#my baby says she wanna dance with a ghost she wants to leave me uh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlightdreamzz · 1 year

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Ok — Mark Lee

The two of you could never make it work; that didn’t mean that Mark would ever stop trying.

My baby says she wanna dance with a ghost / She wants to leave me, uh?

Another night, another fight. Well, at least that’s how it would’ve been had you not finally called it quits with Mark officially a month ago today.

You knew it was the right thing to do. If you wanted to go right, he wanted to go left. If he was in the mood for sour, you were in the mood for sweet. The only fucking thing the two of you could see eye to eye on was the fact that you believed in God, and that you loved each other more than life.

Every time you tell people this they all ask the same question; isn’t love enough? The other things seem so fixable.

As you sit in your apartment, everything seeming so damn gloomy without his precious love wrapping around you like a blanket on the coldest day of the year, you’re wondering the same thing.

No, y/n! You think to yourself. You do this every time. The two of you get in a big fight, one of you breaks up with the other, then you realize you can’t breathe without one another and come back like nothing happens until the cycle repeats.

You meant it when you said you had had enough with it all. You had been doing so well. You hadn’t looked at your phone in a month. Some would call you weak for not being able to simply decline the phone calls and mass texts - if they were even there, but you did what you had to to do to stick by your word.

What you didn’t know was that Mark was doing the same. He currently sat in his room in the dorm feeling so fucking empty. Luckily he had practice to keep his mind distracted from how much he needed your body on top of his - how much he needed to feel your heartbeat on his own as you struggled to fall asleep. He needed to rub your back and press light kisses on your forehead; the scent of something a perfect mix of sweet and sour resting on your scalp. It was his favorite smell in the entire word other than the one that lingered in places where the sun rarely shines. Don’t even get him started on how much he needed that.

His fellow members tried their best to check on him. Even they began to get worried when days had passed without you stopping by as they were aware of your make up, break up schedule to a T.

“I’m fine.” is what he said every time. He never took his eyes off the ceiling. He knew sometimes they weren’t even asking was he okay. Sometimes they were offering to take his mind off of you with some dumb activity that wouldn’t do the trick. Sometimes they were saying that dinner had arrived. Regardless his answer stayed the same. He was fine. Mark wasn’t fine though. He was completely heartbroken. You were the love of his life. The two of you didn’t have to see eye to eye for him to understand this.

He would’ve usually blown your phone up by this time, begging to see you. But he saw the look in your eyes this time. He deserved better. You deserved better. Why was it so hard to let go of something that clearly wasn’t working and never really did?

It was because you were his baby, and he couldn’t see you with anyone else. He wouldn’t.

This time it was your fault. He can remember the argument clear as day.

The two of you were in the car - the only place you could ever be if you weren’t inside for privacy purposes.

“Do you really think I’m about to sit here and watch that shit!” He yelled, referring to how close and cuddly he clear as day saw you getting with Juyeon from The Boyz. I mean it was painful to see how much he was making you laugh. The subtle touches. He wasn’t stupid.

You still looked like his angel even through your excuses. You also remember lying right to his face as the two of you recalled the same memory from your different points of view.

Maybe you did notice how hard Juyeon was trying. Maybe you did realize that it wasn’t appropriate for you to be so close to him, especially with your boyfriend at the same function. He was the one who was supposed to be giving you that attention. But Mark didn’t understand - he makes you feel so much, and it’s terrifying because every time you get this way; obsessed, always needed ones touch, allowing no one to ever seemingly take their place at the time, the person fails you. You remember yelling this at him in the car.

“I told myself after I got cheated on the last time that I would never even do this again!”

“Do what?!” Mark yelled back, damn near shaking with how upset he was.

“Let someone in! Fall for someone so hard! You don’t fucking get it, Mark. That’s where I am with you and I feel like if get too comfortable I’m going to get my heart broken and I love you too much to go through that. We already have enough problems. You don’t make me feel stable enough to truly feel this. You’re no fucking help at all!”

“Are you deadass, y/n? After everything I’ve ever told you about me? The way I’ve comforted you through every little stupid thing you’ve brought to me? I have held you the fuck down for the past eight months and you’re telling me that I don’t make you feel safe?”

“Yes.” You said, feeling every emotion wanting to explode inside of you in that moment. “Yes, Mark. that’s what I’m saying.”

“Get out.”

“I’m not getting out.”

“Why not?

“Because I have something I need to say.”

It was at that moment that you broke up with him. That you told him you meant it this time - he wouldn’t be hearing from you again.

Yes, you were wrong in what you did. but Mark had been wrong a million times in the same ways. It was just how the relationship was.

The question still remained - did it have to be like that? Or is that just what the two of you settled for?

Mark asked himself the same question as he heard a knock on his door. He didn’t want company right now. He wanted you. He wanted to figure out a way to make everything work. You belonged with him even if it didn’t feel like it sometimes.

"Have you even like...showered?" A familiar preppy voice spoke.

"Not in the mood dude, seriously." Mark says sternly. Anybody could get it over you, over this entire bullshit situation.

"Okay. That's fair, my bad. I meant what I said though, Mark." Johnny plops down on the assumed full size bed beside his best friend. It has pained him to see Mark like this - not eating, bathing, or speaking unless spoken to. And all because of such a toxic situation that he never belonged in.

Mark stays silent as his eyes refuse to leave the ceiling. He’s pretty certain he hasn't moved from this position since he got in it.

"Please let me get you out the house today. Please."

Silence.

"Do you at least want to talk about it?"

"What's the point in doing that when I know you don't like her. None of you do." Now Mark's mind is flashing through different memories. He couldn't count on one hand the amount of times he had been sat down by his members to "talk about y/n". Talk about how your fights were affecting practice. How you seemed to be "too big of a distraction".

"That's not true, Mark."

"Are you serious? How can you look at me and say that bro? You guys love it when we're not together."

"You think we love seeing you moping around everywhere like your dog died? No. We just want the best for you. Yes, we've mentioned that we don't think she's the best choice for you, but we tried to respect it. She's a sweet girl, and you're a great guy. Sometimes the two just don't go together.

"Okay, then case closed."

"But," Johnny breathes out, "Maybe there is something I don't know about you two. Which is why venting to me would likely be helpful for the both of us."

Truth be told, Mark was down too bad to past the opportunity up. When you two had issues, you had a million people to run to. He had no one. Just the thought of his brother being able turn his foggy head into a semi-clear one gave him a sense of relief he didn't know he needed.

He finally gets up, his back thanking him, but saying fuck you at the same time with the mix of pain and pleasure that ran up his spine.

"A judge free zone?"

"A judge free zone." Johnny promises.

You finally woke up from a much needed nap. your house was as a quiet as a mouse, which never bothered you, but that gloominess was still there.

You should look at your phone, shouldn’t you? I mean that was the only thing left at this point to distract you.

You grab it off the charger and start easy - TikTok. You can’t lie, it boosts your mood. You’re giggling a little, which is good. That means you’re finally able to be happy by means of someone other than Mark.

After about thirty minutes, you’re bored again. You were never the type to sit for hours. God, you wish Mark was here rubbing on your back letting you know he was trying to do a little more than laugh. The way he looked at you when he wanted to be inside you…no one could ever say no. It was the way he bit his lip. It was the way his tone of voice turned dark and sultry, and his hands always knew exactly where to touch you. You want to touch yourself, but you won’t. It’ll make you go back.

So what do you do now? You didn’t have anything to cook with, and you wouldn’t have done it anyway. You’re not that happy. You don’t want to order anything because you can hear Mark’s voice telling you it’s too dangerous when you’re home alone. You always persisted you were a grown woman - he insisted that when you were with him, you were to be nothing but a princess, and when he wasn’t there with you? You were to stay in the kingdom with no visitors until your knight and shining armor came back from war. War, being practice, or whatever artistic thing he was working on that was stopping him from being able to inhale your sweet scent.

He was so damn corny sometimes, but you loved it.

As you’re about to settle for another nap, you hear a familiar knocking on your door. You freeze up immediately, automatically sweating everywhere and itching all the same - a habit you formed as a child when you were nervous.

Why would he do this? Why? It had been a month. You were doing good. He knows all it takes is one good apology and you would crawl back. He was all you had.

No, y/n. You say, forcing yourself up as you approach the door strongly with your alien pajama pants he gifted you and a mere fitted tank top. You hair stayed in your bonnet and your face was bare. You didn’t want to look anything but like this.

You open the door, and you know he thinks that he’s won already considering your lack of hesitation. He’s staring at you with those beautiful, brown doe eyes of his that always make you melt. Even when he was angry with you. You want to say I love you. You want to tell him that he’s the prettiest boy in the entire world and that you’ll do anything to make up for everything. But no, y/n.

“Baby.” He breathes out, his hands shaking. Even in your natural state did he find you to be the most beautiful specimen in the entire universe. He loves you so much. He could never doubt that. Never ever. You look so good even as your eyes pierce through his own, clearly still frustrated about everything the two of you just can’t seem to overcome.

His talk with Johnny was what he needed. He could’ve used it a long time ago. He would’ve never lost you this time had he just had a mature person to vent to.

Johnny’s advice was simple.

“The two of you keep doing this because you’re content with who you are as individuals, and you both feel like you don’t want to be together if you can’t be that. But that’s not what relationships are about. Relationships are about changing each other for the better. When she does something you don’t like, she’s supposed to upgrade herself and not do it again, and vice versa. Ya’ll refuse to grow together.”

“You also don’t know her. You think you do, but you don’t. Every time she tries to hint to you why she acts the way she does, you ignore the chance to really understand it. You just get angry.”

“If you want a chance at making this work, you have to start over with her.”

“I know you told me you meant it this time.” He steps past you as if it was his house, but you’re not angry. You’re speechless. “But I don’t.”

“Mark, it doesn’t work like that.” Is all you can utter as you take him in. Every time you look at him it’s like you’re looking at him for the first time. Your heart is beating so fast and hard. Those pretty eyes of his. His made for you build. You just wanted to climb him in this moment.

He inhales the scent of that candle that you’re completely obsessed with. Was it sugarplum? Or something like that. He feels like he’s home. He knows this is right. This is what it’s supposed to be.

“It does. It will.” He whispers, looking back to you now.

“Mark, you need to leave.”

“Can you please just hear me out, y/n? Please? If I say what I need to say and you don’t agree, or you’re not willing, I will walk out that door and genuinely fight every atom in my body from coming back to you. But just hear me.” He says with a fire in his eye that you had never seen him use on you before. This was the look when he was writing a song. This was the look when he was about to give his all to a performance.

You don’t need to be convinced twice. You slowly drag your feet to sit on your couch, and he’s right behind you. The two of you sit down at the same time. He begins.

“Y/n…do you know how much I love you?”

You do. Even through it all, you knew. I mean, Mark didn’t really gain anything by coming back every time. You had your life together, but he was always going to be more better off than you were. He had to love you considering the way he dealt with you.

“Yes.” You whisper, looking him in the eye even though it made you want to combust.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.” You answer without hesitation.

“That already has us ahead by 30 points.” He references. “I do love you, y/n. I love you more than I love anything. More than I love music. More than I love life damn near. I want this. I want you. But I realize that we’ll never get this right if we keep starting over without changing who we are.”

“But I don’t want to change you, Mark. How is that fair? You deserve to be with someone who you can be yourself around. Not someone you have to be another person with.”

“When I say change, baby…” he scoots closer to you. You can feel the warmness of his body radiating on you even though he’s not touching you. “I mean, maturing together. I’m not perfect and neither are you, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is neither of us trying to do better. I want to do better baby. And I know we can.”

He was so afraid. Johnny said this would work, so why do your eyes tell a different story?

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