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sunfyresrider · 1 year

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Love & Ruin

Synopsis: After being hidden away for most of your life your mother decided to stop being protective. However, there is one rule you cannot break, DO NOT associate with your uncle Aegon. Of course, it's the first thing you do, and you both quickly realize you will be each other's inevitable downfalls.

Pairing: Aegon Targaryen x You (daughter of Rhaenyra) Warnings: drinking, cursing, smut, dubcon, more smut, manipulation, possible murder, obsessive tendencies, idk if this is dark!aeg or yandere but he's not okay, mentally. Word count: 7k Note: Part one of two:) I really hope yall like this. Reader is Helaena's age. I did not proofread; fuck it we ball. Tags: @lovelykhaleesiii @annikin-im-panicin @its-actually-minicika (Hi girls ily)

‘It wasn’t meant to happen like this’

Aegon paced back and forth inside the throne room waiting for the return of his brother. The storm that had rolled in was heavy, the sounds of hail beating the glass window echoed throughout the room. The sudden crash of thunder and jolt of lighting sent a shiver down his spine. The candles that lined the room were not enough to fully bring light into the dark. It was almost poetic; the storm echoed his inner feelings perfectly.

‘How could you do this?!’

‘Have you gone mad!’

‘Think about your wife! Your children! How will this look?’

‘She won’t show us mercy now, you fool!”

It had been hours since he sent Aemond to Storm’s End. The mission couldn’t have been that hard, go ask for a Baratheon bitches' hand and bring back a person. His mother had taken to chewing at her nail beds until they bled. His grandsire sat with his face in his hands contemplating how to fix this.

Once a crown was placed on his head Aegon found a new sense of confidence, one that could no longer be stolen away by those around him. His family could no longer control him nor tell him what to do. He was king and kings did not ask permission. They took what they wanted. From now on his word was law and this mission was the only reason he didn’t flee to Yiti. It was promised to him then taken away and he fully intended to take it back. And what he wanted was traveling to beg for Lord Borros to side with the pretender…

Five hours, it took five hours for the roar of Vhagar to be heard over the red keep. The storm had subsided to a light rain, yet the sky remained dark. Finally, he rose from his seat, his heart pounding in anticipation. A giddy smile creeping onto his face that his mother couldn’t help but scoff at. It didn’t matter anymore; he had won his first prize in war.

Murmurs from the council filled the once silent room but Aegon could only hear the pounding of his heart. His eyes locked onto the door waiting for them to walk inside. His imagination swirled with possibilities and all of them were better than his current situation. Alicent and Otto stared from a distance, both realizing their potential mistake. They let the dog off the leash and now they were about to suffer the consequences.

Guards rusting outside the doors caught everyone’s attention. The room went eerily silent as the doors began to creak open. Aegon nearly jumped out of his skin as he walked forward to meet who was coming.

Aemond, drenched in water, stalked inside slowly. His face was a mix of regret and… fear? The world stopped and as if on cue a flash of lightning followed by a crack of thunder that lit up the room. Aegon’s heart ceased to beat, his smile melted into nothing, and his feet threatened to give out on him. His mother’s eyes widened, and her hands fled to cover her mouth. Aemond struggled to lift the wet, bruised and unconscious body in his arms. He let out a shaky breath,

“There’s been an… incident.”

From a young age Aegon knew he had no love from anyone besides himself. His mother simply tolerated him, his father forgot him, and everyone else loathed him. The first-born son who should inherit everything but instead was given nothing. The son born to be loved but destined to be hated.

It was no surprise he was the way he was. He drank more than he should, fucked more than allowed and was cruel to those who may or may not deserve it. No one was born evil; they were raised to be that way. At least, that’s what he told himself to feel better at night.

And he wasn’t truly evil in the eyes of most anyway, just terribly pathetic. A lonely fourteen-year-old who may never feel loved. A boy who would never fully feel the warmth of someone’s gentle touch, the excitement when they approached, the soft reassurances and sweet nothings they would whisper, the true connection when intimate with someone you loved. It was all out of his reach… Until you started coming around.

For the better half of your life your mother, Rhaenyra kept you decently hidden from most of the court. It was not at all because you shared your features with Harwin Strong but because you were simply too precious for the world. You were her only daughter, her first born and you were too beautiful for the men in this city to gawk at and prey upon.

She would protect you from everything her father couldn’t protect her from. So, yes you didn’t get out much and when you did Harwin, and your brothers followed close suit. Rhaenyra did become more lenient as you grew. It was better to let you live as you wanted under watchful eyes than be locked away because of her own fears. At least that’s what Harwin told to calm her.

You were strictly prohibited from a handful of things though. Absolutely no leaving the keep unless it was daytime, and a handful of guards were there to follow. Absolutely no wandering around after dark, anywhere, no matter the circumstance. And finally, absolutely no involvement with your uncle Aegon.

Sadly, you were born with the same rebellion in your heart as she once had. The very first thing that needed to be handled was Aegon. It excited you to no end thinking about why he was banned from speaking to you. You needed to know why it was prohibited and see if it was as exciting as you thought.

Dusk had fallen on the keep and the light from the windows was beginning to fill the corridors orange. It was one of the rare moments you were able to be completely alone. You were supposed to return to your chambers immediately after your septa lesson but had time to stroll. Right now, your brothers would still be in the dragon pit, your mother in a council meeting and Ser Harwin getting ready for his nightly patrol. It was price time to make an escape and seek him out.

You found him in a compromising position. He was curled up in the corner of the library and reeked of wine. There was a subtle shine on his face from tears that were shed earlier. He looked pathetic, not in a bad way, in an abused puppy way that made your heart melt. How could you be banned from talking to him? When asleep he looked like a poor Angel. You crawled next to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder to shake him awake. “Uncle?” You whispered into his ears.

“Aegon?” Your soft voice began to rouse him from his slumber. His eyebrows began to furrow slightly. “Aegon, wake up.” He jumped away and snatched your wrist, startling you. “Brother?!” His eyes scanned the room and you before settling with the most confused expression plastered on his face.

“N-no Aemond isn’t here. I-it’s just me.” Aegon paused in his drunken haze. Who was me? You were too pretty to be a maid, your clothes too fancy. His eyes danced up and down your form as his brain slowly started putting it together. “Your niece. It’s __ ”

His hands released you slowly as his mouth slightly hung agape. Why in the seven hells was Rhaenyra hiding a creature as beautiful as you? Yeah, he had seen you in passing maybe once or twice but never really got a good look.

You had the perfect plush lips coated in a shade of pink. Your eyes were large and glistened with his reflection inside your pupils. Your hair fell elegantly, highlighting your pretty face. And from what he could see from your neckline you had a nice chest too, for your age.

He felt two small warm hands cup his cheeks, pulling him from his thoughts. Aegon stared at you confused, his lips puffed out. “Oh Aeg, are you alright? Did someone hurt you?” Oh gods, you were too precious. He was too dumbfounded to say anything, maybe too drunk still to fully grasp the situation.

You weren’t wrong though; someone did hurt him. His mother barged into his room and slapped him clean across the face without warning. Ranting and raving about his behavior and how he was disappointing the family. He nodded slowly, not exactly sure how he was supposed to react. You let out a deep sigh and your lips formed a frown.

You knew exactly what to do. Your mother had done the same every time you or your siblings got hurt. You rubbed the tear stains on his cheeks and kissed his forehead gently. A soft smile appearing on your lips, “don’t cry please or you’ll make me cry. You’re a prince and a good son. You ride the prettiest dragon in the world and so many people think you’re amazing. You have so much to offer and they’re just too blind to see it. So many love you, I love you and-”

You were cut off by the sounds of your mother calling out your name searching for you. You let go of his cheeks and quickly embraced him. “You’re perfect, okay? Don’t cry.” You jumped to your feet and brushed your skirts down. “I gotta go… feel better!” Aegon sat and watched your little feet scurry off into the direction of your mother's voice.

His eyes were wide, and he was frozen in the same spot. Seven hells, seriously where the fuck have you been his entire life? There was a pool of emotions swirling inside him he couldn’t fully grasp. Your little hands and soft voice saying the sweetest things to a complete stranger. The way your lips softly pressed against his forehead radiating warmth throughout his body. You were so innocent, so blindly loving… You were his.

It was an odd thing for him to think. He never really desired someone for just himself, Aegon didn’t really care until this point. But right now all he could think about was stealing you away and keeping you tucked away in his room forever. Corrupting you slowly but only for him, no one else could see it or experience it. He needed more, desperately and as soon as possible.

He forced himself into wobbly legs and sucked in a deep breath. It was time to talk to his parents.

The plan failed so horrifically he could swear the gods were pissing on him. He went and asked for your hand, said he was ready to be a good son, bring the families together finally. Aegon was shot down so fucking fast he got whiplash. His mother was okay with it, seeing potential benefits. But his father was adamantly against it as was his bitch sister.

“You think I’ll let him drag my daughter into his depravity? Not until I am cold in my grave.”

That could definitely be arranged. It made complete sense; he was the eldest son, and you were the eldest daughter. You were heir and he was the second son of the king. There was absolutely no reason for rejection besides their own selfish, impossible to understand reasons.

It didn’t really fucking matter. When he wanted something, he got it one way or another. Thus, he came up with a plan to steal you away and woo his way into your heart permanently.

Aegon had stayed painstakingly sober the entire day and avoided any of the whores he usually wasted his time with. He waited til long after the sun had set to sneak through Maegor’s hidden tunnels to try and find your chambers. It was a hassle, he stumbled into Jacaerys’s room once and immediately backed out. Then he walked past what he assumed was a hidden entrance to your mother’s room only to hear lewd noises coming from inside.

He didn’t realize it at the time but that was when Joffrey was made.

The deeper he walked the more aggravated he became. Why was it so fucking hard to find you? It took him several failed attempts until he finally lightly pushed open the door to a room seeping with light. He peered in and saw you sleeping soundly on the bed, clutching a stuffed bear tightly to your chest. How cute, you were scared of the dark and slept with a bear, he thought to himself.

Aegon wasted no time welcoming himself inside and waltzing over to the side of the bed where you slept. He brushed a loc of your hair out of your face and admired how beautiful you looked, even while asleep. If he was totally honest, he could stay here and watch you sleep all night, but he had things he needed to do.

“Hey princess,” he spoke softly as he nudged your shoulder. Unlike him, you were an extremely light sleeper. You opened your eyes and they immediately shot wide open. You attempted to let out a scream at the intruder, but he swiftly shoved his hand onto your mouth. “Shhh! Shhh, it’s just me. It’s Aegon.”

Your face relaxed and you blinked your eyes a few times trying to decipher if this was a dream or reality. “Aegon,” you murmured into the palm of his hand. “I’ll let go if you swear to be quiet. Promise?” You nodded your head and he slowly pulled back; a wide grin plastered over his face showcasing his perfectly even teeth. “Good morning, princess.”

You rubbed your eyes and peered over to the window. “It’s still nighttime…” you drawled into a yawn. “I know, it’s the only time you’re alone.” You sat up on your bed, “I’m sorry it’s just-” your words were stuck in your throat as he reached up and brushed the hair out of your face again. His eyes were completely memorizing, and he touched you with the gentleness only your mother did. “No need to be sorry, princess. I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Y-yeah.” Aegon stood up off the floor and handed you a cloak he had balled up in his lap. You raised an eyebrow at him and pulled it towards. “You don’t ever get to leave right? Well, I leave all the time so I thought I could take you into the city for some fun.”

Your face lit up, you could finally leave and see what’s outside these dull walls. But there was an aching sensation at the back of your head. The sound of your mother's voice telling you what not to do. The fear of disappointing her was strong and the fear of potential punishment even stronger. “I- I can’t. My mother would be furious.”

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t. Besides, you wouldn’t want to make me cry, would you? I- I just thought you would want to spend time with me.” His blue eyes peered up at you with the same heart wrenching expression as the other day. It was manipulative, he knew but it worked every time. “I won’t tell anyone, " you said in a nervous whisper.

His frown quickly grew into a wide smile, flashing wolf life teeth. Aegon’s eyes had a mischievous glint behind him when he spoke, “good girl, put this on.” The nickname sent a shiver down your spine. A very subtle, almost unnoticeable feeling of butterflies filled your stomach. You blushed and nodded your head in agreement.

It didn’t take long for Aegon to grab your hand and whisk you far away from where you were meant to be. You clung to his arm as you both scurried through the dark corridors. The farther you went the smell of dust and cow dung intensified as did the conversation of city folk outside the walls.

The streets of King’s Landing were dirty but so much more alive than you ever thought they could be. It was the hour of the bat and yet the streets were bright with fires lit at every corner. The streets were crammed with people from all walks of life, travelers, merchants, witches, performers, whores, musicians, and knights. It was quite the spectacle for a young girl who had been confined to a castle.

Aegon was reveling in your excitement and awe, still blissfully unaware of the depravity that shrouded these streets. Your voice carried the joy only of someone as innocent to the world as you could possess. It was fucking magical how you gazed up at him like he was your savior.

To his surprise, you babbled about more than any girl he’d ever met. It should be annoying, but he was drowning in the presence of your voice and the way your fingers would squeeze his own when the topic turned to something that moved you. You had completely captured him with your accidental charm.

But as the night went on his original scheme drifted into the back of his like a distant memory. Aegon couldn’t take you where he wanted, you were too good for it. The prying eyes of others would probably send him into a blind rage anyway. It was already beginning to build as random passersby simply looked at you.

To avoid a possible murder or maiming he whisked you away to a final destination. Aegon told you people here eat, drink and play music here until the dawn rises. There were musicians and poets singing while people danced around them. Men and women were laughing and drowning themselves in what you presumed could only be wine. There were several dragon shaped lanterns that occasionally spewed fire lighting the corner of the world you reside in.

It was pretty spectacular in the eyes of a girl. But it was also the place where your inevitable downfall began. It started with a glass of ale, not wine, that Aegon offered you. It burned your throat as you swallowed it, whatever you had made him chuckle and use that nickname again. It inspired you to drink more and keep receiving soft praises from your uncle.

You could feel it flow through your body slowly warming your insides and sending a slight tingly sensation in your limbs. That’s when the music started to sound good enough to dance. You bounced around Aegon in possibly the worst showing of dance moves he’d ever seen. It was cute though, to him at least.

That’s when you decided to drink more and fully let go of whatever expectations of a princess rested in the back of your mind. One, two, three, you lost count after the first. Aeggy refused to dance but he occasionally twirled you around and let you hang onto his shoulders.

As time passed on so did any semblance of sobriety you had left. Your words were slurring together, and your movements became sloppy, the ability to stand was nearly completely lost. That’s when Aegon declared it was time to bring you home. At first, you tried to reject the idea and fight back, but your muscles were just as weak as your mind.

He lifted you and wrapped your legs around his waist so he could carry your little self-home. It was okay, at first being carried by Aegon. But then you began to feel his breath on your neck sending goosebumps through your body. The low whisper of his voice telling you sweet things echoing in the walls of your mind. Then came a new feeling between your legs when his lips brushed against your ears ever so slightly. Every sensation was heightened to a point it had never reached before.

It was a warm ache between your legs that kept getting worse the longer you were wrapped around him. You were worried, what if the wetness between your legs was your moonblood. How insanely embarrassing would that be if you bled on your uncle? You tried to untangle yourself, but he put two firm hands onto your waist and pulled you back in.

The sudden friction between your legs caused you to yelp, a quiet yelp that did not go unnoticed. He paused his steps, glancing at you avoiding his eyes then back at the street to the keep. His lips slowly curled into a smirk only he could wear so well. Aegon didn’t say anything the entire way back home, though a million things were racing through his mind.

The walk home was agonizing, every once in a while, he would move in a way that sent electricity from your core to the depths of your stomach. You didn’t even notice the tiny few whimpers that came from your throat, but he did. Oh, Aegon was noticing it all, every sound, every movement, every look, the warm feeling between your legs that was growing damp across his waist, and it was driving him mad.

He should have been a good little prince and placed you on your bed and left but he had never been a good prince. Aegon wanted to know how far he could take it before you melted beneath him. Obviously, like a good uncle he helped you undress into your night clothes since you were too drunk to do anything.

“Come on, princess. Time to lay down.” You begrudgingly threw yourself onto the bed and rolled onto your back. You couldn’t sleep, your undergarments were uncomfortably wet, and the ache continued to get worse. You obviously couldn’t tell him any of this, so you laid there, suffering.

Unexpectedly Aegon climbed into bed he was on top of you, his knee moved to press in between your legs and your eyes widened from their half-lidded state. “Are you okay, niece? You look… frustrated.” His face was plastered in fake concern, though you couldn’t tell. You clenched your legs together trying to prevent him from moving. “I-I’m fine,” Aegon moved his knee to rub against your core just once, your legs unconsciously tightened around him. “U-uncle,” you stuttered out in a near whimper.

“If there’s something wrong, I can help you…” He moved his knee into your core, and you bit down onto your lip trying to stifle the sound threatening to come out. Aegon, though a good actor could not hide the glint behind his eyes. He leaned into you, pulling your lip out from your teeth with thumb. “I can show you what helps me feel better.”

He whispered lowly, you didn’t have time to think, or reply before his lips were connecting to yours. The taste of sweet mead filling your mouth. You attempted to push him back, tell him no, this was wrong, and you could get in so much trouble. But the feeling of his legs between yours was easing whatever plagued you.

He slipped his tongue down your throat and entangled it with your own. The feeling of need was becoming too much so you moved your hips, finally. A soft moan forced itself out of your throat as you desperately tried to move against, aching for something you didn’t understand. A few tears slipped from your eye wetting his cheek.

Aegon chuckled into your mouth before pulling back, you whined at the loss of both his lips and his knee. The throbbing feeling between your legs became increasingly worse every second he wasn’t there. “It aches, doesn’t it?” Your face flushed red as your eyes bore into him, the true image of innocence laid out beneath him.

His hand traveled from your cheek to the hem of your dress bunched up at the ends of your thighs. Aegon slipped his hand underneath the fabric and hovered over your cunt. You grabbed his hand and stopped his movements, “N-no we can’t.” He cocked an eyebrow, “why not? You hurt and I’m the only one who can fix it.” Your grip on his hand slowly relented, “but i-it’s inappropriate.”

Aegon forced his hand forward so he could cup your cunt. It was completely soaked and so needy for release, how could he stop? “No, it’s not. I’m your uncle and it’s my job to take care of my sweet niece.” You bit your lip in contemplation, the feeling of his palm on your clit made you want to cry. It was too much, the feeling in your core was too much. “Please, Aeg.”

He crushed his lips into yours forcing all the breath out of your lungs. His fingers slid up and down your slit collecting your wetness on his finger. His other hand moved to palm your dress and pinch your nipples beneath your gown. Your moans threatened to echo throughout the keep but he swallowed each one with his lips.

Aegon forced one finger inside your cunt and immediately you clenched around him. Gods, you were so fucking tight he would have to force in the second. Your back arched as he moved his fingers to hit the spongy spot inside. The feeling of your core tightening was overwhelming, tears began to stream from your face and your nails dug into his shoulder.

Your hips moved unconsciously into his hand, pleading for release. His thumb moved to rubbed circles around your clit and all thoughts you had were dumbed down. “A-aeg!” You whimpered into his mouth; the coil tightening was overwhelming all of your senses. The sounds of his fingers pulling in and out of your dripping cunt were filling the room.

“Be a good girl and cum for me, princess.” His movements were faster, harsher and more desperate than before. “P-p-please,” you stuttered out in a loud moan as your legs began to clench around his hand. He growled, dropping his head to the crook of your neck. “Cum on my fingers, baby. That’s right, be a good fucking girl for your uncle.” His fingers curled up and pressed deep into the spongy spot inside you. You felt your cunt clench around him, your core tightening harder than before until the coil broke. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as your body began to shake and the feeling of ecstasy washed over you.

You crashed, your legs twitching as he continued to move circles around your sensitive clit. Aegon pulled his fingers out and your body mourned the loss of him. He wiped his hand on his clothes and bent his head down to place kisses all over your face. “You did so good, princess.” He spoke in between the pecks he placed on your face.

“Aeg… I’m tired.” Your body was limp, and your eyes began to close on their own. “Shh, go to sleep, princess. I’ll clean you up.” And he did exactly what he said, surprisingly. He took the time out of his night to carefully clean up the mess he made on your body and clothes. It was pathetic to admit but at some point, he came in his trousers, and it was leaking out onto your clothes.

So, he had to change you. Aegon didn’t mind, watching you sleep so peacefully and taking care of his little angel was nice. Especially after what you had given him. He stayed the night, watching you sleep peacefully until the sun rose over the horizon and he scurried into his own room.

It became a horrible routine between the two of you. Aegon convinced you only he could make you feel that way, so you had to come to him if you wanted it. He would always visit at night, though most times you simply stayed inside. He touched you in places that were meant to be forbidden and you came undone beneath him… repeatedly.

You enjoyed him for more than that though. Unlike your brothers or other family, he was always there. Always teaching and showing you exciting new things, making you laugh constantly, showering you with affection you received from no one else. He worshiped you in his own way.

Aegon was completely addicted, and it was going to kill him eventually. If you weren’t awake when he came, he would just sit and watch you sleep, occasionally taking his place besides you. If you were awake, he craved your attention and your body… and he always got it. You were so kind and loving towards him, completely unaware of how others viewed him. You told him you loved him, were proud of him and he was a good man.

No one had ever said those words to him before. It’s why the addiction started and why it had no chance of ending soon. When he was upset you kissed him and whispered words of encouragement. You went out of your way to make him feel happy and deserving of the life he had. And it’s why, for a short time, his behavior started to improve drastically.

It shocked essentially everyone around him, especially his mother. For a moment she was almost proud, maybe her speeches finally got to him, and he was taking being a king seriously. That was before Aegon told her he was only behaving this way so he could prove to Rhaenyra, he deserved you. The situation caused a whole different type of stress for Alicent.

Things were looking up anyway. Especially since your mother had officially started letting you out on your own. You were now a teenager and had to learn some type of independence. The dragon pit was your favorite place even though your mount was a lazy bum.

Plus, you got to spend lots of time in the pit with your uncle and you got to watch him train with the other boys. Of course, a few people noticed the way you watched him and how he watched you. It was kept quiet, as far as anyone knew you had no relationship.

Aegon, thankfully, found enough self-control to not fuck you. To do enough to keep you attached to him but not enough to ruin your innocence completely. It was hard to explain how exactly he felt. It was like he needed you to breathe or eat or do anything. It was bordering on a very unhealthy obsession combined with genuine fondness.

It was new and it was perfect. He was no longer lost in this world with nothing to live for.

Until the day you abandoned him for Dragonstone. He cried, a pathetic and desperate display to his mother asking for her to keep you here. He pleaded for them to just allow you to be wed, he begged to let you stay as her ward. He made promises he probably couldn’t keep but tried, nonetheless.

All he got was sympathy, it was out of her hands completely. The king and his whore sister made the decision to forbid a marriage. They made the decision to let you be sent away to that desolate, rain filled, and droll island. To make it worse the gods decided to spite him and have him betrothed to his own sister.

He almost immediately got worse the second you boarded the ship. Aegon fell right back into his old habits of whoring, drinking and being a massive cunt. The shift was bound to happen so no one was surprised but it was becoming increasingly impossible to keep him under control. Everyone else fell back into their old habits of beating and berating him any chance they got…

Aegon only ever really felt happy again when he drifted off in his sleep. He could feel, touch, hear and smell you again in his dreams. For a few hours every night he was back in your room making stupid jests only you would laugh at. It was like heaven every time he closed his eyes… Then he woke up.

To ease his suffering, he fisted his cock while smelling the clothes you had left behind pretending it was you. If not that he would get drunk and imagine all the ways he could kill your mother and his so, he could steal you away. One day, he would take something from them that they truly loved so they could understand exactly how he felt. For now, he tormented Aemond and did everything in his power to piss his parents off.

Luckily for Aegon and those close to him, Laena Velaryon died in childbirth and his chance to be reunited came sooner than expected. The ride on Sunfyre was one of the best he’s had in ages. It was as if he could sense who they were seeing and was absorbing his rider's excitement. It seems important to mention Sunfyre has a fondness of your she-dragon who he may or may not have tried to breed on several occasions.

The funeral was fucking boring. He didn’t know anyone there and didn’t really care either. Aegon spent most of the time ignoring the speech and scanning the crowd for your little form. He didn’t find you, so he fled into a corner with his wine and brother close on his tail.

Your mother was stalking about staring at Daemon, Helaena was mumbling riddles to herself while playing with a bug, the bastards were comforting the Velaryons, and Aemond was on his left half asleep. Where in the seven hells was his little princess? As the sky began to cover itself in a shade of gray, he spotted you.

For a sliver of a second he was overjoyed, he dropped his wine and stood up straight preparing to walk over. The crowd began to dissipate and on your right was a young Velaryon boy with his arm wrapped around you showing off whatever was in his hands. His eye twitched and his firsts unconsciously bawled up til his knuckles turned white. Aemond peeked over and scoffed, “it’s a waste of time.”

“I’m gonna kill him.” Aemond rolled his eyes and slumped back into the wall. His obsession with the bastard was beyond him but everything his brother does is beyond him. Aegon spent the rest of his funeral staring daggers into the boys next to you. He was making you laugh and touching you far too much for his liking. Jealousy, rage, hate, hurt, Aegon couldn’t put a name to everything that was boiling inside his stomach, but it was too much. You hadn’t even fucking glanced in his direction the entire night.

It is rumored by the maesters later that night King Aegon took his first life by feeding an unsuspecting boy to his dragon. Others claim the boy simply drowned in the high tide that night and was washed away to sea. The body was never found so no one truly knows… Aemond, personally and wholeheartedly believed his brother pushed the boy into the water and let him sink. Driftmark no matter how you looked at it was a terrible night for all involved.

The hour of the bat, a time of night you learned to love dearly was now a time of loneliness. Dragonstone was incredibly terrible especially since your uncle was nowhere in those walls. You were severely depressed to say the very least. You knew he was coming today and wanted to seek him out but failed to find him.

It didn’t stop you from sneaking out at night in a very desperate search for him. It took around twenty minutes for you to weasel your way through Driftmark to his supposed chambers. You ran full force into Aemond on the way which made you both fall to the ground. He was going to try and claim that damned dragon you saw him watching her all day and you were going to reunite with your uncle-lover. Both of you would be in the deepest shit known to man if anyone found out.

So, a silent pact was made to tell no one where either was going. You knew it was a real deal because he helped you off the floor and nodded his head in the direction of the room you were trying to find. ‘Good luck,’ you whispered quietly as you both scurried off in opposite directions.

Much to your dismay he was passed out drunk. You had to literally shake him awake. “Aeg… Aegon!” You climbed on top of him and shook his shoulders. He moaned, groaned, tried to push you away but you were determined. “Wake up! We don’t have all night.” You swore you saw his ears perk up like a dog. His eyes opened and he shot up in bed nearly knocking you off.

“You!” He grabbed ahold of your face, squishing your cheeks in his hands. “Yes, it’s me! Where the hell have you been all day?” Aegon looked offended and almost betrayed, “where have I been? Watching you swoon over some Velaryon cunt.” You scoffed, “watching me? I looked for you all day! I had to give up and talk to a cousin I barely knew.”

His eyebrows furrowed together, “if you barely knew him then why was he all over you?” You grabbed his face, “if you paid any attention, I was trying to escape him the entire time.” Hm, he could have been blinded by jealousy and didn’t notice you politely backing away and avoiding the kid’s eyes completely. He thought you were acting shy and coy, but this made sense.

“You still love me?” He did this more often while drunk. If he ever felt insecure his blue eyes would turn pale and start to water. His lips puffed out slightly and he bore into your soul begging for consolation. You knew the quickest way to make his fears go away.

You pressed a kiss on his lips, trying to drink away all of his fears. Aegon pulled your face as close as possible, sucking all the air from your lungs. Your lips danced around each other passionately trying to make up for the time apart.

“I still love you, Aeggy.” You murmured into his lips; a faint grin formed on his mouth. With his eyes half lidded he whispered, “prove it to everyone then.” You chuckled softly; a soft look of confusion plastered on your features. “How do we do that?” His hands slipped down to your waist, then to your thighs rubbing them slightly. “Give me all of you before they take you away.”

There was a deafening pause in both of your movements. The amount of trouble you would both get into would be life altering. Losing your maidenhood to someone who you weren’t wed to was a sin, a crime even. “So, you don’t really love me. You don’t even trust me enough with yourself.”

It felt like a sword was plunged through your heart. Of course, you loved him. Of course, you wanted to give him everything. “T-that’s not-” he released his hold on your thighs and ripped his face away from yours. “Get out.” You grabbed his hands and tried to pull them back to you, “Aegon please this isn’t-” His eyes turned dark, his hands were ripped out of your grasp. “Don’t lie to me. You used me and now you’re discarding me just like everyone else.”

Tears began to prickle at the corner of your eyes. You never ever used him; you loved him with all your heart. There was never another person who made you feel the same way he did. “Please, I love you,” your lips trembled while you spoke. “I don’t love you.”

You shook your head no, no, no, no, no, your entire world came crashing down at once. The sword in your heart ripped it in half. Your breath quickened and your arms began to shake. The tears that threatened to fall came pouring out of your eyes. “Please- pleas- I love you- please- you can have it- anything you want please don’t leave me.” Your cries were near incoherent.

He was evil, this was the absolute proof of it. Aegon knew he was lying to have you; he knew exactly what hold he had over you and did it anyway. You just couldn’t understand, if he took your maidenhead, you could be together forever. He wasn’t just doing this for himself, it was for both of your sakes. It was blisteringly obvious he would never stop loving you.

“Shh, don’t cry, I’m sorry.” He pulled you into his chest and combed his slender fingers through your hair. “We’re going to be together forever, okay? I'm never leaving you.” He lifted your chin up so you were looking at him. Even when you cried you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. “Let me show you how much I love you.” You nodded your head desperately.

It took minutes before you were laid out flat on the bed. He lifted your legs over his shoulders and buried his tongue inside your core. It was new and the pleasure was radiating throughout your body faster than before. Aegon swirled his tongue in circle around your clit as he brutally fucked you with his fingers.

Your hips bucked up to meet his face and he growled a response. The vibrations sent waves of heat through your veins. Your thighs clenched around his head as your orgasm began to wash over you, far quicker than ever before. You cried out at the feeling of the coil coming undone in your stomach. You could feel his lips form into a smile, he placed kisses onto your sensitive clit causing you to whimper. It wasn’t over, he had just started.

Aegon pulled away and you whined at the loss of his heat on top of you. Then you heard the sound of his trousers being pulled off, you looked away out of politeness. “Don’t be shy, baby. It’s all yours.” You pulled your head off of the pillow and your eyes widened. Aegon was thick, incredibly thick and you couldn’t imagine how that was going to fit inside you.

His tip was a bruising pink, and you could see his seed already beginning to leak out. It looked painfully hard as his veins popped out. He climbed on top of you without a moment's notice and rubbed himself against your dripping slit. “Aegon,” you whined as he teased your entrance.

Aegon leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. He prodded your entrance, “just be a good girl for me. It will only hurt for a second, I promise.” You tried to open your mouth to reply but an incredibly loud scream escaped your lips as he slowly began forcing himself inside. “Gods, you’re so fucking tight,” he groaned under his breath.

The sensation of being filled to the brim made your eyes roll into the back of your head. Aegon moved painfully slowly, thrusting himself in and out of you. You moaned incoherently as his tip pushed into that spot inside of you. What started out as pain was quickly turning into pleasure.

You wanted him deeper inside you, you needed him to fill you completely. Your legs wrapped around his waist, and you pulled him into you. He moaned as your cunt swallowed his length entirely. “So needy for my cock, princess.” You whimpered breathlessly underneath him, “please Aegon.” He moved his hand to cup your face, so you were staring at him. Your eyes were blown out in desire and your face was flushed a deep shade of red.

It was as if Aphrodite was underneath him begging for him to fuck her. “That’s a good girl begging for me.” His thrusts started to become faster, and your mind began going numb. Your cunt clenched around him as your eyes welled with tears. “Yes! uncle, please. Please!” You stuttered between moans and whimpers.

His lips crashed into yours stifling your moans as he forced himself deeper inside you at a bruising pace. His cock pounded against your cervix and not even his lips could fully swallow your moans. You wrapped your arms around his neck and dug your fingers into his shoulders. “Fuck baby, you’re so perfect for me.” Aegon’s praise made you whimper for more.

His cock was throbbing inside you, his seed threatening to spill at any moment. “My good girl,” he moaned into your ear, putting emphasis on ‘my’. Your entire body was going limp beneath him. The friction of his skin rubbing against your clit caused you to start coming undone.

“Aeg- aegon- please cum for me.” He never expected those words to pour from your mouth like a carefully constructed melody. Aegon dipped his head into the crook of your neck and began to whine as you clenched around him. As your core began to tighten you moaned a symphony, “I love you, I love you, I love you-”

Aegon picked up his pace, brutally fucking you with every ounce of energy he had. You felt the heat in your core turn into a fire as ecstasy started to wash over you. Your cunt clenching hard trying to drain every ounce of him.

The door slammed open “My Prince! It’s urgent-” Both of your heads shot to the entrance, staring at the mortified king’s guard whose eyes were boring into you. Oh, you were completely fucked.

Silence, the walk to the grand hall of Driftmark was completely silent. The guard behind you refusing to make eye contact with either of you. You could barely walk straight; your body was sore, and wetness was dripping down your legs.

All you could do right now was pray to the gods he didn’t snitch. Your hair was a mess, sweat was glistening on your faces, your night clothes were a mess, Aegon probably had your juices still on him, your cheeks were flushed a bright red and your lips were bruised… you were done for.

Although, as you entered the hall you noticed everyone else looked far worse than you. You noticed your brother’s bloody faces first and rushed over to them. Aegon immediately wanted to die the second you left his side. He wasn’t concerned at all; this was meant to be found out about.

Except, why now of all fucking nights. His brother had been maimed by your bastard brothers and his mother was in a frenzy. All he could do was stare at him in shock, the feeling of guilt washing over him. Aegon should have been there for Aemond, he should have saved him.

He glanced at you and your brothers were looking at you in disgust. Even when you reached out to comfort them, they pushed you away. Bastards, vile disgusting bastards.

It only got worse from there. Your mother came rushing in, obviously after fucking her uncle. He wanted to laugh, like mother like daughter. His mother was frantic demanding for justice, Rhaenyra screeching bullshit and you tucking yourself behind everyone.

Then the question was asked. “Aegon! Where were you?!” He didn’t even get a chance to reply before the king’s guard swooped in to make matters worse. “He was in his room, your grace… with the princess.” His head nodded towards you, and you looked absolutely mortified.

He should have waited to take it, he should have never made you do anything. Everyone in the room stared at you, just you. It took mere seconds for Rhaenyra to see exactly what had happened, only fueling her fury. Alicent, on the other hand, looked even more upset. The slap she so harshly laid across his face echoed throughout the room, completely silencing it.

There would be no justice since he had chosen the perfect day to defile the king’s favorite grandchild and his sister’s favorite child. You should hate him; you should want him dead. “Who told you these lies boy?” His father’s voice was filled with venom. “Aegon.” His father’s eyes turned dark as he tried to limp his way over to him.

“That’s not true! I told him… both of them.” A soft, quiet voice from the other side of the room caught everyone’s attention. You were defending him against the wrath of your family when he had just quite possibly ruined your reputation. If his obsession was bad, then it definitely got a thousand times worse at that moment.

Everything that happened after that was a complete blur. Insults were thrown, threats were laid out, his mother pulled a knife on his sister, and you fled the scene with your head down. It was like a fucking fever dream that didn’t seem to end.

It got worse the next day. The verbal assault he received from his mother was one for the history books. As was the slap that turned into a giant bruise on his cheek. Aegon was absolutely banished from ever talking, touching, or breathing near you. Any attempt at reaching out would immediately be cut down. His father said nothing of it, probably realizing his mistake in not wedding you sooner. Even Aemond, who should have despised him, forgave him.

It didn’t matter what they thought, he loved you, he wanted you, he needed you, and he was going to fucking have you. Aegon realized several things that night. You needed to be saved from your family as quickly as possible. The bastards and his whore sister needed to die sooner than late. Lastly, he was going to become king no matter what he did.

You were forbidden from ever speaking to Aegon again. It was awkward to say the least when you had to tell your mother everything. She should have been mad, hit you, yelled at you but she only hugged you when you cried. Your mother knew you didn’t tell anyone you were bastards. She knew you wouldn’t lose your maidenhead unless you truly believe they loved you. However, it was a secret that you could never ever tell anyone else.

You can never repeat what you said that night, but it was okay, you only wanted to protect who you loved. She explained how Aegon was taking advantage of you and men lie to get what they want. They prey on innocent girls, pretend to love them to get what they want, then discard them. Your mother repeatedly told you it wasn't your fault for your kind heart. She stated it was her own failure for not protecting you from it.

You didn’t truly believe it was all lies, at least, not all of it. It didn’t really matter now, he was gone forever, and you were alone on Driftmark.

Until you and your family would have to return to King’s Landing, five years later.

#aegon targaryen #dark aegon targaryen #yandere aegon targaryen #aegon the elder #aegon x reader #aegon x you #aegon angst #aegon fluff #aegon smut #aegon fic #aegon ii #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii x reader #aegon ii x you #aegon ii smut #aegon ii fluff #aegon ii fic #hotd fic #aegon ii angst

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dr3amlab · 1 year

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5. wicked games, dm.

SUMMARY — Y/N Gorgon and Draco Malfoy have a long history of mutual hatred. You see, the two of them have been pulling pranks on each other since their 1st year at Hogwarts, to the dismay of their close friends and supervisors. However, after a prank left Y/N completely out of her mind, she decides that she'll pull her cruelest prank yet on Draco by pretending to be his secret admirer.

PAIRING — Draco Malfoy x reader

GENRE — series, enemies to lovers, rival, comedy (?)

WORD COUNT — 1894 words.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — sorry for the wait, uni is killing my ass 😭 I CAN'T FIGURE OUT TUMBLR FOR MY LIFE IM SORRY GUYS

PARTS. 1 2 3 4 5 6 finale

TAGLIST — @hopefulfuturenovelauthor @charlenasaxen @johnmurphys-sass @alittlebitofinsanitea @islayedyourmom @dramatic-long-coats @slashermadness @marplest @whosyourgnomie4 @makhaia @louieblue2 @born2222die @nikki-89 @jamlessgucciswegsunshineot7

V. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Quiet. Everything was oddly quiet. Nothing or no one was bothering you, and everything seemed to go your way for the past week. Peaceful and quiet. Just how you like it. You knew you should be enjoying these peaceful moments as long as they lasted, but why do you feel so unfulfilled?

It was saturday and most of the students, including Athena, were enjoying their afternoon in Hogsmeade. with company of their friends. As for you, you decided to stay in your dorm for, even if Athena begged you relentlessly, you didn’t really feel like going out as last week’s events drained you mentally. But, no panick! You were not completely alone : Boredom and the heavy feeling of emptiness were so nice that they decided to grace you with their presence.

To anyone who would set eyes on you right now, you looked like you carried the entire world’s burdens on your shoulders : you were sitting lazily on one of the couches of the common room, arm resting on the couch and your cheek resting on your hand all while looking at the floor with empty eyes.

Though, who could blame you? You were bored out of your mind : for the past weeks, sending anonymous letters to Draco Malfoy was your only source of entertainment and now that you had to stop, for your own sake, you felt like time refused to pass by.

In the best of worlds, you would still be having the time of your life by taunting Draco and you wouldn’t be having romantic feelings for anyone.

However, this was not the case. Without you even realizing, you were beaten at your own game. You fell for draco during the process of writing him letters and you fell hard.

Still, something was tormenting your mind : Why was Draco being so lowkey? It’s been a week since you had stopped giving him the letters and he didn’t do anything. You thought that it was weird ; His secret admirer bid him farewell and he didn’t even react. If this ever happened to you, you would travel the world and the seven seas to find them but Draco didn’t manifest any interest in looking for them. Zero interest. Nada.

His strangely discreet demeanor was confusing you : Was he mourning the loss of his secret admirer? Did your prank scar his heart? Or, did he somehow find out that you wrote the later? If so how did he find out ? What has he been up to? Those questions kept repeating over and over again in your mind and, honestly, you felt like you were about to go insane. You were almost about to tear your hair out of your scalp. Literally.

Something was going to happen, you felt it. And it was not a good omen. Something was about to happen and it was not going to be to your advantage. In a way, the ball was in Draco’s court. You have no control of his next move and that was making you sick. But did Draco even receive the said ball? Did he even get the ball you passed to him? Did he even know about the ba— "Snap out of it, Y/N!" you mumbled to yourself.

You’re looked away from the ground to take conscience of your current state : You were biting your nails while slightly shaking your leg. In other words, you looked like a complete maniac.

"Y/N." A hand softly touched your right shoulder and you snapped your head towards the said direction, "Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" You let out a sigh of relief when you saw Fides, your fellow Slytherin. "Oh—hey Fides!" you exclaimed, "you scared me!" you said as you put your hand on your heart to feel your racing heartbeat. Fides’ lips curled into an apologetic smile, "my bad, I didn’t mean to!" She sat next to you, "are you okay? you don’t look so good."

For a moment, your mind wandered to Draco and the worries he drowned your mind with. You slightly opened your mouth ready to tell her what was really bothering you without omitting any detail but after a second of reflexion, you gave her a closed lip smile, "no, Fides, nothing is bothering me," you said softly, "thank you for your concern." Fides smiled at you, "If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here," she beamed. You squeezed her hand, "thank you."

"So, what's the latest news?" You asked to change the subject. Fides was always aware of every single thing that was going around in Hogwarts. She knew everyone's business from the teachers to the first years. Fides probably even knows your family's deepest darkest secrets and you'll never know how she had found out. It was pretty entertaining to hear her gossip unless she knew your secrets.

Fides' face lit up as soon as the question left your lips. It seemed as if she had been waiting impatiently for you to ask her, "okay, so you'll never guess this. I promise you'll have the time of your life with this information!" Fides got comfortable on the couch, "There has been rumors than Draco was receiving letters from a secret admirer right. I'm talking about actual love letters," she began explaining, "it has been going on for like⏤ I don't know, months and he never found out their identity," fides said, "shit, I've been trying to find out who the hell they were and I didn't even find out."

Discreetly, you let out a sigh of relief, if Fides ever finds out first that you were the 'secret admirer', you were done for. First of all, the entire universe would be aware that you wrote letters to draco. And, even though Fides was a nice girl, she had tendencies to run her mouth ; She would not hesitate twice to spread rumors about anyone, even her closest friends.

"Oh. My. Merlin! Draco has a secret admirer? please tell me it's a joke!" You pretended to be shocked, "Girl, even I was flabbergasted! like⏤ Who in their right mind would genuinely like Malfoy?" Fides laughed, "pff! yeah, right⎯ for real." You let out a forced laugh, "so what happens next?" you stopped laughing immediately and coughed.

"You're going to need to brace yourself for this part." She came closer to you, "Apparently, Draco found out who it is and is about to confront them soon," she whispered, " I heard he got the info from a first year. Somebody saw Draco extorting the information out of the poor boy," she pursed her lips, "this is exclusive news, you're the first one to know this." Your heart dropped and your mouth hung slightly open, "I know right! I had the same reaction!" she slapped your shoulder, "I wonder who it is ! do you think they'll end up together? »

Draco had found out. Draco had found out and knowing him, he probably found a way to bring the gossip to Fides’ ears for he knew damn well that she would tell you and therefore, inform you that he knew. One thing is for sure, Malfoy's revenge was going to be violent and you only have to shelter yourself from the storm that was coming.

You were probably thinking so much about him that you manifested his presence accidentally : you felt like you've summoned a demon for, suddenly, you saw his dark silhouette come through the door of the common room and his eyes immediately found yours as if the first thing he had planned to do when he would step foot into the common room was to find your eyes.

Draco didn't walk further into the room. Instead, he stood tall not so far from the door with both of his hands in the pockets of his black pants. Malfoy did not break eye contact with you as he slightly tilted his head to the right while giving you a smirk.

As you maintained eye contact with him, you felt like your entire world was burning, but you didn't seem to mind because you were only thinking about one thing : did you always notice how handsome Draco is?

Draco saw how your face decomposed at the sight of him. He saw how you didn't even care about any of the nonsense that was probably coming out of Fides' mouth and how your focus was solely on him.

Draco's smirk only grew bigger when he saw you get up off the couch and he almost laughed out loud at the sight of Fides' confused face. Malfoy stood on his ground with his head held high as he watched you lope towards him with a rather angry expression on your face.

'How cute,' he found himself thinking as he stared at your face. You were probably as angry as ever, but how did you manage to still look so cute. Did Draco always notice how cute you were? Perhaps he always did or perhaps he never did but that's something he'll sort out later for right now, he needed to be focused on taunting you.

"So, you found out." You crossed your arms. "Yeah, I did." Draco mimicked your body language, "I honestly didn't know that you would stoop this low Y/N, really. Playing with one's feelings? Even I didn't think about pranking you like that," he fake pouted, "Oh come on Draco," you scoffed, "you're talking about morals? Don't act like for the past six years, you didn't do something equally as bad," you retorted, "You're just mad that you didn't come up with this idea before me. Admit it." Draco shrugged his shoulders while displaying a stupid smirk on his face, "Maybe I am," he said nonchalantly.

"What now? Are you going to get back at me or did I win the game?" you asked, "I'm not going to get back you Y/N, don't be silly," he said as if it was the most obvious fact in the world, "I gotta admit that you won," he started, "but at what cost?" Draco bended slightly so his face would be closer to yours which startled you and made you take a step back, "what do you mean?" you asked again confusedly.

Draco smirked, "you fell in love with me Y/N," he said in a singsong "Why would I get back at you? isn't that enough torment for you?" he asked, "Me? In love with you? Plea⏤" Before you could even finish your sentence, Draco cut you off, "Y/N, I know that you smelt my scent in that potion," he laughed, "Books, expensive cologne, green apples?" he emphasized on the last words, "That's what you smelt and, oh⏤ What a coincidence! that's also what you wrote in that letter." You frowned your eyebrows, "Do you seriously believe in that stupid shit Draco? What are you, five years old?" Draco quirked an eyebrow, "Are you implying that Slughorn is a conman and amortentia is bullshit? Or, wait⎯ that magic doesn't exist?" Draco's face came even closer to yours.

"Darling, you fell in love with me. You can't deny it," he said slowly in a suave voice, "so, who's the real loser now?" he whispered to your ear. Your eyes widened, you tried to say something or anything to deny his statement but you couldn't because it was true : you are utterly and irrevocably in love with Malfoy.

Draco adjusted his posture so he could look at your face clearly. A victorious smile graced his lips as he watched you open and close your mouth to talk but words wouldn't come out your mouth. Without saying any other word, Draco left to go to his dorm and he left you freezed like a statue.

Draco should be celebrating his victory: you didn't deny any of your feelings for him, so that makes him the true winner, right? Though, Malfoy felt a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach and he felt completely confused. Why was the scent of vanilla, violet and strawberry cake lingering in his nose?

It took a long time to Malfoy, but he finally put two and two together. Vanilla, violet and strawberry cake: that was the same fragrance he smelt in the envelopes, the amortentia and on you when he came close to your neck as he whispered to your ear. Draco stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes widened as he realized what it meant, "Fuck, I'm in love with her."

It's funny isn't it? Malfoy was too engrossed on taunting you for having feelings for him that he didn't realize that he reciprocated your feelings.

So, who was the real loser?

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bloodynereid · 1 year

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maybe like one with karen and reader where its like the one you did for warren but like how karen and readers relationship was while living with the six. ohhh or like you could do the beach scene with karen and maybe its just karen and reader or like they also tag along with graham and the blondie. lmao im dying for more karen fics

Echoes of Pain & Love

pairings: karen sirko x fem! reader & karen sirko x graham dunne (for plot purposes)

a/n: hiii anon! hopefully this is up to standards cause i really enjoyed writing this fic - even if it is really sad (i'm sorry about that btw). i didn't add the second part of the request cause i didn't feel like it fit in naturally with the story if that makes sense. i love writing for karen (we are in desperate need of more karen fics) so i hope you enjoy this. used a different perspective with billy on this one cause i thought it would be interesting to look into that avenue of family ties. also i promise my next karen fic will be fluffy instead of the whirlwind that this is.

tw: drug addiction, mentions of cigarettes, swearing, religious trauma (slightly mentioned), abortion, pregnancy, period typical homophobia mentions, mafia mentions (? honestly it's like a comedy point so not really a tw), angst angst angst, kissing, drinking, rehab mentions, mental health problems kind of mentioned, overdose

description: the rise of the biggest band in the world and the cloud of pain and love that surrounds a particular member and the love of her life.

Y/N Dunne: Hi? Is this on? Okay yeah great. We ready to start?

You were born in a small town called Hazelwood, Pittsburgh. Around 2 minutes before your twin, Billy. From that moment on you two were inseparable so when he wanted to learn guitar, you also learned guitar. When you took up your strange art hobby, he also started bringing a sketchbook everywhere along with him. So when your little brother Graham convinced him to join his little band, Billy also dragged you along with him.

You took the band almost as seriously as Billy, even if you still had some aspirations for going to university (which you never told Billy). Over the years until little Graham graduated high school you guys didn’t practice as much as you practiced the year after graduation. After each session your fingers were stinging and calluses upon calluses started to form.

You guys were playing gigs upon gigs and it was going incredibly well. Until you had to play a wedding, a wedding where your father was in attendance.

“Billy, Y/N what the hell? Are you guys okay?” You had rushed after Billy when you noticed that the creep dancing with the girl ages younger than him was your father. Currently you were holding your twin in your arms as unbridled rage filled your very being. You could feel that same rage radiating off Billy.

“You noticed the creep with the combover?”

“Yeah…”

“He’s our dad.” You responded, that made Billy unwarp himself from your arms and go thundering back into the wedding. You quickly followed him in and stood by his side as he confronted your father before smashing his guitar and storming off.

“Do you remember me?” You asked your absentee father after Graham punched him and walked off.

“Of course, girl. You have grown into quite a beaut huh?” A grossed out look overtook your face before you kneed that stupid little man right in the balls. As he kneeled over in pain you took the opportunity to spit on him and walk off in the direction of your brothers.

Warren: Y/N was and still is a badass. Never and I mean never underestimate that woman.

After that incident, life calmed down a bit. Practice continued and Camila appeared in your life after somehow Billy miraculously whisked her off her feet at a laundromat. You were happy to have another girl around and you would constantly tease Billy about how in love he was with her.

“You are such a softie!”

“I am not!” Billy had just gotten back from the dinner with Camila’s parents and he had found you watching tv and painting your nails in the living room with Graham napping on the other side of the couch.

“You know when you find someone I’ll be reminding you of these moments.”

“Shut up!” You threw the pillow that Graham had his head on towards Billy’s face which caused Graham to violently wake up to find his grown up siblings having a pillow fight in the middle of the living room.

Y/N: The night we opened for the Winters… right. Fuck that was night we all met Karen. *strained laughter* Graham was so in love with her. Oh! And Chuck right yeah that’s how I became the bassist. Billy nearly gave it to Eddie.

Chuck had basically rushed back inside his house, probably intimidated by all the very judgemental looks you all were giving him. Who would leave the band just like that? And to go into fucking dentistry?

“Okay how the hell are we going to play next week?” You asked as you stamped out your cigarette harshly.

“Eddie, you're going to have to be on bass.” Billy said with his usual commanding tone.

“Like hell I will.” Eddie responded with a scoff.

“Look we need-”

“I can do it.” You piped up, Eddie and Billy’s fights never ended well; it was as if a cloud of tension just permanently lived between them.

“What?” Your twin turned to you with a confused look on his face.

“Well I worked on the bass lines with Chuck cause he’s a mediocre player anyways so I pretty much know them front to back. Plus we don’t really need another rhythm guitarist anyways.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. You guys want to come over to practice at our house? I’m pretty sure mom went out with some of her friends.”

“Yup.”

“Sounds good.”

Y/N: I was lying about those bass lines by the way but someone needed to diffuse that situation.

Eddie: Fucking hell Y/N was a saving grace that day. She always was when the band was still together. I think it’s cause she knew Billy the best. They had this way of communicating that was downright creepy. Twin telepathy and all that crap.

The day you opened for the Winters started with cramping fingers and a slight tickle in your throat. You had barely been sleeping. Billy always called you a perfectionist and it was probably the worst trait to have when you were trying to prepare for the biggest night of your life. Then you saw… her.

The venue for one was stunning and huge. But what really lit up the place was the blonde on the keyboard. She was like an angel. So deeply entranced in the music and so fucking confident.

Men never really interested you. Sure they were attractive in the objective sense but whenever you thought of who you wanted to walk down the aisle for it was always a woman you envisioned. It had been like that since childhood. What made it worse was the church. Your mother wasn’t particularly religious but you always went to church on Sundays and the priest always spoke about homosexuals being part of the devil’s work.

You thought you needed to be fixed. Which is why you had tried throughout high school to date men or rather boys. But it never worked out. Whenever they got too close to kissing you you ended it with them or got Billy to help.

After that you just stopped trying to pursue that idea and just decided to live for the rest of your life alone. Or… with a woman if you ever found her. But living in Hazelwood, Pittsburgh had its challenges in that department. You would become the town pariah if you told the wrong person. And… you had no idea how to even start to mention it to your brothers.

But she was like an angel. Radiant under the stage lighting.

“Ooo somebody’s in love.” Oh fuck. You quickly spun around trying to see if Warren’s voice was directed at you but thankfully it wasn’t. Instead it was to your little brother who was staring at… her. Your heart clenched and your grip on your bass case tightened. The sharp pain sent through your aching fingers brought you back down to Earth. Of course she would never go for a girl, hell she’s probably straight. You briskly walked away from the pair and through the backstage door.

If you had turned around you would have noticed the girl’s eyes staring at you as you disappeared behind the swinging doors.

Y/N: I think I played okay that night. I mean the atmosphere was electric and I guess you could say that it was the night that marked the beginning of everything.

Billy: Y/N was incredible that night. She always downgrades her playing skills but it was as if she was born to play guitar. And no I’m not just saying that because she’s my twin.

Karen: I was stunned by Y/N when I first saw her play. When she told me, years later, that she had learnt all those riffs in less than a week I was blown away.

Y/N: Anyways after that night we headed off to the city of angels. Fucking Rod Reyes somehow convinced us. And well Billy also miraculously got Cami to follow us. Still don’t know how my imbecilic twin did it.

You were all gathered at one of the numerous LA diners as Graham made the phone call. The phone to that stunning woman that your brother (and you) had a big crush on. Her name was Karen. Karen Sirko.

You passed the cigarette you were sharing with Warren back to him as you watched your youngest brother flounder on the phone as he tried to talk to the supposed woman of his your his dreams.

“Look, just pass me the phone.” You said as you got up and took the phone from his slightly sweaty hands. Ignoring his protests you spoke into the receiver.

“Hi Karen. This Y/N Dunne.”

“Hi… Y/N Dunne. The bass player right?” Her silky British voice filled the phone and a slight shiver ran down your back.

“That would be me. Anyways what my idiotic little brother was trying to say-”

“Hey!” You heard Graham protest in the background.

“How would you like to join the band?”

“Oh bloody hell it’s burning. Guys it’s burning.”

“Uhh…”

“Sorry about that. Minor kitchen emergency.”

“You’re all good. So… what do you say?”

“To what?”

“Joining the band.”

“In Pittsburgh?”

“We’re actually in LA now. Gigs are lined up and we have a house in Laurel Canyon.”

“Hmm what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?” You asked as you leaned against the phone booth as everyone stared at you with anticipation, Graham most of all.

“Do you think it’s worth it?”

“You’re asking the wrong person. My mother always called my brother and I dreamers.”

“Hmm… you know what, yes. Send me the address and I’ll see you then.” Karen hung up the phone and you replaced it in the phone booth before turning around.

“Well?”

“We have a new member of the band!”

Y/N: I remember during those months that I had the strangest assortment of jobs. I worked at a movie theater, a bakery, an ice cream parlor, in a record store and I even think that I might have accidentally been working at a front for a mafia business. That was the secretarial job and it was the one I kept the longest. Employers let just say didn’t particularly like me. At least the mafia did so you know. That definitely says something about me. I had the secretarial job when Karen finally arrived.

You had had a very long and grueling day at the office dealing with a strangely large amount of angry Italian men. But you got through it and you finally came home… bearing the gifts that Warren and your twin always loved. Two slices of apple tart from your boss's mother who always appreciated giving them to you since he had a specific dislike of apples but a fear of his mother.

“Honeys I’m home!” You walked into the living room to find Graham, Warren and Eddie battling each other with the random things, a daily occurrence.

“Ooo did you get the apple thing?”

“Of course.”

“You are truly an angel sent from heaven.” Warren gave you a forehead kiss before he whisked away the white box in your hands.

“Yeah yeah.” You moved to go to your room which was quite literally the size of a broom closet but at least you had a bed. Even if it was crammed on top of a bunk with a desk under it. After you had changed out of your formal wear and into a button down and shorts. You slid into the living room with your pair of fluffy socks and snatched the blunt out of Eddie’s hands.

“Hey!”

“Oh shush I had to deal with a mob of angry Italians, this is the least you can do.” You slumped down on one of the couches and took a long hit that instantly relaxed your tired muscles.

“I don’t know how you’ve even held this job down for so long.” Eddie said as you passed the blunt back to him.

“No idea. It’s a fucking miracle.” You grabbed a random magazine from the pile and started to flick through the photos of really attractive supermodels.

“How many jobs did you have before this, remind me?”

“Probably like 20.” Graham said as he took a seat next to you.

“Fuck off.” You answered back as you blindly tried to kick him. “At least I tried to go get a job while the rest of you just idle around here like lazy dogs.”

“She does have a point there.” That was a new voice, you perked up and took a peak over your magazine as Karen took a seat on the couch in front of you and held out a glass of wine.

“Thanks. So are we ordering in or…”

“Nope, Billy and Warren said they were going to cook something.” That made you spin around and look at her with a horrified look on your face.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“No? Cami went to process some of her film a bit ago and they just volunte-”

“Oh fuck.” You quickly handed her the wine and threw the magazine on the couch before basically flying into the kitchen. Trying to salvage whatever disaster the boys had decided to cook up. Some kind of alien monster most likely.

Y/N: *laughing* Those were some good months. I actually miss those days a lot. I guess everything changed after Billy met Teddy Price at a supermarket. Weird coincidence but I swear on my life that it happened. Well I’m actually trusting Billy’s word on this so who knows?

Graham: Y/N was really happy in those months. I mean she was always happy. Like a ball of fire and positivity.

Karen: I got to know everyone a lot more due to how close we were living together. Y/N and I bonded as well but she mostly avoided me. Probably because of work. She was really busy, even with gigs. Cami and Y/N were basically the ones getting the extra money we needed to pull through each month.

Y/N: Karen said I was avoiding her? I mean… maybe I was. It was a weird time for me. It was also the time I met Daisy. Oh she didn’t tell you? Yeah I met Daisy ages before she joined the band.

Daisy: Y/N told you we met earlier than expected? Well she’s only telling the truth. Y/N was a truly kind hearted soul, she actually was there the night I first played for a live audience.

The girl on stage, Daisy Jones, was absolutely dazzling. You almost felt like a kindred flame was lit up in your heart. So of course you decided to come up to her with a glass of whiskey and a smile.

“Hi sorry to bother you but I just have to say you have an incredible voice.”

“Aww thank you darling. I’m Daisy by the way.”

“Y/N.” The rest of the night was spent around a bottle of whiskey and you also got to meet Simone. The three of you created a comfortable atmosphere around you and so over the painful months of trying to get Teddy to produce the band you kept in touch with the duo. Going out for drinks when none of you were playing gigs or recording.

Y/N: Like I said those were some good months. But I guess every good thing has to come to an end. *A sad smile appears on your face and you turn your face from the camera to quickly wipe your eyes.*

Graham was obviously enamored with Karen. Everyone saw it, everyone knew except for her. Your heart stung every single time he sent her that puppy eyed look. How could you be jealous of your brother?! It’s not like someone as beautiful as her would ever go for someone like you.

You bitterly took another sip of your drink when you felt a presence next to you. Carefully turning your head you were surprised to see Billy. It was his night after all. The night of his wedding. Really you couldn’t believe it.

“Hey? You okay?”

“Yeah.” He most definitely wasn’t and you had an inkling as to why, so you just leaned your head on his shoulder and gave him a one armed hug.

“Just know I will always love you okay. Through thick and thin. I’m your twin so you sure as hell are never getting rid of me.” He let out a wet chuckle before burrowing his face in your hair and giving you a squeeze back.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.”

“You’re going to be a good one, Billy. I’ll make sure of that and Cami will make sure of that.”

“I don’t deserve either of you.”

“Nope don’t you go on saying that Mr. Dunne.” He laughed before pulling away from you and taking a swig of his beer.

“Do you want to be the kid’s godmother?”

“What?!” You looked up at him with widened eyes and a surprised expression on your face.

“Well I kind of talked it over with Cami and well we want you to be the godmother.”

“I’m already going to be the aunt though.”

“So should I tell her you said no…”

“Oh shut up Billy of course I’m saying yes.” You both laughed and he hugged you again. Harder this time.

“It’s all going to be fine.” You said into his shirt, trying to reassure your anxious twin.

“I believe you.”

Y/N: *silence as you anxiously pick your nails* Umm the tour right. I think that was more of the tour from hell. I was basically watching my brother destroy himself and his family. And I was powerless to stop it. So when you feel powerless what do you think we did back then? I took up pills. A secret little habit no one ever knew about.

You carefully tucked Billy into his bed after throwing the groupies out of his room and throwing out all the empty beer bottles. The remnants of cocaine were also swept onto the floor, and just as you were about to close the door you heard a voice.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah Billy?”

“Uh… thanks.”

“Anytime.” You said with a sad smile as a tear ran down your face before closing the hotel door.

“Fuckkkk.” You slumped down against the door and buried your face in your hands. It was this exact same routine. Over and over and over again. What were you going to tell Cami? Would you ever tell her?

“Hey you okay?” You heard that British accent that never failed to make you feel butterflies in your stomach, even if you sat devastated in a random hotel.

“Fine. You?” Quickly wiping away the remnants of tears and standing up so you were at eye level with Karen.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Karen. No need to worry about me. Have you settled in okay?”

“Right yeah everything is great. I was just about to go for a smoke on the roof care to join me?”

“Sure sounds good.” You dusted off your hands and followed Karen up onto the roof before lighting up one of your cigs.

“Okay now tell me the truth. How are you really feeling?” She asked after an awkward beat of silence.

“Conflicted I guess.”

“About the whole Billy thing?”

“Yeah he’s my brother but… I hate seeing him like this. I don’t know. Shit… this is such a messed up situation isn’t it?”

“It really is. Now just stop thinking about it and watch the stars. That always does the trick with me.”

“Thanks Karen.”

“Anytime.” She sent you a comforting smile and you laid your head in her lap. That constant weight on your shoulders already dissipating by just being around her.

Y/N: A few more shows in Cami came to visit. It was a surprise and honestly I’m pretty sure she knew something was up. I met up with her when I went to do my nightly check up on Billy since I had been at the record store all day.

Camila: I would never blame Y/N for what was going on with Billy. I think she was the one who at least didn’t let him slip off the deep end but I wish she had told me about it.

You didn’t know about Cami’s trip so when you went to check up on Billy suddenly the door swung open and a very pregnant Camila stormed out.

“Cami?” You asked in a strained voice.

“Y/N hey.”

“Look I’m so fucking sorry. I tried to get him to tell you or I would have called-”

“No no I get it. You’re his twin, you will always try to protect him. I gave him an ultimatum.”

“I’m assuming you’re letting him fuck around until the kid is born right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll try to make sure he gets better okay?”

“That isn’t-”

“No it is. Now come here. Let me hug my favorite sister in law.” You enveloped Cami in a hug and smoothed your hands across her back as she started sobbing into your shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay. Shhh, it’s all going to be fine. When is your flight?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“How about you come stay with me until then? That way you don’t have to see Billy or pay for another room.”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

Y/N: Those shows were a disaster. Billy was getting worse and I had no way to stop it. I didn’t try to take away his drugs or the fucking groupies. The one time I tried… no okay he doesn’t even know about that. So the day Julia was born, that wonderful little bundle of joy, Teddy got Billy into rehab. And I became Jules’ godmother. I thought everything was going to get better after that and it did for a while. For everyone else.

Billy: I came out of rehab and I quit the band. I think Graham and Y/N were the only ones who understood why. Y/N got the brunt of my addiction though. She was like a shining beacon but I never realized how much it had affected her…

Y/N: I wasn’t fine.

That stupid green monster called jealousy invaded your veins each time you saw him with her. You should be happy for your brother but it was the complete opposite. Warren was even questioning you as to why he never saw you with anyone, you only brushed off those questions by telling him to fuck off.

Pill numbers were multiplying by the day and as you sat in the recording studio waiting for whatever miracle Teddy thought would save your band you could almost feel the chemicals moving through your blood. You took another swing from the coffee cup in your hand to try and distract yourself from how big Karen’s smile was as she looked at Graham.

Falling for a straight girl. What an fucking cliche.

“Can I get a glass of milk and a whiskey? Or just a whiskey if you don’t have milk. Or just milk if you don’t have whiskey?” Now that was a familiar voice. You perked up from your little alcove in the recording room to see that chaotic ball of pure energy which belonged to one of your best friends. Daisy Jones was in the house.

“DAISY JONES? Do my eyes deceive me?” You rushed up and enveloped her in your arms. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming?”

“Well I didn’t know until last night.”

“You look incredible, I love this shirt.” She smiled and did a little twirl to show off the buttondown.

“Stop, now you look absolutely stunning. Where did you manage to find a coat like this?”

Karen: I remember feeling a strange kind of anger the day we met Daisy Jones. It wasn’t directed at her, it’s just… I don’t think it really clicked that Y/N had a life outside the one I saw her in.

Graham: It wasn’t really a surprise, Y/N was friends with everyone. Did she tell you about that mafia thing?

“You guys done with this little reunion cause we need to get on with it.”

“Stop being such an asshole Billy. But yeah we should probably get this show on the road.” You made your way into the soundbooth with the rest of the band after giving Daisy one more squeeze and a comforting smile.

“So how do you know Daisy?” Karen whispered in your ear, making you jump. She was way closer than you had anticipated.

“Oh I went to one of her shows. We got to know each other after, that’s how I met Simone as well. Where do you think I disappear off to all these nights?” That response elicited a slightly guilty look on Karen’s face.

“I always thought you were in your room. I guess I’ve just never seen you sneak out.” Wow, you hadn’t realized how good you had gotten at hiding your little bad habits.

“Hmm.” You hummed back and then turned to look at your brother and Daisy, nervously picking at your nails. Oh god why did you tell Karen that. She now thinks you’re some kind of crazy party girl.

The rest of the recording session was kind of a mess. You suddenly realized why you had been so entranced by Daisy when you first met her. She reminded you so much of your twin. You had felt that instant connection because you had the same connection with Billy. Their personalities bashed against each other because they fit so well together.

Y/N: I think we all noticed the Daisy and Billy thing. But I was just scared. I was scared for Billy and for Daisy. I care for them so so much but I don’t think I could have predicted what all came next. I had an inkling though. And that is what scared me.

You had joined Karen when she basically dragged you to go to the record store with her. Ever since your admission about your nights out it seemed as if she wanted to spend more and more time with you. Not that you minded.

You stood next to her as you sifted through the rows of different music selections. You weren’t particularly looking for anything but were looking out for some new stuff. It was always interesting to hear new sounds when suddenly you heard the girl at the till.

“Is this the one with ‘Look At Us Now’?” You exchanged glances with Karen with giddy smiles starting to paint your faces. No fucking way.

“Oh shoot I don’t think I have enough.” Karen was about to pull out some money but you stilled her hand by grabbing her wrist. Winking at her you grabbed a 5 dollar bill from your jacket pocket and put it on top of the record. Your record.

“Here.”

“Oh thanks.”

“No problem.” You linked arms with Karen before heading out of the store letting out giggles.

You took a seat next to Julia as you fed her little pieces of food whilst cooing at her. Billy was once again complaining about the song and Cami was trying to calm him down.

“Has anyone looked through the mail recently?”

“Oh fuck sorry I meant to sift through those last night. Mia culpa and all that.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Karen sent you a soft smile before her face turned to shock as she stared at the envelopes. “Does anyone know what these are?”

“No way.” You quickly snatched the letter that was addressed to you from her hands and started dancing around the kitchen. “Look Jules, aunty has got some money now.”

Y/N: The first thing I bought… Karen tried to get me to buy stock. But no… I umm I bought a motorcycle.

Graham: Okay so one thing you need to know about my sister is that she has like zero self preservation.

Y/N: Graham said that?! Oh that little shit. That isn’t true. I got a helmet too. That bike basically became my baby.

You were sitting out on the balcony after Billy and Cami moved out. Which meant you could finally do drugs freely, well not that freely but that’s beside the point. You were lying on the floor staring at the stars as Warren went on and on about how he and the canyon were connected. It was strangely funny in your drugged out state that you burst out laughing. Pills and psychedelics might not have been the best combination.

In your defense you thought you were about to go to bed so you took a combination of sleeping and pain pills but then Karen dragged you upstairs to try out whatever this thing was. And all in all you were having a great time until it happened.

You peaked through your fingers to see Karen’s hand on Graham’s chest. It was just against his heart. Like she was metaphorically holding his heart in her hand but in that moment it felt like it was your heart that she had just crushed into a pulp.

So you just closed your eyes and let the drugs overtake your senses. Letting them all wash away that pain of heartbreak.

Y/N: Hawaii was incredible. Billy was an asshole. And Daisy shined. I think that’s about all I can remember from that time. *a tight smile appears on your face* People never notice things until they come to the surface. I hid things very well for a long time.

Cami had invited you to the housewarming party and when you were having a catch up with Daisy in her hotel’s pool you realized she was too. You hadn’t told her about the whole being a lesbian thing, not that you didn’t trust her but you didn’t want her to treat you differently. You were just scared of what she would see in you even if she had fully accepted Simone.

Simone had gone to New York because of a woman. Simone who was the only person who knew you liked women. Simone the glue that held Daisy together. You both missed her deeply and that is why you were hanging out with Daisy at the pool.

So on the night of the housewarming, Daisy’s arms were wrapped around your waist with a pineapple balancing in your lap as you sped through the streets of LA until you arrived at the house.

Daisy was the first to hop off before taking off her helmet and handing it to you. You did the same and took the keys out of the ignition before following Daisy inside. You weaved through the crowds with her arm around your shoulders when Cami spotted the two of you.

“Daisy you came! And with Y/N. Now this is a strange development.”

“You didn’t mention me before? I am offended.”

“Well it’s not my fault it’s so hard to describe someone so radiant. I’m going to go check up on Billy. It’s good to see you, Cami.”

“We need to see each other more often Y/N. Jules has been missing you.”

“Oh I bet.” You gave her a smile before bounding over and enveloping Billy in a bear hug. “How is my favorite twin doing?”

“Hi Y/N, it’s good to see you too. What’s got you so energetic today?”

“Wow I can’t just be excited to see my brother?” In reality, you had sneaked some of Daisy’s cocaine stash while she was in the bathroom. It was your first time on the drug and you suddenly realized how Billy got addicted to this stuff. You hadn’t felt this good in ages.

“No no that’s not at all what I’ve been saying. How have you been?”

“Good. I’ve missed having you and Cami around.”

“No you haven’t.” He said with a conspiratorial smile on his face.

“We haven’t been separated before Billy before I miss having my twin around.” That second the mask slipped, the mask that said I’m fine.

“Y/N?”

“I umm I’m going to get myself a drink. See you later Billy.” You slipped out of his grasp and grabbed a glass of whiskey and made your way to the living room where you saw Graham flirting with some blonde. Okay now that is a strange development. You took a seat next to a confused looking Karen on one of the couches.

“You okay?”

“Oh hey you came.”

“That I did. So what’s going on?”

“Did you know that Graham was in love with me?” That made you spit out the remaining whiskey in your mouth.

“What?” You said after coughing for a solid minute.

“Graham told me he wanted to be with me.”

“And you said?”

“No obviously.”

“Oh okay.” That stupid sentence shouldn’t have made you fill up with hope but it did.

“So you don’t have any comments?”

“I mean what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Right I umm I’m going to leave you alone then.”

You spent the night at Cami and Billy’s house, they had already set out the spare room for you since Billy didn’t want you driving on that vehicle of death as he liked to call it in the middle of the night.

Y/N: The first day that we were officially Daisy Jones & The Six couldn’t have started anymore disastrously. I was finally starting to cut back on pills because after the cocaine inci-

Interviewer: Sorry to interrupt but uh what was the cocaine incident?

Y/N: *a pained look overcame your face* I don’t think you want to hear about this.

Interviewer: I want to know it all.

Y/N: Right so I guess you will be the second person to ever know the story about the cocaine incident. The first was the doctor who found me overdosing in a park. It had become a habit to swipe Daisy’s coke stash. So on that night I had been adventurous and took a little more than usual. That ended up with me on a park bench with foam coming out of my mouth. Mark found me after a shift, he basically revived me by throwing me in a lake and getting me to his house. There he was able to flush the drugs from my system. I made him promise the next morning to never tell anyone and that was that. I don’t remember much of the encounter but I stopped the majority of the drugs after that.

Interviewer: I’m sorr-

Y/N: *with tears rolling down your face* Don’t be sorry. I’m alive and yeah it was probably not a good idea to not have told anyone but I was one of those people who didn’t believe in weaknesses. Anyways, I was kind of going through a big withdrawal period during that first session. Teddy was a fucking saviour as always and got Daisy and Billy to go write a song. I spent my day cruising around the streets of LA on my bike trying to fight off a killer migraine.

You arrived home before Warren and Eddie did and what greeted you was the sounds of moaning. So you quickly slipped into the back and took a peek into the living room. The sight on the couch made your heart split in two. Karen and your brother…

You soundlessly turned and closed the backdoor before quickly wiping the tears that started to form at the sight of Warren and Eddie.

“Where have you two been all day?”

“We could ask you the same question.”

“Well I was at the garage for a bit and then I went to the hills and cruised around. And by the popcorn I’m guessing you went to see Rollerball again.”

“Damn right sister.” You laughed and followed them inside when you heard the phone ringing.

“Is anyone going to get that?” You asked as you walked into the living room, looking at Karen and Graham who looked very disheveled.

“Uh yeah.”

Y/N: That was the first time we heard Let Me Down Easy. And it was incredible… but Daisy and Billy. They realized that connection. And that hug at the end of the session. Well it said it all.

Interviewer: So did you notice anything different about Y/N around the time you recorded Aurora?

Billy: Uh not really? I was kind of immersed in the writing process of it all. Why? Did she say something?

Graham: She was more reserved I guess. I barely saw her other than in recording sessions and at home. I was kind of busy too with uh I guess you could call it love.

Karen: Yeah she was avoiding me. I wanted to be around her a bunch but Graham was giving me something I always wanted. And she was more tired. Like almost lethargic.

Warren: Not really? She spent a lot more time with me though. We discussed movies a lot together.

Eddie: She looked exhausted a lot of the time. Wait, why are you asking this?

Y/N: I was mentally drained during that time. I was avoiding Karen and Graham because of obvious reasons. I tried to date a few guys. That was a bad time. Me and men don’t go well together but uh I was grieving a lot and on top of that I was heartbroken. I wasn’t in the greatest place and it kind of fucked with me.

Daisy: I wasn’t spending as much time with Y/N as I probably should have been.

Y/N: After the album was finished and everyone went their separate ways, I went to a rehab center in Switzerland. The only person who knew was Teddy. I was an insanely secretive person but I needed to have someone know where I was. Teddy was like a father to me and he helped with everything.

Billy: I kind of freaked when I realized that no one knew where either Daisy or my sister were. Teddy had no idea where Daisy was but he told me Y/N went on a trip. That she would be back in a month and she was. But she was different. I think that was when I realized how fucking miserable she must have been while I was trying to deal with all my shit.

Y/N: Rehab was the best thing I could have ever done. I went back home and I moved out to this little apartment which was next to this secret beach. I finally felt so much better. I remember that day when I came to collect all my shit from my old room. I had bought a mustang when I left the airport. My beloved car.

You took a deep breath before cutting the ignition of your car and stepping into the house that held so many memories. So much heartbreak.

“Y/N holy shit you’re back.” Warren grabbed you and pulled you into a bear hug which everyone quickly joined once they realized who had stepped through their front door.

“Where the hell have you been?” Karen asked as she looked at you with a deep worry in her eyes.

“I uh went to rehab.” Their shocked faces made you burst out laughing. “Oh god I needed that, it has been a somber few days.”

“Why did you even go to rehab?”

“I needed to go away and get shit straightened out. Now how have all of you been?” You spent the rest of the afternoon catching up and drinking ginger beer while everyone drank regular alcohol. When you broke the news that you were going to move out it didn’t really faze anyone since Warren had basically permanently moved into his houseboat. That crush you had for Karen was still there but you were happy for your little brother. Wow, you could finally say that truthfully in your head.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice.” Karen said as she helped you pack up some of your valuables.

“Notice what?”

“How much you were struggling.”

“Karen, it’s okay. Plus I know you were busy having a boyfriend.” You forced out a smile before placing another one of your numerous trinkets into your suitcase.

“How did you know?” Karen had an almost guilty look on her face that made you look at her with a confused expression.

“I’ve known for ages. I’m not as clueless as the other idiots.”

“And how do you feel about it?”

“Well I’m happy for you of course. Graham really likes you.”

“Is that it?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“I… thanks.”

“No problem. Thanks for helping with packing.” After all that was finished you put everything in the trunk with the help of Warren.

“When the hell did you get a Mustang?”

“Well I needed an extra car since my bike wouldn’t hold all my stuff. I got her this morning.”

“I always did appreciate your taste in cars.” You both laughed and exchanged a hug.

“Take care of yourself Warren. I’ll see you at the meeting on Monday.”

“You too. You heading home?”

“Nah I’m going to check in with Billy first.”

“Okay. Bye Y/N.”

“Bye Warren.” You waved at the group who had collected at the front porch before speeding off in the direction of your twin’s house.

You stood in front of the door before finally having the courage to knock. The door was immediately swung open by Camila.

“Oh my god you’re here. Billy get down here!” Cami yelled into the house before grabbing you and squeezing you into a hug.

“Are you okay? Teddy said you were on a trip but we were worried.” All of a sudden Billy appeared at the door carrying Julia and having the most relieved smile on his face.

“Oh Y/N. Come here.”

“Yes, come in. I’ll get you some tea.” Billy put down Jules before he enveloped you in that familiar embrace. God you had missed him. Julia came over and hugged your leg, making you laugh as you picked her up.

“Hey there Jules. You’ve gotten so big.”

“Where were you?” Billy asked as you took a seat on the couch as Julia nestled into your chest.

“Switzerland. I wanted to tell you but I really didn’t want to disappoint you, Billy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to go to rehab. I know I should have talked to you-”

“No no, I get it. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there for you. You deserve someone better than me as a brother. Cause I sure as hell don’t deserve you.”

“Shut up, Billy. You’re my twin and I’ll love you to the ends of the earth.”

The rest of the night was spent in tears and laughs. You finally spent some much needed time with your other half. Being a twin meant you had a companion for life but it hadn’t felt like that for a while.

Y/N: I spent most of the tour around Billy. We shared the separate bus with Graham but he usually ended up staying over at Daisy’s bus. And Nicky well Nicky was a horrible fucking person and I noticed how much of a hold he had over Daisy. I felt powerless all over again. I tried to talk to her about it but she wouldn’t listen to anyone. I understood that feeling. I was that person only a few months ago.

Daisy: Y/N and Billy tried. Y/N tried to help so much that now that I think back on it she might have been the only thing keeping me from really surrendering myself to Nicky.

Y/N: Billy found her overdosed in the bathroom one night. That kind of changed everything for Daisy. Oh and Karen and Graham became official.

You were snuggled up next to Billy as you watched a random movie. Ginger beer was sitting in front of you and popcorn littered the bus's couch. You had spent the past few nights crying yourself to sleep. As if that would change the fact that Karen was in love with your little brother.

Then the bus’s door unlocked and in walked Daisy Jones. You felt Billy instantly perk up and shut off the tv. Billy Dunne was in love with Daisy Jones and you were powerless to do anything. Billy couldn’t admit it to himself but you knew the truth. You had known the man since the second he was born.

“Would it be okay if I slept here tonight?”

“Of course Daisy. I’ll leave you guys to it.” You gave your brother a quick nudge before disappearing into the bunk section. Snuggled under the covers you drifted off into dreamland with the sound of their intermingling voices in the background.

Y/N: When Teddy nearly died, it felt like the world stopped. I even went to a chapel. I couldn’t have him leave us just yet.

You were kneeling in one of the pews of the hospital chapel. Praying and just begging God to let him live. You would do anything if you could just have him back.

When you got the news that he was going to be fine, you went into the room before Billy did. He understood the importance of that to you.

“Hey old man. I’m glad you’re not dead yet.”

“You ain’t getting rid of me that easily.” That was when Teddy noticed your tear tracks. “ Oh sweetheart.”

“Can’t have you dying on me okay?”

“I won’t. I promise you.”

Y/N: Pittsburgh never felt like a home to me. LA had become that. At least I didn’t feel judged in every corner of the town. But I missed my mother.

The night before you were meant to leave for Pittsburgh you heard a soft knock on your hotel room door. Rising from your position on the bed, you threw your journal and pen back into the covers and padded over to the door. And there stood Karen. As beautiful as ever but with tears running down her face.

“Kare? What’s going on?” She looked into your eyes and suddenly you knew. Oh she was pregnant.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” She visibly brightened a little before she delved into your arms and you held her through the night. Selfishly feeling happy that she was spending the night in your arms instead of your brother’s.

You awkwardly sat at the edge of your mother’s backyard. Taking sips of a glass of lemonade as you leaned your head on Karen’s shoulder.

“What’s going on?” You saw Cami walk up to the both of you with a concerned look on her face. You twisted your head to look up at Karen as she gave Cami a sad smile. Cami’s face morphed into something concerned before she gave you both a hug.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey I’ll leave you two to discuss for a bit, okay?”

“Yeah I’ll see you later honey.” Karen’s little nickname for you made your heart flutter as you gave them both a smile before making your way to where Billy was talking to Chuck. The fucking dentist. You put your hands over your twin’s eyes and leaned next to his head.

“Guess who?” You asked, trying to deepen your voice as much as possible.

“Hmm I don’t know. Who could it be? I’m thinking it’s Y/N.”

“Spoilsport. Hey Chuck.” You made your way to stand next to Billy as he let out a chuckle at your childish antics.

“Hey Y/N. You look good.”

“Why thank you. I’m wearing Dior.” You gave him a slightly cutting smile before taking another sip of lemonade.

Warren: Y/N could be incredibly cutthroat when she wanted to. One of the best things about her.

Y/N: The Pittsburgh show went well. It was weird being home again. But the crowd was insane and Daisy and Billy well… they were Daisy and Billy.

The next morning after the show you went to the clinic with Cami and Karen. You held her hand during the procedure and gave her a comforting smile throughout it. She didn’t want pity or sadness and you knew that. You were always going to be there for her. Even if it was only as a friend.

Y/N: In all honesty, I thought everything was going great. Obviously I could see the tension between Daisy and Billy, I was literally living with them. I felt like a third wheel a lot of the time.

You could feel the palpable tension in the air as you played through the set. Billy looked heartbroken but also fucking elated, Daisy looked like she was having the time of her life, Eddie had a black eye, Graham couldn’t even look at Karen, Karen looked devastated but she kept sneaking glances your way, Warren looked like well Warren looked normal and you just did what you normally did, you observed. You mostly observed Karen because she looked really fucking hot in that outfit.

Then the set ended. Billy ran off to chase Camila and Daisy kept on singing. You knew it was the end. So before you went backstage you looked out onto the crowd one last time and sent them a kiss with a sad smile.

You were packing up your guitar when you felt a warm hand on your shoulder. You turned around to see Karen. In all her glory with a bright smile on her face.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this. I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize it.” Then she pulled you into a kiss. A kiss that reminded you of all of the things you had gone through since the start of the band. A kiss that felt like that pulsating crowd. A kiss that felt like pure unadulterated love.

“Wow Karen Sirko I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“Well Y/N Dunne I can’t wait to live out life with you.” You laughed before grabbing her and pulling her into a deeper kiss than before.

Daisy watched on as one of her favorite people in the world finally got her happy ending. And she felt calm for the first time in a while.

Karen: I wasn’t being completely honest with Graham for our entire relationship. I was literally in love with his sister throughout most of it but I didn’t know that I was. Until that night she just held me while I cried about being pregnant.

Y/N: *entwining your hand with Karen’s as the camera pans to allow you into frame* Karen is the only person I could ever imagine a life with. We live out in the mountains and I became a writer. And this incredible woman right here makes some of the best music out there.

Karen: Now you’re exaggerating.

Y/N: Shh I’m having a moment. So yeah Jules that’s how this whole thing has come to pass. I wouldn’t have changed one bit, it all led me to being with this beautiful woman whom I love with my entire being.

Julia: You know I think you’re like one of the coolest people ever right?

Y/N: Aww I love you so much kid. You’re definitely one of my favorite nieces, don’t tell Graham’s kids. *the camera cuts as you and Karen let out loud laughs*

THE END.

taglist: @yesshewrites1

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corporatefrog · 1 year

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꒦‧₊ ꒷ headcannons: team stan with a careless friend✧.*

✧.* tags: college au

✧.* Characters: kenny mccormick, kyle broflovski, stan marsh, eric cartman, butters stotch

a/n: I usually don't add cartman to these things bc he stinks+loser+annoying+suckmydick but I know he'd take advantage of someone who hod so sense of mortality so he gets a pass this time ig.

masterlist

Kenny

He mistakes the carelessness for spontaneity and immediately assigns you as his go to “lets do something stupid I just thought of” partner

He’s a “try everything once” kind of guy so it’s perfect that you have no sense of self preservation

“Kenny stand on the other side of the field, I wanna see how far I can throw my phone.”

“Okay.”

You both infuriate stan to no end

#annoyingduo in the best way possible

Do NOT put the two of you in the same room at a party

All of a sudden there’s a 15 person game of just dance happening but there’s no screen?? You’re all just doing moves you saw on just dance

Everyday is a new adventure

Kenny probably has an eye out for you though

He can die doing something stupid and be back the next day but you on the other hand are not

Gotta keep his partner in crime alive! There’s a bunch of other things on his “before I die (for real)” bucket list that you still need to mark off

Kyle

You just get caught up in the moment! You have such a wonder for life!

Kyle doesn’t get it sometimes seeing as he tries to view everything logically.

He’s more like a babysitter when you both go somewhere

“You did not just spend $300 on knock off jordans from a random man on the street corner.”

“I did and they’re the comfiest shoes I’ve ever worn. He told me they’ll cure my posture problems.”

“Do you just believe anything someone tells you?”

“Coming from someone who almost cried when I didn’t use his Candy Crush referral code so he could get more lives, that’s really rich.”

Okay so he gets swept up in trends sometimes. At least he understands his own mortality!

After the third time you try to learn how to do a backflip and fail miserably, he has to leave the room to keep from screaming

keeps a mental count of the things you do every day that should kill you

the current record is 14

Stan

He doesn’t understand how you can just go through your day without a care

Are you not afraid of dying? That’s like 32% of his thoughts during the day

“Fuck I dropped my credit card down the drain. Stan, hold my ankles while I reach down to grab it.”

“I can literally see the used heroin needles down there.”

“Okay and??? Not my fault the city doesn’t have a safe use zone, I need that card!”

One time you guys were leaving a store and the alarm went off

Stan turned to ask you if you got the security tags removed but you we’re already sprinting halfway across the mall

Not because you stole anything, but because you saw jimmy, clyde, and tolkien walking out of a store and wanted to say hi

And then you spent the rest of the day being lectured by an underpaid paul blart wannabe

Stan was freaking out because he thought you would get arrested for causing a scene or something (they find any reason to arrest someone in south park)

But all you did was laugh in that light hearted, careless way you always do

Cartman

Bro will manipulate your carelessness for all its worth

You are now the second person he calls when he has some stupid plot that needs someone who doesn’t understand the concept of death

If kenny’s busy, you’re on speed dial

Honestly, you’re probably the first call because you’ll do something stupid without needing to be paid!

Free labor!

Wanna work at dicknbaus hot dogs for 14 hours with no pay? It’s free hotdogs! You’re in!

Hes an exploitative motherfucker

Thats all im here to say about it

butters

You’re going to give him a heart attack

One time you purposely kicked a medicine ball to see how far it would go and broke your foot

And he was more worried about your foot than you were!

“Oh jesus, can you move it?”

“Um… no I don’t think so. Lemme take off my sock”

“AH ITS PURPLE!”

“Oh damn, you’re right. That’s a nice shade though, I was thinking of painting my room that color!”

“NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE TALKING ABOUT THIS”

Unlike kyle, he can’t force himself to ignore your careless nature

He’s always worrying about you

He’ll suggest you both go to first aid classes or cpr training whenever you hang out “just for fun!”

but really he needs to know that you at least have some first aid knowledge if you're going to keep running around like death is a social construct

#you can't care about living if you're in south park tbh #there's a level of idiocy that's necessary to survive there lmao #south park #south park headcanons #south park x reader #stan marsh #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #eric cartman #butters stotch #corporatefrog

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comradeboyhalo · 7 months

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ik ghosties are still rooting for a kidnapping but i love bad being proactive much more. for a long time, i found him a bit too passive (a lot of theorizing but no big leaps), so his current arc is really rewarding as a viewer. (and i know bad originally had a plot thought out if he won the election and had since been trying to get the ball rolling with conflict).

my issue with kidnappings is that it forces characters to have things happen TO them, instead of them pushing along the plot. and i know thats harsh on my part, a lot of characters get kidnapped by their own actions (like breaking the rules) but i still find it a bit unsatisfying? like they break a server rule (so it feels predictable) and then they get taken, and then they either discover part of their past or they have their memories wiped. and its fun to watch w other characters, but its just not something i want for MY streamer. im always going to have higher standards.

so having q!bad be VERY federation independent is really nice. i love that he knows his backstory. he knows what big traumatic event has shaped him, he knows what he is, he remembers who he was before the island. hes not getting whisked away by the federation, hes taking THEIR workers. it feels like cc!bad already has this fleshed out character with his own personal arcs (his mental decline, grim reaper) and when the greater lore intersects with him, it feels like HE is the one shaping the story, not having the story shape him.

#eh thats my opinion tho #its not exclusively qbad whos like this but also i cant think of another character who so strongly stands with soo much personal lore #and personal lore completely unrelated to any past rps #maybe fit?#badboyhalo #critical #? not rly but ye

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eureka-its-zico · 1 year

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Winterfall

Synopsis: When you thought of your life, Glenview Psychiatric Hospital was the last place you thought you’d end up. What could be weirder than calling a place like this home? Finding people who remind you that, sometimes, the messiest parts of who we are can be the best parts of us too.

Pairings: Christian Yu x Reader x Jay B x Reader (It’s a love triangle, y’all)

Series: ongoing

Word Count: 5186

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, mental health issues, mental disorders, slight violence, sexual themes

A/N: This is a hard one to post. I’ve had this in my WIPs for over seven years. I’ve rewritten it multiple times. Consider if this was a series, I was willing to share. As someone who suffers from BPD II and PTSD, it felt strange to dive into mental health. In a way, I felt like I needed a safe place to get it out. To share. This fic isn’t meant to be sad. It’s meant to be about growth. The journey of mental health can be a messy one, but it doesn’t have to hinder our own growth. Our sadness does not define us. If I ever miss anything in the warnings for chapters, please let me know and I’ll fix it ASAP! This fic is loosely based off of one of my favorite films, Girl, Interrupted. And remember, if you you ever need to talk: Im here.

Shout out to my bestie @deadneverlander for always being the better half in our clownery. I wouldn't be able to do half of this without you.

There was something about the bleakness of winter that seemed to make countless people’s bones ache for the warmth of summer. Their loneliness is somehow made more apparent by rain clouds and negative degrees, turning thoughts into reminiscent scenes of a doomsday film.

You’d always claimed that fall was your favorite season because the vast spectrum of your sadness didn't match the heat of summer. Sure, you loved the possibilities of hot cocoa, warm fires, ridiculous horror, Christmas films, and the first sight of snow. Somewhere along the way, however, came the anxiety of holiday dinners. Where the comfort you’d found in overcast skies turned sinister with repeated looks that reminded you that you were the black sheep; the odd man out with another year of nothing to show.

Fall no longer meant binges on shows and breaks from the endless routine that was work and school. It meant laying in the snow until your body heat forced it to melt underneath you, seeping into the fabric of your clothes to leave your nerves numb and transparent like ice. Your mind silently hoped it would be enough to extinguish the agony that blossomed in your chest.

Jackets were no longer marked for warmth, but strictly to hide your struggle to feel anything past the chasm that’d grown in the past couple of months: to bleed out the parts of you that didn't belong. It wasn't a surprise it's what landed you a one-way ticket to the cozy room inside a psychiatric hospital. Maybe that's just what happens when you're found unresponsive with a belly housing a fifth of rum. The marks on your skin lay like a map to follow on how you got there; only being found like a frantic afterthought.

Glenview Psychiatric Hospital, or GSH that was strategically labeled in bright crimson above the pocket of your prison-inspired sweatshirt, had been home for three months now. It was meant to be a place of healing, among the basic mood stabilizing and therapy sessions everyone held in a day. You felt further away from that concept with every group activity the doctors forced you to take part in. Your social anxiety becoming apparent each time it lands on you to speak, either to close the circle, or to be a part of the ridiculous game activities. The last time you played volleyball your face saw more action with the pleather ball than your arms ever did.

It was currently 12:47 p.m. The clock giving you a false sense of hope that the time wouldn’t just creep by to leave you stranded the last thirteen minutes until you’d earned your freedom. There was, however, the off chance if Dr. Thompson wasn't hearing what he wanted; the hour-long group activity would be extended.

You scanned the other six faces that made up your group: the huddled mess of piled sweaters and huddled blanket of Soomi a fleeting moment of comfort. It only took your eyes adjusting on her figure to know she didn’t have one. Her tiny body composed of thick layers of clothes to portray a false sense of shape. Her anorexia becoming so severe her family had no other option but to put her here, or watch her die. Jason’s endless finger taps on every surface he could touch the only giveaway to his OCD until he removed himself from his chair. Sejun with his alcoholism and Yuna with her acidic imagination that the wind whispered her deepest secrets out into the world.

All this ending with your gaze narrowed on the statuesque figure of Jaebum who comically sat opposite of your current position. The two suicidal inmates that shared in the anxiousness of sadness but little else, and the usual reason why your group never seemed to end on time.

You couldn't say it was a shame to be stuck sitting dead center of someone so attractive; as shallow of an observation as it was there was no denying how ungodly true that statement was. He held a silent attractiveness that resonated in the solitude he kept around himself, and Jaebum was indeed a solitary creature.

He preferred books over people. Usually moving away from anyone who got close to his latest reading perch without ever glancing up from his current book. Jaebum’s favorite place he’d reserved to get lost inside his fiction the seal of the window that looked out the expanse of the institute’s backyard. The entire estate currently covered in the dead burgundy and gold of a forest of oak tree leaves.

It wasn't like you were laying avid amounts of your attention on him or anything. You didn't pay attention to how broad his shoulders looked in his old man sweaters that you could've bet money smells like mothballs. How his features seemed sharpened to match the fierceness that lived inside his eyes. The only thing that exposed his softness was the speck of a mole that dusted itself on his left eyelid.

Jaebum just held a presence that demanded to be noticed. Whether he himself liked it or not.

“Jaebum: do you have anything you’d like to add to the session?”

Dr. Thompson’s question made the both of you jolt in your seats. Youwere too busy staring down at your nails while you plucked away at the cuticles. Jaebum's head turned, unbeknownst to you, from looking at you to the good doctor. It was enough to make your cheeks flush hot.

His crossed arms gave a soft shrug, and you hated how your eyes stayed captivated by the movement. You were willing to blame it on the charcoal-worn cable knit sweater he favored. It really did smell like moth balls and age making you willing to bet it wasn't his to begin with.

“We talked about this guys. Shrugging is not an adequate substitute for an answer.”

His tone showing his frustration more than anger at his need to repeatedly inform the group. Dr. Thompson looked at each of you individually until he stopped on Jaebum, who didn’t seem the least bit moved.

“I have nothing to say.”

A sigh escaped from Dr. Thompson’s lips as his head shook softly. His eyes averted down to the tin clipboard momentarily before they resumed their previous position.

“And what is it exactly you would like me to add, huh?” You felt your body tense against the chair. Your hands grasping at its edges like it would be the only thing to keep you stable against the oncoming rage that was Jaebum’s agitation. “We do these pointless sessions over and over: again and again. For what? Do you think it “saves” anyone?”

Your eyes diverted from the safety of your knees; counting every frayed piece of cloth on your jeans that hung loose from torn holes. No part of you needed to acknowledge that he was standing. The room did that well enough with the tension his power caused. The room itself swelling with anxiety that made fidgety Sera begin to rock violently against the back of her chair. Her head shaking hair into her face, like a curtain to hide what she feared was coming her way like the abusive hands of her father.

The orderlies were already beginning to circle his chair, but Dr. Thompson held up a hand of warding. He reminded you too much of an irresponsible ring handler at a circus. Unwilling to recognize his own tiger was about to maim him.

“No, no that’s fair enough. I see you have an issue with the way we try and help our patients.”

“Help?!” Jaebum snarled. “Is that what you call it? Like you helped Simon remember all the things he wanted to forget! Is that what you call endless therapies until he killed himself! You consider being helpful with the way you handled Ian?”

Dr. Thompson regarded Jaebum quietly, but his eyes were focused and searching the young man’s face. You watched in helpless awe as one stood like a calm in a blazing storm, while the other raged so furiously you thought the walls would come down. No longer was his voice a strong current, but now thunderous words that hurled like lightning bolts were being directed at the man before him.

Jaebum was right. Sometimes, the doctors picked and picked a part at you until you were left bare and raw. And if their words didn’t do it their physical methods picked up where they lacked. His anger was justified, because deep down so were you. But you didn’t have the towering strength like he did to stand up to anyone. Your fear of the seclusion rooms kept you prisoner: locked in your chair as a simple flick of Dr. Thompson’s hand sent the orderlies rushing to Jaebum’s side.

“I think that’s enough for today’s session.”

In the back of your mind you knew that Jaebum was right. In part. Who were counselors and psychologists to tell the broken mirrors of people how to put their pieces back together? Only to end up with more blood on their hands from struggling to put sharp pieces in place. They studied people like you, Jaebum...people like Ian who were features in their college books. They themselves barely ever one to experience it themselves.

Healing, even if unconventional, was still healing in the end. There was no right or wrong way to get there, but here, with people like Dr. Thompson, their textbook solutions were the only solutions. Maybe that’s why it backfired so terribly with Ian.

So for once, you wanted to stand up with Jaebum. To call out the injustices of treatments forced on patients, like Ian. Treatments they’d placed on patients that only wanted to forget, because no one wants to remember traumas and everything that makes them feel like failures.

You knew, however, if you took that chance to be brave for once you would end up like Jaebum. Uselessly struggling against orderlies who came prepared with syringes to make you complacent and an endless day being locked for god knew how long inside seclusion.

It was cowardice that kept your mouth shut. All of you stayed quiet as an orderly you aptly nicknamed, “The Bull,” grabbed at the neck of Jaebum’s sweater. That was all it took for him to react violently. Jaebum’s elbow flew back with such force it dislodged The Bull’s grip, which only seemed to make it worse.

“Jaebum, please do not struggle.” Dr. Thompson’s voice didn’t sound as soothing as he probably imagined. Obvious agitation outlined every word; the struggle forcing all of you up from your chairs and away from the fighting. “Everyone out. Now.”

A part of you hated listening. For not firmly digging your feet in to stand for something you agreed wasn’t right. It was an odd thought. Since Ian was the usual instigator of the chaos of how these ended. Never Jaebum. Maybe he just felt like in Ian’s absence he needed to take over for him.

“You play god with everyone’s emotions and leave them to drown alone in the aftermath. You are the reason Christian keeps escaping and Hyujin is gone! It’s you! It’s all of you!”

Jaebum’s rage became more apparent with each sentence and broke as his throat formed the words of his former friend. Former because he’d found himself as one of Dr. Thompson’s experimental new treatments. A treatment that brought back too much Hyujin couldn’t cope with - was forced to confront - before he was ready.

The ward still felt hollow - missing in the sound of Hyujin’s laugh.

You would’ve been impressed with the way Jaebum was laying into the doctor. He was holding his own against the orderly at his arms until the Bull snuck behind him and brought him falling down to the cold concrete floor.

That was the last you saw of Jaebum as you were ushered outside the doors. You faced them for a long time. No one questioned why you stood at the entrance as Jaebum’s yelling dulled to nothing. It was too late for you to run back and play the role of knight in shining armor and standing in front of the door would only make the staff assume you were waiting to cause a scene.

Turning on your heel you headed towards the living area. Your mind racing heavily with indecision and not paying attention to the overcrowded chairs and couches. You bypassed them all to head to your favorite window seat. It was opposite to the one everyone knew as Jaebum’s; reading a new book every week during free time. It was so engrained to the fabric of the facility that no one tried to take it from him. Not even Ian.

You folded into yourself as soon as you sat down on the window seat. Your chin pressed into your shoulder so you could get a better look outside. The vibrant colors of changing leaves reminding you that fall was coming. Maybe they would let you work outside if you were good? You were tired of doing bathroom and kitchen duties, but because of Ian’s latest stunt no one was allowed outside. Not until the fences were made higher with wire curled along the top.

If thoughts could be breathed into existence, you were positive you alone would be deemed responsible for Ian walking, right then and there, through the facility's double doors. Of course, Ian could never simply enter a room quietly.

Christian entered every room like a force. Wild and unpredictable. Mother Nature couldn’t compete with his massive hurricane personality. No one could come close, because underneath all that unhinged nature was a magmatism that far outreached just good looks.

Was Christian good looking? Devilishly so. It was his way with words, however, that left many people reeling. Not just fellow patients, but staff as well. He was painfully charming and, if you weren’t prepared for his wide-set smile directed in your direction, you were going to find yourself in trouble. Deep, deep Christian-flavored trouble. The staff had even labeled him with a warning of “verbal jujitsu” - you had to stay miles ahead of the conversation or you’d find yourself like the recently fired psych tech who’d handed over the ward keys without a second thought.

Seriously. That’s how Christian escaped this time. All the other times, well, the man could be considered the second coming of Houdini.

“How have you been, Bob? Are your feet still giving you grief, Margo?”

It was impressive how he acted like it wasn’t a big deal he’d magically reappeared. The guard and orderlies awkwardly keep watch over the double doors he’d come through like he’d disappear back into thin air.

You hated how happy you became hearing the richness of his voice. The way his accent reminded you of the battle of wills on what was the proper way to say, “water,” and the teasing you gave him about constantly saying, “Naurr”.

“It’s Margaret, jackass,” the older psych tech mumbled in reply. She didn’t even bother to look up from putting a new bandage on Bob’s hands.

“Missed you too, babe.”

You watched his reflection in the safety of the glass of the window. You didn’t want to show how eager you were to see him - or to find out that every time he left the ward became almost too much to bear alone.

In the safety of the window, you could pretend the call to freedom was what kept your eyes hypnotized. Not the sleeveless tee he’d tucked inside the waist of skinny jeans that hugged to the muscles like paint or the layers of tattoos that covered honey skin. He wasn’t tan when he’d left. Where had Ian’s adventures taken him this time?

You would get the chance to ask him yourself.

When his eyes caught sight of your huddled frame curled in the window seat his trajectory changed completely. He didn’t think you’d noticed him yet, but it didn’t stop his infamous megawatt smile from brightening up his features and the butterflies he’d left trapped in your gut instantly springing back to life.

The only downside? You were more than positive Ian saw you only as a sister. If he’d thought of you in the past as anything else you would’ve definitely known by now. As much as Ian was known for his charisma and whirlwind energy, he was also known for slipping into the janitor’s closet with more than a few now-fired staff members.

In a matter of seconds, he left the mirage of the window to become real beside you. The smell of cigarettes and his preferred cologne enveloped you, instantly turning the space intimate. You tried your best to ignore him. Ian would receive nothing but the side eye from you after the latest shit he’d pulled.

He let out a heavy sigh as a finger playfully poked into your side. He wiggled the digit in a weak attempt to tickle you thinking it would be enough for you to finally look at him. Fat chance. Using your elbow, you pushed down with just enough force to dislodge him from your side. The act forced a heavy sigh to flare his nostrils as he leaned back against the window.

“Come on, ‘Roo. You can’t be that mad at me?”

Of course, he would use your nickname. The nickname you earned one night when he’d tried to tickle you until you couldn’t breathe. To be honest, he thinks you’d kicked him accidentally in the chest because you might wet yourself. The truth? Ian had gotten dangerously close. A few times it felt like his lips were just a few sharp breaths away from landing on yours, and that night you’d felt hollow. So hollow. All you wanted was to burn and Ian…he was so full of fire and life and for once you wanted to know what it felt like to be filled with something other than emptiness.

You wanted to catch fire too.

So you’d kicked out at him in panic. Hence how you became his Kangaroo. His ‘Roo.

“Actually,” you began, biting out the world with each syllable. “I can be upset with you and I most definitely am.”

“Don’t be like that, ‘Roo. I know you missed me.”

“No, I didn’t. It was rather peaceful while you were off on whatever antics you decided to get into.”

A tsk sent his bottom lip into a pout as he crossed his arms. His shoulders lean further down the window and slightly into your view.

God, why did he have to be so heartbreakingly handsome?

You refused to make eye contact with him. Don’t do it. It’s a trick. You knew it was a trick. A sneaky ploy and yet…you looked. One look was all it took and Ian knew he had you.

“I missed you.” His voice caressed your skin like velvet causing it to erupt in goosebumps. “So, I know if I missed you that can only mean that you missed me.”

A snort of disbelief left you as you finally gave him what he’d been asking: your full and undivided attention.

“Is that how it works, Ian?”

“Ah!” He beamed. “She finally looks at me.”

You couldn’t keep your eyes from rolling as you tried to face away from him, but Ian wasn’t having it.

“I shouldn’t even do that.”

“Where is all this hostility coming from?” He pouted. “Did you experience another one of Dr. Thompson’s riveting group circles?”

“It’s not funny, Ian. You always leave.” You hated how your voice betrayed you. The way it cracked before you could glue it back together. “You go and leave me here, without you, all the time. One of these days you may not come back.”

All the playfulness slowly drained from his features. The sly smile wilted to a grimace as deep brown eyes scanned over your face. Calculating your words with the body language of guarded arms and saddened eyes. His hands gently grabbed at your elbows to loosen your arms before turning you to him. His head dipped down just a bit to make sure he had you at eye level.

“Hey, ‘Roo. I’m sorry. I come back for you, you know that right?” You knew he was lying, but try telling that to the butterflies fluttering around like crazy in your gut. “These assholes could never catch me if I didn’t turn myself in, and I only turned myself in to get back to you.”

You didn’t know what you would’ve said at that moment. Maybe something he wanted to hear or maybe - finally - you’d have the guts to call him out on his bullshit. Luckily for you, the muffled sound of Jaebum’s screaming slowly grew louder until his struggling body was brought through the double doors from therapy.

“Let me go, you assholes!”

You’d never seen Jaebum fight so fiercely before. The way he flailed his arms to find a way to get them released along with his legs kicking out like a madman. They practically dragged him down the hall towards seclusion. For a split second, in his struggle, his eyes landed on you. His gaze held yours for what felt like a lifetime until the spell was broken. It felt like slow motion as his face turned to see Ian on your right and all the fight drained from his body.

Did he think he was fighting for Ian? Himself? Jaebum was never much for acting out. That was usually Ian who created trouble. Maybe that was why he looked so shocked seeing Jaebum being dragged down to seclusion.

“Oi! What the fuck is this?”

Ian was up off the window seat in seconds. A couple of orderlies were already coming out from behind the nursing station to meet him halfway. Whatever they were saying, you weren’t all too sure. Ian was doing his usual of screaming and shoving causing the orderlies to prepare for a fight. The patients closest to all the commotion desperately trying to get out of the way.

It was all chaos. All classic Ian. The only non-classic thing was Jaebum looking at you in a way you’d never noticed before. It created a row of questions that sat heavily on your tongue and ones you weren’t sure he would ever be willing to answer.

It wasn’t until everything had settled down again that you snuck inside the room that held group therapy. Your eyes instantly homing in on Jaebum’s chair and underneath it one of his grandfather’s books.

Before you dared to push all the way through into the room you gave one last cautious glance to the recreation room and slipped inside. You made sure to hold the door so it didn’t click into place. There was no denying if you were caught sneaking in somewhere you weren’t meant to be you’d be joining Jaebum in your own seclusion room.

The sterile room with its egg-white walls was most definitely not your favorite. The only way to add your own source of color to its walls was to display your thoughts - projecting them out like a fucked up home movie that you’d rather forget.

You made sure to cut across the room silently. Your legs bending at the knee to swoop down to grab the worn-down cover and secure it to your chest.

You couldn’t explain why as you made your way out of the room towards the upper floor that held the seclusion rooms what made you want to do this for him. It’s not like he would thank you, but you weren’t looking for that.

It wasn’t hard to notice the way Jaebum cared for his late grandfather's things. From the sweater he wore daily that was meticulously cleaned and laundered to the few books Jaebum was able to keep from his collection. He coveted them the way others valued trophies but it wasn’t praise that Jaebum found secluded inside their pages: it was peace.

You didn’t know much about him. Jaebum wasn’t much of a sharer. He was reserved. The only way to know him was by the pages you held close to your chest. So, you weren’t terribly sure why you were doing this for him except for the fact you believed no one should go without something that they loved.

Just as you were about to round the last corner to the hallway that held seclusion rooms 1 through 3, you caught a flash of an orderly speaking to a nurse. From the brief moment you’d caught before you found the safety of the opposite wall, they were more than likely flirting.

Ted. That was the name written on his uniform. He’d called Ian a “Psycho,” a handful of times. You wondered if Ted knew the nurse he worshiped spent the same handful of nights sneaking inside Ian’s dorm.

“Do you maybe want to go get breakfast in the morning?”

Breakfast?! You mouthed to yourself before you snuck another peek around the corner.

“Oh, I don’t know, Ted. I might have plans later.”

If your eyes could roll back any harder you would’ve seen brain cells. You knew exactly what her supposed plans were. You could already hear the moans that echoed down the halls like a haunting. The only thing haunted here would be you.

You didn’t have to see Ted’s expression to know he was defeated. He was probably wondering how someone could refuse breakfast or maybe he was finally growing tired of being told no. The mystery of the unknown in this love triangle would sadly (not really) remain a mystery. You didn’t really care if they had breakfast together or hunted Easter eggs. You just wanted them to finish their awkward conversation and leave the damn hallway.

A few more strangled pieces of conversation later and you could hear the shuffling of feet. Quickly, you moved inside a linen closet and quietly shut the door. Your ears straining - waiting - to hear a pair of feet move past your location so you could finish what you came to do.

Every second you were out here and not inside your own dorm waiting for the nurses to come in and check you were there was one second too many in a chance at punishment. After a few more minutes went by and the coast sounded relatively clear, you creeped out from the linen closet and dashed towards the seclusion rooms.

“Jaebum!?” You half whispered half yelled. “Jay!”

“What the hell are you doing over here?”

Ah, there was that condescending voice you’d grown accustomed to. Following the sound of his voice, and with the help of his fingers hanging out of the small seclusion window, you darted towards the back of the hall. Your arms still securely held onto his grandfather’s book and only began to loosen as you got closer to the door.

“I wanted to bring you something before they placed it in lost and found.”

With another cautious glance down the hall, your fingers wrapped around the edges of the book's spine. You offered it up to him and gently started to push it through the small window. Jaebum hadn’t spoken since he noticed what you held in your hands. His fingers overlapped yours as he took it from you. His arms immediately brought it inside with him with the sound of pages flipping while he made sure each page was still accounted for.

“How did you-“ he began, but his words quickly died out.

“Can you believe it ladies and gentlemen? For once, he was too stunned to speak,” you teased.

Jaebum’s eyes narrowed in on your face. His hands wagged the book as if he was going to hit you over the head with it. Who knows, he might have if there wasn’t a 30-pound door stationed between you.

“I’m serious. You came all this way to give me this?”

You shrugged his words off like what you’d done wasn’t a big deal. Both of you knew it was. So many factors that could lead you to where he was, or worse, if they believed you were trying to steal someone else’s property. Which, they one hundred percent would even though kleptomania wasn’t part of your conga line list of disorders.

“I remember how much his things matter to you. I didn’t want Bull or Kojak The Great Dick to get a hold of it. I know they wouldn’t have respected it after today.”

You’d expected a lot of things to come out of this exchange. The main one? At least a thank you. All you were getting now felt like the cold shoulder that featured a very unnerving stare. With every second you were feeling more self-conscious and it took everything in you not to shout, “Boo!” in an attempt to get him to blink.

You couldn’t take the awkwardness of the exchange any longer. Your feet were already backpedaling as your arms swung, thumb extended out, to indicate your exit before you spoke.

“Great well, this was a fun chat-“

“He lies to you, you know.”

Jaebum’s words took you by surprise. You were sure that was the point. His face was set in deep lines of determination as if what he needed to say was something you needed to adhere to like the gospel from the Bible.

“Okay, Jay I’ll bite: who is he?”

“You know who I’m talking about. Ian. It’s who he is. He doesn’t know how to tell the truth, and you always set yourself up for failure with him.”

Maybe Jaebum thought he was being helpful - calling to light all things you were aware of but couldn’t bring yourself to say out loud. You must have seemed too weak - gullible - in his eyes for him to believe he needed to say these things.

You eyed him coolly through the window. Your tongue rolled around inside your cheek trying to decide what exactly you should say at this moment. Did he want recognition that you knew you were an idiot? What did it matter to him if you knew Ian didn’t give two fucks about you.

So, the only thing you could settle on was the beginning of a long sigh before you spoke: “I know I might look like a love-sick puppy to you, Jay, but I know my place.”

He tried saying your name to stop you. You just ignored him as you shook your head and allowed yourself to begin to move back down the hall towards the safety of your own dorm.

“It’s alright, Jay I get it. Take care of your grandfather’s things better, okay?”

You didn’t wait to finish your sentence before you were already turning to head down the hallway. The bottom of your feet itching for you to sprint in the opposite direction. Your mind raced over Jaebum’s words and matched them with the growing chasm in your chest.

So lost in your head, you barely caught the sound of his parting, “Thank you,” as you bolted around the corner.

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