#maybe everything’s finally coming up Milhouse for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elise-jupiterstyle · 3 years

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OK HI IM HERE.

i am SO MAD that i didn’t get to live blog for episode 5 but that doesn’t mean i’m not gonna do a phat brain dump because i need to clear my GODDAMN HEAD AFTER THAT. SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK.

anyway. please enjoy (or not, it’s barely cohesive) my belated, DVR version of a live blog for episode 5.

how many places have they robbed?

BEN IS SO OLD WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN

dean just got out of jail and he’s already useless

aw he’s still victimizing beth how cute

“it’s not him” maybe after another fifty times of repeating that it’ll get through his thick skull

Not the e-vite

I KNEW IT PHOEBE IS SO GAY

OOOH THE ECHO

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? HER THINKING ABOUT HIM???

woah i love this. i’m feeling like, she has so many eyes on her but also that she doesn’t know where her loyalties lie?? maybe?? my optimism tends to be misguided when it comes to rio but i’m holding out hope that part of her still doesn’t want to turn him in

SHES KNITTING! I KNIT! KNIT REPRESENTATION!

no better plot armor than being able to commit armed robbery while in cohorts with the secret service

SHE DOES LIKE BETH. IS THIS THE LOVE TRIANGLE???? i’ve felt so alone in the beth and phoebe boat, and don’t get me wrong i absolutely don’t wanna see them together in canon, but i just felt like there was something there since the start of the season?? i always thought it was kind of a reach so this is pretty dope thanks nbc

“just don’t forget what’s pretend and what’s real” CAUGHT US IN 4K

they better give me a damn good reason to care about dean’s newest useless pursuit

look at them with the equipment and timer! my ladies leveled up!

I LOVE THAT THEYRE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE, EVEN RUBY. THEYRE SO DEEP IN IT THEYVE JUST ACCEPTED IT. IS THIS HARMONY???

RUBY GETTING INTO IT! I LOVE HER! GIRL! BOSS!

so we got gang friend and what, pimp friend? i’m gonna say pimp friend

the writers have no concept of salaries if they think a teacher wouldn’t take a bribe like that

dean just won’t shut his big fat mouth like he doesn’t know the answer every single time beth’s up to something

i’m so fucking gay. like in general but also for christina specifically

annie has like four outfits and i want them all

josh is just so pathetic. like how did annie get more mature than her therapist

brb rereading the entirety of the center and the circumference series now that i have a visual for rio and beth eating as a family

whywhywhywhywhywhywhy that’s all that’s going through my head because why would he let her see this much of his life when he packed up his home the first time she saw him??? trying to sniff out the ulterior motive and i can’t pick up the SCENT

i’ve never been more confused about rio’s limits when it comes to beth and that’s SAYING something

why did he seem irritated when everyone was talking about her marriage, like he wanted to defend her? i would’ve thought he’d join in lmao, seems like his style

BROTHER? COUSIN? CONFUSED

“it’s just beth” ITS HAPPENING. SO MANY FANFICS ARE RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD

HE TALKS ABOUT HER! GUYS

THE RETURN OF THE HEAD THROW LAUGH!

YES TAKE IT OFF, THROW IT AWAY, GET YOUR MANS

finally! she realizes he’s a real person! with a past and a family that she’s somehow detached her mental image of him from all this time! progress!

beth just going for all the fucking belts huh? that her thing now? i’m down for it

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS PUT DEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIO SCENES WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO SEE THAT

NO NO WAY

HER SMILE I’M BROKEN

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE WEEK I WAS GONE. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT AGAIN AND THE LOVE TRIANGLE HASN’T EVEN BEEN INTRODUCED YOUO GUYS HELP

this poor fucking kid. her therapist gon put HIM in therapy

i love annie and ben so much it hurts

annie got closure with her shrink, stan’s making money moves, ruby’s finally getting more comfortable with their work, and, most importantly, BETH AND RIO DID WHATEVER THAT WAS. EVERYTHING’S COMING UP MILHOUSE

i know she lowkey betrayed him again cause she put it in his room but i’m still taking this as a fat W cause us writers got so much more to work with now

i’m gonna go lay down. for several days.

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duhragonball · 5 years

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Dragon Ball Z 229

Last time, Vegeta blew a hole in the Budokai stadium!

What do you have to say for yourself, Vegeta? “I’m a baaaaaad wittle boy.”

The crowd flees the arena, and even 18 is disturbed by Vegeta’s actions. She says she’s never sensed a ki like this before, wait, since when could 18 sense ki signatures? She couldn’t do that before.

Babidi, on the other hand, is thrilled, because 200 people were killed. Wait, why should that matter to him? That doesn’t help him reach his goal, unless he just enjoys innocent people dying on sheer principle. Babidi’s a terrific villain. He’s kind of underappreciated, really. The ranking should be 1) Cell, 2) Vegeta, 3) Buu, 4) Babidi, 5) Frieza.

The crowd pleads for Mr. Satan to save them from this tiny golden monster in their midst, so he steels himself and tries to get tough, but then he backs down and asks them nicely to settle down.

Vegeta ignores Mr. Satan completely, and tells Goku to fight him, unless he wants more people to get killed. At this, Goku suddenly realizes that Vegeta might have let himself get mind-controlled, just so he could make an ultimatum like this.

Vegeta’s only response is to shoot another part of the stadium. This isn’t a bluff, and it’s not a negotiation. If Goku won’t fight, then Vegeta will keep killing people until he does.

And you can tell that this pisses Goku off. Yeah, he wanted to fight Vegeta too, but not like this.

Gohan tries to intercede, but Vegeta just shrugs him off. He’s not listening to anyone except “fighting with Goku.”

So Goku turns Super Saiyan, and it looks like they’re going to throw down right here and now.

Vegeta basically admits to doing all of this on purpose. If Goku’s so intent on saving the world from Babidi during his one day back on Earth, then the only way Vegeta can get his undivided attention is to join Babidi’s team. Right now, the only way to stop Babidi is to go through Vegeta. Literally.

Here’s what makes this so awesome. I feel kind of goofy even explaining this, because it feels self-evident to me, but maybe there’s someone reading this who hasn’t watched DBZ before. In which case, dude. This is the stupidest possible way to experience DBZ for the first time. Just watch the show and come back later. This liveblog will still be here. Unless Wordpress shuts this site down.

Where was I? Oh, right. So what makes this work is that the Supreme Kai is absolutely right to call Vegeta’s stunt foolish.... but. But! Anyone who’s watched the entire series up to this point gets it. As horrible as it may sound, on some level, we wanted Vegeta to do something stupid like this, to piss Goku off, to really get him riled up, so that they would finally have their big rematch.

I remember when Goku first turned Super Saiyan. For a while there, they had all this Super Saiyan Goku merch, and Vegeta looked so ordinary in his regular non-Super Saiyan form. I thought it made sense for Goku to have this epic ascension, but it seemed like a waste that Vegeta would never be able to match it. How could their rivalry continue like this? They could never fight each other again, because Goku was so far ahead of him that it would have been pointless.

Then Vegeta turned Super Saiyan, and it looked like they could finally settle things, just as soon as they got all those damn dirty androids out of the picture. Only by the time that finally happened, Goku was out of the picture too. Now the rivalry was truly impossible, because they would never see each other again.

Then Goku comes back, for one day only, and it looks like we finally have this narrow window for Goku and Vegeta to fight. They even got paired off in the tournament bracket. First round, so there was no chance of Goku getting disqualified against Mr. Satan in some unlikely hijinks. The fight can finally happen. Goku vs. Vegeta, they’re both Super Saiyans or Super Saiyan 2′s or whatever, even steven, let’s see who comes out on top.

But now, here comes Babidi and the Supreme Kai, with all this Majin Buu bullshit, and Vegeta has to wait inside a spaceship for like an hour. And both sides of this conflict are idiots. The Supreme Kai has no idea who he’s dealing with. He didn’t know what Super Saiyans could do, he didn’t know Dabura and Yakon were on Babidi’s team, and his sidekick Kibito was the first one to die. The whole thing was dumb and quite frankly not nearly as awesome as Goku and Vegeta punching each other.

And let’s face it, after all these years, Vegeta’s still mad that Goku overpowered him way back in Episode 30 or whatever it was. Since then, Goku’s saved his life, first from Krillin, then from Recoome. Why, it’s gotten him so riled up just thinking about it that his face is all twisty. What the hell...?

Is it stupid? Yeah, it is. Like I said, the Supreme Kai is right. This is absolutely ridiculous. Vegeta’s risking the fate of the universe so he can settle a petty grudge. No one thinks this is worth it. No one gives a shit whether this sawed-off asshole gets his do-over. Well, I mean, the audience probably does. I know I always did. What I’m saying is that no one in-universe ever cared about this guy getting to avenge his pride.

But Vegeta cares, and the fact that he’s the only one who cares is probably why he’s so desperate and upset about making this happen.

I think this is what makes the character so appealing to people. In spite of all the shitty things he does, people can relate to Vegeta’s passion and to the sheer loneliness of that passion. We all have things we alone care about that other people dismiss as meaningless or unimportant. What’s the big deal? It’s just a TV show. It’s just a drawing. It’s just a story you wrote. It’s not that important. Meaningless, really. Let’s go back to what’s really important, which is making Gohan feel better about whizzing that fight with Dabura, or congratulating Mr. Satan for his championship victory. What a kooky character he is!

I think we’ve all been there before. I’m not saying we’ve killed 200 people to make the point, but we’ve been in situations where everyone laughed it off and dismissed how we felt because “what’s the big deal anyway?” And that’s one reason Vegeta leaves a lasting impression with people, because he’s powerful enough that he can make people understand why it’s a big deal to him.

Against all of this, all Goku can say in response is to call out to Babidi. He demands to be teleported someplace where there’s no bystanders. Some place, like... I don’t know... Goku Town.

We did do it, Babidi. This is awesome. Good job, everyone.

Then the Supreme Kai gets in between these two, and he’s all “No! This fight is too metal. I can’t allow it! If you’re going to fight Vegeta, you’ll have to fight me first!”

And Goku’s like “Sir, that was a very metal thing you just did, but please, get out of the way before I kill you.”

The Kai is stunned. Goku’s not bluffing here. He will kill the Supreme Kai right here and now, if that’s what it takes.

But the most awesome part is Vegeta’s reaction. He looks just as surprised to see how determined Goku is to settle this. He’s been so focused on getting this battle that he forgot who he was dealing with.

Defeated, the Supreme Kai stands down. He did a brave thing, stepping into Goku Town, but he knows he can’t pay the rent.

Man, this episode rules. The Surpeme Kai is just so... despondent. He’s completely lost control of the situation.

And Babidi’s convinced that he’s won. Once Vegeta and Goku start fighting, it’ll only be a matter of time before Vegeta inflicts enough damage to transfer the energy needed to revive Majin Buu. And nothing can stop that fight from happening. Everything’s coming up Milhouse Babidi.

So he grants Goku’s request and teleports them away. Mr. Satan is relieved, because this means he can claim they ran away before he could unleash his righteous fury.

So, I think this is the Giskard Wasteland, but I’m not up on my Dragon World Geography. This may even be the same setting as the original Goku/Vegeta fight, but I don’t feel like looking it up.

From here, the Supreme Kai bows to the inevitable, and accepts that Goku and Vegeta will fight. All he can do now is force open the hatch to Stage 4, so he and Gohan can proceed down Babidi’s ship and stop him before Majin Buu can be revived. Of course, that means he’ll have to risk jolting Babidi’s ship, which could accidentally break Buu’s seal prematurely, but at this point he has to risk it.

Note that this is precisely what Vegeta wanted to do at the start of the last episode. If the Kai had gone along with it then, he would be in the exact same predicament he’s in now, except he’d have three Super Saiyans backing him up instead of just one, and he wouldn’t have the ticking clock to worry about.

But Babidi has no intention of allowing the Supreme Kai to leave Stage 3 so soon, and he orders Vegeta to kill him and Gohan before they can carry out this plan.

But Vegeta refuses, insisting that he doesn’t care what Shin and Gohan do, so long as it doesn’t get in the way of his objective, which is to kick Goku’s ass.

Babidi has some sort of leverage here, as it seems to cause Vegeta physical pain to resist him like this, but he remains steadfast. Babidi might control him body and soul, but Vegeta still has his pride, which must be satisfied before he’d ever consider anything else.

Babidi is astonished, as this has never happened before. It begs the question of whether Babidi could ever truly control Vegeta. Maybe if he defeated Goku in battle, Vegeta might become more pliable. Or, perhaps beating Goku is the only thing keeping Vegeta and Babidi on the same side.

But Dabura convinces Babidi that they’re better off letting Geets and the Supreme Kai have their way. If Vegeta’s so determined to fight Goku, let him, because that’s good for Buu. And they might as well let the Kai and Gohan out of Stage 3, so they won’t accidentally break Buu’s seal early. It’s not like they can win on their own, since they’ll have to go through Dabura.

So Babidi opens the hatch, but before Gohan goes through, Goku gives him a senzu bean, because he remembered he still had some from when he got them for Gohan’s girlfriend. I like how Goku just casually says that, when the situation is too tense for Gohan to object. “Hey, son, before we start our epic laser battles, I just remembered that thing I got for that girl you’re in love with!”

Then he gives him one last piece of advice: Get angry, like he did when he fought Cell. Goku seems convinced that if Gohan is furious enough, it’ll make up for his ring rust.

Gohan takes minute to lament that Goku’s one day back in the living world ended up this way. It is kind of sad. Gohan just wanted to hang out with his dad, and all of this crap happens. It’d be kind of funny if Babidi controlled Gohan’s mind, and he blew up the stadium demanding a hug.

So they leave, and now it’s just Goku and Vegeta. Goku’s like “Fuck this, I can’t take any damage in this fight, so I’m gonna go balls to the wall, right now.” Well, that’s not his exact wording, but you get the idea.

So Goku turns Super Saiyan 2! Good job, Orange Brick DVDs. It’s worth cropping Goku’s head so we can see all that stuff on the sides.

Of course, no one calls it Super Saiyan 2, because he term hasn’t been coined yet. Vegeta just notes that Goku is stronger than Gohan was when he fought Cell, so you get the idea.

So then Vegeta powers up and now he’s a Super Saiyan 2, too!

When I first watched this arc, I honestly didn’t get that “Ascended Super Saiyan” was meant to be a distinct form, because it looks virtually indistinguishable from the original Super Saiyan. I learned to tell the difference eventually, mostly thanks to the video games, which allow you to compare the models before and after, but in this leg of the anime, it’s just about impossible. I think the animators had trouble keeping this straight.

The main feature I picked up on is that Goku’s SSJ2 form has beadier eyes, at least initially, and more of his bangs stick up. With Vegeta, I don’t even get that much to work with. His hair looks a little more “knife-y”, but that’s about it.

Anyway, Goku realizes that this will take a lot longer than he planned.

And this is it. Goku-Vegeta II. The fight we’ve all been waiting for, but at what cost?

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #babidi saga #goku #vegeta #gohan #supreme kai #babidi #dabura #mr satan #world tournament announcer #android 18

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aaronmascoll · 5 years

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Chapter 34 - Jackson

Silver was securing the latches on the crate. The pegasus she just acquired sat calmly inside. "You shouldn't have done that," she said in an icy tone.

Jackson noticed everything thing she said she was with a hint of coldness. "It's not a problem, I just wanted to help," Jackson said.

"Your description of help must be different than mine."

Silver finished securing the pegasus inside the crate. Jackson helped push it outside even though he knew she didn't need it. "I just think it kind of sucks Valkyries can only have three children in their lifetime."

"I know," Silver said. "They're a little like humans. If they wait too long they can't have em. And if they want more, they either adopt or resort to other means."

"You know a lot about Valkyries?"

"A little."

"A little? Like what?"

"Well, Valkyries are immortal, but you probably already knew that since you have three of them as your bodyguards. There's also technically nothing human about Valkyries besides their appearance. They're more like a species of bird. Valkyries aren't related to eachother by blood unless they're born in a pair of three. Some flightless and others not. That actually was the cause of a war between them. But your new wife, one of the strongest Valkyrie queens in existence, put a stop to it. She's the whole reason the Valkyries have this peace right now."

"A little?" Jackson said confused.

"Okay I know everything about them," Silver said with a small smile. "I tried adopting one once. They wouldn't let me."

After a moment of silence, that involved Jackson kicking what he thought was a wad of dirt, Silver said, "My business here is done. So, I'll be on my way."

Silver curtseyed again as more of a joke than an actual farewell. "You don't have to do that," Jackson said as he laughed.

"Thanks. Milhouse didn't make me do it either. I know I should happy that he finally completed his task, but I'm kind of sad that he's gone. Now I've got nobody to drink with. It's not like we can get drunk, but still, who doesn't enjoy the taste of a seven thousand-year old whiskey."

Silver climbed up her wyvern's wing and sat on it's back. She whistled and it flapped its large wings until was off the ground. It hovered for a bit before it pick the large wooden crate up with its talons and flew away. As owner of the Valkyrie realm, Jackson was able to watch her leave up until she exited the Valkyrie dimension.

While he was at it Jackson decided to check on the girls. When he spied on Clarissa, he could see she was in some kind of department store, in the lingerie section. She was trying on a pair red lace underwear with a matching camisole. Jackson felt like she knew he was watching her from the way she smiled at herself in the mirror.

After Clarissa, Jackson spied on Marissa. She was walking down the hallway of an apartment building. She eventually stopped in front of a door, where she stopped herself from knocking five times before finally ringing the door bell. Jackson recognized the woman that answered the door. It was the pregnant woman that slapped her the day they arrived. Jackson went through the list of names in his head, and found that hers was Helga. Helga looked at Marissa for a minute. She seemed so angry, Jackson thought she was going to slap Marissa again, but she didn't. Instead, Helga started to cry and kissed Marissa hard on the lips. Jackson decided it was time to check on Alyssa.

Alyssa, it turns out, was at archery range. Jackson watched her pull arrows from a large barrel next to her, and fire them. She fired about fifty shots into one target, and moved on to the next. With out realizing it, Jackson had teleported to her. He stood there silently as she first filled up the bullseye with arrows, then the outer rings, and eventually filling up the entire target. When she moved on to the next target, Jackson decided to test her shooting ability. He made the wind blow fast and hard using his power as owner of the Valkyrie realm. Alyssa waited for a minute. She untied her from the ponytail, and let her hair flow with the wind. She calculated how fast the air the was flowing, and in which direction, using only her hair. She nocked an arrow when she was ready, and shot it up into the wind. The force of the wind carried the arrow back and it hit the target square in the bullseye. "You're a good shot," Jackson said walking to Alyssa's side. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"No your not, I can feel it. Your bound to me, remember?"

Alyssa nocked a few arrows, and filled the rest of the bullseye. "Coming back here brings up old memories."

"Like what?"

"School. The academy. Training. My teachers telling me I'll never be the warrior my sisters are. I'm no good with a sword. I can't hold a spear. I was forced to leave, because if I didn't, I would've been tortured and dissected by the elders because they've never seen Valkyrie triplets before." Alyssa stopped firing and looked at Jackson. "You probably don't know this, but I'm one of the few Valkyries that uses a bow. When we've failed at every other type of weapon, the bow is our last chance. Our last chance at being any sort of use on a battlefield. If we fail at that, It's a life of working in a office, warehouse, farm, or restaurant. Sometimes I wish I had failed the academy."

Alyssa went back to shooting arrows at the target and filled it. "You know my sisters and I may look similar, buy there is nothing similar about us. Marissa, as quiet as she be, was supposed to graduate top of her class before we left. Our teachers said she's one of the strongest alphas ever to go through the academy. Clarissa was loved by everyone, and she was the best, second only to Marissa. My sisters our both Alphas who excelled at everything, and I'm just another ordinary Valkyrie whose only talent is never missing a shot."

Alyssa, in a fit of rage, snapped her bow in half and kicked the barrel of arrows. The barrel flew far of into the distance, arrows spewing out as it twists and turned in the air. Alyssa sat down on a bench in front of a bush shaped like an elephant. Jackson sat down next to her and said, "Not all warriors use a weapon. I trained with a man who was a master at fighting without weapons, and against people who used them. It didn't matter what weapon I used, he always beat me. My only way to win, was to beat him at his own game. And let me tell you this, that man was stronger than iron."

"He sounds like a guardian."

"What's a guardian?"

"They're Valkyries that go to a exclusive camp, for alphas only, to recieve special training. The camp is surrounded by a barrier made of time magic so time there passes a lot slower. When the Valkyries finish this training, they're faster, stronger, and tougher. You would have a better chance smashing diamonds with your head than beating one of them."

Jackson observed the smile on Alyssa's face as she spoke about the guardians."What if I told you, I could get you into this camp?"

"But, it's for alphas only!"

Jackson stood up and said, "Just tell them the king sent you." Alyssa jumped up and threw her arms around Jackson. "Before you go, I want you to wear this from now on."

Jackson took off his coat and put it on Alyssa's shoulders. "Jackson, I can't wear this."

"Its okay," Jackson said giving her a reassuring shake. "I find people take me more serious when I'm wearing it, and that's what I want for you. Because I'm making you my new chief of staff."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, just go."

Alyssa ran off, but not before giving Jackson another long hug. When she was gone, Jackson teleported to Sigrun. She was in a bland room that was filled with all kinds of fabrics. Sun filled the room from a window in the back of the room. Sigrun, sat a table in the middle of the room, with a needle in one hand, and a neatly stitched shirt in front of her. Jackson spread himself across a brown leather couch in the window. "Who is that for?" Jackson asked.

"For you," said with a smile. "I'm making you a new wardrobe. You did come here with only one outfit after all."

"I could've just bought new clothes in one of the cities."

"Nonsense. This will give me something to do. You were sleeping so soundly, I decided to take your measurements. If your hungry, there's a lunch for you in the kitchen."

Jackson stood up and gave Sigrun a quick kiss on the cheek. He found his way to the kitchen, and was surprised by the lunch Sigrun had prepared. Dozens of sandwiches on different types of bread were stacked on a large platter on top of the kitchen island. Next to the sandwich platter was a tray of apple slices, carrot sticks, celery sticks, plenty of dipping sauces, and a pitcher of fresh lemonade. Jackson sat on one of the barstools, at the kitchen island, and grabbed himself a few sandwiches. After his second sandwich, Clarissa walked carrying about twenty different size bags. "I see you went shopping," Jackson said.

Clarissa put her bags on the floor, and began to go through them one by one. "Yes I did," Clarissa said with a deviant smile. "I went shopping, just like I always did when we lived here. And I know my sisters enough to know that Aly probably spent the entire morning, mopping, at the archery range like she always did. And Rissa better not have gone to see that vile woman, but, she probably did."

"Maybe that's what she wants," Jackson said in Marissa's defense.

"Let me tell you what my sisters want!" Clarissa kicked over her bags and sat on the barstool next to Jackson. "Aly is the best damn archer the academy has ever trained. I can't count how many times she's saved me and Rissa. But, she won't settle for third place, she wants to be number one, even if it means giving up the one thing she wants the most. One of our academy instructors once told us 'It doesn't matter if your allies are stronger than you, only that you're stronger than your enemies.' And because of that, Aly has always thought that she was the weakest one among us, but she's not. She's a tactician that can win any battle no matter how much the odds are stacked against her. She just can't win a against Rissa, no one can. I'll never beat Rissa in a fight, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Because, it only reassures me that I can count on her to save me when I need her to. I just wish Aly could she herself the way that we do."

"I think, she doesn't want to be number one, she just wants to win. Just once, and she'll be satisfied."

"You keep talking about what she wants. What do you want?"

"Nothing, believe it or not."

"There's got to be something. You didn't travel the world, and learn every fighting style known man, just to do nothing."

Jackson sat there and thought very carefully about his next choice of words. He thought about how Clarissa chose to bind herself to him. She chose to put his life before her own. Jackson had traveled the world for a single purpose, and if he couldn't trust Clarissa, something was seriously wrong with him. "Okay, but to understand why I traveled the world there's something else I have to tell you."

Clarissa took Jackson's hands in hers and said, "You can trust me."

"This isn't the first time I've been to realm of champions."

#thechampions #excerpt from a book i'll never write #bookstagram #booklover #bookworm #books #bookish #excerpt from a story i'll never write #entertainment #writing #writers #author #keep scrolling #long reads #reading

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slutwalrusss · 5 years

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Guttural Punctuation

May 3rd - May 7th, 2019 Age: 21

Since about sophomore year of high school I’ve been riding my bike. I’ve been able to ride bikes for most of my life but I was never the kind to take any jumps on one until about then. That bike of mine would take me anywhere but it all came with a price; Damaged skin, ribbed shins, and rolled ankles. Though this kind of tough love has been kicking around for five years, I never let it stop me from becoming the strong person I am today.

Back on Friday I made a final trip down to Saginaw before I made the pilgrimage back to Traverse City for my summer job. I would usually visit Bigby Coffee for an iced ‘flavor of the day’ and cruise over to Celebration Park down on Cushway Lane. I was surprised to catch my friend on her last day working the coffee shop thinking that her last day was the previous Friday. I would always joke to her that ‘I’m going to go ride and not hurt myself’. Sure enough on my way with some vanilla iced beverage and a can of Red Bull, I arrived to the local skatepark.

I wasn’t shocked at all that the park lacked any sort of populous, it was about 12:45pm on a Friday. I rolled up to the gate and straight charged the mini bowl. One of my favorite features. I got a couple of laps in and did something on the wave ledge and hopped back into the big bowl doing a 180. I take a couple pumps around the bowl corners and shoot for the extension quarterpipe, but that same ramps decided it would shoot for me. I take this ramp like any sort of airout turn around and something catches. My equilibrium thrown from balance like myself off my bike in this moment. I take the six foot free fall to my left side, nothing bracing the impact.

Something wasn’t right, I was rife with pain. I leveraged the bike off of me and trudged over to the mellow bowl rollin. My breath short and my pain long, the left side of my abdomen was finished. I make a phone call to my friend Dustin to earn some dude points because I actually took a decent fall and got up, though in returned I got a ‘nice’ and a ‘go ride it off’. I stay perched on that ramp for another minute or so, staring at my bike thinking on how it betrayed me and I betrayed it.

I continue to get this feeling that something really isn’t right, the moment where invincibility loses a couple letters and becomes vincible. I wasn’t going to ride this off. The pain wasn’t a bone or a muscle, it was much deeper than that. I scramble to my bicycle so I can get some sort of help, I wasn’t going to find any of that help alone. I load up my bike in my backseat upside down with the handlebars turned sideways, my vision starts to falter. Everything starts to become brighter, much like staring into a LED light. Though it wasn’t safe to drive, my cheap morals didn’t want to splurge on a much needed ambulance.

I start driving the streets of downtown Saginaw, everything around me bright white reminiscent of when I was dehydrated once. I could barely make out anything but outlines and movements. I narrowly avoid a traffic cone pulling into the nearest entryway. A Burger King. I make my way into the establishment with a bottle of flavored water and I mob the first open bench right next to the entrance. My vision starts to return to normal as I drink that water. With whatever life I had left in me, I was slumped on the table with my flannel underneath my head. I look like I just was found in a desert.

Not a single person questioned it. I wasn’t expecting to draw any attention from my plight, I normally avoid attention at all costs due to my awkward demeanor. I was profusely dripping sweat on the floor like a professional wrestler, just drop after drop. My lungs were running on half capacity and my stomach was aching. The last thing anyone would want to do after hurting themselves in the most ridiculous way possible is to call their mother. That was exactly what I did.

No answer. That was rather unfortunate. I do some digging around trying to WebMD my issues to see if I’m actually dying or not to no avail. I call one of the local hospitals and ask for consultation, dumb enough but no avail. I finally get ahold of my mother and she’s panicked by my choice of words replacing ‘hello’ with ‘I think I need to go to the hospital. She’s busy getting ready for work and missed my first phone call because of her shower. She’ll be quick to get me. I receive another phone call from her moments later just saying that the paramedics would be the right choice.

I end up calling 911, the second to last thing I’d want to do from stupidly hurting myself besides calling my mother. Not knowing the infrastructure of Saginaw in the slightest, I blank out on the road name besides ‘downtown Saginaw Burger King’. The most general information I could’ve gave a dispatcher. I get put through to another dispatcher telling me to hold on as she radios some information.

“21 year old male, over at the Burger King on Michigan Avenue. He was saying he fell off his bike at the skatepark and is having trouble breathing.”

That was me. I finished up that call and waited for my judgement. I was hoping that I would be okay, but I better be hurt enough to justify having the paramedics called and my health insurance charged. I see the ambulance pull through the driveway and park all with three men jumping out to assist the ‘scene’. I give a half-assed wave to signal them that I was their caller and I get a pointer finger back.

Now everybody starts to look at that man who was potentially dying instead of thinking it’s a typical clapped out Saginaw tweaker on drugs. I follow them out and explain to them my situation, I get evaluated and put in the stretcher. The driver of the ambulance asked me what hospital would I like to go to and I just said the first one that rolled off my tongue. I only knew that hospital existed from the fact that it was where I was born. I didn’t know anything about Saginaw besides the couple of places I’ve visited.

Out of the very few ambulance rides I’ve ever received. Shortest one of my life. The hospital was right across the street from where I pulled off and called the paramedics, I was dumbfounded. I go through the whole rigamarole that is checking into a hospital, the questions and the signatures. From the wheelchair I was offloaded into, I could see my mothers boyfriend Jordan fighting with the metal detector at the security entrance. Not only did I make it that close to the hospital, my mother wasn’t far behind at all. All within the first hour I received several tests, all from X-rays to ultrasounds. The doctor came back into the room after a couple minutes of waiting to reveal my verdict.

I was told that I had punctured my spleen and had some internal bleeding. This was one of my most brutal injuries I have ever received, though it is questionably the worst painful one maybe with a grade three ankle sprain beating it by a hair. I were to spend 72 hours in the Intensive Care Unit, all to actively keep up with my vitals and monitored my bleeding. This is far from the seventy degree weekend that I wanted to spend.

The rest of the night entailed me taking some Tylenol and actually caving into some light morphine which was definitely what I needed. I would have these weird breathing attacks where my breathing would get irregular and I would tense up and try to catch my breath. Things were not coming up Milhouse. I got to spend the night with my mother which was a rare experience seeing how we’ve been so distant since high school. It was nice.

The next day went just as well, I would have to go about two or so days without investing liquids or solids except for my IV fluids and I would have to go about four without a shower. Seeing how my story telling is coming from the fourth day perspective, the shower felt quite nice. That was the one thing I wanted more than anything, not the ability to leave but the ability to scrub away the scent of morphine-laden urine. I was quite embarrassed as I would consider myself a person who cares about their self image. Better yet, I wanted to keep myself in top shape for that one nurse that I have a crush on. Though it’ll never happen, one can dream. It has been a crazy four days and I’m looking forward to seeing what the next two months without a bike might hold for me. Shaping up to be a good night with a fresh shower and that exact nurse adjusting my pressure cuff. this hospital bed will be the best sleep I’ve ever had.

#storytime #bmx #injuries #story #bike

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mongoose-and · 7 years

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Class Order Hall Campaigns: Rated (7.1.5)

From Best -> Worst

Druid

Shaman

Death Knight

Warrior

Monk

Mage

Warlock

Demon Hunter

Rogue

Priest & Paladin (Tied)

Paladin & Priest (Tied)

Hunter (get wreckt)

Reasons below the cut (Spoilers)

For the sake of discussion, I will absolutely be conflating the Artifact quest lines in with the class Campaign quests.

1. Druid - Druid's campaign basically breaks the curve by sheer scope. The campaign focuses on one major theme for this part of the expansion, and just expands on it beautifully. You are charged with protecting the Emerald Dreamway, rescuing Malorne, and eventually saving the Emerald Dream from the forces of both the Legion and the Emerald Nightmare. Between the beauty of the different zones, the massive gatherings of druids, exploration of Druid lore, and getting to relive the War of the Ancients at Mount Hyjal, none of the other class campaigns quite compare to sheer magnitude of history and lore that Druids get to explore. It also doesn’t hurt that Druid is an amazing class to play in its own right and each artifact quest is clever and interesting (except the Balance questline. That was pretty weak TBH). This campaign really made me feel the ‘class fantasy’.

2. Shaman - Close contender for being almost as epic as the druid campaign. The major theme of the Shaman questline is leading the Earthen Ring and uniting the Elemental Lords against the Legion, which is kinda like bargaining with a bunch of perpetually angry, murderous children to team up and fight Communism. Nonetheless, the shaman campaign has fun and interesting quests as well as insight to how the Elementals work (or don’t work) with each other, and they make good use of a variety of former instances and questing zones (including a finale in the Firelands that is beautiful and hectic).

3. Death Knight - Another top contender given THAT FINALE THO. GET WRECKT PALIDANS YEAH- oh, nevermind. Really, my only complaint was that the very end of the finale fell short (should’ve just let us do it, Blizz), and that it wasn’t Dark Souls Hard the whole way. Everything else about the Death Knight campaign was fantastic - raising the new Four Horsemen, killing lots of people, causing mayhem, Lich King Bolvar. Superb stuff, all the way.

4. Warrior - The quest line that starts meh, gets good, gets great, then settles back into “good” again. Sadly, I think it was a missed opportunity to explore the warrior cultures of the Horde and Alliance, and instead focused entirely on the lore and history of the Titans / Vrykul. For what it is, though, I think Blizz did a great job, and I don’t see the quest line they built fitting into any of the other classes nearly as well. It wasn’t the story that we wanted or needed for Warriors, but it was the best damned way to tell the story they did. Also, lolz Ulduar quest zone~

5. Monk - This is a fine quest line that falls short by virtue of just not being as epic as the others. It’s also the questline that convinced me that the Vrykul story only really paired well with the Warrior class hall. It starts strong by basically trashing the set in at the Peak of Serenity in Pandaria, and takes you back to the Wandering Isle (remember there?). Then it proceeds to utterly destroy shit in Pandaria at literally every chance it gets, which is great fun. Then you make God Beer and defeat a winged commie space goat.

6. Mage - This is where the class hall quests start to get a bit underwhelming, TBH. The whole quest line revolves around Archmage Vargoth being weird, only to reveal that he was possessed by demons. Honestly, it’s not great on it’s own, and if it wasn’t presented as a ‘mystery’ that we all could solve within the first five seconds of stepping into the order hall, it probably would have been more interesting. However, throughout the quest line, you do get some cool lore, elves, stupid Khadgar tricks, more elves, vomiting deaders, gaggles of elves, a blue-haired dragon husband, too many elves, Milhouse Manastorm, and a free trip to your most hated (my favorite) dungeon from Wrath of the Lich King, THE OCULUS! Also, so many elves... even though they are shit at magic.

7. Warlock - High School Drama: The Anime: The Quest Line. Seriously, you could probably make a decent anime out of just about anything that happens with Warlocks - the angst, the interpersonal drama, the cute/disgusting monsters they subjugate to serve them, the unlikely capture/escape scenarios, the pink hair. It manages to be clever and more interesting than some of the other quests, but it ultimately boils down to a whole lot meaningless drivel and a weird “choose your favorite girl to join your cool kids’ clique” decision at the end. And then you have the orc who keeps leaving butt-cinders *everywhere*.

8. Demon Hunter - Basically you finish what you started with the Demon Hunter starting zone. And then you fight twins in what is probably one of the better finales of all the quests. However, apart from a cool finale and the fact that you get your own space ship, there’s not really much about the Demon Hunter quest line that really excited me. Demon Hunters are insufferable characters in general, Korvas Bloodthorn doesn’t get to be your bodyguard, and if you picked Kayn Sunfury then you spend most of the time being just as terrible as Illidan was. I probably would have enjoyed this more if I didn’t pick Kayn, but I did and I regret my life choices, even if the Illidari CANNOT be STOGHPPPED!!!!

9. Rogue - Good: Tactical Espionage Action. Pirates. Mattias Shaw is a dreadlord. Garona, Vaneesa VanCleef, Taoshi, and Valeera Sanguinar’s thighs all become your girlfriends. Bad: Trolling the AH for mats while Noggenfogger sits on his ass and blackmails you. Amber Kearnan dies offscreen and zero fucks are given. Getting killed in Stormwind repeatedly by Fury warriors (okay, I lied about that last part, that was pretty lolzy). Worst: you have to play a Rogue in order to experience any of it. Also, exactly one of the artifact quests are fun to do and it’s not the one it should be.

10. Priest & Paladin (Tied) - I have to tie these because they’re basically the same flipping thing, with only the artifact quests and maybe half of the actual campaign quests to distinguish them. I wanted to praise Blizz by showing overlap / interaction between the different classes, but they basically went overboard here, by recycling plot points and even the finale, altogether. Also, Netherlight Temple is a dumb idea, akin to moving NORAD into a base in Afghanistan because Al-Qaeda would NEVER think to look there (....well, until they do). Priests arguably have it worse because they don’t even get to be the hero of their own class hall mission (that goes to the Paladins) - AND you have to play a Priest for the privilege of this nonsense, which is arguably the worst punishment one can experience. Paladins, on the other hand, get meaningless choices and suffer the indignity of watching every single champion of theirs make fools of themselves at the first opportunity. Also, both sides visit each others halls, but nobody gets murdered in the process. Also also, wtf is a Lothraxxion and why - I did this shit twice and I still don’t know, he just shows up like a shiny sparkle vampire. Also also also - sigh - Night Elf Paladins when, Blizz? :/

12. Hunter - My beloved Main’s class campaign was also arguably the weakest and least interesting. The artifact quests are fine enough (though Marksman could have just dropped a bigger dime on Allleria than “she ain’t here, but she was”) but the main core of the hunter quest - while probably the most grounded and true to the Hunter’s ‘class fantasy’ - was a snooze fest compared to the other campaigns. The Unseen Path as a concept is cool but overall underwhelming to me - their super-clandestine nature means that they try to stay out of the way of cool things happening, but they don’t have the benefit of being a bunch of spies and thieves to have any intrigue to back it up. They swear an oath and then sit around a lodge and snack, occasionally plinking arrows at targets literally right in front of them. There are cool, all-too-brief detours when you go to recruit champions like Rexxar, Nesingwary, and Addie Fizzlebog, but even they aren’t enough to uplift an otherwise boring plot involving hunting down a felguard and his super felstalkers. In terms of scope and grandeur: If the Druid campaign was ‘class fantasy’ being used to tell an epic tale of saving the planet and exploring history with an army of allies, the Hunter campaign was ‘class fantasy’ being used to tell a story about how you did a crossword puzzle while on vacation this one time. On the plus side, the Hunter quest line has you play with a dog, and the Druid quest line does not.

...

...I take it back. Hunter quest line 12/10. Best quest line. Best ever. <3 <3 <3

Come on Baron! Let’s go~

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analogscum · 6 years

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SUMMER CAMP NIGHTMARE (1987, d. Bert L. Dragin)

OK, campers. Since it’s our last day together here at Camp Analog Scum, I thought we might have a little discussion about the power dynamics inherent in the summer camp flick. For a lot of kids, summer camp is a chance to blow off some steam. You’ve spent all year getting bossed around by your teachers, your principal, your parents, whomever, and now you get a few weeks of relative freedom out in the wilderness to run wild. Sure, you’ve got counselors to answer to, but what are they gonna do? In a lot of ways, summer camp is like one big dare to see how much shit you can get away with and not get in trouble. It’s the ultimate quest for extreme fun. But what would happen if that fun got a little too extreme? Could it lead to, say, armed revolution and lawlessness? Well, that’s what we’re working with in today’s film, 1987’s Summer Camp Nightmare, either the darkest comedy or the funniest drama ever, depending on who you ask.

Things start out innocuously enough, with busloads of eager kids arriving at Camp North Pines for Boys. Our hero, a nerdy kid named Donald Poultry (amazing name) is narrating everything into his trusty tape recorder, because he’s a tech wiz, because he’s a nerd in the 80s, c’mon, try and keep up. These little devils are pumped for a summer of gorging on junk food, reading nudie mags, catching up on reruns of Dynasty, and most of all, trying their luck with the girls over at Camp South Pines for Girls. We meet a few of our junior counselors, including Mason, the obnoxious Guido; Chris, the attentive older brother type; Stanley Runk, aka “Runk the Punk” who is, well, you can figure it out; and last but certainly not least, Franklin, who is super smug and really into philosophy and believes that society is governed based off of fear. Yeah, Franklin is “that guy.”

Unfortunately, everyone’s plans for a summer of debauchery and decadence are ruined by the arrival of Mr. Warren, the new camp director. Mr. Warren is kind of an old fuddy-duddy who speaks in a hushed voice and with great moral authority, so in other words, he’s supposed to remind you of Ronald Reagan. Anyway, Mr. Warren is like, no one is allowed to curse, smoke cigarettes, or drink booze, all of which seem like pretty boilerplate rules for a kid’s camp, but everyone acts like he’s a total fascist. What’s not as cool is when he rigs the TV in the rec room to only play the televangelist channel. OK, that sucks. They literally do that to punish Hannibal Lecter. Mr. Warren also decrees that the old rope bridge that leads to the girls’ camp is off limits, because it’s in disrepair and too dangerous. Damn, guess the panty raids are cancelled, huh?

Oh, and Mr. Warren is super into catching butterflies, which is a perfect hobby for this character in that it’s so innocent that it’s kinda weird at the same time. So he takes a bunch of little kids in Franklin’s bunk on a butterfly hunt, and one of them, I think his name is Eddie, comes back in tears, because he peed his pants. But Franklin somehow twists this around and concocts this story about Mr. Warren molesting Eddie. He even tells Runk the Punk about it. This is our first hint that there may be more wrong with Franklin than just being “that guy.”

Before long, our boys are engaging in shenanigans. Chris and Donald rig the TV in the rec room to play some good ol’ scramble vision porn, but Mr. Warren catches them, unplugs the TV, closes the rec room for good, and locks Chris up. Then it’s time for the cross-camp talent show! We get a rapping emcee, because he’s the only black kid in camp! Cool! Then three of the girls do an original song about how the girls will take care of the boys “down south” while dressed up like Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, and…um, I think also Madonna? For some reason Mr. Warren doesn’t seem to mind, perhaps the innuendo just goes over his head? But then, in easily the best scene in the movie, Runk the Punk and Mason do a totally bitchin’ lip sync to Fear’s classic “Beef Bologna.” This time, Mr. Warren understands that the song isn’t actually about lunch meat, and freaks out. He sends the girls home, and cancels the dance scheduled for next week. This proves to be the final straw. Franklin holds a campfire pow wow with some of the other counselors in training, plus Donald, who by the way owes Franklin a favor because he saved him from drowning one day. They decide to stage a coup and take Mr. Warren and the other counselors into custody. Viva la revolucion!

The next day, everyone springs into action. Franklin creates some unrest by starting a “Free Chris Wade!” chant, then head over to the administration building to bust Chris out. Mr. Warren and the other counselors are like, what the hell this is insane you’re acting like total jerks, at which point Franklin is like, oh no, we’re super serious about this whole revolution thing, and by the way, I have a gun. Oh shit, Franklin DOES have a gun. Mr. Warren and the counselors are lead into the administration building at gunpoint, and locked up. Chris is like, hey man, I appreciate you busting me out and all, but we’re not really gonna take the law into our own hands, right? To which Franklin is like, don’t worry, we’ll let them go soon, we just wanna have some fun, I’m definitely not a power-hungry sociopath. Yeah, this is the point in the movie where it becomes more and more clear that, despite his guarantees, Franklin miiiiiiiiight just be a power-hungry sociopath.

Feeling the rush of having staged a successful, bloodless revolution, Franklin decides to also liberate the girls camp. Before long, all of the boys and the girls are living together, and it’s just a nonstop hormonal jamboree. During one of the now nightly dances, Runk the Punk decides to bring in the tied up and gagged Mr. Warren, to torture him by making him witness all of the grinding and making out that’s going on. None of these kids are leaving room for the Holy Spirit! Chris and this girl Heather, whom he’s fond of, are like yo, what the hell, this is going too far! And Franklin is like, oh hey, I’m wearing military fatigues now, so don’t fuck with me, you’re excommunicated. He orders Runk the Punk to take Mr. Warren back to his like, prison cell or whatever, but along the way, Mr. Warren tries to fight back, kicking Runk the Punk a bunch of times.There’s a scuffle, and oh shit, Mr. Warren accidentally gets stabbed and dies! Whoa! When Franklin finds out, he orders Runk the Punk and some other dude to ditch Mr. Warren’s body down by the caves. They’re in too deep now, there’s no turning back.

Things start to take a turn into Lord of the Flies territory. Franklin decrees that anyone who talks to Chris or Heather will be punished, and names Donald minister of propaganda. The whole free love thing turns dark too, when Mason rapes Joanie, whom you may remember as Cyndi Lauper from the talent show. Donald and another girl catch him, and he’s put on trial. Mason acts like a super gross, misogynist piece of shit, and Franklin decides that, as punishment, Mason will be forced to cross the rope bridge, hand over hand. If he lives, then he’s innocent. If he dies, then, well, he’s dead? He makes it, but then decides to mouth off to all of the girls, which is a bad idea, because they literally form a mob and Lynch him. Holy hell! I mean, it’s hard to feel bad for this piece of shit, but I didn’t think the movie was gonna go THERE.

At this point, some of the campers start to think that maybe this whole revolution thing wasn’t the best idea, while others just go more and more insane. Donald uses his computer nerd skillz to try and contact the outside world, but gets caught, and is sentenced to also walk the rope bridge. But Donald is a total dork, he’s gonna die for sure! Chris decides this is the time for the counter-revolution to begin. As Donald flails along on the rope bridge, losing his precious glasses in the process (which of course made me think of the classic Milhouse gag, “I need those to live!!!”), some of the kids start just straight up wailing on Franklin and his gang. Runk the Punk gets thrown off the hill, wow! Chris punches the shit out of Franklin’s face until he’s hamburger meat, whoa! Then the cops show up, somehow? Anyway, since Donald had been keeping his tape recorder diary thing, the cops are like, ok, we’re arresting the perps, everyone else get on the buses, you’re going home. Franklin is in the back of a cop car. The cop is like, we’re gonna contact your parents in Europe, implying that Franklin was never this salt of the Earth revolutionary, just a fucked up rich kid looking for some kicks at any cost. Whatever, man.

It probably wouldn’t surprise you to learn that Summer Camp Nightmare was co-written by none other than Penelope Spheeris. Early in her career, before she got famous thanks to directing the Wayne’s World movie, Spheeris excelled in this kind of movie: the kind of story that starts out looking like a typical popcorn flick, before descending into pure darkness. She did the same thing with Suburbia, her excellent film about a group of punk squatters living in Los Angeles, which features one of the heaviest, most gut-punching endings to any movie I’ve ever seen. If she and director/co-writer Bert L. Dragin were trying to combine Meatballs with Lord of the Flies, then they definitely succeeded. It’s far from pleasant, especially when things get rapey and murdery, but that’s the point. Subversion is the name of the game. Best of all, both sides are judged in equally harsh terms. Mr. Warren may be a sanctimonious dick, but Franklin’s way is even worse, and it doesn’t let either of them off the hook. It’s a somber note to close up Camp Analog Scum on, but hopefully next year won’t be quite as macabre. Though I doubt it…

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#analogscum #campanalogscum #summercampnightmare #penelopespheeris #bertldragin #summercamp #horror #thriller #drama #exploitation #vhs #vhsisnotdead #vhsishappiness #bekindrewind #feedyourvcr #tapehead #tapeheads #1987 #embassyhomeentertainment

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