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nekokoaa · 10 months

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The Agreement - Miguel O'Hara x Therapist!Reader (II)

Summary: It was simple. No kissing. No sex. Hugs and hand-holding only. The goal was to help Miguel feel a little less lonely sometimes. That was your job as one of the therapists at HQ, to mentally stabilize everyone’s mind, including the boss’s.

In other words, you and Miguel make a deal.

Rated Explicit, fluff, smut

3.1K words | (2/5) chapters

Chapters:

(I) (II) (III) (IV) (V)

Author's notes: Good news, this fic has been extended to 5 chapters! 6 if I decide to do a chapter in Miguel's POV. We'll see! Also I think some people reached out to me about a tag list! Definitely comment on this post if you want to be added :)

Also on AO3

II.

The first session was the staple of this agreement for a while. To the point where it felt like you were disturbing Miguel when you would appear after his missions. You thought it was when he needed you the most. With the job comes the stress—the anxiety. Every spider-person knew that whether you were one month in or had years on the job. You all knew there was only one person who could protect the people and it was a cesspool of pressure all spider-people were carrying.

Including Miguel.

So you would visit him after his missions with the intention of closing that cesspool. And every time, he would greet you with that scowl on his face. It would be there from the beginning to the moment you're sliding your hand over his, innocently, gently. A touch he hasn’t felt in God knows how long. A touch he ignored he needed, but never complained about.

In the first few sessions, little was said between you two. Mostly talked about mission statuses and the mental health of the spider-people. Within time, the topics expanded to your universes and your homes. Nueva York being his. New York was yours. And later, by the end of every session, you were discovering layers of Miguel most didn’t know about.

It left you curious to the point where you looked forward to his sessions every week. You tried not to cross any boundaries—but you ended up sharing more about yourself with him than other spider-people. Usually, you were the one listening and advising.

“Cat got your tongue, has it?” It wasn’t the sound of Hobie’s voice that pulled you from your thoughts but the light strum of his guitar, the normally loud instrument’s sound was weakened without an amp. As always, he lounged on your office couch, feet kicked up on the armrest with his guitar on his lap.

“Not necessarily,” you responded, feeling embarrassed that you had spaced out when he was talking. Noticing, Hobie smirked. He loved it when things seemed awry.

“I seen it all. Little Miss Perfect in her head. Maybe I should be the doc and you’re the patient, yeah?”

“Maybe we should start having these sessions during the day. You do know it’s 1 AM.” Late sessions with Hobie felt more like you were hanging out with a friend. A waste of time but much-needed company.

“So?” Hobie shrugged, a melody was released from the strings. “Night is when the fun happens, mate.”

And Hobie was right. Your sessions with Miguel were always late in the night when most spider-people returned to their universes. Miguel would still be working, red eyes on those orange screens. You would be next to him, close to where you could feel each other’s heat. Sometimes presence was just enough. During these sessions, the clock’s minute hand would move a little too fast. An hour went by like a minute and then you would overstay. You didn’t know what to call those moments after. It was better to not give them a name.

You would leave and return with two coffees. Miguel would thank you, pulling away from his work and then you would chat till the night aged. The night never expired without hearing one of Miguel’s witty but rude comments.

And when you would give him a smile and your hand went on his bicep, it meant you were leaving.

It meant the fun was over.

Yeah, Hobie was definitely right. You were way too much in your head. Even now as the clocks strike 10 PM as you waited for Miguel in his office. Tonight wasn’t a session, but you wanted to check in to see how he was doing. That was normal, right? Checking in? Not like you did it to anyone else but it was still normal in your mind.

It was better than returning to your universe—to your empty white-walled apartment. There were memories buried within that place that you would like to forget.

First came the tremors, and then the tiny hairs on your skin erected. The pen you were holding slipped from your fingers, levitating above you. Gravity no longer existed for small objects and the air became dry but moist at the same time. It was like logic itself was confused as reality was torn open by a yellow portal and who emerged from it was, of course, Miguel fully covered in his spider suit. The sight so familiar, you had thought back to when you were first recruited by the Spider Society.

Imprisoned by the white walls of your apartment, you felt that same energy shift and that yellow portal appeared in your room like a stain. But to you, it was a hexagonal halo around Miguel who emerged from it, reaching into your universe, saying the words, “doc, we need your help.”

Life was never dull after that.

“Do I look like a blue panther to you?” Miguel approached you with his arms out. You hummed, turning your head sideways as your eyes trace over Miguel’s figure. The yellow portal closed behind him, and soon reality had returned to its natural state. You could feel Miguel getting annoyed the longer it took for you to answer. His hands went on his hips, eyes narrowing.

“Wellll….”

“Ugh, give me a break,” he brushed past you as you laughed. You followed him, grabbing hold of his arm to stop him from walking away.

“I’m kidding! Kidding!”

“ Ha ha ,” he scoffed, shrugging his arm out of your grasp. Like a red laser, his webs shot out from his wrist and he lifted himself onto his floating platform. Even after his missions, he still dived back into work. “Lyla, create a new recruit profile for Gwen Stacy, Spider-Woman from Earth-65.”

“Earth-65?” You webbed yourself after him, peeking from behind his back to look at the orange-screened monitors. “I thought that was one of the universes we’re not recruiting.”

“Jess wanted her to join. She helped us capture Vulture and… I guess she did a pretty good job at it.” Miguel pulled up a hologram of the security camera in the Villains Cell Block. Jess was processing the captured Vulture to send him home in the next line up and next to her was a teenager with blond hair, the ends of it dyed soft pink. You assumed that was Gwen as Miguel zoomed in on her face.

It was rare to impress Miguel so much that he was willing to bend his own rules. Gwen Stacy from 65 was friends with the anomaly. “Cool, then I’ll schedule a session with her. Can’t wait to meet her.”

“What are you even doing here anyway?” Miguel asked, giving you a side-eye glance as he swiped the hologram away. A few more popped up about the last mission he was on and a couple more he had to do in the future. “We did our session this week.”

“Aah,” you had rehearsed your reason several times before arriving in his office and your mind still came up blank. “Just… checking in.”

You could tell he raised his eyebrow behind his mask, “Checking in?”

“Uh yeah, isn’t that normal?” You so wanted to bury yourself underground.

“Then you must have a lot of free time on your hands, doc.” Miguel shook his head, not bothering to inquire more. Not like he had any time to. His mask disintegrated and he shifted his focus to his work. You would’ve left him alone at that point because Miguel didn’t like to be disturbed once he got started until you noticed something off about his face.

“What happened to your lip?” You asked, noticing the dried blotch of blood on the corner of his bottom lip. It even looked a bit swollen.

He let out something like a sigh, a groan, or something in between before speaking quickly. “I don’t know probably happened in the fight or something—Lyla!”

“You should treat it. It could get worse, maybe even infected.” Your fingers grazed his jaw, tilting his head slightly up while tiptoeing to examine the cut. Perhaps, it was because of these sessions that you have gotten so used to touching Miguel. Before, you would’ve earned a warning scratch on your hand by now so something had changed in him as well.

“Infected?” Miguel let out a condescending laugh, his fangs making an appearance. His brown eyes deepened into red as they looked you down. It was almost as if he was mocking you. “Don’t you know who you’re talking to?”

“Does it matter? We’re still human, aren’t we?” It was a question you received so often from your patients that you suddenly found yourself asking that exact same thing. You had yet to find an answer that made sense. Yes, you’re human. No, you’re not. Maybe it was easier to not create a binary answer and to just go with what you believed in. At least that’s what you told your patients when they sat on your office couch. They seemed to have accepted that answer.

Miguel, however, felt different. He turned to face you, his large hand encircling your wrist as he pulled your hand away from his face. He stepped forward with a slight sway, and that was when you realized the size difference between you two. He might as well have been a skyscraper, casting a shadow over your figure and shielding you from the orange glow of the screens. His head was tilted up but his eyes—damn, his eyes barreled down on you, locked on like a sniper scope. It was predatory. And you had never felt so small before in your life.

“More than,” he answered lowly, releasing your hand from his grip and then he returned to his work.

You stood there, holding your wrist which was hot to the touch as your heart boomed against your ear drums. There was a dull ache in your head and shivers ran up your spine. It could only mean one thing. Your spidey senses were alerted. It happened a couple of times when Miguel would get this way. But he never hurt you. He would never. So why was every fiber of your being telling you to run from him?

You swallowed air, anything to get yourself to calm down. Hesitating, you glanced at Miguel who had buried himself in his work, seeming to have forgotten you were in the room.

More than human. You had never thought of yourself more superior to the people you were saving. Maybe it was because you used to believe you were the only one with powers in your entire universe. It was easier to think of yourself as an unfortunate freak burdened with the duty of justice. But when you walk the halls of HQ, surrounded by like-minded spider-people in staggering numbers, you could understand Miguel’s point of view. All of you were strong, intellectually smart, and capable of doing extraordinary things that are beyond the capabilities of humans. And then you have Mayday who was born with these abilities.

You knew the dangers that could come with having a superiority complex. Even then, Miguel was someone you couldn’t exactly leave alone no matter what he thought or how often he pushed you away. It wasn’t something you could explain. Did a moth ever question why it was attracted to the light, beautiful but deadly to its soul? All you knew was that it was better than being alone wandering aimlessly in the dark.

You left and returned with a medkit in your hands. A tap on Miguel’s shoulder earned quiet mumbles from him, claiming he was going insane for being interrupted before he looked at you, brown eyes flicking between the medkit and your face.

You were as stubborn as he was and he knew you wouldn’t get off his back unless you got what you wanted. So, with a sigh, Miguel followed you off the platform to a large metal block you urged him to sit on.

You opened the medkit, pulling out the items you needed to treat his wound. Miguel stayed quiet. You could feel his eyes on your face, looking over every part of you. It was hard to ignore it considering how piercing his stare could get like he was trying to uncover the deepest parts of your soul.

“God, I feel like I’m always giving in to you,” he spitted out, hissing when you pressed a moist rag to his lip a little too hard.

“Good.”

“Just means you’re always in my way.”

“Still a good thing.”

He rolled his eyes and then they went right back on you. You were so focused on cleaning the blood off his lip that you didn’t notice how close you got to his face.

“You know, puedes sentarte .” You were startled to hear another language in your ear. More or less, you understood him, moving to sit next to him until you felt Miguel’s hand on your hip stopping you mid-motion to guide you on top of his lap. “Better.”

You let out a less than graceful squeak, cheeks flushing, “O-Okay.” You were taken aback but then you remembered the agreement. As long as there was no kissing, no sex, then this was fine, right?

You continued to tend to Miguel’s cut, ignoring your steadily rising heart rate, but you were also admiring Miguel’s face. His high cheekbones, sharp jaw, and loose curly hair were perfectly combed back. He was definitely a handsome man and he had the most perfect body. You have never seen such wide shoulders in your life.

“You’re like a mother—sort of.”

“What the fuck,” you frowned. It wasn’t something you wanted to hear while sitting on this man’s lap especially when you were internally praising him.

“There was a time when I came home from school with my lip busted after beating up this bully and my mom did what you’re doing.” It was slight but Miguel’s expression softened. He was looking at you but you could tell the warmth in his eyes was from recalling an old memory. It was the first time he brought up his family, and you couldn’t help but smile at him.

“You were a troublesome kid, weren’t you?” You joked, placing a small bandage over his cut.

“My dad thought I was too, probably why he busted the other side of my lip after.”

You stiffened, smile immediately dropping. You weren’t foreign to domestic violence stories from your patients back in your universe. It was a sensitive topic, but knowing Miguel, he didn’t want to be coddled about it.

“Sorry,” your fingers brushed the other side of his lip. There was no cut there but you could imagine the pain he went through when his father struck him. “Your dad sounds like an asshole.”

“He was.”

“I… wanted to be one, a mother,” you admitted. “When I got married to Harry, I couldn’t wait to start a family. I wanted a little girl like Mayday, cute with the fattest cheeks. But I only had a 5% chance of conceiving, my doctor told me it was nearly impossible, and when Harry found out… Well, he divorced me. Something about my inability to continue the Osborn family line...”

You spoke without looking at him. You were still ashamed of the reason for your divorce. Harry made it feel like you were a failure of a woman. He was a misogynistic asshole that only viewed women as a means to continue his family line. You wondered what spell he cast on you to make you fall in love with him because looking back, he never seriously cared about you as a person.

It took you a year and a half to recover from the hurt. The white walls of your apartment would remind you of every argument you had with him, of when he berated you, of when he made you feel less than. You spiraled into a hole you never wanted to be in again.

Little Miss Perfect. Gosh, you were far from it.

You noticed Miguel’s hand was stroking your thigh. He looked… sad. He probably understood you the most when it came to wanting a family.

“It’s a canon event for some, you know. A spider-person must go through a breakup… But after, we always find love, right?” You shrugged, smiling softly after.

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” It was rare to hear Miguel sound soft, his voice lower than you ever heard it before. His large hand never stopped treading along your thigh to your hips and then back down again. Slow and agonizing, mapping out your shape. You wondered when you got so close to him, both hands resting on his strong shoulders, chests nearly together. You were slowly gravitating towards him—to the heat of his lips. Those red eyes were normally deadly but now it was with something else, flicking between your lips and eyes. Want, desire, and everything in between.

Surely, you didn’t know what to call this moment. It was better to not give it a name. It was better to just give in because it’s been so so long since you’ve been touched. Didn’t you deserve it? Didn’t he? The hand upon your thigh felt hot, you could feel it through your spidey suit. How glorious would it be if it was upon your bare skin?

Your head was too noisy. Your morals screaming. No kissing! No sex! He’s your patient! Any excuse you thought of appeared, making you resist.

It was too much. You lowered your head before Miguel could lean in any further. His lips were so close that his hot breath was brushing your cheek in waves. You couldn’t bear it so you slightly pushed against his chest to create some space. “I… have to go.”

You managed to say, moving to stand but you felt resistance from his hand on your hip as it held you in place. You and Miguel shared a look. For once, he wanted you to stay.

But you weren’t going to be held back by that look in his eyes.

“Good night, Miguel…” With a flick of your wrist, a string of webs shot out towards the ceiling and you quickly slipped yourself out of Miguel’s hold and out of his office.

Miguel remained still for a moment, almost like he was frozen in time. But once it settled with him that you left, his hand that was on your hip closed so tight into a fist, it began to tremble. A heavy sigh passed through his lips while his other hand moved to pinch the bridge of his nose. He just needed a moment.

Just a moment to realize not everything he holds in his arms disappears from his life for good.

Within time, he spoke.

“Lyla.”

Lyla generated next to him, floating by his head. “Yeah, Miguel?”

“Did you finish creating the profile?”

“One, you didn’t say please. Two, I didn’t want to interrupt,” grinned Lyla.

Miguel groaned until his back met with metal and draped an arm over his eyes. “Do I look like I’m in the mood for jokes?”

“When are you ever?” Lyla was expecting Miguel’s usual quips to her antics, but when she received nothing but silence from him, she frowned and gave in to his request. “Fiiiine, profile was done ages ago but I wasn’t joking when I said I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Next Chapter

#miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel ohara #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara x you #marvel #sony #spider man: across the spider verse #spider man: into the spider verse #fanfiction #fluff #angst #smut #the agreement

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bzjohndory · 25 days

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What are Poppy and Viva like in the BroZone diner AU? You said their regulars but how often do they should up and what’s their dynamic like with the bros?

GOD I REALLY WANTED TO DRAW THIS BUT i dont think ill ever finish my sketch i had for this ask so here:

They show up AT LEAST every other day, if not everyday.

Wanted to keep some key components in their story so personalities are the same but heres what i formed abt them

-Viva and Poppy are half sisters in this AU :)

-Viva was from King Peppy’s first marriage and after they divorced the ex-wife ended up with custody of Viva. Viva’s mom was probably in a weird mental state after the divorce and Viva had to be more resourceful and mature than a kid should be (Viva was really young when they divorced and having to leave her home and her dad scared the shit out of her so she tried staying in her mom’s home as much as possible so she could take care of her mom and make sure they weren’t going to move again. I think she just wanted to protect her one sense of stability)

-Viva found out abt Poppy after King Peppy remarried and Viva was looking for her dad, she longed to see Poppy and her Dad but never wanted to leave her home

-Poppy visits the area Viva lives in by complete coincidence and Viva recognizes her and Poppy stays in her and her mom’s home for a week

-Viva hasnt registered that Poppy has to leave so when Poppy brings it up of having to meet up with Branch to go she panics and shuts Poppy out

-Poppy slides a note saying where she will be going and after a lot Viva finally makes the trip to see what this new place is like

-Poppy introduces her to Brozone Diner and immediately Viva recognizes Clay from an online chatting site the two frequently talked on esp when Viva rarely willingly left the house and Clay wanted to escape his brothers for a bit

-the two are BFFS and made an association for those who are isolated and want to meet those like them

AS FOR DYNAMICS

Poppy-Branch: high school best friends and have a similar dynamic to the movie counter part but have not started dating

Poppy - Floyd: FUCKING BEST FRIENDS I DIE ON THIS HILL they are very comfortable with each other and probably dye eachother’s hair and use the same dye

Poppy-Clay: good friends, id say poppy really looks up to Clay and gets along well with him but gets ahead of herself saying embarrassing shit being too excited since she admires him a lot

Poppy- Bruce: i dont imagine they talk every day but they’re friendly to eachother

Poppy - John Dory: PROBABLY BEST FRIENDS TOO i love this duo personally a lot so some of this is definitely just indulgence but they’re like really alike and talk a lot when JD should be working

Viva - Branch: likes him endearingly as shes very happy her sister found somebody to love

Viva - Floyd: good acquaintances, Viva is comfortable with him and looks out for him

Viva - Clay: Best friends she found solace in him when she could barely get any social interaction outside of online friends; they have been BFFS since their middle school days and are the same age too, Viva probably thinks of him as her favorite person

Viva-Bruce: is the biggest uplifter and complimenter of Bruce’s food if there was a bruce food fan club shes the president, theyre good friends i imagine

Viva - John Dory: MAN. THE OLDER SIBLING DUO. DONT TALK TO ME THEY MAKE ME SICKKKKK. Twin flames literally and also they join together when it comes to pranking their younger siblings

#brozone diner asks

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thisisthinprivilege · 4 months

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ANONYMOUS PLEASE <3 I’m at my wit’s end with my mother. I wanted to complain about her fatphobia, and I also wanted to you thank you for how reading here has helped me and my sisters.

I’m a small fat in my 40s. I’ve been a bigger fat, and I’ve also been very, very skinny. I developed anorexia at about age 6 due to the usual issues one develops that from and was thinner than thin until I finally started to actually recover. I got very fat very quickly on the drugs I was put on, then dropped down in size to small fat once I stabilized and didn’t need them. No idea what my “comfortable” or “natural” size would have been without so much damage, but I’m going to guess “about this”, since it’s what I am when I’m neither restricting to the point of heart damage, nor on drugs that also made me sick in many other ways. For me, a comfortable size is the size I have when I’m not actively altering it in ways that hurt me, so I’m not going to question it.

My next younger sister, however, is a bigger fat, and pretty much always has been. In her 30s, she’s fat in a way that does restrict her clothing options and employment (she once told me that an interviewer had given her “feedback” on a job interview, and it was that she looked “sloppy”. She was wearing perfectly nice, clean, pressed, professional clothes- and expensive clothes of course, as that’s the rule for bigger clothes as we know. She was just fat in them.) Being “healthy” doesn’t really matter to this - and indeed if it did I wouldn’t have half of this rant - but she is. Fit and strong, great at physical things like endurance sports in a way I never have been. She is also perhaps the most self-aware and level-headed person I have ever met about stuff like this. When what people say bothers her, she will discuss her feelings and not try to hide them or their impact, but she will also deconstruct, and conclude that what the person has said is stupid. So it’s like she neither tries to pretend she’s immune to harm, nor allows others to be right in hurting her.

And she eats exactly what she wants, and since we’re both autistic this also includes pickiness on sensory stuff - she doesn’t eat what she doesn’t want to, and does eat what she does. She was a great person to be around during my recovery, even though I never even mentioned to her at the time that I was in it (I didn’t tell anyone in my family about it until years later,) just because she made food such a non-issue.

And our mother will not shut up about her size. Our mother is also fat, we’re a fat family, but my mother decided years ago that I am the one to make my sister “address her weight.” I literally left the country to get away from my family (not related to this specifically) and she STILL emails me about it. I don’t respond to those emails. I DO have lovely chats with my beloved sister on Skype though.

I have tried all your scripts with my mom before - the team here have SO many great scripts that have worked wonderfully for me in other situations, like work or friend groups. I have told my mother I don’t agree, many times backed up with sources (sources thanks to you!) I have told her I’m not interested in the conversation and have hung up or walked away when she has persisted. I’ve called her out when she tries it on in public on multiple occasions. She will not stop. She is convinced that my extremely wonderful, fit and thriving, very happy sister is at death’s door. She’s also convinced that I, a person who has been repeatedly hospitalized for ED and the mental complications that caused it (which she now knows all about, and in fact did visit me in hospital the last time I was in, which was only a few years ago by the way) am the person to talk to her about it and make her see the error of her ways. My sister and I talk quite openly about this, and we’re both agreed our mother is full of shit and we’ll both be ignoring this. We both have also decided to persist in having a relationship with her, though with BIG boundaries around it. (Trust me, this fat bullshit is the thin edge of the wedge with her, and we’re both VERY exacting about when we will talk to her and what about. But we also both love our mother, and she’s the only parent we have.) The thing I’m most struggling with I think is that as I said, our mother is also fat. I actually feel some real sympathy here as I’m aware she’s clearly projecting her own issues on both of her daughters, but god is it mean. She couldn’t see how sick I was when I was skinny, even though I was very literally beginning to die (in fact, all she had to say to me was to mention my weight when I got fat) and she can’t see how happy my sister is in her life, because she’s fat so can’t possibly be happy, and she’s still, now, as perhaps some last gasp of control, attempting to make us fight each other over it.

It hasn’t worked, thankfully, and it never will.

My mom has many other issues, I’m sure, but my god, it is sometimes quite astounding to look at what hell fatphobia hath wrought on my mom’s psyche and ideas of being a parent. I’m grateful my sister(s) and I instead read blogs like this so we’ll hopefully pass a lot less of this on. So I guess this rant is half a complaint and half a thanks. It’s been really helpful to be able to come here and read, for both of us (and our younger sisters as well, who we are steadily converting), to remind ourselves that mom’s wrong. My sister is fat and an exceptional person. I’m fat now too, and the world didn’t end (and in fact actually got a lot better.) Our mom is just plain fucking wrong. Anyway, thank you. I know you’re not planning to be as active with new posts lately, but please know that you’ve been wonderful this whole time, and keeping your archives up is of immense help to at least this one group of sisters. It's been awesome to relay one of the younger ones to an older post from time to time (actually quite a few times!) Note: I wanted to tag ED as I do mention it but I don't see it in the list of tags under submission. I tagged "trigger warning", "Weightloss", and "food" to hopefully cover it.

Apologies for the first post of this.

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sunisglowing · 2 years

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ʜᴏᴡ ᴡɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ꜱᴘᴏᴜꜱᴇ?

♡ pick an olivia intuitively ♡

Pile 1

You may dream about your future spouse before meeting them. You will also see a lot of synchronicities. However you meet them, which I will explain more don't worry!, you will have that inner knowing that they are the one. There will be an intuitive connection between you both. You will be having a lot of fun when you will meet your future spouse. Maybe at a party or some celebration. It might be through a creative project or something that makes you feel really joyfull.

You will meet them after you have left something that had put you under a lot of pressure. It may also be that you might meet them at a time even there is a lot on your shoulders, a lot of responsibilities to carry. All this stress and heaviness might make you blind towards what you makes you happy or you will just be a little trapped in the business and you may need to take some time out for yourself.

This person will light your world up!! They will maje you really happy and exited. Maybe you were stuck in a routine and the daily mundane. You might be building up your skills and creating a stable foundation for yourself. You mental health will be weak at that time because of financial and work stress. You might meet them at work or in something that's formal. You might meet them at a time when you might have to persevere and show a lot of strength and courage, more so generally going through life like that. You will be guarded at the first time you meet them but try to release some of the control and stress and this person I feel will help you distress!!🧡

I hope this resonates with you Pile1!! Have a great day or night ahead, whenever you are reading this!!🧡🧡

Pile 2

Okay so you guys will meet them at a time when you are starting something new, like a passion project moreso!! Maybe you are going to school or taking a creative course!! Specifically this is something creative, starting a creative project or Investing in your hobbies and passions!! You will meet them at a time when you are HAPPY!! Like you all will be doing your own thing and you will be very inspired or motivated!! Maybe you are an influencer or you will be inspiring other people on social media doing something creative and unique. And that's how they will be able to find you!!

So you might meet them online!! This person might be very intelligent and you two will chat a lot together at your first meeting, whether it's online or face to face. They might be very different from you and that will make you doubt this connection!! But after getting to know and actually talking to each other more, you two will realize that despite you differences, you two will mesh well together!! There's a feeling of stability you'll feel and both of you will feel that talking to each other!!🧡

I hope this resonates with you Pile 2!! Have a great day or night ahead, whenever you are reading this!!🧡🧡

Pile 3

You might meet them at a time when you are facing a lot of coming and challenges. But i dont think you are struggling because you are winning. Yes that might be stressful but still you will take on that challenge. It might be that this person is someone you might have a crush on for a very long time and this person has a lot of admirers!! That could be a potential competition to you!!

You might meet them at a party or celebration of some sort!! Even if there are many admirers you will catch their attention. You will take that leave of faith and you will definitely win them over!! You will enjoy each other's company and there will be mutual attraction between you two!! There's a childlike essence in yhis relationship and this feels really pure abd innocent!! You might meet them at a family gathering to or at a birthday party!! You will feel very comfortable and secure in their presence!! You might have started something new specially in the material and work sphere during that time!! They will find you really nurturing!!🧡

I hope this resonates with you Pile 3!! Have a great day or night ahead, whenever you are reading this!!🧡🧡

Pile 4

Okay you might meet them at as soon as you enter college or a new semester!! To keep it simply, you are doing pretty in life or should i say great!! You will be inpendent and you will be doing your own thing!! You will meet them at an institution or a structured environment. This is something new!! You might be alone during that time not so much in a sad way!! I guess you'll be very busy and you will be focused in your work and projects!! You will be taking small steps and growing slowly in life specially in your skills!! You will see the fruits of your labour!! You will be working hard during that time and hustling!!

You might have manifested this person in your life. Maybe you bought a roze quartz or a love crystal!! You will have a lot of opportunities for growth and your career!! You'll be busy for sure and life will be very happening for you!! They might be a mentor or coach of some sort!! You are really talented and hard working and they will see and highly admire that about you!!🧡

I hope this resonates with you Pile 4!! Have a great day or night ahead, whenever you are reading this!!🧡🧡

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dubiouscats · 4 months

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Heck yea chugged half a water bottle after brushing my teeth feeling energized for once can’t wait to listen to music full blast with my imaginary scenarios

< mental stability has left the chat >

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haven-is-happy · 6 months

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How Battle Changes: Jesse

Chapter 6

Pairing: Dogma x Jedi!reader, platonic Wolfpack,

Chapter description: Jesse reaches a boiling point with you

Warnings: unhealthy eating habits, reader has very little mental health stability, big emotions, angst

Wordcount: 1,3 k (it keeps fucking happening, most of the chapters are this long)

Masterlist

There are times when you just wish to be left alone. You lock yourself in your room, soundproofing it with technology and force as much as possible. Meditation is hard below the surface of Coruscant, but you suppose imagining the temple gardens will have to do.

It's been weeks since Fives left for Kamino. He volunteered to infiltrate it as a standard guard stationed there, as he felt useless just sitting in your apartment all day.

"At least this way I can get you any information about the living conditions there," he justified, when he pitched the idea to you.

Guard duty for politicians never really fit him, and now that you are a public figure, almost all he has to guard you against is poisons that he can't see.

It took only two sessions of laser tattoo-removal and shaving for him to lose all his outward individuality, a process that hurt to carry out and look at.

And Jesse, ever the leader, wanted to refuse him, even if he can't command him like an ARC anymore.

You never asked if it was because he wanted his brother to stay, or because he had been the one itching for action, even if the "mission" was stealth.

You rarely talk to him. He's grown cold in the months since the trial and his official exit from the GAR, mostly towards you.

Dogma relays him messages from you now.

Which leads to countless fights, as most of your orders are for them to guard you during speeches and senate meetings and dinners.

All things Jesse finds entirely useless, something he never fails to point out to Dogma in private.

“How are you alright with this? They can expose Krell and you can get your honour back! We could go back to the GAR! All they do is give grand monologues and chat with representatives!” Jesse points out. The conversation has been increasing in intensity, now visibly becoming a fight.

Dogma sucks in a trembling breath. That topic weighs more to him than the black hole at the centre of the Galaxy. His love for you never seems to end and he understands more than anyone why your path is the only viable option.

However, the ugly resentment doesn’t disappear on its own, and like a hydra, comes back no matter how many heads you cut off. He could have it all back, be a soldier again, follow orders, all three of them. Fives and Jesse could be back, be ARC troopers again.

This time, he isn’t explaining the situation only to himself.

“For this to succeed, they need to have the bargaining chip against the Council and Senate.”

“WE’RE BECOMING THE CORRIE GUARD!” Jesse roars back in rapid fire.

He isn’t stupid. He knows that politicians face a different kind of danger. One not immediately clear to sight, something concealed with plots within plots within plots.

But those plots were aimed at bad people, no? Scum who live off profits and spoils of war, invest in machines made to destroy en masse.

“(Y/N) has put themselves into an early grave to save our asses! There would have been no official trial, once the verdict has been given, we’d have ceased to exist! They saved our lives and continue to do so by protecting us with their own body! Their shield only exists because they hold that information…” he yells it out for the world to hear, as if anything could get out of the bustling lower levels of the Coruscant streets.

—

The yelling match between Dogma and Jesse lasted until early morning. You emerged from your meditation room to try to dispel the tension.

Their auras were so loud they pierced your mind even through the walls and your own eyelids.

Just the door being thrown open is enough to make them both stop dead. Jesse with an open mouth, mid-retort, and Dogma with his hands up (which gradually fall).

"Dogma, please go to the meditation chamber and turn on the soundproofing system," you say softly. It isn't a command, more like a request poised like one.

He looks at you to plead his (or Jesse's) case, but the determination and subtle twitch in your eyebrow tell him that this is a conversation between four eyes.

You lock eyes with Jesse and stare. His mouth slowly closes and you don't look away, even when you hear the door click into place and the soft whirr of the soundproofing system booting up.

"I want to tell you something, and I want you to listen. I know you are angry because I took you from the only semblance of a home you had, and I want to tell you my perspective."

Jesse clenches his jaw and shifts his posture. A gesture with his arm, a sort of "by all means, go ahead" signal, tells you to sit down on the couch, while he sits on the small sofa angled towards you.

You sit and take a deep breath.

From the bottom of your heart, a string pulls.

One of sorrow, anger, longing and distress that has been tangling itself around your Force presence ever since the start of the war.

"I was taken into the order as a child. I was three years old. I don't know who my parents were, or if they're alive. You've heard this speech multiple times when I gave it in front of the court, then the senate, and then in public who knows how many times."

"But that's not all I know. The best information I tracked down is a system under the separatist rule used as a slave world. The master who found me died on Geonosis at the start of the war. I was actively discouraged from finding my biological family."

"The Order, the one place where I felt safe when the colours of the world got too much, is no longer an option for me. My master, the closest thing I had to a father, cannot interact with me, unless we meet in secret. My friends, my pack, have strict orders to not interact with me, and I have only seen a handful of them since the trial."

"None of us have a support system currently. I know you have come to terms with what happened in the courtroom, but there is more. You may never go back to the GAR as is, maybe ever."

"They do not value an individual clone as human life. The Vode likes to joke and say they are replaceable, but the harsh reality is worse."

You exhale. Jesse is still listening, jaw set, unmoving.

"Jesse, the Vode calls me "brothers' vengeance", praise me and tell me of their stories, not knowing I can't keep solid food down if I have a speech in the same week."

His eyes finally leave yours as they look down at his feet.

He heard about your nickname and found it amusing, if a little ironic at the start. He flinches when he hears you repeat his name.

"I am fighting for my life to give you a chance, give all of your brothers a chance at life if this war ever decides to end."

"I have been in love with Dogma for two years. I know that if the clones got human rights tomorrow, I would marry him, Jedi code be damned. It feels like we are wasting the precious time we have left by fighting a losing battle," you feel like you're saying word vomit at this point. The thread unravelled so fast it snapped beneath the force of the pull.

"I know you want it all back. So do I. But by charging in, neither of us will live to see tomorrow."

You don't remember much after that. At some point, Jesse starts crying and you join.

When Dogma leaves the meditation room, he comes out to see the love of his life and his brother embracing and crying, finally setting aside their differences.

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

#star wars #star wars x reader #the clone wars #tcw dogma #clone trooper dogma #dogma x reader #clone x reader #clone wars x reader #clone x reader bingo

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monsterfloofs · 8 months

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Life update time again! Just to put something here, just to reflect and think!

Honestly, life has been . . .wild! But it's been good. Better, perhaps than it's been in a long while.

Lots of ramblin' here, so don't mind me x//Dc

I haven't been writing very much, but I have gotten a job that has ultimately left me pretty happy and has felt good for my mental health. It's doing food deliveries via Uber. And a lot of time, I am in my own company, listening to music and every so often coming into contact with a person. Which I do well with one-on-one interactions to begin with. Yet the fluxuation between the kind of money you make between the highs and lows of the week, and the responcibility of knowing you have to set aside taxes and never feeling like you have made enough has also given me this strange wobble between the sensation of stability and anxiety it has been woof!

I come home feeling like I have done well, yet looking at the money I have to reserve for taxes makes me double think. Perhaps I haven't done as well for myself as I think. x//D

And a new job starting soon, a job in a library which, I am very VERY hopeful for.

Shelving books and being a little crytid beyond the walls of tomes. I love existing in libraries period. The quiet the serenity there, it's one of the only public spaces that allow people to tarry. Without expecting some kind of compromise in return.

And gosh, making friends and hanging out with friends both new and old and just?!?!?

That has been a m a z i n g!!

I have been drawing a lot for friends, and that has also been such a highlight to me. There are times where I really do question if I would make a good artist. X//D

Because truely, one of my greatest joys is drawing things for friends. It's like an unspoken love language from me. The little kid in my heart still doodling away for friends like they did in elementary school.

Making art for others, would be along the lines of gift giving technically, now that I think more about it. While not a tangible gift usually, since many of them are on the internet. Rendered art or even just doodles and silly drawings feel heartfelt. It makes my heart feel full. Like, being able to bring joy into someones life by trying to depict something they hold dear.

It feels like magic.

And other than doom scrolling on social media, between drawing, chatting and rest. I have been watching a handful of Transformers shows. Which, once I get back into writing on here, I think I have some design ideas rolling around for the virus robot. ⛦◜▿◝ ) So I may try to sketch that soon? And continue working on Caroignes art. . . and oof. . .

The birthday is coming. . . last year I had a bit of mental breakdown, which wasn't so great honestly. >-< ;; ) I can't say I am ready to embrace the day with open arms and excitment. . . but I have been thinking about what might make the day a little easier.

What could make it fun and feel not so daunting? I am still trying to wrack my brain about that! I have five days to figure it out, so we shall see what happens, I suppose x//Dc

#floofyrambles

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wtfcl0ud · 11 months

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unfollow me now i can feel mental stability has left the chat lolz 😎

#omg omg omg #idk #just ahhhhhh #like #ok #cloud nonsense

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1234-angelika · 1 year

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Si no es obvio, estoy enamorado de ti

an: This is my first standalone fic for CM and its for my baby Luke Alvez, definitely not enough fics for him on here. If you want to listen to the song I listened to while writing, click here [x]. As always, I hope y'all enjoy!

words: 2.2k

warnings: canon-typical criminal minds violence and gore, romantic pining, swearing, mentions of alcohol and the consumption of the substance

summary: Is it really unrequited love or just two idiots, oblivious, and in love with each other?

masterlist | taglist | ideas

story*

Today marked one year since your induction into one of the most elite units in the FBI, the BAU.

Sure, over the course of your time posted within the Bureau, you worked alongside the unit but being an actual member was something else. Your year on the team had been a little rocky with Hotch leaving for ‘special assignment’ which was his entry into WITSEC with Jack, Emily’s new leadership role in the unit, and the coming and going of auxiliary agents—a desperate attempt to fill the gap left in the unit. It took the better part of the year for some semblance of stability in the unit.

In a rush, you breezed through the heavy glass doors; with a flick of your wrist, you furrowed your brows before picking up your pace ever so slightly. You weren’t quite late, but as the minute hand crept closer to the six, any slower and you would be. Your promptness was something you prided yourself on—and one of the qualities that aided in your posting to your position.

As you walked through the bullpen, you called out a few good mornings to your fellow agents. Shrugging out of your coat, you noticed a few things on your desk that weren’t there when you left; a to-go cup from your favourite café, a card on top of a box from your favourite bakery, and a trio of pink peonies laid carefully atop your desk. Setting your bags down, you fell back into your chair before grabbing the card. Just as you were about to open the card, you heard the swish of the glass doors behind you; Emily and JJ chatting followed. Calling out a good morning, you didn’t bother turning around—their footsteps already decreasing in the distance. JJ pulled a chair up to your desk while Emily half-sat on the left side, ready to engage in a little Monday morning gossip.

“Who are these from?” Emily asked, waving her free hand to the assortment of gifts on your desk. “Do you have a bureau boyfriend?”

“No…” you said, shaking your head, “first off, who would that even be? Second, we spend so much time together that it’s improbable that I could keep it from the best profilers for long.”

“Ooooh! So you have a secret admirer Y/L/N?” JJ asked with a laugh, teasing in her tone.

As she asked, you were carefully unfolding the card. You knew whom you hoped they were from, especially since very few people knew about your appreciation for those specific flowers.

Happy one-year anniversary!

You’ve worked so hard to get here, and over this past year, you’ve done so much good. I’m proud to be your partner and to have your back, and I’m glad you’re the person who has mine. Congrats again, Y/L/N.

Luke (+Roxy)

As you finished reading the message, your heart warmed—and the tiny part of your brain couldn’t help but profile the card. He had taken the time to write out the card since it wasn’t in his usual chicken scratch, the one that was ever present on his reports. Looking around the bullpen, you couldn’t see him but his belongings were at his desk, so you made a mental note to thank him later.

“Sorry to disappoint Jayje. They’re not from a secret admirer; the gifts are from Luke.” As you answered her, you fought the heat rising to your cheeks. Eyes focused on the card; you missed the pointed looks that JJ, Emily and Tara shared. As the morning went on, the rest of the team arrived, each commenting on the out-of-place objects on your desk. The morning got busy; mandatory supplementals needed to be filled out to close out the cases that had been worked over the past week and a half. You managed to share a smile with Luke, but that was as much of a thank you as you could give him. As you worked on your paperwork, you found your focus drifting over to the agent you were pining for. A small smile grew as you watched a rogue curl fall into his face for what seemed like the millionth time that morning and the not-so-frustrated huff he let out before brushing it away.

As you finally finished the last supplemental for the morning, you let out a breath to decompress. Closing the manilla folder, you tucked in your chair, standing up, ready to go for lunch. As you made your way to Em’s office, she stepped out first—by the look on her face, you knew it wasn’t good.

“Conference room in five. We have a new case.”

Grabbing a couple of pens, a legal pad, and a highlighter, you made your way to the briefing. You and Luke arrived at the conference room at the same time, bodies colliding, sending your pens to the ground. Bending down to pick them up, you didn’t clock the grin Luke had on his face as his eyes traced your figure. Straightening up, you were both paused just outside the entrance to the conference room, waiting for the other to go first. It had maybe been 15 seconds when Luke’s warm hand gently found a spot on your lower back, guiding you into the room ahead of him—no doubt a move instilled in him by the women who raised him. His touch sent sparks shooting through your body, and you did your best to disguise your reaction. Once the two of you settled into the empty seats, Emily gave the go-ahead for Penelope to start the briefing.

“Alrighty, ladies and gents, you are jetting off to the city of angels.” She says, clicking buttons on the remote, bringing up images on the plasma. “The local police have requested our help. This is Marquez Aguilar and his girlfriend, Emily Woods, the third couple in a string of murders. The two previous couples—Enrique Miguel, his partner Alex Chavez and Andres Riccardo, his fiancée Michaela—went missing on Fridays. Each couple’s bodies turned up in various campgrounds within Joshua Tree National Park on the Sundays following their disappearances. All the icky details are on your tablets.”

“Well, the most obvious similarity is that each male victim seems to be of Hispanic descent,” Luke says, flipping through the file. “All the male victims also share physical characteristics—hair colour, eye colour.”

“The method of killing is also interesting…” says Spencer, “the focus of the UnSubs rage seems to be on the Hispanic males. They were strangled and then stabbed while their partners were killed execution-style.”

“According to the M.E., the victims were killed less than 12 hours after being taken, so the goal isn’t to hold them; the goal is the kill.”

“Okay. We’re already three victims down. Let’s catch this UnSub before there’s a fourth. Wheel’s up in 30.”

It has been an incredibly frustrating four and a half days in LA. You and the team made headway, but there just wasn’t enough. All the evidence was circumstantial. As much as you would like Penelope to have the ability to conjure credible evidence out of thin air, there just wasn’t enough, and it’s Friday—meaning if you didn’t find enough, another couple would most likely go missing tonight. Gathered in the precinct, the team combed over all of the evidence, working the profile, hoping to find something actionable. The words on your page started to blur from staring for too long. Tossing your pen onto the table, you watched it skid to the middle of the table before placing your hands down on the table and pushing away, stalking out of the room, eyes getting misty. You were so wrapped up that you missed the concerned glances from the team, Luke’s lingering longer than the rest.

Leaning against the trunk of a tree outside the precinct, you focused on your breathing. In…out, in…out, in…out. The longer you were outside, the deeper you got stuck in your head. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t hear the footsteps approaching you—deliberately heavy so as not to scare you. And yet, the hand on your shoulder startled you. You lifted your head to meet Luke’s eyes. As he took in your glassy eyes, the readied words died on his lips, and he opened his arms to you. As his arms snaked around you, you let yourself be in the moment, trying to commit the feeling to memory as best you could.

Stepping back, you let out a shaky breath and tilted your head back before straightening out.

“I’m okay, Luke. This case is just frustrating me.” You say, barely smiling. As you spoke, the look on his face told you that he didn’t believe a word you were saying, yet he decided not to comment.

Another two minutes outside, and you’re walking back into the precinct with Luke. As you walk back into the conference room, the looks your teammates give you—after checking in with Emily—clue you in. They came up with an idea.

“What is it?”

“After looking over the evidence, we think the best way to catch this UnSub is to bait him.”

“Ok, well, who’s going undercover?” You asked. This time, you didn’t miss Emily and JJ's look.

“You and Luke are the best bet. You guys already have a close friendship, and you’re comfortable enough with each other that it won’t be difficult to be convincing.”

Some debating and discussion took place before the rest of the team convinced you that baiting him was the best course of action. Once you agreed, the plan was to return to the hotel to get ready and meet back at the precinct in one hour. The sting was successful, and you managed to apprehend the UnSub.

Pushing the door to your apartment, you leaned against it, letting out a massive sigh. This case pushed the boundaries you set for yourself with Luke. Friends, nothing more and nothing less—and you were okay with that for the most part. Sometimes you struggle if a cop starts flirting with your partner while you are working on a case, but you shake it off with a smile. But dancing in the club with Luke, the flirting, the constant touches, it was all too much. On the plane ride home, you opted to sit with Tara and Emily rather than in your usual seat. On the jet, Emily and Tara both opted out of asking what was wrong, drawing their conclusions, but as you laid your head against the window, you missed Luke looking like a wounded puppy as he took to your usual place alone.

A glass of wine in hand, making your way to the living room, a knock echoed off the door. Shuffling over, you checked the peephole before opening the door.

“Luke, what are you doing here?”

He stood in front of you, curls wilder than usual—as he had repeatedly been running his hand through his hair. Something you knew him to do when stressed. He was frowning, concern filling his warm brown eyes.

“Something's wrong.” Opening your mouth to protest, he cut you off. “Don’t say it’s nothing. Did I do something that made you uncomfortable?”

hesitating, you debated on whether to answer the question or skirt around it before deciding on, “you didn’t do anything…I’m just tired.”

It wasn’t a lie, you were tired, but you didn’t want to ruin your friendship with Luke. It was almost instantaneous, and it is 100% the best friendship you’ve had. This relationship is important to you and not worth the risk of ruining over stupid feelings—especially if you could push them down and carry on. Although, if Luke keeps pushing, you’re not sure how well that will work.

“Bullshit!” He said with a raised brow. “Something else is going on.”

Your lips parted slightly in surprise as Luke’s voice increased in volume. Opening the door wider, you pulled Luke into your place, not wanting your nosey neighbours to continue listening.

“Goodbye, Mrs. Whitmore. Have a good rest of your evening.” You heard a muttered ‘goodnight’ through the door. Once your door was shut, you wheeled on Luke.

“You want to know what’s wrong? Really?”

“Yes! Tell me!”

“I’m in love with you! And this case was just too much for me—the flirting, the touches. I can’t just be your friend anymore, and if it means that we’ll be nothing after this, then…” pausing, you swipe frustratedly at your eyes, tears slipping out in anger. “then that’s how it has to be.”

Luke started chuckling, and your heart dropped to your toes—regretting your revelation only moments prior. As soon as he looked at you, the chuckles died on his lips.

“oh…querida, I’m not laughing at you,” he says, pausing to wipe a few angry tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I mean, I am a little bit, but only because I thought I was being obvious with my feelings. The morning coffees with little messages, the impromptu gifts, the soft touches we do outside this case—the cuddling, and I’m always looking at you.”

Staring up at him, you stood blinking—trying to figure out if you imagined this. Leaning down, his lips landed on yours. Separating for air, he pulled back only far enough to whisper against your lips,

“If it’s not obvious, I’m in love with you too.”

#criminal minds imagines #criminal minds x reader #luke alvez #luke alvez x reader #1234 angelika

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compassionatereminders · 2 years

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hello kat! so this year has been super chaotic, i lost my grandma, we got out of the pandemic and i’m readjusting, plus i finished school and started college so it’s been a ,,, ride lmao. i had some ups and downs with my mental health recently (which had been pretty consistent for at least two years) and i’ve found myself mourning. like, all the time. kinda like a delayed grieving reaction? to the deaths of multiple people close to me including my father (which has happened for the first time btw). like for the first time i am actually missing them? and wishing i had them in my day-to-day life here? and not only that, but i’m also missing multiple friends i made online who eventually left our group chats because of some drama (i wasn’t involved in it) but i just miss that community. i miss the people who made a conscious decision to not be in my life; maybe i just want closure idk but it’s been taxing emotionally. and it’s affecting my daily activities. right now at this moment i’m really happy, i’ve had a good week, but i don’t want to spiral again and have them ruin the rest of the month for me esp when they couldn’t give two shits about me and i’m here regretting everything. i want to stay happy again because my mental health finally feels like it’s getting back on the right track. and these past shadows are affecting my new friendships in college so i can’t enjoy with them either. i’m aware this probably makes no sense (i just woke up sorry lol) or maybe it’s not something you know how to answer but i thought i should get it off my chest yk? anyway if you have a word of advice i’d appreciate it. hope you’re having a good day 🥰

It's actually pretty normal for emotions, pain and grief from your past to sneak up on you after you've gained some stability. That just means you're finally in a position to process these experiences and that's a good thing even though it hurts. So I encourage you to try to accept that you're processing these losses and that it might take a while to do it and that this is okay.

#chat with kat #death tw

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plesstandby · 4 months

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fine ill start studying

** a vent post ** ~ 9 days before the big exam 7 days before school resumes 3 days until I get home and when I do I'll be faced with 4 days of scrambling to get myself together I already miss my Christmas break. I am so weak. I couldn't extricate myself away from distractions and mental weariness. I wish someone was there by my side always. An invisible figure I can feel that would shake me back to the present. But then I'd be asking for a phantom and that wouldn't work out because I get too easily creeped out. So now I have to settle with mosquitos buzzing around to keep me in check. I hate going to bed feeling unaccomplished, but it seems that I'll be doing that today

I feel like jello. I'm solid and yet it is so hard for me to stand for my own self. I am unstable and a slight jiggle would cause me to abandon my well-formed statures in dumb subservience. I can't let the world do this to me. How do I make my faith feel realer than to commit to a routine that will ill me to abandon it. But in hindsight, perhaps my shaky heart is because he texted me. nothing but a well-placed and unsolicited "hey __" to shake up the pillars holding up my internal stability. crashing sounds following the great fall of my structured academic habits. and he's left again. smoothly exiting the chat with a joke that I would have made. and try as I might to smother my trembling heart with a warm towel since I couldn't afford a hug at the moment, I don't think it could soak the frigidity of my nerves that make up this different kind of hypothermia. and my heart is alive again-- frigid and slap-happy and I'm trying to get it to calm down so that I could comprehend trigonometry and chart my shots of passing up to a minimum of 90. But I think I like him and I might have a chance but I don't want to date while I'm still in highschool. And when he gets with someone else I know that I will be fine, but I still would want someone like him in my life because he inspires me to be better, to be stronger and to be more courageous with who I am. because he reminds me a lot of myself. just a bit more chipper and happy because he is free while I could only watch from as far as my own self-constructed bars would allow me. his mere existence tells me that I have the key. I just have to use it to get out here. and I want to get out, but I don't believe it. not yet at least. and it's hard to believe that I could get something good for myself. I'm still learning that I don't always have to make an effect. Sometimes it is simply trying that matters. Trying to get out of my head, trying to get out of my comfort zone, trying to speak to people and not pretend that everything is alright, and just embracing the present- and I try and I reap good results then just when I'm about to evolve, I shy away and drift back into my cage and lock it to process and reevaluate only to reach the same conclusions that I am too fearful to try. is this really me or has my instinct seamlessly integrated the fear of judgment as a controlled variable. can I really change? and I can. I can. 12/28/23 10:08 pm

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h-tu-oh · 6 months

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10.19.23

mental stability has left the chat.

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deathfavor · 11 months

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I’ve just been thinking on Kazutora’s ranking of most to least liked members for Toman members was something roughly along the lines of this.

1st Baji - Frankly, we all know this. I don’t need to explain it. Also because if I did it’d be a 10 page essay. 2nd Draken - I would say Mikey and Draken are pretty close, but there is a bit of an edge for Draken both due to the stability of his feelings towards Draken as well as the start of meeting them. Kazutora more or less immediately was positive towards Draken when they both met and admired the looks and tattoos. It’s true that parts of Draken annoy Kazutora in terms of personality - but Draken is also the one who seems to be the next best after Baji at being able to handle Kazutora, and probably understand to some degree. He at least didn’t react poorly to Kazutora’s blunt questions when they were younger and actually gives an answer without negative connotation and chats with him. Plus, later, Kazutora was willing to meet up with Draken to talk and was initially welcoming of it till Draken asked to stop the fight. Draken also came and saw him after everything so that...helped a lot. Draken’s spot is more stable than Mikey’s, which is also why I decided to put it as number 2 versus the chaotic nature of his with Mikey.

3rd Mikey - Again, he is really close to Draken to the point there’s no real difference in their spot. It’s just Kazutora’s like or dislike for Mikey varies at times than the stability that is his bond with Draken. He initially didn’t like Mikey though (and sometimes still clashed over the selfishness) and didn’t get why others did, until the incident with his father. At that point he began to understand and take Mikey’s serious moments (like his pain being Mikey’s pain) for being genuine. From there it was a rather quick upwards climb to the point Kazutora was willing to tease Mikey and really bond with him. But of course everything goes horrible wrong and it becomes extremely negative and then later starts to come back around. But then later on of course....he’s the only one willing to still chase after and reach for Mikey in Bonten regardless of danger. He doesn’t want to abandoned Mikey because he knows what its like personally and he knows Mikey isn’t happy. Out of everyone, he has no right to give up on Mikey no matter what Mikey’s done. That or bond in crimes if its a Kazutora Bonten member arc. Anyways his with Mikey is different because regardless their mental perspectives are very different, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.

4th Pah - Really there’s not a LOT to go on for this one but we do see him chill with Pah both in the series when younger and also in some younger official art. Kazutora doesn’t have much of an opinion really. But Pah’s not hard to get along with.

5th Mitsuya - Again, there is not a lot to go on for this. I need interactions to figure this out to be honest, at least Kazutora’s headspace. But I do think Kazutora probably has the roughest time with Mitsuya for reasons he can’t quite explain or pinpoint himself. He’s more guarded. I do think Mitsuya’s quick response to being ready to fight if Kazutora wanted after he asked why they’re friends with Mikey did leave a bit of an impression, and they seem to be at odds the very few times we do see them directly interact with each other, like Mitsuya telling him & Baji to knock off talking about fighting the biker gang on the way to the beach or dismissing Kazutora’s comment on the uniforms being “damn cool”. So I think Kazutora really struggles to find any way to interact with Mitsuya and will avoid it. Dislikes being left alone with him when they were younger and Mitsuya is probably the least likely he’d be willing to see after juvie, whereas Baji, Draken, and Pah he would be fine with. But I do think Mitsuya probably could help him the best besides Chifuyu later on in the future. All thanks to Madi.

#᛭ — [HEADCANON] dark dreams await you [KAZUTORA HANEMIYA]

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