrup, and the way he’d finish it off with a little extra cream from the bar.

It was all too much to be pure coincidence.

Iruka had to know who wrote this, and his best lead was the coffee shop. He’d have to start observing everyone else to see who had been watching him.

~~~

Iruka picked up his drink from the barista and sat down at his usual table. It was fortunately, or unfortunately, in the center of the cafe. So while it meant he had the best view of almost everyone, almost anyone could have been watching him. It wouldn’t help him narrow down his search for the author by seating choice.

He started looking for other clues. Sukea Chidori. That was the name printed on the cover of the book. The name sounded female, which fit Iruka’s expectation for a romance author, so that’s where he’d start. He took a mental note of all the women in the shop...

A college student, furiously working through her stack of textbooks. An older woman reading a book, maybe doing what he was, waiting for after school activities to finish. A gaggle of teen girls, each showing their phones to each other and gossiping about something. And last the barista, completely overwhelmed with the line of anxious customers wanting to get their order and leave.

Well, that didn’t help one bit. None of them seemed to fit the profile, not to mention they were all too engrossed in their own world to be noticing anything that was going on around them.

Maybe he’d just have to look at different days, who knows what kind of schedule the author kept. Iruka wasn’t about to change his routine because of a book, so he was sure to have plenty of time to keep looking for the author.

~~~

Days passed, and Iruka felt no closer to finding the mysterious author. He was getting more desperate by the day, but just couldn’t picture any of these women as the author. Even more evidence was that none of them were here day in and day out like he was. The rare few, like the college girl had a schedule, but they managed to be the few that he could rule out completely.

Frustrated with his thoughts Iruka pulled out the hair tie holding back his mess of hair. A habit of his, often fiddling with it when he got anxious.

“Hmmm,” Iruka stopped himself.

That was something he hadn’t thought about. Why did the author make his character female? Sure with his hair down he could look a little feminine, but it didn’t add up. Authors often put a bit of themselves in their protagonists, and if it was a female author then wouldn’t they be the leading woman, and leave Iruka to be the man?

No, he’d been thinking about this all wrong. The author was never female, they had to be male, and they must be something like the male lead.

Iruka whipped out the book from his bag and started reading through the sections with the love interest. Loner, always on his computer, light hair, lithe body…

There.

Iruka found his match in an instant once he was looking on the right path. He knew this guy… that was when he remembered. This guy was the man he’d tried to talk to after spilling his coffee. The exact moment that the whole book had been based around.

With an idea in mind, Iruka packed up all of his stuff, leaving out the book, and walked over to the guy.

He dropped the book down next to the guy’s computer with a thud, and sat down at the table without an invitation. The noise had called a little attention from the cafe’s patrons, but he was only focused on the author who was watching him with wide eyes.

“Mind if I get an autograph?” Iruka asked, wondering if the words sounded as menacingly sweet to the other man. He knew it was accusatory, but Iruka was certain he’d solved the mystery and was desperate to understand.

“Why would you want that?” the man asked trying to keep a fake calm that was, unfortunately for him, not very successful.

Iruka evaluated him. Silvery grey hair standing up in all directions, and ghostly grey eyes that pulled him in. His turtleneck was pulled up to cover his chin and his fingers worried the edges as if it was a bad habit like biting one’s fingernails. How he was able to wear such a thing when it was so hot outside was a completely separate question.

“You wrote this, didn’t you?” It was less of a question and more of a confirmation. The man froze in place, staring somewhere between his computer and the novel at its side.

“Why did you do this?” Iruka questioned, wanting his answers, but that man continued to stay silent. “Sukea?”

“Kakashi,” he finally spoke up.

“Huh?” Iruka started to question whether he’d gotten the wrong person.

“Sukea is a pen name. My name is Kakashi.”

“Ok, but why this?” Iruka pointed at the book.

“I…” Kakashi started to talk, but seemed to have trouble finishing what he wanted to say.

“Would it help if I said I won’t get upset?” Iruka offered, “I’m mostly interested in understanding why.”

Kakashi chuckled, a sound that made Iruka smile, “You are the most inspiration I’ve ever had to write.”

“Me?” Iruka felt his cheeks flush up.

“Yeah,” Kakashi’s voice soft with reverence. “I’ve started half a dozen stories and they all sit here unfinished, but the day you spilled that coffee, my fingers just started typing and didn’t stop until I wrote that whole story.”

It was Iruka’s turn to go silent.

“It was also my chance to change our first meeting,” Kakashi gave a tentative smile, he looked scared as if Iruka would run away if he said too much, “I was too nervous to say anything that first time, but in the book I could write it all.”

“This is what you wanted to say?” Iruka asked tapping on the book. He’d read the book a few times over by now, and that first meeting between Ruika and her love interest was a total meet cute. If it hadn’t been so real to Iruka, he would have swooned at the idea of meeting someone in such a way.

“Most of it,” Kakashi admitted.

“How about we start this all over?” Iruka offered hoping to turn this awkward meeting into something a little more novel worthy.

Kakashi nodded in agreement before fixing his turtleneck and lowering the top half of his computer to give Iruka his whole attention.

“Hi, my name’s Iruka. I think you’re a fantastic writer.” Iruka held out his hand for Kakashi to shake.

“Hi Iruka, I’m Kakashi. I think you’re cute, and I’d like to get you a drink.”

Iruka laughed, “Thank you, I’d like that.”

#My writing #kakairu #kakairu week 2019

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transboygenius · 6 years

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SE4SON: Chapter 1

Can...

Our story begins with Retroville's monarch of all things cool, Nick Dean, shutting himself in his bedroom, with the door locked. He sat at his desk, writing on a piece of paper with light hovering over. Every word he wrote down was in cursive. He was trying to complete a romantic letter to an unknown kid he wants to confess his true feelings for, but that kid should never know who their secret admirer is. That kid already has a partner of their own, or at least he thinks so. Not only has Nick disguised his handwriting for an identity seal, but also the note never included any pronouns or references to the writer's gender. Why go through all that trouble? Because, young reader, that kid he's writing to is a boy. Not a girl, a boy. A boy that left the young man's heart throbbing. The boy, probably straight, would freak out if Nick introduced himself as another boy in the letter. It's best if Nick didn't give the boy any hints of the writer being male, but he doesn't have to give any hints that he's female either.

This boy; He was short, arrogant, serious, nerdy, somewhat of a prick, he's the fault of all the calamity he saves us from, but Nick couldn't help but still adore him. Said boy has gotten on his nerves occasionally, but he always forgave him in the end. He can't stay mad at someone he's deeply fond with. He was talented, brave, and spirited, something that aroused Nick. While others find him annoying, Nick finds him cute. Of course, nobody should know that, so he plays along with the crowd. They wouldn't mind Nick being attracted to a nerd, but they would since this nerd is a boy like him. Nick would treat him like any other kid would, but inside, he apologizes afterwards. In all truth, he sympathized with the boy, but he's not allowed to be opened about it. Everything this boy did impressed him, as well as inspired him too. Luckily, nobody has ever caught Nick with any signs of him having a crush on said boy, because they are unaware of the young man's talent. He's a pretty good damn actor, one of the best you might say. He hasn't gotten all those main leads in school plays just by sitting around. However, what they don't know is that Nick also acts offstage, in real life. He's afraid people are not ready to know the real him, especially who he's in love with. Not even his own mom could see through his acting performances.

Boy and boy don't belong together, everyone says. They can be brothers, or friends, but not lovers. The same implies for girl and girl. In fairytales, the prince will only get a happy ending with a princess. In television and movies, two boys and two girls aren't allowed to show affection towards each other, so either will only end up with their intended opposite-gender love interest. Nick has seen it all, and it makes him sick to the core. These hetero romances in fiction are always so boring, forced, and unrealistic. Who falls in love in the middle of a battlefield? Why are love-hate (or abusive) relationships considered cute? That character could've had a much more healthier relationship with their same-sex bud. When queer characters are featured in media, which can only be aimed towards older audiences, they are portrayed as villains, then killed off in the end. And when not playing the villains' role, they are still killed off. All Nick asks for is positive representation of people like him, so he can actually love himself for once. Male and female romances are what people describe as "normal love." Meaning, you're only normal if you're heterosexual.

...anybody...

As for his feelings for said boy, he hasn't felt this way for another boy since preschool. During those early years, he had a crush on a boy, who loved to play dress-up and make macaroni art. Nick even drew a picture of them holding hands together. He didn't know anything about sexual orientation at that time, or what was considered right/wrong, he just believed in love. That afternoon, before Nick's mom came to pick him up, he walked up to that boy with a flower in hand. The boy freaked out and backed away in the corner, throwing building blocks towards him while saying Go away! Nick was just confused. Maybe he picked the wrong flower, he thought. When the children's parents finally arrived, the boy ran to his dad for comfort, and told him everything that happened today with a "scary boy."

This stirred up conflict between the boy's father, and his father, each one of them trying to put the blame on whose fault is it for Nick being into boys. When his emotional abusive father returned, he set Nick down on a chair, and yelled at him for two whole hours, cursing while hitting him with degrading words that stung his brain like needles. His father then showed him some old newspaper articles on the ugly truth, with graphic imagery, about how society treats minorities like him. He even threatened to boil him alive if he ever catches him being lovey-dovey to another boy again. Not really, but he knew how to scare his son straight. Daniel Dean didn't have any concern for Nick, he just didn't want to live under the same roof with a f*gget. After their man-to-man talk, Daniel restricted Nick of TV and his toys for two months. His mother was never angry, but she solely took his attraction in boys as a phase. He's currently 12 now, and he still hasn't grown out of this so-called phase.

Although Daniel walked out on his family a year later, part of him still remained with Nick. He's not here to hurt him, but that doesn't mean anyone else won't. He scared he might get shot in the head just for winking at a boy. Two male friends can't hug each other without being called sissies. If a boy takes interest in feminine things, such as glitter or Bonnie dolls, he is deemed a circus freak. No doubt, being openly gay in this society is dangerous. His kind is subjected to crude jokes and violence. Gay people are often visualized as explicit beings, and grown-ups fear children will start engaging into sexual activities if they're ever exposed to a same-sex pair kissing or holding hands. Most folks just find their way of love repulsive. Worse, Nick's a gay minor. Parents think they have the right to presume sexuality for their kids, looking upon homosexuality as for adults. He could grow up into a professional athlete, he could have muscles bigger than on any man alive, he could even take down a whole war by himself, but none of that will matter if he's gay. No amount of macho will save him from being dehumanized. Ever since he moved to first grade, he changed his image, took on a new personality, and lived as Retroville's new bad boy. He flirted with multiple girls, and kissed them on the cheeks. This was not who he really was, but people liked him that way. He has been living his entire life behind a mask. It can be tiresome pretending to be someone you're not, but it's what he does to protect his identity, even from who he loved. Nick Dean is the most popular kid in school, and if his true self ever came out, his social life would plummet.

As he reached fourth grade, he stopped all the kissing and flirting, for his own relief. Successfully convincing everybody he's straight, there's no need to try no more. However, he still lets his groupies get all over him. He doesn't have to persuade girls anymore, because now he can ignore them if he wants. Those poor empty headed broads; always fawning over him and trying to touch him. The other day, one of them stole his shorts from his gym bag. Sometimes, they will even fight each other for his love. Friendships were even ruined over sheer jealousy, just for talking to Nick. They'll take anything from the most gorgeous boy in town, whether he wears it or it came out of his mouth. While Nick respects them, and appreciates the fandom they built around him, he'd love them more if they all just leave him alone. He doesn't want any of those girls, nor do those girls have any chance of winning his heart. The only girl in his life is Betty, and she's his best friend.

...find me...

His eyes only set on one person, and that's the said boy. However, like the girls on him, Nick isn't likely to win the love of this boy, cuz he's probably straight. The boy used to hate girls, but it was only a phase most little boys go through: The cootie-phase. Nick never had a cootie phase, he had been gay all his life. This boy hit on multiple girls. Some were older than him. Said boy was head over heels for Betty Quinlan, tried to sweep this rodeo chick off her feet, and is possibly romantically involved with that Cindy Vortex. How? They hated each other. All the boys hate Cindy. Yet, Nick watched them as they slowly grow closer to each other. Things are changing, and so are they. The way those two suddenly turn nervous for one another, speak sweetly, and almost kiss. He once caught them playing footsie under the table, when he dropped to pick up his pencil. Their relationship is a hot and cold mess, yet they still don't part. One day, they're at one another's throats. The next, they're back to sweethearts. Day one, she strangles him to a near death, but then day two, they are going out to lunch hand in hand as if nothing happened.

The pairing was distastefully dysfunctioned, but why doesn't the boy see it? One thing for sure. Him and Cindy are both smart. Nick gets C's and B's. She always participated with him during missions. Nick's the one to only watch the events happen before him, maybe because said boy never asked him to tag along. The boy had more potential with Cindy than any other girl. She's always there for him, not Nick, despite her bratty and violent behavior. Nick does absolutely nothing about this, however. How could he even compete with that? Cindy used to be infatuated with Nick, but she was probably using him to make said boy jealous. Good thing Nick sought no interest in her. He hated seeing Cindy and the boy together. The way they hold hands and flirt twisted his stomach in knots. He could be a better lover to that boy than Cindy, and give him whatever he wants, but Nick knows he had no right to interfere.

This was the life of said boy, and he should do whatever makes him happy. Those two are together because they love each other. Nick's love is merely unrequited. What's the use of trying to win over a boy who doesn't love him back, especially if he's possibly straight? It's better if Nick just stayed out of the way, as usual. People think Nick is strong as he is, but they don't know he's mentally weak. Everyday, he's walking down that sidewalk, with an expression all relaxed and a sly grin upon his face. He may look like he's fine, and he's done a great job fooling the others too, but as he reaches home, he locks himself in his room, then lets out the tears he's been holding back. This boy is always on his mind, and Nick can't help but think about him, even while skateboarding through town. That could explain his numerous leg breaking accidents. If he truly loves this said boy, then he should respect who this boy really loves, even if it leaves him unhappy and lonely.

Every night, he puts all his energy into writing a full page letter, under an anonymous name. He wants that boy to know how much he means to him. He can't tell that boy up front and in person. If he is straight, then there's a good chance he might be homophobic, too. No way he could afford to live another preschool trauma. Just because they can't be together, doesn't mean Nick can't share how he feels. The boy can love whoever he wants, and whoever he chooses to be with is up to him, but Nick fears he will never get this angst off his chest unless this boy hears out his treasured secret. Every word is written by heart, and taken out of his head. Writing these letters always left his face glowing crimson red. His heart raced a beat. Cindy may have won the battle, but that boy deserves to know there is somebody else out there who loves him more than any other girl alive.

"Hi. We've interacted plenty of times before. Not sure if we're friends, and not sure if we're acquaintances either. You probably have no idea who's writing this. Well, it's best for the both of us. You may be unaware of this, but you don't know how loved you are. All those disasters that happen from your little cyber toys, I know they weren't your fault. From what I see, you were only trying to prove something. Hey, little man, it's okay. You still have a long way to go. Try being positive about yourself, because you being positive brings a smile on my face. You are creative, talented, and much more stronger than I am. Not physically strong, but strong in the real way. You make me proud. People say you are arrogant and show-offy, but that doesn't bother me. I've met guys far worse than that. I have been within those crowds of your peers, laughing at you, taunting you, but to be honest, I did that only as a cover up. Nobody would ever let me live it down if they knew how I really felt. I don't think they'd let me sympathize with you either. It can hurt me, just as it hurts you. These boundaries are the reason why we're separate.

Listen, and listen good: I love you. There, I said it. I really needed to say something. No human being has ever made me feel this way in a long time. To me, you are worth more than anything valuable in the world, and no way I'd sell you. You play a much important part in my life than you think. I see you already have a significant other of your own. Cindy is her name, isn't it? Look, it says so on fate that we were never meant to be. I'm clearly not worthy enough for you, since I've mostly been absent in your presence. You're allowed to be with anyone you wish, and I have no intention of convincing you out of it. I'm only writing this to you because I feel I won't get any satisfaction unless you hear me out. If you were my sweetheart, I'd give you anything you want, just to make you happy. I wouldn't lay a single finger on you without your consent first. If you're ever in need for comfort, or a shoulder to cry on, I'll be there when you need me. Want me to get lost forever? I can do that! Please, you don't have to consider my love. I hope you understand."

Nick looked down on the letter. He seems to put more effort into creativity than his actual schoolwork/homework. The letter isn't quite finished yet. All he needs to do now is seal it into an envelope, ask for a hall pass during class, and slip it into the boy's locker without getting caught. It's time to set the record straight. He loves that boy, and damn right, he's gonna tell him he loves him before Vortex does.

“GOD DAMMIT!”

Rage broke out for no reason. He took the letter and tore it to shreds. He never tears the envelope though, with said boy's name written on it. It happens every night after completing a note. Based on his opinion, none of them come out right the way he wants them to sound. He's been doing this for a year and two months already. He might as well give up. Laying his chin down on his desk, he picked up a small picture frame besides his lamp, looking eye to eye contact with it. It was a picture of the boy he loved. Why does he bother to continue looking at it when all it brings him is pain? He can't keep wasting his time and energy on a boy he knows he can never have. He can live with being gay. It's the perception of falling in love he never asked for.

...somebody to love!

#Jimmy Neutron #Boy Genius #Nick Dean #Cindy Vortex #Libby Folfax #Carl Wheezer #Sheen Estevez #romance #fanfic #Season 4 #Nickelodeon #TVverse #TVEE

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huckleberryheadache · 3 years

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I used to have a blog as a kid.

Not like tumblr blogging, I had a wordpress and avidly began posting to it in the late 2000's, early 2010's, writing what fit blog formats at the time and imitating my favorite blogs' writing styles as I developed my own. Eventually I started to add my own stories in addition to the posts about last week's field trip, how I felt about my parents divorcing, strange feelings over this and that. Personal posts, pointless posts, passionate posts.

Soon I started to post the more...romantic stories I'd written. The worst thing to happen in these fanfiction-styled writings of a 12 year old was the trope of only one bed. However, I didn't have sexual impulses, didn't understand sex as a concept, and the first time I'd try touching myself wouldn't be until after my eighteenth birthday. Sexual thoughts just weren't something that ever came with my first jaunt through puberty, and so when I began writing and posting romantic fiction it was with an honestly asexual approach. My own identity was unfolding, but with sexuality being taboo I was afraid to identify as anything but cishet. So I wrote what I longed for. Romance with clothes, nothing beyond a passionate few kisses. It may also be worth mentioning I had no sex ed in my education, and by the time I was 14 I still hadn't seen a penis outside of artwork or knew what the word orgasm meant. Actually, I thought the word orgasm was a curse word at first, but a terminally online teenager did eventually figure the whole sex thing out. One of the Green Brothers on YouTube taught me what sperm was, pop-up ads showed me what dicks looked like, and fanfiction taught me a million incredibly intimate, tender words to describe lovemaking.

I felt freedom and joy and burned with anticipation when a good idea had to stick around my mind until my fingers found the keyboard, rhythmically tapping experiences into existence. There was also the giddy anticipation of my mother's approval- she followed my blog and read every single post, commented, left thumbs-ups that became hearts as the platform aged. I was a child, I wanted to be a writer like my mom. I accompanied her to board meetings, conventions, special conferences she often spoke at as the president of the area's writers group. Published, looked up to, admired. My mother's approval was everything.

One day I wrote a short story I had become particularly fond of, yet for the first time found myself apprehensive to post. Nervous, bordering on scared. The characters I'd written about this time were both male, and a hug from behind is followed up by a passing tummy touch and barely wet kiss on the neck. Knowing gay characters were bad I omitted pronouns and used a masculine and androgynous name instead, so that I wouldn't get in trouble for writing about two boys kissing; something I'd started to get curious about, discovering for the first time I could feel attraction of the nature I'd been trying to write about. (Of course we now know this as foreshadowing my prolonged and delayed coming out.)

The thing is, a 10-14 year old kid who learns about sex exclusively through the lens of the internet and smut fanfiction, does not truly understand what sex is or what leads up to it. Let alone why anyone would want it in reality, as at the time I truly couldn't understand why other kids my age were sneaking out to go at it. Sure I was from the sticks, but why was that girl I knew pregnant at 15? In my mind, my upbringing, I felt only pity for the girl who didn't keep it, thinking she was going to die forever.

Back to the story. I post it, finally, and as anxious kids tend to do I found something to distract myself and promptly forgot all about the story I'd posted.

"We need to have a talk."

Those were the first words out of her mouth when I came out of my room that evening, unshowered and unslept, bright as ever and full of mischief as kids often are. The cold wrapped around my bones then, head dropping so that she knew I was submissive. You should always be submissive to mother, for your own good. Talking back to her makes it worse, even if you don't understand why, it just does. Defending yourself doesn't work. You're never right, even when it feels wrong. Your mother is always right. She knows what's best for you. Always. She birthed you. She knows you better than you know you.

"What about?"

"What you posted."

She proceeded to explain that what I'd written, a hug from behind, neck kiss, and belly touch before the characters said goodbye, was what led up to sex. And writing about these things was inherently wrong, and not only was I in trouble for writing what I did, I was also in trouble for being so clearly sexually starved and desperate for sexual attention online. By posting what I did, I was letting everyone know I was ready for cybersex at the very least.

"When you write characters like this," Mother slung both arms around herself, eyes growing at least thrice their original size. "Wrapped up, making out, inappropriate touching- it leads to sex! Don't you get it? Don't you understand? You just want sex. Everyone is going to see what you've posted online and they're going to hurt you. They're going to see a little girl writing about kissing and try to rape her."

These were not, could not, be her exact words in the exact order at the exact moments they were told. But they are her words, stretched over time, over lecture after lecture, all a bit the same and all just as shattering.

"But I didn't know. There wasn't going to be more, there never is, they just want to hug and hold hands and kiss sometimes-"

"You do know. You know exactly what you're doing. You always know what you're doing. You're sneaky. You lie. I don't trust you or believe you. Think about what you've done. You don't have to stop writing what you are if you don't want to, but you can't ever show it to anyone else. I hope you make the right choice."

I haven't had confidence in myself since I had memory. "But I gave you everything." You gave me nightmares and made me believe I was going to die forever because of a hug from behind, and you didn't even know they were gay. What would you have done to me then?

The only lasting memories I have with my mother as of this time of writing this post, are the ones I fight every day to recover from. Do you understand how traumatizing your parenting style was, mom? Did you think it would turn out well when you told your child you wouldn't ever trust them again unless they worked their ass off to gain your trust back? A child shouldn't have to feel responsible for the integrity of their relationship to their parent. A child should be able to trust their parent without fear, not because of it. I put blind trust in my mother until it almost killed me down the line, relying so heavily on her approval that I haven't had my own thoughts until about a year ago.

I was a sneaky kid. I'd sneak on the computer past bedtime, I'd play my DS under the sheets, sometimes I'd even sneak off the back porch and play in the woods by moonlight. I lied as a kid. About what I was doing online, mainly. I hid computer activity like a madman and it only made my life a very routine, tidy sort of hell.

Now I was past the interest of blogging (it should be noted that the aforementioned aftermath of the secret gay story is what put an end to my interest in blogging), and had become good at hiding my creations. Only I didn't write anymore, I lost the spark for it. Instead I played online games, posted to forums, and had a few art accounts across different sites. But I never again posted whatever I wanted because I wanted to, and never again did I feel excitement or pride when I did. Each submission came with the weight of knowing She could find it and I'd be dog water. Thank God I'd moved out by the time she discovered furry art had been buying the groceries the last two years.

But I digress. No explanation was ever given for why we had a bedtime and why we got in trouble when we stayed up past it, not until I was an adult and she decided to tell me why without prompt. Because our dad would get up at strange hours, and being an addict, mom didn't want us to get hurt. Unfortunately just because we had a bedtime didn't mean we didn't have traumatizing experiences after it. One night my dad sat in the middle of the floor holding my cat- a raggedy old persian who vomited exclusively on the rug -and explained to me why she was miserable and why we needed to get rid of her. I knew he was not dad in that moment, but I couldn't face him. I lay with my back to the room, pillows and plushies squished against my racing chest. No one was there to help, and the one that should've above all others was the one causing such pain. Not answering even once I pretended to sleep, still as death, until eventually my father sighed and put the cat down, hearing his footsteps before the door closed. A door I wasn't allowed to have a lock on. For my safety. Now, was it to protect me from being locked in a room with him? Or was it to prevent me from having true privacy?

When we moved away years later, after dad had died and religion wasn't jiving, my room became the renovated garage. But I didn't have a door for the three years I lived there, not even a curtain. I asked. Many times. Offered my own funds. Never did I try putting something up myself, for the fear that came with that suggestion gripped me so thoroughly I couldn't possibly do it without permission from Her. When she got a boyfriend he and all following significant others would always comment on my lack of a door, eagerly offer to install one to prove himself a capable man who cares about his girlfriend's kids, and miraculously never come through. Why? When mother wants something done it's done within three days of her wanting need. So why didn't I have a door for three years?

To remedy this I simply moved out. Now my door is mine, but she insisted on a spare key that I've never seen again, and have truly never felt at peace because I know she has a key to my house. She's moving away in two days. She's taking my brother with her. I hope I feel like my privacy is truly private then.

Sharing things is difficult. Being open is difficult. Privacy is all I've known, what I've fought for my whole life. Just a space to feel like myself, to feel unjudged, to create in peace. Perhaps having my confidence and self worth broken by the only adult in my life until I myself was almost an adult has had unfortunate outcomes for me in some areas. But on the bright side I really don't give a shit about what anyone thinks because nothing anyone says to me will ever be as heartbreaking as what She has said to me. I will make a small amendment however in stating that any person I've allowed into my heart automatically and quite instantaneously gains the ability to shatter it into a million tiny pieces because right now I'm still learning how to be human.

One of the greatest guilts I feel is over my secretive nature, one I developed especially to hide from my mother. It's still taking a long time to creep out of this web and I'm still too terrified to show it to anyone but myself and whatever strangers may coincidentally stumble over this tumblr blog post.

All I want is to be able to share every facet of myself with my partner, and while I'm making good progress, I can't help but feel frustration and disappointment when there are moments I hide.

#3am

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aggresivelyfriendly · 6 years

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~Meet Me In The Hallway~

Chapter 22-Turbulence

“Get up!” Michael kicked the end of my bed and the shake was enough to rouse me from my slumber. I’d stayed up late, hoping that Harry would call me. But, just like all the nights this week, my phone had not rang, and the lack of that sound was deafening. His texting had fallen away too; it had been several days since we had had any form of communication at all. His answers to my mundane questions, a line with a dead worm on the end for all their usefulness as bait, were one word often, and his most common sentiment was that he was tired, not that he missed me. When I first made it home, after my two day coma, he was full of rings and tings. My phone went off a lot I thought, so much that my mom actually seemed really irritated by its interruptions of family dinners. “You two have been running around the world for months, the least you could give me is a few meals with your cell phones safely away in your bloody rooms!” She’d griped as she loaded up my plate with grilled meat. I could tell she had went to trouble with this meal. The pineapple salsa she had on the side was my favorite. So I didn’t answer the phone. It pained me, but it was one of the few calls that I missed. Harry, I tried to understand, had to press the shady button more often. With the time zones and their scheduled I got it. Then the calls started to dwindle. And self doubt crept in. As time wore me out, I wasn’t sure if he was avoiding me, or just didn’t really want to talk to me. Over the weeks, my urge to press his contact name and hear his voice was overrun with anxiety. When I stopped calling, he did too. Or maybe I had done most of the calling and was just too excited and enamored to notice it. He did text me back, though I was sick to death of waiting until he could send me short responses. I was sick to death of waiting. I just, I missed him. And he didn’t seem to miss me.

I sat in my room with an empty journal on my lap the night before my rude awakening and just wondered if I had imagined his interest. He had all but said it. And he had shown me that he cared for me, wanted me, implied he loved me. A world away though all I could ask was why. He had the world, and its female population, with a hearty dose of the male too, at his feet. What would he want with one girl? What would he want with me? The seesaw we were on was as dizzying as the tilt a whirl, and I had promised myself that if I didn’t hear from him soon, I’d let it go. I’d let him go. I didn’t want to be a burden. I must be, if the weight of calling me was too heavy, how would all of the massive things that I dreamed about feel across his shoulders, no matter how broad. I wanted more than morning cuddles. I wanted more than him calling me baby. I wanted more than shared meals. I wanted the shared life he had mentioned. I wanted more. I wanted. But maybe he didn’t. In the moments where he had a willing girl, increasingly naked and eager in his bed, no wonder he had imagined his interest in me. Or worse feigned it. And he, a very red blooded male, who was very active I knew for a fact before I invaded his bed, of course availed himself of my offer. Though in the waning hours of the night, when the world and my thoughts were darkest I wished he had been a little more selfless and given a care before he took–before he took me. I felt like I’d been taken. Like he owned me, body and soul, and I had been a distraction at best. A warm body at worst. It was wretched. So, in the interest of self preservation and fear, I decided I’d make myself scarce. Stay away for this final little leg of Oceania, and resurrect all those plans I had for my life before I was monogrammed HS. I’d made a plan. I’d written it all down last night. Hair at the hotel, come home and sleep here when possible. Do not watch the concerts, avoid all mentions of Harry Styles. Make a female friend. Learn to date boys who didn’t set me and the world on fire. Actually find a boy to who wanted to date me, instead of have me secretly warm his bed. This list became very useful when I actually implemented it years later, though it went to waste upon its initial creation, because my brother had other ideas for my day and the Aus section of the tour. "Wake up Melly!” This time he was not having my grogginess as he yelled at me. “Jeezus!” I kicked at him as he started pulling the blankets off the bed. “What do you want, ass face?” “I want you to come with me! The boys asked for you and you have been even more of a hermit than usual, so you are going to come with me and act like a human and see people!” He widened his eyes at me. “Now, go shower, you look like shit!” “Stop trying to pull my blankets off! I’m naked under here!” I squealed when I threw myself over the blanket about to be coldly removed from my body. My bare ass on display was better than a full frontal shot I figured. And he was a irritation I wanted gone. Maybe I’d fall back to sleep. “Since when do you sleep naked, prude?” he questioned. Since Harry I thought. It simplified things in the mornings. And I loved those mornings in LA. I’d adopted the habit and learned to love the feeling of crisp sheets over my bare body. The few times a video chat had happened, my naked state had been expedient. Maybe I did it out of hope. I figured I was safe then as he’d stopped pulling my shelter away. But he ripped it off me this time. “I don’t care about your ass, I’ve seen it before, though it as a lot smaller then! You are coming with! If I have to drag you! So make yourself presentable.” Looking back maybe Michael wasn’t as clueless as Harry and I thought. He was dead set on me going with and it was Harry who had asked for me, I guess. I was so wrapped in my thoughts I had missed a few key facts in my stripping though. "Oi,” I called after him, “where are we going!” Making my way with a towel wrapped around me to the shower. Michael came out of nowhere then, and shoved me into the bathroom. “The 1D boys have made it! I want to see everybody, and they asked for you, lord knows why, so shower, stank!” “Don’t call me that!” I shouted. I’d hated that when I was little. He gave me such a complex about the way I smelled at one point that I developed a rash from too frequent bathing. I lingered so long over my ablutions trying to put off the inevitable and squelch my hope in the face of expected heartbreak, that Michael basically banged in the door until I came out and kept juggling my door knob until I got dressed. “Fuck off, I’m ready now, ass!” I seethed! I had no idea how I was going to handle being in a car with him for half hour at least. “Finally!” He about faced and expected me to trail after him. I did. “No idea why Harry asked for you! Unpleasant snatch!” “Language!”’ my mom said while Michael grabbed the keys to his brand new car. “Don’t talk to your sister like that. "Thank Mummy,” I played my baby sister role up while my brother apologized, to mum, not me, and we headed down the drive. The ride was not as bad as it could have been. My brother immediately put on a playlist and turned it up. So I was free to go over all of my mistakes with Harry and personal flaws in peace. I even nodded off once we got past the traffic and I was shaken awake, though this time more gently. Another beautiful hotel, made plain by comparison to so many others, greeted us. The lobby was expansive and I felt like we were in a convention center type place by the time we reached the damask wallpapered elevator. My feet were aching even in my trainers, but not as much as my belly. With each floor up, my heart sunk a little deeper. It was surely in the subterranean parking garage by the time we got off the elevator, to Niall riding a segue down the hallway with a beer in each hand. “Nialler!” Michael shouted and Niall stood straight up and hit a button with his elbow without spilling a drink. The momentary distraction from my downward spiral was welcome. I partook in the high fives he doled out at our awe. He’d handed us each a beer. I handed mine back. “Michael and Melly! I love that you all make me say mmmmm!! Come on,“ he lead us away, "everybody but Harry is in here,” he shoved open a door and music floated out. “Let me text him, he made a big stink about me letting him know when the big red dogs arrived!” He drunkenly laughed at his own joke and pulled the hair on Michael’s head I had dyed red recently. I loved how merry he was. It was hard to be angsty around Niall. I figured I’d have to bask in sunshine if Harry shut me in the dark. It might be the only way I was gonna survive this party, and apparently it was a party. There were drinks flowing and I made my way over to where Niall had plopped down and grabbed an acoustic guitar with yet another beer by his side. He hugged my head. A couple people had wandered over to say hello and I was chatting with Lottie about a new strobing technique she had learned when I felt him come in. All the hairs on my arms were stood up and I wasn’t sure if I was in the middle of a romance novel or horror film. I kept myself turned away, I wasn’t eager to find out what tropes I’d be party to. Would I my find myself watching the sunset from a balcony or have my heart ripped out? Would Harry be my romantic lead or my nightmare? When I heard his voice nearby me, saying Michael’s name, I couldn’t help but look up. He was locked in some bro hug type thing with my brother. But he was looking at me. He looked like shit. His eyes were red and bleary and his nose was swollen and his skin was pasty, patchy and pale. I’d never seen him look so unhealthy. “Harry!” I called before I got ahold of myself. Even if I was hurt by his casual disregard, I was so concerned about how miserable he looked I just couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice. No one seemed to notice my solicitude, save Niall who gave me a curious look. And Harry, whose face brightened and tried to smile before he grimaced and had a coughing fit. Once he was done hacking up a lung, he came over to me and I nearly tripped over my own feet to stand when he got close enough. I leaned forward immediately and his hand caught my shoulder before I could wrap my arms around him. My face must have fallen. “Don’t hug me, I’m poorly!” he cautioned. I threw that caution at the wind and wound my arms around his neck and buried my nose into his neck and sniffed until I could smell him under the Mentholatum and tea. “You let Michael hug you,” I chided into his neck. “I don’t care if Michael gets sick.” He clinched me a little tighter and whispered “missed you,” before pulling back mouthing ‘so much’ at me. My belly warmed, and I smiled big at him. He grinned back at me and I was willing to forgive his silence, so soon, forgive him even indifference if he stayed near me. Our staring contest was going a little long and I’m sure my eyes had stars in them. Harry seemed to catch himself, and he averted his gaze and sent a knee in Niall’s direction and they started to talk about plans. “You going to the beach?” Harry scraped out over the gravel in his throat while Niall pretended to be a Jedi for having blocked his knee. “Yeah, sounds like good craic and Ashton insists you can’t come to Australia and not do beach stuff. That true?” He directed at me and it took me a moment to realize he was addressing me. He was looking at me, but I was looking at Harry. “What?” I glanced at Niall. “I asked if you were coming to the beach with us?” That didn’t sound quite right, but I could see a knowledge around the edges of his smile that I didn’t like. Niall either suspected us or thought I, like so many others, had developed a bit of a crush on Mr. Styles. Which I guess had a grain of truth in it at least. But, even someone’s uninformed opinion qualifying our relationship in such a simplistic way was insulting to me. I didn’t have a crush and whatever it was that I had was requited. I thought. I hoped. “Um, no yeah?” I answered and the distraction in my voice was so obvious I might as well have been a small child licking an ice cream instead of listening to a calling parent. I shook myself slightly. “Yeah, I’m always up for the beach,” kind of a lie. “When are we going?” I looked at both of them. “Whenever this arseface gets better!” Niall mock punched Harry’s stomach. “You are the weakest wanker, been sick for at least a week and almost didn’t make the plane here.” “Heeeey!” Harry whined. “How sick are you?” I looked at his red rimmed eyes while he picked his chapped lower lip. “I’m better!” He protested and Niall coughed. “Yeah, in that you are upright, doc almost didn’t let him on the plane. Never seen you raise hell like that before Harry! Guess you really wanted to make it to Oz.” Niall looked at both of us and I wanted to be embarrassed, but I was so hopeful that I was why he wanted to make it on that plane and he was so sick he couldn’t get ahold of me, or didn’t want to worry me, or…. I needed to stop making excuses for him, but I just wanted to wrap him up in blankets and make him tea and toast. “I need another beer,” Niall got up and I noticed his glass was half full and quirked a brow, but Harry just smiled and shook his head before taking Niall’s spot, moving like a man of 80 not a boy not yet 20. “Ughhh,” he blew out and rested his head against the back of the couch. I raked my eyes over him, I’d missed looking at him, and I knew my gaze lingered entirely to long, someone would notice, but I wanted to drink him in from a fire hydrant, even when he looked like- “You look like shit!” I said and was surprised by the tinge of anger present in my voice. Good, I still had a backbone somewhere. He rolled his head my way, “Yeah, cheers, feel like it too.” He coughed suddenly. “What’s wrong with you?” I started to move my idle hands from my lap, but caught them and looked around the crowded hotel room. “You should be in bed.” “Have been, for days, I think I slept most of this week. Doctor said flu,” he looked at me regretfully and I wondered if words of apology would cross his downturned mouth too. “Go back to bed, Harry.” I decided to flex my vertebrae and went to stand, but he caught my hand, quickly, and I looked back at him. His mouth was pursed, lips thin and he looked peaky and pitiful, and my spine compressed. “Will you come with me? Meet me?” He inclined his head to the hallway. “Missed you, um, would really like a cuddle.” He forced a dimple and dissolved into another coughing fit. I sat back down and angled my body to hide the hands we still had joined. “Were you too sick to call me?” Slipped out weakly and I wanted to bite my tongue off and spit it out, traitorous slip. He nodded, “I have been, before that, we were just so crazy just, with the movie and like interviews—” “Too busy to even say hi?” I stared at our hands where he was rubbing my knuckles. “Please come back to our room,” my head jumped up, “and let me explain! I feel shit and just could, look,” he coughed again, “please, cuddle me.” God, I hated that I loved him right then. But, I nodded and raised my eyebrows. His lips quirked gratefully, maybe in triumph and I wanted to leave him alone in that hallway, but I knew I wouldn’t. “Five minutes?” I hated how little it took for me to give in, just the happy look on his poor little face turned me inside out. I was a jellyfish, no bones to speak of at all. I nodded and bit my lip and he got up, looking at me for a long moment before he left me alone on the couch, trusting that I would follow. The last time I had followed him out of a hotel room congregation had been with light feet and a hopeful heart. This time, I could feel a seed of resentment sprouting in my heart, but I went, because i was only aware the thing was beating when he helped me remember it was present in my chest. After some furtive glances and a surety that no one was watching, I made it to the door, and down the corridor, this one with more of the textured wall paper from the lobby. The walls were red and black and lush. As overwrought and baroque as my little feelings. Big feelings, really. All of my feeling surrounding Harry were huge-tidal, and weighty, apparently even my disappointment. This time, he wasn’t hiding out in a room to pull me into his arms and a celebratory kiss. Harry was waiting in the hallway, proverbial hat in his hands. He’d even clasped them together in front of him, like he was waiting for the rap of my ruler over his knuckles. If that had made me feel better, I might have done it, if it were on the table. He would have let me. I could tell he felt guilty just looking at his snotty face. But I didn’t want him hurting, which he clearly was with his sickness, and I had no desire to do the hurting. “Baby–” he started and I held up my hand. “Baby? Really?” I scoffed a little, some sass was left in me yet. He narrowed his eyes a moment, “I’m not allowed to call you baby when you are mad at me? I’m also not allowed to say your name I think, when I’ve hurt you, if I remember correctly. So what am I supposed to call you?” People in New Zealand could hear my eye roll. "don’t be petulant, Harry. Let’s go back to your room, unless you want to do this in the hallway?” “Do what? Are you breaking up with me?” He extended his hand and flashed them out, like magician showing he didn’t have a magical object. “Breaking up what? We aren’t together, even!” My voice went up an octave on that one. He drew his neck back and squinted at me, “We’re not? You sleep with boys you aren’t with, Mel?” Oh I was gonna kill him. “Not your business if I do.” His jaw expanded at that and he started walking and all the air went out of me faster than an unplugged bounce house. He caught my hand on his way and pulled me, quickly swiping his key across the sensor until it said go and he pushed in with me trailing behind him. He turned then, his face a little red, not from rough tissue. “We!” He motioned between us. “Are together, ok?” It was somewhere between a question and a command and my head spun like a top. “Huh?” I stared at him slack jawed. “Melody,” his voice softened considerably, but he still has a tinge of red in his voice. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, but like, I was overwhelmed, and tired, and then sick. I got on that plane, um, even though the doctor said my eardrum may burst, because I couldn’t go another day without seeing your face.”He cupped my jaw then and pressed his forehead to me. “We, baby,” he said in capitals letters, “are together. I only sleep with you and you only sleep with me! Ok?” He looked at me like he was convincing a jury against falsified evidence. “Ok, Melody can we be ok?” All the fight was going out of him. "Ok,” I agreed and he deflated against me. “But, H,” he sighed. “People who are together call

each other.”

“Ok, I’ll be better Melly, I’ll get better, ok?” he sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist so I was supporting more of his weight. “Can I please have my cuddles now?” He said against my lips but still not kissing me hello.

“No!” I shook my head, effectively rubbing our lips together. “No?” He pulled back to look at me. “Gotta pay the toll.” I tapped my lips. “Baby, I’m sick!” He half heartedly protested, pressing lips to mine and walking backwards to the bedroom. So was I, I thought, lovesick.

All The Love as always to my darling beta @nocontrolforlouis and to my readers and responders!!

Reblogs are love and spread the story, so if you like it, share it!

#harry styles #Harry Styles fanfiction #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles imagine #meet me in the hallway #mmith #chapter 22 #one direction #one direction fanfiction

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wazafam · 3 years

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The supernatural teen genre has been a favorite for movies and television since the late '90s and 2000s, and fans probably have Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twilight to thank for it. Like many movies and television specific to one genre, they tend to follow common tropes. Adhering to tropes is a given in these types of movies and TV shows, as they're highly liked by viewers and give fans everything they want to see happen.

RELATED: 10 Teen Drama Tropes That All Fans Know

These tropes can also be a guilty pleasure, can often be spotted a mile away, and sometimes even mean that viewers can guess the storyline or even the ending of the movie or episode before the halfway point. But it doesn't matter. It's all about the unlikely beautiful teen who gets tangled in the world of the supernatural, who falls in love and faces a deadly enemy seeking to destroy them.

10 The New Girl Or Boy

Movies and shows of the supernatural teen genre don't have much if there's no new character. Of course, there are always the main characters that have lived in the movie's set location for years. But the arrival of the new girl or guy sends everyone into a frenzy that jumpstarts the supernatural story.

Twilight is a prime example, as Forks was a mundane town where the Cullens lived in peace. But the arrival of Bella had everyone brainwashed and the Cullens are thrust into the drama. The same occurs in The Vampire Diaries with the arrival of Stefan and Damon.

9 The Naive & Quaint Town

Taking a look at the more famous movies and show in the game, they all have one thing in common. The towns in which the main characters reside have no idea about their involvement in the supernatural. It's an overused trope that's used to create an aura of mystery and secrecy.

It occurs in Teen Wolf, as the townspeople are unaware that they are inhabited by werewolves and a beacon for supernatural entities. The same can be said for The Vampire Diaries, as the residents of Mystic Falls somehow miss all the vampires, wolves, and weird things that are happening in their quaint town.

8 Characters With Hidden Supernatural Abilities

There wouldn't be much intrigue if the main characters' real nature was known by the general public. There would be no mystery or the riveting thrill of whether or not they'll be discovered. This trope is somewhat essential to the genre. Characters try to keep their abilities secret for the fear of humans hunting them or using them for ill purposes.

The Cullens travel from town to town as they restart high school to draw away suspicion that they don't age. Bella also has to relearn how to act human in front of Charlie. In Vampire Academy, the human world has no idea that there's a vampire world and a whole school dedicated to them.

7 Gorgeous Characters

Part of what makes supernatural shows and movies so popular with teens are the good looking male and female characters. These characters have fans daydreaming during fourth period and drawing hearts on their binders. Fans swoon over the muscles and bad boy charm of Jacob Black and the chiseled face of Edward Cullen.

RELATED: Twilight: The Male Characters Ranked By Their Romantic Partner Potential

Fans also can't forget the jaw-droppingly handsome male leads in The Covenant. The trope also applies to female characters, too, as Bella enchanted her peers with her looks and even more so as a vampire. A beautiful supernatural character adds to the other worldly fantasy element.

6 The Love Triangle

To be fair, the love triangle is a commonly used trope in many genres. But this type of romance in supernatural storylines is always intriguing and adds a different level of tantalizing drama to the overall story.

The Twilight love triangle is the most famous of the bunch, but fans also can't forget the one in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the tug of war battle as Buffy has to choose between Spike or Angel. Above all, there is Elena fighting her heart's desire to be with Damon while being in love with Stefan.

5 The Big World Ending Event Or Problem

A supernatural show or movie isn't able to enthrall fans if there isn't a threat to world safety or a potentially world-ending occurrence. The show or movie has to lead up to a riveting end, with fans hoping their characters make it out alive. Buffy literally has to stop the world from ending and Scott and his friends have to fight an Anuk-Ite in an all-out war.

In the movie adaption of the teen fantasy novel, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, Clary has to help the Shadowhunters find the mortal cup and stop her father from reigning terror. In The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Sabrina has to stop The Void from consuming the world.

4 The Villain Who Wants More Power

Villains in the genre also run into their own tropes that are used over and over. Villains follow the trope of them wanting extreme power and stopping at nothing to get it. This trope adds some needed tension to the storyline. In The Covenant, the main characters learn that Chase is a descendant of the Ipswitch families.

Chase kills a student as well as his adoptive and real family. He kills his father so that he can receive his father's powers on his 18th birthday and he seeks to kill Caleb or force his hand in order to transfer his powers to him. This trope is easily expected in the genre.

3 The Main Character With Unique Powers

In these types of movies, the main character has to be special in some way. In Twilight, Bella's blood is sickly sweet and entices every vampire. When she turns into a vampire herself, she has the unique ability to create force fields with her mind. There are even more examples, like Hope from Legacies being the only vampire, wolf, and witch hybrid to ever exist.

RELATED: Teen Wolf: The Main Characters, Ranked By Power

Some unique abilities are milder, like Scott from Teen Wolf being a natural-born Alpha. The same can be said for Sabrina Spellman from the Netflix series, who has immense magical powers due to being the daughter of Lucifer himself.

2 The Female Character That Needs Saving

One trope that is always seen is the female lead character always being the center of everyone's world and always needing saving. A perfect example is how many of the characters in TVD had to sacrifice something in order to keep Elena safe. The same occurs with Bella and the Cullens keeping her safe from James - much to Rosalie's disgruntlement.

In Vampire Academy, Rose is Lissa's guardian protector and focuses all her energy on keeping the future Queen safe. The trope even applies in The Covenant, where Caleb has to keep his new love interest out of harm's way.

1 Forbidden Love

A good supernatural show or movie can't be without forbidden love. It's a given trope that is highly loved by fans. Bella meets Edward and knows they can't really be together, as he's a vampire who is enticed by her human blood. In Fallen, Daniel actively rejects and stays away from Lucinda.

The reasoning for this is because they are a reincarnated love story, but every time they kiss, Lucinda dies. They have a forbidden love, as Daniel is a fallen angel and can't be in love with a human. A love story is always intriguing, but a supernatural one is always better.

NEXT: The Falcon And The Winter Soldier: 10 Played-Out Superhero Tropes, Ranked

10 Tropes Commonly Seen In Supernatural Teen Movies & TV Shows from https://ift.tt/3f2CfEe

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max-kan · 4 years

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Jingyi, also known as Maxwell, is the oldest child of Jason & Nari Kan. The little boy was adopted at the age of one and has no clue of what happened on his past. Becoming the heir of a great fortune and member of a wealthy family, Maxwell had everything a child could wish for - a big house with a backyard to play in the afternoon, lots of toys, a lovely babysitter and amazing grandparents.

Growing up as part of a wealthy family, with your parents holding high positions in their respective companies, means there isn't much time for affection. Time is money, that's something he learned during his life, but as a child, he could only wish his parents would be a bit more present. However, their abstence was suppresed by his lovingly grandparents. Max would spend most of his weekdays at the old couple house, alongside with his sister, Marianne.

Eventually, the lack of affection from his parents wasn't a burden anymore. Max learned how to deal with it - and, honestly, he didn't know how life could be any different. In his head, everyone had busy parents to deal with it and everything was fine.

His days have always been full of activities. In the morning, Maxwell and Marianne would go to school and spend most part of their day inside the classroom, both kids would give their best to make their parents proud. Max, mostly, had to be a role model for his sister - and pretty much would keep an eye on her, so she'd be safe from anyone who'd even try to annoy her.

Later in the afternoon, the little boy would spend the rest of the day with his grandparents. At a young age, Maxwell found a passion for flowers because of his grandmother. The lovely lady would always allow him to help in gardening and would tell him the meaning behind every little flower growing there; soon enough, he would be asking his mother to buy plants and flowers, so he could take care of it whenever he was at home as well.

His childhood wasn't traumatic, but he had to meet the high expectations of his parents - especially his father. As the oldest child, they had great plans for him. Other than that, the family was, somehow, part of the media - which means he had to learn how to hide feelings and put a mask in front of society. As a little kid, he never understood how this could affect his personality later on.

Years were passing by and there was an addition to the family. The birth of Harry & Jason Kan was all over the news and media vehicles - almost as if they were part of Royal Family.

From the very first moment Max fell in love with his brothers. The same could be said about his sister, as both would do everything to care and protect the little babies.

For media, they were a perfect family. But now, Max was aware of the lack of affection the little boys would get. His tiny heart was way too kind to let the babies go through the lack of love and care he and his sister went through. As a silent promise, he told himself he'd do whatever he can to protect his siblings - and that's why he joined taekwondo classes.

Maxwell became a fan of sports, especially martial arts. He wants to be able to protect the ones he loves and that was the fuel to keep on giving his best during classes. However, he never aimed to do it professionaly - it was pretty much for family protection. During that time, he became even more overprotective towards Marianne - maybe he did threat the boys who tried to hit on his sister, but it was a secret of his own.

The siblings were still visiting their grandparents house everyday. Maxwell, being the oldest, would help around as much as he can. The male would still help around in the garden, but now his grandmother needed help in the kitchen. Little did he know, he'd find one more passion right there.

As his grandparents were getting older, Max and Marianne would be doing more to help them. On a fortunate day, Maxwell found his grandmother's recipe's book and on an attempt, he learned that he had some talent in the kitchen.

Now, other than taekwondo, he knew what he would do for a living. Cooking became a passion and his grandparents and sister did encourage him. Somehow, Max found a way to express himself in the kitchen, trying new recipes every now and then. That's when he was the happiest.

Moving out was never part of his plans. He went to Australia because he had no choice - no matter how hard he tried to stay with his grandparents, the final choice didn't belong to him and he had to follow his family to Australia.

Now, Max was back to being a reserved person. As much as he was kind and polite towards other people - and could be pretty popular, too - he wouldn't reveal much about himself.

However, Max was getting attention because of his looks. Tall and handsome, people would look at him with their eyes shining bright. His mother, being part of entertainment industry, was quick to get Maxwell a few modeling gigs and it was a total success.

Because of his kind personality, Maxwell quickly became friends with most models and actors in the company. Said friends were the ones suggesting him to try acting at least once. At first, he was relluctant, but eventually, he accepted it and was part of three dramas - on smaller roles, of course. He never ainmed the spotlight anyway.

During the shootings, he met his ex-lover. She was a beautiful girl, who shared same interests and they quickly became good friends. Maxwell would find a way to spend time beside her almost everyday and soon enough, they took another step and broke out the news of a romance - which was expected.

When both were eighteen, his girlfriend broke out the news of her pregnancy. Instead of panicking, Max was extremelly happy to know he'd start a family of his own - deep inside, he was a hopeless romantic. All he wished for was to give love and affection to his child, as he never really had it.

But things aren't easy.

Maxwell's parents weren't exactly happy with the news, but they did support him and his girlfriend - even offered to pay for their marriage, as long as he agreed on starting college and getting a Business degree.

Either way, the same couldn't be said about his girlfriend's father. Maxwell was well liked by her family, but from the day they shared the news of the pregnancy, the male was pretty much kicked out of the family's house.

Keeping in touch with his girlfriend, he was heartbroken when he heard that her father in law wants his girlfriend to get rid of the baby. Wanting to change it and give a future to his soon-to-be family, Maxwell planned to run away with his girlfriend and protect her and the baby.

Once more, his plans were frustrated. As the day came, Maxwell felt his heart skipping a beat when his girlfriend calling him. Instead of great news, the female apologized and told she couldn't do it. Max rushed to her residence as fast as he could - but it was too late. As he arrived, he found out the family wasn't living there anymore.

After this episode, Max went through a very dark moment in life. The only light was his sister, who'd try to make him feel better everyday. Max did everything he could to find his lover, but she never came back. Until this day, he hopes to find her and his baby - whom he doesn't know if it's alive or not.

In the next year, he enrolled in university. As his parents wished, his choice was Business instead of Culinary Arts as his major. Maxwell knew it wasn't what his heart wants, but he also knew that his parents did a lot for him and that's one of the ways he could show his gratitude.

He was now a junior in university and even though he didn't like it in the first place, Maxwell was doing great - now, he was almost ready to be the Kan Heir, as his father would say every now and then.

Things seemed to get better when Marianne announced she'd be the one taking over his father's company and studying hard for it. Maxwell couldn't tell if she did it for the twins' sake, or if she was really into it, but he was grateful. For a while, the discussions about their future were gone.

A couple months later, Marianne came up with the idea of moving back to South Korea. At first, Maxwell wasn't very fond of the idea, changing could lead to bad things - his traumatic experience with his ex kept on haunting him. But then, during a conversation, Marianne told him she could only go back if Maxwell went together. Their bond was strong and they did what they could for each other, that's why Maxwell agreed.

However, things never happen in the way we expect it to be.

Marianne was the first to fly to South Korea, because their parents had some urgent matters to discuss with Maxwell. An arranged marriage - Maxwell thought these things were over in the last century, but he was wrong. According to his father, they had to find a way to keep the family name on top. That's why they took the liberty to find a perfect wife for the male.

Two weeks of intense arguments, but in the end, Maxwell agreed to it - once more, he did it to show his gratitute - which led to a discussion with his sister, but it didn't change their bond.

He took his flight to South Korea to unite with his sister once more - and this time, he doesn't know if he's excited for what's about to come.

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crimsonrevolt · 7 years

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Congratulations Anna you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Ophelia Pomfrey!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Anna, darling! You know how much we adore you, and Amos, and we absolutely adore Ophelia! We are so incredibly excited for her to once again grace the dash! We’ve definitely missed having her around. It’s always interesting to have a character that is more neutral in stance in the midst of people who are so polarized! The way that you balance her with kindness and seriousness really flushes her out as a balanced character. We’re also excited to see where the war will take her this time!

application beneath the cut; tw: mentions of death, blood (in para sample)

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Anna, 23, she/her, PST

ACTIVITY

Probably a 6/10, I’m currently job-searching but I’ll be on at least once a day to do something!

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US? Through the hp rp tag originally, I think, but I’m already in this roleplay as Amos and as an admin.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I honestly don’t know. Maybe Neville or Luna? I took a lot of things from different characters and it sort of became a hodgepodge mix for me when it came when identifying with someone. Although… maybe Remus, actually? Especially when he was first introduced. He was calm and quiet and empathetic, and although he was a mentor to Harry, he was obviously struggling with his own issues and I identified with that a lot. Odd, I know.

ANYTHING ELSE? Just that I adore this rp so much (as you all probably know) and that I hope you all like Ophelia!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Ophelia: Derived from Greek οφελος (ophelos) meaning “help”.

Pomfrey: Welsh surname of French medieval origins. Derived from male personal name Humfrey (meaning peaceful warrior)

I honestly didn’t know that her last name meant that and now that I think about it, it’s kinda perfect. Obviously JK Rowling knew what she was doing.

FACE CLAIM

Deborah Ann Woll.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER *The following is from my original app – but basically, I missed playing her and thought that she had an interesting backstory and personality that could bring a lot to the rp!

There’s so many amazing female characters in this roleplay already, that I truly wanted to make one who stood out and would add something new to the mix we have. Poppy Pomfrey was always a fascinating character to me, especially for the crucial role she plays in the books – someone who is in charge of keeping the students of Hogwarts safe even when the school is attacked by Dementors, Voldemort, a Basilisk, etc. and I thought about how that would transfer to our roleplay. There’s so many fighters here already, that I thought it’d be interesting to have someone who’s a healer – someone in charge of making sure people stay safe and recover from whatever wounds they have, be it external or internal, and that’s how Ophelia started to form in my mind.

It was never mentioned in the series if Poppy Pomfrey had any family, but I imagine she probably did, and so I created Ophelia, who’d be her niece. She takes after her aunt more than her own parents though, spending time with her in the Hospital Wing even during her Hogwarts years and continuing her medical training after that. I believe she sees her aunt as an inspiration. Someone she wants to exemplify, particularly now when so many people are either suffering from the trauma of war, or actual physical ailments. Her parents however hold pureblood beliefs, despite their blood status – and strive to realign themselves with Lord Voldemort. Ophelia was expected to follow in their footsteps, but no matter how dearly she loves her parents, she has always been unable to do so.

She’s a healer – she’s not in this war to fight or to prove her worth, she just wants to prevent more harm from coming to anyone. She joined the Order for the sake of gaining more intel than she’d previously had about the war and how it’s progressing, along with more access to people who’d been wounded, but she doesn’t stand beside them in battle, rather on the sidelines waiting to see who’s been harmed in order to treat them. Ophelia abhors violence of any kind, and although she knows that this isn’t a battle they can win without some kind of fight, she still finds it difficult to involve herself as completely as others. As a healer, she implicitly wants to help everyone, regardless of which side they’re on. As a member of the Order, she finds it difficult to balance the differences of opinion and the guilt that comes with betraying what her parents expect from her, but she sticks around because she knows that this is the right side to fight on.

This neutral quality is something that I really want to explore. I believe she takes her job very seriously, and as such she won’t distinguish between friend or foe, something that’ll inevitably lead to her getting into more trouble than she’d planned for, or maybe will lead to her gaining the trust of people who might otherwise never reveal something to the Order. I think she can see where people are coming from more easily too, she understands the fear that drives the Death Eaters and Aversio (or that’s how she prefers to explain their actions) and Ophelia wants to give people hope, and along with that maybe find a way for peace in amongst all the violence that has transpired already. There’s a certain naiveté about that, which she’s well aware of. But going against the idea means going against some of her core principles, and so she keeps the mindset.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Pansexual, I don’t think she’s explored it much though, maybe some experimental kisses with girls every now and then and a boyfriend that lasted no more than month. Romances and sex haven’t been things that she invested herself to. While in school she strove to be on top of her coursework so that she could become just as proficient a healer as her aunt, and after graduation she slowly worked herself up from a mere intern at St. Mungos to assisting the head of the Potion & Plant Poisoning Department. All of that’s left her with very little time to devote to relationships, and although she’s a romantic at heart, she doesn’t see that as a priority.

Any ship will be remarkably slow burn, although I’d love to explore the vulnerability that comes with that and the ways she adjusts to having an emotional connection with someone.

She is a cis-female, and prefers she/her pronouns.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Old Blog: http://opheliapomfrey.tumblr.com/

Wand: Willow with Unicorn Hair Core

Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and their ideal owner is often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. They have handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) the willow wands there have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn.

Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard. Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may ‘die’ and need replacing.

Boggart: Disappointment: more specifically, letting people down due to her own personal failures. Not being fully prepared to deal with a situation that she should be able to handle and losing the people she tries so hard to save.

Patronus: Those with the elephant patronus can be shy people, thinking everything through before acting. To some they may come off as worriers, but to them this is just how they function, they hesitate in all of their choices, but in the end they are comfortable with what they choose. They are affectionate, welcoming and warm to an almost maternal sense once they allow someone into their life. This is the hardest decision for these people to make, as they wish for peace throughout their entire life, and when they are hurt the emotional blow is severe. (x)

Personality Type: ISFJ - “The Defender” (x)

Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Playlist:

Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon & Garfunkel I’ll take your part / When darkness comes / And pain is all around

Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars Just close your eyes / You’ll be alright / Come morning light / You and I’ll be safe and sound

All That I Am - Parachute And the light hits those eyes / As she’s dying to say / Just take me away from all that I am

From Eden - Hozier Babe, there’s something tragic about you / Something so magic about you

Silhouette - Owl City The mountain of things I still regret / Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget

Piledriver Waltz - Arctic Monkeys I etched a face of a stopwatch / On the back of a raindrop / And did a swap for the sand in an hourglass

✓ Dependable

Out of her group of friends, she’s known for being the “mom” someone who assumes responsibility for everyone and who’ll be there no matter what else happens. It was a role she took on without thought, not minding the fact that she missed out on parties and having fun. She likes having people know they can rely on her, thinking that if they don’t have that knowledge it’ll be hard for her to treat them should they get hurt.

✓ Honest

She hates sugar-coating over the truth. Not seeing it as a kindness but as delaying the inevitable moment someone finds it out and is even more hurt because of it. Being lied to is a pet-peeve of hers, and she expects people to treat her with the same respect that she doles out to others. Being honest is a way of showing someone trust, even when there’s no reason for it, and it’s a very personal thing for her.

✓ Encouraging

The best way to heal people is to add a dash of kindness to whatever treatment you’ve already prescribed, or at least that’s Ophelia’s motto. She might be strict when it comes to making people rest and get the help they need, but when it comes to the people under her care, along with anyone else she meets, she’s nothing but patient and encouraging, wanting to put them at ease rather than set them further off-balance.

✓ Altruistic

Although she loves her job for the knowledge she’s been able to gain, the main reason she became a healer was so that she could do exactly what the title suggests. She gives a lot to people, without ever thinking about what they might give to her in return, and she holds the firm belief that spreading kindness is the only way you can truly eradicate evil.

✗ Reserved

Although honest, she’s not willing to just word-dump on anyone. She’d rather let other people do the talking in conversations. It comes from years of sticking to the library and her studies more than on actual human interactions, and she has difficulty with conversations that aren’t about a patient or some new medical discovery. Sometimes Ophelia wonders if she’s too intent on her work, but she pushes that thought away with the knowledge that at least she’s not wasting time with meaningless conversations.

✗ Anxious

This is not a trait she’s proud of, and one she’s been trying to suppress all her life. But the fact of the matter is that she’s always been fretful, a little too intent on everything that can go wrong than being able to focus on the things that work. She blames it on the fact that as a healer she’s constantly on the lookout for things to fix and because there’s so many things wrong with the world, she has difficulty balancing it all.

✗ Methodical

Even before she started to gain an interest in healing, Ophelia always liked to feelstructured. It’s a slightly OCD tendency, and she tries to keep it from preventing her stress, particularly with how she can’t keep everything orderly and clean while in the midst of battle, but she likes to be precise. Scared that even the slightest slip up will cause the death of some other person to rest on her hands. Leaving something to chance is something she never does, and while some might call it obsessive, she prefers to think of it as merely planning ahead and being aware of all possible outcomes. She doesn’t know how to be anything else, especially now that she’s got her medical training behind her.

✗ Melancholic

It’s hard for her not to bear the burden of the deaths she’s seen. And as much as Ophelia tries to close herself off to the emotions that come with it, she never succeeds in doing so completely. It’s caused everyday moments to always be tinged with a sadness, just waiting for the next thing to go wrong, and no matter how often she attempts to remind herself to just live and not worry as much as she does, it’s something she struggles with.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“I’ve already started trying to invent some potions – simple healing concoctions that address some of the illnesses not already treated. But I suppose a cure for lycanthropy – it’s gone unexplored for so long and it’s terrible that someone has to live with that stigma. I’d most likely ask someone else to name it – because I’m not sure I could do that justice.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“I wouldn’t want to take anyone with me – it’s Forbidden for a reason and I’d feel like I was putting them into unnecessary danger. And I’d… take a healing salve with me… or perhaps a basket to carry any useful plants for potions.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Ones that are unrelated to work and don’t involve logic. The ones where you can’t get advice from books or anything rational and have to rely on gut instinct alone.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“That I made a decision without thinking about it – or that I did something to purposefully hurt someone.”

WRITING SAMPLE

Battle was messy – blood and spells and bodies intermingling until Ophelia wanted to scream, her heart unable to bear the weight of all the hurt that others were causing. It was nothing like being in the Healing Ward of St. Mungos, no matter how much she’d tried to convince herself of it. But here she could see the origin of the screams of pain that seemed to multiply as the battle went on, could taste the hatred of everyone around her on the tip of her tongue, not just on the Death Eater’s side, but from the Order as well. It all made her want to recoil, curl up in a ball and wait for the monstrosities to be over. But although she knew from that very first mission that it’d be her last, sure that the violence that came with war wasn’t something that she could willingly take part in, she wouldn’t simply give up either. A healers hands weren’t meant to dole out harm, they were meant to help, and she was still certain of the fact that being in the Order was the best way she could ensure other’s safety.

After all, there was destruction in the aftermath; helpless souls calling out for aid in amongst the wreckage, and it was there that she found her peace. Stepping over the lifeless bodies in search for a life she could save, a hope she could grasp onto when the entire world seemed to be crumbling in upon itself. It wasn’t much, but she was certain that every life she’d be able to save was worth something, maybe not to her or anyone else in the field, but for someone else, that person could mean the entire world.

And yet, it pained her to watch others fall apart in front of her. The results of violence so evident that she couldn’t begin to shake it. And for someone who’d once been filled with the hope that she’d be able to make a difference in the world, Ophelia was starting to crumble, her smile wavering on the edges until she wondered how long she could keep it up. How long it would take for someone to notice.

But for now, she held her head up high. Intent on being strong because so many others relied on her being so. Her features drawn tight as she made her way through the makeshift tent she’d set up. The bodies she’d levitated onto little cots belonging to Order members, muggles, and Death Eaters alike, no matter the fuss the Aurors had raised at first. Underneath it all, they were still all skin and bones with hearts pumping blood and every one of them deserved the chance to live. Even if she’d had to bargain with the Order over the fact that they’d be able to question the Death Eaters once they recovered for them to allow her to treat them.

The noise of someone entering the tent distracted her from her patient, her eyes narrowing as the elderly figure of Dumbledore came into view. His expression was grave, distant, and Ophelia instinctively stepped in front of the girl she was treating, young – probably still attending Hogwarts, identified as belonging to one of the more prominent pureblood families.

If Dumbledore was here, it meant only trouble. She was well aware of that by now, and with the way the tides of war were shifting, news was never something good. Hushed words followed his approach, her features creasing as his intentions became clear. They needed to question the girl. Sure that her connections could offer them some kind of lead as to how to progress, but although Ophelia understood the rush to get information, she wouldn’t willingly give up the oath she’d taken upon first becoming a Healer.

“No,” Her voice was firm, and Ophelia was slightly surprised at the fact that it didn’t shake at all. She’d watched her aunt stand up to the man many times while she’d still been attending Hogwarts, but she’d never thought she’d be able to do so on her own. But this was her job, and she’d be damned if she let someone take away the responsibility that came with being a Healer. Even in times like these. “This is my ward and she’s my patient, and I don’t care if she’s got information for you – you’re not going near her until she’s been healed.”

#accepted app

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risprinabeachw-blog · 5 years

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Online dating 50 blog

3 Online Dating Mistakes Women Make After 50 Spend time with your family, your friends, or volunteer in a soup kitchen. You won the 2nd online dating coaching package. Next I tried a site where they do pre-screening — PerfectMatch. Hmmm… A Marine is the modern day Knight, so what better name than MikeInShiningArmor? Fraudsters sometimes take advantage of dating sites and apps to scam hopeful singles out of their money. It was not to be in their younger days, but they have blasted aside all logistical complications and emotional fears in their late 40s. Having said that, there's good reason for their lackadaisical publishing schedule: no only does OkCupid crunch the data from their members and analyze it intricately and usefully, they also create fun and oftentimes eye-opening graphs giving their readers a better idea as to what they're trying to get across. Create a relationship gradually and let love blossom gradually.

50 Dating Username Examples & My [Before/After] Profile Results Something I see all the time is guys adding a bunch of numbers after their name. Again I created my profile, put up a decent photo and filled out the personality assessment. Read her advice below to find out what you can do to successfully find a great guy online. What are the first unsuspecting things women notice about men? Just by making those few adjustments you get —ImYourDreamGuy— which looks and sounds much better than whoever he was gonna murder —Imurdreamguy— This name still comes off a bit pompous but you see how properly using capitalization and spelling can make a name clear. I am glad I found your site and looking forward to a good future. Thank you for the info and the efforts, they are greatly appreciated.

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SitAlong Health Background Checks: If a relationship leads to sexual contact, you potentially are at risk for a variety of health hazards. He began getting great results. These sites or portals help you connect with like minded people. Most of us love spending Thanksgiving in the company of family and loved ones, enjoying a beautiful meal. Thanks again, and I wish you nothing less than success! I have to admit that when I read her article I was amazed that only 3 people had commented — and one was a man! The best thing you can do is dress somewhere in between adventure and romance. How do we meet your future mate in present day hectic society? Katz avoids the mainstream dating press releases, instead focusing on providing advice to his readers on a myriad of dating and relationship topics. So, think carefully about your clothes.

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#Over #50 #Online #Dating

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crimsonrevolt · 7 years

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Congratulations Rado you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Remus Lupin!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

It was so difficult to choose between our two applications for Remus, given that they were both so well-written and fleshed out. However, what struck us was how much thought you gave Remus, how much you’d analyzed his character and how he might have reacted to things and all his various nuances. Fleshing out his childhood, his youth, his time at Hogwarts, and diving past that into him now. It was fascinating to read your perspective on a character so loved, and we’re sure you’ll do an amazing job bringing him to life for us here! (And we’re really excited to see you on the dash again!) *your faceclaim change has been accepted

application beneath the cut

OOC INFORMATION

INTRODUCTION

Ro/Rado, 18, he/him, GMT +3. I’m your resident potato lover and character hoarder.

ACTIVITY

5-10! Activity really depends on my school things and life overall but I should be around on a daily basis.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I was here for like six months so I GUESS THERE’S THAT LOL. I love you all.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Ron Weasley. Please, do not get me started on why I relate to Ron so much, he is an actual cinnamon who I fell in love with as soon as he were introduced in the first book. I identify with the way he behaves, the way he speaks and the things he experiences, EVERYTHING and I want to wrap him in blankets and love him eternally, yes pls.

ANYTHING ELSE?

I LOVE YOU, ALRIGHT, BYE. Enjoy reading!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Remus John Lupin

Remus, originating from Latin, means Unknown. People always questioned that meaning, should it occur to them, because how could a boy like Remus be so unknown – what was unknown about him? Each and every student in Hogwarts used to know him the way he was, he wasn’t foreign – the smart Gryffindor Prefect, the boy with the book stuck in his nose and a patient temper which didn’t really peak to aggression often. He was considered predictable, a charted territory. But was he really? So many people claimed how much they knew Remus John Lupin when in reality they didn’t. Hell, even he himself didn’t know himself fully. It wasn’t only because of his lycanthropy, though that was a big part of it – how could one know himself when there was a second creature living in him, uncontrollable and separate from his true self? Perhaps if Remus remained unknown it would be safer for everyone.

FACE CLAIM

Seo Kang Joon ! Alt FCs: Nico Tortorella, Matt Hitt, Rami Malek

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Oh my GOD, where do I start? Alright, I chose Remus Lupin because of the many nuances there are to him. I guess that is the main reason for which I’m fascinated by him because with his lycanthropy condition, his character traits become very much balanced when it comes to flaws and virtues and I think that this is super interesting! Remus Lupin is my definition of a person who has been through TOO much shit from start to end and still remained good, righteous, level-headed. His childhood lasted for about four years before he was slapped to the face with an unbearable curse and for someone to live such a long life only to lose it just at the door of happiness and in a cause so selfless fascinates me to no end.

One of the main reasons I chose Remus for was because of the Marauders. I have always believed that if it weren’t for them, he would not be the same Remus that we see in canon or in my interpretation. As a small child, Remus was very cheerful and very much open to the world around him. His parents gave him enough love and support even if he couldn’t even realize what the world truly was like. In my opinion, Remus was a child who grew so much faster and so much harder than the rest of the children, not only because of the bite, but also because of the psychological trauma settled in his brain if not for eternity. All the monthly pain, torture, depression, weakness; the constant migrations from town to town because it was too hard to keep up with rumors in his native town; all the fear that had settled in his mind, that nobody loved him – it took a toll. So, from this happy child he became a closed person who feared life instead of enjoying it.

Many people helped him – his family, healers, wizards and witches who were willing to help free of cost, alas nothing could ease the pain settled in his heart. When he went to Hogwarts, he believed that despite Dumbeldore’s help he would never be able to have a life. Remus saw the laughing in the common room; the chatter and the happy dancing in the Great Hall; the normal lives everyone led – yet he was a monster stuck in a human body ready to burst out. So, when James, Sirius and later, Peter came around he started forgetting about the entire infection step by step. It took the boy years to overcome this fear of life and in my mind, the Marauders helped him enjoy life rather than fight against it. From the fact that they were so supportive that they became animagi to the incredible plans of keeping his secret a secret – Remus opened his shell and through the course of his Hogwarts experience was able to make the Marauders and his own skills define who he was, not his condition.

I think that with Remus, there is an incredibly complicated arch that we can see in terms of development – he began as a normal half-blood who then got crushed underneath the fists of a predator. Then he continued going down, down, and down, struggling to breathe under all of his childish yet adult emotions and pain until he saw the light in the tunnel and he was able to reach that light and grasp for dear life. In canon, we see that the future takes that light away and smashes it again with ups and downs that lead to his demise. In no way do I think that his life arch is happy; but I do think that it would’ve been worse if it weren’t for the Marauders.

I believe that Remus also has a specific arch when it comes to his development as a person when it comes to my interpretation – he starts off as a happy baby, then progresses downwards to somewhat of an intense depression, and up until the first wizarding war we can see his character opening and becoming more outwards instead of inwards ( maybe not too much, but it still is something ). He started to socialize, he started to see the world not as something he had to protect himself from but something he should celebrate. Then gradually, he loses his friends and he becomes more mature with victims of the war and the atrocities he had to witness – thus leading us to canon Remus who is one of my most favorite figures in the HP verse not because of his despair but because of his painful maturity, one that came with so much losses.

My interpretation of the eighteen years old Remus shows us the character in a light that I think the fandom neglects and overlooks. My Remus is a young adult who believes in the light at the end of the tunnel – because he had grasped it once and he can do it again. The war is cruel and there are victims and he hates it but he is also very active in the movement of the Order of the Phoenix. He is reasonable, levelheaded and not as impulsive as Sirius or James but definitely not reserved, shy and awkward. My Lupin likes to have fun and tries not to make his lycanthropy define him. Despite that, when frustrated he is also aggressive, a trait which I believe comes from the werewolf curse running in his veins but that’s something very rare for him to show. It usually comes in waves of frustration or sadness and an extremely low amount of people are truly able to help him through it. Regardless, he is kind and selfless, an epitome of what a good person should be in such trying times..

That’s why I chose Remus – I want to peak in all these nuances and reasons of why he is who he is.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Remus identifies as a bisexual and uses he/him pronouns. He lost his virginity in the late years of his stay at Hogwarts. Lupin is a hopeless romantic and very much believes in the one true love, if not too much. He doesn’t really do flings and has not ( yet ) experimented with the same gender but knows for a fact he’s attracted to females and males. When it comes to romance he usually takes an initiative after he knows the person well enough and is sure that something might spark from it, going into it with one in mind. Chemistry works for him and anyone who wants a serious relationship with him!

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

- AESTHETIC - ( x )

- MOCKBLOG - ( x )

- PINTEREST BOARD - ( x )

- EXPAND ON THE TRAITS

+ Reasonable – based on or using good judgment and therefore fair and practical; Remus has always been the conscience of the Marauders. Usually tackling on the plans and participating in the pranks which didn’t had the potential to kill him, or worse, face him with McGonagall, Lupin always tried to find the reason behind everything and made his decisions based on his good judgement. Unlike the impulsive pranksters among his friends, he often thought for more than just the impact of his actions; he also considered the repercussions. + Strong – Remus was strong, not only physically but also mentally. For fourteen years he has been enduring the transformation from a human to a wolf and those primal instincts kept him fit and in shape. Mentally, Lupin has always shown calmness in frightening or stressful situations, thus showing a certain amount of levelheadedness and calmness. - Aggressive – When confused to no end or extremely sad, Remus tends to outburst. He blames the wolf inside him for that but he would never know if it was going to be the same if it weren’t for the beast. Very few people are able to get him out of his temporary rage, the Marauders being just a few to name, but during these outbursts he didn’t lose his mind entirely. It’s just how his body deals with these particular kinds of emotions – it prefers to scream them out loud instead of keeping them in.

-A FEW HEADCANONS

1. Remus has a small library of leather-bound books in the flat where he lives. The space is small thus only his favorite books stay on the shelves of the wooden holder. Some of his favorite reads are muggle fairy tales and children’s stories. Sometimes, he reads those before going to bed with the intention of perhaps dreaming about them and forgetting about his inner demons.

2. Lupin has a shelf filled with polaroid pictures of him and the Marauders. Some of them feature some of their other friends too but all kinds of adventures were captured on the tiny pieces of photographic material. From their cliff climbs to their campfires and road trips; from his twelfth birthday to his eighteenth; from this one time when they tried to feed Severus Snape a hair loss potion to the time when they popped the loudest fireworks around the castle at two in the morning right before the exam day in fifth grade. His big journal from Hogwarts is also sitting there but hidden behind the rest of the books.

3. When Remus was younger and still in Hogwarts, his boggart was the full moon. When he had faced one in his third year, the creature transformed into a still puddle of water that contained the reflection of the celestial body, his eyes instantly hurting from its sight by instinct. If Lupin was to encounter the creature now, however, he would see the Marauders being taken away from him by different means – perhaps it would be Sirius going back to his family and being turned to one of the Pureblooded supremasist or James being killed or Peter resenting him for who he was – a monster. Ironically, after the First War ends his Boggart becomes true in one way or another. Either way, the Marauders are broken apart and only left a memory, so his biggest fear becomes the puddle of still water containing the reflection of the siren moon.

4. Remus’ favorites include Pixie Puffs cereal, chocolate, peach juice, history books, the colors brown and dark red, Lupinus flowers ( ironically ). His best classes were Transfiguration and Charms while Potions were his worst nightmare.

5. Remus’ relationship with the Marauders is the one thing he is most afraid of losing. With each and every one of them he holds a special connection, as a group and as different individuals. James always brightens his day with warmhearted jokes and firey heart, Sirius always motivates him to be who he is despite his lycanthropy. However, Peter Pettigrew was the Marauder Remus felt the closest to. Silent and a bit aloof, Wormtail has always been the quiet listener who would listen to his confused mind and offer back advice. As a whole, the Marauders are so much more than just an ordinary group of friends. They are what keeps him sane ever since their first days together until now – through the pranks, the experiences and their relentless bravery of helping a monster out and fleshing into a human worth living.

6. When his father had taken him to the pets shop at Diagon Alley, Remus really wanted a cat. He had always wanted a ginger one that he could love and take care for. Upon entering the little wooden shop, however, all the cats and kittens started hissing at him in fear or aggression so Remus ended up with a Tawny Owl instead.

7. When Remus was packing for his first year at Hogwarts he tried to keep most of the items reminding him of his old life – one filled with pain, nightmares of wolves and Fenrir Greyback and insomnia – behind. He only kept a leather bracelet which still stands on his right hand gifted to him by his father.

-A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

1. I would love to explore the relationship between the Marauders in the heated moments of the boiling war. I think in such trying times people let out their true nature out more often than not and with Remus, who has his instincts peaking during stress, it’d be fun to see how the Marauders help him when he’s confused, sad, troubled or anything in between. I’ve always loved the bond between the four boys and their chemistry is definitely something worth exploring.

2. I want to have Remus open up when it comes to his romantic side. He is not exactly reserved when it comes to that but he doesn’t open up as easily. Even if the Marauders make him feel a little bit less self-conscious because of his lycanthropy, he still is a hopeless romantic who limits himself because he doesn’t want to be disappointed. Very few are the constants in his life and he doesn’t want to hurt others just because of the monster residing in him and the things that come with it.

3. We know that in canon, Remus’ life is quite unfortunate after the First Wizarding War. Two of his best friends are dead ( or so he believes ) and the other has suspicions and bears hatred against him. He is left with no one, including his father who he chooses not to bother with his gloomy attitude. I want to discover and perhaps weave on my own the reasons and the build ups that lead to this future life. I know that this RP is semi-AU but I am still eager to explore these little details and chain reactions.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

The answer came to him in an instinct, his mouth opening to say it before he bit his tongue. “Uhm, anything that would prevent Sirius’ biggest fear becoming true – hair loss. I swear, this is literally all he whines about and I’m sick of it already so please, let’s just invent something for that. We could add something extra in it too, like a good scent of motorcycles of leather jacket, I dunno.” He laughed, thinking of the impossible to create cure for lycanthropia. Oh, what would he give to revert this beast inside him. But then he wondered, would his bond with these three boys be as strong as it is now if it weren’t for his condition? Nobody knew, not even Remus himself.

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“For that one, I’ll probably get someone who wouldn’t want to chase after unicorns and gigantic Acromantulas all the time. Peter’s my best option because there is no way in hell that James and Sirius wouldn’t want to have a ride on their back or whatever. You can’t imagine the lengths they’d go to for some adrenaline. I’m telling you, it’s crazy.” He laughed, pursing his lips while thinking of something to take with him besides his wand. “The eleven years old me would take a book or a dozen of Honeydukes cakes. The eighteen years old me would take something to drink because why not?”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, answering in hesitance. “I-” he paused, thinking about it for some good seconds. “I suppose decisions on life and death. You know, if I am in a situation where I have to kill someone or something I would think twice. Thrice, maybe even four times. It might cost me my life but that’s a life there. It’s hard for me to kill.” Remus took a deep breath, not even fathoming what or how many corpses he would’ve left behind if it wasn’t for the Marauders. “It’s stupidly malicious to take a life just because you have a sick fascination of murdering. It’s…” Lupin looked away, clenching his jaw and exhaling softly, “Can we not talk about it, please?”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“I guess that I’m careless. Which I don’t see happening anytime soon because, you know, I care too much about too many things.” He smiled faintly, warm eyes weaving a story too untrue. In reality, Remus was most afraid of being called a beast. A monster like Fenrir Greyback, a destroyer of lives. A killer. But oh, how could he voice that? How could he tell people that he was not this animal who lived to kill and hunt when each month he was reminded of this?

WRITING SAMPLE

SAMPLE NUMBER ONE ;; excerpts from Remus’ journal.

1971, October

A month after Dumbledore’s advice to begin a diary or a journal or whatever I finally got to do it. You know, being in a new school is kind of scary. It’s like the monsters under my bed which are obviously not there but now dad’s not here to… you know, look over me. Anyways, do I introduce myself here? I’m Remus… Remus Lupin and I’m sorted into the cool red house. People here are very… cheerful and I am… well, I’m me. It’s also kind of intimidating here but I think I’ll manage somehow with the help of the… professors around to you know, keep me in track if I start doing something stupid. It’d be a pity to get expelled so fast because of issues with behavior or something like that. What else do I say? Oh, the library is… neat and there are a couple of classmates who seem to be really nice. I doubt they wanna hang around with me too much though. Frankly, I’m scared to initiate anything by myself, really. *the page continues and finishes with random doodles and lines that begin with a thick jet black color to an inkless trail embedded into the page*

1974, February

I have to study but… I’ve got something on my mind which I can’t get out since my last… trip. Usually, the three days after I get back from… home, are the hardest. You know, it’s just that thing inside that makes you… homesick ( not really ) and… anyways, you know the thing I’m talking about, I’m just avoiding eavesdropping here. What I wanted to tell you was that… you see, ever since my childhood, I’ve never seen hope in the form of something. I read a book once, it was fiction but still, it was revolving around the concept of hope and how one could become happier if their heart were filled with it. Yet, never have I ever experienced the feeling of having my heart peaking with hope. Three days ago though, I saw it. I felt it. Those three boys, I swear, are the entire reason why I’m writing these pages here sanely. These pages would’ve been stained with inner thoughts that would never get out, experiences that would never play out if it weren’t for them. They… they give me hope in my trying times and the world isn’t so grey and negative with them in it. I think it’s too late to say that but I think… I think despite all the tragedies in my life, perhaps they are the thing I need to cling onto to survive… all of this.

1976, May

Do you remember that time when I told you I was the one hatching and developing the more dangerous and reckless plans together with Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail instead of actually participating in them? You know, when I told you that I acted like their… bodyguard ( Sirius, if you ever find, read and laugh at this, I swear I will not talk to you for a month ), protecting them from teachers and stuff? Well, guess what responsible Lupin did today. He became the wanted DEAD student of the castle. So, we have that exam on Transfiguration and I had studied for it last week. All I needed to do was reread my notes and everything went neatly settled into my brain and ready to pour out of it on a list of parchment. However, just as I was preparing to get in bed, Prongs smashed the door of our dorm room, accompanied by Wormtail, which is the biggest surprise if you ask me, carrying fireworks and other explosives in a bag hanging on his shoulder. The moment I saw them I remembered that I felt a wave of regret but ‘one could not just sleep when James Potter was persuading him’. Long story short, the four of us were awake until three A.M. and hiding under the cloak for around two hours to avoid Filch only to fire up everything in the sky around and inside the castle and ruin everyone’s sleep. It was… look, I’d say unresponsible and definitely foolish, immature and nasty towards our friends and… not that big of a friends but it was fun. Maybe it worked nicely against my stress levels? And, you know, other things. Anyways, when one thinks it’s too good to be ruined by something so insignificant, it turns out McGonagall, a person who I very much respect if I may add, found something on the very same floor where the impact had happened. Yes, my wand. My. Damn. Wand.

Conclusion: This is why I don’t do such pranks.

And, P.S., I got lower on the exam than anticipated. Thanks Prongs, I certainly do not owe you one.

P.S. 2: For the first time it was Wormtail who got us out ( or at least tried to ) of this sticky situation and not me. Oh, how the tables have turned.

1977, late November

I… Today was not my proudest day. But sometimes, you see, a person can just have that much of a certain something and just… well, snap? See, you’d think that after seven years of living under a roof with someone, despite the different houses, bullying would stop at a certain point. I listened to Padfoot when these Pureblood kids tried to get on my nerves or tried to crumble me down and I never seemed to execute his advices well enough. They always got to me. They laughed about my barely visible scars and about my books. About my high grades, and Prefect status and the Marauders kept saying it was because they were jealous. So today a boy from Snape’s house, again, bit me with words and actions. He straight up forced my huge Charms essay up in the air and burned it to a crisp. I don’t know what got into me and I don’t know if it’s because of the wolf inside of me ( the word wolf was scratched, invisible under all the ink ) but I… I just punched the guy. I didn’t even flick my wand I just did it. All I saw in that moment was red and do you know when do I usually see red? When the usual thing happens, when I widen my gaze and lose myself. I immediately felt regret after it but Wormtail was fast enough to get me out of there while also carrying threats of whatnot on his back for me. I’m afraid that maybe my other self is taking the best of me and ripping it apart.

PARA SAMPLE TWO ;; inspired by the nightmare event, a piece in which Remus contemplates about his own visions and the inability to help his friends despite his incredible selflessness ( this is how a reply would look like )

It felt like his mind was a big screen with the nightmarish pictures put on a constant loop. It just kept repeating and his head hurt even days after everything had been over. Remus’ scalp hurt from all the hair pulling, throat sore from the screams that were left unheard in his closed flat and his eyes red, accompanied by the dark circles under them. Instead of the simple curtains hanging in front of his window or his white door he saw claws, blood, pine wood trees with pinned bodies on them – the bodies of his friends. Each time another tree was revealed, the body switched – from the Marauders to Lily, to Dorcas or Amos or Marlene and Mary. The visions were disgusting and terrifying, his stomach only churning each time he shot his eyes open and saw that it was over. That the dream was over.

He groaned loudly as he got up from the bed with a slight aching in his neck from all the violent snaps form left to right. The nightmares weren’t leaving his dreams after the horrifying experience and it felt too real even when it was not anymore. Remus hadn’t visited any of his friends for these past seventy-three hours and quite frankly, he didn’t have the strength. A transformation to a werewolf was painful beyond recognition but that nightmare couldn’t even be compared to his monthly pain. They left a deeper scar compared to all of the ones covering his hands and legs – they left a scar on his psyche.

But today was different. It took Remus a total of three minutes to realize what he was doing was wrong. His entire life he’s been a victim trying to live past his tragedy and the very same people who had once helped him and continue to do so were now hurting. Perhaps it was easier for him to look past the pain and leave it for when he was falling into the world of dreams again – but now the roles needed to reverse. He had to help his loved ones.

After fixing himself up to look at least presentable, he decided to do everything step by step. With a gentle pop he arrived at Peter’s doorstep, the door painfully reminding him of the one guarding his own flat – a piece of hardwood that turned into a pine tree form his dreams with a hung corpse on it – but he shook his head and instead knocked on it, mouths opening but words lost. “Wo-” he paused, noticing how voiceless he is from the three days spent in silence, “Wormtail. It’s me.” Remus was laconic, “Moony. Are you-” another crack reminding of a thunder slicing the night sky, “Are you there? Are-… are you alright?”

The door opened silently and Peter’s eyes peeked warily behind it. With a certain tilt of his head, the big lump that had formed in Remus’ chest instantly fell to the ground as his hands helped opening the door and pulled the other boy into a firm hug. No words had to be spoken. Peter wasn’t okay, neither was Remus. But, perhaps now, Lupin said to himself, he could be the hope in Wormtail’s eyes just like his friends were for him back in those faithful and lone school days.

#remus lupin #hp rp #lsrpg #marauders era rp #harry potter rp #accepted app

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