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been giving some thought to my relationship with old friends, and came up with an epiphany of sorts. hope it helps someone else out there.
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you’re the sun by day and the moon by night, and hell if you aren’t the guiding star when the world turns out the lights.
my anchor | a.h.c
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i knew a girl once.
she said she loved the flowers
blossoming in the meadow
outside of her house.
she told me they were dandelions.
they told her they were weeds.
i loved the girl once.
she had a smile warmer than the sun,
and the stars begged her to shine softer
so their glow might not be lost.
she told me she loved me too.
when i said it back,
i told her a half-truth.
i saw the girl once,
her brilliant smile dulled
by the shadows of the man
standing over her.
at twenty-one,
he was five years our senior.
he ate the moonlight of the girl
and spat out something different,
something sad.
he called her flower and
smelled like weed.
she told me he loved her.
he told me it was a lie.
i knew a girl once.
the woman in front of me
has her face, but her eyes are
bleak and she does not smile.
a baby suckles at her breast,
a toddler pulls at her wrist.
they look like the man who
killed the girl i love,
who beat her darker than the
other side of the moon
until she didn’t know whether his
arm would hold her or ruin her.
she told me that she has missed my
presence in her life, how she wishes life
had not broken us apart.
i tell her i miss her too.
— and i love her still, perhaps i always will, j.g.
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Bad deals
I’ve been travelling
to and throw
here and in between
Where lies, deceits
and troubles go
never to be seen
The journey is long,
my feet are sore
and my soul is getting weary.
The company is a
constant bore
and the weather always dreary
And yet I find
that it is nice
to walk among the dammed
For this pleasure,
I pay a price-
of the promised land.
I’ve been travelling,
there and back
collecting all their sins.
What hell makes up for,
heaven lacks and-
the devil always wins.
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if I traced my way through the stars
and back to you
would you still be here
like you promised to?
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“I don’t know if I believe in love at first sight. Or even second sight. Love is a process. All I know is that I’ve been falling deeper and deeper into affection for you and I don’t know if I want to dig myself out of the hole I have made for myself. Or if I would even want to. I just know I want to find the answer to all my questions somewhere between your ear and your collarbone.” -m. e. callow
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you hate the ocean nowadays because the waves sound like a memory, like missions and bullets and gunfire and someone you used to love.
bucky / who the hell is bucky | a.h.c
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I love you, I love you, I love you, it's a mantra I keep repeating, I keep saying that word until it doesn't sound like a word anymore, but it hasn't lost any of its meaning, if anything it gets bigger every time I think it, every time I say it, and so I just keep thinking, I love you, I love you, I love you.
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Collective thoughts about the sunrise in July.
I have seen the sunrise in July and thought much of it.
As is peaks timidly over the horizon the sky is cast vibrant orange, which reminds me of the tangerines that fall off my grandmother’s tree in May. On the delicate fringes of this radiant hue the sky melts into a gentle baby blue: the colour of my father’s eyes.
Soon, the sun gains more confidence and rises steadily pulling with it the colours yellow, red and pink: the colours of the sunflower’s on a stranger’s grave I pass everyday on the way to work, of my best friend’s plump, familiar lips and my favourite pair of underwear.
All of these colours bleed into each other as if they were infecting one another, compulsively spreading their own shades around the sky just to see how many different tones they could make on their vast, encompassing canvas.
By the time the sun as fully risen and is sitting amongst the clouds- all of these striking colours have disappeared; their effervescence dwindled as the sun forgets them simply along the horizon.
But they are forever etched into my mind, my consciousness. Many people say that no two sunrises are the same. And yet, they are composed of so many of my familiar memories.
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i. are you an angel? are you a god? did you once sit at god’s right hand? did olympus cast you out because you shined too brightly? you escape the confines of what can be described with earthly language. you are not human. truly there is no other explanation, and so it is.
ii. we must have been created from the same legend. you were crafted from that which the gods cast away. and because we were born of the same bone, darling, we were born of dust and ash and soul. we are how galaxies begin. so it is, as it has been.
iii. let death consume us. suppose we are mortal after all. to have loved you all these years is to have been whole. our souls will circle each other for eternity. if this world would see us devoured, so it is, as it has been, as it always must be.
you are as i am | a.h.c
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i've done some thinking,
what i think of most of all.
if i had one day to live,
you'd be my final call.
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Persephone
Persephone
Pomegranate blooms in spring.
crimson red bulb, enveloped in
gorgeous green garnishes of leaves
the juice sweet and succulent
await summer’s fateful drop.
The sun rises gloriously in a marigold
mirage of pleasantry and peace.
The crops of the harvest bend towards
its golden glow- a torch radiating
peace and protection.
I was stolen in spring.
he came, as silent as a whisper,
at night where the sun could not bear
witness to my abuse. only the stony
moon could testify my pain.
I plead for it to forgive,
I beg for mercy- but no
such pity comes from its silent
demeanour. where he ripped me from
the soil, blood stained the ground.
Pomegranate dies in winter.
the incessant frost rips the seeds from
the pulp, slaughters the juice across
the courtyard, until nothing is left
but empty, barren halves.
I die in winter, when he steals me
again. Crushed wheat and forgotten
crops scatter as I run from my eventual
capture. The bite of the wind is my one
farewell as the ground swallows me.
I struggle as flames catch in my lungs
and brimstone lodges under my
fingernails . when I am gone, nothing
grows. when I am here, all dies.
I weep for my seedless fruit and my
crop less harvest.
But mostly,
I fight for myself and this hell
I know.
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