#mhamel

[mental-health-advice]

Hi. I'm in love with a person who suffers from depression. He told me that the next week has an important thing to do, and if this thing (idk what it is) goes wrong he might has a relapse, and in that case he doesn't want me to stay by his side. When he feels in this way he isolate himself and doesn't want anyone to help him. What should I do?

Heyfriend,

I’msorry to hear that. It’s hard to see someone you love go throughdepression. I’ve been on both sides of it, so I understand bothwhat he’s experiencing and what you’re experiencing.

Haveyou told him how you feel, that you love him and that you want thebest for him?

Whenyou’re in depression like that, it’s hard to understand whatsomeone else experiences. It’s hard to understand the world outsideof feeling like you’re a bother and feeling like you just bringeveryone down. You want to mitigate that as much as possible, so theeasiest thing to do is to push people away before you hurt them.

Maybeyou could try to let him know that you believe that is the depressionspeaking. And that it’s more important than ever, when thedepression acts up like that, for you to support him.

Ifthere’s a way you can act so that he doesn’t isolate withouttaking his choices away, that would be best. During depression, allyou want to do is isolate, but that tends to feed into thedepression, which makes it worse and tends to make it last longer.Set things up ahead of time so that it’s harder for him to isolate.

Also,if there’s any way he can see a therapist, I think that will helphim to work through the depression and not isolate so much. I knowthat’s not always an option for everyone, but that’s somethingthat can help his overall life quality.

Goodluck!

Mel

#depression #mhamel #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #isolation #Anonymous

[mynameisaboutlight]

nhib nmout.

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[rekusistrash]

hmm @mhamell

[mental-health-advice]

hi so i'm trans (ftm) & am currently not in a good living situation. my parents aren't supportive, & i've been going to a private christian school ever since they found out about me. i'm not allowed/able to see any friends at my old school who were supportive of me. i know it's probably bad, but every day i wear 3-4 sports bras. it's getting really hard to get through each day, & i recently relapsed & self harmed. idk what i'm asking for, advice? ways to cope? anything will help. thank you!

Heyfriend,

That’ssuch a hard situation! I’m also trans masculine, but I didn’tstart transitioning until I was in my early twenties. I know whatit’s like to have unsupportive parents. I actually don’t talk tomy dad anymore because of it. My mom has come around though.

Thatsucks that they sent you to a private christian school! That’sreally controlling and absolutely not okay of them.

Onething tat could help you is to get a job as soon as you can and tosave up money to move out as soon as possible. I don’t know how faraway that is for you, but sometimes the best thing we can do is focuson getting out of a toxic situation like that. I know for me, ithelped to focus on the things that I could do to get out of thesituation I was in when I was living with my parents.

Ofcourse it’s hard to get through each day when you’re in a livingsituation with transphobic people, even if they are your family!

Iwould recommend seeing if you have a pride center nearby and askingfor resources for someone in your situation. Centerlink has a greatdirectoryof pride centers, and you can check to see what’s near you.They’ve also helped people in your situation already, so they’regoing to have a better idea as to what actions are available to you.

Ifyou need, you can also always message me on my mha personaltumblr. Like I said, I’m also trans masculine, so even justhaving someone who knows what you’ve been through can help. Justunderstand that I can’t help you in crisis, and I don’t check itmore than about once a day.

Forme, it helps to have coping skills that don’t involve my body. Soexercise and yoga and meditation suck because they force you to be inyour body, when that feels like a betrayal.

Gettinginto crafts has helped a lot because it’s something physical I cando with my hands. If you draw or want to get into art, that can helpyou as well. Having a way to express what you’re feeling isincredibly helpful, so journaling can help as well. I’ve beenjournaling the last 15 years, and it helped me get through livingwith my parents.

Ihope this can help you, if only in some way. Hang in there, it getsbetter as soon as you’re able to get away. I know that can feelimpossible, but there are people out there who want to help you.

Takecare,

Mel

#ftm #transgender #trans #lgbtq+ #mhamel #unsupportive parents #mental health advice #feeling trapped #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

since I was 11/12(I’m 22)I’ve always felt like I’m in a dream and I thought I was going crazy for years until my counsellor asked me to fill out a questionnaire and it said ‘I feel like I’m living in a dream’ Anyway Is there ever a cure for derealisation/depersonalisation? When I asked my counsellor what to do when I’m feeling distant he said distract myself bring myself back to earth which I cannot do I’m stuck floating.I’ve been a living in a dream for as long as I can remember idk what to do

(I’mthe depersonalisation anon back again) I just wanted to add idk ifthis is normal but I don’t feel connected to my family/friends. Imean I love them more than anything but idk I just feel uncomfortablewhen expressing love/affection towards them or they express ittowards me. Not sure if that’s depersonalisation/derealisation ornot

Heyfriend,

I’msorry you feel like you’re living in a dream. That’s a hard placeto be.

Howcome you feel like you can’t bring yourself back to earth?

Definitelynot feeling connected to your family and friends is part ofdepersonalization and derealisation! It’s hard to feel connected toanyone when you yourself don’t feel real. I think that if you canfind a way to be more in yourself and not feel quite so disconnected,that’s going to be easier to deal with.

Idon’t know for sure if there is a cure forderealisation/depersonalization. However, I do know from personalexperience that it can be managed. I have PTSD, so derealisation anddepersonalization are really common for me. It’s a way for my brainto disconnect from the traumas I’ve experienced. For a long time,that just was my default state.

Butthen I learned about grounding activities. Those are things that getyou back in your body. They take time and repetition, so sometimesthey feel like they don’t work at first. Especially since you’vebeen working in this state for over ten years, trying to get out ofthat is going to feel really foreign to you, and your mind may notwant to be grounded.

Thebest thing you can do is breathing exercises. There are so manydifferent ones out there, and you can do them anywhere without anyoneeven noticing really! The most basic one is to just notice how yourbreathing makes your body move and to keep bringing your mind back tothat when it wants to go away.

Othergrounding exercises are to name things you can see, feel, taste,touch, hear, and smell. We also have a page full of groundingtechniques that you can try.

Ihope these can help you in some way! Good luck, and take care ofyourself.

Muchlove,

Mel

#mhamel #depersonalization #derealisation #mental health advice #grounding #advice #advice blog #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

I think I have been struggling with depression for the last couple of months and anxiety since 9th grade. I feel like I should get a formal diagnosis or help managing it because I’m not doing so well on that front. I want to look into seeing a therapist or something but I’m 18 and my parents would still have to pay for it (for now). I’m also going to college in two months so I don’t have much time. How should I bring the topic up to them/ should I look into therapy where I’m going to college?

Heyfriend,

It’shard when you’re struggling with depression and you feel like youstill have to rely on your parents to get help.

Iwould definitely look for therapy where you’re going to college.Therapy takes a while to get sorted, and since you’ve beenstruggling with anxiety for so long, you’ll likely need to workwith your therapist for a while to get coping mechanisms and tools tohelp you.

Iwould recommend checking to see what sorts of counseling your schooloffers. Most colleges have counseling services, though some of themcan be difficult to see more than once in a little while.

Doyou feel like your parents would be supportive if you told them youneeded help? I would hope they would want to see you succeed and dowell and would do everything they could to help you, but I knowthat’s not the case for everyone. If you feel like they would helpyou, I would definitely ask for their help in paying for a therapist.You can also see what your insurance covers, so it won’t cost somuch on their end, assuming you are in the US.

Asfor bringing the topic up to them, let them know that you’ve beenstruggling. Give them as much detail as you feel comfortable with,even if it’s not much. I find that when I bring up a problem topeople and pose a solution, they’re a lot more open to hearingabout it because they have specific action items they can take to dosomething about what you’re experiencing.

Iwould also recommend checking out our page on getting help. It talksabout how to bring up this sort of thing to people like parents,teachers, and other adults in much the way you’re looking for.

Ihope this can be of help to you! Good luck.

-Mel

#therapy #getting help #talking to parents #mhamel #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

What's like... a non-super depressed way to say, "Ok but if so much about me doesn't work right then why do I exist?" Not suicidal, not gonna do anything dumb just like... hard to wrap my brain around it. If I can't process normal thoughts without it turning into anxiety, or do simple stuff without OCD taking over, or just... live my life without being confused that other people don't feel like this all the time, what went wrong? lol

Heyfriend,

I’mso, so sorry to hear that you’re in such a place! I definitelyunderstand where you’re coming from though. I live with a couplemental illnesses that are so bad that I am technically considereddisabled.

Ithink it’s important to remember that a lot of people out therefeel like you do. Not suicidal either, but all they can see are thethings that are wrong with them. They’re anxious all of the time,or depressed all of the time. When you live with yourself all thetime, it’s really easy to see what’s wrong with you and even tofocus on that.

Weall think that everyone around us has it together, feels fine, feelsnormal, because no one really talks about their anxiety ordepression, or feelings of not doing well, like what you’redescribing. We feel all of this pressure to have things together, orat least to appear like we have everything together. Because we feellike everyone else has it together, so why don’t we?

Ican understand your confusion about why other people don’t feellike this all the time. My answer to that is that they do. They’rejust good at hiding it, because showing it means opening themselvesup to ridicule and being vulnerable, which is a very scary place tobe in.

Ihope that can give you some comfort. Good luck, and keep hanging inthere!

Muchlove,

Mel

#low self esteem #feeling broken #mental health advice #mental health #mhamel #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

Hi, I hope you are having a good day. I went through a period of being very sad and crying often, I'm not sad anymore but the thing is I'm not happy either, I feel disconnected from everything and emotionally numb, because I'm at uni and have to study a lot I spend A LOT of time alone which doesn't help with this. Also I feel very unmotivated even though I care a lot about my studies. I don't know if you can give me any advice on how to stop feeling so emotionless. Thank you.

Heyfriend,

I’msorry to hear that you’re going through that. Especially if youhaven’t been through that before, that can be really scary!

That’sa really common thing to go through. After going through a period ofintense emotions, it’s really common to just feel numb. It’salmost like your body’s way of balancing again.

Thething that has worked the best for me is trying meditation. I learnedto be numb as a coping mechanism to keep me safe in an incrediblydangerous situation. However, when I purposefully took the time toreconnect with my emotions and make space for them to exist, it waseasier for me to feel them again. There are a lot of guidedmeditations on YouTube. I would look for something like “getting intouch with your emotions” or “reconnecting to your inner self”.

Anotherthing that has helped me is journaling. Just writing about my day andhaving a way to express what is going on helped encourage me to getin touch with my emotions. On the surface, it felt like I didn’thave any. But really, they were being protected by numbness. This canbe hard, because sometimes your emotions can come flooding out and itcan be overwhelming. Try not to push it too hard, just let it happenwhen it happens.

Ihope that can help you in some way. Good luck, and I hope you feelbetter soon!

-Mel

#emotionless #emotions #mhamel #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #getting in touch with emotions #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

Recently I’ve found someone who I really connect with and we’ve each shared a good amount of personal issues with each other, but I sometimes struggle to speak to them. It’s like I’m afraid to get any words out at all. How can I open up more?

Heyfriend,

Openingup is hard, especially if you don’t know them very well or for verylong.

Thebest thing you can do is work on that fear. It’s there for areason, what is it trying to tell you? For me, when I’m afraid ofopening up to someone, I find that fear is trying to protect me. Ihave opened up to people in the past who have hurt me, and beingafraid is a way of protecting myself from being hurt again. I can’tsay for sure that this is happening to you, but it’s possible thatit is.

Arethere certain topics that prevent you from speaking more than others?Maybe those topics are things you can work up to talking about.Sometimes, I have to email or text certain things because my voicejust won’t work. You can try doing that if you really feel likeit’s important for this person to know about those things.

Youcan also practice some breathing exercises. If you’re really havinga hard time talking, take three deep breaths in and out of your nose.That can help you calm down enough to get the words out and tell themwhat you are trying to say.

Sometimes,we feel like we have to open up about our secrets right away whenreally that’s not the case. Practice talking to them about lighterthings. The more you talk to them, the easier it will be to open up.

Ihope that helps!

-Mel

#opening up #talking to people #afraid of opening up #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #mhamel #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

Is it weird that I'm talking to myself? About pointless things. Sometimes out loud, sometimes just in my head. I love your blog btw

Heyfriend!

Thanksfor sending in a question! And thank you for liking our blog! We tryto help people as much as we can.

Idon’t think it’s weird that you talk to yourself, to be honest. Iknow a lot of different people with all sorts of mindsets andlifestyles that talk to themselves.

There’sthis stigma around talking to yourself being a sign of an illness,but I don’t agree with that to be honest. I think that some peoplejust need to verbalize their thoughts in order to process them.Personally, I have to write out my thoughts in order to process them,and no one thinks that’s strange at all.

There’sactually lots of reasons why people talk to themselves! Some do it sothey don’t feel lonely if they spend a lot of time alone. Others doit to stimulate their brains, or to fill empty air if they can’thandle being in silence. Personally, I play music to fill silence.

Also,a lot of people talk to their pets, which is a step removed fromtalking to yourself. Pets can’t talk back, so it looks like thesame thing. There’s just a recipient of the talking when a pet isinvolved, so apparently that makes it acceptable? I don’t know, theway people think about this type of thing sometimes confuses me.

Ihope that could answer your question! I know other people might feeldifferently, but personally, I don’t see anything weird about it.

Takecare!

Mel

#talking to yourself #mental health advice #advice blog #mhamel #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

I don’t have depression and I can have quite a happy good day,but it sometimes happens that I go home and all of a sudden(or trigerred by a fight,self disgust) I start experiencing intense overwhelming feelings of self-loathing,meaninglessness,shame and I get suicidal thoughts(I do acknowledge how much pain this would cause to my parents)On my last episode I started thinking about cutting myself.It really terrified me as it has never happened before. These intense episodes are short:15 min to 1h

Heyfriend,

Thereare a lot of other mental issues other than depression. What you’redescribing doesn’t sound like depression at all, it sounds likemood swings. Mood swings can be related to a lot of different typesof mental issues. We also aren’t mental health professionals, so wecan’t diagnose you with anything, unfortunately!

Fromwhat I understand, moodswings are a common symptom of the following disorders. Again,this is not at all meant to be a diagnosis. If you would like adiagnosis, you will need to go to a therapist.

Bipolar

Borderline Personality Disorder

Other personality disorders

There are also several different types of depression, so it could actually be that, just something different than what most people experience.

Thereare also other conditions that can cause rapid mood swings. If youhave a hormonal disorder of almost any kind, your mood is going to beaffected.

Iwould strongly recommend going to see a primary care doctor to getchecked out and make sure you don’t have any hormonal issues atplay. If they don’t find anything, then your best bet is to go to atherapist or other mental health provider. Even though they areshort, they are intense and a sign that something is seriously wrongwith your health in some way. If left unchecked, these can becomemore serious and can really interfere with your life overall.

I’msorry this has come on so suddenly, and I hope that you can get someanswers! Good luck.

Muchlove,

Mel

#mood swings #depression #intense mood swings #seeing a doctor #mhamel #mental health advice #mental health #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

i have been friends with two lovely girls since kindergarden, but i feel like a third-wheel. They are in a lot of classes together and usually talk about science tests they had past period. I don’t follow any science-related subjects and i feel left out. I try to be enthusiastic towards their prestations, but neither ask about my day? And i cant really join the conversation because i don’t understand the things they’re talking about ?

Hey friend,

That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you feel like a third-wheel.

When I was in school, I almost always felt left out of my friend groups. I felt like they always had these things in common and I would try so hard to be interested in what they were interested in. But they never extended the same effort towards me and it made me feel incredibly lonely.

I’m going to tell you what I wish someone else had told me. Make sure you make time for the things you care about. If someone is making you feel left out and isn’t making an effort to try to invest in your day, then they aren’t good friends to you.

Is there anyone else around that you feel like would give you more of a back and forth? Maybe you have a couple of people you’ve talked to before but don’t know very well. Try to spend more time with them, if you can. There are a couple of people I knew in high school that I wish I’d spent more time with instead of the people I did talk to. Those people were a lot more caring and understanding, but they weren’t the “popular” people, or the people I felt like I should be talking to, so I didn’t. I feel like my school time would have been easier if I had invested my time in people that would have cared about me instead of the people I talked to.

I hope that can help in some way! It can be hard and can take time, but trying to find other people is going to help you the most overall.Good luck with everything!

Muchlove,

Mel

#friends #third wheel #relationships #mhamel #mental health advice #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

I can’t tell if I’m depressed or not. I feel empty. Completely and utterly exhausted of life. I don’t want to move and I don’t want to speak to anyone because I can’t feel. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I told my therapist and she said it was adolescence. That’s bull crap because everyone around me (my peers) don’t constantly have the feeling of pure sadness because of puberty. Someone help me, I feel suicidal and like I’m not human.

Heyfriend,

Ifyou’re feeling suicidal, then that’s a sign that something isgoing on, more than just adolescence. That’s not a normal way tofeel, you’re right.

Hereare some of the symptomsof depression.

Constantlyfeeling sad or empty

Feelinghopeless

Feelingguilt, worthlessness, helpless

Losinginterest in hobbies or things that used to bring pleasure

Decreasedenergy, fatigue, feeling slow

Hardtime concentrating

Insomniaor oversleeping

Littleappetite or eating too much

Physicalsymptoms that don’t respond to treatment, like headaches orstomachaches that have no other cause.

Thinkingabout suicide or death

Ifyou’re going through these symptoms, especially more than one,depression is likely. However, I am not a mental health professional,so this is in no way a diagnosis. Only a certified professional candiagnose you or tell you if you are feeling depressed.

I’msorry you’re feeling this way, and that your therapist isn’thelping you. Maybe you could tell her all of the symptoms that you’regoing through. Another way to approach it is to say “even if it isadolescence, it’s still making it difficult for me to function andI need help doing that”. So presenting it like, it doesn’t matterwhere it’s coming from, I still need help dealing with it.

Ihope that can help you in some way. Good luck!

-Mel

#suicide tw #depression #therapist #mhamel #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

is there literally any reason to be living tbh? like life just generally seems awful, im a total loser with no actual value, got a dead end job, and it seems like people are only ever mean to each other (even the ones that ‘love’ each other, i know from exp), so i dont really see a reason to keep on living? like tbh it seems like life is a total shitshow and tbh the only things that are even semi keeping me here is all the useless stuff i’ve bought like soft pillows and cute clothes and shit :/

Heyfriend,

I’mso sorry you feel that way! It’s a really hard place to be in, andit can definitely make you feel devalued and like you don’t matter.

However,what you do for your job doesn’t have any worth in who you are as aperson! It’s how you act. Honestly, I think one of the biggestreasons to live is to put good into the world. You see people beingmean to each other, even the ones that love each other. Then a reasonto live is to put good and kindness into the world.  We live in atime where we need it now more than ever!

Ifyou don’t see it around you, then make it. Do something for someonein need. Smile at someone who looks sad, support a friend who’shaving a hard time. These things add up. It can seem like they don’tmatter, but often that’s because people don’t talk much aboutgood things. They don’t mention the things that lift them up, thethings that help them feel better. Because those aren’t the thingsthat get attention, those aren’t the things that spread. And that’sa shame really, because there’s actually a lot of good in theworld! We’ve just gotten to a place where we’re good at avoidingit, or good at turning an eye to it because it’s not “newsworthy”or “interesting”, or it’s just not what we see other peopletalking about.

Andthere’s nothing wrong with things like pillows and clothes! Ifthat’s keeping you here, then hold onto that! It’s something tolive for, so it’s somewhere to start.

Goodluck, and I hope this helped in some way.

Takecare,

Mel

#suicidal tw #mental health advice #advice #advice blog #mhamel #reasons to live #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

I transferred from a private to a public school due to my depression & social anxiety. Now I take night classes in the library, which is much easier for me to focus and get good grades. I hated my old school because there were only 30 people in my grade and my friends moved away, except for two. One used to be my best friend, but she was really toxic. I keep having dreams about going back, but I couldn’t if I wanted cause my family can no longer afford the tuition. Why do I miss it so much?

Heyfriend,

Transferringschools is really hard! I’m sorry you had to do that.

Thereare many reasons why you could be missing it so much. Even though youhated it, you still made memories there. You might miss the idea ofit more than you miss the actual thing.

Isthere anything about it that was good? Even if it’s something smalllike the view from one of your classroom windows. Did you do anythingthere that you don’t do now?

Havingdreams about going back doesn’t necessarily mean that you miss iteither. Dreams are just your brain’s way of trying to processmemories. It could be that your brain is just trying to process yourtime there, and not that you actually want to go back. There are alot of reasons why you could be missing it, actually.

Ifyou can, take some time when you’re not being occupied by anythingelse. Take some deep breaths, and then ask yourself if you miss theschool. Give your brain time to come up with an answer, and try notto place any judgement on what comes up. If nothing comes up for awhile, give it some time. Let your brain relax and come up withwhatever it comes up with. If it isn’t words, that’s okay too.Pictures can be just as helpful.

Ifind that going through this exercise can help me when I havequestions about why I’m dreaming about something, or why a certaintheme keeps coming up in my life. I hope it can help you figure outwhat is going on!

Takecare,

Mel

#dreams #school #missing school #mhamel #mental health advice #Anonymous

[mental-health-advice]

I have a friend whos a minor hoarder, they also self diagnose themselves with split personalitys, they also are on T so their hormones are everywhere. They say they have really bad anxiety, i have problems trusting what they say because they've done things in the past that ruined their relationship with their parents. And then continue to do suff behind their backs, they dont actively take stepz to help their mental health, im trying to help but they think the best thing to do is move to Europe?

Theresso much going on with them and they say their doing everything, butik their ride everywhere, so i know when they see their therapist andthey havent talked to anyone but poeple online???? And im happy theirtalking to someone but yheir terrible at taking advice

Heyfriend,

Itsounds like this friend is going through a lot. From what you aresaying, it also seems to be that you feel responsible for them insome way.

That’sa lot to take on. Up until very recently, I felt like I had to beresponsible for the people around me, as well. I felt like I had totake on their problems and come up with ways to fix them, because ofthe way I was raised. When they were going through these things, andhaving all of this difficult stuff going on in their life, I feltlike it was my responsibility to deal with it.

However,it was a hard lesson for me to learn that I was not responsible forthem. It wasn’t until I was continually trying to fix things forthem, and they’d push back hard over and over again AND goingthrough therapy, that I realized I wasn’t responsible for them.

Iknow this is hard to hear. But it’s not your responsibility to fixthese things for your friend. Even and especially ifthey don’t have things together. Your friend is their own personand has to learn to fix thesethings for themselves. Even if you can see the things they aren’tdoing, you have to give ownership of these problems to them.

Thebest thing you can do when these things happen and you get frustratedby them is to remind yourself that these aren’t your problems. Itisn’t up to you how your friend chooses to address them. Giving upthat control is so, so hard. I know it was for me. Feeling like I hadthat control was the only thing that really protected me from the badthings of the past. Maybe that’s how it is for you, maybe it’sbecause of something else. I don’t know where it comes from foryou. But learning that lesson is hard.

However,being able to accept that will give you so much energy back. It willgive you the ability and the permission to take care of yourself.

Ihope that makes sense. Take care of yourself!

Muchlove,

Mel

#friend in trouble #taking ownership of a friend's problems #worrying about a friend #split personalities #mhamel #mental health advice #Anonymous