Het is Kinderboekenweek! En nu ben ik benieuwd:
Pin me hier niet op vast, maar volgens mij zijn dit ze allemaal
Keesje Kruimel, Hans Dijkhuis
Viermaal J en Janus, Hans Andreus
De blauwe boekanier, Tonke Dragt
Het kleinste sprookjesboek , Annie M. G. Schmidt, Mies Bouhuys, Eleanor Farjeon, Pieter de Zeeuw, Hans Christian Andersen en de Gebroeders Grimm[12]
Arthur en de lettervreter, Henk van Kerkwijk
2 is te veel, Henk Barnard
Ogen op steeltjes, Jan Wartena van Staatsbosbeheer
Het verdwenen plakboek,?Het Schrijverscollectief, bestaanden uit: Jan Riem, Ries Moonen, Arie Rampen, Fetze Pijlman, Hans Dorrestijn, Karel Eykman en Willem Wilmink
Wie je droomt ben je zelf, Paul Biegel
De tram is geel het gras is groen, Gertie Evenhuis
De klepel of de klok, Mies Bouhuys
Spook tussen spoken, Willem Wilmink (1980)
Je eigen tijd, Hans Dorrestijn, Alet Schouten en Willem Wilmink
Retourtje ver weg
Mijnheer van Dale en juffrouw Scholten, Kees Fens
Een tijdje later, Willem Wilmink en Paul Biegel
Houden beren echt van honing?, Midas Dekkers
De zaak Jan Steen, Karel Eykman
Die van hiernaast en van de overkant. Kinderen en boeken in Europa, Marja Baeten en Paul Arnoldussen
Duizend dingen achter deuren, Joke van Leeuwen
Het eiland daarginds, Paul Biegel
Jorrie en Snorrie, Annie M. G. Schmidt
Het wonder van Frieswijck, Thea Beckman
Het raadsel van de Regenboog, Jacques Vriens
Het weer en de tijd, Joke van Leeuwen
Fausto Koppie, Anke de Vries
Bombaaj!, Els Pelgrom
De huiveringwekkende mythe van Perseus, Imme Dros
LYC-DROP, Paul van Loon
Mijn avonturen door V. Swchwrm, Toon Tellegen
Bikkels, Carry Slee
Eiber!, Sjoerd Kuyper (2000)
Ik ben Polleke hoor!, Guus Kuijer
Boris en het woeste water, Rindert Kromhout
Het Zwanenmeer (maar dan anders), Francine Oomen
Swing, Paul Biegel
Wat rijmt er op puree?, Edward van de Vendel
Laika tussen de sterren , Bibi Dumon Tak
Kaloeha Dzong, Lydia Rood
Vlammen, Hans Hagen
De wraak van het spruitje, Jan Paul Schutten
Mees Kees - In de Gloria, Mirjam Oldenhave
Bert en Bart redden de wereld, Tjibbe Veldkamp
Het Akropolis Genootschap & De slag om bladzijde 37, Tosca Menten
Je bent super... Jan!, Harmen van Straaten
Zestig spiegels, Harm de Jonge
Per ongelukt!, Simon van der Geest
Oorlog en vriendschap, Dolf Verroen
Kattensoep, Janneke Schotveld
De eilandenruzie, Jozua Douglas
Haaientanden, Anna Woltz
De diamant van Banjarmasin, Arend van Dam (2020)
Tiril en de Toverdrank, Bette Westera
Waanzinnige boomhut verhalen, Andy Griffiths
Ravi en de Laatste Magie, Sanne Rooseboom
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Doctor's Orders
who would have thought that one of the few Alien Alien fics I'd publish would be this super weird short-ish one.... I mean I guess it really isn't SO bad but it is very NSFW, basically Dr. Bidloo's like you guys need to fuck the king IMMEDIATELY and Keppel and Bentinck...do that!
a few warnings tho, this sort of reads as dubious consent on Bentinck's part. also, this does include William being in a funny little alien heat that makes no sense except to the crazy author so if you don't wanna see that don't read it!
most of this to me is rly funny, but i kinda love how i wrote William here so... do with that what you will
Despite only having quarter of a Defender in him, Keppel was, to Bentinck, the most like an insect, more so than even the king himself. He would fly in your face, buzzing nonsense at you, and when you batted him away, there was no doubt he would come back unless you smacked him hard enough. But Bentinck wasn’t inclined towards that sort of violence, and even if he was, he wouldn’t be allowed to go through with it, anyway.
So he had to tolerate the insolent little creature climbing all over him, which he supposed was fine; it was fine because for everything Keppel had done for him this was probably nothing in comparison so Bentinck had to say it was fine, thank you.
On a day like this he had to tolerate it in front of Dr. Bidloo, a Defender of the Faith who was probably a very nice person if you happened to catch him in the right mood, which Bentinck never did. At this very moment, he glowered at Bentinck, as if the pretty human climbing all over him was his fault.
“May I speak?” he asked.
“Please do, doctor,” Keppel said, settling at last on Bentinck’s shoulders with a satisfied purr. “How does the king?”
Bidloo’s antennae twitched, perhaps at the tone of Keppel’s voice or at what he had just been witnessing or it could have been the weather or the passing of the time that he detected with those things. Bentinck didn’t know. He blinked and realized Bidloo’s lips were moving; by the stars, he was speaking and he didn’t get any of it.
“Oh?” Keppel leaned forward with interest. “I’ve never heard of that.”
“Never heard of what?” Bentinck whispered.
“The king’s in heat!” Keppel whispered back with glee. “I didn’t know there was such a thing!”
“Mijnheers,” Bidloo said, clearing his throat. “I can hear you. You could have just asked me to repeat myself, android.”
“Right. Forgive me.” Bentinck found himself bowing his head almost instinctively, but Keppel knocked it back up with his knee. It didn’t hurt, but it did make his teeth close down on his metal tongue.
“Well, my lord Albemarle,” Bidloo went on, “I’m sure my lord Portland here could explain it to you if he wants to—”
“I really don’t, you can do it,” Bentinck reassured him.
Bidloo’s antennae twitched again. “Very well,” he said slowly. “Then I command you to explain the Defender heat cycle to my lord Albemarle.”
“Recognized,” Bentinck said automatically. “This cycle varies amongst every Defender of the Faith, but for the most part, they fall into heat once every year, for about two weeks. It is when they are most receptive to mating. The specific desires depend on the individual. Despite it being an ancient feature of the Defender’s reproductive system, it is not necessary for the Defender in question to become pregnant to end the heat, as is exhibited by the male members of the species.”
“Oh, wow,” Keppel breathed. “So that’s what the king is going through. He never told me about any of this.”
“Well, usually he has the queen around,” Bidloo muttered.
The three fell silent, and Bentinck shut his eyes. So that was why Bidloo was telling them of this. And he knew in an instant what he was here to ask, as well.
What did he do before Mary? he’d say. You’re a service android for a reason. So service him now as you did before.
Except Bentinck never had. William had refused to let him do it, said he’d deal with it himself. Which was just fine with Bentinck; Bidloo might not pay any mind to the rumors, but Bentinck sure did.
“He’ll probably be fine,” he said at length.
“For two weeks?” Bidloo said doubtfully. “You, service android. My lord Portland. You surely must have some features to help with this—”
“I really don’t,” Bentinck cut in. “And he wouldn’t want me to touch him, anyway.”
“As his doctor, I order it,” Bidloo growled. “He will listen to me.”
“Ha!” Keppel barked out, but quieted down under Bidloo’s glare.
“He’s not in any state to argue right now,” he said. “He will listen. And so will you. You, little human, will see to it that they do.”
“You’re putting me in charge of this?” Keppel tilted his head to the side.
“It can’t be me,” Bidloo said, shaking himself off. “And it can’t be any other Asterothiriot, that’ll send unworthy tongues wagging. No, it must be you two— a service android is easily excused as doing its job, and humans are already sex objects here regardless of gender.”
“You don’t say,” Keppel murmured.
“But I just—” Bentinck broke off. He could already imagine what Anne would say, just the same thing she always did when she saw him kissing the king to give him back the breath England occasionally dared to steal from him.
You don’t have to apologize, Hans, it’s a job. We’ve all had to do disgraceful things for our masters.
Who am I to refuse this for the king? Bentinck brought a hand up almost unconsciously towards his tangled mess of a wig, like the webs William used to get caught in, but Keppel took that very hand and squeezed it.
“We can do this, bossman,” he purred to Bidloo. “It’s a great honor that you should come to us to ask for our help.”
“I...wouldn’t call it that,” Bidloo licked his lips uncomfortably. “And don’t call me bossman.”
“You Asterothiriots oughta loosen up a little!” Keppel jumped off of Bentinck, motioning for the android to follow him. “At least Lord Portland knows how to have fun.”
✭✭✭
“Do you really think that, Albemarle?” The words still echoed in Bentinck’s head.
“Think what?” Keppel looked back, his lips glistening red as if he had just been feeding off a deer carcass with exceptionally shiny blood. He’d said it was to look good for the king. “We don’t share a mind, my lord.”
“Right.” Bentinck buzzed. “Do you really think I’m that fun?”
“You’ve been amusing me.”
“It was never my intention.”
“That’s exactly why.” Keppel grinned with all his teeth. “I like watching you do stupid things.”
“I just get embarrassed from watching you do stupid things,” Bentinck said, narrowing his eyes. “I’d rather you not do anything at all. Next time don’t complain about the way humans are seen here.”
“I would never complain.” Keppel batted his eyelids innocently. “I’m not a human. You can take it up with my lord Marlborough, if you’d like.”
“No, thank you.” Bentinck buzzed again, turning away. “Are you done yet?”
“What’s got you so impatient? I thought you didn’t want to go.”
“I would hate to keep the king waiting,” Bentinck mumbled. In reality he was, for once, sort of relieved that Keppel always took so much time primping here, surrounded by the body parts of androids much like Bentinck himself.
“Aw, cheer up, big man,” Keppel said. “Think of it as this big special quest we’re sent off to. A grand quest to fuck the king’s brains out!”
Bentinck’s fans whirred. “No need to be so vulgar.”
“There’s no other way to go about it.” Keppel shrugged. “Alright, I’m ready now. You?”
“I don’t really have to do anything to get ready.” Bentinck shut his eyes. “All my systems are functioning properly and up to date.”
“I could’ve told you that,” Keppel said. “I’m asking if you think you’re ready.”
“What?” Bentinck opened his eyes again.
“If you really don’t want to do it...” Keppel stepped forward, taking Bentinck’s hand as he had earlier and beginning to flatten the fingers out from the fist they’d been making. “You don’t have to. I can just say I dealt with it myself.”
Bentinck was tempted. We’ve all had to do disgraceful things for our masters rang in his head constantly, and he hated to admit to himself that it was true. Aside from the kisses he gave William, there were things Louis had made him do that he would not have chosen for himself. If anything, that was the more disgraceful action— nothing that served William, only served to hurt him.
So what is this, then, compared to everything else I’ve done?
And yet another part of him, what Keppel liked to call his heart, didn’t want to leave Keppel alone with the king. He told himself he was worrying about William, but really, this was something he’d easily survived before. It was Keppel that was on Bentinck’s mind right now.
They’d be fine. Right? They get along fine without me.
And that was the very issue! No, for this Bentinck had to be present. He’d show William he was just as brave as his pet human.
“I can do it,” he said. “Did you ever think about the queen and how she was in this position once? Maybe not exactly the same, but close enough— she had to go ahead with something like this to please God and...William himself. Even if didn’t please him either.” He tilted his head to the side; see, he could have a heart! “If she could do it, I can, too.”
“We’re lucky you’re not a princess, with that mindset,” Keppel said. “Alright, if you say so. But you can leave whenever you like.”
“Right. So can you.”
Keppel made a face that Bentinck didn’t have a name for in his database yet. “Thank you.”
Most of the moons outside were new, so the palace somehow felt darker tonight, even with Bentinck’s night vision. On their way to the king’s quarters, he felt Keppel shuffle closer to him, and he wondered if humans were afraid of the dark.
They passed under the tendril-tooth guard’s glowing gaze that flashed from side to side like a pendulum, and Bentinck was first to knock on the door.
“Your Majesty?” he called. “May we come in?”
There was a long silence before William answered. “If you must.”
Bentinck stepped in, pushing Keppel inside before he shut the door behind them. “Your Majesty.” He bowed low, and Keppel bound past him and leaped on William’s bed, purring loudly to greet him.
Insolent little beast! Bentinck buzzed as he watched Keppel nuzzle up to William’s cheek. But William didn’t seem to mind, he only shut his eyes and returned the purrs.
“Bidloo sent us,” Keppel began, but William merely waved his tail in front of his mouth.
“Yes, I know,” he said. “And he wouldn’t shut up about it until I accepted. I could have clawed his face off.” He growled and lay back on the pillows, his insectile arms bringing Keppel closer to himself. “But I have to admit, there’s some sense in it...if the heat goes on too long, then it becomes the only thing I think about.”
“Forgive me, William,” Bentinck piped up, “but, ah, how did you deal with it before- before Mary?” He winced, wishing there’d been another way to ask without bringing up the late queen.
But William only sneered. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Bentinck sighed. I guess I deserve that.
“Well, let’s get this over with,” William said, his tail twitching apprehensively. “I hope you two know what you’re doing.”
“Oh, absolutely,” Keppel said, which was somehow the least reassuring thing Bentinck had ever heard come out of his mouth. “My lord Portland, come here? Don’t sit on the bed, though, you’re too heavy.”
Bentinck nodded and walked over. He supposed he could let Keppel take charge here, if he liked.
“Your fingers can vibrate, right?” Keppel asked.
“What?” Bentinck jolted. “You want me to use that feature for this?”
“What else are they for?”
“For- for massages.”
“Same thing. Figure out how to turn them on.” Keppel turned back to William and leaned forward, his smile suddenly appearing almost menacing to Bentinck.
Truth be told, Bentinck had seen William at his worst, but none of that could have prepared him for this. He couldn’t name the way he felt as he watched Keppel lift himself on top of William, an Asterothiriot far bigger than any human, with a position that few living beings could even begin to fathom. But he knew it was strange, maybe unnatural, though he was one to talk— the least natural thing in this room.
Surprisingly, William welcomed every touch— maybe that was the unnatural thing about it. He groaned and arched his back off the bed, his tail lashing erratically, and Keppel laughed, moved his kisses to William’s thighs. At every spot Keppel touched, the king seemed to grow still, only trembling slightly and turning his head to the side to bite the pillows he lay on.
I shouldn’t be seeing this. Bentinck wanted to run, but he had gotten this far, so when William turned his body around and lifted his hips off the bed, his tail curled over as well, Bentinck let Keppel take his hand and ease it into their friend.
Close your eyes, just please the king. Bentinck looked away, beginning to push his vibrating fingers through and then back out again. He knew he hated the warmth immediately, but Keppel had made sure to turn his sensors down beforehand— the warmth was all he felt. As long as he didn’t look, he could pretend it wasn’t William he was inside of.
But then, who else would it be?
“Good,” he heard William huff out, bucking his hips into Bentinck’s hand. “Very good...by the stars...”
Bentinck finally willed himself to look down at him. He supposed what he saw there wasn’t so bad, if a little unexpected. William’s eyes were glazed over, staring straight ahead as if he didn’t want to be here, either, but his tail was lashing and his hips were moving, and were those purrs that Bentinck could hear?
“A little faster would be nice,” Keppel remarked, and Bentinck glared at him.
If I have to. He began to move his fingers faster, pushing them deeper with every movement, and William gasped, his eyes widening.
“Yes- yes, just like that- good boy—” His claws dug into the sheets below him, and Keppel gently lifted them off. “Ah- God, Hanni—”
“Relax, Your Majesty.” Keppel nudged him in the side, bringing him down to his back again, and Bentinck stepped back. “We can take it from here, if you’d like.”
“Please do.” William leaned back on his pillows, and Keppel gestured for Bentinck to continue.
It was a little more awkward like this, considering how much more William seemed to wiggle, but that didn’t stop Bentinck from starting up his movements again, this time with far more speed and determination. He didn’t know why, but something about how William had called him a good boy— he liked the idea of pleasing his king.
“More, more, Hanni,” William begged, and Bentinck took his flailing tail and pinned it to the side.
“I advise you to calm down,” he said, knowing full well that William wouldn’t, and couldn’t, anyway.
“You insolent android...” William tossed his head back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling as Bentinck shoved his full hand in now. He had become remarkably loose in rather a short amount of time.
Keppel straddled one of William’s long legs, pinning it down under him and then ducking down to take nearly all of the full erection into his mouth. Bentinck winced; nobody could ever pay him enough to do that, but he had to admit, it was impressive nonetheless.
And it had the intended effect. The lungs that had so often betrayed William now seemed to be fully in his favor now, which was rather inconvenient, if you asked Bentinck. Now the whole palace, maybe the whole planet would know of the king’s heat, and what he had resorted to in order to get rid of it.
But William didn’t care. Possibly there was nothing in the world he cared for at this moment, other than the relief his two friends were providing him with. There was something else Bentinck had never seen before.
“I can’t believe you’re the same William I’ve always known,” he half-teased, half-exclaimed in genuine surprise. “I never thought you were like this.”
“I- I’m not—” William couldn’t finish the sentence, his eyes heavily lidded and his breaths shallow. “Silence...just keep going.”
“Mm, I’ve never had a big one quite like this before,” Keppel said, pulling his lips back and using his hands instead. “You almost there, Your Majesty?”
William nodded frantically. Every movement of Bentinck’s was met with a high-pitched whimper.
“Then let me finish it off for you,” Keppel said. Now he straddled all of William’s cock, which, Bentinck knew now that he looked at it, was logically impossible to fit inside Keppel. But that wasn’t what he did; instead, he began to ride it with his thighs, holding onto William’s nightgown as he did so.
“As fast as you can now, Bentinck!” Keppel grinned back at him, and Bentinck eagerly obeyed, even increasing the speed of the vibrations. “Like that, Your Majesty?”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes—!” William cried out. His long tongue poked out of his wide-open mouth, not unlike the manner his jaws had been kept in during his time with Louis. There was even a bit of drool gathered at the corner of his lips. “Oh, God! I love it, I- don’t- don’t stop, my lord—! Please- please, oh my God-”
“Please what? You’re free to come when you like.” Keppel seemed out of breath too, though Bentinck couldn’t tell if he was genuinely aroused or just tired from his rigorous movements.
At least he knew he wouldn’t get tired. His arms could go on like this for days, if necessary.
Thankfully, William came soon after Keppel said he could, and at last Bentinck pulled his fist out and stretched out his fingers. He shuddered and hid that hand behind his back— he’d wipe it off later.
“My, what a mess,” Keppel said. “It’d been a while, hm?”
“It- it was-” William was still panting, though Bentinck detected the beginnings of another attack in his lungs.
“Allow me,” he said, lifting William’s head in his hand and kissing him. Somehow it didn’t feel too bad now that he’d seen all that he had, though he knew he still didn’t like the saliva he felt there.
William gripped Bentinck’s wrist, his eyelids fluttering, until the android pulled away, gently laying him back on the bed.
“Is that better?” he asked anxiously.
“Yes,” William sighed. “Thank you. Both of you.” He closed his eyes. “I- I didn’t mean to be so...unlike me. But this is something else.”
“We understand, Your Majesty.” Keppel bowed his head. “I’m just glad we could help you with it.”
“Right.” William suddenly curled up, holding his tail protectively over his body. “You- you should go now.”
“Are you sure?” Bentinck said. “I don’t think it wise to- to leave you alone after such a-”
“I order it,” William growled. “Don’t make me scratch your nose off.”
Bentinck hesitated, then stepped back, bowing low. “Of course, Your Majesty. Sleep well.”
“Good night, Your Majesty,” Keppel said, copying Bentinck’s movement. He took one last look at William and then led Bentinck out of the room, into the halls that felt even darker now.
“Well,” Bentinck began, “he didn’t waste time.”
“You didn’t do so bad,” Keppel said, nudging him. “I was almost jealous for a moment there.”
Bentinck blinked. “I’m not doing it again.”
“I’m not saying you have to!” Keppel laughed. “But it was really good, for a robot that doesn’t fuck.” He paused. “And- and, look, this is the first and last time you’ll hear me say this, but I just...admire how far you’re willing to go for him. Not many people would have done all that.”
Bentinck felt his fans start up again. “I- I just want to see him happy.”
“You’re a kinder man than you let on, you know that?” Keppel purred, leaning forward to butt his head against Bentinck’s arm. “I just hope it isn’t at the cost of your own happiness.”
Is it? Bentinck looked up at the ceiling and thought. For a while.
“I’m happy. After everything James and Louis had me do, how does this compare?”
“That’s the spirit,” Keppel said. His eyes glinted. “Come on, let’s go get your hand cleaned off. I knew you were dying to ask that.”
“Oh- oh, right, of course.” Bentinck glanced behind them one last time and followed Keppel down the hall.
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