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akechi-stole-my-heart · 4 months

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a really underappreciated aspect of goro's character is how much he wants/needs people to like him. like, people think he's "gotten over that" by third sem because he acts like he doesn't care and is an asshole. but like, that's so far from the truth. he still really wants people to like him. he's just completely given up on that happening. he's intentionally pushing people away on purpose by being the worst version of himself.

so something i really wish people explored more in post canon/redemption akechi fics is this desire to be liked. if goro starts to have hope again that he might be able to be loved, after akira and other thieves accept him as his true self, there's no way that's not going to affect how he acts. i just don't buy the idea that he's going to be a jerk all the time forever, not only because i think he needs to improve and be kinder as a part of his self betterment, but moreso simply because if he's shown kindness and accepted and gains friends, he's going to be terrified of losing them or accidentally pushing them away.

sure, they might accept him even while he was his worst, meanest version of himself, but that isn't enough to undo the trauma and akechi's fundamental worldview that he is inherently unlovable so long as he is himself. so there's going to be this conflict between his fear that he has to become the detective prince if he doesn't want to lose his friends, and the part of himself that hates the detective prince for being a false projection and his idealistic self he never could be.

i don't buy the idea that goro could comfortably be his true self with his friends in a "take it or leave it" sort of way. he might pretend to be secure in himself enough to act that way, but he's going to be internally terrified at all times that if he says or does the wrong thing they'll abandon him. at first he'll even accept it as inevitable, but the longer they stay, the more he's going to hope they could stay, and the more he's going to be terrified that they'll leave him like everyone else has.

i want more fics about goro struggling between the desire to be true to himself and the desperate need not to be abandoned again. i want more fics where he either decides to push all of them away because that's better than the alternative of them abandoning him, or he starts to transform himself and act in ways out of character just to keep them from leaving. or feeling like he has to offer them something or they'll abandon him because they'll never love him for himself. feeling like he owes them just for being loved. that sort of thing! just anything at all that explores how he thinks he is inherently unlovable that goes beyond simple self loathing. how is that going to affect how he acts in a world where he DOES have people who love him, but he can't accept that, because they must have some ulterior motive, no one could really love him for him? i think it's a really untapped part of post canon stuff.

#these are themes i tried exploring in code violet by giving akechi an ideal reality where he is the detective prince again #bc he feels like he can never be a good enough partner to sumi and aki as he is and he's terrified of losing them #I just think it's an aspect of his character people ignore or overlook bc they misinterpret his third sem self #people misinterpreting third sem akechi is one of my biggest pet peeves tbh #sera posts #goro akechi

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1000punks · 2 months

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i write a lot of the stuff i've included in bonding. from personal experiences- good, bad and ugly.

cw. some gushing, nsft and frank discussion of (my own) trauma under the cut

like i've said before when chatting about astarion and his trauma, i'm also an SA survivor. i have had the experience of being hypersexual as well as sex-repulsed over the course of my healing journey. it doesn't happen all at once for me, or in waves, it... oscillates.

in the recent chapter with sub!astarion, for example, i pulled star's flashback directly from one i had while being intimate with my husband- and he reacted in a very kind way, much like festé did towards astarion.

astarion's dialogue in //doting re: "making [oneself] useful" is pulled from conversations i've had with partners and friends about my own trauma. that's 100% the hypersexual part that i can relate to. burying myself (sexually) in a partner, regardless of how serious the relationship is/was, is pulled directly from personal experience too. astarion's dialogue (in game, moreso than in the fic itself) about not wanting to sleep with the PC until he's ready, is one of the things i wish i had the courage and clarity to have said in my past; and have found the courage to say in the present when drawing my boundaries. festé's response to that dialogue (//reversing), is something i have said to/done with a partner. the frustration, on star's end, when he wants to do something but his body does not agree- i feel that sometimes still; and it can be earth-shattering no matter how long it's been since ... you know what i mean? at any point in a person's healing journey, they can be frustrated and upset that their mind is willing but their body isn't.

on the flip side! i've also pulled the Good Sexual Experiences i've had through various stages of my healing journey to put into the fic. the move where astarion pushes festé's legs up on his shoulders? 💦💦 that was one of them. the growling? oh boy, yeah. same with the cunniling- [gunshot] also- a lot of festé's reactions, like crying when they're overstimulated (during an encounter), going quiet, etc. are my own. it's not a bad thing, or because something was done wrongly (or because it's like... a fetish lmfao), it's just a lot of stimulus, and it's an emotional release. it can be jarring for the partner in this case, to deal with that but, you know, it's something i do and don't see a lot in fic with bdsm elements. which brings me to my next points.

rope/tying in general is a big one for me, personally. it's intimate, it requires explicit communication, trust and consent; but it doesn't always end in a sexual encounter. bdsm is another one in general, personally. i'm lucky, and grateful, to be in relationships where those roles, kinks, boundaries, and experiences are explored in a healthy way.

for me, being autistic enters the way i approach sex to a greater extent than i previously thought, as well. having roles (y'know, with bdsm) for me, helps a lot. having partners who are in the same neurodivergent boat, and actively prioritize consent and communication, is an immense help as well. i don't have to rely on context clues and end up getting hurt or worry that i'm going to be in trouble later on.

when i say that writing this fic is as cathartic, therapeutic and healing as (i hope) it is for people to read it, i mean it. at the end of the day - and i mean this in the kindest way possible - it doesn't matter to me how much exposure this fic gets, it matters that it's genuinely reaching and touching those who can relate to it. i'm so happy to share it to people who can see it, if that makes sense.

love y'all, and thank you so much if you've been supporting the fic thus far. ❤️

#.txt #fic: bonding.#about me #metafiction

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ladyluscinia · 1 year

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Idk if it's just a coincidence, but all of the sudden I keep seeing those "Izzy stans are so obsessed with this random white guy that they ignore or flatten every other character (especially poc)" takes all over and it's annoying me so much. So:

First, I'm going to link bromelads most recent attempt to get some actually constructive dialogue going about fandom racism because it has a whole section on this point. Technically two sections if you count the linked drive file as separate.

And then I'm going to ask all my fellow Izzy Hands lovers to add on to this post their favorite deep thoughts / burning questions / fun headcanons / etc. about your favorite non-Izzy characters. I know you all have a bunch of them. Bonus points for other side characters instead of Edward or Stede.

I'll start.

---

So I'm fascinated by the glimpses we get of pirate culture / the Queen Anne / the general environment that Edward is coming from and still half enmeshed in because I personally find the narrative push and pull there a lot more interesting than the whole running from one world to another that Stede (and to a lesser extent his crew) has going on. Which naturally leads to me finding Fang and Ivan so fucking interesting.

(Mandatory moment of sadness that Ivan won't be in season 2, because I was really hoping to see where his story was going 😭)

Not sure if I can really hypothesize many "hidden" depths to Fang because the show openly hit a pretty wide range. He cries over his dog and nude models for Lucius, but also skins a man with a snail fork and seems shockingly chill about Edward making an abrupt 180 to "maroon all your new friends to die". He's an obedient henchman in 1x02 and 1x04, but he also takes basically no prompting to go for the jugular on humiliating gossip the moment Edward seems disinclined to enforce Izzy's authority. The man contains multitudes already, minimal sleuthing required.

I am really looking forward to how S2 addresses his loyalty to Edward over the crew. Like at the end of 1x10 Fang and Ivan don't even really look that conflicted??? They were buddy buddy with these guys yesterday - moreso Fang than Ivan - but also seemed fully aware that Blackbeard could decide he was done playing around at any moment and then he did. Whoo boy. I mean, one genre of fic I'm usually not interested in is "Lucius in the walls" fic (I know he's alive, I just don't really care for that approach), but I will make an exception if it really explores Fang specifically hiding him because that's a big thing given he is openly afraid of defying Edward.

Like... Fang is a pretty friendly dude, and I can't imagine someone to fool around with was that impossible to find on Blackbeard's leatherman express. So it's really cool that despite very much not being, like, his true love or whatever, Lucius is apparently offering Fang something novel on the acceptance and connection front but maybe not something that wildly diverges from what he's had before. And I do think it's interesting to rotate how that tension could be playing out in his mind. He's got to be used to the whole flow of making and losing connections - that's just pirate life, nbd - except this time it's supposed to just be whatever, only... it's not? He actually misses Lucius and those other fun guys??? Maybe even enough to stand up to Edward over it?!

And Ivan! Man, Ivan has all kinds of potential stuff going on that I feel like people could talk about. I would probably talk about it more, only with the news he won't be in S2 it always makes me wonder how they are going to get rid of him and what that's going to imply about him (which might be contradictory to what they were intending). Which makes me sad.

Probably the biggest thing is like... I don't think Ivan actually likes Stede or the Revenge crew much? I mean on a personal level. Like, his only real friendship bond appears to be Fang, he's not noticeably trying to make new ones, and he's kinda fed up with Stede's people a few times? I'm thinking of rooting to kill them after 1x02, and scoffing at them during the raid in 1x05. And to me this is a really cool trait. I love it when "good" side characters have independent personalities enough to find the protagonist mildly annoying or something, instead of every single one of them perfectly correlating "good person" and "protagonist's friend". It prevents protagonist POV from becoming tunnel vision and accidentally making them seem like the center of the universe. (This is part of why the spn fandom loves Kevin.)

Not liking Stede isn't a character flaw, you know? And if you analyze Ivan's POV with just kinda not being impressed with these guys as an option, that leads to some really interesting places. Because in 1x06 he's actively encouraging Edward to just kill Stede like he said he would, not just following Izzy's lead, and then in 1x07 and 1x08 Ivan and Fang disappear. They don't show up again until Izzy does, but they also aren't seen leaving with Izzy or showing up in scenes like Jackie's bar like you would expect if they were just his loyal henchmen or whatever. So what are they doing in that gap???

I've said before that the adventures of Fang and Ivan is a completely wild story squeezed into the background and gaps of this show with two fascinatingly insane guys at the center of it, and I still think that's true. Fang goes right into becoming besties with the crew while still definitely thinking Edward is going to have him murder all of them in a few weeks. Ivan watches Izzy get banished, sleeps on it, and then fucking bounces with his buddy to go meet up with him... And then they praise Edward's punch and mutiny Izzy later! It's fun to think about!

...but I suppose my interest in Fang and Ivan does connect back up with my Izzyposting fairly often (since I like analyzing how characters interact and relate, and these two interact with Izzy), so how about another character?

Oluwande.

Now obviously the well trodden path here is TealOranges thoughts and feels. Plenty of drama, development, struggles, etc. But actually what I most want to know about Oluwande is how he and Spanish Jackie know each other???

Like what was up with that??? 👀👀👀

Their interaction gives off sorta inner circle vibes to me. Jackie clearly suspects / knows he betrayed her, but she calls him over to chat like old friends and Oluwande is expected to play along to act normal. So like... Was that normal? Did he regularly sit at Jackie's table and chat about life with her? Jackie does not have the time of day for her own husbands' problems most of the time - she seems to reprimand Geraldo for expecting more attention than the others - but immediately asking after Oluwande's life doesn't ping "oh she's definitely onto us" for him???

I don't think he's a husband (feels like it would have been addressed) and them being related seems unlikely. He's got a good head on his shoulders but he's clearly not some notorious pirate or outlaw of great skill. Like Oluwande is just some guy! But also some guy that Jackie was personally invested in!

And then bringing Jim into this... So Oluwande is just some guy in Jackie's inner circle, finds out the new barmaid is out to kill Jackie's favorite husband, and just helps them out??? My dude??? He doesn't even get whirlwind romance privileges. He did all that for a mysterious yet compelling stranger and no shit is this man crazy enough for the Revenge.

My headcanon re: the murder is that Alfeo was universally loathed and literally only Jackie and his gang liked him. So when people (and let's be honest Jim is not the most subtle of assassins so probably more than just Oluwande) realized someone was legit after him, they pretty much shrugged and sent them good thoughts. Also I think Oluwande and Jim had a solid plan to get away with killing Alfeo that went completely sideways, which is how they ended up hiding on a pirate ship pretending they knew how to sail. Oluwande didn't actually intend to completely ruin his status with Jackie and he does lowkey regret it in some ways, so he's gonna be thrilled when Jim tells him all about how they are cool with Jackie now and he can go back to the bar to hang next time they are in Nassau.

Anyway that's another big thing I want from S2 Jackie is Oluwande backstory, because that would be such a treat.

#our flag means death #people add your stuff!#(also i find it bitterly amusing that people use the passion with which izzy takes are defended as proof of bias)#(like i will argue izzy can read way harder than anyone argues the frenchie is just faking being illiterate headcanon)#(but that's because frenchie takes get 'lol awesome' and izzy takes get 'how dare you imply he's better than everyone else like this?!?')#(and i fight for my life every day to give edward the same or greater depth i give izzy 😔)#anyway my compelling side characters are #fang ofmd #ivan ofmd #spanish jackie ofmd #ladyluscinia #oluwande boodhari ofmd

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taelonsamada · 1 year

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Tag Game - Five Things You Might Find In My Writing

I was tagged by @ejunkiet and @sealriously-sealrious for this fun sounding game!! It had me studying my writing and noticing a couple repeating themes I’d never noticed XD

Tagging @dominimoonbeam @lovelylonerliterature @glassbearclock @romirola and @zozo-01 as well as anyone reading this who wants to take part!!

~~~~~

Spice/Smut - Right off the bat, gonna start with the obvious XD I am a huge fan of writing the sexy fun times LOL I find it to be a wonderful means of connecting two souls together, and I believe physical intimacy is one of the fastest ways to learn the true nature of someone. It’s often the state we are the most vulnerable in, and takes a deep amount of trust. I adore exploring that kind of relationship. Plus sex is fun LOL

Trauma/Healing From Trauma - This moreso relates to my original work than my fics, but has been known to show up there too LOL I enjoy writing broken characters. But it’s not just for shock value. I like taking their pieces and slowly healing them, helping them rebuild themselves into something stronger. I like showing how we can be damaged, but that doesn’t make us beyond hope.

Banter - Playful, snarky dialogue is easily one of my favourite things to write. I absolutely adore scenes where the sass and sparks fly between two characters. Witty jokes, snappy jabs and teasing quips are a wonderful way to show off chemistry between two characters.

Pining - Whether it’s onesided or returned, there’s very little I enjoy more than having a character giving moon eyes to the one they adore. Having that tension and desire building until it’s impossible to deny. The longer the build, the better. Those nervous touches, shy glances, two characters leaning in towards each other slowly without even being conscious of it until they catch themselves and back away… Oh, it’s fantastic.

Happy Endings - No, not the naughty kind (although those as well, yes lol) One thing I keep stressing with all my writing is that for however much pain I put characters through, they will always recover. They will always heal. They will always be comforted and end up happier than when they’d started. Life itself is hard enough, I will always use my writing as a means to escape that and paint a wonderful happy ending for others.

♥️ This was so much fun 🥰

#writing #my writing #tag games

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alwayscraftynight · 11 months

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Hello, I am one of the other 5 Jacob Hopkins fans on planet earth. I’ve been planning on writing a redemption fic for Jacob as a way to make something meaningful out of the 1000s of hours I have spent daydreaming about this loser, as well as to make a rebuttal of sorts to all of the people in the fandom who thinks he is pure evil and deserves to be horrifically murdered.

The fic only has 4 paragraphs at the moment because I suck at writing, but the basic idea for the plot goes as follows.

After his last appearance in Thanks to Them Jacob gets arrested for harassment, setting up illegal traps, etc and serves time in prison for a couple of months to maybe a year. He is then submitted to a mental rehabilitation facility because he’s him. In the facility he unlearns all of his conspiracy theories, including the ones about the existence of Vee, Eda, and the demon realm as a whole. He basically gets gaslighted into believing he was hallucinating everything magic related. He is then released from the rehabilitation center and stays with a family member who lives in a town close to Gravesfield and acts as his ward (I currently have it as his cousin). The fic starts 2 years into his stay with his cousin and Jacob is relatively sane and able to deal with his NPD (he has that by the way) and the traumas he experienced during his time as a conspiracy theorist, as he works at some kind of low skilled job to help pay for bills and things.

Eventually the plot happens and he begins to slowly figure out that magic, demons, and witches do in fact exist with a heavy amount of angst. Current idea for that happening is Hunter just showing up because Luz, Vee, and Camila realized one day that they have no idea what happened to Jacob after he was arrested so Hunter does some Reconnaissance for old times sake (Camila might be there too). Then more plot happens until Jacob is properly informed of and then brought to the demon realm via the boiling isles human realm exchange program, where he makes peace with his past and properly addresses what he did and apologizes.

With that in mind, here is my request.

Your headcanons. Give them to me. (pretty please)

All of the personality traits, hobbies, backstories, and everything else about Jacob Hopkins that you’d be willing to share. And also some feedback about the overview, what ideas and themes could be explored, and just your general thoughts would be nice.

Cheers.

Oh boy I hope you're prepared for a lot of rambling, your fic sounds absolutely AWESOME and I'd love to read it when you post it! I also don't really understand the abundance of hate he gets in the fandom. Like I understand not liking him and he IS kinda annoying, but I've seen people that like Philip treating him like the antichrist. Tbh I'm not really too bothered by it from a moral standpoint because he isn't real but it does make me a bit sad (my autism has latched HARD onto this character)

The cousin aspect is also a funny coincidence because I'm also incorporating his cousin into my AU because she's Masha's mother lol, and the NPD would make a lot of sense tbh. I think a cool idea to explore could maybe be his relationship with Eda since iirc she was the first demon he came in contact with, I also think while he's relearning that magic and demons and witches exist he'd still struggle a bit with not seeing demons and witches as people because he finds them fascinating (obviously he'd get better about this but it'd be fun to explore a few of his flaws during his redemption n stuff!) I also think exploring a possible friendship with Gus would be cool, since Gus is heavily interested in humans and Jacob is heavily interested in witches though I'm not sure if Gus would be comfortable with it at first from the whole scene where he gets arrested. I unfortunately can't do most of these for my AU since Eda is deceased and the idea is moreso him getting what he wants but facing consequences for it (and not learning because he has someone around to encourage said behavior.. ooo mysterious)

Like I said your fic sounds extremely cool to me and I'd really like to read it when you're finished if you're comfortable with that!

As for headcanons I have A LOT of convoluted stuff about this guy bc I too daydream about the loser daily lol. I unfortunately have a bad problem with forgetting stuff as soon as I go to write it down BUT I will do my best to give you some unsorted headcanons. A lot of this will be explored in my AU specifically once I get to it lol. Also some of this might be contradicted by canon because I unfortunately cannot rewatch the series until my brother is ready to bc I promised. hope I can give you some good inspiration though!

- I think he's pretty tech savvy and good with computers. Probably cares a lot about his appearance online, maybe more than his appearance in real life.

- He definitely gets a lot of stuff for his collection that are (supposed to be at least) magical artifacts, but he also buys novelty items, taxidermy, weapons, old junk, etc. Basically anything he finds cool.

- Was actually planning to buy the old house (y'know, the one with the portal door that I think the wittebanes used to live in?) and turn it into a sort of research facility for himself away from everyone else. I imagine in canon he would've been really mad when he heard the Nocedas bought it.

- I personally think he has always been into theories and had a few weird beliefs, and the fixation started off harmless enough but it ended up escalating to the degree it was hurting other people and himself when he got a picture of the owl beast and moved to gravesfield.

- Speaking of above in my AU he is mostly influenced by a group of people online and radicalized if that's the right term. Most of them are a lot like him and just.. heavily misinformed. Basically his beliefs got more and more outlandish over time to the point where it impacted his everyday life and the people around him. He sees them as his friends though. They play DND. Yippee.

- Masha and him are related as I said before, Masha pretty much sees him as an uncle. I hc they'd actually hang out at the historical society with their friends once they got back from camp, and Jacob would show them and their friends his collection sometimes but he probably wouldn't let them touch anything.

- Masha and him bonded over their shared love for cryptids.

- In the canon timeline I hc Masha cut him off after finding out what happened with Vee and Luz. Pretty sad but honestly kinda deserved.

- Personality wise I think he can come across as kind of an asshole but he doesn't really realize that he's doing it. He's gotten better at it since he got his job, but his only interactions with someone could be arguing and he'd assume they're friends when the other person hates him.

- When interacting with other people if he assumes someone doesn't like something he does and wants to appeal to them he'll simply lie and say he doesn't. I hc he kinda has a problem with lying about himself and putting on different personas with people.

- Projects onto Philip a LOT because of his own experiences with his brother and it's one of the main reasons he fixated onto the story of the brothers wittebane so much (will go into more detail in the AU on this one, don't wanna spoil too much)

- Undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Because every character I like needs to be autistic (joking) I feel like he doesn't get it checked out because he thinks "well I don't have a problem functioning so there's no way I have that kinda thing"

- Definitely into the fantasy genre with the whole renaissance fair thing. Likes DND and probably game of thrones (I know nothing about game of thrones so I can't talk about it more lol) I also think he's into the owl house universe's equivalent of pokemon + MLP but that's more on the downlow.

- Does not like birds. Even if he didn't think they were spy cameras (which he does) they still freak him out. Masha has a pet pigeon and he hates it.

Ok, I'm probably gonna go to bed now but these are the ones I can think of. Thank you for the ask and I hope I gave you some good ideas ^^

#jacob hopkins #the owl house #seriously tho link me that fic when its done it sounds cool!!#jacob toh #toh #masha toh

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zambonisworld · 1 year

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Thanks for ur answer! same anon here and yes i agree with u though I feel like they did base the reboot ghost off the og ghost a bit, it's thanks to him that he exists in the first place. And that line about those u know can hurt u the most is definitely a reference to og shepherd betraying him but also a hint that he's been shoped before left and right, also i think him having an abusive father wouldn't really be off putting even for a reboot version tbh. I think Ghost being a lone wolf and wearing a mask to cover his past and all the things he probably had to do speaks volumes, there's probably a good reason why it's redacted and I refuse to ignore that writers and devs are most definitely aware of the comics but have something in mind maybe something even more wicked lol

When it comes to fic writers, while its true that there are married soldiers and all, but this is a SAS unit we are talking about, the things this man had to go through, things he had to do? Not to mention his trust issues and how we only later in the game start to see a glimpse of him opening up and bonding with Soap, i truly think this is a starting point for him allowing him self to build a connection. But i agree that he wouldn't date, not just that but he seems like the type that is uninterested and moreso aware of the risks. "Stone cold, Simon Riley" 😂

Just gonna add lastly, because i had my hopes high for a Ghost campaign, there are plenty writers and devs that talk about ideas and what they wanna create but end up not doing it for so many reasons. Maybe they'll do just that, or they'll just have Ghost remain this mystery man that while not explicitly shown has clearly went through shit and seen things. Or maybe they end up giving us something. But for me personally being able to play as Ghost outside of multiplayer would be grand 😄 (i think it's strongly hinted that Mace was involved once in his past 👀)

A Ghost centered campaign where he infiltrated enemy base or something like that would be so cool. It would also be exciting to see a campaign where he hunts down his family’s killers.

In the same interview, Jeffrey Negus mentioned that he’s interested in exploring the man behind the mask. He sounds so passionate about telling Ghost’s story and that gets me excited. With his rise in popularity, I hope they go through with it.

Can you send me a link about Mace’s backstory or where it was hinted that he has history with Ghost. The idea of Ghost having bad blood (or a rival) with someone is so cool.

Sorry for the late reply 😗

#anon ask #simon ghost riley #call of duty #cod #simon riley #ghost #ghost cod #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw22 #codmw2

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shibaraki · 9 months

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Monty.... How do you do it? Seriously! It's like every time I read one of your fics and think, welp she surely couldn't write anything more perfect than this cuz I am already obsessed; giggling and kicking my feet re-reading the same fic over and over again like a lovesick fool AND THEN YOU COME OUT WITH THIS! THIS...this is the loveliest thing I have laid my eyes upon.

How did you read my mind tho? How did you know that I am hopelessly devoted to this peppermint man and that I yearn to see him happy and content; and in every fic I read I search for scenes of him spending time with his family (all of them who I wanna smother in love CUZ GOSH DARN IT FUYUMI SUPREMACY) (also can't help my bias since I am elder sister lol) ALSO! The sweet moments of his friends who are more like his family sprinkled within- Uraraka choosing the chair for his balcony, Momo listening to him so patiently and being so understanding, Bakugo's gruff teasing and clear love and concern for his friends AND OH MY GOSH THE KIRISHIMA SCENE HAD ME SOBBING! THAT MAN! Shouto dearie I would never be mad at you bidding for kiri CUZ I'LL BE FIRST ONE IN LINE XD ; Oh and just for good measure incase I wasn't already smitten you added nori too (ngl reading this made me sit staring at the ceiling abruptly aware of the profound lack of a cat in my life :( My mom won't lemme adopt one cuz she's afraid of them) ANYWAYS lmao something that I couldn't get out of my head was what if the reader liked shouto but told them they were kind of cautious getting into a relationship yk cuz the wildly different lives but shouto just pulls out nori and reader is like YES!YES!I'LL MARRY YOU! (Ik I would lol)

Sorry for this being so long but it's important to bring to your attention that this is not a fic but really a masterpiece that I will go back to when I am feeling down. This fic just seeped into my heart and now has made a home for itself there. I have been having a hard time rn cuz of how busy my life is and I feel like I am wasting my youth not doing anything fun, but shouto being a workaholic and regretting isolation but being content with his life at he same time gave me such a strange sense of comfort. No pressure, but please write for shouto again in the future. You do our husband justice. Ok phew I REALLYY should be wrapping up *mwah *mwah Goodnight <3

p.s. here's a little treat and apology for coming and rambling your ear off in your inbox

ljsskjfskjfjd thank you for the crusty little kitty, first of all! they are so darling I must wrap them up!!!!

second, thank you so so so much beloved. I really do not know how I do it!!!! like you, I adore scenes which involve shouto being loved on, and I find it incredibly rewarding to explore those relationships even in fics that are x reader. I really wanted his life to feel full. I wanted you all to be endeared to him!! (moreso than you already were lmao) and it is such a relief to see everyone liking those parts.

please never feel like you need to apologise!! it’s asks like this that keep me motivated; that silence any and all of my worries about being indulgent!!! I appreciate you and I’m glad you felt connected to shouto here. I hope things ease up for you soon <3 please take care in the meantime!!

#asks

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marley-manson · 1 year

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💌 💞 💫 for the fic ask!

Thank you <333

💞what’s the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

Definitely characters. I write because I want to explore things about my faves and spend some time in their heads. Plotting feels like a necessary evil lol, because I'm not into writing abstract character studies, I want the characters to do stuff. But god it's easily the worst part for me. Figurative language is up there too though, it's fun to come up with a good metaphorical description. I also want to add theme because I can't write without it, if I have no thematic statement I have no idea what I'm writing towards.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Your comments are definitely some of my favourites frankly lmao 💖 But generally I love to hear what people get out of my stories, intellectually and/or emotionally. Like what they enjoyed about it, how it made them feel, what choices made them go 'yesss,' etc.

And I know these are writing asks but I also want to add for vids specifically: I loooove when people point out specific editing choices/techniques they liked. Like I had one youtube comment on a Berserk vid point out a series of blood drops I timed to a drum rhythm by cutting out a few frames here and there and I was just like 🥺thank you so much for noticing🥺

Of course I love and greatly appreciate any and all positive feedback always, but yeah if I'm getting specific then these types of comments make me really flail.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

lol this one was hard to answer bc I'm kind of in a slump right now in terms of my wips. But I'm at 50 pages (!!!!) and getting close to the end of Army Style which is def exciting, and I thiiink I've come up with the climax and essential thematic point of the story, if I can pull it off. Basically focusing on Potter as the good cop to the rest of the army's bad cop, and how that's what clinches Hawkeye's negative character shift, even moreso than the threats.

Here have an excerpt:

Sherm watched him go, hoping this wasn't gonna be the last he'd see of the life of the not-quite party that was the four oh double seven.

"Well," he said, "you have your assignments. It's time for me to make some phone calls." He slapped his knees perfunctorily and stood up. The other two followed suit and they went their separate ways.

He started with Sidney. A signed statement from him could take a day or two to reach Seoul, so the sooner he sent it the better - would've been best three days earlier when he’d asked if it might be necessary, but he supposed he couldn't blame Hawkeye for not wanting to admit that his name could be out there, considering what he was going through now. As much as he considered Hawkeye a friend, he was still his commander first and foremost, and that was the way it ought to be.

Once Radar got through he picked up the phone at his desk.

“Always a pleasure, Sherm,” said the voice on the other end, “assuming you’re calling to schedule the next poker night.”

“‘Fraid not, Sidney. I need your professional advice. Our favorite captain’s gotten himself into trouble.”

“When’s it due?”

He rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. Lord save him from comedians. “Very funny,” he said, in a tone that he hoped conveyed exactly how much he was laughing.

“All right, what’s the trouble?” Sidney conceded.

“Hawkeye’s just been hauled off to Seoul H.Q. to be investigated for degeneracy.”

“Ah,” came Sidney’s less-than-fruitful response.

He filled him in on the details. “So what do you think? I was hoping you’d be willing to sign a statement on his behalf, but is there anything you can do besides?”

“Oh sure, I’ll write a letter.” The words came slow and steady, like Sidney was considering everything he said carefully. “I know a few of my colleagues down there so I can make a call too. Not sure how much good it’ll do if someone named him.”

“Near as I can tell it was a name once-removed, if that’s any help. A… friend of a friend of Hawkeye’s put his name on a list. Hawk’s swearing up and down that the kid was just handing over any name he’d ever heard the guy mention.”

“Do you believe him?”

“I don’t think that matters, now, does it?”

“If you say it doesn’t, then it doesn’t.” A sigh crackled across the line. “You know, if this was the old days, I’d just fly down there myself and do the paperwork to clear him. Now that could cost me my job.”

Sherm scowled into the middle distance. Maybe he shouldn’t blame Hawkeye; maybe his optimism had just been a decade out of date. He’d known the higher ups were stepping up the blues the last few years, but that was usually how it went in peacetime. He’d figured they’d cut it out while the war was on. But if even Sidney thought he might lose Hawkeye for good… “Is it really that bad?” he asked.

“It’s not good. But in Hawkeye’s case it’s hard to say. If he was a private it’d be over already, but a surgeon… especially one with his record - he’s got a good chance. It really just depends on who’s making the decision. But I’ll make a call or two and see what I can do to help from here. And I’ll send that statement tonight.”

“Thanks, Sid. I owe you one.”

“I’ll collect it in chips next time I come by the Swamp.”

Sidney hung up, and Sherm kept the receiver up to his ear. Sure enough, there was still faint breathing on the other end. “Radar, get me General Imbrie,” he said, relishing the surprised yelp. It was time to start making a fuss until he got his chief surgeon back.

#ask meme #text post #mash

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cc-kote · 11 months

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I've been working on this fic for the past few months and my friends convinced me to start posting it :P I have about half? Of it actually written and the rest is all planned out in a rough draft, but I'm gonna be releasing chapters weekly until I catch up to myself. I'm happy to put it out there for people who want to see it, but pls be nice to me and don't leave mean or critical comments. This is purely for fun and comfort, and I just wanted to make something for the sake of doing it, not perfecting it. If this isn't your thing, I'm sure something else out there is!

I'm still a relatively new fan so there may be some inaccuracies surrounding lore/characterization/in-universe details so forgive me, I'm still learning. I have more WIPs on the go so hopefully they'll be a little better in that sense, but again this is just a silly fun time. Yes the first section is ripped right from the movie, I felt like doing that laid down the foundation for what I wanted to change and made it easier to transition from canon to fanon. I wanted to see what I had to twist and bend to put them in a scenario where they both survive the events of TROS and have to confront and unpack the things they did/why they did them/how they cope with the aftermath. It's not exactly a redemption arc, moreso focused on them facing the reality of their Situations and what lead them there, a look at the parallels and contrasts in their stories, and all the little things about their dynamic that make my brain rattle. It's also a bit of a personal, self indulgent fix it fic for me. I took what I wanted to see that the sequels didn't implement/expand on and I did it meself, ie. Finn is force sensitive, Finnpoe is canon, Ben and Rey's dynamic isn't romance driven and leans more towards estranged siblings. That last one I'm excited about bc it's not something I see often but it's really fun to explore because I love both of them and their interactions but personally in my brain it jives better platonically. I might be biased tho because I can't shake the kylux brainrot lol.

The title/chapter names are all based on songs that I felt fit the theme best because my autistic ass cannot stop making Connections™️. The title is a lyric from This Is How I Disappear by MCR, and ch1 is named after the song The Bitter End by Placebo.

AnYway, what I'm trying to say is that I had a lot of fun putting these guys in Situations and deciphering how they might react, and rewatching/researching/connecting dots with other media for inspiration. I hope it can bring someone as much joy reading it as I got from making it, and if it doesn't, that's ok too! I'm just happy I finally sat down and made something :D

#my fic #pls be nice to me i just wanna have fun and make stuff #kylux #i have all of act 1 and the first part of act 2 pretty much ready to go minus the final editing #and 3 different docs jam packed with rough drafts and plans for the rest #this stowwy means a lot to me if you cant already tell heehoo #kylo ren #ben solo #Armitage hux

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elytrafemme · 2 years

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Hi! Hope you're well. I have a random question about cough syrup, (it's still awesome btw!) and I wanna preface this by saying that I absolutely get if you don't want to answer this. But basically, is the fic planned to get *very* dark? Should I emotionally prepare? It's starting to feel very foreboding and I'm getting a smidge worried.

- Fyodor

hey fyodor, hope you're having a good day/night!

so this is a hard question for me to answer-- one because i want to be cognizant of where the line crosses from general statements to spoiler material, and also because my own perception of dark content is a little skewed.

as a broad statement, what i will say is that as the story builds up to a climactic point, a lot of the elements we already saw in each character's storyline is going to intensify as well (elements being central conflicts, recurring emotions, etc.)

however, what I will note is that for one of the two main POVs (Ranboo's story or Tubbo's story, I wont specify), there is going to be an introduction of new elements that haven't been seen that much or at all in their past chapters-- for example, a new conflict or experience or realization as a central part of their story going forward

(ofc both are going to have new plot reveals and plot points but by here I mean instead of expanding on something mentioned briefly in the past for their chapters, it would instead bring up something entirely unheard of in the context of CS so far beyond just basic foreshadowing)

This new introduction of an element makes their own story a lot darker i think

CS is angst with a happy ending and has a significant amount of its energy dedicated to exploring the recovery of the characters. however some of the more near upcoming chapters are these heavy ones, and I'm going to do my best to make sure I provide chapter summaries, trigger free versions, ETC as easily accessible as possible for people to be able to get the gist down without having to read through all the details if that's what feels best

TLDR: Yes, for one of the POVs moreso than the other, but im going to make sure people have alternate ways of getting the story content at the darker parts + it has a happy ending overall.

#nightmare.ask #nightmare.cough-syrup #neitherthehoneynorthebee #Nothing is irreparable is the general gist here but in order to get some satisfactory conclusions for arcs.#yeah it's going to get dark #CS was never intended to be that heavy from the getgo but it would feel like a cop out to resolve things-#-w/o doing that since this plot thread kind of answers most of the questions ppl had #But im def writing summaries and trigger free versions ETC as easily accessible as possible

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andallthatmishigas · 2 years

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pls may i ask two for the fanfic ask? bc i am still stuck on them ♡♡♡

walking the wire & a new genesis ♡♡♡

(you have no idea how much your writing helps me through things and i feel weird leaving a comment every time but maybe i should start so you know)

Oh my goodness bless you. I love these questions, and I love those stories so so so so much. And you can comment 10000 times and I'll love it 10000+ times. Because I genuinely do go back and reread reviews all the time. It makes me so happy!

Anyway onto this. Walking the Wire and A New Genesis for each question:

2. What scene did you first put down?

WtW: I had the first scene written for a long time before I actually wrote anything more or even thought of any plot beyond that one moment. The idea of Lucien asking Jean out on a date and being all nervous about it and adorable. I had that saved in my notes and then the more I listened to the Imagine Dragons song (of the same name as the story), it sort of came together in my head.

ANG: First chapter. I had the plot and concept in my mind for a while and then sat down and just wrote that first chapter in one go while at my parents' house for some reason. In case it wasn't obvious, I am the kind of writer who starts at the beginning and goes from there. I can't skip around. I'm way too Type A for it lol.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

WtW:

Lucien continued, "And now, being here together, I can't help thinking that us being together, hopefully marrying one day soon…I know it won't be an easy road, Jean. For you much moreso than for me. But I just hope that if we can cling to each other, we can stay up here always. Holding each other and walk the wire together. There's no limit to how high we can go. And if anyone else has a problem with it, well…"

"Look out down below," she interjected softly.

ANG:

Lucien paused right in front of the altar table, placed his hands down flat on it, and leaned forward. Jean could not see is face, but from the tone of his voice she could hear him sneer, "What did I ever do to You? How did I offend You so brutally that You subject me to this? I was arrogant, I was oblivious, sometimes uncaring. I know that. I won't deny it. I've lived a far from perfect life. But wasn't the camp punishment enough? Wasn't losing my family in front of my eyes enough penance for my sins?" He pushed off the table and started shouting. "I have served you faithfully! I have led your flocks! Why have You tempted me with love and happiness that You have forbidden me to possess? Is it a test? Well, surely I've failed. Surely I would fail any test because of her."

11. What do you like best about this fic?

WtW: The first half, I think, is really good. It falters a bit towards the end. But I love the exploration I got to do with Jean's judgmental attitude towards Lucien and divorce and her lust and herself and how she overcomes all of that. I think that struggle is the thing I like best. I've got to reread this one soon.

ANG: This story combines one of my favorite things which is sexualizing and blaspheming the Catholic Church. Protestants? Nothing sexy there. Catholics? That's my shit. And I just get such a thrill over blasphemy tbh. Nice Jewish girl vibes, thank you very much. (The scene where Lucien fucks Jean on the altar in the church is what I was entirely building up for the whole entire story and I'm super proud of it.)

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

WtW: So I was making playlists for each of my major stories for a little while, but I didn't start doing that until after I'd finished each of these two stories, BUT this story is 100% inspired by THIS SONG which I was just captivated by and needed to write something for it.

ANG: This was tough for me to answer. I don't think I have a specific song or artist or vibe for this one. I looked through my other story playlists for some Blake fics (Forever in Your Arms, Ivy) and the closest I could really think of to apply to this story was THIS SONG which is less blasphemy, my favorite theme of the story, and more the sort of obsessive sacrifice that Lucien goes through so I suppose it works.

#malfuria #I LOVED THIS THANK YOU

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stillthewc · 27 days

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YEAR OF THE FANGAN - MARCH EDITION

ꕥ DREADNOUGHT DESPAIR ꕥ

The TV Tropes Fanworks page officially strikes again! Because I lean towards fics advertised on there with character pages (as usually that indicates the characters aren't solely there to be picked off), Dreadnought Despair's been on my radar for a while. And, unsurprisingly, it exceeded expectation.

Now, in terms of the cast, I love these guys. Due to the "cozy" way of telling the story (aka focusing moreso on building relationships amongst the cast than an overarching plot about the killing game Hope's Chains style), there's space in the narrative to explore different character dynamics. Because of that, the class bounces off one another super well, and allows my faves more time to show off their fun personalities without having to keep up with a fast-paced story.

However, despite the strong cast and chill vibes, my favorite part of this fangan is easily how it presents itself.

I think the best place to start off with is the visuals, because the blog for this story looks damn gorgeous. Each character is given really nice character portraits that can even indicate in-the-moment actions the characters are taking (for example, Ishi being held back from doing something by Vash), the textboxes are colour-coded to each character, and there's even gifs for small things like maps during FTEs.

But my admiration for the presentation doesn't end with the visuals alone. The fic takes on a Last Resort / Apex Academy style of navigating (something that makes FTEs a lot funner imo), mixed media like videos and audio clips are sprinkled through the story, and foreign lines from characters like Gugalanna and Seigfried have pop-up translations if you hover over them. Hell, apparently there was a viewer poll for a decision made in the story at one point!

All of this culminates in what's easily my favorite part of this fangan: the trial segment. Now, I've played through my fair share of fun interactive trials in my hayday (aka Eden's Garden and Apex Academy, and that's literally it so far), but this has got to be the most impressive one imo. Alongside incorporating several of the things mentioned above, it also has somewhat-branching routes, fun pieces of dialogue when you get something wrong, and full-on minigames!?!?!? Seriously, the author deserves an actual prize for that Anagram Argument / Panic Talk Action segment (even if I wished the latter didn't kick my dumb ass back to the start of it when I got a choice wrong, rip 😭)

Seriously, go read it and experience everything first-hand! I promise you won't regret it!

FORMAT: Written

WHERE TO FIND IT: The hellsite itself, Tumblr

FAVORITE MOMENT: The library meeting, where most of the class discusses their motive. A lot of small pieces of insight are given about the secondary characters, it allows for more fun dynamics to blossom, and one character gets a pretty interesting reveal.

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Jurou Takahashi, a guy with a shitty mall goth aesthetic who's actually a good ol' country boy who makes flower arrangements as his talent. An absolute sweetheart just doing his best, and I adore him for it 💖

OTHER STANDOUT CHARACTERS: Tiffani Fairfax, the cranky, sarcastic technical support specialist whose cynical take on things is a blast to read, and Nikola Ragnvaldsson, a TV pitchman who does his best to mask his panicky nature with a smile, something he's really, really bad at doing.

#year of the fangan #unrelated bonus blurb time!#this has been the only fangan thus far that I can place some of the voice claims I have #1. seigfried is captain holt from b99 w/ a slight german accent #2. tiffani's a more monotone and downtrodden amethyst from steven universe #3. nikola's mr. happy from the mr. men show

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bee-s-honey · 2 years

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Oh no, you’re enabling me so heres more chrollo!!!

1. What’s the most likely situation for Chrollo to turn yandere? We know its hard for him to see someone in a romantic way so what’s the driving factor for him there? (I hc that it can happen when Chrollo is injured and lost his nen so you took him in and treated him otherwise i don’t see anything else lol)

2. Would yandere Chrollo like celebrating major events with you such as valentines day and your birthday? And also whats his love language?

3. What would yandere Chrollo like in bed. How would he enjoy making love to his darling, what kinks would he have and would he buy lingerie for his darling/ have her roam around in sexy outfits or in whatever?

4. An extra cuz i came across something similar just now: Chrollo would never raise a hand towards his darling, but what would happen if he accidentally did. Would he be apologetic and actually feel bad or just feel bad because he didn’t want his darling to hate him

NO NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOUR ASKS KEEP GETTING BETTER SO I HAVE TO KEEP ENABLING.

I'm sorry this took so long to post! I have a lot in my inbox and have been hyperfocussed on other things for a few days! But I hope you like this <3 I also feel like a lot of the ideas here are ones I want to explore more so I might do something with it idk

Event link ☜

I really like your idea, like a lot, so I want to talk more about the injury one cause YEAH. Let's say that this is in the canon time of hxh, and Chrollo is separated from his only form of everything and weak. I always hc that in this time, one we don't really see Chrollo's state of being in, he wanted to do some exploring of himself and do things he never really had the balls to do- which is funny because they're actually more wholesome things- he just never felt like a super duper bad guy should have a normal life for more than a few hours; so now that he's separated from one identity he should explore some more.

He has a penthouse that he bought at one point. Maybe he bought it when there wasn't a single mission for a long time and he felt detached from himself, so his decision to buy this huge expensive house was to prove to himself that maybe he'd start to grow a sense of presence in life on his own without the troupe just to get grounded. Or maybe it was just somewhere to store some pretty things. There's a multitude a deep reasons I could think of for why he'd but this amazing place and then never go there again from his own mental cowardice but I can't find all the words. Anyway, now he goes there. It's his house after all, and he needs to lay low. Let's say you happen to live in the same city it's in.

It's plausible that you two would meet at a cafe, bookstore, ect ect, but also I wanted to play into the injury thing even more because I can. He runs into someone who hates him (no surprise there, there's probably many people looking for revenge) and they try to pull some shit. Chrollo's still his usual self in many ways; strong in agility, physicality, mentally, and he's not an idiot so he has some knives. He manages to escape as safely as possible, but he's got a few deep cuts and injuries. He's kind of limping through an allyway or some space out of public sight so he can get home, and you're there. You could've gotten overwhelmed from the public and had to find a safe space, or something or other. Hopefully like any good angel you'd be worried why this man with an odd headband is limping through an allyway with wounds.

(Break. As I'm writing this, I realize I kinda wanna make a fic about it soooo- don't get your hopes up but I might want to explore this idea more in a fic)

I feel like Chrollo would get mentally/emotionally interested in someone- or moreso exposed to someone- in situations of awkwardness or unexpectancy. As I basically put in another ask of yours, there's always something about *throwing him off his rhythm* that creates an indescribable shift in how he begins to think. This is what happens when he sees you in an allyway. What an odd situation.

If you somehow convince him to let you take him to your place to fix him up or have him take you to his place to fix him up, then you have definitely managed to gain his interest. Let's say you go to his place, because he's thrown off his rhythm and doesn't know how to act so he actually said yes to letting you take him to his own house. Your time caring for him would be a little awkward since this is such a weird situation (you didn't completely expect him to agree to you talk him home), but he's enjoying it. Still, this situation would have to feed in to what I'm about to say for my hc on him becoming a yandere: he has to talk to you, be interested. You don't have to be the most talkative person in the world, and he will enjoy the times when you two are silent together as you're in his house, but you should take some moments to give him study material on you. Hobbies, interests, cool knowledge, something that makes you seem odd/interesting, thoughts on a subject, there's so much!

And that's basically what my hc is: he needs someone to study, someone who's just different from him (without the differences being annoying). By different I mean yu talk more, maybe you have a stronger sense of self, maybe you have a very specific few interests, just stuff like that. And then to add to it, if you're similar in that you read, mutually want to study him as he studies you, or something ect ect, then he'll really love you. Those are the main aspects, but then there's small things that also contribute. Additionally, his obsession will always be through a spiral, a domino effect, so the more he likes you the more he find reasons to like you and it continues on and on until full yandere.

So while I do love the injury HC and think a caring thing like that could get him hooked, I also believe there's many scenarios in which Chrollo could fall for you as long as there's a chance tor your best obsession-worthy qualities to be shown.

At first he wouldn't (except for your birthday, it's different), but if he noticed that you really liked celebrating certain holidays then he would give you gifts, help decorate, all that good stuff. Even if he's not super into it at first, certain holidays will find a deep deep place in his heart because now he's learned to associate them with celebrating with you.

For your birthday, he wouldn't exactly make it a big thing, but if you wanted him to then he might. He would already plan on getting you some kind of gift or something nice, and telling you happy birthday, but if you have managed to get close with some troupe members and they want to do more then he'll let it happen! Just a small 'celebration' as in everyone gets drinks and you get to be obnoxious the whole night as you all play pool (8-ball) with the table and set that the troupe stole a while ago. He'll also take you outside or somewhere in town if you wish.

Oo...oohooohoo◉‿◉

Yes he would buy his darling some cute lingerie outfits to wear around the house- which he would prefer to her wearing only for sexy times. He doesn't really get the appeal of having someone put lingerie on just so it can be taken off right after; he moreso likes it when you (willingly or not) wear it around for a while so he can look at you the whole day. For that kind of outfit he'd buy things involving lace, velvet, and all kinds of pretty fancy coverings like robes and gowns. They're less of sexy/sensual lingerie but at the same time it's a little too risque to just be described as fancy lounge-wear.

As for actually in bed, Chrollo enjoys some typically more vanilla stuff unless it's a rare occasion. If you've seen my Chrollo kinks post, you know that he likes wax play but that's obviously something a little more special and it's not involved every time- normally either as a sensual romantic event or as a hot punishment. He also might be interested in a little bit of bondage and sensory play- for you that is (secretly he would actually like it himself as well but yandere Chrollo feels he must keep up a service dom type thing, especially early in the relationship because sex is a vulnerable act and he can't give you any chance at using this to hurt him or something). But yeah especially if you're into it, Chrollo would be all for having you blindfolded with your arms tied because he knows that's a real nice type of pleasure.

Yandere Chrollo's fave position is missionary unless he's got you over the top of a surface like a desk or dresser or table. I also can't decide whether he'd like it better to eat you out with you laying down or with you riding his face because he'd like both for different reasons.

There will of course be much marking- this man would give you so many hickeys.

4. This one is really feeding into my secret toxic love for victim-that-needs-comfort / wants-to-see-someone-distraught-over-what-they've-done type of prompt 👀 sorry if I milk this way too much

Oh, it's hard to describe what kind of sorry he'd feel, because this is a really big thing and he's definitely not just feeling the 'Oh no now she won't love me I gotta pretend I feel horrible' thing, but there's a lot of that mixed in ya know? He will never be able to get rid of that emotionally-apathetic part of him but he genuinely loves you in his own way so of course he's not just faking being upset when you're upset, especially if he's directly hurt you.

You've done something to piss him off enough, as mentioned how to do in this post, and he just...snaps. He literally would not go any further after it happens because the second he lays a hand on you he knows he fucked up, there's no more drive to continue with whatever that could've lead to no matter how angry he still is because now there's an even bigger issue.

I'm gonna do a thing where I put a few different reactions that darling could have after he fucks up, and tell what would happen in each scenario:

1) If you're in shock for a moment, but quickly try to get up and run away as soon as you register what happened, Chrollo would reach out gently- not to grab you but as a sign of presence- and do a very soft "hey" as you're already running out of the room. This is because he can't panic and start yelling even if it's not in anger, and he can't grab you, and he can't instantly bolt to chase after you; all these would lead to fear no matter how they were executed it's as predictable as time. He knows that you won't just stop after he does his cautionary version of the reach out and grab + say something act, but it's part of how he makes a comforting atmosphere after what happened. After a few seconds- you'd probably be on the stairs or just a little bit aways- he'd start to walk after you. At this moment he's focused on trying to grasp the situation himself and find a way to temporarily make it better- because we already know this shit ain't gonna be fixed instantly but right now he needs to get you ok at least. He needs to somehow find a way to make you not worried that he'll hurt you again and honestly he does not know how to do that. If Chrollo could just get a hold of you and tell you things and have you believe him- but it's not that easy in this case.

However he manages to get you to trust him enough, he'll then ask if there's something he can do to make it better because for some reason he feels like he has to know from you now. In some other universe he'd probably suggest getting you in a bath with some candles and rose petals or going outside and letting you stay as long as you want, but for some reason he can't decide for you, and he needs to know from you directly. If you're equally as stumped then he'll start his own suggestions, but if you say something ridiculous ("let me go on my own completely," something like that) then he'd look at you sternly and say something serious- not in a scary tone just as a 'you know that's not how this works' kind of way. 'You know I won't let you go, don't use this situation against me. Let's just work on helping you feel better right now.'

2) let's say you're a little more of a fighter. Let's say he hits you, and before you two even have a moment to look shocked at each other dramatically, you fling right into fight mode. You try to punch him or kick him because you think that's what he's trying to do, that he's going to hurt you more or be the monster you hear he is to anyone else in the world. He doesn't, of course. Chrollo would actually be too stunned to try and defend your first hit at him and you might even get a punch or something in. He needs a moment for things to click, which is rare but this is a situation that really catches the entire mood- the entire universe- off guard. Let's say you kept trying to fight him, at this point it's not even in fear of him trying to continue it's just letting out every feeling from the past and the present- even if you did start falling there's still some hate at his actions and such. Despite being a little slow to act as far as his usual reaction time goes, he is quickly able to stop you from hitting him or doing whatever you're doing. He'll be a little out of it still, just doing simple things like grabbing your wrists before you can hit him or blocking your kicks.

In this situation things are even more tense so he'll sound desperate when he pleads for you to calm down and he tries to say what he's feeling; it comes out more wrong, more basic than he means, as you'd expect when you can't find your words. He'd say something absolutely dumb like, "I swear I didn't mean to!" (Bitch what? How you do that accidentally)

#hxh #anime #hunter x hunter #hxh headcanons #hunter x hunter headcanon #chrollo #chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo #chrollo hc

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poursomesunaonme · 2 years

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chapter four songs & extended notes

series navigation -> chapter four

here are the songs!

this chapter was hands down the hardest thing i’ve ever written. not only is it something really sensitive and something that i’ve never explored before (and therefore a lot of research went into this chapter), it was just wicked difficult to keep going with it because it was so heavy. but honestly, i think it’s the best thing i’ve published so far because of how much i worked through it. it was a different style in a sense that i made extra emphasis on the emotions since the scenes themselves were pretty short.

it was also one big event that i didn’t split up, so writing the transitionary parts were extra tedious. but again, with delving into the dissonance that you feel, i know that i really dug deep into my abilities and pushed myself to a new place that i’m really proud of. and of course, i was crying so hard writing this that i couldn’t see straight, so i hope that i did the emotions that i felt justice in writing them into the story.

so, lets dig into it!

you’re now five months along and four months too many into this issue with jean. you don’t know anything about how the trip to paradis went but judging from jean’s state of mind, it didn’t go too well. but now, he has night terrors.

they hadn’t entailed much more than a lot of movement, but upon hearing him start to sleeptalk just absolutely killed you. and when he said your name, it reminded you that jean was still jean, just… different.

but inspired you, still. you wanted to stay with him and support him no matter what, to obey those vows that you made years before. however, once he got violent, all that went out the window.

it ruined you to leave, it really did. because you promised to keep your promise, but at the threat that he imposed on you and your children, that wasn’t realistic anymore. so you left.

and you needed to put as much distance between you and jean as you could. you would’ve stayed with léa, seeing as she was your rock, but she was too close. so armin and annie’s was the next best thing.

and annie felt like total fucking garbage because you had asked her to take care of him. but with his illness, there was nothing that she could do. yet whenever she saw how injured and traumatized you were, she felt responsible.

and now, you have to wait. wait and see what decision you’ll come to. it’s not something you’re unfamiliar with, but under these circumstances, it’ll be infinitely more difficult than waiting for him to come home all those years ago.

my fav group of songs ever!!

pink lemonade by yva

“don’t suffocate my heart. i don’t know how i’m feeling.”

the dissonance is a heavy feeling that you don’t understand. and with jean begging you to stay, it makes the decision all the more harder to come to

“do you wanna talk? i don’t have anything on my mind. i don’t wanna talk to you.”

there’s no way that you could possibly entertain a conversation with the man that just tried to kill you

“don’t fall into my arms. i’ll only disappoint you and let you down. don’t go sounding the alarms when all i do is warn you.”

i think this goes both ways. jean, in his stoic silence, had been warning you all along to get away, to get as far away as possible before he snapped.

“and let’s remember all the words that/ we think are gonna make our hearts break.”

the vOWS!!! i thought that the chapter needed a little more oomph, so i was crying putting the vows in there.

“i’m just thinking of you; what i don’t wanna have to say. i’m protecting you ‘cause i don’t wanna walk away.”

i think both jean and you can relate to this

you moreso because there’s nothing that you can say that can begin to express the agony that you’re going through

so you remove yourself from the situation before anything else can go wrong

i saw you in a dream by the japanese house

i based this fic solely off of having the two versions of this song; the opening and the climax.

while the lyrics are the same, the general cadence changes the entire feel of it and i thought it was beautiful that it could cover the highs and lows of something.

this song is about the lead singer seeing her dead friend in a dream. in the beginning, its like jean returning to reader is an illusion, or their illusion is turning into a reality.

and here, it comes crashing down on them

you’ve always imagined a life with jean; and when you finally have it, it’s like a dream come true - except he’s failing at keeping his wounds closed. so once they open, all hell breaks loose, the dream is shattered, and you’re left with a gaping hole in your heart

the dream that jean had was about their perfect life together

“all good things come to an end, but i thought that this might last. but you came and left so fast.”

maybe it was all too good to be true, the life you’d come to have. but having jean back with you didn’t last forever

“i saw you in a dream, then it came to an end. i wonder if you’ll come and visit me again. you’re taking your time to reappear. I’m starting to believe that what i call your name you just don’t hear me anymore. and i know that i shouldn’t even try. it’s a waste of time.”

the illusion’s been shattered, and so has your heart. sometimes there are glimpses of who jean used to be, but those don’t happen anymore - and how could they after he almost killed you? everything just seems like a futile effort if he won’t listen to you.

“when i’m awake i can’t switch off. it isn’t the same but it is enough.”

the dissonance is perfect here. while jean is there with you, it doesn’t seem real. however, you know that deep down, he’s still there. and that’s enough for you until shit hit the fan.

st jude by florence & the machine

“and i’m learning so i’m leaving and even though i’m grieving i’m trying to find a meaning. let loss reveal it.”

leaving was the best choice that you could make in this situation. grief is a great teacher, so maybe something better will come out of this. however, in the moment, all you can do is keep yourself afloat in the tempest of trauma.

“st jude, the patron saint of lost causes. st jude, we were lost before she started.”

it all seems like a lost cause. you tried to warn him, but he didn’t listen. so it was a losing battle from the start.

“and i was on the island and you were there too. but somehow through the storm i couldn’t get to you. oh saint jude, somehow she knew.”

you both exist in a small world and therefore are each other’s support. and even though there’s a strong connection that results from that level of intimacy, you just exist in two different places

so thank y’all so much if you’ve read this. i love talking about this chapter because of the blood, sweat, and many tears that i put into it!!!

taglist: @tacobellfreshavocado @ob-levi-on @lickthesaltlickliv @slytherwin @usernamehere91 @wasurenagusaa @sashatanaka @saccharine-darling @the-princess-button @leiriswhore @sephtisx @shimmerains @sparklekitteh @eldiandiablo @j0livi0ni @pockcock @pink-apples001 @papijean @sabrinakishi

#🪴saw you in a dream notes #Spotify #🪐beanie writes!

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