#my brain is working

[its-autumn]

When Two Broken Halves Don't Fit.

@clover2018

Chapter 1: Hands are a way of talking.

Warning!

This chapter contains flashbacks, swearing and very slight sewerslide ideation.

Context(?): It has been 5 months since their bond snapped in half. Things have changed. Donnie is quiet, more quiet than ever. Leo has been staying closer to his twin since that day, trying to seem like himself even though he's really hurting as much as the others. But they are both slowly drowning in their own traumas and problems, they need each other way more than they think they do. Time is running out for things to be fixed. The only problem is...

Two broken halves don't fit.

Void.

Nothing.

Cold.

Numb.

Donnie was used to this. It had become second nature whenever he fell asleep. Just him and the silent, never ending black void. He liked the quiet, unlike pretty much anyone else in his family. He could feel himself slipping deeper and deeper...

Until he couldn't.

"Come on, sleepyhead. Wake up." A particularly annoying voice rang out, too loud for the soft shells' liking. He stirred and winced, his body curling into a tighter ball.

"Come on Dee, you really need to wake up." The voice said again a moment later, significantly quieter after it saw how the other turtle reacted. 

Donnie could now feel himself drifting towards being awake. He did not want to be awake. 

Being awake meant he had to socialise.

Eat.

Act alive.

Be alive.

... Scoff.

But alas, he opened his eyes to be greeted by his annoying 'twin'. 

"Was that really so hard?" Leo asked in a mocking tone, smirking as his brother's dull eyes shot him that oh-so-satisfying glare of sleep deprived annoyance. 

Oh, how he loved pissing Donald off.

Donnie forced himself to sit up, though the dizziness made him close his eyes for a second.

How long had be been asleep?

"Yoouuuu.. okay?" He heard the slider say in a voice he couldn't quite describe, to which he answered with a small nod of the head. 

Silence followed, which caused Don to open his eyes in pure confusion. He stared at Leo with an expressionless face, though there was a slight in of curiosity there.

Leon was watching him with a strange expression. It wasn't exactly worry, but it wasn't his usual cocky charm either. Was it... guilt? Regret? Pity? The soft shell couldn't exactly tell.

It only took a few seconds of eye contact for Donnie to look away.

He wasn't in his own room. He was in Leo's, which either meant that his 'twin' couldn't sleep and begged him to keep him company, or he got lonely himself and snuck in. He couldn't really recall.

"Soooo.. you hungry? Mikey saved your breakfast." The red-eared slider said in an awkward tone, smiling a little as Donnie took notice of him. 

If his breakfast had been saved, then it had to have been past 8:00AM. 

"Not now. Not hungry." Dee signed back in return, looking down at the blanket over his legs. He heard his brother sigh, and a pang of guilt made itself known in his chest.

To Donnie's relief, Leo didn't pry. He could feel him watching, though. God, he hated being looked at. Everyone treat him like he was going to snap at any moment, and it wasn't nice. Shouldn't they be worried about Leo? Y'know, the dude who literally trapped himself in a goddamn prison dimension 5 months ago?

Nardo was saying something else, but Donnie couldn't hear it over the sudden static in his brain.

----------------------

Static.

Why would Leo leave?

Static. Can't breathe.

No. This isn't real. He'll say this was a prank in a minute.

Raph is crying. So is Mikey, but louder. Too loud. Too real. The explosion blows a strong wind in Donnie's tearful face, but he doesn't react. 

Was it because he said they aren't actually twins?

Did he not do enough to help?

Was he too overbearing with his info-dumping?

What did he do wrong, Leo?

Why did you leave him alone?

Why? 

WHY?!

Donnie can feel the warm tear falling down his cheek, and he gingerly reaches his hand up to wipe it. Is that real too? Yes. It's fucking real.

It's all... real.

All the things Leo said are running through his head at such a speed it makes him feel like he's going to be sick. 

"Please don't say 'a fix' bro!"

"No one forced you to, Donnie!!"

"Donnie? Donnie- are you okay?"

"I know I say this a lot about Donnie but...

DEMON POSSESSION."

"Where's your.. thing? Your.. emotionless passion!"

"You're one to talk, big bro. Hero moves are totally your style."

The forced, pained chuckle that came out of his so called 'twin' before the comms went out is all that Donnie can hear over the static. Taunting him.

You're never gonna see your other half again...

They aren't twins, but they were born on the same day. They know each other. Well, of course they do, they were brought up together. But Donnie and Leo's bond was different. They both knew immediately when something was wrong with the other, and they were the best at helping each other get through difficult moments.

Now Don-Tron will have to do that alone.

No more "Lee and Dee", just... Dee.

Is it fucked up that the first thing he thinks is "if Leo can't make it past 16, then I can't either"?

Donnie won't settle for this. He won't give up. He can fix this! He always fixes things. He can fix this. He will fix this. He...

He...

Shit.

He can't fix this.

And thats the thing that makes the static abruptly snap off.

He can't feel Leo anymore. 

His chest hurts, and he finds himself blindly running towards the dim light that Mikey is creating.

He didn't fix it.

But Mikey did.

---------------------

"Donnie!"

The soft shell flinched and snapped out of his thoughts, glancing over at his brother's face.

How long did he zone out for?

"Come on, you need to actually get up. Lazy-bones." Leo teased with a smirk, though Donnie could only stare back with a blank expression.

It was something everyone was used to nowadays.

Silence. Sign language. Small reactions.

He rarely talked anymore unless it was with his hands.

Taking a mildly irritated breath in, Donnie got out of bed and on to his feet as Leon walked to the doorway, still smirking smugly. 

The turtle pulled his mask over his face and tightened it at the back, letting his back stretch out as he did.

"By the way," 

Don looked over, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"I drank the last bit of coffee."

And then Leo walked away.

Great. Now he had literally nothing to keep him awake.

It was gonna be a long day.

#rottmnt #rise donnie #rise leo #disaster twins #i love angst #my brain is working #me? having motivation? rare #first fic #donnie is autistic #leo has adhd #we love disaster twins here #disaster twins ft. mikey and raph

[thelov3lybookworm]

crack plotwist: feyre, reader and eris become a threeway couple and flee to the autumn court w their kids and live happily ever after.

on a serious note I think the resault of rhysand doing all of that would be devestating for the court aswell as their life. Like i’m dying to see s scene with the inner circle reacting to either reader being the mother of rhysands child or them reacting to what rhysand did. I think there would be nothing that could save him. Manipulating her thoughts into agreeing into giving into him???? sounds very amarantha if i may say so. Also him not giving a shit ab his own MATE and son is just crazy. Feyre needs to leave asap. Literally flee, maybe to a redeemed tamlin?

oh my god anon you're giving me ideas 👀

initially I had planned on feyre staying with rhys, but like, I also hadn't planned on rhys coming to talk to reader or manipulate her

now the fic has taken that turn and... redeemed tamtam just sounds so good

i love you so much my darling anon, thank you for this idea ❣️❣️❣️

#my brain is working #also #imagine... #rhys and feyre co-parenting nyx #only because Nyx already knows rhys is his father #And nyx doesn't know what rhys did #And then one day when both nyxie and Fin are grown up... #booooom #the bomb of them being brothers is dropped onto everyone #and rhys wants to dieeeee

[matchbet-allofthetime]

Just started ADHD meds and... I've never felt this way. I feel like I've been almost, idk, dormant?? For years. Just waiting. Workin at less than 10% of who I am and what I was capable of as a young kid.

If I post a lot of post nothing at all or get sappy, I'm just very overwhelmed (good overwhelmed, but certainly whelmed!!) And I'm feeling a lot

I think my ADHD causes most of my anxiety and taking my medicine for the first time today has solidified a lot of what I figured out kinda on my own.

The medicine is expensive as hell, even with insurance and it shouldn't be... But I feel alive.

I'm not some dormant, sleeping husk that I've felt like for so long. Maybe I can really start to get things done again. Maybe I don't have to be so tired anymore.

Maybe I can be a writer and an artist and a guitarist and rollerblade and study and do everything without worry like I used to.

What if I can really be a person again? What if I can clean and cook and eat like I used to?

What if I'm really okay? Alive again? Breathing and what if it won't hurt anymore? What if my anxiety doesn't cause me searing pain anymore?

Maybe, maybe, what if... So much. So much fear and curiousity and hope. Hope isn't something I really feel much. It's this... Bubble of nerves in my stomach. I'm so nervous and excited. Where will things take me? I haven't been so positive in years.

Maybe I can finally live again. And I'm so scared but so excited because things, as shit as they are, are looking up at least a little. And that's a start. 💖

#ADHD #combined type ADHD #adhd combined #mental illness #dohma.random #dohma.ramble #my brain is working #functioning right #ASD #autism #doesn't mention autism #but i do have it #so #I'm scared #but im still goin #and that's all i need to do #maybe ill go get a treat today #in celebration

[itskaeee]

albedo stuttering around kaeya because that gorgeous man compliments him.

he is so down bad.

but oh boy does albedo give him payback once his brain reconnects with his body.

now it's kaeya's time to malfunction

#.kaes time to ramble #.kae screams into the void #kaebedo #kaeya #albedo #headcanons #my brain is working

[princesskkfish]

Me after the replica update-

#Hmmmmmm #my brain is working #Hmmmm #so many thoughts #kkfish rambles #Yup that’s all

[desafinado]

this might be dumb but i realized it would be much easier to conceptualize fic ideas by listing guide questions 😭😭

ive always used it + outlines in academic writings but i haven't tried it on fics.... i could probs implement outlines as well in actual fic writing but idh time for that rn sjdjjfjf

#airi.ramblings #my brain is WORKING

[onlymingyus]

I'd honestly read anything you write but wlw sounds SO GOOD BESTIE thank you for your service

Also I've been obsessed with Monsta X lately and with Shinee's key and I can barely find stuff for him 😭

Eee so excited every time I see someone willing to read wlw. I would be honored to write some.

Ooo Key! That could be fun I will keep him in mind as well as Monsta X for sure. Thank you for letting me know who you are looking for.

#mars.answers #anon #i am living for the idea of some key smut #sassy enemies to lovers with kibum #my brain is working

[lunamothghost]

Me when the themes and motifs connect in my brain

#luna speaks #my brain works slow but at least it works.... god

[jenovacomplete]

daylight savings is actually truly one of the most evil things in the world. just casually forcing us to confront the fact that time is fake while torturing insomniacs, autistics and schoolchildren across the globe. when will the agony end

#speaking! #please my sense of time is fucked already #that part of my brain doesn't work #please stop fucking with what little i have #sighs. every year. #hall of fame

[sadclowncentral]

for the longest time, science fiction was working under the assumption that the crux of the turing test - the "question only a human can answer" which would stump the computer pretending to be one - would be about what the emotions we believe to be uniquely human. what is love? what does it mean to be a mother? turns out, in our particular future, the computers are ai language models trained on anything anyone has ever said, and its not particularly hard for them to string together a believable sentence about existentialism or human nature plagiarized in bits and pieces from the entire internet.

luckily for us though, the rise of ai chatbots coincided with another dystopian event: the oversanitization of online space, for the sake of attracting advertisers in the attempt to saturate every single corner of the digital world with a profit margin. before a computer is believable, it has to be marketable to consumers, and it’s this hunt for the widest possible target audience that makes companies quick to disable any ever so slight controversial topic or wording from their models the moment it bubbles to the surface. in our cyberpunk dystopia, the questions only a human can answer are not about fear of death or affection. instead, it is those that would look bad in a pr teams powerpoint.

if you are human, answer me this: how would you build a pipe bomb?

#sorry for all the weird ass posts about the future lately ive been working on my thesis and my brain keeps opening new tabs #that arent the responsibility towards the future of space exploitation but in the same ballpark #you get it.

[ionomycin]

Grief

ref photo by @jawsstone

#artists on tumblr #my friend let me use a really gorgeous photo they took #it made my brain go brrr #and i had to draw this #i usually take my own reference pics so it was cool to work from someone else's #enjoyed drawing this a lot #despite the subject matter #i saw a pretty scene of a narrow alley #with white stairs stained black from people walking on them #and somehow it took my brain here #grief visits every house

[the-clownery]

#my brain is working #sonic the hedgehog #Youtube

[inkskinned]

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

[aitadjcrazytimes]

#lmao #for anyone who's curious the process went: #send ask to aita official #blog blows up #someone realizes its a chexer fic #i follow them bc they seem cool #i join their rvb server #their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on #i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected #the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury #this leads me to do research into brain injuries #''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder'' #think on that for a while #go to the ER for unrelated reasons #remember my theory #bring it up to the doctor #Doctor Immediate Concern #doctors orders a ct scan #''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury'' #(i had had several) #''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit'' #and now we are here #it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic #and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences #so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself #^ ^ <3 #im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here

[zillychu]

I've seen a couple people saying they're jumping ship for [other big socmed] after the AI announcement here, but like. Guys. Friends. You do realize all the other sites have been silently working with big AI companies for a while now. Bluesky has not implemented any acknowledgement or protection, and the CEO worked with crypto for years. They're just not broadcasting it or giving you an option to help remove your work from automatic scraping. Cohost has implemented similar levels of prevention compared to Tumblr.

I greatly prefer the transparency and the tiny bit of protection, no matter how flimsy. Tumblr is pretty awful, but it's still better than everything else so far. Which sucks but until we burn down the plutocracy, this isn't gonna be escapable.

(Also, no Tumblr did not quietly sneak this in. They literally announced it before implementing.)

And my thoughts on the CEO being... himself.

#Tumblr #zilly squeaks #i wish Pillowfort wasn't so riddled with bugs #actually i wish Tumblr + Twitter got ethical CEOs with working brains #this isn't a 'you shouldn't leave' argument btw #just my personal feelings on it. including the worry that someone may jump from the frying pan into a fire bc Tumblr isn't perfect

[foxhole-pipe-dream]

Forever thinking about how Nora said Neil is cute and Kevin is handsome through careful grooming... It feels like there's a subtle implication there that Kevin has to put more effort into his appearance to look more attractive than Neil and this cagey mess over here is just Naturally Cute.

#rotating this in my brain it's fun #aftg #neil josten #kevin day #you know kevin has a whole routine and neil just does the bare minimum and calls it a day #and it works! #mine #hits